#patient edge

[ashykneecaps6]

One might never heal from a loss, but will learn to live with it.

[holdmymetaphor]

in like the second to last episode when taub was like why dont u respect wilsons wishes to die

house yells at him about how hard it has been to choose to live

and then we cut to other doctors and nurses and patients who hear him yelling this taboo thing, looking at him like hes weird and wrong and making a ruckus

ugh. houses reaction to it hurts me. its just such a clear reminder of how alone he feels/is.

[gaypastabake]

oogh.

I lied, I dont have chapter 3 even started yet, have a doodle dump as a peace offering.

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Afjxkgdkg Jimmy is so patient in Double Life, I'm not even an angry or violent person but I would have punched at least five times as many people as he does

[good-beans]

this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad. 

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either. 

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

[ironcy]

One thing I would love to read more about in fanfic is Jayce's anger post pain cave. We see him be both physically violent (killing Salo) and verbally aggressive (snapping at Mel) and I've not read much exploration of that aspect so far!

I think it's very enticing though, because Jayce would be horrified if he ever snapped at Viktor or hurt him accidentally.

Also all of the self-directed violence. Chef's kiss. I want to put Jayce under a microscope and study him. I want him to fill out questionnaires. (I will put the nerd stuff in the tags bear with me)

[alarrytale]

can't even think straight

by @shimmeringevil (tumblr) / shimmeringevil (twitter/X) / shimmeringevil (Ao3)

Chapters: 1/1

Words: 34k

Summary

His eyes are blue. Sharp cheekbones, long eyelashes and a doll-like face, pretty features contrastingly set in such arrogant disdain. Harry can’t stop staring at him.

“Straight,” he blurts out when his eyes drop to the man’s mouth. “I’m straight.”

“Thank you for sharing,” the waiter says dryly. The captivating movements of his lips form an even more captivating voice. “Y’alright if I grab your wallet for you, or is there anything else you’d like to get off your chest?”

“No, um—no. Sorry. I mean, thank you. Thank you and sorry.”

OR — Harry is definitely straight, even if no one seems to believe him when he tells them. Things change when he meets a pretty stranger who patiently waits for him to figure it all out.

[boninhau2]

🎥 Making of Discothèque, 1997.

[the-raindeer-king]

Deer, I had such a specific thought about Ghost and I just HAD to share.

You know how gruff he is canonically then reading fics with him being soft with his partner, I really think both are so in character but it takes a lot of time for him to get there.

I think any relationship with him even just knowing him before a relationship would start rough. It would be Ghost at his most natural sharp and rough state because that's what he grew into to protect himself (from his history and current job occupation tbh)

But say he has someone he knows he cares for, that harshness takes on a new intensity with a very VERY firm stance on needing to keep that person close. Safe. It might even come off as too much or too intense and overbearing at first.

Tbh, what I think really helps Ghost grow softer with someone is that you have to give him a way to redirect that intensity because it's part of him. The gruff, rough, sharpness in him is him. But honestly I think he'd best understand if he was told to not 'build a home with you', but to make you a fortress.

This is a guy who is so intense in all that he does, the drive and the force is all there, so giving him a way to channel it into building metaphorical walls around him and you, protecting and being ready to bite at anyone who tries to come too close to that 'fortress' while he can let himself slowly grow softer over time inside where it's just him and you.

Ghost is a very weaponized individual. He has the sharpness but I really think any relationship with him he has to realize he can direct the sharpness outside of that relationship and be soft inside of it. He's harsh naturally he can't stop being that, but he can weaponize it to protect

It's 4 in the morning and I woke up with this and needed to share it so here

Your brain is so beautiful, anon. Imma give you a kiss on the forehead. This was such a good take on Simon. And you're so right. He needs somewhere to redirect his sharpness, so he can be all soft and sweet with his love. It'll take time, and there will be mishaps on the way, but all the best things in life are worth working hard for. And Simon's more the willing to put in the work, to make his love happy.

[cringecannon]

you wanna know what im a huge fan of? edging, intense edging with zero climax . whoever the hell you want

I think ascended Astarion fits best for this. Before he ascended, he was used to being used for pleasure. Now? Now he gets off on depriving you of it.

He’s tied you up, obviously. Can’t have you thinking you have any bit of control. Fine silks are tight around your wrists, holding them high over your head. Your ankles are similarly bound, but tied spread apart to the bed frame. Your thighs shake and your chest heaves as he brings you closer and closer to the edge. You lost count of how many times he’s denied you. His fingers, his mouth, his cock, none of it has brought you relief. You’re practically incoherent, delirious. Your skin is hot and everything hurts, so sensitive you think the slightest touch will drive you mad. You whimper and whine and he clicks his tongue, dark red eyes glancing over you. Hush. He already told you, begging won’t work. Not this time. He’ll take you right to the edge, again and again, until he bores of it. Maybe once more, maybe an hour, maybe never. Just lay back like a good pet and take it.

[radioroxx]

UTY ARTBOOK UTY ARTBOOK UTY ARTBOOK AHHHHHHH

[c2mcs]

more npesta, this one has been done for a bit but I was hesitating

[softquietsteadylove]

Would you please do one more chapter for the president AU? Like Thena is holding a speech and Gil protects her from a sniper, getting shot on scene but she learns later about his status cause she is being Transported to safety?? Some intense stuff? Thank you so much love your stories never stop please!! ❤️❤️❤️

Thena looked up as Sersi approached her with gentle steps. Sersi always walked lightly but she truly was walking like a deer on a frozen lake. She had been chosen to face the slaughter. "How is he?"

She seated herself quietly. Sersi was also shaken by the events of that morning's press conference. A shooting was always enough to have anyone on edge. And for a bullet to have actually landed--wounded one of their own; everyone was anxious. "He's still in surgery."

Thena nearly curled over her knees completely in her seat. It wasn't the presidential thing to do. But she couldn't breathe. "Sersi-"

"Thena, I'm sorry," her friend whispered, leaning across the seat to rub her back.

Sersi had witnessed first hand the way Thena had cried and screamed Gil's name as she was dragged away from him for her own safety.

There was always a risk for her safety. It came with the job. But the shot was planned, came from above. Only the wind and Gil's sharp instincts had saved them all. And while he had gotten her down in time, he was less fortunate.

His name had ripped out of her throat at the sight of his blood. She couldn't control it, couldn't conceal what seeing him hurt did to her. The rest of her SS guard pulled her away and under the cover of their protection. She could remember her hands clawing to get back to him. In the end, they had picked her up in order to evacuate without her struggling against them.

Gil's body was just...lying there.

"Sersi, I can't do this," Thena repeated, nearly gasping for air. Air Force One was far, far from crowded, but she felt as if she were being tossed around in a glass jar.

"Yes, you can, just breathe," Sersi encouraged, kneeling in front of her. "He's alive, Thena, that's all you need to worry about for now."

He was alive for now. But the thought of the man she loved lying on a steel table being operated on--possibly never hearing her last words to him; it was unbearable. It was unthinkable that their last kiss had been in the office between meetings, or that the last they'd held hands was when he was helping her in and out of the beast.

How could the last time she told him she loved him be 17 hours ago?

Thena attempted to pick her head up. She blinked, but the tears were far from controllable at this point. Not that Sersi minded. She shook her head, "if he dies-"

"You can't think of that right now," Sersi tried to urge her to calm herself again. She stood, using the natural movement to ease her back into her chair properly again. "He's getting the best care he can right now. I promise as soon as we get word we'll turn right around."

They couldn't. And even if redirecting the Eagle were that easy, they were only so capable of speed. Sheer distance still separated him from her. And if things took a turn for the worse and she didn't make it in time-

"Thena," Sersi followed as she stood, unable to sit any longer. The sound of their heels was muffled on the aircraft carpet. "You have to-"

"I don't have to do anything!" It was true, that was her position as designated by their godforsaken country. And with anyone else, she might not have felt quite as bad for it. But Sersi's face betrayed immediately what her outburst felt like to receive. Thena sighed, lowering her shoulders. "I'm sorry, I just...you don't--I can't lose him."

If Sersi had wondered at all what their relationship was before - which was honestly doubtful - she certainly had her evidence now. But she came over to her again, wrapped her arms around her and hugged her as a friend, not an advisor or cabinet member. "You won't."

Thena shook her head again. She wasn't so confident, and in a rare moment like this when she could afford to be unsure, she was rampant with doubt. She hugged her friend back. "This can't be how it happens--it can't."

Sersi gave up on the empty platitudes, rubbing her back as she listened to her weepy breaths.

"I can't do this without him," Thena pulled her head up again, attempting to resolve herself. "I mean it. I can't do this - any of this! - without him. I'll go insane."

Sersi had no argument for that. Gil was her personal aide, as well as defacto security for her, and that said nothing of the fact that Gil was just the best at generally handling her. "Things will work out."

The words barely sounded like words by this point. Thena looked out the window, starting to pick at her nails. Gil would usually pick up on her nervous ticks and stop them. He could say it was unsightly for Madam President to bite her nails, and then he would have an excuse to hold onto her hand for three whole seconds.

What good was having an aircraft with the highest level of clearance in the world if it still travelled at this kind of speed?

"So," Sersi started along a different path. She lightened her tone, seating herself and looking up at her, "how long?"

Thena remained staring out the window, tearing at her finely cared for nails layer by layer. "You want the exact date?"

It was sharp and sardonic, but Sersi smiled. "I suppose not. Obviously it's long enough, though. And I'm guessing it was since before Ikaris."

That did pull Thena's attention away from the clouds below them and back to her friend. She didn't bother hiding her surprise; Sersi never talked about Ikaris in any way.

But she continued, breezing over the mention of their past with treachery. "It was easy to tell that you were close, and not just as handler and VP."

She didn't think they had been so obvious. But then again, Sersi actually had an oddly sharp sense for the dynamics people could have with each other. It was part of what made her such an asset.

Thena finally sat down again, wrapping her arms around herself, only to start biting her thumb. "It was just going to be nothing--in the beginning. It happened once, let's move on."

Sersi waited patiently for the rest of the story.

Thena sighed, "but then it happened again, and then a third time. But we always said it couldn't be more than that. We had jobs to do. And we both understood that."

"Until," Sresi prompted her, and even smiled impishly when she was glared at for it.

Thena closed her eyes, and imagining Gil's smiling face was almost enough for her to smile in real time. "He was escorting me, as always. We ended up talking and, in essence, we both determined that we were not achieving the casual intentions we had claimed."

"So, you were already in love, is what you're saying," Sersi clarified. Thena glared at her again for her impertinence, but it did nothing to make the quiet woman back down. "I could have told you that."

Thena rolled her eyes, but it did bring somewhat of a smile to her face. "We agreed to explore the potential for more--quietly."

"How did you keep it a secret?" Sersi asked and leaned forward, her curiosity pulling her in. "I mean we had our suspicions but the biggest doubt was simply 'how would you even get away with it?'."

"With practice," Thena conceded, even letting her head tilt back to the head rest. "We got good at sneaking him in and out under different covers. And it worked--for well on a year."

"A yea-?!" Sersi nearly burst out loudly, even for being within the sound cover of a jet. But she managed to rein herself in. She cleared her throat more quietly, "a year?"

Thena nodded. The best years of her life. She gnawed at her cuticle. "Then everything happened. The transition of my position was so fast and so imperative, we didn't really have time to talk about what this meant for us. But Gil...Gil said he wasn't going anywhere."

Tears sprung to her eyes again.

Sersi put the pieces together. "You did fight awfully hard to keep him as your personal detail when you took office."

Thena scoffed, "and let some stranger guard me?"

"They wouldn't be a stranger," Sersi scolded her for denouncing the entirety of the rest of the secret service. But she sighed, "but I suppose you wouldn't have been a good protectee for any of them anyhow."

Especially not if she knew she could have Gil instead.

"It had to be him," Thena resolved, going back to fidgeting with her hands on her lap. "We kept saying we just had to make it through the rest of the term."

Sersi made a face. It wasn't nearly so simple to just exit the office. But this wasn't the time, and she knew that very well. "Thena-"

"He made it!" Kingo ran out, holding up the satellite phone in his hand as if he were a horseman riding at dawn. "They got him stabilized, at least."

"He's alive?" Thena asked, although she immediately discovered she had no air in her lungs. She stood and walked towards Kingo but her knees weren't strong enough anymore.

Both Sersi and Kingo lunged for her as she fell in the middle of the aisle.

"Whoa, hey," Kingo whispered as he caught her, lowering her into a seat properly. "Gil's alive, we're already cleared to return to land and we'll put a bypass on the hospital so you can see him, okay?"

Thena gasped. She couldn't breathe, but for an entirely different reason. She accepted Sersi's shoulder as she cried, hyperventilating into her soft green cashmere dress.

"He's fine, Thena, just breathe," her gentler friend soothed her, running her hand over her hair. "Not much longer. I promise we won't pull you away until you've spoken with him."

"Uh, we really can't-" Thena could hear Kingo begin, and then cut himself off, presumably being glared at by Sersi. He cleared his throat and stepped back, "you got it, Boss. I'll tell Phastos the news."

"He's alive, he's alive," Sersi repeated to her, whispering in her soft accent like a lullaby. "You'll be with him soon."

"I love him," Thena choked out desperately. It ripped out of her just as desperately as she had cried out his name after seeing him get shot. She had to say she loved him, just in case something tried to take him from her again.

"I know," Sersi soothed. "You can be with him soon."

[king-mera]

I managed. To write some dialogue today.

[prezs]

you ever cut off some people and suddenly feel yourself undergo three years of character development in the span of one month due to how much happier and generally more pleasant you feel

[surfinthehighway]

Typing up my The Fall of the House of Cabal thoughts before going to bed. First off: it's interesting to me to see that Leonie Barrow is snarky with all Cabals haha. Like, we see her interact a lot with Johannes in The Detective and it's understandable why she is short with him there, but my dude Horst is a more normal Cabal and Leonie is not above insulting him wherever she can.

I'm assuming it is because Horst is a Cabal and not that Leonie is like this with everyone.... but I don't know that for sure. She certainly doesn't act that way around strangers, but what does that say. Am I meant to be reading Leonie as spicy to everyone once they're friends? Things to consider.