#pat regan

[myvinylplaylist]

Black 'N Blue: In Heat (1988)

Geffen Records

[tonysamcomedy]

The Dynasty Typewriter in LA is the best place for comedy.

[picturethisshow]

Heck ya, Tumblr is finally allowing more than 10 images so you can finally get the full #tbt glory of our last Picture This! show, as captured by the master Greg Feiner!!

I hope these cool pics inspire you to spend this holiday weekend with us at our next show on Sunday 10/8 back at the super secret and super cool Non Plus Ultra! Come early for DELICIOUS hand made burgers, fries, AND vegetarian specialties from local smash burger man Deyves Grill!! Doors 7pm, Show 8pm!!

Comedy by: Mike O'Brien (A.P. Bio, SNL)​ Pat Regan (Hacks, Seek Treatment) Camirin Farmer Honey Pluton Chiara Montali Animation by: Mike L. Mayfield (Adult Swim, FOX) Mike Hollingsworth (Bojack Horseman) Portlynn Tagavi AJ Howard Katie Hood & Matt Kiel Hosted by: Brandie Posey(Lady to Lady) LIVE SHOW TICKETS: $10 pre-sale, $15 day-of *21+, LIMITED Street Parking available, ride share encouraged LIVESTREAM ONLY: $10 *Not all performers guaranteed to be on the livestream

Tickets: https://nonplusultra.ticketleap.com/picture-this-october/dates/Oct-08-2023_at_0700PM *Lineup subject to change without notice

[nakedcomedy]

#LA Heartbreakers is back SAT 8/19 at the Silverlake Lounge! We can't wait for more laughs and post show hangin on the patio, plus more magical pics from Greg Feiner!

Get tix now on @dicefm here:

[sarcastic-clapping]

pat robertson joining ronald reagan on the list of homophobic conservatives to die during pride month….we love to see it

[gregorycddie]

hacks is a great show to point your finger like hey i know that [lesser known comic/improv person/writer/actor from a show i used to watch years ago]

[heather1815]

Hi heatherrr hope you’re feeling better! I saw this ask a while ago and got curious😋

How much money would it take for Pat, Tord, and Tom to hug Regan?

Heyyy! Thanks I am feeling much better now :D

Tom's not much of a hugger, but any amount of money will do! Unlike the others he doesn't resent Reagan nearly as much.

Tord and Pat will take a little more convincing however. It better be hundreds of millions of dollars or else! Money and a hug in exchange? Nothing says they can't beat the shit out of him for free afterwards right?

[apricotbuncakes]

I've made it my mission to read the entirety of Project 2025 (a right wing manifesto on how to take over the USA government written by The Heritage Foundation amongst other people) and HOLY SHIT ITS SO BAD.

I have only completed reading the Foreword, and Jesus fuck it's so bad. There's so much. They pat themselves on the back for aiding Ronald Regan, they say that the 1970s is a historic low point in America's history (note that the 1970s was when OSHA was signed into law, 18 year olds earned the ability to vote, the Environmental Protection Agency was formed, and Roe v. Wade was overturning state bans on abortion).

They want to take out several words/phrases from EVERY law, bill, or legal document (including sexual orientation, gender identity, abortion, and other important phrases that provide clarification and protection).

THEY WANT TRANS PEOPLE TO BE ILLEGAL.

The text in this image reads "...("DEI"), gender, gender equality, gender equity, gender awareness, gender-sensitive, abortion, reproductive health, reproductive rights, and any other term used to deprive Americans of their First Amendment rights out of every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.

Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance, is not a political Gordian knot inextricably binding up disparate claims about free speech, property rights, sexual liberation, and child welfare. It has no claim to First Amendment protection. Its purveyors are child predators and misogynistic exploiters of women. Their product is as addictive as any illicit drug and as psychologically destructive as any crime. Pornography should be outlawed. The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned. Educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered."

They see protections for other people as impeding their right to free speech.

They want to classify trans people as pornography, and in the same breath say that anyone who makes porn should be imprisoned. They literally want to imprison every trans person for fucking existing.

Keep in mind, that this is all information in the FUCKING FOREWORD. I'M NOT EVEN ON THE FIRST OFFICIAL SECTION YET. This is terrifying. They want to remove more protections from everyone. They want to label the people they don't like as sexually explicit and make them criminals for just living their best life.

I cannot explain how terrifying this is. And Project 2025 is already in motion. Book bans, and anti-queer (but especially anti-trans laws) have been introduced at an all time high recently. And this is just my area of focus as a trans activist. I'm sure that other horrific things have been introduced as well.

I cannot explain how terrifying all of this is. I'm seething with rage and I want to break down crying even though I know my tears won't fix anything. I'm distraught and in despair.

[anonnluvver]

brett with a very shy reader ? most x readers have a too bold personality for me to relate too lol, gender is unimportant and just headcannons pleaseee :) ty

HIII OMG YALL REQUESTED A WHOOOLLE LOT AND IM SO SORRY IVE TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THEM BUT I PROMISE I WILL! I’ve just been so busy lately but I’ve finally got some free time on my hands so be ready for looots of posts. ANYWAYS let’s get to it, thanks so much for requesting! (Btw this one is a long one…and cheesy)

Brett x shy reader fluff(gender neutral)

“Deep breathes, okay. You can do this.” You quietly whisper to yourself, nervously fiddling with the seams of your shirt. It’s the first day of your new job in the shadow government at Cognito inc. taking one last deep breath and push the doors open walking up to the front desk. “Hi, im Y/n. Im new here and someone named Reagan said to ask you for instructions.” The secretary just looks you up in down with the blankest expression you’ve ever seen and simply said “go to the 2nd floor, conference room.” You awkwardly look away and thank the lady. Geez so much for good first impressions. Following the mean ladys instructions you stand right in front of the conference doors and give it a quick knock. “Come in!” You hear a women shout. Opening the doors you see who you assume is your boss, Regan. “Hi, I’m Regan your boss . Since of now you are part of the task force.” That was super brief, you thought. You’re a little shocked at how quickly you had been assigned to a job. “Oh um okay, well when do I get to meet this team of mine?” You question her a little scared to meet the rest of your co-workers. “Ah sorry I called you in a bit earlier than everyone else just so you could adjust to your office a bit. I’ll show you the way there then you’ll come back here when your done settling down to meet everyone else.” Regan walks you out to your office and leaves soon after. Your body slumps and your bag falls onto your desk as you sit down. “Well this hasnt been too bad. Regan doesn’t talk too much, which is kind of awkward but I mean so am I.” You talk to yourself in your small office hearing your voice echo a little on the walls from the emptiness in the room. Well I guess I should start heading back I’ve been here a while, sighing you stand up and hesitantly go to the conference room once more. You open the doors to find more people sitting down at the large table in the conference room, all suddenly turning their heads to look at you. In embarrassment your face flushes a little and you look at the floor awkwardly. “Oh, sorry everyone um hi I’m Y/n.” You quietly introduce yourself. “Oh my gosh!” *SQUEEL* “You must be our new co worker!” *gasp* You sharply gasp, surprised by being pulled into a tight hug and squeezed up into the air. Your face grows even hotter and flustered not knowing who is touching you or what to do. You look down to see the person hugging you so tightly and see a tall and really attractive guy. And suddenly your even more flustered if that’s possible. “Brett how many times do we have to tell you, you don’t hug people who don’t know you.” Reagan sighs tiredly, clearly this isn’t the first time he’s done this. “Oh! Right sorry… I’m just so excited to have a new addition to our gang!” He quickly puts you done and apologizes. “Y/n you can come sit down with us now, everyone just introduce yourselves normally please.” Wow, Regan already seems done and the day just started. “Oh okay.” Shit, well where am I supposed to sit? You look to the right and see that weird guy who hugged you patting the seat next to him. You just quickly look away and sit next to Regan on the opposite side from him. You don’t mean to be harsh but you’re just nervous to be close to him. And strange enough he looks sad you didn’t sit next to him. “Alright well I’m Andre Lee, the tasks force one and only biochemist. I also got the good stuff-if you know what I mean wink wink.” He elbows your side while dramatically winking. “You are such a weirdo Andre.” The next girl rolls her eyes at Andre “whatever, I’m Gigi Thompson, best looking one here and PR of the media manipulation department. I’m sure you’ve seen my work because I am everywhere.” She laughs at her own flattery. “And I’m Glen Dolphman, Cognito Inc’s supersoilder and responsible for managing the company’s arsenal.” He says while firmly saluting to the American flag. “Oh and I’m Brett Hand! And uh I guess I just work here.” He laughs awkwardly at the last part as it seems he doesn’t even know why he’s here. “Okay now that everyone has introduced themselves let’s get to business.”

Regans voice just fades out slowly from your head as your distracted by a certain someone. You just stare at him in confusion and curiosity, Brett seems like such a strange yet normal guy. Though as your staring at him you can say he is really cute. Lost in your thoughts you don’t even notice when Brett catches you staring at him at first. He smiles at you and you quickly look away in embarrassment.

Eventually the hours pass you by and your first day on the job was over. You’re glad it was nothing crazy but planning things and paperwork. Reagan promised you’d be safely at the office, just for your first few days. You collect your things from your office and head to your car in the parking lot. Content enough with your first day you decide to get a quick pick me up at Starbucks. You sit at a table by yourself waiting for your vanilla with extra sweet cream foam cold brew, your regular. “Oh hey Y/n, it’s me Brett!” You look at up from your phone in surprise. Brett stood smiling right in front of you. Immediately filled with awkward nervousness you look away from him and down the the table. “Um hi…” you quietly respond to him, clearly not matching his energy. Brett immediately frowns with sadness. “Hey, I’m sorry that I hugged you without your permission. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I was just so excited to meet you! From now on I promise I’ll always ask before touching you.” Surprised at his apology you look up to see him smiling sweetly at you. You feel your cheeks warm up and little and you start to smile just a little. “Thanks, I really appreciate it Brett.” You finally spoke to him while making eye contact! Brett’s eyes light up with happiness, just glad you accepted his apology. Before either of you could say anything else the employee called out your order. “Oh that’s me, sorry Brett I have to go now but um it was really nice to see you.” You grab your bag and coffee and wave goodbye to Brett. Finally at home lying in your bed trying to sleep, you find yourself staring at the ceiling unable to stop thinking about something. Or more like someone. You couldn’t get Brett Hand out of your head and it was unbearable. What was so intriguing about him to you? I mean surely you cant like him you just met. I’m sure it’s just cause your excited about having a new friend. Yes of course, that’s the answer. All these thoughts rush through your head for the next few hours of you sleepless night.

You wave lazily at the front desk lady on your way into the office this morning, tired from you lack of sleep from last night. You drop a few things off at the office and report to the conference room shortly after as Reagan directed. You walk in and it’s just Reagan, seems like your a bit early. “G’mornin.” You mumble and take a sit next to her slumping tiredly in the chair. “Woah you look just like me, what’s wrong?” Reagan questions your tired face knowing it a little too well. You slowly lift your head off the table to look at her with half closed eyes. “Hm? Oh sorry, im just really tired. I couldnt sleep last night and I forgot to get coffee this morning too.” You slur and mumble all your words but it’s clear enough for Reagan to understand what your saying. “Ah I get that but my question is, why were you having trouble sleeping?” And before you could fumble over your words trying to make an excuse the answer bursts right through the doors. “Hey guys! How’s it going?” Brett’s energy is way too much for you this morning so you just put your head back down and doze off as Regan and Brett talk for a bit. Yet before you can fall asleep Brett calls out your name. “Y/n, look up.” “Hm?” You hum and left your head of the table once more to look up at whatever Brett wanted. He was holding out a coffee to you. You wake up a little from the shock and slowly sit up straight. “Is this for me?” You look at him confused. “Yes of course, I swinged by this morning to get you it. it’s a vanilla cold brew with extra sweet cream foam!” He gleefully beams at you. “But that’s what I always get?” You look at him stumped “how do you know my order?” Still confused you question Brett. “Oh well I I remember what order the employee called out yesterday when I saw you.” He smiles once more and you gently reach out your hands to grab the cup. And suddenly your sense of touch heightens when your fingers brush softly against Brett’s as you grab the cold cup. You share one last look with Brett before he quickly jolts up. “Oh! I just remembered I should go find the others. I know they’re here probably just running late.” He smiles and heads off to find the rest of your co workers. You just sit there starring off into space from where Brett last stood. “Hey Y/n” “hello?” “Y/N!” Regan yells at you to wake up from your day dream. “Oh regan, sorry I spaced out.” “Yea I could tell. Now let’s get ready for another stressful meeting.” You fully turn your attention to helping Regan prepare for the day.

Once again the work day is over and it’s time to leave as your walking out to the doors of your office you’re stopped by a certain someone. “Hey Y/n! Great work today.” It’s Brett. “Oh, thanks Brett…” fuck you’re internally screaming. Why does this guy make you so nervous? Hiding your face from Brett inevitable feeling the heat flush to your cheeks once more. “Um by the way, thanks for the coffee. It was really cool of you.” Cool? Gosh I sound like a dork. You internally beat your self up for your stupid choice of words. “No problem! Anything for a pal.” He giggles a little from his own statement and winks at you playfully. “Okay we’ll see you tomorrow Y/n!” And with that you both exchanges waves and goodbyes. Once finally out of eyesight you mentally face palm and groan into your hands. Gosh. That was embarrassing “Honey, I just saw that whole thing and whooh that was awkward.” You quickly turn around to see who saw your embarrassing display with Brett and it was Gigi. “Ugh I know but I just can’t figure out why I’m so awkward around him.” You cringe at just remembering your interaction. And yet you find yourself weirdly comfortable talking to Gigi. “Mmhm I think I know exactly why.” She just gives you an all knowing look up and down. “Really? Please tell me why.” You plead do her to enough you so you can just solve the issue already. “It’s because you like him.” “WHAT?” You accidentally yell out in shock covering your mouth quickly. “I mean, why do you say so?” This time whispering so no one near could hear. “Honey it’s written all over that little face of yours.” You groan loudly at her claim. Could that really be the reason your social skills suck more then usual when talking to Brett? “But I just met him, how could I already like him?” You ask Gigi since she seems to be much more knowledgeable in this aspect. “Well I couldn’t tell you. After all how am I supposed to know why YOU like him? All I know is lover boy seems to be developing a few feelings of his own.” And with that mind breaking statement she leaves you alone with just you and your thoughts. Brett like me?? No way. Not in a million years. These words echoing through your head the whole way home. Throwing yourself over your bed with exhaustion more over your conflicting emotions rather than your heavy work load and eventually passing out.

A few weeks pass and your now comfortable in your new work environment, strange but now familiar. Yet one thing has not changed, the awkwardness you feel when around Brett. And yes those feelings Gigi talked about have not left one bit, in fact you’d say they’ve grown over time. Brett’s nice gestures always make your stomach flutter with butterflies and your heart face like some 3rd grade crush. “Y/nnnn, Come on! He clearly likes you, why not just make a damn move already. Everyone in the office practically knows already! It’s so obvious.” Gigi shouts at you while your just trying to enjoy your sandwich. You asked to have lunch together not a therapy session… “Gigi shhh! Don’t say that so loud!” You sigh and put your sandwich down “look, I like him sure but we don’t know for sure if he does and-“ “OH PLEASE!” Gigi cuts you off abruptly shouting and throwing her arms in the air. “He’s always extra nice to you and trust me Brett’s already way too nice. Plus he’s always bring you little gifts all the time.” She huffs and rolls her eyes at you. “Whatever Gigi, I’m not making any moves so sorry to dissatisfy your office romance fantasies.” You roll you eyes back at her and clean up since your lunch break is over leaving back to your office and go finish up some paperwork for Reagan. “Oh I will get my office romance wether you want it or not.” Gigi talks to herself planning a ‘special’ surprise for you.

*KNOCK* *KNOCK* you sigh getting up from your chair to open the door to your office. “Oh hi Gigi, Reagan, What do you need?” You see the two girls standing in front of your door. “Hey Y/n we were hoping you could help us find something in the chemical closet.” Gigi asks in a weirdly high pitch voice. “Sure,what is it?” You ask wondering what it was they couldn’t find. “Oh follow us then we’ll tell you”. So you follow Reagan and Gigi to the chemical closet and go inside. “It’s called fizzyflupflurp acid.” You can hear one of them trying to hold in a laugh behind you “Really? That sounds kind of stupid.” But before you can say anymore they quickly leave in a rush saying to just call them when you find it since they’re so “busy”. Huh, weird. But I mean this whole place is weird. You just think to yourself as you look through the various viles for ‘fizzyflupflurp’ acid. Suddenly you hear lots of giggling behind you and hear Brett stumble into the closet falling right on to you. He lets out a grunt from the impact of you two colliding and before either of you can get a word out you hear the lock click and Gigi and Reagan giggles burst out into laughter. You push brett aside and rush to the door trying to open the door but it’s locked, pounding your fist on the door in frustration when it doesn’t open. “Let us out!” You yell at the other two behind the door. “Yeah, What are we locked in here for?” Brett chimes in. “Oh I think you know why you’re in there. And we’re not letting you out till one of you spits it out.” You can just hear the smirk on Gigi’s face. You freeze in fear and feel your face turn completely hot and red. “Gosh no.” You breathlessly whisper to yourself not wanting to turn around and face Brett. “AH OKAY I ADMIT IT,” Brett suddenly yells out “I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE STALKED YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA TO LEARN YOUR FAVORITE THINGS.” Brett winces as if you might yell at him for what he’s done. “Brett what? No, this isn’t what this is about. And that’s not a horrible thing Brett im not mad at you for it but it is kinda weird…” you sigh preparing yourself to ruin your small friendship with Brett and make it awkward for the rest of your career. “Then what is it about?” Brett asks confused to what other secret needed sharing. “Well it’s… it’s- gosh um” SPIT IT OUT ALREADY internally yelling at yourself to get it over with. “I like you.” You say extremely quite almost enough for Brett to not hear. “Oh well I like you too Y/n! You’re a great friend, that’s no secret.” He laughs at you for your ‘silly’ secret that he just doesn’t seem to understand. “No, Brett. I like like you. As in romantically.” You muster out clarifying things for Brett. It’s silent. Way too silent that you look up to see his expression and he looks so, shocked? Panicked you start apologizing “look Brett I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable I jus-“. Oof is the noise you let out from being knocked back into the closet door. “Brett?” “I’m sorry, I know I said I’d ask next time before hugging you but I just really needed to this time.” He whispers softly and your heart just melts. You hug him back tighter than ever happy he isn’t upset. “I like like you too Y/n” he quietly says nuzzling into your neck and gently squeezes you reassuringly.

I AM SO SORRY I TOTALLY READ THIS REQUEST WRONG I DONT KNOW HOW 😭. well regardless I hope some of you like it but I am truly sorry anonymous hope you can forgive me🙏.

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

can you do stu for halloween? I miss the og ghostfaces

I don't usually write for Stu — I personally prefer Billy appearence-wise —, but when I got the idea, I imagined it would be something Stu would be into

Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (m revieving), hand job, p + v, cowgirl,

—

Halloween was your favorite holiday and you were not playing when it came to dressing up. No one’s costume held up to your level. Last year, you arrived at Stu’s party in a sexy version of Regan McNeal…with the green fake vomit going down your chin and chest. While most were grossed out, the sight had the party host’s jaw on the floor. 

As soon as houses started putting out pumpkins and decorations for the trick or treaters, Stu had been trying to get information about this year’s costume. Unfortunately for him, you kept your lips zipped. You didn’t want to risk anyone showing up in the same costume you picked and ruining your moment. 

On the big night, Stu stayed close to the door as soon as people started showing up so he would know when you would arrive. He didn't want to miss your arrival. 

He was on his second beer when you walked through the door in a hat, fishnets and a classic Freddy Krueger striped sweater dress that hugged you in all the right places. Once again, Stu's jaw dropped. 

No longer interested in what Billy was talking about, Stu blew him off and sauntered over to you with a smirk playing on his lips. ‘’Who do we have here? Shouldn’t you be haunting and killing off kids in their dreams?’’ he asked, playing along with your character.

You tilted your head, a teasing glint in your eyes. ‘’All the kids stay up late on Halloween night, my shift doesn't start until 11pm.’’ 

Stu hummed, leaning closer until your back hit the coat closet door. ‘’And what do you plan on doing until then?’’

‘’Drink beer and watch scary movies on your couch.’’ You stole his beer and took a sip before heading to the living room where a girl was screaming bloody murder on the TV.  

Through the night, you laughed and chatted with Randy about movies. A lot of people saw him as a freak for being crazy about horror movies, but you got to know him a little during your many visits to the blockbuster and he was actually a nice person. A little bit of a know-it-all, spilling facts about every movie you rented but you assumed that was his way to flirt with girls. 

As The Shining played, some girl screamed, way too loud for such a tame part of the movie. You rolled your eyes, fighting the urge to stuff her mouth with some chips. 

Stu saw and joined you on the couch, squeezing between you and Randy, his leg brushing against yours. ‘’What’s this screaming all about?’’ he asked, draping his arms behind you and Randy casually. He had a couple of beers in him, but was nowhere near drunk.  

Randy shot him a look, pushing Stu’s arm off. ‘’Can’t you find another seat? The couch’s full already.’’ He was annoyed by Stu’s interruption. ‘’And we were talking.’’ 

Stu raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of you. “Oh yeah? A ‘moment,’ huh? Hate to break it to you, Randy, but she’s not going home with you tonight. She’s got a job to do at 11. Nightmare duty, right?” His hand slid down, patting your thigh, fingers brushing dangerously close to your inner thigh.

You played along, nodding with a smirk. ‘’Thanks for the reminded, Stu.’’ You placed your hand that didn't have the glove on over his, teasingly holding it for a second before standing up. ‘’Guess I should get going.’’ 

Stu’s playful smile vanished as he scrambled to his feet, following you into the kitchen. “Woah, woah, woah, you’re not going anywhere just yet.” He grabbed your wrist as you had reached the kitchen, pulling you to a stop. “Where do you think you’re going?”

‘’To haunt people’s dreams,’’ you teased, raising an eyebrow.

He placed his hands on your hips, leaning down slightly, his voice dropping to a low murmur. ‘’Do you only do children? Because I have a question, Ô Master of Dreams.’’ He smirked, his breath warm against your ear. ‘’Do you visit sex dreams too? Because I could use some company.’’

A slow smile spread across your lips. ‘’I guess you’ll have to fall asleep and find out.’’

Stu grinned. “Mmm, tempting. Maybe I should head to bed now then, see what happens.”

‘’Lead the way.’’ 

Once inside his bedroom, Stu locked the door and hurried to his bed. He played his part and pretended to be asleep, making you cover your mouth to stifle your laugh. His playfulness was your favorite part of his personality.

You waited a little, then crawled on the bed and up Stu’s body, brushing your gloved hand along his jaw and down his neck. 

Slowly, he stirred and opened his eyes, finding you hovering over him. ‘’Ooh, Mrs. Krueger. It’s a pleasure to have you in my dreams.’’ One of his hands ghosted up your thighs over the fishnets, and ended over your ass. He gave it a good squeeze, having been itching to do that since you walked his front door. 

“I like to switch it up on Halloween and take a break from the children to visit the tricksters.’’

‘’Do you give them treats?’’ Stu asked, enjoying the little game you were playing.

You chuckled at his response, your eyes sparkling with mischief. "Well, I can provide some special treats for the tricksters who deserve them. And you're definitely on the naughty list this year, Mr. Macher." You dragged your hand down his chest, your eyes locked on his. 

‘’Been on the naughty list since my mom pushed me out,’’ Stu said proudly. ‘’Do I get an extra treat for that?’’ 

His question hung in the air as you pushed his sweater up, fingers fumbling with his belt. It was tricky with just one hand, but with a little help from Stu, you managed it. Not wanting to deal with the same hassle when it came to his jeans, you started to remove your glove, but his hand quickly stopped you.

"Keep the glove on.’’ He grinned, eyes darkening with lust at the thought of your gloved hand around his cock. "Just be careful down there. Don't want to damage the goods."

You held back a laugh and pulled down his jeans and boxers, his thick cock springing free. You had guessed that he was large, but the sight made your pussy cry happy tears. You ran your hands up and down his thighs, feeling the dust of blond hair covering them. 

Stu let out a small hiss as you gripped the base of his cock, pumping slowly. The plastic of the glove was rigid around him and didn’t conform well to the desired movement due to limited flexibility. You were careful to not scratch him with the edges of the ‘blades’ as you continued. This was more to bring a dark fantasy to life than to provide pleasure. 

‘’Ready for your treat?’’ you asked, looking up at him.

He didn’t even have time to respond before you lowered your head to give the tip a featherlight lick, tasting him. He let out a quiet hiss, jerking his hips up just slightly, hands clenching at his sides. You swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock, then ran your tongue up and down his shaft, teasing him. When you judged you had teased him enough, you opened your mouth and took as much of him as you could. 

Stu hummed in delight, your warm mouth around him. He’s thought and dreamed about this before, the past months having spent playing cat and mouse and teasing each other, but the real thing couldn’t even compare. His hand came down to the back of your head, gripping your hair to keep them out of your face as he watched you go deeper on his cock and bobbing your head up and down until he was about to lose it.

You grinned up at him as you pulled off him, sitting back on your heels. Your lips glistened with a mix of smeared lip gloss, spit and pre-cum. Stu could have cum right there. ‘’Is it time for my treat?’’ you asked, lifting the bottom of your dress and flashing him a peek of the black thong beneath.

‘’Ugh, you’re a fucking sight,’’ Stu groaned, his eyes were glazed and chest heaving — his cock twitching. His hand reached out to touch you, finding  the wet spot and rubbing slowly.

You pushed against his touch, craving more. How the tables had turned…

He caught on quickly, tearing a hole through your fishnets and sliding your thong aside to sink his fingers between your folds, spreading your arousal around. Your breath hitched, his movements slow and deliberate as he played with you, grinning at the way you clenched around him.

 ‘’Does that feel good?’’ he teased, fully aware of the answer.

He could be such an ass. 

‘’Y-yes,’’ you stammered, leaning into his touch as he slid his fingers in and out, leaving you breathless.

‘’Feels really good.’’ You rocked your hips forward when he moved his fingers, ever slowly sliding them in and out. 

Starting to feel hot, you pulled your dress up the rest of the way, throwing it on the bed. You had opted out of wearing a bra tonight — it wouldn’t have stayed on for long anyway — and Stu seemed very pleased with that decision. He wasn’t a tits guy, but pierced nipples sent his mind reeling. 

His reaction made you laugh, his eyes wide and amazed. You didn’t have the biggest tits — not that they were tiny either —, but they certainly were the cutest at this party. He reached to grab one of your breasts, thumbing over your pierced bud. 

''Like what you see?'' 

‘’Like what you see?’’ Stu mocked, sitting up and curling his fingers inside you. 

One of your favorite things about Stu was his sense of humor. He was one of the very few people who could make you laugh, whether it was with a stupid joke or through sarcasm. And he even managed to bring that humor into the bedroom. 

‘’Stop it,’’ you said, glaring at him. 

But Stu didn’t listen, giving you a playful pout and teasing you with his fingers again and again, until you physically grabbed his hand and made him stop. 

‘’You can’t do that,’’ he protested. ‘’This is my sex dream.’’

‘’Maybe, but I’m the Master of Dreams,’’ you reminded him, a winning smile on your lips. ‘’And I want your dick inside me.’’ 

You guided him inside you as you slowly lowered down onto him. The rip in your fishnets was making the process easier, only having to pull your thong to the side. Once he was fully inside, you closed your eyes, overcome by the sensation of Stu inside you, filling you.  

Stu grabbed your thighs, trying to get his mind off your tight pussy clamping around him. ‘’You feel so good around my cock, Ô Dream Master.’’  

You laughed softly, pressing a gloved hand to his stomach as you started to move, taking him in a slow rhythm that made his hips twitch. ‘’I do?’’ You held eye contact, your warm walls gripping Stu’s cock in a vice grip.

He whimpered, his hands going down to your ass. ‘’Fuck, you’re gonna liquify my dick with that tight cunt.’’ 

His words made you grin, and you moved faster, until you were full on bouncing. The slapping of skin resounded throughout the room, but the music outside was loud enough to drown it that no one in the hallway would hear. Not that Stu cared if anyone heard or knew that he was having sex. It was his house. 

‘’Is that what you dream about when you dream of me, Stu? My tight cunt milking you?’’

His response was a sharp thrust up, hitting a spot that made your head fall back. Two could play the game of teasing. 

Stu kept meeting you halfway, bringing you close to the edge. You were trying to not cry out, let all of your classmates know how good Stu was making you feel. They might think someone’s getting murdered in there and barge in. 

‘’I’m close!’’ you gasped, your breathing quickening, hair sticking to your face and tingles going up your spine. ‘’I’m so fucking close!’’ 

Your legs were aching and the bed was squeaking from the movements. Sex was fun, but it was also exhausting. It should count as a workout with all the sweating and the calories you were burning. 

Stu must have felt it too, because he flipped you over with a tight grip on your ass, and laid you down on the bed, taking over and drilling into you until you both finished. His mouth on yours swallowed every cry that left your lips, your fingernails digging  into his shoulders through his sweater. 

The room was stifling hot, and probably reeked of sex, but neither of you felt like getting up to open the window for fresh air. Your legs felt like complete jelly, his cum leaking from your pussy and onto his bedsheets. 

‘’Why didn’t we do this sooner?’’ you asked, Stu’s lips on yours, kissing lazily and bathing in the afterglow high.  You weren’t used to having a moment like this — a simple, quiet moment of intimacy without one of you teasing the other.

He bit your bottom lip and pulled it. ‘’It’s you who was pushing me away. I’ve wanted you since you showed up with fake vomit all over you. Thought I made that clear?’’ 

''I never pushed you away.'' 

Stu gave you a look. ''You did. Remember when we kissed at Ricky's birthday party? You told me to call you the next day and you never picked up.'' 

It was over three months ago. Your memories were a little blurred, but now that he was bringing it up, you recalled writing your number in the palm of his hand with a pen. Now you felt terrible for missing his call. 

You grabbed the collar of his sweater — which was strangely still on — and pulled him back in for a kiss, trying to make it up. How many kisses will he need to forgive you? 

It wasn’t long until his eager length twitched against your thigh, ready to go again. How long had it been since he came? Less than ten minutes? 

You playfully pushed his chest. ‘’You’re insatiable.’’

—

Scream taglist: @misfityanii@beautybyfire@iluvscream191@mariposa555@bella7866 @o638 @lulubelle14@luvvtxinityy@frasersgf  @Eddiefrickenmunson @jasperr-the-friendly-ghost @ghostf4cee @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom@wandaswigglywoos @xjennyx2 @jennasslut@thatonesblog@mikaelsonsstuff@icarly23@tcddszn  @bt.oliana  @skyesthebomb@a1mzcruml3y@red1culous @iluurmom @popeheywardssecretgf@michaelangdonsslut@byhrxb@kamthecoolest@kattybug@ravenstrueluv@landryslxys@die4niyahhh@sl4sh3rfuck3r @radiant-whore  @Meadzy21 @luci1fer@nomorespahgetti  @bloodyhw  @depthsofdespairr  @bellysbeach @wilmalovegood @loupiotesworld  @wenvierismycomfort @t-candy@s-al-em  @darylscvmdumpster  @tommysaxes  @adaydreamaway08 @johannelis2302nely @aqshua @lynbubble @luiise @planetkt @vampyrgoff @adrluvh @mymultiveres  @miqi-16 @not-liah  @lovenats01 @doestalker@lonelywitchv2 @lausley336  @arinexeisnotworking @halforangecuts@l3ndryz  @ilovelandry  @your-platonic-gay-lover @danniackerman  @angelxxrose @lottiefromsam  @thecrowdedstreetin1944 @cinnamonbun222 @angelxxrose @lottiefromsam @zoeynicolas @thecrowdedstreetin1944 @cinnamonbun222@pumkinnroses@cruzgrecia @sunnysunny133696 @aesthetixhoe  @gizmodecaprio @bingsbitch@buckyswhxre  @emerald-09

All and more taglist:  @kenqki@hawkegfs@gillybear17@black-rose-29@fudge13@cece05@laylasbunbunny@gemofthenight@beautyb1ade@mellabella101@vxnity713@bisexualgirlsblog@queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly@ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart@xyzstar@graceberman3@mikeyspinkcup@jackierose902109@daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom@fanatic4niall@peterholland04@idkwhattonamethisblogs@lexasaurs634@notasadgirlipromise@zoeynicolas@thejuleshypothesis@multi-fandom-bi-bitch@lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis@katherinejess@rafesgirlstuff  @lafleshlumpeater @iamluminosity

[powderblueblood]

If you don’t think I’m putting Eddie on Las Cultch, BUDDY, think again!!!!

(and yes, I’m scuttling in your walls. you did not misplace your copy of Live From New York, I am merely annotating it rn).

EDDIE MUNSON WHAT IS THE CULTURE THAT MADE YOU SAY CULTURE IS FOR YOU

need this so bad. need to hear his i don't think so honey now. i know it would be josh sharp/aaron jackson levels of iconic. iconica jones. need him to establish seven more rules of culture. need him to win the las culturistas icon award as a matter of fact (sorry pat regan but your time? IS UP)

and YOU KNOWWWW i've been meanin to do those annotations myself, you just took a day's work off my hands

[ask-the-skirtz]

(Sorry, I know I kept asking stuff about Michelle and then never did anything after. Kept getting distracted.)

“W-We won’t take her from you, kiddo. Promise.”

[Marnie steps back into the camera view. She seems to have stopped sniffling, but her face makes it clear she was crying.]

“… Grandma? You there?”

[She sounds nervous and scared. Magnus patted her on the back.]

- @ask-mars-mags-and-aus

Even if she doesn't seem particularly convinced, Regan picks up her doll, raising her up in front of the camera. Sure enough, it starts moving.

"...Oh dear-."

The doll awkwardly looks over to Regan, and then waves at the camera. She seems unsure on what to do, or say.

"...Hello, Marnie, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for disappearing on you like that."

"A lot has happened and I haven't... quite wrapped my head around it yet."

[honeysmokedham]

Alternate Reality || Solo

In an alternate reality Declan’s hand was in hers. Nora had told him to close her eyes, his light laughter echoed in the abandoned chapel above the crypt. She would walk backwards, making sure he didn’t trip down the stairs. She’d settle him at the bottom, and memorize his face as he took his first look at their new home. The sign would say Welcome Home Declan and Nora. The birthday gifts would be opened together, because what was her was his and his was hers and this was theirs. They’d curl together on their cot, she’d put names to faces as they looked at the photos taped to the wall next to her pillow. Blood wouldn’t pool beneath them.

In an alternate reality Nora hadn’t gone to Ireland. The gifts at the steps had been opened on her birthday. She wouldn’t have gotten in a fight with Emilio about Regan’s choice, then ultimately pick at him so he wouldn’t think twice when she wasn’t around the next day. She’d have spent her birthday playing Fortnite Festival with Van, and forced her to play the same Olivia Rodrigo song over and over again until Nora managed to get a good score. She’d shown up at Teddy’s for dinner. Wynne and Emilio were at the table, Teddy would come through the door with the biggest display of ham. The night passed by in merriment, a game of trick Emilio into eating was played. Teddy hugged her goodnight. Wynne clasped her hands. Emilio patted her arm. She was happy with her family. She would never know that in Ireland Regan was crossing paths with Declan. The world would never explode into colors she’d never known existed. She’d remain who she was. Now ham reminded her of hamstring, and hamstring was disgusting.

In an alternate reality Declan was born to a family that loved him. He was raised with humans, among humans, as a human. He never knew a life where he was born to die for someone else. Instead he was valued for who he was. A shadow didn’t follow him around in life, waiting for the day a scream replaced his life. In that reality fate chose to cross their paths. He saw the monster before him and he felt fear. Without living in fear his whole life, he never learned about the emotion. It was always what waited in the darkness, the risk of heights and the stress of poor performance. Without fear cradling his whole life, he was unable to look at Nora with the same fearless love he’d held by the waterfall.

In an alternate reality Nora wasn’t sitting alone in the dark crypt. The sign welcoming her home hadn’t sent an arrow into her heart, and the presents neatly piled at the stairs hadn’t brought tears to her eyes. She hadn’t cut her finger on the paper while opening them. The cut hadn’t distracted her for hours as she watched drops of blood slip from the slash, a weak imitation of the cut across Declan’s throat. A shadow didn’t remind her how worthless and undeserving she was.

In the alternate reality there were no cups from Ariadne. An invitation to a picnic. A want to know her more. A carved bear from Metzli. Osito, the name she’d loved. A hope for a good birthday, and many more. A picture from Van. A message of good things to come. A hope that she was having fun. Fuck. She had been having fun in Ireland until reality snuck in and slit fun’s throat. In that alternate reality there wasn’t a bear from Emilio. A note that he was sorry. A note that he wanted her to come by. A note that told her he’d leave if he had to, as long as she had a good birthday.

In that alternate reality she read Regan’s note the day of her birthday, and after some brief annoyance, she let it go. She accepted the words. “If you’re reading this, then I am already in Ireland. I’m sorry I did not tell you when I was leaving. It was for the best. Your tenacity might have gotten you killed. Besides, this town needs you. It is full of people to extort, and help, if you are so inclined, which I know you to be. You’re a strange one, you know. I do not think that’s bad. I used to. Now I’m less certain. I will even suggest that you are correct not to listen to anyone, including Emilio.”

In that alternate reality Nora was still the girl that needed to hear those words. And she would have listened to them despite the last line. And Declan would be alive. People in the town would be extorted. Maybe she’d have found one person she was capable of saving. Every now and then she’d think of Regan, the screams they shared, and fun they’d had. She’d think ‘I hope Regan is doing okay.’ But the thought would pass and life would go on, and their fates weren’t so intricately woven together that she considered Regan to be family and hated her for it. In that alternate reality she wasn’t crying in the dark over a pile of presents and loathing herself for every choice she’d ever made.

But this wasn’t an alternate reality. This was the path she’d chosen. The consequences of her actions. The mistakes she’d made. The reality of it all. And that was too much. So Eleanor “Nora” Pine did what she always did. She walked away.

[duskwoodgirl4life]

I want to say thank you to @digital-corruption for giving me the awesome clown idea for this Halloween Oneshot.

I was busy getting ready for Jessy's yearly Halloween party. I had spent months trying to decide what to go as. In the end I chose to go as catwoman Jessy and Cleo helped me with the costume making sure it was perfect for the party. I stand In front of the mirror adjusting my costume when my mind drifts back to the last time I saw Jake. It has been 6 months since I last saw him. 6 long months had passed me by. I hadn't heard a word from him in months. He told me the last time I saw him he was in the process of clearing his name and that he would no longer be wanted by the government. I get snapped out of my thoughts as my phone buzzes picking my phone up. I see that Lilly texted me.

Lilly: hey, me and Dan will be at your place in 10 minutes to pick you up

MC: hey, okay I'm almost ready see you in 10

I put my phone down and finished getting ready putting my eye mask on. I am all set to go, I see lights outside and see Dan parking his car on the driveway. I grab my purse and jacket and go outside to greet Dan and lilly. "Damn MC you look amazing in that outfit" I smile and hug Lilly and Dan. "Thanks Lilly, you look amazing yourself, and Dan, check you out dressed as James Bond." I can't help but laugh when Dan does his James Bond pose. All 3 of us walk to Jessy's as she doesn't live too far away. A part of me does want to enjoy myself tonight but I can't help but think about Jake. I hope wherever he is and whatever he's doing that he's safe. I can't handle the thought that he might be in danger.

We finally reach Jessy's apartment. She has spiderwebs on the outside of her front door and skeletons hanging from the door. Before I can knock on the door Jessy opens it up and wraps her arms around me. "I thought I could hear voices out here, MC you look amazing you look so smart Dan and lily you look cool dressed as a nurse" Jessy moves to one side and lets us in her apartment is decorated from top to bottom. "This is my favorite time of the year. I love the spooky season, I love what you have done with the decorations Jessy" the party soon gets underway everyone is having an amazing time. The laughter is echoing around the room and the drinks are flowing.

Everyone at the party is all dressed up. Thomas and Hannah have come as Morticia and Gomez. Jessy is dressed up as Regan from the exorcist Jessy is as always been a true horror queen. Richy has come dressed as a mummy and Cleo has come as a tiffiney from the bride of Chucky. Everyone looks amazing. You could see all the effort they had put into making their costumes look the part. There was just one person missing in all this Jake.

I stand by the window looking out at the parents with their children trick or treating everyone to have such a wonderful time. The leaves lightly blowing along the streets as I look out into the night I see a figure in the distance. I can see it starting to get closer as they come into view. I am able to see that it's someone dressed up as pennywise. There is something odd about them; they only appear to be wearing a mask and not the full costume. I think no more of it and come away from the window and grab myself another drink. Jessy walks over to me and sits down putting her arm around my shoulder. "He will be okay you know, and I'm sure he will be with you soon" I didn't need to explain to Jessy she knew how much I love and care for Jake.

Something was a little different with her. She kept smiling and winking at me, "how much have you had to drink?" Jessy just chuckles at me and pat's my shoulder. "I'm just in a good mood is all MC, when you're ready come and join the rest of us" I don't even know how much time passed I just sat looking out of the window. Watching the streets clear as everyone makes their way back home just as I was about to look away I see the figure in the clown's mask again. Whoever is out there is just standing and looking up at the apartment. I decide to go find out who it is but before I can the figure disappeared out of sight.

Every now and then I kept seeing the figure appear and then disappear as if they were trying to decide what it was they wanted to do but couldn't make their minds up.

As the party starts to wind down I help Jessy to bed. She's drunk more than she wanted. I place her down on her bed and cover her up and close the door behind me. I decided to clear up by putting everything into bin bags and taking them to the dust shoot. When I walk back to the apartment I notice someone walking into Jessy's apartment. Everything inside me just stops. I feel like I am frozen to the spot. Somehow I manage to make my legs move and walk into the apartment I see the figure standing by the window. I muster up all my courage and confront the person. "What are you doing here? If you don't leave I will call the police" the figure slowly turns around and stands there looking at me my whole body starts to shake as he starts to take off his mask.

My eyes widen as I see black hair spil out of the mask, bright oxen blue eyes looking back at me. My mouth fell open and my eyes widened. I couldn't believe what I was seeing right in front of me. There was standing the man I had longed so much to see. "Hello MC" a smile spread across my face tears of joy fell from my eyes. "Jake, you're really here? Does this mean?" Jake smiles back at me with so much love and happiness in his eyes. "Yes MC I'm free no more running away no more hiding. No more being away from the woman that I love so much" I walk over to Jake and wrap my arms around him. I can feel his arms holding onto me. The scent of his colon invading my nostrils, the smile on my face only gets bigger and bigger.

Everything about this night started out just getting through the night, now it's turned into the best night of my life. One that I will never ever forget. I have my soulmate and best friend. "I'm sorry I scared you MC, that was not my intention, I've been wanting to come and see you all night" I can't help but smile at Jake's shyness. "It's okay Jake, I'm just glad you are here with me in my arms I've missed you so much" Jake places a soft kiss on the end of my nose. "I love you MC" my whole face just lights up at Jake's words. "I love you to MC"

[ethereal-bumble-bee]

I’m Not Sorry- David Jacobs

(Note: I originally wrote + published this on ao3, so sorry if it uploads weirdly)

    Davey’s hands shook slightly as he felt Spot’s eyes bore into the back of his head. The file he held in his hands felt heavier than it had been a few moments ago, like the contents were begging to be dropped into the churning river below them. “You want me to do what?” He asked, blinking in disbelief. “That’s idiotic, Spot.”

    ”Jesus, Jacobs,” the shorter newsie complained. “You’re actin’ like I want you to kill someone.”

    “If my mom ever finds out about this, I’ll be the one getting killed,” Davey retorted. “You know how much she values all these little papers.”

    “Sure, sure.” Spot snorted, pushing past Davey and climbing up onto the railing. “C’mon, I just spent a hundred-somethin’ dollars to get us on this boat- ain’t you gonna drop that crap in?” He spread out his arms like a bird’s wings, yelling in the wind, “That’s what we came here for, Dave, to let that bullshit go!”

    Logically, there was no reason Davey should have held back from dropping those papers in the river and calling it a day. All of them were symbols of his life from middle school until graduation- spelling bee certificates, awards from competitions he could never remember competing in, letters from teachers praising how good of a student he was and how far they were sure he’d go, notes from counselors and psychiatrists congratulating him on how far he’d come in recovery. Mementos from class trips, old report cards that his mother had hung proudly on the fridge while Davey beamed behind them… everything.

    He swallowed any words, the shake in his hands traveling to his legs, making him wobble on his feet. “I don’t think I can…” he answered, his voice choking involuntarily. “I’m sorry.”

    Spot’s face softened, and he hopped down to Davey. “Hey, Jacobs,” he said, placing a hand on Davey’s shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, ‘kay? It ain’t your fault that it’s hard to let go.” The tone of his voice told Davey that he meant it, that he understood, and a weak smile found its way to his face.

    Spot smiled back, patting him on the shoulder and then gesturing to the water beside the boat, whose driver had slowed down to a crawl. “Plus, you’re not sorry- not really.”

    Davey raised an eyebrow. “I’m not…” he paused, something clicking in his mind. “I’m not sorry,” he said, more definite this time. “No, I’m not. I’m not sorry.” His smile grew wider as he sorted through the papers, picking one from middle school that had A+ Student printed on it in bubble letters. He glanced at it one last time, cringing slightly for the smiling, cartoon-y characters on the page and what he was about to do.

    Taking the paper in both hands, setting the file down on the deck, he ripped the paper in two. “I’m not sorry!” He cried, crumpling up the paper and throwing it into the river.

    Spot stepped back and smiled kindly. “For what?” He asked, egging him on. “What’re you not sorry for?”

    “I’m not sorry for getting the hell out of that town as soon as I could,” Davey replied. “I’m not sorry for… for changing my name. For cutting my hair.” He glared at the soggy pieces of paper left behind in the boat’s wake, the ones with Hana scrawled on them. He picked up another piece of paper- a participation award from the seventh grade spelling bee that his mother had never thrown away- and crumpled it up.

    “I’m not sorry for kissing Lukas Fordman in tenth grade,” he yelled into the empty, laughing at Spot’s confused face, picking up another paper. “I’m not sorry for wearing that ugly-ass brown suit to prom, and I’m not sorry for spilling punch on Regan Allen when she called me that name.” Those last words were spit out, a mix of anger, relief, and excitement as memories spilled back to him. “I’m not fucking sorry!” He screamed. “I’ll never be sorry!”

    Soon, with every confession and taken-back apology, all of the papers, all of the memories of his miserable life before, were gone. Davey stepped back, his hair messed up by the wind and his chest heaving with the effort of screaming. “Fuck you,” he said to the bits of paper sinking into the water, holding up his middle finger. Spot threw an arm around him, tousling his hair, the two of them laughing with joy and adrenaline coursing through their veins.

    “See?” Spot grinned, patting Davey’s shoulder. “I told you it’d feel better once you let that shit go.”

    “Thank you,” Davey said, pulling his friend into a hug. “I needed this.”

    “I know,” Spot replied simply, as the boat pulled back onto the docks and the captain helped them ashore. “Don’t ever apologize for yourself ever again, alright?”

    Davey nodded, staring off into the afternoon sky, sweating in the hot air yet feeling chills travel up his spine, like he’d just seen the final number of a heart-wrenching show. “I know.” He smiled again, placing a hand on his heart. “Never again.”

    What’s there to apologize for when I’m finally free?

[mr-downer-2024]

Different Anon from earlier

I mean as much as you find Kamala to be a wet fart, it worked, her and the Biden admin got aid trucks flowing into North Gaza again.

Trump meanwhile has a pretty clear throughline to being one of the prinicple causes of this whole catastrophe. His official declaration of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel galvanized the entire Arab World with the idea of an Israeli controlled Al-Aqsa Mosque and Dome of the Rock. This in turn led to the Great March of Return and October 7th or, as acknowledged by Hamas's internal name for it "Operation Al-Aqsa Flood".

There's a meaningful and substantial difference in regards to international affairs between the two candidates.

are we really patting the Biden administration for doing the bare minimum when Regan of all people got Israel to stop by telling them to knock that shit off?