#part of me is telling me to get back into therapy

[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love : Chapter 13 | road trip - part one

Chapter 13 : Road Trip pt. 1

Pairings: joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak)

Word count: 11.5k

Chapter Summary: After your engagement party you struggle to understand how you feel. However, after meeting with your therapist a couple times, Joel thinks a road trip would do you all good.

Chapter warnings: Chapter warnings: SMUT (18+ MDNI), public-ish sex, unprotected piv, anxiety, flashbacks of traumatic memories, mentions of PTSD anxiety, mentions of thoughts of unaliving, FLUFF, joel being an absolute lover, soft!joel, possessive!joel use of Spanish but with translations, use of y/n, and therapy session.

a/n: requests are open! please send prompts or things you would like to see more of!

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics 

Main Masterlist

Joel woke up before you that next morning, finding you still wrapped in his arms, sleeping peacefully. Your facial features relaxed, a small smile etched into your lips, nothing harming you in your sweet dreams. 

He turned his head and looked at the time, seeing it was close to 10 am. 

He gently kissed your head and stroked your cheek which caused you to make a hum in your sleep and turn off of him, cuddling up to the pillow as you turned around, staying deep in sleep. 

He took that opportunity to get up and get some sweats and a t-shirt on before coming over and kissing your cheek, stroking your hair back, whispering, “I’m just going to make some calls downstairs… I’ll be back.” he kissed your cheek again as you sleepily nodded and smiled, “Ok cowboy…” you said heavy with sleep. 

He brushed your hair back and then grabbed his phone from the nightstand and headed down the stairs dialing Diane’s number, Sarah and Elena were already up and cooking breakfast. 

Within a few rings, Diane answered, “Diane speaking…” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Mornin’ Diane, it’s Joel Miller, how are you?” 

Diane smiled, “Joel, it’s so good to hear from you. I hear congratulations are in order!” 

Joel smiled softly and chuckled, “Yes, thank you. I uh… I was wondering if I could talk to you however about somethin’ else, do you have a few moments to talk?” 

Elena saw him coming down the stairs and went to greet him when she saw he was on the phone and looked at him, holding up the pan she was cooking with, nonverbally asking if he wanted any, he nodded and smiled, walking into the living room, sitting on the couch. 

“I uhm, I know Y/N doesn’t have another session with you for another week but I think she may need an emergency session, we had an incident last night that may have knocked her back a few steps.” Joel held the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he explained your mental state, still feeling frustrated by it. 

“I’m sorry to hear that. I appreciate you reaching out and would love to fit her for an emergency session today or tomorrow. What happened if you don’t mind me asking?” Diane asked softly. 

Joel sighed softly and thanked her before explaining the chain of events. He also explained more in-depth where you seemed to be mentally, how you were anxiously telling yourself you were too much for him and worried that mentality could make you depressed or even potentially suicidal if it continued without intervention. 

Diane agreed and said that was a concern of hers too after hearing how you were. She offered to see you sooner rather than later and said she had some time this evening to see you, said it would be best for him to come with, and depending on what you wanted, he could sit in the session or not, but she wanted him there in case anything happened with triggers. He agreed and said he would bring you to her office at 4 pm. 

Joel ended the call and sat on the couch for a moment, thinking what he needed to do from now until then, he looked at his phone and dialed Tommy’s number as he said he’d call him this morning. 

It rang a few times then Tommy picked up, “Hey, how’s she doing?” 

Joel cleared his throat, “Still in bed but she’s ok. I just got off the phone with Diane, she’s worried about some things she said when I got into bed last night and is getting her in for a session later today.” 

Tommy sighed softly, “What did she say? Is she going to be ok?” he worried he did something more than just trigger you. He knew the fragility of someone’s mental and emotional state once they got home and worried somehow he set something a lot bigger. 

“She was sayin’ things like how she was too much, how she’s a burden. She kept apologizin’ too… like somehow her reaction to the trauma she went through was her fault.” he said softly, feeling anxiety creep into his mind now, “What if I’m not enough Tommy? What if she needs more than what I can give her?” Joel said quietly, almost close to a whisper. 

“Joel, you’re kidding right? If you aren’t enough for her, then what does that make me for Maria? You are ten times the man I am… you move mountains for that girl, you’d rearrange the constellations and planets for her if it made her smile. You can’t seriously think you aren’t enough. You…” he sighed softly and chuckled, “Joel, she looks at you when you aren’t lookin’ like you molded the moon to hang for her in the night sky. She was lookin’ at you yesterday with every ounce of love that woman possesses in her heart… you’re it for her. Now you’ve got that ring on her finger, she’d go down to the courthouse in a matter of seconds if it meant becoming your wife. You never have to worry about bein’ enough.” he said bluntly.

Joel lightly chuckled and put his head in his hand, leaning on his knee, “I just always worry I’m not doin’ enough, you know?” 

Tommy tsked and chuckled, “I constantly feel the same way. We are though, we just need to start believin’ it.” 

Joel nodded and looked up at the wall in front of him, it had a photo of you, him, and Sarah hanging from one of her soccer games which made his heart warm and made him smile, “Anyway… I need to get back to things but I’ll keep you and Maria posted throughout the next couple of days. Maybe we can have you over for dinner or something, yeah?” 

Tommy smiled and nodded, “We’d like that.” 

Joel softly took in a breath and told his brother goodbye, sitting on the couch a moment longer before getting up and heading back upstairs with two plates of food that Elena had made for you two. 

Joel had woken you up and made sure you were fed but after you had eaten you went back to sleep after taking a shower, the events of the last few days and especially last night wearing down on you. 

Around 3 pm Joel softly woke you up and told you he got you an appointment with Diane to help with what happened last night but he needed you to wake up so you could get there on time. 

You slowly got up, getting dressed in some oversized jeans, in a vintage sports pullover of Joel’s, and doing your hair up in a messy bun. The goal was to be comfy and get through the rest of the day. 

To be completely honest you weren’t only sleeping because you were exhausted, you slept because it avoided the growing panic attack you felt growing inside your mind, feeling at any moment you were going to explode. 

Elena said she’d stay another night to help out so that he wouldn’t have to worry about Sarah or the house when he got back. You two could focus on what you needed as she assumed this session would take a lot out of you that already was low and fragile. 

Joel held onto your hand as he drove to Diane’s office across town, you focused on counting stop signs while he drove, trying to distract yourself. 

He didn’t push conversation or try to talk, he knew you had a lot going through your head as he saw how quickly your eyes would move from one thing to another, how you were starting to pick at your cuticles again, and your knee would bounce when you sat still. He put the radio on low and let the music fill the air. Occasionally gently squeezing your hand or pulling it to his lips to gently kiss it as he drove. 

He pulled into her parking lot, shut off the truck and turned to look your way, “Do you need a minute? We are here a little early if you need some time…” he gently ran his thumb over the top of your hand. 

You looked at the office doors and shook your head, you knew you were safe there, you knew that Diane’s office was somewhere you could seek help in times like this when your mind wouldn’t stop. 

“I’m ok. I think I’d like to go in now… sit down for a moment.” you said quietly, keeping your eyes on the door, reading the address and phone number on the door over and over again, not letting yourself think about anything else. 

Joel nodded and leaned over, kissing your temple gently, “Ok mi vida, one sec, I’ll come ‘round and get your door…” he opened the truck door and was careful to close it gently, then walked around and got your door, holding out his hand. 

You were staring at the door still, reading the numbers and spelling the street out letter by letter in your mind, your lips moving but not saying anything.  

Joel looked at you then followed your eye line to the door, seeing what was on the door then looked back at you, “1124 Teterbeen Street, Suite B, what’s the phone number baby?” 

You looked at him for a moment and saw his hand out, his big brown eyes eager to help you. You took his hand and got out of the truck, repeating the phone number to him softly. 

“Good, now remind me what’s the address again?” he kissed your temple as he gently shut the door of the truck and walked with you towards the door, listening as you read out the address. 

He opened the office door for you and walked with you inside.

Diane’s office smelled of lavender and eucalyptus which instantly calmed you. Joel could feel the rigidity in your body melt just a little as you held onto his arm. 

Diane’s receptionist smiled at you and Joel and then pushed a button on the desk, which silently let Diane know her next appointment was here by illuminating a lamp in her office just a tad that sat behind her patients so it never felt like they were being rushed but let her know to start wrapping up the session.

“She’s just finishing up, please make yourself comfortable.” she offered softly. 

You took a seat by the waterfall wall she had to bring a calm presence to the waiting area, it was somewhere you always sat before your sessions. 

Joel had never been inside the office, just always dropped you off as Diane always recommended you come in alone so you wouldn’t build a co-dependence on him but today was different, today Joel was there if you needed him you told yourself. 'I'm not alone.'

Joel looked at the wall and moved his hand to take yours, “This is pretty… has it always been here?” he spoke softly. 

You nodded, “She usually has it on. I think it’s to help calm us beforehand… she’s Pavlov-ing us.” you let out a soft snort. 

Joel chuckled, “Pavlov-ing? Like the dog and bell thing?” 

You nodded, “Positive reinforcement I imagine can be conditioned in many ways.” you shrugged, “After all, she is a psychologist, an expert in mind control…” you joked. 

Joel shook his head softly and kissed your head, chuckling, “She’d find that funny…” 

Diane’s office door opened and a young man walked out, thanking her and shaking her hand before he walked to the reception desk to schedule his next appointment. 

Diane smiled at you and cleared her throat, “Y/N… it’s so good to see you.” she came over and you stood, putting on a fake smile for her. 

“It’s good to see you too.” you nodded and put your hands behind you, starting to pick your cuticle, Joel sat and looked at Diane, smiling softly. 

“Well, in today’s session I’d like to speak with you about what happened last night and you’re welcome to have Joel sit out here or if you want, he can come in with you, but the choice is yours. I’ll just have him leave for a few minutes towards the end for you and me to talk about a few things one-on-one.” she smiled kindly and held her notepad against her chest, waiting for you to lead the way. 

You looked back at Joel and then at her, nodded, “Yeah um… can he come?” 

She nodded and smiled, backing up a could steps, “Of course. Let’s take a seat in here.” she held her arm out to guide you into her office. 

Joel stood and put his hand on the small of your back gently, “I’m right here…” he whispered to you, then walked with you as you hesitantly walked inside, all of a sudden feeling very anxious. 

You came around and sat down on the couch she had against the wall facing her chair, Joel joined next to you and softly offered his hand which you took and gently squeezed. 

She sat down and smiled at you, watching you very closely as you looked around and analyzed everything, zoning in on a new photo she had hanging behind her chair, “New photo I see… that’s uh… the Oregon coast, Lincoln city, yeah?” it showed a famous landmark from Lincoln City, Oregon’s beach.

You were deflecting and she knew it. It was something you did in the first couple of sessions you had with her when you started, she had a hard time calling you out on it without you getting defensive, telling her there was nothing wrong with making conversation. 

She knew today was not a day to call you out, instead acknowledged but slowly crawled into talking about what was going on. 

She nodded, “Exactly. You ever been there?” she smiled, leaning back in her chair. 

You shook your head and softly exhaled, “No… but there’s a resident pod of whales that visit there every season… it’s a bucket-list trip Joel and I have talked about doing eventually.” you smiled and looked down at his hand holding yours. 

She smiled and looked at Joel, who was watching you very attentively, gently stroking your hand with his thumb, “I hear it’s a beautiful place to visit. Maybe you two can go on your honeymoon…” She nodded towards your ring and smiled, “Congratulations by the way.” 

You looked at your ring and then at her and lightly let out a breathy chuckle, “Thank you…” 

“When did that happen?” she probed carefully. 

You kept your head down, starting to fiddle with the ring, “Um… two days ago…” you smiled softly and cleared your throat softly, looking at her. 

She nodded, “Joel told me that you guys had a lovely engagement party thrown by some friends and family last night, can you tell me about that? What was your peach, and what was your pit?” she smiled softly. 

You two had used this term often, a good way to express the positives but also negatives of situations without tying them to negative ideas and behaviors. It helped you express things when thinking about it in this way, she seemed to get more out of you when you thought of traumas or events this way. 

You nodded and chuckled, “Uh… peach was Joel’s toast. He uh…” you looked over at him and smiled warmly, “He has a way with words, knows how to make a girl feel like she’s god’s gift to this world.” you chuckled and he smiled, gently bringing your hand to his lips and kissing it. 

“Just speak the truth, mi vida… you are god’s gift to my world.” he winked and smiled softly. 

You blushed and looked down shyly, leaning against him, looking back at your hands connected. 

“Sounds like a good peach. It’s a lovely experience and opportunity we get when we have someone love us that type of way isn’t it?” she said as she wrote something in her notebook. 

You nodded and inhaled, “Makes the pits not so horrible.” you admitted softly, focusing on anything but her, feeling under a microscope by how she was unwrapping you and the last 24 hours. 

She hummed in agreement, “I like that point of view.” she smiled and wrote something more down. 

“Now, on the other end, what was your pit?” she looked up at you. 

You bit the inside of your cheek, and focused on picking your thumb cuticle that was near raw, “I think you’re aware of what was the pit…” 

Diane took a soft breath in and cleared her throat, “I do… but I need you to tell me it in your own words… what made it a pit?” 

You stayed quiet, your foot gently tapping the ground, tears were starting to well up in your eyes, you didn’t want to relive what happened. You knew talking about it would take off the soggy Band-Aid you were using right now and that it would open up an already aching wound. 

“I know it’s painful and perhaps a little hard to talk about…” she leaned forward, “What went through your mind when it first happened? Start there…” 

You swallowed and looked at the corner of the coffee table in front of you, “When I was back in…” you jutted your jaw out and let out a breath, trying to keep yourself calm, “... on our last field assignment, we were out running a damn missile. Same… fuckin’ whistle when it comes down from the sky echoes the field.” rolled your shoulders back and tightened your jaw. 

“Same sounds that fireworks make when they fly up, right?” Diane softly asked.  

You nodded. 

“Tell me why you took cover by the shed, what made that spot feel safe?” 

You shrugged, looking up at her. 

“What made you run to that place rather than inside?” she pressed.  

Joel looked at Diane then you, gently squeezing your hand to give you a little boost of support. 

You looked at him for a moment then looked down at your hands, again tightening your jaw, speaking softly, “Joel was in there… and for a moment I thought I wasn’t safe… that I was back in an active zone… which meant he wouldn’t be safe with me going in there…” you let out a breath through your nose, “So I went as far as I could from his point of location…” you admitted. 

Joel looked at you as you admitted that and then looked at Diane who nodded at him, letting him know that’s what she suspected. 

You looked at Diane, “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” 

Diane wrote something in her notebook then bit the inside of her cheek, “I’m curious… let's say if Joel is with you when these moments happen- do you think he experiences the trauma you do, or do you know he isn’t in harm's way? Are you able to separate that in your mind?” 

Your body went rigid and you shook your head, eyes going numb and cold as you looked across the room at her, “I… I don’t know but I don’t want to think about that… I…” you looked down at the floor, “...there’s a peace knowing he and Sarah never will know that fear…” 

Diane nodded, taking a moment before asking, “Do you think that if he had been around when those fireworks would have gone off you would have felt safer?” 

You shrugged, “I… I don’t know.” you had a few tears fall down your cheeks, “Sometimes I can’t separate where I am from where I’ve been…” you sighed softly. 

She wrote something else on the pages then swallowed softly, “When you first took cover, what did you see, feel, hear that made you think you were somewhere you weren’t?” 

You closed your eyes trying to remember, and your knee began bouncing anxiously, “I remember hearing a faint siren in the distance.” your eyes began scanning behind your eyelids, “... the air was thick and dusty, like something may have been hit nearby… I… I could smell something burning…" your lip trembled, "...someone burning…” you whispered, voice breaking, “I couldn’t move… I… I felt cemented into the ground, heavy and…” your breathing became uneven, small jagged breathes as you started remembering details, feeling right back there, making it all too much, “I couldn’t breathe… couldn’t think, couldn’t hear… I felt like…” you shook your head feeling overwhelmed and stood up abruptly, snapping your eyes open, “No… I… I need to get out...” you began looking for the door.  

Diane and Joel's eyes snapped up to you, Joel gently reached out to touch your leg while Diane tried to hold your gaze, “Woah… ok… it’s ok… you’re safe.” Diane said softly, holding up her hands to ease you from her seat, using her hand to tell Joel to stay seated which he did, “Hey, eyes on me… let’s count down from 10…” she said calmly but firmly.

Your hands shook next to your side, fidgeting open and closed, “I can’t… fuck… I can’t do this…” You began to hyperventilate, eyes scanning for an exit, then quickly moving around the table, tripping slightly on the leg, hitting your shin, hissing, “Ah... fuck…” You kept moving and quickly opened the office door, making for the exit.

Diane pushed a button on her table next to her chair which signaled the front door to lock automatically. Her office was by a busy road, and she learned very early on with dealing with patients with PTSD to have this safety tool.

She followed you out calmly and slowly, putting her notebook down on her chair before leaving the room, Joel standing with her and following, eyes filled with concern. 

You pushed the door to open it but weren’t able to open it, which just pissed you off and made you panic, "Open the door…” you jiggled the handle again, trying to open it, “Diane, open the damn door!” your breathing became faster and panicked. 

Diane looked at the receptionist and nodded, she turned up the volume on some white noise that was playing around the office to help ease you. 

“I’m not opening the door sweetheart, it’s not safe…” she said, easing her way closer to you. 

You stood facing the door, placing your head against its cold glass, breathing frantically, “F-fuck… I…” you rolled up your sleeve and started flicking your wrist with a hair tie you had again and again, shutting your eyes. You were told that shocking your senses would help snap out of moments like this in the army. 

Diane heard the band snap against your wrist and nodded, “Good. Senses needing to be shocked I see... good job… you’re doing great.” 

You continued to snap the band against your wrist, slowly falling to your knees, “I can’t go back…” you whispered over and over. 

Diane’s receptionist heard what she had said and reached into a mini fridge she had below the desk and handed Diane an ice pack, something to shock the senses that wasn’t so abrasive to you. 

She knelt slowly, listening to what you were saying, “You aren’t going back… you’re staying here… staying safe. Shhh…” She waited for a moment then cleared her throat “Let’s try holding onto this, yes?” she said reaching out with the cold pack. 

You turned around, your wrist red and raw from the continuous stimulus to it, and sat against the door, facing them, taking the cold pack and holding it against your forehead, after a moment letting out a breath of relief and shaky breathes being taken in and out. 

Joel came and knelt by Diane, careful not to move too quickly, gently reaching out to put his hand on your knee, you looked up at him and saw how worried he looked, how he wanted nothing to do more than help you. 

You looked up at Diane and sadly sighed, looking hopeless, defeated. 

She softly smiled, “Whenever you’re ready we’ll go back and talk about how to help these moments, yes?” she reassured. 

You nodded and closed your eyes, “I’m sorr-” 

Diane cleared her throat, “What is our one rule in here about that…” 

You opened your eyes and softly chuckled, “Right… no apologies are allowed if they are due because of a trauma response…” you mocked her voice teasingly. 

Joel looked back at Diane then quickly back at you, “Ok, so that rule is carrying over into our home…” he chuckled and gently rubbed your knee. 

You rolled your eyes jokingly and smiled softly, “How did I know you’d jump on that rule?” 

He leaned forward and kissed your head, “Because you’re notorious for apologizin’ when it’s not warranted sweet girl…” 

Diane nodded, “We've found that’s a good indicator a person has been in toxic relationships where you are constantly accessing people’s emotions and reactions.” she sighed softly, “You most likely have it from your parents but mostly Charlie.” she suggested. 

You nodded and scoffed, “Lovely… one more thing from him.” you rolled your eyes and moved to stand up, handing the ice pack back to the receptionist who smiled and handed you a new one, “Keep it… seems to help.” she smiled kindly. 

You nodded softly and slowly took in a breath after a few moments, “I’m ready to go back…” 

Joel and Diane rose together from the ground and nodded as you led the way back into the room. 

You sat back down where you were and held onto the ice pack, taking a few deep more steady breaths. Diane and Joel sat back down as well where they had been. 

Diane pulled her notebook back out and talked to you a little more about what happened, and why it happened. She advised that if things happen like that again, you use things like the ice trick or something else to shock your system into snapping out of that mindset. She advised Joel on things he can do to help in moments where things like this could happen but advised him to avoid triggers if possible as the more you’re exposed early, can lead to bad habits of coping outside of your own timing. 

She looked at the clock with 5 minutes left and looked at Joel, “Could you give us a few minutes to wrap up?” 

Joel nodded and looked at you, “I’ll just be out by the waterfall, mi vida…” he kissed your temple softly and then hand before letting you go and smiled and nodded at Diane as he walked out and softly shut the door behind him. 

The moment the door closed you looked at her and chuckled, “Am I in trouble or somethin’...?” you joked. 

She chuckled, “No, not in any trouble. I just like to check on some things that people tend to not speak honestly about in front of their partners…” she smiled softly, “I need you to answer me honestly when I ask what I’m going to ask, and either way I’ll take your word for it.” 

You bit your cheek, “Damn, sounds like you’re about to ask me if I’ve killed someone…” you joked, deflecting.

She looked at you and nodded, “Well... we’ve never talked about it, and it would help possibly explain some triggers you have." she tilted her head and then softly and calmly asked, "Did you have to take any life back in Afghanistan?” 

Your breath got caught in your throat and you held tightly onto the cold pack, looking down shamefully, fidgeting with the edge of the square you held, nodding after a few moments of silence “4 lives…” you clenched your jaw, holding back tears. 

She nodded and wrote it in her notes, then softly cleared her throat before clasping her hands together and softly, carefully asking, “Because of that, have you ever considered taking your own due to guilt?” 

You kept your head down and tears fell before you looked up at her, “Once.” you cleared your throat, “It was for less than a day back before I got to go home. It was after I got back from Delta 42 and 30…” you looked away for a moment, looking out the window, “Maria had gone home, Reggie was pretty much unavailable from the time I got to base to when I left. The days got long… I was alone for a big chunk of it because they wouldn’t let me work.” you set the ice pack down on the coffee table and swallowed, “All your left with is your thoughts, you know?” 

Diane sat forward, giving you her full attention, “Sometimes silence is the most terrifying thing we can be left with…” 

You nodded and sadly smiled then bit your cheek, “I uh… I got low. Couldn’t sleep, kept having echoes of what happened in Delta 42 taunt me every time I closed my fuckin’ eyes it felt like.” you looked down at your hands, “Joel was busy one day, couldn’t talk much and without that… without having some connection to the outside, I felt so fuckin’ alone… so consumed by the loss and fucked up shit I’d done in the last 72 hours…” you lightly chuckled, tears welling in your eyes, “For no more than maybe an hour or so, I saw my pistol on the desk as a way to ease the pain, stop the chaos from swarmin’ my head…” you fidgeted with your hands, “But then something just clicked and it was like a switch toggled on in my head. I felt lighter, could fuckin’ think and breathe… I can’t explain why or what did it- but never touched that pistol again until I turned it in the day I left.” you looked up at her, eyes etched with regret, "Please don't tell Joel..." you said sadly.

She listened and nodded along with you, making notes here and there with details you had told her, making notes on things you said then looked at you when you stopped talking, “What's said in here, stays in here." she reassured.

After a few moments of silence, she asked, "Have you had any itch to harm yourself since being home?” 

You shook your head and cleared your throat, “No… Joel… Joel’s been so…” you smiled softly at your hands, “He’s been so supportive and loving that I’ve not had much time to get that low, you know?” you looked up at her. 

She smiled softly and nodded, “Joel’s a good one, he’s solid, has a big heart, and he adores the ground you walk on which adds to it all…”

That made you blush and smile. You couldn't have asked for a better partner, a better fiancé.

She lightly chuckled, “Compared to what we’ve talked about with regards to Charlie… Joel’s been good for you.” 

You blushed deeper and nodded, “I’m really lucky to have him… consider myself blessed to have even met him the way we did, you know?” 

She nodded and smiled warmly, “Now you’re engaged… how does that make you feel?” 

You looked down at your hand, messing with your ring, “I honestly had no idea he’d ask this soon, but… it feels right, you know?” you looked up, “He looks at me like there’s somethin’ worth lookin’ at. Fills my life with color.” you shyly looked back down, “I’m just ramblin’ cheesy stuff now…” 

She chuckled, “Rambling about what makes you happy, nothin’ wrong with that...” she smiled. 

You nodded and cleared your throat, “He makes me happy. I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life… never felt so… free…?” you chuckled. 

She nodded, “After what you’ve been through, that’s an understandable feeling.” she smiled and nodded a little then after another few moments of quiet she spoke softly, “I’d like to see you again in a few days, just for a short check-in, would that be ok?” 

You nodded and looked down, “Am I free to go?” you chuckled and then looked up. 

She nodded and stood, softly chuckling, “You call me if anything happens, even if it’s in the middle of the night, ok?” she opened her door.

You nodded and walked out of the room, “Thank you for your time today…” 

Joel stood hearing you come out and smiled at you. 

Diane nodded and looked at Joel then you, “Mind if I talk to Joel for a moment? Just to let him know how to best help you in the next few days?” 

You nodded and swallowed, “Yeah, no problem.” you came and sat in the chair next to where Joel was sitting, crossing your legs, grabbing a magazine, and looking down at it.

Joel looked at Diane and nodded, coming into the room with her, standing with his hands in his pockets as she closed the door behind her. She cleared her throat and offered for him to sit, “Oh… it’s a sitting conversation?” he asked nervously as he sat down on the couch. 

Diane chuckled softly, “Not necessarily, although what she’s going through is very serious… but nothing like… that.” she sat down and smiled softly. 

“So, what’s going on? How can I help her?” Joel asked, clasping his hands in his lap nervously but eager to listen. 

“She’s dealing with PTSD, so avoiding triggers will help, which I know can be done… you’re very aware of her environment and very protective of her.” she smiled warmly.

Joel felt empowered by that. To know his love and devotion to you traveled and was noticed by others.

“But what I’m concerned with is that if she gets to a low point she’ll… she’ll get low, really low.” she pursed her lips together to accentuate the meaning. 

He took in a breath and nodded, understanding, “What are warning signs to look out for?” 

“She’ll start to remove herself from normal social situations, she may start to say things that feel off... you’ll know what those are. I think the best thing is to keep her busy, check in daily, and maybe encourage her to write in a journal, she’d do well with that… but just, be there and let her feel her feelings but don’t let her be absorbed by them…” she said softly. 

He nodded and cleared his throat softly, “Sarah has a break comin’ up... Y/N mentioned that beach in Oregon earlier. While ya’ll were talkin’ I made some calls… I was thinkin’ of doing that in a week when Sarah's off school, do something to keep her busy but also somethin' to look forward to? What are your thoughts?” he sat a little closer to the edge of his seat. 

“I’m going to see her again in a few days, how about I let you know how she is then? She’s in no way to travel so soon based on today’s session but she might be ok in a few days after she settles mentally…” she said softly. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “Anything I shouldn’t do?” 

She shrugged, “Ask her what her boundaries are. I think right now she just needs a lot of support, love, and patience. Some light distractions to keep her somewhat busy and not lame would be good. Things like movie nights, going to the grocery store, small car rides, things like that.” she suggested. 

“My brother, the one that set off the damn fireworks, should I keep him away? Would he be triggering?” he asked, sounding concerned. 

She shook her head, “Tommy and Maria… it would be good for her to be around them. She needs all the support she can get right now and Maria knows what she’s been through. Besides, what happened wasn’t anyone's fault, at least purposely, right?” she pressed. 

He nodded, “Right… it was all done with good intentions… just poorly executed.” he shrugged and chuckled lightly. 

Diane nodded, chuckling, “Tommy unfortunately has a record for poorly executing things like this doesn’t he?” 

Joel chuckled knowing what she was referring to; a work incident that Tommy was a little clumsy in after taking the three of them out to lunch and all of them coming back a little under the influence, “James had a hand in that too, you know?” he teased. 

She nodded and let out a louder chuckle, “I’ll never let him live that down.” 

They both chuckled and then Diane stood, “Anyways, she’s doing great, she’ll have a rough few days, but I think she’ll be ok, just keep me updated if anything gets bad enough where you can’t get her out of a… funk, you know?” she started walking towards the door. 

He stood and nodded, “I’ll keep you posted. Thanks, Diane.” 

She nodded and smiled before opening the door. You were reading a cooking magazine, deep in thought that you didn’t hear the door open. 

Joel smiled at you and walked over, sitting beside you, kissing your cheek then looking down at what you were reading, it was a recipe for a Tuscan Chicken pasta, “That looks good baby… wanna go to the store and get the stuff to make that tonight?” 

You nodded and looked at him, “But isn’t your mom cooking?” 

He smiled and looked at you, “If she is we can just cook it tomorrow but we can still go to the store? I’ll call her in the truck and ask…” he touched your cheek softly then tucked a strand of hair behind your ear delicately. 

You blushed and looked back down at the recipe then pulled out your phone and went to take a picture when Diane cleared her throat, “Take it home, just bring it back when you come back…” 

You looked at her and smiled, nodding then standing up, “Deal.” 

A week later 

You had gone in again to see Diane a few days ago and were doing much better. Elena stayed a couple of days after to keep you busy and monitor you while Joel had to go to work for a few important meetings regrettably. 

You’d never admit it, but Joel going back to work and not coddling you was what you needed. The less that you felt like a baby, the more independent you felt and the faster you adjusted and adapted. 

You still had a few hard moments over the past few days with being alone for too long after Elena had left. However, it pushed you to ask for help or reach out to friends like Rose or Maria.

You found yourself over at Rose’s offering to help with whatever she needed from day to day, not caring how small or silly it may be, you just sometimes needed to be around someone. 

Joel found when he’d come home most days he’d need to go get you from Rose’s as you would stay there until you knew someone was back home. 

After getting the 'ok' from Diane at your last session, Joel let you know that you guys were going on a road trip to the Oregon coast over the next two weeks and when you'd be leaving.

That in itself kept you busy as you packed for everyone, ran errands to prepare, and one morning instead of going on a run, cleaned the truck completely out.

---

His alarm went off at 5 am and you were already awake, buzzing with excitement. You leaned over and smiled as you kissed his cheek and brushed his hair back off his forehead, “Time to wake up, we gotta get goin’...” you giggled softly, kissing his shoulder. 

He chuckled sleepily and turned off his alarm before he wrapped his arms around you, humming, “5 more minutes darlin’...” he pulled you to lay on his chest. 

You giggled, “Joel you and I both know what ‘5 more minutes’ means and it’s not truly 5 minutes it’s another hour…” you tried getting out of his hold, smiling. 

The more you tried, the tighter he held you, keeping his eyes closed, trying to go back to sleep, “Shh, just let it happen… shh…” he teased as he held you tighter to him, starting to wrap his legs around you. 

“Damn it, Joel, you’re like a boa constrictor with your hold…” you couldn’t help but laugh and give up, “Fine, 5 more minutes…” you sighed and cuddled into him. 

He smiled and kissed your head, letting go of his hold a little, “Good girl, smart choice…” 

You blushed and laid your head on his chest, “How far are we drivin’ today?” you traced shapes on his chest. 

He hummed, partially back asleep, “We’re drivin’ to uh…” he drifted back to sleep, his arms starting to go limp around you as he was taken back deep into sleep. 

You smiled and chuckled and moved your head to watch the clock, letting 5 minutes go by before you sunk beneath the sheets and began kissing down his body, slotting yourself between his legs, dragging your lips across his bare cock making it hard quicker than you expected. 

Joel stirred and took a deep breath in, still somewhere between being awake and asleep. You kissed the inside of his thigh before spitting into your hand and began stroking him slowly, letting your saliva coat him while you pumped him in your palm. 

He groaned and turned his head in his sleep, feeling himself become aroused, smirking as he started to wake up.

You loved hearing those sounds come from him. It instantly made you wet against your panties. 

You were satisfied with your work and dropped your head to take the tip of your tongue from the bottom of his shaft up to his tip, dragging him out of his slumber, “Mmm still need 5 more minutes, amor?” you smirked as you kissed his tip making him grunt, slowly starting to wake up. 

“F-fuck…” he said as he felt your tongue swirl around his tip before sinking your mouth over him slowly, tongue flat against his shaft, softly moaning. 

You slowly bobbed your head up and down his shaft, taking more of him every time you went down.

He grunted and smirked, “Oh fuck, you’re takin’ me so good.” 

You moaned softly and pulled off with a small pop, licking your lips, “Mmm you taste so good baby…” You dragged your tongue up his shaft slowly, eliciting goosebumps up his body, “Can’t get enough of you…” you drew your lips back down and then started to suck on his balls softly. 

He gasped and gripped the sheets, cursing under his breath. He shut his eyes and swallowed a groan, making you kiss the soft spot of skin in his groin, “Mmm don’t you dare hold back on makin’ those sounds cowboy…” you stroked him in your palm.

He chuckled and let out a groan, “Fuck…” he hissed and let out a strangled moan, “Want you ‘round me…” he pleaded. 

You thought he meant your mouth so you went back to wrap your mouth around him, taking him deep and slow down your throat, gagging slightly at the size of him stretching your throat out. 

He groaned and his hips involuntarily bucked up, making you cough and moan as he went deep down your throat. 

You pulled off him and had saliva dripping out of your mouth, panting heavily, trying to catch your breath for a second, swallowing before you went to go back on him, starting to bob your head up and down again, this time a little faster. 

Joel grunted in absolute pleasure but shook his head, “Oh fuck... I need you… need you on top of me…” he groaned, jaw dropped and letting out a moan as you went down on him, moaning around his cock. 

You pulled off and smirked, kissing up his thigh, “You want me to ride you?” you asked breathlessly, slowly moving to kiss his stomach and up his chest. 

He smirked and panted softly, moving the sheets off to see you before leaning up on his elbows, looking down at you with those big brown eyes full of lust, “We’re gonna be sleepin’ in the same area as Sarah for the next 4 days… which means I don’t know the next time I’m gon’ feel your pretty pussy wrapped around my cock…” the smirked and looked up as you straddled him, your face hovering over his. 

You hummed and took off your panties, then took your shirt off, eyes bouncing back and forth between his eyes and lips, “I’m sure we can find ways… sneak around…” you started to grind him through your wet folds. 

He panted and grunted, laying back against the pillows, putting his hands on your hips, “Yeah? How would we do that?” he moved your hips at a slower rhythm than what you were, wanting this to last. 

You leaned down and started to kiss his neck sucking it softly, letting out a soft moan as his tip brushed against your clit, “We can always swing a quickie in the shower early in the mornin’ before she wakes…” you reached down between your bodies and lined him up at your entrance. 

“Think you can be quiet enough to do that? We tend to…” he grunted feeling you tease him at your entrance, “...fuck baby… you’re bein’ a tease…” he groaned feeling your lips suck against his pulse point. 

You grinned and kissed up his jaw then hovered your lips over his, “Finish that sentence handsome… we tend to what?” you looked down at his lips. 

He smirked and was lightly panting in anticipation, “We tend to enjoy each other in the shower, be a little louder than usual in there…” he bit his bottom lip, looking at yours, hungrily. 

You smirked, “I can be quiet if need be…” you sat onto his cock, slowly sinking him into your warmth, moaning softly against his lips, “I can be a good girl…”

Joel gripped onto you tightly, grunting as he felt you fully sit onto him before he sat you onto one of his elbows and cupped your jaw, “Yes you can be a good girl…” he said before pulling you down to kiss him deeply a few times before you pulled away by putting your hand on his chest and pushing him to lay down.

You started rocking your hips up and down on him, “Call me that again…” you panted as you softly moaned. 

He smirked up at you and bit his lip before lowly growling, “That’s a good girl, ridin’ my cock like that…” 

Your eyes fluttered shut and you smiled, nodding, leaning back to put your hand on his thigh then began riding him at a faster pace, up and down on him, moaning softly.  

He watched and groaned, seeing your tits bounce and the sight of him going in and out of you, “Fuck... you like that don’t you? Bein’ called a good girl…” he moved his hand up your body slowly before kneading your breast and playing with your nipple, keeping one hand on your waist. 

You gasped at the stimulation and nodded, “F-fuck that feels good…” you sat fully on him, his tip pressed up into your cervix, you swirled your hips, earning a grunt from him.

“Fuck baby, you like me that deep huh? Stretchin’ you out?” he cooed, sliding his other hand from your waist to between your bodies and using his thumb to draw circles into your clit. 

You gasped and bit your lip, “Y-Yes sir…” you cried out softly, suddenly feeling that coil start to wind up tight. 

He growled and he twitched inside of you, “Careful now…” he warned, “Callin’ me sir’s gonna get you in a different position where we’ll for sure wake up Sarah…” 

You opened your eyes and grinned down at him, continuing to circle your hips, “We aren’t road-trippin’ yet are we… sir?” you moaned softly feeling him twitch again inside you. 

His eyes went dark and he sat up quickly and smirked, before leaning forward and laying you on your back. 

He pulled out of you, “On your stomach… now…” he growled. 

You bit your lip and giggled then turned to lay on your stomach, “Yes sir…” 

He smirked and grabbed a pillow from behind him, and put his arm under your torso, pulling your hips up and sliding the pillow under you. Your hips are now slightly elevated, creating the perfect angle for him. 

He laid over you, squaring up behind you, lining up at your entrance, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” he said lowly into your ear.

“Yes… yes please…” you begged. 

He kept himself at your entrance and used his free hand to brush your hair to one side of your body before sucking softly on your earlobe and plunging deep into your warmth.

You gasped and your hips rose up a little into him, gripping the sheets in front of you. 

He grunted and growled lowly into your ear, “Oh that’s it… fuck…”

He started rocking his hips into you, making you breathlessly moan as he whispered into your ear while letting out small grunts or groans,

“That pretty little pussy takes me so well…”

“Don’t cover your mouth. I wanna hear you…” 

“I know you can be louder than that…” 

“Such a good girl takin’ my cock like this…” 

You’d come undone within the first few minutes of him rocking slowly and deeply against that sweet spot. Your legs would quiver under him, becoming weak and melting into the sheets, mumbling how good he feels deep in you. 

He’d eventually start to buck into you faster and harder, putting his hand on your waist and one planted next to you to hold himself up, panting hard and quick, “Fuck baby you feel so tight around my cock…” 

He’d look to where you both were connected and the way your ass would shake as he slammed into you and smirked “Fuck mi vida, tu culo se ve bien rebotando así mientras me follo tu apretado y perfecto coño…” (Your ass looks good bouncing like that while I fuck your tight, perfect pussy…)

You’d arch your ass up a little with what strength you’d have left and try to thrust back into him to give yourself some added stimulation which only made things more sensitive and launched you into euphoria, “F-fuck don’t stop baby…” You pleaded as you moaned into the mattress to muffle yourself. 

Joel gripped onto you and grunted, “F-fuck…” he snapped his hips into you and then groaned as he spilled deep into you, his forehead falling against your back, panting as he stayed still inside you. 

After a few moments of silence, both of you came down from your highs.

He smiled softly and leaned his head up, “You were askin’ where we gotta drive today…” he kissed your shoulder softly, “We’re drivin’ to Albuquerque…” he softly rubbed your hip, kissing your spine, “But we should leave as soon as possible… it’s an 11-hour drive…” he kissed down your spine softly. 

You hummed and smiled feeling his lips, “We should get goin’ then… we already stayed in bed longer than we should of Mr. 5 more minutes…” you teased and turned your head to look at him as he kissed down your body. 

He looked up at you with those big brown eyes of love and adoration and smiled softly, “Touche… soon to be Mrs. 5 more minutes…” he came up and met his lips with yours, kissing you gently. 

After another hour the car was packed, and you guys were on the road towards Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

The first couple hours were spent with Sarah sleeping against the window and you reading a book while Joel listened to the radio softly in the background. 

Around the 5th hour, you put your book down and discussed some activities and stops along the way you all could take with Sarah and Joel needing some type of stimulation as the drive was getting boring. 

Sarah insisted on stopping in Moab, Utah at Arches National Park as well as the Cliff Palace in Mesa Verde National Park in Colorado. You agreed as you thought you could get some really good photos with your new camera and could get some practice taking photos of Sarah and Joel. 

Joel said he had purchased some Boise football tickets as their football field is blue and he’s always wanted to go to one of their games, he also agreed about going to Moab and said that your motel would be less than 45 minutes away from the park, it would be a good thing to do on your way in from Colorado. 

Sarah eventually got bored after the list was made and started going off with ‘eye spy with my little eye’ however there wasn’t much to go off of so you and Joel guessed things pretty easily. 

She pulled out a portable DVD player after 5 rounds ended in less than 10 seconds, frustrated. 

You chuckled and looked at Joel as she put headphones on, “Is this the longest drive we have for this trip?” 

He nodded and took your hand, bringing it to your lips to kiss it gently, “Yeah, I think the longest after this will be 8 hours from Moab to Boise…” 

You nodded and looked out the window, “You wanna switch after our next stop? I don’t mind driving…” you smiled looking back at him. 

He smiled softly and shook his head, “No, I like drivin’... keeps me busy.”

You looked back to make sure Sarah couldn’t hear before you smirked and looked over at him, “I could think of a few things I could do to keep us busy while you drove..." you teased.

Joel chuckled, “As tempting as that might be, we aren’t as sneaky as you think…” he winked at you.

You giggled and smiled at him, “Well for the record, if you need to take a break, let me know.” you kissed his hand and then leaned against the window, watching the road as he drove. 

—

With a few pitstops and several hours later, you drove into a quaint little motel in Albuquerque, NM. 

By the time you got there, it was around 9 pm, all you were doing was sleeping the night there and then leaving tomorrow for your next stop. 

When you all got checked in and into your room, the three of you took turns taking showers as you all felt gross from the drive.

You ordered some pizza for dinner and then you all watched a movie before passing out asleep around 11 pm. 

Around 3 am you woke up sweating, feeling your heart pounding but don’t remember having a nightmare so you just assumed it was due to the room being warmer than you were used to. 

You slowly got out of bed and went to adjust the A/C but seemed to not be working so you bit the inside of your cheek and tried to open a window but nothing was working to cool you off.

You came over and checked on Joel and Sarah, both seemed fine, most likely used to the heat. You leaned down and kissed Sarah’s head, pushing her hair softly out of her face, and then came over to Joel and kissed his head, making him stir but fall right back asleep. 

You took the notepad on the nightstand and wrote, ‘Going to sit by the pool, A/C sucks’, then grabbed a room key, and your book, and left quietly to go sit by the pool. 

You had short shorts on and a t-shirt, so you just walked out barefoot to the pool so you could put your feet in by the edge to cool off. 

You sat there for a few minutes before another younger guy came in, lighting up a cigarette. 

You smiled softly and nodded to be kind and acknowledge him then went back to your book thinking he would just smoke and then leave. 

After a couple of minutes of lingering, he cleared his throat, “Too hot for you too?” 

You looked up, “Pardon?” as you missed part of what he said, head stuck in your book. 

He smiled and started coming closer to you, “I asked if it was too hot in your room for you as well…” 

You chuckled lightly, “Oh, sorry. Yeah, it is.” 

He came and sat a few feet from you, rolling up his pants to put his feet in as well, “Not from the heat?” 

You shook your head and chuckled, “I should be used to it, I live in Texas but was born and raised in Washington.” you shrugged and looked back to your book, hoping he’d get the hint. 

He nodded and took a drag of his cigarette, “Ah I see. What part of Washington?” he let it out, filling the air around you with the thick odor.

You kept your nose in your book, “Oak Harbor.” 

He chuckled and smiled, “Ah, so cold Washington.” 

You nodded and hummed. 

He took another drag and then flicked his cigarette, “Whatcha readin’?” he nodded towards your book. 

You took a breath, “Uh, just a self-help book… nothin’ exciting.” you smiled and then looked back at the pages. 

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek, “I’m Danny…” he stuck his hand out. 

You looked up and said your name, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. 

He chuckled and cleared his throat, looking up at the sky, “Nice night, huh?” 

You bit your tongue to avoid saying something rude, “Yeah, it’s not too bad.” you tried to read the same passage you’ve had to go over now 3 times due to him trying to talk to you. 

He turned and looked at you after a few moments of silence, looking down at your bare thighs that were showing due to the shorts you were wearing, “So, uh, what’s a pretty girl like you doin’ here in Albuquerque?” 

You were about to say something when Joel came in through the gate and cleared his throat, hearing him hitting on you, “There ya are, mi vida…” making his southern drawl really evident. 

Danny looked at Joel and then you, confused by the name, “Mi vida?” 

You smiled immediately hearing his voice and blushed, “My life.” You looked at Joel and then Danny.

Joel walked over confidently, “It’s Spanish, somethin’ of a term of endearment that I call my fiancé…” he came and sat by you, sitting purposely between you and Danny, offering his hand to him, “Joel… and you are?” 

Danny swallowed and smiled somewhat nervously, “Danny…” he took Joel’s hand to shake. 

Joel clenched his jaw and nodded, gripping onto his hand quite firmly, attempting to send a message, “Pleasure to meet ya…”

He nodded, pulling his hand away, and then slowly rose to his feet, “Well I think I hear my buddy callin' for me..." it was silent, "But it was nice meeting you both." he nodded his head towards you both.

Joel nodded and chuckled lightly, “Nice to meet ya… Dan was it?” he smirked knowing he was making him uncomfortable. 

Danny chuckled and nodded frantically, “Sure… yeah. Well have a good night.” he gathered his shoes and quickly made it out walking towards his room.

You chuckled looking at your book, starting to finally read again now that you felt safe, “You’re horrible, Miller…” 

Joel chuckled and turned towards you, leaning down to kiss your temple then cheek, humming, “Just making sure he knew what’s mine and who I was, that’s all…” he smirked seeing you blush. 

You smiled, “Why are you out here? You and Sarah seemed fine when I left…” You kept reading the page you were on but kept some of your attention to Joel.

“I have a hard time sleepin’ without you next to me…” he softly said, looking over his shoulder to make sure Danny left and there wouldn’t be any trouble. 

You hummed and smiled moving the book for a moment to kiss his cheek.

After a moment, he stood and started to take off his shirt and pants, leaving him completely bare aside from his boxers before he walked into the water. 

“Your note said you were too hot…” he swam up to you and floated in front of you, “How about you join me? It’s nice and cool in here…” he kissed your knee softly. 

You looked down at him and smirked, “Are you skinny dippin', Joel Miller, or did you leave boxers on?” you couldn’t tell from the angle you were at. 

He smirked, “I can gladly remove ‘em if it gets you to skinny dip with me darlin’…” 

You chuckled put your book down beside you and smiled down at him, “10 minutes then we're out and dressed in case we get caught…” You bit your lip and blushed. 

He pushed himself up from the edge and captured his lips onto yours, gently kissing you, before pulling back and nodding his head, “Strip.” he commanded. 

You turned a darker shade of red and then got up to put your book on a lounge chair, then stripped and covered your breasts with one arm and groin area with your other hand as you ran to get into the water. 

Joel removed his boxers and set them on the side of the pool then dunked his head under the water completely before slicking his hair back and swimming over to you. 

You stepped into the water and smiled feeling the water wasn’t completely freezing, humming softly “Slightly heated I see…” you dove your head down and begin to swim deeper into the pool. 

Joel nodded and chuckled watching you, seeing where you were going. 

After a few seconds, you popped up in the deeper end, slicking your hair back, softly gasping for air. 

“Did I ever tell you I swam for sport when I was younger?” he smiled. 

You shook your head, “Wait like swimming laps?” 

He nodded and smiled, “Exactly. Was pretty good at it too…” he said before he did as you did and dove down to swim towards you. 

You inhaled to hold a breath then sunk into the water to watch him swim towards you, you waved at him. 

You let out a giggle seeing him wave back and blow a kiss at you underwater before coming to the surface and gasping for air softly then looked down at the water to see him swim up to you and then breach the water in front of you and grin, “Come ‘ere you…” he gently grabbed onto your waist and pulled you close to him. 

You wrapped your legs around his torso and arms around his neck as he held you as you both floated. 

You smiled and played with his hair to slick it back, softly humming then smirking as you looked at him as you played with some curls at the base of his neck, “I seem to remember that the thought of me being wrapped around you in the water made you do some pretty naughty things in a specific boat’s bathroom cowboy…” 

He lightly nibbled on your jawline, growling, “You are correct my love…” his hands wandered between your bodies and he pressed his thumb against your clit, slowly drawing circles, “You wanna help me make my fantasy become reality?” he moved to suck on your neck softly. 

You gasped and let out a moan as you felt his thumb stimulate you, you felt like you melted with how slowly he was building you up, “Why don’t you describe to me what that fantasy was cowboy?” 

He nipped your earlobe with his teeth lightly and groaned, “I wanted to feel every inch of you while you wrapped around me… kissing your sweet lips…”

You moved your head back a little and cupped his cheek, “These sweet lips?” you leaned in slowly and kissed him deeply and slowly, slowly tangling your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to you. 

His hands were everywhere, touching your waist, grabbing the meat of your ass and thighs. They’d carefully trial up your back and sides like he was afraid he might break you if he was too rough, continuing to kiss you passionately and deeply. 

You started to feel him rock your hips as you felt his cock begin to harden up against you. He mumbled against your lips, “Wanna mark you up baby, wanna claim you right here…” he said as he feverishly kissed your lips, slowly moving to you were pressed up against the side of the pool and him. 

He moved his lips to start marking up your neck, sucking small love bites into your skin. 

You moaned softly and ran your fingers through his hair, slicking it back as he did this, grinning, “Danny got under your skin I see…” 

He growled and pulled back a little, “Talkin’ to you when you have a ring on your finger…” he hovered against your lips, moving his hand down to line up his cock at your entrance, “Now that’s downright disrespectful talkin’ to a man’s wife like he was…” he panted and grunted feeling his tip sink into you. 

You gasped and moaned, “Mmm fuck... you mean someone’s fiancé?” you teased. 

He smirked, “When someone’s flirtin’ with you like that, you’re my wife…” he said as he sunk deeper into you and groaned looking into your eyes and watching your reaction. 

Your jaw dropped and you could feel the air start to leave your lungs as he filled you so tightly, nodding, saying with a hoarse whisper, “I’m your wife…” you put your forehead against him and moaned softly. 

“I didn’t get you a dainty small ring for a reason…” he whispered, groaning as he bottomed out, feeling himself completely fill you up, “I got this ring to make a statement…” he started to pump back and forth, slowly, “…to show every other man that you’re mine.” he gripped onto your waist with one hand and cupped his other hand on your cheek, lightly gliding his thumb over your bottom lip as he thrusts up into you, watching your lips part for him. 

You moaned and lightly gripped his hair and shoulder, grinning as you felt his thumb on your lips, leaning forward just a tad, taking his thumb in your warm mouth, sucking on it as you moaned. 

His eyes turned dark and he twitched inside you, making your eyes roll back into your head and pussy tighten around him. 

“Oh fuck baby… that’s hot…” he growled and started thrusting up into you a little faster, holding onto your hip, to keep you as tight down on him as possible, hitting your cervix over and over. 

You tightened your legs around him and moaned louder against his finger, panting quickly feeling yourself about to come undone. 

He moaned and grunted feeling himself close, “Can you cum for my baby? I need you to cum for me…” he pleaded pulling his thumb out of your mouth, “What do you need?” he groaned feeling you tighten around him. 

You panted as you moaned softly, then cupped his cheek, “Kiss me…” you whispered then pulled his lips to yours, kissing his lips deeply and passionately, moving your hips with his as he continued to thrust up into you deeply, needing more friction. 

He put his hands on your hips and panted heavily as his lips crashed over yours, feeling a deep pull in his navel. 

You pulled away from his lips and stalled your hips as you came undone, fluttering around him, tightening your legs around his hips, moaning and leaning your head back against the wall, feeling waves of pleasure crash over you. 

He clenched his jaw and within moments of you tightening around him spilled into you, grunting and panting as he kissed anywhere his lips could touch; neck, jaw, cheeks, he was everywhere.

You chuckled as your head leaned against the wall and panted softly, humming, “I should let more men flirt with me if that’s the side of you I’m gonna get…” you teased.

Joel softly nipped your jaw and moved his hands up your body, groaning softly as he pulled out of you, “Nuh-uh… you’re all mine.” he smirked as he kissed your throat softly, “All mine…” he leaned up and connected your lips with his, kissing you deeply, holding you up against him. 

You two returned to the room without being caught in the pool or Sarah waking up about 15 minutes later. 

In the morning Joel’s alarm went off around 7 am. You all got up with some groaning and moaning, still tired but got showered and ready then left within the hour, grabbing breakfast on the way. 

A little over 6 hours later you ended up in Mesa Verde National Park, driving to Cliff Palace. Sarah finally felt excited about something since driving up to this point was quite boring for her. 

You all went and saw the cliff palace, Sarah took a bunch of photos with her phone, you had your camera out and were taking photos of not only the landmark but taking candid photos of people around you as well as Sarah and Joel. 

Joel found you focused on taking a photo of an older couple holding hands as they watched the landscape together, it was a sweet sight to see, they both saw new things and enjoyed each other’s company. He snapped a photo of his phone of you in your element.

Once you were done outside, Sarah begged to go inside to see the museum they had in a building nearby to which you all three went in and finished within a half hour. 

Sarah got into the truck as you were leaving and leaned forward between the two seats, “How long is it to the next stop?” she asked nervously, not wanting to be in the car longer than she had already been in the last 24 hours. 

Joel looked at her from his mirror and chuckled, “Moab is only a 3-hour drive baby girl… I promise from here on it shouldn’t be so boring.” 

She smiled and nodded then pulled out the DVD player, putting on a movie for herself. 

You pulled out your camera and started looking through the photos you had taken, mentally marking which ones you may want to edit when you got to the hotel before you fell asleep against the window, feeling the sun warming you up as he drove for the last couple hours. 

—

Almost 2 hours later Joel leaned over and kissed your cheek, “Hey, we’re here…” You opened your eyes to see you were starting to drive through Arches National Park after he paid a park ranger for entrance.  

You sat up and smiled, eyes wide at its beauty, “Holy shit…” you rolled down the window and grabbed your camera, starting to snap photos of things as you drove by. 

Sarah rolled down the window and looked at Joel, “Can I stick my head out a little?” 

Joel looked back and saw there wasn’t any traffic behind them, “Yes but be careful…” he chuckled. 

She stuck her head out and you turned and took photos of her laughing, and smiling, the red rock in the background.

You giggled and then turned in your seat and took photos of Joel, “Give me a smile, cowboy…” you smiled at him.

Joel looked at you and smiled as you took a few shots before putting his eyes back onto the road, putting his hand on your thigh, feeling utterly happy in this moment with the two most important people in his life.

You looked ahead and saw you were heading into a tunnel, you giggled and looked at Joel, “Roll down your window baby…” he looked at you a little confused, and you nodded, smiling encouragingly. 

He rolled it down then you stuck your head out of the window as you entered the tunnel and yelled, “Woohoo!” letting it echo down the tunnel. 

Sarah realized what you did and yelled as well and giggled.

Joel let out a loud whistle and shouted as well before chuckling to himself at how ridiculous this all could have sounded to the people in front of you.

The echo was filled with sounds of you and your family’s utter pure joy.

To you, this was the best sound in the world.

Previous chapter - Next chapter

a/n: this will be a three-part chapter i think instead of two, there are certain elements I want in the next chapter/part of this trip but don’t want to over wash it so just warning ya’ll there may be an extra chapter

taglist:  @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen @pedritosgirl2000 @fancyyoouu @greendudenumber7

[luvashli]

ESCAPISM PART 3

SYNOPSIS -> You left to find yourself—now they’re the ones chasing. Changed and desperate, Heeseung and Ni-ki want you back, but this time, you make the rules.

PAIRING -> non!idol!ni-ki x fem!reader x non!idol!heeseung

GENRE -> oneshot, smut, romance, drama, love triangle, mature

WARNING -> SMUT (p in v), threesome, unprotected sex, spit, dom!reader, sub!ni-ki, sub!heeseung, powerplay, oral (f), oral (m)…

STARTED -> 2/15/2025

STATUS -> completed

WC -> 11.5k

Note: Not only is this the longest chapter/ story i have ever written but it’s also the very first full smut I’ve ever written, let me know what you think… :)

click here for part 1 & part 2

Masterlist

Change isn’t easy.

Heeseung learns this the hard way, sitting in the sterile office of his therapist, hands clenched into fists on his lap. The clock on the wall ticks endlessly, the air heavy with words he doesn’t know how to say.

“How have you been sleeping?” Dr. Jeon asks, voice gentle, as if she already knows the answer.

Heeseung huffs a humorless laugh, leaning back into the leather couch. “Does it count as sleeping if you wake up every hour?”

Dr. Jeon doesn’t react, simply jotting something down in her notebook. Heeseung wonders what she writes about him. Insomniac. Self-sabotaging. Emotionally stunted.

He already knows all that.

He runs a hand down his face, sighing. “It’s been… quiet,” he admits.

She hums. “Quiet, or lonely?”

His throat tightens.

Lonely. So lonely.

Heeseung doesn’t say it, but she sees through him anyway. He hates how easy he is to read here, in this room, under her knowing gaze. It’s nothing like before, when he could brush things off, pretend he wasn’t falling apart.

Before, there was Y/N.

Before, he had her warmth beside him at night. The sound of her voice filling his apartment, the way she’d roll her eyes at his bad jokes but still laugh anyway.

Before, he was so sure she’d never leave.

And now?

Now, he sits alone in his too-big bed, staring at his ceiling, wondering if she’s sleeping better than him. If she ever thinks about him at all. If she knows how hard he’s trying to be better.

Dr. Jeon‘s voice breaks through his thoughts. “Tell me about her.”

Heeseung swallows.

Where does he even begin?

“She was…” He hesitates, staring at the floor. “She was everything.”

The words taste like regret.

Dr. Jeon waits, watching him closely. Heeseung shifts under her gaze, fingers twitching. “I don’t think I realized how much she meant to me until she was gone.”

Dr. Jeon tilts her head. “And now?”

Now, she’s still everything.

Now, he’s trying to fix himself, but it might be too late.

Now, he can’t stop picturing the way she looked at him the last time they spoke—like he was a stranger.

“I just…” His voice cracks. He rubs at his face. “I don’t want to be the man I was before.”

It’s the closest he’ll ever get to saying I want to be the man she deserves.

Dr. Jeon offers a small nod. “That’s a good place to start.”

But even as Heeseung leaves the session, stepping into the cold evening air, he knows the truth.

But what does it matter if Y/N isn’t here to see it?

No amount of therapy will bring Y/N back if she doesn’t want him anymore.

She’s everywhere and nowhere all at once. In the faint memory of her laugh, in the spaces between his fingers where hers used to fit, in the ache in his chest whenever he reaches for his phone and stops himself from dialing her number.

He wants to tell her.

Wants to prove he’s changed.

Wants to beg for another chance.

But Y/N doesn’t owe him anything.

So he suffers in silence.

---

Ni-ki hates the silence.

Before, his nights were loud—filled with music, laughter, the sound of strangers whispering his name. Distractions. Easy. Thoughtless.

Now?

Now, the quiet is suffocating.

He stares at his phone, scrolling past old messages, old habits, old mistakes. His contact list is filled with names of people he barely remembers—numbers he could dial if he wanted company, if he wanted a warm body beside him.

But he doesn’t. Not anymore.

The hookups stopped after Y/N.

No more hookups, no more meaningless distractions. Just empty nights and a realization that nothing feels right anymore.

Not because she asked him to, not because there was ever a promise between them. But because after her, everything else felt pointless.

At first, he told himself he was fine. That Y/N was just another girl, that what they had was just fun. But then he’d see her in his mind—really see her—laughing, teasing, her lips swollen from his kisses, her body pressed against his.

And suddenly, it wasn’t fun anymore.

She wasn’t just another girl.

And now, it’s too late.

She wasn’t like the others.

She was a slow burn, a fire that built up over time, turning his skin feverish and his mind reckless. She made him feel.

And now, she’s gone.

Ni-ki grips his phone tighter, fighting the urge to text her. He won’t. He can’t. She made her choice, and he has to live with it.

Instead, he shoves his hands into his pockets and walks. Nowhere in particular, just away. From his empty apartment, from the ache in his chest, from the memories he can’t erase.

Maybe if he keeps walking, he’ll stop feeling like a ghost of himself.

Maybe one day, the silence won’t hurt so much.

---

The next few weeks of your life felt like a quiet but powerful rebirth. You woke up every morning with the sunrise, the soft glow of sunlight seeping through the curtains of your newly decorated apartment. It was small, yet cozy, and every item in it was carefully chosen, each piece a reminder of your growth, your independence. Your fingers ran over the warm mug of coffee in your hands, and you smiled softly to yourself as you sipped it, watching the world outside your window.

Your routine had become second nature to you now. You went to the gym every morning, pushing herself harder than ever, feeling the strength of your own body grow with every rep. Your mind, too, was growing. You had learned to embrace the quiet, the solitude, the feeling of your own company without the noise of your past relationships clouding your thoughts. You felt good. And, for the first time in a long time, you felt truly free.

As much as you had learned to embrace your independence, there was still a small part of you that couldn’t quite shake the ache left by Heeseung and Ni-ki. You had moved on, sure, but you couldn’t deny the fact that they were still in the back of your mind, lingering in the corners of your thoughts like an unfinished chapter. But you refused to let that stop you. You were thriving, you she knew that even though they might always be a part of you, they would never define you again.

Today, as you walked through the door of your favorite café, you felt the warmth of familiarity wrap around you like a comfort blanket. You greeted the barista with a smile before sitting at your usual spot by the window. The place was bustling with the hum of quiet chatter, the clinking of coffee cups, and the soft background music. You pulled out your laptop, opening it to get some work done. It was the kind of life you had always wanted – peaceful, centered, and full of small moments that felt meaningful.

You didn’t let yourself linger too long on thoughts of the past. Your focus was on the present. You had a new project in the works, one you were excited about, something that would push your creative boundaries. The glow of productivity filled you, and you quickly immersed yourself in the work. Time flew by without noticing, and soon the afternoon sun was dipping low in the sky.

As the evening approached, you received a text from one of your friends. They had been planning a party at a trendy downtown club for the past few days, and it was finally happening tonight.

“Tonight’s the night, Y/N! Come out and celebrate with us!” the message read. “You need a night out!”

You hesitated for a moment. You hadn’t been out in a while, not like this. But something about the invitation felt right. You deserved a night of fun, of letting loose. The truth was, you was excited. It had been too long since you had felt the heat of a crowded dance floor, the rush of music pulsing through your veins. The last few months had been full of healing and self-reflection, but now, it was time to feel something different—something wild.

So you quickly texted back, “I’m in.”

---

Standing in front of your closet, a deep sigh escaping your lips as you examined the options. The room around was filled with the quiet hum of anticipation. It had been a while since you’d put this much thought into what to wear, but tonight felt different. Tonight wasn’t just another party—it was a step forward, a declaration of how far you’d come.

Your fingers traced over the fabric of a tight black dress, one that accentuated every curve, its simple elegance radiating confidence. Almost feeling the eyes of everyone in the room on you already—on your body, on your energy. You smirked at the reflection. The girl staring back at you wasn’t the same as the one from months ago. This version of yourself was fierce. Self-assured. Powerful. And tonight, she was going to own the room.

The sound of a phone vibrating on the nightstand interrupted your thoughts. After picking it up, another friend’s name lighting up the screen.

“Y/N! You coming to the party tonight or what?” the message read.

You smiled, tapping your fingers across the screen replying, “Yeah, I’m in.”

Still not entirely sure what awaited you at the party. But one thing was for sure—this time, you were in control.

Turning back to finish getting ready, you thought of the two people who would also be at the party, though you had no idea how close they were to each other now. But there was something about tonight, something about being free from the past, that made you curious.

But tonight wasn’t about them, not yet. Tonight was about you reclaiming your own space, enjoying yourself without apologies.

After applying the final touches of makeup, a bold lipstick that matched your mood, and smirking at your reflection one last time, you left your apartment.

Tonight would be yours.

---

The music blasted through the speakers as you stepped into the club, your heels clicking against the marble floor with every confident stride you took. The strobe lights flickered overhead, casting brief, electric shadows that seemed to make the entire room pause for a split second. Your presence was undeniable. Every eye in the club was drawn to you as though the very air shifted when you entered.

You were wearing a tight, black dress that clung to your body in all the right ways. It hugged your waist and flared slightly at the hips, the fabric smooth against your skin, barely concealing the curves of your body. The neckline of the dress dipped low, teasing without revealing too much, just enough to catch the eye. The fabric shimmered under the club lights, drawing attention to your toned figure—your legs, long and smooth, the curve of your hips, the softness of your waist, the way your body seemed to sway with an effortless sensuality as you walked.

Your hair cascaded down in soft waves, the deep, rich color contrasting against your glowing skin. Your eyes, framed with a subtle but striking makeup, scanned the room with the confidence of someone who knew exactly what effect they had. Your lips, painted a bold shade of red, were just daring enough to leave others wondering if they were meant to be kissed.

You weren’t just walking into the club; you were owning it. You moved through the crowd like you were meant to be the center of attention, every man and woman turning their heads as you passed. The whispers and glances followed you, some too obvious to ignore, others hidden behind the shadows of the dance floor.

At the bar, Heeseung and Ni-ki stood side by side, both men caught in the same unexpected moment. They had no idea how to react. It had been months since they’d last seen you, and the sight of you now—this stunning version of yourself, so much more powerful and confident than before—stopped them in their tracks.

Heeseung’s gaze flickered first, his lips parting slightly as his breath caught. He knew he shouldn’t be staring—shouldn’t be thinking the thoughts that were now running wild in his mind. But he couldn’t help it. The woman in front of him wasn’t the girl who had once been caught up in the whirlwind of their toxic relationship. This version of you was something else entirely. You weren’t just beautiful—you were untouchable, exuding a kind of raw, magnetic energy that made his chest tighten. His fingers itched to reach out, to pull you into his arms, but he held himself back. Out of respect. He knew better than to make a move now.

Ni-ki, standing just a few feet away, was in a similar state of disbelief. His thoughts ran wild as he watched you walk across the club, your body moving in a way that left his mouth dry. Damn. The memory of your one-night-stand was still fresh in his mind, but seeing you now, so confident, so poised, made his chest tighten in a different way. You were everything. His eyes followed every inch of you as you made your way to the dance floor, the sway of your hips sending jolts of desire through his body. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling this way—especially with Heeseung so close—but he couldn’t stop himself.

The men exchanged a glance, the unspoken tension between them thick enough to cut through the air. Neither of them said anything, but both knew—tonight wasn’t going to be easy.

You, for your part, weren’t oblivious to the heat of their gazes. You felt the weight of their attention, but it only added to your sense of power. You were the one in control now, and it felt damn good.

You turned your head slightly, your eyes locking with Heeseung’s for just a moment, then flicking to Ni-ki. The subtle shift in your gaze made both men stiffen, a pang of recognition hitting them hard in their chests. Neither one moved closer, though; they both understood the unspoken rule of the night—they would respect your space. But that didn’t stop the fire in their veins, the growing hunger that neither could quench.

You continued your stride, your hips swaying hypnotically, a smirk tugging at the corner of your lips as you made your way deeper into the club. The scene was set—you were here, in control, and they were just two players in the game.

---

You were lost in the music, your body swaying to the beat, when a man approached you. His presence was immediate, confident, and his smile was charming. His eyes scanned you from head to toe with a look that could only be described as appreciative, as if he had found exactly what he was looking for.

“Hey,” he said, his voice low and smooth, “I’ve been watching you all night, and I have to say, you’ve got some serious energy. How about we dance?”

You paused for a moment, taking in his appearance—a tall, broad-shouldered man with a well-tailored shirt that hugged his frame. He looked good, no doubt. For a brief second, you considered the offer, but the beat of the music pulled you back into the moment. Why not? you thought. You could have some fun.

Without hesitation, you flashed him a smile. “Sure,” you said, your tone playful.

He grinned, stepping closer, guiding you onto the dance floor as the music pulsed through the club. The man’s hands settled on your waist, and you could feel the heat from his body as you moved together. His rhythm was decent, but nothing you hadn’t seen before. You danced with confidence, your body moving freely, but there was a part of you that remained detached.

You glanced back at Heeseung and Ni-ki, catching both of their gazes once more. The jealousy in their eyes was unmistakable, but it was different now. There was no possessiveness, no anger—only a quiet understanding, a reluctance to claim what wasn’t theirs to hold. They weren’t rushing over to make their move. They weren’t jumping to dictate what you could or couldn’t do.

That was new. The realization hit you like a slow wave. Both of them had changed. Not just in the way they looked at you, but in the way they seemed to respect your space. It was as if, for the first time, they understood that you weren’t someone to be fought over, but someone to be valued. Someone to be given the freedom to make your own decisions. And even though you felt their presence, you could breathe easier knowing they weren’t going to push you.

You swallowed, a small, appreciative smile crossing your lips. You didn’t need anyone’s validation. You were the one in control now, but the shift in the men—the way they had grown—didn’t go unnoticed. It made you think. Maybe there was hope for them, but only if you were ready to make the call. Only if they kept proving that they weren’t the same boys who had hurt you before.

As the minutes passed, the attraction you had briefly felt started to fade. His touch, while not unwelcome, didn’t stir anything deep within you. The music was still loud, and you could feel the energy around you, but all you could focus on was how much you felt the weight of Heeseung and Ni-ki’s gazes from across the room.

You glanced over your shoulder, locking eyes with Ni-ki first. His expression was unreadable, his gaze steady, but something in his eyes flickered—a brief hint of something you couldn’t quite place. Then your eyes found Heeseung. He stood with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched, watching you with an intensity that made your stomach flip. His eyes weren’t angry, though. They were… questioning.

The weight of their attention pulled at you, but the man’s hand on your waist brought you back to reality. You looked at him, realizing you weren’t interested—not in the way he wanted.

The dance was nice, but it was hollow. Your heart wasn’t in it.

After a few more moments of forced movement, you finally pulled back, a soft smile tugging at your lips. “Hey, I’m going to take a break,” you said, your voice casual, though your insides churned. “Thanks for the dance, though.”

The man raised an eyebrow, surprised, but offered a smooth nod. “Of course,” he said with a grin. “Enjoy yourself.”

You gave him a polite nod and walked away, stepping off the dance floor with a sense of relief. You didn’t look back at him, but the moment you turned your gaze back to where Heeseung and Ni-ki were standing, you caught them watching you. Neither of them moved, but their eyes met yours again, and the tension between them was palpable.

You paused for a moment, feeling the weight of their unspoken words hanging in the air. But this time, you didn’t feel trapped. You didn’t feel like you owed anyone anything, not the man, not Heeseung, and certainly not Ni-ki.

You walked toward the bar, shaking off the remnants of the dance. This was your night. You didn’t need to please anyone, not even yourself. Tonight, you were free to be exactly who you wanted to be.

---

You sat at the bar, your fingers grazing the rim of your glass as you let the cool liquid settle in front of you. The faint hum of music echoed throughout the club, but it was the low murmur of conversation around you that pulled your focus inwards. You were more aware than ever of the gaze that lingered on you from across the room. Heeseung and Ni-ki. The tension between them, the heat in their eyes, was unmistakable.

You could feel their stares on you, even as you kept your gaze fixed downward, swirling the drink in your hand. You weren’t foolish enough to ignore the pull you felt towards them—towards both of them. The problem now was how much you’d changed. How much you had grown. You’d spent months finding yourself, growing into the confident person you now were. The person who didn’t need to be defined by anyone else’s affection, not even by two men you once thought could hold you together.

But still, the pull of desire was there, a fire simmering under your skin as you remembered the passion, the tension, the way your body responded to their touch. A quick glance up from the drink confirmed what you already knew. They were still watching. It was like they couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop themselves from admiring the person you had become.

Your heart twisted at the thought. No more manipulation. No more games. This wasn’t the same dynamic anymore. They had changed—both of them. And so had you. But even though you knew what was best for you, it didn’t stop the temptation to feel wanted, to see them both fall apart for you. They were desperate. They were *whiny*—needing you, craving you in a way that sent warmth curling through your stomach.

And damn, did you love the control it gave you.

The music thudded louder in your ears as you took another slow sip of your drink. The temptation to look over, to meet their gazes, to see if they were still waiting for a signal from you, was almost unbearable. But you held back. You weren’t going to make this easy. Not for them.

Your fingers curled around the glass, tightening, before you finally gave in—just a little. You took a deep breath and raised your eyes.

They were still watching, their eyes locked onto you as if their very existence depended on it. Heeseung, a bit more reserved, but his gaze was hungry, desperate. Ni-ki, the younger one, a little more brazen, his expression full of longing, his hands twitching as if he wanted to reach out but was holding himself back. And as your eyes met theirs, you could almost feel the weight of their desire pressing against you, like a magnetic pull that refused to be ignored.

You stared at them for a beat longer than necessary. Your lips curved up into a small, knowing smile, just enough to tease.

Then, without breaking eye contact, you slowly raised your hand and pointed directly at them.

Both men froze. Their eyes widened. They exchanged a brief, almost imperceptible look between each other, but neither of them moved—not until they saw the slight smirk tugging at the corners of your lips.

That was it. That was all it took. Your simple gesture, your subtle command, had shattered whatever control they thought they had left.

And in that instant, both men broke.

Heeseung stood, his body tense, his breath shallow. He took a step toward you, then another, and another, the space between you closing rapidly. Ni-ki was right behind him, just as desperate, just as hungry.

They rushed toward you with a desperation that both thrilled and overwhelmed you. You watched them, your heart pounding as you felt the heat rise in your chest. You didn’t have to say anything. They had already learned what it meant to follow your lead.

The goosebumps along your skin prickled as they reached you, standing on either side, so close now you could feel the tension in the air between them. It was suffocating in the best way. Your power, your control over the situation, was undeniable.

For a moment, no one moved. The space between you was charged, humming with need, with desperation. They were waiting for you, as if they couldn’t take another breath without you giving them permission.

And that was when it hit you—how far they had both fallen, how much they had changed for you. The men you once thought had nothing to offer you were now completely at your mercy, and it felt good. So good.

This was what you had earned. This was your moment. You weren’t going to let them control you anymore.

Not now.

Not ever.

But you could let them want you. You could make them beg. And, oh, how you loved the idea of that.

You tilted your head slightly, your gaze shifting between them as a slow, deliberate smile spread across your lips. “You both know why you’re here,” you murmured, your voice low, almost taunting.

Heeseung’s chest rose and fell with every breath, his expression tense as if he were holding himself back from doing something he didn’t quite know he should. Ni-ki’s lips parted, and his eyes glittered with something darker, a rawness you hadn’t seen in him before.

Neither man spoke, but their eyes told you everything. They were both waiting. Waiting for you to take control. Waiting for you to make the first move.

And so, you did.

The bass reverberates through the floor as you rise from your seat without a word. You don’t need to say anything— you know they’re watching, know their bodies are already wound tight with anticipation. Your hips sway naturally, deliberately, as you step onto the dancefloor. The air is thick, pulsing with heat and music, but the real tension lies in the space between you and the two men who, despite their best efforts, can’t resist your pull.

Ni-ki and Heeseung share a glance, a fleeting second where restraint crumbles between them. Then, like moths to a flame, they follow.

The crowd parts subtly as you move, eyes catching onto the effortless way your body moves with the music.

The moment you step onto the dancefloor, you can feel the weight of their eyes on you. The bass pulses beneath your feet, the air thick with the scent of sweat, liquor, and electricity. Around you, bodies move in chaotic waves, but you command a different kind of rhythm—one that is slow, deliberate, intoxicating.

You don’t look back to see if they followed. You don’t need to. You know they have.

And then, just as you expected, they’re there.

When you finally slow, positioning yourself in the center of the dance floor, you feel them step into place behind you—one on each side, caging you in without a single touch.

Heeseung’s warmth spreads over your back first, his hands grazing your waist, hesitant at first, but that hesitation crumbles the second you roll your hips back against him. His grip tightens instantly, fingers pressing into the fabric of your dress. He exhales sharply against your ear, the heat of it making you shiver.

Ni-ki doesn’t hesitate at all. He steps in front of you, so close their chests nearly touch, his gaze flickering between your lips and your eyes. “You have no idea what you’re doing to us,” he murmurs, low and breathless.

You smirk, tilting your head slightly. “Oh, I think I do.”

And then you move.

Your body melts into Heeseung’s as you grind against him, slow and teasing. You feel the sharp inhale he takes, the way his grip turns bruising as he tries to control himself. But you don’t let up, rolling your hips deeper, pressing harder.

“Fuck,” Heeseung groans, his fingers digging into your hips as he leans down, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “You’re gonna kill me.”

Ni-ki watches, his jaw clenched, eyes dark as he takes in the sight of your body moving against Heeseung’s. But he doesn’t stay idle for long. His hands slide over your arms before trailing lower, ghosting over your waist before settling firmly on your hips, sandwiching you between them.

“You think you can just do whatever you want, don’t you?” Ni-ki murmurs, voice thick with heat. His lips are dangerously close to yours now.

You tilt your head, lips parting slightly. “I know I can.”

Ni-ki chuckles, low and dark, before leaning in—his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck. The featherlight touch sends a shiver down your spine, your breath hitching as he presses a lingering kiss there.

Heeseung’s hands shift, one splaying over your stomach, pressing you further against him. His lips graze your ear again, his voice raspier now. “You love this, don’t you? Having both of us like this?“

You hum, tilting your head to the side to give Ni-ki better access to your neck. “Maybe.”

Ni-ki nips at your skin in response, making you gasp. Heeseung, not to be outdone, tightens his hold and grinds against you, letting you feel just how much you’re affecting him.

The music swells around you, drowning out everything else. They switch positions fluidly—Ni-ki sliding behind you now, his hands wandering, his breath hot against the back of your neck. Heeseung in front of you, his eyes locked onto yours, a challenge in them.

Ni-ki’s lips twitch into a smirk, his hands finding your hips as you both fall back into rhythm, moving together like you’ve done this a hundred times before.

You let your head tilt back against Ni-ki's shoulder, reveling in the feeling of their hands, their heat, their absolute desperation for you.

You’re completely in control. And they both know it.

You let them move with you, the three of you falling into a sensual, intoxicating rhythm. Your bodies press, shift, mold together, moving as one. Heat coils at the base of your spine as hands wander—touching, teasing, claiming.

People are watching. You can feel their gazes, some intrigued, others scandalized, but you don’t care. Let them look. Let them see what it means to be wanted.

Heeseung’s fingers trail up your side, featherlight yet possessive. Ni-ki’s hands tighten, anchoring you between them.

And you?

You smile, loving the newfound feeling of power.

The heat between you and them is unbearable now. Every grind, every whispered breath against flushed skin, every lingering touch has pushed them to the very edge of restraint. Both bulges in their pants undeniable by now, growing with each passing second. The music, the flashing lights, the crowd around you—it all fades into nothing.

You know they’re waiting for you. You can feel it in the way Heeseung’s grip flexes on your waist, in the way Ni-ki’s fingers hesitate against your skin as if fighting every instinct to just take you right here.

But they don’t.

Because they’ve changed.

Because they won’t let this happen unless they know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it’s what you want.

Ni-ki leans in first, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. “Y/N,” he murmurs, voice strained, “tell us now if you want to stop.“

Heeseung, on the other side of you, breathes just as heavily. “We won’t take another step if you don’t want this.”

You pull back slightly, meeting both of their eyes. Their restraint is obvious—the tight clench of Heeseung’s jaw, the way Ni-ki’s fingers flex like he’s trying to stop himself from pulling you closer.

They’re waiting on you.

You smirk, tilting your head. “Then keep up,” you purr, before slipping out of their hold and striding toward the exit.

The second you step outside, you don’t have to turn to know they’re following.

---

The door to Heeseung’s apartment barely clicks open before Ni-ki pushes forward, his hand firm on your waist as he guides you inside, your bodies colliding in a heated frenzy. His lips crash onto yours without hesitation, kissing you like he’s been starving for you all night. You don’t even have time to catch your breath before you’re melting into him, fingers threading through his hair as he deepens the kiss, tilting his head to claim you fully.

Heeseung steps inside after you, shutting the door with a quiet click. He should feel jealous—maybe even furious—but instead, he feels something entirely different. Something dark and electric curling in his stomach as he watches Ni-ki devour you, as he watches you let him.

You gasp against Ni-ki’s mouth when his hands slide down your sides, gripping the curve of your hips to pull you impossibly closer. Heeseung swallows, his throat dry as he leans against the door, his fingers twitching at his sides. He shouldn’t like this. But he does. God, he does.

Your dress rides up slightly as Ni-ki presses you against the cool wall, his lips trailing from your mouth down to the line of your jaw. You tilt your head back, eyes fluttering closed, giving in to the feeling of Ni-ki’s lips ghosting down your throat. A quiet, breathy sigh leaves your lips, and Heeseung clenches his jaw.

You suddenly peek at him through lidded eyes, a knowing smirk playing on your lips. “Enjoying the view?” you tease, your voice sultry and dripping with amusement.

Heeseung exhales sharply, pushing off the door. He steps forward, slow, deliberate, and when he meets Ni-ki’s gaze over your shoulder, there’s no rivalry—only understanding. Only shared desire.

And Heeseung finally realizes: He doesn’t mind sharing, not when it’s you.

Just as Ni-ki’s lips start trailing lower, you place a firm hand on his chest and push him back. He stumbles slightly, brows knitting together in confusion as he looks at you. Heeseung watches too, standing still, his breath caught in his throat as you straighten yourself up.

“Alright,” you say, smoothing down your dress with slow, deliberate movements, your confidence dripping into every word. “Before we take another step, let’s get one thing clear—I’m in charge tonight.“

Ni-ki’s lips part slightly, still catching his breath from the way he’d had you against the wall just moments ago. Heeseung, on the other hand, simply nods, his gaze locked onto yours like he’s ready to follow every single command you give.

You step forward, your heels clicking softly against the floor as you let your eyes scan over both of them, making sure they understand. You tilt your head. “No touching unless I say so.”

Ni-ki exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair as if trying to compose himself, while Heeseung just bites his lower lip, nodding again, more eagerly this time.

“And no getting jealous.” Your eyes flicker between them, watching as they both exchange a look before quickly nodding again.

Your lips curve into a small, satisfied smile. “Good boys.”

Heeseung audibly exhales, his entire body going tense. Ni-ki, usually the cocky one, swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he fights the urge to reach for you again.

But you aren’t done.

You turn to Heeseung now, stepping into his space, and he immediately straightens up, eyes wide and expectant. You place a hand on his chest, feeling the way his heartbeat pounds against your palm, and you lean in, pressing a soft, fleeting kiss to his lips.

It’s barely a second—just a taste, just a tease—but when you pull back, Heeseung makes the smallest sound.

A whimper.

You feel it in your stomach, the power you have over them both. Heeseung’s eyes are heavy-lidded, his breath shaky, his hands twitching at his sides as if he’s physically restraining himself from reaching for you.

“More,” he murmurs, almost pleading.

You just smirk. “Only if you behave.”

And Heeseung, desperate, nods without hesitation.

You step back slightly, arms crossing over your chest as you eye the two men in front of you. Heeseung’s lips are parted, his breath uneven, while Ni-ki rolls his shoulders back, like he’s trying to keep himself together. But you can see the way they’re both holding back—the tension in their muscles, the way their fingers twitch at their sides, desperate to reach for you.

You let the silence stretch between them, reveling in the power shift, before finally tilting your head. “If you want to touch me…” You trail off, tapping a manicured nail against your chin. “Then you should earn it.”

Ni-ki lifts a brow. “Earn it?”

You smirk. “Get on your knees.”

For a second, neither of them moves. Not out of defiance—but because they’re both stunned.

“You’re joking,” Heeseung finally says, voice a little breathless.

You raise a brow. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

There’s a pause. A heavy, suffocating moment of tension.

And then—Ni-ki moves first.

He drops to his knees without hesitation, his dark eyes locked onto yours. A muscle in his jaw twitches, his usual confidence faltering under the intensity of your gaze. But he doesn’t care. He wants this—wants you.

Heeseung follows a beat later, exhaling sharply through his nose as he lowers himself. He swallows, looking up at you with wide, needy eyes, his fingers curling into fists against his thighs.

You let out a small hum of approval, stepping closer so that they’re kneeling right in front of you, looking up like you’re something to be worshipped.

Ni-ki exhales, licking his lips. “Let me touch you.” His voice is hoarse, lower than usual.

You tilt your head. “That’s not begging, Ni-ki.”

He groans, his hands twitching at his sides. “Please, Y/N,” he murmurs, the rasp in his voice making your stomach tighten. “I need to feel you.”

Heeseung shifts slightly, his lips parting. “Me too,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “Please.”

You press your lips together, pretending to consider it. You can feel the heat radiating off them, the way they’re barely keeping it together. You reach out, brushing your fingers through Heeseung’s dark hair, making him shudder at the touch.

“You can do better than that,” you muse.

Heeseung’s breath stutters, and then he lets out a soft, desperate whine. “Y/N,” he whispers, shifting on his knees. “Please. Please let me touch you. I’ll be good—I swear.“

Ni-ki exhales sharply, his hands gripping his own thighs like he’s holding himself back from just yanking you forward. “Please, princess,” he murmurs, his voice husky. “I’ll do anything.”

You grin now, reveling in the way they’re completely at your mercy. “Anything?”

They both nod—Ni-ki’s breath ragged, Heeseung’s lips trembling.

You let the moment stretch, making them squirm. Then, finally—you exhale and step back.

“Good boys.”

And just like that, you see them both nearly break.

You watch them—still on their knees, eyes blown wide, hands twitching like they’re holding back everything inside them just for you.

You hum, dragging your fingers along Ni-ki’s jaw, then trailing them over Heeseung’s cheek. They both lean into your touch instantly, like it’s the only thing keeping them sane.

“Since you were both so good for me,” you muse, “I’ll let you touch me now.”

Their sharp inhales fill the space between them, but before they can get ahead of themselves, you lift a single finger.

“But only how I say.”

They nod instantly.

You tilt your head. “Carry me to the bed.”

For a moment, they hesitate—not because they don’t want to, but because they both move at the same time, hands bumping into each other as they reach for you. There’s a flicker of something between them—silent, understanding, but also competitive.

Then Ni-ki moves first, wrapping an arm under your legs while Heeseung supports your back, and together, they lift you effortlessly. You let your head fall back slightly, allowing yourself to revel in the way their strong arms hold you—secure, reverent, desperate.

They carry you to the bed as if you’re something precious, something delicate. But you are anything but delicate.

As soon as you’re placed on the soft sheets, you straighten, looking between them. They’re standing now, both looming over you, waiting—hanging onto your every move.

You smirk, running a slow hand up your thigh, watching the way their gazes follow it like magnets.

“Take off my dress,” you order. “And my shoes. But nothing else.”

A sharp breath from Heeseung. Ni-ki’s jaw clenches.

But they obey.

Ni-ki moves first, fingers reaching for the straps of your dress, sliding them down your shoulders with agonizing slowness. His fingertips ghost over your skin, and you don’t miss the way his breath shudders.

Heeseung’s hands trail down your legs, working on unstrapping your heels, knuckles brushing against your skin as he slides them off, one by one. His fingers are warm, careful—almost worshipping.

The dress pools at your waist now, and Ni-ki glances up at you for permission before sliding it further down. You give a small nod, and he exhales, dragging the fabric over your hips, down your thighs, until it’s nothing but a heap on the floor.

Now, you sit before them—legs crossed, clad only in lace and confidence.

You see it—the way they both freeze, eyes dark and heavy, drinking you in like you’re their last salvation.

You shift slightly, watching their gazes flicker over you.

But before they can move—before they can even think about reaching for you—you raise a finger again.

“That’s enough,” you murmur. “Now… just look.”

A sharp pause.

Ni-ki’s throat bobs. Heeseung’s hands tighten into fists.

And then, they do exactly as they’re told.

They look.

You lean back against the headboard, your legs crossed as you study the two men standing before you. Their chests rise and fall unevenly, their hands twitching at their sides, desperate to reach for you. But you aren’t going to make this easy for them. No, they have to earn it.

“Since you’re both so eager,” you muse, tilting your head, “why don’t you start by showing me how much you really want it?”

Heeseung and Ni-ki exchange a glance, uncertainty flickering in their eyes. The room is thick with tension, the kind that makes the air feel heavier, their skin more sensitive, their breathing more labored.

Your lips curl. “Kiss each other.”

The silence that follows is deafening. Heeseung’s breath hitched, his eyes darting between Ni-ki and you, searching for some kind of confirmation that you’re serious. Ni-ki, on the other hand, lets out a sharp exhale, licking his lips as he studies Heeseung’s reaction. There’s no protest, no outright rejection—just the heavy weight of hesitation settling over them both.

“Or,” you shrug, trailing a slow, teasing finger down the bare skin of your thigh, “you don’t have to. But then, neither of you get to touch me.”

A quiet, unspoken understanding passes between them. It’s a test—a challenge they aren’t willing to fail.

Ni-ki swallows hard, shifting on his feet. Heeseung clenches his jaw.

Then, finally, Heeseung exhales. “Okay.”

Ni-ki nods, as if reassuring himself.

Slowly, Ni-ki reaches out, his fingers curling into the fabric of Heeseung’s shirt. There’s a moment of pause, their breaths mingling in the small space between them. The anticipation alone sends a ripple of something dangerous and thrilling through your veins.

Then, in one swift motion, Ni-ki pulls Heeseung forward.

Their lips meet in a clash of uncertainty and heat. The first contact is tentative, almost questioning, but the moment their mouths move against each other, something shifts. Heeseung sucks in a sharp breath at the unexpected sensation, and Ni-ki, testing the waters, tilts his head slightly, deepening the kiss just enough to pull them further into the moment.

You smirked, heat pooling in your stomach as you watched them melt into each other.

The hesitation is still there, lingering in the way their fingers twitch against fabric, in the sharp inhales between parted lips. But with every passing second, that hesitation begins to unravel—replaced by something neither of them can deny.

They liked it.

The realization hits at the same time.

A quiet, shaky exhale leaves Heeseung’s mouth as Ni-ki’s hand slides up his arm, gripping lightly. Heeseung responds in kind, fingers curling into the hem of Ni-ki’s shirt, pulling him in just a little closer. Their movements are equal, neither leading nor following, just moving together, testing, exploring, discovering.

Your lips parted slightly, amusement flickering in your gaze. “Good boys.”

That simple praise sends a visible shudder through both of them.

Heeseung lets out the softest whimper against Ni-ki’s lips, and the sound sends a jolt of something electric down Ni-ki’s spine. Emboldened, he mirrored the same energy, pressing in just enough to elicit a quiet gasp from Heeseung this time. They both felt it—the shift, the hunger, the desire crackling between them like a slow-burning fire.

They broke apart only when the need for air became unbearable.

Both of them are breathless, pupils blown wide, lips swollen from the exchange.

You slowly uncrossed your legs, dragging your fingers down your collarbone in deliberate, tantalizing strokes. “Now,” you purred, watching them closely, “let’s see if you can follow my next order just as well.”

And judging by the way their bodies were already responding to you, you had no doubt they would.

You let the silence stretch, your gaze trailing lazily over the two breathless men in front of you. Their lips were swollen, their bodies tense, their eyes locked onto yours like you were the only thing that existed.

A slow smirk curled at the corner of your mouth. “Touch each other.”

Heeseung’s breath caught. Ni-ki’s fingers twitched.

Your nails grazed your thigh, just enough to draw their attention. “Make it feel good.”

A muscle in Heeseung’s jaw clenched, his mind visibly working through the command. Ni-ki, on the other hand, exhaled sharply, shifting where he stood, but he didn’t step back. Neither of them did.

Because they wanted this. Maybe more than they were ready to admit.

It was Ni-ki who moved first, his hand lifting hesitantly before pressing against Heeseung’s waist. The touch was light—almost experimental—but it sent a ripple of something electric through both of them. Heeseung inhaled shakily, his body stiff for only a second before his own hands came up, brushing tentatively against Ni-ki’s arms.

You tilted your head, watching intently. “Come on,” you murmured, your voice dripping with expectation. “You can do better than that.”

Ni-ki swallowed hard, his fingers tightening. Heeseung mirrored the motion, his palms sliding up the curve of Ni-ki’s shoulders. Their breathing grew heavier, their touches lingering, testing.

Then, as if something finally clicked, Ni-ki’s hands moved. They trailed over Heeseung’s chest, fingertips dragging over fabric, pressing just enough to make him shudder. Heeseung exhaled sharply, and in response, he let his own hands wander—gliding down Ni-ki’s sides, tracing the shape of his ribs.

A quiet, unspoken challenge passed between them.

Ni-ki’s fingers dipped lower, teasing at Heeseung’s waistline, and Heeseung retaliated by ghosting his touch up the bare skin just beneath Ni-ki’s shirt. A quiet hitch of breath escaped him at the contact.

You bit your lip, your gaze dark with satisfaction. “That’s more like it.”

Something changed in the air.

What started as obedience had shifted into something else entirely.

Ni-ki and Heeseung weren’t just following orders anymore. They were reacting—exploring, pushing boundaries neither of them had considered before. And judging by the way their hands refused to let go, they weren’t stopping anytime soon.

You let the moment stretch, drinking in the sight before you—two men tangled in something neither of them fully understood yet, but neither of them wanted to stop. Their breathing was heavy, their hands still lingering on each other as if unsure whether to pull away or press closer.

A slow, satisfied smile curled across your lips. “Take off your shirts.”

The command settled over them like a slow-burning fuse.

Heeseung blinked, his fingers twitching where they still rested against Ni-ki’s waist. Ni-ki, usually so composed, let out a slow breath, his throat bobbing.

Your gaze darkened. “Do I need to repeat myself?”

That was all it took.

Neither of them spoke. They only exchanged a glance—brief but charged—before moving at the same time.

Fingers grasped fabric, muscles flexing as they pulled their shirts over their heads in one smooth motion. The air between them grew heavier, thick with something unspoken as their shirts hit the floor.

You leaned back against the headboard, letting your gaze trail lazily over them. Bare skin, toned and flushed, chests rising and falling in tandem. You could see the tension in their shoulders, the way their fingers twitched slightly, as if waiting for your next move.

You dragged a slow finger along your collarbone, watching how their eyes followed the movement. Then you tilted your head, your voice soft but laced with authority.

“Now touch me.”

There was no hesitation this time.

Two pairs of hands reached for you at once.

You felt the heat radiating from their bare skin as their hands hovered just above you, waiting for the moment they were allowed to touch. But you weren’t going to give them that satisfaction so easily.

You exhaled slowly, letting the silence stretch, savoring the way their chests rose and fell with restrained anticipation. Then, you tilted your chin up and spoke, your voice soft yet commanding.

“Ask for it.”

Heeseung’s fingers twitched, his breath hitching slightly. Ni-ki licked his lips, his jaw tightening.

You smirked. “If you want to touch me, you need to say it.”

There was a flicker of hesitation between them—pride warring with desire. But you could already see it in their eyes. They wanted this too much to resist.

Heeseung was the first to break, his voice low and rough. “I want to touch you.”

Ni-ki followed, his words slightly more controlled, but no less desperate. “Let me touch you.”

You ran a teasing hand down your own arm, watching the way their gazes tracked the movement hungrily. Then, you let out a satisfied hum.

“Good boys.”

Their bodies tensed at the praise, but before they could react, you leaned forward slightly, your next command slipping from your lips like a promise.

“Use your mouths.”

The room was thick with anticipation, the air charged with something electric. Your command lingered, a promise wrapped in temptation.

Heeseung and Ni-ki hesitated for only a second before moving at the same time, drawn in by the invisible pull between them.

Heeseung was the first to lean in, his breath warm as it ghosted over your skin. He started slow, pressing a soft, deliberate kiss against the curve of your shoulder. Ni-ki followed, mirroring him on the other side, his lips brushing just beneath your jaw.

You exhaled, your fingers curling against the sheets, your satisfaction evident in the way you tilted your head back slightly, exposing more of your neck.

Encouraged, they grew bolder.

Ni-ki’s lips trailed lower, his mouth pressing against your collarbone, lingering there for a moment as if testing how much he was allowed. Heeseung mirrored his movements, his touch just as reverent, yet equally unrestrained. There was no competition now, no fight for dominance—only them moving in perfect sync, learning, exploring, savoring.

You could feel it, the shift between them. What had started as obedience was turning into something more. The careful touches, the way their lips mapped over your skin—it wasn’t just for you anymore.

They liked this.

You could feel it in the way their breaths grew heavier, in the way their hands hovered near your waist, unsure if they were allowed to touch more. You could hear it in the barely-there sounds they let slip, low and unguarded.

You smirked, your fingers lifting to tangle lightly in Heeseung’s hair, then in Ni-ki’s, pulling just enough to make them pause. Their eyes met yours, dazed, wanting.

“You’re both doing so well,” you murmured, your voice smooth, dripping with satisfaction.

The praise sent a visible shudder through them both.

Your breath hitched as Heeseung’s gaze locked with yours, his eyes dark with anticipation. The tension between them was thick, palpable, and you could feel it swirling around you, pulling you in. Without a word, you moved closer, your fingers brushing over the side of his face, your hand gently cupping his jaw.

Heeseung's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he leaned into your touch, his lips parted slightly. Your thumb traced the line of his lips, feeling the heat radiating from him. You could see the barely-contained desire in his expression, the way his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths. Your heart raced, but you weren’t in a hurry—you wanted to savor this.

Slowly, you guided his face closer to yours, your fingers gripping his jaw just firmly enough to pull him into you. You felt him hesitate, just for a moment, before he closed the distance, his lips meeting yours with a gentle yet urgent pressure.

The kiss was slow at first, tender, as if you were both testing the waters. You let out a soft sigh against his lips, and Heeseung deepened it just slightly, his hand coming up to rest on your waist. It was an exploration, a careful exchange of desire and need.

But you weren’t done yet. As the kiss deepened, you turned your attention to Ni-ki, who had been watching you intently, his body tense with a mix of impatience and desire. You tilted your head, your eyes locking with his, and with a subtle, commanding gesture, you placed your hand on the back of his head, gently guiding his face downwards.

Ni-ki didn’t pull away, but instead leaned into your touch, his breath catching as he felt the pressure of your fingers on his skin. Slowly, he allowed himself to be guided, his mouth moving lower, his lips brushing against your thighs as you kept your grip steady.

Your heart raced at the sensation of both of them so close, so present. Heeseung’s lips were soft against yours, deepening the kiss with a mix of hunger and restraint, while Ni-ki’s breath ghosted over your skin, the warmth of him radiating through you as he followed your lead.

The kiss between you and Heeseung grew more heated, the intensity rising with every passing second. You could feel the pulse of desire between you, a raw, electric connection. At the same time, Ni-ki’s touch against your still clothed cunt sent a shiver down your spine, the combination of the two driving your senses wild.

As the kiss broke, you pulled back just enough to look into Heeseung’s eyes, your fingers still resting on his face. He was breathing heavily, his lips slightly swollen, and one could see the mix of longing and frustration in his gaze. You smiled, your voice soft but commanding, "You both wanted this... Now show me just how much."

And just like the Ni-ki rushes to push your panties down your thighs, the lack of fabric against your sensitive cunt rips a guttural moan from your throat.

They both came to a halt after hearing the noise.

It was almost too much. The way your voice, quiet but dripping with heat, seemed to vibrate through the space, making their hearts race and their breaths quicken. Your fingers gripped the fabric of the sheets beneath you, the sound of it brushing against the bed mingling with your breathless sighs, sending a jolt of raw need through both of them.

Ni-ki’s hand tightened into a fist at his side, his knuckles white. His lips parted, as if he were struggling to hold back, his entire body wound tight with the need to move. Heeseung’s gaze was just as intense, his lips pressed in a thin line, eyes dark with the strain of keeping control.

You met Ni-ki's gaze, voice low and commanding, "Go ahead, I want to see what you can do."

As soon as the words slip past your lips, Ni-ki pushes his head in between your legs and this time you physically can't stop yourself from bucking your hips into his touch.

"Heeseung continue", you hiss through gritted teeth only to choke on your words as soon as Ni-ki licks a long stripe over the entirety of your cunt, savoring every drop landing on his tongue like it's the sweetest meal he's ever tasted.

Heeseung’s gaze flickered between Ni-ki and you, his breath shallow as he watched Ni-ki’s every movement. Heeseung’s body ached to be closer, to stake his claim in the space between them. The sight of Ni-ki inching closer to you only ignited something deeper within him, something primal.

But then he remembered the rules for tonight.

Without a word, Heeseung cupped your face in his hands, his thumb brushing over your jaw. Your eyes met his for a split second, and that was all he needed. He closed the distance between you, kissing you with a hunger he could no longer control.

Ni-ki doesn’t even notices Heeseungs eagerness, to occupied with losing himself in your taste. "F-Fuck", he grunts and digs his fingers deeper into the skin of your ass cheeks, hating himself for losing his composure but to his luck your way too fucked out already to take notice of his little outburst.

Heeseungs takes this as a signal to make his move by making your tits his new territory. He looks at you with the biggest puppy eyes, pleading to finally be allowed to touch you, claim you, taste you more. If only you’d allow him to take of that lacy bra he wanted to rip off all night.

And the moment your eyes lock and you nod at him, he rips it of and attaches his mouth to your hard and perky nipples.

You long lost control of yourself as moan after moan follows each breathless gasp for air and high pitched whimper of both their names.

Yet again, Ni-ki doesn't give you enough time to catch a breath of air by sucking your clit into his mouth, applying just enough pressure on your sensitive clit with his tongue to have you gasping for air.

Heeseung is relentless, careless and sloppy. Loud slurping noises match the actions of his mouth as he licks every spot he can reach, not a single word leaving his lips as he's too busy making sure to leave no spot untouched.

It doesn't take long for you to tip toe around the edge as Ni-ki switches between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and drawing circles into your needy bundle of nerves.

"C-Close", you suddenly whisper and it's then that Ni-ki realises that he's had his eyes closed the whole time, like some pussy drunk freak.

“Fuck, yes. Make me cum“ you moans. And Ni-ki doesn’t need to be told twice. The second he goes back to pushing his tongue into your tight hole, you feels a wave of relief hit your nerves and before you can even process what's happening, Ni-ki applies just the right amount of pressure on your sensitive clit and easily pushes you over the edge with just those few movements, while Heeseung is still touching and kissing you all over. He even started leaving hickeys all over your neck and collarbones.

You doesn’t know how much time passes until you regains your composure but it's the sound of Heeseung unbuckling his belt which pulls you back into reality.

You pulled back abruptly, your fingers curling around Heeseung’s jaw, forcing him to look at you. Your eyes, once filled with heat, were now sharp, commanding.

"Did I say you could do that?" Your voice was low, dangerous.

Heeseung swallowed hard, his lips still parted, the taste of you lingering on his tongue. He didn’t answer fast enough.

Your grip tightened, your nails pressing into his skin just enough to make him shiver. "I asked you a question, Heeseung."

He hesitated, then shook his head slightly. "No... you didn’t."

A smirk ghosted across your lips, but there was no warmth in it. "Then I guess you’ll have to make up for that mistake."

With a slow, deliberate push, you guided him back, her tone dripping with authority. "Sit down. Now."

After that you continues pulling down his jeans, but stop when you reaches his boxers. As slow as possible you start palming him trough them. And while it didn’t seem like a punishment at first, Heeseung understands now, cause he doesn’t want nothing more than just to be touched by you.

Heeseung bit down on his lower lip, muffling a whimper as his body trembled. Your hands slip under his boxers stroking his hard dick, but still slow and teasing.

His eyes, glossy with unshed tears, flickered upward, searching for mercy. “P-please…” he choked out, voice barely above a whisper.

A low chuckle met his plea. “Oh? Now you’re begging?” Fingers traced the curve of his jaw, tilting his chin up. “You knew there’d be consequences, didn’t you, Heeseung?”

His breath hitched as he nodded, another broken whimper slipping past his lips. He had known. But knowing never made it any easier.

Ni-ki sat perfectly still, his hands clenched into fists on his lap, his body tense with restraint. Heeseung’s soft whimpers filled the room, each one making it harder for him to stay still, to not reach out—to not react.

His jaw tightened as he swallowed the urge to move. He wanted to do something, anything, but he knew better. You hadn’t given him permission.

His gaze flickered toward you, eyes pleading, desperate for instruction. But all he received was a knowing smirk and a simple command:

“Stay.”

So he did. Even as Heeseung trembled beside him, even as his own resolve threatened to crack.

And then finally you pulled away from Heeseung, only to move forward and align your glistening cunt with his cock.

Heeseung who was already overstimulated by now, cried out as you lowered himself painfully slow. When his hard cock reached fully inside of you a loud moan left the both of you.

And with two words Heeseung felt like he could finally breathe again: “Fuck me“.

Heeseung’s hesitation melted away the moment he realized you weren’t stopping him. His grip tightened, his breath coming faster, excitement flickering to life in his darkened eyes.

A low chuckle slipped from his lips—this was what he had been craving. Control. Power. And now that you’d given him a taste, he wanted more.

He moves quickly, almost too eagerly, his cock thrusting into you hard and fast. “Fuck“ Ni-ki moans, sitting right next to you and watching the scene unfold.

Your hand is quick to grab Ni-kis face to pull him closer to your body, your dark eyes roaming his features, expression dripping in the deadly combination of ecstasy and lust.

“Open up“

The command was sharp, leaving no room for hesitation. And there was none. His lips parted instantly, instinctively, his breath hitching just slightly as he held still, waiting for whatever you decided to give him.

You leaned in slowly, letting the anticipation coil between you, before finally letting the saliva drip from your lips into his waiting mouth.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed without question, without complaint.

“Good boy,” you murmured, watching the way his pupils dilated at the praise. He didn’t move, didn’t break eye contact—just waited, ready for whatever you wanted next.

At the same time it feels like Heeseung is hitting every single one of your sweetest spots, the tip of his cock grazing the entrance to your womb with every single one of his movements.

Your voice cut through the moans, firm and unwavering. “Switch.”

Ni-ki moved first—quick, obedient, slipping seamlessly into Heeseung’s position without hesitation. This time you sat down facing the other direction, your ass facing Ni-ki. Heeseung, on the other hand, hesitated for just a second, his jaw tightening as if he wanted to protest. But one sharp look from you had him lowering his gaze and moving, albeit slower, adjusting to his new role.

You pulled him in front of you, while lowering yourself on Ni-ki. It doesn't take him too long to find the perfect rhythm, pulling his cock all the way out of your tight cunt just to thrust himself back inside of you with sharp movements of his hips.

At the same time you guided Heeseungs dick in to your mouth as a reward for being this good to you the last few hours. All you can do is moan on his dick as the feeling of both their cocks filling you up takes over the last bits of your rational thinking. Lee Heeseung and Nishimura Riki are doing soemthing to your body you’ve never experienced before and at this point you don’t even know what to feel or think.

You feel your second orgasm building up and notices how the two men fucking you are also nearly there. So without saying another word, you push your hand between your bodys and start rubbing another set of harsh circles onto your clit.

It takes exactly a minute and the combination of Ni-kis merciless thrusts and Heeseung pushing his cock down your throat with just the right clit stimulation for you to cum all over Ni-kis cock. This time your orgasm feels even more intense, so intense your vission actually darkens for a solid second before turning blurry.

You're so caught up in the sweetness of your own relief, you barely notice the way Ni-kis thrusts start growing sloppy and uncoordinated and without giving it another thought, you lazily reach back to grab a fistful of his hair and pull at the thick strands and just as expected is the pain in his scalp enough to elicit a deep, gutturual moan from him as he cums inside of you.

Finally heaving your full attention Heeseung reaches for your mouth and trusts a few times more before pulling out with a heavy and breathy moan and coming all over your face.

Heavy breathing is the only sound to fill Heeseung's room for the following few minutes, and as the fog of pleasure slowly starts disappearing, you feel like you're finally able to breathe again.

The room was quieter now, the intensity from earlier gradually fading as the atmosphere shifted. You stood before Heeseung and Ni-ki, their gazes following you, not with the same weight of submission as before, but with an unspoken respect.

“Alright,” you said softly, your voice no longer carrying the sharp edge of authority it once did. “We’re back to normal now.”

Heeseung straightened, the tension in his shoulders easing as he finally exhaled, his posture more relaxed than it had been in hours. His eyes met yours with a quiet understanding, a subtle smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The control had returned to its proper balance, and with it, a certain ease between all of you.

Ni-ki shifted, the electric energy that had once surged through him now tempered with calm. He gave a small nod, his gaze not as intense as before but still filled with a hint of admiration. He wasn’t seeking approval anymore; there was something deeper now, a trust that had been forged through everything that had happened.

“Better?” you asked, more out of curiosity than anything.

Heeseung nodded, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “Much better,” he replied, his voice more at ease now. Ni-ki’s agreement came in a quiet murmur, a subtle shift in his demeanor that mirrored the new harmony between all of them.

“You know,” Ni-ki said, breaking the quiet, “we can do this any way you want. Just… don’t make it so heavy next time.”

You smirked slightly, a playful glint in your eye. “I think we all learned something today, didn’t we?” you said, letting the words hang in the air.

Heeseung shot you a teasing look. “Next time, I get to make the rules.”

“Not so fast,” you replied with a soft laugh, feeling the balance settle back into place. The evening had settled into a comfortable quiet, the air lighter now that the tension had dissipated. You sat on the couch, surrounded by Heeseung and Ni-ki, both of them more relaxed than they had been hours ago. The moments of intensity had passed, but the shift in the atmosphere was palpable—there was a newfound understanding between all of you.

“We’ve been through a lot,” you said, voice soft yet steady. You could feel the weight of the day lifting off everyone’s shoulders, a sense of peace spreading through the room.

Ni-ki glanced at Heeseung before speaking up, his tone light but sincere. “I think we’re good now, yeah? It doesn’t feel as… tense anymore.”

Heeseung nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “Yeah, I agree. We’ve figured things out.” He met your gaze, eyes filled with a mixture of respect and something deeper, a connection that went beyond the dynamics of control.

You smiled, leaning back against the cushions, feeling content with how things had turned out. “This is what it should always be—trust and understanding. We each have our roles, but we’re all in this together.”

The three of you sat in silence for a moment, the quiet comfortable. No longer defined by power struggles or control, the bond between you all had evolved into something more genuine, more real. It wasn’t about dominance or submission anymore; it was about each of you finding your place and respecting each other’s limits, desires, and needs.

Eventually, Heeseung reached over, nudging Ni-ki playfully. “So, what now?”

Ni-ki grinned, the energy that had once been electric now settling into something more playful. “Now? We just… live, I guess.”

You looked at them both, a sense of pride swelling in your chest. “Exactly,” you said. “No rush. Just… live.”

Note: Yeahh… so that just happened… not proofread yet btw

Still let me know how you liked it :)

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