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japplejottomjeans · 2 years ago

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STRANGER THINGS 5: A NEW EVIL

DISCLAIMER: i am not a THEORY GUY. i am a FAN who is CHRONICALLY ONLINE and TOTALLY NORMAL about this show. this is just me SAYING SHIT.

Hear me out…So apparently after the first season, people were theorizing how the thessalhydra could make an appearance in season 2. Obviously, that never happened—it ended up being the mind flayer instead right? I guess, eventually, people forgot about it, which is fair considering it was only mentioned like, 5 times. But, because im a fucking nerd i and read too much into everything, i realized that the thessalhydra, or any other monster alike to it, was never mentioned again. Of course, it could just be a slip up or inconsistency or fuckin any other excuse they conjure up, but i dont like that way. Heres a different reason i like better

THEORY: THE THESSALHYDRA, OR SOME MONSTER LIKE IT, WILL BE A NEW VILLAIN IN SEASON 5

Wills painting depicted a dragon of some sort with several heads--the thessalhydra also has several heads

There are other theories of Wills art foreshadowing the future. In season 2 when he was possessed he draw a map of the town, purely from his subconscious.

Because he is still tethered to the upside down and/or vecna, hes still able to foresee the future—even if he doesnt know it—specifically the painting he gave to mike in season four. Its of the partys d&d characters facing a dragon type creature wearing three heads. To be fair, the thessalhydra can have up to 9, but the fact that they both have over 1 i count as a similarity.

Alot of people think theres gonna be a dragon next season—personally i dont think it makes sense, just a fucking dragon comin outa nowhere. The GA wouldnt clock it unless it looked exactly like it, or there was some flashback to the painting, or something. Idk, i just think itd be tricky. But the thessalhydra could work for several reasons: 1. its been mentioned verbally in the past, so it would be easier for the audience to remember it. 2. it could make as a sort of realization that their d&d games are having an effect on the real world.

Mike, will, even dustin or lucas would be the first to have that epiphany. I feel like that would give the main party a reason to stick together as they go over everything that happened in their campaigns, try n think of what the fuck is gonna happen next so they can be prepared.

Alternatively; they could be tryin to figure out what campaign could happen next, and before they do the thessalhydra jumps out and theyre like “shit, how did we not realize? it was so long ago…” etcetera etcetera

When vecna shows nancy "the future", she described what she saw to be "a giant creature with a gaping mouth"

The first reason could easily be explained as just a coincidence, but this part kinda sold me ngl. In season four nancy described what she saw in her vision: the town up in flames, dead soldiers, a dark cloud looming over the city, the four gates, but also a another monster. I watched her vision in .25x speed n there was no fucking monster. She goes onto say there were more—a whole ass army of em (probably demodogs).

Anyway, she described the creature as one weve never seen before (unless the mind flayer has another form or sum). I think it looks a lot like the thessalhydra. And these things are like…huge

And so far, everything vecnas showed her has come true

D&D games in stranger things have a record of predicting the future--in the finale of season 1, the party's faced with the thessalhydra. Will defeats it with his fireball (to which he rolled a 14 to cast but thats just the delusional in me 💀)

Ion got a picture for this one but most of yall will know what im talkin about. this is actually another theory thats popular among the fandom. There are tons of variations of it, but ill judt be talkin about the main theme

So whenever a game of d&d is played, it reflects onto real life events (re: season 1 with the demogorgon, season 4 with vecna). Just think of jumanji. Almost all games that have been played in hawkins have had an impact on the town itself— almost all.

The only ones weve seen that have never been referenced again is the one at the end of season 1 (where they defeat the thessalhydra) and in season 3 (where mike sacrifices himself for the town, but uh, ill save that for another post cuz that shit is lowkey concerning ngl)

Anyways—and im reaching with my whole ass torso—the “hoard of juju zombies” could be foreshadowing the “army of monsters” that nancy saw. the thessalhydra could show up with them <- and im talking about this like its endgame material, which it is. heres how i think it could go

Pre time skip, shit happens—i bet the army of monsters nancy spoke of will emerge from the gates. The soldiers will do everything in their power to stop them, but they dont understand whats going on, so they dont defeat them. More shit happens, the town is fled by most, then the time skip.

Its sort of post apocalyptic yk, they dont do much—just try their best to survive. there isnt much they can do. theyre mostly inside, and when theyre not they wear gas masks because of the spores in the air. theyre lives go on, but its not normal. its nowhere near normal.

Anyway, the main conflict ensues, but near the end (probably episode 7 or so) is when that monster that theyve been silently waiting for finally shows up. i think dustin, cuz hes always making the fucking connections to the ud and d&d, coins the monsters name with the analogy that fits it best—the thessalhydra. with this comes a sort of epiphany that maybe these arent just analogies for the sake of it; maybe theyre real.

so dustin tries to contact mike and will (theyre stuck in the upside down right now) to warn them of whats happening. maybe once they all reunite and are brainstorming how to defeat it, they could be like “well how did we defeat him in the game?” silence “a fireball” and will realizes he needs to help defeat it. (protective mike moment)

Yeah this post as all over the fucking place. Seriously im just spitballing. sorry if this is like, incomprehensible 💀 ight bye

#stranger things #stranger things 5 #st5 #stranger things season 5 #st s5 #will byers #will byers has powers #stranger things theory #st5 theory #jay on crack theories

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ryehouses · 3 years ago

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for povs i think itd be cool to see the pov of someone who works at the palace, or something like that. fennec talking about din's main character disease makes me wonder about how people who aren't friends with din but still around him a little amount see him. if it's bad for fennec, who actually speaks to him and sees his more "relaxed"/"normal" side, how it is for others must be good

also cause i love tusken's, more ushib (she's my fav) or any others would be so fun. a short pov from a'shek could be cool too.

anyway, i'd read from any pov lol. love your work and can't wait for more, though also no pressure <3

hello hello! thanks for stopping by!

a (very short, by my standards) a'shek pov for you! i didn't have much from him, but i did have this fragment from chapter 12, "ba'balut," while the spotted anooba are traveling towards the oasis!

The winds finally died down on the fifth night of traveling through the desert, allowing A’Shek to get a better look at the Mandalorian.

They had ridden together for five days and had spent four nights huddled together around the campfire to ward off the desert’s chill, so A’Shek knew the Mandalorian well enough already, but he still appreciated the chance to get a clearer look at him. He had heard many things about this Mandalorian, and wanted to know how many of them were true.

The Mandalorian had killed a Greater Krayt. This A’Shek knew for certain, because that was the sort of news that passed quickly from tribe to tribe. Greater Krayts – the rah’tin, the Terrible Ones – were a threat to an entire tribe. To slay one was no easy thing, as the Sun Rock had been proudly proclaiming all over the sands for months, but the Mandalorian had done it.

Of course, it helped that the Mandalorian had armor, like the thick scales of a krayt dragon’s hide. That armor glittered now, turned nearly white by the light of the moons.

But it is not just armor, A’Shek thought, watching the Mandalorian.

If armor was all one needed to slay a rah’tin, A’Shek was sure someone would’ve managed it by now. Despite what A’Karan – who was now just scattered bones, picked over by junda birds and urusai, with his head very satisfyingly adorning a pike outside A’Shek’s winter tent – had preached, there were other tribes who had A’Shek’s view, and were keen to try new things. Some young warrior somewhere had probably tried to fashion his own armor from ghuy’ra scrap.

No, it is not just armor.

The Mandalorian was tuskra too. He’d claimed so in the canyonlands, when A’Shek had come across the Mandalorian on a hunt. A’Shek recognized that claim. Even if he hadn’t run into Sun Rock scouts a few days prior to seeing the Mandalorian, A’Shek remembered the White Bantha’s tales, from rains and rains ago.

They had found an outsider in the desert, wounded by a bladeback boar that had been fatally wounded in its turn. The White Bantha had taken that outsider in, as was custom – bladebacks, while easier to slay than a Greater Krayt, were still a dangerous enemy.

The White Bantha had offered their outsider alain’ah. The outsider had lived. By all the laws of the sands and the winds he had been made tuskra then, and tuskra he was still, even though he’d left Tatooine.

A’Shek could see the shape of that, now. It was hard to get a good look at the Mandalorian in the sands. He was wary, around A’Shek and his warriors, and tended to keep his distance even when on the back of a speeder.

A’Shek didn’t mind. He’d rather have a wary dragon-slayer than an overconfident one. A’Karan had been prone to overconfidence and had died for it. A’Shek was determined not to follow the same path, and appreciated the Mandalorian for reminding him of that determination.

But we are nearly at the oasis, now. A’Shek and his band would be upon the slavers – the ghuy’ra – who had dared to raid A’Shek’s land. Who had stolen his people and poisoned his waters.

We will fight soon.

And A’Shek was not the sort of chieftain who went to war with a warrior he did not know – did not understand – fighting at his side.

A’Shek knew his own warriors. A’Timma and A’Ken, who had fought with A’Shek against A’Karan and the old ways, and even young A’Shasta, who preferred his songs and stories to war but fought anyway, when the Spotted Anooba needed him to fight.

But A’Shek did not know the Mandalorian. He could see the Mandalorian now. How he moved. How he stood. How he was used to the weight of the spear he carried across his back, which shone like a shard of moonlight.

A dragon-slayer, A’Shek thought, watching the Mandalorian across their crackling campfire. A brother of the White Bantha. A treasured friend of the Sun Rock.

A warrior of the Spotted Anooba, if A’Shek – and Ushib, who had taken Boba Fett as her own son despite A’Karan’s fierce protests – had his way.

But first, A’Shek thought, standing up. All of his warriors turned their attention to him. They knew what was coming. A’Shek had tested each of them too, as they had traveled through the desert.

They knew who still had not been tested.

The Mandalorian knew it too. He did not rise, not at first. He just lifted his chin in A’Shek’s direction, rather like a bladeback boar flashing its tusks.

A’Shek smiled and leveled his gaderffii at the Mandalorian. The Mandalorian, to his credit, did not flinch.

Come, he said, tracing the shape of the words in the air. Spar with me.

A’Shek wanted to see what this dragon-slayer could do for himself.

#ast asks #thank you!#a'shek needs to make an appearance some time i do love him #ast 'verse pov tag

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sporksaber · 3 years ago

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Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.

(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)

First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.

Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.

Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.

Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.

(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)

This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.

Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.

Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.

She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."

Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.

As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.

She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )

Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:

Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.

Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.

Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.

They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.

They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.

After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)

Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.

Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.

Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)

The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)

Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)

As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.

While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.

Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.

Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.

Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.

Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.

Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.

Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.

Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )

Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.

During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.

Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.

Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.

Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.

Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.

(While they're away ty lee tries to convince

Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.

Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.

I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.

#avatar the last airbender #atla azula #firelord azula #azula deserved better #atla au #role swap au

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baecvlt · 4 years ago

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Better Late than Never

in which the reader was set up on a blind date by Sonia Nevermind with Kazuichi Soda

• Kazuichi Soda x Reader

• fluff

• fem reader

• original idea <33

BTW YALL this might sound accidentally self insert-ish but that’s because I gave the character interests (since this is a date fic) but I dont know anything else to put for them. anyway enjoy still.

“So, there’s no one there?”

I glared at her, death staring into her clear, blue eyes. “What the fuck is ‘there’?”. She sighed and lightly hit my arm. “I’m asking you if you have a crush, silly!,” she spat, yet her tone remained friendly. I shook my head. “I don’t find any of these people attractive, Sonia”.

“So you wouldn’t go out witj a classmate?”

“No, Sonia”

She stays silent, suddenly darting her eyes at Hajime. “How about him,” she asked,“Hagime seems like a nice guy”. I shrugged. “Not my cup of tea, really”. She then points at Teruteru,“And him?”. I looked at Teruteru, who was already gawking me. “God, no, Sonia,” I gagged,“Too perverted for my liking”. She then began listing names. Here is what I had to say for all of them.

Hajime: Boring

Nekomaru: LOUD

Fuyuhiko: Mean and short

Nagito: Psycho!

Eventually, she gave up. I didnt feel any way of them, who’s to know how I feel about anyone else at this school? “Fine,” she said, but her eyes lit up,“Oo! How about-”.

“Oof!”

He had bumped into me, knowing me to the floor. Kazuichi Soda: the Ultimate Mechanic. “Yeah, him!,” Sonia said. I looked at Kazuichi, disgust on my face. “Not in a million years”. “Huh?” (Kazuichi was madly confused). Sonia grumbled,“What’s wrong with him?”.

“What isn’t there wrong with him? He also doesn’t bathe!”

“Ouch, I bathe,” he said. “Why were you in such a rush anyway?,” I asked. He shrugged, but eventually sighed and revealed his reason. “I got excited,” he said softly. Sonia and I were confused.

“I just got updated on my— something. I’m going to the office to see what they have to tell me about this thing I’m in the middle of”

I was confused, but I had to know now. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” he said, walking right past us. I stood there, but Sonia got my attention. “Come on, we’re gonna be late to Economics”. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to class. When we got there, everybody was huddled up. There was something they were being discreet about. “Hello, friends,” Sonia said,“What are we talking about?”. ��Kazuichi,” Ibuki said without the slightest hesitation.

Okay, maybe not that discreet.

“What’s wrong with him?,” I asked,“Besides all that, I mean”. “Cut him some slack,” Hajime said, now I knew the situation was a little more sensitive than I thought. Sonia and I both got our chair to listen. Hajime sighed,“This morning, I woke up and went to get Kazuichi for class. He wasn’t in his room. Later that day, I went go check on him and he was in his room, but when I opened the door, his eyes were just read and tired. I asked him is all was well, he only nodded and smiled. It took a while, but he still told me he was okay, now adding in the detail that the board had gotten back to him on his request to be transferred elsewhere”. My mouth dropped slightly. “Transferred where?,” I asked, Hajime only shrugged.

“This is all Sonia’s fault!”

We looked at Hioyoko, Sonia quick in defending herself. “He wouldn’t transfer schools because of me, it’s probably all your fault,” she was defensive,“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to him all the time—”. Suddenly, arguing broke out. I heard many things. Hajime said he hasn’t shown interest in her lately, Sonia seeming slightly offended. Gundham was blamed, Ibuki wasn’t being blamed (she was never cold with him). Suddenly, Mikan spoke out. “Wait!”. She yelled, so we were quiet. Surprised by her tone, it made us all shut up. “What if it’s all our faults?,” she suggested,“Y-You didn’t have to be cold to him. Who else besides Ibuki or Hajime spoke to him without immediately judging character?”. It made me think, but suddenly Fuyuhiko spoke. “Fuck that!,” he said,“The dude probably wasn’t enough to be here so they dropped him. He was also probably too embarrassed to say that. And the eyes? Please! They were red because he might be some type of pothead; high out of his mind!”. “That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Hiyoko said,“Even *I* know that’s harsh”.

“I don’t give a fuck; Its true”

Hajime shook his head,“I’m gonna agree with Mikan”. “Wait isn’t it like extremely hard to transfer from this school?”. “No, not quite,” Chiaki said,“When given valid reason, the board can transfer a student elsewhere”. “If in fact the mistreatment of Kazuichi was the reason he sought transfer,” Peko added,“He probably went with ‘mental health concerns’. Since we’re all of age, he wouldn’t need to run it by a parent or guardian, making it much easier for him to transfer”. There was silence. “So what now?,” I ask. Hajime had a quick answer,“We treat him better”. “Is it not too late?”. Peko shook her head.

“If Kazuichi really went to simply be spoken about the appeal, students are given three days to make their final decision. Afterwards, there is no going back since students are allowed an appeal once”

We all still sat there. Were some of us actually cold towards him? I mean, everyone else in the academy didn’t even acknowledge him (neither did some of us, but we were around more, right?). “Alright, studebts, to your seats now!”. The professor being there had us scurrying away from Hajime’s desk. Throughout the whole class, I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking of Kazuichi, but why? Why did I care about him leaving so much?

The bell rang, Sonia waited for me. Econimics was our last class every Thrusday. The minute I was within her reach, she continued the conversation from earlier today. “So, I was thinking: you can’t talk to boys for shit,” she said. “And?”.

“What if I set you up on a blind. date.— huh? How about that?”

I sneered. Blind dates—they were such a tacky idea to me, what the fuck, but this was Sonia. She always new what was best for me when it came to, well, everything. Plus, it might be fun, or funny?

“Oh, what the hell. I’ll give it a try”

Sonia smiled so hard, her eyes shut. She squealed. “I cant wait,” she said,“I promise, this’ll be good for you. Just you wait!”. She kissed me on the cheek, leaving me behind. “Wait— we aren’t going home together?,” I asked. She shook her head. “I have some things to take care of! See you tomorrow, love”. She hurries her way. That girl. I’ll never understand her…

“Hey, how’s it going? … Nice … Well, now that you ask, I was wondering if you were open to a blind date? … Splendid! Friday, agree to meet with this girl, here’s her number … Let’s make things more interesting … Don’t tell her your name … Yes, you do know her”

I got home, setting my book bag down and practically collapsing onto my mattress. What a day. Before I got in thought about all that I was told today, as if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message, one from a number I had never seen before.

???: Hi :)

I was friendly, I didn’t have to be.

Me: Hello :)

As if a second cue went off, Sonia texts me.

Sonia: Has your blind date messaged you? btw make up a name! dont reveal anything !

Me: OH okok

I return back to the unknown sender.

Me: sonia put you up to this ?

???: yes, ma’am (or sir, or i have no clue. sonia said you were a girl. sorry)

Me: hey dont worry, sonia said she was setting me up with a guy, so i assumed too. i am a girl and being called ma’am doesn’t bother me.

???: well you assumed correctly, but thank you for letting me know, ma’am i get unsure.

???: anyway, what’s ur name?

I thought of a good, normal name, but nothing occurred to me. I looked all around my room for an object. Suddenly, my eyes landed on the family camera I had left in my room whenI used it for a project.

Me: my name is cam, hbu

???: Zero

Me: Is that really your name?

Zero: no but it makes sense to me

Me: wdym?

Zero: itd just me i guess

Me: ur gonna make me sad booo

Zero: oops, sorry !

Me: lol Its fine. but seriously, I know there is someone who cares about you. if anything Is wrong. you can talk to me, even if our date friday goes to shit :)

Zero: Yeahyesh thanks for that, Cam. its just my friends, i dont feel seen by them and it just feels like my parents have followed me.

Me: Well, they probably really love you. if it helps, I care about you :))

Zero: you’re very kind

Me: aw noooo. anyway, how was your day?

Zero: it coulda been better. yours?

Me: yeaaaa same here

Zero: what’s wrong?

Me: found something out ab a friend of mine.

Zero: is everything okay?

Me: Yea it all should be if I can fix things with him

Zero: you must really care ab him

Me: yea i really do

“Zero” decided it’d be best to change the subject since he figured it was slightly depressive (which it was). From the time I got home (4am) to 12am, we talked. I was excited because for once in my life, I was speaking to someone who liked the things I did. The same movies, the same bands. He listened to a lot of new wave and indie rock. Eventually, I got sleepy, so we called it a night. He called me cute and let me go to bed.

I actually looked forward to our date Friday. I didn’t care who he was, for he was perfect.

Morning came around and I just wanted to talk to him. In fact that’s all I did. We texted in homeroom, Theater, Calculus, etc. It was Friday today, meaning we’d have to meet today after school, thus revealing ourselves. Sonia and I were in calculus and she noticed I wouldn’t put my phone down. “God, someone’s obsessed,” she teased. “He means everything to me,” I said, breaking no eye contact with my screen. Sonia went to Kazuichi, who I have class with for Calculus, Government and Chem (which we both failed last year). I couldn’t care to break my focus on my screen, but I did head him mutter “she’s perfect”. So Kazuichi found someone else? That’s fine, but will she care enough to stop him from transferring? Could be be transferring for her?!

As the day grew the situation began getting fucking dire.

I was headed to my final class, chemistry. I had my phone in hand, texting away and very distracted. Suddenly, just like yesterday: “Oof!”. I was on the floor and above me? Kazuichi Soda. “I’m sorry, oh my god,” he said as he helped me up. I shook my head. “Nono, this time it’s my fault,” I said, dusting myself off,“I wasn’t paying attention”.

“I was also very distracted, heh”

I smiled, picking his phone up from the ground. His screen turned on, exposing that he had been listening to music. “Cocteau Twins”. I handed him his phone. “You like them,” I asked. He nodded,“Do you?”.

“Yeah, I do”

“Cool... where are you headed?”

“Chem”

“Why so early? There’s a whole hour and a half till we have to be there, plus the 5 minute tardy bell”

“I like being early. Where were you going?”

“My room,” he said,“I can’t find my chemistry journal, so I figured I should look for it before class”. “In your room?”. He nodded. For some sick and weird reason, I felt bad leaving him to do that on his own. “I can help you,” I blurted, almost instantly. His face lit up. “Really?!”. His overly joyed expression brought a smile out in me as well. “Yeah,” I answered softly. He grabbed my hand and ran with me up to his room, having me keep up with him. We got to his room as my heels skid slightly behind him. When opened the door and turned on the light, my jaw dropped.

His room was a complete and utter mess.

“Kazu- how is anything gonna get found in here?,” I asked, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. “Its manageable,” he answered, entering and starting to look through all his junk,“I haven’t had the energy to clean my room anyway. It hasn’t really bothered me”. I shook my head as I walked in. “No, this isn’t right,” I said, an idea coming to mind,“Why don’t you lay there and rest up a little? I’ll clean your room”. His eyes lit up. “Really?”. I nodded, a warm smile creeping up on my lips. “Well, okay,” he answered,“Thank you, sweetheart”. I couldn’t even react to the pet name. His hat rested over his eyes as he quite literally fell asleep before my very eyes.

With that, I got to work.

Cleaning out his room, taught me a few things. He also happens to like the same films as I do, but he likes more action films. I also learned he has a much bigger wardrobe than I thought. Lastly, he isn’t as mess as I thought. He had everything one would need to clean, even owned a vacuum. It took me about 1 hour and 5 minutes to clean out. I hadn’t realized it was that long, time went by me like a breeze. I approached him and sat by him. In a pattern, I shook him carefully then played with his hot pink hair, which was softer than expected.

God, there’s something wrong with me.

He woke up and I removed the hat from over his eyes. He lay as he looked around, seeing his room uncluttered. “Wow, it’s like a brand new room,” he said happily. “Yep”. He sat up and smiled back at me. “Thank you,” he repeated.

“It’s nothing, really”

His voice was still groggy, I could tell he was a little dazed after his nap. He lay back and laughed to himself as we sat on his bed. “What?”. He shook his head as the lazy smile on his face grew slightly wider. “You’re really pretty”. I blushed a little, and laughed nervously. “Thanks”. He sat back up again, we both had no idea what to do now, but look at each other. It was a comfortable silence. I could forever into his oddly colored eyes.

I wanted him to kiss me, now.

I’ve truly lost my mind. I had no idea if it was just tension or anything but that. Would I like it or would I despise it. I decided to maybe test these waters, but before I could, he beat me to it. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my chin, pulling me to his lips. Kissing me skillfully, he lay back and I followed so I wouldn’t be away from him, leaving me straddling his lap. What a day to forget to wear shorts under my skirt. With how he kiss me and I kissed him, it was no secret we wanted this for a while now. The fact that I wanted this made my stomach knot. We pulled away, slightly winded. “That was so fucking hot”. I proceeded to tell him this never happened. He agreed it didn’t. Then he added:

“I’ve never done that before”

“Neither have I-”

Then, it hit me. Kazuichi was my first kiss.

“This must be a very shitty realization,” he said, laughing a little. “Shut up, let’s get to class”. He nodded, getting up from bed, seeing that his journal was on his now clean and visible desk. He picked it up and now we were ready to go. We were still early, despite distance and how crowded the halls were. We sat at our own table, usually we both sat alone since none of our friends had this class. We all knew each other, but we wouldn’t exactly call certain people friends. Anyway, during class, I was extremely bothered. I felt sick and I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking kiss.

At all.

I really didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. I had to stop it, but why did I want to anyway. Is this pity? It didn’t feel like it; I can tell when I pity someone and this didn’t feel like pity. Could it be that he’s always been there?

I’ve never fallen in love before, nor caught feelings. Something about him felt so familiar. What has Kazuichi done for me?

I began to think and it all came to me. The times I had no one else to talk to so he’d be there, whenever someone has bailed on me I’d go to him. I’ve taken him for granted, yet he’s smiled through it all. To think I’d hurt him made me feel worse. “God, I hate this class,” he whispered to me. I broke away from my thought. “Oh, me too,” I answered,“How are you doing, though?”.

“In this class?”

I nodded. “Terrible”.

I mouthed an “oh”. After a second, I offered a solution. “Well, you can always ask me for help,” I said. “Seriously?,” his eyes lit up like when we were in his room. God his crooked, toothy smile had me smiling, it was intoxicating. “Yeah, come to me anytime,” I said, getting quiet. This was quite awful. On top of that, I remembered I had a date after today. I didn’t even want whoever the fuck I had to meet with. As planned by Sonia, we were to meet at the bridge in between dorms on the third floor at 7pm (mind you, I don’t have a room in this school so there really is no reason for me to stay so late). Now that I think about it, it really sounds like more of a meetup than a date. Maybe it wasn’t so important for me to meet this mystery man. I can just text him I was no longer interested.

And that’s what I chose to do.

After class, I bumped into Sonia. She smiled widely when she saw me. “Oh my god, Are you excited for tonight?!”. Here I am, bursting her bubble.

“No”

Her smile went down slowly. “Why not?,” she asked. “I’m not going”.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T GOING?”

That was probably the loudest she’s ever spoken. “I mean, I don’t want to”. “But this was important, what the fuck,” she seemed too upset about it. “I don’t want him,” I said,“I’m into someone else”. “WHO?”. I swallowed before the name came out of my mouth,“Kazuichi...”.She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I know its emba-”.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M GONNA SAY, oh my god. You have to go still, don’t leave your blind date hanging, please. I’m begging you, please!”

I scoffed.

I nodded. “Fine, but I really cannot pretend to have a good time,” I said to her. Nodding frantically, she said she knows. Ultimately, it was my choice and she knew that. Sonia walked home with me, then said she would walk back with me when it came time to meet my blind date. She wanted be there for when he was revealed. I got a message from this man when I got home.

Zero: Hey, are you sure you want to meet?

I raised a brow and showed Sonia. She covered her mouth, but quickly told me to say yes. So that’s exactly what I did.

Me: Yeah

Zero: ok

“He isn’t into it,” I said, showing Sonia the messages. “He will be”. Damn, she was so dead set on this and for what? “Come on,” she said,“We should get going”. I nodded, getting up from the floor we sat on in my room. Locking up, we swiftly headed to the bridge.

It was dark by the time we got there.

“Hello?”

No answer. “Maybe wait a little,” Sonia suggested,“He gets shy”. I turned to her. “Do you know him?,” I asked. “Of course I do”. She must’ve misunderstood what I asked. “No, but do you know him know him,” I cleared up,“like is he close to any of us”. She nodded, now I was really curious. A couple minutes passed and he still wasn’t there. “See,” I said,“Fucking no-show!”. My hands clenched into a fist. Sonia was getting closer to me, looking as if she had some consoling words to say, but she stopped. Smiling, she backed away. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. She stepped away from me, nodding towards me, but that was just a signal for me to turn around. I heard a gasp,“You?”.

The familiarity of the voice—it all made sense now.

“You!,” I cried. My eyes watered as a smiling Kazuichi stood in front of me. I hugged him and I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “God, I thought you’d hate me,” he sighed, relieved. I shook my head. “I’ll leave you to it,” Sonia said,“I have to go anyway; my ride’s here”. We waved her off, getting back to each other. “Wanna head into my room?”.

We headed into his room, snuck in, I’m not supposed to be here. He threw himself onto his bed as his hands made a gesture for me to get on. I straddled him like before and kissed him. “Someone’s excited,” he teased. I scoffed. “I’m not the only one”. His face turned red as he looked away. “Hey, Kazuichi? Can we talk”. He nodded, waiting for me to introduce the topic.

“Hajime and, well, everyone else including Sonia and myself were talking and—”

“Yeah?”

“That you’re leaving?”

“Oh... yeah. I am”

I frowned, getting off him, now sitting next to him. He looked upset now that he remembered. “It isn’t too late now, is it?”. He shook his read putting his hat on his bedside drawer (me thinks this is the first time I’ve seen him without a hat). “Tomorrow, I go confirm my decision,” he said,“I feel... miserable in Hope Peak. I don’t belong here”.

“Kazu...”

“You don’t know what it feels like not having anything in common with anyone. Everyone being so fucking distant”

“I do know how the first one feels, but... we have each other to relate to”

“I just hate how this school makes me feel and I want it to go away”

He shivered as his eyes began to water. It hurt so much to see him cry. I never have. “Baby, look at me,” I said to him,“We all love you, okay? I love you. I’m sorry for being so cold towards you this whole time. You were always there”. He stuck his head into my chest and just let everything go. I played with his hair as he got rid of emotion. I lay his head down and straddled him again. Quickly, I kissed all over his tear-stained face, the taste of salt persistent on my lips. The kisses got him riled up and giggly once again, making him tackle me. I fell back on the bed as he did the same to me. He smooched me on the lips before giving me his final word.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

I nodded, not pressuring him. I wanted him to be so sure about staying. I also wanted him to know that if he did stay, I would be there, always. “You need a ride home?”, he asked. I could have gone home, but I didn’t necessarily want to. “Aw, don’t you want me to stay?,” I pouted. The way I said it was so playful it almost felt like teasing. He blushed frantically answering,“Yeah, I do”. I then realized I didn’t have clothes to sleep in.

And no, sleeping in underwear could never be an option. (Not yet, at least)

“Damnit, I don’t have clothes”. That’s when he opened his drawer and threw some sweatpants at me. “You have a shirt under that one, correct?,” he asked. I nodded, unbuttoning my school shirt. it was a silk black undershirt, could be used as an undergarment or sleepwear. “Hey, I’m just gonna go out to the communal to wash up, okay?”.

“That’s fine, baby”

He smiled, heading off with his toothbrush and towel. Once the door shut, I with a I slid off my socks. I then stood up and took off my skirt. The clothing fit me kind of snug, but I didn’t mind. I lay back and waited for him patiently.

His shower was quick, well, in my opinion it was. His hair gave off a brisk scent, as he lay next to me. His eyes looked weak as he hug his face into my chest. It wasn’t in a weird way or anything, so I simply assumed he was tired. “Are you sleepy, yet?”. He nodded, his face in deeper. “I’m really sleepy,” he said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair like before and let him sleep. Watching how at ease he was in my embrace soothed me to rest. According to Hajime, he was usually a light sleeper. The slightest touch or noise would wake him up. He would shift around or mumble in his sleep. This time, it was different.

It was peaceful.

The next morning, I woke up and put on yesterday’s clothes. When I got to putting on my shoes, I felt him move behind me. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said sweetly. “Good morning, angel,” he said, his voice straining as he stretched with a grunt,“Time?”.

“9:30”

He got up and threw on a pair of clothes that I have never seen him in. “You want a ride home?,” he asked,“I meet with the board today at 10. If I take you home now, I can make it back in good time”. I nodded, going hand in hand with him after he had put his shoes on.

I never knew Kazuichi drove. I recall him say he had terrible motion sickness, yet here he was driving me home in a borrowed car that had been worked on in the school’s auto shop class. I had nothing else to talk about and the silence was killing me. “So you can drive?”.

“I can drive”

“What about your motion sickness?”

He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, that’s always been there, always will be,” he began to explain,“but I’ve learned to ignore it”. He put his arm around me, smiling. I smiled, yet I was terrified. What if I wasn’t enough to make him stay? As he drove, I noticed he had nothing in mind. With Kazuichi, you can always tell when there’s something on his mind. Always. He’ll squint, mouth some words to himself...that’s how you know. It began to overwhelm me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry knowing there was possibly nothing I can say or do for him to stay. He may know I love him, but what if the timing was off?

Oh, well.

We arrived at my home, him walking me up to my doorstep. He kissed me, his smile dropping afterward. Fuck, he must’ve noticed... “Hey, is everything okay?”. I nodded. “Okay,” he said, uncertainty in his tone,“Well, text me if anything!”. I nodded, a faint smile on my face. I headed inside and lay in bed.

My memory of that Saturday and the Sunday that followed are fogged. I don’t remember leaving my room, let alone my house. Monday came around. I was nervous. I walked down the halls, Sonia standing and an expression of worry spread across her face. “Sonia,” I said,“What’s wrong?”. She gulped and I knew nothing positive would come out of this.

“Hajime hasn’t seen Kazuichi all day”

My eyes widened and I wanted to pass out. “No, that can’t be!”. I didn’t want to feel this. It was all guilt. Why, though? Everything seemed fine when we had last seen each other, it made no sense. “You haven’t talked to him?,” she asked. I shook my head. Sonia sighed. “Okay,” she began,“We have government today. Your only class with him. All we have to do is wait and then we’ll know for sure”. I nodded, trying not to let emotions get to me.

Now in government, I waited, We all did. None of us had heard a word from him. Soon enough, an hour passed: no Kazuichi. Tearful, my eyes shut as I placed my head on my table. Hajime walked up to me. “If its in any consolation at all,” he began,“Kazuichi really did like you. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you loved him”.

“Why the fuck do you make it sound like he’s dead?”

“I see how it would sound like so. I’m just gonna leave my words at that”

My eyes were burning and a headache began growing. Suddenly, there was pounding on thr door, pounding that startled the class. The teacher sighed. The knock was that of a late student, which obviously would’ve annoyed her considering this is a 65 minute class and it had been an hour or so. A student volunteered for the door and there stepped in a distressed Kazuichi.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TEXT ME?!?”

I sniffled and my heart was beating out of my chest when I heard his voice and saw his face. “Kazuichi?!”. I ran up to him and hugged him, he was tense. “I was so worried,” he said. “That makes two of us”. I kissed him, he asked if I was okay and I nodded so frantically. “I didn’t text because I was sad!”. He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead. I looked into his eyes, falling in love. Then I had realized one thing. “Wait”. He looked at me,“What’s up?”.

“WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?!”

“I HAD AN EYE EXAM!”

He walked to the teacher and handed her a doctor’s note. “You know I can’t mark you present right?,” she said. “You can’t mark me absent either, miss”. Yeah, he wasn’t the best student here. He walked back up to me and kissed me. “There’s like 2 minutes left,” he said,“Can we leave?”.

“Just go”

Being a nuisance paid off as we were all let out early. He grabbed my book bag and ran with me, pulling me by the hand. He took me to the back of the school, yeah, the very back behind the gym. I sat in his lap as he kissed me once more harder, now that no one was watching. I then faced him. “I thought you were leaving,” I whined. He ran his hands through my hair. “I was going to,” he said,“but I couldn’t do that to you, or to myself”. We sat in silence till I said,“Who would’ve thought?”.

“Yeah, in a million years, huh? What year we in?”

“Shut up”

I kissed him and felt him smile against my lips. “Don’t change, Kazuichi”. “Don’t plan on it,” he said,“I love you”. “I love you too”.

#cheap commissions #commisionwork #fan fic commission #kazuichi souda #kazuichi x reader #kazuichi soda x reader #kazuichi #kazuichi soda #kazuichi danganronpa #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa

86 notes · View notes

rqs902 · 4 years ago

Text

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability.

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect.

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win.

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place??

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW.

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho)

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc....

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there?

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly?

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad.

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke.

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see.

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran?

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng??

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense:

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max?

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me.

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly.

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band.

#rants #you would think that with the money and fans that kids like lxk hwx lm are bringing to youku that youku would treat them better

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calucadu · 6 years ago

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You’ll be the deaf of me

You’ll be the deaf of me, a Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia One Shot.

Summary: “You’re going deaf, aren’t you, Bakugou?” Kirishima said very faintly, noticing how the blond had his eyes on his lips. He frowned slightly. He wasn’t denying it. And not denying it meant it was probably true. In Bakugou speech.

Pairings: Bakugou/Kirishima.

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou.

Rating: Teen and up

Read on AO3

Or read below the cut

The first thing that Kirishima noticed was that Bakugou always went to the teacher’s room after classes. He wasn’t spying on his best friend. Of course not, he was just looking out for him and making sure everything was fine.

But now Eijirou was curious. What could his best friend be asking his teachers every day? Was it about extra material? Until Kirishima noticed Bakugou didn’t take notes in class. So maybe, instead of extra material, maybe he asked the teachers for what the lessons had been that day?

But then, why would the teachers comply?

Something smelt fishy, really fishy.

Kirishima didn’t think he was the smartest in class, no, far from it, but when he realised that he could do something for Bakugou if he understood what was going on, he decided to use all his brain power to figure it out.

And then, he started noticing small things about Katsuki. Like the way his eyes would always immediately drop to someone’s lips whenever that person started talking.

So, it finally dawned on Eijirou. And it made sense.

“So?” Bakugou asked, unimpressed. He’d seated himself on the redhead’s bed, crossing his legs patiently.

“You’re going deaf, aren’t you, Bakugou?” Kirishima said very faintly, noticing how the blond had his eyes on his lips. He frowned slightly.

“Huh? What did you say, Shitty Hair?”

And then something else clicked inside Eijirou’s brain. The nicknames.

“It’s your explosions, isn’t it?” Now the volume was normal, perhaps slightly elevated, to help his friend out.

“What about my explosions?”

“They’re making you lose your hearing.” Kirishima spoke. He was nervous, hoping in the very pit of his soul that he was wrong.

Bakugou was silent. The frowning persisted, and his lips just pursed some more, but he said nothing.

“You don’t take notes in class. You visit the teacher’s room when classes are over. You don’t call people by their name, you always have a nickname for them, like you didn’t catch their name and didn’t want to damage your pride by putting yourself in a situation where people could figure out what was wrong. Plus your quirk is hella loud, dude.”

“The left one is worse.” He just mumbled. He avoided the redhead’s gaze and squirmed in his seat.

He wasn’t denying it. And not denying it meant it was probably true. In Bakugou speech.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kirishima asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice. Why couldn’t his friend count on him? He could take notes for him, help him out. Be extra loud and subtly encourage everyone around him to be it too so that Katsuki could have an easier life. But no, the sulky blond had to be extra prideful and just reject everything, especially help coming from his friend.

“Why didn’t I tell you!?” Bakugou snapped, his explosions erupting from his palms, but Eijirou wasn’t fazed. “Why would I tell you?”

“Because we’re friends! Because I can help!” Kirishima threw his head back, letting the wave of frustration roll over him.

“You can’t help!”

“Yes, I can!”

“No, you cannot fucking help! What are you going to do about it!? You don’t even know! The fucking nightmares made it worse! I exploded my hands against my ear for fuck’s sake! It’s not like my hearing was any good anyway after years and years of loud fucking explosions!”

Bakugou had said so much. Explosions. Nightmares. Exploding in his sleep.

“I could… tie your hands down or something!” Kirishima tried to come up with something.

“No, you cannot fucking tie me down.”

Eijirou had an idea why, an inkling of what it could be. But he needed Bakugou to voice his fears.

Katsuki didn’t seem like he was going to, though.

The blond sighed, looking almost defeated.

“I started losing my hearing a few years ago because of how much I use my quirk. And then I started getting nightmares and I accidentally let them off in my dreams, trying to fend off imaginary shit and one time I had my hand next to my left ear. It rang for days and after that it’s never been the same.”

“Are the nightmares… because you got kidnapped?” Kirishima’s brow wrinkled, pity and sympathy in his eyes as he watched his friend closely.

A flash of anger crossed the other’s face, and the redhead knew better than to keep looking at him like that.

“I’m learning how to lip read. It’s a pain in the arse but I have to deal with it.” Bakugou spoke again eventually, his brow still furrowed. “You happy now, Shitty Hair?”

The next day, when Katsuki was about to get ready for school, he found someone had left a piece of paper on the floor. When he picked it up and looked over it, he realised Kirishima must have slid it under the door, either the night before or sometime that morning.

Sign language classes.

And, in Eijirou’s bad handwriting, a note that said: “Come with me! :D”

Bakugou scrunched the paper into a ball in his fist, his brow furrowing.

The redhead was especially loud that day. Bakugou had an idea why, and it was irking him like nothing else that boy had ever done before.

Strangely enough, Kirishima’s plan seemed to be working. When he was louder, the people around him were unconsciously louder as well. So he smiled at Katsuki, hoping he would share his enthusiasm with him.

He was met with a grimace.

Eijirou’s smile almost faltered.

That afternoon Kirishima stormed into Bakugou’s room like always, but he was carrying a red folder the blond hadn’t seen previously.

“I took notes for you in class!” The redhead chirped happily, opening it up and showing his best friend all of his hard work. “I tried to make it as clean and organized as I could, and did my best with my sloppy handwriting.”

Katsuki went over the notes, his face displaying his annoyance.

“They’re riddled with spelling mistakes, idiot.” He mumbled lightly, going over a specifically hard to read paragraph.

“Oh… I tried my best…” Kirishima’s smile wavered and he looked dejected. Bakugou almost felt guilty at his words.

“Well, they’ll help you study.” The blond muttered, turning his head away in embarrassment. “So keep doing them or whatever.”

A week later the redheaded ball of energy barged into Bakugou’s room, rambling on about something that the blond didn’t quite catch.

“Look Bakugou!” Kirishima smiled at him, waving his hands in the air excitedly. “I watched some videos online and I can sign a bit, wanna see?”

“Not particularly.” Came Katsuki’s answer, even if he was a teeny bit curious. Just a little bit. This didn’t deter his friend however, who immediately started to sign, his lips mouthing the words as his fingers and hands did the speaking for him.

“I said I can hear! But I can teach you how to express that you’re hard of hearing!”

Bakugou huffed in mock annoyance. It was getting hard to find all the things the blundering idiot was doing as irritating as they had before. Now, it was mostly… cute.

He scoffed at the idea that whatever the redhead was doing could ever be classified as cute in his mind, but he was eagerly yapping on about how waving his hands this way meant something, and waving them around like that meant something else, his eyes shining eagerly, a happy puppy look to them that was nearly endearing.

“We can go to the classes together! It seems like sooo much fun! I’ve always wanted to learn more ways of expressing myself! And if your hearing gets any worse I could interpret for you! Wouldn’t that be fun?” Kirishima was nearly shouting, his hands returning to his sides as they’d finished with their conversation.

Bakugou didn’t miss that Eijirou had said ‘if his hearing got worse’ and not ‘when’. Maybe it’d been to spare his feelings but Katsuki did appreciate it.

“Alright.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “We can go to the classes.”

Kirishima threw himself on top of the other, crushing him into a hug the blond nearly responded to. He swore he heard the redhead say something along the lines of ‘I knew you’d come round to it!’.

They were outside the room and Bakugou was hesitant about entering. Going inside meant he would be accepting the fact that he was going deaf, and that was something he was having trouble coming to terms with.

But Kirishima was smiling at him by his side, eagerness emanating off of him, almost jumping up and down on the spot. He would be going with him, despite the fact that his hearing was mostly unaffected.

And, as Eijirou offered him his hand for moral support, Katsuki decided that if his friend could take the plunge, so could he. Grabbing the palm laid out for him, he entered the class, adamant on proving the world that there was no stopping him.

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tumblunni · 6 years ago

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Misc thoughts of rambling development for my new yokai watch ocs family of hugs and sadness (blythe the Dimmy and amber the Gorgeous Ambassador)

* Amber was totally still Gorgeous Ambassador at heart even back when he was human. I feel like he probably dressed very plain and was very self concious for a long time, as well as also being poor as dirt so it wasnt really easy to be super fashion time. Perhaps the only way he was really able to be remotely flambouyant or pretty was just having a long ponytail that he was very proud of. It would have been easier to maintain a shorter hairstyle when you're struggling to even find somethibg to eat each day let alone a bath, but it just helped him hold on to a tiny bit of confidence. Even when he reincarnated as Gorgeous Ambassador he was still unconfident for a long time and it took all these centuries to fully embrace The Power Of Gorgeous. He was probably really shocked when he got his medal registered and heard his new yokai name, like uhh excuse me "must beautiful man who spreads beauty through the world with his smile" are you sure there hasnt been a mixup??? And nowadays he's become so happy with himself that he maybe dresses a little bit gaudy sometimes, but if you saw how he used to feel then you'd absolutely be cheering for him!

* he was probably worried that Blythe wouldn't recognise him when he finally managed to reunite with them, but i think the lil shadow ghost instantly knew it was their brother and ran straight into the biggest hug ever. "Im worried they'll think im all cringe and gaudy" NO UR LIL SIB IS IN AWE OF YOUR FASHION POWER AND HAPPY FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE

* I also think Amber would absolutely be proud of how much confidence Blythe has gained through travelling with the protagonist and co. Like "aaa the last time i saw you you were so tiny and shy!" "Yes, now i'm tall and shy!" "NUUUU STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN"

* basically they are absolutely Shyness Fam, and Amber just approaches his anxieties differently with over-the-top fake boasting about his greatness instead of being honest about how bad he feels. So thats why itd be so heartwarming to see him genuinely making progress and genuinely seeing good parts of himself. ALL THANKS TO THE INTERNATIONAL GORGEOUSNESS ASSOCIATION OF THE AFTERLIFE, YES *cheesy makeover ads fly by in the background*

* Dimmy's fave food is rice balls not just cos ninja monster = rice balls, but cos for Blythe specifically it brings back happy memories of backstory ninja Amber in ye olden days packing lunches of love for his tiny friend. He was always broke in between finding bountys to hunt, so he was never able to cook anything too fancy, but those simple meals became associated with childhood in Blythe's heart. All the times this big strong human swordsman would have a moment of gentleness and offer his last bit of food to a useless little yokai like them. ("No!! You're a valued part of the team!! And growing children need this more than i do!! Besides, i'm so tough i don't need to eat." *stands up for a minute and blacks out*)

* Since this backstory took place before thee yokai watch was invented, you cant technically say Amber was Blythe's previous watchholder but like.. He totally was? Same formula of being a human you partner with and then go around fighting/befriending other yokai. I like to think that maybe before yokai medals became the latest trend and they set up the whole official regulated medal registration process, yokai would still give their human friends some sort of token of their friendship but it was just less organised. Like imbuing their soul energy into all sorts of shit like This Leaf I Found or One Shoe. Which could be used in the same way to summon them but obv was less conveinient, haha! I'm thinking maybe Blythe's bond object was just a neat rock, cos they were so young and didnt really own anything else to gift to this human. Like all they had was the coal from the hearth in the house they used to haunt, but thatd be too crumbly so they dug through to find the sturdiest and prettiest rock and Amber was like straigjt up crying from how touched this whole thing made him. I WILL TREASURE THIS PEBBLE MY TINY MONSTER CHILD...

* oh but just to rub salt in the wound i think he couldnt find it again when he woke up floating over his own burned corpse in the wreckage of his final fateful battle. There uhh..wasnt much of himself left, let alone anything he was holding. Itd kinda have to be that way cos if it worked like a yokai medal itd mean Amber could have instantly reunited with his friend and cut out all of these years of sad backstory, alas

* ok but imagine the cute and sweet emotionalness of then being able to swap medals when they see each other again, and have an actual magical guarantee of never losing their family ever again.

* I feel like Amber only initially agreed to join the Gorgeous Association because he wanted to get a job in the yokai world and save up to buy a decent house and decent level of income so that there would be a hapoy home waiting for his child whenever he finally found them. He didnt really believe that he had the potential to be a fashion icon, he just went along with it as an employment opportunity in his weird new ghost life. But OH NO, accidental self confidence!! (We are all very proud of him)

* oh and the Gorgeous Association doesnt work 100% identical to the anime version, i just like the anime's general concept. I feel like Gorgeous Ambassador is indeed a yokai species and not just a title, its less 'you were chosen by random lottery' and more 'you were chosen by destiny'...? Shy people who have potential to be fashion icons just tend to end up becoming the shy-people-with-potential-to-become-fashion-icons yokai, aka this. And the Gorgeous Association takes responsibility for finding all new Gorgeouses and training them to use their new powers instead of just staying in their shyness. Its more of a self help club? Oh and also the membership is full of other types of fashion yokai too, its not just Gorgeous Ambassadors. Just its only Gorgeous Ambassadors that get visited by the president as soon as they die and given a special invitation to join. So basically interpreting Gorgeous Ambassador as more 'this yokai is named that cos its powers are about encouraging people to be more confident aka introducing them to the world of fashion'. And less the idea that all Gorgeous Ambassadors used to be a different type of yokai and you can only become one by being picked by the club lottery. And also that its just a costume with no actual powers?? That was funny in the anime but i prefer if they actually could inspirit people and make them more confident and stuff.

* I FEEL LIKE IM EXPLAINING THIS BADLY, SORRY! Ok so uhh like yknow some clubs are all exclusive entry "you are not this thing til you join"? Like you cant be a country club member til you join the country club, and the sense of comeraderie there is just all being rich enough to pay for membership rather than having anything in common. But then there's stuff like lgbt groups or mental health support groups where youre all already the same thing and thats WHY you join the club. Anime version had Gorgeous Association be a country club and Gorgeous Ambassador be just a membership name rather than a real yokai form. Which, again, was really funny but i feel like it only works in a more gag focused series like the anime. Here i'm interpreting it that you can just be born in the species Gorgeous Ambassador, same as any other yokai like jibanyan or whatever, and it actually does have its own special powers and stuff. And its just that the Gorgeous Association sends out invites to any newborn yokai that have fashion related powers. So not all Gorgeous Ambassadors actually join the Gorgeous Association. Oh and Kageusuo is the actual yokai species name for those unaffiliated ones. The anime seemed to say that kageusuo was an unrelated new yokai that isnt in the games, that was just invented to have a form that Gorgeous Ambassador had before he became Gorgeous Ambassador. But i have Other Ideas

* i'll make it a new bullet point cos im getting all disorganized now aaaa

* ok so Kageusuo (or my fanmade eng dub name Shamshade) is Gorgeous Ambassador. Same thing. Same species. Kageusuo is a yokai personifying the idea of a fashionable beautiful person who never reached their potential in life due to social anxiety/bullying. Like an 'ugly duckling' story. Their default form is this shadowy looking depressed dude because their power is that they drain shadows from people, vampire style. This makes you 'less overshadowed", so you become more confident and people notice your unique style! But kageusuo cant use its powers on itself, so a lot of them stay in this shy form forever and just continue repeating the same overshadowed life they have as a human. The fabulous form that Gorgeous Ambassador has in the games is just simply the same yokai dressing differently- a kageusuo that managed to conquer its anxieties from its past life and take steps to embrace its true self! But theyre not actually any different in terms of powers, theyre still shadow vampires and their power to make people fabulous is just them eating your shadow. It was something they could already do before they became fabulous themself, now theyre just confident enough to match their powers, yknow? And also unrelatedly there's a club called Gorgeous Association that this particular kageusuo joined, which personally helped him in his journey of self confidence so he goes by the nickname Gorgeous Ambassador to advertise it. (Which is even more nicknamed into Amber cos he thinks it sounds cute)

* WHY ARE MY HEADCANONS SO OVERCOMPLICATED AAAaa

* anyway just imagine a vampire movie but its a supermodel lurching out of the shadows groaning "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR ANXIETY" and then when he bites you you become more confident. This is a Good Concept so i will somehow find a way to use it, dammit!! *b movie music* "OH NO THE MONSTER GOT TERRY" *terry suddenly wearing applebottom jeans*

* also imagine all of that but also the dude is a weird samurai being all "wow the wonders of the future" about thos applebottom jeans

* why do all my headcanons start as angst and end up as nonsense like this

#bunni plays yokai watch

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regenderate-fic · 2 years ago

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Who You Pretend to Be (Who You Are): Chapter 5

Fandom: Doctor Who Ships: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Rose Tyler, Yasmin Khan & Rose Tyler Characters: Thirteenth Doctor, Yasmin Khan, Rose Tyler, Jack Harkness, Dhawan!Master Rating: General Word Count: 4,285 Other Tags: Chameleon Arch, Bad Wolf Rose, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Wolf as Disability, Disabled Character, Reunions

Read on AO3

Summary: The Doctor, escaping a threat, turns herself human, leaving Yaz to look after her. Of course, it gets difficult when the human Doctor, or Penny, immediately thinks Yaz is her girlfriend. And it gets even more difficult when Penny drags Yaz to a lecture by one Rose Tyler-Noble, who’s brought a friend Yaz recognizes. Yaz starts putting the pieces together, befriending Rose along the way.

Written for the Doctor Who Creators Summer Exchange for SpaceBetweenGalaxies.

There was something on the monitors.

Jack found it first, a disturbance in the rift, barely detectable, and then Rose’s time senses started tingling. She struggled with how much to tell Jack: he needed to know something , but if she said too much, it would give him information he wasn’t supposed to have. Finally, she settled on, “It’s part of a case I’ve been following. I should be able to handle it on my own.” Which wasn’t strictly true— she was handling it with Yaz, technically— but Jack didn’t need to know that either.

“Great,” Jack said. “I’ll leave it with you, then. Tell me if you need support.”

“Will do.”

Jack went back into his office, and Rose pulled out her phone.

Rose: its here

Rose: the time dragon

Yaz: !!

Yaz: What do we do?

Rose: did the doctor say anything abt this?

Yaz: No

Yaz: But the point was to hide her from the dragon

Yaz: If the dragon is here and it’s looking for a Time Lord and doesn’t find one, it might move on

Rose: maybe

Rose: worth a shot

Rose: & we’re monitoring + i can feel it

Rose: we need 2 keep our eyes on her tho

Rose: i really am going 2 talk 2 jack abt that job

Yaz: I can at least hang out at the cafe tonight.

Yaz: And we don’t have plans tomorrow. If you can talk to Jack and get her in Monday, we’d only be missing her when she’s in class.

Yaz: I could quit my job anytime too

Yaz: Esp if we’re not going to be here much longer

Rose: if shes in class all day theres not much point

Rose: unless ur ready 2 tell her smth

Yaz: Do you think I need to?

Rose: hm itd just make her seem suspicious i think

Rose: shes got 2 blend in

Yaz: Okay

Yaz: I guess this doesn’t change much.

Yaz: Makes me nervous though

Rose: you & me both

Rose: tell me if anything happens ok?

Yaz: Course I will

Yaz: Thanks

Rose: ofc

Rose went back to her monitors. She’d been scheduled to have the next day off, but that was out the window now: she settled in for what she was sure would become a sleepless night.

—

Yaz spent all Saturday and Sunday with Penny. It was easy, when all they had to do was hang around the flat: she just had to make an excuse to linger throughout Penny’s Saturday evening shift, which Penny and most of her coworkers mercifully interpreted as romantic rather than weird. Yaz had her laptop with her, anyway, and tried to make it look like she was there to work— she’d lied and told Penny she was doing a research project for the museum. It wouldn’t justify her being there every day, of course, but if Rose offered Penny that internship soon it wouldn’t matter. (The Master— or Oliver, if that’s what he was going by— wasn’t there, to Yaz’s relief and concern. When she asked Penny about it, she just shrugged and said he had the morning shift that day.)

Sunday was easier. Both of them had the day off, and that meant they had the day to spend together. Penny wasn’t the type to rest on her days off, preferring to go out into the city and find something to do, but that was at least something Yaz could accompany her in. So they wandered around downtown, popping in and out of shops, enjoying Cardiff.

Or— Yaz would have enjoyed it, if it hadn’t come with a constant undercurrent of fear. She’d been stressed this whole time, but Rose’s texts had brought with them a tension that refused to dissipate, sitting in Yaz’s stomach, her arms, her legs, informing her every move. She was trying to hide it from Penny, but it was only a matter of time.

And then, Sunday evening, just after they arrived home, Penny’s phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket, and Yaz watched with trepidation as a grin expanded on her face.

“Guess what!” she said.

“What?” Yaz asked, hoping she already knew.

“Remember Rose?” Penny asked. “From Torchwood?”

Yaz nodded.

“She wants me to work for her.” Penny was barely containing her excitement: every part of her body was stiff with the effort of holding back.

“That’s amazing,” Yaz said, smiling. “Really.”

“She says I can start this week, if I want.” Penny frowned. “I’d have to quit at the cafe. But honestly, I’m a bit tired of that anyway. It’s nothing compared to working with real aliens. ”

“That’s great.” Yaz moved to pull Penny into a hug, hiding her face over Penny’s shoulder. Penny squeezed her back, her excitement finally bubbling over. “That’s what you wanted, right?” Yaz added.

“It’s my dream,” Penny said, and when she pulled away from Yaz, Yaz could see it in her eyes. It was the same way the Doctor looked when she pulled the TARDIS doors open to see someplace new: it was a look of awe and discovery.

Yaz loved it.

“We should celebrate,” she said. “Go to a restaurant or something.”

“Oh, brilliant plan, Yaz! You know, that new place right by campus is supposed to be amazing .” And now all Penny’s excitement was coming out: she bounded to the door, and Yaz went after her, struggling to keep up.

She would miss this, when she got the Doctor back. The uncomplicated nature of it all: the easy knowledge that, at the end of the day, she was with Penny, and Penny was with her.

Yaz had spent this whole time missing the Doctor. And she still missed the Doctor: it pulsed in her chest, a glaring ache. But at some point in the last month and a half, she’d gotten used to being with Penny. As much as she’d tried to avoid it.

She tried not to think of what the Doctor would say, when she came back. Especially now that Penny had spilled the secrets the Doctor had been hiding for months. Her relationship with Penny had never been real, no, but now Yaz had seen the Doctor’s face turned on her with love in its eyes— now she’d felt the Doctor’s body next to hers— now she knew what it was like to hear that voice say I love you — she didn’t know how she was going to go back to brushed-off concerns and opaque expressions. Yaz never expected the Doctor to be as open and unapologetic as Penny: the Doctor had a complicated past that spanned millenia, and Penny was just an ordinary Ph.D. student in her 30’s. But still. As Yaz sat across from a starry-eyed Penelope, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d lose something, turning her back.

Penny’s first day at Torchwood was strange. Jack had agreed to hire her, with the stipulation that she would be under Rose’s supervision; of course Rose had agreed, grateful for the chance to keep Penny’s work separate from Jack’s. She arrived two minutes late, running towards the entrance, her hair sticking out all over.

“Sorry!” she gasped when she saw Rose. “Got held up at the lab. You would not believe the state some of these undergrads leave it in.” She tilted her head to the side. “‘Course, I wasn’t much better.”

“It’s all right,” Rose said. “Come on, I’ll show you what I’ve been working on.”

One of the things Rose had said, when she was trying to convince Jack about the job, was that they were lacking in the science department. And they were— both Rose and Jack were good with mechanics, and Rose had done enough dimensional engineering to at least understand most of the readings they got. But neither of them were really experts in that regard, and they had been running without much of a team for a while now.

Which all was just to say that Rose had plenty to show Penelope, that first day, and most of it Penelope turned around and explained right back to her much better than she could manage. She really did remind Rose of the Doctor, actually: the way she approached the work with awe and excitement, the way she went off on tangents about the things she was interested in. She seemed a little more self-conscious, maybe, than Rose’s Doctor had been, pulling herself out of her tangents with a, “Sorry, I don’t mean to ramble,” and a little less willing to jump into a situation without knowing what she was getting into— when Rose showed her a map of the galaxy, stars spinning out from a deep center, Penny asked permission before hesitantly reaching out and taking the computer’s mouse. But Rose could see the connection between the Doctor she’d known and the human standing before her, completely engrossed in footage from telescopes across the Earth.

Even if she hadn’t had a reason to hire Penny, Rose thought, it would have been a good idea.

Yaz came by near the end of Penny’s time— she’d picked up enough of Torchwood’s layout to let herself in, stepping out of the elevator and into the lab with her bag over one shoulder and her leather jacket draped over her arm. The second Penny saw her, she looked up and called out, “Yaz!”

“Hiya.” Yaz came over to where Penny was sitting, pulling up a chair. “Anything interesting?”

“Oh, loads,” Penny said immediately, launching into an explanation of disruptions to Earth’s magnetic field. Yaz’s eyes met Rose’s, and they both smiled.

Yaz had a new routine. She would go to work, all the while battling the horrible nagging feeling that something awful was going to happen to Penny while they were separated, and then she would spend a few hours hanging out either at a coffee shop by the museum or in the plaza by Torchwood. And then, once it was almost time for Penny to be done at Torchwood, she’d go down to the lab, and Penny would explain some new astrophysics concept to her, and she and Rose would share a knowing look.

“You don’t have to walk me home every day,” Penny said, after a week of this.

“No, I don't,” Yaz lied. “I like to, though. Besides, I like to see what you’re doing.” That much was true, anyway. Penny shared the Doctor’s ability to make just about anything sound interesting.

The only drawback, really, was that it was much harder to get Rose on her own. But they’d stayed in touch over text— mostly just Rose confirming that the time dragon was getting closer, and Yaz confirming that she was keeping an eye on Penny as best she could. There wasn’t much they needed to discuss in person. But still— Yaz had enjoyed, even for so brief a time, being able to be around someone who knew the full situation.

But things were settling again. The tension stayed in Yaz’s body— it was familiar, after her time in the 1900’s, and she was beginning to worry she’d never relax again. Otherwise, though— Penny was happy, and as safe as Yaz could keep her, and things seemed all right.

Until the time dragon finally came.

Yaz and Penny were walking home from the bus stop when suddenly Yaz felt it: a wind, out of nowhere, so strong it blew them both off course. It could have been nothing, of course— it could have been a regular wind, showing up at an improbable time. But somewhere, deep in Yaz’s gut, she knew. She pulled out her phone and found Rose in her contacts. Another wind buffeted them, and Yaz took Penny’s hand. The phone was ringing.

“Weird storm,” Penny remarked. “You all right?”

“Yeah, fine,” Yaz said. “Look, Penny—”

The phone stopped ringing. Rose’s voice said, “It found you, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Yaz said. “Look, I’m going to try and get us back to the TARDIS. We’ll be safer in there.” To Penny, she added, “C’mon. I’m going to find us shelter.”

“Yaz,” Rose’s voice said, sharp with worry. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” Yaz said. And she believed it: she’d always had a level head in a crisis, no matter what else was going on, and this was no exception. The Doctor’s very life hinged on this moment— but Yaz had a plan unfurling in her mind, and she was going to execute it as best she could.

“Who are you talking to?” Penny asked. “Is that Rose?”

“Er—” Yaz shook her head. “I’ll call you back,” she said to Rose. She hung up the phone. “Come on, Penny, let’s get somewhere safe.” She tugged at Penny’s arm, pulling her towards the park. The TARDIS was right nearby— closer than their flat, even, which made it a plausible source of shelter.

“Where are we going?” Penny asked, stumbling after Yaz. “There’s not going to be shelter here.”

“You’ll see,” Yaz said.

“Yaz, what’s going on?” Penny asked, a plaintive note in her voice. “You’re acting really weird.”

“I know,” Yaz said. “It’ll make sense soon, all right? But for now I need you to trust me.”

“Okay,” Penny said. She didn’t sound convinced, but she did let Yaz pull her through the park to the TARDIS.

“In here,” Yaz said, pushing the doors open.

“Oh!” Penny exclaimed. “I’ve seen this in my dreams! Except in my dreams it was—” And then she fell through the doors, and her breath caught. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Yaz went straight to the console, her footfalls loud in the darkened space. It was all wrong, the TARDIS without its ambient sounds— but Yaz was afraid to wake it up. If the Time Dragon could track Time Lords, it surely could also track their TARDISes. So she just leaned against the console, staring up at the central crystal. “Welcome to the TARDIS, Penny.”

Penny ran up next to her. “Okay, so you’ve got to tell me what’s going on here. What is this? Have you had it this whole time? Have you been lying to me about who you are?”

“No,” Yaz said quickly. “Not about who I am.” She turned around, her back to the console. Penny was a couple feet away, staring at her with wide eyes. Yaz wished she could enjoy the role reversal. Under less dangerous circumstances, maybe she would have. She stuck a hand into her jacket pocket, turning the gold watch over in her hand. She felt it thrumming with the Doctor’s missing heartbeat.

It wasn’t time to open it yet.

“I promise,” she said to Penny. “I’ll show you as soon as we’re safe.” Her phone was buzzing again, and she picked it up.

“Yaz?” Rose’s voice said. “Are you all right?”

“We’re in the TARDIS,” Yaz said. And oh, she was never going to get used to the way her voice sounded in the silent console room. “I’m not turning it on yet in case that’ll attract the dragon. Any updates?”

Dragon? Penny mouthed. Yaz ignored her.

“It’s definitely here,” Rose said. “Giving me a headache, honestly. Keeps popping in and out of the third dimension. Jack’s definitely going to notice the readings when he comes in tomorrow.”

“We’ll worry about that tomorrow,” Yaz said. “Don’t suppose you’re above falsifying things?”

“Definitely not,” Rose said. “Feels weird lying to Jack, though.”

Yaz glanced at Penny. “Yeah, tell me about it.” She sighed. “Right. Suppose all we can do is wait.”

“Call me if anything happens.”

“‘Course.” Yaz hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

She turned back to Penny.

“Right,” she said. “Maybe we should talk.”

“Yeah, maybe.” It was the most sarcastic she’d heard Penny or the Doctor— it cut at Yaz, laced her with guilt.

“Let’s sit,” Yaz said. She led Penny over to the steps. She sat on one, and Penny, cross-legged, took another. She faced Yaz, leaning forward.

“What is all this?” she asked.

Yaz pushed out an exhale. “Can you tell me about your dreams?”

Penny frowned. “My dreams?”

“Yeah. When we came in here, you said it was like in your dreams.”

Yaz watched as understanding began to dawn on Penny’s face.

“My dreams,” she repeated. “I don’t know. There’s so much—” She paused. “I’m all different people. Sometimes I look like this. Sometimes I don’t. And there’s always this box, and it’s always bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, but the inside looks different. Sometimes the outside looks different, too, but it’s always the police box.”

Yaz nodded. “Go on,” she said.

“I’m— I think it was called a Time Lord,” Penny said. “Except that in the one I told you about, I found out I wasn’t. And you were there, sometimes, and we traveled together. We had good fun, sometimes.” She paused. “And I traveled with Rose, in some of them. Oh! And Jack! And loads of other people, actually.” She frowned. “I’m old, in the dreams. Lots of time to make friends.” She looked at Yaz, and Yaz saw something of the Doctor in the fear wavering in her eyes. “Yaz? What are you trying to tell me?”

“Your dreams are true,” Yaz said. “Or— maybe not all of them. I really don’t know how it works. But— you’re not human. Not really.” Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. “You did this thing— there was something after you, and you turned yourself human so it wouldn’t find you. It gave you new memories and everything. You told me the TARDIS would leave you just enough memory of me to let me in. I'm not normally your girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Penny said. She frowned. “But I liked you in the dreams.”

Yaz shrugged. There was a lump in her throat, and she tried to swallow it. “I can’t tell you how you feel about me,” she said. “I mean, when you’re the Doctor.”

“I think I like you,” Penny decided. “How could anyone resist a Yaz?” But then her features settled, and she looked at Yaz. “But— what does this mean?”

Yaz shrugged again. “I’ll turn you back when we’re out of danger,” she said. “Rose will tell me when it’s safe.”

“Oh, Rose!” Penny said. “Do I know Rose? I mean, as the Doctor?”

“Yeah,” Yaz said. “Or, you used to. I think you two are going to have a lot to talk about.”

“And Oliver,” Penny added. “What’s he doing here, anyway?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Yaz said.

Penny’s expression darkened, a pale imitation of the Doctor’s cold rage. “I don’t think I care for him much.”

“He hurt you,” Yaz said, as neutrally as she could.

And then she saw the despair hit Penny’s face, her mouth opening, her eyes going dead. “Oh,” she said. “All that— all that pain. It was mine all along.”

“I’m sorry,” Yaz whispered. She hadn’t considered this, what would happen if Penny realized the truth behind her dreams. She shifted to sit on Penny’s step, wrapping an arm around her much the same as Rose had done for her a few weeks before. Penny clung to her, not quite crying, and Yaz buried her face in Penny’s hair, taking in the clean scent of her shampoo.

“It’s going to be okay,” she said. She believed herself when she said it— but of course, “okay” was subjective. It was going to be okay, because Yaz wasn’t going to let the time dragon get the Doctor, and because she was going to turn Penny back into the Doctor— but then they’d have all the problems Yaz and the Doctor had, plus all the baggage of having been pretend girlfriends for weeks, and the uncomfortable fact that Yaz had learned the Doctor’s trauma by chance rather than by choice.

For a given definition of “okay,” then. They would be okay.

Yaz didn’t know how long she and Penny sat in the dark console room, waiting for the threat to pass. They didn’t talk much: they just sat on the steps, trying not to let the foreboding gloom of the situation press too hard on their shoulders, trying not to fall asleep in the dark room as the hours wore on. Yaz kept an eye on her phone, checking every few minutes to see if Rose had messaged: and then finally, so late the clock had turned over and it was early, Yaz’s phone rang.

It was Rose.

“Yaz?” she said.

“It’s me.” Yaz rubbed at her eyes. “Are we safe?”

“I think so.”

“Right.” Yaz paused. “I told Penny.”

“Are you going to turn her back now?”

Yaz glanced at Penny, watching her with wide eyes.

“Yeah,” she said. “I think so.”

“Right, then.” There was something in Rose’s tone— hope, maybe. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Yaz hung up the phone.

She turned to Penny.

“Is it time?” Penny asked.

Yaz nodded.

“I like being me,” Penny said. Her voice broke. “Penelope. I like my simple life.”

“I know,” Yaz said. She took a deep breath. “But— the Doctor told me to turn you back.”

“I’m scared,” Penny said.

“I know.” Yaz’s hand slipped into her pocket. Closed around the watch. The Doctor’s heartbeat thumped against her palm.

She pulled the watch out.

Penny’s eyes went to it immediately.

“I can hear it,” she whispered.

“It’s yours,” Yaz said. “Are you ready?”

Penny teetered. “Hang on a second,” she said.

Yaz waited.

Penny stepped forward. Her hand snaked behind Yaz’s neck, tangling in her hair, and Yaz pulled away.

“I can’t,” she said. “Not now that you know who you are. It’s not fair to the Doctor.”

“I’m not the Doctor,” Penny said. Her eyes narrowed. “Although I’m not convinced the Doctor would mind.”

Yaz couldn’t think about that. Not when she was about to see the Doctor again.

“Consider it a dying wish?” Penny added.

“Penny, I—” Yaz shook her head. “Come here.” She pulled Penny into a hug, burying her head in Penny’s shoulder, letting Penny’s hair tickle her cheek. Would the Doctor keep the haircut, Yaz wondered, or would she let it grow back out?

Penny held her, arms tight around Yaz, and Yaz felt suspended, separate from everything. For a moment, she forgot where she was, forgot what she had to do: she had been resisting for weeks, maybe even years, and now she relented, allowed herself to fall into Penny, allowed herself to feel something other than anxiety and guilt and worry.

And then her thumb slipped on the watch.

It burst open, and Yaz stumbled back, watching golden light seep out. Penny stared as the light came to her, entered with her breath, and her eyes screwed themselves shut.

Yaz could see the moment the Doctor came back.

It was in her expression: her brow relaxed, her jaw set itself. Her eyes were still shut, but impassively so, rather than out of any sort of pain. She held herself differently, standing up a little straighter, her arms tensed a little more.

And then her eyes opened.

“Yaz,” she said, and oh, that was the Doctor, that many-layered voice, full of emotions Yaz couldn't begin to name.

“Doctor,” she said. Their eyes met. The Doctor's eyes— Yaz hadn't realized how much she’d missed the Doctor’s eyes, the way she looked at Yaz with everything in the universe.

And then something shifted, and Yaz became horribly aware of the position of her body in space, the way she didn’t really know what to do with her hands, the way her braid had become messier and messier as the night went on. She broke eye contact.

“Hold on,” she said. She went to the console and reached underneath, pulling out a bundle of fabric. When she straightened up, the Doctor was still looking at her, not saying anything. She thrust the bundle of fabric in the Doctor’s direction. “It should all be here.”

The Doctor took the bundle. She shook it out, and her clothes fell to the floor: T-shirt. Undershirt. Culottes. She wound up holding her jacket by the shoulders, staring blankly at it.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. And then she looked back at Yaz, her brow furrowed. “Hang on. Still trying to sort out my memories. Do I remember— Rose Tyler?”

“Tyler-Noble,” Yaz corrected instinctively.

“Where’d the Noble come from?” the Doctor asked. But before Yaz could say anything, the Doctor had already moved on. “Oh! And— the Master?” Her face settled into the stony line that always accompanied talk of the Master. Her tone shifted in the blink of an eye, growing cold and uncompromising. “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know,” Yaz said. “I didn’t exactly want to get close.”

“Right. Smart.” The Doctor faltered for a moment, and then she launched herself forward, pulling Yaz into a hug. Yaz flailed, just for a moment, but then she forced herself to relax, wrapping her arms around the Doctor.

“I missed you,” she admitted, a confession mumbled into the Doctor’s shoulder.

“I’m glad to be back,” the Doctor said, and for a moment Yaz allowed herself to hear the implicit with you .

And then the Doctor pulled away. “Right,” she said. “I’ve got some people to find.”

Yaz: She’s back.

Rose rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and combed her fingers through her hair. Nerves jumped in her belly: she hadn’t seen the Doctor in years. She didn’t know what to expect. She was trying, very hard, not to expect anything at all, but she couldn’t stop the smile from creeping onto her face as she looked into the mirror.

The Doctor was back.

#doctor who #my fic #fanfiction #thirteenth doctor #rose tyler #thirteenrose #thirteen x rose #doctorrose #yasmin khan #thasmin #thirteen x yaz #who you pretend to be (who you are)#chameleon arch #bad wolf as disability #bad wolf rose #angst #reunions

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wannasoftimagine · 7 years ago

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park jihoon as your older friend

(( AS REQUESTED! // jihoon scenario where you're 2 years younger than him so you think he only sees you as a little sister but he confesses to you when he thinks you're gonna date someone else bc he's scared of losing you??? this is lowkey rly specific but THANK YOU!!! ))

ure used to hearing ppl talk abt how young jihoon is, and how hes so so so cute

of course, u agree with him

everyone does tbh

still, it makes u feel a little upset bc it seems like everyone who says those things are older than him, with jobs and life experience and history and Fancy Stuff like tht

so compared to them, u feel like a toddler

even tho ure only 2 yrs younger than jihoon, it feels like theres 100 yrs between u

it doesnt help tht jihoon is always going on radio shows and reality programs, acting cute whenever someone older so much as looks his way

still

u know u should prob just feel grateful tht ure close friends, since most ppl dont even get tht far

but sometimes u wonder if itd be better if u werent close, bc now he only sees u as a little sibling to take care of

u wish u could say it wasnt true, but everything he does is exactly like an older brother

he dotes on u and watches over u, but instead of acting like a caring boyfriend, he just seems like someone babysitting his little sibling and u haTE IT

ure not even sure how long uve liked him romantically, but its like whenever u remember how he used to treat u even when u first met, ure stuck thinking abt how he mustve seen u

after all, who can look at a kid tht used to cry whenever their parents went to work and go “oh yeah theyre cute i like them a lot” ???

not jihoon

esp when hes already way out of ur league to begin with

as u get older, ur feelings for jihoon dont completely fade

there r times when theyre easier to ignore, sure, but its impossible to think tht theyre actually gone

whenever u guys make eye contact over dinner at a fast food restaurant, he beams at u in a way tht cant possibly be taken as platonic

ur heart is beating way too fast for u to lie to urself

anyways

u try and move on by befriending other ppl and even trying to date some other ppl

of course tht rlly doesnt work out

u turn down almost anyone tht u could possibly go out with, and even when ur friends try and set u up with other ppl, u can never make it past the first blind date

(ure too busy comparing the strangers to jihoon and watching them all fall short)

u mention some of the blind dates to jihoon

at first its bc ure hoping he’ll get jealous and confess

but as more time goes on, hes still just as supportive in his answers, and u realize tht theres no use in hoping when he clearly doesnt feel the same way

then a new guy transfers to ur school, and hes vaguely attractive and smart and funny and u get along well enough

he asks u out after school one day, and ure like why not? so u accept a first date bc u might as well give it a shot

its the first date tht ure on where u try not to think so much abt jihoon

it works for the most part, but u still find ur mind drifting off and wondering what jihoons up to

when the guy excuses himself to take a phone call from one of his friends, u manage to text jihoon to check up on him

u banter back and forth, and u cant help the way ure grinning down at ur phone with every text he sends u

at some point he asks where u are, and u realize wHOOPS guess who didnt tell jihoon tht u were having a date tonight

...

cmon dude whats up w that

anyways so u explain to him tht ure on a date w the new guy in ur class

and jihoons response is surprisingly short and clipped

its just a quick “oh” and ure like “???” bc hes never responded quite like tht before

so u ask him if smthns up

u see the typing bubble appear and disappear, appear and disappear, and so on

eventually it just disappears completely and he doesnt start typing again and ure even more confused than u were before

after what seems like forever, he texts u to ask if ure having a good time

u tell him tht u think u are

honestly tho, ure not too sure bc now its impossible for u to think of anything other than him

the guy comes back with an apology and a smile, and ure forced to tuck ur phone away and try not to be too obviously distracted for the rest of the evening

tht proves to be WAY TOO HARD

the entire night ure picking apart the way the guy cuts his food (jihoon looks cute doing literally anything), how he gives u a smile when u meet eyes (it doesnt look as genuine and bright as jihoons), how jihoon wouldnt even take u to a restaurant like this (u both feel more comfortable somewhere lowkey and relaxed)

if the guy notices, he doesnt say anything

at the end, he just drops u off back at ur home and tells u he had a nice time, and “maybe we could do this again?”

all u can do is choke out a “maybe” in response before ure hurrying inside and scrambling to check ur phone

jihoon hasnt rlly texted u since u last checked, and u can feel ur heart drop a little in its chest

u send him a quick msg, asking what hes up to and if he wants to facetime or smthn bc ure done with the date, and hes quick to agree

right before u call him, u see his text saying tht “i need to talk to u abt smtn too so its good timing”

ure freaking out a little bc maybe hes going to tell u abt his own s/o now tht uve told him abt ur date and u can feel ur hands shaking as the connection loads

once ure in ur room, u manage to make out his tired (but still glowing) features on ur phone screen

u greet each other with half-stilted questions, and u cant help but wonder why ure both so awkward w each other

i mean. obv u know why u are

but ure like ? why is HE acting so weird

and after a few more moments of tense silence, u finally ask him what he wanted to talk abt

somehow even thru the phone screen u can see his face turn bright red

and u would think abt how cute it was if u werent also thinking tht u mustve been right, hes dating someone else, and u can feel ur eyes start to well up w tears bc uve always known tht he didnt like u back, but this time its so painfully obvious

thts when he clears his throat like “um,, y/n,,,, we’ve known each other for awhile and i kno ure kinda young but,,,,,,”

and somehow he hasnt noticed tht ure having a mental breakdown as he gets closer and closer to saying what he wanted to tell u

“anyways y/n,,, i rlly like u so please dont go out w that guy again and mb go out w me instead??”

which. WHAT

ure literally shellshocked and hes trying to explain on the other end like “i mean u dont have to if u dont want to i just wanted to tell u and-”

its honestly precious tbh

u barely manage to cut him off but ure still a mess of emotions so u cant rlly talk properly

ure pretty sure tht u end up saying the equivalent of a keyboard smash,,,

he quiets down tho, and as ure trying to figure out want u want to say, he just looks at u w this rlly cute earnest expression and ur heart MELTS

eventually u manage to choke out tht u like him and now its his turn to get surprised

“WAIT ARE U SERIOUS”

he whisper-screams the whole thing, bc he doesnt want to actually scream and hurt ur ears but hes still freaking out and cant contain everything hes feeling

all u can do is nod and grin into ur hands and hes like “uGH now i wish i could tell u in person” but hes acting all soft and shy and tbh u dont think either of u could handle it if u were in the same room right now

still

ure both blushing and giggling and u feel so so relieved its kinda embarrassing

but he manages to cough out tht he’s rlly rlly happy tht u like him too, and “lets meet up soon? please?”

and who are u to deny him smthn like tht

(esp when uve been dreaming abt going on a date w him since forever ago)

eventually u have to end the call

but u both go to sleep that night with ur phones nearby, smiling even as u drift off to sleep

#requested #jihoon #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #wanna one scenarios #wanna one scenario #park jihoon #park jihoon imagines #jihoon imagines #park jihoon scenarios #jihoon scenarios

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jaffre · 7 years ago

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life update

i havent really talked about it cuz ive been stressed but last tuesday i was starting a work rehabilitation center for mentally ill ppl, where theres activity to see what you’re good at, help you with autonomy, figure out a professional plan, etc, stuff like that but on thar first day, on that first morning, i just fucked up at the end of the morning before leaving for lunch, i asked the ppl present if they could call me jaffre (a nickname) instead of my birthname, and the lady in charge of the activity basically just went, oh but i love your first name its pretty so other ppl may call you jaffre but i’ll still use ur first name and i was like

so i go to have lunch and the whole time all i wanna do is GO HOME like il trying really hard to ignore it bc its only the first day, and i like what we do here, and after lunch i have like an hour before afternoon activity and im just crying so i decide to call my mom to talk to her about it......i never really talked about trans stuff to her but i thought this could be the time to finally get on the topic and get some recomfort & all and

boy

what a mistake

she said horrible things, like, think how hard it is for others, if you give up everytime someone does something that annoys you you’ll never do anything with your life. just the fact she said that this woman saying to my face she wouldnt use my preferred name is a thing that “annoys” me if just......so hurtful. why do you defend a random woman you dont know instead of recomforting your trans child, jesus.

i hang up and her and ran away crying and just went home. didnt reply to calls from the center and my mom bc i was just unable to

mom sent me a message later this same day saying the center called her (shes my emergency contact) and that they’re waiting for me the next morning to talk to the nurses about what happened and help me thru it but

i wasnt able to go

just thinking about going back there freaks me out

i wasnt able to answer their calls and wasnt able to call them back either. i did send them an email trying to get in touch another way! but they just said hey call this number.

and since then idk what to do. ive stayed home this week instead of trying to go back there. im just....so anxious. of course that means im not in contact with mom anymore either. i dont know what to do

im so pissed at myself for running away instead of powering thru the day. so pissed i called my mom, should have known it wasnt a good move. pissed that i fucked up the one thing i was really looking forward to and that could actually help me

i think its just.....i realise how much being trans, and not being respected as a trans person, how this whole thing in my life not being taken care of, really impacts me negatively. like, if i wasnt trans, i wouldnt have freaked out as being misnamed, i wouldnt even worry about it in the first place, i would have stayed there no problem. but i cant pass, i dont even want hormones, i just want top surgery, but how will that help me anyway, i mean i know i’ll feel better, but ppl will still misgender me. i still would have to use my legal name for stuff. im just so tired. i dont want this. the whole time i was there at lunch time before i called my mom, i kept thinking how everything would be easier if i was just a cis girl. and i hate thinking things like that. but its true. itd be easier. i wouldnt have so much trouble dressing up and going out. im sure itd fix like at least a third of why im not good.

i still cant understand how a woman working in a place with mental ill people ignored my call for a preferred name. like, even without the trans stuff. if someone ask you to use a nickname bc they’re more comfortable with it, you do it??? not doing it is just an asshole move???? thats fucked up thats fucked up thats fucked up how am i supposed to feel safe going back there anymore???? i was so excited to go there i was going to help with christmas decorations and garden work til christmas and after that there was going to be some classes, and the wood work activity, and i was even gonna try playing badminton again, and i fucked it all up and idk how to fix but i dont want to fix it because i dont want to go back there because of this horrible woman and i feel terrible that such a small thing fucked me up so much

#misgendering and stuff #me fucking up the one thing i was really looking forward to #sorry its long

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survivorkomnata · 6 years ago

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Episode #10: “ I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it.” - Jess

Dear Alyssa,

For someone who claims to have a HUGE interest in Astrology.... you seem to have forgotten the fact that I'm a fucking Virgo. If you burn me I will never forget it. You declared war and that's on YOU.

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i hate this “we only start talking an hour before tribal” nonsense that this merge tribe has going on. like pls get your lives together sooner. i don’t even message ppl anymore bc we just do the “yaaa i haven’t heard anything” “me either” back and forth

i feel pretty hopeless in the game i’m ngl, fully think we should just wrap it up now and give zach the win

alyssa is an emotional and illogical player who came into the merge with the goal of miguel and luke being voted out for voting against her premerge. she didn’t think of the long term, only revenge. it’s embarrassing.

i don’t rly have an endgame path. or anything anymore. i miss luke and stephen.

So, yesterday was a bit of blindside for me. Not even really because Luke left, I woke up that morning willing to vote him out myself, but because I was unable to get Karth, Tim, or Alyssa on my side. I don't think any of them are truly "against me" at this point but it's a little worrying that Luke left over Jake, who I still don't really have a strategic relationship with.

Alyssa confronted me last night saying that other people had gone to her and said that I was planning to target her once Jake was gone. This isn't exactly true, but it has enough basis in reality since I have talked in the "4-elements" alliance about how we should target Jake before going after Alyssa. I'm not sure who went to her with this idea, nor do I know if she was even approached with it in the first place. Alyssa has deceived me for 2 votes now. First, she outright lied to me about voting Zach out at F10 (I still don't technically have confirmation of this, but it makes sense that she'd take out Luke/Miguel as soon as possible). More evidence supporting that she lied is that the former Kato2.0 side decided to vote Luke out next, which would be odd if he was the one to flip to their side at the first merge vote.

The second thing she lied about was being on the fence at this last tribal council. After Luke was gone she told Jess that we "should've known she didn't want Jake out" despite her never saying that to us. It's clear that Alyssa had planned to vote Luke out as soon as she knew this would be a 5-4 vote. But she lied to me about that and wasted my time up until the very last minute.

Basically, what I'm saying is... it's getting exhausting to try and work with her strategically. It's not like Ally/Jess/Karth, who I feel I can talk frankly and honestly with. I want her and Jake gone. Jake hasn't really "wronged" me in anyway, but I can tell him and Alyssa have to at least be a little close so the jury can have both of them. Honestly, I kinda want them both gone more than Zach at this point. I'm doing my best to win this upcoming immunity challenge so people stop going behind my back, but if Zach were to win.. well... I certainly have a few alternatives in mind.

I am feeling a bit stuck in this game. With Zach in the game I feel my game is pretty restricted and I would feel too bad to backstab him. I already felt bad for voting Luke. I just dont know what to do here.

i have no idea what’s happening

zach and karth have reached out to me about potentially trying to reconcile and ofc i’m open to that

i’m kinda worried they’re voting jess out and i hope not bc i love her

i wish i had any kind of idea what i was doing

i wish luke didn’t get voted out

i wish this idol search made sense

i wish i was a little bit taller i wish i was a baller

So apparently Zach and Jake are throwing around Stephen's name with my name as an alternative. I'm not surprised at all at this rate. I figured this would happen as soon as I took my strike at both Zach and Jake.

The only possible saving grace from this all is that both Alyssa and Tim let me know about it. This kind of gives me a glimmer of hope that both of them aren't willing to at least vote me out at this stage in the game. If they'd did.. they'll look like idiots because I'm playing such a horrible game. I have yet to make a big move or win an immunity, I don't have any solid alliances aside from "The Last Hope" which honestly just a circumstantial alliance and most likely we die soon. Taking me at this point is ridiculous because I'm literally the perfect person to sit final 3 with right now.

My game plan at least now is.. I want either Zach or Jake to go. If I can work the angle of Jake or Zach trying to get me out as a way to sway people who think I'm their best friend in this game... yeet. If not I am dead and I will write my own eulogy....

If I get voted out because I lost immunity by 1 point.. I WILL FUCKING RIOT.

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Ok so sorry for the lack of confessionals going on I have a lot (of good things) happening in my life atm. Anyways, I got sent to the basement which sux and now the vote is super stressful!!! I'm pretty much pulling a lot of strings within the tribe atm and trying to balance it all! I have Zach and Jake in my pocket completely!! Jake and Alyssa are like on my coat tail and Jess/Stephen/and Ally are in their grave ready to be destroyed lmaoo. Fingers crossed I don't go home.

im vulnerable, and it's an hour til tribal. i'm unsure of what's going to happen. here's a quick recap:

A - i go to ally/stephen to encourage reconciling. i think this is genuinely smart as we are all 'big threats' and it's stupid to let middle players slide by while helping pin bigger threats against one another. they basically end up agreeing (more so stephen). B - alyssa and tim come to me (separately) saying that they are throwing my name around, and tim goes even further to say that they want to split between me / jake. this sounds really believable based on track record. C - ally pms me saying that she heard X told Jess who told her that i'm targeting stephen. i say it's true, but under the circumstances that people are saying they are going after me. D - we talk in the "alliance" chat and come to a conclusion that jake should be the vote as he best fits the "middle player" role, thus being dangerous. though i disagree, i'm in no position to bury karthik/tim in a hole. E - with karthik spearheading, i help flip the vote from stephen to jess. this is because jess will weaken that side, and i don't trust her. at all. on top of that, it helps me not worry as much abt alyssa being sketchy & it keeps my promise 2 stephen/ally in the sense of not voting stephen (and i can argue saying that with them lying at merge, i had to be reaaaalllllyyyy cautious). F - i'm unsure about my idol. it could still happen. right now i'm leaning towards playing my idol because i want it GONE. by using this idol, here are the outcomes: F.1 - the vote is 4-4 or even more slanted, and i idol successfully, meaning jess will leave this game. F.2 - i receive 0 votes and completely waste it. this makes me more vulnerable, but also, could help if i utilize it correctly/effectively. F.3 - I receive 3 votes (give or take) and it's ineffective but shows that i can't trust ally/stephen and by attachment, jess (who should be gone). i guess my preferred order would be F1 -> F3 -> F2 just because if i use it, i want it to be as effective as possible since wasting an idol isn't going to help my case at FTC (which is already weak LSDGKDSLGDSH).

my gut is really sick (as always bar f9.. so just f10). i don't THINK i'm getting any votes, but u can never be too sure. to elaborate on the entire point of 'F', i want to go over pros n cons of idolling (and wasting it). PROS: - no more paranoia for me (GOD BLESS) - i'm much more vulnerable, meaning they may not target me (double-sided) - im 100% safe regardless, and in f7. CONS: - im more vulnerable; easier to target. - ppl are shook bc i dont trust them/ didnt tell them - its wasted and doesnt help my FTC case.

and lastly, who has the idols? [based on tribe idols] CONFIRMED: me . (OG Takagi idol) LIKELY: alyssa (the only person who could have two) COULD POSSIBLY HAVE ONE: stephen (someone probs has attila, i think itd be him or alyssa). karthik (basement king, but def not tribal idol probs .) jake (og kato, could have the kato idol). NOT LIKELY: tim (og takagi/nu-kato. both idols were gone, so i doubt it. but, maybe basement??) jess (unless she worked w alissa n found attalia, it's no) DEFINITELY NOT: ally (was on OG Takagi (my idol) and takagi post-swap, so unless swap idol, N/A).

Jess is voted out 5-3. She becomes the fourth member of our jury.

#escapenow #episode

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