#part 1 was finished in november and i am working on part 2

[shamera]

Fandom: Mysterious Lotus Casebook Character/Pairing(s): pre-Fang Duobing/Li Lianhua, He Xiaofeng, He Xiaohui Rating: PG-13 Warning: blood, injuries, minor character death Summary:

Fifteen years ago, portals called 'gates' appeared all over the world leading to pocket dimensions people coined 'dungeons'. Ten years ago, two of the world's greatest Hunters disappeared after the collapse of a dungeon at the eastern sea. Three years ago, Fang Duobing Awakened as a Hunter, determined to follow in the footsteps of his idol. Today, a gate suddenly appeared within Tianji Hall, pulling its inhabitants into a dungeon.

[coridallasmultipass]

Halloween costume hint:

(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)

[natsuyuki-w]

Not one of the boys

Twisted wonderland cast realizes that (Yuu) is a girl.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 Featuring: Grim - Trey - Adeuce - Tsunotaro, Cater and Riddle

Dumb human

- Hyiiii! It's really coming down! - Appeared the monster out of nowhere. - ARGH! Grim! - I jumped almost stumbling on the dusty sofa. - Gyahahahaha! You've got this stupid look on your face like... Whaaaaaa but you're a girl! - He panicked watching my shirt.

To dust the abandoned building, I had thrown off the ceremonial cape leaving me with a tight black shirt.. - Yes,... I identify as one at least. What about it? - His face gradually relaxed and he put a paw under his chin. - I dunno. I only saw boys, just thought you were one as well. - he shrugged. Thinking back to the faces I met in the mirror chamber, it could've been true. Tho there were many people, hooded furthermore, and there was no way of knowing if somebody was another gender instead.

- Yes I've decided.- piped the grey cat. - Nothing has changed, you're still a weak dumb human. -

- How many colorful titles am I going to get in the close future? -

Chestnuts

- Talking about husband material. - with the basket of chestnuts in hand, I gushed eying all the goodies in the kitchen prepared by the third year. Trey chuckled lightly - If you say so.- strangely enough, the comment hit differently from when his friends teased him about it.

Cater's words came to his mind: "Much like the new Pomefiore kid, (Yuu)Chan is a very cute boy."

- Lah - I clipped back Deuce's hair just like I did with mine. - Now we are ready! - and I struck a power pose. Trey looked at me for a good moment, mind wandering, cheeks reddening. His Heartslabyul companion was getting into his head.

---

With that tart involved, I knew it was going to end like this. - (Yuu)!!! Stop it. - slapped my hand Ace - I need them for the cake, do you want me to stay like this forever???- he pointed to the collar on his neck. - You are such a drama-king, there are probably 10 kilos of them. - I pouted - This is just the rightful prize for...Ouch! - he flicked my nose this time. Chestnuts were a weakness of mine and even tho it was a very boring and laborious task, Ace was considering switching and shelling them himself.

He snatched the one I just finished cleaning and dropped it in the pile - Junkie! - he threw a judging gaze. - Yes okay? I admit it. Hi, my name is (Yuu), I'm 18 years old, and it's since last November that I haven't tasted, this delicious fruit of the devil. - I chanted.

- Fruit of the devil? - asked Grim. - Yeah..., where I live, chestnuts have been said to be a gift from God to the people of the mountains, but that has been cursed by the devil, making them difficult to bring and eat.- - Ah-ha! - looked at me weirdly the cat.

- As I, mere mortal, can't look upon this gift... OUCH - a slap, this time on my nape. - Are you going to just punish me or do you intend to make yourself useful for YOUR apology cake? - I bit.

- Kids, calm down. - teased Trey posing his large hands on our heads - but (Yuu) has a point, Ace. - inquired. And scolded by the older student, the angry first year started working alongside me scrutinizing my every move.

---

After finishing the laborious job, I stood to go asking what we needed to do next, but before, I spun fast, aiming for my drug.

Unfortunately, Trey was quicker, and from behind me, he managed to grab the bowl and hold me back with his long arms. When his hand got hold of my waist, I felt him tense briefly, but he recomposed, looking down at me with his ears turning a tinge of red. - No more falling into temptation, okay (Yuu)? - he commented, lingered for just a moment, and then proceeded to give us instructions.

- What was that? - whispered Ace to me. - What? - I asked dumbfounded. - WHA??? You haven'...sigh...WHATever.- and he left

- What? -

---

- Do that thing you do, Trey-kun. - said Cater. The boy arrived just to snatch a couple of photos and enjoy our labor. -..., oh that! What are your favorite things to eat guys? - asked the other third-year. And after he listened and chanted "doodle suit", we all bitted into the slices again. Everyone was surprised and cheery about the unexpected flavor. My mind on the other hand went into a tantrum of emotions, and soon big juicy tears were streaming down my face.

- This is Trey-kun's unique magic. Don't you think it'd work super well on a date with a girl? - commented the boy winking and wrinkling the diamond seed on the cheek.

The rivers running from my eyes wouldn't stop. I quietly turned around hoping to cover it from the others, but Trey, who was right next to me, caught sight of my face - (Yuu)...what happened? Have I messed up yours? - he posed a comforting hand on my back. I shook my head and tried denying my poor state with sobs choking each word. -N-no no! I-*hick* it's perfect. A-and don't *sniff worry-y I'm just a baby. - I felt pathetic.

- You definitely are not doing well tho. - - I-it's just...I think I-I'm feeling homesick 'fro-om the taste. - I admitted in a murmur. Pushing me a little he looked where he could find some tissues, but after seeing that it wasn't getting better, he tried the bold move of hugging me.

Welcoming the comfort, I moved my arms from my face to the back of his shirt mumbling - I'm so sorry. - but too caught by my storm of emotions, I didn't realize the implications of my chest pressed against him.

His body went stiff like a wooden plank once again, but after a heavy gulp, he managed to relax. "Perhaps (Yuu) isn't a cute boy after all." He was going to take the information for himself.

Hook up???

- Excuse my intrusion. - said Deuce who came along to keep an eye on Ace. - Make yourself at home. - I smiled warmly. - the bathroom is here, I'll go up and take the mattress. Ace, do you want to sleep on the couch again? - - My back hurts just thinking about it. - he groaned.

- Let us give you a hand Prefect! - followed Deuce grabbing his companion by the wrist. - Hey, hey I'm coming... geez - he almost fell from the cramped stairs. - Hahaha, thank you. - I waved them up. - I'll seriously start to tie up this weekend. I'm sorry but for now, my guest room is the lounge. - and I invited them to my shared bedroom. - Don't worr...- the raven boy froze in place.

- What's up? - and I followed his eyes. - Ups... - my laundry was still folded on the sheets and, obviously, my bra was on top of the pile. - I can exp...- -I KNOW RIGHT? I never noticed until yesterday! - exclaimed Ace. - Gyahahaha, you should've seen him: "HOW DARE YOU LYING TO ME LIKE THAT, WOMAN?". So lame. - Grim cackled nudging the boy's leg, but no reactions came out of him.

- ACE, GRIM DAMN IT! I was ready with a bunch of excuses! - - Oh yeah, like? - they asked incredulously. - This Gremlin pranked me? I snatched a hook-up? I like wearing women's clothes or I'm a Drag queen?...-

- THOSE EXCUSES ARE EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING THAN THE TRUTH! - Screamed back at me the ginger. I glared very disappointed but before I could insult his bigotry he inquired - And a hookup? How in hell would you find a girl to hook up with? - - Mhpf... - I pouted offended - I AM a pretty boy! Cater's words. I could find a girl easily if only I would.-

- (Yuu)...- Finally Deuce snapped out of his daze and spoke with a quiet voice. - ...you are a girl... - and a little hurt asked - Why didn't you tell us? - I had the impression this was starting to become a talk of routine. - Crowley asked me to keep it a secret, but honestly...Well, is not like I needed to tell anything. Do you present yourself as "Deuce, a man, nice to meet you." - I acted - Till the headmaster warned me I don't recall occasions where my gender got questioned...other than Grim on the first day here. -

He was trying to Think how to take the situation, and that operation was successful just as mixing water with oil. - Look - I posed a hand on his shoulder before his brain started fuming - I wanna be friends with you all, it's not like I act any different either way, it's always me. Just covering more than I would usually. I mean, if it's awkward for you guys, I would be very sad, but I'll...accept it and I'll take my distan...- And he exchanged with a stern hold of my shoulder. - No! You're right! I wanna still be friends with you. And don't worry - he puffed his chest holding his fist on it - I'll be sure your secret will not be spilled further! -

- Awww thank you Deuce, you're such a sweetheart.-  - Mmmm... - he nodded but quickly turned to face the other way - SORRY...can't help it,.... that name hits differently now. - his face was red as a tomato.

---

They sat on their mattress while I was on the couch with Grim lying in my lap. - So in order, Grim was the first one, then the headmaster...when? - - After I gave him the crystal of the Dwarf's mine. - and I mimicked dramatically - One moment he was: "I'll grant you the honor of attending our majestic academy. Go and make me proud son." then he saw and he was: "WHAT'S A CHICK DOING IN MY OFFICE?". - The events may be inaccurate...- muttered the gray cat and I shushed him.

- How many others know? - asked Deuce. - You two,... I think?- - I bet, Trey-senpai. - inquired Ace. - Why? - - He was SO all over you. - he smirked. - All over...didn't notice. - delicious chestnuts were the only thing I could recall - And how do you know he doesn't like boys? - - Yeah exactly - supported me Deuce. - Cater said something about his unique magic being great with the girls so I am assuming.- shrugged the ginger. - He has a point! - quickly changed sides his companion.

Intruders

Me and Grim prepared ourselves for another day of investigations into the mysterious incidents. On the path to the school, I sum up my late-night talking with the mysterious stranger.

-...and I saw those green sparks and this big shadow out of the widow. So I opened it and there was this Huge stunning boy with dark horns on his head. So I was like: " Intruder!" and he was like: "A child of man? Though, aren't you the intruder little lady? " - I imitated his tone - Obviously, I was wearing the crop top and not one of the XXL shirts - and Grim cackled.

- So I went out, 'cause I didn't want to wake you and I told him the all I'm here cause blah blah, don't tell anybody etcetera. So I asked him why he strolled around our dorm? And he said he was there cause he likes exploring ruins, and now we ruined his ruin, cause the abandoned building is no longer abandoned.-

- Rude! - - A little...- - So who was he?- - Wait I'm getting there! - We stopped waiting for our favorite duo. - I asked him and he was all weird about it. At first, astonished, and then he laughed and said " I'd rather you remain unaware". - - Suspicious! - whispered Grim. - "It's for your own benefit. Instead, I will permit you to call me by the name of your choosing." - and I got closer to the cat to add drama -" Although you may one day regret it..."-

We looked at each other and grinned mischievously. - Oooh, oooh let me pick it! - exclaimed Grim - Howsabaout...Tsunotaro! - I couldn't help but giggle. - I was thinking "Hornton", but yours works well. Can't wait to see his face when I tell him.-

He then pondered - If Tsunotaro's a student here who knows when we might run into him? If we do, introduce me! I've never seen a human with horns before.- - G'morning, Prefect. - jumped Cater from behind us and threw an arm around my shoulders.

- Cater don't be so touchy - frowned slightly Riddle, and the older student complied disappointed. - But (Yuu)Chan is soft, I like giving hugs to my kohai.- I chuckled embarrassed - Good morning to you Cater, and hello Riddle. How is Trey doing? - - Better, he's slowly but surely recovering thanks to Crewel's potions and nurses' caring. - responded the redhead.

He then looked intensely - Mmh your tie is a little off from the assault. - frowned Riddle - Following the rules starts with your attire. Or else your residents will never listen to you...Although, I guess it's not as bad for you being the only one. - inquired the head of Heartslabyul.

I looked down and out of the corner of my eye, I could see the third year smirking. Before I knew it Riddle had his hands on my clothes, the back of his hand brushing on my chest. I stood still, too stunned to make a move. "Wow (Yuu) is very broad." thought the short boy. - Riddle-San... You are unfair, first telling me not to be touchy with her, and now look at you. -

It took some time for the both of us to register his phrase and still holding onto my tie he twisted his head and stuttered - W-what have you just said? - - *damn it... Ha-ha. Why? Did he say something weird? - I tried to play dumb hoping Cater would doubt his words. Unfortunately, my body was not as much of a good actor, and the boy's green eyes immediately spotted my shade of red. - I said: it's unfair you can be touchy with Her. -

The dorm leader looked back at me and a million thoughts passed through his big eyes, realizing everything at once. Quickly became red from head to toe, then threw himself back in a mess of sorries - I didn't know! Since when?... -

Incredulous, Grim asked - HOW DID YOU KNOW S...*MPHF - I quickly covered his mouth to avoid the entirety of the front yard eavesdropping. - Trey-kun told me! - winked Cater. - And since when Trey knya about it???- exclaimed again the cat. - Since the Mont Blanc tart! He was all over you so I asked and he confessed his suspicions. -

- Ace said the same thing... Dang, I'm in debt with that dummy...- I mumbled recalling his bet. - Was I the only one ignoring this fundamental fact??? - snapped Riddle still full red. - I don't know,...(Yuu)? - the third year quickly threw the fireball at me. - Well, there is Grim, the headmaster, who by the way, was the one saying it would've been troublesome letting this information known. - I explained - Then Ace discovered, Deuce, Trey as it seems, and Cater too, Tsunotaro, and now you! - I listed. - I think...- - Tsuno-Who? - asked the two members of Heartslabyul. - Ah, a new encounter I made yesterday. -

- So you're telling me, someone, you just met, knew it before me???- and the tinge of red on the king of hearts, changed from fluster to anger.

Till reading the manga I thought Cater's name was "Carter" instead.

Not just because it sounded better in my head, but because "Carte" in Italian means "Cards".

[hotwaterandmilk]

A couple of things I received in the mail this week.

Wada Shinji Artworks

Released in 2022 this book, which commemorates 10 years since Wada's death, covers an extensive assortment of artwork from the artist's catalogue including finished colour pieces, manuscripts and comments.

Truly if you're a fan of Wada this book is for you, it is very comprehensive; offering insight into his processes as well as exquisite finished artwork. It does something I'm normally not a fan of in art books, which is spread artwork across pages and combine several illustrations to a page in some places.

However, this book feels like a journey through Wada's career (grouped together by thematic elements like historical titles or suspense titles) and each page is composed in a particular way as part of telling this story so I actually don't mind it all that much. No, not the best for scanning but I don't think a book like this should be about scanning - it's about walking down Wada's path and rediscovering (or igniting) a sense of respect and affection for his works. In that sense, I really do think this book is successful.

I'm old but not old enough to have grown up reading Wada's stories (I was only introduced as a teenager with Sukeban Deka, which immediately captured me because it combined detective themes with action) so I can't speak as an authority on his works or career. But I believe most fans of manga will take something away from a detailed retrospective like this and as such, I highly recommend it.

Lab-Garnier's Magical Emi doujinshi

The latest in Asamiya Kia's long line of full-colour heroine doujinshi volumes which can veer between featuring cute, harmless pics, cheesecake shots and some more softcore illustrations (such as the one he did for Saimebi's Lebia). I had hoped this one would just be on the cute side of things given that Mai from Magical Emi is IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL however, this was not to be.

While there are a couple of fairly harmless shots of Mai, which I've included here, there is also a double-page panty shot spread and a bath illustration of her naked. 🤢🤢🤢 I had thought Yui from Corrector Yui eating ice cream in her book was bad enough, but this is on another level of NOPE. I'm posting this to save others from making the same mistake I did. This isn’t cute, it is gross ass shit.

Ranma 1/2 Ciao Magazine stickers

Ciao magazine shares a lot of shounen collab content, particularly Meitantei Conan, but in the November issue they actually included some Ranma content (timed obviously with the new anime series’ release).

While I’m not a big Takahashi-head, I had to get the magazine issue specifically for these stickers because I fell in love with the designs. Truly, an insert sticker sheet did NOT have to go this hard. If nobody else has scanned them I’m happy to do so, but Ranma has a lot of dedicated fans so it may not be necessary. I am happy I got these for myself though, very cute little insert that highlights Takahashi’s iconic artwork in a way that will appeal to young girls.

[mcytblrescape]

Welcome to the Escape Room!

Hello, and welcome to the MCYTblr Escape Room Event, run by @edgarallanpoestan and @patorucho! This is an event where you follow clues and fulfill prompts with a team, in order to escape and complete the challenge.

Interested? Our current stage of running/creation is below, as well as more information about the event itself!

Discord

AO3 Collection

Our current stage of running/creation: Interest Checks!

Our next stage of running/creation: Sign-ups!

Schedule

-> Signups: October 19, 2024 12:00 am CST - November 30, 2024 11:59 pm CST

-> Team Assignments: By December 14, 2024

-> First Room Opens: January 5, 2025 12:00 am CST

-> Event Ends: March 15, 2025 11:59 pm CST

(Below is a rough breakdown of rooms; NOT necessary to stick to this schedule. Each new room opens once you complete the previous room, the only strict deadlines are those above)

-> Room One: January 5, 2025 12:00 am CST - January 18, 2025 11:59 pm CST

-> Room Two: January 19, 2025 12:00 am CST - February 1, 2025 11:59 pm CST

-> Room Three: February 2, 2025 12:00 am CST - February 15, 2025 11:59 pm CST

-> Room Four: February 16, 2025 12:00 am CST - March 1, 2025 11:59 pm CST

-> Room Five: March 2, 2025 12:00 am CST - March 15, 2025 11:59 pm CST

Rules

-> As per Tumblr and Discord Terms of Service, all participants must be 13 or older at the time of sign-ups, no exceptions

-> You must join our Discord. If that is an issue, contact a mod, and we will try to figure out a workaround, but you must be present in the server in some way

-> Show all other participants respect and consideration. You will be on different teams, but you are not against each other. Help out your fellow escapees, and be kind to everyone!

-> Work with your teammates, make sure to contribute! We understand if something comes up, real life should always be your first priority. When possible, please at least give a heads-up to your team

-> Absolutely no AI generated content

FAQ

What is the Escape Room Event? How does it work?

-> All teams are given a clue to start out. These clues will lead the team to a prompt. If you get stuck don't worry! Teams will be allowed to vote on hints. There are 5 rooms to solve, and for each room "escaped", your team is given the aforementioned prompt to create for. These can be created a few different ways: every person in the team takes a prompt to fulfill (or, each person creates one or two full pieces, depending on team size, throughout the course of the event); all team members work together to fulfill every prompt (or, each person contributes to each prompt! A webweave made with multiple people looking for content, while others are writing drabbles or doodling something to include, multiple artists working on the same art piece, one fic broken up into multiple parts for each writer, the ideas are endless); or any other combination your team would like to try, as long as everyone is participating! There is no penalty to not finishing all the rooms, this is all for fun!

How do I participate?

-> Fill out our sign-up form, and join our Discord, which is linked above the cut! This is where we will be sending most of our announcements and information, so this is required to participate. You are free to join using a throwaway or sock account, and you do not need to talk -- this is for ease of access on our end, especially if we need to reach out to anyone for any reason.

How do I join a team?

-> Teams will be randomly selected! If there is anyone you specifically do not want to be teamed with, please let a mod know privately

Is AO3 posting required?

-> You are not required to post onto AO3, but we will have a collection available for anyone who would like to!

[ihatethisstuf]

This is a scheduled post (From, November 2nd, 2024, It's supposed to be posted November 24th, but Idrk how to schedule, so we just pray it works). Trigger warning for (in a positive connotation) self harm (its bit graphic) and mention of suicide. If you were mentioned, but those are a trigger for you, skip to the part you were mentioned (it'll be mentioned in grey), do not force yourself to go through it.

I know this is a rp blog. But, everyone who interacted, roleplayed with, damn simply reblogging it, had an huge impact on this achievement.

On November, 24th of 2023, I cutted myself. It took me to the ER. Thankfully, I did not get stitches, but it did leave a scar, a scar I thought would haunt me forever.

Spoiler: It didn't.

I remember the doctor asking me if I had suicidal thoughts or ever attempted it, and I knew that depending on my answer, it could take me to a psychiatric unit; I didn't want that. I didn't want the fear of explaining it to family or friends. So I lied, I lied, putting in mind that from then on, I'd commit to that never ever happening again. And here I am. 1 year free. And tell you something, these 2 months were hell, but every notification, every interaction, it was a daily motivation: "I need to finish that arc," "I could make more posts like it", so I can only say thank you and sorry if I sounded desperate sometimes, it felt like here was my only escape

Part of my young 5-year-old me, who dreamed of being themselves, without fear, was healed by this blog; I can thankfully be the EVIL VILLAIN MUAHAHAHA, and know that it's not that bad, know that liking villains does not make me a bad person, it does not mean I'm some sort of psychopath as some other kids would tell me.

Honestly, I completely understand if these blogs mods don't read it, bc it might be triggering, but I'll mention, just in case.

@one-sixer-please (I love interacting with your blog, is always fun, and it truly motivated me in my shittiest days)

@askdrunkbillcipher (Bruhh, your account is like the funniest I've ever interacted with, I don't even know what to say, just, thank you.)

@theaxolotl-god (You were one of the first accs I've ever interacted with, and truly helped me to keep going)

@river-nonbinary-billcipherfan (I've learned so much from your acc, and omg, thank you. Thank you for existing and being who you are)

@17ghostsinatrenchcoat (You seem such a genuinely nice person irl, I am really proud of you :])

@trickstertriangle (I wanna hug you/p, I love interacting with your blog and I truly hope the best for you.)

@bills-library (You were my inspiration to start this blog)

@sillycato (I love you so much/p you deserve thd world, omg infinite hugs and presents for you, you are an angel, this Lucas btw, just if you don't know lol)

@pandagobrr (I would always smile at your notifications, thank you ^^)

@ever-growing-system (I was research anon, and y'all truly helped me to figure out more of myself and my triggers, thank you :,])

If you're mentioned here, thank you so much for making this app a place that I could run to in my darkest days.

And if you're not mentioned here, there's two possible answers

1st- I forgot you and I'm sosososo sorry😭

2nd- Idrk you or dont interact much, but anyways, thank you for existing, breathing, getting out of bed, I'm so fucking proud of you. (Even who was mentioned, this is for you too)

I was always so scared that people wouldn't like me and that if I said one little thing wrong I was a terrible person, and I learned so much in this one year, that I finally can say, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of going the lengths I went. There is lots to work on myself, I know there is, but one step at a time and maybe, one day, I might get there. But for now, I'll attempt into just not triggering myself.

-Lucas/Hyper

[spicerackofblorbos]

i'm GOD AWFUL at answering my asks unless they're requests, I'm sorry a;sldkfjas;df but to everyone who has sent me hearts, good vibes, and sunflowers, I appreciate and love you all so much!! <3 i'm finally getting around to this one!

i've been ordered by kat to do 5 more so here's my top 10 favorite fics I've written!! These are ALL x reader!

1. Amethyst | Leon Kennedy 2. Unspoken Words | Levi Ackerman - Chapter One: November 3. Sunrise | Levi Ackerman 4. Home | Leon Kennedy 5. For You, I Would | Armin Arlert 6. Can I Go Where You Go? | Levi Ackerman 7. Are You There? | Levi Ackerman 8. Chasing Waterfalls | Toge Inumaki 9. You'll Be Okay | Levi Ackerman 10. What's Mine, Is Yours | Erwin Smith

And here's my answer to tay's ask about my fics!

❥ fic I loved writing the most

this will always be dependent on when you ask me, because right now it will have to be Amethyst. If y'all haven't noticed, my newest love is Leon Kennedy, and writing for him is so much easier than writing for Levi and I think it's because I understand Leon's personality more. He's just so fun to riff off of. Not that Levi wasn't!! He was just harder to put down for me, I guess. ANWAYS. I loved writing for Leon and I'm working on a part two!!

❥ fic others loved that I didn't care for

okay so this might come as a surprise because it's my ultimate comfort fic, but it would have to be Sunrise. tbh, I don't know what loved the most means here but I'll equate it to notes. Sunrise is precious to me because it holds so many of my favorite things. BUT I really feel like I could have done so much better. The plot is there, the scenario and surroundings are perfect. but the WRITING?? I could have done better. don't get me wrong though, I still love it and I am very happy so many people liked it!!

❥ fic I had fun writing

definitely my For You, I Would fic. I don't have very many Armin fics but I enjoyed writing for him a lot because he's just such a shy little bean and so full of wonder and love. I could really see myself wanting to take him out on a date. This was also a request for my friend Tay and it was fun catering her interests within the story and how it works well with Armin!!

❥ fic I'm most proud of

for sure it would have to be Unspoken Words. I'm proud because it was the first time I've written something for myself in a long time. I didn't think I would care as much about fanfic until I fell in love with AoT, now look at me LMAO. UW helped me become a better writer as well as be more confident in areas I thought I lacked. I quite literally used it as a way to be better, and I'll always be proud of it. My first ever full and finished fic, I'll never forget it <3

❥ fic I wish got more recognition

probably Can I Go Where You Go? mainly because I really liked writing the semi plot twist at the end. like if you were caught up with season 4 of AoT, you would know what I was alluding to and it's like a kick in the gut LMAO. but also I thought I did pretty well with the descriptors, not to brag ofc. :3

❥ my happiest/saddest/most comedic fic

I SPENT 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR THIS. but the saddest will have to be this short drabble about Levi losing you in an expedition and him coming to your old room, reminiscing. I don't know what brought it on but I was like, huh. let's just be SAD.

if you're interested, my fic masterlist can be found here!

finally, thank you so much for the asks @kingkonoha, @youre-ackermine, and @humanitys-strongest-bamf!! I love y'all a lot <3

[1d1195]

Screens II

Read the first part here: Screens

Another thank you to my 🪁-anon. Without you and your kind request, this story would not exist. I hope you enjoy this part as much as possible. Thank you to the following anon's for their support, I don't have names or emoji's for you but here are the kind messages I've received patiently waiting for a part 2: one and only Screens fan, #1 Screens fan, and this one that sobbed while trying to finish reading it. I did not mean to exclude anyone, I typed Screens into my blog's search bar to gather this information.

Finally, this anon provided a good chunk of the inspiration.

I hope you all enjoy it. I wrote it in a sense in a series of flashbacks and you will see this ◊ to indicate the difference in flashback scenes vs. my standard * to indicate a bit of time has passed.

"Okay on with it, lady. You talk to much." --Everyone reading this (probably).

Harry wasn’t so distracted by how pretty she looked with hair and paint falling across her pretty skin and over her beautiful face that he missed her saying the word ‘if.’ A hopeful sign that she believed in a miracle even if she was too scared to say so herself on any given day. Part of him also noted and hated the idea of her finding an apartment without him; even after a mere nine months of being in absolute love with her. He wished he had asked her to move in right then.

December | Holiday Break | 8:30 AM

Harry was extremely mindful of announcing his presence around her because he hated how jumpy she got when anyone else spooked her because she didn’t always see them coming around the corner or something. He especially did so in the quiet of the morning or the stillness of the evening. “Angel?” He called into his apartment. It was chilly on their first day of holiday break from work. Harry wanted her to stay the whole week with him. She couldn’t deny she didn’t want the same thing. He ventured into the winter air and returned with hot coffee, foam on top just as she liked.

They’d been together, officially, for a little over a year. But having known her a bit for the better part of a decade, it was easier than he ever thought to be in a relationship with her and he wished that he had thought of it long before last November. “Mm,” she hummed barely loud enough for him to hear as he approached his bedroom. “M’sleeping,” she mumbled against the pillow as he made his way across the room.

He chuckled quietly and set the coffees on his nightstand before slipping back under the covers with her. She rolled herself on top of him, legs on either side of his hips and her face pressed against the front of his shoulder. She was scrunched against him like a little ball. “Don’t move.”

He wouldn’t have if someone tried to force him to move. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the side of her head. “Coffee’ll get cold,” he mumbled, rubbing his fingers against the back of her head. She sighed but said nothing. “C’mon, kitten. Y’told me t’not let y’sleep late,” he cooed and kissed her again.

“I lied,” she murmured. He chuckled. “M’too heavy, that’s it, isn’t it? Want me off you?” He rolled his eyes and squeezed her tight against him.

“No, y’silly thing.” She lifted her head up and hovered above him for a moment. She didn’t speak but she lightly drew her finger over his features. He watched as her eyes squinted, sliding over the trail of her finger in silence. She did this at least once a week. Usually when they saw one another on the weekends because they had more time than their Thursday night ritual. “What are y’doing?” He asked her.

Her cheeks reddened and she shook her head. She didn’t say and Harry let it drop. He always let it drop when he asked. Part of him thought nothing of it, surely it was for a portrait—a painting or a drawing she was working on. She had seen her do it with a rose, tracing the thorns carefully; or the arm of a park bench, admiring how it looked in the afternoon light.

Nonetheless, he enjoyed the way her fingers felt on his skin. It was one of the many things she taught him: using his sense of touch so much more.

Carefully he tightened his grip on her as he rolled the pair of them onto their sides to face one another. He brought his hand to her face and gently brushed his thumb across her lips and then traced his finger over her brow line, over the bridge of her nose, before settling his hand firmly against her cheek. “When’s your appointment?” He asked.

She sighed and shook her head. “Noon,” she mumbled. He gave her body a gentle squeeze as he held her.

“It’ll be alright, kitten.”

“I can’t teach if I can’t see,” she reminded him. “I’m sitting right in front of you, and I can hardly see you,” she whispered quietly.

He frowned and reached behind her for her glasses on the other little table beside his bed. He slid them into place, mindful to not catch her ear or pull too hard against her hair. He smiled at her. It made her stomach flip because Harry was by far the most beautiful person she had ever met. “I love your glasses,” he whispered. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“I look like a librarian.”

“The sexiest librarian ’ve ever laid eyes on,” he promised and ignored her snort. “Not only do they help y’see, but they help me see. S’like they magnify your eyes. Swear I can see everything you’re hiding in that beautiful brain of yours,” he murmured and pressed a kiss to her forehead, right between the rim of the glasses hovering over her eyes.

“They look like coke bottles.”

He shook his head. “I think you’re gorgeous,” he promised and pulled them down slightly and pressed a kiss to each of her eyelids. Silently he hoped and prayed to whatever god was out there that her appointment would give her good news and make the ache in her mind and heart lessen just a bit. He didn’t care if she needed glasses by any means or if her eyesight got worse. None of that mattered to him at all. He just wanted her to be a little happier than she was before.

*

Over the past year, he had seen so many stages of her grief. He saw the anger she felt when she missed a step and dropped her food outside the restaurant causing a mess all over her shoes and the entry way. It made her eyes water as she asked the hostess if she could have some towels to clean it up so no one would slip on their way out. Harry helped her clean it up and even placed the quickest to go order ever made so she could have extra for lunch the following day and promised her it was no big deal that she spilled.

 He watched her sadness as she couldn’t see things in plain sight—like the ever-hiding remote always evading her vision. Or when she accidentally put cinnamon in her pasta dish because she swore it was paprika.

The pain that puckered her eyebrows together all because her glasses and the screens at work bothered her so much.

Harry begged her so plainly to ask him for help. He had the phone pressed to his ear as he laid his head back against the sofa. Her voice made his stomach knot in the best way—she made him weak in the knees and the only thing he regretted about dating her was not doing it sooner. “I’ll bother you,” she whispered into the phone.

“Kitten, of course not.”

“If you’re hanging out with friends, and you need to come get me because it’s raining at night...and I can’t drive myself home?”

“Then I’ll say, ‘sorry lads, m’princess needs me.’ If they have a problem with that, s’on them,” he said simply with a shrug.

She released a quiet giggle despite how much she didn’t want to. “You’re much nicer to me than anyone I’ve ever known.”

◊

But she wasn’t always so down about it. Sometimes she had a really good sense of humor about it. Harry didn’t love it all that much though. It hurt him to hear her joke about something he knew in his heart hurt her quite a bit. But he was glad she could be in good spirits about it.

“Listen,” she said almost a month after their first kiss. “You’d be surprised how often someone says, ‘what are you blind?’ You’re just going to have to roll with it. It’s okay. I’ve heard it a lot and I say it to myself sometimes. I’ve been working on new comebacks but so far ‘legally, no; spiritually yes,’ is my favorite.”

Harry felt a wave of awkwardness wash over him, but she just continued to smile this gorgeous, bright smile that he had no choice but to let her make her joke.

And if he did say ‘What are you, blind?’ a few days later, well... at least she had warned him.

◊

Harry read to her sometimes. It made her feel like a little kid, but he didn’t dwell on it. He acted as if it was completely normal for a boyfriend to read out loud like a kindergarten teacher to his girlfriend. She snuggled up to him in his lap and glanced at the pages every so often as he held the book in front of them. She had to be careful though because Harry’s voice was so soothing and even though she loved to hear him talk, there had been many chapters she missed because he accidentally put her to sleep with his melodic voice.

◊

Sleeping together in the quiet parts of the night were some of his favorite times. Whether something more intimate happened between them or not. Night was when he felt most attuned to her. Harry couldn’t see any more than she could. Touching her, feeling the goosebumps he left in the wake of his fingertips against her skin made him much more aware of how touch could bring him to his knees for her. He also paid close attention to her near silent, soft whines of pleasure or how her laugh seemed so much brighter in the dark.

But listening to her speak at night might have been one of his most favorite things. “Why did y’leave me after that party?” He whispered. It bothered him a bit when they first started dating.

Her face was pressed to his chest, her finger moving over his face as it always did, this time focusing on the shape of his jaw, outlining the scruffy remnants of hair growth since he last shaved. “Why would you want to be with the near-blind girl?” She shrugged.

It took him no time at all to answer. “Cause she’s perfect.” She smiled and pressed a kiss almost touching the cross necklace that dangled between the sparrows on his chest.

She never asked him again if it mattered to him if she’d go totally blind. Not since she asked after their first kiss last November. He said it all right then at that moment. She believed him so easily because no, she hadn’t ever thought about it. There wasn’t a time when she thought that maybe she wouldn’t go blind. So, for Harry to believe it was possible was more than enough.

◊

Harry worried about her a lot more than most people did a lot of the time. More than her family who were so used to her poor sight it didn’t even phase them when she handed them the wrong cups or passed along the wrong items because they weren’t clear enough about where they were. More than strangers who would roll their eyes at her when she bumped into them on public transport.

But mostly herself because while she had been living with bad eyes for so long, it took Harry some getting used to the ins and outs of the harder things she had to do. One day they painted two canvases together, spinning them back and forth between them for five minutes creating fun little landscapes that didn’t make any sense. “Would y’ever want a seeing eye dog?” He asked. Harry was a terrible painter, but he’d do anything to spend time with her doing her favorite things. “Bet we could get you a really cute pup,” he smiled.

She smirked so cutely, and she wiped her hand across her forehead to get a piece of hair out of her eyes. In doing so, she painted a stripe of pink paint across her forehead, making his heart feel so jumpy with love for her. “Maybe if I went totally blind,” she shrugged. “Would need to find an apartment that allows a cute dog too,” she reminded him. As if a seeing-eye dog wasn’t an exception to most places.

Harry wasn’t so distracted by how pretty she looked with hair and paint falling across her pretty skin and over her beautiful face that he missed her saying the word ‘if.’ A hopeful sign that she believed in a miracle even if she was too scared to say so herself on any given day. Part of him also noted and hated the idea of her finding an apartment without him; even after a mere nine months of being in absolute love with her. He wished he had asked her to move in right then.

◊

Loving one another didn’t come without some hardships either.

Once more she found herself bumping into someone. Harry had gone ahead to the car to get to her door and naturally the moment he left her side she was nearly falling flat on her bum. However, the person bumping into her was quick, caught her around the waist before she hit the ground. “Oh, easy love. You alright?”

“I’m so sorry,” she said quickly.

“Hardly your fault, love. Don’t be sorry,” he smirked. “S’easy to fall for me,” he winked at her.

She gaped in surprise. Harry wasn’t surprised in the slightest because she was by far the most adorable person on the planet let alone that street. “Excuse me,” Harry said flatly. Harry eyed the arm around her waist that didn’t belong to her or himself, and the man turned his attention to Harry.

“Oh, of course you’re taken...Someone as beautiful as you would have to be,” he released his grip from her. “Sorry, mate,” he said to Harry and then winked at the beautiful girl.

Harry grabbed her hand and marched quickly toward his car without so much as another glance in his direction. “Harry,” she whined as he tugged her. He wasn’t rough, exactly. She didn’t think it was possible for him to be rough with her even when he was grumpy. Her mind flashed to that very first day when he looked at her with so much annoyance for getting food all over his clothes and then separating him from his friends.

Harry often got so protective of her that it came across as overbearing and every so often, he couldn’t help but feel jealous when someone else helped her. She had done so much on her own for so long the idea that she didn’t need him or worse, needed someone else made him so utterly sad that he had a hard time expressing how upset it made him. “M’sorry,” he whispered.

“Sorry? Why?”

“Jus’...I get so sad when other people help you,” he frowned. She turned toward him in her seat. “Not because I don’t want them t’help you. But because...I jus’ like helping you. Makes me think y’don’t really need me,” he mumbled. “I know I wasn’t always...so outwardly nice t’you. Think I was a bit of a dick,” he said quietly. “Think it would make a lot of sense if y’found...someone that swept y’off your feet right away.”

She reached out and cupped the side of his face and leaned forward to kiss him on the lips briefly. “I need you, always. More than that...I want you,” she said softly. Harry felt like a lovesick teenager at her words. Wanting him really was so much better than needing him. Because she didn’t. She was wonderfully independent and had done so much on her own for so long, she really didn’t need him. But wanting him around? Harry loved her so much he wondered how he ever could have been without her. “So much it feels like I need you.”

He leaned forward to steal another kiss and she smiled, her glasses bumping his forehead a bit. “I love you,” he promised.

She smiled. “Would you like to know when I fell in love with you?” She asked.

He blinked at her response. “Well, sure,” he nodded.

“When you held my hand at the party and walked me to your room...it was like...I don’t know, I felt like a princess,” she told him. “You totally saved me. I had no plan. No escape. I just didn’t want to bother anyone.”

He smiled at the memory. “I loved sleeping with you,” he winked. She pushed him gently and shook her head. “No really, y’looked so cute in m’clothes. Wanted you t’stay in my bed forever.”

“I bet you did,” she mumbled.

“Ha-ha,” he rolled his eyes. “Never would have thought your cute mind would constantly sit in a gutter, kitten. Yes, of course I wanted that,” he grumbled making her laugh. “Really I jus’ wanted you.”

“You want me too?” She wrinkled her nose making her eyes crinkle at the corners and Harry turned fully to hold her face between his hands. He leaned in to brush his lips over hers like he did the first time he kissed her. She gave the same little whine she did. It went right through his heart.

“What gave it away?” He mumbled against her lips.

◊

“What if it’s hereditary?” She whispered in the dark.

Harry turned to face her even though he couldn’t see anything in the darkened room. He could feel her breath and the anxiety in her voice was so palpable he could feel her voice. “Then...who better to help them than you?”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t wish this on the people that made fun of me,” she mumbled. “I can’t imagine a child like me,” she admitted quietly. “It was so hard.”

Harry frowned and inched closer to her. His nose bumped into hers, he brought his hand up to her cheek. What he said next, he meant whether he was part of the future or not. With everything in him, it was one of the truest things he ever told her. “I can’t think of a luckier child than one like you, m’love.”

◊

It wasn’t always about her eyes. There were pictures they took and vacations they enjoyed. He loved her family and how they made him feel like he was part of her holiday traditions. Gemma and his mum adored her and asked about her more than they asked about Harry.

She had the best jokes from books she read. Her art was beautiful and taking walks through the park with her were some of his favorite dates he’d ever been on.

It was five months in when he told her he loved her for the first time. “You are the most beautiful woman I know,” he said. She smiled at him with the lightest touch of pink painting her cheeks. She made him stop and proceeded to lie in the middle of the sidewalk to capture a picture of the sky between the branches of a tree on the unseasonably warm April day. Harry took his own picture of her doing just that. “See?” He asked, showing her the picture he took.

She looked at the picture momentarily and then back at him. “You think I’m beautiful?”

“Of course, kitten,” he rolled his eyes. “Inside and out; the kindness and warmth you have inside you is probably jus’ a fraction of the beauty y’display outwardly for someone like me that falls in love with you every time y’smile,” he grabbed her hand continued walking down the street enjoying the spring air. She was quiet for the length of the road and when they stopped to wait for the light to change at the crosswalk, she looked up at him at her side.

“You’re in love with me?” She asked.

He blinked in surprise, feeling a bit tongue tied. He chuckled awkwardly as he glanced at her. “Uh...sorry... I should have waited...said that in the privacy of your apartment...or mine, or something. Not in the middle of a busy street.”

She smiled and shook her head at him. “I love you, too.”

The light changed and back again, but neither of them noticed because he was too busy kissing her while the crowd moved around them.

◊

Sometimes she got so angry and frustrated with herself that she would accidentally take it out on Harry. Like the time she didn’t see how close her fingers were to the knife and nicked herself good. Not enough to need stitches or even a trip to the minute clinic, but enough to make Harry ooh and ahh over her. “Angel,” he murmured after she ripped her hand away from him.

“Stop,” she sniffed. She wasn’t in pain—at least not from her little wound she inflicted upon herself. “Just stop.”

He frowned and pressed his lips together trying not to overwhelm her with his worry. In those moments, he stood waiting patiently. Eventually she would say sorry, and he would shake his head. “You don’t have t’apologize t’me ever, m’love...not ‘bout this.”

He knew this was hard for her. Every time she hurt herself or dropped something, it was a reminder that her eyes weren’t working the way they were supposed to. The last thing he wanted was her spiraling and worrying about what would come next.

But he wanted her to know that whatever it was, he would be right beside her. Seeing for her even if she couldn’t.

*

December | Holiday Break | Lunch time

She never let Harry go into her appointments with her. However, he made sure he was the first one to meet her at the door right outside the office because her eyes were almost always dilated. It amplified how difficult it was for her to see where she was going. After nearly bumping into someone as she exited, she apologized awkwardly. Almost instantly, Harry was there looping her arm through his elbow. “Hey beautiful,” he said kissing the top of her head. He didn’t say anything else. Didn’t ask about the appointment. He knew better. She would say something if needed.

He opened her car door, helping her into the seat and placed sunglasses over her eyes to protect her widened pupils. He kissed the space where her forehead met her hairline and closed her safely in the car. Once inside the car himself, he drove off, planning to get her more coffee because she hated these appointments and Harry wanted to treat her for being brave even when she didn’t want to be. She leaned against the window and didn’t speak. Harry placed a hand on her leg, and she wrapped her fingers around his. He gave her a squeeze and continued driving silently.

“They have a new... cutting edge surgery they want me to try,” she whispered to the window.

He squeezed her hand again, glanced long enough to see her contemplative reflection in the glass. “How d’you feel about that?” He asked.

“Nervous.”

He smiled weakly. He wished he could look at her, but he knew talking about it was easier when he wasn’t looking at her—even if she couldn’t fully see him. Harry ordered at the drive through and then continued driving to a little spot by a lake. It was still so chilly outside—even at the warmest part of the day. There was steam coming off the water from the warmth of the sun beating off it. She took a picture of it on her phone and Harry knew the look of concentration on her face was trying to figure out how to recreate the steam in a painting.

They were sitting on the hood of his car. It was still warm from the engine and Harry had a blanket laid over their laps. She leaned back against the windshield holding the coffee cup upright to keep her hands warm. Harry turned to his side to look at her. He brought his hand to push her hair away from her forehead and he traced along her hairline. “Do y’want surgery?”

She sighed. “I wanna be able to see.”

He smiled gently and gave her cheek a kiss. “Will it...get worse? If y’try it?”

She shook her head. “No more than the risk of a regular surgery. It won’t be perfect. I’d still need glasses. I’ll still have trouble seeing. But...I won’t go blind. It’ll either stop it from getting worse or it won’t work,” she shrugged.

“Sounds like you have nothing t’lose then, angel,” he murmured.

She was quiet for a second. “I trace your face so much because I worry, I’ll never see it again,” she whispered. Harry was speechless...all those times he asked her what she was doing... He never thought that was her reason. “I want it to be muscle memory,” she explained. “So... if my eyes...if I can’t see anymore...I hope I can sculpt it from memory,” she whispered.

That beautiful word ‘if’ made his heart so full of love for her.

But, by far that was the most...genuine thing anyone had ever said to him. “God, I wish I dated you so much earlier,” he mumbled and leaned down to kiss her as deeply as he could manage while the cold December air cooled her coffee down once more while he gently traced his tongue along her lower lip.

Her cheeks turned this beautiful shade of red that Harry loved so much. The sunglasses over her eyes hid so much from him. He meant every word earlier. He loved her glasses so much, if only allowing him to see deeper into her soul. “If...it works though...” she whispered after a minute of kissing. He didn’t say anything because he sensed there was more, and she swallowed hard. “I’m scared I won’t be me...I feel like my whole life has been put on hold because of my eyes. I don’t know if I know how to live without... thinking about them.”

“Then we’ll learn t’live without thinking ‘bout them,” he shrugged reaching for a piece of her hair and stroking it like a paint brush across her face. “You’re more than your eyes, kitten.”

Her heart felt so warm at his words. Harry always made the well-being of her eyes an effort for the two of them. It wasn’t a battle she faced alone. Harry was there the whole time encouraging her, helping her, keeping a literal eye on things for her when she couldn’t. It didn’t bother him when she cried about not seeing something. When she bumped into walls or doors, he never said anything other than to make sure she was alright. If she dropped something and made a mess, he simply helped her clean it up. Harry was her personal chauffeur, and he didn’t care at all.

“To be fair m’love, I would be driving y’around anyway because you’re a lady and I adore you and m’mum taught me t’hold car doors open for the women I adore. And I’d rather drive and keep y’safe... plus you’re a terrible driver even when y’can see. S’a danger to you, me, and everyone else on the road.”

“We wouldn’t...” she whispered quietly and shook her head, looking away from him.

“Wouldn’t what, m’love?” He murmured looking at her with a frown on his lips. Worry etched between his eyes.

“We wouldn’t...be in love...if it weren’t for the fact I can’t see,” she reminded him and turned to look back at his expectant face waiting for her to complete her thought. “I wouldn’t have spilled food on you. You wouldn’t have sat up front and asked if I couldn’t see. There wouldn’t have been writing notes for me or making sure I was okay at that party or at the pub...”

“Kitten, I learned t’read Braille for you. I don’t care if y’can see or not. I would do anything for you. I may have fallen for you because you couldn’t see but I don’t stay because of it. I stay because I adore you.”

“What?” She whispered breathlessly. She sat up fully while Harry stayed lying flat against the windshield. “You learned...you did what?”

He shrugged. “M’probably not very good at it. But I don’t know...thought if it came down to it, if it got worse and you were sad...I’d want t’help.”

Harry saw the tear slip down her cheek past her sunglasses. “Harry Styles,” she practically sighed. “You are...I don’t know...”

“The love of your life, maybe?” He smiled cutely and reached up to rub the tear from her cheek.

For the second time in her life, she had so much hope swelling in her heart. Harry, the cause of it once more. “And hopefully every life I’ve ever have and ever will live.”

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @tiredinwinter

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

[vestaclinicpod]

Audio Drama Sunday - 12th November ✨

I’ve LOVED everything that’s touched my ears this week. Going to start this round up with a brand new instant favourite 🧡

🧳 Travelling Light (1) we all knew that whatever @monstrousproductions ’s next venture was, it would be bloody brilliant but Travelling Light is so far up my street, it’s parked in my drive. I LOVE wholesome sci-fi and this show promises to be that and more. I can’t wait for the next episode! 🥰


👁️ @malevolentcast (37) we’re on a farm! and it’s bloody horrible!!! Poor Oscar, man. If God did bring him to Arthur then God has a funny little sense of humour.

🌒 @monkeymanproductions I finally found time to listen to the Jaxon bonus episode and it was so lovely 🥺 I love the pair of them so much and it was so nice learn more about the past while hearing their plans for the future! I also can’t wait to hear the next one!!

🏛 @the-mistholme-museum UNCERTAIN. Unlike the head of retrieval, I am a big fan of time travel shit and it was done in such a fun way in this episode. The security issue has become even more of a mystery!! Part of me can’t wait to get to the bottom of it and part of me doesn’t want the show to end 😅

🧛‍♂️ @re-dracula It’s over!! I never would have made it through the dailies without this wonderful audio experience. A huge congrats to the cast and crew for all their hard work!!

🐬 @patterspod I listened to the glow while cycling into work yesterday and it was great but it sure set me up in a strange mood for the day ahead

🌨️ HELL YEAH @thewhitevault (2). Let’s explore how humans contribute to the horrors. This whole situation in the woods is horrifying and one of my absolute favourite things about this show is how natural the acting is, it’s all too believable and it makes it so much scarier.

Hope everyone has had a good week!! I’m planning on trying to finish Wolf 359 next week… I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready!!

[comfortlesshurt]

alrighty, I locked in for a couple days and now I get to reward myself by yelling into the tumblr void about the series progress

first off, there are TWO FICS over 50% done, v exciting stuff. I know they've been over 50% for a bit now, but like... let me have my motivation, okay? we are in the HARD PART of the project where it all looks overwhelming, so I'll take the wins I can

also tex fic is finished and through round 1 of editing. it still needs another major edit and i need to finish fic 1 to make sure no info conflicts between the two, but the serious work for that is done

there are a few more days left before NotNaNo, but even going in with today's word counts, focusing on fics 1 and 2 should put them pretty close to finished by the end of November unless I was super off with the word count estimate

also had a really good writing day yesterday!

ignore those date projections at the bottom because like... those assume either i write 3k every day or i write 3k twice a week and 1.2k the other 5 days, and I canNOT do that consistently. but that July 23rd date is realistic! that's me continuing to hit my average based on the past 106 days since starting this project, so there's a good chance I finish this project in a total of just over a year (in which case I will never shut up about writing 450k in a year, so watch out)

finally, fic 1 is a huge portion of that daily par number in the first row, so... unless I fall majorly away from the intended timeline, that required daily par will go down a LOT at the end of december, which will be nice. the goal is still to focus a lot on this project and only really jump over to side projects as they call to me, but it's easier to do that when your average isn't struggling to keep up with your daily par number. it simply does not feel good to be constantly working just to barely get over the par.

as far as editing, i'm starting to fear i didn't budget enough time for that in my early projections, so the timeline might be off there. those due dates listed are for the final rough draft, which doesn't get a chance to rest before immediately going into a month of editing. something just tells me now that a month isn't going to be enough to cover a content edit for each fic. it's also relying on the technical edits being done week-to-week as each chapter goes up.

also added one more tracking tool recently:

this is to look at all the projects week-to-week, and really what it's done is made it obvious that I am in fact very focused on fic 1 lmao. in my defense, that's the one that has consistently had the highest required par, so it's easy to treat it as the most important. also, up to 27-aug is rough. I started writing these fics in Word, so I didn't have day-to-day stats to go back and check. I could only find those once I switched to Reedsy, so for the record I did not write 54k between 20-aug and 27-aug. same with the tex fic--that wasn't all written in one week.

this chart still only looks at ILaD progress, so you can see where I take my break in October and it cuts down a lot... but that's excluding the 10k that went into an unrelated fic, so I don't think taking this break has actually cut down on my writing much. it's just made me have a better time with it temporarily. i took a couple days off writing completely during October but like... I didn't really enjoy that? so I don't think that's the solution I'm looking for long-term.

anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk. i will infodump again, and probably soon since all the end of the month posts are coming up in the next week.

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Hi! This is a fic rec of my favorite established relationship fics. These fics are organized by word count from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

We Are Only Just the Beginning by afirecannotdie (129k)

In the dim light of a dorm kitchen, Harry Styles meets a boy who flips his life upside down. Three years later, he's a senior in college, ready to take on the world with the love of his life by his side. And then Louis Tomlinson admits he doesn't know what he wants to do after college after all, and Harry's world flips again, this time not so pleasantly. He can't imagine his life without Louis, but he's starting to worry he might have to.

A college AU featuring lots of domestic sappiness, waffles, tattoos, late nights and early mornings, and above all, Louis and Harry against the world.

Been Together Since Way Back When by alivingfire / @alivingfire (95k)

Louis Tomlinson is a law student with a simple but effective four step plan: 1. Finish law school. 2. Get hired somewhere awesome. 3. Marry his best friend and boyfriend of two years, Harry. 4. Live happily ever after.

Harry Styles doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, where he wants to go, who he wants to be, or if he even wants the college degree he's almost completed. All he does know is who he’ll be with forever, as long as Louis wants to keep him around.

Or: the painfully realistic college au where everyone's poor, lovesick, tired of school, terrified of the future, and still having the greatest times of their lives.

Such Good Luck by casuallyhl / @casuallyhl (66k)

Louis smiles at Harry’s words, leaning into his touch. “Tell me again.”

Smiling, Harry takes Louis into his arms. Pressing gentle kisses to his face, Harry murmurs, “In six months’ time, I will have my twenty-fifth birthday. On that day, my portion of the inheritance will become legally mine. And I plan that very day to announce to my family that I have found love.” Harry chuckles as he runs his lips lightly along Louis’ cheekbone. “That, in fact, I found love when I was twenty-one years old, and that I have loved and been loved every day since.”

Or, an Edwardian AU where Harry is a young aristocratic lord and Louis is a working class dairy farmer. Secrets are a necessary part of their relationship, but Louis has one that could topple their whole world.

The Dark and the Dentist by sunshiner (66k)

“I know this song,” Louis whispers, and Harry has to lean his ear toward him to pick up what he’s saying. “It was written for people to dance to it. We should be dancing.”

We can’t, Harry almost spits, but it’d be stupid of him. Louis knows they can’t. Even if he looks like any regular Parisian in their twenties, and Harry looks like any hipster Parisian in their twenties, they can’t anyway. To be fair, they probably wouldn’t do it even if they were out. But if they were two uni students, both in Paris for an exchange, meeting over fallen books at the library, or because of mutual friends, or watching Monet’s Water Lilies?

“How would we dance?” Harry murmurs, mouth almost pressed to Louis’ cheek, so close he can feel his warmth. What a picture they must make, two millionaires freezing in a park and dreaming of a different life.

An account of the events of November 2014. Canon-compliant.

Time Passed by coffinofachimera (66k)

Louis struggles with their relationship as Harry grows into his identity.

Hands Clasped Tight by afirethatcannotdie / @afirethatcannotdie (47k)

“What am I looking at here?” Harry asks.

“This, my friends, is a ‘proof’ Instagram account, run by your students,” Liam announces.

“It’s got all this stuff about how the two of you are together,” Niall adds.

“I heard about that,” says one of the math teachers. “Confiscated a kid’s phone today when they were looking at it. I have to say, the evidence that you’re dating is pretty damning.”

“Really,” Louis says dryly. “Do you think being married for three years might have something to do with it?”

Or the one where Harry and Louis are high school teachers and their students have been playing matchmaker for over a year. Little do they know, Harry and Louis are already married.

The Best Kind of Bad by wildestdreams / @thelavendrhaze (40k)

Nobody really understood Harry and Louis. Not even Louis. But for Louis, the world began and ended with Harry, and there were certain things he just wasn’t capable of explaining.

or Louis is the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for Harry.

You Watched Me Sink by bananasandboots / @anylessreal (38k)

They’ve discussed it a few times - the boyfriend thing. It’s not like it’s some forbidden, horrific, abandon hope all ye who talk about furthering the relationship sort of subject. They’re mature adults. They’re in tune with their feelings, their hearts’ desires, the way those butterflies swoop in their bellies whenever they so much as hold each other’s hands. They like each other. A lot. It’s mutual, they know. But for now, they’re just content to enjoy the simplicity of what they have, and what they have is great.

When dating in secret stops being enough, then they’ll discuss that too.

Or, the one where Harry teaches Sex Ed and sneaks around with the drama teacher, and doesn’t realize how out of tune he is with his true feelings until everyone else figures it out for him.

Part 1 of You Watched Me Sink Verse

Swallow My Words by YesIsAWorld / @louandhazaf (32k)

Senior year is stressful. On top of balancing school work, family, and friends, Harry's lacrosse team is vying to win the state championship, he's not sure where he's going to college yet, and he has a secret boyfriend that no one can know about.

Part 1 of Swallow My Words

Loved By Your Mother by superglass / @gaymoustache (31k)

Harry stretches out like Venus with her lover, growing sleepy in the late afternoon light with a baby growing inside her. Perhaps not literally, not physically. Not exactly.

or

Harry struggles to come to terms with wanting to have children, and what that means for their relationship. Canon compliant, set a few years into the future.

True Love’s Gold by alivingfire / @alivingfire (27k)

Gemma starts responding to every single one of Harry’s texts—regardless of subject—with i don’t care, talk to louis. Liam lets Harry complain to him for hours on Skype, pretending he’s not doing other things while Harry whines about his problems. Niall thinks the whole thing is hilarious, texting Harry links to articles titled So, you want your man to propose? and 15 ways to get him ready for the aisle! and follows each of these up with page upon page of laughing emojis. Harry tries everything, literally everything he can think of short of grabbing Louis by tattooed forearm and yelling, “PROPOSE TO ME BEFORE I COMBUST.”

Or, it takes a village to arrange a proposal, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to go as planned.

If You Asked Me If I Love Him (I'd Lie) by allyasavedtheday (26k)

So Harry and Louis might have fucked up.

The day of their wedding was the single most perfect moment of Louis’ life and every single day since where he’s been able to call Harry his husband has been nothing short of bliss. There’s just one teeny, tiny problem…

Their families don’t know they’re married.

*

Or the one where Harry and Louis eloped but neglected to mention it to anyone. Meanwhile Lottie is getting married and the only way for them to not steal her thunder is by pretending they're just friends for the weekend. Featuring Harry and Louis as terrible liars who don't know the meaning of the word platonic and some Tomlinsons and Styles's who definitely don't believe them.

Part 2 of A Long Way From The Playground

Being of the Jealous Kind by zita17 / @louisandtheaquarian (24k)

A-list actor Louis Tomlinson and his partner fashion photographer Harry Styles weather the storm that is Louis’ fake relationship with his costar in the lead up to this year’s Academy Awards.

Featuring a fluffy teenage meet-cute, an angsty wine drunk Harry melting down over pap pics, Louis habitually overusing the word “baby,” and cameos by a vintage Umbro sweatshirt, the peace ring, and one hell of a Larry hug.

Or the justice for To Be So Lonely fic. Based on the lyrics to TBSL and a prompt where “Louis has to fake date some celebrity, while his boyfriend Harry sits at home.”

You Turn Me On, Make You Radiate by ballsdeepinjesus (15k)

When he presses inside for the first time in weeks, he’s pretty sure he sees stars behind his eyes at the staggering sensation of Harry’s body squeezing every inch of him. When he bottoms out, he stays buried inside for a minute just to catch his bearings, listening as Harry takes sharp breaths beneath him. When he finally feels like he’s under control, he presses his lips against Harry’s ear and whispers, “Are you ready husband?“

Harry throws his head back and groans. “Call me your spouse.”

[…or, a self-indulgent snapshot of hl’s sex lives over the course of 10+ years]

Garden of Edenby superglass / @gaymoustache (6k)

Another soft, grainy laugh. A puff from the joint. Green smoke towards the ceiling. Then hazy blue eyes back on his. “Said you wanted to tell me something. Was really important.”

“Oh,” Harry says. There was a reason he came back, an excuse he made up to find Louis and sucker him into letting him sit on his lap even though his weight often puts those thighs to sleep. “Can’t— um. Let me try to remember.”

or

a snapshot of being high and in love in Jamaica.

I'll Breathe Your Air Into My Lungs by blizzies (5k)

five phases of their relationship in a world where harry smokes a lot and skips school and hates everyone except his boyfriend and louis is in plays and is loved by everyone and they work even though nobody gets how.

Mon Petit, Little One by publunchesownmyass (5k)

They smoke, talk shit about everyone besides each other, and Harry wears his Mon Petit sweater.

Brown Skin and Lemon Over Ice by penceypansy / @penceypansy (2k)

A short one shot of a reunion in Italy, around the time Harry filmed the Golden video.

- He should know with more certainty which one is their bedroom but he’s only been here twice, only once since their things had moved in, and come to think of it, he’s not sure this is the room they slept in last time.

Regardless, he’s got clothes he knows are his hanging in the wardrobe, sees his old Stone Roses shirt crumpled and worn on the unmade side of the bed. He drops his bag, rummages through the drawers for a pair of trunks, goes into the bathroom to change. It doesn’t feel like enough of a home yet for him to be totally comfortable, but that should change soon enough. He can’t help a spray of the cologne sat by the sink, vanilla and wood and comfort.

[uroboros-if]

Please please share some coding/designing wisdom. Your game is so damn pretty 😭😭😭 Could you tell us what template you used and how hard it was to make it look like it is today? I imagine so much work must have gone into it

😭😭 I am no expert, but these are just my rationale/methods behind the visual choices I made!

For the template I used—I used Vahnya's Template! However, this post by @/manonamora-if has a whole section for templates that I wish I saw or checked out before making my IF! In another lifetime, I might've just used nyehilism's template to achieve the bottom sidebar instead of torturing myself learning how to do it... ;;

Below, I go into detail the timeline of designing Uroboros, as well as advice through the process I went!

Design Timeline

I started designing the UI late October 2022, and kept fixing, changing, editing it well into February and maybe a little bit of March 2023.

October 2022 - Early iterations of the design. Looked for stock images and began implementing it to add a background to the sidebar and the actual passages. Swatched some color palettes and began implementing them into the IF. Later decided to make the sidebar on the bottom instead of on the side. Also, added a title screen.

November - Testing different backgrounds for the IF's sidebar. Added a textbox to the passages, also worked on the black fade transitions.

December - Finished working on the sidebar background for both light and dark theme, began work on the background of the IF instead.

January 2023 - Finished working on the dark and light theme backgrounds! Started work on drawing the skill icons for light and dark theme, and finished!

February - Changed the title screen to look better on mobile, created a circle logo, added a border to the textbox. Also, made further edits for light theme.

March - Just remade the "Uroboros" logo.

If you're wondering why it took approximately 5 months to get to the final version—don't worry! I wasn't working only on the design for 5 months. My partner helped make the edits for the design, while I worked on coding them in and writing.

I spent a lot of time trying to get a grasp on Javascript, SugarCube, and HTML all throughout this time as well, to know how to fluidly add these things. Meaning, while I was working on these visual elements, I was also figuring out how to do the "looking" mechanic, black and white transitions, figuring out how Tweego worked, radio buttons, and so on.

Do note I've been busy the entire time throughout, so perhaps you can do this much quicker than I can!

The "Secrets"

1. Please—look at IFs you love! What are some visual aspects of other IFs that you love and want to include in your story? I started by analyzing parts of other IFs that I love. I liked Wayfarer's textbox; I liked how the choices looked in When Twilight Strikes. I liked the textboxes in the beginning of Zorlok. Find the things that amaze you about other IFs, and implement it your own way!

This seems like super basic advice—but trust me, once you think, "How can I put this in my game?" you will not only be able to have it, but most likely, you'll also learn a LOT.

While seeing how I could make the radio buttons, for example, I started researching. I googled "How to live change text?" and then I found out about jQuery, how to use the replace macro, etc. etc. JUST from researching how to do exactly one (1) feature.

2. What is missing in other IFs? Think about your own reading experience. I didn't like the clunkiness of some, how the sidebar is on the side when space on a mobile-screen is severely limited length-wise. So, I put the sidebar on the bottom.

I didn't like how other choices look in IFs, so I wanted a way to do mine that's nice and elegant(though it's still a little hard to read, admittedly).

Again, researching how to do the things you want opens many doors for you. I learned how to style <li> and change how bullets look, learned how to style links in Twine in general, etc. etc. again with just this ONE thing I wanted to change/add.

3. Don't do the work all by yourself. I struggled so hard because I hate asking for help. I was happy to Google other people's problems, but I never thought to open up my own thread or ask anybody in the community for help. Please, not only ask, but also—your work doesn't have to be completely original.

Use templates. Look at manon's amazing masterlist of things you can implement. I also have a few macro's that you can use, like multipronouns for MC, that does the work for you, for free.

Rip people's codes—respectfully. I'm not saying from other IFs, but online in other places. If they appear on help forums or are publicly available through places like CodePen, chances are that they're open-source or licensed in such a way that anyone can use it (e.g. MIT license).

Again, here is Manon's masterlist, which includes custom macros you can use in your game (Chapel, HiEv and Cycy are my high recommendations)! Additionally, here's my code for multipronouns here and my code for setting RO genders here.

4. MAKE IT READABLE!! Even if you want your game to look pretty... please, I'm begging you, make it easy to read. This is the most important thing ever.

I have a short attention span, and so does my partner. We reviewed the game to make sure we are NOT compromising the reading experience with our design. As much as we want fantastical backgrounds, we wanted to make sure it was at least not distracting. As much as we want gaudy styles, we want the actual passage to be suited for the long haul.

The most, most important part is to enhance the reading experience--not by adding things on, but by making it simple and intuitive. As someone in the computer science field, the user experience is CRITICAL. Put yourself in their shoes, think about them first and foremost.

Twine is amazingly customizable, and its powers can be wielded for good and evil. Plenty of amazing writers but inexperienced UI designers, especially from CoG, get into Twine. CoG almost completely takes away the design element, so Twine is a whole new ballpark.

Uroboros has a lot of pomp, but the actual textbox is uncharacteristically simple in comparison. The simplicity against an otherwise fantastical, but non-distracting background helps give it elegance. The sidebar, in contrast, is very eye-catching—but, it's also out of view most of the time, and isn't built for long reading.

To add on, make sure it's readable on mobile. I guarantee 80% of your readers are going to be reading your IF on their phone, and probably at 3 AM, so you will want the mobile to look as good as PC, or even better.

Closing Thoughts

Anyway, as basic as this advice is, this is really what guided my entire thought process behind my visual choices! -- Picking and choosing what you like from IFs, figuring out how to do them through research, and making sure your IF is built to be read for a while.

Thanks so much for asking, thinking that I have wisdom to impart!! 😭🫶💕

[thelureking]

LILIUM'S 2023 GAME LIST:

Hey! Better late than never! I actually have been editing this list since november, but I lost some of the things I said about the last games and it took me this long to remember what I had written. The risks I run because my mind flows better when I write with pen and paper. So, seeing how well the last list did on my memory, and because I got bored of talking to myself, I shall torture the unlucky ones who have found this post with both my video game taste and my rambles about them. I am so sorry in advance.

It's the same as before: they are ordered chronologically, from first played/finished to last, not ranked in how much I liked them. If I dont say a lot its not because I didn't like it, or that it was bad. At times I didn't want to give too much away. This time I tried to write each segment right after finishing them, or the following days, so that's why I talk way more or in more detail about each game and my own opinions. And who knows, maybe this will be a yearly thing. I like it, I'm Having fun. And hopefully some of these games get the love they deserve by whoever reads this.

So, once again, and now with more words:

1) Mothmen 1966

Mothmen being in the title was enough for me to give it a go, so it's good to say that the game is also good. It is divided by chapters, each one from the perspective of one of our three protagonists, showing the perspective of these vastly different people even if they are connected in some way. The game goes from a visual novel style to changing the gameplay to be interactive while also maintaining its format, something that I found entertaining. Its visuals are a treat, and I believe they enhance the horror presented in the story. All of the parts in this game work in its favor. I cannot believe I am actually saying this, but to get an achievement you need to take an L. I am not joking. It is part of a puzzle and me being good at it made me miss an achievement. No hard feelings, I had a good laugh about it as I was going back to the save file and doing it again. Sometimes, sucking is the way to go. I may have spent way too much time trying to win the Impossible Solitaire. But I will, one day, you'll see.

2) Roadwarden

You know a game is good when I play it for hours uninterrupted and is the main reason I turn on the computer.

Roadwarden is, as the title image says, an illustrated text based RPG, in which you take the role of a Roadwarden who is tasked to explore an unknown peninsula to expand a merchant's guild's influence, establish its safety, and find out what happened to the missing previous roadwarden.

Let me tell you, this game is amazing from both a mechanical and storytelling level. Mechanically because the game keeps track of so many things, it will remember even an answer you gave at the very beginning, and it'll become an integral part of your character. Even little thoughts as you are about to sleep will shape who you are playing as. On the story telling level, so many of the quests and towns are interlinked that holding back on finishing certain quests is the way to go, although in some cases having as many done as possible will no doubt help. The characters and towns are all unique and memorable, each with history that shapes them and how they interact with each other and you, the outsider. Both gameplay and story service each other to present an experience unlike any other, enhancing each other at every opportunity. The art and soundtrack set the perfect atmosphere for each moment. And the world building. Man, the world building, it's just. So well done, you actually believe this is a real place that existed before you arrived, and that it will continue to do so after you leave. It wasn't waiting for you, it did not kick into gear just because you showed up. It has its own issues, its own history, its own people, nature, culture, and you can feel that with each written word, each piece of information. I can't even explain properly just how good the world building is.

I just really fell in love with being a guy on the road taking care of these settlements' problems, getting to know their inhabitants and gaining their trust, all while falling in love with the game. There is one quest that I do not want to spoil, but the ending was so. Fitting, in a way, that I was surprised I didn't see it coming. Even as I saw the achievement name once I completed it, I looked back and just. I just smiled like damn, good job.

If you want to really take in this entire world and its people, I would personally recommend playing in Casual, since any other difficulty setting will put a limit to the days you'll be allowed to stay, and I must stress that this experience must not be rushed. Unless you dont mind a time challenge, in which case you do you. Also don't know about your memory, but I needed to take notes, and some highlights are: "Efren marry me", "We should have all stabbed Thais full Julius Caesar style", "Eudica and Efren my beloveds" and "Thyrsus is my Warlock Uncle". With that being said, the Journal mechanic is a god sent, and I can't be more grateful that it exists. Finally, a journal that doesn't get stuck in the first sentences of a quest from when you first got it.

Oh boy, those are a lot of words. Can you tell I really liked this game? I can't wait to see more from this developer.

EDIT: THE GAME HAS RECEIVED A HUGE UPDATE THAT I HAVE YET TO PLAY, BUT OH BOY IT'S MAKING ME WANT TO REPLAY THE ENTIRE GAME AGAIN.

3) Exhibit of Sorrows

A short game set in a clown exhibit, with a point - click and drag gameplay. I'll keep this one short, since this game can be played for free in both browser and for download in Itchio, and it is a neat little thing that you can beat as fast or as slow as you want. You interact with each exhibit, clicking and dragging the mouse depending on what you need to do, each with a little buddy that you need to help or have fun with to get the key, and proceed to the next screen. Its length and artstyle make for a fun and interesting experience, pacing itself beautifully. It is effective in every way. And come on, they are clowns, they are so cute and look like plushies. I love them all.

4) The Firebrand

A game about a detective interrogating a woman with different word prompts that he writes down in his notebook, all which branch into more questions and answers. You'll uncover the story and the truth of this conversation as you play along, finding out stuff about the woman, the detective, and even the world they live in. It is an interrogation against a clock that keeps on ticking, and luckily the developers give us the chance to check out a dialogue tree and how to get both the Normal and True Ending. With that in mind, the questions that don't lead to either of these are worth reading, as they serve to paint a bigger picture. And hey, you can also get the Bad Ending while you do it.

5) Royal Alchemist

Royal Alchemist is a visual novel in which you, the protagonist, are tasked with tutoring the three princes of a nation. You will fight for your life against the challenges this new position presents and also the stat checks you will have to pass at different points of the story, both of your character and the princes. Speaking of, each one of them represents a different route, with their recommended order (which I highly request following as stated by the creators: Aurelius, then Serin, and finally Nazir. Trust me, they were made to be experienced like this, you wont regret it). You will experience the constant back and forth, the battle of swords and wits with Aurelius, the emotional build up with Serin, and to describe the main appeal of Nazir's route before playing it would be a spoiler. The romance in this VN is some of the best I've experienced. I have never read about two characters holding hands in such an intimate way, it made the pure build up of a route worth every second. And the Princes aren't the only interesting characters, this visual novel is full of fun and complex characters, all with their own personalities and roles. From Raphael, the butler who might as well be the patron saint of patience, to Viola, the infamous head merchant. It has a mechanic of stat raising and, as stated before, there will be points in the story where you will need to reach a certain level of a skill to be able to pass. But don't worry, there is an official guide made by the developers which is a life saver, which not only has each stat requirement for each route, but also with neat additions like character profiles and more. The only criticism I'll give it is that some scenes are cut short when they could have been expanded on and it would have had a better effect, not only in terms of an emotional connection, but also to further enforce the bond between the player and the relationship developed in the route. But besides that small complaint, this visual novel is one I would gladly recommend.

6) Fear & Hunger

God, this game. This game hates you on a mechanical level. This game will put the fear of god in you every time you get further away from a save point, every time you think "yeah I can take this enemy no problem" and next thing you know you are eating dinner with your creator; every time you think "oh neat, a new area" and proceed to eat shit and die for the next hour because you just lost a fucking arm and a leg and can't outrun your enemies anymore. And you refuse to start another run because you are just that stubborn, and you will suffer through the consequences of your early game actions. No this is not my personal experience what are you talking about. It is a bleak and grotesque horror rpg game, made with RPG Maker. You will accompany whichever poor soul you choose as your playable character in their trip to the dungeon of Fear and Hunger, for whichever the reason their story presents. Should you play this game? Be mindful of the triggering content, first and foremost. This is a dark game, and it does not shy away from depicting it. From enemy designs, gameplay mechanics, to the way of worshiping gods, to specific game overs, and so on. Its hard and you will feel it unfair. This game will not hold your hand, and when you think it does it will put its teeth around your wrist and tear it off your body, its saliva infecting your wound with poison and leaving you to rot. I love this game.

7) Clash: Robot Detective

Fun fact: I never look into games that much before playing them, which in this case led to the asssumption that I was going to play a robot. So I named my character Flesh, because I thought a robot named Flesh was funny and also cool. Turns out, I ended up playing a human named Flesh. Which was somehow even funnier, and ended up becoming a pattern when I played the extras, which have a different protagonist, and I decided to commit to the bit and named them Blood. Flesh and Blood, my favourite human beings.

You play as the extremely new assistant to our titular detective Clash, who asks for your help in solving a mystery taking place in the cruise ship you are vacationing on. Depending on the different dialogue options, you can play as the good or the bad cop, and Clash will balance you out in this act, which leads to different and interesting outcomes.

I have to say, the artstyle drew me in. I am a sucker for these types of illustrations, and I'm glad that the writing and story were as good. I was invested not only in the case, but also on Clash as a character, who I will longingly stare at from a distance because I respect his boundaries and preferences.

Keep on going, you majestic robot detective, I can't wait to see what kind of trouble you get into in the future.

8) EXCUSE ME SIR (Demo)

Long awaited (at least for me) DEMO from Airdoft (creator of FAITH) and , and it all came about because of her videos and a single tweet.

The demo is short, but it shows the great potential of what a game like this could grow into, and I cant wait to see it become a finished project.

EDIT: Sadly, the game has been canceled, so we won't be able to see this concept grow into a finished game. Hopefully it'll inspire others with its style and presentation.

9) (Don't) Open Your Eyes

In this room, you know how everything looks. Does that include your midnight intruder?

This entire VN is a one sided conversation between you and something that may or may not be there, shaped in the darkness of your closed eyelids. Both of you are gripped by the same question, the intrigue eats away at you. Your imagination runs wild trying to give shape to this anomaly, and it is so desperate for you to find out.

There is only one way to do so:

Don't open your eyes.

10) Fortress

Man, short and effective is the way to describe this one. It has such a fantastic grip on atmosphere and tension that I admire. It truly captures the feeling of returning to a place where an impactful childhood memory took place.

Using the same location and making you play through it at different times of the story was done so well. I was ready for things to happen just because they did in the past, the first half of the game, and expected them to happen again.

In the past, I was ready to shoot on sight. As an adult, I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger, not even to see if I could. I don't know why, months after playing it, this little thing has stuck with me the most.

11) The Shadows That Run Alongside Our Car

You leave the gas station with a stranger, either on the wheel or sitting next to you. The silence hangs heavy between you two, the road is empty, the sun is setting, and the end of the world is now. Time to break the silence, you get to choose who. In this visual novel you get to decide how this conversation at the end of the world unfolds, a game of perspective between our two characters, who may hide certain details about themselves or reveal them, if they give you the choice. After all, what would you gain by hiding a secret in this car ride? It could be your last.

12) Attack of the Murder Hornets

Hornets are evil, evil things of nature. They are coming for your bees.

They are coming for you.

BE READY

13) Baldur's Gate: Enhanced Edition (+ Siege of Dragon Spear)

There has to be a saying that goes: If you can't play the game everyone is talking about, go play every single game in it's series that came before it. Because that's what I did, even if I already wanted to play the Baldur's Gate games before the third one came around. But it was definitely a good push. The game's story has a much smaller scope than I expected, or maybe that's just how I feel now that I am currently playing the second game, but I think it works in its favor.

I think the reason I don't have much to say, besides the fact that I had lots of fun, is because my head is still processing Siege of Dragon Spear (with its much bigger scope) and what I am currently seeing in the second game. What all I'll say about that one now is man, what a way to start a sequel.

My suffering came mostly from the ruleset used (which I was unfamiliar with) and the fucking paralysis spell. Fuck it. ALL MY HOMIES HATE THE PARALYSIS SPELL.

In terms of characters, I didn't end up using most of the available NPCs in my party, even if I made the effort of recruiting them all, mostly because the ones I had I liked a lot. I liked Rasaad and I was pleasantly surprised he had a romance in the expansion AND the second game, which I am enjoying a lot. Jaheira and Khalid never left my party, same with Imoen who I kept treating like a sister because come on, the setup of being raised in the same city since birth and being childhood friends was perfect. I love Baeloth an unhealthy amount, he is so perfect in the expansion I made an effort to keep him in the party even if I had high reputation. In the expansion my party was insane looking. Like Oh yes, the Hero of Baldur's Gate, her monk companion Rasaad, Jaheira and... a gnome nobody knows why he is around, Baeloth the entertainer I guess, and a GOBLIN? At one point I did switch Jaheira for Viconia, only because Baeloth was one point of reputation away from leaving the party. I swear, the grip that man has on me. The story from Viconia's POV must be so funny: She gets recruited and instantly tells me she is fucking off, gets recruited again only because I dont want an idiot entertainer to leave; and then when she is about to be killed, who comes to her rescue? THIS DUMBASS. She must be like: GOD, DAMN IT, I CAN'T ESCAPE THIS BITCH. I am her surface curse.

My closing thought for this game is: Whoever made the TOSC maze... Who the fuck hurt you? Same goes for whoever made that final boss. WHY?!

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

2023 Writing Cross Stitch Round Up

Thank you for tagging me @ladytessa74 and @alrightbuckaroo

I'm pretty proud of my cross stitch journey this year! 20 finished pieces since April!

April

911 Lone Star- my first Lone Star cross stitch project, created with an image of the Lone Star logo and a free pattern generator I found online. It had been a couple years since I had done any cross stitching. Working on this one was a bit of a painful week because it involved the reestablishment of my stitching calluses on my fingers.

I'm a fireman, our codes are like...fire!- The first in a series where I took a quote from the show and went on Etsy to find a pattern for some kind of image that I thought worked well with the quote. At this point, I didn't have the confidence (or the software) to come up with my own more complex patterns.

Sure, ma'am, but just so you know, I am a homosexual-Still one of my favorites. However, it was early in my cross stitching journey, so when I look at it, a few major mistakes jump out at me. This is such an excellent quote that I think I want to do an improved version at some point.

Is the lizard back?-I did this one in honor of Lou II after I found a perfect bearded dragon pattern available on Etsy.

Firefighters, you really are a smug bunch-I really like this one. I found a firetruck pattern on Etsy and modified it a bit, including changing the number on it to 126.

May

I was peckish and I wanted pudding- This is a simple one, but I created the pattern myself. From the second I heard this line, I knew it had to be a cross stitch.

It absolutely wrecks people- Cow eyes. I like this one except for the fact that I took a horrible picture of it. I think I finished it at night and was so excited to post that I couldn't wait for daylight to get a brighter picture. It's always a struggle to get a picture that's bright enough but also doesn't have the shadow of my phone across it. Luckily, since then I've discovered the perfect place in my house to take cross stitch pictures, even at night!

Did you know that honeybees pollinate a third of our food supply?- I was originally going to have four little honeybees on this one, but the finale had just aired and I was dying to get going on my planned Tarlos vows project, so it ended up just getting one bee.

June

Working on stitching the vows.

July

Tarlos wedding vows- It took 7 weeks and a comically large hoop, but I got it done. I mapped out this pattern before I had pattern making software meaning I did it by hand with pencil and paper. Plotting out the words, making sure everything was centered, making sure it would all fit, etc was quite an ordeal!

Tarlos proposal- This was the first pattern I created with my new pattern making software and it's still one of my favorites. It's love ❤️

126 Firehouse- I was incredibly proud of myself for this one. It was the most elaborate pattern I had created on my own up until that point.

August

Typical TK- I really like this one but I didn't include the full quote for simplicity's sake (leaving out the "of course") and I kind of regret that now.

We make a pretty good team-This one did not turn out the way I saw it in my head, so there were moments that I kind of hated it. Ultimately, I'm ok with it.

September

Working on my elaborate tarloft dining area project.

October

You Have All of Me, Carlos-This is without a doubt my favorite thing I've ever made. It took about 6 weeks and is the most elaborate pattern I've created to date.

November

This is real- A quote from @ladytessa74's incredible fic for her birthday.

Tyler Kennedy Strand-My best attempt at capturing the essence of TK.

Lone Star Christmas Tree Ornaments-4 stitched ornaments for my Lone Star-themed Christmas tree.

Well, he's a wise ass- A piece in honor of my favorite wise ass.

Season 1 Tarlos- The first in my cute little Tarlos series. I love tiny TK and Carlos very much.

December

Season 2 Tarlos-Cute little Tarlos part 2.

I will have at least one more (and maybe two) still this month. Season 3 Tarlos will definitely be finished before the month is over, and depending on how much stitching time I have, I may even get Season 4 done.

No pressure tagging @bonheur-cafe @heartstringsduet @birdclowns @paperstorm @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @strandnreyes @fitzherbertssmolder @reasonandfaithinharmony (gif round up?)

[reptileofdoom]

Public PSA and Callout Of Hawkshadow/Luna: A Continued Pattern of Hurt and Manipulation PART 2 of 2

If you haven't read part 1, it is linked HERE:

If you have, then where we last left off, I had been guilted into continuing a friendship that was actively detrimental to my mental health; eventually causing a very bad anxiety attack over a small issue, over which I was gaslit to hell and back with Luna's insistence to berate me, causing in me accepting all fault and blaming myself for the incident.

After this, there weren't any large fights until January. This was for 2 reasons:

a) I had received anxiety pills from my psychiatrist, which I started using anytime a conversation with Luna would make me very anxious again

b) During the period of late November - end of December, she became busy on working on her large holiday fic. Our conversations became more sparse as she was, apparently, completely consumed by it.

But we were brought back together as Luna, out of nowhere, suggested working on a fic together.

This was... weird to me. For context: Luna and I had attempted to work on fics before. We'd have an idea in DMs, talk about it, create a shared doc, and then... NOTHING from her. I am not joking when I say I would write up to 4 thousand words in a document without a single contribution from her. This was back at the beginning of our friendship. As a result, I had given up on ever writing anything with her. So for her to just suggest working on a fic together out of the blue was... really weird.

(Side note: Luna and I had a lot of fic ideas in our pinned messages. At the time it completely slipped my mind that the only reason I brought up a/b/o had been because I'd just read a fic and wanted to talk about something similar. So our discussion of the idea happened months ago - it was only after the whole fiasco was over that I remembered, oh shit, it had originally been inspired by something else. So I apologize for the unintended idea stealing.)

I am including the following screenshot as 1 - proof we really did talk a lot about so many ideas; and 2 - as the most likely theory for why she was suddenly up for writing a fic with me.

She wanted to write something, but didn't think she would have time to do it by herself. So she hit me up. This becomes ironic later on because she ended up completely destroying my ability to work on the fic.

Bonus: her changing things I myself had written in the fic and only asking me if it was okay afterward. I... didn't really feel like I could disagree and argue with her.

In the middle of everything, an event occurred which I can only refer to as The Like Drama. This event is going to have its own post because it spans 10 screenshots and is, even more than anything in this whole series of events, incredibly inane, hard to follow, and it's insane it was ever made a big deal in the first place. It is, however, a very fantastic example of Luna's casual manipulation and general obsessiveness with public image.

The Like Drama post HERE:

Back to the fic saga:

A short time after this, after editing my words and only asking permission afterwards, I was scrolling Twitter and an announcement Tweet from Luna popped up on my timeline. (I don't have the capacity to go make an alt and try to search through her account for it, but it was public and many people can certainly remember it.)

It read, in summary: that she was working on an omegaverse fic and to stay tuned. A couple of things to highlight, specifically:

a) there was no mention of me, or any co-author in the tweet

b) this tweet was made without any sort of discussion with me

c) I have an Actual Massive Trigger around pressure; something I would talk about extensively in her server. Both Raelle and Cass (vegaspetesupremacy / sketchyshit) are willing to back me up on this. It used to be so bad that I could not tell anyone what I was working on, otherwise I would be unable to finish it.

(if anyone is wondering about the legitimacy of such a trigger - I used to attend a massively abusive private school for almost 8 years. It fucking sucked.)

Luna knew about this trigger. And not only did she post a tweet like that, in what follows after, she proceeds to stomp all over my boundary.

On January 19th I woke up to the message that a friend had committed suicide.

At the same time, the fic had gone up during the night - but it wasn't what I focused on because I was emotionally broken up. I made a Twitter post about taking some time off to grieve.

After crying, I was left alone with my thoughts. And my email notifications were pinging with people commenting on the fic. So I thought: why not reply? Luna had previously mentioned finding comment replies draining; I felt like I could do something useful.

And this is where things went wrong. As mentioned, I was not in a good headspace. So when some comments featured the typical begging for more ie "please please write a chapter 2!!" I was very blunt with reinforcing my own boundary; telling them quite frankly that it's uncomfortable and if they keep going, I will block them.

Were my replies graceful? No. But I was grieving and did not have the capacity to care.

Here is my final conversation with Luna, after which we never spoke again.

That's it. That's the end of our conversation.

Luna did not reply to me for 2 entire days. During this time, she wrote and published a drabble for one of the commenters.

Formerly, this conversation also had a message or two from me along the lines of "Luna? Please respond, please." I deleted these after seeing that. (That entire conversation, I was waiting on a single "I'm sorry for your loss" from her; at one point I specifically tried to allude to my situation to see if she knew, but she did not acknowledge it.)

After 48 hours, I unfollowed Luna on Twitter and left her server; mostly to see if it would make her react.

In response, she hard-blocked me. She chose her followers and fame over our friendship for good.

During this 48-hour period, I had also thought to message Raelle regarding my general frustration, almost as a last call for help. Because to be clear: this interaction left me sobbing and wailing on the ground. In essence, I had lost two friends on a single day. I could not fathom why she was treating me this way, what horrible thing I may have done to deserve this.

Not to be sappy, but: I really, really want to be clear how much I owe to Rae. She allowed me to vent and show her what happened: I asked her multiple times if I was out of line, because I thought it must be something I had done. She was my first outside perspective on my interactions with Luna; she was the one to tell me "you don't deserve to be treated like this." Without her, I would have probably ended up crawling back and begging Luna to forgive me, possibly trapping myself in months more of miserable friendship.

And here is something incredibly scary: If Luna had just.. given a single reply. Just a single "Wait for me a few days, we'll talk later." I wouldn't be here right now.

Even months after everything happened, I was still wracked by guilt and felt like I would sacrifice anything just to have that friendship back. My friends had to talk me down, sometimes, from messaging her begging her to take me back. After the first few days, I unblocked her on Twitter and kept her unblocked for close to a month - just in case that maybe, possibly, she ever wanted to talk to me again.

I'm not under any illusion as to what this treatment is comparable to. Some people, when shown everything, have told me the word "abuse" could apply - but I hesitate to use it, and am actively choosing not to include it as an accusation; because it is heavy and loaded and I do not want anyone to misunderstand.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't end here.

After leaving the work, something happened: despite me leaving, Luna had not edited the Author's Note to include mentioning me. In fact, it almost seemed like she wanted to avoid mentioning me; since the fic has been deleted, I am including proof through old DMs with Raelle (me reacting to this situation). (I become quite angry in these screenshots. I apologize for the name-calling.)

Quick context for what I mention here: After I became unable to work on the fic, Luna would reassure me "it's fine, you already did so much" when I expressed guilt. So... yeah, seeing this comment was a betrayal. PLUS the fact she froze it.

So, in my anger and frustration I decided to make a Twitter post; SOLELY because of the no-credit issue. At that point, I didn't want to expose Luna's treatment of me because I still had trouble accepting that it wasn't mostly my fault.

Here is the post I made, which turned into a thread as she made her own thread and misrepresented what I said: https://twitter.com/reptileofdoom/status/1616908647048613888?s=20

As a response to this, Luna created her own thread which she started sending to everyone. And not just everyone she knew, but asking those people to share it with everyone they know. (The thread has since been deleted, presumably after people pointed out inaccuracies and/or she realized she was just giving the issue more publicity.) The main piece of misinformation in the thread was her claiming I was credited in the Author's Note: this only became true after my post went public and she did it, presumably, as a way of covering her ass.

Proof, provided by kiwibin (thank you so much):

(shown through discord search because the chat was extremely active at the time and there are a million unrelated messages)

Additional proof of the thread being sent to Rae, her defending me to Luna, and Luna's response (screenshots provided by Raelle, thank you so much):

Bonus points: Misgendering lol. You only have my word on this, but her thread also featured a screenshot of a conversation with one of the "upset commenters" who misgendered me and Luna did not correct them, instead reassuring them she still loved them or whatever. She posted it as proof of how much I upset her followers.

These next images are of Rae crafting her response at the time, but it is what she ended up sending:

(As mentioned before, Rae is an angel.) (Cut off because stupid image limit, so I had to prioritize more important conversation.)

Finally, last of all:

There is a reason I have called all this a "continued pattern." In the time afterward, as I was dealing with my own emotional fallout and had trouble processing everything, I reached out to someone Luna had mentioned to me as a "former best friend (who abandoned her)." The conversation was... illuminating, and gives information about Luna's time in her previous fandom, MDZS.

Thank you so much, lunarwriter, for allowing me to add your voice to this.

As mentioned in these screenshots, there is a pattern:

Luna approaches someone, usually someone with some sort of "value" - either with many followers, or because of their writing/art. (in some ways, I was the exception: she messaged me because we wrote an impromptu threadfic in replies) (this would later be turned into her fanfiction Mortifying Ordeal, once again without credit to me, which I didn't think to question at the time. )

She pulls them into her circle. When we were friends, it was "invite them to the server" - which may be dead now because I was the one usually working very hard to keep it from going dead. But this part features a lot of compliments, asking to sprint together, gushing about how she loves their work, messaging a lot, etc.

Then comes the part where she gets value out of someone. Last I heard, she was doing it through collabs.

Here is where it gets... fuzzy because this part is usually in DMs. But people I have spoken to have mentioned experiencing some form of manipulation or another, usually to satisfy Luna's ego - constantly comparing followers, statistics, etc. Or in my case, becoming a sort of sounding board, someone to be a cheerleader for her and constantly comfort whenever she needs it - but heaven forbid I ask for some comfort back.

Just to be clear: the amount of manipulation used varies person to person.

Since I was vulnerable and easily taken advantage of, she used a heavy hand with me: which is why she was able to completely destroy me in such a relatively short amount of time.

If you are someone who is older, or has more "star power", maybe you haven't noticed these things! Or she hasn't felt the need to use it on you! Or you are special, or I am somehow mistaken about everything.

There is a very good reason why, in our final conversation, I pointed out she would not be acting the same way toward me if I was older and had "popularity."

At the end of the day, Luna is someone who, when allowed power over someone else, uses it to hurt people over and over again.

I expect her response to be something like this: Pick a point or two to focus on, ones where it was harder to find proof, or ones where I did not think to include some related conversation beforehand. Make her entire point around that. Claim I am trying to hurt her; paint herself as the victim. Vent to everyone around it, make very sad posts, share her inevitable "defense" with everyone. (If I'm wrong, I'm gonna donate $20 to charity. Not joking.)

As mentioned before, this isn't a call for "cancelling" or whatever. First and foremost, it is a PSA, a way to show these techniques and to help people guard against them more effectively. Second of all, it is a way for me to heal: the nature of everything made it hard to talk about these things openly without having proof lined up. By making this post, I am allowing myself to open up, to be clear about my boundaries, to be able to be honest with people and say "sorry, I can't follow you because you reblog her stuff sometimes and that makes me have panic attacks." Yes, there is some small amount of petty satisfaction to be made making this post; but that is only its very last purpose.

I want to end the post on some positive information:

I am doing alright now. I was able to move out in March and adopted a kitty in April. I am in therapy and have been able to discuss this whole issue extensively. I have a close friend group within the fandom now, who I have been able to rely on, again and again. Thank you so much, everyone - you know who you are <3

And I was going to end with an image of the kitty but :c hit image limit. So, have a good day, everyone.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: A Chance To Fly (Wicked Medley)

You'd be hard pressed to find a Voiceplay arrangement that took more time to create/finish than this one. This was Geoff's creation (he arranged it, came up with the video concept, co-directed it, and collaborated on lighting design), and he apparently worked on this for years. I don't know how long exactly, but I'm fairly certain he vaguely alluded to it in a live Q&A he did on his channel in 2020, when someone asked if Voiceplay was planning to do any Broadway stuff. And based on comments I've read on reaction videos, I believe he's worked on it since sometime in 2019 or so?

But anyway, as spectacular an arrangement as it is, I'm not here to talk about it! I'm here to talk about the video which accompanies it, which was released on the 26th of November, 2021, and features the awesome Emoni Wilkins (in the role of Galinda), and the wonderful Rachel Potter (in the role of Elphaba) (and yes, this is another rare six-vocalist video for Voiceplay, though this time it's 4 members + 2 guests, rather than 5 members + 1 guest). One of the comments says that this is apparently Rachel's 10th collaboration with Voiceplay, though I can only count 7 previous ones (or 8 if you count Just Sing (she was in that too right?)). But regardless, what a veteran!

Anyway, the medley itself clocks in at about 7 and a half minutes, so enough backstory - there's a lot to get through!

Group shot! Love the giant clock backdrop, very cool (and very accurate/appropriate of course)

(Note that I've never seen Wicked, not even a bootleg, but I've listened to the soundtrack a few times on the odd occasion, and I know how the story goes)

(Also this video really highlights the height difference between Layne and Eli, the tallest and shortest of the group, respectively. Apparently Eli isn't actually even that short - he's like 5"5/165cm (which is about how tall I am) - it's just that everyone else in the group is taller than him, whether by a little (like Cesar), or a lot (like Layne, who's 6"1/~183cm)

I adore Emoni and Rachel's makeup looks in this one. Shoutout to Rick Underwood for doing amazing things yet again!

(Also that's a super gorgeous necklace that Rachel is wearing and I want it)

Super massive shoutout and kudos to Geoff and Eli for the lighting on this one! This is top-tier stuff! And so much variety throughout the video in terms of colours and light levels!

Cute earrings, and also face jewels! (Those things can be an absolute pain in the backside, both in terms of applying and then getting them to stay there! I'm assuming Rick used some special skin-safe "glue" product to make them stay in place, and/or some setting spray afterwards?)

Get it, Rachel! 🙌👌

Geoff is handsome as ever, of course

Firstly, go off, Eli! And second of all, Rachel looks so freaking enamoured by Eli during this part, which obviously would be because he's filling the role of Fiyero, the love interest of Elphaba (whom she's acting/singing as here), but also it's just a little bit amusing too 😁

"Think of it as personality dialysis!"

Cesar being adorable 💜

Layne popped a bubble! (With matching "sound effect" of course) (Also I only just realised earlier while watching this that Layne is wearing a tie, just that it's mostly hidden/tucked in)

"And with an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were- well, are"

Nothing but respect for my Wonderful Wizard! (He did nothing wrong 😁😝)

I love him your honour

(Gonna do a Geoff Hair Study for this one too, but won't include it in this post, because frankly this post is long enough ^^;)

(Also just realised that Geoff is also wearing a tie that is mostly hidden, and wait hang on a minute, that means that his shirt is actually fully-buttoned-up? Gasp!)

I know I'm going quite heavy on screencaps (and we're only halfway through the video, heck), but I had to share these blink-and-you-miss-it shots of Cesar and Rachel 😄

Cesar: "KILL THE WITCH!"

Geoff (noted bass singer and sometimes sea witch): Uh oh 😬

(Joke stolen from a YouTube comment, but it was too good not to include)

"Because I knew you," (🥺🥺🥺)

The urge to take a million screencaps of the Defying Gravity section at the end is strong. It's so good on all levels!

The quality as an individual screencap is not the best, but still, I'm calling it another "Voiceplay money shot", and such a cool way to end the video!

As I am typing this, the trailer for the Wicked movie (or part 1 at least) has been out for a few days, but I'm yet to even watch it, and I probably won't see the movie, because honestly I don't see how they could make any of the musical numbers better than this. And this was just a medley! And acapella! Re the movie, I'm a little uncertain on how to feel about Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba, and I'm definitely skeptical about Ariana Grande as Galinda. Rachel and Emoni killed it though, as did all of the guys of course! Well done Geoff, this was definitely worth the hard work and the long wait!