#panic attacks just really get my ass
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nuks · 4 months ago
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hi besties! I feel muchhhh better now that I’ve taken a nap. Sometimes I get like a fussy baby LOL… I enjoyed the training today despite the panic attack, it was really cool touring the farm and learning shit
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applestorms · 28 days ago
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much love to the (multiple) mutuals i’ve seen agony posting on this fine new year’s day my heart is with you all in spirit 🎉🎉 the pain is incredible but this too will change
#i think i got through all my own angst after having a full on melt down spiraling panic attack and hiding in my room for approximately#92% of christmas day 👍#sucked ass btw. do not recommend#i hate this time of year and all these (northern hemisphere) winter holidays in particular#because it always feels like there’s So Many expectations to Be Happy!! Love Your Family!!! Become A Fresh New You!!!!!#which ime never fucking works. sorry for being a bitch but the harder you push me to get into#The Christmas Spirit the grouchier and more depressed i get#you don’t have to change everything Right Now. you don’t have to fix yourself by the end of january#you have a lifetime to figure that shit out and it’s your goddamn right to spend that time on your own goddamn terms#i appreciate all of you 🫶#and i like having you around#sigh. 1 am somewhat incoherency pardon if i’m making little sense#i think i’m just over trying to find the One True Solution that will fix me and make me a perfect new person#that never has any conflict with anyone and never does embarrassing shit i’m ashamed of or fucks up by not being an#omniscient emotionless robot#i’ll hold onto the smaller goals if only because ‘it’s good to have things to look forward to’#etc. etc.#but. that’s it and only barely#really i just hope my birthday isn’t as utterly dogshit as last year but :]#we’ll fucking see#i should probably just block every tag i can think of related to american politics that day tbh#sigh. horrors of a january 20th birthday#anywho.#there’s my new years rant happy 2025 or whatever let’s see how long it takes me to remember to write the new date#storm tag#broadcasts from the astronaut
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thesmokinpossum · 2 months ago
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Didn't felt like mentioning it immediately but shoutout to my sick and twisted brain for getting so triggered by an unexpected Christmas parade that I ended up havin the absolute worst panic attack of my entire life (potentially the only real one? I've had a couple other episodes I thought of as panic attacks but they were not even close to that so who knows) to the point where I spent the very last day of my 30th year on this earth in the ER, good times, good times 😊
#that was 10 days ago and i honestly was fine immediately after it ended so don't worry for me <3#but yeah this shit was crazy holy hell#like i knew intellectually that 'feeling like you're dying' is a symptom of a panic attack but *actually* feeling it is another thing...#and even at the worst i was like 'ok i'm clearly having a panic attack it's not nice but it's gonna be ok'#but there was a piece of my brain that was like 'ok but what if your mom or grandma had told themselves that...'#'when they were having heart attack? They would have died and so will you 😊'#and i was like shit can't argue with that better get my ass to the hospital before i die#spoiler alert: i didn't died#ironically enough the revolting state of our healthcare system is lowkey what helped me calmed the fuck down#because i was tiny but i do remember when my mom had her heart attack and they sure as hell didn't let her wait for 7h+#so when i realized that this is what was gonna happen after i spent a brief moment with a nurse i was just like...oh i'm fine actually lol#and then i had to go take the bus in my fake crocs that i usually never wear outside of the house smh#interestingly enough my phobia of hospital seems to have competely disappear! which makes me believe that it was more a trauma response#than an actual phobia#not that the name changes that much but still interesting development#also no i'm not wearing a mask because nobody gave me one#that's actually one of the thing that made me leave lmao#oh and btw the christmas parade is true but also a bit more complex than that#basically i had a full sleepless night and i was mad so i decided to go buy myself some weed#turned out that there was a huge christmas parade 5 minutes away from the weed store so i hade to find another way#and then i got lost on the way back#and saw no less than 3 big fights between different homeless people#including one man randomly kicking another man's dog (which kinda really messed with me tbh)#and then i smoked a big joint (first one in like 10 days) with 0 sleep and zero food in my body#and then i took the bus#and then the bus driver yelled at an elderly man for not waiting at the right place#and then i took a sip of water and for some truly strange reason my brain decided that the water had gone in my lungs#and that i was actively drowning#and the rational part of me was like...girl that's not what drowning feels like what are you even talking about??#and then my brain went 'well if we're not drowning than we're having a heart attack'
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ghost-proofbaby · 1 year ago
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alright, a bit of honesty hour here:
i had spent the last two months desperately trying to plan some sort of fun halloween event, but truth be told, i just... fell short. between classes, work, life - i for the life of me could not figure out an event that did not stress me out and i felt confident in completing. which, sort of bummer, because halloween and the month of october is sort of my thing. (i'm a ghost, for fuck's sake).
THAT BEING SAID. i have several halloween themed one shots i'd like to write (currently working on a steve one), but i still wanna do something fun with y'all because you're all just the sweetest and i adore you.
how would we all feel about a low-stakes request situation? y'all send in anything halloween or autumn related, if it strikes any inspiration, i write us some fun shorter shenanigans with our favorite blurbos? i am traveling and just doing a lot this month, but i just really wanna do something. it could be anything. trick or treating with eddie, creepy song fics that you'd like to see, cute fall activities like pumpkin patches with steve - anything y'all's hearts desire. there's no guarantee i could get to every request (usually when i do events i get... a lot of requests. very grateful! my brain just can't pump out 50+ 1k word requests in the span of a month haha), but... yeah. idk.
thoughts? concerns? should i finally shut up? lemme know.
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cinnamon-phrog · 1 day ago
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Having a different opinion on a fictional character is fine. Expressing distaste is fine. What isn’t, is expressing that distaste in a way were your opinions are the default best ones to have and that others who don’t think so, have their own opinions also, are wrong and inferior, clearly not enjoying it with the level of taste you say you have. 
And then to try and claim it as a joke and try to still befriend people with those opinions, to say ‘oh, but it wasn’t directed at you specifically’, that still targets a demographic of people? A joke becomes not a joke when the people involved are unaware and the target, it’s not a playful jab but just. An insult, not even disguised. No matter how vague you think you put it it still targets people who have done nothing, who haven't forced their ideas on others. And if you can’t take that people will disagree with your own opinions and point out this flaw in thinking then why should you criticise others. Why should you use your status as someone who draws fictional characters as a way to gratify your need to always feel justified in a place where people can take as much free reign as they'd like because everything is so. Vague.
#claiming it was all in my head is such a horrible thing to say#lying that you were sorry for vagueposting. doing the same thing again#you claim 'well it's only puppets' then why do you care so much to critique so harshly-#why do your friends do such backhanded things with no consequence#i want to rip myself apart because i feel insane#i swear this is wrong. i swear you are lying. you can't trick me into thinkig i wasn't#the way i spoke was wrong but everything i say i mean.#it's unfair. it's so unfair. the way you can get away with being like this#yet i can't express my love for one of the only things that cares for me without getting hurt by a random#who thinks fanon = fact and that it's okay to impose your own headcanons on someone else. that loving them any other way is wrong#and it makes you uncomfortable. why didn't YOU just block and not say anything? why are you allowed.#why did YOU leave a 'big ass paragraph' apologising self-deprecatingly#before doing the same thing again because i am powerless to stop you. it's just puppets and it's all in my head.#my mind is melting i am unmedicated and scared#i keep replaying those words in my head and although i'm getting over it. i've done well for myself#i can't believe a fandom made for creativity is so unkind to anyone outside their circle of what they've decided is right and wrong#i'm so sorry that i talk about this so often. i just want my words to stick in any way#and if i don't get them out they stay in my head and i believe i really am just making it all up. i need to be believed and not waved away#i might delete this later. i wrote this when i was having a manic attack [manic panic episode??]
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specialmouse · 1 month ago
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You know .
#my mental breakdown this summer was actually completely explainable and while i did/said things i dont stand by#i dont actually think i was the bad guy here. interestingly.#i had to help my mom move and it triggered a huge panic attack bc of past trauma from moving house#and so now my family is saying im going insane#and my friend kept egging me on to ask out his friend#who he and i had developed a really nice friendship but he did kind of like. seem like he was trying to be my personal savior#idk i had a big crush on him bc ofc i fucking did no man has ever treated me that well before#then i jokingly tell him how i feel and he goes all serious#oh and it was four days after the 17th anniversary of my fathers suicide#who i think had bpd/ptsd#so i may be developing the same disorder . and it’s freaking me out#this guy claims he knew i had a crush on him which actually means the way he was talking to me means he was to keep my attention#(he sent a picture of him zoomed in naked hours before this so EXCUSEEE ME FOR ASSUMING)#and i started getting upset with the way i was being talked to and asked him to just say he was talking to me that way for attention#for my own peace of mind. like mind u we were talking every day throughout the day for months#voice calls would last over 5 hours. that kind of thing#i snap at him finally but immediately apologize#he then sends me a screenshot of his ex telling him ‘you have experience in dealing with mentally ill women’#followed by him saying ‘youre right. teehee love you’#so yeah duh i went to the fucking hospital it’s like someone hit me with a hammer in the head three times#then my fucking friend who goaded me into confessing to him tells me when i get out that he feels like im trying to make him choose between#when all i ever did was apologize profusely over and over again#fuck my entire ass man. oh and then two weeks later my best friend abruptly told me she was moving to maine#in two weeks. well no she didnt say that. she said can i stay at yours for a week#and i said um. what? and she said yeah im moving. and then used the fact that she had to get an abortion weeks ago as an excuse for not#telling me. and i said dude what the fuck? and she never talked to me again! so#one two three all gone BAM BAM BAM#oh this was also a week before my birthday#the trauma from moving wasnt actually abt tbe moving it was about how i was treated when we were moving#or basically any stressful family event
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muzzlemouths · 1 year ago
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my doctor never got back to me about the one-day prescription of a sedative so uhhh guess who has two thumbs is claustrophobic and will be raw dogging their MRI tomorrow? yippeeeee................
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turtlecat1440 · 8 months ago
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Been having panic attacks off and on all day today. At first I thought it was because of my final assignments before I graduate this month. They're really big, and I have a presentation Monday. But I don't think it's that, the slides are done, and I got some good practicing in.
But in my haze I remembered what it ACTUALLY is. I paid my rent today and was reminded that I only have a little over thirty days before I have to move. That means I only have about a week to let the landlord know that I'm moving. And that means the landlord will start to tour our house, and request that it is clean (at least in the past I've had landlords do this). Unfortunately, that means I will probably be doing cleaning, while packing, during my finals.
Apparently it all hit me at once. My finals, my move, the worst of my anxieties triggered all at once.
What's worse, I have a car on jack stands in my Garage that doesn't currently work. I received it completely non-functional, and about twelve weekends of work later the engine is going good. Now, it does run, but it does not, uhh, have wheels. A family member gifted it to me as a project, but neglected to send me the title, so even if it DID work, I'd have to drive it illegally. Asked them for the paperwork a month ago and haven't heard an update. It'll probably cost me around $400 to ship it to my next place, which'll suck, but I'll probably just bite the bullet on that one. At least I can drive it onto the ramp.
Oh yeah, and I forgot to tell the landlord the back deck is rotting and I fell through it, so I gotta get on that too. Just trying to get past today with a modicum of work done, and I'll be happy enough. Maybe I'll skip work Monday.
That is to say, no one thing stresses me out this much, but the culmination of things. Well let's just say, peantic attak.
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orcelito · 9 months ago
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Took a few months but the situation at work is finally truly blowing up
I may or may not join in a workplace abuse claim against my old boss using old blog posts and discord messages of me venting as proof ☺️
It'd be me burning the bridge of having him as a reference later down the line, but honestly I think I can get by without him.
#speculation nation#my old coworker friend messaged me about how they were planning on doing this#and i was like OH BOY do i have some things i could add!!!#read back thru my messages from the day he gave me an hour long panic attack#& had me publicly humiliate myself as punishment for 'neglecting' my job.#and honestly it makes me so sad to look back on it. it really fucked me up so bad.#but Karma's got its kiss for him. and even if we dont do the suing thing hes still losing all but 4 employees#all of whom are currently teenagers lol#hes apparently so convinced he can bounce back and magically get and train so many new employees#but even IF he can. it would require so much extra work and time from him#which a vindicative part of me is rather happy to hear about that.#if i do join in on suing him it'd mean making my discord and tumblr legally linked to myself in a court of law#but. ykno what. im feeling spiteful enough to not mind it.#show up to the court like Orcelito Is Here to give some scathing accounts of their bitch ass ex boss!!!!!#id love if this went somewhere. i also do still have a picture of the thermostat back during that freeze in january#when the heaters couldnt keep up & it was 53F in the store. but we were forced to keep working anyways :]#which is a health code violation :]#with the metadata on that pic it would link its location and time to the store during open hours#and i think osha would find that just very interesting :]#so many wonderful things we could do to fuck our old boss over!!! karma's got its Fucking kiss for him.
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rubiesintherough · 9 months ago
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stabknives · 6 months ago
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In good faith I cannot fucking put an o.livia r.odrigo song on the v/b playlist. That's gotta be an osha violation.
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jetstargenderfuckery · 6 months ago
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tsurugis · 11 months ago
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my ass cant fucking sleep because i think my brain is coming to terms with the fact that i cant ignore i might have cancer back lol last thing i want is to find out for sure but here we fucking are
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happy points because maybe its not as bleak as it seems
i finished intensive mental health treatment and i made great supportive friends there! all of them made sure i felt loved and accepted me and my queerness and my arabness and my autism and it was beautiful
ive been to queer karaoke nights two times, during one of which i sung three songs! i shined fr. maybe i was made to stand on a stage bc not only i slayed the songs and impressed everyone (including myself), but i had so nuch fun singing in front of people. plus i made friends!
my best friend is truly just about the most amazing person ive ever met. i am an anxious clown, yet i genuinely am starting to trust that they will be here with me through it all. we've also had many serious conversations and whatever we're building together is beautiful. i wouldnt be here now doing what im doing without them.
i hung out with my muslim friends and ir was so nice! im struggling with my faith thanks to my clownass family, so having some muslim influence mixed in with arab influence was so fresh.
my guitar and singing skills are slowly improving. im trying hard to write songs. im used to writing poetry tho, so it's still kind of shaky. but we will get there! we will be starting to practice with the band soon and i cannot wait!! we also had music sessions with my best friend and those were also really nice
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stoopidpigeonxx · 3 months ago
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⋆˚。⋆୨✧୧˚ 𝑶 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏, 𝑴𝒚 𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏. ˚୨✧୧⋆。˚⋆
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CAPTAIN CURLY SMUT HEADCANNONS !! NSFW under the cut. MDNI.
(These are all completely random, not tied to any prompt. I just want more stuff about this guy cuz I love him) Fandom/characters: Mouthwashing, Captain Curly, other characters briefly mentioned.
Content warning: Smut (obviously), p in v, curlys packing, title kink, thigh-riding, face-sitting, size difference, manhandling, reader is AFAB, creampie, multiple rounds, riding, cursing, J*mmy.
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-He's a grower, not a shower.
I firmly believe Curly is a distinguished gentleman, unlike J*mmy who would most likely brag about how big he is and end up only being like, 5 or 6 inches. Curly, however, will not mention his size until you see it for yourself. And when he sees your face, he panics. "Oh-shit, uh- i-is it gonna be too big for you? It's okay if it is, I should've warned you.."
He's four inches soft, uncut. I think he keeps himself decently groomed. He's not completely bare, but it isn't a forest. He's got a little v-line that's only visible when he wears sweatpants that you go absolutely feral over. When he gets hard, whoo boy. 9 inches, throbbing. He's got a cute little vein near his tip that you like to attack when you're sucking him off because it makes his thighs shake. He's got a little bit of a mushroom tip, maybe more rounded. Perfect for hitting all those good spots inside you. In short, he's big. (he tucks it, that's why he doesn't have a bulge in his sprites. Also I'm sorry trans-Curly headcannon people ;-;)
-"Need a seat? I'll volunteer."
VEEEEEERRRYYY into face-sitting. Very. Like, the first thing he wants when you guys get freaky is for you to sit on his face. He's not exactly sure why he likes it, to be honest, he just loves the feeling of you absolutely lose yourself on his tongue. He isn't worried about suffocating or anything, since he's a lot bigger than you, so don't be afraid to ride his face! he can handle it! But seriously, use this guy as a seat. He'd give you a few licks up your slit at first to warm you up (again, gentleman) before going for your clit. And when he gets it, he sucks. Hard. He'd also probably sneak a finger or two inside you to add extra stimulation, because he really wants you to come on his face. He desperately yearns for the sound of you screaming his name as your juices cover his face and tongue, letting you ride your orgasm out before lifting you off his face and setting you down. "Alright, sweet-stuff, my turn. On your knees, please."
-Save a Polle, ride his big ass thighs.
So... we've all seen his sprite. He's thick as fuck. He's got a booty and bigger tits than me. But he also has deliciously large thighs.. so use that to your advantage, because he's totally down with it. He likes using it as foreplay to get you wet enough to take him, and he just likes the feeling. He'll probably give himself a hand while you're doing it, or he'll just watch and leave the touching to you.
He isn't much for public sex, but if you're really horny, he'll let you get high on his thigh over his uniform and gently praise you when you come. It gives him a little buzz to be doing something like that in a risky situation, like while he's in the cockpit sitting at the control panel, or even in the commons of the ship with Daisuke in a few rooms away. When you do come, which isn't that long after, he'll kiss you all over your face and head and twirl your hair in his fingers, using his other hand to rub your ass or back.
"There you go, sweetheart, that's a good girl. Good job."
-Sir yes sir.
I know, I know. He gets called 'Captain' and 'Sir' for his job. But if its coming from you when he's balls deep in you.. It's an entirely different reaction.
"D-did.. you just call me- mgh..- Captain?"
It makes him ferociously horny to hear that title slip from your lips, so pray you'll still walk tomorrow. "Ooh, fuck, yeahhh. Call me that again, baby. Call me that again.. Uh-huh. Captain takin' care of this pretty lil' pussy, huh.."
He doesn't dirty talk that explicitly, but you calling him captain gets his creative juices flowing. Oh, also his come. Yeah..
Its also perfect teasing material. You two couldn't even be getting it on, you'd just sneak up behind him and kiss him on the cheek and say "Morning, Captain!" In that tone you know drives him wild. Boom, hard. Poor guy.
-Yeehaw!
favorite position? Cowgirl. For many reasons. One, he loves looking at your face while you ride his cock. The noises, the facial expressions you make, the way your tits bounce up and down with your hips.. He wishes it was a renaissance painting to look at every morning. He also just likes being able to hold you easily. When you're on his lap, its easier for him to snake a hand up and hold your hair out of your face, or to give your ass gentle love taps (he would never spank you, unless asked to). He's a very hands-on guy and wants to touch you, everywhere he can.
Of course, he doesn't mind the occasional doggy, or missionary, or hell, even a Full Nelson, because you KNOW he's able to hold you like that. Manhandling comes naturally with Curly. Gently, of course. He would never hurt you.
-Gets a little messy.
Curly's no one pump chump. He'll go for hours. Even if he's came inside you at least five times, he'll keep going. He's got hella impressive stamina. His motivation? Seeing your cunt leaking his seed when he pulls out. He wants you to still find it in your underwear 3 days later. No hole goes unfilled. He's not exactly a breeder, per-say, though he definitely wouldn't complain about getting you pregnant, he just likes seeing you in a state. He thinks of it as artwork, leaving you so stuffed to the brim. The next day, he'd pull you aside and give you a quick finger-orgasm, just to see if his come's still in there. When it leaks onto his fingers along with your own, he's a very happy man. "Ahh, look at that. Still got it in ya. Should fill you up even more later, hm?"
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oof. my hands hurt. ;-;
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
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Had a nightmare last night that many different large scary animals were trying to break into the house I lived in in New Hampshire and I kept running around and locking doors and screaming and crying and begging for my family to help me and they were just sitting and laughing or sleeping or living their lives and I was watching huge black bears pound on glass sliding doors and fog them up with their breath as they drool over the idea of demolishing my family and there were like big mountain lions finding small holes to crawl through trying to get in and I’m sobbing and bleeding and kicking them and trying to get my family to do something and they don’t even notice and act like I’m crazy
#hahahaha that’s totally unrelated to me having a panic attack and calling out of work only for my mother to tell me that she’s disappointed#in me and I should’ve just sucked it up and gone to work#my life is honestly me vs my mental health vs my mother#like if she could just. no. I’m the one with the problem. I stopped taking my meds. that’s on me. she shouldn’t get mad at me for the way I#deal with my own brain especially cause the first half of June went so well for me. but whatever. she’s allowed to be upset when her child#isn’t taking care of themselves. that’s fair. however. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF#I DONT WANT NIGHTMARES WHERE IM DYING AND THEN I WAKE UP AND STILL FEEL LIKE IM ABOUT TO DIE#LIKE GIRL BE THE LITTLEST BIT SUPPORTIVE OF ME INSTEAD OF SAYING YOURE MAD AT ME BC I HAD A PANIC ATTACK SO BAD I COULDNT HANDLE A FIVE HOUR#SHIFT AT WORK LIKE JUST TELL ME IVE COME SO FAR FROM WHERE I WAS LAST YEAR (bad panic attacks every day) AND THAT I JUST NEED TO BREATHE AND#ILL GET THROUGH IT AND ITLL BE OKAY AND YOU CAN GO TO WORK AND EXPLAIN NEXT SHIFT AND APOLOGIZE AND ITLL BE FINE#INSTEAD OF SAYING TO YOUR KID ‘are you TRYING to get fired so you don’t have to go to work anymore?’ WHILE IM SOBBING WITH MY HEAD IN A#TRASHCAN DRY HEAVING LIKE YEAH MOM THATS JUST WHAT I WANT TO HEAR YOU THINK IM NOT FREAKING OUT ENOUGH ON MY OWN WHAT DO YOU THINK SENT ME#INTO THIS PANIC ATTACK LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP#sorry. having a moment.#I just keep getting really vivid flashbacks to my dream and it’s like I was trying to protect my dad bc in my dream he was still alive and#then I woke up and felt so powerless to everything and remembered my mom still being mad at me which I’m sure is going to continue and I’ll#be guilt tripped for the rest of the weekend at least#and she’s going to be on my ass about going back to therapy when therapy has nothing to do with this#rage rage rage rage fear fear fear fear fear that’s all I seem to know anymore
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