#paints are dreadful actually
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Samus painting commission for twt user
Asked to draw her with the metroid dread last suit...it was a very fun suit to draw
#samus#samus aran#metroid#metroid dread#commission work#my art#Actually i should post more of my commission work#fanart#digital art#digital painting#nintendo
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you’ve heard of bald solas, you’ve heard of auburn solas, but have you considered auburn solas with GREYS
#dragon age#solas#fen’harel#fenharel#art#dread wolf#dragon age inquisition#my art#he wants to give wisdom not orders#i suppose i am just tired of fighting#💔#excuse the blurriness and sketchy lines this was a resized procreate doodle i rlly liked#maybe i’ll actually paint over it or something soon ☀️
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being bad at something is the first step toward being good at something, sure, but sometimes being good isn’t the point. sometimes it’s the act of creation or learning or enjoying that makes it worth it. and if you get good at it in the process, well that’s cool too
#i keep seeing posts like ‘don’t give up art because you’ll get better!’ and while i get the idea#you don’t have to get better to make art. you don’t have to improve your skills#the point of making art is to make it yknow#like the reason a lot of people give up art is because the think they’re no good but they’re making technical skill the priority#if you adjust your lens from ‘i want to create because i want to be good’ to ‘i want to create because creating is the point’ you might find#drawing or painting or whatever is less of a hassle#you might actually look forward to creating instead of dreading the measure of quality#idk it’s ramble hours#but if you’re doing it recreationally then don’t worry about honing your skill
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re:kinder doodle dump part three !!! drawings with wildly different moods www they are more polished ans complete than my other doodles because. why not🥺!!!
#re:kinder#rekinder#fanart#ryou re:kinder#mami re:kinder#takumiel re:kinder#yuuichi mizuoka#i will now provide commentary ...#the first one i did was the takumiel one lets start with him#that one was done in ms paint MERELY for the sake of me making a speedpaint in the style of 2010's speedpaints#turned out great . put some nightcore on it... not placing it here because tumblr does not take it kindly to me putting speedpaints here#(im still petty about that)#the chie one as you can see. is not a line from re:kinder. it is a line from “If...” another game by parun#where the girl who says it has the same sprite as chie. so i drew chie based on the line. chie in the multiverse...#mami was because i just dont draw her enough for being one of the characters with a drawn portrait and why not#ryou candy because i can ive been meaning to draw him more properly for a while outside of silly little projects i just never got to it#so there he is with the layout of clip studio paint because the drawing looked bland. and i didnt know what to use as a background#i do not use clip studio on light mode. i just thought itd look better with the background. all for composition sake...!!!#now about the yuu drawing i did that this morning its funny actually... if you see it that way i prefer seeing things as comedic if possible#today's morning dread would simply not leave so i decided to draw rekinder because its my go to for whenever im feeling low#and i decided. i will channel my feeling into this drawing because i can i will channel it outwards so i dont have to deal with it#so at first i was very dreadful and sad drawing. but then as i was finishing it#and the drawing looked more gloomy than it had ever had I HAD GLEE ONCE MORE!! IT WORKED!! i did channel it outwards im a genius#so i totally would recommend if you dont want to deal with dread and are in a state where you can draw#you should make your drawing feel it so you dont have to. its great#its like when one manifests their period cramps onto goku from dragon ball z.... at least i do that#i do love goku. what kind of latinoamerican would i be if i didnt id be a disgrace but im not strong enough i know he can fight it
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Happy three years everybody! As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha
Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…
For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.
I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.
So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.
During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.
That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I ��should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.
If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?
I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.
So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.
From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!
(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)
TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.
As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!
If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.
#dread not#dreadnot#dread not au#dreadnotau#not comic#kris#schedule update#again#apparently i was calling this last hiatus a pseudo hiatus?#oh silly past me. this was a full blown hiatus jesus fucking christ#but yeah no i love being at this college dont get me wrong#its just that i have like 3 exams to prepare for the next two days ALONE#so like!!!! wish me luck!!!!! for christs sake#yknow i was planning on actually Dedicating Time to the art for this post#but uhh. haha. a little thing called the consequences to my actions caught up to me#fuckin psychology exam today that i had to cram for last night#i think it went ok? who the fuck knows at this point#but for tomorrow and the day after that i have digital shit to finish some theory to cram AND an ENTIRE PAINTING#that i didnt even START YET#and its an autoportrait. as if i wasnt suffering enough i have to stare at my ugly mug for hours#AGAIN. BECAUSE I HAD A DIFF AUTOPORTRAIT TO FINISH FOR LAST WEEK#im in spain without the s yall pray for me
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mini rant under cut, warning for cursing.
how many more times does someone close to me have to traumatize me before it stops. how many more times. I am sick of this shit.
#blue chatter#I’m fine nothing happened today#just. got to deal with my apparently incredibly queerphobic brothers this weekend#on top of my quietly queerphobic mom#why is my dad who went to priest school the only one here being kind about this#I’m so tired#I hate having new things to tell my therapist every time I come home#and I wish I could put my foot down and be like ‘I’m not going home until this stops’#but every time I actually talk to my parents my resolve crumbles like a Cheeto under someone’s heel#I hate being scared all the time#and having to hide how hurt I feel in case I get called volatile again#because heaven forbid I feel angry#when my brother tells me to my face that he hates everyone like me and that they’re sinning against God#without a trace of irony. and them my mom is like ‘I think you can talk this out’#NO!!! I cannot!!!!!! I can barely talk this out with you bc you think this is a phase!!!!#I hate dreading to go to my parents’ house every time#my therapy is helping but half the time I feel like it makes me feel worse#anyway. angrypost done. I’m gonna paint a little.#and then go to bed.#goodnight y’all
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Mariah is a treasure. I won't lie I worry when enigmatic characters appear on page that they'll be anticlimactic after the build-up but she's a delight and I love her
#dionysus in wisconsin#troth#I had to take a break from reading to make soup and paint part of a ghost for my office walls#but I am back to this#I'm dreading finishing this book bc I just realised that I won't have the next one to follow it up with#which is a tragedy#it's fine I have a friend's novel to finish reading and commenting on and I also have to make my floor at least passable tomorrow#like atm u can't cross it w/o leaping over a mountain of stuff#3 laundry baskets a box of thrifted clothes 2 saxophones a violin 2 flutes an oboe a trombone an old riding helmet my back brace a cat crate#I acquired some stuff to put things away in recently but I have to actually put them away. I haven't put away my laundry in uhhhh#I mean I know that it's been since like March. I also discovered I never washed my ren faire costume from last year so woops#anyway
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WHO FUCKING TURNED MY LEOPARD GECKO INTO A PAINTED 3D PRINTED ARTICULATED TOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#pory art#traditional painting#painted miniatures#i guess? would this techincally be a miniature if its actually somewhat bigger than my actual leopard gecko? idk#anyways this took me all night and im surprised it looks so close to his colors so im proud of this :)#DREADED his pattern though. so a good chunk of it was guessed because hes so squirmy when i hold him </3
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I don’t think the weird anxiety/panic will ever leave my tumblr experience🧍♀️
#idk like I feel like I’m in the worst place imaginable rn#dora daily#there are no words to appropriately explain how unimportant I feel on this site 🧎♀️not because of anything but like#bad things keep getting worse and I just don’t get it. im just so in shock like I don’t think I have it in me to be shocked anymore#this is my life forever#🧎♀️#actually im a liar when i said not because of anything#I mean it’s because of some things#specific things#that make me spiral#then those things make me think about existing things and I have no idea if im being reasonable or not but#it makes me doubt the legitimacy of literally everything else#I’ve had this level of anxiety for academics because it’s the only thing that truly ever mattered to me but not my social life becoming a#source of panic too 🧎♀️#I say this soooo much and im sick of saying it but idk why im always ignored or it feels that way most of the time#bla bla bla#I make so many mistakes when I feel that way like what if something else happens and we turn that 3 into a 4#🥳🥳🥳#whenever I leave the house then I come home I have the most existential dread because I hate it here#I hate being on dumblr but as mitski said it best “you have so much to do and I have nothing ahead of me”#I’d just watch paint dry atp
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tbh i could just use black Wall Paint(tm) after sanding the furniture down but itll probably look rlly bad in certain lighting if i do that bc of texture. so on gst day im getting spray paint.
#frank.txt#i wanna make a bookshelf so BAD but im waiting until next year-ish .#focussing on One project at a time bc like. doing stuff like this costs Money but also Rlly hurts my body. like im Dreading paintinf my room#bc i WILL be So Sore afterward#but also its gonna look so cool#hemlock green and rlly dark purple with black trim.#rllllly dark room colors buuut my room Actually gets sun bc it Actually has a big window now#so the dark colors will pop and appear super vibrant esp against the black#my mom bought the paint as a gift which is nice at least. bc wall paint is Pricey
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It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.
But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like
.... OK yea maybe I have some problems
Also this one 😂😂😂
#speculation nation#it's ok i am now in therapy and we have weekly appointments set up#i havent always had the best experiences with therapy. and by that i mean it has never really been helpful to me#mostly tho bc it's been depression therapists. and i dont actually have depression.#what i DO have is trauma! and barely managed adhd and fibromyalgia.#and especially grief trauma in the past 5 years. oh God do i have grief trauma.#but i searched Specifically for a grief therapist with this. so she should be equipped to properly help me.#ive managed to reach an okay place regarding my old traumas. but this stuff. man it's hard.#i pushed myself to a near panic attack the other day upon realizing the painting i have is an authentic lithograph#& the realization that i am carrying the mantle of several generations of my family now.#most of the generations above me are now dead. so it's up to us to carry on their memories#and i am The One who is unapologetically incredibly tacky. up to me to carry that legacy.#it's pressure. weight that i didnt want. but i dont want to ignore it bc i dont want them to be forgotten.#so im hoping that with therapy. she can help me sort things out so it's less... difficult.#help me remember them without being paralyzed with panic and dread.#and maybe help me with my death paranoia...? 😅 i dont like feeling like anyone in my life could die at any time.#inevitable after my uncle died with only a month's warning and my dad died with barely more than a day's warning.#idk. for someone whose will to live comes from the people i love. it's rather paralyzing.#just gotta cling to the people i have left. and hold them dear.#negative/#kinda but not really. tagging just in case considering the subject matter.#idk im just trying to sort things out. no one goes through this many sudden deaths without a severe complex over it.#but. im in therapy now. and im trying. i am.
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This painting isnt going very good yall
#not fallout#kal talks#every time i start a new painting im immediately filled with dread#i dont actually know how to paint
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finished data ( I AM NOT TOUCHING HIS FACE AGAIN OK I NEED TO FINISH THIS!!! IGNORE HIS NOSE SHADING )
#pawesome art#Mikey my LOATHED!!!!!!!#thankfully my dads gf got me an easel which actually put the load off of me GREATLY I am actually not in pain#I was dreading going back to this painting so I’m glad I won’t have to be in pain when I finish it :3c
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hmmm the overwhelming sense of dread is particularly potent today
#I might just need to eat something#apparently cereal only lasts me three hours now#maybe I should play dark souls again#anger is better than dread lmao#if I REALLY wanna feel something I guess I could play dark souls II#but that kind of anger might actually kill me#oh artorias figurine super glued together we’re really in it now#what I SHOULD do is finish painting the messmer figurine and reprint the pieces that fucked up in the printer#I gave him black nail polish bc it’s cunty
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of Course that is the one art trend i decide 2 draw LMAO <333
#so excited 2 paint it tomorrow actually. sometimes yeah u will be in a dreadful art block & changing to one of ur other favorite very#different brushes will fix it!!!#txt
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:3
#wip#I've figured out the best painting process for myself all it took was doing a lot of pre painting prep which I was dreading#like getting a good underpainting + putting time into the sketch + pre mixing all my colors actually helped#and made the process faster in the end even though I initially didn't wanna do it cuz it felt like it would take up a lot more time#also I'm so happy that I've taken a lot of time to study color and lighting because I've gotten really fucking good at it
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