#apparently i was calling this last hiatus a pseudo hiatus?

[dreadnotau]

Happy three years everybody! As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha

Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…

For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.

I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.

So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.

During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.

That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.

If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?

I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.

So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.

From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!

(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)

TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.

As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!

If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.

[chittychittyyangyang]

I wanted to give a heads up that this blog will be on a pseudo hiatus moving forward. Nothing is really going to change probably, but I’ll be shutting off asks and messages.

Not that I owe anyone a reason, but my mom went to the hospital last night. She apparently had a stroke. When they did a CT scan they found a tumor in her brain. She called this morning and we both know it’s inoperable given the location and her age. I’m still waiting on more news now but as you could imagine, I’m not up to talking to anyone.

[ghost-chance]

Update

HO-lee MO-zes, it’s been FOREVER since I’ve had a chance to get on my computer instead of making do with that brain-numbing tablet! Finally, I have time (and ability) to answer posts and emails - it’s only been, say, since before Thanksgiving? Good grief. Anyway, here’s a brief update of the highlights of my latest pseudo-DOTFOTE episode.

Surprisingly, no one died over Thanksgiving and there was no family violence. Other than an impromptu drop in from a relative from the Land of Fruits and Nuts, the Chance family’s Thanksgiving dinner was remarkably drama-free. I suspect it had something to do with almost half of the people not attending, half of the attendees imbibing in copious amounts of wine, and the rest being too young to read the room. I’d call it a success.

Speaking of wine, I took an unexpected trip to Dumbfuck-ville Thanksgiving day and paid for it from Friday to Sunday. Apparently you can get hungover without ever getting drunk, provided you’re dehydrated enough...and, apparently, I was plenty dehydrated. Normally the one (large and very full) glass of wine I had with dinner, the second one afterward, and the three fingers’ worth of Scotch before bed would have had no effect on me. Combined with about seven cups of coffee, lots of salty food, a couple sodas, and only half a glass of water that entire day...well, let’s just say I had a fifty-piece percussion section practicing in my skull. Thirty-some-odd years old and I just suffered my first hangover...and I didn’t even get the pleasure of being drunk first. So wrong.

After the hangover abated (Friday night) I had even more fun on the way. Cold brought me an early Christmas present: A FLU BUG! He shouldn’t have. We have since instituted a renewed ban on giving gifts before Christmas...and Cold has been warned against bringing me all the sicknesses that he doesn’t catch. We need to patent his immune system.

The Annual Rodent (Chance family tradition, see previous posts) has been hidden and the hunt has officially begun. So far, Dad hasn’t found this year’s hidden tormentor but we’re keeping a close eye on the race. He has until Christmas Eve to find it to win this year’s Rodent Hunt.

Went on official writing hiatus until further notice. Writer’s block is killing me.

Three more things broke in the Chance household. I managed to fix one of them. The rest we’ll have to bribe Maintenance to fix.

Yet another incident occurred in which a ditzy neighbor mistook Cold for my son. She still has her teeth but her pride is in question. See previous post.

I FINALLY got a slight reprieve in the depression I’ve been fighting; no promises that the lull will last more than a couple days but any break from apathy is a good break. In the meantime, I used that break to do some housework and put up the bare minimum of our decorations. IF, God forbid, death decides NOT to take a holiday this year, I really don’t look forward to taking everything down later. That said, even just having a couple strings of lights and a 3′ tree is a comfort.

Cold earned himself some brownie points. Last night I was up in the window hanging a strand of lights. Now, for the record, this is the KITCHEN window - hanging these lights requires standing ON the windowsill with my ass propped against the fridge, the window open, and one arm hooked around the windowframe for support. If I hang the lights during the day, people tend to gather on the sidewalk below and try to ‘talk me out of jumping.’ (IRL, we live in our town’s equivalent of a high-rise. It’s only funny until the firetruck’s called and I have to shake the lights at them in explanation.) Apparently while NIGHT is a safe time to avoid spectacle, FRIDAY NIGHT isn’t such a good idea. Bunch of drunken twerps shambled down the sidewalk while I was working and started catcalling, whistling, and shouting at me to ‘shake it.’ (I wish I was making that up.) Being the sweet considerate person I am, I loudly advised them “Blow it out yer arse!” and continued my work. At that point, Cold offered to go kick their asses. I declined on account of one of the idiots was now passed out in the gutter and Cold was in his underwear - not the most likely to escape the ‘bystander or perpetrator’ test.

Other than more of the same - Woozle mining the halls, Heiferlump being lazy, Cold being an awkward grump, etc - that’s about everything worth mentioning. If I recall anything else later, I’ll try to add it. Meanwhile, I’ve got stuffs to reply to, so cheers.

[queen-swagzilla]

Stand Behind Me, Chapter 1

Rated: M

Summary: THIS IS AN ENDGAME FIX-IT. Most of the movie happened, except the end part because HOW DARE. We now follow Peter Parker as he interacts with Tony, May, The Avengers, his high school and the rest of the Iron Family, including Harley Keener and Priya Williams-Mehta (OFC), his #IronChildren. Yes there will be a field trip. No, Clint will NOT be in the vents. 

Like the story? Consider buying me a coffee!

Don’t know what’s going on? Read it all on Ao3!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Alright, kid," Tony announced, striding into the lab. "We have an idea."

"What's the idea?" he asked absently, not looking up from his current project—wafer-thin screwdriver in hand. "And who's we? The last "we" was you and Cap, and that ended in Nat beating the crap out of me."

"What?" An alarmed, familiar voice demanded. Peter spun in his chair so fast that he nearly fell out of it. He would have, if not for his reflexes.

"May!"

"I already told you about that," Tony assured her. "The hand-to-hand combat lessons. So that he doesn't...how did you put it? YEET yourself into bad guys?"

Apparently, May remembers that, because she "ohhhhh's" in realization as she nods.

"Can we stop sharing my embarrassing stories without my permission?" Peter begged. "No, wait—May, why are you here?"

"We have a standing lunch date to discuss your wellbeing and development," Tony replied. "And Rhodey, Bruce and Pepper joined us today, which led to an excellent idea." He clapped his hands together. Peter relaxed a little. The idea couldn't be that bad if those three were involved. "How would you like to spend your summer with an R&D internship at our outpost facility?"

"Outpost facility? What outpost facility?"

May snorted. "According to Rhodey, it's where Tony stores his prodigy children when they graduate."

Peter stared at them blankly. "His what?"

"Apparently, there have been a few other pseudo-Stark adoptees. You're just his favorite." May smirked.

"Hush woman. You'll ruin my cred. The outpost facility is a lab just outside of Fairfield, Virginia, where I place my more mad-scientist level employees. It gives them space to invent and test without the risk of destroying property or risking civilian lives. It's where we tested VERONICA and the Hulkbuster." He explained.

Peter frowned. "Uh...I can't go to Virginia. What about Spider-Man?"

Tony and May shared a look. "We decided...well, decided is the wrong word..." May began.

"Look, we've all been through a lot, kid. We all think it might be a good idea for you to take a break—just a break—and start getting work experience and back on top of your school stuff. Just for the summer."

"What about patrols?" He demanded.

"If you agree to do this, we'll work with the other Avengers to make sure your patrols are covered," Tony replied immediately. "It'll be a good experience for you, and we'll all get the opportunity to relax a little. Especially your aunt. It's a little difficult to see you throw yourself head-first into danger after we just got you back, kid."

"Oh god, that's unfair! You're totally guilt-tripping me!" He cried.

"100%." May grinned.

"Besides, you'll meet more of the future Avengers." Tony continued. "Really, we're not KO-ing the spider. Just a...scientific hiatus. And heaps of training." He explained.

Now that sounded more tempting. Future Avengers who worked at SI's outpost facility? He loved working with Tony, but it would be cool to work with people closer to his age...who he wouldn't have to explain memes to. The science-bro Avengers of the future.

"If you're sure that Spidey won't be missed..."

"Oh, he'll be missed. No one can replace Spider-Man. But we can cover him while he takes some time to be a kid." May explained warmly.

"Learning and growing and all that." Tony agreed.

He pondered for a while—longer than Tony and May had hoped, but finally nodded. "Okay. Yeah. It sounds like fun."

"Done deal. I'll call down and have them set up lab space for you. You work on getting together a couple of ideas. I want you to get familiar with standard lab procedure for MIT or if—for some ridiculous reason—you choose not to work at Stark Industries. That means submitting proposals and getting them approved."

Peter nodded. "And who will I be submitting them to?"

"First will be your supervisor. Then if your supervisor approves, it's submitted to me." He replied. "Your supervisor for the summer will be Priya Williams-Mehta. She's intimidating at first, but she mostly doesn't like distraction. Once you learn to read her moods, she's a piece of cake."

"That's his oldest prodigy child," May explained, smirking.

"Ignore her. She's been listening to Rhodey." He rolled his eyes. "The outpost is where most Avengers tech is produced aside from my lab. It's remote and secure, and its location is confidential, so even though I trust you implicitly, you'll have to sign a crap-ton of paperwork."

"And you won't be able to tell Ned and MJ," May added.

Peter flinched. That...wouldn't be easy. "And what will I tell them I'm doing all summer? That's my best friend and my girlfriend. I'm bad at lying to begin with, but with them, it's just pitiful."

"Summer camp?" Tony suggested dryly. May elbowed him.

"Say you're helping with repairs and research projects at the compound." She suggested. "They already know that civilians aren't allowed on the grounds. Besides, the damage is awful and the terrain is hazardous, so they won't want to visit."

He squinted at her. "You've given this a lot of thought."

She snorted. "Of course I did. Have you met yourself? If I didn't have a response to everything, you wouldn't go."

He had to admit. She had him there.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Want to stay up to date? Follow me on Twitter!

Like the story? Consider buying me a coffee!

Don’t know what’s going on? Read it all on Ao3!