#pack crack

[bunnyskull152]

Erica: “people are always like ‘I can see your nipples through your shirt’ first of all stop being ungrateful.”

[sincerelywhistler]

Tight squeeze

Bonus Davey image because I know no self restraint (& the actual post)

[jessmalia]

Mal's Teen Wolf rewatch: Pack Mentality (1x03)

[acorviart]

sea pancake plates 🥞

stingrays don't have bones, but they do have cartilaginous skeletons!

[manicpixiejinxgirl]

Ambessa is a deadbeat dad and Silco is a struggling single mother btw if you even care

[moodnamars]

they call him ranch cause he be dressing

[catgriller]

An AU where Anakin leaves the Jedi before Ahsoka

[questforgalas]

Papa Rex gonna be knocking on Tantiss’ door with a rocket launcher

[nandermoenthusiast]

okay im not gonna say it was the most gutting moment of the episode, but tell me yall noticed in one of the very first scenes THE WAY NANDORS FACE SEEMS TO FALL A LITTLE IN THE BG AFTER GUILLERMO OFFERS HIS HAND TO HIS BOSS TO HELP HIM DOWN THE CHAIR.

THE VERY SAME WAY HE USED TO HELP HIM OUT THE COFFIN EVERY EVENING. my man is hurting so much he misses his guillermo so much god i cant do this

[fan-fricking-fiction]

We are ft. commentary textposts (8)

other We are posts <3

[dandp]

My new least favorite repeat preshow answer is them pretending Phil packed the true golden pig in his personal suitcase they're not even trying with that lie 😭

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Ground Rules

Derek is leaving town for three days. He has to lay down some rules for the pack. [AO3]

The pack were gathered in the sunken lounge room of the loft. Cora had claimed the only arm chair, sitting with her legs over one armrest. Erica, Lydia and Allison sat on the couch, Isaac sitting on the floor at their feet while Scott and Boyd stood, leaning against the back of the couch and talking quietly with the others. Stiles laid on the floor beside Cora’s armchair, his arms flailing as he talked.

“Alright, listen up,” Derek called out.

The pack straightened up and turned to their alpha, alert and attentive. Stiles stayed prone, but his arms stilled and fell to his sides, the only sign he was listening.

“I’m going to be out of town for three days,” Derek announced. “So, let’s go over the ground rules.”

There was a collective groan of protest from the group.

“If you didn’t break them, I wouldn’t have to repeat them every time.”

The room fell quiet as the pack reluctantly listened.

“No adding to the population, no subtracting from the population,” Derek said, shooting a glare at his sister to drive home his point. “Do not end up in the hospital, newspapers or jail. If you do end up in jail—”

“Assert dominance,” the pack said simultaneously.

“What? No!” Derek objected, his eyes wide with shock and horror.

The pack were quiet for a moment.

“You call me and I will send the money to bail you out,” Derek told them. He closed his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh before adding, “And don’t use your one phone call to order pizza.”

“Who would do that?” Boyd asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Hands shot up around the room.

“My dad’s the sheriff, he knows who to call to get us out of trouble,” Stiles argued. “Meanwhile, I was hungry.”

“And don’t even think about trying to repeat what you did last time,” Derek said through gritted teeth, shooting a fierce glare at Erica and Stiles—or at least at where Stiles laid on the floor—knowing it was their idea.

Isaac looked puzzled. “What happened last time?”

“We had a competition to see who could break the most rules the fastest,” Erica explained.

“It was stupid,” Boyd said. At the same time, Cora asked, “Who won?”

Stiles’ hand shot up as he very proudly declared, “I did!”

“That’s not something to be proud of,” Derek said, exasperated.

Derek let out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Please, just this once, can you follow the rules?”

The pack mumbled in agreement.

“Thank you,” Derek sighed with relief, although there was a part of him that didn’t believe them. He threw the strap of his duffle bag over his shoulder. “I’ll see you in three days.”

[teencopandthesourwolf]

*Sunday afternoon. No crises. Hale pack 2.0 playing baseball down on the preserve*

Erica to Derek: Omg you really need to tap that harder.

Derek: Huh? Did you somehow manage to miss me scoring that home run just now?

Erica: *rolls her eyes* I'm not talking about the ball, Babe Ruth.

Stiles: *runs past them both, reeking of horny*

Erica: I was talking about that.

Derek: *turns the same shade of red as the flash of his alpha eyes*

Derek, shouting: GAME SUSPENDED! EVERYONE GO HOME!

Scott, muttering quietly: Oh God, please, please just wait until we're out of earshot this time...

The rest of the pack: *tutting unhappily* Awww, Stiles!

Stiles: *throws his hands up in the air* What? What I do?!

[the-nightshift-radio]

Bingjiuyuan AU where Shen Yuan is still Shen Qingqiu, Shen Jiu is the daughterson he got pregnant with before before getting yeeted out of his body to make room for Shen Yuan. Shen Jiu is trans masc but due to his own neurosis and also Shen yuans he never fully transitions.

Jiu-er needs all of her fathers attention all of the time (and also wants to fuck Shen Yuan so bad) Binghe come to the peak at the same time as canon and is about the same as as Jiu-er. They getting into constant violent fights with eachother because binghe also wants to fuck Shen Yuan so bad.

While Shen Yuan is happily trying to set them up together because obviously his daughter would marry the protagonist!! (He thinks the fighting is foreplay) All while giving both of them so many new issues by being an insanely over protective and controlling of his perfect innocent daughter and also low-key high key slutshaming her constantly and committing casual transphobia against her like any true lonely internet cis"het" guy suddenly saddled with an ethereally beautiful daughter with no known other parent to temper him.

This ofc ends with SY marrying jiu-er off to to binghe, Jiu-er throwing a fit and doing everything she can to get her father to lock her up in their own home and throw away the key, binghe attic wife-ing SY (and Jiu-er just a little). Jiu-er and Binghe hate fucking ALOT. and also the world's most fucked up Shencest-binghe Sandwich (while yqy sits in his cuck chair)

[lulublack90]

Prompt 29 - Crack Fic

@wolfstarmicrofic July 29, word count 990

CW - Blood

Part ten of werewolf Sirius

Previous part First part

The big black wolf glared at the human standing across from him. He growled and then suddenly stopped. He scrunched his muzzle up in an odd way and inhaled quick sharp breaths before an almighty sneeze flew from his nose. 

The wolf sneezed over and over, making odd choo sounds. 

When the sneeze attack was finally over, the wolf used his long pink tongue to lick his shiny black nose. 

“Yuck,” Regulus exclaimed from the corner. The wolf looked up at him. Regulus was covered head to toe in werewolf snot. 

Before the wolf could move any further into the cell, thunderous paws came charging down the corridor behind him. He didn’t even have time to look around before two sets of teeth sunk into his back legs, lifting them from the ground and began dragging him backwards away from the dungeons. 

He fell to the floor, his front legs unable to keep up with the fast backward movement. They splayed out before him and his stomach dragged against the cold stone. He whined in an annoyed way at the other two wolves. But they ignored him and continued to drag him towards the stairs. His head bounced on the first few steps, making him bite his tongue. After the fifth step, he held his head up. 

He was dragged unceremoniously outside by his pack master and the wolf he thought was his friend and dumped under some apple trees. 

The air smelt cleaner out here. Inside, the smell of human blood was so heavy in the air he’d been drooling. Now it just smelt like rotting apples. 

He stood up, shook out his fur and bent to assess the damage to his back legs. He licked at the small puncture wounds, cleaning them and his fur. He lifted his massive head and growled at the other wolves. The bigger grey one growled back at him so ferociously that he fell over his own feet when he tried to retreat. The brown one barked happily as it too fell off its feet in a mocking way. The black wolf got up, chuntering under his breath. 

The grey wolf came over and nuzzled him. He sighed and nuzzled him back. He was rewarded with a lick for his efforts. The grey wolf butted him, leading him further into the orchard.

He followed obediently. Something squished unpleasantly beneath his paw. He lifted his foot up and watched the mushy, foul-smelling, rotten fruit drip from the bottom of his foot. He whined softly in displeasure, before shaking what he could off and carrying on behind the grey wolf. The rest of the pack came into view, and they yipped happily at the approaching trio. The grey wolf accepted his pack’s adorations and then led the black wolf away from the group. 

They settled down in an area with fewer apples on the ground and curled up. Exhausted after all that had happened in the castle, the black wolf soon fell asleep, curled up warm against his mate. 

When Sirius awoke, he panicked. Regulus! He stood on wobbly legs and tried to run forward, only to stumble on a piece of stuck-up root and bang into a tree.  

“Ouch!” He grumbled at the offending timber. 

“Sirius, calm down. Regulus was fine when we left him last night. You need to get dressed before we do anything. If you go back into that castle naked, Regulus will curse your bollocks off wand or not.” Remus warned him. Remus stood and stretched his long body, the joints popping satisfactorily. Remus went over to the trunk they’d stowed before they transformed and unlocked it. Inside was everybody’s clothing and wands. Remus took out his and Sirius's clothing and wands and they dressed. 

“Is everyone accounted for?” Remus asked the gathered wolves. Sirius did a quick head count. He didn’t think anyone was missing. 

“Yes, pack master, everyone made it out with relatively few injuries.” One of the older wolves piped up. 

“Good. Thank you all so much for helping us with this. Please return to the new camp. There should be food and medicine waiting for you. We’ll follow shortly.” The wolves bowed to Remus when he’d finished speaking and one by one they disapparated. “Right,” Remus said, turning to Sirius once they were alone. “Let’s go get Regulus out before someone comes looking for Bellatrix or one of the others.”

They hurried across the grounds and into the creepily silent castle. Sirius gipped at the overpowering scent of blood, almost vomiting. It was ghastly. 

They made their way to the dungeons where they found a very disgruntled Regulus waiting for them. He glowered at Sirius, still covered in the snot Sirius’s wolf had sprayed on him. 

“Took you long enough,” Regulus spat out. 

“You’re very welcome for your rescue, dear brother.” Sirius huffed back haughtily. 

“Wand,” Regulus ordered. 

“Excuse me,” Sirius was taken aback by Regulus’s rudeness. He’d expected him to be overjoyed to be free. 

“Give me your wand,” Regulus hissed through his teeth. Remus tossed his over when Sirius didn’t move.

“Thank you, Lupin,” Regulus nodded at him politely. 

“What the fuck?! You’ll be nice to him but not to me?!” Sirius remarked. Regulus raised Remus’s wand and began cleaning the snot from what was left of his robes. When he was finished, he looked much better. He looked up at Sirius and raised the wand again. Before Sirius knew what was happening, huge bat bogeys were emerging from his nose and flapping around his face. 

“AHHHHHHHH!!!” He cried as he swatted at them. 

“Paybacks a bitch, isn’t it, dear brother,” Regulus scoffed. “Thank you,” He said, handing Remus his wand back. “Shall we go then? I believe we have things to discuss.” Regulus had adopted his aristocratic ways again quickly and stalked straight backed from the cell with Remus following closely, while Sirius was left to deal with the goopy bats by himself.

Next part

[royaltea000]

I bet he gets the worst pregnancy cravings known to man