#ow my feelings

[slutforsilverfoxes]

hello! may i say i absolutely love your writing??? so i thought i’d request something :) aaron is readers first actual relationship (like her first serious one?) and her family dynamics have been difficult while growing up (absent father, not a really close relationship with her mother, she always felt like more of a flatmate to her yk?), so she hasn’t experienced what it feels like to be truly loved and wanted and aaron has given her that, which makes their relationship even more special and important to her. he’s basically the only person she fully trusts and vice versa. when they get into their first big fight, she gets overwhelmed and is afraid he’s going leave her and thinks things like “i knew this was too good to be true” etc. of course, they make up and aaron comforts her and assures her he’ll never leave her.

if this is something you don’t want to write, that’s totally fine!!! 🫶🏼

Thank you, sweet nonny, for your kind words and the request 🥹 And sorry this took me so long to post!! I hope you don't mind I tweaked a bit to play more on reader's anxiety than the fight aspect- I hope this is what you were looking for 🖤

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x female reader (angsty angst + hurt/comfort)

—————

Stupid, you chastise yourself for the umpteenth time as the apartment door closes behind your partner. Evidently he’s taken all the air in the room with him because your lungs can’t seem to find any oxygen to breathe in. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl. What did you think was going to happen?

Rather than staring at the closed door in the vain hope that Aaron will walk back through it, you scrub your hands over your face and head down the hall to his bedroom. You stand on your tiptoes to reach your duffel bag in the closet that’s been sitting on a shelf since he first insisted you keep some things at his apartment. Maybe if you just give him space and then apologize, he won’t leave. After your dad walked out, that strategy had worked on most of your mother’s relationships, however short-lived they happened to be.

Your heart breaks at the thought of losing Aaron over something so seemingly trivial. Why hadn't you fought harder, spoken with more confidence in your voice? Why couldn’t you just let it go?

You had planned a quiet dinner at Aaron’s place to celebrate six months of absolute bliss together. All you had told him last week was there would be a surprise waiting for him at home, courtesy of the shiny new key on your ring you had yet to use. You spent the evening cooking the recipe that you had been buying ingredients for when you bumped into him at the grocery store, a smile on your face while the memory replayed in your head. As the clock neared seven, you left the food in the oven to stay warm and went about setting the table, complete with fresh flowers, candles, and Aaron’s favorite red wine. Music played softly in the background, a series of songs you put together that reminded you of your boyfriend that he was never allowed to find out about. You gave the sauce simmering on the stove another taste test, smacking your lips together before adding another pinch of oregano.

Then, you fired off a quick Can’t wait to see you soon! text to your boyfriend and settled down on the couch with your book to wait for his arrival from Quantico.

You waited… and waited, and checked your phone, and waited some more. As the minutes ticked by and the smile on your face faltered, you reasoned with a sigh that the BAU had probably gotten a case, and he was busy briefing the team before heading halfway across the country. You were no stranger to receiving a text or call from the jet, an apology for the untimely case and promise to make it up to you as soon as he was home.

But this radio silence felt different, and you released your bottom lip from its cage beneath your teeth with a quiet hiss when the familiar metallic taste of your anxiety getting the better of you touched your tongue. A thousand and one scenarios flew through your mind, possibilities of Aaron being hurt in the field or succumbing to another one of those fainting spells that his teammate and friend, Dave, had once warned you about.

Or maybe, just maybe, he had grown tired of you and was trying to figure out how to break things off.

Reaching the six month mark was a new milestone for you in a relationship. Most of your other relationships, if you could even call them that, didn’t make it past the third date. Aaron could probably profile you in his sleep, tell you that the absence of your father in your life and your strained relationship with your mother made it hard for you to recognize genuine connection. That you were a serial people pleaser, even at the expense of your own health and wellbeing, convinced that if you said and did all the right things, you would be worthy of people’s attention, time, and affection.

Hell, the person who cut in front of you in line for coffee could probably tell that about you by the way you insisted they go ahead first.

As the digital clock on the stove flickered to 10:00, your nerves over Aaron’s welfare outcompeted your guilt over bothering him at work. You unlocked your phone to find your earlier text to him delivered but unread, and pressed his contact picture to place the call. He picked up on the third ring, and you released a sigh of relief until he answered with an easy, “Hi, honey, how are you?”

Confusion muddled your features, but you kept your voice even as you answered, “Fine, my love. You got a new case?”

“Luckily no, and I’m so sorry I didn’t respond to your text earlier. I just got caught up trying to finish this report so I don’t have to work this weekend while we…” He trailed off with a quiet curse before coming back on the line. “Baby,” he breathed out, a heavy sigh laced with regret. “We were supposed to celebrate tonight, weren’t we?”

“It’s okay,” you offered immediately, not really answering his question as your gaze flicked up to the wax dripping down the half-eroded candles.

“No,” he responded firmly, and you could hear the distinct shuffling of papers in the background. “It’s not okay. It’s late, so there shouldn’t be traffic now. I’ll be home in twenty.”

You had spent those twenty minutes cleaning up the kitchen and convincing yourself that you weren’t really upset, just worried that he hadn’t eaten all day or taken proper care of himself. Then you changed out of your dress, opting instead for sweatpants and one of Aaron's old law school shirts to appear as casual as possible. By the time you heard his key in the lock, you were ready to meet him at the door with a smile.

“Hi, baby,” you purred in greeting, cupping Aaron's face in your hands and drawing him down for a sweet kiss. He practically melted into your touch, pressing his lips to yours between words of apology. “It’s okay, really,” you answered easily with a shrug. “We can just have what I made tomorrow!”

Aaron’s mouth turned downward at that, and you immediately criticized yourself for mentioning the meal at all. “Sweetheart-”

“Aar, baby, it was nothing,” you attempted to laugh it off, but his brows furrowed even deeper at your insistence.

“Why aren’t you upset? You should be upset.”

“Why?” you challenged in return, smoothing your hands along his arms even as your fear that he was trying to push you away reared its ugly head. “I know how difficult your job is. I don’t expect you to remember every little thing we talk about.”

“Y/N, no.” His voice was firm as he gripped your shoulders and dipped his head down to meet your gaze. “This wasn’t a little thing. Just… give me a minute and then we’ll talk.”

And now, here you are, hastily packing your bag and trying to make your escape before he returns to avoid having that dreaded conversation. The trite It's not you, it’s me and It’s for the best and You should be someone’s priority. Aaron had already sighed out the classic You deserve better before walking out the door.

You jump in surprise at the sound of Aaron’s voice rumbling over to you from the bedroom doorway. “Are we going somewhere?”

You look up at him and his heart breaks at the way your eyes are glistening in the dim light. “I thought I should spend a few days at my place. Give you some space to breathe.” And save you the hard part of saying we shouldn’t be together anymore.

His bags fall to the floor unceremoniously, and Aaron crosses the room in two short strides to cup your face in his hands, brows furrowed, eyes searching yours. “Why would I ever want to be apart from you when I don’t have to be?”

You gape at him in disbelief. “You don’t want me to leave?”

His answer is firm, resolute, a simple, “No.”

“And you’re not leaving me?”

“Absolutely not.” He sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you down beside him, tucking you into his broad chest. “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear when I left. I just went to get my things from the car, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry for assuming the worst,” you whisper. Your voice is so small and fragile, and Aaron tightens his hold on you. “I just thought…”

“You’re used to people not sticking around?” You nod, his starched shirt brushing against your cheek with the movement.

Aaron pulls back a bit to tilt your chin up, his gaze soft yet determined as he looks into your eyes. “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. You understand?” You nod again, and he dots kisses all over your face until your mouth turns up in a genuine smile. “You-” He takes a deep breath and pulls your hand into his lap, running his thumb over your knuckles before continuing, “You have made my life- and Jack’s- infinitely better, and I can’t picture our family without you now.” 

You lift your joined hands to your mouth to press a kiss to the back of his hand. Then, hesitantly, you ask, “Aaron?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you get upset about me not getting upset?”

“Because you deserve the world, angel,” he answers firmly. “And you deserve better than the bullshit I pulled tonight. And…” He trails off, and you can feel the tension mounting in the rise of his shoulders. Placing your hand on his taut muscles, you rub it back and forth in a soothing pattern until he releases a breath and admits, “It reminded me of my marriage, when things started falling apart before the divorce. Haley had gotten so used to my absence or making work a priority that she would just excuse things. First it was little things, like not answering a text for hours.”

“Huh, you don’t say,” you interject, and Aaron’s gaze cuts over to you to find a cheeky smile on your face.

He nudges your shoulder with his own, muttering an apology before continuing, “Then it was bigger things. Holidays and trips and back to school nights. I even- I missed Jack’s first steps, y’know that? I was on a case, halfway across the country, and I didn’t see the video she sent me until days later.”

“Aaron,” you sigh, now tucking him into your chest. “Do you know what Jack’s going to remember? That you were always there when it counted. He’s going to remember the night you went out in the rain to find his special Darth Vader suit for Halloween, and the countless hours you and Dave put in to coach his soccer team to the championship, and the blanket forts and movie nights and walks in the park with ice cream dripping down our wrists until it’s an unsalvageable mess. You’re his hero, you big dummy.”

Aaron shifts until his head is in your lap, looking up at you with a small smile and glistening eyes. “How did we get here?”

“You gave me a key to your apartment and then missed our anniversary dinner.”

“Thank you, you sassy little thing.” He playfully tugs at your hair falling down from your shoulders and framing his face. “I mean, I was supposed to be apologizing and groveling at your feet for my transgressions, but here you are comforting me instead. You really do-”

“If you say deserve better, I’m going to beat you up, Aaron,” you threaten, although the smile on your face says otherwise.

He mimes zipping his lips, then twists his wrist around to glance at his watch. “It’s still our six month anniversary for another hour or so, and the apartment smells divine. You up for a late night meal?”

Leaning down, you nuzzle your nose against his before answering, “Deal. But I’m sitting pretty at the table and you’re serving me, Hotchner.”

“In just an apron and nothing else underneath?”

“Oh, hell yes,” you squeal in delight. “You’re in trouble now, baby. I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth.”

“As you should, my love. As you should.”

__________

AH tags 🖤 @gothwifehotchner @iyv-ray24 @mrs-ssa-hotch @criminalskies

[khoirkid]

Hey guys… anyone else destroyed by the latest @amethystfairy1 fic? Yeah me too! Plz god, if you like the series message me so I can brain rot with people-

I’m planning on my warm up sketches being from the new fic as it updates so here’s Gem, the Slayer! (Ft. A pearl necklace)

[aposematicbastard]

Fucking SOBBING

[trashfangirlsworld]

just realized the fight tallulah and chayanne just had is a mirror to the fight qphil and qwilbur had when he came back :((((((

[theredhoodedcryptid]

Me: Hmm, I'm kinda in the mood to play Batman: The Enemy Within...

*Watches edits of the game while waiting for my food to cook and is reminded of the doomed narrative, how John will always become Joker, how much I was torn between BatJokes and BatCat, how Alfred will force you to choose between him and being Batman, and how much every choice hurt and caused anguish, how after finishing the game I couldn't even play any other game for a week because I was still processing that one,*

Me:.........or maybe not. I don't want to be sad right now....

(and honestly, the same goes for the first game too. Playing through DAI Trespasser with Sovellan was easier than this)

[ding-dong-the-bitch-is-dead]

@dark-elf-writes @rayshippouuchiha

[thornsofrosesdumps]

Crying because I succumbed to the voices and listened to trocadero again.

[potatothemoose]

I just gotta say but Writing On The Wall fucked me up.

I really relate to the way Kaveh was depicted in that song because I too am a self-destructive, burnt-out gifted kid visionary whose only pride is in his work. I gotta say that the more and more I lean about Kaveh and the more and more animatics I watch of him, the more and more I relate to him and become attached.

[lichqueenlibrarian]

I don’t know what I was expecting from The Pandora Principle but I ought to have known my feelings were going to be stomped on when I saw Diane Duane being thanked in the acknowledgments.

[tastelessleather]

I NEED to stop writing bittersweet endings. This is so sad, like nooo he's just a guyyyy, he's so content with being a ghost until he can't be seen anymore and then he's just sadddd.

Literally just had a ghost dude help a 14 year old escape from a serial killer. The kid gets away, helps the police discover his body (even though it took two years) and he starts to fade over time. When he's about to fade he's wandering the streets and runs into the kid who is all grown up now in his eyes, he looks happy, he's with his boyfriend, he's alive and well. The kid and his boyfriend are able to see him in his final moments before he fades.

THEN I HAD TO GO AND WRITE AN EPILOGUE OF AFTER THEY GRADUATE. They go visit his grave, leaving flowers behind and a small little snake figurine. They find a snake there that is affectionate to them and is missing a fang just like the ghost dude was. (infact that's how the kid escaped dying, the ghost dude showed him where his fang was in the dirt so he could cut the ropes)

THEY TAKE THE SNAKE WITH THEM AS A PET. and after they leave the boyfriend gets a glimpse of the ghost dude through his rearview mirror. They pull over to watch the sunset and the end.

[autie-j]

"You remembered the feeling of sleeping in Mari's lap" ...FUCK

[mxlabradorite]

Inside Job S2’s finale destroyed me how are you?

[inconveniently-discorporated]

Well I suppose I'm going to create a new thing called fuck me up Fridays and that's where I hurt my own feelings on purpose.

This week: Wicked Game -- tell me that's not the song Crowley listened to on the way to the pub after finding the bookshop was on fire, and the last things they'd said to each other was the stuff at the bandstand and then outside the shop. 🥲

Particularly salient bits in the tags.

[cubestresser]

The characters in my mind are making me cry

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Please look at this beautiful KP edit by @guzhu-furen.

Tumblr will not let me reblog it here, or save it to my likes, or do anything with it (though I could rb to a side blog 🤷🏼‍♀️) but it is so beautiful, and so Ouch. It hurt my feelings very much.

[combat-librarian]

Hey gifmeisters, I need a gif set from The English that has the scene from Ep 2 where Cornelia points out that Eli has lost a family and he says “With you?” And then the Buffalo Gun scene where he says “because it’s here, with you” and if you want to twist the knife even harder, the scene from the finale where he hands her the skull and says “I found it. With you.”

Why do I need this? I dunno, I just felt like staring at that callback and whimpering for a while