#i’m sobbing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

solarsturniolo · 10 months ago

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𝒩𝑜𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 // 𝑀.𝒮.

𝔅𝔶 𝔑𝔞𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔢 💋

𝒮𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎: Inspired by the song Nothing by the Script

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: lowkey kinda heart wrenching / drinking / borderline addiction / swearing / toxic??

𝒟𝒾𝓈𝒸𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓇: This story is fictional! I am aware that the triplets are sober. This is a little thing I like to call 'story telling'.

𝒲𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒞𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉: 1739

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences

I know if I faced her face, that she'll come to her senses

Every drunk step I take leads me to her door

If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure

“Please be up. Please be up.”

“...mmph…Hello?”

“...H-Hi.”

“What is it?”

“...C-Can I come over?”

A heavy sigh. “No, Matt-”

“Please,” he interrupted her, afraid that if he didn’t she would hang up. “I miss you.”

“How much have you had to drink tonight?”

“I haven’t-”

“Goodnight, Matthew.”

“Fuck- fine, six,” he mumbled, sniffling sharply and rubbing the back of his neck anxiously. “I had six-”

“Six what, Matthew?”

“I…I-” he paused, sniffling again. “I miss you, can I come see you?”

“No, Matthew.”

“Stop it,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “Stop calling me that, you never call me that.”

“You need to get some rest. I’m calling Nick-”

“No, d-don’t go. Please.”

“Matt, you’re not taking care of yourself.”

“I just need to see you again,” he stated, sniffling again. “Please, I…I’ll leave you alone if you let me see you one more time.”

Another sigh. “How do you plan on getting here.”

“I’ll dr-”

“No you will not.”

His heart leaped. She still cares. She doesn’t want anything to happen to me. There’s still hope. “Uber?”

“Where are you right now.”

He looked around. “Outside.”

“Is there anything around you?”

“Trees?”

“Where are Nick and Chris.”

“Insid-”

“You make my blood boil,” she groaned.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccuped. “I miss you. I-I love you.”

“Stop.”

He sniffled again, a chill running through his body. He pulled his thin jacket tighter to his body. “Can I come see you?”

“Matthew, where are you.”

“I c-can get an uber, or I can walk. I don’t mind walking-” he whispered, his voice breaking again. He sniffled. “Please, I need you. I need to see you and hear you and..and feel you.”

“Matt, are you safe? Where are you. I need you to answer my questions.”

“I’m at home,” he mumbled.

“Where.”

“The driveway.”

“I will send you an uber, but this is the last time.”

Click.

X O X O X O

The knock at the door startled her, despite anticipating it at any moment. She got up from her spot on the couch, making a beeline for the door. She opened it and in stumbled a drunken Matt, who dropped to his knees in front of her, wrapping his arms gently around her thighs. He rested his cheek on the plush of her thigh.

She couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She would give in if she did. She could hear his soft sniffling and the sound of his lips leaving soft kisses to her thigh. “I’m s-sorry, please look at me. Please say something.”

“You can’t keep doing this, Matt. You have to let me go.”

He sniffled again. She felt the warm dampness of his tears on her skin. “I c-can’t.”

“You have to.”

“Please don’t make me,” he sobbed. She finally looked down at him, her heart aching at the sight of him clung to her legs, completely broken. “I need you, I can’t-”

“You need to find a way,” she insisted, reaching behind her to take Matt’s hands out of their interlocked state. He refused, holding her tighter. “Matt, you need to let me go.”

“You’re all I have,” he hiccuped, looking up at her with watery bloodshot eyes. His lip quivered, a tear rolled down his cheek. “I-I have nothing without you,” his voice croaked.

She sighed, sinking down onto the floor. She gently stroked his cheek, wiping the tears off of his face with her free hand. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

He sniffled. “I don’t want you to go, p-please,” he begged her. “Don’t leave me.”

“You know I can’t stay with you,” she whispered to him. “You do this to yourself every night. I’m so worried about you, Nick and Chris are worried about you.”

He looked at her, his face blotchy and red from crying. His eyes were even bluer than normal. “Y-You are?” he asked, leaning into her touch as she held his cheek.

“Matt, everyone’s worried about you,” she replied. “You have so many people that care about you, why are you torturing yourself like this? It kills me seeing you like this.” She brushed his messy hair out of his face, looking into his glossy eyes.

“Please- one more chance,” he pleaded, moving in close to her. He rested his forehead against hers, their noses gently brushing together. “One more…I can’t lose you. You’re the only person in this world that I want,” he continued.

“Matt…”

“You’re the only girl I want to wake up next to,” he whispered, his hand coming up to gently cup her cheek, his thumb delicately tracing her chin. His lips ghosted over hers. She could smell the alcohol on his breath. “You’re the only girl I wanna take out and show off, you’re the only girl I want to lay next to at night. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I…I’m so fucking scared. I’ve never been this vulnerable and open with another person before,” a soft sob fell from his lips. He bumped his nose gently against hers, their lips grazing. “Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll go away,” he stated.

“Matt-”

“Say it. I’ll never bother you again, I’ll never call or…or show up uninvited again. But you have to say it,” he whimpered, his eyes opening to look into hers. His free hand cupped her other cheek. “Please look at me,” he pleaded.

She pursed her lips, opening her eyes as well to look at him. As soon as she looked into his deep blue eyes, she felt herself melting. Matt’s gaze softened, noticing her more relaxed state. He leaned in to close the gap between them, only stopping when he felt her cold fingers touch his lips.

“You have to let me go, Matt,” she whispered again.

His lip quivered, a whimper getting caught in his throat, tears threatening to spill once again. “Say you don’t love me,” he repeated.

She stayed silent once again. She couldn’t say it. She knew deep down that she loved him, and that a part of her always would love him.

“I can get better, I can be better,” he continued, looking down at her with tearful eyes. “All I want is to be better for you-”

“You can’t go a single night without drinking yourself dumb,” she stopped him. “You can’t change, Matt. You’ve had the opportunities-”

Matt shook his head in disbelief. “Please, I-I know I can change-”

“You can’t.”

She went to stand back up, her heart shattering as he clung to her for dear life. “N-No, please,” he hiccuped, his fingers digging into her clothed hips. “Please,” he sobbed, looking up at her with his glassy blue eyes, his pupils blown out and bloodshot. “Don’t…Don’t push me away. Don’t push me out,” he whimpered.

She stood her ground, refusing to look down at his pathetic state. She refused to touch him, knowing if she did, she wouldn’t be able to let go of him. “I’m calling Nick.”

“I’m begging you-”

“I can’t let you stay again. I can’t keep letting you hurt me.”

Matt’s lips parted in disbelief, a stray tear rolling down his cheek and falling from his chin. “Hurt you?” His eyes glossed over with pain, one that he had never known before. “H-How…What do you mean?”

She pursed her lips, her eyes closing as she tried to think of the best way to word what she wanted to say. “You always do this, Matt. You come over, you do this every time. I always give in because-” a pause interrupted her sentence, her questioning if she should say it out loud or keep it a distant shout in the back of her head. “Because I love you, and…I can’t not love you.”

A glimmer of hope replaced the sorrow in his eyes. “I never stopped loving you,” he spoke, his voice wavering, his nerves shot from the lack of control he had over himself in this moment. He rose to his feet gracelessly. His hand felt cold as it touched her cheek, though the gentle caress of his fingers on her skin made her melt. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Let me show you, let me prove it to you.” He watched her face, examining any little change in her expression. Please don’t let me go. Please don’t push me away.

“I can’t go through this again, Matt,” she whispered, leaning into his touch. “You have to promise me-”

“I promise, I promise. Fuck, I swear on my life,” he enveloped her in his arms. “I promise,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her head. He felt her arms snake around his waist, hugging him back, and he nearly collapsed as relief flooded his body. “I love you so much,” he mumbled softly into her hair, kissing her head again.

“We have to start slow,” she spoke softly, setting her boundaries. “I can’t jump right back in like none of this ever happened-”

“I know,” he replied. “I know, that’s fine, I’ll wait forever if I have to.”

“You’ve sobered up quite a bit,” she sniffled softly, and it was only then that Matt released his embrace, pulling away to look down at her. She looked up at him, smiling softly as a tear rolled down her cheek, glimmering in the moonlight.

His thumb brushed across her cheek, wiping the tear from her face. “Why are you crying?”

“I missed you, Matt,” she replied. It felt like a stake being driven into his heart, it stung. All of those nights of him wallowing in his own self pity, wasting away his potential, all of those nights thinking she loathed him, thinking he would never be able to feel happy again; It was all in his head. None of it was real. She never felt that way about him. She waited for him, she loved him through his mistakes, through his flaws, through his lowest moments. Nobody had ever been so loyal to him before, apart from his family. Nobody had ever waited to catch him when he fell.

“I missed you too.” More than you could ever know.

𝒜𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇'𝓈 𝒩𝑜𝓉𝑒:

𝒯𝒶𝑔𝓈:

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