#outhouse pride

[olddingaling]

Back in my day we would get splinters in our buttocks when we sat on the privy, none of this ceramic bullshit.

[garagepaperback]

isn't a kingdom (54k, explicit)

“Pride must suffer pain.” - Hans Christian Andersen

A fairytale retelling featuring: barnacles, pine trees and coarse beaches in Maine, a heart-attack, hair-pulling, fireworks, and loving someone whether or not it's enough, whether or not there's a real chance to.

Draco wished desperately to skulk backward in time. Back to when he could bear the sight of his own bed, a bed that had been lovely, in a flat that used to feel perfect, long before he’d ever heard the terms cardiac arrest or beast ancestry laid out plainly. And as though the thought—arrest or beast, either would have done it, really—summoned him up from the Elysian field of Godric’s Hollow or the Black house or whatever ostentatious tombstone he’d made a home of, a jarring crack resounded from the outhouse just beyond the buildings and then, all at once in a hulking pile, Harry Potter spilled out into the grass. “No,” Draco snarled, before the thought occurred to him. It was a twinged up, tissue-deep demand, born in the murk at the base of his spine. Potter steadied himself a few yards away, gouged with the speckled sunlight escaping through the awning of pine. He glanced at Draco without a fumble in his face at all; he didn’t even raise a brow, the charcoal scratch of it smooth. The rest of him looked that way, too. A clean, boring drawing. The dog, a bounding, four-legged betrayal, went for him immediately. With the wooden door hanging open and half a duffel bag sticking out, Potter’s face softened, then. He went down on one knee—it wasn’t quite a grin, more like one kept inside the mouth. The moment trudged by sap-thick and Draco stood there idiotically, watching. From a few paces away, Potter’s blunt accent was simple, sturdy, but the name arrived entirely wrong. Really, he had no business saying it at all. “Hi, Draco.”

elated to claim this fic for @hd-hurtcomfort-fest! baby's first fest. baby's first, uh, little mermaid adaptation (light on the fish scales, heavy on the shell). thank you to @ghaniblue for the wonderful prompt, the phenomenal mods of the fest, and to my real life, living lighthouse @yiiiiiiiikes25 for everything, always.

read it on ao3

[lemonlamblaura]

My Husband is the God of Pestilence - chapter 17

I had to rewrite the beginning of this chapter like 3 times smdh

Thanks for your patience everyone 😊

A week passed after the attack on the temple and repairs were completed in that time. Rainbow light filled the halls, the windows made up of mosaics of different crystals in the style of stained glass. The front doors were made up of slabs of clear quartz, and were very heavy and sturdy compared to the simple wooden doors they replaced.

Nona's absence was noticed immediately by the other followers. Kallamar assured them that he had sent Nona away for being a nuisance, and, since no one was close to him, they believed their god without question.

Saleos served his punishment by cleaning the outhouses for a week which the custodians appreciated. Lilybell avoided him and Saleos reciprocated, not wanting to get on her or Kallamar's bad side.

Rowan continued to watch over Lilybell and Kallamar and also grew closer to Merryn. Due to his past experience lifting heavy logs, he was assigned to assist the gemcutters by lifting and sorting the uncut crystals, and eventually also came to help cut down the huge minerals into a more manageable size to be shaped. It was hard work but he was happy to have a job and to be close to his daughter.

Lilybell moved into Kallamar's room, unable to sleep in her old one since Trenaty's death. Everything except her bed was moved in, which was relocated to the women's quarters. She spent every night in his bed, snuggled in his arms while he read or worked. Due to his divinity he had little need to sleep, though he did doze occasionally.

Nights were especially hard for the young sheep. She dreamt of Trenaty often and she sometimes dreaded going to bed. One terrible night she began to twitch and cry out in her sleep, calling for Trenaty, before jolting awake in a panic. Kallamar comforted her as she began to cry into his chest. When morning came she pretended nothing happened despite Kallamar's protests that she was not as "okay" as she claimed.

Kallamar chose that day to visit Silk Cradle so Lilybell could forget her dreams. They left just after breakfast as the other followers began to settle into their daily tasks. They teleported to the lobby of Shamura's temple, and it was as dark as Lilybell remembered it from the week before. Shamura was summoned, Narinder trailing along behind them with a bored expression.

"Greeting, brother," Shamura said. "Your temple has been repaired, I assume?"

Kallamar nodded, setting Lilybell on the floor. Her hooves stuck to the cobwebs covering the stone, undoing hours of careful weaving. "We used crystals to cover the damages. It looks spectacular, I wish you could see it."

"In time. Your eye is healing well." They turned to a few followers who came beside them, holding towels and a fresh dress. "Perhaps your lady would prefer to dry herself?"

"Yes, please!" Lilybell exclaimed, taking a towel and attempting to dry her hair, but salt water clung to the thick wool like a sponge. It took three towels to soak up most of the water. When she was done the followers held up the used towels around her, forming a makeshift dressing room so she could change. The new dress was long sleeved and lavender and covered with a second layer of lace in a web-like pattern.

The tour of the temple lasted all morning. Lilybell was surprised how the layout of Shamura's temple resembled Kallamar's. In fact, it was almost exactly the same. When asked, Kallamar meekly explained that he enjoyed the way Shamura's temple was built and modeled his own after it.

One room was used solely for refining. Two large forges blazed brightly while workers pounded away at metal, or artistically shaped glass.

"Have you any forges yet?" Shamura asked Kallamar.

"I'm afraid not."

"I shall send you materials so you may build your own. It is in the benefit of every god that they have their own forge."

Next was Shamura's pride and joy: an enormous library, filled wall to wall and floor to ceiling with books of all sizes. Lilybell's eyes brightened at the sight of all the books.

"I've never seen so many books in my whole life!" She squealed, hopping up and down excitedly. "Do you have The Dreaming Princess? It's my favorite!"

"I collect textbooks, not novels," Shamura said flatly. "I care not for frivolous stories."

Lilybell pouted disappointedly. "That's too bad, it's really good! You should give it a try!"

The look on Shamura's face made it clear that they did not believe her, nor would they even attempt to seek it out.

The last stop on their tour was the room where followers wove silk. Looms and spinning wheels were everywhere, followers knitting or sewing while they talked amongst themselves.

"This is where your dresses come from, my dear," Kallamar said to Lilybell with an affectionate smile.

Lilybell waved to the followers. "Thank you!" She called out to them, grinning. Their response was to look confusedly at one another; they had no idea who she was or why she was yelling at them.

Eventually the group circled back to the lobby. Kallamar and Shamura began to talk quietly while Lilybell continued looking around. Narinder looked bored and annoyed, having followed them silently throughout the tour.

"I have made my first sacrifice, sibling," Kallamar whispered.

"Excellent. We're there spectators?"

"No, we were alone."

"There is still time to teach the others that sacrifice is in their best interests. Remember, brother, you are their god. They must obey you without question."

Meanwhile, Lilybell came up to Narinder with her hand extended. "Hi! We haven't met, but my name is Lilybell! It's nice to meet you!"

Narinder stared down at her hoof coldly. After a moment, his face twisted into a cocky smirk and he met her eyes with mischief. "Want to hear how you die?"

The lamb's hand dropped slightly, startled by the question. "Huh?"

"It's a autumn night, full of stars," Narinder continued as if he weren't interrupted. He maintained eye contact in such a way that it made Lilybell uncomfortable. "You're with your husband and he's very sad. You go to comfort him but he snaps your neck. You suffocate slowly while he holds you in his arms and cries."

"Narinder," Shamura cut in warningly. They beckon the kitten over and give him a sharp flick on the head with their fingers, just hard enough to smart.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Narinder shouted, rubbing the spot where he'd been struck.

"I warned you to behave yourself," the spider chastised. "So far you have been no more than a spoiled infant." They turned to Lilybell. "Pay no attention to him. He enjoys tormenting others."

Kallamar picked up a shaken Lilybell, cuddling her close. "You owe my darling an apology."

Narinder looked up to Shamura, silently protesting, expecting them to support him, but the glare Shamura sent him made him cower, lowering his head in defeat. "I'm sorry," he grumbled, clearly not sorry.

Kallamar wanted to reach down and give the kitten a piece of his mind. But he knew Lilybell and Shamura would not be happy, so he kept quiet, stroking Lilybell's hair. "I suppose we must be on our way."

Shamura nodded. "Thank you for your visit. We hope to see you again soon."

When they returned to the ocean, Lilybell patted Kallamar's chest to get his attention. "He was just kidding, right?" She asked worriedly, her brows furrowed.

"Of course, my love. I will never allow anyone to hurt you. Anyone who tries will answer to me."

Relieved, she snuggled into his arms and let out a dreamy sigh.

She gets more beautiful every time I look at her, Kallamar thought, his heart fluttering in his chest.

*

Later that evening, Kallamar held a sermon shortly before everyone went to bed. It was the first sermon he'd made since the battle. He spoke to his followers about the glory of sacrifice, of many kinds.

"Sacrifice is a virtue," he said loudly for all to hear. "We sacrifice everyday. We sacrifice our time, our love, our patience. But the greatest thing you can do is to sacrifice what you can to help someone you love, someone in need. For there is no angel in the afterlife that did not give up something for another."

It was sloppy, badly delivered, he thought. But, in his opinion, it was better to ease them into the idea of giving themselves to him rather than just to tell them. Better than scaring them away. Still, despite his criticisms towards his sermon, the following ate it up like the famished at a soup kitchen. He felt their devotion seep into his soul like rain upon the earth and it nourished him better than the richest meals fit for kings.

When it was over, he gave the crowd a chance to speak to air any grievances publicly or to ask questions. Usually no one said anything, but this time a small hand went up.

"Lord Kallamar," said the small goldfish once they were addressed, "what's wrong with the ocean?"

A concerned murmur broke out through the crowd. Lilybell and Rowan looked at each other in confusion. Being foreigners, they felt no difference in the ocean whatsoever. But the sea-dwellers who had lived there all their lives felt changes in every way of life. From the slowing currents to the random temperature changes, it was clear the ocean had changed.

"Lord Kallamar, you fought with Carcharias, didn't you?" Cried another follower.

He nodded. He had felt the changes too but hoped they wouldn't say anything. He needed to come up with something fast.

"It's true, the ocean has changed," he confirmed, "because Carcharias has been defeated-"

"Did you kill him?"

A sharp glare directed at the follower shut them up. "Yes. He left me no choice. It was either him or me, and I could not leave all of you without leadership. Gods have always come and gone throughout the eras... it is nothing to be concerned about. A new god will take over the ocean in time. For now there is nothing we can do but wait."

This was, of course, not at all true. Unless another crown came along with the exact same powers as the ultramarine crown, there would never be another god that could control the ocean. But he knew better than to tell them this. It would send them into a panic.

"Tell us about your fight with Carcharias, Lord Kallamar!"

"Was he very strong, like in the stories?"

"Did he have his magic trident?"

"Was he scary?"

"Tell us, Lord Kallamar!"

The following clamored eagerly like children begging their parents for one last bedtime story. Kallamar weaved an exciting tale, full of embellishments to make him sound like the hero, Shamura as his sidekick and Carcharias as the slimy, dastardly villain. They absorbed every word, every syllable, especially Lilybell, who listened admiringly while her heart swelled with pride at Kallamar's "bravery". Rowan reserved his thoughts as the speech droned on, finding it hard to believe every word.

"But he still lived, even after the ceiling caved in!" Kallamar said dramatically, waving his arms, getting into his own story. "He begged for mercy, said he would never have anything to do with us again. However, I knew this was a lie, that he would have stopped at nothing to destroy our way of life. So I took up my sword and finished him off with one mighty swing!"

Everyone except Rowan cheered and Kallamar felt more devotion flow into him as the crowd whooped and hollered. Finally the ocean was free of Carcharias's tyranny! Things would change for the better!

Rowan raised his hand. "I find it hard to believe the god who ruled the ocean for millenia was actually a huge coward. How do we know you aren't just trying to make yourself look better?"

"Shut up, land-dweller!" Someone shouted.

"Yeah! Lord Kallamar would never lie to us!"

"Long live Lord Kallamar!"

"Long live Lord Kallamar!"

Chanting filled the hall as the followers swarmed the stage. Lilybell weaved her way through them until she reached Kallamar, and he picked her up and set her on his shoulder while the others fell at his feet and began to bow like peasants before a king.

Rowan grumbled, storming out of the hall. It was dark, save for a few glowing crystals on the walls. He looked out the window, waiting for Lilybell or Merryn to come out to he would have someone to talk to. He was surprised at how lonely he'd been since coming to the temple. He thought he would be able to spend more time with his daughter, but she was so caught up with Kallamar he wondered if she forgot he was even there. Merryn had been a blessing, seemingly the only other person in the temple with common sense, but after the way everyone behaved in the hall just now he wasn't sure anymore.

Suddenly, something high above caught his eye. Through the colored crystal he could see many tiny lights floating through the water. Stars? No, they couldn't be seen through the waves at the surface. It was something else.

He burst back into the hall just as Kallamar was trying to quiet everyone down. "There's something in the sky!" He shouted.

Merryn rushed forward to calm him down. "What is it?" She asked, taking his arm.

"Lots of bright lights! They look like stars!"

Everyone suddenly got very excited again. "The jellies are migrating for the winter!" Someone exclaimed, and everyone ran out of the hall, excited to go outside.

"Jellyfish?" Lilybell asked nervously, scooting closer to Kallamar's head.

He chuckled. "Not the ones that almost got you that night, darling. These ones are harmless. They travel south every year to bear young. Watching them is a yearly tradition."

Everyone went outside to watch the great migration. There were so many jellyfish that an enormous streak of light shone through the water just under the waves. If one were to watch very closely, they could see the jellyfish moving at a leisurely pace.

Lilybell cooed in amazement, leaning her head on Kallamar's squishy cheek. "That's so cool. It's like a galaxy," she breathed.

"Maybe," Kallamar whispered back, "but their beauty pales in comparison to yours, my little pearl."

Her face flushed bright red and she pressed a kiss into his cool skin, snuggling into his neck with a delighted sigh that made his tentacles shiver in ecstacy.

*

Winter descended on Anchordeep faster than usual that year. While the world above the waves was covered in a blanket of snow and ice, the ocean remained relatively unchanged aside from a drop in temperature. Followers often gathered in the dining hall to be closer to the kitchen's hearth and work slowed somewhat. In the meantime, sermons picked up. Kallamar addressed the following multiple times a week in order to keep faith high. The stress of so many sermons made Kallamar anxious but Lilybell was always there with an adoring kiss to comfort him.

Whenever Lilybell was not by Kallamar's side, she was often found with her father or Merryn and Anna. Rowan tried to avoid Kallamar as a topic of conversation as he was still untrusting of the squid. That particular day, Rowan was telling the girls about his travels from the mountains to Anchordeep.

"You know, it's strange," he said, "but when I was passing through Darkwood I found a big clearing full of flowers that weren't in season. They were all so healthy, someone had to be taking care of them."

"What kind of flowers?" Merryn asked.

"There were so many I couldn't tell you! Sunflowers, camellias, irises, all kinds."

"Were there roses?" Lilybell asked.

"I wouldn't be surprised, but I didn't see any."

"I would love to see them," Lilybell smiled with her head in her hands. "I bet it's magnificent!"

"You should ask Kallamar to take you," Merryn suggested, ignoring the look Rowan gave her. "Don't you two go out sometimes?"

That was before Lilybell was almost kidnapped. Kallamar had asked her to go out with him since then, but she turned him down, wanting to stay close to the temple. Going to Silk Cradle was the furthest she had been for some time.

"I'm not sure," she said, frowning. "I don't want anything to happen again."

"But Carcharias is gone now, and Darkwood isn't like Anchordeep. There wouldn't be anyone to go after you there."

Rowan interrupted by clearing his throat. "If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to."

Thoughts of flowers and lush green grass took over Lilybell's mind all the rest of the day. If Rowan had never said anything, she probably would have never thought about flowers or the land above. But he had, and she had to admit that she missed flowers and sunshine on her wool more than she wanted to admit. She never thought about flowers more than she did that day.

Kallamar noticed that she was distracted before suppertime. "What's wrong, love? Are you troubled?" He asked.

She looked up at him, her face serious. "Can we go to Darkwood?"

He was taken aback not just by her expression but also her directness. "Of course, darling, but why? What could you possibly need in Darkwood?"

After a moment of hesitation to figure out how to express her desires, she turned to face him and took his large hand in her smaller ones. "I want the sun."

His face twisted in confusion. "The sun."

"And the grass, and the flowers, and everything else. When you're in Silk Cradle for too long don't you want to go home after a while?"

At last he understood that she was homesick, but he was troubled by it. Didn't she love Anchordeep as he did? He would have thought that after all this time she would have preferred being down here.

"Your wish is my command, my darling. But tell me, do you dislike this place? Are you unhappy here?" With me?

"No! I just... miss being where I used to come from, that's all. Dad told us about a really pretty place with lots of flowers and I wanted to see it."

"But darling, surely the flowers are all dead and covered with snow."

"Please, Kallamar?" She gave him the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster, batting her eyelashes and turning up her mouth in an adorable pout. "Pretty please?"

How could he resist such a face? His heart melted at the sight of her. "Very well, my dear, we shall go at once." Better to get it over with quickly to forget it all. "Take some old robes to keep yourself warm."

The next thing they knew they were in Darkwood. Snow covered every inch of ground while icicles hung from tree branches. An icy breeze came by, chilling them both to the bone. Lilybell shivered in Kallamar's arm while he peered over a map. He was less affected by the cold but even he knew he would be bothered eventually.

"We won't be able to stay long, it's far too cold." As he spoke tiny crystals of ice began to form on the wet paper. They set off in the direction of a large clearing. As they came towards it the temperature seemed to change and the snow began to fade away. It almost felt like springtime. Lilybell began to shake less and less and Kallamar could feel warmth return to the tips of his tentacles.

Finally they made it, and all the snow had disappeared. They couldn't believe their eyes. Before them was a huge meadow full of every flower imaginable. Every colour of the rainbow was on full display and not an ounce of snow or ice was in sight. The air was warm and bees flew from flower to flower while birds twittered in the trees. It was like winter did not exist here. Only spring, and warmth and colour existed.

Kallamar set Lilybell down and she rushed into the field of flowers laughing and smiling brightly. "I never saw so many flowers in my whole life!" She shouted gleefully. "Daisies and poppies and hyacinths and morning glories! There's forget-me-nots, too! There's even a pond for water lilies! There's even lilac bushes! OH, MY GOD, THERE'S ROSES! KALLAMAR, THERE'S ROSES!!!"

Kallamar smiled as he watched her scream is excitement but he stayed at the edge of the meadow. He would not be able to enter without trampling the flowers and he hated the though of getting mud on his tentacles. He never understood the appeal of flowers, maybe because he was not exposed to them growing up. Still, he had to admit there was beauty in these alien weeds. In fact, the more he looked at them the more he realized that they were too perfect. There was some magic in them that made them so healthy.

"You are trespassing."

He could have inked himself. He turned slowly to see a being that was his size. Behind them were a huge pair of iridescent wings, glimmering in rainbow patterns. Multiple antennae protruded from their head and their five eyes were divided into many tiny squares. Their fur seemed to glitter as if covered in microscopic diamonds. They wore a crown on their head with a dark pink four petaled flower as an eye.

"State your intention, god of pestilence," said the butterfly.

"W-who are you?" Kallamar stuttered. "We m-m-mean no harm..."

"I am Arete, the god of nature. This is my sacred meadow. You are not welcome here."

"Please forgive me, we were told of this place by someone. W-we didn't know it belonged to you. My dar- I mean, my love has been missing home and wished to come and see the flowers."

Arete was stone faced. "I care not why you have come. You must leave now."

"Kallamar!" Lilybell cried, coming up behind him with a bouquet of flowers she had picked. "Look, look! Can I take them home? Oh, please?" She noticed the huge butterfly just then. "Is this your garden?" She asked them, not realizing that the other god was angered. "All your flowers are so beautiful! You take such good care of them, they're much, much better than the flowers back home! They smell so nice, too-"

"Lilybell!" Kallamar cried in alarm, noticing the flowers in her hands. "Put those back!"

"But I can't! They've already been picked!"

"Don't you understand? These are a god's flowers! They aren't yours!"

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry, I thought they were just here!"

"Take them." Arete said suddenly. Kallamar and Lilybell looked at them in surprise. "I enjoy when my work is complimented. More shall grow in their place. You are welcome here anytime you like... provided the flowers are left alone."

Kallamar didn't know what to say. Thankfully Lilybell filled the silence. "Thank you!"

Arete turned and crept away, their footsteps silent. They disappeared into the trees and it felt as if they were never there to begin with. Kallamar breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at Lilybell. She smiled up at him brightly.

"They were nice!"

They stayed for at least another hour when an angry bee stung Lilybell's hand. Kallamar had so enjoyed watching her frolick that he lost track of time and it was too late to hold a sermon.

That night, Lilybell slept in Kallamar's arms while he tried to read. After going over a single page for a third time he gave up, laying the book down on the bed. He looked down at his girl, his fingers playing with her hair absentmindedly. He wondered what she was dreaming about. The dreams about Trenaty had waned these past weeks, which he was glad for. She seemed happier lately, too.

She was so beautiful, even as she drooled on his chest and talked in her sleep. He was so lucky to have her. If she had never come to Anchordeep that day he would surely be a different man, most likely a more unhappy man. How could he live without her now? Just the thought of her with someone else filled him with dread. He decided he must be the one to make her happy no matter what the cost, even if all the world became his enemy.

When are you going to make an honest woman of my daughter?

Now there was a thought. Sure, gods couldn't procreate, but at the very least they could get married. It was the logical next step and they were basically already married anyway, sharing a bed, spending their days together, kissing and making love. The idea of her in a white gown and professing her vows to him almost brought a tear to his eye.

That was it then.

He tapped her arm. "Darling." No response. He tapped just the slightest bit harder. "Lilybell."

"Uh?" Came the half-asleep response. She didn't even bother lifting her head to meet him.

"Will you marry me?"

She was quiet for a moment before she looked up at him, her eyes bleary. "Huh?"

"Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?"

She blinked at him for a moment before pulling herself up and capturing his lips in a tender kiss. He sighed into her mouth, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her on top of him.

"Sorry," she said when they finally broke apart, "I wanted to be sure I wasn't dreaming."

He leaned his forehead against hers. "Is that a yes?" He asked hopefully.

"Are you crazy? Yes!" She giggled, kissing him again.

*

"You are planning something, god of knowledge."

The lion had made a deadly mistake going to Silk Cradle alone. Shamura had been awaiting their arrival. It was only a matter of time before news of Carcharias's death reached the ears of the goddess of law and order.

"First Warracka and now Carcharias? One god warrants concern, but two is unreasonable. These were not accidents, nor self defense. How many more gods do you mean to kill?"

"All of them."

The response shocked her. She had no time to defend herself against the blade that slit her throat. She staggered back, grasping desperately at the bleeding wound, gasping and coughing as blood entered her lungs. Shamura lunged forward and plunged the dagger into her chest, over and over again as she fell to the cobwebbed floor. Once they knew she was dead, they began to carve out her heart.

Three down, hundreds to go. Narinder watched from the shadows, eager to learn from his master. He wanted to taste the heart, too.

"Come, little brother," Shamura beckoned, the heart dripping in their hand. "Come and taste divinity."

[writer-of-the-lamb]

always wondered what the bishops would think upon being indoctrinated to see narinder completely tamed

and what narinder would think of the BISHOPS being tamed

—

heket, just defeated : ….you foul lamb…..you dare to-“

narinder, glaring at her from a comfy flower decorated shelter, meal in his hand :

heket : what the fuck

—

lamb : babe what’s wrong

narinder : do not call me such degrading titles.

lamb : is it cause kallamar won’t talk to you

narinder : no. i do not care for that cowardly, snivelling-

lamb, shushing him : BRO shut up he could hear you!!!

narinder :

lamb : ah

—

leshy, blinding scarfing down a meal and snarling : do not stand there. i have no gratitude for you.

lamb, grinning : that’s chill.

leshy, pausing :

lamb : don’t mind me. you enjoy that.

leshy :

lamb :

leshy : is this fucking shit

narinder, in the kitchen : perchance.

—

narinder : must you bring them back here?

lamb : erm yeah. they’re like little trophies.

narinder : you already have physical trophies of their defeat. why need them themselves?

lamb :

narinder : i am just suggesting it is unnecessary

lamb : are you angsty about it

narinder : let me into the kitchen

lamb : why

narinder : empty the outhouses.

—

ratau : lamb, it is my greatest pride to see your cult flo- are those the bishops

lamb, mid dance circle : yeah why

ratau :

[minas-linkverse]

Gentle Linkverse scenarios cause its been a rough day

Twilight and Colin sometimes find clay in the waters around Ordon Village. They make little trinkets and attempts at useful things like trinket holders. The other kids like to join sometimes, but their parents dont always let them due to how messy they get.

One of Colin's favourite things was the little goat family he and Link made and ended up coming up with a whole storyline for.

They're all displayed with pride, and Link said he'll bring paint from castle town soon. They shall be a beautiful and colourful family. 💛

_

The coat Wind has wrapped around his waist is Linebeck's old coat. It's seen far better days and it doesnt actually do much as a coat. Linebeck doesn't really get why Link insisted on taking it instead of letting him throw it out.

He's give the excuse that he wants to practise sewing, and shown off the various patches he's added as proof. Linebeck isn't so sure that's true however.

Trying to figure it out, he fumbled about asking about it in various round about ways. Comedically fell on his butt a few times and got hit by a sign. Yet no answers from Link...

Finally, while nursing the wound on his nose, Tetra walked in and said she'll tell him why Link wanted the coat, in exchange for him to take outhouse duty that week. At first he refused, saying he doesn't care about this THAT much... But as Tetra turned to leave he accepted the deal.

Linebeck struggled to believe what Tetra said as the truth, but couldn't deny it either. She said Link would miss the coat because it reminded him of Linebeck...

Silly kid, he was right here! Who needs an old rag of a coat for that.

He is now secretly working on getting a new excellent quality coat, not for himself but for Link. Why? Er, he just doesnt want to see the kid run around with that thing anymore... Yeah, that's all. Mhm. Tetra why are you smirking. Stop.

_

Groose, inspired by Pippit's delicious pastries, picked up a book on candy making from skyloft. He's made a few batches of some fairly okay-ish treats, which he showed off to Zelda and Link. He is a bit too nervous to show the others yet... Er, well not nervous! He just... He just wants to make the best batch possible!

He asked for input on what flavours he should try next, and Zelda suggested various fruits they'd found on the surface. Link meanwhile took a moment to ponder things, before offering with that usual smile of his: "Fish?"

After baffled questioning he did admit he knew it wasn't an usual flavour for sweets, but he'd always been curious of the idea...

Groose decided then and there— against Zelda's wishes— That he would commit his candy training on figuring out the perfect fish candy! Don't worry Link, I wont let you down!

Link told him it's really not that important, but Groose had already set his mind to it.

So far? No luck. It tastes awful. Zelda suggested he make them a normal flavour but in the shape of a fish. Groose is now attenpting to make fish flavoured candy in the shape of a fish.

The next few tries did not look like fish. What they looked liked shall not be spoken of, in fact.

He continues to practise, though! And although this goal seems to be doomed to fail, all the trial and error has really made his normal candy making skills improve and FAST. Perhaps when he realises how good he's gotten, he'll finally feel satisfied.

[merchantarthurn]

Symon family stuff again, this time with Ob'rag. He's not coming out quite as square as I'd like on this one but I made some tweaks to his beard. Ob'rag's a hard fucker to talk about because he sucks, but unfortunately knowing exactly WHY he sucks makes it hard not to sympathise. Hogarth's hair sort of morphed to be similar to his too which... hmm I've got thoughts about that.

Anyway more Symon POV:

Parry, thrust, block, swing. Step, step, step. It's a little like a dance, when we’re practising, which is the only time fighting is bearable. Though not ever enjoyable. And I’d hope I was better at dancing than this. Durz looms as a judgemental shadow against the outhouse wall, face even more sour than usual at the stench, and Ob’rag tuts in impatience when I disengage to shake out the pain in my wrists. The derision oozes off him as he stands at ease - claymore tip in the dirt as he shifts it into a single hand.  “Next time you stop without my say,” he says, “I take a toe. And you'll have to hope Durz is in good enough a mood to stitch it back on.” As if Durz has ever been in a good mood. Gruumsh must forbid such frivolity among his pious. I’m pretty fucking fed up today myself - my stomach aches at the distant memory of lunch, the sunset is in my eyes, Ob’rag keeps smacking into my shield so hard I can feel my wrist spraining in fractions.  (I throw it in the dirt and give it a kick for good measure.) “I wouldn’t need to stop if you treated this like training instead of trying to cleave me in half.” “And what good would that do you, Sy’munuk?” I spit into the dirt between us. I see the way it makes his chest puff, the wound to his pride, the only blow I can hope to deal him today. Stupidly, I am satisfied for a moment, emboldened by it, and I puff my chest right back like a challenge. “I know there's little between those lugs you call ears, but there's a phrase about running before you walk-” “Oh, and this is running, to you, is it?” Lower, quieter. A flagbearer of his anger. His sword swung back into his hands, then down swiftly into my discarded shield. It splits clean in two. Two battered and useless slabs of oak in the dirt. The blade stays there as he releases it, stuck and quivering. It feels suddenly like I, too, am several inches in the earth as he steps closer. I quiver too. (Durz only rolls his eyes and starts praying.) “If it will curb your mewling-” he growls, “-I will give you a taste of running.”

[scavengerssuccotash]

What are some of your early SHIELD days headcanons?

Ohhhh! I looooove early SHIELD days headcanons, so thank you for asking!!

Natasha’s defection was definitely the talk of the town! She caused a huge ruckus when she did, from whispered chatter around the water coolers to speculations on the training field her name was inside everyone’s mouth. She reveled in it though. One doesn’t carry the moniker of Black Widow (a whispered legend in its own right in the intelligence field) without a bit of pride. Natasha was smart too, she used the reputation that came from Black Widow to keep most everyone at bay and at a distance. Once she was cleared of the possibility of being a dangle and allowed to roam relatively free she stalked the corridors of SHIELD with an air of awe, shock and fear. Some Agents avoided her completely, the smart ones coward but the dumb ones…the really dumb ones jeered.

That’s when Clint stepped in. His name was also inside everyone’s mouth, alongside Natasha’s on the account of the whole bringing her in thing. For a good four months everyone really thought he was dead because he wasn’t on base and no one knew where he was. So when he landed himself in medical after a fistfight with a fellow agent his first day back it really shocked everyone. Needless to say the speculation of just how Clint got Nat to defect has been a long standing guessing game. Sometimes even Clint and Nat join in, feeding the erroneous rumors by letting something “slip” about that day because they think it’s funny. Only Nat, Clint and Phil know the truth. Fury knows the basics but that is it.

SHIELDs cafeteria is a fucking shit show, some days the food tastes like an outhouse shitter and other days it’s a five star meal. No one really gets why. So, most just avoid it. There’s a running email exchange between Phil, Clint, Nat and the head of nutrition stretching back years. (Seriously, google the CIA and their Cafeteria food, some very hilarious email exchanges got released a while back!)

A fandom favorite of course is that everyone at SHIElD definitely thinks they are fucking, have fucked or that it’s just a matter of time before they do. And I do think that was the case, but after Phil chewed out an Agent in the middle of a crowded lunch room (Italian was catered) no one has been dumb enough to get caught saying it. If it’s out fear of Phil or Nat or a very elaborate blackmail ring run by Clint no one knows and they sure as hell aren’t gonna speculate while on campus.

(There is a bar in the middle of queens though where a janitor will tell you about the time he walked in on Clint and Nat having a quickie in Fury’s office. For a price of course!)

Just some thoughts I have PLENTY more but figured this was getting a bit long 😅

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Short Story: Midsummer Pt. 3

 “Greed, when did you manage to get one of those portable televisions?” Envy asked, surprised that Greed was able to get his hands on something that nice before they could. “Got it last week, I got stupid lucky during my jog around the town and saw it right there in the packaging still.” Greed grinned widely as he showed off his stolen little pride and joy as the awful Lions enjoyed watching some gruesome cartoon.

 “Great so you stole it? I thought you turned a new leaf with the circus.” Freddy asked as he pieced the true meaning rather quickly. “Well yeah, it was out in the open at the warehouse. It was begging to come home with me and the troupe. It’s been a very well loved member ever since, we call ‘em ‘Scarlett’.” Greed puffed his chest out proudly at the theft and the name chosen for the stolen product. “You name your things now?” Freddy raised a wrinkled brow that Greed was copying the Mancer tradition. “What can I say? When you named that death trap car ‘Gherkin’, I sorta decided to try that myself with all my stuff. Gotta say, I really enjoy it.” Greed grinned widely upon bringing back the dreadful green truck from Freddy’s past.

 “I’ll have you know Gherkin was a very fine truck.” Freddy was still mad about the destruction of the rusted death trap called ‘Gherkin’.

 “Freddy no, that truck was horrifying to be on.” Dolly had a flashback moment of being on that horrific vehicle all those decades ago. “Face Fur, no it wasn’t, that thing nearly took off our heads when the roof flew off.” Envy wrinkled their nose in disgust over that hideous car and how horrible that ride was. “Envy, I'm like a hundred and one years old and I can proudly say my memories of that car are spotless.” Freddy grumped a bit, remembering that ‘beloved’ green truck that apparently brought joy.

 “Good for you, you’re no longer a little toddler bitch compared to my long existence, we all still remember that nightmare when it spontaneously exploded.” Envy snarkily responded as the train pulled over at the first stop in the journey.

 “It wouldn’t have exploded if you weren’t behind the wheels.” Freddy grumped and huffed at what Envy said, remembering Gherkin through rose tinted glasses. 

 “Excuse me? I’ll have you know that I’m THE best driver of this entire group. It was more or less you having an absolute lemon of a car that was a hazard from the start.” Envy narrowed their horrid little reptile eyes right at Freddy as they tore into him about the car and the audacity of being accused of being a bad driver.

 “Guys shut up, we’re reaching the first stop!” Greed raised his voice, grabbing his things, getting ready to transfer to the next train for the final destination.

 As the train came to its stop at the next station, the entire Mancer clan started to disembark for the next train to Resembool. Sure, back in the day it was just a nice single ride to the rural village, but as things changed over time, especially once Central was declared uninhabitable and the mainstation there was no longer an option, new rails were set in place amongst other things. Sure the planes have made things a breeze in recent times, but to Dolly and to an extent, Dorian, trains were the only things to trust to not implode thousands of feet up into the air. Envy grumbled a bit, finding the whole changing trains a nuisance as something caught their little eyes on the over looking television by the drinks stand. At first, it didn’t seem like anything at first, just some ‘oh no, some campers spotted bigfoot by the outhouse’ spiel on some garbage show, until he came into frame. The entire interview on the television was interrupted when the host of the program was grabbed up by some horrible, prehensile tail covered in scales as the host got shoved into the maul of what looked like Hohenheim's face grafted onto the chest of an abomination. At first, Envy smirked watching the broadcasted display of violence on the television, happily knowing the suffering Hohenheim was enduring before realizing one very important problem: Hohenheim was back and in Resembool now. 

 “Wayfarer, what’s wrong?” Dolly asked as her eyes followed towards the screen Envy was watching before looking disgusted.

 “Damn….Hohenheim has seen better days..maybe a bee makeover is in order.” Dorian commented as he peaked his little green lion head out of the cat carrier.

 “Worse…the bastard is in Resembool too.” Envy stated as they just watched the television in morbid amusement at the suffering Hohenheim was going through. “I’m gonna call up one of the Elrics then to give the heads up..” Freddy wrinkled his eyebrowless forehead, starting to make that trip to the pay phone.

 “Good call Facefur, good call.” Ernest muttered watching the television now too in shock. “Dude, you made a pun!” Dorian pointed on as he poked the absolutely horrifying weapon of mass destruction known as Big Brother Ernest. “Oh gods I did! I’m weirded out from this! That fucker should’ve died from exposure!” Ernest covered his face in embarrassment, the clicking of the bottle cap chain vest rattling as he moved. 

 “What’s going on now?” Greed asked, annoyed that he had to stop on the progress of reaching the next train.

 “Hohenheim evolved into that ugly thing on the television.” Envy simply answers as blurred images of Hohenheim are being shown on screen, clearly the camera person is fleeing for dear life from the horror that is draconic Hohenheim.

 “...Damn…though this is an improvement from the flesh stealing rotted skeleton he was earlier.” Greed was impressed with the huge design shift on Hohenheim, debating if he could capture that thing for the circus. 

 “Guys, I’m going to be taking Carmilla to the restroom, is there a place we’re meeting back up at?” Lust had arrived with Carmilla on the toddler lead and Gluttony closeby as she noticed the group looking on in horror and awe on the television, “Is that Hohenheim? I thought he died during Yule.”

 “I know, apparently the man offended the gods or something cause he just won’t stay dead.” Dolly said as Hohenheim unfortunately caught the fleeing camera person finally for a chow down.

 “Do we even continue on with Resembool at this point? I mean Hohenheim is clearly loose and they’ll likely close off the location until something is done.” Lust asked as she pretty much knew just how bad this was turning out for the group. 

 “We continue on with the Resembool vacation, train or no train.” Envy made the unilateral decision for the entire family group without anyone elses’ objections.

 “Envy, you know I can’t teleport the entire family like that without basically getting a ticket to the lemon filled void like before.” Dolly gave Envy that very pleading look of not having to do a massive group teleportation.

 “No need for it, I got the perfect solution!” Greed butted in, his eyes full of dollar signs at the idea of capturing Hohenheim for the circus.

 “What’s the solution?” Gluttony asked before Lust had to grill into Greed, the years of being around them had conditioned Gluttony to intervene before a fight broke out.

 “I know a guy here in town that can fix us up a nice rental deal on vans on short notice.” Greed grinned widely as the words leaked from his mouth like an overflowing faucet. “Otherwise known as blackmailing. Also back from the payphone, Edward said that the town is going into lock down until further notice.” Freddy interjected, annoyed with how this vacation was turning out to be.

 “Okay, this is fine, we can work something out in the meantime with the family. The town is known for its circus museum, right? We can take a detour there until the vans are ready.” Dolly planned, needing to keep things from boiling over from the sudden change as well as the fact Hohenheim was now a man eating monstrosity. 

 “That is true and I’ve heard some pretty good things about that museum too, but be wary of Greed, Dolly. He’s up to something and I don’t want the entire family in Resembool right now.” Lust advised since Envy wouldn’t be much help in the situation as they only had murder in their brain. 

 “Okay, let’s gather the family right away to discuss the plan changes.” Dolly compromised as she agreed on that sentiment, the entire Mancer family shouldn’t be dragged into a dangerzone. 

 “But Hohenheim is loose!” Envy started to protest, wanting to watch more of the destruction on television being replayed.

 “Envy, this town has an alchemy store I can go to to make that clay construct. You want that, don’t you?” Freddy had no more fucks to give as he drew out the key compromise to get Envy on board to stay a bit in the town until a plan can be formed.

 Envy puttered and hummed before finally agreeing to the arrangement Face Fur Fred had offered to them. Never in Envy’s long existence had they ever agreed to what some flesh bag human offered, let alone something that’s been a thorn on Envy’s side. Times truly had changed Envy, much to their disapproval. Oh well, Envy had won, they’re getting that awful clay construct they’ve wanted and that was all that mattered. Freddy could only mentally smirk at himself since he did have that awful plan of making a living embodiment of a glitter bomb as a form of revenge for Gherkin. With that settled, the massive Mancer family that would put rabbits to shame, gathered at the lobby to go over the change of plan and started calling about booking a hotel on short notice. While the entire family was distracted with last minute bookings, concerns for the elderly Elric family, and gods forbid, a bored Envy, Freddy slipped away to do the shopping for that horrible, awful clay construct to piss Envy off with. The town was busy as old man Freddy wandered about on the old cobblestone sidewalks, his eyes soon catching a sign for an alchemy supply store. What an excellent encounter that Freddy thought to himself as he entered the shop, looking for what could be the most obnoxiously sparkling materials he could use.

=======================================================================

 Deep in the woods of Resembool, Hohenheim roamed sluggishly after gorging himself on the flesh of the film crew and host. It had been a long trip down to the rural village, but it had been worth it. Warmth, food, and now a shelter as Hohenheim entered the cavern to sleep off the feast he had moments ago. Resembool truly was the best pick for the unholy abomination and mockery against alchemy to live in, truly a superb choice in location as the cold cavern floor rested up against the scaly hide of Hohenheim. As Hohenheim rested beneath the earth, troops started to roll in by the droves to hunt down the amalgamated flesh of horror lead by Major Reese Mustang, his cold brown eyes gazing about the landscape. Reese had inherited a lot of his grandmother Riza’s disposition and his grandfather Roy’s determination as he ordered a proper sweep of the location for any signs of the wretched creature with a taste for human flesh. 

[princesshillaryellaworld25]

Sick Boyfriend roasts Demon Lila Sky and Immortal Cherry Rose

Demon Lila Sky: So Sick Boyfriend, how does it feel to lose another baby, meaning you won’t be able to give birth to your future kid huh? 😈

Sick BF: Jeez, idk how does it feel to be still single? 😏

Demon Lila Sky: *scoffs*

Immortal Cherry Rose: Did he just?

Shirozu: *trying not to laugh*

Sick BF: You’re like 26 and you’re still single, damn I almost feel bad for you, like those clothes you wearing right now 😏

Demon Lila Sky: Hey!

Immortal Cherry Rose: Pfff-

Shirozu: *snickering*

Demon Lila Sky: *grabs Sick Boyfriend by the shirt collar* WHY YOU LITTLE-

Sick BF: *gags* BLEH! When was the last time you brushed your teeth, Lila Sky?! It smells like 10 year expired taco bell bean burritos after you stuffed them into a microwave! 🤢

Demon Lila Sky: *scoffs*

Shirozu: Pfffffffff-

Sick BF: And seriously, when was the last time you took a shower too? You smell like the hell outhouse! 😏

Demon Lila Sky: *offended gasps*

Shirozu: PfffffHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!🤣

Demon Lila Sky: HOW DARE YOU?!😡

Sick BF: Hey, Don't blame me for being honest, you been hanging on with too many guys that you can't even keep one yourself~😏

Shirozu: HAHAHAHAHAHA-MAMA-MAMA-AHAHAHAHAAHAHA!🤣

Immortal Cherry Rose: Heh Heh, now that's funny 😏

Sick BF: Oh, Don't think I forgot about you Cherry, the only reason why you couldn't keep your legs closed to other people is because you've been dumped so many times I've lost count😏

Immortal Cherry Rose: *gasps* HOW DARE YOU?! 😠

Shirozu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Mama, You're too funny, I-I can't breathe-AHAHAHAHAHAHAH🤣

Immortal Cherry Rose: YOU LITTLE BRAT! HOW DARE YOU INSULT US?!😡

Sick BF: Awww did I hurt you guys feelings🥹, Cry about it 😏

Demon Lila Sky: GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Shirozu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sick BF: Heh Heh, *to Shirozu* Sorry honey, did I almost made you pee on your self?

Shirozu: Hehehe No mama, it's fine you didn't. You so cool at roasting those two

Sick BF: I know I am😊

Demon Lila Sky: Grrrrrr normally, I would just kill the both of you right now but I want to save it for if someone comes to rescue you!

Sick BF: Aww you still mad I insulted you? 😏

Demon Lila Sky: UGH!

Immortal Cherry Rose: You know what, let's just put them back into the cell!

Demon Lila Sky: Fine.

Immortal Cherry Rose picked up Sick Boyfriend and Shirozu and send them back into the cell.

Meanwhile with Lila Sky:

Demon Lila Sky: Grrr I can't believe Sick Boyfriend had the audcity to insult me and Cherry Rose like that! Ugh! As if this day can't get any worse.....

Evil Guard: Uh Miss Lila Sky, we have a problem.....

Demon Lila Sky: *mind* I stand corrected....*sighs* What now.....

Evil Guard: W-Well the heroes are coming to r-rescue them and they found out where you two took them....

Demon Lila Sky: WHAT?!

Evil Guard: A-And they also took down Cursed Layla Miller

This angered Demon Lila Sky even more.

Demon Lila Sky: *pulls out Crystal ball and sees the others heading to their next destination* THOSE FUCKERS TOOK DOWN CURSED LAYLA MILLER?!

Evil Guard: Y-Yeah, M-Maybe they have a better chance of taking you two down?

Demon Lila Sky: Uhhhhh FUCK YOU!

Evil Guard: M-My apologises ma'am....

Demon Lila Sky: Grrrrr, you know what, they think they can take down one of my minions, fine, let's see if they can take down Demon Sick Girlfriend! Guard! Tell Demon Sick Girlfriend I have a mission for her!

Evil Guard: B-But ma'am, she scares me-

Demon Lila Sky: THAT'S AN ORDER!

Evil Guard: Yes ma'am! *flies to go to Demon Sick Girlfriend*

Demon Lila Sky: Hehehehe Let's see if they can take down an ex-pride demon~😈

[v-anrouge]

Saw you wanted Vil and Rook rambles! So!

Vil honestly probably gets a suburban home vs a mansion. He takes great care of his home, and doesn’t really like having others do work he can do for himself. So yes, he scrubs toilets! Everyone acts shocked, but he just wonders how disgusting their home toilets are if they’ve never cleaned them. He does have a chef and gardener, but he honestly enjoys cleaning, and cooking. It’s meditative for him. He only has the chef come over once a month to make some premade foods for days he just can’t cook. Ada gets her own room, which quickly becomes a spare bedroom when she refuses to sleep without Vil. Vil does want a big bathroom, spa style! He’s got a jet tub, huge walk in shower, marble sinks, his bathroom is his pride and joy. He has a joint kitchen/living room, really he just has the couch pushed against the island and the tv across from the kitchen area. He prefers to be able to refill his water easily when watching shows. He has a small widowsill garden 🪴and Rook has named every plant and wants to know when eachone grows a new leaf.

Rook owns many properties that he rents out, but he views his home base as a cabin in the woods, it’s a dry cabin, so once a week he makes the trip into town to get water, and while Vil finds it gross he washes in the nearby stream usually, Rook enjoys it. Rook doesn’t have much in his cabin, lots of books, an old fridge, and a wood stove. It’s honestly just three rooms, living/kitchen, bedroom and bathroom, which is more of an outhouse. Vil refuses to stay there for longer than a day or two, partly cause he has to share the bed with Rook and Rook cuddles in his sleep so when Vil wakes up for the bathroom, he can’t move. Rook’s favorite chore is foraging, takes the triplets out, and they have a blast hunting up mushrooms, berries, and he’s even found a small patch of wood potatoes! He does have his own garden too though, mostly carrots, potatoes and beets.

They both LOVE going over to Epel’s yearly for the harvest festival! Epel has obviously inherited his farm, and grandma has slowed down but still kicking. Vil and Rook both adore Grandma! Vil tends to stay behind in the kitchen with Grandma, cleaning up the house while Epel and Rook do chores. Epel has a BIG house, six bedrooms that he has on hold for when he finds someone and starts a family. He does plan on letting Vil and Rook help set up nurseries, but his partner gets final say. Except on the theme, it’s gotta be nature. Preferably apples. Yes, his house is full of apples paraphernalia, probably names his dogs after apples.

THEZE ARE SO CUTE😭😭😭 PLEASE RAGH I LOVE UR RAMBLES SO SO MUCH im sobbing please rook being rich as shit and having the smallest crunchiest house in the middle of nowhere so he can live out his cottagecore girl dreams 😭😭

also please rook asking for leaf updates💀

[thesopwithcamel]

APswap AU: Subcon forest & Sandy Sails.

Subcon Forest, a name many haven't heard unless in tales told in whispers around a campfire, otherwise known as the Forest of Lies the Subcon Forest is an overgrown forested area covered in a thick sheet of pack ice featuring some of the largest trees in its area with the largest reaching over 55 meters tall. It was once a minor power during the medieval era but circumstances involving wayward rituals, out of control magic and basic jealousy have caused a catastrpohy.

The Small Desert Settlement of Sandville has had some ups and downs, with the locals desperate for money they banded together and created a scam-um uh, I mean tourist attraction known as Sandy Sails.

Subcon major characters:

Princess Vanessa was the former wife of King Micheal Juvitz and the current ruler of Subcon's Ice wastes, she is a ruthless ruler although she deeply cares about her suspects (the dwellers) quite a lot. In life Vannie was a niave and sensitive sort and she fell for Micheal, in death Vanessa is a ruthless sort, haunting her portion of Subcon giving royal directives to Dwellers to do her bidding.

Prince Luka was Micheal's brother and a much quieter and polite sort than his brother, he was charming and very creative with a passion for animals and plants. Luka had Rizz but now he is trapped in the horizon, possessed by an evil spirit due to a ritual performed by his Brother and forced to interract with the world via his puppets. Problem is he is still alive while being possessed.

King Micheal Juvitz is the ruler of Subcon manor and a massive overarching threat to everything else in the forest, he is directly related to every incident involved in Subcon's dramatic downfall. First by trying to kill Luka in a botched ritual (who barely survived by a thread) and then by having his wife burned at the stake when a misunderstanding caused him to accuse Vanessa of being unfaithful to him.

Toilets of Doom is a pair of sentient outhouses nearby to where Subcon village is located, he has to be awoken via a sacrifice and once he is awoken fighting him is Jane and Laura's only option, the second one has Laura's soul trapped in it and must be battled to retrieve that.

The Dwellers are spirits of the original Subcon Forest before the incident.

Sandy Sails major characters:

The villagers of Sandville are while a group of scumbags are often very informative about their desert home and are often not seen outside the village unless on a Sandmobile or on Camel, They are friendly and can be helpful but are found by the most part either scolding prideful tourists or trying to sell their wares.

The Narrator is the, well, Narator of the Ancient Clock Tower, he speaks in a posh British accent and is often very snarky. Not much else is known about him.

Bird companion is a small yellow bird which can be directed to grab items.

Mafia Archeoligist : The Mafia Archeoligists are a mafia group who recently showed up to visit the ruins to take samples, artifacts and document the huge ruins. Why they aren't overtly hostile they can be rude and brash towards the Nomads which only seems to reinfoce the fact that this was maybe not such a good idea after all...The only excception to this rule is their boss who is an arsehole.

[kitty-is-writing]

Pride Month short #3!

Hope everyone's enjoying these so far! Today's short is about Kolena, a trans woman who finds acceptance from an unexpected person during a family visit.

TW: minor transphobia, mention of dysphoria, reference to past self-harm

Disclaimer: Niana's opinions do not reflect my own

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Not again. Kolena tried to ignore the growing pressure, but nature had been calling for an hour already and wouldn’t be put off a second longer. She marked her page in the book, stood and headed for the outhouse. She just hoped it was urgent enough by now that she wouldn’t have to handle the thing for too long. The times when it demanded her attention for more than half a minute were awful, reminding her that this body she was stuck in had parts she had never asked for, and only wished the healers were able to remove safely.

There it was, that unwanted appendage she had to deal with every time she bathed or urinated. It didn’t even feel like hers, despite being attached. A long jagged line across the top betrayed the time, years ago, when she had tried to cut it off in the depths of misery. The ensuing blood and tears, and a late night call to the healer, had finally convinced her parents she was serious about needing to be seen as a girl.

Her father was a traditional sort of man, who believed a son brought more worth to a family than a daughter, but faced with the prospect of having no child at all, he had reluctantly accepted his daughter. Her mother had been slightly less of a problem to begin with, but still spoke about her ‘dear son’ as though she had lost her child to some tragic accident. At least her father had consistently, if begrudgingly, remembered her chosen name and called her ‘she’ ever since the incident. Her mother had often, when speaking to friends or relatives she hadn’t seen for a while, said something like ‘oh, no, he wants to be a girl now’. She supposed it was some acknowledgement, but why not just say ‘she’s a girl now’ instead?

She shoved the thing back under her clothes quickly, without looking at it again. It was convenient, she supposed, compared to actual female plumbing she’d seen diagrams of in the healers’ books. There were others like her, she knew. She had met a few through a group the healer had suggested after her ill-advised attempt to modify herself. Narak had been a particularly good friend to her since then, though he was going the opposite way to her. She remembered one night they had both felt horrible about being stuck in their respective bodies, and attempted some magical ritual that was rumoured to allow two souls to trade places. It hadn’t worked, of course, but she couldn’t help wondering if that was because of their lack of magical expertise. Maybe if she asked around, spoke to some accomplished mages, it might work then?

She paused at the door to her old room. She had made the effort to come all the way out to Wirba to visit her parents for the midwinter festival, yet had spent most of her time hiding in her childhood bedroom so far. Ironically, it was the one room in the house that didn’t have some reminder of the years she’d spent trying to force herself to be more boy-like. She had been glad when, on applying to the priestesses at Talri-Pekra’s temple, they had accepted her without question. Part of her had expected to be turned away because of the body she was trapped in, but the High Priestess had explained that it was a person’s soul that mattered to the goddess, not the flesh around it, and she was a woman in every way that counted. She had wept with joy at that, the first time she had been truly accepted instead of reluctantly tolerated.

With a heavy sigh, she turned away from the door to her room and headed for the front room, where her parents were sitting. “There you are. I was wondering if we’d actually see you during this visit, Korand.” Her mother shook her head slightly. “Sorry, Kolena.”

It had been almost fifteen years since she’d gone by that name. Wasn’t that long enough for someone to get used to it? “You know how it is. I have to keep up with my studies if I’m going to become a priestess.” She chose to ignore the use of her old name. As frustrating as it was, bringing it up wouldn’t change anything, and she didn’t want to cause a scene.

“Are you really still doing that, Niana? She hasn’t used that name in years. Maybe you should have a healer check your memory.” Both of them jumped, and looked over to the leather chair by the window, where her father sat with his pipe. “Maybe being constantly misidentified is part of the reason we hardly see her these days. If I can manage it, I’m sure you can make the effort as well.”

She hadn’t expected to hear that, and blinked rapidly at her father. “Dad?”

“Kolena, I’m not going to pretend I understand it very well, but you are still my daughter, and I respect you enough to use your chosen manner of address. Anyone who fails to do so after being informed clearly does not care for you.” He shot a look at her mother, then, who twitched and scowled.

“Well, I’m sorry for feeling sad that the son I gave birth to is no longer here.”

That was far more annoying than being called the wrong name. “Can you stop talking as though I’m dead, please? I’m right here, nothing happened other than me wanting to be known as myself.”

“But you’re not my baby boy anymore,” she wailed, looking at the small portrait hanging over the fireplace, where a young Kolena sat between her parents wearing boys’ clothes and a frustrated expression.

“She wouldn’t still be your baby boy anyway. Our child grew up, and became a wonderful woman. It’s about time you accepted that, or you’re going to lose her altogether.” He looked back to Kolena, and spoke over her mother’s sniffling. “I know I don’t tell you this often enough, but I love you as a person more than I like the idea of having a son. It took me longer than it should have to get used to the situation, but I have always been proud of you, because you are a good person and a treasured member of this family. When you were born, I was honoured to have a chance to raise a healthy, strong and kind-hearted son; seeing you now makes me feel equally honoured to have raised a healthy, strong and kind-hearted daughter.”

Kolena wasn’t sure how to respond; she hadn’t expected either of her parents to say something like that, and to hear it from her usually distant father was even more of a shock. With no words coming to mind, she could only try to keep her smile from becoming a manic grin.

Her mother was less pleased to hear it. “Johtran, I am perfectly entitled to miss my son. I raised a boy, not a girl. Just because he’s grown up and decided to be a woman doesn’t mean I have to forget my child. I poured my soul into a son, taught him how to behave and helped explain the world to him. I can’t let that go because he’s wearing dresses now.”

“Nobody is saying that you should forget the past, but you need to stop living in it. Kolena was never our son, nature made the mistake of giving her a boy’s body and we made the wrong assumptions based on that.” She blinked at her father, wondering where and when he had reached this new opinion. “If nothing else, her acceptance into Talri-Pekra’s order ought to prove her womanhood. Not that she should have to prove anything. And as for ‘deciding’ to be a woman, I’m guessing she decided that the same way you did. When did you make the choice to be a woman?”

“It’s not the same thing, I was born a woman!”

“You were born a baby, like everyone else, and grew into a woman. If nature had made the same mistake with you, given you male parts at birth? Would you still feel like a woman and want to change those parts, or would you feel like a man?”

Kolena tuned out at that point. She had listened to her parents argue more often than she cared to remember, and heard this particular argument enough from others. Her mother wasn’t going to change her perspective in a day, but knowing her father had come to accept her more fully was good. She had always been closer to her father as a child, first attempting to be the son he had wanted, then following him into scholarship in the hopes of finding out what was going on with herself. Once she had discovered she was not alone, that it was not a fault but a natural thing that many others had also experienced, she had drifted away from her parents. Maybe her father’s new found acceptance would bring them closer again.

[landofrelgian]

Where they live

Del’Ave and Relgian live in a small house outside of their grandparents’ bigger, nicer house with a working bathroom, kitchen and a humble living room with two couches, a chair and a TV. The house is considerably small for the pair despite them being considered the kings of the kingdom. However, Fernil and Gaiwal live in a house that is at least four times as big with a functioning playground, pool and a living area with a huge television taking up one wall of the living room. They’re the oldest living members of the kingdom and because they’re the grandparents of Del’Ave and Gaiwal this is where the kingdom typically meets when they all get together. They got together after Del’Ave and Relgian became a couple because they were both widows and found themselves in love with each other after meeting.

Decalia and Harili live on the other side of the river, on the other side of the large swath of slums, on the edge of the woods on the west side of the city. They were Fernil and Gaiwal’s friends in high school when they were freshmen and after they graduated they were often let the two spend time together at their house. It’s a studio apartment with one room that contains a kitchen area and a living room area. Their bed is in the center of the room and on the other side of the room is a couch and a TV.

Luchek and Adoriah live on the same side of the river Del’Ave and Relgian, but they live to the southeast in the country in a house that looks like it was converted from a barn. There are beds in the loft and a living area down below with a kitchen and a bathroom in separate rooms in the back of the barn. There’s a big dining table in the middle and a few cozy chairs. They live in a field with a wide swath of land.

Bossiv and Lilivo is upper middle class and they live in a nice house with a few spare bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room and living room that are separate. They have a nice backyard with a tree that has a treehouse and a pond filled with tiny fish. Their house is generally well-kept but they don't have gatherings there very often.

Vodnes, Preen, Ronica and Vervox live in a castle next to the sea. It's a very old castle that has been around since the city itself was around. It has various rooms including a ballroom, training area and garden and often times the kingdom will gather here and often for extended amount of times and especially when there's a problem that needs to be solved. The beach beside the castle is also private so it's the ideal place for them to meet on the beach in which they don't have to worry about the public. Because they live in the castle, often people will say they're the actual leaders, but really they're more like advisors to Del'Ave and Relgian.

Denjin and Murli live in a fishing hut by the sea where Denjin will often catch fish to feed the two of them. The cabin itself is one room with a bed as well as a few hammocks. There's an outhouse that's maintained by the city as well as a few other bathrooms they can use. When it's warmer they stay in the hut and when it gets colder they'll travel to the city and stay in a hotel, though after they joined the kingdom they often stay with one of the other members. 

Brunis and Zolene live in a middle-class household with an extra bedroom, a kitchen with a kitchen table, and a living room that has a couch and a few chairs with a table in the middle. They have a nice yard with a few trees and lawn furniture with a swing. Their house is beside the river on the east side beside the bridge.

Rayla and Wisty live in a manor northeast of where Del'Ave, Relgian, Fernil and Gaiwal live. Their land they live on is vast and maintained by servants. Their most prominent and leading servants are Shini and Fang. There are many bedrooms and many other functional rooms including sitting rooms and a complex library. They have gardens and various trails and tracks around their home. They take great pride in housing the kingdom when they can and often house the less fortunate members when they need it.

Diagon and Lystra technically live in the slums, having a small house where they keep their belongings, but they spend so much time traveling that they're rarely actually found there. They each have a car and they make a living by being a taxi service. What their home does have is a bed and a working toilet and during the times when they're home they can often keep each other comfortable and warm using their body heat.

Belizet and Tolti live in a laboratory just north of the slums. There's a living area with a couple of bedrooms in which they each have their own room. The living section of their home is mostly decorated a blinding white including the furniture so that it appears almost too clean. The majority of the building is labs that both of them work in. There are other scientists that work with them as well, but they're the main scientists.

Ales and Gerti live in a cabin west of where Luchek and Adoriah live. They live off the river and hunt animals south of the city. They appear poor on the service, but their cabin is built well and is warm even during the winter with a fire place and a small bathroom. There's a shower as well. They have a garden and a bar where Ales sells his custom drinks. He has a brewery as well. They have a cellar under the cabin where there's storage and equipment.

Arlo and Jan live in a house boat that moves along the river and over the ocean, though never far enough to not see the shore. There's a bed and some hammocks on the boat as well as a few chairs that are nailed down. There's a television that's imbedded in the wall. There's a grill on the deck and they mostly live off the fish they catch and provide food for the kingdom.

Erinn and Trundle live in a tower that's a little southwest of where Decalia and Harili live. They top of the tower is where they keep their bedroom, but there's a few lower rooms that are for guests and a ground sitting room where they most often meet guests. They don't keep people often, but they will for emergencies. They often offer Decalia and Harili vegetables from their garden. They have some on ground level and a flower garden on the roof.

Shini and Fang live with Rayla and Wisty. They have servants' quarters in which there are nicer rooms for Shini and Fang as the head butler and handmaid to Rayla and Wisty. They are responsible for keeping the place clean and managing the gardens though they're at the top of the servants and often delegate these responsibilities. Their room is nice like the guest room and they have a single bed as well as a couch for lounging on.

[keirainaustenland]

Following my pattern of loving to use sitcom New Girl scenes to relate to Jane Austen, this meme is from a scene where roommate Jess tries to add her own taste to the shared loft. Shmidt, often described as the spoiled and aloof roommate, tells her while pushing it back and forth that “Pine has no place in this loft! It’s the wood of poor people and outhouses!”. In this meme, Mrs. B is Shmidt and Jess is Mrs. Hill (who is of course just trying to do her job as a dutiful housekeeper). Mrs. B shouts, “Yellow Silk has no place in this loft, it is the silk of poor people and outhouses!”.

Jo Baker's novel Longbourn adds such an interesting perspective to Jane Austen's treatment of servants in Pride and Prejudice. While Austen's portrayal of servants aligns with the subtle, often peripheral glimpses typical of Regency-era literature—where servants are mostly unseen but integral to the functioning of upper-class households—Baker provides a vivid, behind-the-scenes narrative focused entirely on the servants. Longbourn delves into the personal lives, struggles, and resilience of the servants who toil away in the background of the Bennet household. By shifting the perspective from the gentry to the staff, Baker not only highlights the often-overlooked socio-economic realities that Austen's main narrative omits but also gives voice and agency to characters traditionally left on the margins. This novel enriches the world of Pride and Prejudice, offering a more comprehensive view of Regency society by illuminating the daily lives and emotional landscapes of “the downstairs” world. This specific meme is in reference to the scene in Jo Baker’s Longbourn when Mrs. Bennet refers to her yellow evening gown as “that ragged old thing,” even though it is lovely and only worn once and has been treated so carefully by the servants in the washing. Mrs. B continues to selfishly dismiss the gown saying to Mrs. Hill, “I must have something new… you shall have that hideous old thing” (41). I picked this scene because it made me feel so sad for Mrs. Hill, who is never appreciated for her hard work even when she is so proud of the way that she carries that house. It also exposes the darker side of Mrs. Bennet’s care for her daughter’s marital status, showing her (though mostly unintentional) callus, self-absorbed, and entitled manner. 

[nerdysimming]

Hearing the peals of laughter, the animated stories, the babbling gibberish of a toddler,the dog barking and running around, and even cooking with her daughter-in-law have made Elizabeth's life so much sweeter. The love her son has for his wife and daughter fill her with so much pride. She had done exactly she had set out to do. She broke the legacy of men in her family being cold and apathetic towards their families. This had made all of her life worth it,she was happy to have made it this far,even if she had to deal with getting up in the middle of the night to make a trip to the outhouse.

[thebarefootcajun]

Leonard, the First Feline Cajun Vet of Cajun Land

Often he played under the house. It was up on piers to keep it cool. Shady, cool, dusty with some interesting indentions in the hard soil. It was a kid’s paradise. Cousins joined him there, too, in play. As a little boy of two ish he could pretty much stand and run under the house bumping into lower pure cedar beams and heavy metal plumbing. And all of that underbelly was pretty darn simple since there was not a whole lot of plumbing in the day. Only running water in the sink of the kitchen. There was no water in the bathroom that was a mere closet for using a lavabo, washbasin, or the pot de chambre, chamber pot. Outhouses were where bathroom needs were met; often men and boys just went outside.

The little boy’s name was Leonard. And that’s what people called him. His Mom didn’t like shortened names or nicknames; so it was Leonard. His best friends were his cousins, in rural areas back in the day those were your first best friends. Leonard really liked his girl cousins the most and they really liked him back. Leonard was so

happy to be one of the girls.

As Leonard began to grow up, hanging out with only the girls began to be less comfortable for others, not for Leonard. The boys called him sissy. At first Leonard ignored that word; it meant nothing to him. Leonard felt comfortable in his own skin. He was a happy kid and wasn’t out to prove anything. But he wondered why the boys and some of the girls wouldn’t just let him be.

See, Leonard wasn’t a jaded individual yet. He lived in a rural community with family who had always known him as he was and accepted him. It was when he met a larger less known community; individuals who didn’t know his innocence and that he was just being what he had to be, Leonard.

As he aged he began to merge into more difficult circumstances. Leonard wished to live again underneath the house where he felt safe and understood by his best friends, his cousins. Under pressure from their peers the cousins distanced themselves from Leonard; they had their own images to uphold.

Leonard and his peers had turned thirteen and they were now in junior high school where outliers, other than the norm, take brutal hits from raging hormones. Leonard began to be increasingly more unsettled. He just didn’t fit in anymore. Painfully, he withdrew from any social activities and became more of a recluse. His only refuge was at home home where he spent almost all of his time outdoors with a group of feral cats that lived on the farm. There were nine of these cats to be exact. Leonard gave them names. They became best friends.

Leonard fed, watered and doctored these cats. Attentive to their every needs, they were his best friends. These cats knew Leonard’s needs as he knew theirs. Each cat and Leonard had a need to belong, to live and be loved.

It was during junior high school at the Ecole Chaud, hot school, Prairie Junior High, that Leonard knew he wanted to be a feline veterinarian. He knew that he wanted to devote his life to felines who had accepted him just as he was, loving, sensitive, feminine with an air of creativity about him.

Leonard moved on upward to Ecole Chaud High School. There he excelled in the sciences, his favorite classes and also in the maths. Of course, biology was his love soaking in everything he could possibly learn. His peers still didn’t know what to make of Leonard, but his teachers embraced his academic prowess. Leonard was a sponge, an academic genius with a zest for learning. At home he used his knowledge to make life comfortable and healthy for his nine feral cats. They were only too happy for Leonard to practice bandaging legs, paws and to brush their teeth examining for inflamed gums. Leonard loved giving the feline pride baths and flea treatments using many organic prairie plants, not toxic to the health of his beloved cats. Leonard was establishing his own veterinary feline practice. And when people referred to him as l’homme de chats, the cat man, he beamed from ear to ear.

During Leonard’s senior year his focus rare, most of his peers wanting to make the most of those years at ball games, proms, class trips and graduation. Leonard continued to be studious, never letting up. He knew he had to be the best trying for scholarships to a veterinarian school with a focus on cats. Leonard had his sights set on one in North Louisiana, a region foreign to his beloved South Louisiana Cajun Prairie. A new program at one of the private universities was giving a full scholarship for a degree in veterinary science with a major in felines. This was Leonard’s dream!

After filling out applications, taking exams and with a GPA OF 4.0, Leonard was accepted with a full paid scholarship including room and board. He had garnered every biology award possible since his freshmen year at Ecole Chaud.

Leonard had never traveled away from his beloved Cajun land and from his pride of cats. With tears in his eyes, hugging each cat tightly calling them by name, he told them he’d be home again to live with them and care for them. They would join him in his new practice as the first feline veterinary on the Cajun Prairie. Leonard swore he saw tears in their eyes, too, as he shed big tears stirring up the dust.

And off Leonard went with a small suitcase in his hand, big dreams in his heart, clothes full of cat fur, and a love for cats that could not be measured.

Another Barefoot 🦶 Cajun petite histoire, short story