#our lovely single dad
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When you get a new fictional crush so you get your life back together cause he might be watching
new obsessions unlocked: ken sato.
#deranged melody hours#ken sato#kenji sato#ken sato x reader#ultraman#ultraman: rising#kenji sato x reader#ultraman ken#our lovely single dad#awooga
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*cracks knuckles* Okay lets talk about the elephant in the room: Style going to the support group for those who've suffered loss and telling what appears to be a fake story about losing his pet dog.
I'm going to point out a few things that I think provide a framework for Style's actions here. Not because I think it excuses what he did, but because I think a nuanced read is what the character deserves.
Point 1: An irresistible opportunity
The subs put the "Support Group for Loss" on the image in the notebook, but I'm not sure there's anything to suggest that Style would've known that was what this image represents until he showed up and saw the sign on top of the door.
In episode 2, Bison says, "He plans everything down from years, months, weeks to days" and then tells Kant:
So Style is literally just going to addresses/locations at given days and times, potentially not knowing what to expect. And as much as Fadel is certainly attending this meeting as a response to having that heartbreaking flashback (😭), this is also something he attends regularly and has planned to attend way in advance. So Style has no reason to think Fadel is attending this meeting because of a recent resurfacing of his pain.
What we, the audience, and what the characters know are very different things.
Now, should Style have turned his cute ass right around once he realised what this meeting was? Of course he should. But that wouldn't have been true to Style's character. We've been told by his best friend that he is "crazy" and been shown repeatedly that he lives right up to that description.
Style is impulsive. He's all base instinct and he acts on his desires without thought or contemplation. And by this point he is desperate for a deeper connection with Fadel. He's fascinated, captivated by the mystery that is Fadel and this is an excellent opportunity to finally see behind the wall Fadel so carefully maintains.
When Style sees the sign above the door, Style looks at the notebook (which, again, shows nothing but people sitting in a circle with the words RISE UP) like he's just realising what it means. He then gets this amused, almost rueful look on his face (like he's thinking "am I really going to do this?") before it shifts to determination and he walks through the door.
(My soul for the ability to once again gif something because FUCK Dunk is doing SO MUCH in this show!!)
To Style, this is just too good of an opportunity to give up.
Because let's be real, Fadel is so clearly lying and hiding something:
Fadel is shady as FUCK. He is simultaneously actually a really good cook (Style finally tries his burger so he knows, now), and also has the skills to work at a strip host club, and also can take on 3 guys in a fight, and also can break a man's arm with his thighs. Can you honestly blame Style for losing his mind just a little bit about wanting to get his hands on something, anything, to figure this man out?
Style is being absolutely consistent in his persistence to understand Fadel. This isn't about the car or about finally 'winning' the fight (thank you @airenyah for giving such a detailed framework to understand what Style's been doing until this point) anymore. This is about Style wanting to know Fadel himself.
Point 2: The potential implications of the setting
Now, what might give us a bit of insight as to why Style is this way? I have a theory (albeit one that could prove to be very wrong, but hear me out). I think this whole entire show is set in what could potentially be quite a small town/suburb.
There's a few things that make this theory plausible:
(1) Fadel and Bison are in hiding after Bison blew their previous cover. They're probably on the run from some section of the authorities and so it makes sense to settle in a quiet/out of the way place.
(2) Style seems to be really familiar with the people in the area. Like he grew up there and its the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everyone else's business.
(3) Style is clearly the darling of the market aunties and uncles.
Style just lost her a sale and potentially a loyal customer, and she's still rooting for him? In episode 2, when Style asks the uncle to let him borrow his cart, it takes nothing but his word for the uncle to give Style his entire cart of produce for his ridiculous scheme.
Style is so clearly someone they all know well and have great affection for, and a very plausible explanation for this is that they all watched him grow up and the entire market (town/village) is fond of him.
And honestly?? Yeah, we see the way Style is actually quite sweet in that careless, guileless, thoughtless way. He goes the extra mile to fix his mistake with Fadel by replacing his car parts for free in episode 1. He helps out by taking orders in episode 2 without being asked and takes it seriously. In episode 3, he tries to drive more business to Fadel's store (bless him, he so clearly does NOT understand how restaurants work, but he MEANS well!!), and can we all acknowledge that it works?? He understands how to appeal to potential customers in the area because he knows the people there. It's not (entirely) his fault that Fadel wasn't remotely prepared for an actual rush crowd and Bison was off getting kinky with Kant and not doing his (fake) job. He is so clear about not judging Fadel's host job and tries his hardest to help him (to absolutely NO effect, but still) when the 3 guys gang up on Fadel.
Style is so loved and more importantly so very loveable.
Point 3: What this could mean for Style's character
So, potentially, Style is someone who grew up in a small town, who has been well loved, potentially spoiled and coddled, but also very much kept within the confines of the narrow viewpoint that a quiet, country town places on you.
It's in the way his dad scolds him as if he was still a child when he's at least in his mid to late 20s. It's in the way Style was so mad at Fadel for scolding him ("thanks for the lecture, dad"), like that hit a sore point for Style. It's in the way no one in the market takes him seriously; they're fond, but he's still a kid in their eyes. It's in the way he has an abundance of free time like he doesn't REALLY need to work at his dad's shop. It's in the way he sees Fadel beat 3 guys up with ease, starts wondering if Fadel is an assassin or a hitman, and is completely unfazed like he doesn't quite have a handle on reality.
It's in the way his best friend is a man who has no qualms about lying to him and putting his life in danger, and how Style seems to have no other friends or people (aside from his dad) in his life.
@wuxian-vs-wangji made a comment to me about Style being desperate for a meaningful connection, and I think she hit the nail on the head. Because along comes Fadel, a mysterious stranger with a suspiciously versatile set of skills who is also very hot and keeps giving Style these wonderfully complex reactions? Who sometimes wants nothing to do with Style, but at other times seems to be at war within himself about desperately wanting him? Who treats Style with anything but apathy?
This is catnip to Style; he never had any hope of resisting this.
Breaking news: Style is a complex and imperfect character...
Here's the thing, though: he was never going to try. The show has been incredibly upfront about who Style is as a person. Regardless of whether I'm correct about why he is this way (ie. that he is very much the product of the environment that didn't know how to handle a kid with Style's personality), episode 3 shouldn't have surprised anyone about Style. He's been incredibly consistent and true to himself.
He wants Fadel and he's "crazy" enough to go all in, no holds barred about it, and the Support Group was the biggest doorway to finally discovering something REAL about Fadel.
And its not just about sex or to prove his superiority anymore. Because if it was just that, then Style would have reacted very differently to their first time.
In this scene, Style is pleased and evidently enjoying himself, but he isn't exuberant. He isn't overcome with joy. If anything, he was more happy and excited when Fadel let him help out in the diner (I mentioned this in the tags in this post too) than he was when Fadel is literally fucking him. He lets Fadel set the pace; barely moves to touch Fadel except to hold him close. Almost like he doesn't want to accidentally mess this up, like he's worried he'll take too much, so he'll take what Fadel gives him and no more (please appreciate @braceletofteeth's amazing tags on this post). For a character that has been so aggressively on the offensive, this is shocking until you realise that sleeping with Fadel - while it's a step in the right direction - isn't Style's end goal anymore.
And he makes that abundantly clear in this episode:
Does Style even fully realise the weight of this desire? I doubt it. But I do believe that Style is in earnest. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings, but he also doesn't really care to either. All he knows is that he wants Fadel, wants his attention and his passion and his focus and his heart.
...but Style is also kind of, sort of, perfect.
Because he's exactly, precisely, breathtakingly exactly what Fadel needs.
Because Fadel is hurt and broken and bleeding inside. Because Fadel is barely holding it all together for Bison's sake, but has already given up hope for any true happiness for himself. Because Fadel can't trust anyone or anything in his life, when he's been used and used and used by the family who should've loved and cared and protected him.
Because it's going to take nothing short of this kind of unwavering, unshakable, uncomplicated determination to give Fadel even a chance of healing and opening his heart to love again.
#<my posts>#saw a post about style being one-dimensional and boring and I nearly had a breakdown because what are you TALKING about???#he's so perfectly messed up and terrible and unfiltered and WONDERFUL in all the wrong and right ways#and others have pointed out there's potentially even MORE to style's backstory because of the “coincidence” of Lilly meeting with#someone with the same name as the dog Style talks about in his story#listen the story telling in this show drives me inSANE in the best way and i'm baffled at some of the takes i'm seeing#can we at least... let his story play out maybe before dismissing or hating on Style?? its literally ONLY episode 3.#anyway yes its me your resident style apologist back to be unnecessarily emotional about style again#the heart killers the series#thk meta#the heart killers#style sattawat#fadelstyle#also FUCK ME dunk is just constantly serving every single episode and i've seen so many posts appreciating joong's acting (RIGHTLY SO!)#but not nearly enough love for the frankly INSANE performance dunk has been giving every single episode#i love him i love him I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OKAY T_T#dunk natachai#ALSO (not that this means i can speak for everyone in a similar circumstance)#but as someone who lost my father to cancer as a teenager i DO understand and relate to the FURY Fadel must have felt in ep 3#and i DO think style was wrong to have treated the situation so lightly#but like literally WHAT in this show sets up any expectation for style to have the emotional maturity to do that?#and also this doesn't make him an inherently bad person ACTUALLY#it makes him an idiot and needing to be taught the right way to respond to people who are grieving. but guess what; he's NOT ALONE??#because let me tell you the amount of times i wanted to punch FULL GROWN ADULTS for giving me “well meaning” platitudes at my dad's funeral#...but the thing is they DID mean well. they just didn't realise how hurtful their words were#and life is filled with imperfect people who make mistakes and part of our journey is learning from them and trying our best to be kind
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As much as I adore the idea of Alan being like a dad to the Color Gang, I am absolutely feral for interpretations where that’s not really the case.
Or, more specifically, when those feelings are very one sided.
The CG look up to him and adore him as a parental/guardian figure, loving him almost like a father, especially Orange in particular who 110% sees and loves Alan as a father figure, while Alan himself sees himself more as a tolerant friendly landlord; just a dude who’s letting five stick figures live on his computer and not really interacting with them (except for Orange) very much beyond playing a few games for them or sparring with them. And even with Orange, it’s more of a friendship relationship than a parent-child one. Just generally pretty emotionally detached/distant towards them, not really feeling very strongly about any of them. Sort of how IRL Alan speaks about them as characters; fond, but not loving*. He still largely just sees them as stick figures. Like smart little living desktop pets.
Which makes all of the potential scenarios where they meet on more equal grounds (Stick!Alan AUs and IRL!Sticks/Human!Sticks AUs) potentially very juicy.
The CG and Orange in particular are always very excited to meet and actually interact with Alan, and Alan just feels overwhelmed and awkward by all the affection/attention. Or perhaps even confused about why they seem to like him so much.
Which can very quickly turn into a situation where the Gang notices that Alan doesn’t seem very comfortable around them, that he’s not nearly as excited and enthusiastic about finally being able to touch and hug them as they are with him. That he seemed to be kind of distant from them, withdrawing away from them. Oh, he’s friendly and polite, and he’ll talk to them, he’s not being mean or ignoring them or anything, but it’s not really like how they always imagined meeting him would be. It’s not as happy and joyous. He doesn’t interact/engage with them on his own. Doesn’t offer hugs or pats or much affection at all. He’ll do it if they initiate or ask, but he never gives anything of the sort freely.
Perhaps they think it’s because everything is so new and fresh, that maybe he’s feeling a bit overwhelmed. Maybe he just needs a little time to get used to them.
But when they give him that time…nothing seems to change. And they’re just left even more confused and concerned. Why was he acting like this? He was never like this before… (or so they think.)
Or perhaps a situation occurs where it’s revealed that Orange sees him like a father, or perhaps Orange even calls him his father, and Alan denies it. Corrects him. Tells Orange that he’s not his parental figure, that he always thought they were just friends. That all of them were just a bunch of sticks he was letting live on his computer. He wasn’t their dad, where in the world did they get THAT weird idea from? He was just Alan, the owner of the computer they made their home on. He barely even knew them.
And the Gang is both shocked and heartbroken. They hadn’t known Alan felt that way, just as Alan hadn’t been aware of how they felt. It was so easy for misunderstandings and misinterpretations to happen between them when they couldn’t really communicate very well.
But Orange, Orange is devastated. It hurts, so bad, because Alan literally created him. Alan was his creator, the closest thing to an actual parent he had. And yet Alan didn’t want to fill that role towards him, didn’t want to be his father. He could have seen and understood Alan not considering himself the others’ parent, since Alan hadn’t made them, but Orange was undeniably his.
But Alan didn’t want him like that. Didn’t see him like that.
He was just a stick figure who frequently helped him animate and lived on his computer. The fact that Alan made him appeared to be irrelevant.
So Orange puts on a smile and accepts it, apologizing for misunderstanding. But inside, he’s raw. The rejection feels so awful.
And it stings just how relieved Alan looked after his apology, like he was grateful that they weren’t arguing about it.
Because they don’t. What more was there to say? Alan had made his feelings on the matter very clear, and who were they to try argue against that? To challenge him, and demand he change his feelings towards them? To demand he love them? No, that’s not how things worked. That wasn’t how love worked.
You can’t try to force someone who doesn’t love you to love you.
Instead, Orange goes to his room, and sobs. It hurts so much. It feels like a chunk of his heart has been ripped out, leaving a giant empty gap where it had been. He can’t stop thinking about why Alan didn’t love him even though he made him. He can’t help but wonder if it’s because somehow he wasn’t good enough. Or if he’d done something wrong.
Or if it was because he was just a stick figure. Not human. Not a “real” person in Alan’s eyes.
He doesn’t know, but it hurts all the same.
The others, too, mourn the loss of the only parent-like figure they’ve ever known. They never knew their own creator, whoever the person who actually made them even was, they only ever knew Alan. It stings, how all of his weird recent behavior now makes sense. He hadn’t needed time. He had never loved them as much as they, apparently mistakenly, thought he did in the first place. It leaves them feeling empty and bereft, at a loss for what to do with themselves now.
And Alan is left totally oblivious to just how badly he’s just hurt them all.
And totally oblivious to what he himself has just lost, the potential for what could have been.
…At least, until he goes through some Character Development and inevitably has some Realizations that “Oh shit, those actually ARE my kids, oh fuck what have I done?!” And he needs to claw back the gangs’ love and affection and trust they’d since given up on.
* - [Or at least that’s how it always felt for me, watching AvG reactions, though that could just be because IRL Alan just sounds kinda bland and introverted in most of his commentary on his own animations lmao “I mean I like Orange.” Bro that is your main character that has been spearheading your entire career for a literal decade, why do you sound about as enthusiastic about him as if someone just asked you about your favorite weather type lmao jk jk]
#alan becker#ava#animator vs animation#ava alan becker#ava color gang#headcanons#This headcanon is accentuated by the fact that I see Character!Alan as single and childless#Dude goes from a loner Animator to single dad of five and doesn't realize it for years#I love when characters are dragged kicking and screaming into Dadhood#Side note: If Chosen discovered Alan rejected Orange he would be VERY pissed off at Alan#Chosen doesn't much care that Alan doesn't care for him as a child since he's long since accepted the lack of care from his creator#But Orange? ORANGE? Chosen will not stand for Alan hurting Orange; in ANY way#Alan's face would very quickly become intimately acquainted with Chosen's fist#Also Side Note: A secret reason why Dark hates Alan so much is that he's still really bitter that Alan never loved him.#And he still secretly yearns for his affection and acceptance but hates himself for it. Sees it as childish weak feelings#Headcanon that the Hollow-Heads mockingly sling the title of “Creator” at Alan to hurt him; to forcefully remind him that he made them#Green Yellow Red and Blue are just happy to be there tbh#The FSF: This is our adopted dad! We love him very much :) Alan: UHHHHH???
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going to other people's houses for dinner is wild because it's such a crapshoot on what kind of culinary experience you're about to have. some places it's just delightful and you feel like you're in that one scene in ratatouille where it's all colourful when he tastes the ingredients. other places it feels like whatever the fuck is on your plate is a close cousin of the pulp they use in paper manufacturing and you wish you had pulled a hillary clinton and smuggled some hot sauce in your bag
#eliot posts#like my friend john's house is great to visit for dinner bc his dad is an amazing cook#i will often leave that place with a recipe in my pocket#my friend jeffrey's house... that guy's family seem like they could be murdered by a single flake of parsley#he's an excellent friend and i love visiting him but i will sprinkle so much black pepper on my food at the dinner table#that if i did that in public i would probably get funny looks#my big sister is surprisingly good at cooking nowadays#she used to suck at it when we were younger#that time when she was like 16 and wanted us to do a few hannukah traditions to get in touch w our ashkenazim ancestors#and she made latkes so bad that it felt like a time-bending hate crime against our dead great grandparents#a lot of the cooking fell on my shoulders back when we both lived w our parents lol
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Who taught the Kokiri how to read and write? The Deku Tree?
#when i was a kid i assumed navi read signs aloud to link#but he reads them alone in majora's mask#plus there are signs in the kokiri village#someone had to write them#so it had to be the deku tree right?#can you imagine?#“No one is allowed to see the Deku Tree!”#“But Mido...it's time for our reading circle.”#“Yeah Mido it's the Know-It-All Brothers turn. You know they've been waiting.”#“Please Mido. We need the practice.”#can you even imagine?#teaching a gaggle of children to read and write when you yourself don't have hands#i'd love a manga that was just single dad Deku Tree trying his best#legend of zelda#loz#ocarina of time#oot#kokiri#deku tree#loz oot
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hi babes I am inebriated and am confident enough to announce that the companion piece to Worshitpost #2 is complete. and even Peer-Reviewed w/ positive feedback. it is finished!!!
idk I'm so fucking excited to share this with all of you bc. it's probably the most artistic labour I've put into fanart for this fandom (frankly even for any fandom I've ever been in). even if it is just a meme at the end of the day. theres so many cool WIPs I've teased but put o. the back burner, but this one lit a sweet lil fire under my ass.. and I'm confident about binging this one to completion soon
I am so fucking. sorry I have had too much margarita and it's getting g worse as I'm typing this but. ily and I love u for all ur patience for my art + how much I tease things that don't come to fruition for a long time. I think you'll really like this one. even if it's technically just a meme. But like an S++ tier meme for quality and time commitment alone :3
you guys are so fucking cool and I genuinely see and love every single one of you who takes the time to interact. I have the confidence to both try new things and revisit old skills that I haven't touched for a while. all for a bunch of sexy sad masked British dudes playing loud music on stage. I appreciate you beyond measure + I've never had more fun sharing my art than right here right now (not rite here rite now bc I don't fuck w/ ghost, but it popped in my head as I typed this + I'm excited on ur behalf to get such a cool piece of art to enjoy from ur fave band 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 metal musical theatre go brrrr)
I'm well aware that I'm rambling rn and I very much apologize if this doesn't get cut for some reason, but at the same time I'm less nervous to share my immense appreciation for all of u in my state lowered inhibitions . so yeah take my unfiltered love u fucking nerds and have a happy timezones!!!!!!!! I am kissing you so fucking hard you'll need to get on an emergency list for cos.etic surgery since your mother fucmiglips are gonna be busted as hell
#@ em baby sweetheart politemagic i appreciate you so so much for tbe judgement free zone and encourageme t#of vreative output 🩷🥰🥰🥰 genuinely i havent had a dynamic like this since i was 14 and it means the world to me#go.make.that sexy single dad nut in his freshly laundered undie#s at the mere.sight of our beloved bassy boy. you are so cool and I'm so glad we met and get along w each other#sappy shit aside have a good timezone my beloveds. i kiss u on the mouth (/p or /r take ur pick OwO) + grant u sweet dreamz#<- idc what timezone. get loved and kissied nerds. i love u (i am tryi g so hard yo figbt the Substanced) (so i am /gen 100%)#elkk.txt
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having twin peaks thoughts & theories bc i just started watching the return (i know spoilers ofc) and i have literally nowhere else to put my thoughts so i'm just gonna dump them here.
obviously i don't every single thing about twin peaks was meant to just be like... One Thing and that's it. i think there's room for interpretation for a reason butttt the one thing i just keep going back to about the show is just that. like. it's about the corruption of innocence and the perversion of family. of cycles of violence and abuse. children being sexually taken advantage of by "trusted" adults. teenage prostitution rings. barely a single relationship in the town wherein people aren't cheating on someone/cheated in the past. bob being "the evil that men do" (tbf this is technically just albert's theory but i choose to believe it) and now this weird thing with judy/the experiment (are they the same thing? idk yet) being the thing that CREATED bob? there's this weird thing i get with the black lodge/waiting room like... good people can't survive there without disappearing completely (nonexistence) or being permanently changed (in the case of annie, ig)
and then ofc you have the tormented souls being trapped there (laura, maddy, caroline(tbh idk what was going on w her doppelganger being there?), leland(he was originally a victim too, i'm getting there)) because of the things that were done TO them. i was thinking like. in regards to the frogmoth that crawled into sarah's mouth (when she was a child) and everything that's going on w/ her in the return (watching insanely violent things on tv, "eating" men, etc.) ... compounded with leland's story about bob "I was just a boy. I saw him in my dreams. He said he - he wanted to play. He opened me and I invited him and he came inside me." ... mr. c's introduction song being a twisted version of "american woman" (i've heard this is also related to diane's doppelganger, as well. makes sense) w/ the stand-out lyrics (aka the backwards ones) being "all my headstrong women... don't let em put you in a corner. make em salute you like a flag on the fourth of july." and sarah palmer having a shortened and remixed version of "good man" blaring in her house that just repeats the lyrics "i'm a good man. i'm having fun." like. there's smth to this i'm not insane...
anyways to go even FURTHER... there being specific emphasis on being in the right time and the right place. opposites (giant and dwarf, young and old, black and white, etc.) and the planets jupiter and saturn.
the experiment violently killing that couple that was watching the glass box bc they were having sex? or because they were(n't) watching? or both? the experiment very obviously being the thing inside of sarah but it pulling off it's own face within sarah and revealing a smile that looks eerily similar to laura's (even if not exact... ppl are such pedants about things being exact in this show where literally everything is drenched in like 8 metaphors at any given time) AND the laura in the black lodge/waiting room removing her own face in the exact same way. it's weird that in this instance, laura's dialectical opposite or opposing force is her own mother who she claims she has so much in common with. but this goes even a step further because when the experiment spawned in the glass box, it has a gold orb (or smth like it) like the one laura's like... spirit? was born from? AND APPARENTLY there's a little clip of what sounds like sheryl lee's voice saying "gone" or "the one" or something like that while the experiment is flying towards them (not unlike an owl) to kill them... hm. not to mention the experiment has a proboscis-like knife that comes out of its mouth that it uses to kill the guy sexually harrassing sarah at the bar... and carrie page has a dead guy in her motel room that has a hole in his head... could obviously def just be a bullet-wound LMAO but idk let's have fun w it!
i do think there's a crazy connection between sarah, laura, and the experiment/judy/whatever. "the room seems different... and men are coming. something happened to me. i don't feel good..." obviously, i will be able to make more connections and add to this theory as i watch more but from what i've seen i think there's a huge connection to children and how easily it is for them to be taken advantage of (literally every member of the palmer family was taken advantage of as a child when an evil entity entered them. i mean. how more on the nose can you be!!) or for their innocence to get stolen (prostitution, drugs, murder, becoming child brides to abusive older men... the list goes on). and there's obvious themes of intense sexual violence and dreams and blahhhh. it's like 5:30am and i'm theorizing about a show that will never have an actual answer LMAO... to be fair though it's not ABOUT actually "solving" it for me. i think most media works well when you get what you want or need from it and just kind of make that The Point and, for me, twin peaks will always be about the tragedy of laura palmer before it's about anything else!
i really do like that theory that dale cooper is just like. an entity that laura dreamed up to save her originally but in the end, after she had finally escaped being laura palmer and that life and that house and her trauma, he ended up bringing her right back to it. it's like. how does that not make people insane?
#fwiw i know dale kinda CAN'T be made up considering his past but if you actually like. think about it it weirdly lines up#the fbi in the show is already like. insanely idealized in the fact that they actually care about stopping horrible things from happening#and not a single one of those fbi agents ever acts normal LMAO but that's lynch for you. still though i think there's smth to be said about#like. dale cooper IS the fbi. he is the quintessential fbi agent who lives and breathes laura palmer's case and when he solves it#he just goes on to (try) to live in her town and never leave#and laura hated her town and almost everyone in it and her life so it's like. i do see that it doesn't fit perfectly as a theory#but at the same time isn't dale cooper just kind of like an insanely idealized caricature of someone living a worthwhile life#he's outrageously positive he has an answer for everything he's free to love whoever he wants and yes he has a dark past but#it comes up as more of an afterthought than anything that necessarily haunts him (mid-s2 was just um. well. eheh. anyways.)#but like even his archnemesis windom earle and their rivalry is so picturesque. an fbi agent having an affair with his partner's wife#and that makes said partner go insane and kill his wife and disappear. like... is that not the most telegraphed cartoon-ass backstory#that an fbi agent could have? i mean this in a complimentary way btw. like windom earle's whole thing is chess and disguises. he dresses as#a horse. to kidnap bobby's dad. does this not sound like something a child would come up with. meanwhile the giant is a guy named 'the#fireman' who just so happens to live in (or behind the veil of ig) a place where bobby's dad used to take him as a kid#and this is the man who sent laura's spirit to the world as a force of ultimate good or something. because LAURA IS THE ONE.#idk there's smth there about twin peaks all being a child's dream about what being an adult is like and a way to characterize all the#bad things that happen to people (not even just adults) like wouldn't it be so great if you could blame your father sexually abusing you on#a guy named bob. wouldn't it be great if you could blame all the world's problem's on the creation of atomic bombs bc what's scarier than#living through the cold war and constantly waiting for nuclear destruction that never comes? what's scarier than the violent reality of any#given situation. it would be great if we could blame all the bad things we do on our evil doppelganger from another world#idk. just smth i think about when i watch the show. that's all
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My extended family: my parents never tell me they love me, but that’s ok
Me: skill issue, can’t relate
#my dad just called me and he ended with I love you#which is normal#but I remembered my cousins all being like: oh yeah our parents are super not affectionate like that#and I genuinely was like: wow that’s insane my dad and I hug every single day#anyway I get that it’s how my dad and his siblings were raised#but also my mother is a big factor in my dad being able to show affection better and have a healthy relationship with me#so despite the Everything I talk about it’s nice to get perspective on my relationship with my parents
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sometimes im sad and then sometimes I remember that pidge’s mom probably thinks her entire family is dead and then I start bawling
#you guys have no ideas how the holts make me feel#they are so special to me#I let out a single tear every night because of them. do you understand…#the holts#that isn’t a tag?? wow guys…😒#seriously though#i love them so much#im just glad they found their dad and he’s gonna go back to earth and be like:#“hey wifey 🥰guess what!! 😁im back and was kidnapped by an alien race along with our son😟 but it’s okay we’re alive”😚🙏#“anyway that same alíen race is gonna kill us and the whole universe if we don’t help our kickass kids do”#and mrs holt is gonna be like “wha- actually yk what I 100% you’d get urself in that situation. glad to have you back😊 let’s help our kids😘#don’t even get me started on Matt and pidge’s relationship-#I will yap for hours on end#laura’s first vld#vld#vld pidge#voltron
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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whenever i see a ff fan who is somewhat close to my age and is into like. vi and x alongside xv ix etc it just makes me happy awhh
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LIKE ... sometimes i feel so alone but these stuff are like no you're Not Alone#haha ix and xiv reference ANYWAY i love ff. so much. oh god#i think its amazing how it became my favorite bcs i started w x bcs of family and then wanted xv myself#but only got it bcs i wanted the sims but it was Age Inappropriate according to the uh worker in store so xv instead TYSM u changed my life#and then after xv i got really delved into ff! but before that theres a lot already too uhh xiii family reasons too and then type-0 and vii#ofc. after xv tho me and my twin got viir bcs our dad caught us watching all of crisis core online lol#and then sometime after that. how does the timeline go uhh sometime after that there was 9 and then after was xiv and then#ever since xvi was announced yeah and then blah blah blah im interested in every single final fantasy game og remake whatever side game#sequel prequel ... yeah. along the rode i got interested in square enix as a whole thx to family as well tbh#so you have octopath and kh! kh was my childhood even before ff but i only got into it properly around. 13 y/o#and now i'm absolutely in love w it it means so much to me. octopath was a bit of a childhood thing too but late 2020 i got obsessed w it#Myself and then okay you have twewy ever since neo and then you have nier and oh i gotta get into dragon quest tho. man
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went dancing tonight and will be going dancing again tomorrow :-)
#i LOVE to do things every single day all the time for real fo real#Me and my dad went dancing to rockabilly tonight and multiple random strangers complimented our dancing#Tomorrow I'm going to some electronic show with a person I met two weeks ago hopefully it's good electronic music lol!#Also before we went out we watched Duel and my dad cracked open a beer meanwhile I poured myself a big ol glass of chocolate milk lol I lov#Friday night#Also there is literally an intro to auto mechanics class in the spring at a nearby community college I'm considering signing up for lol
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Genuinely making me even more angry that instead of like just actually talking to me and trying to understand what's made me so upset, my family is trying to get me to get over it by getting me "treats" and it's like honestly fuck you....
#treats as in lil foods i like hoping I'll notice#i havent touched a single fucking thing thats how mad i am like thats saying something i love food almost as much as sleep#and im pretty sure theyre chalking it up to either oh he's just crazy or oh shes just on her period which makes even UGLIER#i also havent talked to my mom in like 3 days which is ALSO saying something because me and my mom even at our maddest still talk#she keeps using my dad to talk to me but its like im mad at ur ass too shut up im mad at ALL of u!!!!
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Having a complicated relationship with your mum is so confusing. It's the knowledge that she taught me the best way to make gravy, how tie my shoes and how to make my bed. But she's also the one that made disparaging comments about my body growing up and is part of the reason I don't want to be a parent myself and why I moved across the country for uni. But she's still my mum and I still find myself wishing I could seek comfort from her when things get a little too hard but the mum I'm longing for doesn't really exist. And I see her in the colour of my eyes and in the way I grit my teeth when I'm angry. She taught me how to do my hair and how to cover up bruises. She's a part of me in all the good and the bad. And there's no way to say you hate someone that doesn't also acknowledge all the good because nothings as ever as black and white as that
#personal#+Extra#i dont know i was making gravy for dinner the way my mum taught me and it got me thinking about how i havent spoken to her in over a week#since she told me that my dad is threatening to kick me out again and i started thinking about the fact im currently at empty student#accommodation for the summer instead of back home like most people anf how part of me feels guilty for that and the other knows im doing#whats best for me and theres a reason i left people keep asking why im so far up north for uni if im from down south and i dont know how to#explain it they look at you a certain way when you say you dont get along with your parents like your an entitled brat that cant see that#theyre just doing whats best for you and theres no way to explain two decades of trauma to someone in a single conversation theres no way#to get them to understand that despite what my parents do and the fact i went as far as i could for uni theyre still my parents and i love#them even when i hate them for everything and although ill being carrying the scars of childhood trauma with me long after ive left them i#cant entirely blame even when i want to they made terrible choice that have shaped me for ever but theyre still people and ill always#resent them for the people they are and the fact they could do better but didnt for us and the fact they fall back into those people like#a bad habit when i spend to long at home in a way that makes feel like theres something wrong with me specifically will always sit with me#but for now im stood in my kitchen making sheppards pie thinking of the way my mum used to make it and the tension that used to hang over#the dining table while we ate and how now my parents dont even eat in the same room and im grateful my little siblings will never know#that side of our parents but it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt every time i see a reflection of my parents in myself and wish i could cut it out
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Bro help I have a platonic crush on someone
#i see him as my older brother#he has big dad energy but he’s too young to be my dad#for those wondering#yes this is about Nash#i just have such a soft spot in my heart for him#and I wish our relationship could be more like a mentor/mentee relationship#i just wish I could be deeper friends with him#he gets me so well and he’s so kind and loving#but there’s not an acceptable way for a single youngish girl and a married slightly older guy to be more than basically acquaintances#in society#can a married guy mentor a single girl?#sounds sus#i just want him to be my r brother :(#I’ve told him I love him before#in a get well soon card#because I do#and that was a really important moment to me#he told me he loved me too#in a later text#i swear this isn’t sus#and I hope no one sees it that way#i just really do love him in the most platonic way possible#and for a moment everything was perfect because he was meeting me sort of weekly to be my mentor#but then someone told me I couldn’t have a guy mentor me#so I checked in with the head pastor#and he was like yeahhhhh that’s not usually something I recommend#so now I can kinda only talk to Nash about Deep topics in passing and very occasionally#but I insist on still seeing him as my mentor because that’s the role he has served for me#I’m jealous of his assistant because she gets to work closely with him one on one all the time#and they can talk about Stuff whenever they want and it’s not weird
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You are not immune to nosey aunties trying to dictate how you live your life and commenting on your life choices...........
#Christmas time sure is a thing#anyways you know how it is#the wishes I received from her were like 'may you be healthy and also have luck in love matters'#auntie I literally cannot tell you how lucky I am in those matters (<- ace aro and single and very very happy about it)#please stop#auntie please stop you yourself don't have children why do you say that I will yet 'change my mind'#anyways my grandma was valid here#she pointed out that there's at least one person who didn't have children in every generation of our family she can think of#and that there's at least one that didn't get married too (sometimes the two intersect sometimes they don't)#so that maybe I'm just keeping the family tradition alive lol#yes yes that's it I'm That Guy exactly#but GOD the gossiping about my dad's twin sister#who also didn't have married and doesn't have children and just doesn't seem to do dating#and about how they 'can't figure her out' and all#leave auntie Ania alone#anyways I'm growing old surrounded by rabbits and my friends and that's final#when my mum gets sad about grandchildren I'll just shove a bunny into her face#anyways I'm feeling like playing Touhou and I miss Miko so I think I'm gonna try to 1cc Ten Desires again#I'm way too rusty to do it just like that but hey#maybe easing back into playing Touhou with a game that's relatively easy and that I've beaten before is a good idea
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