#otp: an acquired taste

[untapdtreasure]

tag game: (law & order: criminal intent)

1.ride or die ship (your otp): Alex Eames/Bobby Goren

2. most annoying ship: Bobby Goren/Mike Logan.

3. second favourite ship: Alex Eames/Mike Logan.

4. favourite platonic relationship: Alex Eames/Bobby Goren.

5. underrated ship: Alex Eames/Mike Logan.

6. overrated ship: Alex Eames/Bobby Goren.

7. one thing i would change in canon: That Goren retired and left Eames partnerless (as she stated when she guest starred on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit).

8. something canon did right: Realized that Goren and Eames don't have to have conflict for the series to be interesting.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: Because You Keep Me From Falling Apart

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Lt./Det. Alexandra Eames.

11. the character i relate to the most and why: Lt./Det. Alexandra Eames. She's down to earth and takes no shit from no one.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: Nicole Wallace. Because she's larger than life and just too much. Unrealistic. Not that there isn't psychopaths in real life. But you know what I mean.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: That online friendships can be deep and real and last until the very end.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: I don't really look at tags other than character or pairing. So I'm gonna pass on this one.

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: You Save Me by Kenny Chesney. I even made a fanvideo with this song. Which I cannot link to this post from YouTube as it has been partially restricted due to copyright calaim.

tagged by stolen from: @dragonflylady77 tagging: anyone that wants to do this one for whatever fandom you want to do it for!

[dracomort]

I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any way because that was not my intention. I don't really mind who you ship or what you ship. It's just, I open my Tumblr and the first I see is someone calling something I like a crack ship while talking about their favourite ship. My point is why talk badly about something/someone else's ship when you're also shipping something which is also very unrealistic? Like I get it you have a favorite, but you can talk about your favourite without saying someone else's ship is not possible/crack for that matter. My bad if I made you feel bad because I really didn't want to do that. I just didn't want to the see someone bashing my ship as the first thing I see when I open Tumblr. I just don't get why people can't ship their own things without calling others' ship crack. Either ways, I'm sorry you felt attacked honestly; I really respect you as a person and a writer. And that's why I was sad to see you say those stuff. I really liked your fics as well and I love how you write Tom, I really do. That is why I was so surprised to see that post on my feed, but oh well. I do hope you have a good day and again I'm sorry if I made you sad in any way.

I appreciate the apology. I understand that it's not fun to see something that you interpret as critical toward your ship on your dash, however, I did not put that post in the Tomarry tag. If those kinds of posts are upsetting to you, then consider unfollowing me, because when I receive asks, I will answer them with my honest opinion. Coming into my ask box like that is not appropriate.

I'm just scratching my head here, because tbh that wasn't an anti post? To say that Tomarry requires a reimagining of canon or that there are plenty of things they could dislike about each other is not me saying it's a shit ship. Drarry's my OTP after all, lol, hate = spice. I also didn't call it crack, though I don't think crack is an insult either. Most Tom ships are crackish to some extent, especially ships that require an AU for the characters to even be the same age (Tomarry, Tomione, Taco, etc.). Harry Potter x the dude who tried to kill him a bajillion times is pretty implausible to most people, but that doesn't make it a 'bad' ship. You can make any ship work and there are many, many writers who have brought more life to Tomarry than Canon Hinny received from JKR (before someone else comes for me, this isn't a Hinny critique either, this is a critique of JKR's ability to write romance lol)

This is what I've said on Tomarry and Taco previously.

^FYI this was a joke

Finally, it isn't your ship vs mine. I've shipped Tomarry longer than I've shipped Taco. I'll ship Tom with a pair of snakeskin loafers if I thought they'd have chemistry. I can ship something without singing its praises endlessly. In fact, I reckon I've said way meaner things about Taco on here than Tomarry lol. I've said that Tom would loathe Draco under most circumstances and that he would murder him for sure since lil bro can't stop yapping. I've also said Draco is ugly an acquired taste and Tom has no game 💀. My DAD has come to Draco's defence over some of the things I said about him as we were watching the movies. Roasting is my love language, pls don't misunderstanding it.

[hard-times-paramore]

Please tell us about your new blorbo!

Thank you so much for asking! Today's Blorbo is Kang Yo-Han from the Korean tv show The Devil Judge!

Favorite thing about them: this is a hard question not to answer everything, but. I think my favorite thing about him is how he doesn't mind - and almost enjoys - being backed into a corner. He always has a plan, and not in the boring "ah yes all according to keikaku, I planned for this from the beginning" kind of way. He plans on the go and still comes out on top. It takes real smarts to do that, and I'm impressed every damn time.

Least favorite thing about them: I don't actually dislike this trait of his, because it's a well-written character flaw and it gets addressed on the show. But, Yohan, stop self-sabotaging! He believes his revenge must come before everything and anyone, and for that he ends up pushing his loved ones away and not allowing himself to form bonds! Stop ruining your friendships and the principles you achieved challenge!

Favorite line: "If the devil really existed in the world, it would be the self-pity of the powerful." I'm a Yohan apologist actually.

brOTP: him and his niece Elijah. They have a bitchy relationship and they really do love each other.

OTP: who else? Him and Kim Gaon. They're written into the queercoding of the show with the clear intention of being endgame to each other, at least that's what I think.

nOTP: him and Jung Seon-A. Not that I'm against shipping two evil bisexuals. They're just so insufferable together it gives me a tummy ache.

Random headcanon: Yohan does feel the taste of food, or else he wouldn't hate the Nanny's food. He just doesn't allow himself to enjoy flavor, because his trauma tells him he doesn't deserve good things, or any things. Until Gaon cooked for him, with love, and he realized maybe he deserves good things. A friend of mine helped with this headcanon.

Unpopular opinion: HE'S NOT CRINGE! Stop calling him a loser just because he is one!! 😔 :( ok for real now. His edgy lines are because he hardens his exterior and tries to sound so cool, which then contrast a lot to his awkward domestic moments and made him look like a loser. But those moments to me are of someone just learning to be human and to be loved. I can't see him as cringe after all that.

Song I associate with them: Brianstorm by Arctic Monkeys.

I doubt it's your style Not to get what you set out to acquire The eyes are on fire You are the unforecasted storm

Favorite picture of them: he looks so in his element during the trials, he might as well be a vengeful god.

Thank you for the ask! Thank you for the opportunity to infodump about my blorbo!

[this-side-of-paradisee]

YES I STILL LOVE LEGO DREAMZZZ have some bluepencilshipping. Case my OTP for this show logan: oh, so I'm an acquired taste, am I? <3 Mateo: Pff Logan stop, you massing up my hair.

[sharkrocket]

Oh ho ho - your art for kaijou is scratching the biggest itch 🤩 it’s absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much for making such wonderful art for this pair!!

THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENT, I'M GLAD YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE 😁 They were one of my first OTPs, and after like 13+ years later, some things don't really change I guess lol

BUT! I know my art style isn't super aligned with the canon art style so it's kind of an acquired taste.... I guess in general, when I draw them in alternate outfits, I picture them some years older... Adults with adult problems.... Chilled the fuck out in some ways, but got WEIRDLY INTENSE in others....

Kaijou is fun cause the relationship comes in a lot of interesting flavors.... The fluffy stuff is really cute, the comedic bickering is super funny, but I love love love it when it's messy and complicated and the friction is out of control, SO IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THAT, I can probably deliver ahaha

[tj-dragonblade]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by the delightful @seiya-starsniper @zzoomacroom and @carnelianmeluha, thank you!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore? I...hm. Am I willing to publicly admit to the self-insert daydreaming I did as a teen, long before my days in internet fandom? Okay I guess I kind of just did but I refuse to elaborate. I have long since moved on and I ship him with an in-universe partner at this point.

Which ship would you consider your first one? You ask a lot of my poor aging memory. I'm gonna say...before internet-accessible fandom? I was very keen on Rogue and Gambit in high school, when the 90s XMen animated series was one of my primary interests. After acquiring internet access and discovering communal fandom? 2x5, Gundam Wing. Duo and Wufei.

Your first fanfic was about which couple? Duo and Wufei

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of? It was probably Heero x Duo since that was the big popular ship in GW

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse? I don't think so. I am not exempt from having spoken ill of ships over the years but it's been about my opinion, not some kind of value/morality judgement and I have never gotten into fights with anyone

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently? There is one ship that I will class as a NOTP and it only became that after it went unexpectedly canon. I'm still willing to incorporate their canon kid into things and I have no interest in demonizing her, but I absolutely Do Not Want to see/read/hear about them having a genuine romantic attachment because the canonization pissed me off so bad. It's SaiIno from Naruto, for the curious.

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read? Dreamling

Currently, do you have any OTPs? Depends on your definition of OTP I suppose. To me it means 'favorite couple' more than 'can't stomach seeing them with anyone else'. Currently that's Dreamling. Currently I'm not really interested in reading about either of them with anyone else but historically as I spend longer in a fandom my tastes grow more willing to branch out, so who knows what the future holds. And I still have OTPs from each fandom I've been in (some of which predate the common use of the term 'OTP') even if they're no longer my reading/writing focus.

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into? Not...really? Not mad about? This is such a weird question, if I was truly taken with a ship I would have explored it? Are we asking if I'm mad about getting into a ship after the fandom has passed its peak of popularity maybe? IDK? I mean, there are occasionally characters from properties that are in formats that I don't tend to invest my time in (Podcasts, video games, long-ass long-running animes that I did not get in on the ground floor with) that catch my interest, and then I have next to no canon framework for exploring my interest, but it's not a thing I'd ever get mad about. If I really want to know more about Gale and his potential matches I'll find somewhere to read BG3 lore, y'know?

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting? Mmmmmno. But I do have more than one that's gone the other way.

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Mmmyep. I remain unapologetic about it; that is my ship, tirelessly built with my own two hands and almost nothing predating me to influence interpretation, lovingly crafted exactly as I see it and convincingly enough to interest a handful of other folks. Thankfully none of the people leaving occasional kudos on those fics these days are raising a stink about the 'problematic' elements.

What is your favourite crack ship? Lord of the Lost's Judas album gave me serious serious Jesus/Judas vibes, but that's not really crack so much as quote-unquote blasphemy. I am going to steal Seiya's answer of Tony the Tiger x The Grinch, because I am hard-pressed to think of anything else that would qualify.

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about? Currently? Dreamling. I tend to hyper-focus on one fandom at a time and when I'm lucky enough to ship the popular pairing, there is Far Too Much to spend my limited free time on and little reason to invest any of it elsewhere.

What do most of your ships have in common? I think the broadest way to sum up the widest swathe of similarities is that I generally enjoy a dynamic of Reserved x Exuberant, or to pull back a little further still, of Complementary Opposites.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Hate very rarely enters into it. Lack of chemistry, I guess? But that is a very subjective criterion. For every 'But why would you ship them?' I can ask, someone will have an answer.

Tagging, no obligation, tag me in your existing post if you've just done it: @danikatze, @zalia, @esperata, @staroftheendless, @rooftopwreck, @aquilathefighter, @chaosheadspace, @ginoeh, @macavitykitsune

[distortedmoondisc]

hiiai for the ask game thing 🥺👉👈

Hi!! Thank you so much for asking for my otp vi 🥹💖💖💖

So! I hope I don't get too rambly with it ahdhfj

1. What made you ship it?: oh boy, the first and second chapters of the !! Main Story made me become so obsessed with them it wasn't even normal. I went into ensemble stars without any idea or notion about the franchise or the writing beforehand and I was absolutely confused with the way the characters talked to each other (the enstars writing is definitely an acquired taste imo lmao). So you must imagine how insane I felt when I, who wasn't used to male characters having such blatant, shameless and obviously deliberately flirty/romantic/shippy intended dialogue with each other such as.... This:

This was!!!! On their first meeting!!! They have known each other for less than 5 minutes and Aira has already fondled Hiiro's bicep!!!! Are these two normal??? (If you've been into enstars long enough you'll know that the answer is !!! No !!!)

And what's funnier is that after Aira does the (rub, rub), the next dialogue is literally this:

so like.... Akira (writer of all of the !! Main story) here had to force a switch on the conversation so these two could focus again on the topic they were discussing before (about whether or not they're underachievers and about Ensemble Square) from that fondling muscles scene. This means Akira didn't have any need to write that scene between these two, it wasn't necessary for the plot. The madlad just added that scene in there out of nowhere. Just for the funsies. For a silly little laugh. Because there's nothing more fun than making your OCs flirt with each other this shamelessly in your own story. He really gets the assignment.

Listing a few honorable mentions for hiiai interactions from the first and second episodes of the !! MS that made me imprint on them so hard that they became my biggest otp since july of last year and has taken hold of my heart ever since 🫶

Hiiro fawning over Aira's beautiful name 🥺🥺🥺

Hiiro here was really like yeah you're my soulmate, my soulmate bestie (no but seriously do you ever think about how hiiro became so attached to aira so quickly and wanted to become his friend so bad, and how he also saw their meeting as fate....)

He is so dramatic, he didn't even get directly rejected here

This is a personal favorite. I can't stress how mentally ill I was when I read Hiiro saying "I'll do my best to destroy the future where you'll feel sad" DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF???? this should be added to the "is this Russian literature or enstars" online quiz

If you are observant enough you'll see that Hiiro is the one shamelessly flirting all the time AHDJF but Aira himself (mostly in later chapters) also says some questionable stuff about Hiiro in some parts that makes you go... Huh (Aira saying to Hiiro "Aira-kun's route is no longer available for you!" Aira why are you equating yourself and Hiiro as the protagonist and romantic interest of a dating sim game? Do you have anything to share with the class?)

But yeah... them (vaguely gestures with hand). They give a very strong first impression to say the least, so it's not hard to imagine how I came to ship them as quickly and as strongly as I did ahdjf

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?: God, there's so many things I like about hiiai I don't think I can ever list them or rank them, but I'll try ahdjf

For starters, I just really like their dynamic (very basic answer, I know). A thing I really love about their dynamic is how Hiiro is so openly affectionate with Aira, and I think it's cute how Aira is so tsun about his care and affection for hiro-kun, but he just can't leave him alone and thinks of him so often (he mentions him all the time in the game's home lines wwww).

Another thing I love is the way their relationship develops throughout the !! main story. How Aira stuck to him and to Alkaloid due to obligation (in order to survive as an idol in ES) but actually became attached to Hiiro and formed the unique dynamic with him where Aira feels like he can't leave Hiiro alone to prevent him from getting into trouble (and while there is truth to that, there's also the fact that just genuinely Aira loves Hiiro because the first friend he's had in a long time, and a very loyal and loving one at that). In Hiiro's case, he also got attached to Aira very quickly since he was also his very first friend on the city 🥺

In general, I love that hiiai are each other's first friends in ES when they were completely alone, and that by finding each other they found the solution to their chronic loneliness (because Aira and Hiiro both suffer a lot from severe loneliness ever since their childhoods. Aira has never been able to keep lasting friendships and Hiiro's only company in his hometown was Rinne. So them finding each other and hitting it off so quickly and easily means a lot for the both of them, and they both try their best to make the friendship work because they want to keep it and make it last, yk?)

Another facet of hiiai that I like... how Aira always teaches Hiiro new things and helps him understand the world around him. I like to think about how Aira is, literally and metaphorically, the reason Hiiro loves the city, and how that is what leads him to stay there instead of going back to his hometown with his brother (and I just sit here and wonder if the rinniki parallels were intentional from Akira's part?)

I mean literally because Aira is the one who taught Hiiro what idols are, and that was what made Hiiro realize that yes, this is something he likes and a thing he wants to do with his life. And metaphorically, because I believe that for Hiiro, Aira is a representation of the city. Aira is a city boy, he has an upbringing and worldview completely different from his. Aira grew up in a world that is completely unknown and new to Hiiro, a world in which Hiiro didn't plan on staying for long in the first place, a world that Hiiro didn't plan on getting attached to, but that he still came to like at the end — so Hiiro, by loving and accepting Aira, is metaphorically loving and embracing the city and coming to understand it*. And we know that Hiiro deciding to stay in the city and becoming an idol for real is one of the most important parts of his arc of independence and self discovery, so this gives Hiiro's relationship with Aira another layer of depth that makes their bond more important and essential for each of their characters and arcs.

*I almost forgot to clarify why I think that Hiiro coming to like the city is such a big deal (and note, this is a personal interpretation). Basically, because Hiiro was so dead set on bringing his brother back to their hometown so he could become the monarch, he was still close minded about the outside world and stuck with the old arbitrary rules taught by his hometown. But just as Rinne predicted and hoped, Hiiro ended up being marveled by the city and all the things it offers and so many things he's never seen before (and you can extrapolate that marvel he feels for the city as the marvel and interest he feels for Aira when they first meet). So just as Rinne left his hometown in favor of the city—which was a thing Hiiro didn't understand before because he didn't know what even made the city so good in the first place to make his brother want to leave—Hiiro ended up liking the city as well and choosing to stay there instead of going back home, therefore chosing his own path like Rinne.

But then again, this is just my personal interpretation of the text ahdjf

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?: I probably do, but I can't really think of one at the moment ahdjfj I guess one unpopular opinion is that I think that Aira isn't as stereotypically tsundere as people tend to depict him as in fanworks.

Don't get me wrong, Aira def is very tsun (and he is deliberately written as a stereotypical tsundere sometimes for the comedy bits and/or to make his feelings about others obvious. It might seem paradoxical, but the more tsun the acts—the biggest reaction he gets out of one of Hiiro's actions, for example—the more obvious his true feelings come across), but I also think it is often overlooked his character development in the !! MS where he grows to become more honest about his feelings and doesn't reject Hiiro's displays of affection as much and is even openly happy about them (like when he was happy that Hiiro held his hand and said it made him feel reassured). But this characterization isn't the most consistent throughout stories (and that is a thing that bothers me a little but talking about enstars' lore inconsistency is a story for another day ahdjf), so this is something very personal 😅

And that's all... thank goodness it was only 3 questions AHDJF I was hoping I'd write a short post, but it seems I *did* end up rambling about hiiai after all 😔🤙 what bring prompted to talk about the otp does to a person.

[dangermousie]

The advantages of having an obsessed stalker (well, stalker is the wrong word really, but ummm...an obsessed obsessive?) You don't have to worry anything you reveal will turn him off because (a) you shooting him didn't turn him off and (b) he already knows everything about you including probably how many times you turn over at night.

Honestly, the only way it could long-term work for her with someone if he really is obsessive and no-boundary because she is (rightly) so terrified of her power and so (wrongly) worried she'd hurt someone that she just runs runs runs runs always. The thing btw, that I always roll my eyes at, when people rail this OTP is unhealthy is that (a) no duh, it's a woman from an insane asylum who can murder with a touch and split the earth and punch through walls and an empath who was so severely abused from babyhood that he literally has no feeling in his back, both of whom have been repeatedly mind-wiped in a post-apocalyptic dystopia. I don't think the author wrote this as an example to follow or what a healthy relationship between healthy people in a healthy world is supposed to be like and (b) the risk calculus for who is a safe person to date is very different for Jane from Accounting and a woman who is a human nuke who can murder anyone, her boyfriend included, with a pinkie. Not to mention her needs are also somewhat different there.

Exhibit n1 why Warner is a serious introvert. He's in solitary confinement except for her visits and he's finding it glorious. (I think by the end of the series the man acquires one friend, hahaha.)

Girl, you want him soooooo badly. Another Eternal Sunshine attempt by daddy down the drain...

I just really like this line. But also exhibit n2 that he's an introvert.

Man is so so so so so far gone on her, it's kinda delightful. And by kinda, I mean utterly.

This is how you know it's true love, their powers are complimentary - he can be a conduit for hers. Mr and Mrs Human Nuke :P

Very few book series are tailored as hard to my tastes.

[perelka-l]

Orochimaru for the ask game!

the original he/him genderfuck mommy

favorite thing about them

Oro is a bit of an acquired taste for me tbh but hey, look, I got into Boruto in summer of 2018 because I heard he has a kid and I just went to check it out, since I used to like Naruto when I was a babie and didn't go far though so I was curious how that went.

And look at me now. I owe this guy a lot uwu

least favorite thing about them

Is there anything I don't like about Oro, really? Nothing comes to my mind. I want more of momma in boruto. Gimme more milf!!!! I must have more milf!!!! maybe then I wouldn't be 200 eps behind wwwwww

favorite line

Ok I will go Boruto way but frankly I don't give a fuck

HE IS JSUT SO PRETTY AND HE LIEK THSI CONFIRMS THAT HE TRUSTS KONOHAMARU WITH MITSUKI I JUST DJSKGDGKJHSDKJFHSJKFH *cries* mommy

brOTP

I like his interactions with all ex-Taka, though it's clear they are no bros of his ;w;

OTP

Sasuke. Duh. Baby's first problematic power imbalance ship uwu Same goes for Kimimaro, but that's a very different dynamic.

Also, him with sannin. Plenty of complicated story, plenty of stuff done away from Hiruzen's very interested eyes, plenty of stuff to consider really.

nOTP

Admittedly, Kabuto, but that's because I don't like Kabuto lol

random headcanon

*scratches head* nothing comes to mind, admittedly I don't think much about oro ;^;

unpopular opinion

*more scratching*

song i associate with them

I'll go with Momma Sed (Tandimonium Remix) by Puscifer lol

favorite picture of them

From what I see I didn't do much caps during my nart watch, or maybe I just lost them since I did that on a different computer. But I just wanna say that I adore the way he looked in older animated scenes ;w;

[bekah-reading]

End of Year Book tag for 2022

Best Book You’ve Read this year?

Cold As Hell by Rhett C. Bruno

The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi

The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

The Troop by Nick Cutter

Book You were excited about and thought you were going to love but didn’t?

Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw

The Terror by Dan Simmons

Most surprising book (in a good or bad way) you’ve read this year?

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy- it opened Western literature to me, and I’ve loved the ones I’ve picked up so far.

Books you’ve pushed the most people to read?

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood, my friend is borrowing it right now.

Best series you’ve started this year? Sequel? Ender?

Start- Before the coffee gets cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi

Sequel- Scarred by Emily McIntire

Ender- Only Human by Sylvain Neuvel

Favourite New Author?

John Gwynne, Ali Hazelwood, Emily McIntire, Alice Osman, and Nick Cutter.

Best Book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?

The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood

Most action packed/thrilling/unputdownable book you’ve read this year?

The Troop by Nick Cutter

Between Two Fires by Christopher Buehlman

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy

The book you’ve read this year that you are most likely to re-read?

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

If We Were. Villians by M.L. Rio

Favourite Cover of the Year?

Most Memorable Character?

Nick from Heartstopper

Micah from Little Heaven

Corban from Malice

The Judge from Blood Meridian

Most beautifully written book you’ve read this year?

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

Books you can’t believe you’ve waited to read?

If We Were Villians by M.L. Rio

Boy Parts by Eliza Clark

Only Human and Waking Gods by Sylvain Neuvel

Favourite Quote of the Year?

“Do you like it rough? I think I do. I think I must. Men are rough, aren’t they? Have I always had a taste for rough stuff, or did I acquire that?” Boy Parts by Eliza Clark.

Shortest Book?

Galatea by Madeline Miller

Longest Book?

It by Stephen King

Book that Shocked you the most?

Hooked by Emily McIntire, I was expecting a smut book but what shocked me the most of reading her Never After Series is that the plot is amazing.

OTP of this Year?

Nick and Charlie drop Heartstopper hands down

Favourite non-romantic relationship?

Corban and Gar from Malice.

Crowley and his angel from Cold as Hell.

Newest Fictional Crush?

Crowley from Cold as Hell.

King Midas from Gild.

Jensen, Micah, and Damien from Scream for Us.

Tristan from Scarred.

James from Hooked.

Hidden Gem of the Year?

Heartstopper by Alice Osman, it sorta seems like reading that series kickstarted the romance era of my reading.

How many books did you read this year?

122 books (yowza that’s a fuck ton)

[sorrygotthesesacks]

Some musing (lamenting? definitely whining) about the fanfic creation process and the fruits of that labor.

Also me just being super picky.

When I write fanfic, I do my best to nail the characterization. I am much more a character driven reader/writer than I am plot driven. All the tropes people hate over on the fanfic subreddit

Disclaimer: yes, I know. Reddit.

like coffee shop or soulmate or high school/college AUs - love them all if the characterization feels right. And when I find that rare jewel where someone captures them in a way that so closely mirrors their canon personality? Or a fic that is basically describing something I’ve pictured in my head, but then takes it in a totally different direction…that’s the good stuff.

And so, I have over a dozen browser tabs open. Some for re-reading, some for re-reading and commenting, and others for re-reading and re-commenting.

Ah, comments, the currency of love when it comes to fanworks.

Disclaimer the Second: I am not speaking for everyone, of course, but we’ve all seen posts and end notes encouraging them. Which this now counts as, I suppose

The best way to describe my writing style is probably “rambling.” I use run-on sentences. I embrace the em dash. I overuse ellipses and gerunds. I insert hard paragraph breaks too often, which results in a somewhat staccato narrative. I use third person narrative but try to write in a way that reflects the character’s style of speech, as if the omniscient narrator is describing what is in their brain, and sometimes that conflicts with “show, don’t tell.” My writing style hasn’t progressed all that much since high school, despite the life experiences I’ve acquired since then. My style is not for everyone. I get that.

But I will give myself this one pat on the back: as much as I agonize over it, I am damn good at characterization.

And yet, and yet…

I am not the best at commenting. I am not the best at replying, either, but I try to do both. I want to recognize a good marriage between story and characterization. I appreciate the few comments I get. They make me giddy for days.

And I know the whole “don’t focus on the stats.” I know this.

But then I read a fic featuring one of my OTPs, one where the characterization is off for the sake of the story…

or maybe the writer just “doesn’t understand them the way I do”…

and I see that it has triple the comments of any of my fics with the same pairing, well. It’s discouraging. I don’t think my ideas are all that niche

JJBA/hypmic crossover notwithstanding

but there is just something about my writing that does not appeal to the masses. And this is, of course, the same reason I can’t read a lot of fics, or I nope out of them. The advice “if you can’t find what you want to read, write it yourself” - yeah, I do that.

So yes, of course I write for myself, and it’s my choice to share it. Metaphorically speaking, it’s a way of grabbing the reader by the shoulders and asking, “do you see my vision???”

I write fanfic for fun. I’ve done it for years, long before I had a computer or a smart phone. I enjoy it.

But fucking hell, does it feel like a slap in the face when something I’ve written - completed works I’ve written - barely receives a fraction of…

Well, at this point, I’m just being petty. And envious. Insert your favorite deadly sin here. Fanfic is important in my life only to the extent that writing (and selectively reading it!) it brings me joy.

And those who do see my vision?

What can I say. You have good taste. 😉

[poetfades2black]

A New York Summer

Prompts: summer @criminalintentdaily,

 “If you take any more articles of clothing off, I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate on these files.” from list two of dialogue prompts. 

Notes: over the 300 word limit 

It was a hot 90 degrees outside in New York City. Sunshine and clear skies had kids running around opening hydrants to keep cool and gorging on ice cream. But for two detectives, they weren't so lucky. Goren and Eames were at work at 1PP with no working air conditioning and some mediocre fans that did more to blow hot air around than actually cool anyone down. Goren had already shed his suit jacket and tie behind his chair and had unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeves. Eames stared at him as the sweat trickled down his hair onto his neck. His hair was already soaked with sweat losing it's original style. The drop of sweat was still trickling down until he swatted at it with his hand. He took notice of Eames staring and muttered, "what?" 

"Huh?"

"You're staring. I thought you might have a question. "

"Uh, it's so hard to think when it's this hot." Eames shed her jacket and then rolled her neck, and shaking her head to loosen the hair clinging to the sides of her face. Now, it was Goren staring. Eames cheeks were rosy due to the heat and her porcelain skin glistened with sweat. 

"Yeah, it's a wonder any work gets done with this heat and the number of cases just increases because everyone is just hot and frustrated," Goren added, "It's prime crime season." 

"That's cute, did you get that from a book?" Eames shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "I can't deal with this heat," she stated while removing her blouse to reveal a tank top underneath. 

“If you take any more articles of clothing off, I don’t think I’ll be able to concentrate on these files.”

"Like you were really invested in those files before I removed my blouse. You have been staring at the screen like it's going to fill itself out."

"You're right. Take a break?"

"Let's get some ice coffees and bask in their air."

"Let's. But hurry before the Captain sees us or he'll give us more work to do."

"Yeah. He's moodier than usual." 

[untapdtreasure]

Goren and Eames 24. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad” Goren saying to Eames

Prompt List #1 ♛ Imagines 

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad," Bobby smirks as she meets his eyes from across the kitchen. He puts his hands up, mimicking surrender. He knows when to stop teasing, but he can't help the chuckle that leaves his lips. These are the moments he finds her absolutely adorable.

She lets the fridge door slam shut as she goes to walk past him out of the kitchen, annoyed even more when he reaches for her and pulls her close. "Bobby," she warns as she puts her hands on his chest to keep the distance between them.

"Don't be mad at me, Alex. You know I don't know when to quit," he says as he leans as close as she'll allow and meets her eyes. "Please?" He pouts his lips and tilts his head just so.

She sighs softly as she rolls her eyes. "You're lucky I love you." Her hands slip down his chest and stomach until they come to rest on his hips. She moves into his space and leans up on tiptoes and kisses his mouth softly.

"Will I be getting lucky tonight?" he inquires as he presses his luck just a little further.

[olderthannetfic]

I really don't think all kinks start in childhood like so many of your anons do. I think they can start at any age, it just requires a certain open mindedness towards experimentation when you're older. Sometimes they're an acquired taste you get with a partner you're trying to please.

OR as an adult you start to develop a kink for something because you're so hard up for well-written smut fic of an OTP that you finally give the fic (with a list of kinks you are vaguely squicked by) that you keep skipping over a chance, and decide you actually like the kinks in it enough to dip your toes in a little more and read other fics with the same kinks.

--

A lot of my "I like to read about this" kinks happened later. Most of my basic kinky vs. vanilla makeup that later applied to actual sex seems to have been set in early childhood.

[aries-rising-on-an-aquarius-tide]

Rating: MA, NSFW

Spoilers: Blind Spot, Siren Call

Trigger/content warnings: descriptions of abduction, references to torture, physical pain, dead bodies, PTSD symptoms, angst, fear, weapons, being held at gun point, suicidal completion, oral sex (fem receiving), fingers in v, p in v sex, internal orgasm

A/N: Before Law & Order: Organized Crime debuted, my second-greatest L&O love was Law & Order: Criminal Intent. My second-greatest (hetero) OTP love of L&O is *still* Goren+Eames/Goreames. I have been on a long, leisurely binge of L&O:CI for a few weeks now, and I am swimming in my Goreames feels. 🥺💓 I never had the time to write any LOCI fics when the show was still airing. So, here I am 11 years later, working out some Ship emotions. I might or might not be the only LOCI fan ... or Goreames fan still alive and kicking. But if not, I hope whoever reads this enjoys it. 😊 There is more of my Goreames phase to go through yet. - M

----------------------------

Forever & No Time at All

It can be scary, you know, when someone goes away. Especially someone that you love so much. - Robert Goren, "Blind Spot"

Bobby wasn't sure when it had happened. Like a habit you're unaware of until someone else points it out, it had simply become along the way. Stealthily, without words of acknowledgement, it had rooted and grown up, hardy and alive between them, despite being ignored.

Until it had been threatened, nearly taking him out at the knees.

If looking for an excuse, you could take your pick - he wanted to respect her dead husband, he was married to his job, people were afraid of him, he'd make a shit husband . . .

But she wasn't.

Afraid of him, that was - not Eames. She'd called him an acquired taste. Despite his towering over her, his darkness, his Schizophrenia, his mother, Alex had stayed. She trusted him.

He had opened his cell to text her that he would try to put Ross off a little longer, if she wanted some more time.

The icy cold grip that had clutched his beating heart when he'd read the text telling him Eames had been taken, was without words. Everything he knew, every scrap of education or training or natural skill, it had all flown to fucking hell in that moment. All he knew was that he wanted her back, and that this was all his fault.

Then Declan was telling him Eames was dead, and Bobby was some kind of unhinged giant, melting on the New York sidewalk in the same suit he'd had on for two days. He wanted to scream, wanted to throttle Gage for even suggesting something so logical. Goren, whose reputation was for being detached, calculated, calm . . . and yes, scary, was none of those things anymore. Sweat poured from him, damped the back of his suit jacket, stung his eyes as he tried to play Declan's games, tried not to think about how Alex was probably bleeding and in pain.

Fear.

He had said it himself, to the first victim's lover, hadn't he? It can be scary when someone goes away . . . especially someone you love so much.

Someone you love.

Along the six years that they had been partners, Bobby had done the one thing he never did: he fell in love. Goren flirted. He wined and dined. In his younger years, he had profiled some women right into his bed . . . but it was all just games. Bobby did not fall in love.

Because everybody left him.

People were afraid of him, remember?

Until he found himself standing in front of the trunk of Alexandra's car, Bobby hadn't dared name the emotion that had gripped him all the long hours of her absence. But faced with the bloody sheet he knew he would have to lift, he embraced it like an old friend.

Terror. Sheer, unimaginable terror, that underneath would lay the only person that he couldn't afford to lose. He felt the shreds of his sanity teetering on the lip of the world as numb fingertips performed the awful unveiling.

His gaze settled, not on Alex's blonde hair, snub nose and hazel eyes, but on another victim. Suddenly he could breathe again, if shallowly, and he hated himself for it.

Monster, or surrogate Father? Whichever Declan was, the man was cuffed to the table in interrogation, leaving Bobby undecided.

Professionalism was running low with every moment that dragged on. He just wanted someone - anyone - to tell him where Eames was, the rest of it bedamned. Wherever she was, he should have been; should have been there in her place when Sebastian had . . .

"Breasts intact? No trophies?" Gage asks him, surprised.

Goren has to harness every ounce of his waning patience not to break Declan's fingers. If anyone touches Alex, he thinks, so help me God . . .

But he knows that God is simply a construct, who doesn't bet on the races.

He attacks Declan for the third time, so exhausted and adrift that he is finally struggling to keep tears at bay. Bobby knows that if he wants him to beg, he will beg.

Having her back is his only imperative.

Somewhere in the city as the sun begins to go down, his partner is saving herself, while he is being held hostage by his need to believe in his teacher.

**

The sharpened tip of what must have been shear blades were the only thing that had kept Alexandra from screaming out for Bobby when her cell phone rang.

Of all the times of year to get abducted, she had thought to herself ruefully, as sweat soaked her burgundy tank and streaked her skin.

There had been not enough time to react before getting knocked out, followed by far too much time to think after coming to consciousness. All night she listened to the poor woman just feet away being tortured incessantly, knowing that she would only be able to maintain her own dignity for so long if her turn came.

Somewhere out there in the city, Alex knew that Bobby was blaming himself. For not driving her home. For not making her stay at the precinct. He would never admit it, but he liked thinking he was her knight in shining armour - and most of the time, she let him. But this wasn't his fault, and job one if she made it out of this alive was to make sure to kick him for thinking it was.

Time drew out sharp, painful, as the victim's cries behind her had wound down. Her arms were numb with the ache of them being suspended for so long, her toes burning hot in her boots from keeping her weight from pulling. Eames had pillowed her head on her sweat-clammy bicep and considered that she should have told Bobby Goren that she loved him.

Any reasoning behind why she hadn't told him seemed inane then. Her dead husband? Hadn't stopped her from dating while she had been carrying Nathan. Not mixing work and pleasure? She really wasn't that straight-laced.

The truth of it was, Alex liked what they had. Their easy intuition of each other made the absence of sex bearable. Bobby was smart, handsome, funny (in his own, intense, cryptic way), loyal - there were no drugs or heavy drinking to worry about, no cart load of baggage that he pulled behind full of ex lovers, save for his relentless pursuit of Nicole Wallace.

She liked him more than any guy she had gone on an actual date with in the last five years. Along the way Eames had accepted that meant trading dating for staying at home on Saturdays, thinking of Bobby's broad chest and big hands while she got her own self off. Hanging from a hook on the ceiling, though, wondering if a killer was going to cut off her breasts with a pair of shears really had a knack for making her regret not making love to Bobby.

Realizing that it had been quiet for far too long, Alex had raised her head, making the decision to rub the tie blindfold down and off. If Sebastian had been there, he was gone by then. She looked up at the hook she was attached to, blinking sweat from her lashes, heart pounding.

Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey she thought to herself, let's get this show on the road.

Eames is only 5'2" to Goren's 6'3 and a half, but she saves herself - mostly. In the end it's a dog and an old man in the alley.

"NYPD!" she tells them, "Please!"

Get me out of here, I gotta kick my partner's ass.

**

Danny Ross wasn't a complete fool. He was unwelcome in a unit that had lost their longtime Captain, and though he would never admit it out loud, he was afraid of Robert Goren.

Keep him in check, he'd told Eames.

Because she was the only one who could, of course. Now she was gone and hell, what a tits-up they were all in; Goren was an angry bull, galloping at anything he perceived might be a threat. None of it had given them any answers, however, and if Gage was right - if Eames was dead, well, Ross might as well call off the renovations in the Captain's office. The game would be tilt.

When the message came crackling over the radio that Alexandra Eames had been rescued from the basement of some old pile of cement, it rose the hairs at the nape of Ross' neck.

Rescued, not recovered. Thank God.

It should have relieved him, should have been a respite from the last 16 or so hours, but mostly it just fried what was left of his nerves. A firing squad wouldn't keep Goren still now, and who else was going to pull a confession from Declan Gage, the psychotic burnout?

When Ross stepped from his office into the bullpen, he caught nothing but the back of Goren's impossibly tall figure, headed for the hallway to the elevators.

"Goren!" he shouted after him, but never got a wave or even a middle finger in acknowledgment. Not like Ross wouldn't know where to find him - the entire NYPD could guess where he would be in just a few minutes.

Ross hoped, for Gage's sake if for noone else's, that Alex wasn't harmed too badly.

**

It was amazing, how still all the chaos went as soon as he laid eyes on her. Even with a glass door and the nurse between them, just the image of Alex that close was enough to stop his mind from spinning. Bobby didn't feel clammy, or panicked, or lost anymore. All of that was replaced with gratitude, with his guilt and his anger that someone had hurt her. His chest felt stuffed and thick with so much emotion.

Ross could bring down the whole One Police Plaza to fire him if that's what he wanted - nothing else was happening until he got in that room. Anyone who tried to stop him would no doubt find out the hard way why he was deemed scary.

Once the nurse had settled Eames into the bed, Goren couldn't pace the doorway any longer. He let himself into the trauma room and hovered, imposingly, until the nurse noticed him. The nurse's gaze flickered to the chair next to the stretcher, and that was all he needed.

"Five minutes," she told him firmly. "She'll probably conk out in four."

Bobby's gut knotted at Alexandra's anxious breathing. "What? That sound?"

The familiar, comforting timbre of his voice unlocked her fear, and so she started telling him. Some he already knew, but not all of it. He should be ashamed, he told himself, to be so filled with joy just sitting there, ashamed to be drinking in her features so eagerly: the snub nose and hazel eyes he had been so terrified he'd find in that trunk.

"I'm sorry." His apology spilled out of him like sacrificial blood onto an altar.

Eames shook her head and fixed him with a look that made Bobby want to bubble up with laughter. It was her, Don't be an ass look. It filled him with a ridiculous, aching pleasure.

God, how he loved her.

She glared at him as best she could from under her lashes and he prayed that there would be glares just like it for years to come.

Just minutes later she was sound asleep. Briefly, he allowed himself the transgression of touching her hand, knowing the medication would keep his secret. He could go home now - he could take a shower and put on a clean suit and tie.

Now he could breathe.

**

"You look like hell."

Alexandra was washed over by an incredible sense of safety the minute all six feet and three and a half inches of Bobby's frame filled the chair at her bedside. She was too tired to kick his ass, but not so tired that she couldn't drown him in sarcasm in the meantime.

And he did look like hell. For a minute she could almost feel sorry for Ross, who'd had the task of trying to keep the sweaty, haunted giant before her leashed for the last 18 hours. But, Bobby was her sweaty giant, which was all that mattered then, in her drug-addled mind.

The soft look that followed his apology filled her eyes with hot tears, thankfully not open enough for him to notice. Alex's glare attempted to wither him, praying that she would be out of bed to kick his damn ass the next time she saw him.

No more Saturdays alone, Bobby Goren, she thought as she lost the battle with sleep. Visions of Bobby naked under her hands followed her down into Morphine's soft oblivion.

**

Jo was barely in lockup before he was gone. He didn't even remember the drive to the hospital, was aware of nothing, really, until he was sitting at Alex's bedside again. Then Bobby was still, his head was quiet.

There was just her rhythmic breathing, the hum of machinery, the muted lighting of the trauma room. He was sort of dozing with his eyes half-open, chin nodding at his chest, when Eames stirred.

"Bobby?" she whispered, her eyebrows knitting together, "You should go."

He realized that she thought it was the previous day, thought she had only drifted off for minutes and that he was needed in the office. For a moment, it was so like his mother that Goren felt choking anxiety envelop his throat. Then he smiled, falteringly, and leaned forward in the chair.

"Sick of me, are you?" he teased, patting the blanket over her leg. He swallowed. "Don't worry, it's all over. You were asleep for a while." She eyes him as though she doesn't entirely believe him, so he holds up his tie as proof. "See? Different suit. I'm clean, too."

Recognition seeps into her features then, and she takes a deep breath, nods. Her muscles twinge sharply, aching, and he sees it even though it is the minutest of shifts.

"You want me to get the nurse?"

Alex forgives him this, knowing that the setting must knee-jerk reactions out of him that are normally reserved for his mother. When she only stares at him in response, Bobby goes back to the subject of work - that place where his mind is the most organized.

"It was Jo," he confesses softly, and controls the wince that rises when her eyes widen in surprise. "She confessed - to me - and she's in lockup now." Anticipating the next logical question, he goes on:

"Apparently Declan was a shit father, who ignored everything human in her their entire lives, while he chased what little humanity there might be in serial killers. She wanted his attention . . . wanted him to love her, the way he loves his work. So sh - she became the work."

"And . . . what? She was jealous of you, so she wanted me dead?" Alex frowned.

"Kind of," he concedes, giving her one of his patent head tilts. "Declan put all his focus on me when we got the case. She decided to frame him, to - to involve you, so that I would lose both of you if he were convicted." Bobby cannot bring himself to say to kill you, even with her just two feet away.

Her silence draws out then, long enough that even he isn't sure what it means. Shifting restlessly in the chair, he suggests that he can go home, if she just wants to sleep. Fighting the drowsy flutter of her own eyelids, she says his name again:

"Bobby . . . " He leans forward so she doesn't have to speak up. "Don't go," she tells him. "Please."

Goren inches the chair closer to the bed.

"I won't."

**

The next time he wakes, the bed is empty, and he startles so hard from the position he had slept in that he nearly sends the chair toppling.

"I'm right here, Bobby."

Her voice carries from the other side of the curtain divider, and the rush of adrenaline that had started to soar in him relented.

"What're you doing up, Eames?" he sighs, moving toward the end of the stretcher. "You should'a woke me." He doesn't have the nerve to get close enough to the curtain to risk seeing anything. He hovers.

"I made bail!" Alex calls back. Goren can tell she's making the effort to sound cheery so he won't try to make her stay. "You mind drivin' me home?"

She appears on his side of the curtain, dressed in hospital-vouchered sweatpants and a t-shirt, since her own clothes had been taken as evidence. He is painfully aware of how small she seems in the moment, barefoot and swimming in grey cotton.

But Bobby wants to return to whatever passes for normalcy between them, just as badly as she does. He nods, smiling at her softly.

His thought when they climb up the steps of her place is, This is where I should have been. He doesn't spend long enough on it to probe if he means for the attack or more than that.

Then the door opens and Alex lets out a sound that send his fingers straight to his sidearm.

He swallows dryly and relaxes, just enough to let out a string of swears. Her apartment was no longer a crime scene, but they hadn't bothered to send anyone in to tidy it up once it was released. Blood still on the floor, Paulie's empty cage - Goren was livid.

"Let me," he says firmly, stepping past her through the doorway and inside. He went to work erasing the signs that Jo had been there, trying not to dwell on how he was responsible.

He cleans up as best he can with what Alex has on hand, moves the bird cage out of sight to the spare room. His partner watches him with sleepy eyes from the sofa as he sweeps up her living room. She is amused at any hint of domesticity in him.

"If you want, I could get you a new bird," Bobby suggests casually, crouching down with the dustpan.

A sad smile tugs at Eames' mouth. "That's okay. Maybe I'll take this as a sign to branch out and get a cat."

"You just want to see me eating cat dander again," he jokes, and waits for her to recall the case he's referencing.

She rewards him with a giggle, but it makes her muscles ache. Immediately, he is at her side. "You should take some meds and get more rest."

"Do you fuss over your mother like this, too?" Alex eyes him from under her lashes. "No wonder she complains."

And just like with his mother, he ignores her and ushers her in the direction of medication and sleep. When she's tucked in and still, she startles him by grabbing him by the hand. The touch is like fire, every nerve shutting down except where their skin meets.

Its intensity shakes him.

Please, Alex, don't do this now, he silently begs.

She lets go of his hand and asks meekly, "Could you stay? Just . . . til I fall asleep, even?"

He cannot deny her. Won't.

So he stays, but he doesn't sleep. Checks on her, several times through the night. Four AM and he's in her bedroom doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching her silently.

What does it mean, Bobby?

The voice in his head is Declan's, and Bobby is all out of answers.

**

Alexandra wonders how long it will last. Not just his guilt - he would hang onto that forever if he could, but this subtle change in him; the way he treats her as fragile now, seems to startle and fret over her.

She had seen it in his hesitation when she wanted to get back to work. Then again in the way his eyes had darkened when he'd busted the window at Raine's to make Wiznesky stand down.

And hadn't her hands been shaking?

She would deny it, even if Bobby asked her straight. He was already insisting on dropping her and picking her up from the mandated therapy sessions; Alex would be goddamned if she'd let him see another weakness in her so soon.

Then they're on their way to Wiznesky's, and just like having to relearn how to sleep alone in her own home, she feels the nerves start up again. Eames shoves the feeling as far down as possible, tries to keep on top of her body language so that Bobby can't read it and start changing any rules.

Wiznesky has a gun.

She knows it before the door even closes behind them - the hairs standing on her forearms and the nape of her neck in primitive warning, her nostrils flaring at the electric feel of the air. When Wiznesky turns the gun on them, Alex sees that subtle change again, this time up close. So close she can feel it - the anxiety in her partner as soon as her breathing thins out.

Not again, this soon, she thinks tiredly. For both their sakes.

"You need to take the gun off her, and put it on me," Goren tells the cop.

Jesus, Bobby. She wants to tell him that it's no better, to offer himself up. His guilt is just self-flagellation.

Instead, she says practically nothing, allows herself to be let go from the room. Alex finds relief and guilt fill her equally.

**

There is a lot of himself to restrain when restraint is required - and the amount Bobby requires when the gun levels at Eames is monumental. He is a beat away from throwing himself on her, or on the gun, when he hears his own words.

Negotiating her life for his. Anything to get her out of the room.

She's not even through her therapy completely, and here they are again. He thinks it must be some kind of statistical anomaly - even in his panic he is driven to seek logic.

Once Alex is outside the office, he breathes with relief. Almost relaxes, for a moment. Until he is struck by both the situation at hand, and the futility of giving up his life too easily. What will happen to his mother? What if Eames needs him after he's gone?

There were still amends to make.

He volleys from relieved to angry when Wiznesky tosses him the cell. Opting to push all his buttons at once, he calls out to the daughter, to his partner. He breaks all the rules. Sometimes he thinks that's the only thing he's truly good at.

Still, Goren neutralizes the situation. They can leave, and both his mother and Wiznesky's daughter have who they need.

I have who I need.

The thought fills up his head as he glances at her on their way to the car. Evening light is getting ready to shift over the street. He opens his mouth to say something casual, something to break the tension to make sure she is okay.

"Gun! He's got a gun!"

They swarm the lawn like ants on a pheromone charge, but the shot rings out anyway, and every cop there knows its too late. Even Wiznesky knew it, as the bullet went through his head. The wife and daughter are sobbing, the cop is dead. A step forward and three back.

A dark cloud settles over Goren. He lets Alex drive.

**

She is struck by the most absurd thought as they drive: For such a big man, he has such small ears.

Deep in the pit of her stomach, though, the feeling that fills her is not absurdity, but tenderness. Alexandra aches with it. She has watched six years of what he does to himself - the loathing, the sacrifice, the blame. She's run out of capacity for it; she wants to give him all the things that she had given Joe, before Joe's death had cut it all short.

If only she could understand how to start.

"Are you alright?" This is what she asks him at last, because she can't take the silence and she has to say something.

Bobby rolls his head in her direction, but doesn't give her any answers. She lets it slide for a few more blocks, until the weight of it all squeezes a reaction out of her. Alex pulls over in an angry swipe of the SUV, nearly glancing the curb with the tires as she shoves the vehicle into park.

"For Christ's sake, Bobby - talk to me!" she snaps, throwing her hands up from the wheel. His wide-eyed surprise simply spurs her on: "What? Nobody ever told you that not everything is your fault? Come on - what happened back there was going to happen, whether on the lawn or tonight in a locked cell somewhere!"

"He had a gun on you," Bobby pointed out, his own anger rising. "He could've killed you!"

"You know who else could've killed me, Bobby?" She can see his mind immediately shy away from the idea. "Jo Gage - and that wasn't your fault, either!"

"Like hell it wasn't!" he grits through his teeth. "If I had stopped for one second to consider the coincidence of Sebastian starting again just as Deck was in the city - "

Eames is staggered by the fact that tears are audible in the choke of his voice.

"- instead of being flattered and googoo eyed at some old teacher, I would have put it together!"

"You're not God!" she cries desperately. "Jesus, Bobby, you don't have to solve every puzzle, every time, alone, at record speed. Nobody expects you to be some kind of infallible savior!"

Goren takes this in, watches her chest heaving with her frustration. He looks out the window, demands of himself not to break down. Not here. Not now.

"If I . . . " he clears his throat, "if I can't save my mother," he frowns, "or Frank . . . if I can't at least show up and keep you alive?" His dark brown gaze caught Alex's hazel one, searching. "Then what good am I?" he asks her. "What am I even here for, huh?"

His voice cracks, and something inside of Eames breaks lose. She turns in her seat, finds herself reaching across the console. There is no premeditation, no clear decision. Only one thought as her hands grasp Bobby's jacket and pull him toward her like a woman gone mad:

I'll show you what you're goddamn here for, Bobby Goren. Just watch me.

**

This must be what happens when flame ignites gasoline, Bobby thinks wondrously.

Everything feels on fire: his body, the SUV, the city street where Fate has decided this begins. All the things that clutter his own mind, they cease completely the moment Alexandra closes the distance between them. It has been a long time - such a long time - since he has touched a woman this way at all, and it drives the breath from his lungs in surprise and hunger and wild relief.

He resists the urge to scoop her up entirely and dump her into his lap, opts instead to tangle his fingers in her dirty-blonde layers. The kiss is open-mouthed, wanton, giving and taking everything simultaneously. Years he's wondered if she tastes as good as she smells.

Yes. The answer is yes.

She doesn't stop pulling, her fingers trying desperately to pull him closer even when there is no 'closer' left. Any minute now, her digging fingernails will be scratching through his suit, into his skin, and he can't swear he won't let her try to wear him if she wants.

"Eames," he mumbles against her mouth. She hums but doesn't budge. "Alex . . . " It comes out as a pant, and she is so unused to the sound of her name coming from him that it stops her at last.

The look in her eyes is naked and plain: Bobby, if you call this off, it's over. For good.

He blushes faintly, but smiles. "Take me to your place," he requests.

The drive to her apartment is forever. The drive to her apartment is no time at all.

He used to think of himself as suave, once upon a time - Robert Goren, the intimidating charmer. Eames makes him nervous, knocks all of his senses askew. He feels unwieldy, out of joint like he had before he'd grown into his height.

She drove him to the brink of desperation, and somehow left him feeling clumsy, not smooth at all. So they stumble as they enter her apartment, Bobby managing to just catch her by an elbow before one of them topples over a piece of furniture.

It makes her giggle, and he thinks it might be the most incredible noise he has ever heard from her - so far. He reaches for her, kicking his shoes off as they back insistently in the direction of the bedroom. They leave a wake made up of shoes, socks, jackets, shirts so that when their bodies at last bump the edge of the bed, he is barechested above his pants, and Alex is down to her bra.

At work, she always has fashionable boots or shoes to wear. With them off, he can't help but be struck by their height difference. He wants so badly to pick her up and let her wrap her legs around his waist - but if there is a leader in this, he knows without a doubt it is not him. Even seeing her like this is disarming - shucked of the power clothes, the heels, the work version of herself that is always between them.

Then her tiny hands are reaching for his belt, and the edges of the world go fuzzy as he holds his breath.

**

Bobby Goren has neither a bare chest, nor an overly hairy chest, and it suits him perfectly. Alexandra works his belt with one hand and raises the other, letting her knuckles ride the hollow dip above his belly button and up between his pecs.

If he's as hard as I am wet . . . she thinks, licking her lips.

He takes over as the belt comes loose and she likes it; doesn't take her eyes off him as he unbuttons and unzips his pants. Underneath she sees boxers - exactly what she expected. What else she sees, though . . .

Bobby!

Her pupils dilate as a rush of shivers go through her. She should have guessed, she supposes, that he would be a ... proportionate ... large man, but -

He lets his breath out in a sigh, and she realizes that he might be interpreting her staring the wrong way. She won't have him backpedal, hell or high water, so she uses both hands to pull the boxers down. When her hand finally works around the girth of him, her partner closes his eyes and sucks in another ragged breath. It's been a long time for her, too, and her strokes are light and curious.

Goren lets out a soft groan that goes straight to Alex's soaked center, precum beading at the tip of him, the start of what she imagines will be a slick mess. She swipes him with a thumb, then brings the thumb to her lips, throbbing at the idea of finally knowing what the genius tastes like. When her gaze meets his, thumb still in her smirking mouth, another groan escapes him and this time he does pick her up long enough to lay her on the bed.

Bobby's hands are gentle with getting her bra off. He's nothing if not a multitasker: his mouth works one nipple to an aching point while a hand drifts to the waist of her pants. So many points of contact have Eames squirming, and she is biting out his name as he finally slips a hand down her lace thong.

Big man, big feet, big hands, big fingers. When his middle finger slips into the center of her wet cleft, her hips rise with the fullness of it. She whimpers in a way she hasn't in bed for years, feels wild with relief that Bobby's guilt doesn't have a place here. She can heal him.

"You're perfect," he breathes warmly next to one ear, finger still stroking as his mouth kisses down her belly and tongues the line of her pants. "I need these off, though."

She lifts her ass for him when he pulls the pants down and off, then the infamous Bobby Goren rolls between her legs and settles there, like he has an exam to write that he has been studying for all these long years.

And maybe he does. Maybe he has.

**

His cock is pinned to the mattress so tightly that Bobby assumes it will probably go numb. He can't think of any other moment in his life where it mattered any less to him, either. In front of him, his tiny partner is spread. Some part of him assumed her fearlessness would be no different in this place - had no reason to think otherwise.

So when he realizes her thighs are trembling, he is both surprised and moved. Kissing her inner thigh, he breathed deep of the smell of her skin, her arousal, her heat. Above him, Alexandra exhaled heavily, her legs restless against the sheets.

"Eames," he says reverently, then opens his eyes, waiting to be rebuked for not calling her by her first name.

But in the dark of the bedroom, the word sounds like magic to both of them. Alex just arches and sighs, "Jesus, Bobby, just touch me."

He kisses the rest of the way up her thigh and across the rise of her mons. Like with everything he expects himself to be good at, he is steady, concentrates and listens, reading her body like a diary. His tongue flutters, tastes her like a sommelier aerating rare vino. A shudder of want goes through him to mark the milestone, his trapped erection aching to remind him of its existence. Goren moans, surprising himself with the depths of his passion for the step they're taking.

He smiles wildly when Alex sits at the waist, a whimper leaving her as his tongue licks broadly through the slippery trail of her wetness. But like anything important to Bobby, he is fixed on it, relentlessly. Even when she slots her fingers into his greying hair and uses it to anchor herself, Bobby keeps his focus. Soaked, she is soaked, and he is merely adding to it - Alex listens to the sound of what he's doing, it turns her on more intensely than she remembers from her younger years and she feels herself dripping for him.

He sucks in her hard clit and pushes a finger into her, then another. She has his hair in a death grip and he's leaving a puddle of precum on her sheets.

Then Eames is coming for him, against him, and Bobby can't believe that they haven't been doing this all along.

Alexandra melts into the sheets and swears that there'll never be another dry spell so long. Should have known he would be a perfectionist at that, too, she thinks, closing her eyes to stars behind the lids. Undaunted, Bobby is moving up over her immediately, cradling her small frame into his large arms. She kisses him eagerly, cupping the line of his jaw as she tastes herself from his mouth.

"Oh, you'll be doing that again," she chuckles against his chest.

"Right now, or - ?" He moves as if to slide down her body again and she stops him, laughing harder.

"That's not a terrible idea," she allows, "but I have ideas of my own, Bobby Goren."

"Mm. You always have," he rumbles to her.

She wipes the grin off his face by reaching between them. He's as hard as ever, hot and now slick, sliding easily through her grip.

"Alex," he whispers shakily.

She stretches up, nips his bottom lip between her teeth. "Yes?"

"It's been . . . been a long time, for me," Bobby confesses.

Eames locks her arms around his neck and smiles. "Then we best not wait too much longer."

He kisses her as he moves his weight between her thighs again, opening her so they can fit together the way she had always wondered if they would. Tiny hands press into his ribs and he's filling her mouth with his tongue while he's lining his cock up with her entrance. She sheaths over him.

It is exactly the opposite of every other time for him. Their difference in size doesn't have him focusing on how she makes him feel large - on the contrary, Eames minimizes him, compacts him, humbles him with her concentrated strength and ability to handle him better than anyone. They are both alive, and together, and all at once Bobby can't think of anything else he could want.

**

He's bigger inside of her than even she had tried to imagine on those long Saturday nights, but there is a gentleness to him that Alex doesn't expect; like the physical incarnation of the gaze he gave her in the hospital. Filling her slowly at first, he studies her face, memorizes just what she responds to. As his pleasure overwhelms him, he buries his head against her shoulder, expels hot pants of breath in time with his rhythm.

"Fuck, Bobby . . . " It's the closest she will get to passing comment on his size. She cradles her hips even wider, relaxes, feels him thrust even deeper. "All of it, she whimpers, "please, I want - "

Acquiescing immediately, he draws back and fucks her hard, fully. Neither of them is managing complete breaths finally, wrapped around one another, gasping. The futility and darkness that had pushed them to this place has faded, leaving only security, only salvation.

Bobby pulls her hips down hard with both hands, holds her there as he spills into her. It is erotic and warm and satisfying, to take all of this from him, Eames decides. She knows he doesn't let anyone else see him so deconstructed. He feels open, raw, fragile in her arms. A privilege.

After his orgasm, he continues to thrust eagerly into her, his lips open slightly over the pulse in her throat. Between them, his thumb fights for the space to cover her clit. When he finds it, she moans encouragement.

Who ever could have guessed how incredible it would be, to hear Goren's gravel deep voice murmuring filthy pleas?

"You're so wet, come for me Alex. Come on my cock," he growled. How could she resist? She clamps and throbs around him and he is kissing her again, mumbling against her skin: "I can feel you - ah, fuck, Alex . . . yeah, so hard."

They are exhausted.

A six year floodgate has blown open and left them weak, walls shattered. They hold each other, half-drowsing, for a while. Eames strokes fingers through his curly hair.

At last, it's Bobby who speaks first: "I thought I had lost you," he confesses. "I was terrified."

"So you thought jumping in front of a loaded gun was the right answer?" she teases.

"This was a much better idea," he grins, lazily mouthing one of her nipples.

"I meant what I said, Bobby. It wasn't your fault, what happened to me."

Silence draws out like a blade, giving him time for her words to sink in.

"I'm - " he sighs, holds her tighter, "I can't lose you, Alex. You're every good thing I have."

An ache goes through her. She presses a hand to his cheek. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, for me. But I'm fine. I am not going anywhere."

Bobby kisses the palm of her hand, already aware of his cock twitching again, faintly, against the curve of Eames' body.

"You are relentless, Bobby Goren," she gasps, brushing back against him, pleased.

"God, you're the only one who makes that sound like a good thing," he chuckles, and lets his fingers do the walking, back down over her pelvis to the welcoming peace of her warmth.

FIN

[wonda-cat]

for the ask game, c!techno?

How I feel about this character:

Hoo, boy. Anon, are you sure? 

Well, since you asked; I am utterly conflicted. Techno is a difficult character to specify my feelings on because they’re not dead-set certain. They change pretty often. One minute, I’m listening to ‘Woe to the People of Order’ getting goosebumps and thinking about how cool Technoblade is, the next I am gritting my teeth as he mocks the brutal death of my all-time favorite character. 

However, if I had to boil it down, I’d say I definitely do not like him. Both narratively and just in my own personal tastes. He’s just not my cup of tea. There is certainly a lot to admire in him, such as his sense of humor, patience, raw skill, and love for animals. His narrative consciousness and fourth-wall-breaking is certainly an... acquired taste. Although, he does have some genuinely fantastic lines and speeches. Plus, he allows for other characters to really shine in the story as they’re put into situations, solely because of him, that would otherwise not be possible (ex. Quackity, Dream, Wilbur.) 

More than anything, I just find him boring because he never truly loses. He always comes out on the other side the same, or even better off. He has won every physical fight he has ever entered and all his endeavors work out in his favor, no matter how morally corrupt they are. Every other character in his position has lost at least once or is dead. I tend to root for characters who are down on their luck or do nothing but lose, like c!Tommy. Because I desperately want to see the moment where they finally get the happiness they’ve been searching for. Techno... doesn’t exactly have that. 

What is there for him to strive for that he doesn’t already have? Currently, with static motivations and a zero to his losing streak, I will naturally root against him. In my personal taste, I prefer characters who are moral and do the right thing, even when it’s hard; especially when it’s hard. And when they mess up, they still try to do the right thing anyway. This is probably boring to a lot of people, so I understand the love some have for morally dubious or entirely corrupt characters. And that’s not lost on me. Evil is fun. 

But Technoblade’s brand of morally bankrupt is sometimes framed as righteous and is ever-victorious. Which only makes me despise his actions more. I’d be warmed and welcoming to him if he was just unapologetically a shitty person. And he is, especially in regards to the way he treats other people, how he deals with issues through violence, and allies himself with tyrants and murderers. 

However, it is his victim complex and flowery language that leads people to root for him more than they necessarily should. cc!Techno knows that his character is a bad person and I’m sure he’s aware of this distinct lack of narrative consequences. 

I look forward to the day c!Techno pays in full for his hubris.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

None. The servant of the Blood God has no time for romance.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

This section is rather unpredictable. There are so many great friendships and dynamics Techno has in the storyline. Philza is an obvious choice for obvious reasons and I do find their dynamic exceptionally endearing. 

However, my all-time favorite is Dream. Rivals Duo is absolutely wonderful. They match each other’s brand of evil, Techno slightly less so. However, it is their power and skill that leaves them on level playing fields. With them being more or less equal to each other, Dream is incapable of intimidating Techno, so he gets bullied relentlessly by this well-educated anarchist pig. And I find that fucking hilarious. On top of them just being absolutely unstoppable when they have a mutual goal, the ‘Dream’s Evil Lair’ segment between the two was just fantastic.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

Tommy and Techno’s relationship was never healthy. I have never liked it. I’m tired of pretending I did. Bedrock Bros, while having some endearing moments, just filled me with dread every time I remembered Techno’s intentions for their partnership. The literal instant Techno told Tommy he didn’t respect him and only would when he conformed to his ideals, I yelled at Tommy to get the fuck out of there. The red flags were so blinding I was seeing red for weeks after they separated. Good lord.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I desperately, desperately want Techno to have a falling out with either Philza or Ranboo. Or maybe both at the same time. I want it so, so bad. Not even permanently or over anything major! I just want them to disagree on something; anything. I want Techno to be forced, kicking and screaming, into some character development. I want him to realize that not everyone who disagrees with him is out to hurt him or hates him. Sometimes loved ones will disagree with you. And that’s okay! I want him to realize that and learn from it. I want him to grow.