#otherwise lovely people who I cannot talk to about this story at all without hitting my own Not Normal About Bnha buttons

[theetwinkleboy]

casually blocking anyone who makes a ‘deku works at McDonald’s bc he’s quirkless’ post

[syrcus]

OC smash or pass sure

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

ty for the tag @coldshrugs sorry it took me a minute I'm. lacking in screenshots.

tagging: I think everyone I would have tagged has been tagged at this point so I'm tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it, or wants to do it again for a second OC.

anyway here's quo propaganda:

Look. They can paint!

Quick Facts:

Height: 5'9"ish

Age: early 30s by Dawntrail

Gender: no thank you

Pronouns: they/them

Sexuality: demi/bi

Pros:

very cute extremely dorky laugh

can and will paint people they love with or without warning

can cook. will cook. you will eat their food. sometimes this is a blessing. good luck

very good at hugs. slightly higher than average resting body temperature, strong arms, good for hugging

cool facial scar. pretty eyes. lots of little moles to find and to count

Cons:

acts first, thinks later. will not consider consequences

presently recovering from a guilt-induced mental breakdown resulting from years of thoughtless adventuring and occasional manslaughter. still gets flashbacks, might wake up screaming in the night

stubborn. if they don't want to do something they're not gonna do it. if they want to, there is no convincing them otherwise

sometimes not very quick on the uptake. sometimes too quick on the uptake. easily distracted

can cook. will cook. you will eat their food. sometimes they experiment with recipes. good luck

Details:

knows lots of quiet, cool little spots in a variety of places. they will take you. you may not get a choice. they get very excited about the cool little spots they found.

not very well-educated in the traditional sense. will however happily listen to people talk about their areas of expertise. it's their favourite way to learn things

quick to smile, quick to laugh, likes to make people feel at ease

learned to read for the sole purpose of bonding with a loved one. dedicated.

can curse in multiple dialects

cannot hold their booze. at all.

excellent storyteller, especially if you don't mind your stories a little long-winded and rambly. lots of good stories to tell.

sees a lot of beauty in the mundane. might get distracted looking at the way the light's hitting a pond, or haloing a friend

difficult to get to know deeply. they don't mean to be, they just don't really think to open up to people.

has a pet fish. they caught it themself. it's from another dimension. they will talk about the fish to anyone who'll listen.

not actually very interested in smashing at this time, as they are in a committed relationship, but they will be flattered nonetheless

[lady-bess]

An Open Letter to Fanfiction

Today, on the 15th of May 2024, marks a special day for me. Specifically it is a special day for one particular work of mine over on A03.

A Rough Sketch.

Now, I don't usually talk about this fic on my social media. In fact, with it being RPF, I have made a conscious decision not to. It exists on my profile for those who are interested to read on, and for those who would rather not read RPF, I don't actively promote it.

But today, I'd like to discuss it. Not so much to promote the work, but rather as a way to talk about how that worked fundamentally changed my life.

And how, had it not been for that work, I'd probably not be here today.

I was talking with some friends the other day about why we personally write fanfiction. Is it to share stories? Sure! Is it to find people with common ground? Yeah, of course! Fandoms are a wonderful place, and finding more people to talk about your interests with is always a delight.

But it got me thinking; why do I write? And so, on on the anniversary of A Rough Sketch, I decided now was a good a time as any to reflect. To look back on this last year, and what led me to be where I am today.

A Rough Sketch, for me, was the beginning of a journey. A journey which helped me process a grief I didn't even realise I was harbouring. What started as a silly little idea based on a trope I (shamefully) adore, the classic "meet the love of your life in a quaint coffee shop", became a story that has currently reached over 26,000 people.

The more I wrote, the greater the community I found online, and one by one those individuals found their way here onto my Tumblr, or onto my Twitter (@/this15theway, by the way!).

From these interactions I've forged friendships and loves that will last me a lifetime. I have grown closer to more people in this last year, and forged deeper connections with some, than with people I have known in my every day life for years. The power of the written word brought kindred spirits together, and created bonds that won't be broken.

That is why I write. Community. Friendship. Love. Belonging.

And writing, at the end of all this, has saved me.

I've had one hell of a year. I won't dive too much into it here, but I've taken some huge steps up in my career, while simultaneously experiencing my mental health hit absolute rock bottom. If you told me a year ago I'd be in therapy and on anti-depressants today, I wouldn't have believed you. Naively I thought that I would never need such things, that I was fine! Alas, I was not.

But what I also wouldn't have believed was that I kept writing. That A Rough Sketch, as well as so many other of my works, would reach far beyond my imagination. That I'd one day have my own online community over on Twitter full of people who love and enjoy the same things of me.

That, once again, I would have a sense of belonging in this world.

To everyone who I have met this last year, be that someone who I haven't heard much from recently, or those of you who are in my inbox daily - thank you. Words can never describe just how much you all changed my life. I wouldn't have much life left in me if I hadn't gone down this road, and truthfully now I cannot see my life without you all in it. You litter my life like stars speckle the dark night sky, brightening up an otherwise somber existence.

While this post, this "letter", is for me rather personal and stems from one particular work, I hope that there is something here which resonates across to many of you reading. Author, or reader, I hope that everyone experiences this same sense of community and belonging that I have this last year.

Happy Birthday A Rough Sketch. Thank you.

If you want to read the work referenced, the link can be found here. This will be my only promotion for the series, given the content.

Thank you, each and every one of you.

All my love,

LadyBess xox

[hayateart]

Moshang plot bunny

I have this plot bunny, which can become either a comic or a fic but I don't know yet. It just won't leave me alone but it's still vary vague so I cannot start working on it.

It's basically a hurt/comfort, angsty story, title 'Nobody Likes Shang Qinghua. And that's okay!' Except, obviously it's not.

People only interact with SQH when they want something but they tend to avoid him as a person. LBH, his 'son', simply cannot stand him, mainly due to SQH relationship with his husband. Airplane considers Cucumber-bro as his best friend though he knows perfectly well that it's not the same for Cucumber. He is just a servant to Mobei Jun, while Mobei Jun is his entire world. Etc. You get the idea.

Except that's not entirely true. This is all only SQH's point of view. For so long he had to deal with people who didn't care much about him - his parents and half-siblings, his new parents and new siblings, martial and otherwise. Himself - he is perfectly aware of all his flaws and shortcomings. He knows he is a coward, and a sell-out, he talks too much and is too clingy. He is just deeply unpleasant person to associate with, so obviously, nobody would actually like him.

But people do like him. Sure, LBH finds him annoying and is kinda jealous, but he also loves how his husband loosens up around Qinghua. Nobody understands Shen Yuan like he does. He is also Mobei Jun's entire world - he would not be alive without Shang Qinghua, much less become a king.

There are different instances that only confirm what SQH thinks he knows is the truth until he finally gets seriously hurt. In his own words "At least it was him who took the hit and none of the truly important characters of the story. Because, who is he, really? LBH is the protagonist, SQQ/SY is the love interest and the secondary protagonist at this point. MBJ is important best friend, confidant and advisor. And who is SQH in terms of the great plot? Still but a canon fodder. And that's okay!"

SQH has this talk with SQQ and SQQ could not be more horrified. How could he not notice that SQH puts so little value on his own life and well-being? That begs an intervention!

Generally, it's all about character's self-worth issues and other characters making sure that one feels appreciated by the end.

Problem is, I really can't iron out any details. I caught a cold during my holiday and I can't do much except lie in bed and complain. Also, I run out of tissues a while ago and I'm now using toilet paper, but that's beside the point. I am afraid I won't feel good enough to start working on it before I have to go back to work when my days off run out. After that, I tend to work 6 days [64 hours, to pay all the bills] with 2 days of break [when I'm tired] so any artistic endeavors turn out very slowly.

I understand SQH for writing PIDW the way he did. If it paid my bills, I would absolutely write shitty papapa in hopes of getting at least part of my stories out. Instead, I work a job I can barely stand. Which is almost the same. [I think a lot of us like SQH so much because we can really relate to him. I know I can.]

I will write that fic/draw that comic though. I want to get my feelings out. Just wait for me.

[skeletonbxnny]

ik emma wasn’t in the right for wanting to take henry away but it makes sense—the last things that happened to henry before they went to new york was him being kidnapped, held as a captive, being manipulated into trying to kill himself, and then being body swapped with pan. to keep him in storybrooke despite the constant threat to his life would be an impossible decision to make when she had basically already held his dying body and she knew happiness could be possible for him still

and imo emma didn’t rlly owe anything to her parents (they gave her up twice lmao. they didn’t even look for a way back when they were sent back to the enchanted forest. they just accepted it). it was a terrible thing to consider doing to regina but regina also made emma’s parents abandon her so i can understand emma not caring too much about it or at least trying to justify it to herself that way. regina and henry would have been the ones to suffer the most but henry wouldn’t know (not saying that would make it okay, but emma could use that to justify it. false happiness is still happiness. she said something along those lines to killian) and regina had done more than enough harm to emma (and henry himself, remember him saying in s1 how regina didn’t love him and always talking about being alone? the show may have forgot about the emotional abuse but it still happened)

emma was in the wrong for planning to do that, yes, but she was also hurt and abandoned and scared for her son and just wanted his happiness and i do fully believe that henry was at his happiest in new york (emma too) even if it wasn’t real, it was real to henry

i do understand where she was coming from but at the end of the day that's just a fucked up thing to do to your son, even if he will never know, you're strpping him away from his entire family (which is quite literally ALL he's ever wanted, he fucking hunted Emma down for it😭)

and I don't think snow and charming "abandoned" her, it was quite literally Hey be an orphan for 30 years or literally every single person in the enchanted forest is going to suffer for the rest of time (INCLUDING Emma, remember if they hadn't put her in the tree than she too would be cursed, most likely even worse than what she ended up having considering she was the child of the people Regina hated most in the world) but snow and charming regretted that decision from the VERY second the curse hit. And as for when they had to go back to the enchanted forest, it was quite literally in the rules of escaping the second curse that you couldn't go back without another curse. the PRICE of breaking the curse was giving that up.

The hate for Regina is valid, but also people are willing to forgive and look past RUMPLESTILTSKIN 😭😭 whose done so so so so much worse. and, maybe unpopular opinion, Regina DID love Henry, I don't get people who think otherwise?? Yes she showed it very poorly because she had never really loved anybody, but just because Henry felt like she didn't love him and he felt alone doesn't mean she didn't. Regina could've given Henry back to the adoption place from the very start and most likely never have Emma come back, but she loved him so much she couldn't do that. Regina has always loved Henry, but she was also held back by the fact that she hated every single person in that town. I mean, His teacher was fucking Snow White. And she was always scared to lose him. And, again, Henry was ADOPTED, I don't care what anyone says (coming from someone who's adopted) He is not Emma's child. I do not care. Emma gave him up, even if she didn't really want to and it was for his best. She gave him up. Regina adopted him. End of story. from the very start Emma has been stepping all over that and it will always piss me off, she is not his mother. doesn't matter whose pussy he came out of!!! you cannot come back after TEN YEARS and completely disregard everything the birth mother has done and act like you've always been his mother. you cannot fucking do that, and Emma never even shows an ounce of remorse for how fucked up that was. (reminder she did that all before she even knew Regina sucked, from the very very start she has been blatantly disrespectful)

Regardless of anything, being a parent is making hard decisions I know that. But to strip Henry away from the only thing he's ever wanted and let him live his ENTIRE life as a lie is so incredibly messed up. I understand where Emma was coming from, but also it was so fucked up of her to put easiness over what was clearly right. At the end of the day, she didn't do that thank god. but she considered it for wayy too fucking long

[whetstonefires]

It's been this long and I'm still mad about it; proposal for the film Disney should have made instead of Endgame.

1) Following the Snappening Thanos still has godlike power but is losing his shit without a goal to work toward, is constantly hallucinating Gamora's child ghost which may be actual Gamora from inside the Soul Gem

2) whilst the combined hero cast stage an epic heist of some kind in the effort to get the Gauntlet and Unsnap their loved ones, with numerous subplots that can be resolved positively, since the heist will ultimately be foiled and that can be frustrating.

3) The surviving Guardians get a chance to onscreen recount the story of the defense of Xandar and how they collectively survived wielding an Infinity Stone for about 18 seconds; Peter Quill has been killed per Infinity War so his special heritage can't be leaned on again of course;

meanwhile we get more information about how the planet of Titan became a dead world and how Thanos was involved.

4) The 'Tony Stark's survival will protect the universe better than refusing to give Thanos the Time Stone and is in fact necessary to the One Possible Path To Victory' assertion from Infinity War is much better justified by his ultimately talking Thanos to death

5) in a way which callbacks Tony's entire doomspiral loop of a villain-coded-hero character arc and that moment in Avengers when they figured out Loki was opening the portal on Stark Tower because Tony psychoanalyzed him flippantly and then was like, shit he's basically me he's at my building. Thereby linking what was otherwise a saga of disconnect and flubbed resolution into a thematic whole.

6) And in a way which also gives us payoff on the similar nonsense of Thanos' characterization, where everything about the way he interacted with the world told a completely different story than the way he talked about himself and his actions, demonstrating a literally world-shattering degree of self-delusion.

7) Just seriously if Tony Stark's great universe-saving act could have been a Hannibal Lecture where he's standing in front of Thanos, last Avenger on his feet, armor shattered clean off him, take away all his power and what's left, still pushing, digging into those cracks Gamora's been beating into the whole film, did it work? was it worth it? is anything better now? why did you think it would be?

8) "Of course I understand you! I am you! It hurt so fucking bad, didn't it, and you needed it to stop hurting, so you found something to drown the pain in, something so impossibly big it had to matter. Something that let you hit back at the universe. Something that put you in control of the fear and the loss and how much you messed up, and other people paid for it and left you behind to hurt."

9) Thanos, having been held together by sheer force of will for the centuries or whatever since his planet died for reasons that cannot possibly have been limited to overpopulation, presses the Gauntlet on Tony, as he collapses into dust upon acknowledging that his entire identity is a self-serving lie and he had no fucking right to do anything he's done (and especially no right to Gamora)

10) Tony is one beat-up human dude and cannot possibly Unsnap back the entire universe but as he goes to try anyway a hand closes around his ankle. I don't care which Avenger it is. Steve, Rhodey, and Rocket Raccoon are the obvious candidates.

Team forms a huge hand-holding daisy-chain of Power of Giving A Shit and collectively Fixes The Universe. Insert time-crunchy thing like the planet they're on is about to get blown up so the gauntlet can't be handed over to someone with a tougher body, like Thor, who might survive it.

11) Tony still dies, but in a satisfying and meaningful way that actually saves people instead of just...slaughtering an army of slaves as in canon. The collective make-this-not-have-happened reality warp reaches back far enough to also save the Wakandans and Xandar and the Asgardian refugees, and everyone else murdered in the tempestuous final days of Thanos' push for the Gems, because 'unrealistic solutions to unrealistic problems are childish' is a bullshit moral, especially where superheroes are concerned.

12) His funeral is the only one that matters because it's the only damn one.

[strangefellows]

okay no you know what I follow @versegm and I fucking ADORE their guda meta, and you know what it hits different when your guda (mine) is an OC in her own right and by god her flavor of fucked up (she is SO FUCKED UP GUYS) on top of the default levels of fucked up is so much fun and I'm gonna talk about it

imagine being so fucking empty before chaldea imagine your little brother died smiling at you in an accident that was your fault your fault your fault when you were both kids imagine your parents - neglectful to begin with - stop talking to you entirely after that until you leave for college imagine your only solace only comfort only obsession stories of the past of dead people and people who may not have even existed they're your only friends your only loved ones the only companions you've ever had and your life is empty otherwise and sure you have a degree in the only thing you give a damn about but now what are you going to do with it waste away in some library or museum somewhere?

And then chaldea, last ditch grasp at something interesting that is everything you could have ever wanted everything you never thought could ever be yours ever even exist — your friends companions loved ones are all real all people all right here and you can touch them and talk to them and why do they seem so surprised when you love them so much your chest could explode with it because now your life means something. now you're actually living not sleepwalking through existential despair. all of them are yours yours yours, the heroes and villains and monsters and gods and demons you don't care you would never care because they're people and they're yours and you love them because your life is not life without them.

except they keep dying. like your little brother - like your little sister the girl you held hands with as fire burned around you because you failed him but you couldn't bear to fail her - like everyone every time they smile and they die and though they can come back the blood is still on your hands always on yours because it's you they always die for. and they always smile at you because they love you like you love them but by god why is this the way they show it?

(and the first person in years to pat your head and say 'welcome home' like he saw you died that way too only he can never ever come back or maybe he did but whatever is wearing his skin it's never going to be the exact same as it was, even if you can and will love them just the same because you're human and for you to be human is to love so much you feel like you're drowning in it)

and you're destroying worlds now, and you'll do it without a complaint because it's between histories that weren't supposed to be and the history that the people you love like breathing fought for so there's no question about it but but but you'll burn these lost histories into your soul anyway because even if they aren't meant to exist they did anyway and you'll remember you'll always remember because you are love and they were people

and maybe you're broken maybe something's wrong with you, but maybe something has always been wrong long before you got to chaldea because you love and you love and you are not afraid no matter the threat no matter who you are looking at no matter what they do to you because you cannot be afraid of what you love, why would you? you will hold your hand out to monsters and kings and gods and beasts because to you they're all people, and to you there is nothing to be afraid of when you are with the ones you love, there will never be anything to fear because this is everything you need and want this fills up the hollow that had been in you until you got here and with it full up you can do anything

and in the end the only thing that scares you is the possibility of it ending. oh, not your death, you've never been afraid of that because you are so very human, and your love is what makes your heart beat, and with every beat of your bleeding heart you want to live (you promised you would)— no, you fear the day you're no longer needed, the day it is all over and they send you away and the emptiness comes back and devours you whole because this time you know what you're missing and when it's over and you're alone again you will finally shatter

does that make you a monster? that you secretly wish it never ends? that there will always be chaldea and you will always be needed? does it make you a monster that your love drowns you and tears your heart open but you can't live can't breathe without it? does it make you a monster that when they say you have changed so much and you can't go home, you want to tell them that this is the only home you have ever known, wading in blood and corpses for the sake of the world in a fight you didn't choose because before this you weren't even alive?

there is no home outside chaldea, there never was.

how human you are, to love so much you bleed it every time you say goodbye to someone as they smile at you amid gold glitter, to love even monsters and even beasts more than you love yourself, to fight to stay alive because a selfish little promise and so you can keep loving. how monstrous you are, to feel more at home among ghosts and shadows than other people, to fear nothing simply because you feel alive for the first and only time in your life, to wish the fight would never end so you never have to let go of your ghosts and your love.

what will you do when it's over, when it's not that you can't go home again, it's that that place was never home to you at all? when you're so painfully disgustingly human that you can't live without the people you love (only they're not people they're ghosts and gods and monsters but to you they're all more human than anyone else)? when you'll fight until your body breaks for a fight you never asked to be part of because it gave you a family a home a life and you will die before you let it out of your grip? when everyone looks at you like there's something wrong with you because maybe there is, but you don't care because as long as you breathe as long as your heart beats you'll keep smiling and mean it — god, do you mean it, even when you shouldn't, because this time your smile is real instead of the empty fake thing it was before chaldea — and laugh and mean it, because your life is here your life is these beautiful ghosts and this is your humanity, so human maybe it isn't anymore.

(maybe it never was; maybe that's the point. maybe you were built to be inhuman humanity. but you'll never know. so you keep living and laughing and loving as fierce as wildfire, bright as an inferno, deeper and more feral than blood and bone and teeth — because you belong here and you cannot exist anywhere else, and that is your tragedy.)

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

You Are In Love (M.YG)

Warnings : mentions of cheating

Word Count : 2149

Synopsis : while laying in bed, she realizes she’s in love with min yoongi

When my eyes opened, I was met with my boyfriend’s sleeping face, and a smile spread across mine. His arm was lazily draped across my body, unlike the tight hold he had on me when we had fallen asleep the previous night. Watching him sleep peacefully like this, I couldn’t help but think about how lucky I am to call him mine. “What are you looking at?” He grumbled in his morning voice, his eyes slowly opening to meet mine.

           “The most handsome man in the world.” I whispered, leaning up to kiss his nose. He scrunched his face before pouting, saying I missed the obvious target and pulling me in for a sweet kiss. When we pulled away and I met his eyes again, his hand moving to brush some hair out of my face, I was hit with the sudden realization that I was in love with him. I knew I was falling; I’d been falling for him since we started dating. But being with him like this feels so domestic, and I want to wake up to his face every day for the rest of my life.

           “Coffee for the pretty lady.” Yoongi smiled as he sat across from me, placing both our drinks on the table between us. I thanked him and reiterated that he didn’t have to pay for me. “Let me be a gentleman.” He pouted and I giggled, completely giving into him.

           I was so nervous, playing with my hands in my lap as we talked and got to know each other better. But as the date went on, I found myself laughing more and becoming more comfortable with him. After we finished our coffees, we decided to take a walk around and enjoy the nice weather. At one point, he had slipped his hand into mine, smiling down at me when I looked over to him. “I like holding hands.” He said simply, his gummy smile on full display.

           “Me too.” I tightened my grip on his hand, and we continued walking around like that, telling each other stories of our lives, and just enjoying each other’s company.

           I met Yoongi through a mutual friend, Jung Hoseok, and there was a connection almost immediately. He was a bit distant at first, and I later found out through Hoseok, and then Yoongi, that it was because he found me pretty and got nervous around me. It took him almost three months to ask me on our first date, and then another month to make us official.

           “For you.” He said with a nervous smile as he handed me the plush he had won at the game at the fair. A blush rose to my cheeks and I accepted it, thanking him. “Those games are rigged, but I really wanted to win you something.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck as we slowly walked by all the concessions.

           “You’re cute.” I told him, causing him to stop walking. I stopped a couple steps ahead of him, and turned to face him, a look of confusion on my face. He just stared at me in silence, a small smile dancing across his lips that slowly grew into his wide, gummy smile that I adored.

           “You think so?” He chuckled, taking the two steps towards me, and slipping his hand into mine as we continued walking.

           “I know so.” I countered as I started swinging our arms back and forth, looking around at all the lights that seemed to brighten the darkening day. We made our way to the ferris wheel, completing our fair date night with a cliché. I looked out at all the lights, and watched as couples wandered around hand in hand, much like Yoongi and I.

           “Can I kiss you?” His question caught me off guard, and I looked at him with widened eyes, before giggling at his question.

           “You’ve kissed me before; you don’t need to ask.” I told him, and he wasted no time; cupping my face and crashing his lips to mine as if he would die otherwise.

           “Just let me be a gentleman.” He said softly after he pulled away, his hands still cupping my face as he rested his forehead against mine. The ride quickly came to an end, and we decided to call it a night.

           We held hands as he drove me home, his thumb running over my knuckles subconsciously. The ride was silent save for the soft music playing from the radio, but the silence was comfortable. When we made it to my apartment, he walked me to the door like he always does, but he seemed really nervous this time. I thanked him for a fun night and gave him a quick kiss goodnight. “Y/N.” He called before I could open the door, and I turned to face him. “Be my girlfriend.” He spit out quickly and my eyes widened. “I mean, uh, would you want to be my girlfriend?” He started kicking his feet and rubbing the back of his neck, and I couldn’t help but smile.

           “I’d love to, Yoongs.” I walked towards him, lazily wrapping my arms around his neck, and bringing him in for a sweet kiss.

           “I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch with Hoseok?” He asked and I nodded, asking him if he could pick me up. “It would be my pleasure.” He kissed me one more time before heading home.

           Hoseok wasn’t surprised when we told him we were dating, having to deal with our pining for months. He would act as if he hated being the third wheel but was actually really happy we both were happy. He’s taken so many photos of us it’s almost like he’s our own personal photographer.

           “God you two are disgustingly cute.” Hoseok rolled his eyes as he walked into Yoongi’s kitchen, Yoongi behind me with his arms wrapped around me as we cooked together. Neither one of us moved from our position, and Hoseok snapped a couple pictures. He definitely wasn’t complaining when he dug into the food and ate most of it, going on about how delicious it was.

           “It was made with love.” Yoongi smiled, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.

           “Wow I cannot wait until you two are out of the honeymoon phase.” He quipped, but I could see the small smile on his face as he watched his two best friends fall in love.

           Before meeting Yoongi, I believed I wasn’t meant to find love. Everyone I liked and dated seemed to treat me like shit; toss me aside for something better. I was scared Yoongi would do it as well, but he’s proven over and over again that he’s in this for the long run. And as I lay here in bed, staring into his eyes, realizing that he’s the love of my life, I can picture him at the end of the aisle, smiling as I walk towards him.

           “Y/N! What a small world.” Mark exclaimed, pulling me in for an awkward hug. “This is Jennie, my fiancée.” I looked down at her ring finger, seeing a beautiful diamond ring adorning it. “This is Y/N, my ex. She’s chill people though.” He said to Jennie. I smiled at her, extending my hand for her to shake. She did so with little hesitation. Yoongi slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he looked at the couple in front of us.

           “This is Yoongi, my boyfriend.” I told Mark, smiling up at Yoongi who was already looking at me with a smile. “This is Mark.” The two of them shook hands, and the four of us stood around for a couple of minutes before I excused us so we could go greet the man of the hour. “I forgot he and Jackson were friends.” I told Yoongi, trying to calm my pounding heart.

           “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Yoongi immediately led me to the closest chair, sitting me down and kneeling in front of me. He placed his hand on my forehead, checking my temperature while looking at me with concern in his eyes. I grabbed his hand from my forehead, holding it in my hand as I told him I was okay.

           “Mark’s the guy I told you about. The one who doesn’t do marriage. The one who was cheating on me; with Jennie.” He cupped my face with his hands, wiping away the tears I didn’t know fell.

           “Well honestly, that’s his loss. You are the most beautiful, kind-hearted person I’ve ever met. And because he was an idiot, I get to show you what true love looks like.” He ended his small speech with a small kiss. “Now, what do you say we go wish Jackson a happy birthday and then sneak away and go see that movie you wanted to see?” I smiled and nodded, taking his hand as we both stood up and made our way to Jackson.

           Yoongi was right. We just celebrated our 6 months last night, and I’ve felt more loved during these last 6 months than I did the 2 years I was with Mark. Yoongi always reminds me how much he cares about me, how beautiful he finds me. Not a day goes by without him reminding me. I was so sure I was going to marry Mark, but in this moment, I know that was just a silly dream, a wish. But marrying Yoongi, I can picture it. I want to spend the rest of my life showing Yoongi all the love he’s shown me, and then some.

           Come outside. His text read, and I didn’t even think twice about throwing on some clothes and meeting him outside. The sun had long set, and the stars littered the sky. There was only a small breeze ruining an otherwise perfect night.

           Yoongi was standing beside his car when I got outside, a wide smile spreading across his face when he saw me. I practically jumped into his arms, giving him a quick kiss. “You make it seem like you haven’t seen me in ages.” He joked; his arms still wrapped around me.

           “I haven’t seen you in 2 days. That is forever!” I jokingly exclaimed, throwing my head back to further make my point. A chuckle escaped his lips, and I absolutely loved the sound. I have since the first time I heard it. I could listen to it on repeat all day and not get bored.

           “You know what, you’re absolutely right. 2 days is far too long without you, angel.” He leaned in for another kiss, one I happily returned. “Shall we go?” He asked, pointing to his car, and I nodded, even though I had no idea what he had planned. I trusted him.

           He had driven us to an open field and laid a blanket down. “I wanted to star gaze with you.” He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

           “You really are too cute, Min Yoongi.” We laid beside each other, and I listened as he pointed out different constellations to me. He would tell me the stories about them, and I would hang onto every word.

           “And that one right there, that’s Y/N Y/L/N.” My eyes widened as I looked at him, sitting up quickly. He sat up too, pulling a folded paper out of his pocket, unfolding it, and showing it to me. “As of today, there is a star named after you. Because you are my star.”

           “You really just went and named a star after me.” I said, tears welling up in my eyes. “Just take my whole heart, Min Yoongi. I don’t even want it back.” He chuckled, wiping away the tears that fell.

           “If I could buy you the entire world, I would.” He told me. And I know he would.

           “You are my world, Yoongs.” I admitted to him. And that’s when he pulled me in for the most passionate kiss I’ve ever felt. And it didn’t end there. It ended later that night, in my bed, soft moans in the air as we slept together for the first time.

           As I laid beside him, recounting all my memories with him, I realized I’d been in love with him the entire time. For me, there wasn’t going to be anyone else. Min Yoongi was it for me. “What are you thinking so hard about, love?” He said softly, a small smile on his face.

           “How absolutely, irrevocably in love I am with you, Min Yoongi.” I admitted and watched as his small smile grew. “I’ve always been in love with you.” I continued.

           “I am so in love with you, Y/N Y/L/N.” He chuckled. “And I’m going to show you that every day for as long as you’ll have me.”

           “I was thinking forever.”

           “Forever sounds good.” Forever sounds perfect.

[asterekmess]

Been seeing you getting hate mail and while I absolutely can't understand why anyone would go to all the trouble to make some one else feel bad... I also kinda really love the discourse on Scott? Like YOUR RANTS oh man. On point. Always. Tbh I tried giving Scott a chance... He is the main char after all... But I was like??? Wtf? That dude does nothing but refute others and does whatever he wants. And this was when I didn't particularly like Stiles either (first time watching Teen Wolf). But then I got to know more of him and like Tony he went asshole to lovable asshole—seriously, Stiles might not be the ‘nicest’ but he tries and his heart is in good place—while Scott is just... self-righteous. Someone pointed out that he sees people as possessions and that irks me too that I can actually see it being true. The dude has literally nothing going on except for being the one that gets bitten. And the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque romance he has.

Okay, okay, where was I going with this?? Right. LOVE YOUR RANTS. People need to understand that Scott not being liked isn't because of his race or anything trivial like it—he just happens to be—but because of his actions. Or inactions, as it were. *remembers the pool scene and Scott saying he's busy and resists the urge to chuck a shoe at him*

Basically, love you, love your work, and love your words! ❤️

I've talked with some friends about it, and our number one issue sort of...boiled down to the hypocrisy of the show? I....sort of rant a lot here, and I would add a Read More, but I can't find the option anymore?? I fucking hate Tumblr. EDIT: I found a post that told me how to do it!

So, since he's the character I focus on the most, let's talk about Stiles' morality. Because, you're right. Stiles is an asshole. He does some fucking awful shit in the first season, and even if he had a Reason to do it, it was still bad. And I still don't like it. But I understand it.

Stiles' lack of shits about what is 'lawful' is literally established in the first ten seconds of the show. He's a sheriff's son who sneaks onto people's roofs in the middle of the night bc they aren't answering his calls, who listens in on his dad's work conversations and is willing to fuck up a crime scene because he's so excited about getting to see a dead body. He doesn't care about laws. He doesn't even care about most basic manners (invasion of privacy much, with having Scott sniff Lydia to see if she liked him?). He's a dickhead, even to the people he cares about sometimes. But personality and morality aren't the same. Stiles' entire actual morality system is based around whatever he needs to do to keep the people he loves safe and happy. Lying to his dad so he doesn't get murdered by hunters? Totally fine. Telling Scott that it was "Jackson's own fault" that Scott attacked him with superstrength and dislocated his shoulder, so Scott doesn't feel like an asshole? That's just best friend duties! He will lie, steal, cheat, and he will kill to keep his loved ones safe (let's not forget this boy threw molotovs at Peter, knowing damn well what they would do to him). We can headcanon all we want about all the different people who are in this group of loved ones, but the list is canonically very short: Scott, his dad, and Lydia. Later on, like, past s3B? It includes Derek. Canonically. Stiles puts his life and the lives of others he cares about on the line while he lies to the matriarch of the Calavera hunter clan, to save Derek Hale. Derek is just canonically a part of that group now, and he fucking knows it bc Stiles is his anchor (that's canon too bb). End of Story, Sterek or no Sterek. It's why we get that insane number of lookbacks when Derek is dying before his evolution. Because Stiles is being forced to choose between two people who are BOTH in his ride-or-die group. He Cannot Pick between Scott and Derek, until Derek begs him to leave.

SO, yes, Stiles does fuckface things, and I don't always agree with what he does, but it is ACCURATE TO HIS CHARACTER. He is morally grey. He NEVER CLAIMS to be pure or good or just or righteous. Stiles knows who he is, and he stays true to himself. And I love him for that.

The same goes for a bunch of other characters! For Peter, who is strikingly similar to Stiles, in that family goes above literally everything. Screw the idea that he was following Derek around waiting for the chance to steal back the Alpha spark. That man put his life on the line (his second life, no less) to get the shit beaten out of him until Derek let him help save Derek's life Again and Again. Family Comes First.

Scott's morality is...confusing as fuck. I thought at first he was similar to Stiles, in that family came first, but...while he's protective of his mother, he also does a lot of stuff that puts her at risk without seeming to care/worry (like leaving Peter alone with her once Stiles hits their car, so he can chase Jackson) (or asking her to come to the high school when he's convinced there's a bomber in it)? Seriously, he's more protective over Allison, than his mother. It's very black and white the rest of the time. Very "this bad" "this good." And if you do "bad" then you are bad forever, while if you do "good" you are only good until you do "bad." The Betas were "good" until they asked for the bite, and then they were "Bad." Derek was "bad" when Scott met him and scared him, so after that, no matter how much "good" he did, he remained "bad." But only when it suits him. Allison is good even when she does bad, because he wants her to be good. Chris is good even though he's done mountains of bad, because of the minuscule amount of good that Scott has seen him do, because Scott wants him to be good. Even DEUCALION is good, despite the crazy CRAZY amount of bad he's done and despite having seen him do NO GOOD, just because Scott wants him to be good. Lying to those closest to you is bad, unless Scott is doing it, and then it's good, because he knows HE is good. Killing people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Letting villains go is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Biting people is bad, unless Scott is doing it. Protecting family is good even if it requires killing or lying, unless it's not Scott doing it. Revenge for past slights is good, unless it's not SCOTT doing it. And you try to understand it! You try to say, okay, then he's morally grey, got it. He plays with the rules to suit his own morality, whatever. Except that Scott, the other characters, and THE SHOW ITSELF, are all telling you otherwise! They all say that Scott is morally pure. That he is good and righteous and lawful. That he always does the "right" thing, and that when he does "bad" things, it's justified and he had to. THE HEAVENS THEMSELVES say Scott is somehow better or more righteous than the other characters by MAKING HIM AN ALPHA OUT OF NOWHERE. (I'm talking abt canon here, not going into deaton conspiracy theories) It's like....Like in the hate mail response I did, where I pointed out that Every Single Thing people get angry at Derek for doing, Scott did too. Lying, killing (or at least attempting it), attacking innocents, losing his temper, keeping secrets, refusing to work with someone who could help, etc etc etc. Everything Derek has done that is morally "wrong," Scott has also done. And that's okay! Doing a bad thing doesn't make you a bad person, and even if it did, Scott is ALLOWED to be bad! GO FOR IT.

Except that he is sinless. It isn't that he learns from the bad things he does, it's that they aren't treated like bad things in the first place. Because Scott did it, and Scott always does the right thing.

Derek's behavior is reprehensible at times, but the show ADMITS that and frames it as bad. Frames it as him doing a bad thing when he scares Isaac or throws Peter or tells Erica who to date. And that's fine, because Derek is established as not being morally pure.

But SCOTT IS. And because they were so desperate to make him continue being "Pure" they didn't frame the things he did as wrong, or if they did, they absolved him of it immediately, using the exact same reasoning that works for Derek's situations, but this time Actually Accepting it.

He scares Stiles, well it's because he's scared. He throws Isaac, it's because he's upset. He attacks Jackson well it's because Jackson was being a dick. He orders Allison to date Matt, well he had a goal to accomplish. Every reason is treated like a fucking doctor's note that erases the bad things he does.

Being scared, or angry, or retaliating to someone being an asshole, or trying to protect himself, was NEVER a good enough reason for Derek to do ANYTHING "Bad." It was never an acceptable excuse.

IF IT WERE: If the show were making a statement about how fallable people are, how they do bad things, but they do them for a REASON. How people will do wild and terrible things out of fear, and how that doesn't make it less bad, but it makes it understandable, so don't demonize them out of nowhere. If that were the case, I would HAVE BEEN FINE WITH IT.

Scott is held to COMPLETELY different standards than everyone else in the show! And I DON'T mean that people held him to higher ones. They dropped that bar so fucking low. Anything was allowed, and any excuse was good enough.

He made out with a girl who was dating someone else, who his best friend was in love with? It's just the full moon, he's angsty about losing Allison. He ducttapes Liam to a bathtub and starts throwing random phrases at him that he hated Derek for saying to him? He's freaked out! He doesn't know what to do with a bitten wolf! It was an accident! He works with a mass murderer behind people's backs without telling them the whole story? Am I talking about Gerard or Deucalion? Who fucking knows. Either way, it's okay, because he was protecting his family. He plots to murder a cancer patient slowly and painfully by replacing meds that likely included painkillers with mountain ash, and the uses someone else's body to deliver the killing blow, and it's okay because he was just being smart! He was just working ten steps ahead! He was saving his mom and the whole town! Who cares if it DIDN"T WORK?

He walks into his ex-girlfriend's hotel room and scares the SHIT out of her while she's naked and alone in the shower? It was the wolfsbane. It doesn't matter that no one else's impulses included HARASSING someone. He lies to his girlfriend's face about her own life because he doesn't think it's important enough for her to know (who am I talking about, come on, take a guess, which one is it? Allison or Kira? Trick question: it's both). He was just being kind! He didn't want to worry her! He didn't want to make her feel bad! She didn't need to know!

I'm so far off track it's not even funny. My point was that Everything the other characters in the show are demonized for or framed as evil or bad or wrong for doing, Scott is shown to do and it's treated like at minimum a comedy, if not a Perfect Brilliant Strategic Move.

God, fucking hell. I mean, the PARALLELS you see in this show, between Scott and others. The scene of Alexander Argent going to the hotel after being bit? That bit where he pulls his shirt up in the mirror? It's a near PERFECT replica of Scott looking at his bite at Deaton's. They paralleled SCOTT MCCALL with AN ARGENT. Deaton has this whole line in S2 where he's bitching at Derek about "the person you should trust the most doesn't trust you at all" And then seasons later, we have Scott look his best friend in the eye and refuse to trust him, only to get upset later because Stiles doesn't want to work with him anymore and he "lost them." Scott goes running into Derek's house in S1 to accuse him of killing the bus driver, and when he can't get a real response, he EGGS HIM ON by accusing him of Murdering his SISTER, just to get Derek to react. Which is the EXACT same thing Kate did when she showed up and wanted Derek to lose his temper. Scott is CONSTANTLY paralleled with villains and assholes, and constantly does the things that others are persecuted for. But instead of feeling regret or learning something from it, instead of growing AT ALL. Those actions are treated as good. We are told they are righteous. And clever. That they are what heroes do. AND YES: There are parallels between Derek and Stiles' behaviors and villains/morally grey characters! Of course there are!

BUT THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THE TRUE ALPHA MAIN CHARACTER. SCOTT IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD GUY. HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO MIMIC/EMULATE THE VILLAINS, AND HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE REWARDED WHEN HE DOES IT ANYWAY.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I understand the urge to think that the Teen Wolf writers did all of this on purpose. That they built Scott up as an unreliable narrator, so that we're forced to come to terms with a protagonist who isn't good, and we watch them fall into a villainous role while thinking all the while they are a hero. That all these parallels are intentional and the writers just couldn't Tell us what was going on bc they didn't have enough power.

And sometimes I play into it. I will lie to myself about Scott being the 'narrator' of the entire show, and that we're seeing it all through his eyes so of course things are biased and conflicting, just so I can actually Enjoy watching it.

But I think it's absolute bullshit that this was done on purpose. It wasn't. The parallels appeared because they Wanted Scott to do the badass things that they had all the villains doing, throwing people and being sneaky and clever, and stopping the bad guy, and they didn't want to deal with the fact that they were having him do bad things. So they just pretended he wasn't and refused to acknowledge that they'd already punished other people for doing the same exact shit, but somehow Scott was getting rewarded. They wanted Scott to be the hero, so they made him the hero, and screw everybody else.

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

[damselofblueroses]

Bambi, Ch. 2, Ghost

You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?

Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.

You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.

Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?

Chapter Summary: Byun Baekhyun and the Reader remember the day they spent in UN Village together while they are heading to Chios. (Guys, this chapter, which is dedicated to the beginning of their relationship, is going to be two parts, otherwise it is going to be more than 20k lol)

Word Count: 11k

Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to lovers.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story will be 7 or 8 chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Ghost

5 years ago, Hannam-dong

Even if I want you so much it drives me crazy

You ghost

Even if I want and call for you all night long

You came to me and left without a word

You ghost, you ghost

You want to go crazy all night, you plead

You ghost

You disappeared again without a trace

“What type of sadistic and sick person could say that we have to work here?” you cursed between your teeth, you jaw clenched because of pure anger. “How do they expect us to do our job in the middle of fucking super-ultra-rich people?”

“Get used to it.” Junmyeon flinched your forehead, but his frustration was oblivious, even though he was doing definitely better than you. “Where is Baekhyun?”

“I do not know.” you recklessly pointed to the expensive cars on the road. “Maybe he was looking for a sugar mommy.”

“As your sunbae,” Minseok hit you. “I would like to remind you to hold on your manners.”

“Someone has to give a speech on manners to him.” your eyebrows knitted together. “Not to me.”

“Both of you,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly spoke. “need a really good beaten session, since both of you have no idea on how to behave.”

You threw the book you were holding to Kyungsoo, but he was too quick and easily saved himself from your unexpected attack.

“I am here, right?” you hissed. “Where the heck is that bastard? He always disappears when it comes to work, why do you hold me in the same esteem with him?”

“Because you are definitely a copy of Baekhyun.” Chanyeol laughed at your god-fucking-damn-it-so-horrible face expression. “Let’s face with the fact, Indy. Everyone knows that Baekhyun is a disciplined student, just as you are, badmouthed, just as you are.”

“Are you talking about me?” Baekhyun popped out of nowhere. “I heard you are praising me less than the way I deserve.”

Your face could be described as disgusted, but this would be the kindest way of telling how your appearance was. Actually, you wanted to punch his narcissistic self-perspective, to shake his cage in order to give him the lesson he deserved, but you did not want to be scolded by Junmyeon again. You just walked away from him, needing to put a safe distance between yourself and Baekhyun.

God, if you could run away to space, you would do it in order to not infuse with the same air with Baekhyun.

You disliked him, you disliked the way of his well-being, you disliked his velvety voice, his lame jokes, his sharp remarks, you disliked everything about Byun Baekhyun.

And you hated yourself because of finding him very handsome. Sometimes, you caught yourself, staring at Baekhyun, forgetting how to breath properly. His face was like a gift of God himself; his body ratio made you to say oh-my-fucking-god.

Thank God, he had the most annoying character, because if he had a good personality, you knew that you would fall in love over the heels with him.

“What kind of idiot chained us here?” Baekhyun asked to Junmyeon. “Fuck’s sake, what the heck we are going to here? Digging beneath the Richie riches’ villas?”

Chanyeol bite his lips before looking at you, silently reminding your own words and his remarks about being very same with Baekhyun. You did not back off, staring at Chanyeol with all frustration went through your veins, causing Chanyeol to laugh. Baekhyun hit his head, then walked towards Junmyeon to take his own tool bag.

You hated him for this, too. He was acting like he was a superior, like he was better than any of you, and what got your nerves badly was no one scold him as they would scold you if you would do the same things.

“Yeah, I am like this scumbag who does not carry even his own stuff, huh?” you literally sizzled between your teeth, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo heard your annoyed voice, but they preferred to keep their silence. Your hate was not a secret for the team, everyone was aware of the fact that putting you and Baekhyun was a dangerous decision since he also loathed you.

But to your dismays, you were the brightest students Sejong could always play on.

“Seriously what we are going to do?” Baekhyun repeated his question because he really did not have a single clue.

“Didn’t you read the mail Sejong sent us?” Jongdae asked him, raising one eyebrow. Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, you bit your lower lip in order keep your frustration under your control. What a bastard!

“We have to visit UN Village, there are seven neighbourhood where we have to go and collect the permissions of the residents.” Junmyeon run his hand through his hair. He was already on the verge of cracking since he was the one who had to deal with a lot of capricious upper-class members in order to complete this fucking task. He wished nothing but changing his path, he started to think like the field was not his cup of tea, but before resigning from leadership, he wanted to find a good candidate who could lead the team.

He wanted you to be that leader. You and Baekhyun. Heretofore, Junmyeon laid his eyes on both of you and your abilities persuaded him to nominate your names when he could propose an election. He did not want to be a fieldperson, he wished to stay in his office, but at the same time, he could not inherit his legacy, Godfuckingdamnit Junmyeon’s did his best in order to engrave his name as one of the most successful captains, to anyone but the best. Yet, Junmyeon had no idea how to put you in good terms, since you were like a cat and dog, and Chanyeol, that giant idiot, used every opportunity to fan the flames, even that silent Kyungsoo enjoyed watching intangible scuffles between you and Baekhyun.

Junmyeon has been sensing that the team was becoming aware of the situation and camping as two different poles. Jongdae, Shinhye and Minseok were setting off closer to you while Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the newbie, Jongin have been shifting to Baekhyun’s side. Damn, Junmyeon could not let it to be happen. He needed all of you under the same umbrella, especially you and Baekhyun had to stay together. He was seeing a great potential of you, if you could combine your powers, you were going to be the perfect team. Period.

“Let’s split into teams.” his eyes wandered around all of you. “We are eight, if we can divide ourselves into four teams, we will finish the job easier and quicker.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Kyungsoo approved. “I am going to take Chanyeol.”

“Are you my superior, dumbass?” Chanyeol hit his shoulder, but he was laughing. “I am with Kyungsoo.”

“Good.” Junmyeon inhaled. “Shinhye, you are with Jongdae.”

You automatically stirred next to Minseok, however you shuttered after hearing Junmyeon’s next orders.

“Indy, you and Baekhyun are together, Minseok, let’s go.”

“What?!” you immediately stopped and hissed at Junmyeon. “Am I with who?”

Jongdae realized the storm before seeing the clouds, clever as always, he disappeared while dragging Shinhye with him. You even did not notice, but Chanyeol’s smile widened, Kyungsoo smirked, and they rushed to their own direction.

Only four of you were standing on the pavement, you were throwing daggers to Junmyeon with your eyes. Baekhyun was nonchalantly looking at Junmyeon, while Minseok could not find a way to break the tension.

Junmyeon was cool as a cucumber.

“You are with Baekhyun.” he repeated his words, sounding like he was condemning you with execution. “What? Do you have a rejection?”

“Yes!” you exploded without thinking. “Why shou-

“Believe me,” Baekhyun interrupted your words, he was indifferent to your frustration. “I did not beg for being in the same team with you.”

“Did I claim that?” you swiftly turned on your tiptoes. “Did I say you are eager to be with me?”

“It would be the greatest joke you could make.” Baekhyun winked to you. “But you are not so into the entertainment, right?”

“Baekhyun,” Minseok noisily cleared his throat. “I am not sur-

“What do you know about me?” you heard your own voice. “This is why we cannot work together, you always make assumptions out of your ass, instead I work as organized, with the facts and tangible proofs.”

“What do you know about me?” Baekhyun coldly smiled at you, you could not describe its impacts on you, that smile had you wanting to punch him at the same time ignited some fires in your lower stomach. “We barely talk, have you been watching me all the time?”

“You wish.” you took a deep breath. “You are not worth my time.”

“Oh,” his eyes glimmered with a menacing luminescence. “I am deeply wounded.”

“If you are done,” Junmyeon raised his hands to the air. “We have to work.”

“Jun-

“Young lady,” Baekhyun barged on. “They did not teach you this, so it’s up to me but we are not in kindergarten anymore.”

You had to admit, no one could get your nerves till now like Baekhyun did.

You had to admit, you hated being called as a kid. Junmyeon’s eyes blown up when Baekhyun labelled you as a kid, before he could open his mouth, you stared at Baekhyun.

“I can see why we could be a team.” you took the directional instructions from Junmyeon’s hand. “A kindergarten kid has to take care of a cry baby while the adults have to work.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, but you wholly ignored his visible annoyance, and started to walk. Junmyeon was looking at your back with a little bit concerned face, but he knew that he did what he had to do.

You were going to scold Junmyeon in the following hours of the day, however, now your job was teaching a couple of lessons on manners to this scumbag who has been walking beside you.

You spent the first hour in a total silence, talking only if the occasion called for it. The tension between you and Baekhyun was solid, someone could cut it with a knife without any problem. Baekhyun was bored to death, he never plan to have a day like this, he wanted to enjoy everything he did, he thought he could be with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, having fun to death.

Instead, he was trapped with you.

The only girl he loathed to the bits.

He could not endure to hear your voice, even though you talked with the residents very kindly and respectfully. He had to admit that you were doing a good job, but it did not change anything he felt for you. He had been cursing Junmyeon since he put you two in the same task, however, he knew that if Junmyeon wanted something from Baekhyun, he would do it without question. Baekhyun could be many things, but he was loyal to his friends, and Junmyeon had a special place in his heart.

Also, behind the curtains of his hate, he could see why Junmyeon gave you to him. Although you were an abominable bitch, an obnoxious creature, a walking blasphemy, and a hate crime, Baekhyun did not think you could be an offspring of a lovely or healthy relationship, he was sure your parents were diabolical beasts, to his disappointment, you were reallyclever.

He wished you could be more reliable person, so he could work with you.

Baekhyun did not like to confess, yet he was aware of the fact that he desperately needed his own Evelyn O’Connor. Someone who could play the game with him, as his trustable partner in crime. He was extremely close to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, but they were not equal to his wits and ambitions. Sometimes he was brassed off the conversations, time to time he found them boring and lame. His logic was faster than his mates, actually he was longing for nothing, but someone was equal to his high-speed brain.

You could be the one he was searching for, but you were made of poison, greed, and wickedness. Even if he would be blessed by the Heavens, he could not agree to work someone with you.

“Your Highness,” he heard your fucking voice. “We have to visit at least twelve houses more; do you mind hurrying up?”

“The only thing I mind is your fucking attitude.” he gritted his teeth. “Give the plan to me.”

“So, you can destroy everything I organized properly?” you smirked. “I do not think so.”

“Organized?” Baekhyun cocked his eyebrow. “Organized, my ass. Didn’t you lose Park Sangwan’s house? Twice?”

“Look who is talking.” the red of embarrassment slightly painted your cheeks and ears. “The one who had no idea about today’s plans.”

“At least I did not lose my fucking way and circled around the same house almost for half an hour.”

“And the award goes to Byun Baekhyun for his greatest achievements.” you gave back the wink to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, breaking news. No achievement no award.”

Baekhyun took it personally since you two competed to each other as the finalists of last academic year. Your project was accepted as the winner while Baekhyun received only a certificate. You hit the lotto, he had to watch you, walking to the stage with a bright smile tugged on your lips.

Still, he could vividly remember the little smirk you gave to him that night when they announced your name.

“You did it consciously.” his jaw clenched. “That night. When they called you as the winner. You immediately turned to me just to annoy me.”

“It seems, I achieve my goal.” your smirk widened, a glistening layer of fun covered your face. “Were you disappointed?”

“Yeah, of course.” he did not miss a single second. “I was disappointed of the professors, I was believing they were cleverer than me, but their choice showed me they were nothing but idiots.”

“Could you smell the air, Baekhyun?” you asked with a serious face. He was confused for a second, you never ask a question to him or call him by his name, but before he could register, you tucked the words in his throat. “Oh, jealousy, my favourite.”

“Darling,” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “There is no single living soul who can be low enough to jealous you in this universe.”

That was not quite truth, because Baekhyun not only remembered your revengeful smile but also how you were looking like that day. He could paint you on canvas by closed eyes, and he would not miss a single detail.

And he was a little bit jealous on that day. Not only because he lost over to you, but also because of the people around you. You annoyed him not only with your award, but also with your closeness to the other men.

Despite of your usual oversize clothes or no makeup policy, you chose to present yourself in a different style. Your hair was perfectly combed, your makeup highlighted your face features, and you were wearing a little light blue dress which tightly caressed your body. Baekhyun, or none of your classmates knew that you had curves for example till that night and to Baekhyun’s dismay, you had a really good body. You were a minion, your beauty was very soft and although he really hated to admit this, you were a view for the spectators. Maybe not the prettiest, but you had something had people looking at you, liking you, desiring you.

You had an aura which was enough to make your biggest enemy to silently acknowledged that you were attractive.

“Maybe, there is no one.” you shrugged your shoulder. “But youwere eager to low yourself, huh?”

You did not forget the look on Baekhyun’s face when Professor Kim called you to the stage. You were sure as fuck, he was cursing you but also there was something else, glowing in his eyes. Something you could not describe, but you could see the same emotion in your reflection when you saw Baekhyun with that crowd of girls.

Rarely.

But still you knew that feeling.

That ceremony was hard for you, of course you were over the moon because of your achievement, that project opened you some fresh opportunities and proved that despite of being a junior, you were more than a bachelor student. You proved your talents and abilities to yourself by winning the first place, you completed a step, made your first goal come true.

And you nailed Byun Baekhyun’s coffin. It was worth of every minute you spent sleepless, your tears and sweats, the hours in library, the hours in front of the plan of Gyeongbokgung Palace and search for the most logical and safest ways of conducting an excavation around the palace.

Your ideas were chosen over Baekhyun’s ideas, and you were aware of the quality of the solutions he proposed.

You were proud of yourself.

It was the bare truth that Baekhyun’s face were singing to you just as your favourite band could sing, seeing his face just like someone fed him with cucumbers was equal to being accepted into your dream field, Chios’ excavations, as the chief archaeologist.

But you were annoyed.

You could not happily taste your success. You could not feel its flavour on your tongue buds.

Because of that bastard looked fucking magnificent in that bloody black suit.

You have been told about the dress code you had to follow, however no one, not a single soul managed to catch his level of looking good in a suit.

You were annoyed because your taste in men was exactly equal to Byun Baekhyun. He had everything you could ask for, he was devilishly charming, there was even no need for words to describe him, he was beautiful.

And he was the only one you hated the most.

Every girl in the room was drooling over him, to your dismay, just like you. You felt that feeling in your stomach, a pain which was spinning, spinning, and spinning, causing a tornado inside of your stomach.

Was it jealousy?

“I already noticed your ignorance about the feelings.” Baekhyun could not control himself anymore and grabbed your shoulder, turning you to the opposite direction. “We have to follow this fucking street, or we will be lost again.”

“Have you been observing me, Baekhyunnie? That’s so cute.” you ignored the second part of his words, just starting to walk on the direction he instructed to you.

“Observing you takes a minute, baby girl, since there is nothing to see.” he answered but he found it interesting when you called him as Baekhyunnie. “You are a spoiled brat.”

“Hop, that hurts.” you pouted, pressed your fist on your chest, faking a whimper. “Would you like to tame this spoiled brat?”

You started to think that you went nuts.

“In your dreams.” Baekhyun laughed, but he literally lost himself in the fucking possibilities you could be tamed by him. “You have to wait a couple of centuries for someone who can be willing to be with you.”

You chuckled but preferred to keep your silence after his words. Damn, your sudden quietude caught Baekhyun’s attention more. Why didn’t you not attack to him? Why didn’t you give him a sharp answer as you should have?

Why you chuckled like there was a line at your door?

Was it?

Baekhyun pondered that instead of the fact that you were generally with a small group of friends, to both of your dismays your common friends, he did not see you with strangers, so there could not a queue for your hand.

Could it be?

And why the fuck he should have care if there is a crowd for you or not? No one could want someone like you if they did not lose their mind.

But he cared. Fuck, he cared more than he wanted.

Because to his disappointment, he knew that there was a real cavalcade of knightly candidates for you.

“Okey,” you checked the time. “After this one, I am going to have lunch.”

“We are going to have lunch.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “I hate eating alone enough to endure your presence.”

“Didn’t you tell me there is no one who could want to be with me?” you snickered. “But you have no reservations about having lunch with me?”

“Imagine the situation I am in.” he grumbled. “The day gets better and better.”

You decided to annoy him, pushing him to the edges as much as you could do. The first response that came to your mind refusing him, but the other option was funnier. You could play with Byun Baekhyun, you could take your revenge by being a pain in the ass.

He said that he could endure your presence.

You could make him regretful of his words.

There was a very little smile tugged on your lips which you were not aware of, however, to his dismay, Baekhyun realized it.

Her lips are rosy and plump, he thought to himself. Even though he called you a spoiled brat, he was not sure of if you were a brat or not. Kiddos have not the type of lips, calling people for the kisses, like you. There was something, even during your cocky performances when you tried to beat the life out of him, although you always kept that dull and bored expression and acted like Baekhyun was not worth of your time, but there was something just in you.

Baekhyun swallowed down his own vomit when he admitted it to himself, and you have caught his glare.

“What?” you purred. “Can’t you take your eyes off me?”

“Who the hell wants to watch you?” he quickly collected his thoughts and put them in a fucking trail. “I am looking for a restaurant where we can have good food.”

After a permanent mutual ignorance session for years, his next words caught you off your guard.

“You like local foods, right?” he asked. “I guess the second shop on this street is famous for jjangmyeon and tteokbokki.”

Well, you had to admit that his questions made your brain a little bit foggy. How could he know that?

“Yeah.” for the first time in history, you did not come up with any sharp answer. “How about you?”

“As long as there is no cucumber or extremely sweet cuisine,” he started to walk. “I am fine.”

You heard that Baekhyun is really not in good terms with cucumber.

“Feel you.” you murmured in your mouth because you hated cucumbers as much as you hated Baekhyun. He swiftly look at you, you accompanied him on the street.

“We should celebrate.” he teased. “I said something, you just answered, and we did not have a fight.”

“This is a privilege for cucumbers.” you shrugged your shoulder, but you also felt that he did not buy your nonchalant tone. “I cannot stand them, mum loves it too much, I mean what type of person can love a cucumber? If I need water, I prefer to drink it.”

Your observation made him tilted his head back in that rumbling laugh of his, you were unwilling to join, but the corners of your mouth turned up slightly.

“Here we go.” He, as a gentleman, opened the door for you, you responded with the most neutral expression you could muster. “Oh, no thanks?”

“Thank you.” you rolled your eyes, however, despite of your strongly negative feelings against him, you do not like rudeness. “Sorry, that was insolence of me.”

“Your apology is fully accepted.” he winked, you hated that cocky tone, you hated yourself for falling into his trap. You passed him, went to a distanced table where it placed in the corner. You did not want to be seen as having a lunch with Baekhyun by your teammates.

Corner was fine.

“Oh, no.” he grabbed your arm, manhandled you to the tables of the center. “I will not let you escape. If they see us, let them to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted, your lips pressed to each other enough to form a thick line on your face, you could almost taste your growing anger. But at the same time, you realized that feeling his hand on your skin increased your heartbeats, you wanted to scream with self-hatred, but you bite down on your tongue as his hand quickly wandered to down, to your waist. He directed you to the most visible table from outside while you were fighting yourself in order to control your fucking pace of breathing.

Please, this could not be true, I could not be excited because of his touch, you thought.

This was not happening, what the fuck was happening?

Baekhyun was not so different from you, even though his face expression was not changed for a bit. He forced himself to take control, but it was really hard for him.

Your hate was reciprocated, right? You guys could not spend even a bloody minute in peace, the only thing you had was annoyance.

So, why you perfectly fit in his embrace just like you were made just to be under his arm?

Why Baekhyun wanted to tight his arm around your waist?

Why could you not say anything even though Baekhyun was literally holding you?

Why you felt like you were in the only place where you had to be for the rest of your days?

“Hi.” you heard the waitress who was a really beautiful girl. “Welcome to Sung’s String. How can I help you?”

Even though finishing her sentence, she begun to eye Baekhyun. You rolled your eyes and reached to the menu; to be honest, this show was not funny after seeing it for the million times. Every time, Sejong Team went outside for a drink, for a gathering or even for a museum trip, girls and sometimes boys gazing the members of Sejong Team just like they were idols or actors because of their good-looking. Eh, they were not wrong, you had to say that the Sejong Team included really, really, and really handsome boys from Baekhyun to Chanyeol, from Kyungsoo to Jongdae and these boys’ superiors were Kim oh-my-godJunmyeon and Kim lord-help-us Minseok.

Well…

You were already got used to the reactions coming from all around when Sejong Team showed their faces. You knew that both of insiders and outsiders of Sejong Institute called your team members as the Flower Boys or a shitty nickname like that.

“I would like to have a jjangmyeon without cucumbers, and a tteokbokki.” you turned the menu off. “With a light coke.”

“Coke?” Baekhyun mimicked you like he could not believe his ears. “Are you kidding? Everyone knows that you have to drink jasmine tea in order to help digestion.”

“Have you been majored in nutrition?” you gave him your bitchy resting face. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No coke.” he wholly ignored you and turned to the waitress who was watching him as drooling. “Please, we want two bowls of jjangmyeon, two tteokbokki, also please we would like to have kimbap and kimchi as the garnitures and of course a pot of jasmine tea.”

“Yeah!” she sounded weaker after Baekhyun conducted all power he had in his eyes to her. “Anything else?”

“I guess we are fine for the time being.” Baekhyun smiled to her, causing a flush of redness on her cheeks.

“I will be back as soon as possible.” the girl literally purred, Baekhyun’s eyes shined after her reaction. Little bastard. You did not want to think about it, but his visible joy had your stomach churned. You inhaled and took your book out of your bag.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun glanced up at you, reached to take the book from your hands. “Having lunch together means conversation, are you going to read?”

“Give the book to me, Byun.” you kicked his foot under the table. “I know you do not know how to read and enjoy but that’s a good habit to have.”

“Yeah, I know that habit of you gives nothing but lonely hours in library.” he had no limits of shooting his arrows. “Have you ever tried something different for a change?”

“Like what?” you tried to get back your book. “Following your great example and dedicate my life to your favourite sport? Sorry, I have no interest in running after women by lolling my tongue out of my mouth.”

“Baby girl,” Baekhyun put your book in his leather bag. “You have no idea whose tongue lolls out of the mouth.”

You could not decide on what you hated the most. Baekhyun or the girls after Baekhyun? You concluded as both of them were equally horrible in your eyes.

“I am sure your stories are incredible.” you inhaled. “But I really do not like to hear the anecdotes of miserable women. Could you give the book back before I gauge your eyes off?”

“Nope.” he grinned. “I can bet on you are still a virgin but tell me if you have an affair or not, I would like to pay my condolences to your partner.”

He was already written as the first name in your list of most-hated-people, but suddenly became the first man to be written as the first enemy of a lifetime.

“Did you finish your own list of dead partners?” you raised one eyebrow. “Thinking of its length gives me chills.”

“No dead.” his grin widened from one ear to the other. “They just had some temporary heart problems due to the performances I gave to them.”

You opened your mouth to slap his face with the words, but the waitress came back to your table with a huge tray. She was placing every bowl and plate, actually fucking Baekhyun with her eyes, you literally hardly suppressed your instincts, telling you to warn her immediately.

But you were not honest with yourself about why you wanted to warn her. In the deep of your mind, but in very deep, you had been starting to realize that you disliked when the girls threw themselves to Baekhyun because you wanted them to stop. You did not like the scene because you did not want to share Baekhyun’s gaze with another person.

You were lying to yourself without realizing what was the real problem of you.

You loved Baekhyun from the beginning, even though he was a fucking tease and a bloody smartass. There was no other man for you, if someone could cut your chest, the only thing would be seen in your heart was his name.

But that would be the heaviest self-enlightenment, and you were definitely not ready for such as a thing. That’s why you unconsciously continued to trick yourself by disguising your own feelings from your own eyes.

You got the chopsticks and decided to have your lunch instead of burying yourself in the maze of thoughts. Baekhyun realized your discomfort, but he had no idea what the real reason of your mood was, whatever made you unhappy was more than okey for him. He could be happy as long as you were sorrowful.

“You still not give an answer to the question.” he was persistent on pushing your limits. “Do you have a relationship?”

“Why are you curious?” you took a mouthful amount of jjangmyeon. How much you wanted to stuff these noodle strings into his throat, suffocating him to death. “If you want to send a bouquet, please note that I love blue roses.”

“You are really a virgin, huh?” Baekhyun diabolically grinned, you could swear on you saw the red halo over his head.

“Darling, you cannot make me angry by stating what is obvious.” you smiled back, there was no reason holding it back, you were always open on these issues, and a sick part of you wanted to tell him to see his reaction. “Yeah, I am a virgin.”

“Do you conservatively follow a church?” his chin dropped a few inches. “How could it be possible with all the boys who try to seduce you?”

Well, you did not expect to hear this.

“Come on,” Baekhyun continued. “I always see you with a bunch of men, do you really think they are following you only for friendship?”

“On the contrary of you and your limit-does-not-exist type of libido, people can build the bonds of affinity.”

“Only when they do not search for an open door to sneak in.” Baekhyun pointed his chopsticks to your face. “Telling you, I can name at least six permanent names in the waiting room.”

You did not see the hidden meaning of his words, however, Baekhyun was already became regretful, he silently prayed for your ignorance and blindness were going to keep him safe. Because he gave you the biggest clue of his interest in you by stating he could give even names.

He still did not understand how he could know everything about you or why he always put a brick on the ways of the candidates for you, but he did. Hell, he was unapologetically finding a way to prevent the boys who liked you and no one could understand it was Baekhyun. He always came up with a solution in order to intimate them, put them back off. You were not aware but Baekhyun always appeared around you when he thought a candidate was close to you more than he supposed to be.

He already put his stamina on you as his girl, but he was not aware of his own actions. He was not aware of what he has been doing, how he was persistently looking for you, searching for your face in every class or harmoniously living with your voice. It was like your breathing was singing to his ears, and he was dancing with your melody.

Baekhyun did not understand but he was yours.

“I am not sure what you think,” you sipped from jasmine tea with self-confidence. “But there is no such a fucking waiting room.”

“You are really blind.” Baekhyun chewed a rice cake, generously dipping it into the gochujang sauce. “Don’t you think Oh Seunghwan is acting like more than a friend? Or Jang Jeongbun? Jesus, even you really cannot be that much idiot.”

Baekhyun was right for the first time in history. You were nothing more than a retard because you really did not understand the behind the scenes of his words. He was unconsciously giving you the signs of his interests in you, but you were so naïve to see.

“They are my friends, Baekhyun.” you rolled your eyes back. “I know grasping the nature of different relationships is hard for you, but people can be nothing but friends. No need to add tensions or searching for hidden meanings.”

Every time you vocalized his fucking name, Baekhyun felt its impact went straight to his dick, and he hated himself for that.

You were not the type of people who could be okey with the target of teasing. You wanted to play, you wanted to be enhanced by it, sinking into the waves of the game.

And even Baekhyun did not admit it in his head, he believed you were the most attractive girl he has been known because of you always corresponded to his moves and cards.

“How about you?” you immediately played your reverse card, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I heard that you and your gorgeous looks which made entire school swoon and fantasize about you? Are you really called as the sexiest human being on the country?”

Your voice was the strongest indicator of your disbelief, he could be the biggest moron on planet Earth, nothing more nothing less.

Also, you were aware of those comments on Baekhyun more than you wished for. You kept everything you heard about him in your head, in the safest and the most secret file of your brain, refusing to think but keeping on unconsciously think about those speculations. You found them very suspicious, but not because of Baekhyun did not deserve to be called as the sexiest human being, you found those fantasies as unlikely because of Baekhyun had not that macho man stuff people were somehow attributing to him.

You had grown so sick from all of these dreams and comments, coming from every corner of school since Baekhyun was like a star.

And now, you had him seemed quite displeased with your tease.

“Only on the country?” he raised one eyebrow. “Shit, it seems I am not doing well.”

“Baby, you are coming after Park Chanyeol.” you sighed in joy of dancing on your tiptoes. “That’s a quite achievement, when you think.”

“Chanyeol?” he sighed in annoyance; you knew that you trapped his ego in a small box. “Coming after Chanyeol?”

“Yeah.” you gave the most nonchalant look to him. “Well, I can tell that’s quite unfair since Flower Boys includes really strong names such as Kyungsoo or Junmyeon but… Poor girls, they have to be lunatic to put you after Chanyeol.”

“What do you think about these extremely distorted images of us?” Baekhyun angrily took a mouthful of jjangmyeon.

“Do you ask my list?” you crossed your hands over your chest, cooing with gleamy eyes. “I cannot believe that Byun Baekhyun, asking me, a poor peasant, for her list.”

Baekhyun’s eyes darkening, and you were not sure why your mood was changed from the pure need of mocking him to an excitement which you could not ignore. His voice was really screechy and boyish when he asked your list, and his voice giving you a different kind of pleasure. Not the pleasure of scolding him, but the delight of toying him, pushing him to the edge.

But you did not analyse your current feelings, instead, you rushed to deliver your actually-not-existent list.

“We are talking about physical features, right? But I am going to rate everyone also with their characteristics.” you smiled. “For me, the first name is Chanyeol. I mean, look at that face he has, and his body ratio is excellent, but he has a golden heart. Then, of course Kyungsoo, he is fucking handsome, therefore, he is a great guy.”

“I really pity your tastes of men.” Baekhyun’s discontent with your made-up list was palpable, and the dissatisfaction of his tone was like honey left out in the morning sun.

“The number 3 is Junmyeon as always.” you wholly ignored his comment. “No one can say anything against to Kim Junmyeon, he is the definition of aesthetic. Minseok and Jongdae shared the same number in my list, and that’s all.”

“You forgot me.” Baekhyun snorted, his voice made you lifted your head. He was so tense; you never see his jaw clenched at this expand. What’s up his ass? you silently though in your head.

“I did not.” you were cool as a cucumber. “You are not in the list.”

Till now, you guys always ate each other, digging the graves for each other, always fighting always scolding always throwing invisible daggers to each other. However, you have never ever seen those dangerous lights, dancing in the pupils of Baekhyun after your words.

It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that you found this Baekhyun as more attractive than his usual-self and unfortunately you already found Baekhyun very desirable. Even though you would never even let yourself to think about being intimate with him, his eyes stirred something inside of you, ignited some fires close to your lower stomach.

“I am sorry to hear that.” you also never heard this cold voice tone of Baekhyun, and you heard almost every negative version of Baekhyun’s voice which he spared only to use against you. “Let’s finish the meals, we have to be back to work.”

“Yeah.” you nod, lightly smiled. You managed to make him mad, you achieved your goal to annoy him so bad.

Why did you feel bad?

Why did you want Baekhyun to continue on the game?

Why did you feel regretful?

Why did you want to cry?

When Baekhyun’s phone started to ring, you almost completed every house in the list Junmyeon gave to you.

And you spent the last two hours in a total silence. It was eerily, Baekhyun’s lips firmly presses into each other like he sworn on not to talk again. You were not so different, but inside of your mind, something was gnawing your inner peace.

You were not happy, even you coped with the most difficult task, shutting Baekhyun’s mouth.

But you were not happy. You did not feel like you got the prize.

Instead…

You were extremely sad, and you felt like you let the trophy to slid between your fingers.

You had to feel like you hit the jackpot, but quite opposite, you were miserable.

You were especially afraid of losing Baekhyun’s attention, your own heart was aching at the way you told him off.

Still, you were lying to yourself and trying to conceal what made you afraid, you were not honest to your conscious, however despite of your efforts, you knew something was wrong with you after his transformation after you showed him the door.

You were a coward; you were not accepting the solid fact that you were in love with Byun Baekhyun and what made you afraid was nothing but losing him.

However, you were also sure on Baekhyun had a place in your head, making you shutter, had you shaking in your shoes. You could not name where to put his name, but you knew he had a place in your life.

And you were horrified by the possibility of losing the chance of hearing his voice. Even if his cocky remarks were the only words you could rip from him.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun answered to the call, for a second, you were happy to hear his voice again, but he walked towards to the last house you had to visit without waiting for you. He did not do this, even in the beginning of the day. You took a deep breath, you did not know why the heck you were really sad for his sudden coldness, godfuckingdamnit didn’t you hate and always despise each other? You mentally slapped yourself to gather yourself up, but it was pointless, you rushed to catch him.

You were aware of there was a painful squeeze in your chest, but you could not understand the reason of its presence or how you could get rid of that.

“Junmyeon told us to retreat.” Baekhyun informed you without looking at you. “After this house, we have to run back to the meeting point.”

“Okey.” you nod, hated the meek voice tone you produced but your mind was not on the case, you were questioning your own feelings and firm beliefs about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun was not better, to be honest, he was worse than you.

When you nonchalantly told him he was not in your list, he wanted to puke everything he devoured during lunch even though tteokbokki was his favourite food. He wanted to punch himself on the face when you counted the members of your fucking list, he wanted to smack his head into the table.

Chanyeol? Kyungsoo? Damnit, even Junmyeon found his way to sneak into your list, but Baekhyun was not there.

He was always sure of he would be landed in every list, but he never think that being in your fucking list was the most important for him.

Why did he care if you were not seeing him as a man or not?

This question swirling in his head had his mind shattering.

As much as he was happy to see you wiggling like a worm under the fires, he could not control his reactions against the problem. When he saw you trembling over a case, he was the first one always popped out of nowhere to fix the problem in the darkness and never let you learn that it was him. He did not let even Junmyeon to help you, putting aside Chanyeol or Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun was the one who had been saving your ass like he was your invisible rescue call.

But you did not name him in your fucking list.

It drove him into crazy. The lack of your attention. He never mean that alerting you on his helps or care for you, but at the same time, he never think that his efforts would be equal to nothing.

He hated himself as much he hated you.

While you were walking back to the meeting point, both of you were lost in your own darkest thoughts. You were carefully paying the attention in order to not to have immersed each other, however both of you wanted nothing but screaming to each other, enough to have the fiercest fight till now.

You wanted to lose yourself in Baekhyun just like he was dying to bury himself into you for his dear life. However, both of you were very good at muting the voices of your hearts and minds.

“Indy! Baekhyun!” you heard Minseok, turning to his voice. “It is going to be a blizzard; we have to find a shelter.”

“Ha?”

“The forecast was clear as fuck.” Chanyeol pointed Junmyeon who was glued to his phone. “Jun is looking for a hotel for us since we could not go back.”

“We can take the cabs?” you were puzzled, a blizzard would be bad, but it did not mean that you had to spend the night here. “I mean, we are not living in a different city.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Shinhye crossed her arms over her shoulders, trying to keep herself warm. You had to admit, although you did not feel it till now, the weather was really cold. “But the cab drivers refused to drive into the city center. They advised us to stay here.”

“How about using metro?” you asked. “It is not so hard.”

“If you want,” Junmyeon hissed at you, holding the phone over his shoulder for a second. “You can try your chance, Indy. However, we are going to spend the night here. Safe and warm.”

“He is right.” Kyungsoo smiled at you. “I prefer to be warm and dry, sorry.”

You took a look at the team, and everyone was approving Kyungsoo’s words like they were bloody zealots.

“Okey, dumbasses.” you sighed in annoyance. “But we do not have even fucking pyjamas.”

“You can always take your clothes off.” Chanyeol winked at you. “Who says you need a pair of pyjamas to sleep?”

“Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.” a sudden blush spread over your cheekbones, Chanyeol could not help but burst into laughs.

Baekhyun was determined to ignore you, but he could not help himself.

“Yeah, number one.” he muttered between his teeth, enough to be heard only by you. “Golden heart.”

Your chin was dropped for a few inches after hearing his annoyed voice tone and vindictive comment.

Could it be the reason of his unexpected coldness?

Could he be jealous of your invalid expressions and your fake list?

No way.

He could not be.

Your heart skipped the order of beats.

“Okey,” Junmyeon interrupted your thoughts. “We are going, if we are lucky, we will be in the hotel before the bloody snow will sweep down on us.”

“Let’s go!” Shinhye grabbed your hand, dragging you beside of herself. You submissively followed her footsteps; however, your mind was distracted by Baekhyun’s last words.

Could it be?

“This is heaven.” Jongdae rubbed his tummy. “Thank you, Jun!”

“No problem.” Junmyeon smiled and looked at all of you, to be honest, after a really good and delicious dinner, everyone was knocked out over the table.

Except you and Baekhyun.

“If you want you can go to your rooms.” Junmyeon said. “Since we were fortunate to find a single room for each of us, I do not think we have to play rock-paper-scissor.”

“Ah, having a room for myself.” Minseok laughed. “I do not have to hear your snorts, Junmyeon.”

They were sharing the same flat, everyone laughed after his teasing, Junmyeon too.

“Look who is talking.” he beamed. “I am so happy that I am going to have one night without your damn showering rituals.”

“Tell us about it.” Jongdae whined. “Pleeeassse.”

While Junmyeon and Minseok had been giving details of their flatmate stories to the team, making everyone to enjoy the environment, you were deeply sink into the pool of thoughts.

What a day, you thought. And why I feel like I am desperate?

Also, Baekhyun was not enjoying the unexpected banquet, instead he was quite enough to draw attention to himself. Chanyeol was on the verge of asking what the heck was wrong with him, but Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, pointed you with his eyes. Chanyeol’s wit quickly grabbed the matter, and he devilishly grinned.

You gave a hard day to Baekhyun, and he had no intention to change a thing between you and Baekhyun.

He always believed that you were secretly liking each other, but as you were nothing but stubborn bastards, you concealed your feelings towards each other.

Chanyeol definitely had zero motive to interrupt the fight between you, if it meant you would understand your mutual feelings.

Junmyeon also sensed the tension between you and Baekhyun, but he was not the type of persons who could wait on his corner.

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!” Junmyeon called out him, waking him up. “How was your day? Why you guys are silent as dead?”

“We completed the task.” Baekhyun answered sourly, the corner of his mouth jumping downwards faintly. “As you assigned me and her.”

Baekhyun deliberately avoided using the pronoun of us.

“And it was a hell of task.” he continued. “I am so tired.”

“Even if you are fucking tired,” Jongdae raised a rejection. “You never shut your mouth, tell us what the heck is gnawing you?”

The bloody girl who sits next to you, Baekhyun thought but he was clever enough to keep the filter between his mouth and brain as valid.

“The girl I gave a promise for this night.” he forced himself to beam. “Because of this fucking weather, I have to arrange another meeting with her.”

Your heart churned, his reply had you wanting to slap your face. Harshly.

And you thought that he could be jealous because you named Chanyeol!

You were nothing but such an idiot.

An idiot who did not know a single piece of shit but acting so superior.

You were a goddamn idiot.

Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed after hearing Baekhyun’s shitty words, Kyungsoo wanted to punch Baekhyun’s face so bad, Junmyeon’s dislike of Baekhyun was obvious but he did not say anything, just sighed in desperation.

You felt nothing but another flash of pain as someone hit your abdomen.

“Are you okey, Indy?” Jongdae leaned over to you, whispering. You shook your head positively, smiling slightly. “You did not throw yourself into even desert.”

Your love for deserts was not a secret amongst your friends as Shinhye, sharing Jongdae’s concerns, handed you a bunch of cloudy puffs, filled with lemon cream. You took one of them, although you had no appetite, you forced yourself to eat the puff in order to put your friends at ease.

He was your biggest enemy and rival, right?

Why you were so devastated, almost on the verge of being hysterical?

You were not aware of you had been hypocritical with your feelings, and you were running away from your own heart. That’s why your hands were shaking, your heart was drumming into your ribs and aching as hell.

You were not ready to face with your heart, but you were also too naïve to save yourself from the pain it caused.

“Was he really harsh on you?” Jongdae murmured, his eyes was nothing but full of worries. “I am sure you could put him in his place but still…”

“He was not.” you said. “And you know me, nothing cheers me up but kicking his ass.”

“Glad to hear that.” Jongdae inhaled but the worries did not leave his face. “So why are you so down?”

“I am really tired today.” you sighed, tucking another puff into your mouth as you mentally punched your face in order to take the fucking control of yourself. “But if I will eat enough amount of these pastries, I will be like a bomb.”

“You are already like a bomb.” Minseok joined into the chat. “You look like on the verge of exploding.”

You unwillingly laughed at his damn right assumption.

“You know what?” you sniffed. “I am dying for a good drink. Would like to join me for a soju break?”

There was no single soul who could oppose to propose of grab a drink in your team. Jongdae jumped out of his chair, Shinhye was born ready and Minseok was the strongest drunkard.

“We are heading to the bar.” Minseok happily announced. “If you guys want to join, perfect, if not, good night to all.”

You were always impressed by the eagerness of Sejong Team to jump into any opportunity for a drink. Everyone, every single soul of this team, had a strong will to consume a respectable amount of alcohol. Less than a minute, everyone gathered up and headed to the elevators in order to visit the terrace of the hotel.

You had been wondering how rich Junmyeon was, even though he was a senior in college, or which kind of relations he had under his belt.

Jesus, you could not pay your attention during the dinner, however the hotel you had been staying was nothing but a touch of luxury. You had a strong guess on the payment bill of this place, however you preferred to keep it to yourself as you knew that Junmyeon did not like talking about the wealth lies beneath his fingertips.

But the bar was intimating.

Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were having a fierce conversation about the administrative offices of Roman Empire, Shinhye were with Junmyeon as they were talking on the next project that they aimed to present for the Head of Department. Chanyeol, only God knew how the heck he found that, was playing a guitar and you, as dwelling in an extremely comfortable armchair, tucked yourself into a blanket like a sushi roll, were enjoying the sudden calmness around yourself. The dim lights, from the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling, casting mirages across the hall, showing the wooden tables scattered between the chairs and beautiful, fresh cut flowers in their elegant vases.

It is not Korean but Chinese or Japanese, you thought, however with your bad eyesight, making an observation about the porcelain and its design was impossible. Also, you were a little bit slothful at the very moment to move your butt, you wanted to indulge in the soju you were holding, not anything else.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, warm but unfamiliar, your head jerked to face the owner of touch.

Baekhyun was looking at you, however his eyes were different from his usual self. There was no intention to mock with you, his eyes were clear as the snow drops that covering the streets right now.

“May I sit?” Baekhyun asked to you, catching you off guard with an unexpected kindness. You nod, feeling a sudden increase of the level of excitement, but kept your mouth shut. “Thank you.”

Thanking you? Byun Baekhyun?

You perked up, starting to prepare yourself for the fight, despite of the considerable amount of soju flowing in your veins, you were ready to guard yourself.

His elbow brushed your forearm when he was rolling his body in order to adjust the chair next to you.

You were shocked by the reaction your body gave to the moment, the only thing he did was sitting on a fucking chair, but your cheekbones were on fire.

His hips, damn his hips your inner voice was hysterically whispering in your head.

“May I ask to which muse I owe this honour?” you searched Baekhyun’s eyes for a glint of dismissiveness, however this was the very first time you have been the target of sincere, chocolate brown and deep irises.

“I have a question for you.” Baekhyun quickly ignored your offensive joke. “Why I am not in your list?”

He may as well have tossed you inside of a volcano, kicking you into the pool of lava, the impact would be the same. Your heart prompted to your stomach, they churned together, your throat and lungs tightened so bad, enough to cut your air by yourself.

You open your mouth, but nothing come out, just a bubble.

“I do not know how to translate that.” he sneered however you were at a loss. You could expect a lot of words from Byun Baekhyun but questioning the reason of his absence in your fucking list was not one of them.

“There is—” you bite your lower lip to stop yourself, you were on the verge of confessing that there was no list, you just tried to poke his ego, but thank God, you still had a piece of sanity to hold on. “I do not understand. Why do you care my list?”

Do I look like I fucking know? Baekhyun wanted to shake your cage, he wished nothing but screaming at you with all power he had in his lungs. He had no idea why he was mad at you, but he was out of rage and the only reason was you.

“Because I am curious.” he leaned his elbows onto his knees, cocking one eyebrow to you. “And what I hate most is being ignorant to a case.”

“I know.” you spoke without thinking, your mind was delving into the current problem you had in order to find a balanced answer, so you did not realize what you exactly said.

Unfortunately for you, Byun Baekhyun did not become your biggest rival by being blind or deaf.

His lips slightly curled upwards.

But the gentleman he could be, he did not corner you for the time being.

“So?”

It did not mean he would not try to push you in order to get what he wanted.

“Is there a rule saying that every human being has to be interested in you?”

You were not aware of it, but your voice was cracking, and your breathing became heavier, quickened and there was a sheen of sweet on your forehead.

To your dismay, Byun Baekhyun did not unconsciously mark you as his girl without studying you to the bits.

“Humanity is a different topic.” he widely smiled. “I wonder about you, sweetheart.”

Your breath stuck in your lungs because of the endearment, even though you were aware of his teasing of you.

“You are not my type, Byun.” you dead serious.

“Ah, your type is Chanyeol, right?” he smirked, turning his head to the tall brunette who indulged himself into the guitar. “Should we alert him to your interest in him?”

“Goddamn, no!” you hissed at him. What kind of trouble he was aiming to knit on your head? “Do you know the definition of privacy? You are invading personal boundaries, dumbass.”

“I do not think so.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder. “If you like Chanyeol, Chanyeol has the right of be aware of your interest.”

“Okey, even a scoundrel like you cannot be crossing the limit of respect like this.” you moved to stand up, giving the most dangerous look to Baekhyun. “I do not have to lis-

“Hey, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called him with a high-pitched voice. Chanyeol lifted his head, distracted by the unexpected scream of Baekhyun.

“What?”

“Nothing!” your hand immediately tugged onto Baekhyun’s knee, squeezing it tightly in order to warn him. “You are playing so good, keep going!”

Chanyeol laughed at your words.

“You do not have to scream like that, Goddamnit.”

“Tell it to your friend.” you rolled your eyes back, fuming with anger but covering your face pretty well. You turned to Baekhyun, your eyes telling him that he was in serious danger if he was not going to shut his fucking mouth up.

Baekhyun did not care your silent warning, but your hand on his knee was a real distraction for him.

“I know that he is not your type.” he murmured, watching your hand, small, pale, and soft, Baekhyun did not want to confess but he wanted to latch your fingers to his. “Is it Kyungsoo?”

“Do I interrogate your preferences of girls, damn?” you literally gritted between your teeth. “Leave it.”

“I have no intention.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes. “Let’s ask if you are Kyungsoo’s type.”

“What the fuck are you, cupid?!” you grunted, and your hands moved without your consent. You grasped Baekhyun’s jawline, your fingertips were brushing his ears. “I said, leave it.”

“If you want to shut my mouth,” Baekhyun beamed, ignoring the fact that your touch meant for a lot than he could expect, he was going to think about it later. “Tell me why I am not in your list.”

“No one can desire someone like you!” you exploded. “An arrogant, dandy, selfish boy who does not know nothing but bringing trouble to others. That’s why you can never be in my list, even I have to choose between you and an octopus. For the records, I hate octopus, but I would go for it, if it means the other option is you.”

“Oh, you hurt me.” Baekhyun’s eyes glimmered with the sparks of unnamed feelings. He leaned forward, enough you to feel his breath fanning your lips. “You know what, sweetheart? You are so aggressive only when you have a secret which have to stay only in your head.”

“W-what?”

“I am definitely in that list.” Baekhyun claimed it with confidence, but it was just the appearance. Inside him, his heart was definitely shuttering, cracking into pieces, he had no control over himself, he could not understand his sudden behaviours. “I am in your list, if there is a list.”

Your eyes widened, and pupils blown up.

“Jesus.” you snorted. “When you lost your fucking mind?”

“You are a pretty bad liar.” Baekhyun was making assumptions out of his ass in order to get a reaction from you, he was not fucking sure if he was in the list or not, but everything he said actually rang the true bells.

“And you are a lunatic.” your intense eyes pinned him down, and the frowning lips caught your attention, but you forced to came back to your senses as soon as possible. “You will never be anything more than a lunatic.”

You attempted to stand up, but he was incredibly swift to catch your wrist, pressing you back to the armchair.

“Tell me, sweetheart.” he held your wrist for his dear life, caging you and to your disappointment, coming closer to your face, causing your ability of speaking to be faded immediately.

His godfuckingdamnit lips.

“You have been having doubts on me since the day we met, your driving force is giving me hard time.” his breathing was fanning your cheekbones. "Confess now, why are you pissed at me all the time?”

“Hell, you do talk like you are so different. Aren’t you the one who always finds a way to be trouble for me?” you raised one eyebrow, letting him to realize the game was reserved for two people. “If it means liking someone, since when you have been fallen in love over heels with me?”

“You have no idea how much I want to place your heels over my shoulders.”

Your chin was dropped, his words had you turning into a mummy who was trying to register into his remarkable sentence without a single brain cell.

You had to come up with the best answer you could give. You had to find the best response to him, and it had to be a perfect balance of sharpness, cockiness, and matureness as it had to be said with the resting bitch face.

And you heard your own voice.

“Ha?”

“You heard what I said.” Baekhyun intensively gazed at you, the proximity between your bodies had your body quivering and trembling at the same time and his fucking knee slightly, almost insensibly pushed your legs apart.

“You are really nonsensical, Baekhyun.” you inhaled, doing your best in order to ignore all the jolts all over your body, numbing your mind but also setting the skin on fire. Every time you said his name, Baekhyun felt something turning in his lower stomach. “What the fuck you want from me?”

“You did not name me in your list.” You could not believe your fucking eyes, more importantly, you could not believe you were still listening his gibberish like a kindergarten kiddo. “But, I am better than everyone else here.”

His voice dropped the slightest, making you shiver.

“Would you like me to prove it to you?”

[utilitycaster]

Hello I would love to hear you thoughts on Caduceus and his arc. Clay is the only character who’s story has made me cry genuine tears (when he got his fam back) and I feel like his nuances and the changes he goes through tend to be overlooked a lot, exactly because of how quietly they happen.

Of course!

So as Taliesin said a few times and as I've pointed out, Caduceus (and Molly for that matter) was intended to be a static character. Obviously this is an impossibility in D&D because things happen and you cannot control it and moreover I am sure Taliesin is aware of this, so it's more that the intent was to have a character who did not feel they needed to change, possibly in contrast with Percy, who absolutely felt he needed to change. A self-proclaimed static character still needs a reason to be static: Molly's philosophy was, as notably stated on talks, "Life's short...do something to a bagel" and more generally the lack of need for change came from this sort of aimless and benevolent-when-convenient hedonism. Caduceus, on the other hand, is secure in his purpose. He has known who he was supposed to be for his whole life, and he embraces it, and sees no reason to change, until he absolutely has to, and even then he is deeply reluctant.

Caduceus is about what happens when your comfort zone and guiding principles themselves fold in on each other and are like "hey. expand us or else."

I think a lot of people have rightfully noted that from his appearance through the Xhorhas arc, Caduceus sees the rest of the Nein as mourners, and that's within his comfort zone. Sure, there are some moral quandaries at the docks of Nicodranas, but he's able to get through that (in part because he's in the Mighty Nein but isn't personally stealing the ship, in part because of Jester's talk with him). I think it's also worth noting that while Caduceus is extremely insightful he is not superhuman (super firbolgian?) in that regard; it is the insight borne of being someone who is there for mourners and so he has a good eye for emotions, less so for motivations, and a lot of the Nein's motivations early on escape him.

The first wave of big changes happen in Bazzoxan and the immediate aftermath. First, Fjord confides in him and asks for advice - and Caduceus is used to giving advice but I'm not sure he's ever had to offer religious practice advice, as the people he would have interacted with would have either been the sketchy people of Shady Creek Run, or else people already faithful enough to seek the Blooming Grove. And second, the party finds itself directionless for a time; there is no pressing business or better ideas and he cannot hide his own mission behind someone else's, so he voices his recommendation that they come clean to the Bright Queen, and then they go to the kiln.

Caduceus's relationship with Fjord I think is useful to bring up in a sense of contrast, in that Caduceus is incredibly good at helping Fjord through a crisis, because Caduceus is trained for crisis - but it gets much hazier once Fjord is out of said crisis and as it turns out has a very different relationship with the Wildmother, and I think this comes up to an extent when they talk in Rexxentrum. I think Caduceus, for all his talk of nature's violence, struggles with the concept of nature being malevolent or having goals - it just is. Whereas Fjord is much more comfortable with the idea of nature perhaps being a force that is itself a threat, or deceptive, and more generally with the idea of nature as somewhat unknowable and full of mysteries. I don't think Caduceus's personal view of nature ever changes, but I think his ability to process that he doesn't have the answers even in the areas within his comfort zone improves, and this is something of an inflection point with regards to him acknowledging new perspectives on his own comfort zone.

It's also a little before this that we see Caduceus reveal vulnerability for the first real time since his panic attack on the boat right after they stole it, when he confides in The Gentleman. Some of this is a calculated social move, to be fair, but it's a notable step forward.

That said it takes a while to change and he spends a few days post-Rexxentrum doing anything to avoid facing his own mission. It's worth noting that Caduceus is a cleric of the same level as Jester, and could have cast sending before the party ever met up with him, and he never did. So they go to Beau's father and Isharnai first, putting it off as long as he can.

Caduceus's scenes with his family sort of snap all of the above into place, in that his parents are glad he's spent some time in the world and are completely accepting of his desire to keep going for a time. I'm honestly not sure, myself, why he does this because I don't think it's metagaming (ie, it's not Taliesin going 'I can't make a third character') but I think there are multiple valid interpretations. Caduceus's role, as the one who stays at home, is ultimately a self-imposed one.

He sort of mulls on that for the next while, sort of uncomfortably internalizing differing perspectives on deities with the Artagan reveal/Rumblecusp and additionally processing his own deeper relationship with the Wildmother, with multiple visions, and maybe even the fact that nature constantly wants to murder him.

Then we get to Eiselcross and that's when it all hits. I think as soon as he sees the corrupted trees he gets a sense of the scale, that this corruption is not just unnatural but it is ancient and has been a threat for a long time and that staving it off at the Blooming Grove is not getting at the unknown, underlying source (which he probably knew deep down, but as discussed above he does not really love to admit those things to himself). And he realizes that he might need to be the one not just to commit but to initiate violence, as the person with no emotional ties to Lucien via Molly; he finds himself bending his own moral rules for the greater good more; and I think this is when he realizes either that he needs to change, or perhaps that he's been changing quietly and slowly the whole time and has just been terrified to admit it.

The last night at the Blooming Grove before the final push into Aeor is another good look at Caduceus, who, like a number of characters in this campaign, is so very much defined by his ongoing and important familial relationships. We get a brief but heartbreaking glimpse at the state he was in prior to the Nein showing up in the garden, and how he was trying to induce something, anything, to give him direction because he didn't trust himself to leave without that assurance; and his admission, finally, to someone else of that change, that he never wanted to be the person to go on an adventure, that he still has very mixed feelings about it, but that this is his responsibility. And it's that which allows him to confidently say, on Cognouza, that it's time to end this shit.

In short (Clue the Movie voice: too late) Caduceus's arc is someone who has always believed in his sacred, literally god-given responsibility into which he was born, and struggles against the fact that said sacred responsibility ends up being quite different than what he expected but ultimately is able to accept it, and his reward is that he can return to the responsibility he initially embraced, having grown in ways he could not have otherwise.

Now, I think part of why Caduceus's arc gets overlooked is twofold. The first reason is that background arcs are, well, background, and it's quiet and subtle and highly internal and hard to turn into big dramatic moments, which, as a person whose favorite C1 character is Vex, I understand, but also those arcs are the best.

The second, and this is going to sound even more "I appreciate the muppets on a much deeper level than you" than the first, is that I feel a lot of people who considered Caduceus their favorite character did lean into the myth of "superfirbolgian" insight when the fact always was that Caduceus had no interest in the political; did not make Trent quake in his wizard robes in the slightest as was confirmed in the finale; and ultimately wanted most of all to return to his home.

It's a very true and very unique choice and if I may [note: I am writing this so I do what I want] I think a lot of people did not understand Caduceus in that they felt his ending was unhappy for him, and some of this is that people had really stupid takes on the party splitting at the end. I have mixed feelings on the true universality of the Campbellian Monomyth and even more mixed feelings on everyone giving Dan Harmon tons of credit for merely rephrasing it but despite that, Caduceus's arc fits it perfectly (and very literally): comfort zone -> need arises -> unfamiliar situation -> adaptation -> gets what he wants -> at a price -> returns to comfort -> having changed.

[meganwritesfanfics]

Fresh Bruises (Josh Lyman x Reader) Part 1

WARNING This story contains mention of domestic abuse

“The speech was amazing Mr. President.” Y/N said as she walked next to her boyfriend her arm linked with his. 

“Thank you Y/N, but the credit really goes to Sam and Toby.” President Bartlett said as the whole entourage made their way through the halls of the hotel. 

“I would sir, but I wouldn’t want them to get a big head.” Y/N laughed.

“You know you two are really made for each other.” CJ laughed as she walked next to Josh. 

Josh smiled as he kissed the side of Y/N’s head. 

For a moment everything seemed to be going fine. The speech had gone amazing, everyone was feeling good about it, people were happy, including Toby. That was until Leo, who had been on the phone turned around to look at everyone, a worried look on his face. 

Quickly Josh turned to look at Y/N. 

“Go, I will stay back here with CJ.” Y/N said as she reached out and straightened his tie. 

“I love you.” Josh said kissing her cheek before he headed up to Leo and the President with Toby and Sam following quickly behind. 

“It’s probably nothing,” CJ tried to soothe even though Y/N knew otherwise. Leo and Josh were very similar in the sense of when something was really wrong, it was pretty easy to tell. “I can’t believe you gave up working in the White House just to date him.” She teased, pointing towards Josh who was having a hard time not glancing back to look at Y/N. 

“I loved working at the White House, don't get me wrong, but I have always wanted to be a family law practitioner. Plus I love Josh and he... “ Y/N started when suddenly she saw a man standing in the hallway to the side. It was a face she hadn’t seen in a long while. 

“Y/N?” CJ asked, looking at her questioningly. “Is everything ok? Do you know him?” 

“He’s an old...friend.” Y/N said with disdain. “I will catch up with you guys.” 

CJ smiled hesitantly before she walked away. 

By the time they had made it outside both Sam and Toby were on the phone. Leo was talking to Bartlet and Josh had finally broken away looking for CJ and Y/N.  Through the crowd he could make out  CJ but he couldn’t see Y/N anywhere. 

“CJ!” He called as he made his way over to her. “Where is Y/N” 

“She saw someone she knew inside and stopped to talk to him.”

“Him?” Josh said a slight bit of jealousy in his voice. 

“Yeah, I recognized him but I couldn’t figure out why, but something felt really off about the whole situation.” CJ started and suddenly a knot formed in Josh’s stomach. 

“CJ, what did he look like.” Josh said as he grabbed onto CJ’s shoulders firmly and in such a way that scared CJ.

“Josh, I don’t know I just saw him for a moment he…” She started when suddenly her focus shifted to behind Josh. “Like him Josh.” She pointed as Josh quickly spun around. The knot in his stomach grew, so much so that Josh felt like he was going to throw up. The man he saw was one he had not seen in two years and one he had hoped he would never see again. 

“You are a giant brat you know that right.” Y/N said storming into Josh Lyman’s office. 

“A brat wow I don’t think I have heard that one since the 3rd grade.” Josh smiled looking up from the report he was reading. 

“You cannot just invite me to go with you to the gala. And you especially cannot ask Donna to ask me.”  Y/N exclaimed however there was no anger in her voice only amusement. 

“Well I couldn’t be expected to trudge my way all the way to your office just to ask you to go to an event you should have been invited to in the first place.” Josh laughed. 

“If you couldn’t be bothered to come to my office then why should I be bothered to go to the gala with you.” Y/N stuck her tongue out at him. 

“Oh don’t act like you are not stoked to be going to the gala. Donna said you haven’t been able to stop talking about wanting to go, so I figured I would help you out.” 

“Oh thanks for the pity ticket.” Y/N said her voice changing slightly as she turned to leave his office. 

“Hey wait.” Josh quickly said as he stood up rushing towards Y/N grabbing her wrist. 

Quickly Y/N instinctively flinched away pulling her sleeve down trying to hide the bruises. 

Josh took a step back, lowering his head slightly. “It was not out of pity.” 

Y/N reached out taking Josh’s hand. “Thank you Josh, but I can’t go with you. I’m with Henry.” 

Josh let go of her hand quickly running it through his hair as he made his way back behind his desk. “No, yeah, I know that. I was just thinking we could go as coworkers, and friends.” 

“I would love that, but I don’t think Henry would see it that way.” There was a silence between the two filled with tension. “I’m sure there are plenty of girls who would love to go with you.” Y/N said looking down. 

“Are you sure, I could always talk to Henry.” 

“No, please don’t do that, if you talk to him, I can’t have you, he won’t…” Y/N said completely flustered. 

“Hey, hey, hey” Josh quickly said rushing towards Y/N but being cautious not to grab her, not wanting to scare her. “It’s ok, I won’t talk to him if you don’t want me to.”  Slowly he placed his hand on her arm. He looked down at her hand seeing the bruise around her wrist that couldn’t be hidden by her shirt. “Y/N. Are you ok? Does Henry…” Josh couldn’t find the words to say just exactly what he was thinking without upsetting her more. 

“Does Henry what?” A voice said causing Y/N to nearly jump out of her skin. 

Both Josh and Y/N quickly turned to see Henry standing in the doorway, arms crossed. 

“Henry!” Y/N gasped jumping back away from Josh. “What are you doing here honey?” 

“Well I came here to see if you wanted to get lunch.” Henry said with almost a growl. 

“I just… Josh was…” Y/N said panicking and Josh could see the fear in her eyes. 

“I had a legal question, Y/N was just helping me out.” Josh quickly said trying to come to her rescue. 

“Ah, I see.” Henry said quickly changing his focus from Y/N to Josh with a wicked glare. “Y/N can I speak with you in your office.” 

“Yeah of course. Josh I will.” Y/N gulped. “I will see you later.” 

Josh knew he should have said something, he knew he should have done everything in his power to stop Y/N from going with him. But he didn’t. He thought they were in the White House for god sakes, Henry wasn’t that stupid. Plus Y/N’s secretary would be outside her office, she would hear if anything was happening. That was what Josh kept telling himself. But he couldn’t focus on anything but wanting to head to her office. 

“Donna!” He finally yelled after about an hour of rereading the same sentence. “Will you call Y/N’s assistant and set up a meeting.” 

“Celia said that Y/N gave her the rest of the day off.” Donna called back immediately, sending a knot into Josh’s stomach as he quickly stood up heading towards Y/N’s office. 

“Josh, Josh where are you going?” He could hear Donna call but he was on a mission. 

“Josh.” Toby quickly said as he walked by Josh, noticing how pale he was. 

“Follow me.” Josh said not even stopping. 

Toby quickly did as he was told, catching up to Josh who was nearly sprinting down the walls of the White House. 

“Josh what is going on, what is wrong?” Toby tried to say but Josh was too focused, too scared about what he was going to find when he got to that office. All that came to a screeching halt when he saw Henry. Josh froze causing Toby to almost collide with him. 

“Josh what are we…” Toby started as Josh threw up a hand to shush him. They watched as the nervous man came out of Y/N’s office, looking around frantically when suddenly he made eye contact with Josh. Instantly Josh knew, he knew what had happened. As Josh took a step forward, Henry took off. Instead of focusing on the man who ran, the two men bolted inside the office. 

As soon as the door opened they could see the destruction. There were papers tossed everywhere, chairs were knocked over, books had been pulled out of the bookcase and were now on the floor. 

“Oh my God.” Toby gasped.

Josh didn’t have words as his eyes suddenly landed on the form of Y/N who was laying on the floor behind her desk. Quickly he ran to her noticing the bruises and the bloody gash on her forehead. “Call someone!” 

Toby left, leaving Josh who had scooped Y/N into his lap as he assessed the damage. Y/N had a busted lip, her nose was bleeding potentially broken and the gash was bleeding through the cloth Josh had ripped from his shirt and placed there. 

“Y/N, wake up ok, I need you to wake up.” Josh pleaded, looking up to see Toby standing in the doorway again. 

Suddenly Y/N woke up gasping as she looked around the room. For a moment she didn’t remember what had happened, that was until she looked into Josh’s eyes. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” Josh quickly asked and Toby ran over to join Josh kneeling next to them. 

“What, oh yeah, I uh… I just fell. I must have hit my head on the desk. I’m so clumsy sometimes I…” Y/N rambled sitting up not looking either of the two men in the eyes. 

“Y/N, stop.” Josh said forcefully, causing her to look him in the eye. 

“I just…” Y/N tried again but tears had started to form in her eyes. She couldn’t do it, she didn’t have an excuse, she didn’t have anything she could hide behind. When she looked at the two men before her, she knew that there was no more hiding it. “Josh.” She cried as she began sobbing. 

“Hey, shhh” Josh said wrapping his arms around her. “It’s ok, he’s not going to get away with it. We are going to call…” 

“No!” Y/N quickly exclaimed grabbed Josh’s arm tightly. “You can’t call the police. You can’t.” 

“Y/N, Henry just beat the living crap out of you. And I take it this isn’t the first time.” Josh said, causing Y/N to look down at her bruised wrists. 

“Josh, you don’t understand he works for the police. He is the police.” Y/N said looking back up at Josh, whose heart broke seeing how damaged she was. 

Josh hesitated for a moment, all he wanted to do was see that son of a bitch burn, but he knew that he couldn’t force Y/N to do anything she didn’t want to. 

“Ok, we won’t call the police but I’m not letting him near you again.” Josh growled protectively holding onto Y/N. 

“Josh, I live with him all of my stuff is at his place I can’t…” Y/N started again but Josh shook his head. 

“You can stay with me until you find another place and Toby and I will go pick up all of your stuff Y/N. You don’t need to be afraid of him anymore. I won’t let him hurt you again I promise.” 

“I don’t want him to hurt you guys.” Y/N cried leaning into Josh more. 

Josh smiled slightly as he gently kissed the side of Y/N’s head. “Don’t worry Y/N we will be careful.”

“Thank you Josh.” Y/N smiled at him as the paramedics came into the room. 

Josh was true to his word, he hadn’t let Henry near Y/N again, at least not alone. He took care of her and let her stay at his place. She never found a new apartment though because it wasn’t long before the two began dating. Y/N had quit working at the White House because she knew it was a conflict of interest to be on the legal counsel for the White House and to be dating a White House Staffer, but more importantly, she really wanted to work in family law. Their life together wasn’t perfect but the two wouldn’t ask for it any other way. And after more than a year and a half of dating Josh knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Y/N. 

That’s what made seeing Henry even more terrifying for Josh. And as he looked at the man and looked into his eyes. Josh saw the same look he had seen two years ago in the White House, but this time Josh looked down to see a knife in Henry’s hands. 

“Y/N!” Josh screamed as he took off running back into the hotel. CJ followed quickly behind him leading Josh back to where she had last seen Y/N. 

Josh felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. As he ran through the halls he prayed to every god he could think of that he would find Y/N and she would be fine. But as CJ stopped in the hallway pointing to where she had last seen Y/N, and as Josh saw a single high heeled shoe, one that matched exactly the kind of shoes Y/N had been wearing he knew that the likelihood of her being ok was slim. 

“Y/N!” Josh screamed again as he ran in the same direction of the shoe. 

At this point Toby and Sam had made there way into the hotel, after informing the secret service that they needed to get the president away, they didn’t know if there was an immediate threat but they knew something was wrong.

“Josh I saw Henry what was he doing here I thought he moved out of D.C.” Toby said as he followed after Josh. 

“I don’t know but he had a…” Josh started when suddenly he looked up to see a bloody handprint on the wall. 

“Oh God.” CJ gasped, her hand instinctively going over her mouth. 

Josh bent forward feeling as though he wanted to throw up. He knew that he needed to keep looking for Y/N, that he needed to find her, but he was so scared, so terrified of what he was going to find that his body wouldn’t move. 

“Josh, Josh we need to keep going.” Sam pleaded with him gently laying his hand on his back. 

Josh nodded straightening back up as he continued down the hall following the bloody handprints and pools of blood that trailed their way down. Toby had made his way a few feet ahead of them and as he turned a corner following the blood he quickly backed up as he turned white. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Josh could barely say his voice cracking so hard the words were barely audible. He quickly ran over to where Toby was looking down the hallway, and when he saw it his knees gave out as he fell to the floor. “No, no, no” He cried as he began to crawl to the body of Y/N who lay unconscious on the floor surrounded by blood. “Y/N” Josh cried as he pulled her into his arms. Her face was beaten and was already starting to bruise and as he looked down trying to assess the damage he saw the source of the bleeding, a giant gash in Y/N's stomach. “Oh god!” He gasped trying to take off his jacket but Toby beat him to it, placing his jacket on Y/N’s stomach applying pressure in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “Baby, please wake up, I need you to wake up. Y/N I love you please.” Josh pleaded as he kissed each bruise on her face, his tears mixing in with the blood. 

“Josh, she has a pulse, but it’s faint we need to get her help.” Sam said. 

“Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine my love.” Josh said as he picked up Y/N walking as fast as he could out of the hotel where he found a slew of secret service waiting. 

“What happened?” 

“Where did the suspect go?” 

The questions came at lighting speed and Josh knew he should answer them but his mind was only focused on the woman in his arms. A woman who he couldn’t imagine living without. 

Toby quickly jumped in answering as many questions as he could as Josh made his way towards the ambulance that was waiting. 

He could hear people talking to him, but his mind couldn’t process what they were saying. All he could do was stare down at Y/N’s face, watching as his tears fell hitting her cheek. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He cried. 

He felt someone reaching out to grab Y/N and he instinctively pulled away. 

“What is your name,” A voice said and Josh finally looked up to see a kind paramedic looking at him her eyes soft. 

“Josh,” He spoke softly, his voice broken. “Joshua Lyman.” 

“Ok Josh, I need you to let us help her ok. You can stay right by her side but I need you to let us take care of her.”  

Josh hesitated for a moment before he nodded and handed Y/N over to the paramedics, his hands shaking. 

“Good, now tell me about her,” The paramedics continued as the other began to strap wires to Y/N and began bandaging her up. 

“Her name is Y/N Y/L/N she is my girlfriend.” Josh continued his eyes staring at Y/N his breathing getting more and more rapid. 

“We are going to take care of Y/N, don’t worry ok, but I need you to stay calm ok, I think you are going into shock.” The paramedic continued. 

“I just…” 

“Josh!” A voice screamed and he turned to see Toby running up to the ambulance with Sam and CJ following behind. “We will meet you at the hospital, I’m going to call Leo and tell him what happened.” 

Josh just nodded his eyes were wide and everyone could see that he was extremely pale. 

“It’s going to be ok,” Sam said trying his best to be positive about the situation. 

“Alright Josh, we have to get going ok,” The paramedic said. 

Josh nodded again and as the doors began to shut to the ambulance he watched as Toby looked at him, tears in his eyes, as he placed his hands on his heart.

[omniscientwreck]

I know I already sent u a prompt idea but it just hit me that once Essek goes into hiding, him and Caleb could end up easily having a conversation about their experiences, what they missed until they didn’t have it, or techniques, how similar/different their circumstances were, etc. There’s lots of potential (heh) for angst or comedy or both :)

Anyways, do what you will with this info ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

This is a really lovely prompt and I think I took it in a bit of a different direction than you were thinking, but I hope you still like it!

My partner got back last year from studying in another province for 3 years so for nearly half the time we've been together we've been apart so this is a little about that. Please enjoy!

----------

As Essek teleports in, he nearly crumples where he stands from sheer relief. The only thing keeping him from doing so is a fluffy black cat who’s immediately begun curling around his ankles. He lifts the offending creature and stares directly into mischievous green eyes, “Now sir, I understand you are excited to see me. I am glad to see you in good health Ernst but I must insist you allow me to walk unimpeded. Otherwise we’ll have an incident on our hands and you know how long that paperwork takes.” Ernst, who knows nothing of bureaucracy, blinks lazily back.

“It has to be done in triplicate Ernst! I think we’d both rather avoid that headache.” There’s a soft laugh from the doorway as he sets the cat on the ground and he scampers off to bother a sibling.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing at dearest, that’s at least two hours of writing for something that isn’t difficult to avoid in the first place.”

“I know Schatz, I just missed you.” Caleb’s eyes crinkle and they quickly close the distance between them to fade into an embrace.

Pulling back, Essek can’t keep the smile from his face, “I missed you too. I missed this.” The house smells of bread and a light soup, Caleb smells of incense and firewood and he buries his face in his husband’s neck.

“You’ve been gone a long time, why don’t we eat? Tell me about your travels.”

Some time later, after he’s gone through the series of failed leads that had led to his eventual success in locating another beacon, untouched and unknown by the Dynasty, he lands on what’s really bothering him. “It’s much different than I expected, being in hiding that is.”

“Ja, I know that feeling well. The first few years, before I met Veth, it was very solitary.”

Essek nods, “It’s so strange, to be reading and to have a thought I can’t voice to you immediately. I had gotten so used to this, something I never thought I’d have, and now I find myself talking to empty rooms more often than not.”

Caleb nods, “Ja, sometimes when there was a knock at the door something in me would try to find a rational way for you to be on the other side of it. I remember that loneliness too, I would go weeks without using my voice in the warmer months, sleeping on the outskirts of cities and towns scrounging by on stolen food.”

An old bruise on Essek’s heart squeezes. They’ve told each other everything over the years, he doesn’t think there’s an aspect of his own long life that he hasn’t gone over with Caleb. In turn Caleb has gifted his story to Essek in chunks, as it had been bearable to talk about it. Every wound and scar, every silver lining and bright spot amidst so much darkness.

Caleb never deserved any of that. “I would almost prefer I didn’t have to use my voice. I cannot for the life of me keep names consistent with disguises. I had given out three variations on the same name in one city and had to leave when I saw two people I’d spoken with conversing.”

He earns a laugh with that, hearty and low in the chest. It’s his favourite sound, he’s missed that too. “Yes Mr. Lord Lord from around, we all know how you are with your personas. At least you have the benefit of disguise magic.”

He joins in the laughter then. Thinks back to a memory that is still accompanied by a dull ache, but that he can now look back on with a twinge of fondness. That version of him had been so lost, so sorely in need of guidance. He’d gotten what he needed, he is working towards better now, he’s taken care of his younger self and that feels good in a way.

“There are so many things I didn’t know to be thankful for. Even something as simple as walls and a roof to contain heat, or the padding of the cats’ feet.” He hears a cup rattle to the ground, “Hanz, if that’s broken it will come out of your paycheque.” he calls into the next room as a tortoiseshell cat bolts away from the scene of the crime.

Caleb just laughs again and Essek savours the melody. He’s missed the glow of the amber lights that float around the dinner table, the stacks of notes or stray books that litter every available counter surface, Caleb.

His wizard reaches across to take his hand, “I am glad you’re back Schatz. Now don’t think I haven’t noticed the limp you’re walking with. Let me take a look before we retire.”

He rolls his eyes, but the truth is he’s quite injured. “Fine.” he huffs and Caleb laughs at his put on annoyance. “It was dire wolves. They caught me off guard.” His eyebrows knot and he leaves to get warm water, soaps, and cloths.

“Schatz this is a deep bite, perhaps I should notify Jester?”

He shakes his head, “We went through all of Aeor without them, I will be fine.”

Hissing at the warm water poured over puncture wounds, Caleb starts talking again to distract him. “One of the things I used to miss was my name. I think this one suits me now, but that’s because people know Caleb. For a long time nobody knew me by a name and those who knew Bren were a danger to me. It’s strange to lose something as arbitrary and as important as a name.”

Essek nods, “My name was power in my corner for a very long time. Now it is just a bitter reminder in some ways. But I like how it sounds when you say it so I will keep it.”

Caleb smiles down at him, pressing a blessed kiss to his forehead and continues to wash and wrap his wound. “I missed you Caleb.”

“I missed you too Essek.”

“I will have to leave again one day.”

“I know Schatz, I will be here when you get back.”

“I will always come back.”

His wound is wrapped, their bed is warm. Before falling into his trance he curls back into Caleb’s chest and thinks that it will be a while before he can bear to leave again now that he has someone to miss.

[ryawinters]

Let’s talk Coco again

Coco is one of those films that genuinely makes me feel like the world we’re witnessing has existed for a while. I don’t even know how. It is a story that has happened, is happening and will continue happening even after we stop seeing it. It makes me feel like I am looking into a window, seeing people’s lives as they were.

And the whole concept of legacy. Being remembered is one of the most basic human urges. (And I feel like I have written this before, but I will write it again). We all strive to leave our mark on this world. To be remembered beyond our infinitesimal time in this world. Because what is the lifespan of 70-80 years compared to the billions of years the planet has existed for? And will continue to exist for?

But we still want to say that we were here. That we lived here once. And we live on through our stories. The ones people tell of us. It is the very reason we have the urge to be liked. To be loved. 

And Coco? It puts a new layer of depth into this urge. That being remembered is not just an urge. Leaving your mark on this world is not just an urge, it is what allows you to live beyond your existence in the mortal world. That as long as people talk about you, you still live on - in their hearts, in their minds. And that is so powerful.

But the legacy is as important for the living as it is for the dead. Death causes pain. A void in your heart that cannot be filled. It punches you hard and the pain stays. It lingers. Over time, it lessens in intensity. Hurts a little less. But never truly stops. But it isn’t until after watching Coco that I realised why everyone wants you to talk about grief.

One of my friends died young. She was only eleven. Her death hit all of us hard. To this day, I have a birthday present she gave me. I can still picture her slippers outside her house, the mole on her chin. But, in the end, I was a kid too. The overall picture of her face keeps eluding my memory. No matter how much I want to hold on and remember it. There aren’t many pictures of us at all. In fact, in the many years it has been since her death, I only found one picture which contains her. It was a picture my mom took of me and it just so happened to feature her in the background. Seeing that picture hit hard. I have aged. I have changed. She wouldn’t have been much older than the girl in the picture when she died. 

I happened to watch Coco a few days after I found the picture. And I cried. Hard. The idea that she might still be alive in another world hit hard. That she could fade away if people don’t talk about her after her death hit hard. I never spoke much of her before, but now all of my current friends know of her existence. Know of her personality. Of her stupidly short life. And it makes me feel so much better - just knowing she isn’t going to be forgotten any time soon. That I got to introduce her to some amazing people. 

The more I talk about her, the more I remember some random bits and pieces - memories that would have otherwise been lost to time. And I LOVE it. The more I talk about her (not my grief or her death. But about her. Who she was, as a person), the more alive she becomes. The more I am able to picture her face in my mind without the need for a photograph.

And people who are grieving? They really really need that. It could be so easy to bottle up your feelings and move on, but honestly? Remembering your loved ones is the best feeling ever. 

My mom tells me stories about her dad. And she tears up each time. But she still says them. She is still sad, but talking about him makes her happy as well. Sad that he is gone, but happy that he lived. And he died a whole year before I was born. 

It is bittersweet as hell, but talk about your loved ones. (When you’re ready of course). Celebrate their lives. They had only one, and you were fortunate enough to be a part of it, no matter how small the time. It was real. It was a happy time. And it meant something to you. Remember them. Make them more real. Tell their stories. Share your memories. 

[esfawkes]

Will it be possible for the MC to cheat on the ROs while in a relationship with them. To be more exact can I cheat on Sebriel, Nethica, and, Velpi while they think we are mutually in love with eachother (and we're married obviously)?

I wonder how they would react 😳

Maybe I sound like a crazy person but I want some drama and ✨flavor✨.

Ah, no, don’t worry, I totally understand you. I’m a big lover of drama and angst in stories too. It can make a happy ending far more satisfying in my opinion, and it can also just be fun to see how characters react when everything starts falling apart around them.

You can cheat while you’re in a relationship in 7H. You can cheat with other ROs and with other very minor characters. It’s obviously not a nice thing to do and can result in some unfortunate consequences.

This got very long and a little NSFW, so I’m putting Sebriel, Nethica, and Vesperion’s feelings about being cheated on beneath a readmore.

Sebriel would handle it the best. He’d be hurt, but he would not show it. He’d be calm and collected about it all — almost unnervingly so, really — and at first everything seems… fine. Nothing seems to have changed in your relationship. But then you’d notice that Sebriel, while he does still speak with you, no longer shares his thoughts with you like before. He’ll still touch you — hand upon your shoulder, fingers on the small of your back, brushing hair back from your face — but it feels… hollow. As though there’s no meaning behind it anymore.

Sebriel doesn’t necessarily hold your cheating against you. It’s more that he attributes the entire thing to a misunderstanding on his part. He thought you were both on the same page regarding your relationship, but clearly that was not the case. You might be friends and even still lovers when it suits you both, but you’re not… partners, if that makes sense. You’re not someone he can share all of himself with.

So he withdraws, pulling away until there’s a gulf of emotional distance between you both. You will never be able to bridge this gap again. Sebriel might have decided there’s nothing to forgive, but he damn sure will not forget.

Nethica, on the other hand, handles it the worst.

It’s a devastating blow to his self-worth. Nethica, like Sebriel, has no issue having an open relationship with the MC if that’s what they want, even if he’s in love with them. He understands that you can be in love with someone and want to spend your life with them but still want to have sex with other people (and sometimes have sex with other people together). But in a relationship where the MC sleeping with someone else is considered cheating — so, an entirely monogamous relationship — it’s different. Because to have that sort of relationship with him, you have to make it clear that that’s what you want. You have to make it clear that you want him and no one else.

Despite his open-mindedness about sex and relationships, Nethica, when he is in love with the MC and has a relationship of some nature with them, is monogamous. He doesn’t expect the same of the MC, so it takes the MC deliberately stating their own monogamy, their own commitment to the relationship, for him to understand and accept that MC doesn’t need or want anyone else — or so they seem to believe right now.

That said, the MC doing that does make him extremely happy — but also incredibly anxious and guilty, because he worries whether he’s actually enough, if he’s not depriving you of something/someone better, if he’s holding you back

He has no idea what on earth he really has to offer you to make a monogamous relationship with him worth it.

So Nethica is already full of self-doubt about his own worth even without you doing anything. If the MC cheats on him, it really just confirms so many of his worst fears about himself. It tells him that he isn’t enough. It tells him that he really isn’t worth it, that he isn’t worth anything, and that he was a fool to think otherwise, even for a second.

Like Sebriel, he doesn’t actually put the blame on you. He puts it all on himself. So when he finds out, he isn’t mad. There’s no yelling or fighting or anything like that. Instead he’s very quiet. He doesn’t want to end things, he doesn’t want to pull away. He doesn’t want to lose you more than he already has. He says he understands, that he doesn’t fault you. He offers to open your relationship back up again, so you can sleep with other people, if that’s what you want. Despite how hard he tries to seem nonchalant about it, how hard he tries to fake a self-deprecating smile and laugh, it’s pretty obvious that he’s heartbroken.

Nethica is so in love with you that he will do anything to make your relationship work, but cheating deals a huge blow to him that never fully heals. Your relationship doesn’t end — unless you ask for it to — but Nethica never feels secure in it again.

And then Vesperion… He is an entirely different beast.

He has been in love with the MC for a very long time, so it’s not hard to get him to be in a monogamous relationship with you, as Vesperion has no issue with monogamy. Despite never having been in a monogamous relationship before, it is his preferred sort of relationship. In contrast to Nethica — and Sebriel — Vesperion off the bat expects a relationship with the MC, be it sexual or romantic, to be monogamous; if you want it to be an open relationship, you have to specifically mention it. He’ll agree to it and even sleep with other people, but make no mistake, he will be jealous (while hoping that you’re jealous too).

Between the three of them, Vesperion is easily the most possessive. He wants you to himself, but he also wants you to want him to yourself. He knows that you alone are enough for him, and he wants you to feel the same about him.

Finding out that you cheated… Oh, he’s livid. He’s furious. By far the angriest he’s ever been. But Vesperion’s anger is not explosive. It is cold, quiet. Ominous. It’s like a keen blade in the hand of a master: sharp, precise, and brutal. Were you anyone else, he would not hesitate to lash out at you, to tear into you, to let you know just what he thinks of you and what you’ve done.

But you are the person he loves, so even though he feels as though he’s choking on his anger, he keeps his mouth shut and leaves. If you try to follow, he makes it very clear that it’s in your best interest not to.

When he eventually comes back (hours later, after finding something to hit until he finally exhausted himself), he’s still pretty fucking pissed, but he can talk now.

Despite Vesperion being the only one who really gets angry and the only one who rightfully blames you for your own actions, your relationship with him is the only one that can actually fully recover. Because god knows Vesperion understands what it is to make a mistake and hurt people. If the MC can forgive him for everything he has done, then the least he can do is forgive them in turn.

So long as you want to stay in a relationship with him, he will work through this with you. He might have an attitude about it for a while, but he will do it.

He doesn’t ask if this means you want to open the relationship. If you do ask for that though, he is pissed. Clearly he’s not enough for you, so you might as well just end the relationship altogether. But the MC will always be Vesperion’s greatest weakness, so even if you do break up, he’ll eventually take you back. And if you break up again, he’ll eventually take you back, again. Over and over, until he just cannot do it anymore.