#otherwise I have no use for him LMAO
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Omg my dad went to see a home on the way to uni and we met this old man he was rlly nice to me and stuff but he kept saying oh I should transfer to med and that I should be a midwife and he loves Muslim intelligent people and that we need more Muslim girls in med 😭 which was sweet and all BUT HES LIKE SO YOU CAN GO GET MARRIED 👹
#not a dig at him by any means#but I legit start TWEAAAKINGGGG when ppl say that LOL#dora daily#in pearl voice : IM MARRIEEDDDDD#<- to kaveh >:3 but like fr tho pls i don’t want to unless#UNLESS the guy is like the definition of my door mat#otherwise I have no use for him LMAO#I swear if someone tries to control me one more time be it by some ******** dude or who else I will throw hands#and by that I mean throw hands on myself I’m gonna kms#anyways :333#the only way I’ll accept REMOTELY is if the guy is as I said otherwise NAUR#teehee#omg saying that like I’ll ever get a guy who asks ☠️☠️☠️#pls I wanna reject someone 🙁#<- joking I swear I’m joking I don’t want to that’d scare me so much 😭#like pls I’d say yes out of pity then regret my whole life 😭
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More than just the Demon.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#venat#endwalker spoilers#will forever be fascinated with this man#look guys look- the literal embodiment of wol's wings of hope LOL (and me going hehe about that and footfalls)#the part of me that adores digging into the nuance of character writing (intentional or otherwise) is just latched onto zenos#and venat-- they cant just give us two characters who get really important 1v1 duels#and ask really important questions#and love the MC and are willing to risk themselves so unconditionally#and have them not live rent free in my brain#--and maybe this tiptoes into the realm of crack theory so beware there will be a lot past here--#but I cant help but think zenos is akin to an oracle or warrior of light but was tempered/corrupted by zodiark#or some strange happenstance of varis (who shares visual traits to golbez before 6.0 ever came out and the dark mana burst)#and carosa (who it seems zenos got his looks from- and he already looks like he has ties to venat and argos like minfillia does)#was he a result of the eternal chess match between the two parties' machinations? or just some strange twist of fate?#another day of him being ��emet's successful experiment” (again- intentional or no) making me thonk#theres something so strange about the final days dreams and how dark aspected he is- that his void abilities are more tied to him tbh#yet his mannerisms beyond just what he's been through almost reminds me of light corruption and the uncanny calmness#we see in most beings associated with the light in any significant way and like second phase eden shiva#he almost has all the marks of someone who shouldve already had the echo or blessing of light but for one reason or another#was unable to hear hydaelyns call#of course it doesnt help i mentally associate him with connections to zero and how she was corrupted before she was even born#and durante- who states uncanny ability and connection with light and darkness and yet favors dark magic more#i simply live with the idea that zenos' soul was an eternally faithful companion to wol's and#this time the cardinal sin of separating the pair finally happened to rather dire consequences lmao
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devotionduo so codependent that when they try to be less so they end up hurting each other what if i kms
#mine.txt#zam hated being relied on so Heavily in s5 so now mapicc values team interindependence to a level that i dont think?? hes had before#which means hes taken more liberty in grinding for himself and his teammates a lot more than he used to#and because zam places a lot of value in himself in being the team grinder he feels useless and unneded#and since zams a huge grinder it means mapiccs main method of helping him is through violence but since hes a pacifist this season#and while technically zam is fine with other ppl killing and most importantly killing For him; he doesnt really have any beef that requires#killing as a form of revenge which means mapicc cant do the main thing that zam (and anyone else really) uses him for#and they both want to do and be more for the other but theyre stuck at a standstill cause theyre in uncharted territory#cause theyre friendly but not teamed (or even pseudo-teamed like in early s5)#i will say tho mapes more active in trying to find ways to hang out with zam#but if there isnt a clear opportunity to do so hes so Weird about it lmao like he basically just kinda. hovers over him lmao#whether in chat or otherwise#but when an opportunity Does present itself tho he seizes on it basically immediately#like the stalking is easy pickings but theres also gaias hand and literally anytime zam asks him to kill someone for him#ok but seriously tho the fact that mapicc basically declared them as teammates (even if its not official)#after he finished with the stalking was so sdfsdklaghsaljh#like bruh why does zam even have doubts about mapicc prioritizing him above everyone else he doesnt even do all that for his actual team 😭#devotions
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Any other LGBTQ+ Headcannons that are canon is the comic??;)
*patiently awaits Cupioromantic Donnie*
hmm... had to think about this for a while and talk about it with co-author, but here's what we got. we mostly base this stuff on how plausible it is in show/if there's evidence for it. with a dash of personal experience. This only applies to residuum, btw. I have different personal headcanons for these characters outside the comic.
april: lesbian. this is mostly based off of the fact that most aprils get with their caseys & the comment she said to dale. which could be taken as disinterest in dale specifically, but she seemed more concerned with impressing that popular girl earlier and that reads as more... saphic, i suppose. or at the very least homoromantic.
raph: raph is just raph. we look at him and basically just *tv static*. go crazy. all we got is jokes or stuff that has too little evidence to support. so, yeah, he's whatever you want him to be i guess?
leo: trans. already said my reason in the other post. also, gay. if gay were a power source he could power the entirety of the united states for five months straight without a single power outage. failing power grid notwithstanding (< thats the actual word. its supposed to be mushed together like that. wack.).
donnie: as much as i'd like him to be ace/aro spectrum rep, he just doesn't have the evidence in show for us to apply it to him in this comic. it's funny, for being hc as ace so often he sure is the most outwardly romantic/sexual turtle in the show lmao. one! cherry: "you're so cute, but you're so mean! why do i always go for your type?" two! astrogirl?? (whatever her name is) he is very very romantic with her. he has a type y'all. also just look at those two, he's a leg man lmao (bootyyshaker9000 anyone? ha!) anyway. and with the bromance/instant chemistry he had with that one guy in the purple dragons... Pan. or possibly Omni as he does seem to favor... cute brutal femme... Yeah. Omnisexual.
(you have no idea how fucking bad i want this boy to be ace spectrum. hes got the colors y'all!! The Colors!!!!! but alas... i am bound by my canon plausibility creed for this comic)
mikey: ace. possibly ace/aro. he shows interest in literally no-one. we're aware that the common hc is pan but... we know a pan 13 year old, and let me tell you ahahahaha, kids going through puberty are very uncomfortable to be around sometimes, especially around their partners. or crushes. and mikey... well, that boy is ace behavior personified lmao. aces in the back you get what we mean right?? right??? anyway commiting to aroace
#residual asks#rottmnt#i really get a kick out of he/him butch lesbian raph and ghostbear-sexual raph#but i'd never use those seriously. or at least in this comic#co-author says what they get if they really had to choose for raph is ace homoromantic#but otherwise...#he's just raph#like we can't apply any identity to him. and we really mean ANY identity. not even straight or umbrella terms like queer#its a very odd feeling#i also really like trans april but we don't have enough evidence for it#in fact there's actually counter evidence- but don't let that stop your dreams y'all. it just stops ours :P#sorry for stepping on your donnie dreams anon#but honestly i think that label applies more to 2012 donnie imo#i really do personally prefer ace/aro donnie. but i'd make everyone ace if i were able lmao#co-author would also do the same thing ahaah#i just don't like depicting romantic relationships. or attraction ahahaah#with mikey... we get why people hc him as pan... but like its a fandomism stereotype#that literally every fandom applies to optimistic friendly characters. and honestly i really don't like the fandomism stereotypes#i just find them... unenjoyable i guess#cuz like y'alll... your sexuality isn't inherently determined by your personality or vise versa#cuz like i know for sure that in fandom spaces- if i were a character- i'd be stereotyped as pan or a hypersexual cis het#to which i am neither. at all.#and co-author would be stereotyped as the demure femme book lesbian#which they are VERY much not#and i know this because i've been fandomified by people in my life more than once#it is a very uncomfortable experience y'all#whoops rant in the tags#residuum#rottmnt residuum#residuum wb
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heyo spinny!! whats some of your favourite tlg ships? or just any you like in general
EHEHEHE rubbing my hands together. evilly. hehehe
well, kiburi is my pathetic wet cat blorbo and i happen to love all the crackships for him. kiburi x makuu? funny as fuck. kiburi x ushari? love them in nikki's pirate au they keep me up at night. kiburi x janja? the outlands brotp ever. my favourite character's stupid ships my beloved yknow?
in terms of other ships: reirei x goigoi obviously. baobabfruit ofc (thanks to you :] /pos). jasiri x kion because yeah. and as you could never tell (/sarc) i love poly ships so banzai x shenzi x ed, tano x nne x madoa, & kiara x tiifu x zuri are ones i really enjoy too. oh and i'll say timon x pumbaa too since they were my first tlk ship i suppose :]
#it's funny bc. sometimes i think about crackships more than my actual ships#like i got an ask about tamka x nduli and i kept thinking about it. in a /pos way#probably because im open minded to ships and i can see them in a queerplatonic light yknow#idk how to explain it. the best example might be through kiburi#in canon i see him as aroace. but i also enjoy various ships for him and all of those would be in aus#alternatively i could see him being in a qpr. but its kiburi so whoever he was with would have to be really right for him lmao#i like kiburi x ushari for that reason. if you put them in the right setting they just Work. for me#something something everyone has their own view of ships and how characters work with each other#therefore i will never be a ship hater. unless its fucking proship or whatever obviously#sail your ships! if i enjoy em i'll happily hop on board otherwise they can float on by it doesn't bother me#another ramble. i used to enjoy kion x ono a lot#it stemmed from way back when i first watched the show and ono was my favourite#i think i saw them both as demiromantic so they just. worked. to me#nowadays i favour ono x beshte x bunga so there we go#used to have a lot of janja ships back in the day too#idk man the world of shipping is interesting to me#and i ship a lot of stuff :] and im happy about it#endlessly rambles at u in tags hfgdjjdhdhd#thanks for askin :D#asks!!#the lion guard thoughts#the lion guard#tlg#mutuals
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suggestion do you have... any wants? like obviously you do but like? suggestion my guy my ourple boy. both the easiest and hardest to write. you need a skill to say something to move conversation along but it doesn't fit any skill in particular? about 80% of the time you can have suggestion say it and it will make sense. but like actually characterizing him... how do i define you dude... what makes your character tick... urgh. i dont get you yet. im trying to understand but you are difficult.
#chemi chats#there are some skills that i just dont understand yet and that just means i have to work on their character study chapter#im reading his bio and i think suggestion is a good manipulator and it's instinctive and he tries not to feel bad about it?#he's clever!! charming!! friends with savvy and drama. planting seeds in the mind and coaxing them to grow towards him like he's the sun.#a crude oil reservoir lying beneath a carefully laid flower bed. taps into the roots. the plants don't know any better than to drink.#he's great at sensing what makes people tick and uses that to his advantage. he needs goals to look forward to so he knows how to best#pull the strings to get them there. otherwise he's a bit aimless. he likes being useful. and since influencing others is helpful#he just keeps doing it? because it's what he's good at. and he tries to convince himself its fun and cool and just cuz hes charming and#it's his role as a skill and manipulation isnt thaaaat bad because it's helpful to them after all... but he does feel bad sometimes.#oh im listening to his voice lines and i just got to ''brother you should have put me in front of a firing squad'' and im sad about him now#but what do you want for short term little guy?? probably for people to like him. he likes chatting with people. i bet he'd like genuine#conversations with no strings attached but there's always some part of him filing information and tidbits away that he can't turn off#subconsciously figuring out things he can hold over them or how he can nudge them into thinking someth-/wait.../ no. no he's just talking.#he's /supposed/ to just be talking stop analyzing them stop falling back into that just have a normal conversation!! but he can't help it..#hm. this is all really helpful for his chapter. he and empathy are very alike but also different. very interesting...#task: swept up#okay good talk everyone i think i understand him a little better now lmao?? still gotta figure him out some more hes not fully there but ye#also i think he goes by whatever pronoun you think he'd use. just ''oh what do /you/ think i am hm?? what /would/ i use; do you think?? :)'#funny fella. i love you.
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I like dogs very much, but as someone who's allergic to dogs who was absolutely terrified of large dogs as a child and whose friend was recently bitten in the face by a dog (which will likely leave her with large, permanent facial scars), I'm just saying, dog owners get way too comfortable taking their dogs everywhere. I'm not talking about service animals. And I'm well aware that many people have actual service animals or ESAs that don't have any like little vests marking them as such or anything like that.
But ofc many people bring their dogs to MANY places they don't need to/probably shouldn't be, just because they want to. Your dog doesn't need to sit with you at an indoor restaurant or go into a store with you or come to work with you or swim in a fucking public pool with you ?? There are so many public, dog friendly places for your dog to go with you, why do they have to come with you EVERYWHERE? Especially if they're not properly trained.
#dog ppl are making me bitter towards dogs with every passing day#the fandom is ruining it lmao#but really i mean can u not understand as a dog owners that some ppl are allergic some ppl are scared n maybe have trauma?#n some ppl just don't really like dogs??#so glad i got over my childhood fear of large dogs otherwise I'd be so much more miserable trying to navigate life because of this#once in my old job one of my student workers wanted to bring in her ESA (a German shepherd)#i made sure to ask all of my other student workers to make sure they were okay with it first#and told her he could only stay in the back with us#after he barked aggressively at a delivery person i kindly asked her not to bring him in anymore#personal
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out of curiosity!
#love and deepspace#lnds#lads#UH#snowpolls#SORRY PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW ME IM JUST CURIOUS LMAO#i wouldve done this on the ramble blog but i thought#u know what? just commit.#so here we are jgjddjjsjs#from what ive seen loads of folks use the jp voices#i havent checked them out tbh fjdjdjs#im not super big on otome and am way too shy about playing otome games BUT IT IS MY BLOG SO WE ARE FIGHTING THE ANXIETY#as for me i switch the voices between eng and cn kdbdjdjs#its just whatever im feeling really i have no real reason#but tbh Just for zayne? id switch to cn bc i dont like his eng voice much jsndjsjs#but then again! i do not pay a lot of attention to zayne (SORRY IM TRYING TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE but alas.... too fixated)#btw does anyone have ideas about who the eng vas are?#i get antsy searching bc most folks are like 'hrmmm it feels like ai'#tHAT SCARES ME my god i hope not otherwise id drop it orz or ig switch to cn who knows#alsoooo~ lets be friends!!#im kinda new to lads but id love to talk to other folks about the game ^7^)/
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xiao dingquan -> 阿宝 ah bao / fang duobing -> 小宝 xiao bao + treasures of the family
#posts made for only 1-3 people :)#hlht#lhl#my posts#that's an incredibly bad cap of mama fang and fdb but i really need it from that specific scene#also papa fang did call fdb xiaobao but he was offscreen so i didn't include the cap 😔#in the same way it's very plausible gu siqing probably was the one who gave xdq his ah bao milk name#but we never saw her calling him that onscreen given her rare appearances. so.#to me milk names are very specifically smth a 长辈 senior refers to a 小辈 junior#it's a representation of the affection they have for the young one#nobody can take that away from me. it's very important >:(#the only way ah bao was used in hlht that doesn't fall under that is xdq calling lwx ah bao but as A REFLECTION OF HIMSELF.#otherwise xdq's milk name holds a very specific representation of seeing the person as a precious one of the family.#which is why xrj never called xdq by his milk name until the very last moment.#also i'm very emotional about fdb calling papa fang 'lao fang' and getting away with it ok.#do you get how loving and accommodating his family is that he gets to do that. 那不正是理想的家庭状态吗?#(on top of how it's so normal in modern context lmao)
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the brief mention that 1.3 leonard could still be feeling some deep lingering grief over his brothers' deaths still never fails to fascinate me tbh like, does he think of the standards he must have lost since their passing and feel guilt? or does he see them in every child he abuses??? does he keep his grief to himself or does he find it a useful anecdote to what must be a countless number of families dealing with loss??? does the green dragon know? does he confide in it????? since leonard seems to be aware of what arioch lost to the union, just how aware is/was she in what HE lost???????? did they have a role in each other's loss? is THAT where their beef came from??????? im going to merge into a wall
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#leonard drakengard#drag on dragoon 1.3#drakengard 1.3#on the other hand; i've been obsessed over the idea of doing the 'nothing in life matters 😔' (DOD1) 'nothing in life matters 😎' (DOD1.3)#meme with them because of this#still... why would they give us the base concepts for the 1.3 cast but literally none of the depth for 98% of them (angelus is excused lmao#like you're going to make them edgier okay BUT THESE ARE STILL THE SAME PEOPLE???? WHAT PUSHED THEM TO THAT BC IT CAN'T JUST BE A 'DIFFEREN#TIMELINE DIFFERENT PERSONALITY' THING OTHERWISE YOU LOSE ANY SENSE OF “self” THEY HAD IN THEIR CHOICES IN THE DOD1 TIMELINE ENTIRELY#there HAS to be SOMETHING that made them like this... well caim we pretty much see it#BUT LEONARD AND FURIAE?????? i still stand by it; they fucking took the dragon-blood pill too i just KNOW they did#but that still doesnt answer what the fuck went on with him and arioch#the boring but most STRAIGHTFORWARD answer would probably be something among the lines of#'Oh well she came to the village and he had to drive her out after realising she was literally insane and she's been waiting to get back in#ever since. leonard just kinda knew about the dead relatives bc thats everyone'#but i dont like that explanation as much as the idea that they KNEW because they had some INVOLVEMENT when it happened#(likely unintentional.... maybe? 👀)#also why the fuck does the prologue just casually mention leonard was part of the union but literally never brings up why he's midgard's#most wanted by the time the truly diseased takes place and what led him to (presumably) abandoning it to begin with#....WAS IT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF ARIOCH'S FAMILY???? HUH??????#ngl im entering conspiracy mode with this but being honest#it almost seems in character and MAKES SENSE that him having something to do with the death of/possible killing of arioch's family would#drive him to where he is by the time TTD takes place#think about it!!! leonard joins the union; ends up driving a woman to literal insanity after involving himself with the death of her family#the guilt causes him to leave the union and seek a life of atonement helping OTHER families whose lives were torn apart by the war/union;#his brothers are possibly killed during his defection??? maybe??? something something#arioch seeks his ass out and spends her time waiting to feed on the village/semi-subconsciously maybe waiting to ruin everything he's worke#for....
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kuukou has the uncanny ability to find his friends no matter where they are, and it’s supposed to be indicative of how well he knows them, eg him coming to find jyushi at his grandmother’s grave and picking up hitoya at his home after the wake of harmonious cooperation where kuukou’s root problem was he wasn’t really paying attention to his team, but like lol
how does he know this stuff lol????? like how did he come to learn where ichiro went to school???? ichiro looks less than thrilled to see kuukou show up so i doubt ichiro told him where he went to school lol did kuukou just wander around and happen to stumble across ichiro one day as he was leaving (very likely actually lmao)????? mysterious lol
#vee queued to fill the void#lol i call myself kuukou’s stalker but could it be????? kuukou’s a stalker in his own right lol??????#i can logic him finding out where hitoya lives (tho hitoya looks surprised to see him LOL)#like a home visit definitely could have happened if kuukou stumbled across jyushi on his way to hitoya’s lol#ichiro’s school i can also see happening with kuukou determined to stick to ichiro#so he probably pestered ichiro into telling him what a day in his life looks like lol#jyushi’s grandma’s grave is kinda crazy no matter how you look at it lol like aimono isn’t a common last name#but what if it’s jyushi’s grandma on his mom’s side lol????? he’d still be assuming otherwise lol?????#(he probably has seen jyushi at that grave before and he filed that location away for later use lol)#i think kuukou’s timing is the most uncanny thing tho he always shows up at exactly the right time lmao it’s very impressive
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“i don’t have enough space in my room for a big Leif bug fables sculpture”
foil skeleton for what will become big leif bug fables sculpture:
#he will be so awesome. eventually#not sure if this will go well actually lmao I haven’t had good luck with larger clay sculptures in the past#let alone ones where I use foil as a base. those tend to go terribly. but I will try#if it fails eh at least I got big metallic moth thing#bug fables#leif bug fables#tw bugs#< this is a bit freaky looking so I’ll tag that just in case#his wings are def gonna be a pain to make#more importantly though I’ll need somethin fluffy for his. neck. fluff. thing.#will have to scrounge around and see if I have something yellow and fuzzy#otherwise I’ll just make it out of clay but I think having some fluff on him would be nice#anyway i’m rambling
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I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡
#sure whatever#it's funny because when i applied there i really really wanted this job#and it had nothing to do with that one person i got a little overly attached to#and when i started working there it was fine but i think really the only reason i liked it was because of that colleague#and now he's gone there's only annoying things left#also maybe i got too cuddled by him because he's always had my back until now#but i have to try to get things from the design team now and they just straight up ignore me lmao#like. my colleague asked me last week if i could ask them to edit some images which i did and they ignored me for 2 days#then HE sent them a follow up message and surprise surprise the images were there within 30 minutes#now again. he asked me to request some images and then built them into the journal#i request them. i hear nothing back. i send a follow up saying it's kinda important. i get nothing#oh well sorry man. guess you'll have to do that yourself after all (:#(i think it's really nice he's trying to give me so much more responsibility and all but if he's not there to back me up#it's literally not working because Everyone Is Ignoring Me :)))#also two weeks from now I'll be alone in our office because my other colleague who's in the same office as us#has announced she's gonna go share the office with someone else because she's gonna be alone otherwise#lol thanks#also some other shit someone posted in the group chat today which really pissed me off#AND the fact i got ignored AGAIN when i asked for work :) like bitches. i literally just watched netflix on my private laptop#while wiggling the mouse on my work laptop until i got off lmao#i won't go to the office tomorrow either#i was gonna go but i can't do shit there if i get ignored again#at least at home i can do whatever i want when they decide i should just get money for wasting my time ♡#i might actually just not work tomorrow#I'll probably log in just to see if there's any updates on the images situation but if not I'll fuck right off#fun times#(also maybe just maybe I'm generally a little negative these days. that may play into it. I'm sensing that sweet summertime blues ♡#((who cares if it's because of my father's death or because of my colleague's going away or because of general existential despair due to#university.... i'm just annoyed) )#void screams
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i hate army twitter lmao someone remind me not to go on there ever
#it’s just sooo 🤢 people literally do not know how to be normal#on the one hand you have ******* truthers acting all smug as if hybe released an official notice#and on the other hand you have people cry typing#and then an even weirder third hand that’s like i can’t wait for all of them to go public w their own relationships#????? i know you’re not referring to him being stalked as him ‘going public’ bc i will kill you otherwise :)#why can’t everyone just mind their own goddamn business and respect the fact that we literally know nothing abt their personal lives#and that’s how it should always be because they deserve their privacy#like even if shit gets found out. LEAVE IT BURIED. DON’T DISCUSS IT. THEY DID NOT SHARE THIS INFORMATION W US WILLINGLY#it’s actually disgusting#anyway don’t send me asks about this i will just delete them#if you don’t know what this post is about just count your blessings and log off lmao#i legit saw someone tweet ‘as a twice fan i can’t wait for an announcement for a tannie to be dating a member of twice’#y’all know that reality is not fanfiction right… like you know that this is not like some real life marvel x dc crossover#just get a life of your own stop being so obsessed w ur faves’ personal lives i BEG#.txt
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I don my gay apparel
and when I am in peril
I play a silly tune
so that the killers will swoon
#dbd#thoughts about media#scoops steve already excels at pacifying killers#give that goofball a lute? his charm is undeniable!#this doctor match was really funny though.#he was absolutely destroying us because the other survivors were...#well they weren't very bright. and I'm pretty sure david immediately started to kill himself on first hook.#I had SOOO many matches where people were doing that.#It was actually getting kind of annoying even though I REALLY dgaf when I play survivor.#but this doc saw I pulled out my lute and he lost his fucking mind.#the screencap doesn't do it justice. bro was SPINNING LMAO.#the other survivors were pissy like this match wasn't going to be an easy 4k for him otherwise.#or like they didn't literally hand him hooks.#sorry boys! should have been pretty and entertaining like steve!#charisma is the best stat and steve rolled a natural fucking 20 <3
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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