#other than that these are unedited

[bluupxels]

sunblind changed my life

[danmeichael]

shen jiu's brother is exposing STERNOCLEIDMASTOID ALSO KNOWN AS THE SCM (PICTURED IN DRAWING) in addition to being implied to be exposing THE JUGULAR NOTCH BETWEEN HIS TWO CLAVICLES (COLLARBONES) SOMETIMES ALSO REFERRED TO AS THE CLAVICLE THOUGH IT IS OUT OF FRAME for every beast on the peak??? like some kind of harlot????

[c---crow]

straightened my hair for some pics i look like a manic pixie dream girl but a boy

[sysig]

Obviously I had to make it a thing (Patreon)

Spoilers for Handplates! Make sure you’re all caught up before continuing!

I ended up scene-picking around the timeline at pretty-much-random, whatever I thought fit the lyrics the best in the moment of blinding inspiration (lol), but now that I’ve got the basics down to paper, I think I’d more carefully choose in mostly-chronological order. That also means some would have to be cut, so I want to show them off here! :D I also drew them all from memory so if there’s inconsistencies, that’s why lol

For example this is one of the very early lyrics, but the events take place well down the timeline! I’m sure I can find a good stand in - mostly I just wanted to draw Papyrus from this scene, ugh I love him ♥ And the lyrics do fit!

Looking back to Sans for reassurance haha. I changed a few of the lyrics to be more Papyrus-specific -

- also featured here! He’s got the Gaster pose going on here hehe, and cutting around in time of him in Snowdin and also back at Asgore’s, him reassuring Asgore about Sans’ HP is so cute, I had to make reference to it haha

Happiest little sibling spinnies <3 <3 Probably the cutest panel of the whole bunch honestly haha ♥ Their little faces!! Ugh 💕

One of those instances of the lyrical contradictions, and I think I would keep this jump forward - everything has changed! And they’re really not okay, but they have each other

The one makes me laugh honestly, a bit dark lol. All their safe people, except for the two that take up the rear of each. I mean, technically it’s not inaccurate with Flowey’s, he won’t be alone! Unfortunately. The human, well

Started settling into a rhythm by this point, and rather pleased for it :) Poor Papyrus! He didn’t do anything wrong and he still has all these sad feelings about it!

All catching up to him :( You can only run from and ignore your problems for so long - this line feels so him, dealing with what their world is and all that entails, poorly

I appreciate the fact that Papyrus has this dream several times, it fits lots of places! Gaster look what you did to him even when you don’t exist anymore

Papyrus as an adult! Though he also is in the one with him and Sans dream-sharing. Things start breaking real bad for him, I’m still not over how good this song is lol

I did admittedly go a little over-the-top with these, he was not crying this much but I just jsalfdjfds this scene is so- much. So much! The lyrics goaded me, blame them haha - and also the attention to his neck! Even if it’s not in reference to choking on tears specifically, still drawn to the same place! I love Sans going to comfort him as well as rally him ahhhhh

I got his Soul glitches wrong haha, but seriously! This song, I swear!!

A bit of irony - he’s being heard! So much! Just not listened to. I am so enamoured with his pose callbacks throughout the entire comic ugh, so beautifully done

Handing off the song for a moment to someone who actually can rewind it - I don’t think I’ve ever drawn a Genocide Run human now that I think of it :0 It was so satisfying to draw Gaster kneeling on the ground like that haha, contact points were - on point ✨ for this doodle session hehehe

Originally I had his glow coloured in purple but this was one that I actually went back to look at (because I love this scene so much hhgggg <3 <3 <3) and had to change to his natural colour - he deserves it!! He’s earned it!!

I’ve honestly fallen more in love with this song through him and vice versa haha ♪ It’d be quite a bit before/if I could make a full version, even just with what I’ve got here, but it was so fun to draw at all ♥

[rxttenfish]

Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series

I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened

sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.

as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.

for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.

no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.

this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.

to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.

(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)

all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.

montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.

yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.

and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.

which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.

but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.

and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.

but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.

this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.

the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.

this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.

like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.

but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.

even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.

the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.

this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.

stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.

which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.

if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.

and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.

more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.

[merry-harlowe]

Nah okay I’ve been playing bg3 and it’s good, but I’ve kinda been like. :/ because a lot of the games feels unfinished to me, but seeing posts about wyll and Karlach (my two main characters I have in my party aside from Shadowheart, who i thought her story was just progressing really fast?) and realizing that oh, this isn’t a broader pacing speed in the game or a broader level of the game not being finished, it’s a wyll (and somewhat karlach) thing. Ah. Like Mercury kissed Wyll at the tiefling party, but Wyll hasn’t had any new dialogue options since, and I’m halfway through the underdark??? Also I completely missed his side quest with his father, companion quests should not be that easily missed!!

I was rlly surprised with how fast the dialogue trees are exhausted in this game in general tbh, it’s quite limited so far compared to its peers in the genre. Also this is a personal gripe but i hate that they don’t have clearly labeled when a dialogue has a “flirt” tag, i got to the tiefling party scene and literally everyone propositioned my character, despite the fact i was only flirting with astarion and wyll. Adding a little heart at the end of flirtatious dialogue options doesn’t break immersion it literally just clarifies the tone the line is written in 😭

Also the character creator got so much hype, but legit it was the most disappointing customization I’ve seen in a hot sec. Like dai (a game from a decade ago) and Elden ring (a game where you don’t even see ur characters face nearly ever) both had far more advanced customization, and like. Even that wasn’t enough when it comes to representation. Also like dhgjkg for a game that advertised its ~risqué~ content, a) it’s quite tame, and b) you can’t even pick your chest size? 🤨 (which again, is not even getting into the extreme limitations w different body sizes and shapes)

Like it’s a fun game and I’m enjoying myself, but like. For a game that swept at the award season and costed me eighty bucks, I kinda feel like the game should feel finished, let alone have some level of polish. (Also also im glad it’s getting the content updates it clearly needs, but it’s insane that it won GAME OF THE YEAR! and is still getting base game content updates???!??? I really hate the trend it’s emblematic of in the industry tbhhh)

[aeronbracken]

wip wednesday (its a bit late but-)

tagged by @greenecreek ty! tagging @dirty-bosmer @skyrim-forever @sheirukitriesfandom and @roseeway

His eyes fixed on her bag. There was a book peeking out of it. Out of boredom he pulled the it, not thinking about Julia’s reaction if she woke up and see him. It’s worn cover was filled with gilded and fainted letters but it was impossible to read the title or author. Joshua opened it to see if he could recognize it only to find Latin poems. Catullus if his memory wasn’t misleading him. Joshua managed to interpret most of them which was surprising considering it had been years since he last practiced Latin. He could understand most of the words and had no trouble understanding the grammar.  He realized a folded page when he was going through the book, opened it to see what Julia deemed so important. I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask. I know not, but I feel it happening and I am tortured. A love poem. No, it sounded more of hate than love. Why would she fold that page especially when there were nicer poems in the book? Could that be about him? Surely Julia hated him but could she love him?

[thesunshinecourts]

countdown to tsc: apr 6., 2024, 07:48 pdt

17. your bed after travelling // jean moreau thinks about belonging

They had an away game against UT Austin, which was more exhausting in flight time than as an actual form of competition.

It’s three hours to Austin from Los Angeles. (“Non-stop flight time is 2 hours, 55 minutes,” Sebastian says, pushing his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose because he thinks it makes him look cool. It makes Jean want to spit on him. It makes Jean think about Kevin at age thirteen, when he dubiously tested out reading glasses at the recommendation of one of the doctors at Evermore. That kind of makes Jean want to spit on Sebastian more, but he restrains himself. Kevin Day at the beginning of teenagehood is not a crime that anyone should have to answer for, save the man himself and maybe Riko. He can’t, though. He’s dead.

It still thrills Jean, that thought, explicit and direct and true. It had been a fantasy for years, the kind he could never share, and certainly not with Kevin, who had loved Riko as desperately as he had come to fear him. It had been a wish, once or twice, entrusted only into Renee’s steady hands, the kind phrased not as a request, but as an expression of guilt given to the only person to whom he could lay himself bare. It is a fact, a gun pointed by Neil and a trigger squeezed by Ichirou and a new type of shackle on Jean, still heavy, but lacking teeth.

No, Jeremy Knox’s Sunshine Court has no such skin-torn, blood-soaked, jagged edges, except those which Jean brings with him. It’s almost harder to bear.)

Three hours to Austin from Los Angeles, meaning six hours round trip.

Jean is used to playing for that long on the Ravens’ court: a much more punishing endeavour than any training plan Rhemann and his cohort of coaches at USC could come up with. Playing the game against UT is laughably easy for Jean, at least when it comes to stamina and skill. Patience is a different matter, but while the Trojans are no Ravens, they are an exceptional team. When Jean makes his meagre attempts at forbearance, he thinks to himself that he is lucky to not have been a Fox. He would likely have lost his voice, given the arguing necessary to whip them into a vaguely-tolerable shape.

Kevin had always been better at that. Jean is not a natural teacher. He taught Kevin French out of loneliness, and he taught Neil to survive out of necessity. Kevin would always have been more suited to the walking catastrophe that called itself the PSU Foxes Exy team.

Belonging is always easier, Jean thinks, when one has a foothold. Personality aside—and truly, Jean has never met a person more stubborn than Kevin, which is less a compliment and more an expulsion of grief—Kevin would always have been better-suited to the Foxes than Jean, for Kevin had a man who would never turn him away simply because of who his mother was, even without knowing Kevin was his son.

Jean does not envy Kevin his father. Jean prefers not to think of fathers at all.

So no, the game is not especially taxing. The Trojans have a strong roster, and are less inclined to allow personal pique to have a say in which players get substituted, and when. (This isn’t to say that there is no personal pique to be found amongst the Trojans; whilst Jean’s experiences with them thus far have proven—if exasperatingly—that the Day Spirit Award has been rightfully awarded all these years, he’s also discovered that Alvarez has stroppy tendencies when she’s tired, and Jeremy’s occasional remarks about the Ravens are cavalier not out of ignorance, but a quiet disdain for their conduct.

So it’s not that the Trojans are all foolish Golden Retrievers rolling over to show their bellies to the world; it’s mostly that none of them are Riko, and nor are they Foxes. They can afford to offer grace as they move through the world. Jean is not sure he can.)

The flights are infinitely worse, because without an Exy racquet in his hand and the court beneath his feet, there is no escape from Jean’s own head.

The flight to Austin is better, of the two. It’s still not ideal, but Jeremy and Laila sit Jean firmly between them and essentially force him into conversation. It’s mostly grudging, and almost entirely about the upcoming match—there is not a single player at UT who Jean finds compelling, but one of their assistant coaches is a former player who once suggested something rude about Thea, who responded by checking him so hard when he next had the ball that he sprawled to the ground and slid three metres across the court.

Jean enjoys this story. He thinks Laila and Jeremy did too, from the way Laila’s eyes gleamed and how Jeremy’s voice had a laugh in it when he said, not exactly a strategy in our playbook, but I daresay it would have been satisfying to watch.

The flight back to Los Angeles is worse.

The ache from the game is settling into his body now, muscle and flesh and bone. It’s not enough to draw him out of his own head.

One of UT’s dealers had pitched herself right at him, driving herself into his hip. That level of force wouldn’t usually have knocked him over, but there’s an old ache there from Riko’s fingers and favourite toys. Mostly Jean stays standing, but sometimes he gives in.

When Jean had lived in Abby’s spare bedroom, there had been a revolving cast of visitors, though there was more frequency than variety. Renee had visited most, then Wymack. If Jean counts the times he shut his door and refused to let Kevin into his room and Kevin stayed in the kitchen asking Abby questions in a quiet voice that was never quite quiet enough, then Kevin probably takes third place. Otherwise, Jean thinks it would be Aaron.

This was less about Jean, and more about the lesson he could provide in Abby’s hands. Jean didn’t care. His whole life had been made of debt and pain and prodding. Cool fingers re-dressing his wounds—all steady hands and clinical efficiency and blunt responses—was almost a balm in the face of it.

Besides, there was something comforting in his lack of expectation. Jean has no idea what most people want from a doctor. He’s heard grumblings about bedside manner and seen some memes through the Twitter timeline Xavier and Alvarez inflicted upon him, but he found his greatest relief in the way Aaron inspected all his wounds without flinching.

Sometimes Kevin would come quietly into the room, and Aaron would roll his eyes at him, and then look to Jean, as if waiting. Jean did not mind so much if Kevin came in with someone else, like Renee or Aaron or Thea. (Well, he had minded very much the time he came in with Thea, but that was due more to the lack of warning. Thea herself had been someone Jean found himself missing.) He liked it more when Kevin came in with Aaron, which was less to do with their behaviour—Aaron was more likely to tell Kevin to shut up or fuck off, but Renee’s quiet presence was equally effective at keeping him in check—and more to do with the fact that Jean preferred to speak to Renee alone, because she was the person he could trust most in the world.

Once upon a time, that had been Kevin, but then Kevin left Evermore, and left Jean, and the first time Jean heard from him in months was when a terrified Kevin called him to beg Jean to tell him that the rumours were false, that Edgar Allan was not coming south.

The rumours had been true, and Jean Moreau has never been a liar, not even for Kevin.

Jean thinks about this as he thinks about the thudding ache at his hip, where Aaron’s fingers once re-dressed a wound, where Kevin had placed a cool compress years before, where Jean’s younger sister had once drawn a rose when they were five and seven, because a rose had been the only thing she had known how to draw.

He supposes it still might be. He wouldn’t know.

Jeremy shifts in the seat beside him, and Jean cracks open an eyelid to glare at him. He hadn’t even realised he’d shut his eyes, but no matter. He cracks open an eyelid, glaring, and finds Jeremy making a half-apologetic, half-beleaguered expression back at him. It’s an astounding combination, one he would have considered impossible prior to the Trojans, but sometimes Jean wonders if it’s less that Jeremy is particularly talented at facial expressiveness and more that no Raven ever had cause to teach Jean what apology looked like in the lines of a furrowed brow and downturned lips.

“Sorry,” Jeremy whispers, as if the facial expression wasn’t enough. “Were you napping?”

Jeremy has known Jean for several months now, so Jean feels as if this is a foolish question. He makes a derisive noise. Something flickers in his chest when Jeremy shakes his head, looking rueful and amused and sleepy-soft all at once.

Jean ignores it, obviously.

“Right, right, Mr No Naps,” Jeremy says. Jean has suffered many indignities since his arrival in Los Angeles, but being dubbed something that a six year old child would name an especially belligerent cat is a new low.

“We’re not that far now,” Jeremy says, glancing up at the flight map in interest. Jean looks over. He’s right. Twenty minutes or so. “Which means there’s no point in sleeping…” Jeremy continues, almost cajolingly. That gleam from Laila’s eyes earlier seems to have jumped to Jeremy’s as he looks at Jean.

Jean sighs, surrenders. He seems to be doing this a lot lately. Riko never managed to break down that last final inch, that holdout within Jean that refused to lose his accent or stop speaking French to Kevin or any of the tiny rebellions that Neil dismissed but Jean needed in order to have any pieces of himself left for Renee to save that day.

Riko tore every concession from Jean’s bare throat, but the Trojans seem just as adept as getting what they want out of Jean with teeth bared in smiles instead of snarls.

“You should have knocked over that backliner,” Jean says. “He’s a lunk. He would have taken seconds to get up. You could have scored in that time.”

Jeremy, because he is terrible, laughs. “You have such a way with words, Jean,” he says, but he sounds amused. Almost infectiously so. “I ought to be able to score without knocking anyone down,” Jeremy points out.

“Yes,” Jean agrees immediately, “but until that’s the case, you should drop them.”

There is probably something seriously wrong with Jeremy Knox, Jean thinks, watching him laugh. He seems as delighted as ever by Jean’s honesty. He won’t abide unfair barbed statements to his team, but he always seems game to field Jean’s criticisms himself.

It’s only right, Jean thinks. They’re Kevin’s favourite team, and they took Jean in when the backlash would be far greater than whatever meagre thanks they managed to get out of Kevin. Of course there’s something wrong with them.

They pass the rest of the flight in much the same manner, until the descent swoops a little steeper than expected and Jeremy squeezes his eyes shut and grips one hand over his arm rest and the other over Jean’s forearm. Laila wakes up during this, blinking sleepily at Jeremy, before saying, “Oh, babe, your cuticles look awful,” which makes Jean look incredulously at her and Jeremy laugh.

Sleepy chatter gets them through disembarking the plane, and baggage claim, and onto the bus, winding all the way back to campus, traffic egregious even at this hour. Alvarez tows an exhausted Laila by the elbows with an excruciatingly fond expression, Sebastian almost snaps his sunglasses underfoot when they slip off his nose before Derek says, “Dude,” while Emma throws up an arm to stop him in his tracks, and Jeremy half-stumbles into the door before he gets his key in the lock and opens up their room.

Tomorrow, at some point after breakfast and coffee prepared with entirely too much creamer by an overzealous Cox, Jean will marvel at that thought. At the ease with which it sprung to his mind: their room, meaning Jeremy’s and Jean’s, meaning Jean’s, meaning that which belongs.

In the morning, he will think about what it has meant to be Jean Moreau: his first home lost to him through a transaction, where he was an object and not a person, a thing to barter and not a boy with a bed and a family and his own mind; Evermore, his second place to exist, where his bed was so often a landscape of his own destruction; and that bed that he slept in when staying with Abby, crisp and clean and safe and entirely, undeniably unknown to him.

Kevin asked Jean once, when they were younger, to tell him about his home. Jean had looked at him and asked in the blankest possible tone, what home? A home is a space you’re meant to belong, Jean had meant, and there was no place like that for him. There was Riko and his chains, and everyone told Jean that was his place, but he would never call that home.

In the morning, Jean will think about this, and what it means to have a space that belongs to you – to be a boy who owns something for once, instead of just being owned –

In the morning, Jean will think about this, but for now, he kicks off his shoes, peels off his socks, and falls onto his bed, a place he trusts enough to sink into a dreamless sleep, long enough to start to soothe his tired bones.

[kosmic-arts]

It is Once Again Time To Complain About Things That Don't Matter

358/2 days is definitely one of the better written kh games, but don't let that fool you. its not like the bar was very high to begin with (i am only partially joking).

i love days, but there is so much wasted time and space in that game. i despise how much characters fainting, falling asleep, having amnesia, and gotdamn brainblasts, are constantly used as plot devices because the writers don't know how to organically move characters along to the next plot point(this goes for all of kh, not even just days). the entire novelty of days is getting to play on the bad guy's side while getting an intimate look at all the cool badass org members, and yet you hardly get to know any of them over the course of the game. barely any time is taken to flesh them out, which is a complete travesty btw, and even axel- who is one of the major supporting characters- ultimately takes a backseat to roxas and xion's emotional angst. its good emotional angst, but theres no reason for it to overwhelm the entire game. and honestly, even roxas himself takes a backseat to xion's even bigger emotional angst! roxas hardly gets to know who or what he is, whats going on, or what for. roxas is a complete passenger, and as time goes on i struggle to see the value in that, even if it does feed into the overall themes of his story and his own emotional angst.

because, look: xion was a passenger as well; she had no choice in her situation, only the illusion of one that riku offered her. and yet, she still was allowed a moment of agency. roxas tried to do the same after xion's death by going to kill the organization(which frankly, he could've killed every last one of them- get real), riku stops him and refuses to explain or reason with roxas to get him to consider another way. riku just proceeds to taunt him. whwhy i find it hilarious that riku took pity on xion because she reminded him of kairi, but the guy who's literally his best friend's nobody whom he is currently fighting to save-... he acts like a bitch to, and refuses to give him any of the same consideration that he gave to the girl. what the fuck is that

what is with the complete and utter disrespect of roxas in his own game- >>specifically<< by the people who should be his allies. remember that bit at the end of days where roxas is about to leave and confronts axel for answers, and practically pours his heart out begging axel to help him?? axel refuses to tell him who sora is and that he’s sora’s nobody, etc. ok.. maybe he’s afraid of getting shot by the organization because it’s classified information. no, fuck that. its a major part of axel’s character is that he puts his own desires and wants before his job or duty. and! he also cares a great deal about his friends, even above his own wellbeing. he helps xion escape the organization when he was on that mission with xigbar. he didn’t even have an excuse to protect himself when xigbar interrogated him for letting xion go- axel could’ve gotten shot then and there for helping the traitor. he straight up put his neck on the chopping block for xion’s sake.

so then, why now with roxas, does he refuse to do anything at all to help him? he’s done shit before like lie to roxas in a vain attempt to make him happy- axel cares about him! he wants to help him, especially when hes sad- and in this final moment, roxas is in complete despair. axel could’ve very easily been like “well i cant tell you,, but maybe some other guy could… uh idk his name starts with an R”. god almighty it would’ve been so easy to just nudge roxas in a direction while still covering for himself if he was still worried about that. but no, completely out of character, axel just abandons roxas to possible execution(of which he would likely be the one to carry out) by the org for rebelling, without even giving roxas the slightest lifeline to find the answers that he deserves.

man i just lost the entire topic going on an whole ass side tangent…. what even was the topic to begin with idk im complaining about days. i'll proceed with a spicy hot take! get ready. when xion died, all memory and evidence of her existence shouldn't have been erased. yes. as depressing of an idea as it is- like, her friends aren't even allowed the luxury of cherishing her memory when she's gone, i think we all know why it was a bad move in the long run. xion getting wiped from existence was a poorly veiled excuse to avoid having to explain why nobody talks about her in other games- while also just straight up being able to get away without really mentioning 99% of what happens in 358/2 days to begin with. even as a kid i knew this was shit and i still think it's shit now, and the fact they had to pull a memory wipe trick like this is even more proof that the writers of kh are absolutely abysmal at tying their stories together or thinking ahead at all. or more like, they shot themselves in the foot daring to implement important plot details into spin-off titles in the first place. chain of memories started this trend, and even that game had to pull the memory wipe trick at the end of the game so as to not stunt players who didn't happen to own both a ps2 and a gba.

its a really asinine trend that has indisputably ruined kh with each installment. like, you can't be serious. in order to understand the main villian's(xehanort) motivations, i have to play 2 games and a casino, to have a full understanding as to why this old fuck wants to blow everyone up. for the longest time, i didn't understand why xehanort was concocting this decade long masterplan to attain kingdom hearts, UNTIL i happened upon the kh wiki. this is so sad you cant make this shit up you can figure out within the space of kh1 why ansem wants kingdom hearts. he's a power hungry mad scientist that went batshit insane in pursuit of knowledge. a classic victor frankenstien-esque character archetype. its so easy! I understood that without issue even as a child. too bad they couldn't just do that again with the next major villian! tbf, even xemnas' goals were extremely simple-...... until they added in the bit where he was lying to the entire org about them not having hearts or the ability to feel and yadayada... what was he trying to accomplish with that stunt again? don't get me started how stupid xemnas lying is. you've gotta be shitting me. like, are you saying that intelligent scientists like zexion and vexen wouldn't figure out such an obvious lie? what about lexaeus? luxord? really?? these aren't stupid people. at least one of them would have figured it out. would've been a good opportunity to give marluxia a reason to have been trying to pull a coup(besides wanting power???) because he figured out xemnas was a manipulative fuck and marluxia decided to take initiative and overthrow him. i love marluxia, but damn, the entire time i was playing com i had no idea what the fuck his motivations were.. why does he want to take over the organization... was that ever mentioned? …huh

but wait wait, i just went on another massive side tangent. i want to go back to talking about xion. i would've much preferred if we got to see moments of roxas and axel struggling to come to terms with losing one of their only friends. like, how would axel handle being completely powerless to save her, and frankly unable to even be there in her final moments? maybe he would've turned on the organization much sooner, because how could he ever continue working for the group that split him apart from the 2 people that really matter to him. that'd be interesting. roxas could eventually cool down, and simmer into a depression AND NOT GET THROWN INTO A SHITTY SIMULATION BECAUSE RIKU SHOULDVE BEEN NICER TO HIM. huh what- and maybe roxas might feel inclined to give up, but meeting with namine could be some reassurance to him because she tells him all that stuff about how he won't disappear and there's hope for nobodies like them!! honestly, just seeing the characters having to grapple with the pain of their past and actually talk about it instead of vaguely wincing about things they feel but can't remember would've been so much better. i get it, it's a mildly entertaining trope- characters suffering emotional wounds they don't remember receiving, or acting in strange ways in deference to old traditions they can no longer recall... yeah i get the appeal, but it doesn't make for a very strong story in the long run, especially with an event as major as xion's sacrifice. why can't characters be allowed to grow from their past and have character development. i like it when a character's history influences them in meaningful ways that isn't entirely superficial.

heck man, idk. you get the point. days is full of amazing ideas and has a fantastic premise, but like all things in kh, it struggles to hold up as soon as you examine it with the barest amount of scrutiny. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[riddleredcoats]

tell me about celene and mythal. TELL ME ABOUT CELENE AND MYTHAL! TELL ME ABOUT CELENE AND MYTHAL!!! TELL ME ABOUT CELENE AND MYTHAL!!!!!! TELL ME ABOUT CELENE AND MYTHAL!!!!!

tell me about celene and mythal. please.

please.

I- well, I assume this is about that fantastic Morrigan post that @ammoniteflesh did that I butted in with my ceaseless love about Orlais? I can do that. Settle in, it's a long boi.

Spoilers for The Masked Empire, if you haven't read it (and you should) then this probably won't make much sense. And spoilers for pretty much everything else in DA, tbh.

More under the cut.

The Andraste parallels.

Basically, just copy-paste everything that links Mythal and Andraste in this section. This is a great post/example, though I don't think they are the same, rather just the same story repeating. But TLDR: Betrayal, Heartache, Justice, etc etc etc. I think this is a popular theory I am not going to go much deeper into it.

Celene is compared to Andraste multiple times throughout The Masked Empire. In the play (End-ish of Chapter 5), by Briala (early-ish Chapter 5), and the whole Empress of Fire (both song and the Burning of Halamshiral) debacle. Not only that, but Celene has some genuine thoughts, intentions, and actions about reforming Orlais that are close to what Andraste was doing; they are both trying to reform an imperialist power, granted in different ways (of course) but the parallels aren't meant to be exact.

Fun add-on: Hilarious that Celene basically destroys herself/her image by (in the Fandom, at least, while in Universe is intact for the most part) setting a fire. Because being set on fire was what finally elevated Andraste. It’s still a point for the parallel, just a contrasting parallel rather than a direct one.

Fun add-on, #2: Andraste is described as being a redhead, even in DAI by Cass I think, but is depicted as a white blonde (like Celene in The Masked Empire’s cover or Flemythal's white hair) in multiple paintings throughout Dragon Age. I don’t know what this means, but it’s a fun detail, nonetheless. 

Justice! (But not really)

Both Celene and Mythal are arbiters of Justice, technically.

Celene as empress doles out justice as she wishes (more or less, see Halamshiral), but more specifically she wants to create a more just society for all Orlesians. Yes, of course, there is still that delightful imperialism there, but it just do be like that sometimes. Mythal is described several times as someone who doles out justice, throughout the games by Codex and Solas. She passes judgement, solves conflicts and was ‘the good one’.

Like the story of Elgar’nan and Falon’Din, where she solved it by each having champions and stopping the start of a devastating war. Sorta like Celene solved the Gaspard/Teagan conflict at the beginning of The Masked Empire (end of Chapter 1).

They can both be fair and reasonable but are also known for taking more harsh paths (i.e.; the slums of Halamshiral and the sinner who took divine form and went to Elgar’nan). They both promised to help the elves, yet they both seem to have ditched that idea; Mythal has done arguably very little for centuries, and Celene, while helping, without Briala is less than radical about it.

The Vengeance thing is here too. Celene is, after all, no saint and actively cannot forgive Gaspard for anything he does. Ever. And is definitely on a ‘war path’ by the end of TME. Mythal, similarly seems to be on a warpath forever for ‘a reckoning that will shake the very heavens’, whatever the hell that means. Also, everything Flemythal says in Origins just screams bitterness and vengeance.

Betrayal

Both of these women have been betrayed by those closest to them.

Celene by her court, her champion (The Masked Empire), her nobles (The Masked Empire and Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts), and both of her cousins (Gaspard and Florianne). Also, arguably, Mantillon betrayed her by ‘manipulating’ her into killing her own servants, but that is a whole 'nother bag to untangle. Oh, and Briala of course, by using Celene’s feelings for her and stealing the ruby during a kiss at the end of The Masked Empire.

FleMythal by her daughter (Morrigan), her husband (Elgar’nan, though if you want to include Flemeth’s here it is also applicable, I guess), her sons (if that’s what Dirthamen and Falon’Din really were?), her fellow ‘Gods’. Oh, and Fen’Harel at the end of DAI, too.

Funny is that both Celene and Mythal when it comes to Briala and Solas’ betrayals are fine with it. Celene completely understands Briala by the end of The Masked Empire, as does Mythal at the end of DAI. And they are both betrayed by Solas and Briala in front of Eluvians Which… yeah.

Another parallel; both Briala and Solas say they must do it for ‘The People’, aka, the elves.

The Rebels

Solas and Briala parallel a lot on their own, but their relationships with Mythal and Celene are fascinating too, as is seeing how Solas/Briala view Mythal/Celene.

Obviously, both of these pairs parallel Shartan/Andraste. Actual mention of this is in the play in The Masked Empire for Celene/Briala (Chapter 5 of TME).

Each pair is obviously fond of one another, likely in different ways - but perhaps not.

Interestingly enough if Solas really was in service to Mythal first (like Cole seems to imply in Trespasser) before he rose to ‘Godhood’ then, like Celene/Briala, the relationship likely started privately and then grew into the public like once Briala became Marquise and Solas became Fen’Harel.

If we take what Cole said, ‘He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face’, as it really being about Solas/Mythal then we have another interesting parallel between Briala/Solas and Celene/Mythal.

Celene, arguably, makes Briala into what she is by sending her away after having her parents killed. Felassan helped and, of course, Briala herself is the way she is because she is herself, but Celene is the catalyst for her more abrupt change. Briala does not get a scar when she separates herself from Celene; at least not a physical one. Mythal makes Solas into what he is by asking him to come to her.

Interestingly, it is a contrasting parallel – because Celene lets Briala go while Mythal beacons Solas into her service. Which is super interesting, but that is more about the relationship between Briala/Celene than anything else.

The way both Solas/Briala describe Mythal/Celene in-game;

Briala, if you ask about Celene during the peace, but before you go to the servants' quarters, says: ‘Celene is the voice of reason in the empire…’

Solas, in that final Trespasser cutscene: ‘She [Mythal] was a voice of reason, the best of them, and in their lust for power they killed her.”

Granted, Solas is fonder while Briala is a bit harsher in her assessment, but Solas did ‘kill’ Mythal, and whatever wounds Mythal may have caused (which we will get there) have long passed while Celene and Briala’s breakup is more recent. This means very little but i suspect that much like Celene, Mythal also betrayed Solas twice. Once in the times of Arlathan - like Celene killing Briala's parents. And another in recent times - with the burning of Halamshiral. We don't know about it yet, but that's my bet.

Morrigan

Both Mythal (or Flemythal) and Celene have a protective relationship with Morrigan.

Celene is more of a patron and offers financial support and protection. And the protection seems to be mutual (or supposed to be, if Morrigan didn’t bail in WEWH, lmao). Mythal/Flemythal is well, her mother, who is supposed to protect her but who is trying to possess her.

Both of these relationships seem to range from a little contentious (Celene/Morrigan, if you believe the rumours of a palace servant) to very contentious (Flemythal/Morrigan).

Celene seems to not be as intense as Mythal. Morrigan speaks well of her, and Celene does not try to control her like Mythal did, Celene even ‘lets’ her go out into the world – something baby!Morrigan wanted – with her blessing and her protection. I legit find the relationship between them interesting, despite the arguments that apparently took place, lmao. (I also sorta lowkey ship it, but that’s another conversation).

To give the benefit of the doubt; we don’t know how much Mythal was ‘in charge’ of Flemeth (or if they can even act separately) so Morrigan’s abuse might not be Mythal’s fault. But there is no denying that she was abused and that whatever aspect of Mythal, The Mother there was, it absolutely did not act in Morrigan’s favour.

But that is yet another that has nothing to do with Celene/Mythal and all to do with Morrigan.

Symbols matter (or not)

Mythal fought with the Evanuris and the Valmonts fought the Drakons. A bit more *tinfoil* and a lot more thin, but if the Dragon is the divine form like we suspect from Codex Entry in the Temple of Mythal, then the Valmonts having gone to war with the Drakon line could be another interesting parallel. After all, the Drakons are represented by dragons. There is also, technically, the 'full' title of the quest where Celene appears in:

The Old Gods will call to you, From their Ancient Prisons they will sing. Dragons with wicked eyes and wicked hearts, On blacken'd wings does deceit take flight, The First of My children, lost to night. - Canticle of Silence 3:6

Finally, and this is really silly and not really a parallel and most likely it’s just a fun coincidence, but the name Celene, which comes from the root word ‘Selene’, means ‘Moon’, which, of course, Mythal is the Goddess of.

Unimportant sidenote: I am pettily annoyed that most characters pronounce it ce-LI-ne when it should be ce-LE-ne. Because Celine is a legit different name and Celine-Celene have different meanings and root words, but okay I’ll allow it because I do like the pronunciation ‘Celine’ better, lmao.

[geddy-leesbian]

last night I got sucked into trying to visualize Rosa María with Ashley mods and accidentally stayed up until 7 am

unfortunately I couldn't really get screenshots of her with Ethan, because the Luis hair for Ashley mod requires hair strands to be on, and having hair strands on breaks the Ethan over Leon mod.

I also tried giving her Rosemary's hairstyle with a dark color initially, but that mod's hair physics got really fucky a lot so I just gave up. But here's one of the few times it was looking alright

[myrmica]

this'll probably get rehashed in a blog post at some point because i have more to say. but the thing about watchers, or any reading of the life series that takes it from "game people are willingly participating in for fun" to "fucked up situation people are trapped in by a higher power" is that the cultural imagination for death game fiction does largely fall into that second category; minecraft hunger games as a foundational part of early mc pvp tournaments is literally Minecraft Hunger Games. but these things are also usually a social critique of some kind, and to write a social critique requires a grounded world with history and governmental systems and all of this stuff that minecraft never NATURALLY has. when you play out the hunger games in minecraft it becomes a decontextualized tournament for tournament's sake. the archetecture of minecraft as a setting implies that, unless something else is clearly and intentionally set up to take it's place (for example, qsmp's federation as an in-universe entity keeping the players "trapped"), a minecraft server is a thing that people join intentionally and can leave as they please. life series is very much just minecraft. the thing that makes a "trapped by a higher power" story meaningful, its defined world and system, is absent. so the watchers as a villainous force end up feeling directionless, especially when they've traveled so far from the starting point of evo's little meta nod to the audience/early-mc herobrine allusion that mapping them onto the audience nets you... nothing really? like, "the audience controls the death game" no we don't, the players do. "the audience... likes watching the death game" yeah, because it's minecraft?

[brechtian]

love Cthulhu as a system but just cannot find any actual play of it I click with 😭😭

[izzy-b-hands]

the show was amaaaazing!!! the pretty metal boys just never miss!! Well worth the money and time and hands down, this was the best concert experience of my life. If you like metal in any way, I can't recommend enough that you see Avatar live!!

[purrfurnax]

[padfootastic]

How about "thank you for being patient" "you never have to thank me for that" for jillypad, also I love that you are getting out of your confort zone it's amazing 👌👌 you still make my day a little brighter😊

omg ur absolutely one of my favorite people on here 🥺 thank u so much for always being so kind to me, i appreciate it tons!! this drabble is—a bit light on the jilypad, because j & s were too stubborn to budge over for lily, but i hope you like it <3

x

“Thank you for being patient with me,” he says quietly. His gaze is still fixed on the ground, still too ashamed to be able to raise them.

“James—James, look at me,” a rough grip on his chip tugs him forward and for the first time in this entire conversation, James looks into Sirius’ eyes. The absence of any condemnation or anger doesn’t help, like one might’ve thought, no. It only makes it so much worse, because here is James, someone who’s hurt his own best friend, the other half of his soul, every single day for who knows how long. He’s been so selfish, for so long, and Sirius still looks at him like that—like he’s a flower turned towards the sun. It’s not right. He shouldn’t have to.

Sirius pinches, hard, until James comes back to him with a yelp. “You never have to thank me for that, you understand?” When James doesn’t respond, his fingers dig in a little more. “Do you understand, Jamie? I will wait for you, as long as it takes, and you do not get to make me feel bad about that. Nor will you beat yourself up over it.”

“But, Si, I- I was flaunting my relationship in your- it must’ve been terrible,” James cries out, putting himself in Sirius’ shoes—in love with someone who’s never once looked at him, knowing their heart is promised to another—and feeling like utter shite for it.

“I…wouldn’t recommend it, no,” Sirius says, still casual as all fuck. “But it wasn’t this great tragedy you’re building in your head, James. It was just other fact of life. Magic is real, hippogriffs are divas, and I was…am in love with you. Simple as that,” he ends with a shrug.

Simple, James scoffs mentally. If there was ever more proof needed that Sirius was the strongest person he knows, then this is it. Because James lived with the feeing that the person he was in love with—well, the other person he was in love with didn’t think of him that way for five days and he was ready to crack. That one week after he realised his feelings for Sirius were like a hitherto undiscovered form of hell—he was miserable.

It took Lily dragging him into an empty classroom and typing him to a chair before he finally admitted it to himself and her.

He was in love with Sirius Black, and from the look of things, it had been that way for a long, long time now. The only reason he hadn’t suspected anything was because their relationship had always felt so right, so complete that he couldn’t imagine needing anything more.

Until the possibility that Sirius might not be his, completely and entirely his, hits him across the head when he overhears a gaggle of admirers talk about dating him.

In the end, its Lily gives him the courage to do it.

Lily, who takes his hand in both of hers and presses the most tender kiss he’d ever felt. For a minute, he is worried, nay, terrified that she’s about to break up with him and what will he do then? Sirius might be the other half of his soul, but Lily was his heart. He couldn’t live without her nor could he blame her if that’s what he decided to do.

It only takes her a second to read the fear in his eyes before she presses the same kiss into his lips, his eyes, his nose, all over his face.

“I’m not going anywhere, love,” she whispers. “But I think it’s time we bring someone else in, hm?”

(James will never understand what he did to deserve not one, but two soulmates who fit him so perfectly when most people go their entire lives without even finding one but he promises himself he’ll never take it for granted, never treat them less than they deserve)

And so he’s here, two days of unsuccessful avoiding later, spilling his guts out to his best mate who’s just responded with the most heartbreaking sentence James’s ever heard.

“Well, I’ve got you beat there, Jamie. I’ve loved you since second year.”

That’s almost the entirety of the time they’ve known either.

Like he’s said, James doesn’t know how Sirius managed it. Can’t fathom how he was able to be there for him, not just as a friend but a wingman in his attempt to woo Lily. James think he’d rather combust than assist Sirius in picking out clothes for a date and condoms for the night after.

“I always knew there was a reason I liked Lily, you know,” Sirius says, suddenly. James blinks at him in question.

“She’s the reason you’re here, isn’t she?” James ducks his head at the knowing lilt of his words, unable to refute the truth of it.

“Well, will you thank her for me, then, J?” Sirius is leaning forward, eyes fixed on his, intense and heated. “Exactly like this, actually.” And he closes the gap between them.