#ore: you do NOT understand how FUCKED we are out here

[thatdeadaquarius]

it's almost 4am i can't get this out of my head holy shit.

reader whose original body is a literal eldritch forest deity and speaks in hymns (bonus points: after we isekai into said og body, we mix slang into it).

the acolytes have to break their fucking necks just to talk to you eye-to-eye, and the only thing they can make out of what you say is something equal to tablets bajillion years old already.

or that reader is constantly cussing and the acolytes just nod along not understanding whatever this 15ft tall eldritch horror is saying.

-🫀

ELDRITCH HORROR READER. I LIVEEE, NONE OF U UNDERSTAND, THIS IS SO DEEPLY AHHHHHH

I LITERALLY JUST SHIMMY STIM IN MY SEAT WHEN I THINK ABT THIS TOO LONG LMAO

i LIVE AND BREATHE for when we look like eldritch horrors but are just people lmao

IF I HAVEN’T RUN U OFF, 🫀 MY HEART, MI CORAZON <3

U HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MIND DESPITE BEING A BLOODY HEART

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them only), Eldritch!Reader

Planet: Misc. Genshin AUs

Orbit: some headcanons, tiny scenario

Stars: a little bit of Zhongli, Xiao, Ganyu, Ningguang, Keqing, and the adepti

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Light Description of Body Modifications/Body Horror-esque, Light Description of Eldritch Horror Creature, Reader has a Non-Human Body,

& Trigger Warnings: Eldritch Monster, Light Body Horror, Non-Con Body Modifications (Wake up as a monster, described as positive).

FUCKING LOVE THIS GIF, AND THIS SONG AND ARTISTTT

hey so here’s a song to listen I was listening to while writing this, chose the instrumental bc it was less distracting!

👉👈 hope u like :)

you just come into Teyvat from either Enkanomiya, the straight up Abyss/Dark Realm or even Celestia/Light Realmunder that glowing mushrooms tree in the Chasm, or like, ooo even by the upside down Barbatos statue 👀

and its great bc ur like- “omg Teyvat ooooo, ahhhh”

meanwhile the animals/magical creatures/beings nearby like shakin in their boots

literally no matter what land type their in, water, air, etc. they’re all bowing (despite the hooves, the paws, the flippers, the wings,) hell, even the bugs?? Might be bowing???

and you were slow to wake up wherever you were, so it took you a second to really process-

plus it just felt so weirdly, natural?

Not like walking on 2 legs no, but more like, how swimming feels but without the act of doing it?

you realize you’re… hovering.

wow, guess you can do that now,

your pretty much crowned with every flower from the regions of Teyvat, and a few from other Realms like Celestia, Abyss, and Enkanomiya, etc.

you have extra limbs, you feel them shift like you’ve had them all your life, even tho you do smack urself a few times with them lmao (new hand-eye coordination is hard)

and you realize u can see elemental traces/elements of beings, even plants, all the time now?

It isn’t until you look into a pretty still pond that you see what you look like,

you’ve got more eyes

I mean u thought you’d just be one of the twins, or ur own person if somebody asked u what youd look like isekaied to Genshin Impact, not what looks like the elemental god of the fucking continent

but you don’t look bad! actually you think you look kinda neat!

You’ve got like this coat of many draping vines and plantlife, glowing coral poking out near the top that’s around your throat, and- is that- tiny waterfalls?? Running down your nature cape too??

the many gemstones and ore of this planet form your legs, strong and taller than even regular human guys back on Earth, you’re like what? Eight? Nine feet? (about 245cm, or 2.5 meters)

You’re head… it’s like a dragons skull?? You’ve got these black horns flowing out from the top too that fade to a golden glow, like a crown nearly, theyre draped with what looks like strings of primogems??

oh and your extra eyes are symmetrical that’s good!

tho it does seem like you got this handy hood included into your cape of much nature to flop onto your head

where your heart should be, there’s two bursting stars circling one another, one of pink, purples and light blues, the other of gold and blue, oh hey, the wishing stars for standard and character banners!

and if you like mushrooms, at least one of every kind in Teyvat’s countries/regions is looking cool on ur cape, and if you like bugs, the cool ones like the rhino beetles from inazuma are being cute little buddies on ur stuff too

and like in the gif, every step you take overfills with life, except it stays and doesn’t wither like above, and it also does that glow bit that some places in Sumeru do/Enkanomiya

You CANNOT be missed no matter where you walk, and your sort of constantly feeling like you’ve drank 3 energy + 5 espresso shots of coffee

but in a way that makes you sort of full? like full on life… and like you could be even bigger, and taller, if you willed it

♤

k but the adepti felt ur presence coming in hot from literal mountains away

Cloud Retainter, and Guizhong, had set up inventions long ago to sense the Original of Teyvat, just in case, because some signs of prophecy of your return had begun to show in their lands

Zhongli especially knew you were close to come after another major sign was met, the corruption after the Archon War, and the ravaging of the land by the fall of Khaenri’ah’s “metal beasts”

So when you finally walk your way into Jueyun Karst, the adepti are already waiting, Xiao, Ganyu, and Zhongli as well,

Luckily Ganyu, with Zhongli’s help or advice, convinced the adepti to share this meeting with the Qixing as well like Keqing, and the Tianquan herself

It was a momentous occasion after all, but you were just now feeling the need to maybe nap a little after nearly, what was it, 2 weeks worth of constant walking?

wow this new body had literal stamina for days

you arrived late into the night, around midnight, under a full moon, and they’re relieved all the signs are being met

◇

honestly the only reason you headed to Liyue was bc you knew it was the closest (the map of Teyvat was both familiar in the way it had been in game, but also on a deeper level, like walking around your house in the dark)

and u rlly wanted to be able to talk to somebody, bc u had no idea?? wtf you were??

honestly you thought the adepti/Zhongli would be a good bet bc they’d maybe tell u what creature u ended up as,

u did suspect maybe you’d ended up as some kind of god, but like?? none of the other gods looked like this???

and u see them all! up ahead in Jueyun Karst! Oh no! You really, really, really, hope they don’t think you’re a walking talking evil tree dragon thing-

…maybe you should wave?

◇

As you get closer,

Xiao’s back straigtens, Ganyu nervously looks at the ground, Keqing is trying to figure out where to look bc ur so tall, Ningguang has her hands respectfully folded in front of her and her facial muscles looks tensed for a fight almost, the adepti are shuffling nervously bc they’re not used to being the magically weaker/younger creatures in the area, and Zhongli-

Zhongli is no longer the mortal Zhongli.

Amber horns curl up from his head, long brunette hair with glowing gold tips flowing and loose, claws on display, as he stands in his finest and oldest lóng páo, black with gold detailing embroidered throughout, it details his deeds as Rex Lapis and Morax, the spears of his vanquishing gods across the front and back, he looks like a living painting

and although he looks as serene as if he’s about to sit down for some tea, the adepti can see the tremoring hands, the same he used to hide in his sleeves when he was genuinely intimidated by another god, usually the older ones he’d had to fight

but for the first time since the archon war, this was one he was going to welcome with open arms, and utmost respect, despite his position as archon forfeited

there’s a strange music in the air of the night as the animals and the bugs and creatures of the realm subtly make the beat, the god’s feet (of ore Rex Lapis hasn’t seen since he was a child, it was so rare to find) shake the earth of his land with each step, a deep quiet booming like a drum of war as they get closer

The God of All stops some distance away from them

…and the Huangdi of All, just waves. 💀👋

at Zhongli, the adepti, Xiao, the Tianquan, and the Qixing.

A long black limb with a rainbow shine like a crow’s wing raises, gives an ironically tiny wave of their clawed black hand,

and tilts their head, though a sort of greenery hood covering it

and speaks,

“ ˙˙˙ʎzɐɹɔ sı ʇıɥs sıɥʇ ¿ʍou ʇɥƃıɹ ɯɐ ı ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ ʍouʞ sʎnƃ noʎ op uɯɐp”

your voice is like singing, deep, high, like a choir trying to sing all at once to them

Xiao cringes a little in surprise, he was braced for your older speech just in case but it still caught him off guard, and unfortunatly, he gives a quick glance to Lord Rex Lapis,

he can’t understand any of that, and Ganyu and Keqing are in the same boat, but while the Yaksha’s only done passive studying in hopes of understanding you, the Lord of Geo had gone much further back in trying to make sure he could understand your words, should the day come, his library, even now living as a mortal, is extensive

the other adepti and Ningguang catch a few words, but it’s too,, simple really, to understand

the words have no context, they need more, but such is the ancients, they’re meanings simple and all-encompassing

Lord Rex Lapis bows deeply,

“We welcome you with open arms, our Huangdi. Please, feast your eyes upon the land with which I have wrought with mine own talons, for all is ever truly yours.”

the adepti announces for them all, voice giving away no nerves, Xiao can still understand him luckily, though he has greatly simplified himself for the sake of being understood by the ancient god of creation,

“ ˙˙˙ʞɔıʇs ɐ uo ʇsıɹɥɔ snsǝɾ ¡¿ılƃuoɥz noʎ uǝʌǝ ¿noʎ oʇ poƃ ɟo puıʞ ǝɯos ɯ,ı 'ǝʇnuıɯ uɯɐp ɐ ʇıɐʍ”

your voice is an energy through the air, and makes the trees nearby lean in to hear you better, the creeks and ponds of the area leave their beds a little to get closer, geo crystalflys emerge and begin to swirl around your natural body, perching on your horns, making it look even more like a crown

Xiao gulps.

Rex Lapis’ and Ningguang’s spines straighten further if they even can from the impeccable posture they were before, They share a quick glance…

…neither of them caught that one, only a few words, and Ganyu feels her shoulders drop as she gives up trying to hear you and understand as well,

you make a strange sound, a high humming, a deep confusion with some worry, the crystalflys buzz around you a little faster,

then point to yourself

...and make a peace sign. ✌️

it was going to be a long night.

☆

idk if this made any sense, and I sincerely hope that you at least liked what I wrote a little bit, sorry about the over description 😭 I just felt like it was very important but then I realized I hadn’t even talked about the language yet… anyway here u go LMAO

I hope it was alright, and I seriously love your idea, even if I didn’t take it in the direction you wanted/as cool as you meant!! :/

Thanks for the badass idea, i fucking love eldritch shit <3

☆

Safe Travels,

💀 ♒

♡my beloved♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk

[denial-permanente]

First off let me say I'm a big fan of your content. Very hot. But through your post I've come to wonder: Do you enjoy this? I sense frustration with answering the same questions again and again (unfortunately with the way tumblr is a lot of people don't feel like scrolling the entire blog) but I've also sensed a frustration with answering most questions. I understand that this is your husband's bag for the most part but I get the sense that you don't much enjoy it at all. At least the social media side if not the rest. Do you enjoy any of this? It just seems there's a lot of "I answered this already" and a general annoyance with most questions.

I think this is a fair question. 😂

The blog is really my husband's thing. It gives him something to do while we're sitting together after dinner and I'm watching tv. A couple of years ago when he asked me to make some comments and answer some comments, I guess I imagined that I would be answering questions for women (ore couples) that were new to this and weren't sure how to get started. And honestly, I've met some very nice women (and men) while doing this.

But as this blog got more and more popular it seems like the same questions come more, not less often. Here are some of the questions I've gotten in the last week or so that I'm not going to bother answering:

"Do you make him watch you when you cuck him?"

"Have you ever cucked him with BBC?"

"Do you make him wear your panties, or did you make him buy his own?"

"Does he get to clean up after your bulls?"

"How do you get your satisfaction if he is permanently locked? Do you cuckold him?"

"Do you measure him to see how small he's gotten?"

"How many lovers do you have now?"

"If you don't let your sissy fuck you he should be dressed like your maid."

"Your husband is not a man anymore if he doesn't fuck you."

"Don't you miss being fucked by a real man?"

Honestly, I really did not expect this. I mean, I know that my husband and I are not like a lot of the couples here. We are not a femdom couple. I do not want to humiliate or degrade him. He certainly does not want to be degraded. Yes, him being locked all the time is... unusual, but we do this out of love and excitement and as a way to make our own marriage more intimate and to keep the spark of desire alive. Some of the questions make me think that the person asking did not pay the least bit of attention to anything that I've written.

It's not that I'm tired of answering questions. I really enjoy doing that. It's more that seeing so many of the same questions that have absolutely nothing to do with how we have presented ourselves sometimes gets discouraging. And some weeks maybe the discouragement or annoyance at the questions like those just colors my mood and it shows up in the questions that I do answer. I'll try not to let it bother me so much.

[sadlittleratboy]

I once said Tomura vaguely had she/they vibes to me on tiktok, back when I had one, and people ate me alive bc I listed his hair as a reason (and also bc I continued forward with using he/him pronouns throughout the video and I'm like...but that's the canon and I'm talking about something theoretical that I don't necessarily have a hard hc of, they/them Dabi is a different story lol) and people were like "thinking femininity is tied to long hair is transphobic and misogynist and blah blah" and it's like no you completely missed my point.

Firstly, I know that, because back when I was a girl and embracing my femininity in ways that I won't now that I identify as more masculine, I had short hair. I always had short hair. Androgynous girls with short hair lead me to the conclusion of being nonbinary.

Secondly it's not about the hair length, it's about the hair STYLE. Every transfem I've ever met started with that style or similar when it grew out. It's cute, it's fun, they're playing with long hair for the first time or even just in a new context.

It's also just about the general vibe. I listed elegance as a reason too, just the way he moves, but nobody considered how he's also so NOT elegant sometimes. It's the type of elegance he has, because there are so many different types. It's also int he way his so expressive. He shows so much on his face, which men tend to do in manga but it just feels different with Shigaraki. Again, I'm going on vibes.

Also being a nonbinary girl suits him because he'd be a total girlfailure, a loser girl, and I love that. Every transfem I knew was also a massive nerd. Most importantly I don't see him performing femininity in a traditional way. He is performing femininity by identifying as feminine and performing. He wouldn't change how he dresses or talks, he would simply realize that his identity isn't quite what he thought and run with it, because that's the kind of person he is. All those masculine codes brash actions like putting his feet up on overhaul's table to show dominance, and using ore, none of those things NEED to change because gender is so complex and that's FUN.

Again. This is mostly off vibes. I know a lot of people that think it/it's or other neopronouns suit him, and I can see that, especially with the way he dehumanizes himself (and with his stinky rat behavior, something a lot of nonbinary people, myself included, identify with), but that element actually makes me personally stray from that hc. Shigaraki dehumanizes himself in a negative way, and I think that's not good for him. Of course an argument can be made for that being the call all trans people have to be vaguely inhuman and monstrous in ways that only we really understand, so I don't think it's a bad hc at all.

I mean honestly he reads trans masc just as much. A lot of the league reads kind of trans because we tend to see ourselves in weird little outcasts. It's just a vibe a get from him. A lot of the she/theys I've met just also kind of have this "fuck gender and expectations, I'm doing my own thing over here".

Also there is of course the constant of Shigaraki chosing how he identifies himself and defying the expectations other people have placed on those identities. He's Shigaraki because he is, not because of AFO. That's his villain name because he connects to it. Despite all that he constantly gets deadnamed too. It's just...the vibes, the ability for anyone to read into anything what they want because their own experiences and it will fit because fiction is flexible (and even when it doesn't, does it matter?).

Anyway, his vibes, his masculine features and mannerisms along with the feminine ones and the feeling of being feminine even without having to conform to it (much like Magne did, and lots of people read her design as transphobic but tiger was literally there performing as a full transitioned man still comfortable with his feminine side, and it's like...all the trans women I know don't bother to shave and wear masculine clothes either occasionally or always even after starting hrt). It's finding a home within yourself as you slot the missing pieces into place and realize you find joy in different pronouns because they better describe you. Every trans person has their own wild ass journey and uses different ways to describe themselves with different things that bother them or don't and I think trans hc are fun for that very reason.

[archivalofsins]

Oh, fuck I forgot another thing... I never put up part 2 of this. So, here it is lol. Finally put it up when the word doc was at exactly 99 pages too. The tarot still isn't done. god...help..me.

 It’s probably because when Boku Mikoto went to sleep at the beginning of Milgram Ore Mikoto woke up and just did whatever the hell made that boing noise. On top of that all the things that Ore Mikoto does are things that Boku Mikoto has actively tried to quit doing. Mikoto states this during his first interrogation,

Q.17 Do you smoke?

Mikoto: Only electric; I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past but since I started my job, I’ve stopped.

We can discern that this happens after him starting his job because his murders are implied to be heavily tied to his work predicament as the tarot thing explained.

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person?

Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that right as they show Ore Mikoto begin to watch tv it then transitions to this scene of Boku Mikoto waking up.

So the other guy is more than likely the reason the other prisoners don’t know when he sleeps and that alone may have been why Kotoko had her suspicions about him before his first interrogation. The guy is just in there literally doing anything to release pent up energy to the point Amane made a noise complaint.

I’m not over that boing noise coming from his room. Like what the hell made that noise. I mean if there’s a bed in that cell, he’s jumping on it at that point. Es was too afraid and confused by the boing to go in to check and if Kotoko went in back then she would’ve gotten her ass handed to her.

Because of point C. The other Mikoto has limited patterns of behavior. This is illustrated in the John Doe voice drama when Kotoko fights them. She states that “Your technique is definitely that of an amateur. The way you use those muscles of yours is subpar.” The other Mikoto, unlike what is illustrated in MeMe doesn’t have a full understanding of how to use Mikoto’s strength, at least not in a calculative way.

During MeMe, we see that Mikoto plays into his strengths by using something he’s admittedly educated with a baseball bat. To make up and account for any gap in strength between himself and his targets. Sneak attacking most of his victims as we see Kotoko do as well.

MeMe doesn’t show many brute force head on attacks like we overhear in the John Doe voice drama. However, since memories vary between personalities he always has time to learn the more he’s out. He seemingly learned his lesson from his first encounter with Kotoko since he’s able to fight her off during the intermission.

Kotoko’s birthday interaction with them also supports this framing as he responds to her threats with,

“Haah?! Why don’t you try it then you lunatic?! I’ll crush anyone who tries to harm me. I’ll make sure to thoroughly beat you at your own game!”

Did you catch that last part? I’ll make sure to thoroughly beat you at your own game. The fact that Ore Mikoto is comparing Kotoko’s behavior to a game implies that he is actively working to understand the rules of it. Not just the rules around Kotoko but probably around Milgram as a whole.

Which honestly makes the most sense. For him to actually be able to protect anything he first needs an understanding of what’s going on and where danger could come from. During the intermission he doesn’t go on the offensive immediately like he did in the interrogation room or like Kotoko does. Given he remembers good and well how that turned out even if Mikoto doesn’t.

Instead he spends his time being so outwardly hostile and closed off that Mikoto basically becomes unapproachable. Then actively chews through his restraints. Mikoto's trial two design directly reflects who’s been out the longest. In this case Ore Mikoto who unlike Boku can’t tie his shoelaces perfectly,

Boku Mikoto:

Ore Mikoto:

Scratches at his head messing up his hair instead of rubbing the back of his neck,

Oh, yeah and may eat through leather! None of his restraints were lengthened/undone because of the verdict he just bit through it like a gremlin bastard child. He even ripped the fabric beneath. For comparison let’s put Mikoto side by side with Amane.

The clasps at the bottom of Amane’s restraints are still visible and they’ve lengthened. Showing that they’ve gotten tighter because of her verdict. In contrast Mikoto’s restraints have gotten shorter and looser because he bit and ripped through them. We know this is not a result of his verdict because Jackalope says he’s been running about free and unrestrained.

Even though I find the idea of Kotoko resorting to knawing on Mikoto in their fight just because she was losing that badly amusing it’s implied she didn’t even get close enough to him to do anything. Also, if she did get close enough to do this, she wouldn’t bite at his restraints.

Come on we all know at this point she has a tendency to go for the eyes. Too soon sorry. (It's not too soon at this point!) Sometimes she goes for the arms and legs too though. Okay, okay I’ll stop. That and she would definitely want to keep him restrained. I mean the restraints are the result of Es' judgements and a byproduct of Milgram. So, why would she purposely destroy them if her intended goal is to work alongside the facility?

Honestly, Kotoko taught Ore Mikoto dodge and inspect, then immediately regretted it. She’s just here like this fucker shouldn’t exist because she’s embarrassed to admit that once again in her haste to physically assault people for kicks she ended up causing more problems for herself. That’s what she gets for showing her hand early in the interrogation room, I suppose. Something she was called out for by Yuno after her whole attack during the break.

Now that we’ve gone over why Kotoko couldn’t do shit to Ore Mikoto during their second round. What does this mean? Well, it means that once again, like with the hangman, his current state is something self-inflicted. It also means Haruka isn’t the only one learning stuff in Milgram Ore Mikoto is slowly learning as well. Yet, if he’s learning how to be a calculative fighter now... I'm sincerely asking again, then what’s with the behavior in MeMe?

Dissociative Amnesia is when someone is incapable of remembering integral personal information about themselves. Information that would usually normally not be forgotten due to general forgetfulness. Usually, the information forgotten is directly connected to one’s conscious awareness and would be described as autobiographical memory.

Is anyone starting to see why after writing all this and looking this song over more times than I should have, it keeps coming back to how the murders are depicted within the mv. The way it conflicts with all the information we have on the other personality but coincides with what we know about Mikoto. All this is what has led me to believe the murders weren’t done by Ore Mikoto but by Boku Mikoto, who, like Es said from the start forgot he did it.

More than likely due to dissociative amnesia. So, let’s talk about that.

What’s dissociative amnesia?

Is there a difference between it and dissociative identity disorder?

Can you have one without the other?

Is this starting to click yet; are you getting what I’m putting down? Mikoto doesn’t remember his murder but that’s not because Ore Mikoto did it. In fact, as stated before, Mikoto very well could have had undiagnosed dissociative identity disorder way before any of this even happened.

Dissociative amnesia can occur after most traumatic experiences. Even though the memory isn’t consciously accessible by the individual it can still subconsciously impact their behavior and mannerisms. For example, if someone is recorded doing something and it’s shown to a lot of people, they may forget the incident itself happened and what they did in response to it but subconsciously be hypervigilant about being surveilled.

All without really remembering why.

Mikoto is very straightforward when it comes to doing things with others in mind, and it’s heavily implied this isn’t a mentality that started recently through the lyrics of his song. That his whole life he’s probably been doing that, and while it’s easy to go oh he just snapped and then the other personality appeared.

That’s not how DID works, baby. So, let’s get into that and any other wrong assumptions. So, speed run. Mikoto isn’t bad system rep cause DID is not a system. At least it’s not when it’s formed. What?? I hear you asking it’s not? No, it’s fucking not and I’d enjoy it if people would stop asserting it is. Because it’s never been. If you’re looking for system representation though that’s Amane.

I have no kind way of saying this please stop imposing surface level interpretations of actual disorders on media and people.

Wait but Amane isn’t a system? Okay, let me break it down for you. A system is usually what people with dissociative identity disorder work towards having after becoming aware of these other personalities. Until they are actively made aware of these separate personalities it is unlikely that a system will exist. This is the reason Boku Mikoto has at least to Jackalopes admission been restrained but Ore Mikoto has not been.

Now why are you saying a genuine case of dissociative identity disorder isn’t a system the same thing. NO, NO IT’S NOT! That’s OSDD or Partial Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Milgram has already made it clear that the thing stopping the prisoners from attacking Es was imposed through a form of psychological manipulation. This manipulation makes them believe there’s a barrier between them and Es. However, the truth is they’ve been mentally conditioned to not be able to hit Es. The reason this conditioning only affects Boku Mikoto and not Ore Mikoto is because they are existing in two separate mental states not as a system.

I feel like that should’ve been the first hint that it wasn’t a system but a genuine case of dissociative identity disorder. Unlike in a system where there is some communication between separate personalities, or they are at least aware of each other’s existence. Other personalities when it comes to dissociative identity disorder aren’t really controlled, spoken to in that capacity, and most times the person with the disorder can be completely unaware that they have it until much later in life.

But what are those?!

Okay, OSDD stands for Other Specified Dissociative Disorder. It’s just as difficult to get diagnosed with. However, when people don’t fit all of the criteria necessary to be diagnosed with DID yet have been facing long term issues that cause distress or impairment along with some dissociative symptoms, they likely would be diagnosed with this.

On the other hand, Partial Dissociative identity Disorder is a more recent term for a type of OSDD. It’s unlikely that you’d come across the term in North America unless you were doing an essay or something but who would do that… It’s also possibly what Amane has.

It’s when a person still experiences disturbances with their personality, like with DID, but there is a dominant personality. Intrusion from other parts is usually irregular and may only happen during emotional or distressing situations. This is more reminiscent of the discussions around systems brought up as points of contention to the depiction of Mikoto’s DID.

Remember that first post the prelude or preface when I said, “All we’re missing is overt ableism, racism, and sexism disguised as feminism.” Bet most thought that wasn’t coming up again.

But guess what we’ve got one baby! We found it, OVERT ABLEISM! Pop the champagne ma we made it! Okay fake celebration aside. Yeah, now while some thought they were being kind, others considerately just advocating for better rep most were just grossly uninformed. That’s something anyone can be regardless of if they have the disorder or not.

I’m not going to claim that I know everything about autism or adhd just because I have them both. Hell, I only skimmed my diagnosis forms. I don’t believe any neurodivergent person would or should claim to know everything about the disorder they have. Unless I don't know they're a psychologist specializing in the disorder I suppose. Even then a person’s diagnosis is very personal to them, and I can’t tell anyone who has DID or any other diagnosis how they should personally feel about how said diagnosis is represented in media.

However, how someone personally feels and what’s being asserted as fact are two different things. The only people being hurt by the assertion that dissociative identity disorder only works one specific way is people with that disorder. Most of whom go undiagnosed for a multitude of reasons.

Look, I know it hurts to be called out for internalized ableism or any ism. I’m not trying to be a dick about it. It sucks but sometimes ableism is caused by well-meaning people who don’t know what they’re talking about. Being misinformed and under educated can cause instances of discrimination. Instances that can be avoided by taking a moment to step back and genuinely ask do I know enough about this topic.

Especially when it comes to something as personal and diverse as mental health. If the answer is no then go do research, look for information, broaden your horizons. If your opinion still hasn’t changed that’s fine but you’ll be more informed and better equipped to explain why. We’re all learning together here. Do you really think I planned that reveal out.

Sure, I had a feeling that Amane may have a dissociative disorder before starting this essay and even discussed it with friends. However, the overt ableism thing is something I discovered alongside everyone as I was typing this. Okay maybe a bit earlier since I’m not putting this up directly after typing this. Or am I? No, we’re not.

You don’t even have to believe me. I did say do your own research after all. Since I said that this is a great time to list the books I got as references for this. Because I too could be full of shit. I am not a psychiatrist because I didn’t finish college and I’m here now still in debt writing over sixty pages on a fictional character and typing out an existential crisis-  

REFERENCES

Eich, E., Macaulay, D., Loewenstein, R.J., Dihle, P.H. (1997). Implicit Memory, Interpersonality Amnesia, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. In: Read, J.D., Lindsay, D.S. (eds) Recollections of Trauma. NATO ASI Series, vol 291. Springer, Boston, MA.

Kluft, R.P. (1996). Dissociative Identity Disorder. In: Michelson, L.K., Ray, W.J. (eds) Handbook of Dissociation. Springer, Boston, MA.

Reinders, A.A.T.S., Willemsen, A.T.M. (2014). Dissociative Identity Disorder and Fantasy Proneness: A Positron Emission Tomography Study of Authentic and Enacted Dissociative Identity States. In: Dierckx, R., Otte, A., de Vries, E., van Waarde, A., den Boer, J. (eds) PET and SPECT in Psychiatry. Springer, Berlin, Heidelberg. International Society for the study of trauma and disassociation: What are the dissociative disorders.

Now back to Amane. How do we know that she is the system or partial dissociative identity disorder rep people are looking for? Because they show it in the Minigrams all the time.

Since this is a common gag in some anime and manga it’s easy to overlook. The most recent example of this I can think of is My Next Life as a Villainess. However, what sets Amane apart from that iteration of this trope is one thing. Shidou keeps getting in there too.

The reason Shidou keeps finding his way into this council may not just be a funny little gag but in fact a way to allude to there being a system here. Not only that but Shidou just may be directly impacting it. Amane’s entire council is only made up of variations of herself until Shidou appears out of the blue one day.  It’s even shown that at times Shidou isn’t even still discussing the thing that Amane is deliberating on in her head. Like here-

In Amane’s mind Shidou appears and brings up the phrase seeing is believing. Which honestly sounds like something he would say but when she throws the pancakes in his face he’s begun discussing where the word pancake comes from. He’d already said this is something she wouldn’t be able to understand until she experienced it herself. There’s not much reason for him to reiterate that again but this time attach it to a saying.

Plus, the next time he appears in the council he doesn’t even speak before the other Amane’s run out screaming then Amane our usual Amane throws the pancakes in his face. The council doesn’t try to kick Shidou out from the table or just kill him.

They’re just trying to avoid him so his presence doesn’t impact their judgements which would explain the fear filled screaming especially if up there it’s only been them for the longest time.

Plus, it’s not out of character for Amane to react viscerally to him getting up there. Yet him getting in there shows that regardless of how much Amane wants to admit it or not he is growing on her. This interpretation fits with her first cover Positive Parade as well.

“We can’t stop. You’ll be alright and end up smiling beautifully. I’m not wrong but if someone says “no that’s not right” I won’t support anything that denies you.” Also, literally today as I’m typing this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAHIRU

Also, thanks for accidentally helping prove my point lol-

Amane: Happy Birthday. Mahiru; how has your condition been lately?

Mahiru: Ah, Amane; thank you. Yes, I’m fine. If I use a wheelchair, I can still move around. It’s all thanks to Shidou’s treatment.

Amane: It is only appropriate that I give a warning first. The realm you and Shidou are treading within is forbidden. If you continue to work against or disrupt the natural order, you’ll only hasten your demise. So, think about your next steps carefully.

Mahiru: Amane…Are you actually, Amane?

Sometimes things just fall together was literally messaged this by Star after having a phone call about this exact topic. Also, lol, Amane literally went if God wanted you to walk, you’d be walking get out of that wheelchair. Like come on Amane it’s a wheelchair calm down. She is not toeing the same line as Shidou. He is a literal doctor she’s just injured. Leave her alone!

Damn she really hates all aspects of medicine.

Mahiru is so unlucky she gets jumped almost dies and then is threatened for using a mobility aid by a fifteen-year-old. Mahiru and Mikoto having some of the worst birthday interactions this trial. Like happy birthday Kotoko- You shouldn’t exist. Happy birthday Mahiru, also if you continue to test fate you will meet yours sooner tee hee. As they’re just there like “???”

I didn’t even really need to defend this idea this much since the minigrams literally tell us all this is happening in her head with a big sign but we’re here now so…

That’s not even going into all the similarities and contradictions between her and Mikoto. Her believing deeply in a higher power while he says he doesn’t believe because there’s nothing he’d gain from it. Yet, clearly believing in Tarot a great deal. They both committed murder through bludgeoning and have the same empty look in their eyes in their trial two designs. So, we may have gotten two forms of dissociative rep. Though I get the kneejerk reactions since I rarely saw any decent representation if any growing up.

So, sure people were uninformed, but does that really make it ableist? Can't it just be being uneducated?

People assumed that there was a typical way DID presented itself and felt that Mikoto didn’t properly represent that. Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities under the belief that people with typical abilities are superior. A lot of people assume ableism cannot happen within disabled communities. It very much can.

Even without stating ableism can occur wherever a norm or typical depiction of something exists whether physical or psychological. Which a good chunk of the fanbase tried to create a standard version of DID. Something that in of itself is already a problem.

It’s literally just ableist to ask if someone is really disabled, how disabled they are, or imply they’re faking. Made incredibly worse by the fact that Mikoto never self-reported having DID. Everyone else but him has said he has it. So, how the fuck is he faking at that point?

For a racial equivalent I’ve personally experienced it’s basically going, “You don’t talk black?” Except as a person with a disability I got its lovely variant, “You talk so well you can’t possibly have autism.” That stopped me from getting tested for autism before. That psychiatrist went I know what’s actually wrong with you it’s low self-esteem you just communicate so well when you open up it can’t be autism.

Congratulations; can you communicate while also having Autism? Then some specialist may believe you aren’t entitled to your diagnosis. Or even just, “But you can write entire essays on a topic how could you have ADHD but pay attention that long. Are you sure you’re not just looking for an excuse to be lazy.”

To the surprise of no one that first lady was also racist cause isms tend to come in pairs. Spent a session telling me that critical race theory shouldn’t be taught in schools. Honestly, no one would believe the people with psychiatry degrees in my state. The woman who diagnosed me immediately weaponized the diagnosis against me and begin being directly ableist towards me.

It’s no secret that I’m 27 (at the time I wrote this I am now 28 can you believe how time and my inability to do shit in a timely manner coincide) and this fandom skews on the younger side for a psychological murder show with a heavy mystery aspect… So, I can’t be too surprised that this isn’t common knowledge, I guess.  I’m saying all this to get the point across that I am a full ass adult but when she found out I had autism she literally just started talking about me to my father like I was still a child. Basically, just talking about me and not to me.

She would also repeat things over and over like do you understand. Then got really mad when all her testing was finished and she discovered my verbal comprehension (vci) was above those of approximately 99% of my peers as though I was just pretending to be stupid. I was just here like oh your fancy test says I’m not a dumbass look at that. She also withheld my diagnosis forms from me and lied about sending them to my primary care doctor. Had to fax that shit to them myself.

Is it apparent I’ve faced multiple forms of discrimination at this point because got damn. Everyone experiences ableism in different ways and as it happens they might not even know it’s that. My experiences won’t align with everyone else’s and that’s absolutely okay. In that same vein I think it’s okay for Mikoto, Haruka, and Amane to not be perfect representations of whatever disabilities they may have. At the end of the day I don’t think their murders had anything to do with their disabilities and trying to play it off as though they do is a disservice to them.

It's like Amane said with her age we shouldn’t treat her any differently just because she’s a child. Because that doesn’t mean she has any less of a freewill than the others here and it’s the same when it comes to disabilities as well. Every type of person can be a murderer not just people with disorders or disabilities.

So, I think there’s ableism involved here absolutely.

It also certainly didn’t help that I saw a good deal of people putting forth that the writer was perpetuating a harmful stereotype despite there not being any proof of that outside of the confirmation Mikoto had DID. I don't think this has to be said but a character having a confirmed disorder doesn't immediately make them bad representation. Some went as far as projecting the same stereotype, they were against on the media to further prove it was bad.

It's fine to dislike the dipiction or Mikoto as a character but I feel it's reaching shakey ground when people are going this character having confirmed insert mental disorder here is bad. Not only that but I believe it should be interrogated why this mindset was displayed when it came to Mikoto having DID but not Haruka possibly having autism. I feel the response to Mikoto and his narrative serves to highlight just how stigmatized and overlooked DID remains even now.

Super fun. Moving on.

Then through doing this most of the fandom fell right into the exact same stereotypes and subconscious biases that negatively affect people with dissociative identity disorder on the regular basis. Grossly asserting that he must be faking because the way it presents in him doesn’t fit ones view of the disorder or how the internet has presented it, immediately blaming and asserting the other personality committed the murders check, saying he deserves to be in there cause he’s either a danger to others or himself check. Something made worse simply because individuals who have DID and no more than two personality states are often times accused of faking more than those who have more than two.

However, it's still difficult for either types of people to get diagnosed or taken seriously just because of how the disorder continues to be meet with a wide range of skepticism both publicly and professionally.

Unlike with what Amane has where there is a dominant personality. The thing that makes d.i.d difficult to manage and deal with is that lack of communication and awareness when it comes to the issue. At times dissociative identity disorder can form rapidly due to incredibly traumatizing situations. However, Mikoto’s situation may not be one of those cases.

Okay follow me for a bit we know that Mikoto remembers playing baseball in high school from his first trial interrogations questions.

 “Do you have baseball experience?

I played baseball in high school; I wasn't very good at it though. I still practice my swing when I get frustrated with work.”

Remember that emphasis I put on the pullback in the swing on that attack in the previous post go back and look at the pictures if you need to. The reason we highlighted that is because it shows an understanding of how much strength is needed to get the desired result. This sort of move as we've gone over doesn’t seem like the guy we heard fighting Kotoko in the interrogation room or heard about fighting her off when she had weapons like plural not just a single weapon.

Certain behavior from Mikoto after doesn’t make sense like the thing on Kotoko’s birthday. Would he really attempt to call a truce with her after experiencing being attacked by her even if it was the other who faced the attack unlike with being watched Mikoto shows very little- Well, more so no signs of being wary of Kotoko after either of their conflicts.

Let’s talk about interpersonality amnesia. It’s exactly as it sounds amnesia between personality states. There is already a solid example of how this works within Milgram. It is the reason that the other personality within Mikoto can hit Es and Mikoto cannot. Whatever conditioning that occurred to have the prisoners be incapable of hitting Es did not occur to the other personality.

In fact it’s pretty much like it didn’t even happen to him. Because it didn’t it happened to the other guy. His continued wariness around being surveiled is consistent with what we know about dissociative amnesia. He remembers what triggered the trauma to avoid it but for now at least to our knowledge not the trauma itself. This issue could occur even if he already had dissociative identity disorder before facing this trauma.

As of now the other Kayano knows about their murders to some capacity even believing he was right to respond in the way he did without specifying what he was responding to. Because of this he has no reason to be chummy with anyone here and while he’s out he hasn’t been. Because if he knows that they themselves have killed, then they’d have no reason to believe that the others haven’t like Mikoto does at the beginning of Milgram.

Mikoto asserts that he hasn't killed anyone so more than likely no one else did. Because if Milgram is wrong about him which it must be than how could they be right about the others. Basically he labeled everyone else as Innocent in his own mind through association to himself. He pretty much goes if I murdered someone well I'd know that wouldn't I and all I do know is I haven't. Sure my memory is bad but I wouldn't forget something like that surely.

The memory of that conditioning is therefore specific to the Kayano who was fronting at the time of their incarceration. This is probably why Jackalope reacts to Mikoto settling back down as an issue because that conditioning can’t take place without the other personality out. It's could also be why despite the other Mikoto knowing they did something he's also vague about it when talking to Es during the first trial. When asked about if he remembers his murder now instead of confirming or denying it he just laughs and says Es doesn't know when to shut up.

This can be viewed as a confirmation that he knows or showcase that he's does know they did someone but what exactly could be lost on him as well. If it's a memory Mikoto lost due to dissociative amnesia then the other guy may not know a thing about the sin Mikoto was brought in for just his part in it. If Mikoto was pushed to brink of stress the other personality could have come out during the crimes. In most sce es in MeMe Mikoto seems to have firm control over the situation. However, as I believe we discussed in the previous post if Mikoto was injured during one of his attacks successfully had the tables turned on him it's not unlike the other guy would come out in response to that.

This could be why he immediately rushes Kotoko and jumps to violence with Es because he learned the best thing to do when facing conflict is get offensive before your opponent does. Just charge in because if you don't you could end up dying instead. So when cornered by Kotoko he immediately fell back on what he did before rushing in.

Now the thing with the conditioning could be proven false if the Kayano who was incarcerated attempts and succeeds at hitting Es sometime later. However, the likelihood of that is nonexistent due to said Kayano’s statements on violence. Since he thinks resorting to violence is immature and embarrassing, he is less likely to attack Es overall. Especially given the fact that he still holds to the belief that he is being surveilled. A belief that at this point has been confirmed. So, this is much less likely to be an action he takes, especially in a room where he knows he is being recorded like during interrogations.

However, it seems that the guilty verdict from trial one has pushed Kayano to such a state of stress that such a buildup is no longer necessary for a personality change to occur. Basically, he’s constantly stressed now. This is saying something given the fact he was already on the edge when he was brought into Milgram. Given his hyperveligence about being surveiled and tge fact he is now being forced to live in a panopticon for an indefinite period of time and his concerns about losing his job.

Honestly, if Mikoto heard the recording of him in the John Doe voice drama he’d probably die of embarrassment or never leave his cell again. Personality shifts in people with d.i.d at times can have very specific triggers. Kayano has made it clear on numerous occasions that theirs is stress. We saw on Kotoko’s birthday that switching between personalities has become more common and more seamless. We hear Kayano begin to hyperventilate (as a result of Es' continued assertion that he's a murderer and then weaponization of Kayano's admittedly poor and now poorer memory against him) before the other personality presents itself in the John Doe voice drama.

Okay, finally done. I doubt anyone is gonna finish this.

All of this leads us to believe that there's a high chance that if Mikoto Kayano is voted Guilty again that we won’t be seeing the Kayano brought in by Milgram at all third trial. The second trial commencement notice even alludes to this by saying we'd need to get the other Kayano out again for him to be restrained. Because the restraint within Milgram isn't just tying them up but mental conditioning as well there's no telling how it will affect the two personality states.

For all any of us know it could very well be the equivalent of forcibly merging the two states together.

[casitafallz]

Stray AU | Monsters in the night

Tws: blood, injury, eye trauma (vague), 

Agustín’s breath came out on short breaths as he pressed on through the jungle, the air sticking to his skin as he went but he pressed on anyone, to put distance between him and Encanto but he knew he had been walking for a good few hours, so that put him at least 10 or so miles out if he was on the right track

He should make camp, then carry on in the morning. No one would be this far out too early. He had the time. The only time anyone would could out this far is for distant foraging or searching for new ore. This route should circle back around to Encanto eventually if he took the right turn.

“Tio!”

Agustín felt his blood run cold as the little voice squeaked behind him, a fair distance away and he almost missed it but he knew that little voice anywhere.

“Dolores?!” He hissed but the panic set in quickly…. Had Dolores been following him this entire time? “Dios Mios…” Pepa was going to kill him…. Felix would certainly as well. If he was gone, there was no mistake here that he’d be assumed to have taken her. Oh just what he needed, being thought of a kidnapper on top of being known as a man who left his wife.

Agustín didn’t move on, his hands coming unstrap his bag and began to fish out his flask of water and a few Empanadas and it didn’t take long before the girl in question began to get louder before her little sweaty face appeared in the dim light of his lantern.

“Dolores…” He opened his arms up for her, coming to her and letting her fall into them. “You should be in bed!”

Agustín pulled her back and held open the flask and immediately, she latched onto it ‘s rim and began to gulp the water down, taking it off him to tilt for more.

He rubbed her back but the nausea now was settled in and he didn’t like this situation any more. A bad situation to worse and now… he knew for a fact this was going to villainise him. Julieta wouldn’t forgive him if she thought she took her Sobrina. He had to turn back. He… He had the time to get her back to Encanto before the others woke, right?

Dolores picked the empanadas from his hand and began to chew them down quickly, her little face looking a little better though she looked tired.

“Can we make camp?”

He wanted to groan, but took the almost empty flask from her and shoved it into his open bag. “No, I need to get you back to Encanto before your mother hunts me down.”

Dolores lit up. “You’re coming home!”

“No.” he corrected. “I need to get you home. I can’t stay, Sobrina.”

Dolores’s face fell, “But… but you need to stay with us! Tia needs you a lot. Abuela was bluffing.”

Agustín lent forwards, kissing her softly on the forehead with a soft smile at the girl’s attempts to get him back but… he knew she didn’t truly understand what was at stake. She didn’t know how Isabela and Julieta would get tarnished by Abuela’s rumours if it ever got out. The girl didn’t know what ‘infidelity or ‘bastard-children’ were. She was six.

Sure, Pepa and Felix had to give her ‘the talk’ shortly after her gift ceremony given what people were doing in the privacy of their own home that she had the misfortune to hear but that didn’t mean she was ready to hear about that.

“Need any more food?”

Dolores shook her head though frowned sharply after a moment before her eyes went wide, her body stiffening up.

“We’re not alone, Tio.”

He stiffened up as well before he let his eyes scan around, his hand coming to grip at Dolore’s to keep her close but it wasn’t until he saw a flash in his vision that had him pausing but he knew what he was seeing as the reflective dots remained locked onto him so… he broke eye contact quickly.

“No eye contact, quiet and back away with me. Do not run and don’t try to climb up a tree.” He whispered to her. Fear flooded through his chest but Dolores complied with him, keeping with and behind him and the eyes watching in the dark but didn’t get closer which was enough to indicate he had gotten too close to it’s den.

Fuck.

He clamped down almost flinching as the eyes moved and there was a low guttural saw sound that razored down his spine as he heard it land from it’s high-place. Dolores’s squeaked but held back on anything else. Sweat beaded over his skin but he kept his arms open to look bigger, the lantern ready to throw if it leapt… if they looked like prey, they were dead.

‘What a way to go though’, crept through the back of his mind.

Agustín’s luck changed for the worst as a sudden burst of light tin the distance echoed with a sizzling undertone before he yelped in surprise but the animal in front snarled and before he knew it, he could feel it’s paws thud for a second in the dirt; throwing his lantern by instinct before he turned and shoved Dolores onwards but it was the weight that shoved into his back that sent him sprawling face first into the mud.

“Run Dolores!” She had a better chance to hide than him; one jaguar; one human. As long as Dolores put the distance between…. She should be okay.

Agustin’s hand came to the back of his neck, adrenaline kicking him into action to get up before it went for his head, slipping easily from his bag’s weight to his feet but the jaguar hissed but Agustín was helpless to escape as he tripped and soon enough, Agustin felt the sharp piercing pain as it’s claws swiped down his chest. Unable to help the cry of pain, his hands desperately trying to find it’s face before he felt the sharp white pain override was it seared down his face, knocking his glasses from his face and away…before he was swallowed by hazy darkness, pain barely keeping him conscious.

-

Dolores’s little legs worked harder than ever before, the sounds of the jaguar after her though was the real motivation to not stop and made way straight towards the distant light but it’s paws thundered through her ears louder than her own steps through the crack in of branches and leaves under her shoes.

Her heart sung too loudly and she could feel the new spurt of energy in her veins that kept her going.

Ahead of her, the strange light was coming through what looked like a vertical white crack that seemed to be in the middle of the air, stretching out and she could hear the distance slooping cracking as it expanded out. Dolores didn’t have time to see much of it before the great beast behind her jumped ahead, catching the back of her leg with it’s claw.

Pain was hot but Dolores felt the horror as the ground lurched towards her face before it’s claws dug into her back with sharp pain before she squealed out, arms and legs flailing, barely enough to dislodge the monster but it’s weight shifted in her wigging for her to roll, but nothing more than that before it’s claw caught her in the face...

Dolores screamed again.

-

Hallow hadn’t quite expected the scene infront of her as she stepped out the anchor portal to the new AU. It was new, a few days old in comparison to the others but new nonetheless. It had a good flow of energy and showed no signs of impacting towards any of the aus around it.

Hallow had only planned to drop in a data gather on what sort of AU this was far from Encanto.

She hadn’t expected to hear a little Dolores screaming the moment she stepped through; only to be met with the horrific sight of an angry jaguar ont op of the bloodied child.

As soon as it saw her, it hissed but it was easy to drag the course of lightening energy though her palms into a small bolt of lightening, throwing it at the oversized cat and watched as it hissed at her but fear pushed it to dart into the darkness.

Hallow let the second bolt die and dropped to the child that lay in weeping shock

A young Dolores; the right side of her face held one deep cut, extra fluid suggested her right eye was no longer intact and she could see the blood soaking into the girl’s clothes.

“Ma…mi!” Dolores cooed in pain, her shaking hands reaching out to her.

Hallow allowed this, picking her up. But it was certain…. this child needed medical attention. Was it wise to bring in the girl… but if untreated, the child would certainly die before dawn. Her needs certainly fit the protocols needed to allow for extraction from her native world. More so that Dolores here wanted her.

“You’re okay.” Hallow spoke, putting on a soothing tone. “I’ll take you somewhere safe.”

Dolores whimpered. “Tio… tio..” though after a moment, her body loosened as she fainted. Hallow frowned but her eyes scouted through the darkness; but the sight of a distant boot that looked to be attached to a human seemed to be what that child was referring to.

Either Agustin or Bruno.

Hallow stepped backwards through the portal though the sight of the child easily caught the attention of her superior officer so she handed her straight off to go to Medical and crossed again to collect the man, who she hoped would be alive by the time she got there.

[80-ursa-major]

been a long time without a grub rant so here it goes

i'm still trying to go full seasonal so instead of waiting for end of the month i used all my crystals AND all the shrimps to spark my perfect son but the writing was shit because they use him to push that sinister agenda. also yes spark because nothing's changed. ssr tickets are always useless dupes and you can never roll the chara you want even if he's on rateup. still missing a bunch of grands too bleh

now let's see what has happened since last time: that one cute amnesiac is actually an evil mastermind so forget it. The detective event didn't even have chat noir and literally everyone died; they made like 7 new designs for 2 hours. Very weird vibe. The potato couple is dead but at least they are together but their pseudo son is not playable of course! and they gave the nice moments to sevil not one of the many ikemen and actually popular ones.

ok fine i shouldn't talk cause my favorite isn't popular either and i got some cute content and i'd give him more if i could so i totally get siero but there's so many waifus, even literally marriage and the husbando side is *crickets*

damn the rant was supposed to be about the anni but it had been a while so there was a lot more. anyway where to start -new boy is a waste of a design cause he's not even a character, just a chatbot talking in circles so siete can have a sideplot and idiots can make cuckmemes. And of course he dies! -other new boy suffers for 6k years and then dies lmao what! there was literally zero reason to do that in the very end when everyone's finally together and happy -btw both of this is because the big boss the ASSHOLE fire chicken who of course has a female voice manipulated them and then discarded them. but she brought back her loli verison because how else will disgusting coomers throw money at the gacha -and fucking lu who won't let me kill this dumb bird becauuuuse -the rest of the cast was whatever -i don't care about the casino and the couples especially since 10 years later one of them still isn't a couple. having said that christina rose(heh) in my eyes with how thoughtful she was about nanashi -the six 9ds just bloated the cast and once again it's 4 hot girls, a bird and one ok guy -sidenote: those new free charas are also 4 girls, not even one guy like everyone though from the silouettes -the free event chara is of course another booba angel pulled out of nowhere (no the spellbooks don't count) who's also another luci orbiter and spends years proving she has room temperature iq but somehow in the very end she was the only one who understood the complex (read:super simple) motives of the phoenix. the irony is that the conclusion is that it's beyond human understanding so don't even bother trying hahahaha -and of course no males allowed in dark so they resurected a half-naked primal to grand who's also somehow a master detective wow -and somehow the worst of all? caglioSHITro. So strong, the strongest we can't solve anything without him ooooh. I hate him. Yes him the man who put his essence/soul/whatever you wanna call it into a homunculus made in the image of his own sister(!) and gets his kicks from switching between tought ore voice and cute gril tehee~. Peak CRINGE!!

all right that felt good. will unload my other gacha grievances later XD

[21stcenturyfag]

My 18th birthday present to myself was an account on all the big dating apps. At this point I had still never really known any other queer men before, or at least not any that were out to me at the time. The sudden proximity to what seemed like so much possibility for beautiful things was exhilarating for the hopeless romantic I’ve always been. Being a fresh face online must’ve also intrigued the many disillusioned and fatigued kind of man that I’ve turned into now, because I was getting a great deal of attention for those first 6 months in a way I haven’t gotten since, once everybody in this city who could’ve been interested had already seen and swiped me. I wasn’t stupid enough to not recognize the cursoriness of it all—but for a while I was just excited to be waist-deep in desire that I never believed existed for me anywhere until then. I definitely didn’t fully understand the culture yet, I didn’t understand that it had already closed in on itself, I didn’t understand that it was a long-since depleted ore mine and there were no beautiful things to be found anymore (unless you were one of the lucky ones). A fucking rock is a fucking rock. Some people—most people—are okay with a fucking rock if it’s something to take home and show for; hell it’s how we got here. I don’t want a fucking rock! So where does that leave me? I’m not sure. I’m not in school, and crowds of strangers aren’t really my thing, and the lives of me and my peers haven’t looked much like anything but work these days. Where are all the beautiful things? How do I find them? Surely not on that side of the internet. I hope I’m not trying to figure it out for too much longer.

[prettytanuki]

ep01 of Jitsu wa Ore, Saikyou Deshita

New season, new isekai trash to watch! Spoilers (and ranting) below.

So the protagonist is a neet who spends his days on his bed fiddling with his smartphone? Okay, this doesn't look promising...

What the... that's it? He just... stared at the phone too hard and died? The fuck?

*boing*

Congratulations!

*boing*

I hate this anime already.

She actually says he will be reincarnated. Like he didn't get sucked into the smartphone. He actually fucking died staring at the screen.

She just gives him a cheat skill and reincarnates him. Why? Did I miss a page? Why is she doing this? He didn't even die in a truck collision saving anyone! HE WAS JUST BEING A LAZY BUM IN HIS FUCKING BED AND DIED??? AT LEAST HAVE HIM SAVE SOMEBODY SO HE DESERVES IT??? What about all the other people who don't get a second chance? You know what, this goddess is a bitch. I hate gods like this.

HE ISN'T EVEN SORRY JESUS CHRIST

*inhales*

Okay so he's the son of the king and the hero... ine. On top of a cheat skill he's royalty. Okay.

A The 8th son? Are you kidding me? reference? Are you kidding me? That anime came out 3 years ago. This is officially some zoomer shit.

Template magic measurement. Crystal ball with numbers, seriously? Oh god, it's another one of those weak guy is actually strongest, okay, fine, the title gives it away anyway.

I like that the king AND THE QUEEN are in sync with the whole infanticide plan. This couple sounds way more interesting to watch than the protagonist. Why don't they just kill the mc here and we continue the story about them trying to make a second baby or something?

Jesus christ the gods are screen addicts too... oh, so he's level 1002. 1000 AND TWO. And it shows as 02 because the crystal ball only displays two digits. I can only imagine the author thought he had a genius idea at first with this digit idea until he realized if the goddess made the mc level 1000 it would show as 00/00 instead. ALSO WHY THE SLASH??? IT FITS 4 DIGITS THERE JUST FINE!

"Magic is really easy."

Fuck you, cheater.

He just made himself fly with "barrier magic" what kind of bullshit is this.

And it's a fight.

Oh so the barrier magic actually works like a barrier I was worried there for a second.

And it has no attack power, which is g...

That's not a barrier, dude. That's... that's not a barrier. That's telekinesis. THAT'S

NOT

A

FUCKING

BARRIER

DUDE!!!!

Fuck's sake he lifted the earth with that thing.

The wolf talks, because why not. So this is a monster that will become his companion, the same way it happens in basically every other isekai anime...?

The fact the mc can't speak is interesting. There are some isekai the mc can't understand isekai language but it's not often he needs to talk and is too young to be able to.

HOW ABOUT A WHAT??? DID SMARTPHONE DEATH FRY YOUR BRAINS KIDDO THAT'S NOT WHAT A BARRIER DOES!!!

And it just worked...

They have a conversation, and instead of confessing he's a loser, he confessed he's... the demon king. Why not just say you're a prince. You know you could say that, right?

Why the wolf is so chill about getting killed?

He just got in a contract with the demon wolf by accident.

You were naked a second ago............

HE MADE CLOTHING OUT OF BARRIER

CLOTHING OUT OF BARRIER

Normally I get something isn't for me but there's someone out there who might like it but who the hell thinks this breeding joke is funny? This whole misunderstanding part is so bad :(

HE MADE A PHONE OUT OF BARRIER

MY GOD THERE IS NOTHING "BARRIER" ABOUT THIS AT ALL

If Senku saw this he would have an aneurysm.

A warrior came for the baby. Is he trying to make sure the mc is dead? Did the king change his mind?

Fellas, contrary to popular belief, jojo references are not funny. Please do not put jojo references in everything just because you're a jojo fan. Everyone is a jojo fan. Being a jojo fan doesn't make you special.

Oh, he came save the baby.

I see, so he intends to raise the mc in place of his unborn child.

Why is this necessary, the baby was literally left to die in a forest full of demons...

Why have they? Why only nine??? There is no good answer for these questions.

Literally abusing the kindness of others. This is just NEET 2.0.

How does this...

Gets you this...

She literally said "a boy her age."

How would she even know... this was funny tho.

Why does he suck at social interactions after 9 years reborn. Dude really NEETed all the way through. This is just sad. I don't want to watch this. I want to watch Tanjirou being a badass.

Why this mfer who spends all his time holed up thinks he can "leave the nest." This doesn't even make sense from a NEET perspective.

STOP

PLEASE

STOP

This has ah fuck it

This guy is really putting avoiding all personal responsibility to a whole new level.

Sword fighting? Is he going to make a sword out of barrier, too?

He actually was about to say he just wanted to be a hikineet, jesus christ...

He calls him dad. That's cute.

what the shit is this, man...

he forgot to put a barrier on the sword...

so the sword broke...

what...

Why did it leave a hole if it's just a barriER THAT"S NOT HOW BAR... GOD DAMN IT

At least dad noticed it instead of being blind and stupid like they usually are.

Was the high jump really necessary?

STOP WITH THIS LEVEL BULLSHIT

IT'S CRINGE

STOP

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

CANT DODGE UNDER LEVEL 30? JUST MOVE UR DAMN BODY DAMN IT!

JESUS!

Oh, so at least the mc figured something was wrong.

hahaha very funny. So this is why it was 1002 and not just 102. Not worth it.

ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS A MIJA'S CRYSTAL MADE OUT OF BARREIR DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE JUST BECAUSE IT WAS WRITTEN IN THE BACKGROUND?????????????????????

Why did he decide to make it 3 digits just make it 4 digits also those are actually 6 digits why the slash it's the same damn 3 digits twice save space will you and look at how large they are is it because he spent too long playing with a smart phone if it was a PC MMO player none of this would have happened

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つPRAISE HELIX༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

WAIT NO WHAT THE F

Dropped.

Please don't watch this.

[my-pjo-stuff]

Hi okay so before we start this off, I will allow myself to be quite harsh here (you weren't, dw). If you wanna invalidate my opinions and world views because I'm young shove it up your ass and block me. Yes, this is not very nice and actually pretty impolite. I do not care. I am as much a person as you are and am entitled to my own opinion and to be taken seriously. We managed to debate like adults up until now. If you think you can suddenly start speaking down to me or not take me seriously anymore fuck off. Just putting this out because that response came to me like that. That being out of the way, "Realistically speaking Lukes would not have to revolte against gods , so god old Civil disobedience should work,"

Realistically speaking that would have been a suicide mission. YOu talk about civil disobedience, yet you fail to neglect that the gods are A)Not a goverment or society like ours irl and B)Have proven themselves cruel and trigger happy.

How could they have any civil disobedience to change anything? Not follow camp rules? The only god who'd have an issue with that would be Mr.D- and even that would be midly since the main issue would props go to Chiron or Camp Counselors. The only other option for "civil disobedience" coming to mind would be refusing quest or not listening to the gods. But what then? We have seen that the gods react with horrible punishments, curses and even death. Just remember Hal. The demigod son of Apollo who got locked into his home and war forced to work as bait for other demigods to get killed? Hal who had to live off of the supplies of those dead demigods? Hal whose voice was taken away, only able to communicate through horrid monsters? And all that just because he saved a little girl? We have no reason to believe that civil disobedience would work, and every reason to believe that it would fail.

"Like give one exsamples in history where the violent way was the right way. And don't come with the french ore Russland revolution . For both times it end up in wars." Easy, WW2. The result definitely wasn't nice or perfect, but it sure as hell was better than having Germany just conquer everyone and murder millions more.

Also for something more general, self-defense. If someone hits you or goes at you with the intent to kill, hitting them back and fighting may very well save your life instead of just lying down and taking it. That certainly has the best case outcome- if you fail you're dead either way, if you don't you survive.

"First way Luke is the bad guy in children book , whichs means what he does is bad , that why i do not like him." Now I will not argue that what Luke has doesn't wasn't bad. Because yeah the stuff he pulled was sorta bad, that's why he's (as you said) the villain. However that doesn't mean his goals, motivation or even he as a person is bad. If we go by the books they actually humanize Luke and urge the reader to understand his view. And also on a personal level, just saying "he's the villain so he's totally bad" is really fucking boring and I prefer to analyse and see shit critically. "If you see from the inner book point of view Luke is also the vilan because the gods are not the rulling class the gods are the fucking natural laws you can not overthrew the natural laws."

Since when were gods natural laws? Genuinly. Yes they are powerful af but we have no reason to believe they are "natural laws". Infact we have every reason not to believe it, considering that: A)We have seen multiple times were gods were incapacitated from their godly duty such as when Hera got captured on TLO or when Apollo was turned mortal in TOA. B)They live off of human belief in them. That's litteraly why they exit. They could be personifications of natural law if we wanna strech, but certainly not natural law itself. Otherwise that would mean that natural law was created by the belief of humans. C)There was a time before gods existed. Does that mean that the natural laws did not exist? Would make sense if the gods were them, no? Now you could argue that people like Kronos or the Titans took up the mantle of being the "natural laws"- but then you'd also have to admit that there was a reason for the revolt. Since Kronos was overthrown means that natural laws can be overthrown. D)Another reason for why you can overthrow the gods (even if they were natural laws) is a line from the books themselves. "Olympus to preserve or raze"

We all recognize this line, right? From the original Great Prophecy from PJO? Yeah that line alone proves that CANONICALLY the gods can be overthrown, since it leaves up the option to "raze" Olympus which would include the gods. As for you saying that the gods "aren't the ruling class"..... Allowe me to be a bit lazy and pull up the wiki definition on it

If that doesn't fit the gods, then what does? I mean...we have seen on multiple occasions how the gods directly have influence on the behaviors and goals of the demigods. Just look at Annabeth's and Percy's relationship in TLT! Now onto your questions:

A question i have never the less is what excatly do you have against Percy Jackson? I think he's really boring compared to other character. He's just bland to me straight up, he seems like a real Mary Sue to me at times too. Why you can not identify with him? Same reasons as above, but also it's just that I don't really identify with his values. Or really with the (little) struggle he has in my eyes.

Also he looks borderline politically indocrinated at times (will get to this later on) Also have you ever considered that sometimes you just don't like or identify with a character....just because you don't? You do realize people don't HAVE to like Percy just bc their teens, right? Why Luke speaks more to you ? I get him more. I'm the oldest child of my family, I get what it's like having to look after everyone and having to be the more "mature" one even if you yourself are a kid. I identify with his values of justice, and "the few over the many" but also his empathy. I understand how desperate he was, and I find his story of being drives to such lengths way more interesting that Percy's. I prefer morally grey characters instead of squeaky clean ones. I said this often enough, but I fucking hate the gods and everything their system stands for. Why can you not accept the gods as natural laws?

I made a whole point about this above already, but in short : Because they fucking aren't, all the proof I have says they aren't

And last question you do not have to answers if it is to personal .Are you religios and is your family?

I used to be Christian. But not anymore, my family are all either atheists or nonpracticing Catholics. If this is you attempting to see if I have "religious" trauma and "issues with authority" over that, also shove that up your fucking ass and block me. I am German, so is my family. My parents have raised me to look at everything critically and from all sides. They taught me that every human life is precious. And they taught me to accept and respect others just like how I deserve to be accepted and respected. From a young age, I was confronted about the past of my home, the good aswell as the bad. I was raised with the knowlege that this wasn't my fault, but that it was my duty to make sure that history will not repeat itself. My parents taught me to question authority. Any authority. Not opposing it, but question it. They taught me to make my own opinion.

They taught me to recognize injustice, and to seek justice. And all I can see when I look at the gods is injustice. A system with holes who feeds propaganda and false lies to their children as they grow up. That's why I don't identify with Percy. To me he fell for it. Fell for the propaganda. To me he is complicit in a harmful system killing kids. You mentioned Luke being "undemocratic", yet I ask you- are the gods any more democratic? Yes they have a counsel- but Zeus is still holding the sole power. He is the King of the gods- they are a monarchy. An absoloute one at that.

An absolute monarchy to me deserves to be abolished as much as a dictatorship. You say you detest violence, yet the gods are just- if not more- violent than Luke. Is it not justice to use violence to end it once in for all? Or to atleast lessen it?

Or is my opinion suddenly worth less to you, since I am "young"? Since I just follow the "rebel" and am "against the system"? Maybe this is all just premature yapping to you now, right? I can't help but wonder in that case....why did you not answer all my questions yet again? You only answered one of the two. So stop fucking attempting to psychoanalyze me like some lab rat or some "troubled teen". My opinions are worth as much as yours are, if you want to pretend that they are not fuck off. I was your equal up until now, let me be that still I may be young, but I am not less person than you are.

Percy would sacrifice the world to save those he loves, Luke would sacrifice those he loves to save the world.

And Luke is the one in the right.

[a-gay-bloodmage]

—Legend—

Pairings: Pre-Relationship Morrigan x Male Mahariel, One-Sided Leliana x Male Mahariel

Pairing Types: M/F, M/F

Words: 1,481

Warnings: AGB's Ink 2019, Monsters from the DA Tabletop Game, With Liberties Taken, Of Course, Leliana Pines Hard but Don't We All, Orest Isn't Usually Anxious, But When it Hits Oh Boy, Lots of Inspiration from Native American Sk*nwalker Stories and Lore

"Are you okay, Orest?" Leliana looked over at the Dalish Warden, who had been more withdrawn as of late. He was usually the chatterbox of their little group, an accomplishment considering that she, Alistair, and Zevran were also in such a group. "You've been quiet lately."

"Just fine, shem," he said, smiling a little tightly. He usually only called humans shemlen when he was stressed. That was his biggest tell. Well, that and about a dozen others. He was incredibly easy to read, even without her being a bard.

She stood from her place on the dirt around the fire and moved closer to him. "Are you sure?"

He looked over to her, and, once again, she was struck by how handsome he was—high, but not overwhelmingly so, cheekbones, beautiful dark brown, hooded eyes she so rarely saw, and long, inky black, wavy hair. Not to mention those Dalish tattoos. Damn, she was getting distracted again. Besides, he seemed to have his mind set on Morrigan.

"I just... get nervous out here at night," he said, those pretty eyes shifting back to the darkness outside of their ring of firelight.

"You're Dalish, though?" Why would someone, who has lived in these woods for his entire life, fear them? Shouldn't it be us? She stalled in her thoughts. Oh, she realized, he knows something we don't. Something that frightens him.

He fiddled with the leather of his skirt. He was always finding some way to keep his hands busy. "We Dalish have, uh, stories about... things," he said. Something moved in the forest, and he seemed to nearly jump out of his skin. "Fuck!" She put a hand on his bare shoulder—he was, more often than not, bare-chested. "Creators, I shouldn't be opening my mouth," he said though his teeth. "Gods, I'm always opening my mouth..."

"Orest, you okay?" Alistair chimed in, noticing the way the elf seemed even more anxious than he had been.

"Fucking- Obviously not," he hissed, hands tight on his skirt. His warm brown hands were significantly paler at the knuckles from the grip. "Gods! There's Mythallan out here and nobody but me knows!" His brain seemed to catch up with his mouth after a minute. "Shit!"

"Mythallan?" Leliana asked. She'd lived her entire life listening to and telling stories, but they were almost always human-centric. She, and so many others, knew next to nothing of Dalish lore and stories.

"We- we're not supposed to talk about them," he said. It was still jarring to hear him speaking in a quiet tone. "It's bad luck. Really bad luck."

She looked away from him for a second and noticed that their group had gravitated toward them. Sten, usually so aloof, actually seemed to be listening closely despite his uninterested expression.

"No. Don't make me talk about them," he whined, his thick black brows pushing together.

Leliana gently rubbed his shoulder. Maker, was he warm. "Wouldn't it be better to know, if we do encounter them?" She was ever so good at prying, if she could say so herself. Coaxing things out of people while appearing to be purely caring. Of course, she did care for him and his obviously shaken mental state, but she was also incredibly invested in her own staying alive.

"Creators have mercy on me if Marethari finds out I've been... talking," he mumbled, looking more than a little sick with nerves. "She'd skin me alive... If I don't die first."

"You're making an awfully big fuss about some little monster," Morrigan said, picking at her nails and feigning disinterest.

"Oh for the love of-" Orest sighed, biting down on his lower lip. "Mythallan isn't just some little monster, I'll have you know," he said, narrowing his eyes. "It's not just something you can toss away and forget."

"If this is such a... large problem, why didn't the Dalish tell us about it beforehand?" Alistair asked. Leliana couldn't help but wonder the same thing. It'd be foolish not to tell the people you were sending out into the forest what threats may lurk in it.

"Because, like I said, we don't tell that stuff to outsiders, to shemlen, especially," Orest said. "You talk about evil, you invite it to prove itself." He tensed. "You never know what stranger might turn out to be the very thing you tell them you fear." Maker, it was like the blood had run out of his face, leaving him ashen.

"But-"

"I know, I know," he said, cutting Alistair off. "Mine as well, huh?" He looked back out to the dark woods beyond the light. The moon was hidden behind an overcast sky. "Already digging my damned grave." He took a deep breath. "Mythallan is said to have once been Harralan, a skilled Dalish hunter. He, well, he hated shemlen- for good reason, of course, but more than... acceptable. After his Clan passed though a human village, the elders exiled him to the woods until his anger cooled." Orest swallowed hard, throat noticeably tight. "It... it didn't. His mind and spirit were so, well, weak with anger, he felt himself drawn to the call of the demon trapped in the Link of Rage."

"Link of Rage?" Leliana asked, eyes wide in curiosity. Even if the man wasn't an expert storyteller, the palpable fear in the air around him drew her in regardless.

"Big chain thing, held a demon until the Second Blight," he said, using his hands to shakily draw a circle in the air before shaking them, as if to shoo away the image he'd created. "Not... not that important. Anyway, uh, the hunter found the hidden vale where the ruins of the keep lay, managed to walk through its defenses, and grabbed the Link. All of his anger and hatred poured into it, mag- uh, magnifying it a thousand times. It overwhelmed him and- and he died. Well, Harralan's spirit, his being, died. He and the rage demon became Mythallan, Child of Vengeance." He chewed on the inside of his cheek. "And his creatures, blightwolves, bloodcrows, and the Revengers, stalk the woods and prey on anybody stupid enough to go out into them at night!" He hunched forward, black hair obscuring his face. "I'm dead. I'm so dead. Dar'eth shiral, dumbass."

"What does-" Leliana didn't bother talking after Orest waved his hand to dismiss her question.

"Ma ghilana mir din'an, ghilan'him banal'vhen," he mumbled, hand reaching up and shoving his hair back and out of his face.

"Don't worry," Alistair said, masking his obvious nerves with his usual smile. "You've got six people and a mabari with you, you'll be okay." Maker, was he a sweetheart. They were all lucky to have him, really.

"Revengers alone can kill entire scouting parties, shemlen," Orest said, deadpan.

"Oh." Alistair looked over Orest's smaller form and at Leliana. He shrugged.

She shrugged back, a worried smile on her face. "Well, Orest," she said, leaning forward to look up at his still downcast face. Maker, the poor thing was terrified. She had always heard the Dalish were superstitious, but it was another thing to see it so plainly. "What do these revengers look like?"

"Like... jackals," he said, his full lips tight. "But, you know, bigger. Twisted. And when killed, they revert back to the person they used to be, but all... tainted."

None of them wanted to know more at this point, Leliana was sure of it. These creatures that supposedly lurked in the woods only added to the fear brought about by the walking trees and werewolves. It was getting late, too, and fatigue was really setting in. She could feel her eyes getting heavy.

"I take it you're going to be on watch?" She asked, hand still touching Orest's shoulder. He nodded. "Do try to get some sleep, alright?" She felt guilty when she finally removed it.

"Can't promise you anything," he said, smiling weakly. "Night, Lel."

She kissed the top of his head and made her way back to her tent.

She could hear others making their way back to their respective sleeping quarters, and peered out from the flaps of her tent when all commotion seemed to slow and stop.

By the fire, Orest appeared to have fallen asleep, his mabari at his feet and head resting on the belly of a large, black wolf. Morrigan.

Leliana felt her heart swell in sweetness. He'd be alright. As much as she pretended not to be, the witch had grown attached. Quite, in fact.

Something unlike wind rustled the leaves in the the forest, and both Morrigan and the mabari's heads snapped up to look.

A pair of red eyes glowed out in the forest, unblinking. It lingered a minute, observing, calculating, before it faded back into the dark flora. Leliana quickly hid herself back in her tent.

Maker have mercy, werewolves had yellow eyes.

[redorich]

Hey what if the Hermits got to see Tommy’s version of war. Someone mentions going to war but it’s the friendly hermit kind of war. Tommy while he seems calm is internally panicking. He grinds just like Techno in the neather. No one sees him for three days and then he grabs a few people on his side and says, “It’s finally done come on- well not totally done but good enough to show.” And he leads them to a far off hidden base with chests of top tier armor, golden apples, over a dozen full stacks of tnt and one full stack of wither skulls. Tommy even shoves a sharpness 3, burning, looting, and unbreaking sword into Grain’s arms while talking battle plans -🐍

The thing is, Impulse thinks, none of this is impressive to him. Well, relatively. Tommy's eyes shine at the elaborate secret base he's built, but he doesn't even have a redstone door. It's just a block in the ground that he mines up and replaces every time he wants to get in and out. There's enchanted netherite armor for everyone, and yeah, the stuff's not easy to get, but Cub has a whole room in his pyramid made of ancient debris. Impulse knows that Iskall has an insane gold farm, so golden apples come cheap. The very specific eleven and one half stacks of TNT are pocket change to Impulse, who regularly steals from Tango’s creeper farm. The damn thing’s so efficient that Tango doesn’t even notice. Impulse himself has a wither skeleton farm so efficient that he sells beacons for dirt cheap.

But here’s the thing.

Tommy doesn’t have a wither skeleton farm. He has no creeper farm, no gold farm, nothing. Every farm he has is small scale, so early game that most of the hermits barely bother with them: a wheat farm, a pit with some cows in it, an afk fish farm. (Tommy doesn’t even know that fish farms are out of fashion, now that 1.16 has nerfed them.)

For Tommy, what he has is the pinnacle of grinding. He’s spent days preparing for war. He comes from a poor server, everyone is aware but is too nice to say. He hoards shulker boxes like they’re 12 bamboo, hides anything he doesn’t want stolen in his ender chest even though he trusts the hermits now. How long has it taken him to accumulate this much? How much time did he spend mining away in the Nether, all alone save for his determination? How many times did he die to a creeper trying to collect its gunpowder? How long has he spent underground, mining away at gold ore?

It scares Impulse. Tommy’s a motivated person, yes, but this level of material preparation? It makes Impulse think that Tommy doesn’t quite understand what the hermits mean by war. Impulse looks at the young man, really looks at him. His coat is even more raggedy, meticulously stitched back together. His body language betrays the exuberance in his voice; the boy is dead on his feet. If Impulse were to remove Tommy’s smiley mask, he knows he’d see deep-set bags under Tommy’s eyes. Impulse thinks that Tommy is so tired he might just let Impulse do it.

Tommy understands war a little too well. He is familiar with it, has personally danced with the devil in a way that few hermits have. Impulse puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Tommy,” he says softly, “I don’t think we have the same idea of what war is.”

Tommy tilts his head in silent confusion.

“Don’t get me wrong, this is all very impressive,” Impulse sighs, gesturing to all the accumulated weaponry, “but Hermitcraft doesn’t do war like that. No one’s going to be in danger.”

“But it’s a war?? Danger’s kinda-- it’s kind of a requirement, innit?”

Impulse tries a different tactic. “Remember when you were new here, and you explained to us what a ‘canon death’ is? And how Xisuma told you that you’re always allowed to respawn?”

Tommy nods warily, so Impulse continues. “So if we’re always allowed to respawn, why would we kill each other?”

“Is... Is Hermitcraft war about suffering, then? If you can’t kill your opponent, then you make them suffer while they’re alive, right?”

Impulse is horrified. As soon as he’s done with Tommy, he’s going straight to Zedaph’s base for a hug and possibly booze. What the actual fuck, Tommy is so young! And he genuinely believes that the hermits would... Tommy must have been a child during whatever war he’d seen, participated in! Is he even an adult now? Is he still a kid?

Impulse has been silent for too long; Tommy can sense he’s said something wrong. He doesn’t correct it, though. Xisuma rolled back the server to give him his compass back once, after he died in lava. Xisuma will do it again if Impulse kills him.

“Hermitcraft war isn’t real war, Tommy,” Impulse says softly. “It’s not about hurting other people. It’s about winning. It’s about having fun. We solve our wars through minigames, and PvP matches, and pranks, and IOUs. We’re all friends here.”

“I don’t understand.” Tommy’s reverting back to the quiet, contemplative young man that he was when he first showed up, the man they know now that he is not. Impulse has to stop this before it gets worse.

“We call it war, but it’s just a competition. I appreciate the amount of effort you put into trying to protect us, but we were never in danger.”

The masked young man says nothing, but sits down on the floor heavily. Impulse sits down with him.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let me tell you a funny story from the Hermitcraft Civil War of season six...”

It’ll be okay. It has to be.

[theraspberryler]

Slime Primers

Another fic done! I actually really like how this one turned out, I am unbelievably soft for this pair. Based on this prompt here!

Summary: Tommy is stubborn and won’t admit that he may be in a mood, but Charlie is a teasy bastard and decides to put an end to it. 

~This is a tickle fic! If that’s not your jam then please move on!~

TW - none I don’t think, let me know if I need to add any

The Tommyinnit was absolutely not in a lee mood. You’d have to be crazy to think that a big man such as him could even get lee moods. In fact, he was so not in a lee mood that Charlie’s teasing looks and wiggling fingers weren’t even affecting him in the slightest. 

Totally. 

Tommy huffed and looked away from the other’s stupid grinning face and dumb wiggling fingers, turning his attention back to the ores he was smelting. Now, usually a task as simple as smelting ores wouldn’t really require much attention or effort, but Tommy had a rather complex system of eight different furnaces lined up, and he was constantly going to each separate furnace and collecting the one or two smelted iron ingots from them, crafting them into blocks, and then carefully arranging them in the double chest sitting next to his furnaces. 

When Wilbur walked by and asked him what the hell he was doing, Tommy had replied in a very usual Tommyinnit fashion that he was working on a craft of true expertise and precision, and that it was, in fact, very important. He immediately glared daggers at Charlie, sat on the other side of the room, who snickered in response to Tommy’s explanation. 

Because what Tommy was refusing to admit, was that early on in the day, Charlie seemed to almost instantly catch onto his (not!) mood, and took it upon himself to be the most teasy, annoying little shit he could, and Tommy was finding anything and everything to distract himself from the butterflies he felt in his tummy whenever he saw Charlie’s wiggling fingers, or heard his teasing remarks. 

Tommy knew that he was just making this more difficult on himself; Charlie knew him well, and had witnessed Tommy in multiple lee moods before. He knew exactly what got to him, and practically had every spot and reaction to every little thing memorized. But Tommy was proud, dammit, and he wasn’t going to make Charlie’s job that easy! (Well, that, and Tommy may have enjoyed the way Charlie has always been the best at getting the best reactions out of him, and wanted to prolong the fun.) He was gonna have to try harder if he wanted to break The Tommyinnit!

So, there they were, Tommy fussing around the furnaces desperately trying to fight down his embarrassed flush, and Charlie lounging around on one of the chairs in the room, immensely amused by every little squeak Tommy let out when the boy foolishly spared a glance over his shoulder at the other. 

But, Charlie did have to admit, he was pretty surprised by how long Tommy had managed to keep this up. He was poking fun at and teasing the boy for the better part of the last two or so hours, and while Tommy did look like a blushy, embarrassed mess, he still hadn’t cracked. 

Though Tommy had been holding out well so far, Charlie was always up for a challenge. Especially if said challenge involved breaking through the stubborn, cocky personality of a particular blond teenage loudmouth. 

“You’re looking awfully red, Tommy, maybe you should take a break from working over the hot furnaces, yeah? I’m sure the iron would smelt just fine on it’s own.” 

“Fuck off,” Tommy growled under his breath, willing himself to not react as he saw Charlie shift in his seat in his peripheral vision, despite his heart rate picking up at the downright evil looking smirk on Charlie’s face. He forced the image out of his head, busying himself with emptying the furnaces again as he felt his mind begin to wander. 

“Really, Toms? That wasn’t very nice. You know there’s no point in resisting, because at the end of the day I’m still gonna get to scribble my fingers all over your sides, and how I’m gonna press my thumbs in between every single space in between every single ticklish little rib. And no matter how long you prolong the inevitable, you’ll still be stuck in my grasp until I decide that you’re done, no matter how much you kick and squirm.”

Okay

Fuck

Fuck Charlie Slimecicle and his stupid face and his stupid dumb teasy words, and Tommy could feel his insides turn to goo as he set down the iron ingots in his hands, covering his face and letting out a dramatic whine.

“Awe, why don’t you just come here Toms, make it easier for yourself, hm? We both know you want to bud, come on” Tommy whined again, shaking his head and wishing the ground would just swallow him whole. He didn’t think his legs would be able to carry himself over to Charlie even if he tried, so he found himself sliding down to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself. 

Luckily, Charlie seemed to understand the predicament Tommy was in, and decided to have a bit of mercy as he walked over to the other, sitting down on the ground next to the younger boy. 

“Hey, Toms.” Tommy just shook his head again, unable to stop the nervous giggles from leaking out of his mouth, and slumped down until he was practically laying down, despite the fact that Charlie literally hadn’t done a thing. 

“Shh, it’s alright Tom, come here,” Charlie said in a sweet voice, opening his arms for the other. Tommy briefly peaked out from behind his hands only to quickly return them to his face. He took a few deep, stuttering breaths, before deciding fuck it. Without moving his hands from his face once, Tommy sat up and shuffled into Charlie’s arms, immediately burrowing into the other’s chest. 

Charlie smiled at the adorable boy that was practically in his lap, wrapping his own arms around him and rubbing his back. Tommy jumped at the contact despite Charlie not having any intention of tickling him yet, his anticipatory giggles flowing freely from him. 

“Ready?” Charlie asked in a soft voice, and Tommy, not quite ready to attempt to use his words, just nodded in response, bracing himself.

So, Charlie wasted no time in sliding his hands up Tommy’s red and white t-shirt, unleashing all his fingers along the blond’s sides. He figured the boy had waited long enough, not having the heart to drag it out any longer. 

Tommy squealed before snorting, honestly not expecting Charlie to go all in right away, leaning further against the older boy and allowing himself to laugh freely. After being in a constant state of anticipation for the past couple hours, he really didn’t have the energy to attempt to hold his reactions back. 

Charlie felt himself melt at his sweet, unrestrained laughter. This was the exact reason he enjoyed messing with him like this, there were very few things that brought him more joy than Tommy allowing himself to act like a kid and be happy without worrying about his ‘image.’ 

Tommy hiccuped as Charlie trailed his fingers up to his ribs, planning on keeping true to his previous promise. 

“You know the drill by now Toms, I’m gonna go to each individual little rib you got, and every time you try to push me away we start over. Ready?” Tommy didn’t bother trying to hide his excitement, both boys knew how much he’s always enjoyed this game. Tommy put enough space between the two of them that Charlie could reach the front of his ribs with relative ease, but still facing towards the other so he could keep his face pressed into the crook of his neck, his arms winding themselves around Charlie and gripping the other tightly, in order to keep himself from pushing him away. 

Charlie cooed at him for obeying so quickly, making sure to let Tommy know how good of a job he was doing. At the praise, Tommy’s giggles went high pitched and he arched his back, grabbing a fistful of Charlie’s shirt and rubbing it between his fingers as a way to stimulate himself, and help keep him from squirming around too much. 

“Alright, here we go! Ready?” Charlie pressed his thumb into Tommy’s bottom leftmost rib, massaging into it. Tommy snorted, breaking into pitchy, childlike, loud giggles that were regularly interrupted by snorts and squeals. 

Tommy did a pretty good job of staying still for Charlie, his only real movement was the jolt he would give every time Charlie moved on to a new rib. 

By the time Charlie reached Tommy’s top left rib, Tommy had all but gone limp in his hold, his body shaking with adorable, happy laughter. And by the time Charlie had gone to each and every one of his right ribs, Tommy had tears in his eyes from laughing so much, hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching Charlie’s t-shirt as a way of grounding himself. 

Charlie took in Tommy’s disheveled, tired state and figured he should probably wrap it up for the day. 

He effortlessly scooped up the still giggling boy in his arms, who instantly allowed him to and wrapped his arms around his neck. With one hand still supporting Tommy, Charlie used his other to take the unsmelted iron out of the furnaces, not wanting to leave them running while no one was in the room to watch them. He carried Tommy back towards his room, using his hip to push the door open and closed. 

By the time he set Tommy down on his bed, the boy was already fast asleep. Charlie gently untangled Tommy’s arms from around his neck, and stood there for a moment, feeling his chest swell with pride as he watched Tommy’s relaxed, sleeping face. 

Before he left the room, he made sure to snap a picture, turning the lights off and gently closing the door, taking one last glance at the sleeping boy, making sure he was still alright. 

Slimey Boi

*attachment - one image* 

suck on that soot, I’m clearly the superior brother

Wimblur Suit 

I hate you

so fucking much 

*Wimblur Suit saved one (1) image*

[sanguine-tenshi]

I just finished Inazuma and I have words

TL;DR: Hate the story, mixed on characters, love the design and tired of being treated like a 4-year-old with a learning disability.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Let’s start with what I like.

Inazuma is absolutely beautiful. I’ll admit Inazuma hits a lot of aesthetic points for me. All the islands are different enough to feel unique but they still look like they are a part of the same land. There are a lot of secrets to discover through just exploring. Each island has a world quest to help it (make it less hostile towards you) so it very much feels like you are saving Inazuma from itself.

.

The puzzles are alright.

I like the cubes that rotate, I always put in the effort to figure them out properly.

Hate the ones that don’t rotate, they just aren’t engaging enough for me, so I just hit them at random and hope for the best.

The glowing floor tiles were fun, once you actually realized what they wanted you to do. A little bit too easy if I’m honest.

The electro compass isn’t really much of a puzzle, more of a fetch the nearest electrograna quest.

Those little pillars that require an electro connection are kinda boring to me, again not much of a puzzle, the hardest part is finding both pillars.

I love the new electro seelie, kinda hard to follow the jittery thing in certain parts but they make a nice contrast to the regular seelies.

.

I’m very much mixed on characters.

Yoimiya is adorable. She is so bright and bubbly. What little game play we had with her was fun and I love her over the top style of fighting. Kinda disappointed she’s another pyro archer but I do admit it fits her character well. It was also wonderful seeing her just settle down and be quiet, just be a part of that moment that obviously meant a lot to her. It’s always nice to see that bubbly, energetic character have that one quiet thing, ya know. Kinda funny it’s fireworks, of all things, for her.

Gorou I like, from what little we’ve seen of him. My man killed a dude with his thighs so I’m down. I do find it kinda ridiculous that a resistance general has his whole damn belly exposed. There is also something about his voice that just does not fit. I cannot for the life of me put my finger on what exactly it is. Could be the tone itself, could be just voice acting. It sort of feels like the VA is trying to sound deeper than he actually does.

Sangonomiya Kokomi, mixed. I like her design, she looks like some sort of mystical priestess. Again something about the voice is jarring. I expected her to sound sort of airy, like she isn’t 100% present, like she’s seeing something we can’t. TBH she reminds me of Luna from HP for some reason. 

Yae Miko, I was interested because of her design. She sounds very arrogant and up her own ass, which would have been fine...if she hadn’t given us that god-awful line. “...I have high hopes for you, child. Don’t disappoint me.” Dear lord I wanted to punt her off the mountain. Or fucking what! Also she’s some bigshot priestess of the Sacred Sakura and yet she can’t do her damn job properly. Why couldn’t her arrogant ass come down from her high perch and cleanse the stupid roots? Why did the traveler have to do that shit?

Baal looks dead inside. Booba sword is overrated, get a life. I want a remach! And no cutscene shenanigans this time!

Kujou Sara seems like one of those ‘honor above all else’ characters. Those are either hit or miss with me. You have my attention for now. Also what are those shoes woman?! I’d rather you wear those leg-killing, needle point stilettoes instead of those Wish gag shoes. How in the name of all that is holy can you run in those?!

Thoma, I like him. At first I thought we were gonna get another Childe incident, but Thoma is too much of a innocent puppy to pull anything that horrible. To me he fits a fox a lot better than Childe does. Childe is a dingo and I stand behind that.

Kamisato Ayaka...hate her. At first I was neutral on her. Nothing about her design really spoke to me, but I was willing to wait and see. But then miHoYo started to violently push her friendship at us. We are totally friends now, this is the first time you see my face, but we are so totally friends now. And during her story quest everyone was like “Ah, you are so good Ayaka. You are so nice Ayaka. You are so perfect Ayaka. We all love you so much Ayaka. And oh, how could a mere merchant like myself...” Ew, go away. This is the first time I’m actively not pulling on a character banner. Normally I pull even if I’m not particularly interested in a character, because you never know how good their gameplay is until you take them out in the map. But I think I’ll be skipping this one. No thanks.

.

And now, the worst part, the story.

We’ve been hearing about the situation in Inazuma for a long time. There has been also a lot of talk about how hard it is to get there. About the wall of thunderclouds that surround the islands. So to have it cut to black and then voila Inazuma, feel just so cheap.

I was expecting something. An animation. A struggle. A quest. A minigame. At least show us the horrible weather! Something! Anything!

Hell if they wanted to be assholes about it they could have made it so that if the player fails at this point the ship is damaged, you return to Liyue and have to wait until tomorrow for the ship to be repaired. No Inazuma for today. That sure as hell would have raised the stakes.

The next complaint I have is with Yurika, the 2 milion mora processing fee girl. Later on Thoma mentions that the agency people see the fees as easy money, so her attitude doesn’t make much sense. After all someone like her would want to extract as much money as she can, but you still want the people to be able to pay that.

So it would make more sense to me if she was overly friendly and asked way too many questions. She’d need to get a much information as she can and after all the previous hostility people would be very open with her. So she’d be able to quickly find out why someone is here, what they are selling and roughly how much money they’d be able to pay. A merchant selling expensive silk would have more many than a regular ore merchant. So she’d be able to extract as much money as she could.

“I know this is a lot of money, especially for something so simple, but there is nothing I can do about it. I’m so very sorry.” And people wouldn’t say anything bad to her because she’s the first friendly face they see in Inazuma.

The stealth mission was just god-awful and I hope we never have to do that nonsense again.

Getting off of Ritou was a bit janky at the end, Chisato should have had a better reason for coming along. But I’m honestly just glad we didn’t get out the usual way...getting stuffed in a crate and smuggled out.

As a side note, I’m getting really tired of characters overexplaining things to me, especially Paimon. Dear lord, not everything has to be said, you can leave me to come to my own conclusions and solutions. Just please, who cares if a few player struggle for a bit, you don’t have to hold my hand through the whole thing.

Ayaka’s three were...ugh. It was basic emotional manipulation. Oh no this guy forgot about the love of his life and he’s been waiting for decades. And oh how sad this guy was so good and he helped these people so much but now he can’t remember. And oh the tragedy this guy forgot his life goal and is now hunted by the demons of the past. Oh the humanity! 

And it did not work. Know why? Because I have no emotional investment in any of these people, in this land. What is happening to the vision bearers in Inazuma is tragic, true, but that doesn’t make me want to overthrow the government. I don’t live here. I just got here. I wanna ask a question or two and then move on. None of this concerns me.

I was so happy when the traveler just flat out refused to start a revolution. And then we had to go and meet some people and immediately I knew this was going to be some oh noes the tragedy moments and then we would agree to help them.

It’s so forced.

Wanna know what would have been better?

Just as we are leaving the Kamisato estate Thoma catches up with us. And he tells us he gets it. We are an outsider and this doesn’t concern us. He was hopeful but he expected the denial. We shouldn’t hold it against Ayaka.

He joins us as a guide because he knows of the people we have to meet.

And so as we help these three we also get to know Thoma. We find out he was an outsider too. He got in just before the worst of it started and then he was stuck in Inazuma. He lost someone to the Vision Hunt. They slowly lost their mind after loosing their vision, their ambition too closely tied to their personality to continue without it (what is happening to Domon hits a little too close to home and he has to walk away, this is where we hear the story of the one he lost). And the same would have happened to him if the Kamisatos hadn't taken him in. He owes them his vision, his sanity and his life.

So this rebellion is personal for him.

At the end of the three wishes the atmosphere is somber. We tell him we understand why Ayaka fights, why he fights. We know that this is all wrong, that it should be stopped...but not by us. We came here to get a lead on our brother. And rebellion isn’t an overnight affaire and we can’t loose so much time in Inazuma.

And yeah, he expected as much. He just asks that we let Ayaka down gently. It’d be a shame if someone as idealistic and hopeful as her lost their spark.

And so we are gentle but firm with Ayaka. She looks like she wants to argue with us but Thoma shakes his head at her. So she sighs and tells us that a promise is a promise. We should come to the Komore Teahouse in a few days and she’ll have a plan for us to meet with the Shogun.

Now we can still have a character story quest with Yoimiya and we can still somehow get involved with helping Master Masakatsu, but it’s through Yoimiya instead of Ayaka.

And instead of a character story quest with Ayaka we have one with Thoma. Hell, give him a whole damn hangout event even.

You can probably guess why I’m pushing the friendship with Thoma so much.

Because. He. Gets. Kidnapped. For. The. 100th. Vision. Ceremony. 

And that would have been the perfect emotional in to get us involved in the rebellion. After all we just saw what happens to people who have their visions taken away and we are not letting that happen to Thoma, someone we just got close to.

So Baal makes it personal for us as well.

.

I have a few more minor complaints.

Aoi is stupid for asking for compensation after she tells us everything we needed to know because, ya know, we could have just walked away. We should have.

The whole stupid misunderstanding about the value Kurosawa’s sword holds. Kinda obvious he meant emotional value instead of monetary.

The suspicious amount of visionless NPCs and by that I mean this is the first time we have NPCs with vision. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we’ve seen NPCs with visions in Mond and Liyue.

The whole rebellion camp bit feels incredibly rushed. We just sort of lollygag over there and then there is a fight (against Sara and her stupid shoes).

Don’t make us fight Baal just to force us to lose. It would have been better if we were forced to retreat, because Thoma was injured, because there are too many soldiers for us to handle on our own. Hell, you can have a funny scene where we straight up jump off a cliff with Thoma clinging onto us and screaming bloody murder until he realizes we are slowly gliding away and he’s not about to plummet to his death.

The Sakura cleansing quest should have been voice acted.

The Mirror Maiden and Pyro Agent are totally on a date, I will not be told otherwise.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 15 rewatch thoughts

- mayfeld does hear when the droid talks to him the first time, you can see him pretending not to like he hopes he’ll just go away haha. I also guess he’s had a lot of time to think, picking apart pieces of the large fascist machine he used to be a part of and going over everything he clearly regrets 

- hahaha fennec and boba are in the back intensely keeping watch the entire time they’re on the prison planet. I suppose a good two thirds of this crew is uuuuh extremely wanted by the new republic lol

- the thing din’s voice does at the end when he says “but you still know your imperial clearances and protocols. don’t you.” is beyond fucking words, it sends a chill right through me

- 

1) din fiddling with that panel; I think he’s phenomenally nervous behind the helmet here, that’s the sort of keeping his hands busy he does when he’s anxious and 2) why the hell does boba have this many chairs instead of like space for cargo haha does he throw bounty hunter parties in here or what

- ngl boba correctly guessing at a glance what sort of ore they’re mining and informing everyone in his sardonic deadpan voice is Big Sexy  

I love how he and fennec are standing together when they’re both present in these opening scenes too, first at the very back when they’re keeping a lookout: 

and then in the foreground while they discuss the scan 

it’s a nice subtle way to get across that they already have a dynamic, they’re somewhat used to working together as a unit at this point. (she’s also looking over at him when she asks what they might be mining in there, like she’s mostly asking his opinion instead of opening it to the floor. they’re talking the mission out between them before din enters the conversation)

- the inside of slave 1 when the ship’s moving makes me a little bit motion sick, I really love seeing it but I hope we don’t stay in here too often haha

- aaaw the small weary sigh din gives upon realizing none of his bros can go with mayfeld. I’m sorry about basically your entire life buddy

-

the awkward way din adjusts the helmet like he’s trying to get used to the way it feels ;______;  

- ah the distinct implication that mayfeld is needling din about this because he’s actually feeling super uncomfortable being back in empire gear and he needs to transfer that discomfort over onto someone else so he won’t have to feel through it... very psychologically understandable and such a fucking piece of shit asshole character trait to give in to haha

- din’s level of side eye is so epic you can see it straight through the helmet fhaskjfhd

- neat detail: din’s head turns slightly toward mayfeld when he calls mandalorians a ‘race’. (it’s sort of cool  that we as the audience know why that bothers him, but mayfeld probably didn’t even pick up on it). also shows that mayfeld doesn’t actually quite understand what he’s talking about, even when he makes decent points he’s caught up in his own myopic nihilistic point of view. ‘we’re all the same’ ------> ‘everyone’s secretly as shitty as me deep down’. (which also betrays a lot of self loathing, since we see later he does have the capacity to NOT be that shitty when he chooses to. rick famuyiwa manages to get a LOT of really interesting nuanced stuff into this character in two short episodes, that’s super impressive)   

the bright sunny look on mayfeld’s face when din finally gives in and takes the bait tho fsajdkfhasj he’s awful but that’s very funny

- rip all these excellent dudes who really only wanted to accomplish the noble goal of ruining the empire’s entire day and didn’t know they were also trying to blow up My Dad Who Does Not Deserve Any Of This, it’s honestly just really sad that there’s no moment to talk that out

well at least they blew up the entire refinery on their way out, I’m sure that’s the way they would have wanted their memories honored lol

- the comedy beat of din running out of ammo for the first time ever and the music briefly cutting out for it is so so good for me 

hahahaha din seems to actually take a moment to be a little aghast at that dude who ends up crushed under the treads of the tank thing, he’s just sort of staring for a few seconds too long and that’s how pirate nr 2 takes him by surprise and shatters his shoulder armour 

- I feel a bit bad -- two of the ‘pirates’ try to hold on to each other for balance and then din punches them apart and off the tank :( I mean it’s not like he could just let them murderate him either but like. ouch I’m guessing this one might haunt him for a while for several reasons huh

(the sequence is actually this guy, let’s call him pirate 3, swings the spear at din and misses, instead hitting his buddy who’s trying to get to his feet, then looks horrified and grabs for him to make sure he doesn’t fall off, and then... mando’s forehead happens to them haha)

- poor fennec and cara just running up that hill while everything’s on fire, they must be wondering what the FUCK is going on (at least cara knows that things blowing up is a sure sign din djarin is in the middle there somewhere)

- everything about carano in real life aside for one second -- I do like that we get this contrast in build between our main female characters of the episode and the way their costume designs enhance it

 - awwww the little gesture din does with his hand after he removes it from mayfeld’s chest after stopping him from leaving, it’s just so... sweet. it’s a little bit appeal, a little bit reassurance, it just lightens/softens the tone of what he says a bit (he has quite a lot of like... not conciliatory mannerisms exactly, but small touches here and there that are there to communicate that he’s not angry/aggressive or trying to be a dick about it even when he’s emphatic. I keep wondering how much that is just him being him and how much is him being practiced at settling other people’s hot tempers)  

- this shot is just... genius

it’s din seen entirely from the outside, with nothing of what we’ve learned to recognize as him for almost two seasons now in view -- not even his face, which we have at least a tenuous fledgling attachment to from before. it’s like we get introduced to him almost as if anew again and again in this episode, just like he’s getting introduced to new aspects of himself and what he’s willing to do and having to struggle to find ways to have that fit with who he is. his discomfort and stress is our discomfort and stress. it’s so interesting 

- I can’t stop cackling at this moment even in all the tension -- you only get a sliver of din’s profile but you can feel the sheer MURDER radiating off him sdhfasjk

- aaaaaaaagh the way you get a whole different view of din’s habitual impassiveness when you can actually see his face... the way he keeps appealing to mayfeld ‘just don’t make more trouble, just shut up’, the way he goes completely silent and watchful and frozen..... those are all really obvious trauma responses, and it leads you to wonder how often he touches into that even when he’s in his element, when he’s got the full armour on. hmngh my heart  

- ‘the believer’ is such a galaxy brain title for this episode, because it could be referring to either of the three men around this table or all of them at once. (and crucially the only person whose beliefs aren’t in a living, breathing state of adapting to the world around them is the empire officer, with his horrific inhuman ideology. mayfeld thinks he believes in nothing, and proves himself explosively wrong by the end of the episode, and it’s redeeming for him in some capacity. din is facing a more internal dilemma of different parts of his (and his culture’s) beliefs/values clashing and having to decide which one’s more important, to his identity and to how to exist in the world as a person (and love for the baby wins out supremely in the end. of course it does Y_____Y). the empire dude only sees the same sterile fascist world at the end of his shit rainbow that he’s clearly always done, even when faced with proof that it’s untenable. (I mean he wouldn’t give a fuck that it’s immoral because he’s y’know evil, but he’s not even fazed by the fact that the empire provably FAILED, and failed so quickly) his belief is a dead and deadening thing to contrast the others. man when this show goes off with the themes it goes OFF haha) 

- love the triumphant heroic mando music kicking in as we’re finally getting to pick off imps, love that for us 

- din’s protective instincts at work again, he helps mayfeld to his feet and makes sure he’s safely on board before going further in himself ;_______;

- fennec’s professional approval at mayfeld’s shot hahaha. well I guess he was supposed to be a sharpshooter back in the day huh

I do Not think she likes mayfeld even after all that, though, the withering look she sends him on her way past... should have killed him stone dead on the spot

- seeing din back in the armour is like a physical relief, I can breathe again haha

- tfw you catch yourself thinking ‘at least when all this is over we can go back to the razor crest and everything will be normal again’ and then you rEMEMBER 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[buglife]

Bend and Not Break - Ch 1: A Mark

Anonymous said: Not sure if someone has requested this yet, but I’d love to see how the cast would react to an assassin coming after Ghost or Quirrel. I mean, there’s gotta be some bugs out there who don’t adore the new sovereigns right?

Anonymous said: If your still doing these (if not I’m really sorry and please just ignore me) may I request 17: “Ok, well… Fuck.” With Quirrel and Ghost being his knight in shining armour.

Read here on AO3 :3

Quirrel looked in the mirror, sighing to himself as he regarded his reflection. He was due to make a public appearance today along with Ghost, so he had to look the part of a King. He still didn’t feel much like a king, not really. He felt more like he did when he was helping his mother run the archives, which was a lot of running around and keeping people from losing their fingers to explosives. It wasn’t all about preventing disasters, it was also about fostering the love of learning and the curiosity that makes society better. So in a way...he felt the same now as he did then. There was more paperwork, of course, but he was happy. It helped that he had a spouse to share the load with.

He fiddled with the ring on his left hand, the pale ore gleaming in the light. It had been made from Ghost’s old nail, with them having a matching ring. They had long since outgrown the old nail, and most of it was used in making the pure nail he now carried. Still, it was something special that their rings were made with the metal that helped kill a god and started the rebirth of Hallownest. Smith and Sheo were absolutely delighted to work on them, and now the both of them had completely unique nails and rings that will probably last forever.

Today was going to be a rather emotional day for Ghost. He remembered them telling him snippets about the Soul Sanctum here and there. They could only mention what they were comfortable talking about, and it wasn’t much of it that qualified as such. Sometime during their journey to end the infection, they had entered the Soul Sanctum and put down the mad scientist within along with his equally mad followers. Grandeurs of immortality and power was enough to corrupt any bug, but from what he heard, the ones involved went far beyond corruption. It was evil. Pure evil. Ghost usually stopped talking at around that point, and Quirrel found himself cuddling them as they sought comfort to ease what they cannot forget.

The worst day perhaps, was when the Kingdom had established themselves enough to expand beyond bare necessities. As soon as the funds was available, Ghost had the Soul Sanctum completely stripped down to the bare walls and floors. They had gone that day to oversee it all and when they returned, they could barely hold themselves together. They spent the night crying, mourning the lives lost in the pursuit of power. They had given the dead within rest, but it still destroyed them on the inside to have to return to that place. Quirrel did his best to help, and many a sleepless night was spent together, attempting to heal deep wounds within.

They had recovered, in time. Stripping the place had done a lot to help them move on from the experience, and they had decided to turn it into something new. Something useful that would help bugs and not harm them. Something that promoted life, not take them away.

Its where they were going today, to officially open it up to the public. Quirrel would be there not only as a fellow ruler, but as support for Ghost. Despite it all, it was going to be hard for them.

Quirrel smoothed back his antenna and tied his silk kerchief around his head. It was a necessary habit he picked up while growing up with his mother. After burning his antenna one too many times due to splashes of acid or a chemical reaction gone wrong, he tended to pin them back. They got in the way sometimes, but once in a while he felt safe enough to let them out. The palace didn’t really have acid, or volatile chemicals, but old habits die hard.

He clipped on his cloak, letting the study fabric fall around his shoulders as he pinned it in place. It was a lovely blue, nearly iridescent, and clasped with a pale ore brooch that designated him as king. There was no way he could ever bring himself to wear something as tacky as a crown. Hell, Ghost wouldn’t even be able to fit one on their head. Instead, brooches seemed to fit a whole lot better.

Once he made sure his nail was strapped to his side, he deemed himself ready, and exited the room - only to nearly smack into his spouse, who was opening the door at the same time.

“Oof!” Running into Ghost wasn’t as fun as it was when they were little. Back then their shell was soft and kinda squishy like any other grub. But once stasis ended and they caught up on all their missed molts, their chitin had become tough and hard.

“Are you alright?” Ghost’s telepathy was soft and gently breezed by his mind. It’s just something gods could do, apparently. Their sire could, Quirrel knew that as a fact, but the fact they also ate a god boosted their ability to communicate without relying on sign language. They only ‘spoke’ like this to family and friends, a little too nervous to use it on the public. Quirrel hoped that would change with time.

He didn’t blame them, though. They were terrified of being considered scary. They were certainly imposing, but not as much as their sibling, Hollow. There were those that will always be scared of them, with them being a god and immensely powerful. But enough of their subjects loved them enough to not care. He just wished they could see it. Quirrel considered them handsome and cute, but then again, he was biased.

“I’m okay love, I was about to go and find you.” Quirrel smoothed down the front of his cloak and picked at Ghosts, adjusting it around a little. “It’s nearly time.”

Ghost was silent for a moment, and then leaned down to softly bonk their forehead against theirs. “I know.”

“You’ll be fine. That place doesn’t exist anymore.” He did his best to soothe any lingering nerves. Being around Ghost for so long as alerted him to their various tells. “It’s a better place now. Much better.”

They nodded slowly and let out a deep breath. “You are right. It is just hard to let go of what it was.”

“I understand, it will take a while, but you are doing great.” Quirrel took Ghost’s claws in his and gently squeezed. “Come along then, we don’t want to be late to the dedication.”

Ghost tilted their mask up in a smile, and then nodded. They bent down to steal a quick kiss, one that Quirrel returned, and together, they headed to the Stag Station.

----

The Capital was bustling, like always. It no longer was the City of Tears, not with the new revitalization of Hallownest. The rain had been stopped, redirected with new plant life growing on the ceiling. Lurien himself helped renew the spells that kept the water from outright pouring out of the lake above. Without being constantly rained on, more bugs were out and about. Today however, they were gathering in front of what used to be the Soul Sanctum, waiting around a platform where their rulers would be giving a speech. Most bugs were eager to enter the newly renovated building, because it was for them, and them alone.

The Soul Sanctum, which had brought so much death and misery to so many lives, had been converted into a multi-level communal greenhouse. There, farmer bugs would grow a verity of food, which is then free to be picked and used by the public. Taxes from the upper members of society will be used to keep the place running. That way, no bug would have to go hungry. The intimidating and Gothic architecture of the building had been transformed into a pillar of glass and green. It was now friendly, the oppressive air from before banished into a place of shelter. Not only could you go there to eat, but you can go there to rest among some of the floors dedicated to flowers. It was a gift, from the rulers of New Hallownest to the people, and the people were waiting to be allowed in to enjoy it.

The five new knights of Hallownest stood in various places around the crowd. So far, they didn’t need to do much but remind some citizens to calm down and not crowd each other. With Xena on her beast (named Pickles, but only she can call them that), it was easy to keep everyone in line. Cloth stole a quick moment to wave to Myla in the crowd, temporarily breaking protocol, but it wasn’t like Tiso was going to scold her for that, since he did the same thing. Once he finished his quick wave to his other date friend, he scanned the crowd and recognizing a few folks from Dirtmouth as well. A lot of people showed up to this dedication, hell, he even spotted a few spiders and bees in the crowd. It just made him scan the crowd more thoroughly. Threats could come from anywhere, and he took security very seriously.

It wasn’t long before he spotted the Kings approach the platform and climb on, waiting for the crowds cheering to die down before they began the ceremony. Quirrel was doing the speaking today, Ghost standing beside them and holding his hand. Tiso remembered when Ghost was small enough to pick up and throw. It was lots of fun, but now they were too big for that. Oh well. As soon as the crowd’s noise died down, Quirrel tapped a speaking stone on the provided podium and his voice was projected outwards to be heard by everyone.

“Hello to you all, our dear subjects. Today we continue to do our very best to provide for you, our people, whom we dearly love and cherish. This site was a place of tragedy, and pain, part of the past of old Hallownest that was rife with corruption and oversight. But today we have washed away the dark and terrible past, to bring in the new, which is full of hope and life. We have -”

Quirrel had always been a good speaker. But Tiso wasn’t here to hear a speech. He heard it before, when Quirrel had asked him and his fellow knights to hear it and give honest feedback. Tiso had suggested Quirrel get to the damn point because nobody liked just standing around, so he thankfully cut the speech down by half.

There were bugs everywhere. Bugs in the square, bugs that could climb were hanging on buildings, bugs looking out windows, bugs on roofs, everywhere. Tiso scanned them all, eyes narrowed. It was no lie that there were bugs out there who didn’t agree with the direction the new government was taking, especially having another god as a ruler. Ghost and Quirrel had managed to piss off the right people. They were the folks that enjoyed profiting by gaming the system, and that system came tumbling down once Ghost claimed the throne. It got even worse when they married Quirrel, who was scarily smart. Quickly it became obvious that nobody was going to get away with old hustles anymore.

Quirrel continued talking, and Tiso continued watching. Then, something caught his eye. A glint of metal shined on one of the rooftops, a figure crouched down behind it. The glint moved, and Tiso’s heart went cold.

“GET DOWN!”  He shouted, and with a heft, threw his shield as hard as he could. Bugs instantly dropped to the ground and the knights gathered to the podium. The shield whistled through the air, and with a satisfying clunk, impacted the bug on the roof. There was a brief shout of pain, and then came the thwip as a crossbow bolt lodged itself in the podium. It was obviously aimed for the pillbug’s head, and it missed him by scant inches. Someone in the crowd screamed and it started a chain reaction of panic. Cloth and Ogrim took crowd duty, ushering the crowd into nearby buildings to get them off the streets and away from the danger.

Xena was already heading up to the roof atop her beast, the creature climbing up the sides with frightening speed. Tiso flashed his soul and recalled his shield, just in time to hear the bug on the roof start screaming once the beast reached it’s fanged maw out and grabbed them. He trusted Xena to keep at least enough of them alive for questioning later.

To add more chaos to the mix, some bugs in the crowd dropped their cloaks, revealing nails, and rushed the podium.

“No more gods! No more masters!” Some of them shouted. The sentiment was echoed by the other assassins as they parted through the crowd, not caring about who they knocked over or trampled in their haste. Bugs continued to scream, struggling to get out of the way as some were simply tossed aside to make way. Tiso could hear grubs wailing and the sharp clang of metal as some of the bugs in the crowd took up their own nails. They were valiantly trying to hold back the assassins, who cruelly cut them down and left them to bleed out. Thankfully medics were among the guards, and they quickly raced out to try and save the injured civilians.

So this was a coordinated assassination attempt, usually they were done by singular bugs. They must have gotten a little smarter. Tiso was about to jump into the fray, only to hold back when Hollow sped past him and body checked an assassin so hard that he could hear the chitin cracking from where he stood. Ouch.  He let Hollow do their thing and barked out orders to his guardsmen. They had to get everything under control, and fast.

However, the Kings of Hallownest were no pushovers. Quirrel practically teleported, moving with an insane amount of speed to kill an assassin with a flash of their nail. Since the crossbow bolt was aimed at him, Ghost was especially pissed. They were trying their best to not change into their true, terrifying form and completely destroy the square they worked so hard to rebuild. Judging by the extra three pairs of eyes that opened on their mask, they were barely holding on. Tiso did not blame them.

One assassin got lucky, moving at just the right time to scratch their nail along Quirrel’s side. He let out a hiss of pain and leapt backwards, ignoring the wound for now. He moved to retaliate, only to see said assassin become a smear of hemolymph on the platform. He glanced up to see an absolutely furious Ghost retract a void tentacle back into their body, still coated in a thin sheen of gore.

“Are you okay?” Ghost’s mental voice was now tight, louder. Quirrel could hear the rumbling of the void in behind, overlapping as the power of a god began to leak through Ghost’s control.

“Yes dear, just a scratch.” Quirrel sidestepped another assassin, bringing his nail around to cleanly slice off their nail arm. The assassin screamed, now missing an arm, and was quickly grabbed by Ghost and slammed bodily into the ground. Ghost then proceeded to kick them into the nearest building, cracking the stone slightly and leaving said bug a quivering mess.

As quickly as it all began, it was over. In total there were eight assassins. Three were outright dead, most due to Ghost. The rest were maimed and beaten bloody, but were alive. They weren’t too sure if the ones Hollow got to would survive or not. Either way, they weren’t going to get out of the situation alive, either by the executioner’s axe or dying from their wounds. Tiso had ordered the spare guard out, and there was a city wide search for more conspirators. There was no way to tell how many were out there, at least, until the prisoners were questioned. Something Tiso was going to enjoy doing so very much.

Ghost was panting, trying to calm down after losing their control for the bare moments it took for the fight to finish. Quirrel shivered, also breathing heavily. Adrenaline was surging through his body still and he doubted he’d be able to calm down anytime soon. Ghost had grabbed him, holding him tight as they too, shook. For a being designed to have no emotions, Ghost sure wore theirs on their sleeve, frantically patting Quirrel down for injuries. He knew what they were afraid of, and he stopped their hands with his to prevent their anxiety from taking over their rational thought.

“I’m okay love, it’s just a scratch.” He had time to look at his wound, bleeding blue. It wasn’t even terribly deep. It would just need some cleaning and some shell paste. If anything, it was making a mess of his cloak. The cleaners were going to have an absolute fit about it. He sighed as Ghost moved their hands to the wound, clearly worried.

“Your Majesties!” Ogrim hurried over. “Are you okay?”

“We’re fine, thank you. What of the assassins'?” Quirrel again, moved his hands to hold Ghost’s as he listened to Ogrim.

“Captured. We have guards scouring the city for anything suspicious.” The dung beetle looked about the now empty square, watching the assassins that were dead being dragged away. “Tiso and Xena are going to head an investigation once they interrogate-”

Ghost whistled, stopping Ogrims words. “I will interrogate them.”

“Your majesty, are you sure, you-”

“I am very sure.” They had since hunched protectively over Quirrel, arms like a gate around him. The malice in their 'voice' wasn't hard to miss, something Ogrim picked up on. He was always able to pick out the tiniest of details.

Ogrim bowed his head, but spoke plainly. “With all due respect, as your knight, and as your friend, I urge you to at least let the captain and his lieutenant do their job first before you decide to do anything.”

“Ogrim is right, love.” Quirrel reached up to cup Ghost’s cheek, hand oddly feeling weak. Perhaps he was still worked up? He started feeling a little dizzy, maybe he needed somewhere quiet to de-stress for a little while. He wouldn't mind retreating back to their bedroom to cuddle for a while. That should be able to do the trick nicely. Still, he continued with his advice. “You are too worked up right now. You need to calm down first. We both do.”

Ghost shook for a moment, and then took a few deep breaths. “Okay. Please tell Tiso and Xena to get as much from the prisoners as they can. I will be there shortly.”

Ogrim nodded. “Of course, Cloth and Hollow will be here soon and they will be able to escort you back to the palace.”

Quirrel started to say something and then was hit by a sudden wave of light headedness. He grabbed onto Ghost’s arm to steady himself as he momentarily lost feeling in his legs.

Ogrim and Ghost noticed that for sure. “Your majesty?” Ogrim questioned, reaching out a claw to offer support.

“No no- I’m fine...I’m..” The world twisted and a spike of pain and nausea punctured his gut. He suddenly couldn’t tell which way was up or down anymore. His legs gave out and through an increasing and concerning wave of numbness, he felt himself being caught.

“QUIRREL!!”  The mental shout was loud, and with it came more noises he couldn’t quite make out.

Ok, well… fuck.” The pain seemed to get worse, now a burning sensation that spread from the wound on his side to the very core of his body. His lungs hurt. His heart hurt. A disturbing wave of pain twisted around his limbs and went right into his brain. It suddenly got more difficult to breathe as he clutched his spouse with his claws.

He was dimly aware of someone screaming desperately, echoing around his head as he lost the ability to understand it, he was too busy gasping for breath.

The noises blended together until finally, there was nothing but darkness.

-----

“In you go, ya fucker.” Tiso not so gently tossed one assassin, a particularly nasty looking cricket, onto the stone floor of the dungeon cell. They had given just the bare amount of medical care necessary to keep them alive. The worst injury was the stump where their nail arm used to be, cleanly cut in half by the biggest nerd in the kingdom. “This’ll be your new home for a while, but it can get a little nicer if you decide to talk.”

“It won’t make any difference,” The cricket spat a wad of hemo on the floor. “I’m dead anyway.”

“True…” Tiso mused, leaning on the bars to stare the other bug right in the eyes. “But would you rather prefer a quick death, or being dragged kicking and screaming into the void? Cause let me tell you, I’d rather take a beheading over that. That shit is fucked up.”

“Typical of a tyrant.”

“You seriously calling the squirt and the nerd tyrants? I mean, they literally were about to open a public greenhouse so that everyone can eat before you idiots crashed it.” Tiso tapped his shield against the bars, making the metal ting in the most annoying way possible. He absolutely loved messing with prisoners like that, it made them slip up more often than not. Tiso learned more from pissing off the prisoners than he ever did 'nicely' interrogating them. “I don't know about you, but that don’t sound like tyrants to me.”

“All gods, are tyrants.” The doomed assassin moved to sit up, resting their back against the cold stone walls. Their movements were awkward, now that they were missing an arm. “The Pale King was. The Radiance was. Even the White Lady. Now we have an even more powerful tyrant as our king! We can’t keep letting ourselves become playthings for monsters!”

“Call them a monster one more time and I’ll feed ya to Xena’s beast, and the beast chews slowly.” Tiso narrowed his eyes at the bug on the other side of the bars. He could roughly hear the other prisoners being tossed in their cells as well. Judging by the echoes, they were spouting the same nonsense and getting zero sympathy for it. “You’re a fucking idiot, you think you can just kill our Kings like that? King Ghost killed the Radiance, for fucks sake!”

The cricket smiled through their broken mandibles, dribbling hemo over their cloak. “No, we can’t kill the tyrant, but we can hurt them.”

Tiso stared, shocked by the words. A very bad feeling sat in his gut, and was quickly vindicated when Cloth rounded the corner.

“Tiso!” she shouted. “It’s Quirrel!”

“Yeah?” The bad feeling grew stronger and he desperately prayed to whatever was listening, that the next words out of his love's mouth wasn’t going to be bad news.

“Quirrel...he's...He’s been poisoned!”

Tiso’s world went numb, and all he could hear was the insane laughter of the prisoner behind him.

[angelkurenai]

Imagine you and Dean being unable to stand each other, but it’s only because you get often jealous. The unresolved sexual tension makes Sam lock the both of you up until you solve it out.

“I'm gonna kill him.” Dean grumbled, his agitated tone only managing to make you more angry yourself - as if you weren't already on edge.

He was practically glaring daggers at the door and, even though that too seemed to get on your nerves, it was of the least annoying things he could do compared to his constant pacing and grumbling. It felt like his footsteps, the echo in the otherwise silent room, the useless talking and the constant mumbling as Dean could barely hold his frustration after any attempt of opening the locked door had failed miserably, even the constant huffing was a testament to your patience. And after a mostly unsuccessful hunt - or trail of the right monster at least - your patience could only take so much, even if the man didn't do anything you'd still start getting pissed by his mere presence (which wasn't so unheard of as, obviously, the ones who had locked you in the room knew real well).  It was probably him not having done much, or having done the exact opposite of what he should, during said case, that had started making your patience slip away and the more you thought back to everything the worse it got.

You tried to keep yourself under control, though, because all the arguing was what had gotten you both in this position in the first place.

“I'm so going to fucking kill.” he repeated, bringing you back to harsh - more like annoying - reality “He's going to come back to life, naturally, and then I'm gonna kill him again.”

“Will you remember where you've put your gun this time or am I gonna have to help you again?” you muttered, mostly to yourself, the bitterness and agitation slipping into your tone - much as you tried to hold it back - and as expected the man caught on it.

“What's that supposed to mean?” he asked with a frown, his head snapping in your direction.

You should back off, you knew it and it really was the best choice in this situation, but with Dean looking at you in that challenging way, his firm jaw clenched, his full lips pursed, his stunning eyes looking at you fiercely, his muscles stiffening and his broad chest puffing out as he held his breath, a vein so much ready as to pop, all of it serving to make him look darker in a way that almost made you think he could easily push you against the wall and just have his way with you already. Almost. Not entirely. Those thoughts were left for when you were left in the silence of your own room, alone, and not fuming at the memories still fresh because of the stubborn man in front of you.

“I don't know Dean.” you pursed your lips, holding his gaze stubbornly so “What do you think? Or maybe it would be better ask the werewolf we almost got- Oh no wait, it turned out to be a vampire! My bad, in the middle of all this I almost forgot.” you glared right back, and his lips parted to speak but you didn't give him the chance to “Just like you forgot you part of this team that almost became vamp snacks because you were busy doing Chuck-knows-what with that bi-” but you stopped yourself before you could indulge. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction to let him know, even so suspect, how his nightly adventures had you feeling. You huffed, straightening “Just shut up and sit down. Stay quiet, for once in your damn life Winchester do the right thing and listen to me, so we can get out of this mess the soonest possible. I have no plans to stay locked in here for more than a few hours.”

“First time I'll agree with you.” he grumbled, taking a sit on the bed with a heavy sigh “And for that, I apologized to Sam. It's not my fault you can't seem to accept a simple apology like any other person. I got a bit carried away, yes, but you had it mostly under control!”

“Mostly, key word, thanks for saying that! Because it very clearly states how we nearly died because of you and you-” you scoffed a bitter laugh “Apologize is all you do and think everything's fine all of a sudden! You can have things your way whenever you want, like throwing yourself in danger's way, going for the monster however you like, banging that waitress in that bar, bring them over in the hotel room, stay out till late at night and all that while Sam and I do the work and suddenly when you realize you messed up - because you do mess up, every single time - you apologize and everything, magically just like that, is ok. Well, guess what, Dean? It's not ok! But you were always used to having it that way, that now that I am here and finally someone calls you out on your shit, it is annoying or even worse I'm not able to accept an apology. I am on the wrong, talk about some real bs there.” you huffed at last, satisfied to get it out of your chest but only temporarily because you knew the man could very easily and very fast find new ways to torture you.

He laughed, but it was angry just like his eyes. His entire body held so much frustration that you could see him practically struggling to hold back “Well, it ain't me that starts every damn fight, is it? If you could just leave me be, do my thing, then we'd both be much happier. I honestly don't even understand what you get out of all this fighting. If getting off on me being pissed 24/7 or having my mood ruined the whole day is not included that is. And now to top it all of, here we are. Locked in a fucking room like we're a pair of kids, to learn to get along or whatever Sam meant to say. I hope you're freaking happy with the result, cause I'm damn sure you're suffering too.”

“And who's to blame for that too?” you snapped back, eyes going hard because of his attitude “I am not the alone in these arguments you see. You certainly don't miss a chance to snap back, Winchester. Honestly, the mere fact that you want to blame this all on me when I clearly had every right to be angry shows just how unbearable you are. Maybe if you, for once, decided to act with that's between your ears instead of what's between your legs everything would be so much better and my days so more calm!”

Dean himself let out a sarcastic laugh “Because you help so much in that.” he mumbled, though you had a hard time understanding what he really meant, and after a few seconds of thinking he obviously decided to not comment on it any further “Whatever, there is no point in arguing. It will only earn us more time locked in here. And I for one don't want that. If it's peace Sam wants from us, we have to be convincing.”

You only scoffed, raising an eyebrow at him, more agitated by him now “It takes locking you up to come to your senses after all?  What's next, being tied down to act like a rational human being for once too?”

“Oh sweetheart-” he smirked but it wasn't coy or easy, if anything the dark look in his eyes was there much as it could be considered very distracted “You have no idea what I'd do while being tied. In fact-” his pride only seemed to grow more “Few women have had the pleasure. They consider themselves lucky, trust me.”

“Lucky about which aspect, Winchester?” you smirk grew, challenging in a way that was far, very far, from the first time and in a way that one could only describe as full of meaning and sexual tension but you'd beg to differ, thank you very much. You added “Being lucky that it all ends within five minutes or that they won't get to experience such a thing ever again? Oh oh or maybe nearly dying of laughter? I get it, life is hard, we all need a good laugh once in a while.”

“Why yes, all the while seeing stars.” he shrugged, still too smug “But I guess you can go ahead and make up whatever little story you, it's impossible to get a real answer from them.”

“Oh how so? Was that easy to forget? I wonder what desperate measures all of them must have gone to forget such an experience.”

“Cute.” he laughed, short, sharp, bitter or was it tense? There was something more to those eyes, the way he was looking at you that made you shift in your place and your smile, as much as you tried to keep it up, to flatter a bit. “But no. They're simply still unable to speak. Not like there are no words that could describe it. Ore in bed in general.” he shrugged, going back to casually sassy.

His posture changed, though the look in his eyes didn't and that was what made you frown.

“One would beg to differ but I suppose there are enough women desperate enough out there. Hell, why would a woman fall for the 'Boy, this coffee's hot. Just like-'” you mimicked him, pointing at him with a wink as he'd done to the waitress, before rolling your eyes “If not out of desperation or boredom. How can any of that be attractive or even enough to promise a remotely goo night? Maybe they even take pity on you.” you shrugged and he laughed, but it was dark and much deeper, a hidden tension coming through.

“You know, some women can use their imagination.” his voice was deep

“That must be quiet a wild imagination right there, let me tell you. And then, of course, the harsh reality comes crashing down on them and they see you don't live up to their expectations.”

“If that helps you sleep at night.” he chuckled darkly, getting up to make his way to the liquor he kept in his room “Sure, go ahead. Since it seems like it's the only thing you do.”

“Wouldn't that sound ideal to you?” you actually laughed “But no, not quiet. Sleep and the barman from Illinois is what I've been doing.”

If you had known that those were the key words to get a reaction out of the man then you surely wouldn't have held them back. Dean's entire body stiffened, you could clearly see his muscle freeze and harder even as he had his back to you. And if all that wasn't indication enough, the silence that followed after your words was a clear indication to the impact they had on him.

He slowly turned to look at you, his jaw clenched so tightly you were scared he might break it or pop a vain, or both. His eyes however quickly drew your attention to them, effectively making any hint of a smug smile fade from your face at having achieved a small victory in pissing him off. Shivers ran down your spine at the piercing look he gave you, making you feel and want to be exposed in a way that wasn't normal.

“You did what?” his voice was so deep and rough, you felt your breath get caught in your throat.

“I-” why had your mouth gone dry all of a sudden? That drink he was holding seemed appealing, so you got up to make your way to him- no, to the drink and get a glass of your own “You know-” you shrugged “One would assume after that punch from you and you all but pulling a gun on him that the guy wouldn't even want to be near me but some men do risk it all, defy all odds, and keep pursuing. Unlike some I know, he wasn't one to back down and quiet frankly he was even more adorable after that. So I suppose I can say...” you paused “Kiss it better is what I did? That and so much-”

But you didn't get the opportunity to complete your sentence, or even get your glass of whiskey as it slipped from your grasp the moment Dean took firm hold of your arm, forcing you to face him, all in a split second as he pressed you against the wall and held you there firmly yet not anywhere near painfully.

“You slept with him?” he still asked though you were sure he wasn't expecting a direct answer. You even didn't know if you wanted to give one, not sure of what his reaction would be or maybe fearing it wouldn't be the one you deep down hoped it would be.

You shouldn't push for it, you knew it. And yet you did.

“You mean did I fuck him?” you narrowed your eyes at him and watched both as his eyes hardened and felt as he pushed you harder against the wall, as a response.

And you pushed again more.

“I'm sorry, you're just making it hard for me to understand you Dean. You have to be a bit more specific. Did I let him push me against the hall and have his way with me, you mean?”

“Quit playing around, (Y/n). Answer my fucking question. Did you really do it?”

“Why, Dean? Why does it even matter to you? What difference does it make?” you hissed “Isn't that what you do all the time? Am I somehow not allowed to do the same? Why? Because you did all that? Because you do what you simply do to me? You can piss me off all you want, you can try to get me back for all the fights, ruing my days and damn you... you can have that effect on me all you want but I will not let it-”

“And you?” he growled, loud and angrily enough to cut you off effectively “Do you know what you do to me? Do you have any freaking idea what you're doing to me, (Y/n)? You ruin everything for me, that's what you do. You've ruined every fucking woman for me. I try to pick 'em up and all I think about is you. I try to and I always end up comparing them to you. I pick 'em up and when I am lucky enough, they will look at least a little bit like you but then again? I always go for the ones that look like you. When I am really lucky enough to go on without you in my mind, hell if that's hard, I wake up to realize I had been dreaming about you too. And that waitress?” he scoffed a laugh, pressing you harder against the wall “I called her by your name. Yeah, fucking great, isn't it?”

His words did earn a gasp from you but he didn't let you say a word, instead kept going, as if his words hadn't already turned everything upside down as it was “Of course, I didn't realize it or the fact that it wasn't actually you until she slapped me. It hurt, but hell it didn't even match up to your punch. Sometimes I feel like I want to argue with you just to make you angry enough so you can punch me again. What a fucking masochist I've become huh? Don't you think? That's what you do to me and fuck if that doesn't make me want you more.” it was only when you felt his hips push yours against the wall that you realized he had his entire body caging yours and you couldn't lie, not to yourself at least, that you liked the feeling more than you ever imagined you would. And imagined you had. Plenty of times.

“So there.” he huffed, as if a big weight was lifted off his chest – not all of it but most – but he was still very tense, his gruff voice proof that the proximity had more than one kind of effects on him; he rested his forehead against yours “You have it. You see what you do to me. You see the effect you've had in me ever since I met you. Take pleasure in it all you want. And now-” he took in a deep breath “Tell me to get away. Push me back. Scream at me and start an argument.”

“Why?” you finally breathed out, your breath ghosting over his lips.

“Why? Because it's all I'll ever get from you.” he scoffed a laugh, bitter but filled with tension just like every other word “Tell me to back off, (Y/n). Push me back or else, I swear, I don't know what I will do.”

“Then-” you leaned closer, as if there was even any significant distance between you to begin with “Why don't you try and figure it out big boy? I'd like to see if it's better than your arguing.”

And you needn't say another word before you felt like he was pushed off the edge and his lips crashed to yours, no longer holding back.