#or whatever those are called in english
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The fact that you can get hurricane lanterns off of temu is concerning to me. Those things can NOT be durable, OR work properly
#fuck temu#you could probably get one that's good for just as cheap from a local hardware store#or whatever those are called in english#lanterns#kerosene lamp#ramblings#my post
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Have you been assesed for adhd?
nope, though im pretty sure i got it ... or its something similar bc although also not officially diagnosed there is no way im not autistic OTL
the only things i have been .. 'diagnosed' with is anxiety and chronic depression, though both of which by a therapist that got arrested for fraud and harassment (hahaha .. ._.) and im not sure how much weight that can hold both bc of .. THAT and bc i honestly have no idea how much a therapist can do (its been many years since then too) and the only meds he ever offered me where like .. drugs ('herbs')
i have been thinking of asking our family doctor about it but im rather afraid of whatever process i gotta go through to get anything that might help since im sure its also not JUST adhd that causing all this (and ... im afraid it could impact how i am treated ... like if they know im autistic are they not gonna take me seriously anymore or stop me from making choices about myself.. welp theres the anxiety ndfjkgndfknvgfdk)
(and a new therapist is pretty impossible bc theres a really big problem of not enough therapists around ESPECIALLY where i live ... also fear bc of the previous one .. haha ._, )
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#personal#i am german so whatever process it is in america is not gonna be how it is here#.....also doesnt help that i nearly got put in a ... mental health .. facility (idk what its called in english) when i was younger#and uuh .. barely managed to make them not do it#one of the scariest moments in my life#mom made the plan with my oldest sister in secret and drove me off to the doctor .. idk if they told me just before and forced me to go#or literally on the parking lot of the doctor .. i think it was the latter#being out on a parking lot and being talked down to by my sister (who never tried to talk to me about anything mental health wise btw)#AND by the doctor .. i had to convince him to not do it .. literally so scary#-and mom about putting me in some facillity .. cant even describe it .. to me it was pure horror#im sure those facilities arent that bad or soemthing but i felt like they where trying to kick me out and into a prison#i do NOT do well anywhere that isnt home#AND doing the thing i haven been trying to make it clear makes everything a thousand times worse-#-talking about it behind my back and then just doing things without me gettign any say in it and then given no choice#its literally the worst thing you can do!!!!#sorry TMI perhaps but!!! many things have happened!! bad!!
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watching a video on youtube abt making zines and shes like "i have a full exciting life that i create for myself every single day that has nothing to do with zines. and i think that when you have more things going on in your life youre less likely to become hyperfocused on the reaction you get to your work" and im like damn outgecalled, no wonder we get neurotic abt it here on the hyperfocus no life website
#not to call everyone here a loser just myself but i dont think im the /only/ one who....doesnt have a full exciting life outside of#[whatever youre doing on here]#hfkghgjh#most inspiring way ive ever been told to get a life t b h#or maybe just first time im open to hearing it#i was already sorta thinking that. just. not in those words exactly fhkhgj#(watch me remember in 5 minutes why my entire life is doctor who)#(<- suicidal as fuck when not thinking abt doctor who)#anyway#might fuck around and get a life#if only so i can speak smth other than english every now and then
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get the man a fan ✨
#the english muffin is burning#Andrew Lincoln#*#andygifs#gonna make like those ancient greek fantasies and fan him with palm fronds#happy sinday#don't flash your midriff at me you tart#i'd say im looking#but that'd be stupidly obvious#hello illac furrow adonis belt v lines whatever the crap you wanna call them#that belt is really doing its job#poor sweaty thing#everyone: :) andy: *melting*#he felt like a space heater when i hugged him tho so boy just runs hot#someone pick up that paper on the table and fan the man 😂#i would have#sorry but when a man's shirt goes up like that i get stupid
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not to be obnoxious on main but classic literature is not global literature. it's western literature at best
#not to vague but like. name one book from my country i dare you guys.#sorry this set of posts just makes me so fucking mad. like i'm also guilty of this because my ass can't speak any other language but#books of importance from other countries outside of the western hemisphere. especially if theyre in a language which is not english#go largely ignored by the western world at large despite their importance to their countries of origin#and its a double standard to have to expect to know like. for the most part the literature of native english-speaking or european#countries. when i'm certain a lot of these people don't know any of our literature or their importance to us#its so fucking pretentious. like i wont say im not guilty of it as a monolingual english speaker so that list of classic literature#is whats most accessible to me but like christ. get your head out of your ass. they didnt even say something bad about the book. holy fuck#sorry im just so fucking pissed. and i know these people are white or some form of american canadian whatever#im not denying the importance of the book in question its just Your Experiences Are Not Universal. why dont you respect our literature#before demanding the same respect for 'yours'#'uhh but i didnt know about those bools and their history-' YEAH BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAPPEN IN YOUR PART OF THE WORLD. ITS THE SAME OVER HERE#BUT IM NOT CALLING YOU OUT FOR IT AM I? EVEN THOUGH THOSE BOOKS ARE THE CENTER OF A MAJOR HISTORICAL EVENT IN MY COUNTRY#im so pissed.#woe be upon ye
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i've mentioned here and there that i made a relationships/dynamic spreadsheet. i have finally put it to use. look on my Works, ye mighty, and despair.
-extra note: i am not omniscient and i cannot watch every stream. i may have missed a sibling declaration or two.
-extra extra note: i currently speak only english and used google translate for the rest. if theres a translation error I'd love to know- i wont be able to go back and fix these, but im always so curious about how accurate google translate can be
extra extra note pt 2: do. do other languages use guardian as in "legal guardian" as in "not a family member but still Primary Caregiver of child" because i am suddenly aware those translations might not be correct. on the other hand tho if google translate decided that the parents are guarding warriors of the eggs im not going to argue
#qsmp#i should have added a ??? line for fit and philza tbh#look at just how beloved forever is <3#his dynamics have dynamics#he and richarlyson are also part of The Issue when compiling a fucking. whatever the hell this si#maybe a chart not a graph it is currently 4 am and im gonna schedule this#anyway i did legitimately consider making one of those classic family tree charts and just sticking richas in the centre so he wouldnt caus#too many lines to overlap but i think this worked out fine#absolutely delighted i thought of the columns it saved my ass#this server is Three Months Old#look at them founding those families#philever stans i see you and im sorry#if i included a heartbreak line then this would have been completely incomprehensible#fun fact to translate the silly 'king what are you doing' i made google translate#'chad what are you doing' instead so there would still be the grammar of a proper noun#but i wouldnt trick it into thinking king is an honourary title#i might not know the grammar of any non-english language but Oh Boy i know there are Traps#or maybe english's traps have just made me paranoid#either way#also. richas was added to bad's family art wall and bad baghs and forever have called each other family enough that#i made the executive decision to just adopt richarlyson out to the other two#richas called bad basically his mom tonight i can do what i want#and baghera gets to be part of that line because. honestly i wasnt thinking about him being Extra Canon Nephew#and i refuse to change it for reasons above re: it is 4 am; they are family#tho the thought of bad having three children separately attributed to him is hilarious.... maybe if i ever remake this ill do that#also note: i do know that foolish and bad had a kid called jimmy However i do not know what a jimmy is#so#scheduled post
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out of curiosity and inspired by a talk i had with my bf. what would be the subject you'd want to get a degree in/study seriously the LEAST.
Assume that for all of these, you'd actually have decent classes and professors etc. and admission, location, future income and things like that would not be an issue, it's just about interests and talent. But you would have to try and get decent grades or at least pass and possibly do something with that degree afterwards.
(I can't possibly add EVERY kind of subject obviously so sorry if i missed an obvious one or grouped them in weird ways)
#theres too many disciplines. like where do i even put stuff like geology.#biology and chemistry and physics all have completely different vibes too but i had to put them into one category#also i think they names they have and how degrees work etc are very different in the US? hope this still makes sense somehow#txt#oh yea personally I'd never be able to do economics. id be bad at a lot of natural sciences but those are way more interesting still#technically im even less likely to do a sports degree or whatever its called in english but i did not add that option
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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#those leggings or whatever you want to call them are gonna be the death of me 🫠🫠🫠🫠#also the third gif 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#there may be super white half English half Spanish babies in 9 months 😂#declan rice#england nt#england national team
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#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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I saw two people with two alpacas in my city, they were so cute and soft. The next day, while at school, I was bored so I doodled one of them .
Here are the photos that my friend and I took
#traditional drawing#doodle#alpaca#animals#my art#they were so cute#oh my goodness#my fiends and I were just chilling and then we saw those Alpacas#and were: OMG WE HAVE TO GO NEAR THEM AND ASK IF WE CAN PET THEM#basically this was an ad for a didactic farm (or whatever those are called in English)
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hang on are cougars like panthers
#'the cougar also known as the panther' SCREAM#dont mind me rewatching carmilla as a side effect of my newfound interest in vampires#you'd think it was renewed interest in vampires but no#i actually have never been all that interested in vampires as their own thing i was just gay#and i dont think carmilla really explored the concept itself#like A* in using the medium. D or whatever in exploring their subject matter#actually tbf their subject matter was lesbianism so. again probably an A. they knew what they wanted and they did it well#idk how letter grades work tbh#also not actually sure how much they got into the vampire thing which is why im rewatching to check#bc i was reading iwtv and i was like damn carmilla left stuff on the table#but i also think a lot went over my head#even just english wise im a little stunned at how much i didnt catch. like i was fluent in 2015 for sure but. you do keep learning words#also carmilla is like a popculture remix and i dont have a lot of popculture knowledge so a lot of that went over my head too#now i have just enough to know that im missing a lot#like theres a line in s1 where laura goes 'im living with a vampire. an honest to lestat vampire' and like. never caught that#bc i didnt know how the fuck that was fhkjghgh#but anyway im watching s2 and laura's like 'vampire seductress here is just crabby bc im not falling for her 17th century idea of game'#and like they keep calling armand Ancient right? but carmilla is not much younger#just the difference in framing is what made me start thinking abt it all#like carmilla is 400smth and laura is aware abt that to joke abt it and probably thinks it's a little hot but then you think abt how they#depict that kinda age with armand like what he says to madeleine. 'how do you go on when everything from your era is gone'#and sure carmilla has that loneliness but DAMN. like fuck. shes been doing this same trick. being like the abigail hobbs to the dean for#centuries? i mean there was that century or idk how long where she was buried alive or whatever. but THAT TOO#like damn fuck!!!!!!!!!! ive been going through the fanfic again this week and like there really isnt much#at least doesnt seem to be much that explores this. unless it's in all the aus bc i filtered those out (and still got them)#also interesting difference is if i remember correctly the hollstein happy ending is that carmilla becomes human#in iwtv of course like every important relationship is between vampires. and every lover turns vampire. and every vampire is a lover#sorta. bc abuse themes and stuff. so the inversion makes sense but wouldnt it have been kinda cool if she turned laura tho#anyway. can you believe they were like 'well shes a cougar thats her job and also her supernatural power' dhfkhjgkh as i said: A*
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reminder GONKI IS MORE CANON 😤😏 so anytime some kg person tries to send hate at you remember it’s just cuz they’re big mad Gonki more canon eheheh 😘🤭
#IS WHY I WONT LET ANY LOSER GET ME DOWN 😤#I KNOW ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD THE DIRECTOR CALLED KI WIFE AND KIS VA TAGS STUFF GONKI EHEHEH 😘🥰#Naturally sadly on the west side there’s wayyyy more kg people so I don’t mean alll of them obvi but please#on twitter- I mean x#I am like the sole person in the English gonkillu tag mostly#And these kg fans got big mad when there was dare an artist in there for a while who was popular and used gonki tag#LIKE HOW DARE THEY LOL#Losers got so mad over a tag that has hardly anything in it#SO DONT LET ANY OF THEM DRAG YOU DOWN#Most the time they’re hypocrites and losers#AND I WONT LET ANY OF THEM EVER STOP ME#🤧😤🥰#Honestly they’re free to hate it like I hate kg but the fact they go to bully an artist the moment they dare to use the gonki tag is not#Acceptable#That tag isn’t there for you#Its for us few#ANYWAY ILL ALWAYS STAND MY GROUND FOR THE GONKIS#And trust me this is no lie I’ve been harassed ive seen people leave that were gonkis I have even had friends!#open gonki people tell me they are scared to post#LIKE WHAT YOU WANNA BUT LEAVE US ALONE#And no none of them can use the excuse of “heteronormative” or whatever else they want to get away with bullying#ESP NOT WHEN THEY WILL TURN AROUND AND DO THE SAME TROPES WITH THEIR VER LOL do what you want but do not be a hypocrite to send threats#Its all fiction there’s no need to play purity police god will def let you up into heaven cuz you told me to kill myself for#Having Ki in a dress#NOT LOL! TOO BAD 😤 AND KI IS A PRETTY PRINCESS WHO DESERVES DRESSES 😤 PERIOD#I’m sure there’s been a few rotten gk people I don’t accept them as my kin either but from the few of us I do know#We’re never gone to the kg tags or go to those people’s posts and fics LIKE WHY WOULD I EVEN WANNA SEE STUFF I HATE IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE#AND YES I HAVE TWO FOLLOWERS AND NO I HAVE NO ISSUE SPEAKING OUT ESP WHEN PEOPLE I KNOW GET HARASSED SPECIFICALLY BY A KG PERSON#I WILL GIVE US A PEP TALK 😤 ITS JUST CUZ THEY ARE BIG MAD YOU KEEP DOING YOU GONKI IS CANON 😤
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pissed off at my friend again why do you gotta be such a bitch about what music I like
#when we first became friends she almost exclusively listened to english indie rock. which sure yeah ok#then she starts listening only to old latvian music and starts judging me for mostly listeninf to english music ?#acts like i have never heard a song in latvian in my life despite being a singer for 12 years. singing mostly in latvian#ok whatever. i like a lot of latvian music too but whatever say what you want#start listening to more latvian music find a bunch of artists i really like. tell her about them#she acts like all of those bands are shit and im still uncultured because i dont listen to. fucking choir and folk music#like yes its beautiful but it is not my cup of tea listen to what you want#today i send in the chat that theres a sale on sudden lights tickets because i know a different friends sister likes them a lot#of course she texts immediately 'i dont like them' girl i wrote 'those who need this' for a reason. i know u dont like them. i dont care#and then she has the audacity to call me stupid for not wantinf to watch a choir concert for 4 hours ? girl i do not like choir music#i didnt give you shit because you dont like sudden lights why do you shit on me for not liking choir music#its pretty but i am busy and also dont care that much ???#stop being so pretentious oh my fucking god. i get it your choir girly but shut UP#rant#personal
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Currently thinking about how my coworker who has worked at the library for 20 years (since she was 15 or 16) almost exclusively reads YA and says that she finds YA to be “less pretentious” than adult fiction :/
#I don’t care that she reads YA#I read YA sometimes#but she’s one of those people that thinks all adult fiction is about college professors having affairs or whatever#:/#it’s painful especially as someone with an English degree#ADULT FICTION BOOKS ARENT EVEN A GENRE you can’t call them all pretentious
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it’s important to try very hard to be as patient and understanding and reasonable as possible and i tell myself aw c’mon how hard can it really be to just chill out and be nice? but every now and it hits me again how we’re all being subjected to a mass gaslighting campaign and then i’m like ah that’s why i’m exhausted deep in my soul all the time. i’m being made to think i’m utterly insane for wanting words to have actual meanings so maybe that makes me a bit cranky y’know
#there really is just an attack on the art of human communication going on right now huh#man it’s so much easier talking to people about literally anything else other than transgenderism#even if it were the most controversial; vitriol-filled topic in the world#nothing compares to the exhaustion of going back and forth with a person because the two of you have different definitions of basic words#the exhaustion of you trying to use pronouns that the basic rules of the english language call for#becetse you paid attention in first grade#but being instantly shut down for it because no matter how hard you argue they do not care if you’re right#you get slammed for being ‘disrespectful’ as if they have a real definition of that word either#like you can’t even converse with someone else like that if the basic parts of the language are something that can’t be agreed on#but neither of you can even concede and agree to the other’s terms because that undercuts the point of the argument#it is a war over language itself and that sure does make communication with those on the opposite side impossible#like in other cases conceding and agreeing to use a specific word in conversation is totally fine and easy#i have no problem saying ‘fetus’ as opposed to ‘baby’ because those terms aren’t mutually exclusive to me. it’s fine#but i can’t say ‘trans woman’ when the correct term is man#i refuse to act like ‘transgender’ is just another simple adjective#as opposed to a buzzword that indicates that the following word is actually the opposite of whatever it says#it’s very tiring having to read through a message written in this kind of opposites day code and have to translate it to yourself first#but i’ll do it idc i’m not giving an inch
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