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the fact that you, creator of my favorite jayvik fic, is writing something medieval fantasy, my favorite genre, is sending me to a level of excitement that honestly shouldn't be possible, and somehow those snippets sent me to an even higher one. really really can't wait to read it and i love seeing all the little behind the scenes bits you post on here <3333
AHHHH!!! THANK YOU !!!! Oh my gosh this is so sweet.
I'm excited about it. Its been so fun to just conceive of and imagine and I'm using it very much as like a learning experience for me. I've always wanted to write fantasy but its so intimidating and hard to start. Doing it in fic form first feels like such good practice.
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The fact that Dr Zayne is saving people who want to live
And Dawnbreaker Zayne is mercy killing people who want to die
And both are obsessed/disturbed with each other across space and time
Really has me fucked up in a lot of ways and I'm not okay about any of this
#play love and deepspace they said itll be fun they said#love and deepspace#lads#l&ds#love & deepspace#zayne#zayne love and deepspace#li shen#its about dating cute 3d men and also some combat#BITCHES LIED#ITS ABOUT DEPRESSION#LOVE AND DEEP DEPRESSION IS THE NAME OF THE GAME#fuck..#😭😭😭😭😭#also imma need yall to quit calling poor dawnbreaker a serial killer that poor man is just trying to help people the only way he can#which is more than their gov or whatever is doing#.... double fuck i hate this god damned game 😭😭
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i wanted to write an angsty normal fic a couple months ago about how i was perceiving his character arc going. i was hoping id be wrong, but i ended up being totally right and im upset!
bc he’s finally seeing how undervalued he is to the team. he’s realizing that linc, taylor, and scary—really linc/taylor and linc/scary—are tight and he’s forgotten. he’s rarely included, his ideas get shot down, they make fun of him for always wanting to be kind and loving hard and wanting what’s best for the people he cares about. linc is like… perpetually putting normal down bc i think he has a morality superiority complex. like none of you, NONE OF YOU! would have made it this far on your “heroes journey” without normal!!!!
he CHOSE to take his sisters place even though he found out the cost, that he wasnt wanted, and that he was just a disappointment for not being special. he CHOSE to stay and support all of you even when he was constantly rejected and put down by friends and crushes and parents. he CHOSE all of them, regardless.
they’re setting up the scary/normal arcs how they set up awakening the doodler and it’s fucking killing me. scary is learning to open up with love, while normal is learning to shut down with hate.
im worried about normal.
#i honestly wish normal and taylor got in a fight#i wish normal would have yelled at linc for being a fucking bully ALL the time#i wish normal would have called his mom or looked at his dad and said he just wanted to go home and not do this anymore#he deserves BETTER!!!! IN ALL FACETS!!!#and i know he feels so alone so so alone bc he knows his dad isnt proud of him and he probably thinks he mom isnt either#how is he supposed to heal and be ok#and as much as i WANT oakworthy to be canon ik hes saying future bf as a reversion to chippy cheery guy#and i really dont want hermie to Step Up or whatever bc itll be fucking fake#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#LEAVE NORMAL ALONE#dndaddies#dndads#dungeons and daddies#normal oak#s2 ep44
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healthy reminder that terfs are to be banished from my blog like social outcasts and cast into a pit of snakes. begone, idiots
#if any of my followers are terfs#or whatever theyre calling themselves now#that i am a trans guy and am not up for debating you#just fuck off. itll be faster than me finding out and blocking you and tossing you into the void#terf#terfs#radfem#are they calling themselves radfem? who the hell knows#transgender#trans#transsexual#lqbtq#queer#sardonic rambles
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ooooooughhhh biting and maiming and tearing and scratching and killing and bleeding and
#me @ me: no one cares#HATE my job. hate it#have to call landlords on the phone and then they are rude to me because *checks notes*#the HVAC system in a unit they own has been leaking for a year and the damage is so extensive itll cost 15k to fix#like damn sir im fucking sorry that you dont regularly have your units inspected for damage im really fucking beat up about that#its SUCH a shame that the damage is so bad its affected the unit below yours and now you have to pay for it#thats really so sad for YOU#this guys owns at least two possibly three condos in this community and lowkey i hope he dies#hes been very rude to me for no reason lmao#fuck me. as if its MY fault you dont pay any attention to whats happening in the condos you own#its almost like its your job to make sure things are functioning and livable when youre renting out a space to a human person#all landlords please kill yourselves#they are all such trash fucking people. literally only care about money.#i told him the approximate cost (the majority of which he wont be paying btw its billed to the building management)#and he was like WOW you guys will just charge WHATEVER YOU WANT you just raise prices WILLY NILLY#sir. we have to remove the HVAC system the washer/dryer AND the water heater#and then rip up all of the drywall and flooring in the living room and HVAC closet#and then put it back together. please please please please die. im begging.
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I maintain that stress sickness is a stupid maladaptive response like oooohhh the numbers in my bank account aren't big enough so now my body is cooking itself. bruh.
#my financial situation isnt like dire or a crisis (yet) but its not what i would like it to be.#too many expenses all at once kinda fucked me over.#im hoping itll even out but god its stressful.#dgmw ive always been smart about savings and stuff and we have like. enough for rent and whatnot.#as well as emergency money for... yk whatever.#but still i dont like using my savings (even tho thats what theyre for)#and its still stressful to go over numbers#esp bc we have so many weddings this year.#i rlly think joe and i made the right call to elope#i love weddings and the celebration of love. but i think us going to city hall and doing it there#might have been the right move. bc holy jesus fucking shit christ. planning weddings is soooo stress#my irls often have me help plan stuff like this bc im good at planning if its not for myself#and im also as my brother puts it ''good at nutting up and shutting others up'' on the day of#bc i can herd ppl. yk. good skill ig.#but also holy fucking shit even a small wedding is ludicrously expensive.#id like to have a wedding celebration with joe one day of course#but also. idk man planning it looks like HELL
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oh yeah update on the shelter for my cat, they emailed me back but it's cuz they're moving locations so i won't be able to surrender her till mid january at the earliest.........
#msposts#text#complaining#yeaahhh#and my roommates called me at work like#oh yeah the handyman is calling an exterminator for the roaches to treat hopefully the whole building#and im like it ebetter be cuz im certain the neighbours are adding to the issue here#i mostly see them at water sources in our house and rarely around like our garbage#so im certain theyre eating well somewhere#but then they were like uhhmmm we cant fit all 4 cat carriers into the back of our car and im like you could if u put two on the floor but#ig the issue isnt the space its the fact they just dont want to#told me “figure it out”#my only friends i know here i can ask fer help are super busy and theres still no eta for the guys to spray#and i gotta be otu fer 4 hours min#i cant bring the cats on the bus cuz one is very loud and if i uber anywhre itll be like 40 bucks for the day#assuming anyone will allow me over at all#so im prepping mentally for sitting outside with yowling cats for 4 fucking hours#and i just know the shit ass handyman will give us like 2 days notice and i wont have time to book it off for work#so i wont have enough for bills and will have to scrape by again#so whatever i guess idfk
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NOT sorry for going insane about those 3 little freaks on my blog. it will happen again.
#idk what its called so im calling it scoke and itll be on my mind for the next 2 months btw#theyre all toxic and evil and try to kill each other.#i think zoey should get to go fucking crazy and try to kill her 2 shitty shitty partners.... as a treat#who up scokeing?!!?!?!#so far just me and my psys#but like#GUYS...... HEAR ME OUT...................#HEAR ME OUT PLSSSSSSSSSSSSS#sco/ey is yuri sci/ke is yaoi zo/ke is like whatever u feel like so lets mash em together?!?! lets make a shitty polycule!!!!!!!#forever pushing my evil toxic polycule agenda. not sorry
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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Me: watches nothing but good omens for the last 5 days
Acheivement Unlocked: You Now Have A Brittish Accent.
#my goddamn brain#its like when i hang out with my nana and i come back with my texas drawl#shut up jim#i already have a speech impediment but at least when i do funny accents it gors away like what kind of uh#whatever its called when you do something and then something else happens#fuck#its a psychology term. itll come to me#…??? i wanna say what kind of a crackhead am i? but i dont think thats correct
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life is so good and awesome peace and love on planet earth
#my plans r that im probs gonna go shopping tomorrow bcos i need a few bits in town#need to try out sports bras n then also stock up on vitamins and see if they have a pill box w more than 2 daily compartments#plus itll b nice to walk around a bit after pretty much living in my apartment w only corner store trips for the past couple days#and then the day after that i need to go 2 my parents house bcos ill b out of ritalin and i left the rest there#and ill chill all weekend bcos my next essay isnt until the 20th so i can afford it#and then on monday morning i have a phone call w my psychiatrist (!!)#so ill probably be at my parents house for that#and then try and go back to my apartment. itd b nice to do it in the morning-ish but idk if anyone could drive me 2 the bus stop#so itll probs b in the evening#and then once im in my apartment again ill try get cracking on the essay!!!#i know my '1.5k essay in a day' skillz r likely more a response to deadlines than a skill i can enact at will#but like. ill try and enact it#one of the essay prompts is talking abt a local museum exhibit so i might go do that itd b nice to go to the museum#take the day go to the whole museum and take notes on the specific section and let myself think for a little bit#and then do the essay the next day#and then ill b fucking done for the whole summer!!!! yippee#well there'll be assorted miscellanea needs to get done but whatever. final assignment home free#yayyyyy yippee life so nice and fun. i needed this#gonna finish changing my bedsheets and then do my dishes and get myself some ice cream and then just chill!#ough hang on i can kinda feel myself crashing after my meal. tired again. goddammit. hopefully this is temporary#anyway erm yay yippee things looking up for eimear
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IM FINALLY GOING TO THE DENTIST BUT IM SO NERVOHS
#caroline speaks#im mostly stressed about the insurance#like whatever it’s just a cleaning but im stressed my insurance will fuck up and ill have to pay#like i *have* dental through my job but ive never used it#and i called yesterday and set it up but likeeeee what if it doesn’t go through fast enough#also im nervous in general but it’s just a cleaning. itll be fine
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tagged by @lightyaoigami <3!! rules- shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and list the first ten songs, then tag ten people!
Hayloft II - Mother Mother
You Stupid Bitch - Girl In Red
Char - Crystal Castles
Letter From A Thief - Chevelle
Cigarettes & Feelings - The Haunt
Permanent Reblellion - L.S. Dunes
I Hope You're Happy - Blue October
Guilt - Radical Face
The Middle - Jimmy Eats World
Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore - Paramore
tagging @cat-boy-girl @oberon-vortigern @mothscales @tuffcatdad @taekonaut @backalleysamurai @apheliavampire @chiefyartsreblogs @ohkaiden @l3irdl3rain & anyone that wants to join in!! <3
#sucktacular sucks#rb chain#yall i JUST found out there IS an actual playlist called on repeat on spotify?? LOL#i had to google this shit to find it my god ANYWAY WE'RE IN IT NOW >:3c - search 'on repeat' on your spotify and itll pop up#hayloft II coming up on the first play is so cringe but also i love it im sorry the beat fucks and it's birthdaymassacre-core u w u#B and naomi fuck in the hayloft and naomis dad shoots B (as he should) and then naomi kills her dad (as she should)!#anyway solid songs as of recent#kinda sad more of my 90s/2000s playlist isnt on here :( but its fair cuz i dont be playing it as much as my other one#i wanna do one of these but we pick one line from each song that speaks to us the most#try to remember that: I Hope You're Happy. I Hope You're Good. I hope you get what you wish for. and youre well understood#and whatever your progress. i know youll be fine. cuz i hope youre happy. even if youre not mine. - to every person ive ever held close#that isn't as close as we use to be/we dont talk anymore/our dynamic changed#those lyrics are so fucking me-core it hurts ; w ; <3#ANYWAY THANKS FOR TAG MEEEE <3
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mmaster hcief
#personal! ok idk why but i am in such a bad fucking mood after realizing that yet another year has passed where my father hasnt like.#really ??? cared ??? i dont know man my parents are taking me out to eat but i didnt get a text or a call or anything#like man i know im not the one thats ur blood child but come on i remember yours and wish you every year :(#my mom only really remembered when i showed up and jokingly was like “ey next time you see me ill be a whole year older”#this week has sucked so bad brother i hope it wont set the tone for the next year LKHL:D:FLGHK#happy birthday more like KILL YOURSELF INSTANTLY POTION#god only like my friends and two family members remembered im realizing. fuuuuuuuuuck. not even the people i live with minus my fiance#i only exist to these people when its time to talk behind somebodys back brother#maybe i drive my car into a tree tomorrow ^_^ in theory itd be good for me but at the end of the day if these people didnt care when i went#to the fucking mental ward for plotting to kill myself i doubt theyd care if i bled out in a ditch either#they never called or visited they just picked me up and told me to never do that shit again#maybe i should have Not been born...............!#ermmm#personal#vent#i guess. idk. just so if people have those tags blocked itll get filtered or whatever#i probably shouldnt just throw this out into the wild but i dont want to directly bother anybody i know rn idk.
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just saw that d/ckb/bs swimsuit cover by Jorge Jiménez and theres a lot wrong with it but the oracle symbol on her thigh (in fucking white sunscreen too) as she uses her legs to balance on dicks shoulder has to be the worst part
#like its not parody or satire its just insulting lmao#if a fan drew this as parody to how DC treats babs now in stripping away everything oracle and babs being disabled meant#and replacing it with just constantly objectifying her and using her to prop up the male leads itll be called exaggerated#or too on the nose or whatever. but no its just an actual fucking cover that had to go through several boards to be approved and published#ransom note
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you know what I'd love? If someone would just choose me for once
#just once#id love to be enough#sorry i know this is cringe as hell#but i just need to scream into the void#ill delete it later#god ive really never been anyones number one choice huh#sucks but oh well#just keep on living just keep on moving just keep doing my hobbies#i tried i really did#but theres nothing else I can do rn#so i just have to be patient and trust that#so if its meant to be itll be#ill leave the door open and the light on but im not going to chase after anyone anymore#if someone ever decides to choose me and love me great id live that more than anything#but im too tired to always be the one seeking#these past weeks i feel like I went to start my car and it wouldn't start so i pop the hood#and the whole fucking engine is gone#stolen#whatever you want to call it#like the whiplash and the confusion and the absolute 'what the fuck' of it all#and im also the car in the metaphor cause im just so tired#like so emotionally exhausted and weary and just done#im not even sad im just thinking damn 25 years before my engine cut out#thats not bad at all and a hell of a lot longer than i thought id go#so im just standing here in confusion trying to figure out what do i do?#cause im not gonna scrap the car so to speak im not quitting life#i just got to figure out what to do about the engine and then do it and get up and running again
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