#so i just have to be patient and trust that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aventurineswife · 2 days ago

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Hi! Can you please do a Sunday from Honkai with shy fem reader. Shy fem reader is based on a wishing star whose grand wishes like the character Star from Disney wish movie 2023 please. Fem reader can fly, does magic & change into a human or star form, sorry about my poor grammar.

Where Dreams and Stars Collide

Summary: On the Astral Express, Sunday notices your inner turmoil and takes the time to connect with you. Through a tender conversation, Sunday helps you confront your idealistic vision of a painless reality, offering wisdom on the balance between peace and growth.

Tags: Sunday x Female!Reader, Shy!Reader, Transformation (Human/Star Form), Emotional Support, Slow Burn, Philosophical Exploration, Light Angst.

Warnings: Mild angst, Reflective themes.

A/N: Might've made some few changes since I have never watched the video (heard a lot of negative comments about it so, idk anymore 💀🧍‍♀️)

The Astral Express had always been a place of strange wonders, a train that traveled across worlds, weaving through stars and galaxies. Among its passengers, one stood out, a being of pure wonder—a shy, ethereal girl who could transform between a human and a shimmering star, her powers guided by the grand wishes she carried deep within her heart. You were the Wishing Star, whose wishes weren't just dreams but destinies in the making, waiting to touch the lives of those around you.

Yet, despite the power you held, you were a quiet soul, hesitant to reveal the full extent of your gifts. Your soft voice was often drowned by the bustle of the train, your delicate hands hiding your magical prowess as you clung to the warmth of your friends aboard the Astral Express. Among them was Sunday, whose presence had always intrigued you. With his golden eyes, navy pupils, and gentle air of nobility, Sunday radiated a calm yet powerful aura. But what caught your attention the most was the quiet kindness he never failed to offer, his gaze never pressuring you, always patient.

One evening, as the train moved through a quiet sector of space, you stood near the window, gazing out at the shimmering cosmos. The stars outside felt so distant, just like your own desires—grand and untouchable. The wishes you kept locked away, the dreams that could never truly come true. You let out a small sigh, unaware that someone had quietly approached behind you.

"Is something troubling you, my star?" Sunday’s voice was soft, a question wrapped in understanding.

You turned, startled by his sudden presence. His smile was warm, and though you were nervous, you managed a small nod. It was rare for you to speak openly, but Sunday’s gentle demeanor made it easier. “I… I wish to help others. I want to make their dreams come true, but… I’m not sure how.”

Sunday’s eyes softened as he observed you, his gaze steady but not intrusive. “You have a grand wish inside you, one that can light the universe. But sometimes, even the brightest stars must be patient and trust in their path. You’ve already helped more than you know, just by being you.”

You looked down at your hands, a faint blush coloring your cheeks at his words. “But my wishes… they’re so big. I can’t do it all at once.”

He moved closer, his presence comforting, as if the weight of the cosmos itself had lifted in his gaze. "Not all wishes need to come true at once. Some dreams take time to grow, and others are meant to be shared." He paused, his voice dropping to a soft whisper. "A world without pain… where people can escape the suffering of life, is that not the dream you hold?"

Your heart skipped a beat. He understood. You had always kept that wish hidden, unsure of how others would react. "Yes," you whispered, meeting his eyes. "A place where everyone can be at peace, away from pain and hardship."

Sunday smiled, the faintest hint of sadness in his eyes. "It’s a beautiful wish, my star. But sometimes, the world needs more than just peace. People grow through struggle and loss, even when they cannot see it themselves."

You hesitated. “But isn’t it better to escape the pain? To live without suffering?”

Sunday's gaze became distant for a moment, a quiet ache in his expression. "I once thought the same, that people could be free of their suffering. But the truth is, peace without growth is an illusion. The dream you wish to create—it's not weakness, but a mercy. Sometimes, all we can do is protect others from the pain we cannot shield ourselves from."

His words echoed in your heart, a blend of his own philosophy and his understanding of your wish. You felt a warmth spread through you, not from the bright stars, but from his words, his gentle nature. For the first time in a long while, you felt understood.

"Thank you, Sunday," you murmured, your form flickering with soft, golden light as you began to shift between your star and human form.

Sunday chuckled softly, his voice a melodic hum that soothed your soul. "You are more than welcome. And remember, you are not alone in your journey. We all have our dreams, even if they are vast and complex. Together, we can help them take shape."

You blinked, surprised by his words. "We?" you asked quietly.

His eyes softened, a knowing smile tugging at his lips. "Yes, my star. I may not fully share your vision, but I will always be here to help guide you." He reached out a hand, gentle yet firm. "The universe is vast, and though it can be full of pain and hardship, it is also filled with the possibility of dreams. And those dreams are worth fighting for."

As you gently placed your hand in his, a quiet understanding passed between you. For the first time in a long while, you felt as though your wishes could truly matter.

And maybe, just maybe, you weren't so alone in the world after all.

#x reader #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr sunday x you #hsr sunday #sunday x reader #sunday hsr #sunday #hsr x female reader #female reader #transformation #emotional support #slow burn #Philosophical exploration #light angst #reflective themes

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araybiaaa · 1 day ago

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Can you write Rafe and Sofia having sex on Christmas? Like she decides to surprise him with one last present but instead it’s her in red lingerie that makes her look like she’s a Christmas present and she asks him to unwrap her?

“𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

 It’s almost eleven o’clock when they finally return home from her parents’ Christmas party. A frigid breeze brushing through the oversized trench coat that she’s wearing, sends a shiver down her spine and has her scooting closer towards Rafe, seeking out his body’s warmth as she patiently waited for him to open the door.

He inserts the key inside of the keyhole and twists it until the doorknob loosens and it clicks open.

Sofia sighs softly in relief when she walks inside and is immediately shrouded in a comforting warmth. She sets her purse aside as Rafe approached her from behind, wrapping his arm around her waist. She smiles, settling comfortably in his embrace as she leaned her head against his chest and splayed her hand over his.

“Did you have fun tonight?”

Rafe’s neck declined as he leaned down to her leveled height. He brushed his lips over her neck and shoulder, kissing softly at the exposed skin as he nodded his head. “Mhm. It took nearly two and a half years but I think your dad has finally started to warm up to me,”

Sofia chuckles softly, reminiscing on a few hours ago where she spotted her father and Rafe seated together on the couch watching a football game. She and her mother were in the kitchen finishing up the last minute preparations for dinner when they both heard a loud clamor that was accompanied by sports verbiage that fell ignorant to Sofia’s ears.

When she peeked her head around the corner to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong, she was surprised to see the two of them exclaiming their disbelief at whatever call the referee just made. And when her father stood to his feet to grab another beer from the kitchen, both Rafe and Sofia were surprised when he offered to bring Rafe one back too.

Usually, her father preferred to keep any conversations and interactions between him and Rafe as minimal as possible. He didn’t fully trust Rafe, given who his father was and wasn’t too keen on Sofia dating (and then becoming engaged to—) him but he always tolerated him as much as necessary for Sofia’s sake. She wasn’t exactly sure what the reason was for her father’s sudden shift in behavior towards him, but she was glad that he’d taken an initiative in trying to get along with Rafe a little better especially now that he was about to become apart of their family.

“I don’t know what you did, but it looks like you’ve actually managed to charm him into liking you.”

This time it’s Rafe who chuckles as his hands abandon their perch on her waist so that he’s able to shrug her coat off of her shoulders. “I told you, this face can charm anybody, baby,” He jests, much to Sofia’s amusement as she playfully rolls her eyes.

He kisses her, leaning over her shoulder to capture her lips over his while his hands still shrugged the coat off of her body. She shivers, feeling the coldness of his fingers against the contrast of her warm skin when he brushes them over her stomach as the coat slides off of her shoulders, falling absentmindedly to the floor.

“Your fingers are freezing,” She admonishes, but only halfhearted in her complaint as she continues indulging in the way his fingers moved against her. They maneuvered underneath her shirt and the underwire of her bra, where he cups her breast in his hand and teasingly grazed his thumb over the sensitive flesh of her nipple.

His breath is hot against her skin as he huffs airily, “Wanna warm them up for me then?” He coquettishly suggests, nipping at her neck again while his other hand deftly popped open the button on her jeans and tugged at the zipper.

His left hand slides beneath the waistband of her underwear as her pants loosen around her hips. He nudged his nose against hers, swallowing every mewl that she keens breathily into his mouth. He kissed her deeply, pushing his tongue into her mouth — relishing at the desperation of her trying to catch his tongue between her lips.

Her skin prickles with goosebumps from the coldness of his fingers and at the anticipation of pleasure that’s to come. The palm of his hand glides down until he’s caught at the center of her cunt; he brushes through the coils of hair, already feeling the wetness of her arousal drenching his fingers as he spreads her open.  Sofia bites on her lower lip, falling mercilessly against his chest as he gently stroked her.

He teases her labia first, running his forefinger and middle finger in oscillating circles around her clitoris as he gathered her slickness. He penetrates his fingers deeper, flexing them in a curl as he sought out her g-spot — feeling the tightness of her cunt convulsing wantonly around his fingers. “Are they warm enough now?” He murmurs, adding to the stimulation as he squeezes at her tender breast.   Sofia lets out a choked up sob, nodding her head as she ground her hips against his palm.

Rafe slowly withdraws his fingers all the way out, sliding them up across her clit. Then, he’s working himself inside of her again — pressing upward with his fingers and nudging a bit deeper in his penetration. And it’s so overwhelming that Sofia has to curl her hand around his wrist to anchor herself for leverage. “R-Rafe!”

He thumbs at her nipple again, feeling it go taut from his touch. She whimpers, reaching her hand back to grab at his head as she deepens the kiss. It’s filthy, with both of their teeth clashing and salvia passing messily back and forth between their mouths, and from this angle he’s mostly kissing the bottom of her lip and chin but he doesn’t deter away from embrace.

It’s a work of tandem; one hand fondled her tits while the other continued its onslaught on her quim, fingering her until he feels the his fingers swell around her. She emanates a high whine; arching her back as she feels her orgasm shroud her. The tension in her muscles alleviate as she succumbs to her orgasm, her fingers loosen from his wrist and her chest heaves as she lulls from the exertion.   She turns around in his arms, greedily seeking out his mouth for another kiss. Their hands work in a frenzied tandem as they began to discard his clothing. Rafe lifts his arms above his head as Sofia hurriedly tugs off the knitted sweater that he was wearing, leaving him shirtless.

They kiss again as they maneuver their way towards the sofa, inadvertently knocking over the pile of books that were on the coffee table and a lamp her mother gifted them for Christmas last year.

Rafe squeezes her ass through her jeans, dragging her body on top of his as he eased himself down atop of the soft cushions. “Wait,” She murmurs, licking her kiss-swollen lips after wetly prying her mouth from his. “I have a surprise for you,” Rafe blinks, taken aback by the proclamation but raises his eyebrows in sudden amusement.

“Yeah?”

She nods, pecking his lips. “Light up the fireplace, lay a blanket down on the floor and lose the rest of your clothes.” She averred in between kisses, watching as Rafe alerted at her seductive domination.

“Fuck,” He whimpered, nodding his head. “O-Okay,”

“I’ll be right back.” Sofia says, giving him one last parting kiss before she’s clambering shakily to her feet. She’d gotten so distracted that she nearly forgot about the Christmas present that she had planned on surprising him with when they returned home from her parents.   She usually doesn’t prefer lingerie, but when she was out shopping for Christmas gifts and saw this little three piece set in the display window when she passed by the Victoria’s Secret store she knew that she had to buy it.

Walking into their bedroom, she goes into their walk-in closet and rummages through the back where she kept the bag hidden from Rafe’s view. She removes the remainder of her clothing, shimming her pants and underwear off of her hips and unlatched the hooked strap of her bra as it falls off of her shoulders.  

…

  “Are you ready?” She asks from the top of the stairs, biting back a smile when she peered over the banister and saw him laid out nakedly on top of the blanket with his arms tucked behind his head. He almost looked like something out of one of those ancient paintings, laid there naked and handsome with a fire lit behind him — casting a soft halo across his chiseled and taut features.

Rafe nods, resting himself up on his elbows as he looked towards the stairs. “Naked and ready,” He concurred, listening to her approaching footsteps as she descended down the stairway.

She feels a warm blush color her cheeks as she watched Rafe’s eyes widen at the sight of her.

Standing athwart from him; Sofia was clad in an open cup underwire 3-piece peek-a-boo bra set that included panties with an open gusset & back and had adjustable shoulder & garter straps. The red narrow galloon lace and elastic material perfectly accentuated her breast and lithe curves.

“Do you like it?” She asks, still blushing as she stood beneath Rafe’s smothering gaze. His eyes had yet to waver away from her body as he sat there mesmerized at the sight of her.

“Do I like it?” He huffs incredulously, shaking his head as he reaches a hand outwardly towards her and grabbed at her wrist. “Are you kidding me? Sof, you look so fucking hot words can’t even begin to describe exactly how I’m feeling right now,”

She smiles, biting on her lower lip as she allowed Rafe to tug her down onto his lap. Her arms seek purchase around his shoulders as she straddles him. She scoots herself further on his lip, feeling his half-stout cock brushing against her ass. “I’m glad you like your present. Now you get to unwrap me and play with me,” She murmurs, barely getting the remainder of her sentence out before Rafe’s sliding his mouth over hers again.

He’s needy with his kisses, slacking his jaw wider as he chased after her lips. Sofia’s reciprocating the vigor of emotions that he’s pouring into them — mewling softly in mouth as she arches her body further into his touch. Rafe’s hands tug down the straps of her underwire bra first, pulling it down until her breasts spill out of the barrier.

He holds a secure grip around her waist before he switches their positions to where she’s now sprawled out on top of the blanket. He imprints a kiss against her chest before diverting his attention. He laps his tongue around her left nipple while his hand fondled with the right. Her eyelashes flutter softly in content as her hands brushed against his neck holding him against her.

He mouths at her skin again, kissing down her abdomen until he makes his way to the waistband of her panties. Rafe averts his lidded eyes up at her, watching her with a smothering heed as he lowered his mouth to her cunt. Sofia whimpers, exhaling a sigh of pleasure when she feels the warmth of his mouth licking her through the thin fabric.

It’s good, but it’s nowhere near enough.

And she wants to vocalize this complaint, but she knew she couldn’t interrupt him while he was enjoying unwrapping his present. (Even if he was choosing to do so at such a tortuous pace.) So, she purses her lips and instead indulged in the way he mouthed at her clothed cunt.

She feels his fingers unlatching the straps of the garter, loosening them from around her thighs. He tugs at her panties; her hips arch off of the floor to aide him as he pulled them over her waist and down her thighs until she’s left completely nude.

“I swear you get more beautiful every time I look at you,” He compliments, meeting her mouth in another slow kiss.

He adjusts his position as he lowered himself halfway on top of her. He huddles a hand beneath her thigh, suavely hefting her leg over his hip as he pulled her body down a bit so that their pelvises are aligned. Reaching in between their bodies, Rafe grabs ahold of his cock.

He breathes ruggedly through his nostrils and looked down at her as he slowly began to stretch her open.

All it takes is one stroke until he’s caught at her entrance. She’s so wet that it makes it an easy intrusion. A trembling breath catches in both of their throats at the friction, her hands round his shoulders again, anchoring herself as Rafe leveled his hips and filled her full of his cock. It’s perfect how she accommodates to his girth and how her cunt swallows down every inch of his cock without resistance.

Rafe’s eyes roll to the back of his head at the lewd sight of their intermingling fluids slicking his cock. He nudges himself further, rolling his pelvis against hers until he’s finally curled against her hilt. “Fuck,” He grunts, his skin already slick and flushed as sweat gathered along his hairline. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, his breath is hot against her skin as he exhaled labored breaths.

“Baby,” Sofia croons, feeling her quim flutter around him. He bids them both a moment’s adjustment before he angles his hips as he withdraws from inside her until he’s nearly slipping out entirely. Then, in one oscillating motion, he’s fucking himself back into her warmth feeling the welcoming tug of her cunt fluttering around him.

The sweet smell of their sex fills the air.

Their sweaty skin grinding against each other’s ricocheted throughout the room.

The heat from the fireplace and the heat from their bodies burned between them like a furnace. Sofia’s hands brushed at his neck again, an open invite for him to lean down to kiss her again. She sighs, full of him and full of content as the blanket rustled beneath her while they made love.

Her hands slide down the curve of his back, feeling the dip of his muscles beneath her fingertips. Rafe rolls his hips, deepening his strokes as he lingered against her.

“Jesus, Sof,” He groans, guttural and throaty at the clench of her cunt that entraps his cock.

He feels dizzy off of her, like this, and the way her body instinctively reacts to his. She feels fucking perfect; so wet and tight with her cunt throbbing and clenching around his cock like he’s made solely for the reason of being inside of her. She’s close; he can tell by the way her breathing quickens and how her fingers twist around the blankets. And he’s thankful for it because with the way his balls are tightening, he knows his orgasm is on the precipice too.

Rafe slides his hand underneath her ass, pulling her closer until he’s practically pressing all of his weight onto her. He fucks himself into her slow and steady, hitting her g-spot in precision. His mouth rests by the shell of her ear, he grunts and groans, nearly a blubbering mess as he expresses a litany of “I love you,” repeatedly and in accordance to the heft of his thrusts.

It doesn’t take much longer until she falls apart completely the moment he presses his thumb against her swollen clit. She’s shivering, her mouth hanging agape, hands still clutching at his shoulders when she finally cums. Rafe fucks her through it, riding her through aftershocks of her orgasm as he milks her dry. And feels so good that Sofia actually begins to cry. There’s a tug in her lower abdomen, her toes curl and fingers decorate his back with territorial markings as he plummeted inside of her. He’s unrelenting in his thrusts — extracting and filling her back up with this irreplaceable pleasure that has her back bowing every time he rolls his hips up to hers.

His face is contorted and his eyebrows furrow in concentration. He lifts her right leg over his shoulder, shifting his hips lower and fucking her with more vigor. His vision blurs as his thrusts become more languid. “Can I?” He pleads, feeling relief sheath through him as Sofia nods her permission.

Rafe kisses her as he succumbs to his own orgasm, coming hotly inside of her. He slumps over, lying against her breasts as he hauls down from his arousal.

He’s still laid out on top of her when they’ve both recovered, one hand’s running down his sweaty back while the other brushed against his neck. Rafe chuckled softly as he shook his head, “I don’t know what I did to deserve that, but that was the second best gift I’ve ever gotten.” He pulls out when his cock softens, groaning softly as he lays out on the blanket beside her.

“Second best?”

Rafe smirks as he reaches down and grabs ahold of her hand, kissing her knuckles. “Being with you will always be the first,”

She smiles, shaking her head as she craned her neck upward for a kiss. “There’s that Rafe Cameron charm again,” She murmurs in a tease, feeling the curve of his lips tug in a mirthful smile against her mouth.

“It’s how I got you,” He remarks, coquettishly, handling a grip on her waist as he tugged her body closer towards his again. “Was that just a one time present or can I request you wearing that again for my birthday?”

Sofia pulls away from the kiss, licking her lips as she shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fit in it for me to wear for you on your birthday,” She says, watching as a confused look furrowed his face.

“What do you mean?”

Sofia gave him an apprehensive look. “Well, I have another surprise for you…” She grabs ahold of Rafe’s hand and lowers it on her stomach. She chews on her lower lip, feeling her heartbeat quicken as she laid there waiting for his reaction.

Rafe blinked rapidly, alternating his eyes between her face and her stomach before the realization finally dawned upon him. His eyes widen, “You’re…?”

Sofia nods, exhaling a trembling breath as she feels the back of her eyes burn with tears. “I am.” She concurs, “Remember when I kept throwing up and we thought that it was just food poisoning or a stomach bug? Well, I went to the doctor and he decided to run a pregnancy test and it came out positive. I’ve known for a few weeks now, but I wanted to surprise you. Baby… please say something.”

Rafe looks at her in disbelief, blinking through his own fogged vision. “You’re…pregnant?” He asks, his voice catches in his throat as he chokes up a bit. And when she nods again, his lip trembles as he smiles. He grabs at her hand and he pulls her into a hug. He sits them both upright, pressing kisses into Sofia’s hair as he holds her against him.

“We’re having a baby?” He’s unable to contain his mirth as he bombards her with face and mouth with kisses.

Sofia giggles against his mouth, nodding her head. “We’re having a baby!”

Rafe pulls away from the kiss, looking at her with a profound awe and enamor lidding in his eyes. “We’re having a baby,” He murmurs softly, shaking his head. “This makes so much makes sense now. I was wondering why I haven’t seen you drink any wine lately and why your tits felt so good. I mean they always feel good but they felt amazing tonight,”

Sofia rolls her eyes and laughs, holding her hand over his as he caressed her stomach. Her smile sages when he sobers, she looked up at Rafe noticing the contemplative expression marring his face. She doesn’t have to ask to know what was bothering him. She knows him well enough to know that his mind’s wandering erratically with self deprecating thoughts about him not being a good father.

“I’m scared, Sof.” He admits, almost reluctantly in his confession. “I mean, I’m so fucking happy, but I’m also terrified.”

She nods her head in understanding, all too empathetic of his feelings. It was the same reaction she had when she found out as well. This pregnancy wasn’t planned by any means, they’ve always talked about wanting to start a family in the future so her sudden pregnancy did astonish them both. They weren’t even married yet and there were still so much planning that she had to do for it, and she’d just found her footing at the art school that she just started teaching at, but the thought of a baby — a perfect little mixture of both her and Rafe’s genes, had diminished her worries.

She knows what kind of person that Rafe is, and how he loves with everything in him whenever he cares about a person. He’s proven that every day for the past two and a half years that they’ve been together.

So, she doesn’t doubt for one second that he wouldn’t reciprocate that same affection and care for their baby. It was okay for him to be scared because she held enough strength to believe in him for the both of them.   “I know, baby.” She nods, “It’s okay. But just know that we’re in this together, okay? And I know that no matter what happens, you’ll be a great father.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” She accents, reassuringly as she wraps her arms around him in a hug. He kisses her shoulder then neck, retracting away from the embrace so that he’s able to fully kiss her lips again.

“I love you,” He whispers soft and adoringly, before lowering his eyes to her stomach, “and I love you too,” His face blanches again at a sudden realization. “We’re gonna have to move the wedding date up. Your dad just started to like me if he found out that I got you pregnant before we got married, he’s going to kill me.”

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systems-overloaded · 2 days ago

Text

ill make a seperate post with the non-professional advice i give anyone with mental illness (active or history of) that is seeing a physical medical doctor. because this post ended up pretty long.

this is about some of our experiences of mental health issue affecting physical health care. as well as our physical health conditions affecting/interacting with our mental health conditions.

forewarning, it is a very long read. i tried to condense it, but i struggle to do that.

ooph, this shit is so true. although i do think there's a good amount of truth in neurosciences, i just think there are alot of /neurologists/ specifically that are shams, or at least extremely biased and prejudiced about alot of things. neurologists also seem to have the biggest ego of all specialists drs ive seen.

i have a couple genetic disorders, which like i have the clinical profiles for and also have genetic tests that match. but only after alot of years of progressively getting worse and going to so many doctors to try to find out why. i actually had to do a bunch of research when i could, even analysed my raw dna data from an ancestry test, found a specialist in the suspected disorders, and got a very clear clincal diagnosis, then got official WGS testing to further confirm that.

so my self-diagnosis was right for a good couple of my disorders actually, but most were diagnosed by others after the other diagnoses were confirmed.

(like evidence of one phsyical disorder made other drs start to take my other symptoms seriously thankfully, bc now it was less likely to be mental illness/conversion symptoms in their eyes.)

but one of the /very first diagnosis/ that a neurologist tried to give me was Functional Neurological Disorder (which i do think is understood to be a bit different now than conversion syndrome, but to most drs it meant the same thing back then. even now, alot of doctors use FND and conversion disorder interchangeably, they think FND is just conversion disorder but "rebranded" so there's less pushback about a diagnosis, which isnt true.)

but FND is a diagnosis of exclusion. thank fuck my moms knowledgeable about stuff and said "no, you cannot diagnose my child that from one conversation and zero tests except routine labs, thats only by exclusion. you have done no tests to investigate their symptoms." so it never was an offical dx, but it was in the doctors notes still, which follow me to other doctors unfortunately.

it should never be the first thing a neurologist diagnoses or suggests to someone. he probably tried to for me because i was on medicine for anxiety depression and OCD, and was having alot of neurological symptoms.

(he also tried to say all my decline, daily headaches and constant migraines id developed after a TBI was just "post concussion syndrome" and "stress", but it was still going on 4+ years at that point. we had no idea PCS is not supposed to last that long, and trusted him about that at least. but when i had to switch drs, my new neurologist was actually /appalled/ the previous one didnt do further tests, or even get an updated MRI. he honestly seemed in disbelief that the old dr was trying to tell us it was "totally normal" to still be so affected after so long, let alone be having a decline as well.)

id literally had to stop my OCD meds very abruptly and have awful withdraws because he (the old negligent neurolgist) refused to do any further testing until i stopped that medicine (without consulting a psychiatrist even, he just said i had to stop it. such such dangerous and reckless doctor advice/order).

i was progressively declining and having alot of seizures and different dangerous medical events. so i stopped it and suffered bad withdraws ontop of everything else that was happening, went back to him, just for him to say it mustve been stress still, i was "stressed".

"its stress" is a dr code phrase for "i dont have any idea whats happening with this patient but my ego will never let me admit that, so im going to blame the patient and say its all anxiety".

alot of drs wont admit if they dont know something. but all of my good drs, who have actually been investigating things and gotten to the bottom of a couple of my disorders, have admitted that because im a complex case, they dont know which issues are being caused by what.

they do tests to rule out or confirm major issues and then we try meds/treatments for various things to see if they help to try and find origins. and sometimes we just wont know what a symptom is from, but the goal is to find ways to improve my quality of life and capabilities, while doing frequent testing to keep an eye on the issue. like, all my best drs put their egos aside and say "lets investigate together".

i have been failed in alot of ways by the medical systems and doctors, but i have also had good drs and recieved alot of help as well.

but alot of that good help, only came after advocating and fighting like hell for my symptoms to be investigated properly. after doing a fuck-ton of research myself because the system was failing me and i was dying (literally), then finding a specialist in what i suspected was my main issue. they investigated and tested for it properly, then gave me a clincial diagnosis, then "proof" of the disorder via genetic testing later on.

im actually lucky in the sense that i actually have some known variants. because a couple of my genetic disorders dont always have known variants found yet, and despite myself having a very clear clincal profile, some doctors didnt even want to "accept" the diagnosis i was given, until they saw a clear genetic marker. even though i was diagnosed already, it was always "patient suspects ____ disorder, still awaiting WGS test to confirm.", "patient has concerns of ___ disorder, no genetic testing done yet.", "patients claims was diagnosed with ____, but no genetic testing done."

if my doctors hadnt been refusing to treat me for my other disorders, "until genetic tests come back", then i wouldnt have tried to get testing, because alot of drs who specialize in this disorder advocate for patients to NOT get testing, because even if someone has a clear clinical diagnosis and treatments are helping, if genetic results come back negative some doctors will take away the clinical diagnosis, stop treatments, and slap a conversion/FND label on them. then the patient doesnt improve because they dont have that, they have a genetic disorder with an un-found variant.

like, im talking about a disorder that the vast majority of people who have it, DO NOT have an identified variant, and it has clear clinical diagnostic requirements, which i fit. its not a diagnosis of exclusion, i fit the clinical tests and profiles, but so many doctors wouldnt accept my diagnosis unless i had a genetic test showing positive.

from the time of clinical diagnosis to actually getting testing was a little over 4 years, and my other doctors were all still treating my very real, very clear clincal diagnosis as if i was just suspecting it. so everything, all treatments except for PT (which always made me worse, which is a known thing with my disorder) and some of the meds i was already on, was being delayed and put into limbo, of "lets wait for the genetic test first", even things unrelated to that diagnosis.

everyone said i needed WGS before anything else, but insurance wouldnt cover it, even with appeals, and fighting for so many years for it. so i had to try and save for it myself which is crazy hard when you're disabled with no income. while saving up, we were still trying to get insurance to cover it.

so in this circumstance, thank fuck i actually had some known variants! because if i hadnt? i honestly would be dead. and i firmly believe that would be due to medical negligence and malpractice. which i also firmly believe was rooted in mental illness stigma, and stigma/bias due to the fact that an abuser was intefering with my health care (still is actually) by calling doctors offices and telling them that i have munchausens and/or by proxy.

(which i consider this to still be a mental health stigma/bias issue, not a genuine concern, bc alot of the tests and diagnoses i had are not something that someone can fake??? so seeing those shouldve made drs not take my abuser's words seriously, had they not been so biased about it, had it not clouded their judgment so much.)

-------------------

also, on the topic of phsyical abilities affecting mental health:

ooph i also have alot to say about that, in particular how my disabilities affect my OCD, and sometimes needing other people to engage in my compulsions for me, which sounds really weird when i word it like that.

and often i cant engage in some compulsions, or others cant get things "just right" for me, thats a major theme/pattern for my OCD. so ive basically been getting exposure therapy more and more as my physical abilities declined. and its awful awful for both me and my caregivers/helpers when im trying to convey while very stressed the exact way they need to place something or do something, etc. and when im overhwlemed or dysregulated (like how OCD can cause) then im very prone to meltdowns and to speech loss episodes as well, which then interferes with being able to communicate what i need in that moment too.

and needing help requires so much vulnerability, often i have people willing to help. safe people, who i love and the logical part of me knows would never actually hurt me. but with traumas and triggers, sometimes i just dont shower, or dont change my clothes, or i hold my urine in, or dont do some other things if i require help.

(and having experiences that match a PDA autism profile, whether from trauma or autism or a mix of both idk. can make all that worse too. i deny my own needs, even when i can do them, because my body is trying to demand it from me, which feels like a threat to my autonomy and choices.)

on the phsyical capabilities level though, i try to wait it out as long as i can until i can muster the energy and abilities to do something myself, or until i cant wait longer and need help. ill try to orient myself to remind i am safe, and sometimes just have to face those emotions, face those triggers.

i know that sounds bad, and i mean it is bad. i dont want to downplay it too much, but i also think its a fairly normal response to the things have have happened to me, and the loss of control my illnesses cause/create/exacerbate.

i have all the supports in place to be able to recieve that help, im often needing that help, but i need to try to hold onto control and autonomy as much as possible that id rather be lacking in my hygeine (especially bc im not even leaving the house or being very active to get sweaty or gross), or have abdominal pain from holding urine/bowel movements in, than traumatize myself if i might just be able to wait a longer until i have the ability to transfer myself and clean myself.

my mental illnesses and PTSD affect my willingness to recieve the help from safe and well meaning people even when i do need it. and that then further can affect my mental and/or phsyical health.

like, its just a really shitty situation, that im still trying to learn the best way to cope with. trying to find the best way to let myself recieve help. to let myself to vulnerable, to truly /feel/ that its safe to ask for help even. not logically know, but actually feel it.

thankfully, my main caregiver is respectful of my "no's", and even if shell emphasize if i need to shower, check ive ate or drank water, and offer me help if i need it, she respects when i say "i need help but i dont want it, ill let you know when it gets to the point you need to be hands-on."

shes well meaning, but we still have some communication issues, especially when i have alot more speech issues, and can struggle to communicate to her.

i often think others can read my mind, not in the delusion way, but in the sense that i assume others can read my body lanaguge (even when im not being physically expressive, flat face, etc), and that the way i feel and the things i need are just already understood by others.

and i dont always realize how different some of my thinking patterns/needs are from others as well, and assume they experience some of the same things, so they are just automatically understand.

and ive had multiple instances now, when i was having anaphalaxis, but have traumas around needles i cant control (and auto injectors count as a needle i cant control). ive had to wait until i was too incapacitated from an allergic reaction, to have my mom inject me with an epipen.

i am mentally incapable of injecting an auto injector, and will physically resist when capable too even if i want the epinephrine. i can get really severe flashbacks just /thinking/ about needles being inside me. i cannot get the body to do it.

so, i have given prior consents for her to be able to inject me with an epipen if im having really bad reactions even if i say no. but she has had to wait until im too weak or sick, or just dissociated and disconnected and in fawn/flop/freeze rather than fight/flight, to inject me.

so its at least not too bad of a trauma, but it is still extremely traumatic. to need that, and to need someone i love and feel safe with, need to be the person that injects that needle i cant control.

---

well, this was a very long responses. seems when i do post, i write alot. i can struggle to condense and summarize things well, so i apologize if there was too many details or words.

just writing to the void of the internet, a world of strangers and bots. so if feels like i can be more open i think.

i cant speak for everyone but i feel like it's underrated just how much impact being physically disabled has on mental health. because physically disabled people often have to remind others that we struggle with mental health issues that it sometimes sounds like an afterthought to others. but it's a real impact of being physically disabled. being unable to go outside or leave the bed worsens depression. having actively declining health worsens depression because part of depression is being unable to imagine a future for yourself. it also creates anxiety. you have to rely on people. on carers, family, the government. it's hard to assure anxiety when you are in a precarious position and the "worst case scenario" is not something you can circumvent or deal with, because lack of care will kill you. has killed people like you. being told you are worthless, that people like you should die or never live in the first place has a big impact on mental health. being physically disabled and unable to defend yourself, being forced to rely on people, opens up a lot of opportunities for abuse and trauma. being in pain is traumatic, medical procedures may be traumatic - and being a disabled child leads you to be doubly vulnerable. people often have to focus on their physical needs to keep them alive - to keep them clean and fed and such. and with such little energy to spare it is difficult to manage mental health. all the stigma surrounding mental health doesn't disappear because you're already disabled. sometimes when you do reach out people will just focus on trying to make you less disabled in order to cure the mental illness issue, instead of giving you the tools to help manage it in your current and real life.

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shigarakislittlepet · 2 days ago

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Swallow Your Words

Part 1

Incel!Shigaraki. Quirkless/college seniors AU.

I’m doing this as a series not a one shot because in the process of writing it I got attached to the characters and the plot QnQ this will have a positive character arch for Shiggy. This first part ends on a bit of a climactic spot, but hang in there I’m already writing the next part that will have some spice ♡

tw: HEAVY misogyny; like upsettingly so; I read Reddit threads and instagram comments to get into the headspace of an incel for this; yes it did hurt my brain; that’s all for now I think. Future parts will have heavy smut.

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Okay, so maybe going out on your third date this week with another brand new guy right after your shift at work wasn’t the brightest idea considering you still had abnormal psych homework to finish. You blearily trudged into your campus library, thankfully open 24 hours, and shuffled into the computer lab. Taking out your textbook, you set to work on the writing assignment due in approximately 6 hours. You got this.

As you were furiously typing up your mock evaluation of patient number 3, you heard someone cough. It made you jump, it was nearly 11pm and you could’ve sworn you were in here alone. You looked around the room as calmly as you could and spotted him sitting two rows of computers down, you were facing each other so he caught you looking. Damn it, not him.

Tomura Shigaraki, AKA rich asshole misogynist lives off daddy’s money motherfucker. He caught sight of your decidedly slutty outfit (a tank top push up bra miniskirt combo that never failed to get your dinner covered and a super oversized zip up hoody) and unmistakably doneforadate hair and makeup when you’d walked in, paying him no mind.

-What a bitch, he thought. She probably came here straight from getting fucked over some loser’s coffee table and was so disappointed at how shit he was that she decided maybe she didn’t wanna flunk out senior year and came here to finish her homework.- He rolled his eyes.

He’d had a crush on you since he first saw you freshman year. And he hated himself for it. Just like he hated how soft your hair looked, or how good you smelled sitting at the desk in front of him, or how your eyes sparkled when you laughed at something your friends said. He hated it all. Women were good for nothing cheaters and gold-digging sluts, just like his first stepmother. And the second. And the last. And the current. He’d watched these women sneak around his father after he’d given them everything and it was never enough for them. His father, ever pragmatic, would just get rid of them and find a new one when he finally caught them. Watching this happen over and over again taught him two things. 1) Women are worthless and 2) Women are replaceable. But not you. It didn’t matter how many girls Touya set him up with, he couldn’t get you out of his head. It pissed him off. He should be able to just fuck any bitch and get it out of his system. But he couldn’t. It was torture. And it made him hate you more.

You rolled your eyes, breaking eye contact and he chuckled. You tried your hardest to ignore him, fuck that guy. You could practically hear his internal obnoxious comments from here. He had been in at least one of your classes every semester since freshman year of college. He totally wasn’t stalking you. You had the same major, Forensic Psychology, so you told yourself it made sense you’d be taking similar classes. He’d managed to piss you off for the last four years almost every single day. He and his friend Touya, another trust fund kid that shared your major, would often make crude remarks back and forth to each other during class. Because their fathers donate so much money to the college, the professors can’t say anything without fear of retaliation. You could though, and often did when you couldn’t stand ignoring them any longer. Usually embarrassing them into shutting the fuck up for the day. The blissful peace never lasted long however.

“You get all dressed up like that just for me? I’m touched, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t know where you’ve been.” He sneered, finally deciding to break the silence. You raised an eyebrow at him and took in his relaxed posture. Leaning back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head, shit eating grin splitting his infuriatingly pretty face. You scoffed at him, eyebrow still raised, and went back to doing your homework. “What, no snotty retort? I’m almost offended. Cat got your tongue? Or is that tongue too tired from what it got up to tonight?” He mimed sucking a dick and you sighed deeply. “Oh please, as if I’d get this dressed up just to impress you. All it would take is a T-shirt and jeans anyway, since we both know the last woman you saw in a mini skirt only talked to you cause you paid her.” You snarked back.

He visibly tensed. “I don’t pay whores to spend time with me, so if you’re searching for a summer job keep looking.” You actually laughed. Out loud. “You silly little rich boy, no amount of money is worth stooping low enough to fuck an incel like you.”

Your laugh caught him off guard. It was long and loud and almost musical. It pissed him off. So did everything about you. You were too good at reading people, at reading him. He wanted to listen to you laugh more. Almost as much as he wanted to fuck that stupid beautiful grin off your face. Instead, he just huffed and deflated slightly. “What makes you think I’m an incel? Is it cause I don’t go on 10 dates a week? Not all of us are that desperate, honey.” He threw back at you. Without even looking up, you shot back, “It was only 3, fyi, and don’t call me that. Also, no it’s not that. It’s everything about you. You have never, in 4 years of being unfortunately aware of your existence, ever shown that you hold even a modicum of respect for women. Any woman. And you and your jerk bff do nothing in class but talk over and make sexual comments about the girls sitting around you while making assumptions about their personal lives. God forbid we have a female professor! You dont go on dates because every woman in a 10 mile radius of you knows what a disgusting shitbag you are. You make it exceptionally clear that you don’t want us around other than to occasionally stoke your micro dick while you get off to cartoon porn. Now shut the fuck up and let me finish my homework.” You glanced at the clock, 11:30. Ugh, tomorrow is going to suck.

He seethed. No one spoke to him like that ever. It pissed him off that some dumb slut like you thought you could get away with it. He was going to get even. He was going to find a way to make you his. He was going to be the one to bend you over his coffee table. And his desk. And his car. And anything else he felt like bending you over. He would get you to submit to him. And he would make it painful and humiliating for you, just to prove a point. Let’s see you call him an incel shitbag after that.

He contemplated how he was going to do this for a few minutes. He decided he would start by just playing it cool. Sighing long and loud, he started, “Hey, are you working on the Abnormal or the Physio homework?” He asked, putting effort into making himself sound exasperated. -There is no way this is going to work, he thought.- You raised your brow again, “Abnormal, already did the physio. Why?” You were immediately skeptical. “I missed class yesterday, and this really sucks but I’m stuck on this bullshit.” He wasn’t. “You think you might deign to help me? And let me copy your notes?” He looked at you almost… hopefully. What the fuck? “Uh, are you sure you’d want such a ‘dumb worthless bitch’ to help you with your homework? I’d hate to drop your IQ by breathing the same air as you.” You said flatly, throwing some of his more common insults back in his face. “Oh come on, we both know your GPA is like a 4.2-” “4.5.” You corrected. He sighed in irritation. “Look, will you please just come over here and help me? I’ll even call it tutoring, I’ll pay you.” You regarded him skeptically. Damn it, if you didn’t really really need the cash. “Hmm. Okay, fine. I’ll help you. But only if you promise to leave me alone in class from now on. Stop snapping my bra straps and making gross comments about me to Touya, I mean it. And it’s gonna be 100$ bucks to help you with two classes at midnight the night before the homework is due.”

-Pocket change, he thought.-

-Easy money, you thought.-

That was… shockingly easy. He hadn’t expected you to actually agree to help him. Or to gather your things and gracefully float over to the chair and computer next to his. You pulled up her homework again, continuing to work on it. “So, what did you need help…with…” you trailed off as you looked to his computer to see what he was stuck on. He was watching cartoon porn. On a school computer. He quickly clicked out of it and his homework came into view. Well, you thought, at least he was actually doing his homework. At some point. You gazed at him from the corner of her eye. He really is an incel. He grinned at you almost evilly. Although man, ok, getting caught watching porn on a school computer totally does nothing to refute your incel accusation. But it did make you flush satisfyingly. You held out your hand expectantly. He rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, handing you a crisp 100$ bill. You gawked at it, “It’s a wonder no one has ever mugged you I swear.” You said, shaking your head. The motion caused your hair to swish prettily, he could smell your shampoo. He pulled his backpack into his lap.

You spent the petter part of the next hour doing your homework together, you “helping” him as you went. He was surprised you actually knew what you were talking about. He was surprised you could retain any information in that wind tunnel you called a skull, even knowing your GPA was as high as it was. You were actually…smart? You didn’t look smart, you looked like every other college whore with dyed hair and winged eyeliner. It made him angrier, for some reason. It made him want to crush you beneath him even more. You on the other hand were surprised that he was able to hold a conversation with you for this long without insulting you. You actually just laughed at one of his jokes. “You know, you’re actually fun to talk to when you’re not constantly putting me down.” You said, smile wide and eyes all sparkly again. Ugh. He hated how it made his stomach flip. “Am I?” He attempted a smile back. “Mhmm. You’re even a little bit funny. JUST a little bit.” You joked back while typing up the last bit of your assignment.

Funny? She thinks I’m funny? And.. ‘fun’ to talk to? Girls didn’t usually think so, even when he wasn’t insulting them. They usually couldn’t get past his face. He had eczema, and even though his father’s very expensive doctors worked hard to keep it under control so it wasn’t angry red and weeping anymore, his skin WAS chronically dry. Even his face and neck, though it was worst around his eyes. The skin there looked stretched and almost flaky, though it wasn’t NEARLY as bad as it had been when he was a child. He had a scar over one of his eyes that started above his eyebrow and fell just above his cheekbone and another scar on his mouth from when he was a kid and couldn’t stop scratching at his face. He looked… deranged maybe? Not pretty. Certainly not pretty, you told yourself over and over while sitting there talking with him like it was a normal thing you did. Certainly not pretty, with his pale shaggy hair and his big eyes that looked almost like shiny rubies this close up and the little beauty mark on his chin. Even his scar made him look… you didn’t know, edgy? Beautiful, a sick twisted part of your mind offered. Oh god no. PLEASE no.

You started packing up your things and getting ready to go. “Well, this wasn’t the worst end to a night I’ve ever had. Thanks for keeping me company, I’ll see you in class in… god, 4 hours?” You smiled at him, getting up from your chair. It was nearly 2:30 in the morning. He laughed a bit, “Ah, yeah. Thank you for helping me finish.” Even HE cringed a bit and that double entendre. “But uh, hey, you live off campus right? Just come crash on my couch, I’ll take you to class after we both get a power nap. That way you don’t have to wake up even earlier just to come back.” He casually suggested way more confidently than he felt. (Now listen, if you’ve never pulled an all nighter right before a 6am class, you might think this is insane. But this… this was like the dove and the olive branch.)

-Thank god, you thought. And he’s really not so bad honestly, maybe you just had to get to know him. Famous last words. -

You practically beamed up at him, now standing at his full height, “That would be so nice actually, thank you!” You paused. “As long as you don’t try to do anything to me in my sleep.” You narrowed your eyes at him. He laughed.

You got to his dorm and your jaw dropped. It wasn’t a dorm. It was a dedicated on campus villa for his family to use when visiting or attending classes. His whole family were alumni of this college it seemed. Apparently Touya’s family had one too, right next door, which is how they’d met as freshman. It was… adorable. Landscaping clearly took care of the outside, the grass was immaculate and the garden in front was lousy with flowers and shrubbery and meticulously kept ivy that climbed latticework around the windows. Above the door was a gold plaque, “In honor of family Shigaraki for their generous donations throughout the history of this campus.” The Shigaraki was the largest thing in the plaque, written in elegant swirling cursive.

“It’s beautiful.”, you said in awe. You’d never imagined a person like him would live in a place that looked like this. How is he so miserable? You wondered. He has money and a beautiful house and his college is payed for in full. He’ll never have to worry about student loan debt or whether he’ll eat or not or his parents medical bills or his siblings needing new clothes and shoes for school. He’ll never have to go on dates just to eat because his whole paycheck goes to his family to make sure they survive until he’s making enough money to support all of them. You just… couldn’t understand. It seemed like he had everything.

He seemed surprised by your compliment of the place. “Oh, thanks. Yeah it’s pretty old now, but the school keeps it in great condition. The past four generations of Shigarakis have lived in this place. I didn’t think much of it at first, just a place to pass out and do homework. But a year ago I went into the attic and found an old picture album my grandmother made while she went here. It made it feel… more important.” He rambled on while he fumbled with the keys in the lock, not sure why he was telling you this. “Ahg, this damn thing always sticks.” He finally unlocked it and ushered you inside.

#shigaraki tomura #tomura #shigaraki #tomura shigaraki #shigaraki smut #shigaraki x y/n #tomura shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x reader

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girl4music · 2 days ago

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Those last 2 episodes. Appropriately titled ‘Heart Part 1’ and ‘Heart Part 2’ because my heart is so full. I have so much to say and have no idea where to start with it.

So much happened. Every lead character’s individual arc was thoroughly concluded in a very satisfying way. Even some of the recurring ones got an endgame so there’s a lot to cover in this recap of a fantastic finale and I feel so fulfilled on great storytelling and great representation packed into a neatly tied up ending.

MAJOR SPOILERS: do not read this if you have not seen the finale of ‘She-Ra and the Princesses of Power’.

I guess I’ll start with Shadow Weaver because she had an endgame that I had predicted. Well, sort of. I said that Shadow Weaver’s arc can only go in 1 of 2 ways. I said it was either personal attainment (villainy) or personal sacrifice (heroism). So I wasn’t surprised when it was the latter. But I wasn’t able to trust in her going that way sincerely until she started attacking that monster, told Catra that she was proud of her, took off her mask and then told them both ‘you’re welcome’. I couldn’t trust that she was sincerely helping them to achieve releasing and channelling the Heart of Etheria’s magic… which by the way, is what almost brought them to the brink of destruction the first time they tried to do it. However, I understood that because She-Ra was the conduit for that, that it could have a different outcome. Still destructive but destructive only to the opposition. I think anyway. I might have to rewatch that part again because I don’t think I fully understood what was going on there. But yes, Shadow Weaver went out in a heroes death rather than was the cause of her own demise out of hunger for power and a desire to attain the magic of the Heart Of Etheria for selfish aim. I was happy with it.

Glimmer and Bow: I decided to talk about these 2 lead characters together since part of their arc involves each other. It was no surprise to me that they would declare their love for each other. I mean Glimmer has always had a crush on Bow and they’ve been the very best of friends since they were children. I wasn’t sure about Bow at first but I knew intense romantic feelings would develop and I’m glad it was Glimmer who said it first. I am a bit disappointed that there wasn’t a kiss on the lips but I think I understand why that was. I’ll get there. Be patient. There’s way too much to talk about first and I really want to save Catradora until the very last section because I’ll have the most to say about them as a lot of their arc informs well… pretty much the whole TV show.

Glimmer individually had more of an arc in the TV show than Bow did so a significant amount of my meta goes to her. It was mainly how she was fairing as Queen but also how useful she could be to the team because of it. Then of course there was Micah. Reuniting with him but having to battle with him because he was an unwilling agent of Horde Prime. I laughed with pure joy when the influence on him ended and he said “Hi, I’m your dad.” I really felt for Glimmer when she was desperately trying to heal him and she said “I won’t lose another parent!” So it was so satisfying for me to realize she healed him and that she poured all the love she could into that heal and when she succeeded, the proud smile that he wore must have made her feel like Queen of the world, never mind just her little town of Brightmoon. She deserves it.

Likewise it was wonderful to see how proud Bow’s dads were of him when he gave that rousing battle speech to the reawakened masses of Etherians, telling them to be their own warriors and fight for their home. It was right that it was Bow to do that rather than Adora or Glimmer because that is what he had trained himself to do from the beginning. He wants to be an archer battling on the side of the greater good and not a historian. So to see his dads holding each other, proudly watching him… it brought a tear to my eye, I have to admit. So beautiful!

Hordak and Entrapta: I had no idea that I would get a closure for Entrapta, let alone Hordak. I did and I’m so happy about it because even though she was only a recurring character, Entrapta buried her way into my science, tech and engineering loving heart (with a spanner and a blowtorch? You will never know 🤣) but I am glad that she got over her obsession enough to focus on what really mattered. Saving her friends.

The fact that what stopped Horde Prime wasn’t Adora or Glimmer or who you would expect, but Hordak and Entrapta? That hit so hard with me. To give THEM the hero moment of defeating the villain. I was like “Oh my god! That’s brilliant!” Because it is. Think about it. Who do you think Horde Prime tortured the most? His Little Brother! I still don’t know if that was literally or not. 🤷‍♀️ Was he actually related or was he just another clone because he did call Catra his “Little Sister” too? That’s still so creepy to me. But yeah, for Hordak to get that moment of retribution was absolutely delicious for me and then for Entrapta to reach him when Horde Prime tried to take over through the Hive Mind? So, so, good! That made total sense and it was brilliantly executed!

Scorpia and Mermista: The only reason to lump these 2 characters together is because they were chipped and controlled the longest that they caused significant damage to Etherians. There’s not really much to say about them other than that they’re going to have huge headaches now that this is all over due to how far gone they were. I mean I’m glad that they were able to save them but I just don’t know what the aftermath will be for them or whether they will be the same ever again.

From the way I watched and interpreted the TV show, I understood that one of the main narrative themes of it was psychological conditioning and I’ve been in awe that this children’s show was brave enough to tell that very dark story,… let alone see it right through until the end because it’s an ambitious, elaborate and difficult narrative undertaking. Especially to do it properly,… which they definitely did. To tell the darkness of… well… basically radicalization and genocide but to do so in such a way that it could teach and motivate kids to develop on their innate judgement and discernment so if - god forbid - they ever end up in that situation, they’ll know exactly what to do about it. With team She-Ra being their idols, they’ll be able to fight conditioning. I can imagine that’s what the creators intended with this and I cannot acknowledge and commend them on it high enough. I think that ND Stevenson and the entire creative team are incredibly courageous and amazing to make this a main thematic narrative all throughout this TV show and handle it with skill and compassion that it does not once come across as too much for PG.

Catradora: (Yes, I’m using the ship name because the way they tie up their individual character storyline arcs seamlessly also ties in with their romantic arc and you do not know how hard it is to find this with WLW ships.)

First off, I want to point out something that may or may not have been pointed out before with Catradora but this is just how it came across to me in the narrative given I interpret psychological conditioning as a main theme within it. To me, a lot of the reason why Catra is the way she is as a villainous character when it comes to receiving love and affection has do with this factor. She’s so closed off and repressed to the point that she cannot even see that she’s corrupting and sabotaging herself. She is a lot like Xena in this way. But a major striking difference for Catra is that she physically loses the one person in the world that stops her from doing this, whereas Xena physically gains that one person. Trust issues, abandonment issues, parental issues all tie in together - but that was all tolerable when Adora was around her. As soon as Adora leaves her behind in the Fright Zone and, furthermore, begins to oppose her as the hero of Etheria, she spirals so hard and so fast that all of those issues - which were always issues caused by the abusive treatment from Lord Hordak and Shadow Weaver - come crashing down one by one on top of her because she no longer has the person who makes those issues just inconveniences for her. Not only that but … it feels like personal betrayal for her that Adora fights her. She genuinely does think that Adora hates her. I mean who wouldn’t if they were in her shoes (paws?) and had the “upbringing” and “nurturing” backstory she’s had? So Catra has this preconceived notion that Adora never cared about her and left her because she thought she was better than her and was chasing after heroic glory and believes that she was too weak to go with her. In a way it’s a personal vendetta out of misunderstandings Catra has against Adora and those feelings are intense not just because the Horde brainwashing is that deep and severe but also because her love is that deep too and she can’t differentiate which feelings are which. So she becomes She-Ra’s mortal enemy because in her mind, She-Ra is what has taken Adora away from her.

But obviously, from Adora’s side, She-Ra was sprung on her, Etheria was sprung on her. In fact her entire world upended once she recognized her life for what it was. A lie. That she was the villain brutalizing innocent people. She couldn’t go back to them even if she had wanted to because everything she had ever knew was fraudulent and she had been coerced and deceived into being a weapon. And what I really like about Adora’s individual arc is that eventually this was revealed to be true on both sides of the war. She was a weapon for evil and for the greater good. But all she wanted - as all heroes do - was just to protect and defend her loved ones. That’s it. Catra could never see it that way though and it makes sense that she couldn’t given her conditioning was even worse as it involved one-on-one attacks from Shadow Weaver as well as whatever the treatment was with the entire group. Catra’s psychological conditioning was much more personal, intimate and isolated so what was ingrained into her had much deeper and stronger layers added on to it. Hers was a solid brick wall built trauma complex. Those are always much harder to recognize and escape from but with the right therapy,… it can be done. Given her issues weren’t so bad when Adora was around her but got much worse when Adora left her… it is clear that Adora represented a sort of therapy for her. Adora helped her keep all the crippling thoughts of self-doubt and self-contempt at bay. But they were on full volume when Adora left and kept attempting to kill her.

Okay, so let’s finally get on to their romantic arc and how the finale not only concluded their individual character representation and development arcs but also ended their ship slow burn. It wasn’t until the fantastic episode of ‘Save The Cat’ did I realize they were going there. See,… to start with, I knew that they were going to become a canon WLW couple at some point otherwise I would have never started watching it. That was the draw for me. That they were both lead characters in a canon WLW ship in a children’s TV show. That floored me. But I was not prepared at all for what I got to see in the finale. It was groundbreaking. It was phenomenal. In fact I’m sure it was life changing for many queer kids to see that kiss happen the way it did. Or… just happen on-screen at all. Look, I am so used to the “implied” and “assumed” and “disguised” when it comes to WLW physical intimacy that I just do not ever expect blatant leaves-absolutely-no-doubt-whatsoever kisses. I certainly don’t expect WLW kisses written and portrayed as “the power of love” kind. It’s extremely rare. To see it in a children’s show nailed me to the floor. But furthermore - added on to that astonishing feat - is that both lead characters overcome all their issues and obstacles through that very act like… a fairytale story. It’s like… when the Princess kisses the Princess, all is well… there’s no stopping either from that point on. It seems corny but it all just depends on how it’s done. But the fact is you don’t see it done between WLW at all. So to see it done WELL alongside seeing it done at all… I mean Indy knew that he had an assignment with this but the phrase “he understood the assignment” doesn’t cover or justify what was accomplished with this and I can’t believe it’s took me this long to see it.

Every TV art/entertainment creator should watch this TV show and regard this finale as the perfect example of what queer representation can and should provide in TV because this was just the epitome of what true love is. But the fact it was between 2 female lead characters.

I can’t even begin to explain how much it meant to me but I will spend the rest of my life trying to express it because this really was a groundbreaking achievement and I will be adding this WLW ship to my very short list of WLW ships that shape and satisfy every piece of me.

I have had the best fucking time watching this TV show and I will be doing reruns of it for god knows how long because I am sure there is so much more there for me just like there is with Xena, Buffy, Charmed, Dragon Ball Z, Wynonna Earp and Arcane. All these beloved shows are timeless to me for a reason and She-Ra is the same.

I hope you all enjoyed reading my recaps of my very first watch of ‘She-Ra and the Princesses of Power’.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all. 🎄

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theoceanoasis · 3 days ago

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The Lost Light jumps into a new universe and during their adventures, they find a Soundwave trapped in the Shadowzone. They decide to save him and help him recover and when he's stable again, he decides to shadow/follow after Rodimus all the time. He's like Rodimus' second, violently protective guard dog.

Turns out, Soundwave was engaged/Conjunxed to his Hot Rod but Hot Rod perished when Nyon burned and he never got over it. Now he sees this as a second chance of making things right by caring for this Roddy to the best of his abilities. Over time, Rodimus and Soundwave do fall in love with each other.

"This is so freaky."

"It's like Earth but not."

"Look I can put my hand through the wall!"

"Don't touch that."

He ignored his crews excitement instead focusing on the weird feeling he couldn't shake as though he was being watched. Which shouldn't be possible because Perceptor said there was no life there except his crew.

He looked back at them wondering if someone was watching him but they were all focused on their hands going through the walls.

He looked around again and noticed something out of the corner of his optic. He walked towards it wondering what it could be.

He was shocked to find what looks vaguely like a Cybertronian although he looks really weird.

Noticing that he was injured he decided to help him. He called Ratchet and some of his crew members to help lift.

They all stared at what they found in shock and when Ratchet began repairing him he'd found the Decepticon symbol.

"Do you recognize this mech?"

"He's like nothing I've ever seen before."

Megatron stared down the Decepticon.

"Doesn't matter. If we leave him here with his injuries he will die."

Megatron picked him up when Ratchet did the best he could out there.

"I'll finish working on him in the medbay."

They walked inside with the mech and he sent a message telling the crew to stay away. They locked down the medbay given the unknown threat they'd just brought on board.

Megatron looks at the mech reluctant to have him on board.

"Do you think this is wise?"

For some reason he can't shake the feeling that it is.

"Yes. I can't explain it but I think we can trust him.

After that it was waiting for the mech to wake up. Which didn't take that long surprisingly. He'd looked around confused before zeroing in on him.

He'd taken a step back from the strength of his gaze even though it looked like he didn't have optics.

"What's your name?"

He carefully asked and the mech stared at him for a moment longer before finally revealing his name.

"Soundwave."

They all looked at him in shock because he looked nothing like their dimensions Soundwave.

"Are you hungry?"

He held out a cube of energon and Soundwave quickly drank it.

"How long were you out there?"

"Unknown."

"Why were you trapped in that dimension?"

"Punishment."

"Enough asking questions my patient needs to rest."

He left the medbay feeling optics on him the entire way out. After that Soundwave began recovering. He brought him energon and watched over him constantly finding himself looking for excuses to visit. He couldn't explain why he found himself drawn to Soundwave and it scared him a little.

He heard rumors that Soundwave could read minds and he wondered if he was telepathically messing with him.

When Soundwave was released from the medbay he was given a room near his own, so he could be watched over.

Everyone had been weary both because it was Soundwave and because of his strange look. Whenever Megatron and Soundwave were together everyone would look back and forth nervously wondering what would happen.

Everyone had expected Soundwave to follow Megatron. Including Megatron which was why it was a surprise to everyone that he followed him instead.

He'd been shocked and a little weary as Soundwave followed him around, but eventually he got used to it and it became kind of nice. Especially when Thunderclash visited or when he returned to Cybertron.

The first time Optimus saw him he'd almost voided and someone called Soundwave his protective guard dog. Willing to attack anyone who tried to hurt Rodimus.

He had no idea why Soundwave was doing this and one day he decided to ask. Soundwave had looked tense and seemed to space out for a moment.

He was about to tell him it was fine when Soundwave told him. He'd been engaged to his universes version of him before he was a prime.

Although he never had a chance to become one. Because instead of surviving the fall of Nyon like he did. He perished in the blast and Soundwave had never gotten over it. So consumed with hatred for everyone involved he joined the Decepticons and killed everyone in the Senate.

"Are you trying to replace him?"

He'd given him an unsure look hoping it wasn't the case and Soundwave had quickly shook his head.

"No. I'm not. You two are two different people. I just don't want to see you get hurt and maybe this could be a second chance."

He hugged Soundwave thanking him for telling him knowing how hard it must have been. He hated talking about the fall of Nyon and couldn't imagine losing the love of his life along with everything else in the blast.

After that the two of them hung out more as friends. Instead of Soundwave being his bodyguard. Although he would always protect him it was nice being able to sit with him and talk about different things.

Slowly the two of them fell in love. Both of their sparks healing from everything they've lost.

#transformers #hot rod #rodimus #soundrod #soundwave #transformers cyberverse #hot rod x soundwave #cyberverse soundwave #tfp soundwave

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petalruesimblr · 15 hours ago

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Hello and welcome back to my blog!

My fifth and final gift for the Petalruesimblr Advent Calendar is: Dermatology Career! This is my third full-time career that I've created for The Sims 3 and I'm so happy it is finally complete.

I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and hope your holiday season is filled with joy and love! 💜

If you are interested, click on ’Keep Reading’ below for more information and pictures of the Dermatology Career.

Dermatology Career

Sim File Share

Ready to get under the skin of the most fascinating (and sometimes most frustrating) aspects of beauty? The world of dermatology is calling! Whether you’re performing cutting-edge laser treatments or giving pep talks to patients with the occasional outbreak, there’s never a dull moment in the world of skincare. And who knows? Maybe you’ll even land an internship under Dr. McSteamy himself - so apply now!

Career Type: Full Time Available for: Young Adults, Adults and Elders Available Languages: English Levels: 10 Rabbit Hole: DaySpa Does it have Carpool? Yes Does it have Uniforms? Yes (details under Final Notes) File Type: Package Min. Required Game Version: 1.42 Packs Needed: The Sims 3 📣All descriptions for the levels, tones and metrics as well as skills required, salary, uniforms and other details are provided on the pictures above. Right-click on a picture and select ’Open image in new tab’ for a clearer view.

NRAAS Careers Mod

Branches and Wages: I decided to focus on two branches for my Dermatology career, which branch out after level 5: Cosmetic Dermatology, focusing on non-surgical treatments and Cosmetic Dermatologic Surgery, which specializes in skin surgery. The two branches share the same skill and metric requirements, as they are both part of the medical field. The main difference lies in their salaries, with the Cosmetic Dermatologic Surgery branch offering a higher pay. I aimed to make the wages as realistic as possible however to compensate for the increased days off and decreased work hours as the level increases, I had to raise the hourly wages beyond the normal salary ranges for Levels 6-10 for both branches. Metrics and Books: This career is similar to the medical career in The Sims 3, particularly in terms of the logic skill and research as part of its metrics. However, I also included charisma, as I believe it’s a vital skill for patients to trust and feel comfortable with their doctors, especially when it comes to skin treatments. Opportunities and Uniforms: With a bit of experience in creating opportunities, I decided to add four this time, three of which are repeatable! All of them are relatively simple and offer bonuses, as well as salary increases for some as rewards upon completion. For uniforms, I’ve provided a picture above to highlight the differences between the levels by assigning different colors to the scrubs. There isn’t a general color assigned to dermatology uniforms, as hospitals usually decide the scrub colors for their various departments. As stated above, you will need NRAAS Careers Mod for these careers to show up in the game and as long as you have the latest version of it, it should work for higher patches. You can also read my #psa regarding these careers, click here. I’m not fluent in any other languages to translate so if anyone is interested in translating this career, please don’t hesitate to send me a message here, comment on this post or let me know in my Ask/Contact form (if you don’t have a Tumblr account) and will let you know the details. I have tested this career in my game, so far it is working and all scripts are showing up. All feedback is very welcome to help me learn and improve my skills so please let me know if you experience any problems on your end and I’ll do my best to sort it as soon as possible.

MissyHissy step-by-step tutorial Twallan for the Career Mod S3pe

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pleasantphantomhologram · 2 days ago

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Title: longing (Part 1)(PART 2)

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x Reader

Warning: Modern Setting, Fertility problem, Angst, Hurt.

Summary: When the doctor said that you will lose your chance to have a children, suddenly your world collapse, but Marcus Acacius, your husband is there no matter what's your choice.

A/N: Hello! i just want to drop this fanfiction that have been on my draft since i dont know when. so... yeah, enjoy the part 1. Please leave a note,if you are interest for the part 2 :') (I am so sorry if it is there any grammar error, it is not my main language :'( )

"You are the only matter to me Y/N. No matter what you choose, I will support you."

The baby's cries were like the incessant honking of cars at a busy city intersection. Y/N stared blankly at the dull white ceiling of her hospital room. This shared room was meant for two patients, and she didn't know much about the woman in the next bed, but she was certain the other woman had just given birth to her first child.

Child, a familiar word on the tip of her tongue, yet so foreign at the same time. For Y/N, having a child was a small dream she had harbored for a long time because having a small family with Acacius was the meaning of happiness for her. Acacius, a middle-aged man who had unexpectedly entered Y/N's life and promised to be by her side until death did them part, the man who was always there for her when she had to endure the severe cramps every time her period came, the man who only looked at her with concern and not judgment when the doctor said...

"I'm sorry, but it's no longer possible to save Mrs. Y/N's uterine wall,"

Acacius held Y/N's hand, which was starting to tremble as the doctor's verdict filled the room.

"No, there must be another way, doc, I'm still young, not even thirty yet."

"Once again, I'm sorry Mrs. Y/N, but your fibroids are too large and attached to your uterine wall."

"NO! IT'S JUST A NORMAL FIBROIDS, WHY DOES MY UTERINE WALL HAVE TO BE REMOVED TOO?" Y/N's anger came out in every word she uttered.

"Y/N, hey, calm down, honey."

"NO, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE JUDGEMENT..."

Acacius slowly embraced Y/N, who was now starting to become hysterical. Removing her uterine wall? Really? It was like forcibly taking her soul away, and it was so cruel. The man hugged her tightly, stroking Y/N's back slowly, hoping his wife knew that even though this was difficult, the most important thing for him was for her to get healthy and smile again like the first time they met.

"Hey, Y/N. Please listen to me for a moment, honey? Please look at me. I know this is so heartbreaking for us. Yes, I know you will feel less than any woman, but the only thing that matters to me is you becoming healthy again. You are still my wife, the one I chose to be with forever. Screw people and society. Please, baby, we will get through this together. I promise it will be hard at first, but trust me, it will be alright." Acacius said, his hand gently touched the lines of Y/N's face and directed her eyes, which were now filled with tears, to look into Acacius's eyes.

"I love you, always. with or without children. You are the only matter to me Y/N. No matter what you choose, I will support you."

Their conversation in the doctor's room a few days ago echoed in her mind, accompanied by the sound of Acacius's anger coming from outside the hospital ward. Her husband was protesting to the hospital staff about their decision to place her in the same ward with all the women who had just given birth. Of course, he was angry, very angry to be exact. How could the hospital staff be so heartless, when it was clear that she had a different condition than the others? He was afraid that all this would add stress to her life.

You could still faintly hear Acacius insisting on moving you, who had just finished having your uterine wall removed, to a VIP room. Shortly after that, Acacius came back into the room and sat beside you. His expression still looked angry, but he tried to hide it.

"Honey.., talk to me..,"

"I am so sorry Y/N"

" It's not your fault."

"I am so sorry, I swear I will make things a lot easier for you." said Acacius.

"You are here. and it is already enough."

Acacius looked at Y/N, you knew he was calming himself down as his fingers slowly held your fingers and kissed them.

#pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #marcus acacius #your name #marcus acacius x reader #fanfiction

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athenasdaydreams · 2 days ago

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pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: bucky spends Christmas rediscovering old traditions with you, decorating cookies, laughing over sprinkles, and finding joy in the simple warmth of the holidays.

chapter warnings: mention of food, other than that not any to my knowledge!!

A/N: merry christmas!! this is my first themed fic and lowkey i had so much fun writing it haha hope yall enjoy!!!

The snow fell in fat, lazy flakes, clinging to the edges of the window like frosted lace. Bucky Barnes stood in the quiet, watching the city transform under a blanket of white. His breath fogged the glass as he leaned closer, his reflection faint against the winter night. For years, snow had been nothing but a reminder of cold nights and colder missions.

But now, the sound of your laughter carried from the kitchen, bright and soft like a melody, pulling him back into the present.

“You’re just going to stare out the window all night, soldier?” you called, your voice teasing.

He turned, catching sight of you standing by the counter, your sleeves rolled up, a streak of flour smudged across your cheek. His lips curved into the faintest smile. You were coaxing him into this season the way sunlight coaxed a frostbitten earth into spring—patiently, gently, without expectation.

“I’m coming,” he said, his voice low but warm.

The kitchen was a riot of Christmas cheer. Strings of twinkling lights framed the windows, casting a golden glow over the mess of mixing bowls, cookie cutters, and open jars of sprinkles. The radio played something old and crackly, Bing Crosby crooning in the background like he’d stepped straight out of Bucky’s childhood.

It all felt familiar in a way that made his chest ache.

“You remember this? I mean obviously now we have flatscreen TVs and sprinkles, but other than that it's still...christmasy?” you asked, handing him a rolling pin as he joined you at the counter.

He paused, his metal hand brushing the handle as if testing its weight. His face scrunched up in surprise. "You think they didn't have sprinkles back then?"

You shrugged. "Not like these, maybe, but we still had little candy beads and coloured sugar. You think you invented sprinkles?”

You stared at him, your mouth slightly open. “I just—sprinkles feel so... modern.”

“But yes, I do remember,” he said, a flicker of something wistful crossing his face. “My ma used to bake this time of year. Gingerbread, mostly. Me and Becca would try to help, but we always ended up eating half the icing before it made it to the cookies.”

You grinned. “Sounds like my kind of Christmas.”

Bucky chuckled softly, the sound low and almost shy. He reached for the dough, his movements slower than yours, deliberate in a way that spoke to the years he’d spent relearning how to trust his hands.

“Did you ever have snowball fights?” you asked, pressing a star-shaped cutter into the dough.

“All the time,” he said, a spark of mischief lighting his expression. “I had the best aim in the neighborhood. But Becca? She had no mercy.”

Your laugh was soft and easy, like the sound of a fire crackling. “I’d love to have seen that.”

“You’d have been on her team,” he said, smirking. “I’d have been outnumbered.”

“Well,” you teased, nudging him with your shoulder, “maybe we’ll have to start a new tradition. Snowball fights, gingerbread wars... I’ll even let you win sometimes.”

“Oh, you’ll let me, huh?”

The banter was light, but underneath it was something heavier, something that made Bucky’s chest tighten and loosen all at once. This—this moment, this warmth—it was what he hadn’t realized he’d been missing.

As the cookies baked, filling the air with the scent of cinnamon and cloves, you brought over a box of ornaments. “Found these at the market last week,” you said, opening the lid to reveal a collection of mismatched treasures.

Bucky’s hand hovered over a wooden reindeer, its paint chipped and faded. He picked it up carefully, running his thumb over the worn edges.

“Reminds me of one we had growing up,” he said, his voice quiet. “It wasn’t perfect, but Ma always put it right in the middle of the tree.”

“Then this one should go in the middle too,” you said softly, holding out your hand.

Together, you hung it on the tree, your hands brushing as you stepped back to admire the way the lights caught on its surface. The glow from the tree bathed the room in warmth, and Bucky felt something stir deep inside—a quiet kind of peace that he hadn’t known in decades.

Later, after the cookies had been frosted (and more than a few had been eaten), you settled together on the couch. A blanket was draped over both of you, and a steaming mug of cocoa sat in your hands.

The snow outside was still falling, muffling the world beyond your little sanctuary. Bucky’s arm was draped around your shoulders, his metal fingers tracing absentminded patterns against your arm.

“You know,” he murmured, his voice low, “for a long time, I didn’t think I’d ever feel this again. Like... like it was all too far away. Too broken to fix.”

You turned to look at him, your gaze soft but steady. “You’re not broken, Buck. You’re still you. And you’re here, right now. That’s what matters.”

He swallowed hard, his throat tight with the weight of your words. “You make it easier,” he admitted. “To remember. To... feel.”

You reached up, brushing a strand of hair away from his face. “Then we’ll make more to remember,” you said simply.

His lips curved into the kind of smile that reached his eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “We will.”

As the night deepened and the snow piled high, you stayed curled together on the couch, the world outside forgotten. Bucky’s past wasn’t something he could change, but for the first time in a long time, he realised he didn’t have to. The present was enough—more than enough—with you by his side.

“Merry Christmas, doll,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hair.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” you whispered back, and for the first time in years, he truly believed it.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader christmas #christmas #mcu

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meiusoo-twistedtwst · 2 days ago

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NRC Faces the Sorting Hat…

Hear me out this is ranked by a serious Potterhead who has DELVED into the associations of each house so allow me to share my thoughts on which Hogwarts house the NRC guys would possibly be sorted into —>

TREY & Cater seem like master manipulators, especially if all those overthrowing Riddle to reclaim Cater’s title as dorm leader theories are true (haven’t read Cater’s ch. 7 arc I rlly need to😭)

Azul & Vil are literally so ambitious, like Azul tried to erase his own past to theoretically present himself as a whole new, blank-slate person with absolutely no embarrassments or flaws while Vil’s determination drove him to insanity as he cunningly used Neige’s trust to try to POISON him

I think Ruggie & Jamil are very self-explanatory as they’re both ambitious & cunning, scheming guys. I chose Slytherin over Hufflepuff for Ruggie as although he’s extremely hardworking & relatively patient (he cleans up after Leona, not a job for the impatient) but he’s not actually all that loyal I don’t think. He only bonded with & followed after Leona because it would benefit him though… (now as I’m writing this I’m starting to think he might actually be a Hufflepuff-)

Silver & Sebek both showed lots of Hufflepuff traits but ultimately the events of Ch.7 pushed me to place them in Gryffindor instead. Just imagine how difficult it would be to turn your sword against the guy you’ve known & loved your whole life? The guy you had once sworn absolute obedience & loyalty to? They’re prime reinforcers as to why Neville Longbottom was in Gryffindor (it takes bravery to stand up against your own friends)

Ace & Deuce: Same thing as above but to a less extreme extent. Arguably, if the Ace is a traitor theories are true then he’d be a strong runner up for Slytherin with how cunning he is. I was hesitant with Deuce since he might be a Hufflepuff, but his background as a delinquent & his willingness to rebel against authority (cough cough Riddle cough) when he could have just stayed completely loyal like Trey (who may have just been plotting Riddle’s fall from grace then) made me put him in Gryffindor

Floyd was between Slytherin & Gryffindor but I don’t think he’s actually all that cunning? Like he knows he’s intimidating & uses that to his advantage but otherwise he doesn’t actively use detailed plots the same way Jade or Azul do? Plus, he’s just not afraid of anything; very brave

Epel was brave for being rebellious & rejecting peer pressure for the most part- definitely hard to say no when your dorm leader is a literal celebrity & accomplished student. Jack is also very self explanatory with how he’s not afraid to stand apart from the crowd (seen in Ch. 2) & he was never so blindly loyal to Leona to the point where he’d ignore or not notice his flaws

+He wasn’t on the Tier maker but I’d put Grim in Gryffindor with how recklessly brave he is (literally so chaotic & constantly defies authority)

I know what you’re all thinking but hear me out… Crowley is a bad (or at least morally grey) Hufflepuff. He preaches love, graciousness, & kindness- which are all dominantly Hufflepuff ideals, & people always overlook this but you don’t actually have to be a nice person to be in Hufflepuff. Every house is capable of producing dark wizards (there was an evil Hufflepuff in Hogwarts Legacy !) so even all those suspicions that Crowley might be downright evil could still make him a Hufflepuff, just not the stereotypical one. If he 100% idealizes kindness, even if he doesn’t positively reinforce it, then he’s still a Hufflepuff (though he is admittedly really Slytherin too)

Kalim is self-explanatory but I did kinda consider Ravenclaw or Gryffindor. Kalim is brave to keep Jamil around even after he tried to defame him & he’s strong enough to keep a genuine smile on his face despite being betrayed & facing near death situations all his life. Now I know Kalim isn’t book smart but he has really high emotional intelligence, he knows a lot more than he lets on, as shown by some of the inquisitive things he says to others

my house :p

Crewel’s got that academically smart (alchemy must be hard) & creative mix (his passion for fashion), I feel like Sam values insight & knowledge mainly to increase sales but just valuing those things makes him a Ravenclaw, & I just put Trein in Ravenclaw because he likes history & different cultures (although he could be a Hufflepuff with his loyalty, dunno though since that’s really just him being a good husband)

Lilia could be a Hufflepuff, with his love & loyalty to the Draconia royal family, but his vast wisdom & eccentricity made me put him in Ravenclaw instead, though I am kinda hesitant about it. With Leona, I know he’d totally be a Slytherin with how cunning he is & although he’s very ambitious, he’s so lazy it’s counterproductive to his desires. But I put him in Ravenclaw because he’s actually so smart & very knowledgeable, wise even

The Shroud brothers honestly could have been in Hufflepuff with their family loyalty, but Idia’s attitude pushed him into Ravenclaw instead. He also loves delving deep into his passions & interests, using knowledge to his advantage. Same with Ortho since he’s a walking encyclopedia & also takes full advantage of his constant access to data banks & the whole internet. The Shrouds are almost like eternal, nonstop knowledge gatherers, especially with how their family literally devotes themselves to researching overblot

Rook is pretty self-explanatory with his intense curiosity & his pursuit for beauty could also be interpreted as a pursuit for diversifying one’s knowledge of the world so one could embrace all the beauty within different cultures & such. But he is also very Hufflepuff with how nice & insanely loyal he is… (so loyal to all he almost isn’t loyal….)

Jade could be a Slytherin, but I don’t think he’s as ambitious as Azul? He uses cunning much more often but otherwise, his genuine fascination with mushrooms & human life places him in Ravenclaw as at his core, Jade’s really into research & gaining more knowledge of a world on land that he was once a stranger to

I was thinking Slytherin could be a good fit for Malleus but I’m hesitant for some reason ..??

Don’t know much about Vargas’s personality & I wanted to avoid just tossing him in Gryffindor to mindlessly follow the jock=Gryffindor stereotype

I know many would put Riddle in Ravenclaw, & at surface level, I would do the same. But to be in Ravenclaw you actually have to believe knowledge is power…& Riddle doesn’t actually love constantly pursuing knowledge. Even if he thinks academics are important, he would have never been studying so diligently if it wasn’t for his mother’s influence and control over his childhood….

•°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐

Where would you sort everyone?

🎄Merry Christmas everyone~

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mj-iza-writer · 2 days ago

Text

I'm loving lab whumps lately. I don't know why.

"What's for lunch today?", Whumpee lifted their head to watch Whumper tighten the last strap.

"Tator tots and turkey sandwiches", Whumper frowned, "that looks tight. Is that too tight?", they tried to tuck a finger under the strap.

"A little, but it's okay", Whumpee looked at them with puppy eyes.

Whumper turned to a table and grabbed a few items.

"You are quite talkative for someone strapped to the Doc's table. Unaware of what you may be about to endure", someone stood next to the table and watched Whumper.

"They don't get nervous anymore", Whumper sighed as they filled a syringe, "they just talk through it now."

"That doesn't bother you?"

"No not really Carmen", Whumper chuckled, "makes my job a little easier, and I can hear my music playing when my patient isn't on my table screaming."

Whumpee glanced at a few people working by the table.

"Don't worry about what they're doing", Whumper wiped an alcohol wipe along Whumpee's arm, "you shouldn't feel anything from this", Whumper felt for the right spot to inject the substance, "this should actually numb you. We are testing a numbing agent."

Whumpee nodded.

"Do you feel anything?", Whumper tapped on the space after a few minutes.

"Not there", Whumpee answered.

Whumper tapped around a few different spots to see what the diameter of numbness was and marked accordingly.

"Alright, nurse is going to run a few tests to see how numb you actually are", Whumper looked over the arm, "answer with yes or no. If yes, rate from 1-5. One being light feelings, five being ouch."

Whumpee nodded again.

Carmen chuckled, "well, aren't you so well behaved."

Whumpee kept their head turned, so not to watch and mess up the test.

"Round one", the nurse stated, "do you feel this?"

"No", Whumpee answered after a few seconds.

"Carmen", Whumper whispered, "come here."

"Let's let the nurse do their job", Whumper leaned against the wall and watched.

"Have they always been this calm?", Carmen also watched.

"No, they use to scream until they couldn't. I wouldn't even do anything to them, and they would scream. It got to me, I would get very violent with them. The tests I'd run on them would purposely hurt. It went on for months", Whumper sighed as they thought back.

"What changed?", Carmen heard Whumpee say yes to feeling something.

"There was a test I had to run on them. I had to end up explaining it carefully to them or else it wouldn't have worked right", Whumper grinned when Whumpee replied with a two, "they were nervous during the test, but it was successful."

Whumper looked at Carmen.

"That was the first time I saw Whumpee as a human, and not some tool for me to use and abuse."

"Why though? What happened there that triggered a positive response in your relationship?", Carmen asked curiously.

"After the test was successful, I gave them a treat... part of my cookie. I was so proud. I curiously asked them what made it easier for them to follow what needed to be done. Whumpee said that having it explained to them made it more bearable. They understood that it had a meaning and though nervous that they would mess up... they tried. I realized then that Whumpee was probably curious about things that were going on around them. I believe they have a right to know... so back then I told them that we could allow for questions and curiosities before testing if it would make it easier on them. They agreed."

"So Whumpee isn't afraid of things in here and the things being done to them because they know you will answer any questions they have before hand", Carmen looked down, "they learned to trust you."

"Yes, they are human. They should be allowed to...."

"Doc we need you", the nurse called.

Whumper froze for a second to watch as everyone in the room hurried to Whumpee's side.

Whumper jumped in as well.

"Stats, what's going on", Whumper watched as Whumpee shook violently, "talk to me people", Whumper yelled.

"Blood pressure has increased..."

"We are picking up spikes in Whumpee's brain waves..."

Whumpee fought against the restraints. Their body jerked violently.

Whumper opened one of Whumpee's eyes and shined a light.

"Pupils are dilated", Whumper started to unstrap Whumpee, "they are having a seizure. We need them on their side in the recovery position. Hurry and get these straps off. I need everyone to surround the table to make sure Whumpee does not flop off."

"They would be better on the floor", Carmen stepped up and helped remove the straps.

"I agree, but I'm not moving them right now", Whumper helped push Whumpee, "they are foaming at the mouth. Whoever is by the head needs to keep that area wiped clean."

"Yes Doc", someone spoke over the chaos.

"Alright come on Whumpee", Whumper patted their shoulder.

"Reminder do not hold them down. Let their body do its thing", Whumper had noticed a nurse holding Whumpee's ankle, "you'll get hurt trying to hold onto them."

"Do they have a history of seizures?", Carmen looked up at the monitors.

"Nope, this is a first", Whumper turned to the monitor, "this is going longer than I would like."

A few more seconds passed.

Whumpee stopped shaking violently and squinted one of their eyes open.

"Pain level is... five", Whumpee mumbled, "what just happened?"

"You had a seizure", Whumper patted their shoulder, "you were out for longer than I would have liked. We need to check a few things to make sure you are okay."

"Can I nap first.... mm tired", Whumpee frowned.

"No you may not", Whumper started to role Whumpee back onto their back, "come on, we need to clean you up and get the test done. I'll let you sleep after."

Whumpee was slowly sat up.

"I think I peed myself", Whumpee frowned.

"That happens. We will get you all cleaned", a nurse hurried over.

"So do you remember anything that led to that happening?", Whumper wiped away a line of snot oozing down Whumpee's face.

"We were on round.... uh... round....mm I don't remember. I don't even know if nurse had done something, I just remember saying that I didn't feel well. Then I heard them call for you. I knew something bad was happening", Whumpee looked down, "I'm really tired."

"Alright, let's get you on the floor. All of the monitors are reading normal or going back to normal", Whumper looked at the screens surrounding the table, "we will get you comfortable. I want you still connected to the monitors."

Whumper stood after laying Whumpee down.

"I need all the data that was found on this incident", Whumper reached down and ruffled Whumpee's hair, "quite an interesting reaction we had here today."

Whumpee nodded and laid their head down on a blanket one of the nurse set out for them.

"Can I still have tator tots", Whumpee watched Whumper walk away, "is it lunch time?"

"You can", Whumper nodded at a nurse. Who turned and left the room.

Carmen watched from nearby.

Whumper leaned onto the table that Whumpee just came off of. They clicked a few items on the monitors.

"Really interesting", Whumper studied the monitors. Their chin rested on their hand in thought.

"What are you thinking?", Carmen's interest got the best of them and they walked over.

"Whumpee has never had a seizure before. The ingredients in that injection are normal. Nothing Whumpee is allergic to. I'm wondering if the ingredients combined caused this, and if so, could it happen again. Is it isolated to one person, or could this affect others."

"Too bad you don't have another test subject", Carmen sighed.

"Yeah too bad", Whumper sighed. They smirked as they looked up, an evil sparkle in their eyes.

"Did you remember something?", Carmen stepped away nervously, "I don't like that face too much."

"Its the only face I have", Whumper looked at the door, "guards."

People in heavy armor poured in. The door was immediately blocked.

"I've decided that our friend Carmen here would be a perfect test subject. Please arrest them for me", Whumper walked over to Whumpee again.

"You can't do this", Carmen fought against the guards grabbing them, "I'm supposed to be a partner with you. That was the deal."

"I never agreed to anything", Whumper grinned, "everything that you thought would happen was your own fantasy. It was already planned that you would be my new test subject", Whumper knelt down and patted Whumpee's head.

Whumpee watched nervously.

"And what perfect timing. I know what you can help me with", Whumper watched the nurse carry in a plate of tator tots and a sandwich.

"Don't worry, I always take care of my test subjects. You'll get to eat soon too, but since we are already in here, let's get some stats. To the table with them guards", Whumper reached for the plate, "mm, these looks delicious Whumpee", they grabbed a tot and ate it, "I'll be in here for a while. I might have to ask for a plate myself."

Whumpee shyly nodded.

Whumper offered a tot to Whumpee, then set the plate down next to them.

Carmen screamed as the straps were tightened.

Whumper ruffled Whumpee's hair gingerly, "get some rest after you eat. Let me know if you don't feel good again. Okay."

Whumpee watched them stand before nodding.

"Such a good Whumpee. Don't worry about Carmen. As long as they follow my rules they will be just fine", Whumper grinned before looking at Carmen.

Carmen fearfully stared back. Their shirt had been torn open. Monitors were being stuck to them in various locations.

"Keep in mind", Whumper began, "I've learned that my test subjects are human. I respect their autonomy. The moment you prove to me that you can't act human. That will be taken away from you. Am I clear?"

Carmen turned worriedly and looked at Whumpee.

Whumpee didn't dare look up. They were on Whumper's good list and wanted it to stay that way.

"They won't help you", Whumper noticed, "you have to decide on your own on how you will act."

Carmen felt tears in their eyes.

"What are you going to do to me?"

Whumper grinned evilly.

Carmen squeezed their eyes shut to get away from that evil stare.

"Aww don't worry", Whumper rested their hand on Carmen's quivering shoulder, "just be happy I'm past my evil scientist faze. Whumpee had to endure all of that. You get the nice Doc. Just be good and everything should be alright."

Carmen whispered, "please don't hurt me. Wait, uhm, wh-whats for dinner? Th-that's what Whumpee asked earlier right?"

Whumper chuckled, "very good question. I think I heard pot roast and some variation of potatoes. I think it sounds delicious. Let's get the data we need from you so you can be in your cell and comfortable before dinner."

Carmen sobbed all though the data captures.

Their legs felt like jelly when they were stood up for pictures.

"Wh-what is all of this for?", Carmen felt lightheaded.

"Doctor wants a profile set up for you. It will have your picture. You will answer a questionnaire about things you like and personal info. It will be updated with stats... like the data we just got from you", a nurse started pulling a few of the stickers off.

Whumper walked in from taking Whumpee to their cell.

"Their cell is ready for them when you are all done", Whumper announced.

"They're done. Just the questionnaire which we get tomorrow", another nurse looked at Carmen, "we have everything we need from them."

"Perfect", Whumper rubbed their hands together, "I always enjoy getting new toys."

Carmen snapped their head to Whumper.

"Oh, is there something you would like to say?", Whumper smirked, "think before you speak is my suggestion."

"N-no", Carmen mumbled.

"I thought so", Whumper chuckled.

Carmen looked into each of the cells as they were led to their own.

"Where is Whumpee's?", they looked around when they were stopped.

"Oh they're a few halls away", Whumper turned, "I have a weird thing about having test subjects close together. I feel that escape attempts could be planned if we're not careful. I have plenty of cells to keep everyone separated. Though I would love to see all of these cells filled. Maybe one day. As for right now, I want my well behaved Whumpee to stay that way."

Carmen was released and pushed into the cell. The door slammed shut and locked.

"Please this joke has gone long enough. It was really funny... except for the bath... and bloodwork... I don't like needles", Carmen panicked and pressed their hands against the solid door of their cell, "you can let me out now."

"I'm not one for jokes. Dinner will be served in about an hour. Enjoy your room", Whumper and the guards promptly turned and walked away.

Carmen dropped to their knees, "no please", they yelled.

They slammed their fist against the door until it ached.

"Please....please", Carmen sobbed as they folded themself into a ball and cried.

"Pitiful", someone from the outside stated in annoyance. A small door was opened, and a tray was slid in.

Carmen looked at it nervously.

"Eat, I will be back in thirty to collect. Whatever you don't eat will be taken away. If you refuse to eat, the Doctor will happily put a feeding tube down your nose", they warned.

"I've been forced to be lab rat. How would you feel if that was your fate?", Carmen clenched their teeth.

"That was your fault. You trusted a scientist who so eagerly showed you their lab rat and a recent experiment. You weren't leaving here alive. You accepted the invitation. You can only blame yourself."

Carmen stared for several moments. Even after the person left.

The food caught their attention. It did look good.

"What have I done?", Carmen reached for tray. They looked all over for eating utensils.

A click came from somewhere in the room.

"There is a peace of curved cardboard on your tray. Use that to eat", a static voice came through.

Carmen looked again and found it. They held it up to show whoever was watching.

"Yep", the static voice agreed, "your food is already cut into pieces. You just need to spoon it into your mouth."

Carmen looked at the food again.

"Is this what I've been reduced to?", Carmen whispered as they gathered their first bite.

"At least the food is good", Carmen sighed, "listen to me", they rolled their eyes, "accepting this treatment because I was given good food."

"Just be happy you get to eat", Whumper's voice came over, "and stop complaining. I can make this worse for you."

Carmen sighed.

"What have I done?"

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@the-beasts-have-arrived @sacredwrath

@porschethemermaid @monarchthefirst

@generic-whumperz @bloodyandfrightened

@freefallingup13 @notpeppermint

@cyborg0109 @idontreallyexistyet

@painfulplots @whumpbump

@everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee

@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson

@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace

@whumpanthems @lavndvrr

@ivymyers @starfields08000

@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand

@watermeezer @indigoviolet311

@whumpy-mountains @3-2-whump

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@castiels-favorite-hunter @isikedmyself878

@daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud @valravnthefrenchie

@glennemerald @jasperthecapser

@does-directions @deafeninglittlecrown

@jumpywhumpywriter @blackbirdsinatrenchcoat

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @thenormalestever

@whatwhump @galatic-worm

@starmoon-constellation @bacillusinfection

@whumpsandbumps @tobiasbones

@octopus-reactivated

#whump community #whump stuff #whump writing #whump ideas #whump scenario #lab whump #whump #whumper #carewhumper #mad scientist #scientist whumper #whumpee #lab rat whumpee #lab whumpee #caretaking #oc #i love lab whumps

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ihaveathingforwomen · 1 day ago

Text

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 11 - Masterlist

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: A review of Christmas break, clarity about our lovers' connection, and the introduction of our dearest title, Mock Trial.

A/N: Happy Holidays!! Life has been improving and so has my motivation. Thank you all for being patient during this rough point in my life. I'm excited to keep this going!

Hands brush over curves. The dim light of the bedroom passes through them as their lips meet to create an electricity that ascends through their bodies. Casey’s moans appear in the air as bubbles shimmering with cosmic stardust. Alex’s fingertips create trails of electricity over Casey’s body, illuminating her veins. Casey’s chest swells, trust and pleasure radiating from her heart just as the heat grows in her stomach. Her mouth falls open -

The alarm plays violently, startling Casey from her sleep. She rolls over with a groan, turning off the alarm. For a singular second, her heart leaps as she turns back over, expecting to collide with the body of her lover. That second passes quickly when she arrives on the other side of the bed without collision. The start of the semester signified a pause in their dream-like life, wherein Casey could no longer reside with Alex as consistently. Now, at six in the morning, they have been apart for nearly twenty four hours. Anyone else and Casey would not have blinked at the time spent away, but with Alex she feels the tug at the base of her heart, willing her back into her arms. As Casey forces herself out of her deceivingly large bed, her mind wanders to reminiscence of the holiday break.

Leading up to Elliot’s arrival, Casey worried herself nearly sick with how he’d perceive her relationship with Alex. She couldn’t help but imagine him claiming that Alex is using her, or questioning whether or not Casey really likes Alex or if it’s just the attention. She knew that he’d find a way to comment on their age gap and Alex’s place of power. Unfortunately, these fears came to reality, more or less, when they picked him up from the airport.

----------

The anxiety and excitement gnaw at Casey as they stand at baggage claim, waiting patiently for Elliot’s plane to land. Her eyes dart around, watching the baggage carousel and the people surrounding it. Her hand squeezes Alex’s tightly, the other picks at her face as she watches.

Casey’s twitching catches Alex’s eye and she turns to observe her partner. She narrows her eyes for a moment and then reaches her hand to stroke Casey’s arm. “Case?”

Casey turns to look into Alex’s eyes, grinning, “what?”

Alex looks her up and down, “What’s wrong? You’re all over the place.”

Casey sighs and looks away, going back to observing the space around them. She shakes her head softly, “nothing, Lex. I’m okay,” she claims, eyes vacant as she stares at the people passing by.

Alex scoffs and squeezes Casey’s hand as she moves in front of her. “Casey,” she says sternly. Casey’s attention is redirected, her eyes wide as she stares at Alex. “What’s going on?” Alex asks her with a soft, sympathetic look.

Casey looks down, avoiding Alex’s gaze. Alex intuitively pulls Casey into a hug, squeezing her tightly. Casey mumbles into Alex’s coat, “How are you not anxious?”

Alex laughs, “About meeting your brother?”

Casey pulls away, holding Alex’s hips, “Yes!” She bites her lip, “I know he means well, but I don’t want to hear his snide comments.”

Alex shakes her head, “I know, it’s going to be okay.” She takes a deep breath and Casey notes the wisdom seeping through Alex’s demeanor. “I’ve met plenty of detectives, I can handle him.”

Casey smirks, a wave of ease washing over her. “But have any of the detectives been your girlfriend’s brother?” Casey quips, watching Alex’s expression.

Alex blushes and looks away, smiling, “Nooo…” she giggles, “but I’ll be okay. So will you,” she presses their foreheads together and kisses Casey softly, the redhead humming against their lips, content.

As they pull away, Casey glances over Alex’s shoulder and her face lights up. Elliot comes strolling down the walk way, grinning like an idiot. Casey pats Alex’s shoulder softly and Alex steps out of her way, watching her girlfriend rush over to her family. She envelops him in a huge hug, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Alex gazes at her lovingly, picturing herself in Elliot’s shoes, and feeling her heart swell.

Elliot hugs her back of course, though with only one arm as his suitcase trails behind. He squeezes tightly, murmuring hellos in Casey’s ear. After greeting his little sister, Elliot peers up at Alex. Her eyes are firmly planted on Casey’s figure, eyes swollen with affection as she takes in the elatedness of her partner. He smiles, eyes still apprehensive, and speaks, “And this must be Alexandra Cabot.”

Alex is shocked from her haze when Casey releases Elliot and he steps forward, extending his hand. Alex nods and takes it, shaking it firmly. “I hope you’ve treated my little sister well,” Elliot comments, smirking at Alex, who adorns her white coat and black gloves. The first thing that comes to Elliot’s mind is that she looks like a pimp’s wife, but he shoves it back for the sake of his sister.

Alex smiles widely, hiding her gulp, “Nice to meet you, Elliot,” she nods.

Casey, wide eyed and fighting nausea, steps between them, glaring at her brother. “She’s been treating me very well, Elliot. Let’s get your bag,” she attempts to diffuse his tension.

“This is all I brought, Case. I travel light, remember?” He tells her with a chuckle and she nods, taking a deep breath.

She glares at him and mouths the words, “be nice.” He giggles and follows as Casey leads the way. They end up in a line, Casey in the center, as they make their way towards the parking garage. Elliot tries his best to make polite conversation as they meander through the airport.

“So, Alex,” he begins lightheartedly, “Casey tells me you’re a great professor.”

Alex’s face flushes bright red as they step outside, the heat worsened by the cold wind. “Well,” she begins, “Casey is a great student. She’s very bright and takes instruction well. She’s a pleasure to teach.”

Casey’s heart flutters at Alex’s insinuation. Meanwhile, Elliot scowls as he looks ahead. “She’s always been the teacher's pet. I just never thought it would turn into anything real,” he quips.

“Elliot!” Casey scolds.

“It’s okay, Case,” Alex reassures her, rubbing her back as they step into the elevator. “I understand your apprehension, Elliot.”

“Do you?” He asks, turning around in the elevator to address them both. He sighs and softens his gaze when he catches his little sister’s sad eyes. “Look, I want to celebrate the holidays with my sister. I know that you mean a lot to her, so you’re going to be there.” He takes a sharp breath, biting his lip as he looks down. “I’m going to try to get to know you as her girlfriend, not as her…” he sighs, “professor.”

The elevator dings to the floor of the garage, Alex smiles awkwardly at Elliot. They fall out of the elevator and Alex leads them to the car. While Elliot puts his suitcase in the trunk, Alex goes to open Casey’s door, as she always does. She then waits near the trunk, hoping to speak with Elliot for a moment. He looks up at her just as he closes the trunk, and she smiles awkwardly.

“I have no ill intentions towards Casey,” she reassures him.

He scoffs, giving her a once over. “We’ll talk about this more later,” he nods, trying to push past her.

“Okay,” she agrees timidly, watching as he gets into the car. She swallows and gets into the driver’s seat, frustrated with his preconceptions.

----------

Tension builds in the pit of Casey’s stomach as she gathers the last of her things for class. Her final semester of law school has finally arrived. Instead of being riddled with excitement, she’s riddled with anticipation of how much people know about her and Alex. Quiet and vile voices whisper in the back of her mind, commenting on how she’s dating Alex for the grades, for the money, for the connections - anything but for who she is. In preparation for these types of assumptions, both of them agreed to keep their relationship under wraps while at school.

Despite knowing this is for the best, Casey can’t help but hope that Alex will wrap her arms around her when they see each other in the hallway. She hopes that she’ll be able to talk with her and banter between classes, or that she’ll be able to visit her office without it catching anyone’s eye. That will be more difficult this semester, as Casey has no courses with Alex, giving her less of an excuse to see her during the school day. In the back of her mind, Casey knows this won’t stop her from visiting.

When she arrives at the school, her eyes dart around in search of her partner. Through the parking lot, down the hallways, peering into the closed rooms, no sign of Alex. As her discouragement starts to take hold of her heart, she startled out of her goal when Charlie purposefully bumps into her.

She scoffs at him as he giggles, “looking for your long lost love?” He jokes.

Casey rolls her eyes, a grin surfacing through her feigned annoyance. “Yes, have you seen her?”

He shakes his head, “sorry, Love. No tall blondes in my sights this morning.” He cuts in front of her as they walk towards the library, spinning around to look at her as he continues moving backwards. “Now, I have seen the most handsome man downstairs today. You should’ve seen him - his hair naturally swooped, his eyes were basically black, his jawline - ooohhh, Case.”

She smiles weakly at him as they step into the library. “I can only imagine, Char.” They take a table in the corner and set up like they’re going to study for class only to end up talking the entire time instead. They talked about their break, their time together and apart. The entire time, Casey couldn’t help but hold onto the Christmas dinner that they had at Alex’s.

----------

The entire home was enveloped in warm light. Soft, white twinkle lights danced around the outskirts. A well lit tree, perfectly decorated with gold lights, green and red tinsel, and matching ornaments all over - none of which had glitter. Wonderful scents waft from the kitchen, where Casey works multiple dishes simultaneously. Alex meanders all over the apartment, tidying and admiring her partner. Casey’s abilities never cease to impress her, a gentle grin rising to her cheeks each time she passes by the kitchen bar.

A cop knock at the door and Casey starts to pause her cooking when Alex surprises her by wrapping her arms around her waist. Alex kisses her cheek softly and whispers that she’ll take care of it, sensing the tension rise in Casey’s body. The knock raps again and Alex hurries to the door, opening it to exactly who she’d anticipated.

Elliot smiles half-heartedly, “Hey,” he greets himself.

“Come in,” Alex waves him inside, extending her hand. “I can take those for you,” she offers, gesturing to the two decorative bags hanging from his hand.

“Ah, no, it’s okay. Where would you like them?”

Her face blushes and she closes the door behind him. “You’re welcome to put them under the tree,” she tells him. He goes without speaking and, behind his back, Casey whips around and makes eye contact with Alex. She furrows her brow as her eyes slip towards Elliot, wondering why he couldn’t just let Alex take the gifts.

Elliot takes a comically large whiff of the room, “wow, Case! It smells amazing here, are you making mom’s ham?”

“I ammm,” she drawls, “among other things.” Elliot makes his way towards the kitchen, seeming to automatically dominate the room. They begin chattering about the food and Alex finds something to feign her busyness with. Eventually, she can feign it no longer and she takes a seat next to Elliot at the bar. She listens to their conversation, hoping for an opportunity to jump in and save herself. Just as she finds the perfect entry, a softer knock lands on the door. She stands to get it, stating so, just as Casey turns around. She wipes her hands on a dish towel, having completed the last of the cooking just mere seconds prior. Her eyes land lovingly on Alex’s figure as she opens the door and greets her friends. Elliot follows Casey’s gaze and smiles, noting the loving expression undeniably clear on her face. Alex closes the door behind Charlie and Linda, and she looks up to meet Casey’s eyes. Elliot witnesses the spark fly across the room when their eyes meet, the small grins on their faces and the redness pooling in their cheeks say it all.

Alex puts the gifts from their friends under the tree and Casey finally diverts her eyes as Charlie and Linda make their way towards the table. “Dinner is ready! You guys want to help me put it on the table?” Everyone chimes in, agreeing, and makes their way into the kitchen where Casey directs them. In a few seconds, they’ve all managed to put the collection of dishes onto the table just as Casey instructed.

With all of the dishes placed on the table in a strategic manner, the family took their seats around the table. Alex at the head of the table, Casey to her left, and Charlie to her right. Elliot took place next to Casey and Linda took place next to Charlie. They smiled and engaged in momentarily awkward conversation, but after a bit, everything seemed to fall into place. Through conversation and playful banter, Elliot was able to see more of what Alex was like with them. For a time, he forgot that Alex was his age, that she was Casey’s professor. For a time, he saw how in love they are and how Alex holds great reverence for Casey, valuing her every word, letting them stick to her like honey.

During the course of the meal, Casey and Alex’s tension waned. Alex’s concerns with Elliot’s perceptions fell to the wayside the more she saw Casey loosen up. Love bubbled in her heart and made its way through to her fingertips, which wandered to Casey’s hand whenever the chance presented itself. Every time they held hands, Casey offered the occasional stray look and felt electricity pulse through her. Her skin warmed slowly and her heart leapt, but her chest calmed. Security washed over her with every look she exchanged with Alex.

Eventually, the meal came to an end and sweet gifts were exchanged. Elliot brought something for Casey and Alex, Charlie and Linda brought a gift for Casey and a card for Alex, and Alex found small gifts for everyone. Each of the gifts exchanged showcased the attributes of each individual, a totally personal connection and full of meaningful gestures. Towards the end, Casey and her friends engaged in a conversation that Alex and Elliot could only listen to. Alex took a second and kissed the top of Casey’s head, stepping out onto her balcony to cool down.

Casey paid no mind as Alex stepped out onto the balcony, sure she just needed a moment to herself as was often the case. Light snowfall landed onto the metal fencing surrounding the balcony, and sprinkled on Alex’s cheeks, melting on impact. She lit a cigarette, leaning against the railing and looking down at the cars below. Her mind and heart slowed, grateful for how the night had turned out. Her worries seemed to be extinguished as Elliot was going home the next day. In the same breath, the balcony door opened quietly and shut with the same tone, causing Alex to glance over her shoulder to find Elliot stepping out with her.

----------

When Charlie and Casey finally make their way to class, Casey can’t help but keep her head on a swivel, searching for Alex. Arriving at their classroom door, the last two in, Casey’s head finally falls in disappointment.

“Casey!” A faint voice calls down the hallway as it passes the corridor.

Casey’s head shoots up, blushing almost immediately. The blonde peeks past the edge of the corridor and waves at her partner, smiling. Casey waves back, and Alex blows her a kiss before making her way down the hall. Casey feels a weight slowly flutter away from her chest as she enters the classroom, her cheek seeming to burn from the kiss blown in her direction.

Just a short distance away, Alex rushes to her class. She hates to run late but she struggled to wake up this morning, missing her partner, who seemed to be a natural alarm clock. Throughout her class time, Alex couldn’t do anything other than think about Casey. She longed for her scent, her conversation, the touch of her hand, her warmth as she snakes her arm around Casey’s waist. She daydreams about having lunch with her later, having texted her an invitation at her soonest convenience. Since the holidays, Alex’s confidence in their relationship grew exponentially.

----------

Between the holiday party and Elliot’s arrival, Casey and Alex enjoyed their time playing house. Alex began going to the grocery store with Casey, they cooked together, they lounged around reading and watching sports, and they had many dates. They started to get used to waking up to each other every morning, becoming increasingly aware of each other’s habits. Issues came and went, but both seemed to be willing to resolve the issues calmly. Alex had never felt so comfortable with a partner, and had never imagined she would. She started to look forward to the future again, daydreaming about Casey’s place in it.

Meanwhile, Casey felt much the same, though it was tainted with fear of what others would think of them. She imagined her peers assuming she chose Alex for the money or connections, merely using her as a leg up on the latter. She feared how people would view their age gap as time went on and how they would handle it. When the anxious thoughts finally catch up to Casey, she peels her eyes open from her slumber and pulls Alex closer. She takes a deep, wakeful breath and kisses Alex’s shoulders, down into the crook of her neck.

“G’morning,” she murmurs into Alex’s ear. Alex had been awake, reading on her phone and petting Toby, who sleeps peacefully curled up against her chest.

Alex turns her phone off and turns her head slightly, allowing Casey to kiss her lips before receding back to her neck. “Morning,” she whispers back. Her hands gravitate towards Casey’s, wrapped around her torso, and she strokes them softly with her fingertips.

“Lex?” Casey asks nervously.

“Hmm?” Alex responds, eyes shutting for a moment as she tunes her ears to Casey’s words.

“May I ask you a question?” Casey’s eyes are sad as they stare into the distance, brushing her lips across Alex’s neck, the soft sensation stimulating her.

Alex chuffs, “you can ask me as many questions as you like, baby.”

Casey’s heart still skips a beat. She nuzzles her face into the back of Alex’s neck, breathing in the scent of her conditioner and their sheets. “Do you know that you love me?”

Alex furrows her brow and turns onto her back, forcing Casey to meet her gaze. She smiles sheepishly as she considers the question. She pulls Casey down for a quick kiss, “I do. I know that I love you. Why?”

Casey scans her face, seeming to ignore the question. “But…” she sighs, her face contorting in confusion and concern. “How do you know?”

Alex giggles and shuts her eyes for a moment, trying to determine how to articulate her feelings. She opens her eyes and takes a deep breath as she peers into Casey’s green. She grins, feeling her cheeks begin to warm, and looks down at Casey’s lips. A deep breath allows the words to creak past her lips, “It’s like knowing how to breathe, Case.” Her eyes return to Casey’s, which have softened with what Alex believes to be love. “I just know.”

Casey closes her eyes in thought for a time, then leans down and kisses Alex deeply. When she pulls away, she moves down to pepper kisses along Alex’s cheek before nuzzling into her neck. “I love you, too. A lot,” she whispers into Alex’s ear. Alex’s heart beats heavy, and she turns to wrap her arms around Casey’s body. She pulls her in close, stroking her fingers through Casey’s red tendrils and kissing the top of her head.

----------

Lunch finally comes around and Alex practically falls into her office, setting the food on her desk in a clamour. Once the food is set, she turns on her phone and searches for Casey’s response.

Casey <3: I’ll be late, but I’m coming to your office for lunch <3

Alex smiles, sending back a heart, and then taking a moment to split the food. She took the extra time to sit down and sift through her emails. One reminds her that she volunteered to be a coach for the 3L’s mock trial competition. She sighs as she reads the details regarding their expectations for her. She glances up at the clock, Casey’s at least fifteen minutes late. Her chest starts to sink, just a bit. She bites her lip and decides to start prepping the material for the mock trial team. More time passes and with each glance at the clock, her heart sinks and she checks her phone.

With only twenty minutes left of her lunch, she starts picking at her food with a distracted mind. So distracted that the knock at the door frame causes her to jump. Her eyes dart up to the door, aggravated at first that she was startled, but her expression eases when she notices her sweetheart smiling in the doorway.

“Hi,” Alex whispers sheepishly.

Wordless, Casey makes her way over to Alex’s chair. Alex spins out a bit, just in time for Casey to cup her face and lean down, kissing her passionately. A delighted hum is shared between them, smiles slowly spreading on their cheeks. Casey pulls away for a moment, just long enough to whisper back, “I’m sorry I’m so late. We got the results for the mock trial this semester,” she kisses Alex again, a few times over, not allowing her time to speak.

Alex snakes her hands up Casey’s body and pulls her into her lap, cradling her carefully. She figures out how to steer their lips apart and kisses Casey’s cheeks over and over. “It’s alright, I’m just glad you made it,” she murmurs into Casey’s warming flesh.

Finally separated, Casey cups Alex’s face, stroking her cheeks and treasuring how Alex’s arms fit around her, like puzzle pieces. A moment of dazzling eye contact and they’ve regained their composure. Alex brings the food closer to them with one hand and Casey takes the one she knows is hers. They start to eat and Alex barely collects herself. Once again, she’s revisited by the powerful sensation of love, seeming to vibrate in her chest and distract her from anything needing her focus. In the moments of shared silence, her mind subtly wanders to the balcony of her apartment, snow falling softly on Alex and Elliot.

----------

“Hey,” Elliot says quietly as he approaches Alex, who leans on the railing, letting the cigarette burn between her fingers.

She smiles sheepishly, whispering “hey,” back to him.

“I didn’t peg you for a smoker,” he states as he mimics her stance.

She scoffs, “I don’t regularly. Just when I need to clear my head.”

A moment of silence passes between them and Elliot shoves his hands in his coat pocket, turning towards Alex. “I don’t dislike you,” he states.

Alex furrows her brows, flicking her cigarette and turning to face him. “You don’t?” She asks apprehensively, a faint smirk present on her face.

He laughs and shakes his head. “No…” He takes a deep breath through his nose and exhales, his breath fogging between them. “I see the way that you look at her. I’ve been paying attention to the way you treat her and the people she cares about.” He bites the inside of his lip and glances into the distance behind her. “It says a lot about you.”

She tries to slow the smile that slowly rises to her face, “thank you.” She looks him up and down, “I like you, too. I’m really glad that someone cares about Casey as much as you do. She loves you,” she glances at the door, peering through the glass at her lover, “a lot.”

He glances the same direction, and then back to her. Her eyes are still planted on Casey, her features softening before his eyes. He remembers seeing this look on his father’s face every time he watched Casey’s mother from afar. He remembers giving this look every time he admires his own wife with their children. Joy fills his lungs at the thought someone could look at his sister this way. Having protected her all his life, he could only hope that she would find someone who looked at her this way and treated her the same.

“You know, Alex,” he begins to catch her attention. She slowly turns back to him, her eyes light and soft in the dim light of the apartment as it casts through the window and reflects on the snow. “Love is…” he exhales deeply, “a connection that transcends everything. It’s not an obsession.” Alex narrows her brow and tilts her head as she listens, hoping he’ll continue. “When I first heard about your relationship, I thought it was an obsession, an infatuation.” Alex scoffs with a light grin, he does the same as he continues. “But the more that I’ve gotten to see you both interact, the more that I’ve seen how she acts with you, and you with her…it’s apparent that it’s far more than obsession.” They meet each other’s eyes, Alex’s twinkling with anticipation, unsure if he has more to say. He smiles awkwardly at her and lets out a chuckle, “Alex, she loves you. And it’s obvious to me that you love her.”

Alex, trying to muster a response and being met only with the impulse to tell him that he loves her, is interrupted by the glass door opening. Casey peeks her head out, grinning with her teeth wide in the chilled air. “Everything okay out here?”

Elliot and Alex look back at each other, smiling, and then back at her. “Everything is perfect, Case,” he tells her.

A moment of silence passes as they all exchange glances. “Well…” she starts, her eyes darting between them, “come back inside. It’s cold!” They laugh at her and nod, Elliot rolling his eyes as he leads the way back inside. Alex flicks her cigarette to the ground and snuffs it, stepping inside after him, and kissing Casey softly, whispering an ‘I love you’ that had been trapped in her throat.

----------

Once they’d quickly eaten their lunch, Alex finally took a moment to breathe and acknowledge Casey’s reasoning for her lateness. “What were the results for the mock trial, baby? I got an email about it, too, but I haven’t looked at the list yet.”

Casey grins, returning to Alex’s lap after cleaning up from eating. “I got in! Charlie, too.”

“That’s so amazing, Case. I’m proud of you,” Alex tells her, cupping Casey’s face and pulling it down to kiss her deeply.

“You should see who else got in,” Casey presses. “I haven’t gotten to talk to anyone else,” she reasons. Alex rolls her eyes but does as proposed, turning around, and using one hand to navigate her computer. With the other hand wrapped around Casey’s body, softly stroking her with her thumb, she pulls up the email about the mock trial and begins opening the attachments.

“Mmmm,” Alex hums, a devious smirk pulling at her cheeks.

“What?” Casey asks urgently, “what is it, Lex?”

Alex runs her tongue over her bottom lip and pulls it between her teeth as she turns to look up at her lover. “Well,” she begins, trying to tease Casey a bit by dragging out her answer. “It looks like I’m coaching your mock trial team.”

#casey novak #alex cabot #alexandra cabot #calex #casey novak x alex cabot #alex cabot x casey novak #law and order svu #svu #svu fanfiction #law and order svu fanfiction #elliot stabler #mock trial #professor au

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morallygreychaoticneutral · 2 days ago

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The Evolution of Passion: Culmination

Decided on a more meaningful steep for this one. Phoenix Rising . calendula, wild cherry bark, green tea, rooibos, rosehips and orange peel.

I got an ask (truncated) from danmeiljie " thoughts about what happens in the woods in act 1, and how he initiates with his partner in the graveyard in act 3, But i was curious if you made any connections to his emotional journey and how that's reflected in these different sex scenes and his role in them."

This is my opinion analysis of the graveyard scene. This one might trigger some people. Please read with caution.

WARNING: Game Spoilers, Topics of Sex, Abuse, and Adult themes/Language. Not underage appropriate.

This is not fact, just opinion based off my own and game experience. As always, how anybody cannons their relationships or behaviors is perfectly right! No blame, no shame, it's your game.!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raise your hand if you died here. And I don't mean just a "little death".

Gods, the level of impact this confession had was intense given his avoidant nature throughout the game. I equate it to that moment when someone says their pet doesn't like anybody and they decide to sit in YOUR lap. Those moments are pure wild magic. And so was this one.

Taking Tav to the graveyard is another planned move. But not to manipulate them. And, in my opinion, not to seduce them either.

Thanks to Tav's help, he is finally free of Cazador, but he wants them to bear witness as he frees himself from one more captor.

"Maybe, but he did take it. There's almost nothing left of the person I was. Just a name on a rock. For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost. While the person I was lay here, dead and buried."

Astarion's first victim was someone he never really forgave himself for unwittingly handing over to Cazador to be consumed. Himself.

To me, his grave is a symbolic reference of who he thought he should have / could have been still buried deep within his subconscious. A person he barely remembered, but still grieved for. Lost and decayed under centuries of abuse. Decades of being whatever Cazador said he was. Sad, pathetic, little, owned, nothing. Hollowing him out into the ghost he felt he became.

Some of the worst prisons and punishment's you can imagine, exist within our own minds. The wardens are the echo's of others belief system. The whips are others' opinions of you. The bars are your own acceptance of it.

"I can't be what you want to see in me."

And what a relatable and lamentable ponderance for a lot of us. Who would we be without various trauma painting our minds and bodies in ways that distort our own view of ourselves?

Would we be more social? More trusting? More loving? More loved? More worthy of our own consideration? More successful? More satisfied? More... alive?

" This place reeks of death and I want to feel alive again."

It is a very rare thing to find someone who is willing to walk alongside you during your "Frankenstein" phase of healing. The chaotic mess of putting yourself back together and figuring out how to function in the new arrangement. The emotional scars slowing our motion. The rage fevers , the imposter syndrome infections, the weeping wounds that bleed on those who didn't cause them, the pain that drives us into a self induced isolations.

"Iv always been alone. I don't see why that would change now."

*frowns into cup with deep understanding.*

But for Astarion, Tav came along.

Understanding that when he growled and snapped it was because he was scared. So they were patient.

Understanding that he craved companionship, but was untrusting of it. But they cared anyway.

Understanding that his vampiric nature didn't make him inherently bad. So they trusted him. Objectively stupid as that was.

Understanding that his need to feel powerful and in control of everything was a grasp at never wanting to feel helpless again. So they helped him feel safe.

Understanding that he couldn't see the good in himself through his blinded eyes. So they offered what they saw of him.

"You saw something in me. Someone else I could be."

What is that? If not love.

It is said that we don't actually fall in love with people. We fall in love with who we become within the love they give us. What he wants is not just Tav on the physical level, but to continue feeling alive within the safety of their love for him.

Accepting that he has always been more than what others made him to be, he now has the strength to not only say goodbye to the idea of who he should have been, but also lay to rest the person he created to survive. Giving honor and forgiveness' to that persona, and making way for the birth of the person he wants to become.

The Star of Bethlehem flower (Ornithogalum umbellatum) symbolizes purity, innocence, honesty, hope, and forgiveness.

HE gets to choose who he becomes going forward. What was done can not be undone, but he can choose what to do with it. What meaning the sacrifice will have. What the knowledge of it does to him. It has always been in his power to transmute that poisonous experience into something different, something powerful. To rise from the proverbial ashes to be born again. He just needed someone to remind him of that fact.

Consider yourself reminded as well dear reader..

This included reclaiming and repurposing his view and use of desire. Thus his proposition.

"with everything that life has to offer."

If you boil it all down to its base essence, sex is an act of life. Not only intended to create life, but also used to heal and offer connection. When used properly, of course. This has been quite lost in modern times. And this reason, to me, is why most SA survivors never fully walk away from sex. The desire for that intended connection is still there. So his seemingly misplaced flirt of "If a night of passion is on offer, I could be persuaded," actually does make sense here.

He is being cheeky, as he is known to be, but he also wants Tav to know that he trusts them and feels good about them desiring him as well. "I could be persuaded" mirrors Tav's "You don't have me yet." line the first night you are together. Its meant to be a bratty but fun flirt. Very "Oh, I would love a night of passion, but do give me all the reasons why you desire me. No seriously, tell me what you love about me. Wait, maybe you should write it all down."

Also, with Cazador stabbed, eviscerated, beheaded, shit on, burnt, and yeeted off the ledge into the abyss, he is safe to desire Tav now. Sex with him no longer equates to a death sentence.

Unlike the first night in the woods, or the second night at the grove party, Astarion and Tav have developed real intimacy (into me see) between each other. There is no need for power plays and theatrics here. No need to be half naked, using his body as a tool of seduction. No need to be grandiose using pick up lines to entice.

Instead he is fully clothed and mirroring Tav in a kneeling position. Symbolizing their equality in this moment. A very humble " I want all that you are." on his lips.

If I had to categorize MY Astarion into a sexual subtype. I see him as Pan: demisexual. The bond he feels with Tav is strong and for a demi, that is very seductive. You love him too and that makes him feel safe, seen and...well...

Aww..that's so sweet. But, why does he push Tav down?

There are various possibilities for this. If Tav rode him to the ground in the woods, it could be a turn about is fair play move. I mean, very fair if you ask me.

Or, it could be a loud and clear demonstration of him proving he is the master of his own desires now. Its straight forward dominant behavior. No games, no posturing. He pushes Tav back as if impatient to have them submit to him. Crawling up their body, caging them in with his arms and giving them full on, raw, naked, unadulterated eye contact. Claiming their mouth eagerly with is own. Spreading them open to him with his knee. Declaring that they are his and he is in want.

His first blood, first love, and first time in his new life.

Mercy...

It was Tav who wanted to wake up next to a handsome virgin every morning. Right? *wink*

Happy chosen birthday my beloved elf.

Now, for you dear reader.

One thing I want you to remember when you start feeling sad or hopeless that Astarion is not real. That there is no Tav out there for you, remember that you are Tav. You loved this damaged mess in all his undead glory. Which means you have the capacity and ability to give that effort, kindness, love and patience to yourself as well. Not having someone does not mean you are unlovable or unworthy. It just means its not time yet. You may still still have quests to complete and dragons to slay. Or maybe you are the dragon? Hoarding riches and eating idiots who venture too far into your domain. Either way, its all part of being alive. Neither good nor bad, until you deem it such. Chose joy when you can.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #spawn astarion #pale elf #baulders gate 3 #my headcanons #ask

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fairyniceyeah · 3 days ago

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You made my dawn - Big brother 🍒🦖

Titel from 1 to 13 (SEVENTEEN)

Previous story: Food coma

Summary: They didn’t need her anymore.

CW: /

Main characters: S.Coups/Seungcheol + Dino/Chan

Eunji hadn’t thought that one simple sentence could cause so many diverse emotions.

“I don’t need your help today, noona. Cheollie-hyung helped me with my homework already!”

Chan had been positively beaming at her when he told her, proudly showing his finished worksheets with some notes unmistakingly in Seungcheol’s writing.

Of course Eunji hadn’t really enjoyed doing homework of all things with the trainees - another thing she had not expected she would do when she became a manager - but it sort of had become a ritual for her and Chan to sit down every evening they could and look over his schoolwork. She had patiently answered questions and at points spent her breaks - or schedules she had accompanied the trainees to but wasn’t really needed at - to research some answers on the internet.

It had been even more work on top of her workload so she found herself surprised that the first emotion she felt was sadness. She had liked those evenings. With being responsible for so many kids it was sometimes hard to keep track of them all and she had enjoyed doing it with him, spending one on one time with the maknae.

Of course she didn’t show it. She just ruffled his hair and told him she was glad he had found help in his responsible mat-hyung.

But when the scene repeated each evening, she couldn’t help but feel nostalgia. Together Seungcheol and Chan sat down at the kitchen table, pouring over the latter’s homework. They would work diligently most of the time but there were so many moments of laughter too. Whenever Chan had a question Seungcheol would do his best to answer it, finding creative ways to explain concepts Chan didn’t quite grasp.

“Remember when we cooked for Chuseok? When Jun and Mingyu helped each other out with cutting the vegetables - that’s a symbiotic relationship. They profited from each other’s strengths, Junnie is better with the carrots and Mingyu-yah did all of the kimchi when Jun started to struggle. Jeonghannie, on the other hand, made me cut all the onions until I was crying while he sat and snacked on what we had already prepared - that’s a parasitic relationship. He used me for his gain but I didn’t gain anything from working with that idiot.”

Chan would always end up hugging Seungcheol after each session, eyes sparkling and thanking his hyung profusely. It was cute really, the way he even clung to Seungcheol when he explained something, the older one rubbing Chan’s back while he talked.

And then, maybe a week after Chan had first rejected her help, she was hit with a new realization. Chan was sitting curled up on Seungcheol’s lap while they did some math homework, the maknae drained and exhausted and Seungcheol doing more of the work than just helping.

The painful sensation in her chest was jealousy.

She wanted to be the one helping Chan, spend time with the maknae. But Seungcheol, the natural older brother, had taken over that role for her. Years ago that hadn’t been thinkable - Seungcheol was not a fan of any extra work but seeing Chan struggle with it must have triggered something in him.

So when Chan needed him, no matter how little he matter was, he was there.

And then she remembered all those little things. All the little ways the trainees had grown to become one team, one family.

How the trainees noticed when Seungcheol got nervous and overwhelmed with his newly announced role of leader, all of them rallying together to remind him that they loved and trusted him, that he was the right person.

How whenever Jeonghan struggled with his long hair, one of the members already had a hair tie ready and helped him get it out of his face - emphasizing that the long hair the company insisted he keep did not make him look like he was a woman.

How they all instinctively knew when Jisoo was homesick and needed a hug, the same going for Jun.

How they all went to Soonyoung if they needed help with choreography and always praised what he created, knowing he sometimes doubted himself.

How they knew to give Wonwoo space, sometimes even before Wonwoo himself realised he was getting overwhelmed and would take him to a quiet corner so he could recharge some energy.

How none of them teased Jihoon for his height but rather helped him and even anticipated when he needed help reaching something and giving it to him before he even had to ask for help.

How they all patiently waited for Minghao to speak, never rushing him or talking over him, just gently encouraging his Korean and praising him for his massively improving skills.

How Seokmin’s favorite playlist would ring through the whole dorm if he was upset, the other trainees turning it on so he would smile again and sing along enthusiastically.

How they always checked in with Mingyu when they teased him if it was okay and if they went too far, and how they would sometimes even reach for him before he could predictably spill something or trip.

How they knew that Seungkwan thrived on physical contact and they would make sure to hug and kiss him whenever they could.

How they never teased Hansol for his quirks, just made sure the second youngest felt heard and doting on him when they could.

How apparently they were now even helping Chan with unpleasant tasks like homework.

Once upon a time, all of that had been Eunji’s job, something she was proud of and loved to do for her charges. She had been the one they went to with problems. The one they trusted more than anyone.

But now watching Seungcheol just sweeping in and taking over her role, guiding the kids like she had done … she couldn’t help but feel obsolete and superfluous.

They didn’t need her anymore.

Eunji was torn out of her thoughts by a loud gasp and then a worried voice calling: “Noona? Are you … are you crying?”

The manager looked up from her position on the sofa to where Seungcheol and Chan looked at her, both with equally confused and worried expressions on their faces. She reached up and indeed, her face was wet with tears. She hadn’t even noticed she had started to cry.

She hadn’t expected what happened next. Seungcheol and Chan abandoned the homework on the table and rushed over to her. Chan threw himself onto her lap, wrapping her in his arms while Seungcheol knelt down by the couch, taking one of her hands in his bigger ones. Eunji could have sworn they had been so much smaller.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Noona’s fine”, she said, her trembling voice betraying her. “I’m just being silly.”

Chan looked at her, eyes wide and honest. “Noona, you’re never silly.”

“What’s going on?”, Seungcheol asked gently, squeezing her hand. “We wanna help you for once too. You do so much for us. Let us be there for you too.”

Eunji sniffed, a shaky laugh escaping her. It was so Seungcheol.

“It’s just … I guess, watching you work together on Channie’s homework like that, it made me realize how far you have come. Where are the little trainees I just started working with, the ones who wanted bedtime stories and hugs and held my hand all the time? You’ve all grown up so much and you’ve grown so close, like a real family. You are exactly what I hoped for you to be: The best of friends and a great team. Just … I guess, with how much you have grown… you don’t really need your old noona anymore, do you? You’ve got each other now.”

As she finished speaking Chan leaned forwards, wrapping her in the tightest hug ever. “We’ll always need you, noona”, he sniffed, “don’t say that. We need you. You’ve always been there for you. Without you we wouldn’t be here like this. You make sure we feel seen and are happy and … noona, I think I’ll need you even when I’m eighty.”

Eunji couldn’t help the small sob escaping her and she pressed a kiss to the maknae’s hair. “You are too sweet, Channie.”

“He’s right though, noona”, Seungcheol agreed, sitting on the couch and wrapping his arms around both of them. “You were there when we started. You made us who we are today. Without you there would be no SEVENTEEN. You made our dawn.”

Next story: Hug

#Kpop #Kpop blog #Kpop fanfic #🧚🏻‍♀️#Series title from 1 to 13 (SEVENTEEN)#Seventeen #Trainee seventeen #Baby seventeen #Manager Eunji #💎#Advent calendar #🍒#🦖

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