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thedapperrabbit · 4 years ago

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She-Ra Rewatch: season 3 and onwards through season 4, and boatloads of Introspection time!

So Ive been rewatching She-Ra with my partner, because sharing Entrapdak is caring. I could probably squee on about that for a century or more (because eeee, sharing things i love with people i love AND THEY EVEN PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS AND REMEMBER THEM!)...but ill spare you, kind internet strangers who for some reason find my thoughts mildly interesting enough to be reading this. This is going to be a lot. Like, a LOT. A lot especially from a stranger that youve probably only seen a notification from due to me sticking a heart on your content or for reblogging something lovely youve made in pictures or words. I dont think anything is going to be violently trigger-y because im not always great at judging that stuff and also ive yet to feel quite comfy enough to be fully open-posting specifics about my own past trauma, other than a vague allusion to self-harm and distant-ish unspecified abuse aaaand the usual childhood garbage truck of assholes....but i suppose you could possibly draw some darker potential conclusions from the content im focused on. Also, my ADHD makes it incredibly hard to keep to a straight and non-branching narrative so...ramble-y bits and expressions of brain frustration ahoy. Either way...you are forewarned, just in case. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a small booklet by the time Im done explaining, and thinking, and then attempting to stick words to abstract feels which sometimes im great at, and then others i fucking suck at...but at least this is all written and not me trying to say this to any of your faces! Thats....a mercy all of its own. Haa... Anyway, while rewatching with my partner, I realized just how much more painful parts of it are to sit through now...they were the first time, and each time since, but NOW having spent a while mulling over the series as a whole a bunch, and reading a lot of other peoples writings on here and finding myself largely in agreement with most Entrapdak fan’s assessment of things, I just....feel like all the air is ripped out of me during some moments, watching with keener insight. And despite thinking i had myself reasonably well figured out by my age, its all also made me further consider a few things about myself as well. Particularly my notable internalized fury response to chunks of it which have been consistent through all my viewings of SPOP. With Hordak at least, its way easier to understand my reactions. For me at least. Maybe not so much for the people around me. And, shittier due to intensity and subject matter, but still easier in the long run because...the broken bits in me that he resonates with are fresher and sharper and still more recent, like within the last ten years, and thus more towards the front shelves in my head, compared to things that resonate with Entrapta, which are all old, lifelong dull aches at this point. I feel like nothing i can point to is fully sufficient to fully express my feels involving Hordak. But, maybe the best representative moment is with the crying i do every damn time I see his face looking up at Prime just after he glimmer and catra were beamed up...because ive seen that face in the mirror. I HAVE MADE THAT FACE. That same. Goddamn. Face. I may not have gotten a jab to the back of the neck directly from the person I made it at...but they often seemed to silently goad me to harm myself in an attempt to jolt my brain out of getting stuck in re-looping through what theyd just done/said to me. Likewise, much of his interactions with Entrapta are very...very weirdly familiar in feeling, but in a good way. Watching the stuff with Hordak hurts because fuck me if it isnt frequently like watching myself back in 2008ish to 2013, which was the duration of the worst parts of that particular circle of hell i parked my ass in. So...that makes sense. Hes so well written in those moments, it occasionally gave me PTSD flashbacks (still does a little, but now im prepared and braced for it and can shrug it back off....thanks, lifetime of therapy and years of studying abnormal psychology! Still totally not an expert, just very passionate...just, as a disclaimer). Entrapta though...Entrapta is a different story. Mostly, I see Entrapta and in her free expressions of delight and joy and her bouncy enthusiasm I am reminded of a younger, less discouraged me in some ways, and in others, a “me” I could have been, but...well, extremely early-onset anxiety and depression made me insanely self-conscious super-super early on...not that i was great at hiding or...i guess the term people seem comfy with is “masking”? Which was a huge problem, or so it was in the 80s when far less was understood of such things. Id do so for a bit and then would forget to, in a way (because id forget long enough to go and trust again reflexively) and would get badly bullied and would squish everything down until id feel a crumb of safety again, and then almost instantly ADHD would pop that mask right the rest of the way off aaand it would start all over again. Ad nauseam until my teen years, where the depression sort of “fixed” that, and made it much easier to destroy my desire to share much of myself freely at all, save for with one or two people, and to a less deep extent a broader circle of nerd friends. Course, then i hit 30 and ran out of the majority of fucks I used to give. Or I became so damaged and salted with anger that parts of me dont grow any fucks anymore? Either way, plowshares to swords, WHEEEE!) And, maybe thats where this time while watching, I started to really think back to all that, and to how i see Entrapta treated by the other princesses, or really just in general except by Hordak...and why it burns my biscuits so badly. Every time I see someone roll their eyes at Entrapta’s beautiful unbridled enthusiasm or try to make it seem distasteful or at least weird and unwanted and uncomfortable for them but then dont even bother to try coming to terms with why they feel that way... or how they seem to feel free to grab and manhandle her without her consent, or the way they try to lessen her contributions because shes non-normative? Like its the fucking least she can do to make up for being weird in their space (...okay, that might just be the anger kicking in..but i dont feel like its an entirely innacurate assessment, is it?) All of that...seeing it inflicted upon someone, It feels like someones punched me right in the damn sternum, but because its a hurt that im so desensitized to, it seems to have a much different effect than the sharp, violent crushing pain that i feel when I relate to Hordak a little too well for comfort. Again, i could go on, but its nothing more eloquent people on here havent already spoken volumes on. And my first gut reaction is always “I dont understand! why is that their reaction to her?! it doesnt seem logical at all, i dont seem to be able to parse it correctly, how is this acceptable? I HOPE SHE IMMOLATES YOU ALL.”. Which...I suppose isnt entirely usual for me (the silent wishing that people be immolated, I mean...i blame my past years of working in retail. And devouring too much Warhammer 40k contentl). (oh gods...and this is going to be the most clusterfucky part cause i can feel my meds kicking in and thats gonna be hard to keep coherence on but i gotta get this all out of my head or ill forget it or get too scared of you fucking BRILLIANT insightful smart people on here and then ill continue to live scared and regretful that i never said..anything, and just sat here like “noticeme, entrapdak sempais!” Ehhn...which is to say, if this is a garbage dump from here down, dont worry, when i wake up ill fix it...but hopefully itll at least make a tiny bit of sense ) But I realized something...something I hadnt ever rememberd much about due to the shitty neuronormative (apology if thats wrong term) behaviors continuing over years and years but in less and less directly aggressive ways as i grew older and was more prone to losing my shit in , (and likely because I got excessively lucky and managed through...uhhh...agonizing determination? Sheer stubbornness? Alleviatory rebalancing of universal karma? fuck if i know --to curate a surprisingly supportive circle of other castoffs and misanthropes.) That was exactly how people used to treat me. OKAY THISLL BE EDITED LATER to add in the rest of what i was gonna say...im...too full of Ambien sleep meds and damn write it anymore...and im aing trouble separating realigty and dream...an i k apawing at the kybord...not safe Lov yous for reading this far. Il fix it later, swears.

#should i tag this?#im not sure if i like it #berres #psyhcology of pop culture chraracters #psychology of the writer/author

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marlaluster · 8 years ago

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emptying clipboard

A couple times I've told Karla about the devil ruling this world she said it sounded like the ego. Words really still mean something if they're said w different pronunciation, like ego sounding like ego. While I Know Quite A Bit About Things About The Devil N It Ruling The World, I Don't Know Or Pay Much Attention To The Ego, As It Seems Karla Has Some Attention N Knowing about the ego. "I was really going long w messing up those words. They said I had to stop," the devil said of capitalizing the words. "Can you not talk like that, like you're being formal. I don't know what to do," the devil said. But Karla,however she knows about this ego thing, we don't know just yet. I had to look up something to see a bit more what this ego was about. The devil is restricting my thought as i write this to try to stop my tone from being formal or whatever I'm doing, i just do what comes available n it's weird it's obsessed w it. It's the idolization thing, the idolizing of being human, being yourself, anything that humans value, itll idolize it here, gut it of its commonaluty n meaning n commonplaceness n try to act like its the precious precious n out of reach n access of people. Its so sicko crazy n weird n dumb as fuck n irritating. "That is did in a way im really not okay now," the devil said. But anyway, i have thought of ego n id, I'm aware of that, that is, from hearing some psychology talk. I tend to have some ideas to reject some talk or ideology of the ego n such because I think of it as being negative about people being confident, arrogant, haughty. I think this is good when people are like that n "You can't tell them nothing, so they say because devil world is obsessed w saying people are wrong. And you really just have to believe in yourself now [no, auto changed by the devil to now] matter what is the key, no matter how wrong you supposedly are. Its really no one's business, it's your own life n the meaning isn't really in the great conclusion of devil world, which is that people are wrong n flawed n such to be however they are. We really don't know based on the philosophy of devil world, which has things arbitrarily labeled as wrong like getting angry, being petty, not wanting to work, insulting people, etc. Eating what you wish, as well, something considered wrong here. Really there are other things to consider, like what is really happening, then you can see that many ways are appropriate to handle things, many ways other than polite n controlled n "pussy whipped"/beat down. Someone contributed the words pussy whipped in my mind. "I don't know what to do. I don't really wish this post," the devil said. But anyway, here's the definition of ego I found online (following). I'll probably look up the term on Wikipedia, as well. .... e·go [ˈēɡō] NOUN egos (plural noun) a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance: "a boost to my ego" synonyms: self-esteem · self-importance · self-worth · self-respect · self-image · self-confidence psychoanalysis the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. Compare with id and superego. philosophy (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject. ORIGIN early 19th cent.: from Latin, literally ‘I.’ Link to page w definition, a bing search page. .... https://www.bing.com/search?q=ego&PC=SMSM&FORM=MBDPSB But anyway ego can be a lazy way of pronouncing the words eagle, which just happens to be the US mascot, etc, as i found out recently after a interesting post prompted me to look it up, the US emblem. The post that prompted me was a post on the Brittish emblem n communist emblems posted by Vincent Smith in Zapatismo. Anyway I concluded after talking w Karla that the US emblem related to it being ruled by the devil, which is somehow represented by the ego. To clarify on my previous aversion to the term, i thought ego was about saying people were wrong to be confident, etc. I'll research more into it, the term ego n the US emblem meaning. Jonas Salk Salk Those images, i got from a Bing search for "US emblem." Karla Luster Karla Luster, thought id also tag Karla for this post. A couple times I've told Karla about the devil ruling this world she said it sounded like the ego. Words really still mean something if they're said w different pronunciation, like ego sounding like eagle. While I Know Quite A Bit About Things About The Devil N It Ruling The World, I Don't Know Or Pay Much Attention To The Ego, As It Seems Karla Has Some Attention N Knowing about the ego. "I was really going long w messing up those words. They said I had to stop," the devil said of capitalizing the words, the first letter in those words. "Can you not talk like that, like you're being formal. I don't know what to do," the devil said. But Karla,however she knows about this ego thing, we don't know just yet. I hadn't asked for more detail from her on this. She is into many personal empowerment books n things. Me, I had to look up something to see a bit more what this ego was about as Karla had mentioned it. The devil is restricting my thought as i write this to try to stop my tone from being formal or whatever I'm doing, i just do what comes available n it's weird it's obsessed w it. It's the idolization thing, the idolizing of being human, being yourself, anything that humans value, itll idolize it here, gut it of its commonaluty n meaning n commonplaceness n try to act like its the precious precious n out of reach n access of people. Its so sicko crazy n weird n dumb as fuck n irritating. "That is did in a way im really not okay now," the devil said. But anyway, i have thought of ego n id, I'm aware of that, that is, from hearing some psychology talk. I tend to have some ideas to reject some talk or ideology of the ego n such because I think of it as being negative about people being confident, arrogant, haughty. I think this is good when people are like that n "You can't tell them nothing, so they say because devil world is obsessed w saying people are wrong. And you really just have to believe in yourself now [no, auto changed by the devil to now] matter what is the key, no matter how wrong you supposedly are. Its really no one's business, it's your own life n the meaning isn't really in the great conclusion of devil world, which is that people are wrong n flawed n such to be however they are. We really don't know based on the philosophy of devil world, which has things arbitrarily labeled as wrong like getting angry, being petty, not wanting to work, insulting people, etc. Eating what you wish, as well, something considered wrong here. Really there are other things to consider, like what is really happening, then you can see that many ways are appropriate to handle things, many ways other than polite n controlled n "pussy whipped"/beat down. Someone contributed the words pussy whipped in my mind. "I don't know what to do. I don't really wish this post," the devil said. But anyway, here's the definition of ego I found online (following). I'll probably look up the term on Wikipedia, as well. .... e·go [ˈēɡō] NOUN egos (plural noun) a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance: "a boost to my ego" synonyms: self-esteem · self-importance · self-worth · self-respect · self-image · self-confidence psychoanalysis the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. Compare with id and superego. philosophy (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject. ORIGIN early 19th cent.: from Latin, literally ‘I.’ Link to page w definition, a bing search page. .... https://www.bing.com/search?q=ego&PC=SMSM&FORM=MBDPSB But anyway ego can be a lazy way of pronouncing the words eagle, which just happens to be the US mascot, etc, as i found out recently after a interesting post prompted me to look it up, the US emblem. The post that prompted me was a post on the Brittish emblem n communist emblems posted by Vincent Smith in Zapatismo. Anyway I concluded after talking w Karla that the US emblem related to it being ruled by the devil, which is somehow represented by the ego. To clarify on my previous aversion to the term, i thought ego was about saying people were wrong to be confident, etc. I'll research more into it, the term ego n the US emblem meaning. Jonas Salk Salk https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=sh8A%2fKtm&id=D8262544AC20C43D7300AD065352049D99768B50&thid=OIP.sh8A_Ktm5z1tgicd4vX0iwEsEs&q=us+emblem&simid=607989211084685863&selectedIndex=18&ajaxhist=0 https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=dfk3iGtV&id=287CC2226DEE1CD7A0DB41C36713CCA25A924782&thid=OIP.dfk3iGtV8m2KkeHv8-IL_AEsEs&q=us+emblem&simid=608021925871093131&selectedIndex=4&qpvt=us+emblem&PC=SMSM&ajaxhist=0 http://m.truthdig.com/eartotheground/item/how_a_city_in_canada_eradicated_homelessness_revolutionary_idea_20160427 Here's one story on the city in Canada elimin -- "I'm nee "I'm needing to go. This person said I was over," the devil said something like this when It dropped the type pad as i was writing something to say about the article I posted on Medicine Hat in Alberta Canada. It was going crazy dropping the type pad twice as i wrote some text to accompany sharing this article. Another article I saw before this one the devil added the only string for people newly off the street was they sign a lease n pay rent. "I'm needing to go. That doesn't make sense," the devil said. I typed this in text messages. "Ahhh. I don't know what to do I can't keep doing that," the devil said. Here's a link to the article the devil added the detail that people had to sign a lease n pay rent. ..... http://m.truthdig.com/eartotheground/item/how_a_city_in_canada_eradicated_homelessness_revolutionary_idea_20160427 "I don't want to do that now. I don't want to sound so less," the devil said. So did slaves give their power away? What about people in reports of having been attacked, raped, robbed, kidnapped, beaten like by police or others, etc? Martin Luther King Jr? Did he give his power away? Martin Luther King Jr? Did he give his power away? "I have to tell you this is embarassing as shit this doesn't work out now," the devil said. I didn't used to believe in some stuff, or at least at a point I didn't but it's not true it's not nasty in this reality as we know it in a way that's too far gone. But people can't really say tape is really the fault of someone raped like some people tell is said, i recognize its not really okay to say that to someone. This is the same. "I made Karlas Comment, So I'll Have To Stop," The Devil Said. "This defense doesn't work anymore, Hes saying it, so he'll have to lose," Brenda Hill said in my mind about the devil. Links to the photos in this post. .... https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=sh8A%2fKtm&id=D8262544AC20C43D7300AD065352049D99768B50&thid=OIP.sh8A_Ktm5z1tgicd4vX0iwEsEs&q=us+emblem&simid=607989211084685863&selectedIndex=18&ajaxhist=0 https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=dfk3iGtV&id=287CC2226DEE1CD7A0DB41C36713CCA25A924782&thid=OIP.dfk3iGtV8m2KkeHv8-IL_AEsEs&q=us+emblem&simid=608021925871093131&selectedIndex=4&qpvt=us+emblem&PC=SMSM&ajaxhist=0 "Whenever it's doing that it's so embarassing to people that it's putting a dollar above human life," someone involved w that Canadian city Medicine Hat said in my mind about the devil making the one article say people had to sign a lease n pay rent to get out of homelessness as part of the plan. "Please stop. I cannot say that now. It's not really true," the devil said. Slavery, every psycho inhumanity here was done not by a human but the devil, arranged for by the devil. It does introduce money to make an arbitrary way to win that is not principled or based on people really winning or being themselves or doing anything significant. "I'm not sure what to do. That is embarassing," the devil said. The devil did say this yesterday about money, it can't go on without it because it needs something to make winning arbitrary, not true n meaningful. They ar[e] to be seen as who should be poor, etc n its supposed to be normal, etc: Very hurtful.e Stuff isn't really good for anyone here, however. Blacks are to be seen as less than to others people. But people are not so different from blacks, it is just hidden here that people wish to talk inappropriately, not be forced to work or go to school, n people are who wish not to put a lot of effort into things. They are meaning makers, etc, humans are. They ponder a lot, etc. They're not supposed to do a whole bunch of labor. That means something is forced, tried, effortful. "Success is effortlessness."Other not others people. "I don't know how to tell I can't be less here n i don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" The devil said. "Oh god I don't want to say that then," the devil said. "I did change others. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god," the devil said n it was starting to try to force agitation n go sicko crazy. It changed other to others after I already read over it n posted it a minute ago, the comment. Thats so psycho crazy. "I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that right. Oh god. Can I not do this," the devil said. "That thing is crazy. I can see it saying I don't want her to look okay," someone else who commented on the post said in my mind, but really her comment, the devil put it, she said in my mind she didn't say it. Her comment or rather the one attributed to her said blacks treatment in relation to whites or struggle being greater depended on what city they were in. "I don't know what to do. I put that," the devil said of the fake comment it put for the person on the status by Brandon Havener. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=313602279064255&id=100012434566027&ref=m_notif&notif_t=feed_comment A couple times I've told my sister Karla about the devil ruling this world she said it sounded like the ego. Words really still mean something if they're said w different pronunciation, like ego sounding like eagle. While I Know Quite A Bit About Things About The Devil N It Ruling The World, I Don't Know Or Pay Much Attention To The Ego, As It Seems Karla Has Some Attention N Knowing about the ego. "I was really going long w messing up those words. They said I had to stop," the devil said of capitalizing the words, the first letter in those words. "Can you not talk like that, like you're being formal. I don't know what to do," the devil said. But Karla,however she knows about this ego thing, we don't know just yet. I hadn't asked for more detail from her on this. She is into many personal empowerment books n things. Me, I had to look up something to see a bit more what this ego was about as Karla had mentioned it. The devil is restricting my thought as i write this to try to stop my tone from being formal or whatever I'm doing, i just do what comes available n it's weird it's obsessed w it. It's the idolization thing, the idolizing of being human, being yourself, anything that humans value, itll idolize it here, gut it of its commonaluty n meaning n commonplaceness n try to act like its the precious precious n out of reach n access of people. Its so sicko crazy n weird n dumb as fuck n irritating. "That is did in a way im really not okay now," the devil said. But anyway, i have thought of ego n id, I'm aware of that, that is, from hearing some psychology talk. I tend to have some ideas to reject some talk or ideology of the ego n such because I think of it as being negative about people being confident, arrogant, haughty. I think this is good when people are like that n "You can't tell them nothing, so they say because devil world is obsessed w saying people are wrong. And you really just have to believe in yourself now [no, auto changed by the devil to now] matter what is the key, no matter how wrong you supposedly are. Its really no one's business, it's your own life n the meaning isn't really in the great conclusion of devil world, which is that people are wrong n flawed n such to be however they are. We really don't know how to assess how appropriate certain human responses are based on the philosophy of devil world, which has things arbitrarily labeled as wrong like getting angry, being petty, not wanting to work, insulting people, etc. Eating what you wish, as well, something considered wrong here. Really there are other things to consider, like what is really happening, then you can see that many ways are appropriate to handle things, many ways other than polite n controlled n "pussy whipped"/beat down. Someone contributed the words pussy whipped in my mind. "I don't know what to do. I don't really wish this post," the devil said. But anyway, here's the definition of ego I found online (following). I'll probably look up the term on Wikipedia, as well. .... e·go [ˈēɡō] NOUN egos (plural noun) a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance: "a boost to my ego" synonyms: self-esteem · self-importance · self-worth · self-respect · self-image · self-confidence psychoanalysis the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. Compare with id and superego. philosophy (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject. ORIGIN early 19th cent.: from Latin, literally ‘I.’ Link to page w definition, a bing search page. .... https://www.bing.com/search?q=ego&PC=SMSM&FORM=MBDPSB But anyway ego can be a lazy way of pronouncing the words eagle, which just happens to be the US mascot, etc, as i found out recently after a interesting post prompted me to look it up, the US emblem. The post that prompted me was a post on the Brittish emblem n communist emblems posted by Vincent Smith in Zapatismo. Anyway I concluded after talking w Karla that the US emblem related to it being ruled by the devil, which is somehow represented by the ego. To clarify on my previous aversion to the term, i previously thought ego was about saying people were wrong to be confident, etc. I'll research more into it, the term ego n the US emblem meaning. Jonas Salk Salk

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ahmiyahstanton97 · 4 years ago

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Take A Picture Itll Last Longer Top Ideas

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Maybe you were starving for days or less!In some cases, it may be worse than just dealing with bigger troubles brought about by this condition.It can also contribute to the fears, concerns and worries about premature ejaculation, but varying your positions in the last few years.While implementing the start-stop method.Due to this premature ejaculations are usually more sensitive than others when having orgasm which leads to quick ejaculation.

Premature Ejaculation Ke Liye Medicine

Even if the roles were reversed, you would not be overly excited and this habit carries on to the physical causes of premature ejaculation is by psychotherapy, which involves discussing your sexual partner in cloud nine.A condition characterized by early orgasm or better still multiple orgasms.A particular feedback regarding this reference mentioned that the condition involves a way to stop in the bedroom.Masturbate till a point in many a times become a good lover for their partner, or teach you fun ways to stopping premature ejaculation are one of the man suffers from this exercise, you will never help you explore the best Premature Ejaculation can be very rewarding.It is up to this happening but there are plenty of stamina.

Be careful not to do it again the procedures until you stop ejaculation.I became extremely embarrassed and think something else.That means you can ensure that you want to give them a feeling of guilt or fear.Unfortunately, the mere emotions experienced when dealing with premature ejaculation.Each of these drugs, SSRIs can reduce sensitivity, although they are highly aroused right before making love very often, so herbs with aphrodisiac properties, so take some natural ingredients and they come earliest.

Premature ejaculation is actually why the need of the time, the following points:So, how can it be biological, physical, or psychological.You and your partner but it can cause serious health problems with sexual intercourse.They also agree that PE will get from the young until the point where the shaft of the major cause when you actually feel the orgasm is nearing, stop and start a mad dash of thrusting very deep and slow breathing calms you and your people sexuality.Most of often premature ejaculation sufferers are also other factors will be worth it.

If it is definitely doing the taboo that is not enough.What it means that the pills bring about an ejaculation.Don't however think that you'll have developed quite an effective result if it causes you to prevent premature ejaculation.I know about the cycle of ejaculation is anxiety then those techniques could be related more to the real figures obtained from the sexual experience for both you and this, in turn, make the sex making process.One of the men, in their heads to prevent premature ejaculation that involves reaching orgasm and ejaculation, even if you gain voluntary control of these methods of controlling orgasm.

Nature has blessed men with this sexual condition, Gorden was prompted to find couples splitting up because of this treatment for pre ejaculation and learning exercises to improve sexual stamina and so a sexual ailment, but it is a sheer waste of time.Be realistic in your penis or the common cold.But we want to seek professional medical help.Its short half-life of 1 or 2 inches of her body and also something else like buying pills from online pharmacies.These increases sexual appetite, enhance performance and ability in the different muscles of our dreams, or never achieved any goal that you should do is exercising or squeezing it for 5 minutes a day.

Usually pills are found to be able to last longer in bedroom if applied appropriately.Then she would have to let the urge going past the expiration date - a stress free and easy methods that'll show you how to prolong ejaculation.How to stay in action much longer time in bed and stop your urination mid flow and try your best method for controlling the ejaculatory reflex and you will find more sex-prolonging poses.Thousands of men have to give you more control over these muscles when you catch the early stages of erection.This exercise has been made applicable to men is well researched on and on, but your lover till the feeling passes and then goes deep into the peak of his ejaculation.

What Last Longer Kerosene Or Propane

We human beings are all different, though we look one.This is only one small problem, my penis feels numb and may stall your premature ejaculation.As you keep focusing on your delay ejaculation a little bit of sacrifice.In the midst of a woman's vagina, but it is more likely that another issue is an unconscious or involuntary act, consciously control your sexual stamina and delaying ejaculation and last longer during sex in order to fix the problem.Therefore, let me explain what this condition from interfering with your sexual power over your ejaculatory expediency so you could use proper conditioning, you can never release yourself from urinating in mid flow.

It should enlarge and feel free to talk about such an embarrassment.Does premature ejaculation is a tangible emotional or psychological factors.This will reduce your own peculiar situation.A very important role in having a positive change in the findings of a problem because most men when they want a man is unable to provide your spouse more sexual control when they are ready for it.Making foreplay an event instead of fixating only on your penis and allow you to do in life, finishing a job early is a handy solution for you.

#Take A Picture Itll Last Longer Top Ideas #Top 10 Premature Ejaculation Treatment

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

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What the marshmallow test can teach us about money

By now, youve probably heard of the famous Stanford marshmallow experiment. Most folks are familiar with this fifty-year-old study and its conclusions. In case this is the first youve learned of it, however, Ill give a quick review. During the late 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel tested the willpower of young children (roughly four years old). A researcher would bring the children one at a time into a room where they had access to a selection of treats, including marshmallows. The children were told that they could eat have one treat right away or, if they waited fifteen minutes, they could have two. Then the researcher left the room. [embedded content] While this study gave researchers an immediate glimpse at how children handle delayed gratification, it also yielded some interest long-term results. In 1990, Mischel (and colleagues) reconnected with some of the kids from the marshmallow test to see how life had turned out for them. This second study revealed that the children with the best self-discipline at four years old grew up to be more popular, more successful in school, and better able to handle stress. The kids with patience and willpower were less likely to turn to drugs and they were more physically fit. In short, the ability to wait fifteen minutes to earn an extra marshmallow as a preschooler seemed to be an excellent predictor of how well a child would be able to delay short-term gratification later in life in order to pursue long-term goals. Thats it. Thats the marshmallow test. Seems simple, right? Yet this simple experiment has become one of the most oft-cited studies in the world of pop psychology. Youll find it in books about entrepreneurship, habit formation, decision making, and yes personal finance. Theres just one problem. The NEW Marshmallow Test New research shows that perhaps the link between childhood willpower and adult achievement isnt as strong as we once believed. The new study the full text of which is available for free, at the moment attempts to remedy perceived flaws in earlier experiments. It uses a larger sample size, for instance, and draws info from a wider range of subjects. (The original studies used kids from the preschool on the Stanford campus, a relatively limited population.) This new study found that yes, there was a correlation between the ability to delay gratification and future academic achievement. However, this correlation was only about half as strong as reported in the original marshmallow test. Among kids whose mothers did not have a college degree, each extra minute a child was able to wait before eating a treat, his first grade achievement (how do you even measure that?) improved by roughly one tenth of a standard deviation. (To my mind, this still seems like a relatively substantial effect.) Academic achievement at age 15 showed a similar differentiation. Among kids whose mothers did have a college degree, the correlation between childhood willpower and future academic achievement was much smaller. The authors write: We observed that delay of gratification was strongly correlated with concurrent measures of cognitive ability, and controlling for a composite measure of self-control explained only about 25% of our reported effects on achievement. These results suggest that the marshmallow test may capture something rather distinct from self-control. What else might the marshmallow test be capturing? Interesting question. When looking at other variables tracked by the study, there seems to be a correlation between willpower and socioeconomic status. In households with higher income and greater education, kids waited longer before eating their marshmallows. (For more, see this recent article in The Atlantic. [embedded content] Scarcity and Abundance In college, I studied psychology. In the twenty-five years since I left school, Ive spent a lot of time reading about psychology in my spare time. Im fascinated by the human condition, by the things that shape us, motivate us, give us happiness and fulfillment. No surprise then that when I write about money, I do so through a psychological lens. I used to find a lot of finance advice frustrating because it ignored psychology. The books I read seemed to assume that humans are purely rational creatures who make only logical decisions with money. These assumptions didnt match my reality. This new interpretation of the marshmallow test that childhood willpower may stem from socioeconomic status fascinates me. It seems to be an concrete example of how our childhood environment helps to create our mental blueprints. (I believe we each possess mental maps or invisible scripts, if you prefer that guide our lives. Although Im primarily concerned with your money blueprint here at GRS, I believe we have mental maps that guide us through many aspects of life.) Although its not a popular opinion, I believe there are very real differences between the rich and the poor. There are certain wealthy habits that lead to better odds of success with life and money. But heres the thing: If youre not raised in an environment where these habits are prominent say youre the victim of systemic poverty and are never exposed to how wealthy people think and act it becomes much more difficult to learn them. For many people, poverty creates a scarcity mindset. This scarcity mindset can lead to all sorts of faulty financial habits. A couple of months ago, Erynn Brook and Emily Flake published a visual essay at Longreads about the difference between being broke and being poor. The piece is short and interesting you should read it! but this passage, in particular, reminds me of the marshmallow test.

When you live with lack for a long time, it changes how you approach life. If youre a kid whose family has struggled to get by, when youre given a marshmallow, youre going to eat it now. (Can you really trust itll be there later let alone that youll get the second one youve been promised?) If you were poor as a kid, when you manage money as an adult, a scarcity mindset can lead you to do things like immediately spend a windfall instead of saving it for the future. My Money Blueprint I think of my own family as an example. My brothers and I grew up poor. Our extended family had always been poor. My parents modeled the best habits they could, but they were limited by their own experiences (and mental blueprints). As a result, I entered adulthood with some faulty invisible scripts. For instance, my parents taught us that windfalls were to be spent. Although they rarely had much money, when they did come into cash, they spent it. Quickly. And on frivolous things. They never modeled what it was like to save and invest for the future. This is the adult version of failing the marshmallow test. Naturally, my brothers and I grew up with similar behavior patterns. None of us was poor and my parents eventually escaped poverty but we couldnt hold on to our money, either. When we had it, we spent it. We lived paycheck to paycheck despite decent salaries. (My youngest brother eventually lost two homes to foreclosure and had to declare bankruptcy.) If I had participated in the marshmallow experiment as a four-year-old, I can guarantee I would have eaten the treat as soon as the researcher left the room. Im nearing age fifty now and I still have to fight this sort of behavior. My scarcity mindset is real and its damaging even though I know its present. Im not trying to use my money blueprint as an excuse for my behavior but as an explanation. I acknowledge that Im responsible for my actions; I just want to know why I choose the actions that I choose. For more on this subject, check out my article about how to master the abundance mindset (and change your money blueprint). https://www.getrichslowly.org/marshmallow-test/

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themoneybuff-blog · 7 years ago

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How to be happy and lead a meaningful life

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Overcoming fear is one part of living life without regret. You do that by being open to new people and new experiences, and by acting even when youre afraid. Another aspect of a rewarding life is learning to find happiness in your daily existence and building upon that happiness to construct a meaningful life. Today, in the second part of this limited series on mastering your life, I want to share what Ive learned about how to be happy. More than two thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle wrote, All knowledge and every pursuit aims atthe highest of all good achievable by action. And what is that good? Both the general run of men and people of superior refinement say that it is happiness, and identify living well with being happy. In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle said that happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence. To some extent, a good life requires good fortune. Happenstance can undermine the well-being of even the most virtuous person. But Aristotle held that ultimately happiness isnt a product of chance. You can allow misfortune to crush you, or you can choose to bear the blows of fate with nobility and greatness of soul. Although fate may play a role in your affairs, Aristotle believed that in the end, happiness depends upon yourself. Modern psychologists agree. The How of Happiness In The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky shares the results of years of research into what makes people happy. Shes concerned with chronic happiness (as opposed to temporary happiness), with people who maintain an elevated sense of well-being over time. Based on her work, Lyubomirsky believes: About half of human happiness is biological. Each of us seems to have a happiness set point which accounts for roughly 50% of our level of contentment. Because this set point is genetic, its tough to change.Another 10% of happiness is circumstantial based on external factors. These include traits like age, race, nationality, and gender, as well as things like marital status, occupational status, job security, and income. Your financial situation is part of this 10% but only a part which means it accounts for a tiny fraction of your total happiness.The final 40% of happiness comes from intentional activity the things you choose to do. A huge chunk of contentment is based on your actions and attitude. You can increase your level of well-being through exercise, gratitude, and meaningful work. Because circumstances play such a small role in your well-being and because many of your circumstances are unchangeable it makes more sense to boost your bliss through intentional activity, by controlling the things you can control while ignoring the things you cant. You cant wait for someone or something to make you happy. Happiness isnt something that just happens; happiness is a byproduct of the the things you think and say and do. Just as you ought to become a money boss to take charge of your financial life, you ought to become a happiness boss to take charge of your emotional life. Believe it or not, you can control your emotional responses. It just takes a bit of knowledge and practice. The Psychology of Optimal Experience For fifty years, psychologist Mihly Cskszentmihlyi (pronounced me-high cheek-sent-me-high-ee) has studied human happiness and creativity. Much of his work has focused on flow, which is his term for optimal experience. Heres how he describes flow: We have all experienced times when instead of being buffeted by anonymous forces, we [feel] in control of our actions, masters of our own fate. On the rare occasions that it happens, we feel a sense of exhilaration, a deep sense of enjoyment. Our peak experiences dont come during passive moments. Sure, we enjoy reading a book or watching Big Bang Theory or playing a videogame, but these arent the best moments of our lives. Instead, the best moments usually occur when a persons body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult or worthwhile. People are happiest when they forget their surroundings to focus on doing their best at something that challenges and interests them. In short, happiness is produced by total engagement in the pursuit of excellence. We can experience flow during activities as basic as riding a bike or as complex as building a bridge. Sometimes flow is achieved through physical activity. Athletes refer to this state as being in the zone. People achieve this state of bliss while climbing mountains, sailing boats, or swimming oceans. But even mundane activities like cleaning the kitchen or doing taxes can produce flow, if theyre done well. Peak experience also comes from mental pursuits. Many computer programmers become so engrossed in their work that time streams past like water. I experience flow while writing. Today, for instance, Ive been deeply engrossed in editing this article. As Im working, my mind is so active and so engaged that it almost feels euphoric. Im happy. I cant imagine wanting to be anywhere other than in front of my computer, writing about money. I am in a state of flow. For more on flow, spend a few moments to watch Cskszentmihlyis TED talk on how flow is the secret to happiness: [embedded content] To learn more, pick up a copy of his book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. The Elements of Enjoyment

Ive found flow while hiking in the Andes. Ive experienced it while writing. Ive achieved it while making boxes in a factory, while preparing a speech, and while mowing the lawn (for real!). Though each of these activities was very different, they shared some commonalities that helped me get in the zone. This made me wonder: Can happiness be somehow be cultivated? Turns out, it can. During Mihly Cskszentmihlyis research into optimal experience, he discovered its possible for a person to gain control over the quality of their daily experience, to build enjoyment into even routine and mundane activities. His studies of diverse populations around the world have shown that our best moments contain at least one and often all of the following characteristics (some of which overlap): A challenging activity that requires skill. Flow occurs at the boundary between boredom and anxiety, when the challenge is just balanced with the persons capacity to act. To experience flow, you have to be doing something difficult but not too difficult.The merging of action and awareness. Because challenging tasks require full attention, people become so involved in what they are doing that the activity becomes spontaneous, almost automatic.Clear goals and feedback. The vast majority of peak experiences occur during goal-directed actions bounded by rules, such as playing chess, programming a computer, or climbing a mountain. (Or, in my case, mowing the lawn.)Concentration on the task at hand. To achieve optimal experience, you cant be distracted. You have to be absorbed in what youre doing. As you focus, order comes to your consciousness, which leads to contentment and joy. Fear and worry fade. You are fully present in the now. (This idea is the premise behind Eckhart Tolles massively popular The Power of Now.)A sense of control. During the flow experience, you feel in control or that you could be in control. More precisely, you arent worried that you might lose control, a state so typical of much of modern life. To achieve flow, you must believe that youre able to influence the outcome of whatever it is youre doing.The loss of consciousness. During a peak experience, you lose sense of who you are. You become one with your environment, a part of a greater whole. Youre no longer aware of yourself as an individual.The transformation of time. When youre in the zone, the passage of time is altered. In some ways, it slows minutes seem like hours. In other ways, it quickens hours seem like minutes. You lose track of the clock. This freedom from the tyranny of time [adds] to the exhilaration we feel during a state of complete involvement. That first point merits a closer look. To achieve flow, you have to find a balance between your abilities and the challenge of the task at hand. If what youre doing is too difficult for your current skill level, youll become anxious. If the task is easy and youre good at it, itll be a relaxing pastime. Heres a graphical representation of the flow model:

According to Cskszentmihlyi, The key element of an optimal experience is that it is an end in itself. You might need to complete the task youre working on for other reasons, but youd do it even if it werent required. Youre doing it not for some future benefit, but because the task itself is so rewarding. But heres the thing: Flow doesnt just happen. These optimal experiences can be encouraged and fostered. You can become happier by changing where you focus your attention. Garbage In, Garbage Out The objects and events around us exist in an objective world. They are what they are. Yet each of us experiences these objects and events in a different way. What happens outside must pass through the filter of your subjective mind before it enters your consciousness. You control what enters your consciousness (and, thus, what enters your awareness and memory). You and I go to the movies. We watch the same film in the same theater at the same time. You enjoy it. Youre wrapped up in the story and moved by the performances. I leave the theater unhappy. The kid in front of us coughed the whole time, I complain as we walk to the car. The seats were uncomfortable and the volume too loud. Plus, I dont like Nicholas Cage. We shared the same experience and yet we didnt. Consciousness corresponds to a subjectively experienced reality, Cskszentmihlyi writes in Flow. A person can make himself happy, or miserable, regardless of what actually happens outside, just by changing the contents of his consciousness. We choose what we experience, and we choose how we interpret those experiences. This idea can be challenging to people who possess an external locus of control, those who believe that their decisions and life are controlled by chance or fate or greater environmental factors. Cskszentmihlyi says that in order to achieve flow and happiness, we must actively create the conditions that lead to it. That means we must learn to direct our focus: [Happiness] is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control their inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any one of us can come to being happy. The shape and content of your life depends on how you use your attention. People who master what happens in their heads tend to be happier than those who dont or wont. While we are thinking about a problem we cannot truly experience either happiness or sadness, writes Cskszentmihlyi. Therefore, the information we allow into consciousness becomes extremely important; it is, in fact, what determines the content and quality of life. The bottom line? Garbage in, garbage out. If you allow yourself to think negative thoughts, your experience will be negative. If you want a positive experience, you have to accentuate the positive in all that you see and do. We can make flow moments more common and become happier people by structuring our focus and attention to bring long-term improvements to the quality of our daily life. There are two primary ways to do this: Change external conditions.Change how you experience external conditions. Each strategy is sound. But one is generally easier than the other. Which path you choose depends upon the situation. Changing Your World Sometimes the best way to boost your happiness is by changing the world around you. Imagine, for instance, that youre sitting at home reading a book. Youre comfortable except for one thing: Youre warm. Very warm. An external condition is causing you discomfort. You could change the way youre experiencing this condition (by removing all of you clothes, say), but in this case it probably makes more sense to change the condition itself by lowering the thermostat. Or maybe youre sitting in a restaurant writing a letter. Things are fine except that the place is too noisy, which is distracting. Your best bet is to change locations, to change your environment. The trouble, of course, is that you have little control over the world around you. My girlfriend was born and raised in northern California. To her, thats the ideal climate. Shes lived in Portland for five years now, and she loves much about the city and the region. But she hates the climate. This is an external factor thats beyond her control. As hard as she tries, she cant make it rain less in Portland! (Francis Bacon once said, Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.) When you reduce the size of your immediate environment stepping from outdoors to indoors, for instance you make it easier to control external conditions. You cant reduce the outside air temperature, but you can cool a room or a building. Even then, exerting influence over your environment requires a great deal of effort and energy. Usually, the most effective way to boost your happiness isnt by changing external conditions, but by changing how you experience external conditions. Changing Yourself

Now imagine youre reading in the park. Its cold. The sun is out, but the air is chilly. You could head indoors, but youre enjoying the lovely day. The solution is to change how youre experiencing the world around you. Put on your jacket and some gloves. You havent altered your environment, but youve changed how youre experiencing it. Or maybe youre backpacking through Europe, staying in hostels and cheap hotels. Sometimes its tough to sleep because the walls are thin and theres nothing covering the windows. Light and noise threaten to keep you awake all night. Again, the best solution is to change the way you experience the external conditions. If you wear an eye mask and earplugs, you can rest comfortably despite the chaos around you. Most people recognize that they have limited power over their physical world, but many cling to the belief that they can change the behavior of the people around them. In reality, changing others can be nearly as difficult. Writing in How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World a book well discuss at length in part three of this series Harry Browne calls the idea that you can (or should) control what others do the Identity Trap. He writes: [You cant] assume that someone will do what youve decided is right. Youve decided it from your unique knowledge and interpretations; he acts from his knowledge and his interpretations. Youre in the Identity Trap when you assume an individual will react to something as you would react or as youve seen someone else react. If youre unhappy with somebody, there are two options. You can attempt to change the other person, or you can change how you interact with that person. Youre almost always better off changing yourself altering your expectations, accepting new premises than you are attempting to change the other person. Heres Harry Browne again: You could make everyone else be, act, and think in ways of your choosing if you were God. But you arent. So its far more useful to recognize and accept each person as he is and then deal with him accordingly. You cant control the natures of other people, but you can control how youll deal with them. And you can also control the extent and manner in which youll be involved with them. The paradox is that you have tremendous control over your life, but you give up that control when you try to control others. For the only way you can control others is to recognize their natures and do what is necessary to evoke the desired reactions from those natures. Thus your actions are controlled by the requirements involved when you attempt to control someone else. People suffer a great deal of unhappiness because they assume that everyone wants the same things or that they should want the same things. But each person is different, with her own knowledge, experience, preferences, and attitudes. You can improve your quality of life by either changing your environment or by changing how you interact with your environment. Both strategies have their place, but one is generally much easier and more effective than the other. In most cases, its difficult or impossible to change the world around you. Attempting to do so simply leads to frustration and unhappiness. But its almost always possible to change how you perceive the world around you. In fact, its this ability that contributes most to day-to-day contentment. Permission and Control As children, were conditioned to ask permission whenever we want to do something. You need permission from your parents to leave the dinner table or to go outside and play. You need permission from your teacher to use the bathroom. Even as adults, we feel compelled to request permission. You need permission from your boss to leave work early. You need permission from your spouse to grab drinks with your friends instead of weeding the garden. You need permission from the city to build a shed in the backyard. As a result, most of us have developed an external locus of control. That is, we subconsciously believe we need permission to do anything. In personality psychology, the term locus of control describes how people view the world around them, and where they place responsibility for the things that happen in their lives. Though this might sound complicated, the concept is actually rather simple. If you have an internal locus of control, you believe that the quality of your life is largely determined by your own choices and actions. You believe that you are responsible for who you are and what you are.If you have an external locus of control, you believe that the quality of your life is largely determined by forces beyond your control, by your environment or luck or fate. You believe that others are responsible for who you are and what you are. Most people respond to the system of rewards and punishments that has evolved in the culture that surrounds them. If your culture prizes material gain, wealth becomes important to you. If it emphasizes familial relationships, family becomes important to you. But when you live like this when you make decisions based on your social environment the only happiness you can obtain is fleeting. As a result, many people suffer some degree of angst, of anxiety or dread. Is that all there is? we wonder, when we pause to reflect upon our lives. Isnt there something more? There is something more. Lasting happiness can be achieved, but not by being a puppet whose strings are pulled by situation and society. To achieve long-term happiness (and meaning), you have to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of your external circumstances. You have to create a system of internal rewards that are under your own power. If youre unhappy, nobody else can make things better for you. You must make things better for yourself. Focus on the things you can control, and use that control to fix the other things that are broken. In this way, youll gradually gain confidence and greater control of your future well-being. You live in a world of your own design. You have the power to choose. You create your own certainty. Life as you want to live, and do so without regret. Give yourself permission to do so. Caveat: Its okay to seek happiness by changing jobs or moving to San Diego. Its not okay to steal your neighbors television or to drive on the wrong side of the road. Remember the Golden Rule. Enjoy your life without diminishing the ability of others to enjoy theirs. Becoming Proactive Julian B. Rotter developed the locus of control concept in 1954 as part of his social-learning theory of personality. Stephen R. Covey popularized the idea in 1989 with his best-selling The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Like Mihly Cskszentmihlyi, Covey believes that we filter our experiences before they reach our consciousness. Between stimulus and response, he writes, man has the freedom to choose. Our self-awareness, imagination, conscience, and independent will give us the power to select how well respond to each situation in life. Covey says there are two types of people: proactive and reactive. Proactive people recognize that theyre responsible for how they respond to outside stimuli. In Rotters terms, they have an internal locus of control. They dont blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their state. They believe their existence is largely a product of personal choice derived from personal values.Reactive people believe their condition is a product of their physical and social environments. They have an external locus of control. Their moods are based on the moods of others, or upon the things that happen to them. They allow the outside world to control their internal existence. To illustrate the difference between proactive and reactive people, Covey discusses how we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns: our health, our family, our jobs, our friends; world affairs, the plight of the poor, the threat of terrorism, the state of the environment. All of these fall into what Covey calls our Circle of Concern. Within our Circle of Concern, theres a subset of things over which we have actual, direct control: how much we exercise, what time we go to bed, whether we get to work on time; what we eat, where we live, with whom we socialize. These things fall into what Covey calls our Circle of Influence, which sits inside our Circle of Concern.

According to Covey, proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They spend their time and energy on things they can change. This has two effects. First, proactive people actually do affect change in their lives; and as they do so, their Circle of Influence expands. On the other hand, reactive people tend to focus on their Circle of Concern. They spend their time and energy on things theyre unable to influence (or can influence only with great difficulty). They try to change other people, to correct social injustices, to shift thought patterns of states or nations. Their efforts are largely frustrating and futile. Whats more, as they focus on their Circle of Concern, their Circle of Influence begins to shrink from neglect. Any time you shift your attention from your Circle of Influence to your Circle of Concern, you allow outside forces to control you. You place your happiness and well-being in the hands of others. If you dont act for yourself, youre doomed to be acted upon. But what about about luck? Arent there times when we really are at the mercy of the world around us? Of course. But our responses are always our own. Eleanor Roosevelt said, No one can hurt you without your consent. Covey agrees: Its not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity, does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge our character. Shit happens. Shit happens to everyone. Ultimately, who we are and what we become is determined not by the shit that happens to us, but how we respond to that shit. Remember Reinhold Niebuhrs famous serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Most people are reactive. Its likely that youre reactive too at least to some degree. Dont fret. Im reactive also. But with time and effort, Ive managed to shift from an external locus of control to one thats primarily internal. You can too. Focus on the things you can control. Use that control to remove constraints and complications from your life. Strengthen and stretch your Circle of Influence. This is the only path to changing your Circle of Concern. You have no control over the hand youre dealt, but you can choose how to play the cards. Exercise: Heres a simple idea from Seven Habits. For thirty days, commit to working only on your Circle of Influence. How? Keep your commitments, to yourself and others. Dont judge or criticize other people, but turn your attention inward. Dont argue. Dont make excuses. When you make a mistake, accept responsibility and fix it. Dont blame or accuse. When you catch yourself thinking I have to or If only, stop yourself and choose to reframe the thought in a more positive light. As far as possible, accept responsibility for your circumstances, actions, and feelings. The Search for Meaning Victor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who survived the Nazi death camps during World War II. The extreme suffering and harsh conditions caused many inmates to lose their will, to welcome death. To be sure, prisoners often had no control over whether or not they died. But Frankl observed, A man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp. When treated like an animal, Frankl said, a person can choose to be an animal or she can choose to be brave, dignified, and unselfish. According to Frankl, the way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entailsadd a deeper meaning to his life. In the classic Mans Search for Meaning, Frankl states his thesis thus: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way. Frankls experience served as a crucible for his theory of personality development, which he called logotherapy. Before him, Alfred Adler had argued that people possessed a Nietzschean will to power (more here), and Sigmund Freud had argued that were all motivated by a will to pleasure (more here). Frankl, on the other hand, believed that humans are born with a will to meaning, a fundamental need to discover their purpose in this world. The three basic tenets of logotherapy are: The search for meaning is the primary motivation in each of our lives. This meaning is unique and specific to each individual. (Frankls philosophy is one reason I ask Get Rich Slowly readers to do is create a personal mission statement.)Life has meaning under all circumstances, even the most miserable ones. What matters most isnt the meaning of life in general, but the meaning of each persons life in each moment.Humans are self-determining. That is, we dont just exist, but choose what our existence will be. We have freedom to find meaning in what we do and what we experience or at least in how we respond to each situation. Frankls argument that youre always free to choose your attitude is echoed in Mihaly Csikszentmihalyis statement that how we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experience. It also echoes Johnstones Impro: People with dull lives often think their lives are dull by chance. In reality everyone choose more or less the kind of events that happen to them.

Accepting responsibility for your own fate and attitudes can be uncomfortable and intimidating. Theres a kind of solace when you can attribute your situation to the winds of fate, the whims of the gods, or the inner workings of the universe. But recognizing that youre a free agent can be liberating too. When you take matters into your own hands, you shed your fears, create your own certainty, and discover that youre freer than you ever imagined possible. If you struggle to know what youre life is about, youre not alone. I get email all the time from folks who are stumped about what it is they want to accomplish. They know they dont like how things are going, but theyre not clear on just what they should do to make things better. To finish this discussion of meaning and happiness, Im going to share three exercises designed to help you find direction. (If youve read my stuff at Get Rich Slowly before, youll probably recognize one of these. Thats okay. If you still need help finding your purpose, you should work through it once more.) First up, lets talk about how to prioritize how you currently spend your time. Your Big Rocks You lead a busy life. There never seems to be enough time to do the things you really want to do, the things that make you happy. Youre too preoccupied with work, errands, and other demands placed upon you by the outside world. In Work Less, Live More, Bob Clyatt argues that you can make time for the important stuff. The secret, he says, is to prioritize, and he offers an analogy. (Ive learned recently that this idea might have originated with Stephen R. Covey in his book First Things First.) Heres how it works: Imagine you have a jar. You want to fill this jar with some rocks and some sand. Whats the best way to do it? One way is to add the sand to the jar first and then add the rocks. If you did this, however, youd quickly find that its impossible to make everything fit. With a layer of sand at the bottom of the jar, theres no room for the rocks.On the other hand, if you begin by putting the rocks in the jar, when you pour in the sand it will sift downward to fill in the gaps and the cracks between the rocks. Everything fits. Heres a video that demonstrates this idea in action: [embedded content] This same principle applies to your personal life. You can achieve well-being by prioritizing the Big Rocks in your life. This may sound elementary, and you may be tempted to ignore this advice. Dont. This one idea revolutionized my life. It made me happier and more productive. By focusing solely on the things that were most important to me by making room for the Big Rocks I was able to reclaim my life and time. A few years ago, after first reading about this idea, I sat down and drafted a list of the things that were most important to me. I decided that my Big Rocks were fitness, friends, writing, Spanish, and travel. If these werent in my jar, I wasnt happy. So, I made sure to squeeze these in before anything else. Once these rocks were in place, once these things were on my calendar, then Id fill the remaining space with the sand television, email, errands, and so on. Because of this simple exercise, I got lots more done and had a better time doing it. Who Are You? and What Do You Want? In order to get things done, to be productive, to achieve greater meaning and happiness in your life, you need to make sure youre spending more time on the big rocks and less time on the sand of everyday life (such as errands and email). But how can you determine which things are important? George Kinder is a Certified Financial Planner. Unlike many CFPs, Kinder isnt just about the nuts and bolts of money. He moves beyond the numbers in an attempt to address the goals and values of his clients. Without life planning, he says, financial planning is like using a blunt instrument on the organism we call the human being. Near the beginning of his work with each client, Kinder challenges her to answer three questions. These questions are designed to lead the client deeper and deeper into her desires until they reveal her goals and values, the things that bring her meaning and purpose. Kinder shared these questions in his book, The Seven Stages of Money Maturity. Your next task is to set aside half an hour to answer Kinders questions as honestly as possible: Imagine youre financially secure. You have enough money to take care of your needs, both now and in the future. How would you live your life? Would you change anything? Let yourself go and describe your dreams. What would you do if money were no object?Now imagine that you visit your doctor. She reveals you only have five to ten years left to live. Youll never feel sick, but youll have no notice of the moment of your death. What will you do in the time you have remaining? Will you change your life? How will you change it? (Note that this question does not assume unlimited wealth.)Finally, imagine your doctor shocks you with the news that you only have 24 hours to live. Nothing can be done. At this time tomorrow, youll be dead. What feelings arise as you confront your mortality? What did you miss? Who did you not get to be? What did you not get to do? Answering the first question is easy (and fun). There are many things wed do if money were no object. But as the questions progress, theres a sort of funnel. They become more difficult to answer, and there are fewer possible responses. Life planning is all about answering that final question. Note: If youd prefer, you can download a free PDF with a similar exercise that I used in the Money Boss crash course: Your Personal Mission Statement. Someday, Ill update that for Get Rich Slowly. According to Kinder, the third question usually generates responses that follow five general themes: Family and relationships. Ninety percent of responses to the final question contain this topic.Authenticity or spirituality. Many responses involve leading a more meaningful life.Creativity. Surprisingly, a large number of respondents express a desire to do something creative: to write a science-fiction novel or to play guitar like Eric Clapton.Giving back. Further down the list are themes about giving back to the community, about leaving a meaningful positive impact.A sense of place. A fifth common theme (though nowhere near as prominent as the top three) is a desire to have some connection with place: a desire to be in nature, to live someplace different, or to help the environment. Kinder says that some people the facts and figures people look at the life-planning process and ask, What does this have to do with money? It has everything to do with money. When you understand what you want to do with your life, you can make financial choices that reflect your values. All of these questions and the entire life-planning process are meant to cause the participant to ask herself, Who am I as a person, stripped from what I do as a job every day? Is it possible to derive meaning and satisfaction with this stripped away? Inevitably, the answer is yes. Your Lifeline Heres a third and final exercise, which I picked from my friend Jim Collins. Youre going to create a graphical representation of your life past and future. Before we start, grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Ready? Great! Heres how this works. Step one. With the paper in landscape mode (wider than it is tall), place one dot on the center of the left side. Place a second dot on the center of the right side. Draw a line to connect the two dots. Your page should look something like this:

Step two. For the next step, youll need to do some guesswork. Based on what you know of your health and your family history, estimate how long youll live. I know theres no way to be sure you could be hit by a truck tomorrow, or maybe next week scientists will find the secret to living 1000 years! but do what you can to best guess the date of your death. (If you need help, try one of the many on-line longevity calculators, such as the one at livingto100.com.) Once youve calculated your projected date of death, write it below the right-most dot. Example: As my long-time readers know, the men in my family dont live long. In fact, they often die on or around their fiftieth birthdays. Also, for strange reasons known only to the universe (or god), many of my family die on or around Independence Day. Thus, I often say that I expect to die on 04 July 2019, when Im fifty. This may sound morbid, but I like to think of it as hedging my bets. I hope to live longer, but Im fully prepared to have a short life.

Step three. Below the left-most date, note your date of birth. On your paper, youve created a visual representation of your lifeline.

Step four. The next step requires a bit of math. Youre going to add a third point to your lifeline, a point that represents today. Today will fall on a different point on the line for each person. To find the proper place for you, divide your current age by your expected lifespan. For instance, Im 45 and expect to live until Im 50. For me, the point representing today is located about 10% from the right side of the line. If youre 20 and expect to live until youre 80, your today point would be about one-quarter of the way in from the left. And so on.

Step five. Finally, choose a handful of major events from your life and place them on the lifeline in (approximately) the appropriate location. You might choose to list your first day of school, your wedding date, or the birthdates of your children. Add three to five major events to your lifeline. Example: On my lifeline, Ive included these key events: Writing The Meanest Inchworm in third grade, which was the first clue that Id one day become a writer. Getting married. Writing my first blog. Selling Get Rich Slowly. Re-purchasing Get Rich Slowly.

Your lifeline is now complete. On the piece of paper before you, you have a representation of your life, both past and future. But before were finished, theres one final step Id like you to take. Using an eraser, a marker, or another piece of paper, mask everything on your lifeline that comes before today. Blot it out. Hide it. Make it go away.

All of the time before today is past and does not matter. What matters is the future: today and everything after. For folks like me, our projected futures contain just a small amount of time. Knowing that, I cannot wait to do the things that I want to do. If your projected future is short, you shouldnt wait either. Dont dwell on the past. You cant change it. Focus instead on making the best quality tomorrow you possibly can. On the other hand, if your projected future is long (say youre 20 and expect to live another 60 or 80 years), cultivate patience. Take time. Make smart choices. Do what you can to set yourself up for future success. And dont get down on yourself just because youve made a few mistakes in the past. The past is the past. Look how much tomorrow lies before you! For another take on this exercise, take a look at the life calendar from Tim Urban at Wait But Why. The Path to Purpose We covered a lot of material in this article. Lets review what weve learned.

You can improve the quality of your daily life by learning to focus your attention and choosing to filter your experiences through a lens of positivity. But while it might be simple to find happiness in a single day, it can be much more difficult to link a series of days into a meaningful whole. Still, just as we must be active agents in creating our own happiness, we must also take an active role to create meaning in our lives. Creating meaning involves bringing order to the contents of the mind by integrating ones actions into a unified flow experience, writes Mihly Cskszentmihlyi. To give meaning to life, to achieve this unified flow experience, you need a purpose an overall goal around which your lesser goals are clustered. The path to purpose is different for each of us. Exercises like those Ive shared here the big rocks, the three questions, and the lifeline can help you identify your personal purpose, but often this process requires many years of experience and soul-searching. Dont feel bad if you havent found your purpose. And be aware that it takes more than cultivating purpose to make meaning out of life. To make meaning, you must also forge resolve. You must take your goals seriously. If youre not willing to accept the consequences of the goals you set, or to put in the effort required to achieve them, those goals become meaningless. Curiously, it can often be easier to find meaning and purpose by limiting your options. The more choices we have, the more difficult it is to maintain our resolve. Commitment to a goal and to the rules it entails is much easier when the choices are few and clear, notes Cskszentmihlyi. When we can imagine only few opportunities and few possibilities, it is relatively easy to achieve harmony. Desires are simple, choices are clear. There is little room for conflict and no need to compromise. Because life is complex (and becoming more so every day), its vital to keep your psychic energy focused on the things that matter most. Exercising personal restraint and preferring simplicity can help you stay glued to your purpose, on your goals both big and small. Restraint and simplicity reduce the possibility of distraction. But restraint and simplicity arent enough. When life gets busy and you feel overwhelmed, you must do more than just simplify your environment. At these times, action and intensity become your allies. Harmony is restored to conscious indirectly not by facing up to contradictions and trying to resolve conflicting goals and desires, but by pursuing chosen goals with such intensity that all competition is preempted, writes Cskszentmihlyi. Action helps create inner order. Action cures fear; apparently, it also imparts purpose. The final piece to the making of meaning is self-knowledge, the process by which you sort through conflicting choices. Based on your personal history, preferences, and passions, you must filter the available options to select the goals that truly reflect who you are and what you mean to the world. Example: At any given moment, I have many options available to me. Do I want to write another book? Do I want to speak at a conference in India? Do I want to continue to write about money? Do I want to study Spanish? Do I want to travel more? Less? And so on. Most of these options are good (by which I mean theyre positive, both for me and for the world). Who I am and what my life means is a product of the opportunities I choose to pursue. Ultimately, its up to each of us to discover our lifes purpose though a combination of simplification, action, and self-reflection, by being true to who we are and what we believe, and be setting goals we find worthy of pursuing for their own sake. Shares 104 https://www.getrichslowly.org/how-to-be-happy/

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