#or to inspire even more troubles
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#tumblr polls#polls#Sorry if the wording is weird. I thought ''be considered X where I live'' would make the most sense since 'tallness' or etc. is sort of#subjective to the people around you or your specific culture/area/etc. And if I just said ''I'm tall'' or ''I'm short'' then#the response might be 'well how do I define whether I'm tall or not?'' or etc. But then most people could probably look#at the people around them in daily life they interact with and compare based on that to get a more literal idea or something#..ANYWAY.. lol.. as usual just thought of some random thing and was like.. hrmm... i wonder what the most common#feeling about that would be.#personally I'm not even short but I just want to be really really tall... like... 7 feet tall or something. In a fantasy world type of way#of course. so like a super tall elf creature. More realistically I suppose you get health problems past a certain point#so maybe I'd be happy with 6'2“ or so.#Absolutely no hate towards people with this preference but I've always had trouble understanding the idea of wanting to be shorter#so you're Small And Cute or this and that. or whatever the base reason is. I suppose I would understand it from a surivval prespective#maybe you want to be able to hide in your environment easier and blend into a crowd. I personally would like people to be inspired to run#away from me when they see me though gjhbj#In an average grocery store or something just a normal day but then some 8 foot tall wizard man walks in and so everyone#kind of backs away slowly = yaaay I get the aisle all to myself and can shop for my produce in peace.#(except for the fact that there's a subsection of people who would intepret it as spectacle and would run towards instead of away#and pull out their dumbass phones to film Weird Thing Happening. in which case. spell of 'phone melts into molten plastic in your hands#stop filming strangers in public without their consent' be cast upon ye. )
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my TWO FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD, VAMPIRES N COWBOYS... deacon keller is SUCH a fun character, hes charming and funny but ALSO formidable and STRONG when he feels he needsta be. i hope him and arthur can get a chance to talk more and be better friends. l ike really good friend s. . like. like really good f. hangon i gotta go i think i hauve rabies.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#deacon keller#arthur bennett#OOUGUGHHAAOGUguguhh i feel so cringe whenever i ship two characters. like theyre not even REAL#why cant i be more 'hyperfixated' on getting bitched or something. CHRIST. anwyay i want em to hold hands or smth. yknow. freak stuff.#SO DEACON KELLER!! HE OVERHEARD ARTHUR TALKIN ABT THIS PLACE GETTING ATTACKED.. WE SAW HIM APPROACHING#AND THEN THE WHOLE FEAST PORTION OF THE PARTY HAPPENED N HE GOT STUCK#BUT HE KNEEEWW HE OVERHEARD ARTHUR SOMEHOW!! i just think thats neat. hes dedicated to protecting his people. hes respectable!!#GOD he doesnt even have that much screen time but i LOVE HIMMM n his silly lil shadow steed named Sunshine.. like cmon.... ugh.....#hes sweet n hes funny and he CAARES about the things hes in charge of on some levels. he certainly does his best to look after his own.#god idk what else to write here other than how much hes been on my MMMIND lately. the doctors are still running diagnostiscs#i just think hes so neat... also i think its funny that hes afraid o snakes. OH YKNOW lemme just talk abt my damn art. first o all this too#SSSOOO LONG. WEEKS EVEN.IVE BEEN WORKIN ON IT SINCE EP 5 WAS ON PATREON.it was sposed to be justa buncha doodles but then it Evolved#idk man...cowboys are just so cool...especially w VAMP POWERS..fastest shot in the west for a REASON BABY...n with the red smoke#n the glowing eyes..CMOn thats so cool i hadta get my visions into reality. the eyes were inspired by the music video for RATTLESNAKE (kglw#that where the IM THE SERPENT lines come from.lyrics from tha song.ooh yeah i love kglw so much...i also have other hidden messages here#i like to hide things...ALSO ALSO. I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE W SO MUCH O THIS. the two bits with arthur n deacon biting eachother. AGONY#POSES ARE SO HHARRDDD SAME WITH THAT doodle o arthur slammin deacons head into the ground. WEEKS to get that pose RIGHT. I BLED SO MUCH#OHH AND GUNS???COWBOYHATS?? HIS GAY LIL JACKET? W THE DANGLIES?? AGOONYYY IT TOOK SO LONG TO PERFECT IT..especialy guns. OUUUHH#i also dont draw mustaches enough... which sucks bc im weak for a good mustache... BUT i think im doing pretty well on that.#it was hard but yknow what!! i think i did good! i rly like how this all turned out!! EXCEPT FOR THA FUCKIN RIBBON BOW THING I FORGOT TODRA#IN THE TOP RIGHT... THAT I JSUT NOTICED...its fine its fine i dont care that much. this is good enough to FEAST upon so im content n happy.#anyway i gotta leave ina few hours to start TRAINING for my NEW JOB!! CHEER FOR ME!! TRUCK IS A BLACKJACK DEALER NOW!! IEAAAHHH BABYYYY!!!!#thanku for reading my weird lil scrolls i bury beneath my posts. if u leave tags i WILL absorb them. and feel joy.
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I draw a sketch to simply offer my own personal little headcanon and theory that Zenos was the only other descendant Emet got close to (knowing him probably unintentionally) besides Lucius.
Obviously we never see them interact directly, but several little worldbuilding tidbits do make me ponder about certain things, like the possibility lorewise that it could've been Emet that named Zenos, and the fact that they share certain habits and potentially interests.
#ffxiv#concept#fan art#sketch#zenos yae galvus#solus zos galvus#emet selch#ffxiv spoilers#potentially I suppose#just wanted to draw something sweet#and maybe it was also an excuse to draw little baby faced Zenos before I work on some other comic ideas#obviously I still don't think Zenos got a lot of warmth from Emet especially as he got older or think that he really raised him directly-#however#the theatrics- their tendancies to nap when theyre bored- and the fact that Zenos is a garlean who's name is greek rooted not roman#those little parallels just makes my writing brain go brr#though I will admit a part of this characterization was also inspired by the april fools manga#and its cute that even not directly involved- and often causing him more trouble than anything- that Emet was looking out for Zenos there#like its not canon#but I hope that was meant to still be fully in character- I adore the little bits of interaction and characterizations we got#it is also interesting to me that his name (iirc) is supposed to mean 'gift of zeus'- and he turned out to be quite literally gifted
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Heyyyy sorry for being cringe but I drew Marvin in a maid dress... Just wanted to get a little silly and quirky and do that
(Put a little bit of a sci-fi twist on it cuz I love really leaning into the space angle whenever I draw him in some kind of outfit)
#marvin the martian#looney tunes#maid dress#maid outfit#maidcore#the color scheme was inspired half by some instances from the cartoons and comics of him wearing an apron#and half from the colors of the instant martians#also i downloaded multiversus and as you can imagine I've been maining marvin#his dialogue just makes me fall in love with him even more#also i recently watched a video about nyan neko sugar girls and binged all of sparkle on raven#so the small bit of weebiness in me kinda came out on this one#i really should watch more anime tbh#it's a little hard because my standards are a lot more refined than they were when i was a kid#and also i just have trouble getting around to watching tv shows nowadays for some reason#but I've heard there's some genuinely good stuff I'm missing out on and I really should stop being locked out of the loop
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Man idk the argument about hvy being a Chinese company and so they're restricted on having characters with dark skin tones when dislyte is ALSO a Chinese company and they typically are really good at representing the culture they take from for their characters makes it somewhat mute
#Like ppl aren't even asking to make new body models literally just to slap on your darkest (which isn't even that dark mind you!) skin tone#On the characters that is inspired by mostly brown/black cultures#Also it a bad look when you can perfectly design enemies in those regions of having various cultures design such as dreadlocks but -#Not on your playable 'good guys' 😬#Natlan update is gonna be a mess with it characters I'm hoping it won't be as tone deaf like what happen w sumeru#The jeht world quest still fucks with me with how racist paimon became for that like jfc orz#Especially since with dislyte they got in trouble with the character design (half animal and death features) that they made alt costumes bu#Never touch the feature of any of their more ethic diverse characters like lmao? It also very popular least I think it is#Like it definitely feels like hvy is either doing this on purpose or they're too cowardly to try and even properly design character inspire#By real ppl which is like why you taking real life ppl/figures n half assing it as if you were force to design them?? Lazy#Also dislyte was only an example I remember since I played it#I heard that other Chinese games does a better job too with it non-white/pale designs than hvy#Which is like 😬😬😬😬😬#Your able to keep designing femboys but draw the line at trying to have dark playable characters oh my god
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[ID: a digital illustration of Luz and Hunter from the owl house. Luz sits on the right with her hand on hunter's shoulder. Hunter sits on the left facing Luz. They're both in their designs from the end of Thanks to Them. Hunter has his eyes closed and is crying with a pained expression, while Luz looks on with tears in her eyes. The background is dark and the scene is dimly lit. The second image is a variation on the first image where a spectral version of flapjack sits on hunter's shoulder and Manny's hand in on Luz's shoulder. End ID]
Felt like posting something devious today. Do you think they'll ever talk about what they've lost? Bond over it? Mourn??? Grieve????
#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#luz noceda#hunter noceda#flapjack toh#(BARELY i did not put the effort into that bird that i should've)#manny noceda#(also barely but I feel like it's more obvious here)#i sketched this out months ago when TTT first aired but the lines were giving me trouble and i shelved it#until now when i really just wanted to finish something but wasn't happy with any of my sketches#it was inspired by the interview dana did where she said grief would be a major theme of season 3#both bc it scared me and also bc it made me start thinking ''hm okay. which characters are grieving rn and how might they interact?''#my money's still on darius if hunter does get to talk through some of his grief in the next few eps#(just to tie a nice bow on their relationship and maybe dicuss the previous gg a bit more and flesh darius' motives out)#but like. luz is his sister. grief is sooo central to her arc as well it's like. even if they don't get time in canon#(which is understandable. they do not have a lot of time rn for extended fanfic-esque character exploration conversations)#but that doesn't mean i can't rotate the idea in my mind at terminal velocity until i get sick#i would apologize for not posting festive art at this time of year rn BUT YKNOW WHAT. I'VE HAD A ROUGH COUPLE OF HOLIDAY SEASONS#THIS COUNTS AS FESTIVE FOR ME!#it's getting better this year though. slowly#anyway this piece isn't perfect and there's a few bits I'm not happy w/ that i could've spent more time on#but to my own credit i pushed myself to use reference and do a (albeit simple) pose I don't normally do!#so props to me in that sense#anyway happy holidays! think abt these devastatingly sad children with me please!
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-A person who likes pink <3
@tsutsujinothere
#hey tsutsuji! hru?#I (also) made this art in return of your beautiful fanarts that you made for me and also for the wonderful person you are!#it's such a great thing to see you always commenting on my posts and showing such true and valuable affection towards me and my content#it really makes me better and helps me a lot to be more inspired and encouraged.#I don't even know how to thank you or explain how grateful I am to have you as a friend but-#know always that I appreciate and love you a lot/p!#have such a wonderful day/night💛#(also- yeah. I made a diamond sword because I was having a lot of trouble making your normal sword so.. I apologize if you didn't like it!)#c!tsutsuji#not my character#not my oc#my friend character#my friend oc#my friend <3#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art#my art#my art <3#art mel#my art style#fanart#neon aesthetic#neon colors#?#pink#neon pink#diamond sword#pink aesthetic
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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*takes my last adderall so i can finish all my work in one day*
*finishes one (1) assignment*
*gets distracted and spends the rest of the day hyperfocusing on delicious in dungeon again*
#i rewatched half the anime last night cause i was too tired to do anything else#i even almost got sucked into reading the manga again the other day but forced myself to stop after 1 chapter#def gotta buy hard copies#this is one of if not the only thing i can enjoy multiple times IN SUCCESSION!#actually i was like this with turning red and spiderverse too but#dunmeshi is different.... dunmeshi is special..... my enjoyment of it is more than just the animation or the art.....#ive never felt this particular way about anything but i've always wanted to#in the past my fanart often felt a little forced even tho i liked those things it was hard to get excited about anything#i think dunmeshi is partially responsible for my depression being in remission#literally#the only depression i feel since spring is about financial problems or being lonely#tangible stuff#but it's not the deep internal depression ive felt for most of my life#idk how to explain but like there's layers to depression#the easier kind to heal from is based in identifiable current issues like loneliness or financial troubles or grief or burnout#then theres the kind that comes from complex trauma or i think sometimes its genetic too#i thought that part would only go away once i solved the surface level stuff and could heal thorugh positive experiences to contradict#the pathways my brains formed overtime via trauma#but although ive had a few moments that have helped#i think dunmeshi. moving out of my old apt where i lived with 3 cishet men into an apt with 1 chill roomie. having time over summer to#get used to a self made routine (despite having MANY financial issues and still not being able to spend it how i planned)#all that is mainly what helped!#like for the first time i was getting excited abt stuff!#i still kinda struggle tho with maintaining that excietment#except with dunmeshi!#it's like no matter what my excitement hasn't diminished#thats very comforting#i gotta force myself to engage in more media so i can find more things to love#i have a habit of putting off things i know ill love bc i wanna be ready for it#so that if i do love it ill have the time and energy to get inspired and make fanart
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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Me trying to reason with myself: not every obscure question you have will have an easy to access answer
Me, snapping back at my reasonable take: how hard can it be to find something on how vertebrae jaws work for carnivores, which traits are favored, especially terrestrial ones! All I can find are papers on different families. One on mammals, some vague ones on dinosaurs, and when I look up reptiles all I get are comparisons! It’s all “the difference between reptiles and mammals” and “synapsid vs diapsid” all interesting topics but I’m trying to design a terrestrial carnivorous alien with a vaguely vertebrae style skeleton here! Sure, I’m making them a shape shifter, I’m not going for total realism, but I’m hung up on jaw anatomy! I don’t want to do the whole “make the face flat, bam! Alien” thing, no shade to people who do, but I’m trying to figure out if there is a reason most of their (the real animals) jaws are long-ish and if the mammal style dip between the brain part and the mouth and nose part that you see in Carnivora for example is just a mammal thing or is it advantageous in general?! I know all vertebrates evolved from a common ancestor, even more recently terrestrial ones, but I don’t care! I’m already borrowing enough, I just can’t design a skull! And dentition! I’ve made a few designs but I wasn’t happy with how they fit the rest of the character. And of course I had to make even more species of aliens! Tearing at my hair like an ace attorney witness.
The chill me again: who tf would have an article video or post on that specific thing and how would you phrase it? Nothing you’ve tried yet has gotten anything. Just accept that you might have to ask a subreddit yourself and see what happens. Dig through sci show first though
Frazzled me: but… what if they don’t have anything? I wanted a video or article. :( and what subreddit would I even ask? World building? Would they know what I mean? Is anyone else as autistic about skeletons AND making ocs?
#emma posts#I’m having an interesting time trying to figure out how to design a head for this bad boy#and I’m doing all this for a monsterfucking story I’ll probably never show anyone#it was inspired by fan art and as much as I have deviated from the source material I know it would get clocked#I’m not even going to try and figure out how useful tentacles would actually be on land#that’s staying#and some terrestrial invertebrate probably uses something like that#I’m just having trouble remembering one…#I keep thinking slugs but they are not what I mean#maybe I should think about slime molds or something#all this because I was going to write an among us fic for someone and it didn’t work out#I HAVET EVEN PLAYED THE GAME! I just looked at some basic stuff and then winged it#my ‘fuck it we ball’ of stories#okay i probably have more of those but my other ones were all 100% original#this one was a fic that didn’t work but I got attached to the blorbos i created and have just… made a new thing#I’m used to spending hours on google and stuff but I usually have a better way to phrase my questions#I have… focused so much on mammal evolution over the years that I’m hung up on it#I’ve had some interest in birds too but not the same#I keep thinking about crocodilians too and it’s getting in my way#I’m also being limited by how easy it would be for you to kiss the alien#i expect some difficulties but I want it to work out and also I need tongue
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art posted whatever. time to fucking. sew!!!!!!!!!!!
#i've made myself some new patches in the meantime (two loosely based on splat/on aaand one for the mojave express as i mentioned)#also i probably wont be posting more photos of my vest i got erm. scared sorries#i wanna do something star t/ek related too i've been watching a lot of it lately. at least more than i. used to eurm#i'll probably go with the little. pin they got? although i might just do a pin from clay or something. i have golden paint and shit so#i could even make it. 'realistic' to the show. whatever#mmmm what else#i've been having some troubles with the placement though? well whatever. it doesn't have to be perfect :] i'm having lots of fun that's#what matters! and the vest is really cool like. gender wise! i think i look awesome ^__^#the mojave express one turned out so great btw!! i love it so much. but i have to place it on the back unfortunately :((((#<i would sew it on one of the sleeves but i cut them off. oopsies!#whatever!!!! again. it's a fun project#oooh and thinking abt it i'd really want to do something dont st/rve related maybe! it really grew on me i don't think there's a single week#when i don't think about this game. maybe i'll do a spider?? <guy literaly named webber#OH MY GOD AND COMPUTERS AND ROBOTS AND MACHINES...i have to do something with that....#technically i DO have an aso inspired patch but i want something less subtle.....something that will make it clear i am NOT NORMAL!!!#about machines and automatons and computers and such!#ok well. that's a big wall of text. BOO!!!!
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Fun fact: The fairy tale flash fiction has now passed 4,000 words.
#i'm okay talking about it because i'm going to finish this thing if it kills me#it nearly has#you don't know how i've agonized over those opening scenes#writing and then rewriting and then cutting almost everything of it#i gave up months ago before finally getting inspiration or at least motivation to just push through#i've now reached roughly the halfway point#maybe 3/4#and i am embarrassed by a lot of it but also at least i have something that sort of a little bit flows#i want to finish the ask game stories before starting on the four loves challenge#the trouble is that i love tattercoats as a story so much that i'm aiming for a more detailed retelling than i might otherwise#it's still bare bones because i'm a hack who can't write description#but it's going to sit in a weird middle ground of being too long to be satisfying short fiction and too short to count as a full retelling#i've got one speech that i love#a few images or moments that i'm okay with#and the rest is just scaffolding that hopefully keeps the story from collapsing even if it isn't pretty#all duct-taped together with sentiment#i had hoped to get a first draft done tonight but since that ain't happening there's no chance it's getting done this week#but at least i'm further in than i've ever been before#and making good use of scene breaks so this section feels more doable than it ever has#if i can just get them to the palace it'll be relatively smooth sailing#here's hoping i can keep from overagonizing and just get a draft down that i can edit later#it hasn't happened yet during this draft but one can hope#(which is rather a prominent theme in the story actually)#adventures in writing
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#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour#and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like#and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma#but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to#solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately#the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or#relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but#i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just#it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks#for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just#i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw#that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get#there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i#just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the#world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO#amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so#many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like#i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones#i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of#an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and#gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this#i just.
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gonna be honest i cannot imagine a nymeria spinoff ever getting off the ground, just because hbo is an american company that, like most western media, caters primarily to an american audience, and telling an american audience "guys look at this story about the mayflower and the pilgrims but this time they're Ethnic" seems like a very poor business move
#personal#like i don't think it's what grrm intended but it's time to be real#nymeria and the rhonish settlement of dorne reads a LOT like the european colonization of north america#like seriously if you're on the 'the targs colonized westeros' track which..........okay...............#then you need to admit that there's much more blatantly textbook colonization that occurred in dorne via the rhoynish#and from a pr stance having a story about that#that really just reads like 'guys what if this time it was POC who came and completely colonized a White Land instead'#under the guise of 'it's a fantasy!' is going to inspire so many hot takes#that it's honestly not even worth the trouble#especially considering the microscope GOT related media tends to get put under#(and i'm not even touching on the whole debate about whether the rhoynish/dornish are necessarily poc)#(cuz that's a whole separate thing i'm not getting into right now)#i'm just saying purely from a marketing/public relations lens#doesn't seem like the most solid idea for hbo/discovery#especially with Everything Going On at discovery
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