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bitegore · 3 months ago

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I made a character sheet to plot your OC's development over time! (There's supposed to be a character name in the big white space next to "over time" but it got eaten a little lmao)

You can use this for whatever you want, and you don't have to credit me. Feel free to change or edit anything you feel like. Please don't tag me if you credit me - just link to the original post.

Credits, explanations & a transparent version under the cut :D

Credits:

The actual image was made with the free NBOS character sheet creator, which is a sort of dated but free and solid text-layout sheet maker intended for ttrpg style character sheet creation.

Fonts used were Bisdak (titles) and Rockwell (body). Both are free! You can use them to fill it out if you like.

Inspired by a comment @maybe-solar-powered-calculator made on this other post about filling it out for characters at multiple points along their arcs. Thanks for putting the idea in my head :D

This is explicitly released under a CC0 1.0 deed, ie: you can do fucking whatever you want with it and I don't care and you don't have to tell anyone where you got it from and no one gets to stop you.

Last time I made one of these I got a bunch of questions on all manner of things, and I can never keep up, so I'm just appending a set of notes for how to use it and a glossary because I know some of these phrasings will be confusing.

Ignore or change anything you don't feel like works for you here. You can do whatever you want forever.

Suggested / intended use & general notes:

This sheet could work for something story-level, if you want. But it's really only good for individual arcs; if the character goes through multiple arcs in your story, then they're going to fit poorly here. In that case, you're probably better off doing versions for each arc, or just adapting this to a different format more suited to your thing.

Also, if your arc has a nontraditional structure - divorced from the typical "rising action - climax - conclusion" type of structure where there's a clear 'important turning point' - it may not work as well either.

The mindset section is meant to come at it from a 'golden mean' standpoint - that is, everything on either extreme of the slider is 'too much' and therefore bad. It's not bad-to-good! The far right side is a flaw too. They're only grouped the way they are on basis of the specific OCs I personally had in mind when I put it together.

Growth is labeled 'worse'-to-'better' but it means, like, active decrease in that area vs active increase; if nothing changes, it should stay at the center even if it sucks. The category is about contrasting changes, and sometimes changes are for the worse!

The entire sheet is very deliberately subjective. It should really be answered from the character's perspective - how they feel about it, not what's necessarily true. Technically you can do whatever you want and I can't stop you, but it's a better tool if you approach it from the point of view that the character may believe things that aren't true - that will define their behavior way more than the objective facts of the story.

Definitions:

This part is long as hell - recommend using ctrl+f to find the specific words you're stuck on. I defined everything.

General categories:

Mindset: how your character thinks about themself and how they act. Their understanding of their own approach to life. Attitude, viewpoint, decision-making process, that sort of thing.

Circumstances: the relationship between your character and the world around them. Where they are, what that place is like, and how they feel about it.

Growth: how the character and their impact - their attitude, their behavior, their immediate surroundings - changes over time.

Outset: the start of the character's arc.

Present: the 'center' of the arc. If you're planning something ahead of time and it hasn't 'happened' yet, then this is the near future.

End-game: where they are after the conclusion of the arc.

Mindset terms:

Center of the world: "If I have a problem, it's the only thing that matters to me." Self-centered, self-absorbed. Doesn't necessarily mean anything beyond that - they don't necessarily have to be unpleasant to be entirely focused on their own life.

my life isn't relevant: "Everyone else's problems are so significant, I don't pay any attention to my own". Someone who ignores or neglects their own life in service of some other thing, or doesn't consider their own behavior to have any real importance.

Only see enemies: Paranoid. Everyone's out to get them. Anyone who seems nonthreatening is hiding their potential for danger and everyone who seems threatening is a threat. The character must remain ever-vigilant, lest the cashier at the 7/11 suddenly stab them, or their best friend turn out to secretly be trying to poison them to death.

Only see friends: Naïve. Everyone is a good actor who wishes everyone else well, and if they don't seem like they're acting from a place of kindness or care then you probably don't understand what they're up to. The character is pretty sure the stranger holding that knife is, like, someone to chat up maybe, they're clearly only hanging out in this dark alleyway because it's a nice spot and no other possible reason.

overthink everything: Ten thousand thoughts per every single action taken. Maybe they never get around to acting at all. They have to consider every possible outcome. What if by eating lunch they accidentally trigger the apocalypse?! Who's going to think about these things if not them?!?!?!

impulsive to action: Act first, think never. What do you mean "consequences of actions"?

Unilateral decisions: "I will make every choice and no one else's opinions or thoughts are relevant". Discounts outside suggestions. Firmly convinced that they know best in any situation, and will brook no disagreement with their views when it comes to actually doing things.

Command me, please: "I don't know what to do and I don't know what to even start with, someone please tell me what to think". No confidence in their own views. Will not make any decisions unless forced and even then will beg someone else to please tell them what to do. Has no idea what's best and is pretty sure anyone else will have a better idea.

can't ask for help: No one will ever help the character; they have to do everything themself, even the things other people have repeatedly offered to do for them and have much more experience with. Doesn't necessarily mean that no one will help them or that they are explicitly barred by some real-world circumstance; just that, for whatever reason, they refuse to ask for help. This is an attitude thing - will they ever reach out? No? Then they're here.

too reliant on others: Have they ever solved a problem alone? Do they believe they're even capable of doing so? The character all the way at this end of the scale absolutely never expects to be able to do anything themself, has no trust in their ability to solve a problem, and needs someone else to come save them from it. The kind of person who needs ChatGPT to do their homework. Again - doesn't actually mean anyone will help them, or that the people they're relying on are reliable - just that they think they are helpless without ... well, help.

Weapon maker: This has to do with problem-solving strategies and not actual weapons. The weapon-maker is a character who views every situation as a conflict that cannot be de-escalated or solved by cooperation, and responds appropriately. The most fundamental weapon maker character turns everything into an argument, a fight, a war, etc. There are a bunch of other responses to conflict, though - they might avoid problems that need solving because they avoid conflict generally too. Fundamentally what you want to answer here is: when they see a locked box and they don't have the key, do they respond to it the same way they'd respond to someone telling them "you can't open this box"? And how do they respond to that? Typical weapon-maker approaches: - brute-force the box open or try and then give up if it doesn't work; and also get into an argument that might turn physical with the hypothetical person - shrug and give up immediately, in both situations so on and so forth. Another hallmark is that they kind of suck at problem-solving and give up if brute-forcing a problem doesn't work. This is not someone who is picking locks unless someone else told them to - they have one solution, it's to make everything into a conflict, and then to win that conflict by beating them or to give up because they think they'll lose.

Tool maker: This person approaches every situation like it's a puzzle, not a fight - up to and including actual fights. Tool-maker characters generally assume that a situation can be solved by just finding the right approach and doing it the clever way. There's the same fundamental question as above - if your character sees a locked box and has no key, would they approach it differently than someone telling them they're not allowed to open the box? 'Typical' tool-maker approaches: - I can trick the person into giving me the key by saying the right things, and I can also pick the lock because fundamentally there are 'right answers' to both of these - If i make friends with this person, they might change their mind, because now we're cooperating. I can still pick the lock because there are 'right answers' there. - The person has a reason for wanting me not to open the box, so I can definitely figure out what that is and solve the reason so then they'll let me open it. I can take whatever it is even if they really want to keep it if I just find the right answer. I'm going to break this box into little pieces because that's the easiest way to get into it but I could probably open it some other way if that wouldn't work.

A note - the center of this bar is someone who generally has different responses to different kinds of situations - like, in the box example, they'd approach the box and the person with two different general attitudes and processes - but generally responds to those situations using the same kind of decision-making process for each category every time. Most people are nowhere near either extreme. Characters tend to be classifiable into weapon-maker and tool-maker because they are fictional and it's easier to define one kind of approach than many. Approximately average approaches: - pick the lock if no one's around, but give up if someone is there because someone telling me not to open the box is a conflict i think i'll lose but a locked box is just a puzzle that i can solve - argue with the person, but give up on the box, because they're approaching the box as a puzzle and they don't think they have the skill to get into it, but the person is someone who can be convinced or bullied into handing over the key

I made this particular dichotomy up, which is why I think I get a lot of questions on it whenever I put it into anything, but I also don't know of any other snappy way to describe this sort of thought or approach variance, and it's genuinely useful for character writing in my opinion.

Pessimist spot-finder: Generally a downer but not necessarily. This kind of character just approaches everything with a close eye for problems, issues, reasons to find fault. If they're miserable, it might be why, but like, they can be a cheerful spot-finder if you want, I just wanted to get at "the glass is half empty" and "the glass is half full" more than anything.

Optimist upside fan: The opposite. "The glass is half full". If there are problems, they can find something about them that's not so frustrating or bad to focus on. Pretty damn good at overlooking minor issues if there's no reason to fixate on them. Not necessarily cheerful.

Abysmal company: could not give less of a damn about treating people the way they 'should' be treated. Maybe they take pride in that. Maybe they just think it's irrelevant. Either way, they know they treat people badly and they don't see any reason to stop. Does not necessarily mean that they treat people badly if they think they're doing the right thing and are wrong. Doesn't mean they're actually pleasant or unpleasant to hang out with, either, unless you really want it to mean that.

Decent to others: treats people well as a matter of course, or at least they sure think they do. Makes an effort. Would probably care and/or consider changing their behavior if someone said they were treating someone poorly. As before - they can be completely un-self-aware and just think they're doing right by people while treating them completely horribly.

Morality is irrelevant: 'abysmal company' for broader approaches to life and problems. Maybe they just know they're myopic and don't think other people's problems matter. Maybe they just gave up on trying to differentiate between 'good' and 'bad' and outsourced it to someone else or stopped paying any attention. Maybe they just like to take morally unjust actions and can't be bothered giving a damn when someone points out that they're morally unjust, or maybe they're proud of it. Kind of a villain trait generally, but not necessarily - it doesn't have to mean they act badly, just that they don't care if they do. Also, this is about how they choose their own actions and view their own behavior. They can think morality is relevant for other people as long as they ignore it when they act themself.

Always in the right: feels morally righteous in every decision they make. Standard superhero type of trait. Doesn't necessarily pass judgement on others, doesn't necessarily act well according to everyone's moral code (see: blue and orange morality), but they are extremely principled and will never deviate from the moral code they personally believe in. And they do genuinely believe in it.

Circumstances terms:

Generally terrible to generally excellent: how subjectively decent is your character's situation, overall? If they think everything is horrible, but the situation is charmed to everyone except them, then it's generally terrible.

Need for changes to passive tolerance: will they do something about it? Do they feel like they have to?

No agency in action to decisions are huge: agency being "how much power do I have to make changes here?", this just asks how much they have. No agency means that, no matter what they do, nothing will happen - they might be locked in a cage or somehow otherwise completely unable to use any sort of power at all, even the power of just leaving. The other end of the spectrum is where every decision the character makes makes a huge difference, not just to themself but to everyone around them as well. They can start wars, they can have anyone they want killed, they can do anything whenever they feel like it. If they think they have no agency even though they do actually have agency, they don't have agency here. If they feel like they have all the agency in the world and can do anything, then they do even if it's not true. It's perceptual again.

Stakes are deadly to mistakes solvable: what are the consequences of failure? Will you die, will you lose status you can't afford to lose, will you lose belongings, will you have to apologize, will nothing happen at all? Mistakes solvable is where they think every mistake is solvable forever - the character pushes someone through a woodchipper and they come out and to fix it, maybe an apology has to occur, but not much else. Does not necessarily mean no one gets hurt or killed as long as the character thinks there are no permanent consequences. This is the most important one on this section to keep subjective because it will greatly influence how your character approaches situations. A character who thinks everything is deadly-stakes may go to cartoonishly-extreme lengths to avoid turning a report in a day late. A character who thinks all mistakes are always solvable may push someone through a woodchipper and then just assume they can say they're sorry and it'll all go away. The setting and their approach do not need to be applicable.

Needs go unmet to attended with care: how do the people around them treat them? Do they pay attention when the character needs something, or do they ignore it? Does the character have to do everything themself around here, or are there people who will help out?

Regarded poorly to regarded well: how do they think other people see them? Are they respected, are they liked, or are they disliked? Do people broadly trust them or are they pretty sure everyone regards them with suspicion?

Nothing changes to changes in seconds: functionally the 'stability' meter of your setting - is the situation generally stable, or are things constantly changing? Does your character feel like every five minutes, there's a new problem that needs dealing with, or do they feel like nothing has ever happened ever?

Growth terms:

Changes in place: do they go somewhere else? Does the physical setting otherwise change (eg; earthquake, war, etc) ? Are there any other reasons that the 'vibe' or 'experience' of the place is different from before?

Change in power: does the character's percieved agency (see: no agency in action to decisions are huge) change? Alternately you can use it if they've gained or lost power in some percieved way (deposed, assigned a commanding position, etc).

Change in bonds: do their relationships with people change? Have they made new friends, lost old friends, changed the nature of their relationships with friends or partners, etc?

Change in beliefs: straightforwardly, have their beliefs, morals, etc, changed?

Change in hurts: have they undergone some horrible experience? Do they have past trauma from some pre-arc horrible experience they're healing from and/or discovering they're more powerfully subject to? Did they experience a physical injury that they're recovering from or which materially changed their life? Did something recent dredge up old issues? So on and so forth.

Change in hopes: Do their desires for the future look the way they used to? Do they care about different things now? This is something the character is not actively working for, but may be tied to actual goals.

Change in fears: are they overcoming fears? Growing past them? Gaining new ones? Are they scared of shit different from how they used to be?

Change in goals: Not the same as a hope because it needs to have a specific, achievable outcome the character is actively working toward. Do those material goals look different? Perhaps they no longer want to work against something, maybe they didn't have any goals and now they do. Or maybe they've realized the goal is impossible, or something has happened to make that goal unachieveable. Whatever it is, if there's a change, it's a change.

Change in self-awareness: their beliefs about who they are and what they're like, and what their circumstances are. Have they gotten more self-aware, have they gotten less self-aware, or has nothing changed?

Change in relationships: their relationships' overall health and resilience, as far as the character is concerned - which doesn't mean they're necessarily good, just that the character thinks they're how they're supposed to be. Have they improved? Have they gotten worse? Have they not changed?

Change in knowledge: do they feel like they know more about the world, their place in it, the people around them, etc? Not necessarily how to do things - just general information and awareness.

Change in social standing: how does others' regard for the character change over this part of their arc? Do people like them more or less? Are they respected more or less than before? Has nothing changed? And so on.

Change in skills and abilities: do they feel more skilled than they were before? Do they feel like they know how to do as many things as before? Again - not necessarily rooted in reality - a classic example of a character being wrong about this is a 'big fish in a small pond' character who used to be the high school sports star going to college on a sports scholarship and discovering they're not the best any more, and suddenly feeling like they're the worst - when they're better than they've ever been in an objective light. Use a subjective viewpoint for this.

Change in agency in life: how does the character's percieved agency change? Do their decisions matter less now than ever? Do their actions make way more happen than before? (See: no agency in action vs decisions are huge)

Change in outlook: Here's the upper/downer part. Are they more or less hopeful for the future? Do they think things are more terrible now? Are things improving as far as they're concerned? Or has that not changed?

Change in goal progress: how do they feel like they're progressing on the goals they've set for themself? Are they getting further and further away? Are they getting closer?

If some of this doesn't make sense and you want a clarification, you will have to tag me to get my attention, because I'm turning notifications for this post off the minute it leaves my immediate social circle.

Transparent version: (sorry you had to scroll so far)

#thank GOD we can just turn notifications off now so i wont have to delete this post #red rambles #also. if you want to follow me for this because someone reblogged it. Don't i make like one of these every [checks notes] 2 years #typically i just reblog a lot of nonsense and you will not enjoy it probably #im writing this like i expect it to take off because i do . Because i'm scared #character sheet #red makes memes #<- because those are the tags i used on the last ones #i dont really think this quite qualifies #oc reference #what fucking tags are there for this sort of thing lmao #ttrpg sheet #ttrpg tools #i know people want this for ttrpgs. if everyone used the other thing for ttrpgs.#oc tools #i was gonna make a fillable version but i gave up. someone made a cool one of the ancient blorbo sheet but tbh i have no idea what the fuck #they're doing with js modules (<- everyone point and laugh i dont know javascript LMAO) and i dont feel like figuring it out #hey guys its midnight im out of post jail. image upon ye #ALSO you CAN put your sheet on the post i dont like. Care #like i said a zillion times. I will be turning notifications off if too many people say things #but until i get really sick of everyone filling things out the same way im curious #you understand.

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moonsaver · 11 months ago

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how touchy do you think sunday would be with his partner? (yan! or otherwise, if there's a difference)

Great ask. Simple, well rounded. I like the prompt. Thank you for the request!

[Cw; slightly suggestive, but nothing sexual. Mentions of being naked. Also yandere.]

As for Sunday..

Normally, I like to think Sunday is Adequately Touch Starved™️.

He doesnt make a show of it in public – PDA is a huuuuge nono, only an exception under specific circumstances to the point where it's better if you let Sunday initiate in public instead of you. In private? Go ham. Hug him from behind while he's brushing his teeth. Ask to join him in the shower. Kiss his face while he's eating breakfast. He'll pepper your face in soft kisses in return, smiling against your skin when you giggle. He'll literally insist on drying you off himself after you shower if it means he gets to hold you. He would adore absolute skin contact, like full blown naked cuddling. But with Sunday, I imagine things are rarely sexual, but rather more sensual or romantically intimate.

Depending on how deep into the relationship one might be with him, he will do a few cheeky or endearing things. Like for ex. If you wear gloves, he slides his hand into your glove just to hold your hand, and smiles when you laugh. He likes being held and holding you, but hates it when those times are interrupted – its a similar feeling to how someone feels when theyre in the shower and don't want to leave. He doesn't admit it, but sometimes when you pull him back as he's just about to leave through the door and kiss him – he loves it. Absolutely savors the feeling of a faint imprint on his face (but has to check for appearance concerns).

His biggest problem is; in the starting of your relationship, or if both of you are new to physical affection as a means of love language – he will neverrrrr initiate. He says he doesn't want to push you (which is half true, but also because he's a big cowardly nervous little dog who doesn't want to appear like one). You have to slightly ease him into it. But after a certain duration of time, he gets more comfortable and initiates it instead. And he does it in ways you don't normally notice, so sometimes you unknowingly might even interrupt his attempt and walk away.

Yandere Sunday is not shy.

Yandere Sunday, I imagine, is a tad bit more touch starved than the usual Sunday, and entirely shameless about it with you, far too soon.

He always wants to keep his hand on you – he holds it, or acts like he's guiding you to do something just by holding it, maybe even tells you he's inspecting something as an excuse to. In the beginning, he still manages to stay low about it, but later on, he doesn't care about hiding it much.

Always expects physical affection when he's within your vicinity. Maybe not too much in public (thank the aeons for your own dignity), but in private, he's no less than 'all over you'. Constantly squeezing in and sitting beside you if you're on the couch, circling his arm around you and holding you tightly against him. If you're sitting, he might pull you into his lap and push his face into the curve of your neck, relishing your scent. His lips are always pressed onto your skin – on your knuckles, your face, maybe on your head, your neck, anywhere he finds. Sometimes he's not even kissing you, but squishes up his face right beside you.

maybe even if he's let go of his reservations to an extreme degree – he makes you sit on his lap in his office. Maybe slides up a gloved hand under your shirt and acts annoyed that you're squirming, as if none of his employees can walk in any moment and see the compromising position. But he doesn't care much, since the door is locked.

I'd say in general, for Sunday, he likes the skin to skin contact aspect of physical affection. And the warmth during cold winters is also a huge favorite of his. He tends to feel lonely and untethered most of the time, so touch can also serve to help ground him – especially if he's stressed or just didn't have that great of a day.

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princesevsnape · 2 months ago

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Twin Telepathy (George Weasley x Reader x Fred Weasley)

Requested by @liv2post

Summary: Fred Weasley has just died in the Battle of Hogwarts, is there a way he can be brought back to life?

Word count: 1.2k

A/N: Hi lovely thank you so much for your request. I did kind of change it slightly to be a reader insert as I prefer writing those. Also the reader can wield Ancient Magic like in Hogwarts Legacy, because I love that aspect of the game. Hope you like it. And as always please send in requests love you all.

Staring down at the lifeless body of one of your best friends was not how you expected the day to go. You had been friends with the Weasley twins for a long time and now one of them was gone. You were heartbroken. Not only because they were your best friends but because you were also in love with both of them.

“There must be something we can do.” George said to you.

When you didn’t answer he nudged you finally getting your attention.

“Y/N please say there is something you can do?” He asked.

“What do you mean Georgie?” You asked him confused.

“With the ancient magic you can wield. There must be something in that spell book of yours. Some way to bring him back?”

It was true. You could wield ancient magic. Unfortunately you were new to it. So everything you had learnt was from an old spell book you found in the restricted section of Hogwarts library. You had extremely powerful ancestors so when you realised you too possessed the ability of wielding ancient magic you had to find out all you could about it. And unfortunately there wasn’t a ton of books on the topic.

“George he’s dead. I don’t think there’s anything that can be done for him.” Hermione said trying to get your friend to drop the subject.

“Shut up Hermione. You may be smart but you know nothing about ancient magic. Only Y/N does. So please Y/N tell me if there’s anything that can bring him back.” George said.

“There may be one thing. But it’s risky. Very risky. And there’s no guarantee it would work.” You said.

“What is it?” George asked.

“Someone literally has to split their soul in two. It has to be someone that loves him. I would do it but as I’m the only one here who can wield ancient magic I have to be the one to perform the ritual. So someone else’s soul needs to be split into two. As I said there’s no guarantee this would work.”

“I’ll do it.” George said.

“George no you can’t. I will not lose another son.” Molly cried.

“Mum. If there’s a way to save him surely we owe it to him to try. Plus Y/N knows what she’s doing.” George said trying to reassure Molly.

“Well I’ve never done anything loke this before. So I don’t exactly know what I’m doing.” You admitted.

“See George it’s too risky.” Molly said.

“But George is right. This may be the way to save him. But also George your mother is right. It is risky. And if I lose you too I will never forgive myself. I’ve already lost one person I love. I’m not losing the other person I love too.”

Taking your hand in his George said “Please Y/N. You’re our only hope. I want to do this.”

“I’m only going to do this with your mothers and fathers permission. I can’t risk your life like that without their consent.”

The next few minutes consisted of George trying to convince his parents to let you do this ritual. Eventually they reluctantly agreed.

As George lay down next to Fred you grabbed your spell book from your bag.

“If you die I will kill you George.” You said placing a soft kiss on his lips.

That was the first time you had ever kissed one of the twins, and you wished it had been under different circumstances.

“Wait.” George said before you went to grab your wand.

“I love you.” He said pulling you in for another kiss.

“Ready?” You asked him.

George nodded. Turning to the correct page in your spell book you grabbed your wand. Pointing it at George you started reciting the specific incantation you needed to split his soul in two.

After repeating the incantation 3 times like your book specified you stared at the twins. Looking for signs of life from either of them.

Kneeling next to George you placed a hand on his chest.

“Georgie?”

The rest of his family looked on anxiously.

Slowly George opened his eyes.

“Y/N.” He said as soon as he saw you a smile on his face.

“You’re ok thank Merlin.” You said helping him sit up and pulling him in for a hug.

“You scared me for a minute there.” You admitted.

“Has it worked?” George asked you.

“I don’t know.” You admitted.

Suddenly you heard someone take in a huge breath. Like they had been holding their breath for a long time.

“Bloody Merlin.” You heard Fred say from beside you.

“Son.” Arthur said a sigh of relief, as he helped his son up off the floor and pulling him in for a hug.

You and George got up off the floor yourselves and waited as every member of the Weasley family hugged Fred. Until it was your turn. Once Fred pulled away from George he turned to look at you.

“You saved me didn’t you?” He asked.

Before you had time to respond he had already pulled you in for a hug.

“You’re right Georgie she is incredible. “ Fred said randomly.

“I didn’t say anything.” George responded confused.

You pulled away from Fred and looked back and forth between the twins just as confused.

“Damn Georgie I can read your mind.” He laughed.

“Oh dear that can’t be good.” Molly said.

“I think it’s probably because they share a soul now. Let me test something out.” You replied.

Pinching Fred on the arm you received an “Ow” from both twins.

“So they can read each others minds. Feel each others pain.” You said.

“I wonder what else we can feel or share.” Fred said his mind whirring with ideas.

“Don’t even think about it.” George said.

“Come on Georgie. You know how we both feel about her. Let me just try.” Fred responded.

“Try wh-?” You went to ask but were interrupted when Fred grabbed you and kissed you.

Pulling away from you he asked George “feel that?”

George just nodded. So apparently they could feel when someone else kisses the other.

“This is pretty incredible.” Fred admitted.

“Not really. What if we you know?” George said not finishing what he wanted to say embarrassed to say it in front of you and the rest of his family.

Fred however read his mind.

“Yeah that might be a little bit weird. But maybe a little bit interesting at the same time.”

Everyone else looked at the twins completely confused. You however picked up on what they were referring to.

“You two are disgusting.” You said playfully slapping both twins.

They chuckled.

“Yeah and that’s why you love us.” Fred said.

“What how do you?” You asked.

“I can read Georgie’s mind remember. He keeps replaying the moment you said you couldn’t lose someone else you love over and over again in his head.”

“Well of course I love you both. You’ve been my best friends for a very long time.”

“Is that why you kissed him then? And hey where’s my kiss?” Fred teased.

“I already kissed you.” You responded blushing.

“Correction I kissed you to see if George could feel it. Now pucker up darling.” He said before kissing you again.

This time you had time to kiss him back. It was passionate and desperate. As if you were afraid of losing each other.

“Hey not fair. I want kisses too.” George said trying to pull you away from Fred.

“Patience Georgie. We’ve got the rest of our lives to share her.” Fred teased.

“She’s going to have her hands full with both of them” Arthur laughed.

And you did.

#Fred Weasley x reader #Fred Weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley #Harry Potter #hp #fic #weasley twins x reader #Weasley twins

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petr1kov · 19 days ago

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a lot of people call the inciting incident of berserk's golden age arc (or the eclipse, more specifically) a classic case of miscommunication between guts and griffith, which is true, but what i like about it is that i seriously cannot imagine a scenario in which they do communicate openly with one another. i can kind of see guts opening up under certain circumstances, but griffith? impossible. the only reaction i see him having to guts confiding in him about what he heard him say to the princess on that night and how that sparked his desire to find his own dream and be a person worthy of standing by griffith's side, someone who can become his friend and equal, isn't 'guts, i already think of you as a friend and equal. i have admired you from the first time we met, so much so that i cannot envision a future in which you're no longer at my side. you have nothing to prove to me :)', it's 'ah, you shouldn't worry about those things, guts. you'll always be at my side, because you are mine. i won you, so you belong to me, forever :)' which could, somehow, make things even worse. maybe.

#berserk #which is genuinely so good! i love how they're such well realized characters to the point where almost any other outcome feels ooc #now THAT is true tragedy. what makes them compelling is also what dooms them

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kikyoupdates · 10 months ago

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Infatuated ⭑˚💌⭑ 𝑗𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑦

yandere!bnha x reader

yandere, reverse harem, bnha x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Your Quirk is rather unique. It plays out almost like a game, giving you missions and goals that help you become stronger. On top of that, you also have the ability to charm those around you. It sounds innocent enough on paper, and you can’t help but revel in the attention everyone keeps showering you with. But what happens when their feelings give way to something more sinister?

prologue | story masterlist | next

After what just happened, it feels like you have to tell your parents about it.

“Mom, dad,” you say. “I think I just got my Quirk.”

They react by smiling brightly. “Oh, that’s lovely, sweetie. What kind of Quirk is it?”

Now comes the hard part. Since even you barely know how your powers work, explaining it to them will be a nearly impossible feat.

You furrow your brows. “Um... it’s kind of weird. Out of nowhere, I started seeing this screen with different stuff written all over it. Nobody else can see it, though, so that’s why I think it might be my Quirk.”

Out of fear of getting in trouble, you decide not to tell them about the fact that Katsuki passed out after you used your ability on him. You already feel pretty guilty about it. For the time being, you just want to figure out how your Quirk actually works.

“A screen that’s invisible to everyone but you?”

Your parents exchange confused glances. It makes sense that they don't quite understand, because under normal circumstances, Quirks are mostly hereditary. Children most often develop powers that are similar to those of their parents, or some combination of the two. But neither of your parents has a power like yours, which is why you were so perplexed when it first popped up.

“Interesting,” your mother hums. “And you’re sure it’s your Quirk? It’s not just some game you like to play with your friends? It’s important to know the difference between real life and pretend, honey.”

You nod vigorously. “I’m not making it up. I promise.”

“[Name]’s a good girl,” your father insists. “If she says she isn’t lying, then we should believe her. Quirks are mutations, at the end of the day. It might be unlikely, but it’s still possible for her to have powers different from ours. All that matters is that she finally has something to call her own. I remember being awfully excited when my Quirk first manifested. It’s a big milestone, after all.”

“Well, I suppose that’s true. Okay, then. In that case, we should celebrate,” your mother beams. “Our little girl finally has a Quirk! What would you like to do to commemorate the occasion, hm? Do you want us to order you some yummy food or take you shopping to buy something you like?”

Your parents love to spoil you, and since you are only a little kid, you certainly can't help but capitalize on the opportunity.

The day your Quirk manifests, your family treats you to a delicious meal and even buys you a little gift. You end up having so much fun that you briefly forget all about your initial goal, which is to try and decipher the specifics of your Quirk. You even forget about poor Katsuki, who is bedridden after suddenly fainting.

It isn't until later that same night that it all comes back to you, thanks to a sudden notification.

[𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍: 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞.]

You’ve just gotten into bed and are staring up at your bedroom ceiling when you see the message pop up. It showed up completely unprompted, just like last time. This has to be your Quirk. Nothing else would make any sense. Well, unless you're somehow trapped in an incredibly long dream, but that seems like a stretch.

“Charm someone,” you mumble. You have to admit that you're a little nervous. The last time you used your ability on a person, they passed out. Will the same thing happen again? Also, why is it calling this a mission? It almost seems to imply that there's some sort of reward to be had once you complete it.

There's really no way of knowing—other than actually trying it out, of course.

When morning rolls around, you head straight for Katsuki’s house and knock on his front door.

Mitsuki is the one to greet you. “Oh, hi there,” she smiles. “You’re one of Katsuki’s little friends, aren’t you? Thank you for bringing him home the other day when he wasn’t feeling well.”

“I’m [Name],” you say, trying not to look too guilty, since you're the whole reason Katsuki fainted in the first place. “Is Katsuki feeling better today?”

“He’s perfectly fine. I’m sure he was just tired and needed some rest. He’s eating breakfast right now, but did you want to come inside and talk to him for a bit?”

After you respond with an affirmative nod, Mitsuki ushers you into the house. It's your first time actually being here. It still hasn't been very long since you’ve moved into the neighborhood, and even though you often play with Katsuki and the rest of his friends, you have yet to visit any of their homes.

You find Katsuki sitting at the dining table, spooning some cereal into his mouth. You're pretty much always thrilled to see him. He is one of your role models, and you can only hope that you'll one day be as confident and fearless as he is.

So, naturally, you break out into a grin the second you spot him.

“Katsuki!” you cry out, practically rushing over to him. “Good morning!”

As much as you wish you could say that Katsuki responds with the same enthusiasm, that isn't at all the case.

Instead, he visibly recoils, cheeks darkening to a deep shade of red.

“Why are you here?” he huffs, sounding a bit annoyed. “I already told you that I was fine yesterday. You didn’t need to make such a fuss over nothing. And you even took me back to my parents? I would’ve been back to normal if you gave me a few minutes. I was just taking a little nap, that’s all.”

Your shoulders slump. “Oh. I’m sorry. I know you’re really strong, Katsuki, but you fainted so suddenly. I was so worried I almost started crying...”

He doesn't snap at you a second time. Instead, he spoons another helping of milk and cereal into his mouth, still blushing all the way up to his ears. He appears to be avoiding eye contact, and you suspect that it has something to do with the fact that you kissed him yesterday.

He doesn't seem to blame you for the fact that he passed out, though. No one really thinks you're responsible for that incident. They still don't even know that your Quirk has manifested.

A part of you wants to tell him, but that would be the same thing as admitting you made him fall ill the other day. So, for the time being, you decide to keep your mouth shut. You want answers first.

Katsuki’s glances at you out of the corner of his eye. “What do you keep staring at me for? Weirdo. You’re being kind of annoying, so here. Have this candy bar. I was saving it for later, but you can have it instead.”

“Wow, really?” you gush. “Thank you so much! You’re the best, Katsuki.”

He can't help but crack a grin. “Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don’t know.”

You hang out with Katsuki for a while longer after he finishes up his breakfast. He gives you the grand tour of his room—which is decked out in a bunch of All Might merch and looks super impressive—and then you eventually take your leave.

Before you do, though, you want to make sure of one last thing.

“Are you sure you're feeling alright?” you insist. “It was really scary seeing you collapse like that. I just don’t want you to be hurt. I’d be really sad if that was the case.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes. “You’re nagging me the same way my mom does. I already told you I’m fine. I can handle that much, no sweat. Didn’t I already tell you I’m going to become the Number One hero one day?”

“Well... alright. As long as you’re okay.”

You have a mission to charm someone, but you have no intention of using it on Katsuki again. If you end up making him faint a second time, it would seriously weigh on your conscience.

So, you decide to approach your other closest friend, Izuku.

Izuku is different than Katsuki. He's a bit of a crybaby, but that's only because he's such a sweet, honest kid. He tends to be more emotional than most, which just goes to show how much he cares about things. He especially cares about other people and making sure that they always have smiles on their faces. He hates to watch someone get hurt, and when Katsuki fainted, he was easily the most frantic out of everyone.

Given his considerate nature, you feel like it would be okay to entrust him with the truth.

“So... your Quirk manifested yesterday?” he blinks. “And after you kissed Kacchan and used your powers on him, he fainted?”

You press your lips into a thin line, feeling quite guilty with the admission. “Yeah. Please don’t tell anyone else yet, Izuku. You’re the only one who knows, because I trust you to keep it a secret. My Quirk seems pretty confusing so far, so I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do with it.”

“I-I promise to keep it a secret!” he reassures, nodding his head so fast that his curly green locks bob in place.

“Thank you, Izuku.” You pause, not quite sure how to breach the next topic. “Um... there was actually something else I wanted to tell you about.”

His brows arch. “Sure. What is it?”

“My Quirk... it gave me a mission. It said I have to charm someone again. I’m not sure what’ll happen when I actually do it, but I want to give it a try and see how it goes. I’m hoping it might help me figure things out.”

“Oh, okay.”

Clearly, Izuku doesn't seem to understand where you're going with this, but once the realization finally sets in, a strangled little gasp catches in the back of his throat.

“W-Wait!” he squeaks, flailing his hands in a panic. “D-Do you mean that you want to use your Quirk... on me?”

You smile shyly. “I was hoping to, yes. I have to kiss someone before I can charm them, though. Would that be okay? A kiss on the cheek, like what I did to Katsuki yesterday?”

At only four years of age, even just a cheek kiss is a big deal. Someone like Katsuki is normally unfazed by most things, but even he got incredibly flustered when you kissed him. You can only imagine how Izuku—the shyest kid in the neighborhood—might react.

He’ll probably refuse. If he does, I should just leave it. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

To no one’s surprise, Izuku is already burning red from embarrassment. He’s taken several steps back, most likely out of pure instinct, and is now clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles are white as paper.

“You want to k-kiss me,” Izuku stammers nervously.

“Only if you let me,” you promise. “I don’t want to make you upset. It’s just that it’s the only way to use my charm ability, so... yeah. But then again, I’m worried that you might end up fainting too. Ugh. I don’t really know what to do...”

Embarrassment aside, you can understand why Izuku might be afraid to let you use your Quirk on him, especially after what he just witnessed yesterday. He has every right to refuse, purely from a self-preservation standpoint.

But he doesn't.

“O-Okay,” Izuku swallows. “I’m happy you got your Quirk, [Name]. And... I want to help. Y-You can kiss me if you need to. Even if I pass out, it’s okay. As long as I can help you.”

He proceeds to squeeze his eyes shut, no doubt too flustered to bear watching everything unfold. You officially have his go-ahead, and even though you don't want to end up making him feel unwell, you aren't sure how else you're supposed to get used to your Quirk.

Please don’t make Izuku faint. Please let him be okay.

Drawing in a sharp breath, you slowly approach him. Despite the fact that his eyes are closed, he can still hear you moving closer, and he starts shaking like a leaf in the wind. You figure it's best to just go for it as quickly as possible and spare him the nervous anticipation.

Blushing quite a bit yourself, you peck Izuku on the cheek, then hastily pull away.

“I-It’s done,” you say. “Izuku, you can open your eyes now.”

He does just that, although it takes him a while to actually work up the nerve. Eyes the color of emeralds slowly drift open, and he even lets out a nervous little hiccup, clearly mortified beyond belief.

“A-A girl—hic—a girl actually k-kissed me,” Izuku stutters.

[𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮?]

There it is again. You now have the option of using your ability, just like before. You can't deny that you're a little worried. A power that makes people fall over unconscious is quite daunting, but you hope that things won't always turn out that way.

“Hold my hand,” you offer. “Just in case you fall over. I’ll catch you so that you don’t get hurt.”

Nodding shyly, Izuku wraps his little hand around yours, then you finally make your selection.

>>[𝐘𝐄𝐒]

It doesn't take very long for your Quirk to take effect. Much like Katsuki, he starts looking weak and unsteady. You hold his hand tightly, even loop your arm around his back to make sure he doesn't suddenly faceplant onto the ground. His breathing is getting shallower by the second, and if you thought the blush on his cheeks before was outrageous, it can't even compare to the one he has now.

“I feel... weird,” Izuku mumbles. Too weak to even remember his earlier embarrassment, he clings to your body as if he's holding on for dear life. “[Name], what’s... what’s happening? I feel... warm and fuzzy. So warm...”

You fear that he's getting close to passing out. So far, it seems to be following the exact same pattern as before. Darn it. Is this really a mistake? Is coming to terms with your Quirk really worth doing this to the people you care about?

Before you can ponder the moral implications of your actions, Izuku suddenly cups your cheek with his hand, then presses his lips against yours.

Um?!

It's a quick, chaste kiss, but a kiss nonetheless. A real kiss, not just one on the cheek. You feel like your entire face is on fire, and it's safe to say that you’ve been momentarily stunned from embarrassment.

And by Izuku, no less. A kid who would’ve never had the guts to do that under normal circumstances.

“Hehe,” he giggles, appearing somewhat delirious. “I kissed [Name]… on the lips. Wow. Was I your first kiss? I sure... hope so.”

He goes limp in your arms right after that.

[𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧! 𝐀𝐬 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐥𝐲. 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲. 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐛𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬.]

Your body is briefly enveloped by a strange, pulsing light, and you swear that something inside you just changed. It's such a subtle change that it's probably almost negligible, but you know you aren't imagining it.

Also, Izuku has definitely fainted. You are now responsible for having made two of your friends pass out.

You shoulder the weight of his body as best you can, then let out a heavy sigh. “I need to get him back home as soon as possible."

Your Quirk is kind of like a game. Based on what you know about it so far, at least. If you keep on completing the missions the system gives you, then you will be rewarded by having your strength increase. It's like gaining experience points and leveling up. That's the best analogy you can think of.

You don't like making people faint, though. After charming both Katsuki and Izuku, it's clear that the effects of your powers are perhaps too strong. You really hope there's a way to control it better. Maybe you're simply too inexperienced?

“Hey, system,” you call out. “I’m still kind of confused about this whole thing. Can you please explain it better? I don’t want to make my friends keep fainting.”

You don't receive a response, so you figure it isn't an entity you can actually communicate with. It doesn't appear sentient, at the very least. It's most likely just there to give you missions and track your progress.

Well, that sucks.

You still want answers. Then again, nobody ever said that mastering a Quirk would be easy, and you’ve only just gotten yours. You suppose you'll just have to be patient.

Out of the little friend group consisting of you, Katsuki, and Izuku, you are the first to have your Quirk manifest.

After that, it's Katsuki.

Since he has such a strong personality, it isn't at all a surprise that his Quirk would turn out to be strong too. He has the ability to create literal explosions from the palms of his hands. It's honestly incredible, and everyone in the neighborhood—as well as the other kids in the local preschool you attend—can't help but be in awe.

Once Katsuki’s Quirk manifests, his personality starts to change, and not for the better.

Eager to show off his strength, he starts getting in fights with all sorts of people. Most of them are other kids his age, but he even picks a few fights with those that are several years older than him. And he never, never loses.

“Wow, Katsuki!” you gush. “You’re so amazing! I can’t believe you beat those guys up even though they were so much bigger than you!”

Since you're young and stupid, you don't realize that in praising Katsuki for his acts of violence, you are actually part of the problem.

Katsuki sniffles, wiping away his tears before they fall. He got quite a beating during the fight, but in spite of that, he still held out until he won. “Obviously,” he huffs. “I’m not going to let anyone talk smack about me. It doesn’t matter how much bigger or older they are.”

You haven't received any more missions since the day you charmed Izuku, but by now everyone knows that you at least have some sort of Quirk. Katsuki was skeptical at first, but even the doctor was able to confirm that your Quirk factor—which is what allows your powers to function—is located in your brain. So long as your brain keeps working, you have the means to interact with the system and use your abilities.

The same can't be said about Izuku, though.

He keeps waiting for his Quirk to appear. He waits and waits, and yet it still shows no sign of manifesting. All Quirks are supposed to manifest by the age of four, with no exceptions. You do everything you can to reassure Izuku that it's going to be okay, but no one seems to understand why he hasn't gotten his Quirk yet.

Somewhere along the way, Izuku is labeled as Quirkless, and with his newfound cruelty, Katsuki makes sure to torment Izuku at nearly every turn.

“From now on, we’re going to call Izuku Deku,” Katsuki chuckles. “Deku means someone who’s a good-for-nothing loser. It’s perfect for him, since he’s a Quirkless weakling.”

You frown. “That’s not nice, Katsuki. Take that back. There’s still some time left. Izuku will get his Quirk soon, you’ll see.”

“You need to stop defending him, [Name].” Katsuki sighs out in annoyance. “Can’t you see just how lame he is? It actually makes a lot of sense that he doesn’t have a Quirk. I always thought that he was weak. This is just how the world works. Right, guys? Don’t you also think Deku’s a loser?”

The two other neighborhood kids that often follow Katsuki around, and who have since become his underlings, hastily nod in agreement.

“Deku’s a great name for him.”

“It’s what he gets for being Quirkless.”

Poor Izuku is already in tears, and you can't help but ball up your little fists in frustration.

You like Katsuki. You really do. But lately he’s started acting like a real asshole, and you're honestly getting sick of it.

“His name is Izuku,” you insist. “Don’t give him a rude nickname to try and make fun of him. Doing that is what’s actually lame.”

“[N-Name],” Izuku whimpers, wiping away at his misty eyes. “Thank you...”

Even though you are friends with both Izuku and Katsuki, you know well enough to understand when something is just plain wrong. Katsuki is bullying Izuku, and it needs to stop.

In picking sides, though, you actually end up making Katsuki even angrier.

“You’re such a goody-two-shoes,” he spits, then uses an explosion to swat Izuku right across the face. His explosions aren't incredibly strong—not yet, at least, since he's still just a child. But they deal enough damage to hurt plenty, and Izuku’s little whimpers soon turn into full-blown sobs.

Alright. You’ve officially had enough.

“Come here,” you grit out. You grab Katsuki by the arm and pull him in, then roughly kiss him on the cheek. His immediate instinct is to freak out, of course, but he's mainly embarrassed, not angry.

[𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦 𝐨𝐧 𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮 𝐊𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢?]

>>[𝐘𝐄𝐒]

It doesn't take him long to quiet down after that. While you don't like making people faint and overall feel unwell, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's better than letting him keep harassing and beating up Izuku, in any case. You are choosing to incapacitate one of your friends in order to protect the other one.

“Not this shit again,” Katsuki mumbles in a daze. He seems to fend off the effects of your Quirk a lot better this time. Perhaps you're starting to get used to controlling its output? But regardless, he still ends up collapsing eventually. You’ve effectively put him to sleep. Hopefully a nap will help him clear his head a bit.

“Aw, man!” one of the other guys whines. “[Name] just used her Quirk on him. That’s cheating! You can’t just go around doing that!"

“Nuh-uh,” you deny. “Katsuki used his Quirk to hit Izuku first. He started it. Carry him back home, please. He needs to be put into bed.”

They make sure to grumble the whole time, but still bring Katsuki back to his parents.

Now, it's just you and Izuku.

“Are you okay?” you ask, worry lacing your expression. “I’m sure it probably really hurts to get hit by one of his explosions. I promise it’ll be alright, Izuku. I’m here for you.”

Izuku nods weakly. “I’m fine. Thank you for helping me. If only I wasn’t so weak... then I could help myself.”

“You’re not weak at all. And your Quirk will show up soon! I have a good feeling about this.”

It's pure unfounded confidence, but you're only an idealistic child, after all.

Strangely enough, though, despite the fact that you’ve just saved him from getting beaten up, Izuku isn't all that happy. He knows you have to kiss someone first before being able to charm them, but he still can't stop replaying what he’s just seen. The way your lips pressed right against Katsuki’s cheek... it's impossible to get it out of his head.

Izuku is too young to make sense of his emotions, but he is experiencing ugly jealousy for the very first time in his life.

It’s okay, he thinks. I got to kiss [Name] on the lips before. Even Kacchan hasn’t done that. And she... stood up for me. Because I’m important to her.

In that moment, even the pain of being Quirkless isn't quite as intense as the fear of losing your affection to someone else.

prologue | story masterlist | next

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thirdwheelravi · 2 months ago

Note

okay re: buck crash out one thing i’ve found like deeply compelling after talking with my sibling about it is that buck and athena are like the two most important people in bobby’s life who collectively worked together to pull off this insanely impossible task to save one of their family members only to find out that they saved chimney at the cost of saving bobby and were each the two last people who spoke to bobby and while they might get each other in a way no one else does and they just HAVE NOT INTERACTED not even from a like intentionally avoiding each other standpoint

now personally i think they are both pretty similar in ways that mostly piss each other off more than anything else so i think a situation where they get into some kind of conflict directly or tangentially related to bobby being gone would lead to a spectacular crash out for both of them

anyway i hope you enjoy this food for thought!

-@buckaronis

this is so true and something i made a point of in the fic im writing right now:

because literally everyone else heard about bobby after it had happened. after he was already gone. when there was nothing they could have done anyway.

but buck and athena both had to stand there and look at bobby and KNOW there was nothing they could do. and that's such a specific type of torture ESPECIALLY for the two of them, two people who NEVER take no or "it's impossible" for an answer. so i do think that would have broken them in a in even more specific and painful way than losing bobby under some other circumstance

#sibyl answers #anon

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arcaneorphic · 5 months ago

Text

‪‪Unravel Me

Pairing: Remus Lupin x F! Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU (Reincarnation) Series, Angst, Hurt/ Comfort, Fluff, Slow burn

Summary: Remus Lupin never believed he had a soulmate—until one accidental touch shatters his carefully built walls. The wolf inside him has always known, but Remus refuses to accept that fate could be so cruel as to tie her to him. Haunted by longing and fear, he tries to run, but she is relentless—warmth slipping through the cracks, undoing him piece by piece. As desire wars with self-doubt, Remus must decide: fight fate or surrender to the one thing he’s always denied himself.

Prev. // Next

Word Count: 4434

Chapter Five: Hogsmeade

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

The way Remus’ gaze continuously shifted to the entrance of the Three Broomsticks every minute or so would have been amusing if it weren’t just slightly pathetic. He would tense momentarily when the door would open and then subsequently deflate when the person walking through said door wasn’t her; it would have gone entirely unnoticed by most people but of course his friends were watching with varying levels of amusement. They had the decency to remain silent on the matter. But that would only last for so long, he could practically see Sirius vibrating to make some sort of remark.

He was only half listening to the conversion that was currently taking place, something about James’ mum inviting them over for something— a dinner maybe, or a gathering of some kind. Remus offered a half-hearted agreement when prodded, “Uh, yeah, sounds great.”

James didn’t take offense, instead sharing a look with Lily that said more than he could understand. To know someone so intrinsically that words weren’t needed must have been a wondrous thing. Remus would like that. There were times where he didn’t want to talk. When words felt too heavy, when explaining himself felt like an impossible task. It had seemed so out of reach before, like something he could be a passive observer to in other people’s lives but never know the true weight of being known so deeply. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to be known so deeply; to have his secrets laid in front of someone for judgment like they were Anubis about to weigh all his wrongs and see if he were worthy.

If she saw all of him, what would she think? She was kind, unbelievably so, but did that kindness extend to beasts? Because that was what he was. A wizard, yes, but a beast nonetheless, according to the ministry. Half-human at best. A complete monster at worst.

She was his Anubis. She was his Rhadamanthus. She alone guarded the gates to any form of salvation he could have. Her judgment had the power to undo him in ways he could never recover from, there was no doubt in his mind about that. If the softness in her gaze turned to disgust or fear he knew that it would haunt him for the rest of his life. A rejection outright would kill him.

It wasn’t unheard of, but a rejection of a soulmate was not something people did. Even Remus, in the throes of his self-inflicted torture and exile, had not thought to do it. In part because he was incredibly selfish, but also because of what it would have done to her. The pain that accompanies the breaking of a soul tie is like nothing else, he’s heard. It’s a visceral thing—all the pain of a physical wound without the possibility of alleviating it. It was a lasting scar on the soul. Remus was no stranger to scars that never healed, but he’d be damned if he marred her in any way.

But, if she decided that this was too much, that the monster he turned into proved too difficult to deal with, he wouldn’t blame her—he couldn’t. His friends had come to terms with his lycanthropy under very specific circumstances: James, who came from a family who gave acceptance with a freedom that was unheard of, Sirius, who found a family in the friends he had and would do whatever he needed to in order to ensure their happiness, and Peter, who had always followed where they led, eager to prove himself and unwilling to be left behind. They had chosen him despite the danger, despite the fear, and they had done so as children, when the enormity of his condition was still something distant, something they could solve with a bit of clever magic and reckless bravery.

But she—she hadn’t grown up beside him, hadn’t built her world around him the way they had. She had her own life, her own dreams, and she had no reason to rearrange them for him. He wouldn’t blame her if she left. He wouldn’t even ask her to stay.

And yet, selfishly, desperately, he wanted her to.

Remus is pulled from his thoughts by a swift kick to the shin. It’s gentle enough that he knows it’s Lily’s doing. He shoots a glare but before he could ask what's gotten into her, he sees why she did it. Weaving through the throng of people, offering a quick hello or smile to some in passing is her.

She carried herself in a manner he was familiar with. She had the same blinding charisma James and Sirius had, but in a way that was all her own. She was light on her feet, like a dancer even if he’d seen walk into a desk a couple of times or somehow manage to stumble on nothing at all. Her very presence was enough to make the space brighter.

He could see her eyes scan the crowd until they landed on him. He felt himself freeze, and he knew that it was very noticeable when he saw the way the corners of her lips twitched slightly. Then there was Sirius’ amused snort that was silenced with an elbow to the ribs from Lily, well Remus assumed it was Lily’s doing because he couldn’t quite force his gaze away from her as she made her way to their table.

“Sorry, I took longer than I thought I would,” she said as she slid into the seat in front of him.

Lily is the one to respond as Remus tries to remember how to have a conversation, “Oh, it’s alright. We haven’t been here long anyway.”

That… was a lie. The group had been there maybe an hour? Closing in on an hour and a half, but she didn’t need to know that. “You’re friend’s weren’t upset, I hope,” Remus finds himself asking before he realized he’d spoken, “that you came I mean.”

She shakes her head and waves the notion away dismissively, “No, they’re not upset. Surprised, maybe, but they’d have no reason to be upset.”

“Surprised?” Peter asked.

She nods, turning her attention to Peter. He liked that about her. Whenever she was in a conversation she was present, fully and wholly. There was never a question whether she was listening, it was obvious in the way she engaged. Remus felt that many people had conversations simply to hear themselves speak. She did not. “You lot are just a group I don’t really hang out with, they were just a bit… surprised when I told them I’d be meeting with you guys here.”

The group falls into easy conversation, which doesn’t come as a shock to Remus. She is a very easy person to like, objectively. He interjects with a comment sporadically, and when her eyes return to him he hopes that he doesn’t look like a deer in headlights. If he does, she doesn’t acknowledge it, she simply responds to his comment.

Lily was right, though he’d never tell her lest he have to suffer another insufferable ‘I told you so’. Having the rest of them there, taking on the brunt of the conversation while Remus attempted to recall how normal conversations were had, was very helpful.

That gratitude was short-lived.

He saw James and Sirius share a look he’d seen far too often from the pair. Remus knew what they were up to before they even began. It wasn’t exactly difficult to guess.

“Lils, we should stop by Spintwitches before they close for the night,” James started, already getting up from his seat. Lily, who was clearly looped into this plan, agreed without hesitation.

Sirius was the next to leave, with a lot less subtlety than the other two. Peter, who hadn’t been clued into the plan, stuck around until Sirius came back, hoisted the poor boy up, and hauled him out as well. The scene was straight out of one of those sitcoms his mother watched.

“That was a lot quicker than I thought it’d be,” the amused lilt to her tone was not what he was expecting. He stopped glaring at the door his friends had just escaped through and looked back at her.

“What?”

“I figured they’d at least wait twenty, fifteen seems a bit obvious.”

He gave a huff of laughter, “They aren’t really… known for their subtlety.”

“No, I suppose not,” she grinned. “I take it they didn’t let you in on their plan?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” he found himself returning her smile. Remus was still nervous and he would be giving his friends an ear full once he got back to their dorm, but he was decidedly glad that they had left. It wasn’t that Remus had suddenly shed his shier ways, or that he was unexpectedly filled with confidence; he was just glad to not have to share her attention with everyone else.

It was selfish and it caught him off guard, but it was the truth. The wolf hated the way her eyes would leave his or when her attention was shifted and now that they were alone, well as alone as they could be in a crowded pub, it returned to that same stillness he’d felt that day in the library. It wasn’t gone, but Remus didn’t feel like he was in a constant losing battle against it.

“So,” her eyes filled with warmth and mirth as she looked at him too, “are you having a decent time, or are you too polite to also leave?”

Remus huffed a soft laugh, shaking his head. “You caught me—I’m miserable, but it’d be a little mean to leave you here by yourself,” he deadpanned.

She gasped dramatically, clutching at her chest. “You wound me, Lupin.”

He smirked but ducked his head, toying with the handle of his butterbeer. “I mean it. I’m having a good time.”

Her teasing smile softened, and she studied him for a long moment, like she was trying to decide if she’d heard him right. Then, she leaned in slightly, her voice quieter when she spoke again.

“Me too.”

The beat of silence that settled with them was anything but uncomfortable. The pub was still loud, still filled with chatter and music and clinking glasses, but it all blurred into the background. For a moment it was just them, in that moment, at that table, and nothing else mattered.

“Do you want to stay here?” Her voice was soft, but her eyes held something else—something that made his pulse stumble. It wasn’t just a question; it was an invitation. And Merlin, did she make it difficult to say no.

His first instinct was to agree and remain in the relative comfort of the pub atmosphere—to let himself get lost in the warmth of her gaze, in the way she looked at him like she already knew the answer. But Remus had spent years learning to suppress instinct, to keep his desires caged behind careful words. So, instead of deflecting or hiding, he let himself be honest.

“No,” he said, his voice steady.

A look of mild shock passed across her features. Then, something softer settled. It was a look he hadn’t seen her wear before, and he hoped he would be the only one to ever be on the receiving end of.

“Do you want to get out of here?” she leaned in slightly, as if she were sharing a secret with him. He found himself leaning in as well. They were close, far closer than they’d ever been before and yet not close enough. Remus couldn’t help the way his eyes mapped out her face, committing it to memory in case he never got the opportunity again.

“Yes,” he breathed. It was an admission, a surrender.

The air between them buzzed with unspoken words but an understanding that was shared between them. Remus barely noticed as he stood, as she reached for her coat, as they moved together toward the exit. The pub, the noise, the rest of the world—it all faded into something distant and unimportant.

All that mattered was that they were leaving together.

The noise of the pub was muffled as the door shut behind them. He wasn’t sure where they were going, all he knew was that he would follow her to wherever she led them.

She looked up at him and Remus felt himself blush. He would blame it on the weather if it was ever mentioned, “Where did you want to go?”

“I didn’t really have a plan,” she admits sheepishly. “I just… sometimes I don’t do too well in crowded places, and I wanted to actually talk to you, you know?”

Her voice was quiet, but the honesty in it struck something deep in Remus. He understood that feeling all too well—the weight of too many voices, too many eyes, the way it could press in until it was suffocating. But more than that, her ability to say it so plainly, without hesitation or apology, added to the growing list of things he admired about her.

“We could…” he hesitated. He didn’t want to assume or push, but the way she was looking at him—like she trusted him to fill in the blank— made him feel inclined to say something.

“We could go for a walk,” he suggested. “It’s quiet by the lake around this time, nice too.”

She tilted her head in that endearing way he liked and smiled at him, “Sounds perfect.”

Relief flooded his chest, mixed with something warmer. For a moment, neither of them spoke, just walking side by side, their steps falling into an easy rhythm.

After a while she broke the silence softly, “You’re easy to talk to, you know.”

“Really,” he asked through a huff of laughter, “I think I make for a horrible conversation partner.”

She nudged him gently with her shoulder, “You don’t.”

As he looked at her he allowed himself to believe her, if even for just a moment.

“You’ll see soon enough that I do,” he replied easily.

“Or,” she bantered, “you might be a little too hard on yourself.”

He made a noncommittal noise in response but grinned all the same, “Or,” he repeated in the same manner, “I’m exactly right.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head like he was being impossible, but the way she gazed at him told another story, “You’re very determined to be self-deprecating, aren’t you?”

“It’s one of my best qualities.”

She hummed, pretending to consider her next words, “I don’t know, I happen to like the way you laugh. I’d be willing to say that’s one of your best qualities.”

Something so simple shouldn’t have the power to make him stumble, but it did. He hoped she didn’t notice the way his steps faltered. Of course she did. The knowing glint in her eyes made it clear that she was enjoying the way that something so innocuous had the ability to throw him off balance.

“See, you’re not awful at talking. You just don’t know how easy you are to be around,” she nudged his arm gently.

Remus didn’t know what to do with that, so he just shook his head, smiling despite himself. “You’re relentless.”

“And you’re stubborn,” she countered with a grin.

He sighed, long-suffering but amused. “I suppose this means we’re at an impasse.”

“Not necessarily.” She turned to him, stepping slightly closer as they walked. “You could just accept that you might not be the best judge of yourself.”

Remus arched an eyebrow. “And I suppose you think you are?”

“Maybe.” She smirked. “Maybe I just know a good person when I see one.”

His breath caught for just a second, something warm and unfamiliar curling in his chest. He wanted to argue, to brush it off, to pretend like her words didn’t mean more than they should. But then she reached out, just briefly, fingers brushing his as they walked. He wanted nothing more than to take her hand into his, but he didn’t—he couldn’t.

He cleared his throat, “Well, I might begin questioning your judgment if that’s what you think.”

She gasped in mock-offense, “I have great judgment of character, I’ll have you know.”

Remus smirked. “I’m beginning to doubt that.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, stepping slightly ahead and turning to walk backward so she could face him. “You’re just mad because I see right through you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, do you?”

“Mhm.” She crossed her arms, looking far too pleased with herself. “You pretend you’re terrible at conversation, but you’re not. You pretend you don’t like attention, but I think you do—just in the right ways, from the right people.”

His stomach flipped at that, but he kept his expression carefully neutral. “And let me guess, you think you’re one of those right people?”

She tilted her head, considering. “I don’t know. Am I?”

It was an invitation as much as it was a challenge, and Remus hated how much he wanted to accept it. His fingers twitched at his side, aching to reach for hers, but he shoved them into his pockets instead.

“You certainly think highly of yourself,” he deflected, shaking his head.

She grinned. “Someone has to. You’ve got no one else besides yourself at the end of the day, might as well be nice.”

Remus let out a breath of a laugh, glancing down as they walked. “You’re relentless,” he muttered again.

“And you’re still stubborn,” she shot back.

They were quiet for a beat, the only sound was the soft crunch of gravel beneath their feet. Then, in a voice much softer than before, she added, “I meant it, though.”

He looked over at her, and this time, she wasn’t teasing. Her expression was open, earnest.

“I think you’re a good person, Remus.”

His breath caught. He wasn’t sure why that particular phrase made something tighten in his chest, but it did. Maybe because it was so simple. So certain.

“You hardly know me,” he replied, his tone softer and laced with that same self-doubt.

She shrugged, unfazed. “I know enough.”

Remus huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “That’s a dangerous thing to say.”

“Why?” she challenged, tilting her head. “Because you’re secretly a villain?”

“Maybe.” His lips quirked, but there was something else there—something heavier lurking beneath the joke.

She studied him for a moment, then softened. “No. I don’t think so.”

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “And what if you’re wrong?”

She smiled, stepping a little closer, the night air wrapping around them like a secret. “Then I’ll take my chances.”

“Like I said, dangerous,” he muttered. Remus swallowed. She was too close, or maybe not close enough. He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that she looked at him like she saw something in him worth believing in—something worth knowing, even when he wasn’t sure he believed in it himself.

“Like I said,” the challenge in her eyes made him want to fall to his knees. He was such a mess when it came to her. “I’m a great judge of character.”

"You must be," he muttered, more to himself than anything. "You're certainly confident in it."

She smirked. "I am. And the more you argue, the more convinced I am that I’m right."

He shook his head, biting down a smile. "That doesn't seem fair."

“If it makes you feel better, I promise I don’t say things I don’t mean,” it might have been wishful thinking, but he thought he saw her eyes linger on his lips a second longer than normal before returning to his eyes.

That made him pause. There was something about the way she said it—lighthearted but firm, like she wasn’t just teasing him anymore.

His heart did an inconvenient little lurch.

As the night continued Remus found that being around her was a lot easier than he thought it would be. Which proved even more of a problem. He couldn’t be with her in the way he wanted, he wouldn’t do that to her. He wouldn’t subject her to the wolf in a way that would alter or force her to get off whatever path she had worked so hard to forge for herself. He also wouldn’t cut the string that tied them together, out of selfishness or to spare her from the pain he wasn’t sure. So, he would remain by her side in the only way he could—as her friend.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

When the duo meandered their way back towards town square he almost didn’t notice the small group that seemed to be waiting for them. Almost. But, it was difficult to ignore Sirius’ too-loud gasp that could be heard from where they were.

“Sorry in advance,” Remus sighs as they approach.

Sirius practically shouted, clutching his chest like he’d just witnessed something scandalous. “Look who decided to return to us.”

James, standing beside him, grinned far too wide to be innocent. “I thought we’d have to send out a search party. Maybe alert the authorities.”

“Stop it,” Lily’s chiding was ineffective since she was stifling her laughter.

Remus ran a hand over his face, groaning. “You absolute menaces.”

Next to him, she laughed—because of course she found this entertaining. “I think they missed you, Remus.”

Sirius gasped again, more dramatically this time, and grabbed James by the arm and loudly ‘whispered’, “Did you hear that? Remus, not ‘Lupin.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but his face felt uncomfortably warm. “Merlin, you lot are insufferable.”

James smirked. “We missed you, mate.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Oh, we definitely did,” Sirius insisted. “We needed details. A full report. A timeline. You left the pub and just—vanished.”

“It’s been an hour,” Remus deadpanned.

“An hour too long,” Peter said solemnly.

If even Peter was joining in then Remus knew that the night would be long and likely result in a migraine. It was their first real chance to tease Remus in the way that he’d done to them in their various situations, so he could see why they were so willing to jump at the opportunity, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Next to him, she shook her head, still grinning. “I think your friends are a little obsessed with you.”

He gave a dry laugh, “You have no idea.”

Sirius slung an arm around Remus’ shoulders—to which the young lycanthrope pushed off almost immediately— grinning wildly. “So, Moony, tell us—was it a romantic stroll under the stars?”

James waggled his eyebrows. “Did you gaze longingly into each other’s eyes?”

Peter gasped. “Did you hold hands?”

Remus turned to her, as serious as he could manage. “This is what I deal with daily. You still think I’m a great judge of character?”

She bit her lip, like she was fighting back laughter, “I said I was a good judge of character. Jury’s still out on you though.”

“Funny,” he deadpans, but the glint in his eyes is telling.

Her answering smile had him suppressing a grin. If she was going to be his friend he’d have to learn to control the stuttering of his heart when she looked at him like that.

Remus’ friends didn’t miss the way his eyes lingered on her openly now, no longer stealing glances when he thought no one was looking. The shift was small, insignificant and would have gone unnoticed by most, but they might as well have been neon signs to them.

Sirius waggled his eyebrows, nudging James none too subtly. “Well, would you look at that?”

James hummed in agreement, crossing his arms as if observing something particularly fascinating. “Interesting. Very interesting.”

Remus ignored them, “I think it’s probably best for your sanity if you go before they’ve managed to drive you mad.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” she asks in feigned indignation. “And here I thought we had a nice time.”

“We did,” he agreed readily. “But I don’t want my friends to be the reason you don’t want to come around me again. I’d rather do that on my own.”

She laughed and shook her head, “I doubt that’ll happen.”

The certainty in her voice makes his chest ache. He wants to believe her, more than anything, but he can’t. Not fully at least. She might like Remus, he wasn’t entirely sure why she would but she seemed to, but the wolf was something else. However, he would take what he could get—gladly hold onto what she offered him even if she wasn’t fully aware what it meant to him or what she was offering it to—for as long as she was willing to give it.

“We’ll see.”

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

My Love,

Much has happened since my last letter, but all falls to the wayside as I think of you. Your last letter found me later than I had hoped, but I do not put that blame on you, my heart. The distance separating us does not make it easy, I know, so I will treasure each one that finds me. I hope you are well. I would be beside myself if you were anything less than that. I am doing fine. The days are long and the path is treacherous, but it will be worth it once I am back to you.

You have been on my mind as you are in my heart, ever-present. In two weeks time I will be by your side again. That knowledge has kept me sane in the roughest of times. My companions do not hold even a modicum of your charm or wit or sensibilities and as such I am left missing you in all aspects. I miss you terribly as it is, adding my less than spectacular company only makes it worse. Though, I assume you tire of my complaining, so I will leave it at that for now.

I’m sure you are waiting with baited breath to hear of our latest endeavors, so I will no longer keep you waiting. We believe to have found the resting place of the artifact we have spent months searching for. There were markings, language I would presume, that we are still attempting to decipher. I have said it would be in our best interest to wait until we know more, but of course my compatriots are against that idea. They seemed more irate than usual at this suggestion, but I will hold firm on it. Though, I do find it peculiar that

[An unfinished letter found while excavating what seemed to be the ruins of a camp.]

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

Unravel Me Masterlist

Taglist: @a1ienmush, @boromoony, @kitkatkl, @moonyswifee, @mxg111, @movnchild,

#marauders era #remus lupin #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin x you #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin fic #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin angst #remus lupin hurt/comfort

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fairestbeard · 16 days ago

Text

Carmy's darkest secret

CONTENT WARNING !!!!!

Distressing opinions, egregious cornplating, predictive- serious potential spoilers if true.

TRIGGER WARNING: Substance ab*se, Suic*de, Mental illness.

I'll just come right out and say it.

I think Carmy might be an addict.

And I don't mean addict like a workaholic or perfection addict like we've been saying here.

I think Carmy might be an actual addict.

In fact, more specifically, I think Carmy might be a heroin addict.

"Woah! WTF, are you crazy?"

Hopefully. Hopefully I am..

I've never wanted to be more wrong in my life. And I want this meta to be so clown worthy, to be actual comedy in retrospect because it gets me properly laughed at for how wrong it is.

But walk with me here...

An unreliable narrator?

I've discussed previously in this meta my opinion of how the story of The Bear is being told from Carmy's perspective and his subjective mind, and so, the visuals and general ambience including how we perceive the characters are at least partially controlled by him. One thing that convinces me of this is how the show literally starts inside his head (the bridge dream) which sets the tone for the rest of the show.

An unreliable narrator can be defined as any narrator who misleads readers, either deliberately or unwittingly. Many are unreliable through circumstances, character flaws or psychological difficulties. In some cases, a narrator withholds key information from readers, or they may deliberately lie or misdirect.

Source: jerichowriters.com

Carmy could very well fall under the mentally impaired unreliable narrator but I think he is possibly just a dishonest narrator. Because he seems to be purposefully evading vital truths (lying by omission and substitution).

Another character in media that fits this dishonest narrator description is Fleabag of season 1. Up until the end we were with her, we sympathized and empathized with her. We cried and laughed with her. We fully understood her anger at Beau for doing what she did (won't spoil the plot for those who haven't watched it). And even at the end you still are with her. She manages to get you to see yourself in her and it's all in the power of how she tells her story.

Carmen, the drunk

I had too much to drink

I didn't think, I didn't think of you

Half A World Away - R.E.M ("The Bear")

One interesting assumption about carmy is that he is completely sober, a teetotaler, in fact. I've seen people make jokes about how he would be so light brained that he'll get drunk on nothing. Because we've never seen him drink. We've seen his confusion and anger discovering that Mickey had a drug problem he didn't know about. We see how much he despises Donna and the trauma she brought them through her drunkenness. So it's very fitting that we assume he wouldn't drink or use substances at all because that is the logical response.

But what if Carmy was actually drunk for at least all of season 1?

An unreliable narrator, especially in the 3rd person narrative, will leave clues. The pilot starts by showing us an idea of what Carmy was dealing with; unpaid bills, unreliable vendors, an outdated system and an untrusting and disrespectful staff. In between those flashes we see shots of half drunk bottles. Now those bottles could have been there for any number of reasons. Maybe it was left there by Michael. Maybe it was cooking wine. Except in the coming episodes you realize that they didn't really have anything on the menu they cooked with red wine and the bottles kept changing in content so they were obviously active bottles.

There's another spot the difference magic trick happening in these shots. Can you see it? Hint: our mother of victory.

The shots are saying something.

"Hands" was the first full on attempt to call our attention without telling us that Carmy had a problem. I said in a recent post that you had to pay attention to the shots used in the show as ask yourself "why that shot?" everytime.

The episode starts out with shots of full bottles on the table when he's interacting with Syd. We also see the bottles full after he sends Richie and Syd of to the store and he's talking to Sugar about joining Al-Anon which he seems resistant to. However, by the time Richie gets back, finds Mickey's letter and tries to deliver it to Carmy, a whole 1½ bottles of the wine is gone. This is in one afternoon, in the space of at most 2-3 hrs. No casual drinker could ever drink that much alcohol in that space of time. We are dealing with an alcoholic.

We also see that he has lapses in memory (a classic symptom of alcoholism) at the end of the episode when he discovers that the cigarettes that caused the day's mishap was actually left by him, which made him seriously consider joining Al-Anon.

Sleep walking:

Sleep walking can be triggered by alcohol (I've experienced this first hand). He says to Nat that it happens to him from time to time and she immediately brings up Al-Anon, telling him he can ask for help.

Withdrawals

Carmy shakes a lot. He's fidgety and can't stay still most times. Knowing his history and current state of mind we blame his neurotic nature. What we don't consider is that Carmy sometimes is having the shakes- a sign of withdrawal. The first time they show this is in "Dogs" at Cicero's party. We see shake off the shakes while making the hotdogs and having a laugh with Richie and Cicero.

We also see this happen in "Ceres" in the flashback with Michael making Braciole. If I had to guess, this is why Michael cut him off from the restaurant. Imagine two addicts working together? He probably felt Carmy going out in the world and finding inspiration would make him opt for a better and maybe get clean.

Some other scenes with Carmy showing signs of withdrawal:

- In the meeting with Cicero in "The Beef" his hands are clenched almost the whole time to curtail the shakes.

- Tomorrow in his Ever scene with Luca you can see his hand shaking as he raises his voice to Luca before chef Terry intervenes.

- When Chef Fields says "Are you shaking? Are you nervous?" to Carmy. Carmy isn't nervous, he in withdrawal.

- In "Omelette" ...and this one broke my heart...

The table scene with Syd.

It's not the side effects of the cocaine

I'm thinking that it must be love

Station to Station (David Bowie)

Mood swings and erratic behavior

One thing we've all come to get used to is Carmy's volatile disposition. He has the tendency to erupt or spiral dramatically at anytime showing us how extreme it can get in episodes like Review and The Bear. Behavior like this can be exacerbated by alcoholism.

For Carmy, it's a recurring pattern in season 1, he's irritable and shitty during the day but gets nicer and friendlier after he's had a bottle and half later in the day. We see this pattern play out in Hands, Brigade and even Ceres in his interaction with Syd.

Neglecting responsibilities

Anyone who's watched Carmy would call him the hardest working chef. He's fast and always seems busy, but there has been many instances of him abandoning his responsibilities in S1 and S2. That whole bit about "dialing business" while Syd is everything else was just a bullshit way for Carmy to hole himself up in the office and get drunk and not have to also worry about the day to day. Not that he conciously intends for it to be that way, but because his head is messed up, it ends up that way. He does this in season 1 with the excuse of Al-Anon and he does same in season 2 with the excuse of Claire. He tells Sydney to care about everything more than anything because he doesn't trust himself to care enough.

Self isolation

We heard him describe to the Al-Anon crowd how he self isolates. We attribute this to him reacting to the heartbreak from Mickey's treatment of him, but should we believe him? Because self isolation is also another symptom of alcoholism. He found a station for himself were he could exist in a kind of bubble and the more people he cut out of his the quieter his life got. One thing with self isolation is that it gives you less people you care about to make you feel guilty about your substance abuse. You get to do without the extra work having to hide and constantly lie to people.

Carmy's family history of alcoholism:

We see this hinted with the Al-Anon pamphlet "Alcoholism, the family disease". This is a hereditary mental illness that has been passed down the Berzatto family.

In Fishes, apart from Donna being drunk and Stephen commenting that everyone had drunk too much, we briefly see an old woman passed out on the couch, shown between shots of red wine, that is never acknowledged. This suggests a family where being passed out drunk is a normal sight or maybe for that particular person. I'm thinking by the age of them, it's probably their Nonna. I remember Nat subtly informing us in Ice Chips that Donna's mum was worse than Donna.

Fairest creatures :

We always associated this with the poem, so interpreted it as his secret desire for kids. But maybe they really are referencing the wine house in California (I think it was @gingergofastboatsmojito that highlighted this wine house), as an indication of his wine drinking habit. It could also hold both meanings since The Bear does a lot of killing many birds with a stone.

Timeline of Carmy's present day substance abuse:

– Wakes up from a drunken slumber where he dreams of the bear at the bridge

– Tries and repeatedly fails to keep his drinking in check all of season 1. Culminates in the Review debacle.

– Attempts to quit again (I think) in "Pasta" by filling his time and trying to find fun. Getting closer to Syd. Meets and rejects Claire.

– His disposition seemed to have started changing in "Sundae" he's showing cracks in his mood. Looks like he's going through the motions cooking at the apartment. Tries to bump up the fun by doing a taste tour but abandons it when Claire calls him because in reality he was abandoning the idea that he could do it clean. So his sobriety probably lasts only about a week.

– In the beginning of Honeydew you can see him falling apart already. He looks like very stressed out and unable to concentrate. He's obviously been disappearing because he doesn't seem to be up to date on what's happening at the restaurant.

– By "Pop" he is fully hanging out with the party crowd. We see that he's been disappearing for a while now.

(On a side note: I wonder if the sign that says Ziggy on the calendar in Bolognese is referencing Ziggy Stardust, as in The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust.)

– Is in full withdrawal by friends and family. Probably contemplating giving sobriety "his full focus". Another version of Review happens again as he loses control mid service.

Tomorrow:

The opening sequence of tomorrow was very interesting. He walks into the dark restaurant, death stares two glasses of wine and an ashtray of cigarettes. Clears and vigorously cleans the table, then kicks the bar cart in disgust. This is a dramatic summation of how he felt about alcohol, this thing that has upended his life. We also see him start his R&D process by dumping a bottle of red wine in a pot, repurposing his addiction. In a normal setting the alcoholic would dump all the alcohol in the sink to start the sobering process. He also tries to reorganize his life in an effort to cope with it.

We see him mentally go through his journey as a chef and his journey as an addict with markers made with the music alone. There are moments of flow, moments of drama and moments of crises. Each time the dissonant section of the music plays, I think, represents either a crisis that leads him back to another cycle of addiction, or his addiction coming to a head.

We see him stoop and look at four spots before the episode comes to a close. The spots are never shown. But if I had to guess, I'd say those spots were: the fridge, the locker room, the bar cart and the clock.

S3 is about getting it out of his system:

I think Carmy is yet again trying to beat his addictions. I think this is the first time we are actually witnessing him rawdog his depression in real time without his substance clutch and that is why he is so insufferable. Season 3 is Carmy in long-term withdrawal and detoxification and it's not an easy process. It's hard and it's ugly. The dramatic marker (substitute storyline) for this point in his life is his quitting cigarettes. The cigarettes, as well as representing itself, also represents his other addictions and so at his last count with Syd, Carmy has been sober for 41 days + the following days that count to the Ever funeral.

Part 2

#the bear #sydcarmy #carmy berzatto #the bear meta #sydney adamu #carmy x sydney #the bear fx #the bear hulu #sydney x carmy #syd x carmy

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brigdh · 2 years ago

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I want to talk about Izzy's rant to Ed in episode 10, the one that brings out the Kraken. I've seen a lot of different descriptions of what is going on in this scene – death threat, homophobic slurs, etc – and I don't think either of those are what's actually what's happening.

Let's look at it closely, line by line, and the way Ed reacts, from the very beginning of the scene.

Ed: Well, feels nice to tidy up a little. Can't believe I was living like this. Can you, Iz? Izzy? Izzy: I'm going to speak plainly. Ed: Wonderful. You know we share our thoughts on this ship.

Izzy, cont: This, whatever it is that you've become... is a fate worse than death.

Okay. So there we've got what some have interpreted as a death threat. But does Ed seem threatened? He's startled, certainly, put on his back foot – literally – but he doesn't look afraid or alarmed to me. He draws in a slow breath, assessing the situation, but overall seems more confused than frightened.

In fact he laughs it off with his next line:

Izzy then escalates the level of aggression in the conversation:

But Ed, again, looks more confused than anything. Check out that furrowed brow, that head tilt! This is a man going "what is your deal?", not a man thinking "uh-oh, you might kill me!".

Extremely noticeably, even when Izzy storms right up into his face, Ed holds steady. He doesn't run, doesn't lean back, doesn't hunch his shoulders or drop eye contact – there is no vulnerability or defensiveness in Ed's body language at all. Ed is in supreme control of this confrontation – look at the slow way he deigns to turn back to the paper Izzy's holding! As though he's making the point that he chooses when to turn, not Izzy:

Then we have the "homophobic slur". But watch closely:

Ed does not react to "namby-pamby", "silk gown", or "pining" at all. He doesn't even blink. He barely seems like he's hearing Izzy. His entire attention is on the picture.

Ed's body language and behavior changes at one word and one word only, and that is "boyfriend". As soon as Izzy says it, Ed's furious:

(It's even easier to notice when you actually watch the scene instead of using gifs, because Izzy really draws out 'piiiiiiining', putting a lot of time between the first half of the sentence and 'boyfriend'.)

Why is the use of the word 'boyfriend' so important?

Well, what has Ed been doing all episode? He's been crying in a blanket fort and singing sad songs, yes, but he's been keeping a careful level of mystique about why he's doing it. Ed often uses distanced circumlocutions instead of directly acknowledging his emotions, but he's doing it in this episode even more so than usual:

Here are the lyrics to his song:

(Version one, with Lucius) Hanging on By a thread Hanging on Shouldn't let go If I let go, all will fall Fingers bleeding down to the bone now Can't let go Nothing makes sense Hold on Hold on Hold... on

(Version two, performed for the whole crew) Just let go Make yourself let go Make it go away Away, away today Life's a hard sad death And then you're Deaaad

Notice something? There is no mention of Stede, or love, or break-ups, or abandonments, or relationships in general. All Ed discusses is a vague life-sucks attitude, which could apply to basically anyone under any circumstances. He seems pretty okay with people knowing that Blackbeard is having some sort of weird emotional breakdown as long as he convinces himself that no one knows it's specifically from having his heart broken

This is true of everything Ed says and does for this entire episode. He never once even mentions Stede's name, unless "Farewell, Bonnet's playthings" at the very end counts. The only thing Ed openly admits to feeling bad about is a fictional character who's having a hard time "holding on" (holding on to what? he never says). There are no allusions to heartbreak or romance anywhere in his dialogue.

Now, Ed's not stupid. I'm sure he knows Izzy and Lucius and the rest of the crew can connect the dots and realize that something bad happened with Stede, even if Ed doesn't fill them in on the details. But Ed is also traumatized, and has a whole host of coping mechanisms set up to help him avoiding thinking about things that he doesn't want to think about. If he's not a murderer because "technically the fire killed those guys", then no one knows he's heartbroken because technically he hasn't acknowledged it.

Until Izzy says the word 'boyfriend'. Suddenly the secret is out, and Ed can't handle it. Izzy knows his weakness. That's why this word effects Ed more than anything else Izzy says in the whole scene.

At the end of the confrontation, he hears the crew calling for another song. Look at Ed here. He looks as haunted, as disturbed, in this moment as he does at any point in Izzy's rant.

This is an important part of the scene, not just a closing note. Because if Izzy (the Caribbean's most emotionally constipated man) can see through him, obviously the whole crew can too.

Obviously Lucius – who advised Ed on his and Stede's relationship, who played along with Ed's 'fictional character' claim, who wrote down Ed's lyrics – can do so most of all.

There's a direct emotional logic to Ed killing Lucius because he had a fight with Izzy, and it doesn't involve Ed having been threatened or hate crime'd at all. Ed doesn't deal well with his own feelings (from Stede), so he chooses to become Blackbeard/the Kraken and gets rid of all the witnesses who saw otherwise.

#meta #our flag means death #I've been thinking about writing this up for a while but finally got motivated to finish it before S2

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lastoneout · 3 months ago

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I have to say, I know that the science shows that trans athletes on HTR are usually in-line with the physical capabilities of their fellow cis atheletes...but saying "estrogen degrades a trans woman's athletic abilities" just feels like we're capitulating to the idea that women are weaker than men and offering legitimacy to the idea that sex/gender segregation in sports is correct and based on biological reality, and not the real truth, which is that people with estrogen-dominant endocrine systems can absolutely go toe-to-toe against athletes with testosterone dominant endocrine systems and win and society doesn't like the idea of a "woman" beating a "man" which is why women are shoved into women's leagues where they can be paid less, treated like shit, and ignored.

Like...I know it's small steps with some people, but desegregating sports has been a major feminist talking point since I was a little kid and we should never, EVER lose sight of the fact that women not being able to play against men has absolutely NOTHING to do with athletic ability and everything to do with people hating women, especially ones that can, and do, beat men. The entire anti-trans athlete argument is based on the idea that cis women are biologically weak and cannot, under any circumstances, beat a man at any test of physical or mental ability, so if we let trans women(who are seen as men by these people) play against cis women then the cis women will always lose.

And that is not fucking true, and it's not untrue because "estrogen makes you weaker", it's not fucking true because women are just as strong and capable as men and can beat them in a fair fight and they always fucking have been. Using this argument is akin to critiquing the draft by saying the way to fix it is to make it so women have to sign up too. You're missing the point, the draft existing at all is the problem and you should not legitimize it's existence by trying to force women to deal with it too. No one should be drafted.

And, again, trans and cis and intersex women can play against and beat trans and cis and intersex men at sports. And trans men can also beat cis men. The problem is not who is strong and who is weak, it's that segregating sports by gender is fucking stupid sexist bullshit, it always has been and it always will be and we should stop doing it.

Also the existence of sex/gender segregated sports will always be exorsexist and intersexist and harm anyone who doesn't fit into the bullshit false sex/gender binary. We shouldn't separate sports by gender or sex because HUMANS cannot be truly separated by those things. There's too much variance and diversity. Intersex kids and nonbinary kids and any kid who falls outside the binary ALSO deserves to be allowed to play sports. And in a system where we still have "men's" sports and "women's" sports athletes that aren't men or women are left in the fucking dust. WE SHOULD NEVER SUPPORT A SYSTEM THAT DOES THAT.

So please, stop using the argument that estrogen makes trans women weak like "real women" and that's why they should be allowed into women's sports. On top of just being a really fucking sexist thing to say in general, it's ceding ground to deeply misogynistic and racist beliefs about women and their abilities, on top of legitimizing a system that fucks women over constantly and was built specifically to hold women back, and we can absolutely defend trans athletes(as well as intersex and nonbinary athletes) without falling back on the idea that there's only two sexes/genders and being a woman makes you weaker than a man always no matter what and testosterone is a magic ticket to being strong and makes you good at sports.

When a transphobe asks if you think it's okay for men to play against women you do not answer by explaining that estrogen HRT makes trans women as weak as real women or that trans women are actually women or that trans men are as strong as men due to HTR or are men, you respond by saying yes, I do fucking think it's okay because segregating sports by gender is horseshit that started with a bunch of misogynistic racists throwing a fit about a black teenage girl striking out two of the greatest baseball players of all time in the same game. Women's sports were born out of wanting an excuse to stop women from achieving as much as men, to pay them less, ignore them, and treat them like shit and we should move past that as a society. Idc what the reasoning is, supporting this binary ass view of sex and gender as if it's based at all in reality is not helping trans people, it's hurting them. If you can learn that the old guy in charge of FIFA used to say if female players want to be paid attention to they should just dress sexier despite the US women's team outperforming the men's team all the time and somehow still think any of this is about ability or skill or some biological reality then you aren't serious about trans and intersex liberation and do have a lot of internal misogyny you need to work on.

Stop defending trans people by legitimizing sexism and sex/bioessentialism. Women are strong, trans and cis and intersex, and they can do absolutely anything a man can do, as can nonbinary(intersex or not) people and trans men. The idea that any woman is biologically weaker than any given man is wrong. There is no biological reality supporting this idea. Stop telling little girls that they're weak, especially trans girls and trans men(since people see them as broken women who are weaker than men and shouldn't be allowed in men's sports) holy fuck, and stop telling them that the existence of women's sports is some just and correct thing when they're literally based on the idea that women are frail, weak little flowers who could get blown over by a stiff breeze and never beat a man at anything and were created as a response to women beating men at sports.

For now I do 100% believe trans kids should be allowed to play sports on whichever side feels right for them for any number of reasons, most of which have nothing to do with biological ability or winning, but aside from that, I don't actually think that trans women should be playing women's sports because I do not think women's sports should exist at all. All people, trans, cis, intersex, ect. should be able to play against each other because that is the world that actually protects and cares for trans and intersex people and women. Discard the binary, stop pretending women are weaker than men, stop erasing the bigoted reason women's sports even exist in the first place, and NEVER say that estrogen degrades athletic ability. You sound like the guy who tried to keep women out of the Boston Marathon on the basis that "no women could actually run 26 miles" that's who you fucking sound like when you say that. So stop fucking saying it.

#also suggesting that trans women can't play men's sports post-transition because estrogen makes them weak is just #like if I had a week I couldn't explain everything wrong with that statement #they can't play men's sports because women aren't allowed to play against men period it's not because they're too weak to beat a man #no woman is inherently weaker than a man due to her sex or gender or intersex status #idk how else to say this STOP ACTING LIKE GENDER SEGREGATION IN SPORTS IS NATURAL AND GOOD #IT'S NOT IT NEVER HAS BEEN AND IT NEVER WILL BE #fight for liberation NOT assimilation

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still-breathing-au-p3r · 11 days ago

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It’s honestly refreshing to have someone lay out all of Shinji’s good qualities. Akihiko had already known that Mitsuru gets it, that she understands Shinji, but god does it feel good to hear it said in true Mitsuru Kirijo style: elegantly stated and thoroughly cited.

For Mitsuru, specifically, to be the one presenting the evidence is also a good thing. If Akihiko had tried making the exact same points, he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shinji would refuse on principle to accept a single word of it.

And maybe it’s also nice to see Shinji be the one getting flustered for once. He rarely ever shows that side of himself, even to Akihiko. It’s been that way since they were kids.

The whole conversation so far has only been round one, though, hasn’t it? They already have another challenge waiting for them.

“So, we’ve, ah–” Akihiko clears his throat. Slowly, Shinji thumbs the edge of his hat up to uncover one eye. He and Mitsuru both peer curiously at him, and Akihiko quails under their attention even though he’d literally just asked for it. “So with that all hashed out… What do we do now? I mean– Do we just– ah–”

His face feels scorched. Is this really so difficult or is he just that bad at it? He knows what he wants to say, so why can’t he actually say it? “Just– start, um–”

Shinji laughs, because he’s an asshole (and god, Akihiko really is beyond help, because the thought is tinged with as much fondness as it is irritation). As if Shinji has any room to talk anyway, when getting nice things said about him was all it took to make him run and hide behind his hat.

“Pretty sure the word you’re lookin’ for is ‘dating’, Aki.”

“I– Yes, thank you, Shinji. I was getting there.“

He’d been hoping that once the question had actually been asked out loud (mostly out loud), it would feel easier.

It does not feel any easier.

He’s out of his depth here. Despite his ‘fans’ and all of the interest they supposedly have in him, he’s never even been on a date before, let alone had any experience with dating as a continuous, ongoing state of being. Other people make this seem so easy– to hear some of his boxing teammates talk, they navigate this obstacle course more than once per school year. How?

Shinji laughs again. Akihiko is half tempted to punch him, but the closest shoulder is the bad one, so that’s not happening. Then the laugh trails off into something warmer, softer, maybe even a little shy, and that impulse to slug him fades away entirely.

“I mean. If you’re really serious, then– I’m not gonna say no,” Shinji says. The look on his face is complicated and hard to put a name to. Something between a soft smile and almost a grimace.

It’s relief, maybe. And if Shinji’s really been wanting this at least since they were fifteen (how on earth had Akihiko never noticed?), then– relief would make sense.

“Yeah, of course I’m serious,” Akihiko nods. “I wouldn’t have said anything if I wasn’t.”

They both turn to look at Mitsuru just in time to catch some kind of realization darken her gaze. Her summery smile wilts. Her mouth flattens into a tense line and she closes her eyes as though against pain– worse than pained, she looks guilty, somehow.

Something ices over in Akihiko’s stomach.

“Mitsuru?”

“I’m sorry, I…” Why would she think she needs to apologize to them? The chill slithers up into Akihiko’s chest and his heart spasms against it. “Nothing would make me happier, truly. But…”

Mitsuru trails off, as if searching for the correct words.

“But…?” Shinji urges quietly, leaning forward to prop his elbows against his knees. He’s using the same gentle cadence as he does with Yamagishi, and under nearly any other circumstance Akihiko would laugh about Shinji proving his and Mitsuru’s point so easily.

He’s never felt less like laughing. The sudden, careening nosedive the mood has taken leaves him nauseated.

“I’m afraid I may have gotten ahead of myself. I was so swept up in– in the excitement of it all, that I allowed a rather critical complication to slip my mind.”

Akihiko’s head bobs forward; it feels more like his body deciding to move on its own than him telling it to do so. Shinji nods too, prompting silently for Mitsuru to continue.

“Do you recall when I told you about– about my engagement?”

…Oh.

Akihiko does remember, now that she mentions it.

It had been during their first year, not long after the end of summer vacation. Mitsuru had come back to the dorms one afternoon after attending a business luncheon with her father, clearly off balance. By that time, he and Shinji both had become pretty adept at picking up when something was bothering her even when she made her best effort to hide it, and that day had been far from her best effort.

It had taken a lot of coercing (and a little bullying from Shinji) to finally get her to spill about what was wrong, but eventually she had confessed:

A match had been arranged for her with the scion of another powerful company, one of the Kirijo Group’s corporate allies. The luncheon had served as an introduction between her and her new fiancé.

Both he and Shinji had been aghast and incredulous about the whole thing, especially since by Akihiko’s recollection, this fiancé of Mitsuru’s is quite a bit older than her. Shinji’s view on the issue had been especially belligerent (Did he already have feelings for Mitsuru by that point? For Akihiko…?), but Mitsuru had eventually talked them into letting it drop. This kind of thing wasn’t unusual for families like hers, she’d said, and she had assured them again and again that she wasn’t upset, just caught off guard.

Shinji fidgets in his seat. He looks serious and somber rather than outraged like back then. “You ain’t married yet though, are you? Not for a while.”

“That was originally the case, but…” Mitsuru lowers her gaze. “The Kirijo Group is in a rather precarious position after my father’s passing, and it’s been decided that it would be in the company’s best interest to accelerate the timeline, somewhat. With regards to the– marriage.“

She bites the last word out like it tastes sour. Akihiko wants nothing more than to go over to her and hold her tightly, and to hell with manners, but he stays rooted in place.

“Accelerated it–” He swallows nervously. “By how much?”

“An exact date hasn’t been chosen as of yet, but the plan is for the wedding to take place soon after graduation. Within that same month, most likely.”

Shinji and Akihiko share a look, equally shocked. That’s so soon. That’s too soon. Forget anything to do with the two of them, Mitsuru won’t even have had the chance to live like a proper adult yet…

Would she still get the chance to attend university? To study abroad like she’s always wanted? What would it mean for her role in S.E.E.S. if they still haven’t gotten rid of the Dark Hour by then?

“I’m sorry.” Mitsuru lowers herself into an apologetic bow over her hands clasped in her lap, rendering the both of them speechless. “I realize now how terribly selfish it was of me to say all of this. I’m grateful that we had the chance to speak openly, but it was never my intent to– to bait you with the prospect of–”

Akihiko doubts she’s able to actually catch any of the individual words from his and Shinji’s overlapping protests, but she seems to get the gist at least. She sits up, looking mollified.

“Perhaps that was rather dramatic of me,” she murmurs, looking off to the side. “I suppose the truth is that– I feel as though I baited myself with the idea. I forgot myself, for a moment.”

Akihiko’s limbs finally seem ready to obey him again.

“Mitsuru, hey–” he says, reaching out one hand towards her. “Come over here, sit with us.”

For a moment she simply stares at him. Horror begins to creep up the back of his neck– that was way too forward, it had to be– but it’s quelled when she stands and crosses around the table. He and Shinji both shift a little to give her room to settle between them.

After a brief hesitation, Akihiko carefully (carefully) wraps an arm around her shoulders. To hell with manners, right? She’s trembling slightly, he realizes, but some of that tension drops away almost the instant he touches her.

Shinji seems to be having a hard time deciding what to do with himself (or maybe what he’s allowed to). Eventually he settles on lightly resting the back of his hand against her upper arm, which in Akihiko’s opinion is maybe one of the weirder, more awkward options he could have gone with. He’ll have to remind himself to laugh at Shinji later. Now’s not the time, though, because Mitsuru has started speaking again.

“I couldn’t be…faithful to you both. Any relationship with me would come with a predetermined expiration date. Neither of you deserve that, so, in that regard–” She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders under Akihiko’s arm. “I think it would be for the best if the two of you just–”

“I don’t wanna hear you say we should just leave you out of it,” Shinji cuts her off, quietly but quick as lightning. Thank god, honestly, because Akihiko isn’t sure if he could have gotten his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth in time.

“Maybe whatever this is can’t be forever, sure. But if that’s your reason to stay out of this, then I shouldn’t be a part of it either.” Shinji continues. “After all, we still don’t know how long I’m even gonna be here.”

“Shinji–”

Akihiko speaks before he even has a chance to think about it, and Mitsuru does at the same moment, their voices overlapping.

”Aragaki…”

"I’m not goin’ anywhere if I've got any say in it.” Shinji makes a placating sort of gesture with the hand that’s not still touching Mitsuru’s arm. “I can promise that at least. I'm just sayin’ it still might not be up to me.”

That’s… that is true. As much as Akihiko hates that Shinji brought it up to begin with, he hates even more that Shinji is completely correct.

“But I know that neither of you’d ever let me even try that argument, so I’m not lettin’ you get away with it either, Kirijo.”

He really wasn’t expecting something like that from Shinji, and clearly Mitsuru wasn’t either. She looks stunned.

“He’s got a point, Mitsuru,” Akihiko urges, hope blooming in his chest again. “Maybe the future isn’t certain, but if that’s a reason for Shinji to go for it, then it can't be a reason for you not to. Right?”

Slowly, her gaze becomes chastened, then contemplative, and then–

Then she smiles again.

“Yes…” Closing her eyes, she tucks a curl of hair behind her ear. “Yes, you’re absolutely right. I– I can’t let this hold me back either. I won’t. I want to have this with you both, more than anything. Temporary or not.”

“Glad you’re listenin’ to sense.” Shinji’s clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but color has flushed back into his ears at Mitsuru’s proclamation. Honestly, hearing her say it so openly also has Akihiko’s head swimming with restless heat.

“But really…” Shinji trails off, then turns his attention to Akihiko. Akihiko blinks back in confusion. “You’re the only one out of us without something hangin’ over your head about this. We oughta be asking you if you’re sure you’re okay with that more than anything.”

Akihiko remains silent for a moment while he mulls over Shinji’s words. He’s really not used to being the somewhat ‘normal’ one in any group, even one as weird as his circle of friends. It seems insane to him– the fact that he doesn’t have any kind of illness or arranged marriage looming threateningly over his shoulder somehow increases the pressure on his decision.

But even knowing that there’s a time limit on this– this relationship, Akihiko feels more and more confident by the moment about what the right thing to do is.

They all want this, after all. They all know how it feels to nearly lose something vital because uncertainty made them hesitate.

But how does he say any of that?

How did they do it, seriously? If they’re experiencing anything even close to the absolute maelstrom that’s got Akihiko’s brain spinning in his skull, how did they ever manage to make something coherent out of it? He feels like he’s taking a test he hasn’t even tried studying for.

Akihiko takes a deep breath, leans forward on his knees, and lets the words come spilling out.

“...I'm– I've been stuck, for a long time, in this loop thinking 'if I had only done more' or 'if I had only worked harder' or 'if I'd only been better', then maybe I wouldn't have lost someone that mattered to me.

“But I've been getting a lot of second chances lately. I think I'd have to be an idiot to turn away from one of those chances because I'm afraid of what might go wrong, when I was…when I was lucky enough to get it at all."

He’s not sure where all that came from, but he hopes at least that he got his point across.“Akihiko…” Mitsuru murmurs. He lets his eyes dart up to meet hers only briefly. The expression on her face, and on Shinji’s for that matter, is too– just too much (hopeful, wounded, soothed, touched, warm...) for him to look at for longer than a moment.

#akihiko sanada #shinjiro aragaki #mitsuru kirijo #akishinjimitsu #akishinji #akimitsu #shinjimitsu #persona 3 #p3 #persona 3 reload #still breathing au #sbau canon #sbau main plot #sbau november #sbau november 21 #fic #akihiko pov

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sweet-evie · 1 year ago

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What Those Eyes See

A/N: Just brainrot birthed from this post about Gojo's Six Eyes. I'm going back to writing Satsuki's 1st birthday now.

✨ masterlist ✨

A Saturday afternoon spent wandering through Shibuya wasn’t usually on her top list of things to do on the weekend, but when Satoru fervently asked (more like pleaded) for her company on a specific excursion of his, she couldn’t really say ‘no’.

Or more like… It was hard to tell him, ‘No.’

The distant rumble of accelerating engines, the shuffling of countless footsteps on pavement, and the distinct cacophony of the crowded town had not left her ears ever since she and Satoru had left the subway station. This town with its beeps and whistles and chatter held her attention, so much so that she barely heard Satoru’s voice above the symphony of hectic city life.

“More than a handful of pregnant women are out today.” Satoru spoke nonchalantly, walking beside her with one hand in his jeans’ pocket, while the other hand was busy twirling a blue sucker in his mouth.

Part of her didn’t even believe that she heard him right. Why did he say it like he was just talking about the weather?

“What?”

He peered at her over the rims of his sunnies, blue eyes that mirrored clear skies sparkling under the light of the afternoon sun.

“Mhmm… You heard me. Don't know if I told you this, Sweetheart, but I can see a lot of things.” The grin stretched across his lips was nothing short of attractive and shit-eating. “And to think, you mistook me for a blind man when we met.”

She narrowly side-stepped a couple hurrying down the sidewalk, bags swinging from both of their arms.

“Yeah, you're the extreme opposite of blind.” She shook her head and smirked at him. “You’re telling me you have an ultrasound with those eyes?”

Satoru pursed his lips and made a show of humming out loud thoughtfully.

"That's different.” He popped the sucker out of his mouth. “Ultrasounds use high-frequency sound waves to show you pictures of the fetus, right?” At her shrug and refusal to meet his eyes, he continued explaining as they headed for their destination. “With the Six Eyes however, I see more than just the person’s physical body. There's cursed energy, and then there's the formation of the human soul. The unborn child’s soul resides right next to the mother's. Kind’a hard to miss two of those stuck together and sharing one body."

The longer he talked, the more her questions multiplied.

The Six Eyes and what it could see had always been a point of intrigue for her. Over the years, Satoru never bothered telling her the intricate details or the true scope of what he could see out of his own volition. If she was curious about aspects of his power, she would always ask and he would give her a direct answer. She had never asked him to explain all of it to her in great detail, and that was because part of her suspected that even if he would indulge that request, she wouldn’t be capable of comprehending it anyway — certainly not in a way Satoru himself understood it.

Besides… where would one even begin?

So the additional piece of information he’d offered out of the blue would have been odd under normal circumstances if she hadn’t been keen on withholding important news of her own for the past few weeks.

“As a matter of fact,” Satoru mused as they paused at another crosswalk, “There are eight pregnant women in this area right now. Not sure if they know though. It seems like it's pretty early.”

In the end, concealing it had been useless from the beginning.

“Satoru…”

“Hm?”

“You already know huh?”

“Nine pregnant women, if we include you.” The answering grin he flashed her way was an answer all on its own. “I knew from the first week.”

Of course he knew… Of course he found out.

She was pleasantly surprised to find out that there was no trace of panic nor apprehension in her, only resignation. Despite how meticulously she’d disposed of her positive pregnancy test and how carefully she’d planned her first doctor’s appointment after her discovery, the truth etched into her own soul revealed itself anyways.

Of course Satoru and his Six Eyes knew about the existence of their unborn child before she did.

“Why didn't you say anything? You knew before I did. I discovered it in the fifth week.”

“And even after you found out, you obviously didn't want me to know right away. I didn’t want to pressure you or anything.” Or possibly freak her out with the knowledge that he knew before she could even guess about her child’s existence.

“So what changed your mind now?”

“It’s been 17 weeks. I can’t wait anymore. I also just wanted to start shopping for stuff for the nursery with you.”

“Satoru, you're not bothered?”

“Baby, we've been dating for four years. Why would I be bothered?”

It was a stupid question. If she wasn’t so preoccupied with her own discomfort, her nausea, and her silent struggle to keep all the hardships to herself during the first trimester, perhaps she would have noticed all the little things Satoru did every day to help ease her discomfort. In hindsight, she should have noticed the addition of health supplements in the kitchen, the well-stocked fridge and pantry, and Satoru’s insistence on hiring someone who could do household chores for them.

And in hindsight, she shouldn’t have hesitated in telling him.

She should have trusted him more.

“It’s something we never talked about before. You’re… You’re not disappointed?”

“Disappointed in who?” The look on his face was a cross between being offended and a little sad. “You? Just what kind of guy do you think I am?”

“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that… I just— I’ve already decided on keeping the baby, but I don’t know if you—”

He sighed, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “You’re right. It’s something we haven’t talked about, and we should talk more about this later… Lay down our plans and stuff for the coming months. But for now, I just want you to know that I’m happy about starting a family with you.”

“You really mean that?” Maybe it was the sentiment or perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones acting up, but the unshed tears that gathered at the edges of her eyelids revealed the relief and the gratitude welling up within her.

“I wouldn’t have asked you out today to shop for baby things with me if it were otherwise.” Satoru’s lopsided smile was assurance at its finest.

“Excuse you, you never mentioned what we were supposed to be doing here today.”

“Right… Well, that’s on me.” He grinned and slipped an arm around her shoulder to pull her closer to his side, “But also, you didn’t think I knew up ‘til now.”

“Satoru, I can’t with you.”

At the very least, it was nice to know her anxieties over the whole thing amounted to nothing after all.

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru x you #gojo x you #gojo x oc #satoru gojou x reader #gojo/reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x oc #wbad fanfiction

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bog-mummies · 5 months ago

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yapping at length about stuff that nil says in zero dawn (i do not have his transcript for forbidden west. if anyone has that then HMU pleaseeee). a lot of my analyses may seem like a stretch but please just trust me. hold my hand. these are all from when aloy first meets him, and when she clears devil's thirst.

"Yes, yes, yes, trespass is forbidden on pain of death… Strange phrase, the pain of death. See, this one’s in no pain at all."

i like his little "yes yes yes". iirc he displays similar repetitive speech patterns later on and i find it very endearing. also, he's prone to philosophizing. based on his (likely) previous status as a kestrel and just the way he speaks and carries himself, i headcanon that he 1. came from a noble, or at least well-off/respectable family and 2. is well-educated and well-read. i think in another world he could've been a poet

2. "A thief, a slaver, a killer– the kind that give honest killers a bad name."

he sees himself as different, even though we *definitely* know that he's a killer, and was probably previously a slaver (or at least complicit in the enslavement of non-carja). dunno about thievery, but to his credit he doesn't seem like the stealing type to me (i'd imagine he sees it as beneath him. he's proud). anyway, he rationalizes his violence by framing it as more *civilized* than the shit bandits do. i think it's that carja exceptionalism he was probably raised with that's poking thru - he *cares* about honor. he cares about being civilized. it's important to him that he can justify what he does. he may come across as entirely amoral, but that's not really true. he does have convictions, he does believe in things other than violence, even if it's not immediately obvious.

3. (referring to a corpse) "This one and I just need a moment longer. To reflect on all we’ve been through."

i just think this is funny. he's such a freak.

4. "Call it a shared interest. And call me Nil."

there are multiple circumstances in which you can meet him for the first time, and he *always* introduces himself like this. "call me nil", not "my name is nil". i think this tiny difference is an intentional choice on his part - he is very explicitly *not* claiming that it's his name. Nil obviously not his original name, but does he even believe in names at all? i don't think he ever refers to aloy by her name in HZD - just calls her "huntress". personally, i like to think that he never learns her name until after he asks to duel. i headcanon (and this may just be projection) that nil prefers *titles* (or maybe nicknames) to names. a name is just a... sound, but a title is what you *are*. aloy is a huntress. nil is nothing (not true, but that's how he wants to perceive himself). and when he becomes "red teeth" in forbidden west, that's also a title, kind of. i'm not sure if it's something he chose, but it's still descriptive and meaningful. it's a nickname based on the mask he wears to hide his face, to hide the fact that he's carja - possibly even to hide the fact that he is *specifically* the scary-ass bloodthirsty carja from the red raids, depending on how well-known he was (spicier if it's the latter). it's based on his deliberate rejection of his past and identity, of his choice to assimilate into a foreign culture after being carja all his lifeo. it's not *just* a nickname - it's a symbol of the death of his previous identity. it mirrors how he likely changed his name after leaving sunstone rock, to reject his previous identity as a soldier, to become *nothing*. except this time, he's not nothing. he's a mask, a mystery, but he's still someone, and i think that's significant. because.

5. "Look there- those old rocks? A bandit clan squats under them. Disturb the rocks, and they’ll come wriggling out, (turns back to Aloy) worms that they are."

more of him reducing bandits to something lesser, something inhuman. more of him saying "i am not like that. i am *better* than they are."

6. "My partner and I shadowed these scum for days. Good tracker, but he went on ahead without me. We’d talked about this kind of behavior."

he never actually names his partner. significant? perhaps. perhaps not.

7. "Still, I understand. Leave it too long, your fingers itch for the bowstring."

i struggle a bit when it comes to analyzing his relationship with violence. a common interpretation i see is that for nil, sex and violence are intertwined. and i can see that (he does have a *lot* of suggestive dialogue), but i prefer a different interpretation: that he engages in violence *in place* of sex. i don't quite know how to put it into words, but i think that violence for him fulfills a similar purpose as sex (i headcanon him as ace <3). it provides him with both physical and emotional catharsis, and nil, to some degree, also sees violence as a form of intimacy (see also: some of his fight dialogue). i don't have any evidence that explicitly supports my interpretation over the other one, i just think it's more interesting this way.

8. "Trust is a rare egg to find, isn’t it? I’m just a traveler, with a bow, a concern about the state of these lands, and a missing partner."

something something "i'm nobody" something something. it's subtle but he's kind of diminishing himself here. not like, putting himself down, but making himself seem like less of an individual, less of a person. and aloy notices, and calls him out on it! "i don't think you're 'just' anything at all". and then he deflects, avoids talking about it. man it pisses me off how much he deflects and avoids talking about his past (i need to know literally everything about you and you are making it DIFFICULT for me. fuck you and fuck your stupid headdress and double-fuck your dumb haircut).

9. "And if you’re the heroic kind, who needs a little extra– there’s the captives."

implicitly distancing himself from heroism. more of that "im nothing im nobody i dont believe in anything" bullshit

10. "Feels good, doesn’t it? Hold it inside you one last breath, then let it out."

is this aftercare? discuss.

11. "They killed him. I hardly feel surprised. He was already getting cocky when we carved through the last bandit camp. I thought he and I were agreed: only enjoy the killing as much as the challenge. (he shrugs) No great loss. Nothing in the wilds I can’t handle, just me and the Voice of Our Teeth here."

distancing himself from personal relationships and ties to other people. back on his bullshit again. i do like his whole disaffected vibe tho, it's fun. i think it's interesting that he named his bow though - it's useful, it's (presumably, based on the fact that it looks like it has a mishmash of stuff from a bunch of different tribes) been with him for a while (almost certainly during the red raids), and most importantly, it's a tool for killing. violence is central to his identity, so he feels comfortable attaching himself to the tool he used, and continues to use, for violence. and he names it. y'all know how i feel about nil and names, so this is significant. i don't exactly know *how* it's significant, but i know that it is. idk im sleepy.

12. "They wrong us all. They live filthy lives, so they have to die that way, too."

see: 5 and 2.

13. "No, no– for sport. I can’t wait for wars any more: life’s too short, and the thrill of death too sharp. If you kill a tribesman, there’ll be retribution. Hunt a boar, they complain if you waste the meat. But bandits? They’re vicious. They always put up a fight. And no-one cares if you kill them."

a practical solution to his bloodlust. but it shows that he *does* care about honor (carja stuff again), that it matters to him that he does things the "right" way. i'm not sure it's really about right and wrong, more about clean and unclean. he'll challenge aloy to a duel, but he won't shoot her in the back. he'll slaughter civilians for sun-king jiran, but he won't kill innocents when there's no war to justify it. there's something there, i think.

i have a huge blind spot when it comes to nil and it's whatever the fuck he's got going on with aloy. like obviously she's a killing machine and he's enamored because of that but like. is that really *it*??? it cant be. but i suck at romance and analyzing romantic relationships so unfortunately i do not Get It™️

niloy stuff aside, i might add more onto this later. i've only really gotten out like a third of what im thinking (esp his whole deal with being carja, how his experience as a soldier for the sundom affects his relationship with violence, etc etc. and also the thing with his bow and his dealio with names. and why he seems to reject his past and personal identity so much. and common fan theories about him) but i just dont know how to put it into words.

also also also. if you liked this then you should also read this fic:

Daylight - Anosrepasi - Horizon (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

because it's a very good character study on the little freak

#nil #nil horizon #nil hfw #nil hzd #horizon zero dawn #horizon forbidden west #i feel like i kinda lost the plot with some of this but that's okay #long post #analysis

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