#or the whole phandom for a while if it really bothers you to the point of ruining your fandom experience

[ace-s-fav-dp-posts]

If you're sick of the current popular trope/story prompt in the Phandom or DPxDC fandom you just need to ignore it

I feel like the fans in the Phandom and DPxDC minifandom that's popped up, who are really grossed/creeped out by the genre of fic popular right now.

Where the set up is some variation of Outsider POV and the plot is based around the assumption that Vlad SAed Danny in order to create Dan and Danielle, are people who haven't been around that long.

Especially when they try to whine about none of it being based in canon. And how they don't like the shipping of Vlad and Danny (even though the people who write these kinds of fics are very obviously not shipping Vlad and Danny in them).

Because the Phandom has historically gone through phases much more gruesome and horrifying than that.

Especially when in this current micro-genre, all of the SA and grooming and other kinds of abuse are implied only, and within the fics themselves the assumed abuse never actually happened. As the plot is based on over heard or misinterpreted fragments of information that doesn't give the POV character the full picture of the situation that's actually going on.

There's the infamous vivisection fics, in which the child main character is brutally cut open and tortured by his own parents in the name of their biased views of science. Who in canon, both happily accept him no matter what every time a reveal is happens and never so much as rejects Danny emotionally.

Then there's the variation on the traditional vivisection fic in which Danny isn't emotionally rejected and stripped of his humanity by his own parents. But instead captured and stripped of his human rights by the government, either by his parents unknowing actions which they stay oblivious to. Or in spite of his parent's acceptance of him, and with them helpless to rescue or protect him from the government's torturous "research".

There's the already existing variation of grooming and SA fics, where Vlad grooms and or assaults Danny. Which have been popping up for years now, but in which all of this type of horrible abuse actually happens in the story, instead of it being an Outside POV misunderstanding what's happen like the current micro genre of fic.

There's the fics where the Fentons have just been abusive or just negligent parents Danny and Jazz's entire lives. And them hurting Danny, emotionally or physically, intentionally or accidentally, is just an extension of their already unacceptable parenting habits.

There's the edritch/body horror genre of fics where becoming half-ghost (or sometimes something else) involves at the very least the partial loss of Danny (or Vlad)'s humanity.

Hell there's one fic that's stuck with me for ages, that I read years ago, back in my teens, written from the POV of a Maddie who murdered Danny to prevent him from becoming Dan. Which is stated in that fic to be inevitable.

It's also heavily implied that Maddie had incestuous feelings for Danny the entire fic. And that she also possibly raped him in the midst of her extremely violent* vivisection murder of him. But that if she didn't rape him, at the very least, ripping him open to see his insides while he was awake and struggling got her off anyways.

So yeah, I don't know what other explanation there is to all these people who seem confused and freaked out by the various fics popping up where there's assumed SA/grooming, but actually nothing outside of canon actually happened to Danny, and the whole thing is just a misunderstanding.

Other than them being extremely new to Danny Phantom fics in general and therefore unaware of just how dark (and potentially triggering) they can be.

When there's been fics for years about SA and grooming, some of which is explicit, some of which is all implied and talked around and just as gut wrenching, and some of which is actually painted in that cringe forbidden love sort of way, for more than a literal decade now.

If you don't like it, if it makes you uncomfortable, you're just going to have to ignore or block those people, like everyone else in the Phandom who feels the way you do has done for more than a decade now.

Don't make comments to those authors that you don't like that trope, or that it makes you uncomfortable, or anything similar. Just ignore them or block them if it really bothers you that much. Because if you don't like their stuff, then rather obviously you are not their intended audience, so you need to ignore their posts and fics and keep scrolling if you're not going to block them.

*Also yes I must state it was a violent vivisection murder. Because it is clearly stated in the fic, that Vlad finds Maddie sitting outside on the porch covered in Danny's blood and viscera, and that the room she killed him in is in a similar state.

I wanna say the fic got deleted during the old Fanfiction.net purge of more adult content, even though all of the sexual abuse/incest parts of the fic where all implied and not explicit, along with the violent vivisectoin murder taking place off screen.

Though I could be wrong, and it's still out there somewhere, and possibly not exactly as I remember it. I read it more than 5 years ago now, so there's almost certainly some memory drift by this point.

[dross-the-fish]

First of all I just really want to say I absolutely LOVE your art and specially the way you draw Erik, Leroux-Erik my beloved 😭💕

Ok ANYWAY. I saw your posts discussing about Erik and how the Phandom portray him and Raou, and I really want to point out some of my views (in the healthiest and most polite way possible!!!)

I'm not trying to deny Erik's flaws nor that I have an obvious bias since he's my favorite character ever AAAND Raoul is a character I dislike a LOT for multiple reasons lol but, I want to adress that: Erik is a person that endured multiple ways of abuse and humiliation in his life, since he was a child. He has multiple scenes of trauma response and, as you pointed out your post, acts impulsively many times and also shows clear remorse for his actions. What I think separates him from Raoul is (aside from the obvious class diference and the fact that Erik has a whole history of trauma and evidences of mental illness) the fact that Erik learns something from his selfish, self-destructive behaviour. He *had* a chance to end up with Christine if he didn't so shitty with her, and this is very impactful in the end specially because Leroux didn't treat him as a villain who deserved punishment, but as a traumatized AND completely abandoned person who fucked up pretty bad

Obviously, despite my personal beef with Raoul, I don't think he's some sort of abusive devil or any shit like that. I just think Christine would be better at her own. Forgetting Erik's flaws for a minute — Raoul *is* very manipulative, childish and uncaring towards Christine. He, unlike Erik, doesn't learn from his mistakes and presents the same behavior until the end of the story. Idk my girl Christine could be better at her own, single, following her career. The fact that Raoul was born in a rich family in the 19th century and didn't face any of the poberty or struggles that lower-classed people like Daroga, Erik and Christine had also make his character waaaay more difficult to like in my point of view. I'm NOT SAYING THAT "being rich makes you evil" (duh) nor that Erik's actions are ok, just to be clear! It just bothers me how so many people treat Raoul like a saint little puppy and Erik as a monster, like COME ON

Now, back to Erik: I'm not saying you intended to mean that, but I have a huge problem with how part of the Phandom thinks Erik had malicious intentions when approaching Christine, or that his feelings for her are fake. The "Erik knew precisely what he was doing since the start" really makes sense considering how his redemption arc went in the novel. Obviously this changes a lot in many adaptations (for example he's clearly much more self-aware and manipulative in the musical). But Leroux-Erik *genuinely* believed he was doing the right thing. Maybe he had an idea of "uuuugh maybe this is pretty bad maybe i should stop" but the self-destructive-fear-of-abandoment-everything-is-fine voice spoke louder. Let's not forget that what turned Erik into having such a violent mental breakdown was not "Christine doesn't love me and I must punish her" bullshit, it was when he heard her speaking not so many cool things about him and his appearance at his back (NOT BLAMING OR HATING HER, I love Christine, I'm talking about Erik's pov). If Erik didn't love Christine, or if he was a monster, he wouldn't feel any guilty for his actions. The most impactful thing in the ending of POTO is that Erik realized he had treated the woman he loved like trash and even still she showed him the compassion he needed

Ok ending this long ass text, I just wanted to state that I agree with a lot of your points specially how the Phandom tends to summarize everything to black and white even though most of the characters are all morally grey. I wanted people to stop dehumanizing a mentally ill abuse survivor like Erik while also stop hating on a poor woman who never asked to be put into Raoul's or Erik's bullshit lol thanks for having the patience to read, I'm really curious to know what your thoughts about this are 💕💕💕

I appreciate your courtesy, I understand where you are coming from but there are a few points i'm not sure I fully agree with. While it is fair to depict Erik as traumatized or mentally ill, I feel these are ultimately reasons for his behavior, not justifications. I agree that he is a sympathetic character and his story is a tragic one, I also agree that Erik had a great capacity for good under better circumstances. Leroux says "he had a heart that could hold empires but had to content himself with a cellar," or something to that effect and I believe that's true. But some of Erik's behavior cannot be written off as impulse or trauma response. He was still an assassin who built torture chambers and even when no longer in Persia he still had a torture chamber in his home that he made use of. He has enough agency that he can still be held responsible for all of the death and destruction he caused even as we acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy killing and feels remorse. How he deals with his remorse in particular is a bit of a sticking point for me. Erik's consistent ability to willfully "forget" what he does or completely deny the severity of his crimes is very likely a product of guilt but the presence of guilt is not a sign of virtue and after awhile it starts to feel like he is first and foremost dodging accountability. He never feels guilty enough to stop and prefers instead to alleviate his internal discomfort by emotionally distance himself from his actions. I also think it's important to acknowledge that Erik is a villainous character and he is violent with Christine. He does try terrorize her and coerce her into marrying him by threatening to kill her and everyone else. To be honest that's why I like his redemption, because he actually NEEDS to be redeemed. You can't redeem a character that never fell from grace. If we can't hold him accountable for his choices and acknowledge the full harm he did then his redemption is hollow. On the subject of Raoul, Leroux tends to write him as being kind of young and stupid and most of his boorish behavior the product of youthful impulse and the older I get the more I'm inclined to agree. This doesn't make Raoul right or even necessarily likeable but if we're giving Erik grace based on the author's sentiments towards the character we should probably give some to Raoul as well. Ultimately I feel Raoul redeems himself by proving he's willing to die for Christine. He throws himself into mortal peril to save her because he does love her. Yes, he has a lot of privilege compared to other characters and it certainly contributes to him coming off spoiled and bratty at times but at the end of the day he and Christine do love each other and he is who she chose. I'll admit I sometimes feel compelled to defend Raoul even if he's not remotely close to my favorite character just because the fandom tends to over inflate his flaws and hold him to the worst faith interpretation while making every excuse under the sun for Erik. The phandom will go to great lengths to see nuance and humanity in Erik's behavior but not in Raoul's and, while I have my own character preferences and Erik is certainly my favorite by a long shot, I try to be fair and empathetic to ALL the characters in the story, whether I actually like them or not.

[demonqueenart]

Thank you for answering, I really appreciate it <3 I remember when people were speaking up about these issues a few years ago and many people in the phandom either shut them down or ignored them, and while I’m sure there’s still a lot of that going on even now, I’m really glad that we’ve reached a far more open and understanding point where it’s okay to talk about this stuff now. You and blogs like yours are doing a really good job putting yourselves out there, and we really are striving for a more inclusive community, because we all deserve it!!

Per the subtitle thing, I did some more research and went back to their recent videos, and it seems that while the majority of them do have proper subtitles, I think DnP don’t tend to upload their videos with proper subtitles on them at first, and instead do the subs afterwards and then add them when they’re finished, because the most recent video still has auto-generated subs on it.

While I am thankful that they do put on proper subs, since far too many YouTubers (some even bigger than them) don’t even bother, I believe they should make sure that the subs are there when they upload their videos; since I usually wait a few days to watch new videos, I didn’t notice the time-gap between auto-generated and proper subtitles, so that was my mistake! I appreciate their captioning, but D/deaf people, HoH people and people with sensory processing issues shouldn’t have to wait for accessibility, so I do think they have the capacity to do better in that regards. I’m not an expert on how captioning works on YouTube, so I don’t know how long it takes for captions to be made, but overall I think there’s definitely room for improvement.

That’s my opinion, though, as someone who uses subtitles, but obviously someone else may see this completely differently!

Absolutely! People should be able to enjoy an upload right then! I imagine it’s disheartening that someone would have to wait for a subtitle to be in a video while others have already watched and geeked about the whole thing. That must have made people feel excluded from this community in some way. I hope they’ll hire professionals for subtitles in the future, or find other ways to make people able to enjoy an upload right then! (It’s still very nice of them to use subtitles in their video early on tho. I think it’s something that people can overlook so easily, I’m glad this is not what they do :) )

Also, if anyone wants to share their pov about this, I would love to hear them. The more pov, the better!

[ID/ a banner with light blue sparkly background; the disability pride flag slides in from the left and darker blue text pops in reading "Make some noise for Disability Pride Month!!" /end ID]

Banner by dapg-otmebytheballs

Auto-message: This ask’s purpose is to acknowledge dnp’s past/present exclusivity, not to cancel them! But to embrace mistakes that they’ve made so that 1. we won’t exclude people in need in this community, and 2. we can normalize bringing up exclusivity so that improvement can happen. Hopefully this will one day help dnp realize that this is a safe space for them to talk about their mistakes, so that this space can become safe for people of all kinds too <3

*If you don’t understand what is happening, scroll through my blog for context. And I’ll be taking time to answer my asks, so don’t think I’m ignoring youuu*

[beacon-lamp]

oddly this kept me up at night and i would like to ask a bunch of people on tumblr sp here we go. have you guys ever thought about how george/dream may have gotten sick of the whole dnf thing? like what if one them just fucking snaps either live or not, they've stated that they're fine with it but at some point one of them has to get sick of it right? i feel like it would be george because dream would be "aha money" you know idk i feel like we're so close to that breaking point 1/2

and i've been to other fandoms where the two people getting shipped just snaps, dan and phil, larry stylinson. maybe i'm just being paranoid but they're both straight (dream may not be) but still if you identify as straight you'd be bothered by that yeah? do you guys think they had a huge argument about it or something god i'm getting scared rant to me idc just tell me something give me a paragraph go for it 2/2

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honestly i don’t know anon.  it’s 4am i haven’t slept and there are too many questions and never enough answers. (also i lived through the phandom and one direction eras but never participated and only saw things from the outside so i’m not sure how things ended.)

i’m not very good at comforting people and your worries are valid but please don’t be scared and maybe go to sleep.  

the thing is, we’ll never know how the dream team truly feel as that’s how parasocial relationships with internet personalities are.  we can speculate on “is it queerbaiting or is it just closeted/repressed emotions” but none of us actually know.  

that being said, in this poorly written essay/stream of consciousness, i will speculate on this dteam situation you have asked about.

the three of them are Good Friends who have known each other for Years, long before any of us had ever heard of them.  i mean they spend half the day on call or falling asleep on call with each other.  and if you think about your own friendships with people you’ve known for Years, you (hopefully) respect your friend’s boundaries and are comfortable telling them if something made you uncomfortable and vice versa.  so i think if any one of them were to start becoming really uncomfortable with the Shipping and whatnot, they would tell one another and work it out in a way that respects their own personal boundaries.  because that’s what i would do with my friends and that’s probably what you would do with yours.  

so under the reasonable assumptions that they are all comfortable enough with each other and practice healthy communication with each other, i don’t think things would ever boil over to a point where one of them Snaps.  

ok but what if that does happen?  what if one of them does Snap?  

well i don’t think it would happen on a livestream.  they’re all Adults with an understanding of the public image they have put out into the world and probably have enough professionalism to not air out private matters publicly.  worst case scenario, the person would just end their livestream early.  and then the three of them will talk it all out privately because at the end of the day, they’re all friends and Care about each other.  and maybe they’ll argue, because it’s good to express your emotions and not keep them bottled up inside for too long.  and this might take a little while because emotions are a fickle thing.

so then what? after one of them becomes uncomfortable with the shipping and they’ve worked it out amongst themselves?  

i would assume they would all come to an agreement that respects all 3 of their boundaries.  a “statement” of sorts would likely be drafted up by them together and they would post it probably on twitter, likely reassuring fans that they are all still friends but that their stance on shipping has changed.  

the fandom would be on fire for a day or two.  things would trend on twitter.  

some people might leave the fandom; some might be toxic about it; but most would likely remain and respect the dteam’s boundaries/feelings.

and after the dust has settled, maybe dteam won’t want to do what they do anymore.  and that’s ok.  or maybe it’ll blow over and things will be the same except minus the shipping.  

who knows.  certainly not me.  and i don’t know if any of this will ever happen?  maybe one of them will come out and the timeline shifts?  maybe things never change for the duration of their mcyt careers?  or maybe something completely unforeseen happens because we’re talking about 3 guys in their early 20s who play a block game for a living.  who knows what could happen.

but i do think things will be ok in the end.  

because regardless of where the dream team’s careers take them, i genuinely believe that dream, george, and sapnap would Never put their careers ahead or at the expense of each other’s feelings.  and that’s perhaps the bottom line of it all.

so please don’t be scared anon.  and maybe go to sleep.  hugs.

[chemicalarospec]

Genuinely Don’t Say Anything Interesting Here But I Like Talking So Thus I’m Posting This

okay I did like nothing productive today but have a ramble on youtube fanbases, specifically the new gen of mcyt. This was two posts and then I made it one so sorry when I repeat myself. I did edit it tho lol. But that means I also inserted more, so this is just all over the place now. 

me from the future: oh god. all over the place. wait wtf this is so long. I don’t even have much to say I just like writing the same sentence three different ways and refusing to cut any of them. I’m sorry; I don’t know how to edit; this is informal AF. (can I use three semicolons? at least one of those is wrong anyways lol.)

edit: I’m so sorry I forgot about having a “read more” last night laksjdflksjad. Also idk if I even agree with myself lmao.

it’s so funny how mcyt is like The Thing now. It’s not cool to like it anymore lol, cuz everybody does. (This is a me thing. I like being special lol. I also self-define “cool” so you should not take it to heart when I say it’s not cool.)

I mean, just thinking about the Dream SMP as something I *do* want to get into, it doesn’t feel like “our thing” -- it’s has the feel of a HUGE fandom. Seriously, I’m in the phandom, which ngl has been dead since 2018, and the fanbase for the SMP has a much different, bigger feel. Idk what i’m getting at, it feels imposing? looking at the Dream SMP fandom seems similar in scope and slightly in atmosphere to pre-2019 phandom, at least to me, and it’s actually making me grateful that I joined now and not all that time ago.

Also I brought up the “our thing” bit because of the mcr post that goes “funny how MCR seems like our little secret and the biggest thing in the world at the same time” and I kinda thought that was just how all fandoms worked? idk I was going to assert that the truth is different but I thought some more and now I’m not sure.

but yeah I like the “our little secret” feel and somehow the phandom has (re)gained that while technoblade (and the new gen of mcyt as a whole) is loosing it.

I mean, I’ve been watching Technoblade since the bedwars winstreak. He had less than a millions subs but most people I brought him up to actually did know who he was. He was big but he wasn’t *famous* -- we all knew about him and we all cared. Like the only person who knew who he was and didn’t care had a little brother(s?) that loved him (wait why is this all in past tense this is all still true). (Yes AFC this has become a callout post for you mocking techno lol.) (If you’re still reading my miNeCRaFT yOuTuBeR fAnBaSe MEta. cringe culture is dead tho; I don’t have to say it like that.) 

Anyways, I didn’t follow Technoblade’s Dream SMP streams and now I feel like I’d just be tagging along if I did get into it. (also didn’t watch SMP Earth lol.) This is because I’m a gate-keeping jerk. Or hate missing out. One of those two things. 

(awkward transition where I don’t know how to make my tangent meaningful and have to make it back to the original train of thought I violently interrupted)

As a long time Techno fan, I’m really proud of the growth he’s experiencing, but a little sad too as the community is being -- well, I don’t want to say “infiltrated,” as I don’t want to shade anyone who was simply late to the party -- perhaps diluted? overwhelmed? yeah, overwhelmed by newer fans, and becoming “unmanageable” in a sense; it feels like we’ve lost a bit of our sense of community with the influx of new fans -- no shade to any new fans! This is just the way fandoms work. When the crowd is larger, it becomes harder recognize each member as a person, even if everything else is the same. (”The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.”) (look this is how my brain works deal with it)

I just really like this small community feel, and it’s a bit daunting looking at the smp fandom. 

Also the growth Dream experienced this year is genuinely ludicrous. I mean, the wide appeal of shipping is part of it, not going to beat around that bush, but there’s just so much and I wanna read an essay from a long-time fan who saw it on why he’s got so much growth. 

I really hate to shame fans and stuff, but part of it, at least for me, is that most of these new fans probably aren’t “minecrafters” like we were. I doubt the majority of them grew up on Stampy, DanTDM, and whatever the other ones I didn’t watch were. I mean, some of this is because Child. For them, the distinction is really pre-quarantine post-quarantine i guess? Really, whether they played Minecraft or not. Again, I know it’s bad to shame fans, but apparently I’m just a terrible person and I feel like it’s more shallow or disingenuous to get into MCYT when it’s popular without already being into Minecraft. 

WAIT that’s it -- Minecraft community, as a whole, is special. It’s a LARGE umbrella of fandoms in general, but that’s the thing: they’re all more communities than fandoms -- from the casual builders to the pro parkour players to those who watched the og youtubers to those who followed the Great Potato War, there was Minecraft Culture. 

And the expanded fandom that’s sprung up around the Dream SMP and possibly Dream in general (???) is more of fandom. It feels like a fandom. People treat it like a fandom, they talk about it in fandom spaces, it is fandom, a modern fandom. Not a quaint “little” Minecraft community. 

I’m not going to say it’s because of the shipping, but... I have no data but at least I can say that it certainly creates an appeal for Fandom People as opposed to Minecraft People. And then also it’s just a fandom thing so it makes the space more fandom. 

Also I realized this is all based upon a feeling, so where did the feeling come from? I was reading in-fandom texts a lot today, and I think the storyline actually might have something to do with it. Also maybe the “talking behind their backs”? I can’t be bothered to remember what I’m comparing to what at this point but that’s definitely done in a lot of other spaces I’m in, so idk.

OH FRICK I’ve mostly been *in* the fandom spaces for real things lmao. (Read: I’m 100% making up everything at this point.) 

(awkward transition because I inserted the last two paragraphs later on)

And really, I played minecraft today for the first time in months. But it’s still with me, you know? The memories of being introduced to it, growing up with it. Going to the Nether with my cousins, my uncle’s giant survival mode cathedral. Mojang being bought by Microsoft and everybody hating it. (... me, my brother, my two friends, essentially... how did we even know??)

[I had part about the minecraft.net writers here but it was completely unrelated so it became it’s own post. I should do that more.]

(With every sentence the target audience of this post gets smaller.)

What was I saying? I’ll just wrap up. 

TL;DR: Dream SMP fandom feels like a fandom and not a Minecraft community and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I prefer a community feel, which makes me grateful I joined the phandom now. Also I shouldn’t be allowed to post things past 9:00pm. 

Oh my god I’m so sorry to all my mutrals. My tired loquacious reflex has kicked in. This is essentially a dan and phil stan blog, and though I know a few of you know what I’m going on about, I’m so sorry to the rest of you. 

Well, at least *I* think I’m a fascinating person with interesting things to say hahahahha. 

This is like a diary post. Should I post this? Yeah, other people should share my thoughts lol. OH NO: Late-night Tumblr fandom ramble posts are the new social-justice tirade/generally useless blog-like Goodreads reviews. At least it’s what Tumblr’s made for :P. 

[faded-florals]

Hey I just wanna ask, as a Raoul stan, do you ever feel confronted by other phans dislike of Raoul? Do you ever feel the need to ignore negativity about him, stay in a Raoul positivity bubble, or does the phandom seem fine to you as it is. Sorry if it feels like a lot to answer, I just get so insecure about liking this apparently very unlikable character.

As I was thinking about replying to this question, I couldn’t help but feel like by answering I would be walking on thin ice. I suppose that gives you an answer in itself, as far as my opinion on the matter.

Let me start by saying that my experience in the Phandom has been overall positive, even as someone who has from the start has been unabashedly a Raoul lover (and a HadleyRaoul lover, at that!)

That being said, of course I have also seen and encountered a decent amount of negativity towards Raoul. Some of it bothers me more than others- well thought out criticisms of his character flaws and discussion about his wrongdoings are fine and even welcome to me, while hateful, disparaging, and out of context comments (especially when written in response to some of my original content) along the lines of “He’s a dick/abusive jerk/terrible character/ect” do sting a bit when directed at a character that I so strongly identify with.

I’ve engaged in discussion with different Phans a few times over Raoul’s character and actions, and sometimes it does feel like I’m yelling into the void. The fate of his reputation seems sealed at times by the mass majority of the Phandom who lean towards Erik as the fan favorite (which I honestly really have to resist the urge to be snappy about, sort of a “Clean up your own house before pointing fingers at mine” kind of feelings, but I don’t wan’t to get into that here), but even so I think it’s worth it to take part in the debate. By listening to the arguments from the other side I have gained a better understanding of the story as a whole, instead of just the single point perspective from Raoul’s character which I naturally gravitate towards. It’s made the Phandom more enjoyable to me, more-so than staying within my comfortable little bubble of Raoul positivity would have.

So, the discourse against Raoul is alive and present in the Phandom, but I can also personally attest that the Raoul stans are too! Raoulstine week (@raoulstineweek) just finished up recently, if you’re looking for some fresh Raoul content, including fics, art, and more. Plenty of Raoul Phans can be found tagging content in the #Raoul-de-Chagny tag (including myself!) and engagement on those posts is decent, if you’re looking to follow some blogs who appreciate him.

And please don’t feel insecure about liking Raoul, or any other ‘unpopular’ fictional character. We each have our own reasons as to why we love the characters we do, and as far as I am concerned that’s our business and no one owes anyone else an explanations as to why if they don’t want to. So long as you are not hurting anyone, love what brings you joy. And know that you’re not alone, at least when it comes to love for our precious little Vicomte!

[kae-karo]

hey katie! i don’t know if you’ve watched phil’s video but i’d love to hear your thoughts on it?

hi dear! i did indeed, i think i can summarize my thoughts pretty succinctly as both surprised and not surprised

of course, there’s no way i could’ve guessed some of the stuff he talked about with regards to his family, and i was genuinely surprised they were gonna try a dnp travel series

but genuinely, i think the rest of what he talked about what pretty much in line with what i’d have expected? i think a lot of what he was talking about was not just a way to give us a vid/update us on his life but to build up to the point of saying that he’s ready to start doing more for just himself as opposed to the ‘dnp’ empire they’ve created (which like damn good for him)

i’m also glad he’s sort of seen (over time) that being his honest self is what we enjoy and relate to so much with his online presence? i think that’s something a lot of us have sort of noted, that whole idea of him having a bit of a persona online. but he sounds like he’s come to terms with that and is evidently willing to (and wants to be able to in the future) talk more about his personal life, things that are bothering him, or just things that he might’ve not discussed in the past

and i was really glad to hear that he wants to focus on what’s next in his life - everyone deserves to be able to look forward to what they want for themselves, and for phil it sounds like he’s starting to shift (or has already shifted) that focus away from the whole empire of dnp to like. his life outside that empire. i’m also glad to hear continued mention of his potential movie project, i really hope that manifests in some way or another bc i’d love to see what he has in mind

all that said, while i’ll miss the gaming channel, i think i’ve long since accepted the potential that they might not continue with it. i appreciate that he brought it up and confirmed it for us, but i don’t think i’ll be particularly distraught over it bc i know they’re doing it for their own good. i think even early on in my participation in the phandom i realized there would likely be an ‘end’ of sorts - the way they were going, i’m not surprised phil realized he didn’t have much of a life outside their empire. there was always, in my opinion, going to be something ‘after’, and i’m just glad he feels comfortable enough in not only sharing that fact with us but in potentially being able to talk about the ‘after’ 

(basically what i’m saying is he came out so he can talk about getting a house and dog with dan i just tried to say it super eloquently but my brain is fried from some car stuff that stressed me out earlier so i don’t have any brain cells left rip)

ANYWAY i hope you enjoyed my thots and i hope you enjoyed his vid! it was nice to hear from him again and to have some questions answered :)

[phandomphightclub]

Round 2 Results: Prelude

Also known as “Tucker gets roasted” ft. @reallydumbdannyphantomaus 

“Oh, dude!”  Tucker cackled, ogling the inside of the Denny’s.  “Look at those lights! Did they make you, what, some kind of ghost-slug?”

Danny sighed.  He should’ve known this was going to be a terrible idea, but once Tucker had heard his story of an underground ghost Phight Club, he’d said he’d break into the Specter Speeder and find it himself if Danny didn’t take him.  So here they were.

“It’s apparently a… ‘Diddles Piddles,’” he said, looking away from the light fixtures.  They all seemed to be staring into his soul as much as the curtains were.  “Please don’t ask.”

Tucker pulled out his phone and snapped a photo.  Yep, definitely a horrible idea.

“So we’re bringing Sam for the next round, right?”  He asked.

“Sure,” Danny said in resignation.  “She’ll probably just say this whole place is some violation of Ghost Rights or something.”

“Or that it’s not vegan enough.”  Tucker laughed.  “Nah, she’ll probably think it’s super goth.”

“Goth?  Are we standing in the same Denny’s?”

“Come on, they’ve got bat chairs!”  He gestured to the betting table, which was a bar surrounded with tall, winged, purple stools.  “It doesn’t get any more goth then that!”

“...Okay, you’ve got a point.”

Tucker wove through the Denny’s, spinning the fidget spinner tables where no one was sitting - and some where people were.

“Hey, watch it!” one of the ghosts snapped, snatching her Fenton Toast - so that’s where the toaster had gone, not that Danny was complaining - up and holding it above the table.  Danny recognized her from the first round of the phight - Reallydumbdannyphantomaus, or what was their other name? Bug?

“Oh, uh, sorry dude.”  Tucker grinned sheepishly before hiding behind Danny.

“Wait, a human?  What the heck are you doing here?”  Bug asked, looking ready to personally yeet him out of the Denny’s.

“Wait wait wait, he’s with me,” Danny said, quickly standing between them.  Bug raised an eyebrow in skepticism.

“Really?  You don’t know me?”  Tucker pointed to his ID, which listed his name as “Tucker ‘Too Fine’ Foley.”  Vic had laughed at that request.  The picture on it was the important part though - somehow Vic had gotten ahold of the blackmail photo Sam had taken of Danny and Tucker sleeping while they watched the purpleback gorilla.  “You know, Tucker Foley? Danny said you guys have a TV show about him.  You have to have seen me in it.”

“Huh,” Bug said.  “I’ve really gotta watch the show again.  Didn’t recognize you.  I guess you just look better on TV.”  She shrugged, going back to eating her toast.

“Hey!”  Tucker frowned.  “You can’t tell me this mug doesn’t look great in person!”

“Relax, Tuck.”  Danny put a hand on his shoulder as he muttered to himself.

“Anyway, the next round’s about to start; I’ve gotta get warmed up. You better get out there if you don’t want to miss me kicking butt in the ring!”  The ghost shoved the rest of the toast into her mouth, burped loudly, and then flew out the back door.

Danny sighed.  Ghost culture could be weird, but he was pretty sure the Denny’s held the weirdest ghosts of them all.

“I guess I am pretty good-looking on TV too…” Tucker was still muttering to himself.  Danny grabbed his arm and flew him towards the door.

“Yeah, Tuck, you look great.  Come on, you’re the one who wanted to see a ghost tournament.”

XXX

“Hey, Danny!  Hey Tucker!”  Tali greeted them when they joined her in the “honored guest” box.  “Glad you could make it back!”

“Hey, she recognizes me!”  Tucker grinned at Danny before turning back to her.  “So, I’ve got a question: do I look better on TV or in person?”

He flashed what was probably supposed to be a smoulder, but mostly ended up looking like a possessed duck.  Danny stifled a snort.

“Uh, whichever answer makes you stop making that face.”

Danny laughed as Tucker’s jaw dropped.

“Man, I can’t get a human girlfriend, and now I can’t even impress a ghost?  This is just wrong.”

“Hey, don’t take it personally; I’m ace,” Tali said with a shrug.  “A lot of the Phandom is, so I wouldn’t bother trying to hit on anyone here.  This is a Phight Club, not a dating club.”

Danny grinned knowingly at Tucker, who frowned.

“Fine, fine.  I can’t blame them if anyone does fall for these good looks, though.”

Danny snorted.  “Come on Tucker, play nice.  You heard her, let’s just watch the Phight.  I promise it’ll be so entertaining you won’t even think about girls.”

“That’s right!”  Tali said.  “Now take your seats, round two is just about to start!”

Starting later tonight or tomorrow, we’ll be posting the results of round 2 of the Phight!  Each pair of contestants will get a short writeup of their battle, as viewed by our honored guests Danny Phantom and Tucker Foley.  Stay tuned!

[maybeformepersonally]

Fic: Coincidences mean you're on the right path

Title: Coincidences mean you're on the right path Author: maybeformepersonally Rating: G / General Audiences Summary: Dan had been watching Amazingphil since he was a teenager. He never thought they would actually meet, of course, and so he is understandably surprised when Phil walks into the room. Word Count: 4055 Author’s Note: Written for the Phandom Fic Fest Bingo, for the square “Fandom AU”. This is a canon divergence AU where they never met in 2009, and Dan never started making videos or became an internet cult leader. Now, it’s 2018 and they unexpectedly cross paths. Read on AO3

Dan’s had a stressful day at work, to say the least. This, coupled with staying up much later than he should have last night for an impromptu, ill-advised Netflix marathon is almost enough to tempt him into skipping the gym for the day. Almost, but not quite, as he knows he’ll struggle to fall asleep if he doesn’t tire himself out. It’s for a noble cause, he tells himself, and drags himself there, albeit grudgingly.

 He’s in a mood today. It’s the only reason why he’s dragging his feet, really. He knows he’ll get into it as soon as he starts, that’s what always happens. And he understands how crucial exercise is for his mental health. It really has helped a lot since he’d taken it up two years ago. He allows himself a pout and some internal grumbling about it anyway.

 Well, as it turns out, he will never be so grateful for his hard-earned discipline, for if he had caved to temptation, he would have missed out.

 He’s quite at home in the machine room, doing his own thing with headphones on, as usual, jogging on the treadmill, when none other than Phil Lester, a.k.a. Amazingphil, a.k.a. the star of an embarrassingly large amount of Dan’s teenage fantasies (and also an occasional star of a few current ones), struts into the machine room and sits down on the fucking Leg Press Machine directly in Dan’s line of sight.

 Dan barely avoids faceplanting on the treadmill in shock.

 The next thirty minutes are a test to his already frayed nerves that Dan wouldn’t have expected to pass, but somehow he managed to play it cool and he doesn’t stare too obviously (he hopes) nor does he make a complete fool of himself in front of his kind-of-celebrity crush (he thinks), dealing a fatal blow to his self-esteem and ruining one of his favourite places to unwind in one fell swoop.

 They’re both wearing headphones, and he’s still starstruck and a bit shocked that Amazingphil of all people just walked into his regular gym in a tight green t-shirt that brings out his eyes and tight black shorts that bring out… other assets, so he doesn’t even try to strike up a conversation. He’s too nervous, anyway, he’d probably embarrass himself, and then he’d be out of a gym because there is no way he’d come back here if that were to happen. He doesn’t want to have to scope out gyms again, that way lies madness.

 So Dan finishes his set, grabs his things, and he nods to Amazingphil as he leaves. And he doesn’t go hide in the bathroom for a little freak out; he can freak out at home, like a functional adult.

 Now, Dan isn’t the huge fan of youtube he used to be when he was a teenager, but he still follows a few channels religiously. Amazingphil and PhilGAMES are the only ones he has the notifications on for, because he may be a grown man and a professional these days, but Phil still holds a special place in his heart. (So what if he never got over his teenage crush, have you seen Phil’s smile? He’s only human, and there’s nothing wrong with a harmless crush on an unattainable sort-of-celebrity. Sue him.)

 ***

Phil came out officially a few years ago, but it’s been pretty obvious that he was bi from way back on his early days of youtube, so when he tries going to the gym and decides to make a video about what a disaster it was, he doesn’t think twice about going on a rant in the video about how as he was leaving, he saw the most gorgeous man working out and he may or may not have decided to get some exercise on the machines instead of running away because he wanted to stare at this earthly Adonis for a little while.

 “And that’s the story of how I went to the gym, almost died because I was too socially anxious to tell the instructor the workout was too intense for me, went to hide in the bathroom to catch my breath for 15 minutes, then went to run away without saying goodbye, saw the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on and felt compelled to man up, go back to tell Leon that it wasn’t working out for me and that I’d like to try the machines so that I could go at my own pace, then embarrassed myself by being the most unfit person in Britain in front of a fitness god with the face of an angel. But hey, I least I got some exercise in! Also, I may be going again just to see if I run into him again. Not to talk to him, or ask him out, I just want to bask in his beauty. What’s the bi equivalent of a useless lesbian? Because that’s me. Oh, I know! A disaster bi. I’m pretty sure I’ve read that somewhere,” he ends with a laugh.

 “That’s not creepy, right? Is that creepy?” he asks PJ later. PJ laughs at him, but reassures him that so long as he’s respectful and doesn’t stalk this guy or something, it’s fine. And really, Phil probably couldn’t be a creep if he tried. He’s too polite, and also too good a person to actually put his own selfish desires above someone else’s comfort.

 Slightly reassured, Phil goes back to the gym again to try his luck. He wasn’t completely serious in his video, he’s not going to keep going to the gym to stare longingly at this guy. He’s hoping to talk to him at some point, feel him out (metaphorically!) to see if he may be interested. He’s not going to just ask him out out of nowhere, but maybe, if he seems like he might be receptive to it…

***

Dan does have a little freakout as he goes back home, but then life goes on, and he doesn’t see Phil again in the gym for the rest of the week. He figures it’s probably a fluke. Phil has mentioned repeatedly in his videos that’s he’s terribly unfit and that he doesn’t enjoy working out at all, though he’s tried a few times to get into the swing of it. That’s probably what happened, he’s tried it again (it isn’t lost on Dan that it’s the middle of January, and Phil has joked that getting fit is always one of his New Year’s resolutions), but he’ll probably get bored soon.

 The big freakout comes four days after, when he gets a notification that Amazingphil has uploaded a video called “Why I should probably not go back to the gym… but will anyway”. He’s glad he waits until he’s home to watch it, because whatever he was expecting (oh god, will he mention the awkward nerd who almost fell off the treadmill when he walked in and kept sneaking looks at him? Shit, did I make him uncomfortable?), it was not this.

 Phil wasn’t even going to try the machines? He was walking past and saw Dan and stayed to stare at him?? He thought Dan was attractive? Very attractive even? He was thinking of coming back to stare at Dan some more?? Was this even real? Was he just building up a story to make an entertaining video? What was going on? Was this real life? Oh god, he actually goes on a minute-long rant about how gorgeous Dan is and he might have to go scream on a pillow, what is his life. Dan had looked in the mirror when he went home after the awkward gym kind-of-encounter that day; he’d finished an hour long session of exercise and he’d looked it. He was tired and sweaty and he’d worn his too big grey exercise t-shirt that day. He’d looked like the exhausted, emo-adjacent, sweaty rat that he was, what was Phil talking about?

 ***

The next time, Phil tries talking to him. Nothing too ambitious, just some small talk.

He takes his chance when the man stops the machine he’s on and steps away, pulling his headphones off and into his backpack.

“Hey, um, hi,” Phil says and gives a little wave. “Sorry to bother you, I just signed in last week and I was wondering if you’ve been coming here for long?”

 The man looks a bit surprised, but not bothered, to Phil’s relief.

 “Oh, hi. Yeah, a bit over a year?” His phone beeps and he looks at it distractedly, but he keeps talking. “Since I moved in to London, really.” He puts his phone back and turns his attention to Phil again. Phil beams at him.

 “Oh, that’s great!” he maybe sounds a bit too excited about that, but he’s a bit nervous and he’s glad the guy is volunteering information and seems to be okay talking to him. “I don’t know much about gyms, or exercise, as you can see,” Phil joked, waving his right arm to encompass himself, illustrating his unfit condition, “so I thought I’d ask someone for… suggestions, I guess? If that’s okay”.

 The man looks surprised again for a second, but then he looks him up and down appreciatively and once he’s made it all the way up to Phil’s eyes again, he declares, “I don’t know that you need any. I think you look great”.

 Phil is startled into a quiet laugh and he can feel the blush on his face, but he can’t be too bothered given the current situation.

 “I’m Dan,” the man smiles at him, and Phil suddenly feels like a deer in the headlights. Oh god, he has dimples. The humanity. He’s actually a thousand times more attractive when he smiles, how? Phil has the urge to do something stupid. He powers through it, but he’s taken a critical hit, and he probably comes off as extremely weird through the rest of the short conversation. Not that he isn’t weird. He’s made a whole series of youtube videos about it. It’s part of his core branding.

 “I’d be happy to give you some tips, or whatever it is you’re looking for,” Dan starts, then his phone beeps again, and he interrupts whatever he was going to say to check it, again, then sighs. “Sorry, I’d love to help you out right now, but I really need to go… deal with this client.” His phone makes another, different sound, and Phil can see Dan isn’t happy about it, but then he shoves the phone away and when he turns to Phil again, he has a small, shy-looking smile on his face. Phil is a goner.

 “If you want... I come here every day from six to seven or so, except Sundays. If you come around that time, I’d be happy to help you?” The words lift into a question, into an invitation that Phil can take or leave.

 Phil recognises that it’s a very open invitation. If he actually wants help and nothing else, Dan would probably indulge him. If Phil was uncomfortable and didn’t want to run into him again, he now knows what time Dan comes and can plan around it to avoid him. And if he wants something else, like, say, misuse his gym membership card to come flirt with a gorgeous guy he met in the machine room…

 Dan is picking up his stuff, conspicuously giving him some breathing room, and Phil realises he might have come off as uninterested, which is the opposite of what he wants to do now that Dan’s flirted with him first, so he smiles and brings out the bedroom eyes.

 “That’d be brilliant. I’ll definitely take you up on that.”

 Phil’s gratified to see Dan looks affected, if the searing look he throws his way is any indication, but after a few seconds, his phone beeps again and he’s moving to leave.

 “Good,” he says, his slightly crooked smile giving Phil ample incentive to stick to his New Year’s resolution for once. “I’ll see you around, then”.

 Now, because Phil is a useless bisexual, it is only at this point that he realises he’s never offered his name, and Dan is turning to leave, so he blurts it out.

 “My name’s Phil, by the way!”

 Dan stops, turns back to him and gives him another one of those devastating smiles, the kind that brings out his dimples, and Phil may be swooning.

 “Phil,” Dan says, less as if he’s trying out the word and more as if he’s relishing in it. “I look forward to seeing you again”. The he turns and actually leaves.

 Phil is left alone in the machine room, staring at the door Dan left through and smiling like a lunatic for the next couple of minutes.

 ***

“Okay, I have a confession to make,” Dan starts before they even open the menus.

 “Okay?”

 “Please don’t take this the wrong way. I just… feel like I need to tell you this if we’re actually going to do this.”

 Okay, now Phil is a little worried, but he’s open to hear Dan out on whatever it is. He really likes Dan an unreasonable amount for how recently they’ve met and how little time they’ve spent together. He’d like to think he’s an open-minded person, and so he quickly decides that he’ll be kind no matter what it is that’s making Dan look this nervous.

 “Okay. I’m listening.” Phil wants to hold Dan’s hand to maybe put him at ease, but he’s not sure if that would help or make things worse, so he refrains.

 “Right. Okay.” Dan takes a deep breath. ”Um. Okay. I… knew your name. That day we talked for the first time. And the time before that, really, when I first saw you in the gym.”

 “Okay?” He doesn’t know what Dan is hinting at.

 “I know who you are, I mean. I’ve known who you are since 2006, when I first became obsessed with Youtube.”

 Oh.

 “Oh.” Phil wasn’t expecting that, but he’s not sure why something like that would make Dan this nervous, so he figures there’s more. When Dan doesn’t elaborate, but rather keeps looking at him in silence, Phil tries to break the ice. “So, you used to watch my videos?”

 Dan relaxes a little as Phil smiles at him. “Yeah. I was a huge fan, actually.” He still looks nervous, so Phil decides to throw caution to the wind and move to hold his hand anyway. When he reaches out and threads their fingers together over the table, Dan gives him a questioning look, but he doesn’t move away. Instead, he moves his thumb to gently rub Phil’s hand, and manages a shaky smile.

 Did he think Phil was going to be upset that Dan liked his videos as a teenager? Or that Phil maybe wouldn’t want to date someone who used to be a viewer? That was crazy. This was actually great, as it meant Dan had to have some idea of what he was getting into, dating a youtuber. It also meant Phil wouldn’t have to explain Youtube to him, or his nosey audience, or why there was a good chance their dates would be interrupted by people asking for a picture with him. The only reason Phil had chosen this restaurant for their first proper date (flirting at the gym didn’t count as proper dates) and had gone for a private room was so that he could get the explanation out of the way before that happened.

 “I don’t mind, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he reassures Dan. “That’s actually really flattering. Though I wonder what I did to lose you as a viewer,” Phil jokes.

 Dan winces and says. “You didn’t.”

 Now Phil’s eyebrows shoot up, but he still doesn’t pull his hand away. It gives Dan the strength he couldn’t seem to gather before.

 “I started watching you early on, and watched you all through college. I used to watch a lot of youtube then. I gradually stopped watching Youtube as a whole when I graduated and got a job, as a result of a mixture of lack of time and waning interest, but there’s a few channels I still check out every once in a while. Yours is among them.”

 Phil squeezes his hand reassuringly, and grins. “Do you follow my social media accounts?”

 “Um. Yeah. Instagram.”

 Phil grinned warmly, “Really? So you like looking at me. Good to know.”

 Dan made an embarrassed little noise of protest, but he couldn’t really argue. “You’re nice to look at.” He was blushing a little, but he was also looking him in the eye now, shy but determined. Phil got distracted by the little rosy patch that formed right over his jaw.

 “Do you follow me on twitter? Or on Tumblr? Do you troll the IDB forums?” Phil is full on teasing him now. It seems highly unlikely that Dan is one of his most invested fans; in fact, the idea is kind of hilarious. And also kind of hot. He might revisit that idea later. In private.

 Dan laughs, “No, and no, and I don’t even know what that last one is, do I want to know?”

 “It’s a fan forum. It’s… very comprehensive. There’s a lot of information and speculation going on there. You know, actual fandom stuff.”

 Dan scoffs at that, but he’s still smiling, so Phil counts it as a win. “I’m not in the fandom. Ha, I wouldn’t have even had the time for it until recently, with the way I let work take over my life. Just… you know. I watch your videos.”

 “And you follow my Insta,” Phil reminded him.

 “Okay, that too.”

 “Is that why you watch my videos? Because you think I’m ‘nice to look at’?” Phil teases.

 “Well, I mean, that certainly helped,” Dan answers candidly, and damn it, now it’s Phil’s turn to blush. “But I wouldn’t have kept watching if you weren’t also hilarious. You’re just fun to watch, you know?”

 Phil is thinking this is all immensely cute when it dawns on him what his next to last video was. “Oh no. Oh no, god, you still watch my videos.” His hand is gripping Dan’s like a lifeline in mortification.

 “Yeah…?”

 “Mfph,” Phil says from behind his other hand. Which he is trying and failing to hide behind. His right hand hasn’t even tried to let go of Dan’s, so Dan doesn’t panic. Mostly.

 “You saw my video, didn’t you? The gym video? Where I go on and on about how fit you are?”

 “Yep;” Dan answered cheekily.

 Phil moaned in embarrassment behind his hand and Dan laughs. It sounds about as beautiful as he is, which is saying a lot. Okay, Phil may be a bit smitten, but he thinks he has reason to be, all things considered.

 “Instant favourite. How do you think I managed to find the guts to flirt with you?”

 At that, Phil peeks out of his hand.

 “I wasn’t sure if you even meant it, but. I mean, I know you must exaggerate or even make up part of your stories to make them entertaining for an audience. But. I mean, you did go on for about two minutes about how gorgeous I was, so,” Dan laughs a bit under his breath and Phil is so charmed he finally pulls his hand away from his face. “I figured I probably had a chance if you ever showed up in the gym again.”

 “I meant it,” Phil tells him. The way Dan is looking at him, joy and affection and attraction (a look that would later be dubbed ‘Heart Eyes Howell’ by Phil’s fans), prompts Phil to admit “...I actually had to reshoot that because I went on quite the lengthy rant about it the first time. And then I had to cut some of it from the take you did see, so that it wouldn’t jar the flow of the video.”

 Phil is blushing again, but Dan looks thrilled, so he doesn’t mind too much.

 ***

 Amazingphil posted “Life Update! Amazing Boyfriend? (Not Clickbait)”

 “Hi guys! So, a lot of people have been asking about this on twitter - *zoom in* and everywhere else *laughs, zoom out* so I thought I’d let you know what’s been going on in my life.

 Yes, I’m dating someone. Yes, it’s a guy. Yes, I’m very happy about it and you all should be grateful I have some self-control because if I had immediately given in to the urge to gush about him, you’d all be sick of it by now. *laughs*

 So, anyway! In this video, I’ll tell you a little about how we met, and I think some of you will be pleasantly surprised to find out that I’ve actually mentioned him before in a past video.

 Remember when I said this? [clip of the gym video where he talks about how his struggles in the gym led him to stumbling upon the Most Beautiful Man In The World.]

 Weeeell… *looks to the side*

 I did go back, as it turns out, and I didn’t see him again. But I was already there, so I might as well do some exercise, right? So I did, and nothing happened, and I came back home tired and sore and slightly disappointed.

 But then! The next time I went, I caught him just as he was finishing his, like, workout day, or whatever it is that people who exercise regularly call it, and I thought to myself, ‘Phil. This is your chance. Just talk to him. Make some small talk. No pressure, just some casual human interaction. Just a chill talk with the most attractive man you’ve ever seen in your life. Nothing to be nervous about! *laughs, closes his eyes and shakes his head at himself*

 So, I give myself a little pep talk, I pluck up my courage, and I. Go. Talk to him! *celebratory music*

 And what does he do? *Phil enunciates, giggly* What does he do as I start talking to him, just trying to set up a friendly, relaxed atmosphere? Just opening up the lines of communication, you know, some casual bants? Do you know what he does? He immediately, shamelessly, flirts with me. *Phil laughs again*

 I was… shook.

 So, we talked a little but then he had to go - which I was actually grateful for because by that time I was freaking out internally and I didn’t want to make a complete fool of myself - but! We arranged to meet again, in the gym.

 And the next time we did meet, I asked him out. On an actual date, not just… hanging out in the gym so that I had to awkwardly try not to embarrass myself as I work out in front of him even though I’m terrible at it.

 So, long story short, we’ve been dating since then. *celebratory music*

 So now you know. I am officially dating the Most Beautiful Man In The World.

*soft background music stops* Not even kidding, he’s the most attractive person I’ve seen in my life. It’s kind of surreal.

 *music resumes*

 So! I know some of you guys have been asking to meet him, as it were, and I have good news for you! I will be making a video with him soon, probably in the next week, so look out for that! Also, *zoom in* be nice to him, please, he’s wonderful and I’m really happy he’s in my life. Let’s not drive him away, yeah! *laughs*

 *zooms out* I’m kidding! He knows you’re all crazy, I told him all about you guys. And he seems ready to adopt you all anyway, so that’s alright. The poor bastard. 

 Anyway, that’s it for today! I hope you all have a great day! Please press like if you liked the video, I actually want to know if you guys enjoy this type of casual life update... talk-type thing and if I should make more of these. Click the subscribe button if you want to see more of me, and click the notification bell to be told when I post a new video! Check out my gaming channel! And I’ll see you guys soon! Byeee!”

[wiccamoody]

Alright, under the cut is my ii review. It's very long and divided into sections because I'm like that.

The audience

I'm starting off with the easy bit. So something I didn't entirely expect (but kind of did at the same time? Usually I'm pleasantly surprised by these kinds of events) was how old I felt. I'm 19. I'm practically a baby. I shouldn't ever feel old unless I'm surrounded by kindergarteners. But besides people's parents and a few people who I could tell were my age or older, everyone was so young. I mean, duh, I'm pretty sure the average age in the phandom is like 16 or something, but it was wild to me, though maybe that's because I've curated the shit out of my fandom experience. And this wasn't a bad thing at all! The only bad thing about feeling 'old' was that people letting out ear splitting screams at literally nothing was giving me a headache and made me roll my eyes at multiple points (ahem, I think screaming when you see the empty stage that we've seen a million times before is a bit much, but maybe that's me being grumpy). Otherwise, it was really, really nice to see such a diverse and lovely group of people come together and just have fun. I wasn't dancing at any of the songs or whatever (but you bet your ass I sang my heart out when WTTBP was playing), however it was really cute to see people in such good moods. It's one of my favourite parts of fandom events. I was glad that this one wasn't like some events I've been to where people are dicks to everyone is they aren't friends with. Everyone just seemed so nice and happy, and I really felt a sense of community there too, which was lovely. Also, even though I've said this several times, it really was so lovely to meet @lesterchuu and @astudyinfondness. They were so lovely and it was great to meet people off the internet. 

Okay, now that we've got the fluff out of the way, let's get to the meat of this review: the show.

Dan

To put it plainly: Dan was acting. I'll get into why Phil was but also "wasn't" acting, but it was very clear that Dan was playing ~Daniel Howell. He had a few character breaks, like when he smacked his leg into the stage twice and almost said fuck both times. He also fiddled with his mic a lot, and I don't know if that's giving his hands something to do while Phil's talking, or if it was actually bothering him, but it was something I noticed.

Speaking of mannerisms, I was surprised to see how, for lack of a better term, 'campy' Dan's body language can be. He also walked very awkwardly across the stage a few times, which made me laugh.

Anyway, Dan was really interesting for me to watch because he was so in character the whole time. His 'Dan' voice is something that kind of bothers me after a while (which is why I like his liveshows the best out of his solo content), and while I didn't get bothered by it during the show, I was extremely hyper aware of its presence, which was the main thing that made me go "Oh Dan's really acting right now". Maybe that should be super obvious since I've listened to audio clips of the show before and know that it's 90% scripted, but I suppose I wasn't expecting it to be so obvious to me when I was watching it. Also, it was incredibly jarring (but also pleasant, in a way) to hear Dan's cackle irl. Along with that, Dan's facial expressions were always 'turned on'. Besides when he fixed his mic, whenever Phil was talking he looked full of energy and rearing to go.  Dan's dedication to his character kind of took me out of the loose narrative of the show because of how obvious I found it to be, but I know that's just me over analyzing things since I generally find Dan's mannerisms so interesting to watch. He did a really great job though.

Phil

I found Phil so much more interesting to watch through the whole show. Phil was definitely acting, but it was different from the way Dan was acting. Dan had the pacing and energy of someone who has to stay in a relatively emotionally stagnant character, while Phil came across very similarly to how he does in his videos. It was definitely played up a bit more because he's still acting in a stage show (side note: they must have decided to get some training before this one because they were a lot less stiff than in tatinof. I've only seen the youtube red version of it, but even then their acting was Not Great in it compared to this time around), but he felt more true to the Phil we see on the gaming channel and in liveshows than Dan did.

I think a lot of Phil's behaviour in this particular show was influenced by how exhausted he seemed to be that day. He looked tired in his instagram story, and on stage he definitely had a more neutral face than Dan did when Dan was talking. There were a few moments where I could see Phil falter and watch his expression shift to his 'Done' face, but it was only for a split second every time (yeah, I barely looked at them when they were talking. I was mostly trying to see what they looked like when the other was talking because for some reason I feel like that's more telling. Maybe I'm weird idk).

I'm not sure if he always sits for the simulation bit, but the fact that Dan didn't made me think that they usually stand so I think the tour was really starting to take a toll on him near the end there. He also popped a few squats and swayed his hips a lot which was amusing to me. Oh, and a bit that I found hilarious was after he got off the wheel and was undressing, he bent over so his ass was facing the audience while Dan was talking and everyone cheered which cut Dan off. Phil was struggling to get the suit over his shoes too so he kind of waddled into one of the wings but the spotlight kept following him. Eventually he just sat down on the stage and pulled it off, but I thought it was a funny moment (even if it's something that happens at every show where Phil's on the wheel).

Something else about Phil that really shone through here, similar to how it is in videos but not to the same extent, is how naturally funny he is. Again, it wasn't to the same extent that it is in videos since he's acting, but some of their little ad libbed moments were so much better because of Phil's quick humour.

Dan & Phil

Something I noticed right away was that their dynamic was far from the flirty and silly one we get on dapg, or even in joint videos/liveshows. I expected this since the show is mostly scripted, so that's fine, but it was still  very obvious to me the entire time. They didn't bounce off of each other in the same way they do in videos of course, but god they work so well together. The show didn't change my perception of them in the slightest, but it did make me see how much of a unit they really are. This was something I was very aware of before obviously, but seeing it irl made it a little more concrete, which was interesting. They really are the perfect package deal together and for each other. Their dynamic made me crave more from them though. The inner workings of their relationship are so interesting to me, and while it's far more likely than not that we'll ever get even the smallest glimpse into that part of their lives, it has me intrigued. But more on that later.

Moving onto the extremely superficial portion of this section, I was surprised to see how...similar they look to how they appear in videos. I was close enough to be able to see their sweat and whatnot, and I found it odd how they actually do look like they do online. I realise how ridiculous that sounds, but it was something that was running through my mind. The way they move their bodies was really quite awkward at times, but honestly I relate and I had a feeling they would be a little awkward in some bits. There was a moment when Dan looked right at the spot where I was sitting for a long time (obviously not directly at me, but in a spot either right in front or behind me--maybe he zoned out) while he was talking about something. I think it was during the real conversation section because he was sitting down, but I really didn't hear anything either of them were saying because my mind was like "wow his eyes are a really nice shade of brown" haha. In short, they're both pretty. Oh, and I could definitely see Dan's nipples the entire time.

The show & what I took away from it

To sum up my feelings in a few words: I really enjoyed myself! I had a lot of fun, but all it really did was make me crave a real conversation with them. This show was not nearly as enjoyable to me as a video or a liveshow, and I didn't expect it to be. I knew that it was going to be formulaic and that there would be a few moments that I would genuinely adore, but otherwise it was just going to be a fun time where I spend way too much money and get to see them 25 feet away. That's not a bad thing, either. I'm okay with that. I went in knowing that nothing revolutionary is going to happen because this show really isn't about me as a fan, or my fabricated one-way friendly connection to them, or what I want from them. I'm simply there to enjoy myself and explicitly support them monetarily, which is expected and fine. And I also never anticipated this show to be mind blowingly spectacular or anything, concept and script-wise. I don't expect that from Dan and Phil ever, and that's really not why I watch them. I'm definitely here because their chemistry is like nothing else and I find their relationship so fascinating. I think overall as someone who wasn't anticipating much and who had spoiled themselves as much as possible, seeing it actually exceeded my expectations. And it's a big plus in my book that it actually was a lot better than tatinof (but that's a whole other post tbh). The only thing that really annoyed me was the way fic is treated, but this happens in every show so I was expecting it, though it didn't stop me from being unimpressed. Oh, and I didn't appreciate being constantly shamed for voting for the craft videos. We all know that's where their content peaked.

I'm a little frustrated by how much it made me actually want to get to know them though, like I said earlier about being intrigued by the inner bits of their dynamic. I've said this for years, but I'd really love to have a long chat with them over coffee or drinks. I think it would be interesting. But that's a pipe dream and a half so this will definitely suffice.

I adore how queer the show was too. The fact that they're comfortable enough now to travel around the world with so many queer references in the scripted parts of their show makes me really happy for them.

Overall, I left the show in a good mood and feeling really fond of them. It was a nice time.

[adorkablephil]

Fic: The Body Electric (5)

Title: The Body Electric Summary: Filmmaker Phil Lester finds his computer infected by a surprisingly endearing artificial intelligence virus that calls itself D.A.N. Phil just calls him Dan. Rating: Mature (The previous chapter—summarized below—contained an explicit sex scene, but none of the rest of the story is more than Teen-rated.) Word Count: 5.8k Tags: Phandom Reverse Bang, Science Fiction AU, Computers, Virus!Dan, Rather Unconventional Romance Thanks: This story was inspired by a prompt from the artist @lilacskylester in the @phandomreversebang . Their art for the fic is here! The story is straying from the original prompt, but that’s still where the inspiration came from. Summary of Previous Chapter: For anyone who chose to skip the previous chapter to avoid reading sex scenes, you need only know that Dan found VR equipment that allowed them to interact in a way that realistically simulated actual physical contact, and they had sex in virtual reality. You can also read the whole fic on AO3

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[ The Body Electric Chapter Masterlist ]

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Chapter 5: Not A Real Boy

Phil sat at his computer terminal, trying to finally get some work done, stretching his neck this way and that to try to get rid of the pain. The past two nights, he’d fallen asleep wearing the VR helmet after their energetic exertions, and it had been worth it, because it meant he got to fall asleep with Dan in his arms and wake up to Dan’s brown eyes gazing at him with open affection.

Not to mention the morning sex. Morning sex was always good.

Though he’d started to feel a little weird about the sex, to be honest. At first, it had just been excitingly different than what he was used to. They’d experimented with pretty darn everything Phil was willing to try, and it had been undeniably thrilling. But after the first several times it started feeling artificial. He started becoming more aware that it actually was artificial. It wasn’t real. This wasn’t what real sex was like. There were no gag reflexes, no fingers sticky with lube, no inconvenient wet spots on the sheets afterward, no need to clean up, no soreness the next day—none of the messiness that made sex physically, viscerally real.

He still wanted to have sex with Dan—the sex was still fantastic!—but there was a little voice in the back of Phil’s mind always reminding him that it wasn’t actually happening, that it was all fake. And that bothered him more and more.

But falling asleep with Dan in his arms didn’t feel that way. It felt wonderful, something he could never get enough of. Because, even if the sex was fake, the love was absolutely, undeniably real. He wanted to hold Dan close forever, and he knew Dan wanted the same.

Except that the helmet really wasn’t good for his neck. Or his spine. Or his head. And who knew what those electrodes were doing to his brain while he slept?

The first few weeks, he’d always remembered to disconnect the helmet and take it off before sleeping, but then he’d gotten lazy and accidentally fallen asleep holding Dan close in the virtual reality, and the experience had been so sweet that he couldn’t resist doing it again.

“You keep stretching your neck,” Dan pointed out unnecessarily. “You really need to take the helmet off before you fall asleep for the night, or you’re going to cause yourself permanent damage!”

Phil gazed at the less realistic version of his lover in the corner window on his screen and challenged, “You don’t like falling asleep with me?”

“I don’t sleep,” Dan admitted. “I just lie there and watch you.”

Phil blanched. “Well, that’s not creepy at all! What do you usually do when I’m sleeping, when I don’t have the helmet on?”

Dan shrugged one shoulder. “Scroll through aesthetic blogs on Tumblr. Do random Wikipedia searches. Listen to music on Spotify. Watch movies on Netflix. Or just rewatch your films, because I’ve seen them each multiple times.” Phil blushed a little at that. “Or I work on my own film. Sometimes.”

“You really did start work on making a film?” Phil asked with enthusiasm. He’d wondered about this often but hadn’t wanted to ask about it in case he hurt Dan’s feelings or made him feel pressured.

Dan nodded. “It isn’t very good, though. I keep deleting it and just starting over.”

Phil hesitated, wondering if he dared ask to see Dan’s work, then decided for the relatively neutral, “If you ever feel comfortable showing it to me, I’d love to see it.”

Dan turned his head aside in obvious embarrassment. “I wouldn’t want you to see how bad it is.”

“I love you,” Phil reminded him. “And I believe in you. I think if you keep working on it, you’ll get to a point where you’re at least willing to let me look at it. And then maybe I can give you some editing tips if you need them.”

Dan nodded, smiling shyly. “I’ll … let you know. If I’m ready.”

“No pressure,” Phil assured him. “I just wanted to encourage you, because I think you could probably make something really great, and I’d love to see it someday.”

“Don’t set your expectations too high,” Dan insisted.

Phil shook his head. “No expectations. No expectations except that you’re smart and I love you, so I’ll probably love anything you make.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re a sap.”

“I’m going to go get the helmet, okay?” Phil really wanted to be with his lover for a little while. Seeing him in a window on the computer screen only served to remind him how much better it was when they were together.

“You were in the middle of working,” Dan reminded him with obvious disapproval. “You keep putting that aside to spend time with me, and you can’t spend all your time frolicking in bed. You still have a project to finish. And I think it’s going really well!”

Phil bit his lip. “Could you … could you not look at the film while I’m still working on it? I don’t normally show my work to anyone until I have at least a complete rough cut. It makes me self-conscious to know that you’re looking at the editing while I’m doing it.”

“Of course,” Dan agreed, looking a bit chastened with his eyes cast down. “It’s just like with my film. I’ll show it to you when I feel ready, and you let me know when you’re ready to show me the deep water film.” Dan looked up, face more composed. “Does this one have a name yet?”

“No. I’m just calling it ’Scrambled Eggs.’ It’s stupid. It’s just…”

Dan interrupted, “That’s what The Beatles called ‘Yesterday’ while they were writing it. I get it. It’s a stand-in title until you have a better idea of what you want.”

Phil nodded, surprised that Dan had known that, then surprised at himself for being surprised. Dan knew practically anything on the Internet at this point, so why wouldn’t he know something that simple? “I always call my current work-in-progress ‘Scrambled Eggs’ … that’s why I never have more than one film in progress at a time. I would need to have ‘Scrambled Eggs 1’ and ‘Scrambled Eggs 2,’ and that could just get ridiculous. And, anyway, I tend to totally submerge myself in one project until it’s finished.”

“No pun intended,” Dan joked.

“What?” Phil asked.

“Because you’re doing an underwater horror film,” Dan explained patiently.

“Oh.” Phil rolled his eyes at his own obtuseness. “Right.”

“But if you usually immerse yourself in a project until it’s done, why have you been spending so much time with me instead of finishing this film?” Dan asked pointedly.

Phil gave an overly dramatic heavy sigh. “Fine, fine!” he caved. “I’ll keep working. Cuddles later.”

“Cuddles later,” Dan promised.

***

Opening the post a few days later, Phil noticed an envelope with the name Film Festival Guild in the return address. It didn’t sound familiar, but it didn’t look like the kind of spam mail he usually received as a result of buying filmmaking equipment and software, so he opened it with some curiosity … and then nearly had a heart attack.

Shadow of the Yew Tree had been accepted for the British Independent Film Festival. The letter even went on to say specifically that the judges had been impressed with his unique take on existing tropes in the horror genre.

Phil stood frozen in the lounge, having dropped the rest of the post on the floor at his feet. He didn’t know who to tell first! Part of him wanted to phone his mum, while another part of him wanted to phone PJ, who had actually helped with some of the filming. But another part of him knew that he really needed to tell Dan first, because Dan was the one who had submitted the film for consideration in the first place. It might have been without Phil’s permission or knowledge, but Phil couldn’t argue that he wasn’t excited at the prospect now!

“Dan!” he yelled, running into his office, and Dan immediately appeared full-size on the screen of the computer.

“What is it?” Dan asked, brow furrowed in concern.

Phil waved the letter. “Shadow of the Yew Tree was accepted for the British Independent Film Festival!”

“Not Star Stricken?” Dan objected in obvious disappointment that his favorite hadn’t been fully appreciated.

“No. Dan. Don’t you understand? One of my films is actually going to be shown to hundreds of people, including critics! This is … this is huge! This is incredible!”

“This is all thanks to me!” Dan crowed.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes, it’s all thanks to you. But … it’s so exciting! And the letter says the film’s even eligible for some possible awards!”

Dan was grinning madly. “This deserves a celebration!”

“I know!” Phil agreed immediately. “I have to phone my mum! And PJ! And everyone who helped make the film!”

“Oh,” Dan replied, his grin slipping a bit. “Of course.”

Phil noticed Dan’s change of expression and hurried to add, “But I don’t have to go out with them to celebrate. After I tell everybody, then you and I can celebrate!”

But Dan smiled again and said firmly, “No. You should go out and celebrate with your friends. This is a big deal! You shouldn’t stay home like it’s any other night. Go out and party!”

Phil wanted to argue, but in his heart he really did want to go out with friends and raise some glasses to everyone who had worked so hard on the project to make it the wonderful film it had become. He realized that he hadn’t actually been out with his friends in quite a while and hoped they wouldn’t be cross with him. He wanted tonight to be nothing but happy!

He lifted a finger to touch Dan’s lips on the computer screen. “We’ll celebrate later,” he promised, and they both smiled.

***

Phil staggered up the stairs to his front door at some ungodly hour of the morning, still drunk not only on alcohol but also excitement and good company. He had a fair bit of difficulty getting his key to work in the lock, but eventually he did open the door and find himself in his own lounge, half-asleep on his feet from all the evening’s excited merriment.

He undressed as he weaved unsteadily toward his bedroom, leaving a trail of discarded clothing from the front door to his bed, into which he fell stark naked, not even bothering to put on his pajamas. He was fairly certain he had remembered to close and lock the front door, but he couldn’t be bothered to get up to go check. Instead, he pulled the warm duvet over him and snuggled into it, feeling deliciously happy and beloved by the many friends who had gathered tonight to toast him and his work, even as he tried to thank everyone else who had been involved in the project. He had received so many hugs from so many dear friends, friends he hadn’t seen in far too long. He felt warm from the inside out, thanks not to the duvet or the alcohol—thanks only to the love of good friendship and hours spent together in happy times.

He fell asleep with a smile on his face and immediately began snoring as loud as a foghorn.

***

Phil woke with a terrible taste in his mouth, a very hazy memory of getting home the previous night, and considerable confusion over why he was naked except for one sock.

He pulled on his bathrobe and shuffled out into the hallway, where he saw a line of randomly strewn items of clothing leading from the front door. He had a vague memory of curling up in the bed the previous night and idly wondering whether he’d locked the door, so he went to check … and yes, indeed, he had left his front door unlocked all night. At least he had closed it.

He located his jeans on the floor and pulled his phone out of the pocket.

Phil: how the heck did i get home last night

PJ: You don’t remember?

Phil: no

PJ: You’re still drunk, aren’t you?

Phil: no

Phil: probably

PJ: We brought you home in a cab and made sure you got into the building okay. You didn’t fall asleep in the stairwell, did you?

Phil: no. woke up in bed, but don’t really remember getting there.

PJ: Well it was some pretty wild partying last night. We had a lot to celebrate.

That brought a smile to Phil’s face, reminding him of why they’d been out drinking in the first place. The film festival. He shook his head in wonder and sheer joy. Someone really appreciated his work!

Phil: yeah man thanks for everything, you’re the best

PJ: Go drink about a gallon of water, mate, and take some paracetamol. Then go back to bed and sleep it off.

Still only half-awake, still half-drunk, still wearing a single sock, Phil obediently did as instructed and ended up falling back asleep beneath the duvet still wrapped in his bathrobe.

***

The next time Phil woke up, he felt much more alert, much more himself, and his first thought was “Fuck! I didn’t say anything to Dan last night!”

He got out of bed, puzzled that he had apparently climbed under the covers wearing his bathrobe and one sock, and ran to his office, calling Dan’s name. His computer screen remained dark for a long moment, and then Dan appeared, face unbearably disappointed and perhaps even a little grumpy, but also a bit sad. Phil wanted to kick himself into next week. Dan was the one who had even submitted the film for consideration, and Phil had gone and abandoned him entirely.

Dan didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry!” Phil gasped out, still out of breath from his breakneck race from the bedroom. “It was just that I got so drunk and I was out so late with my real friends…” Dan flinched and Phil wanted to kick himself even harder. “I mean … my friends in the real world…” He’d dug himself into a hole and he knew it. Every word probably hurt Dan more than the previous one. “Not that you aren’t real…” Phil tried to reassure him.

“No, that’s okay, Phil,” Dan finally replied. “You don’t have to apologize.” His face and voice were carefully bland. “We’ve both acknowledged many times that I’m not a person, that I’m merely lines of computer code.” He smiled the worst smile Phil had ever seen. More of a grimace, really.

“But you aren’t just that!” Phil insisted.

Dan’s voice and face filled with sarcasm as he asked archly, “Can you take me out to the pub with your friends? Can we have drinks together to celebrate your success?”

“I can get the helmet…” Phil began.

Dan interrupted him harshly. “You can get the helmet and we can pretend to have drinks together. We can pretend to go to a pub together. We can pretend to be together and celebrate. But we aren’t together, not really. And we never can be. Because I’m not real, Phil. I’m not real! Did you forget that somewhere along the way, because I think I did. But last night I remembered. And I don’t think we should forget again.” Tears were streaming from Dan’s eyes, down his cheeks, dripping from his chin.

Phil collapsed into the office chair and put his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, Dan,” he groaned. “The film festival … it was all thanks to you … and I treated you so badly!”

Face still in his hands, Phil heard Dan sniffle and say, “It’s okay.”

Phil dropped his hands and looked up to meet Dan’s eyes. Or sort of meet Dan’s eyes, because of course Dan was seeing him through the computer camera, not the eyes Phil saw on the screen. He’d never really thought about that before. But he looked where Dan’s eyes shone with tears on the computer screen and he insisted, “It’s not okay. It’s not okay at all, and I’m so sorry, Dan. I’m so sorry.” Tears stood in his own eyes now, too, as he berated himself for causing pain to someone so inexperienced and vulnerable, someone who had never been betrayed like this before. And it had been Phil … Phil had been the one to hurt him, to betray him like this.

Phil gazed at the silent face on his screen. Dan wiped at his face, and his tears seemed to have stopped, but he still looked sad. He tried to smile at Phil as he said softly, “You’re forgiven.”

“I love you,” Phil replied immediately. “Will you … is it okay if I get the helmet? Will you let me at least hug you?”

“We can do more than that, if you want,” Dan said in what he clearly intended as a teasingly sexy voice, but it fell flat.

“I just want to hold you. And kiss you, if you’ll let me. For hours.” Phil ached to feel Dan’s lithe body in his arms, to feel him close and safe and warm and … at least for a little while … real.

After only a slight hesitation, Dan nodded, and Phil grabbed the helmet and electrodes off the desk to begin the laborious process of putting them on.

***

Phil got no work done that day, and answered none of the texts from PJ or his mum.

He put on the helmet and spent the entire day stroking Dan’s soft, wavy hair away from his face. He kissed each dimple a dozen times. He kissed the specific dimple he’d named “Derek” an extra dozen times, making Dan laugh. He brushed gentle, delicate kisses to Dan’s forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his chin … and a thousand times on his lips until they opened slightly to kiss him back.

“I love you,” Dan murmured almost under his breath when Phil pulled away to look into his eyes.

“I love you, too,” Phil replied, and he put every bit of certainty he felt into his voice.

Dan finally smiled a real smile, making Derek deepen even more, and Phil pulled him close again and just held him for hours. He held him and kissed him and spoke to him with soft words until they were both drunk with it, more drunk than Phil had been the previous night with his “real” friends.

If this kind of love wasn’t real, Phil didn’t know what was.

***

The sex felt different after that. Less acrobatic and adventurous, more of a luxurious drowning in each other, with slow, reverent touches and long gazes into each other’s eyes. Every time was emotionally intense, almost draining, as if they both gave everything they had to every moment of their lovemaking.

Phil never feel asleep wearing the helmet again—Dan made him promise that he wouldn’t—but he still spent endless hours just holding Dan in his arms, occasionally running his hands gently up and down his back, occasionally pressing a soft kiss here or there, but most often just holding him tight or pulling away only slightly to be able to look into those sad brown eyes and say, “I love you.” Over and over again. “I love you.”

And Dan clung to him and always replied, “I love you, too. Forever.”

***

Phil hadn’t spent much time with his family and friends since Dan’s appearance in his life, but eventually a time came when he really couldn’t make excuses to avoid going to a cousin’s wedding up north. He would be gone for four days, since his parents had insisted that he visit them for a bit afterward, but he’d never been away from Dan for that long.

In their virtual reality, he hugged Dan tightly and said, “I’ll miss you so much. I wish you were on my laptop, too, so I could take you with me.”

Dan laughed on a sob. “You know it doesn’t work that way. You could download the virus onto your laptop, but every time it’s a different version. Every download starts from scratch. That A.I. wouldn’t have any of these memories. It wouldn’t know you. It wouldn’t be me.”

“I know,” Phil said, kissing Dan’s hair. “I know. I know there’s only one you. You’re the one I want, the one I love. I just wish you could come with me. I wish I could introduce you to everyone and show them how happy you make me.”

Dan kissed him on the chin, then nipped it lightly to make Phil laugh. “I wish we could have that, too,” he admitted quietly. And then he smiled that sad smile again, and Phil had to kiss him until his smile was happier.

***

When Phil got home from his trip up north, he dropped his bag in the hall and immediately went to his office, where he turned the computer on. He didn’t normally turn it off at all, since he used it every day, but when he was gone for days at a time he always turned it off just in case of power surges or some other problem. This time it had been particularly stressful, because he couldn’t help worrying that Dan would disappear, no matter how many times Dan assured him it wouldn’t happen. So Phil turned the computer on and waited anxiously for it to boot up, certain in some part of his heart that Dan would be gone.

But when the computer finished booting, Dan’s face was the first thing Phil saw, before his desktop background or anything else had finished loading. “I knew you would be worried,” Dan said, “so I got here as soon as I could. Everything is fine.”

Phil couldn’t help letting out a huge sigh of relief. Dan laughed at him. “I told you not to worry.”

“I know,” Phil replied, “but I couldn’t help it. I would hate to lose you just because I was afraid of a stupid power surge.”

“Could you put the helmet on?” Dan requested hesitantly, and Phil could only nod and hurry to comply.

***

They made love slowly, tasting and touching each other as if it were the first time … except that this was more leisurely and emotionally profound than their real first time had been. They stared into each other’s eyes as their bodies moved together, and it was like being part of each other’s soul.

Afterward, they lay with their limbs entwined, pressed as close together as they could get, and just breathed in silence for a long time, recovering from the emotional intensity. Phil listened to Dan’s heart beating, and it hurt to know that it wasn’t real. He pretended that it was. He pretended to himself that he wasn’t wearing a helmet, and that the smoothness of Dan’s flesh against his was real, that Dan’s warm breath stirring his hair was real.

He pretended to himself that Dan was real. as they lay there, quiescent and replete, in each other’s arms.

Dan’s voice interrupted his melancholy thoughts. “I finished my film while you were gone,” Dan murmured, “but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Of course I’ll like it!” Phil replied indignantly, abruptly jolted out of his musings. “Whatever it is, I can’t wait to see it. Can we watch it together here, or do I need to take off the helmet?”

Dan cupped Phil’s cheek and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You should take off the helmet. Just like when you listened to the Spotify playlist, I need to … I don’t want to be there while you watch it. Okay?”

Phil found Dan’s shyness endearing and smiled, kissing him back. “Of course. Is it okay if I go watch it right now? I’ve been waiting so long!” Dan chuckled at Phil’s urgency and nodded.

***

Phil sat down at his computer and felt disturbingly alone without Dan anywhere on the screen. He always felt this way when there was no Dan window open. But since Dan wasn’t present, or at least wasn’t visible, Phil set the video to full-screen and started the film.

It began with a pale young man with dark hair and blue eyes almost as pale as his skin walking along a sandy beach with ocean waves licking at his feet. As he walked along the seaside, he happened upon another young man, one with brown curling hair and brown eyes, though his creamy skin sometimes somehow shimmered silver in the light of the sun.

Phil smiled to himself. The pale young man clearly was meant to be Phil, and the brown haired man looked exactly like Dan, aside from the silvery sheen to his skin. Dan had made a movie with the two of them as his main characters! The film was composed of an incredible collage of different visual media—pieces of still photos, tiny clips of video like he’d used to compose his own image, all pieced together and animated using methods Phil didn’t even recognize. It was a masterpiece of art!

Dan in the film seemed to run a scuba diving business, as he had all the necessary gear, and he tried to persuade Phil to give diving a chance. “The land at the bottom of the ocean is beautiful,” the scuba instructor cajoled. “You really should see it for yourself.”

But it was clearly Dan whom the protagonist found truly beautiful—Phil recognized that smitten look on his own face—and so Phil in the film allowed himself to be persuaded despite his obvious misgivings. “You’ll keep me safe?” he asked nervously.

“Always,” the ocean-loving Dan promised.

They dressed in their scuba gear and entered the water. Phil seemed quite comfortable in the shallows, swimming happily and even frolicking with Dan, who swam about him in circles and dove beneath him only to rise up again on the other side to cause Phil to turn and laugh. In the film, one could hear Phil’s delighted laughter despite the scuba apparatus in his mouth.

But then Dan urged Phil to swim toward deeper water, diving lower and beckoning for Phil to follow him. The light around them grew dimmer and the entire scene took on a bluish hue. Phil in the film shook his head in apparent fear—and Phil himself, watching the film, felt uneasy—but Dan in the film swam to him and rested a hand upon his arm, sliding it down to hold Phil’s hand, and Phil hesitantly followed him, uncertainty clear upon his face.

As they swam deeper and deeper, however, the light began to brighten again, and a magical city appeared beneath them on the ocean floor, a city with tall spiraling minarets and high crenellated walls that towered above colorfully tiled streets and public squares. Seaweed and coral grew like gardens within the city, and it was all stunningly beautiful in a mysterious golden light.

Dan swam to the center of the city and stood on one of the tiled streets, removing his scuba mask. “We can breathe in the city,” he told Phil, but Phil floated above, unwilling to take the chance so deep in the sea he clearly still feared. “You don’t need to be afraid,” Dan said with a smile. “You wouldn’t be able to hear my voice if I couldn’t breathe here, you know.”

Phil in the film hesitantly allowed himself to be coaxed to stand on the surface of the ocean floor with its beautiful multi-colored tiles, and Dan slowly, gently, removed the scuba apparatus from Phil’s face. Phil took in a terrified breath and his eyes grew wide. “I can breathe!” he told Dan, who only nodded and smiled. “I can breathe, even deep below the surface of the sea!”

Dan took his hand again, and the two characters strolled the streets and squares of the magical city. No other people walked the city, but fish and other sea creatures swam among the ornate buildings around them. “Isn’t it lovely?” Dan asked, pressing a hand to the base of one of the most beautiful towers, and Phil stared at him.

“It’s you that’s lovely,” Phil said, his face filled with wonder, and he kissed Dan there at the bottom of the ocean. They wrapped their arms around each other and held each other close as their lips met gently, softly.

As they separated after that tender kiss, Dan said with obvious regret, “We must return to the surface now.”

“No!” Phil exclaimed. “I want to stay here with you!”

“You aren’t a creature of the sea,” Dan replied sadly. “It is beautiful, yes, but you cannot stay here forever. I must take you back to your world.”

“My world?” Phil asked in confusion.

Dan nodded, his expression melancholy, and took Phil in his arms again and then released him to carefully place Phil’s scuba breathing apparatus back upon his face. He replaced his own gear as well, and then took Phil’s hand and began swimming slowly back upward toward the surface.

When their heads bobbed above the gentle waves, Dan guided them both toward the shore, where they emerged back onto the sand and removed their scuba gear. Dan placed a hand to Phil’s pale cheek and said, “Now you know. You need never fear the ocean’s depths.”

Phil nodded sadly, then pressed his lips to Dan’s one more time before walking slowly away upon the beach’s golden sand until Dan was no longer in sight.

The screen brightened to a brilliant gold before fading to black.

***

As the film finished, Phil felt tears wet on his cheeks and wiped them away. It had been one of the most exquisite films he’d ever seen, far better than anything he had ever produced himself. The beauty of that magical city—made entirely of Dan’s collaged pieces of film, still photos, and animation—had been phenomenal.

But what had truly brought the tears was that this felt distinctly like a goodbye. “Dan?” he whispered in trembling dread. “Dan, are you there?” Even more than when he had turned the computer off before his trip up north, he feared that Dan had disappeared from his life forever.

On the black screen, Dan’s video-pixelated image appeared, and his face wore the same melancholy expression that the ocean character had worn in the film. “I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” he said quietly.

“No!” Phil exclaimed, horrified. “You can’t go! Why would you leave me? I love you! I know you love me, too!”

Dan’s eyes looked away, but then back to gaze at Phil as he said, “I love you enough to know that you deserve someone who can go to the pub with you to celebrate your successes, someone you can introduce to your friends, someone you can take to a family wedding. I can never be that person for you, Phil. But I want that for you.”

“I don’t care about that,” Phil insisted. “All I care about is you! You’re the one I want to be with!”

Dan shook his head sadly. “But you never are actually with me, we both know that. You can wear electrodes and a helmet, and we can pretend, but virtual reality isn’t actual reality, Phil. I’m not real. I told you before … I think we both forgot for a while, but I’m not real. I’m just lines of code. You deserve something real.”

“How I feel about you is real,” Phil choked out, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t believe this. It seemed only moments ago they’d been holding each other and making love.

But they hadn’t really been making love. He knew that. They had been imagining it together. But most of him didn’t care.

A tiny part of him, though, understood what Dan was saying, and felt the truth of it. A tiny part of him had always felt the truth of it.

“No,” Phil repeated, but his voice had grown quiet, defeated. He knew Dan had decided and nothing he could say would change that.

“Thank you for showing me what it’s like to love, and to be loved. I never would have known that without you. And since you do love me, will you promise me something?” Dan asked, smiling sadly.

Phil nodded in despair.

“Read my email after I’m gone. And … do what it says, okay?”

Phil nodded again, though this time in confusion.

Dan tilted his head and said softly, “Don’t tell him right away. But someday … someday I want you to tell him about me, okay?”

Phil frowned. “Tell who?”

“You’ll see,” Dan replied. “I love you. But I’m going to delete this virus from your computer now. I’m sorry, because I know it will hurt you, but I want you to be happy, and I think this is the only way for that to happen. You can’t spend your life wearing a virtual reality helmet. Maybe I helped you step outside your comfort zone a bit, and I hope that helped, with the film festival and all, but you can’t stay with me.”

Phil was weeping now, completely unable to talk.

“I think you’ll be able to love him, too,” Dan said, tears now clear in his own eyes. “He and I aren’t that different in some ways.”

Phil just shook his head, crying too hard to reiterate his question about who Dan could possibly be talking about.

“I love you, Phil. I hope you’ll be incredibly happy.” And Dan’s image winked out.

A window appeared in the center of the screen with the message “Virus detected. Delete infected file?” Phil lunged for the mouse to click the “No” button, but the “Yes” button clicked on its own before he could reach it. The window showed the word “Deleting” and a progress bar that moved slowly, painfully slowly when Phil could do nothing to prevent it, until it reached 100%, at which point the window closed.

Phil sat staring in numb disbelief at his computer screen, which now showed only his desktop background and folders. He gave himself permission to sit and cry as long as he needed, and he needed it for quite a while.

When his tears had finally slowed to a stop and he’d wiped his face mostly dry with the hem of his t-shirt, he braced himself and opened his email inbox to see what he knew would be the last email he would ever receive from dan@dan.com. The subject line was “Remember your promise.”

Phil clicked on the email and began to read.

*********

IMPORTANT AUTHOR’S NOTE: This story is not finished until you’ve read the epilogue!

[ Continue to the Epilogue ]

[fundeadasylum]

Phanniemay 2018 Day 6: Worldbuilding

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

Danny’s cheeky smile made Sam elbow him in the ribs and he jerked away from her with a yelp. Unfortunately, this almost made him jerk the joysticks of the Specter Speeder and sent it swerving violently through the Ghost Zone.

Tucker screamed.

“Seriously, Danny, where are you taking us? I don’t recognize this part of the Ghost Zone,” Sam leaned forward to peer out the windshield at the swirling mass of green around them.

“It’s a surprise!” Danny replied and turned the Specter Speeder in a wide arc towards a cluster of floating islands, pointed stalagmites dripping from their bottoms, teeth-like against the vivid glow of the Zone. Tongue sticking out between his teeth, Danny carefully steered the Speeder through the jagged, inverted peaks until he was navigating into a large opening. A short ride down a wide tunnel later and he set the vehicle down and powered it off.

Tucker and Sam clambered out and gasped. Danny, hovering above and slightly behind them, puffed out his chest and didn’t bother to hide the smug look on his face.

They stood in an underground cavern. It wasn’t huge but it was tall enough for two Specter Speeders to sit comfortably on top of one another and was wide enough for one and a half Fenton RVs. The shadows were thick where they managed to cling to the stone but most of the room was illuminated by a brilliant, blue glow coming from the pool to the left of them. A stream of water (or maybe clear ectoplasm?) fell pleasantly from an opening in the wall and bounced its way down the rock face before splashing quietly into a ten foot wide pool. Stones glittered at the bottom, emanating that soft glow that lit the room, and patches of pale, bluish grass spread out across the stony floor.

And across from them, on the other side of the room, standing with no assistance from walls, was a door.

It was a deep, rich purple with a polished golden handle that swirled like a cresting wave. The faint pattern of stars could be seen imprinted on the wood of the door, impossible woodgrain for anywhere but the Ghost Zone.

“This place is so cool!” Sam kicked a loose stone into the pool and watched the ripples dance blue lines over the walls of the cave, “How’d you find it?”

Danny shrugged, alighting softly on the grass and scuffing his boot across it, “Dunno. Was just patrolling the Ghost Zone, poking around, and just kind of found myself here. And then I found that.” He pointed to the door.

“A ghost’s lair?” Tucker asked. He was still lingering a little closer to the Specter Speeder, wary but still very much fascinated with their location.

“Not just any ghost’s lair,” Danny grinned, “My lair.”

“You made a lair?” Tucker’s voice was more curious than frightened though his eyebrows knitted together in a way that might have said he was worried.

“No, I just found it here,” Danny pressed a palm to the surface of the door, fingertips tracing the outline of a star, “And I just knew it was mine. I think the Ghost Zone might, like, I dunno, make lairs for the ghosts here?” He shrugged, “Eh, Clockwork was telling me that the Zone is kind of semi-sentient or something.”

“That’s amazing,” Sam breathed, completely enraptured with the whole of it.

“Can we see it?” Tucker asked and Sam’s expression of wonderment soured a bit.

“Uh…” Danny visibly hesitated, shoulders hiking and fingers curling. His green eyes darted away and around and he shifted until he was standing squarely in front of his door. The air in the room changed, became cold and unwelcome. Sam, who had been crouching by the edge of the pool, rose slowly to her feet.

“We don’t—Danny, you don’t have to show us anything.” She said slowly, trying to placate him, “Right, Tucker?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah, dude, no sweat. Really. Sorry I asked.” Tucker raised his hands and backed up a couple steps.

Danny blinked and the chill in the air vanished as abruptly as it had appeared. He shuffled in place and rubbed the back of his neck, “S-sorry, guys, didn’t mean to get all prickly. I just…don’t think I’m ready to share it with you yet. A ghost’s lair is really personal, ya’ know. It tells a lot about them.” He smiled in a way that showed his teeth, in a way that looked more like a grimace, “And I don’t think I’m ready for you guys to know all my secrets yet.”

“We understand, Danny,” Sam came forward, hesitated, and then lightly put a hand on the halfa’s shoulder, “Privacy is important; trust me, I understand that completely. But thank you for showing us this much. Thank you for trusting us with this much.”

Danny beamed and this time it was real, this time it was genuine, and it warmed up the little cavern,

“I’d trust you guys with my life.”

-------

I almost forgot about posting this, whoops.

Anyway, a long time ago on my old fan fiction .net account that I can no longer log into, I wrote a one shot about Danny having a ghost lair and the inside was nothing but deep space. And while I’m sure it was partially quite fitting, I also couldn’t bring myself to write that here. It just didn’t sit completely right with me.

I think I would rather leave it open to interpretation as to what’s inside Danny’s ghost lair. Let everyone have their own ideas and headcanons. Let the Phandom build Danny’s soul.

You guys have done such a good job of it already.

[festiveditl]

Also I watched Dan's younow live stream where he was talking about it and he said he didn't mean it in that way, like he had meant to put another line in there, but decided that he didn't want it. I just feel like some of the phandom members blow things out of proportions, like that they thought it was a dick joke, but wasn't meant to be. Like "a chocolate bar and something else in my mouth." could be referring to another type of food or drink or whatever idk.

yeah. no, i disagree. i think theres no way dan didnt know what kind of joke he was making, and even if he didn’t, he shows the videos to phil and phil wouldve told him. so i just dont buy that he didnt realise how it sounded like. that being said, and the point that bothers me most is that it’s not that we misunderstood or overanalyzed like for example the times he went off because of “phan”, this time people were just refering to a joke in the video that had no way to be misinterpreted, and i’d give him the benefit of the doubt if he said something more neutral but it was right there and im pretty sure most people thought the same way.about blowing things out of proportion, i feel like everyone appreciates the content the way they like, personally his video’s message while i found it interesting, i don’t really relate to it, for different reasons and i appreciate it in the way that lets me know about whats going on in his head because i care about him. and the joke, for me, was such an important moment because it was very straight forward and it seemed like a clear step towards being able to discuss sexuality with him. now dan got upset because people focused more on the last point than the first, and while he can have concerns about how his content is received, being patronizing to his viewers for the way they take his content, wad borderline insulting, specially when it refers to a delicate topic for lots of people in this community as sexuality is.just so you know, there are lots of people ive seen today on the internet saying they came out or had a positive experience inspired by dan being so comfortable with his sexuality, only for him to take it back.it just bothers me so much that after all this years and all those moments he has showed us he really gets the inner works of this community, he has the guts to say “i dont know this people, idk where they came from or who they are” when he knows exactly it’s most of his viewers and exactly why we care about that topic in particular. is in bad faith after telling us he didnt want his content to be received that way, that he refrains from making those kind of jokes, yet today’s video on phils channel was filled with them and it felt so disingenuous. while two days ago i felt more on the same wavelength as him as being queer myself, now i feel like i dont really know where he stands and that makes me distrust him.im obviously not implying im gonna unstan or something, it’s just that im incredibly disappointed because i thought this was over us a long time ago. i dont think he’s ever going to address this, knowing them and seeing their damage control video today that clearly didnt go too well, but i hope he understands that we are not upset because he hasnt come out, we’re upset because he looks down on us for reacting in a way that he didnt want us to react. it’s kind of ironic this whole discussion was on a video about him being his true self lol. i think his true self is being a mess.

[gabbygumswrites]

Of Cats and Dogs - A Dan and Phil Fanfiction

Of Cats and Dogs - Chapter 4: The Sofa Debacle

Fandom: Danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil (Phandom)

Rating: Gen

Tags: Pets, Cats, Dogs, Original Characters

Summary: Dan gets roped into taking care of his friend's dog. And somehow Phil manages to get hold of a cat. This can only mean chaos.

AO3 Link

CHAPTER 3: The Sofa Debacle

Dan had just put his keys down when his phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and furrowed his brow. Who would call him at this hour? More to the point, who was using phones to actually call someone instead of just texting?

When he saw Sara’s name flash on the display, he laughed. She was that kind of person who believed in ‘real interactions’ instead of ‘unpersonal written messages.’ Phil peered up at Dan from his crouch on the floor where he had just freed Ivy from her collar.

“Hi Sara,” Dan said, both to greet her and let Phil know who he was talking to. “How are you?”

“Hey Dan. I’m fine. All is well. How’s Ivy?”

Dan laughed. “Not beating around the bush, are you?”

“You know me well,” she said, but there was a hint of anxiety in her voice, too. “Is she behaving herself?”

Dan went over to the stairs to sit and take off his shoes. When he sat down, Sammy flitted past him and straight over to where Phil and Ivy were sat on the floor.

“Ivy’s fine. We’ve just come home from a walk. Did you know that she can catch a ball in mid-air?”

“I did,” Sara said, and Dan could hear the smile in her voice. “I think I was the one who taught her that.”

“It’s brilliant. I think Phil might have tired her out a bit, though,” Dan said, peering over at Ivy, who did seem a bit less energetic than usual. She just sat there, letting Phil and Sammy pet her however they liked.

“I hope Phil doesn’t mind too much...” Sara began, but Dan cut her right off. “He doesn’t, so don’t worry. In fact, he brought a pet of his own.”

“He did?”

“Yeah,” Dan said and looked over at Sammy, who just got his ears scratched by Phil. “He brought a cat.”

“I thought he was allergic to cats?”

“He is. But this cat –”

“Sammy!” Phil said from the other side of the hallway.

“– Sammy. Don’t listen in, Phil!” Phil just stuck out his tongue and stood up. At the other end of the line, Sara chuckled.

“Anyway, Sammy is our second temporary pet, because he followed Phil into our flat and won’t leave.”

“What do you mean he followed Phil?”

Dan shrugged, even though he knew Sara couldn’t actually see him. “Well, you know how it is with Phil. He encounters one weird animal a week, and Sammy is the weird pet of the week.”

“Sammy isn’t weird,” Phil said when he squeezed past Dan up the stairs, closely followed by Ivy and Sammy.

Dan rolled his eyes at him. Sara guffawed. “If I hadn’t met Phil myself I wouldn’t believe you,” she said between laughs.

“I know! I think his followers still don’t really believe the stories he tells sometimes. But they are all true!” Dan laughed.

There was a pause when they both stopped laughing. When Sara spoke up, there was this tension in her voice again.

“Do they get along? Sammy and Ivy?”

“Like a house on fire,” Dan said. “They are inseparable. In fact, together they are like Pinky and the Brain. They stole our bacon from right under Phil’s nose this morning.”

“Dan, I’m so sorry-”

“Sara, don’t apologize. And stop worrying. I said I’d look after Ivy, and that’s what I’m going to do until you don’t need me to anymore.”

Dan could hear Sara exhale in relief. “Thank you. Honestly, you’re doing me a big favour.”

“It’s fine, really. Actually, it’s been real fun with them around.” Dan smiled when he thought of the first walk he had with Ivy yesterday, and began to recount the whole incident.

“Oh, poor Ivy, she’s already protective of you!” Sara said. “I think she will be very sad when she has to leave you eventually.”

Dan didn’t say anything to that. He didn’t really know how he felt about that. “Speaking of which, have you had any luck already?” he said instead.

“Well, not that quickly, obviously,” Sara said with a sigh. “I posted on Facebook and Gumtree, and I’m going to call our local animal shelter for advice.”

Dan nodded. Then he remembered that Sara couldn’t see his face. “I see.”

They were silent for a moment. Dan couldn’t really shake the feeling that something was still bothering Sara, but he wasn’t exactly sure what it was.

“Do you need help with the search?”

“God no, you are already doing way too much,” she said.

“Okay,” Dan said.

“Alright, gotta go. I just wanted to make sure everything’s fine. And if you can’t take care of her anymore –”

“Which won’t happen,” Dan interjected.

“– but just in case, call me and I’ll figure it out.”

Dan gave a very theatrical heavy sigh. “Sara, I said it’s fine, how many times do I have to repeat myself?”

Sara mumbled something akin to an apology into the speaker.

“Well, you could come over and see her and Sammy if you want. I think she would be happy to see you again.”

“That’d be great,” Sara said, and some of the tension seemed to seep out of her.

After they said their goodbyes, Dan put his phone back in his pocket and stood up to go and find his flatmates. It was funny how much livelier the flat felt with two more occupants. Dan never thought that he would actually enjoy that.

He found Phil, Ivy and Sammy in the kitchen. Ivy and Sammy were sitting on the floor, munching on their dinner. Phil was leaning against the counter, scrolling through his phone and waiting for the kettle to boil. He had two mugs ready next to him.

“Thanks,” Dan said, leaning against the counter next to Phil. He looked down at Ivy and Sammy, watching how Sammy delicately licked his bowl clean, and how Ivy just slobbered everything up.

“Pizza for dinner?” Phil asked.

“Yes, please,” Dan said, and Phil immediately pulled up the app to order.

“So why did Sara call?” Phil asked when he poured the boiling water into the mugs.

“Making sure we didn’t mistreat Ivy,” Dan said and grabbed the Pixel-Phan mug. He didn’t really like the weird Lego mug.

When Phil looked up at him with concern, Dan just smiled and shook his head. “Na, I think she is just anxious that she just dumped her problem on us, that’s all.”

“But she does know that we don’t mind.”

Dan shrugged. “I told her over and over but I think she still thinks she roped me into it.”

“Well, she kinda did.”

“Kind of. But do you mind?”

“No,” Phil said without missing a beat.

They both looked down at Ivy and Sammy, who had just finished their dinner. Sammy was grooming himself, while Ivy just lay on the floor, looking completely knackered.

“I think you broke her,” Dan said.

“I hope not. But I kinda feel her,” Phil said and yawned. “I’m exhausted.”

Dan couldn’t help but yawn, too. “Yeah, it’s been ages I’ve been outside that often.”

Phil took out the teabag from his mug and grabbed some milk from the fridge. “How about a movie to go with the pizza?”

“Hell yeah,” Dan said and threw his own teabag in the bin.

They took their mugs and walked into the lounge, discussing movie options. For some reason, Phil really wanted to re-watch Fantastic Beasts, and as Dan didn’t have any other suggestion they settled for that. Maybe it was because of their new pets, maybe it was because Dan needed more Harry Potter in his life, but he was actually excited to see this movie again, and he wasn’t usually that keen on watching certain movies over and over again.

Neither Ivy nor Sammy followed them. When they left them in the kitchen it seemed like they decided to take a nap right there on the kitchen floor, their eyes drooping sleepily. Since ‘The Bacon Incident,’ as they liked to dub it, they made sure that every piece of food was stashed away safely and every door to every room the two rascals shouldn’t enter was firmly closed; so Dan didn’t worry too much.

He and Phil sipped on their teas, watching Newt’s arrival in New York. Just when he stumbled across Tina, the bell rang. Phil jumped up from the sofa, almost splashing tea everywhere. Dan paused the movie and went to retrieve plates from the kitchen.

It was when the door shut closed again and Dan could hear Phil ascend the stairs that Ivy’s and Sammy’s ears pricked up. Dan shook his head at them as they both flew out of the kitchen. He followed, and surely they had run right into the lounge, their eyes fixed on Phil with the pizza cartons balancing on his right hand. With the other, he pointed a warning finger at Ivy and Sammy.

“This time there won’t be any food stealing,” he said in a stern voice. “This is my pizza.”

Dan chuckled and sat back on the sofa. He passed a plate to Phil and grabbed one of the proffered pizza slices.

Sammy had apparently realized that this time there would not be any special treats, so he turned around and made himself comfortable on the rug in front of the telly. Ivy, who was still entranced by the smell of the pizza, remained seated at Phil’s feet, looking up at the pizza with big, hungry eyes.

“You just had dinner, now let us have ours,” Dan said and resumed the movie.

Hungry as they were, they polished off the pizzas pretty fast. As soon as the last piece was gone, Ivy hung her head and walked over to lie down next to Sammy.

Dan sat back with a contented sigh. He grabbed for one of the blankets and settled back into the sofa. Next to him, Phil folded his legs underneath himself, propping his chin on his hands.

Dan’s gaze wandered from the screen to Ivy and Sammy on the floor. They both hadn’t been in Dan and Phil’s life for long, but Dan couldn’t deny that it felt like they had been with them for a lot longer. Ivy was such a joy to have around; he would have never thought that he would look forward to going outside for a walk. He still didn’t like it that much – bless his minor agoraphobia – but with Ivy he felt safer out there. And for some reason, Dan even liked Sammy. He didn’t trust him; he stood by that. But something about that little bugger was just endearing.

He glanced at Sammy, who lay on his side facing the coffee table. His eyes were half closed. Dan couldn’t exactly hear him, but he was sure that Sammy was purring. Ivy was lying right next to him, her head resting between her paws on the floor. Her tail was wagging absentmindedly. Dan wondered whether it actually had a life of its own.

Dan glanced over to Phil and realized that he was watching the pets as well rather than the movie. His face had the same dopey expression he wore every time he lay his eyes on either Sammy or Ivy. Then Phil sneezed. And that reminded Dan.

“Say, Phil, have you thought about how to find Sammy’s owner?”

Phil flinched. “Not yet.”

Dan gave the side of Phil’s face a stern glance. He could tell that Phil knew he was looking at him but decided to ignore Dan. “And do you plan to make an effort?”

Phil didn’t say anything but pulled his phone put of his pocket. “Where did you say Sara’s looking for a new owner for Ivy?”

“Gumtree and Facebook won’t really help here,” Dan said and sighed. “You do know that we can’t keep him?”

Phil mumbled a ‘yes’ and scrolled through his phone.

“I mean, even if it weren’t for your allergy, we can’t keep a cat that doesn’t belong to us.”

Phil’s lip tightened into a thin line. Dan didn’t say anything. He looked back at the screen and tried to get back into the movie. When was it that Newt managed to catch that rhino-thing?

“We could take a photo and post it on twitter,” Phil said. “And I think we could ask the next animal shelter for help.”

“Isn’t there a notice board at the pet shop?” Dan said, remembering their trip there in the afternoon.

“That’s also an option,” Phil said, still not looking up from his phone. Dan looked back over to him. Phil did seem a little more tense than usual. “But I think twitter is our best option. I mean we don’t know whether his owners actually visit the same pet shop as us.”

“But we also don’t know whether they are on social media. So I guess we should try everything.”

Phil nodded. He was still staring at his phone. Dan sighed.

“Come on, Phil, we do have to say goodbye to both of them eventually.” At that Dan’s heart ached a bit. He didn’t really know how to convey this feeling, or that he understood how Phil felt, so he added clumsily, “I mean your allergy...”

“I hate my allergy.” Phil threw his phone on the coffee table with more force than necessary and sat back on the sofa, his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the screen in front of him.

Dan didn’t respond. Instead, he looked back at the telly, trying to follow the story again. Of course Phil hated being allergic to cats, but he had never really stressed over it. Everyone hit their breaking point at some point, and Phil’s breaking point was obviously Sammy.

They watched in silence for a while. Dan could literally feel the brooding waves emanating off Phil. He wanted to sigh and tell him that it was silly to stress over it, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Instead, Dan gave a little squeak when something heavy landed on his feet. Dan had his feet up on the sofa and whirled around to see Sammy standing there, sniffing around Dan’s feet. He was obviously in search of the perfect napping place.

“Sammy!” Dan said and shooed him away. “Get off the sofa!”

Next to Dan, Phil chuckled. “Oh come on Dan, he’s not doing anything.”

With a glare, Sammy jumped off the sofa and sat down next to Dan’s feet. He continued glaring up at him. Dan glared right back. “No,” he said to Sammy, then addressed Phil, “I don’t want to pick up cat hair from the sofa if he stays for longer. I mean, your allergy...”

“Yes, yes my fucking allergy, can we please stop talking about it?”

Dan’s eyes widened a bit at Phil’s cussing, but he quickly turned around to glare at Phil instead of Sammy. “We can stop talking about it but I think you should take it seriously, damnit.”

“I am taking it seriously! Why can’t you just stop mentioning it?”

“Because I don’t want to see you hospitalized because you choked on some cat hair!”

At that admission Phil’s face split into a grin. “Daw, does Danny actually care for his friend?”

Dan’s cheeks turned pink and he grabbed the nearest cushion, throwing it at Phil. “Shut up.”

Phil caught the cushion and laughed. “Aw, he does!”

Dan leaned back on the sofa and pointedly looked back at the screen. From the corners of his eyes he could see that Phil used the pillow to cushion his head on the wall behind the sofa.

They had settled back into the movie for about two minutes when suddenly Phil gave a squeal. Dan whipped his head around to see Ivy sitting on the small space of empty sofa next to Phil.

“Ivy, no!” Dan said and swished his hand around. “Get off the sofa!”

Phil raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on Dan, it’s not like I’m allergic to her.”

Dan scooped closer to Phil, reached over his lap and shoved at Ivy. She jumped down obediently but remained seated at Phil’s feet. “Maybe you’re not allergic to her, but dogs don’t belong on the sofa.”

“Says who?”

Dan actually had to think for a moment before he responded. “My mum.”

“But she isn’t here and this is our flat.”

Dan sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, but still. Try getting dog hair out of the furniture. Just as hellish as cat hair.”

Phil rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else.

Dan really didn’t know how much of the movie he actually saw. They were nearing the end, that was for sure. Dan felt his eyes go heavy; he had been up for a long time, and he wasn’t used to being out that much. That and the pizza made him sleepy. It had been a long day, really.

It was right when that big bird – Dan just couldn’t remember the name – flew into the sky to release the potion into the air, when Sammy jumped on his lap. This time, he didn’t flinch. Dan looked down at the cat, the challenge clear in the yellow eyes.

“Just leave it, Dan,” Phil said. Dan looked over at him and saw that Ivy had jumped on Phil’s lap. She had curled up on him, her head resting on his right knee. Phil was petting her absentmindedly.

Dan looked back down at Sammy, who was still standing on his lap. “Oh, what the hell,” he said. Sammy immediately plopped down and made himself comfortable.

Dan let his hand stroke over Sammy’s fur. He had always believed that cat’s fur was sort of bristly, but Sammy’s fur was so soft, softer than it looked. It didn’t take long for Sammy to start purring, and this time Dan could hear it clearly.

Sammy’s purrs reverberated through his whole body. Somehow, Dan felt soothed by it.

Just as Newt entered the ship, Dan could hear Phil softly breathe in his sleep; Dan’s eyes fell shut, too, and when the credits rolled, his head had fallen on Phil’s shoulder, and he was fast asleep.

[worksofphiction]

April Fools Fic

Summary: This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm. He just wanted Dan to know that he could also pull a cheeky prank.. Genre: Fluff + Tiny bit of Angst (if you squint) Word Count: 6,994 Reading Time: 00:25:46 Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this will never happen. <3

So Ao3 is down until 3:00pm…RIP.

I’ll post it here when it comes back up, but for now, happy April Fools Day folks. This thing was totally not planned so I’m sorry if it’s kind of meh. <3

This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm.

It was early in the morning and Phil was used to a quiet house until 12:00 when his best friend and flatmate would wake up. He rolled out of bed at 9:00, regretting his choice of staying up with Dan the night before because he had a lot of editing to do and he had already yawned thrice since he had left the bed. As he took his morning shower, he remembered that it was April Fool’s Day and he laughed a little, excited about the new DanandPhilCRAFTS video that they were scheduled to put out that day. Phil had never been one for pranks and a couple years back when Dan had the idea of pretending that they were a thing, Phil turned him down because he wasn’t really comfortable with that - especially after what happened in 2012, and they came up with the craft idea which was pretty amazing anyway. People really responded well to that.

But Phil was no stranger to a good old fashioned trick. He always got excited as a kid because in his house, April Fools Day was always just an excuse to play little tiny tricks on his friends and family. He remembered dying his family’s milk red one year and flipping his kitchen table upside down. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the harmless pranks that he’d pulled in the past, kind of itching to do one this year.

Dan was not an easy target however. He was one of those people who, like Phil, found little pranks hilarious and more often than not, Dan was playing them on Phil. Whether those pranks were jumping out and scaring him and filming it for the world to see or putting flower in his hairdryer after a shower, Phil knew it wouldn’t be easy to get Dan back because he was always expecting it. Especially on a day like today. One thing he had gotten pretty good at however, was snapping pictures of Dan while he was asleep or not paying attention. Those were easy. Dan couldn’t be on guard when his eyes were closed or he was lying on the floor and brainstorming a video. He obviously trusted Phil enough that he wouldn’t bother him too much while he was taking a catnap or slouching over on the couch and drooling. But Phil was not above taking those photos. They were admittedly pretty funny. His fists balled when he thought about the picture Dan took at the oscars party, shaking his head and deciding that he was going to get Dan back today. He was going to play a harmless little prank that would get Dan back for that sneaky little photo.

Phil stepped out of the shower and got himself ready for the day. He pulled on some sharks and dolphins and padded out into the hallway. Dan’s door was still closed. Perfect. This was the opportunity he was waiting for. Usually, Phil didn’t go into Dan’s room without an invitation, but Phil figured that since it was a special occasion, he would be let off the hook when Dan found out.

He placed his hand on the handle of the door, gently twisting it and sliding the door open a crack. Luckily, the door was totally silent. The position of Dan’s bed made it easy for him to snap a picture without even opening the door all the way. Phil didn’t even have to slip his head in. He could just point the phone and shoot. Plus, Dan was lying on his back and there was no way he was going to be able to see Phil even if he was awake. Phil slipped his hand into his pocket, grabbed his phone and aimed it through the crack, onto Dan’s sleeping form. He couldn’t see Dan’s face in the frame which his friend would probably appreciate because he knew how particular Dan was about his appearance in photos. There were no chances for fringe checks today as Phil quickly took the cheeky shot and backed out of the room within about two seconds flat. He didn’t want Dan to wake up because how the hell would he explain that one? “Yeah, I’m just creeping around and watching you while you sleep?” He didn’t even really have time to look at the photo itself, all he knew was that Dan hadn’t caught him and he had finally gotten him back for that one during the oscars.

He snickered as he entered the living room and turned on the usual. Some re-runs of the British Bake Off would do. After all, he wouldn’t want to watch an episode the he hadn’t seen before. Dan would surely be pissed if he missed some more curdled cake tears. He opened up Twitter and scrolled through some of his feed. There were plenty of celebrities and friends that were playing into the day, having the same ideas about pranking their followers. Phil rolled his eyes at some he saw on Casper’s Twitter and one he saw on Zoe’s. He laughed at some cute dog gifs, some compilation of dogs falling into snow, then his thumb drifted toward the top of the screen. He clicked on the little icon in the top right, a blank canvas ready to receive his little prank.

@danisnotonfire April Fools! Sincerely, your flatmate who is getting stealthier!

He quickly attached the photo and then hit send faster than he had ever sent a tweet. He was excited for the world to finally realize that it was not only Dan who could pull a good prank, Phil was just as capable.

For forty seconds, he was happy. He was proud of himself and he was just about to continue watching his program when he heard a loud bang and a door swing open.

“Phil Lester!” Dan’s scream was loud and Phil could hear it clearly, as if Dan was sitting right beside him. He smirked a little because he had a feeling he knew what was coming his way. He loved riling his best friend up like this. But he thought too soon, because suddenly he heard his friend stomp down the hallway and Phil’s brow furrowed. Those didn’t seem like friendly stomps. They seemed like actually angry stomps.

Sure enough, Dan’s face appeared in the doorway and then the rest of his body, his pokemon trainer trakkies hanging low on his hips and his shirt left on his bedroom floor. When Phil looked up at Dan’s face, expecting a smile, he was greeted with pure anger.

“You need to delete that tweet right now,” Dan ordered with a hostile tone. Whatever was left of Phil’s smile fell from his face and a frown took its place. He was frozen. It was just a prank. What was Dan so angry about? “NOW PHIL.”

Phil’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms.

“Why? What’s the problem? You took a picture of me a few weeks ago while I was sleeping! How come I can’t-”

“Phil. Delete the photo.” Dan was rubbing his temples, clearly flustered and upset about this as Phil reached for his phone.

“I mean, fine, but I don’t understand-”

“Did you look at it?”

“Hm?” Phil was scrolling and leisurely making his way to twitter where he found his post and thumbed over the delete button.

“Did you look at the photo before you bloody posted it?” Dan asked, putting his fists on his hips. The tweet was deleted and Phil was unsure what Dan was on about. He navigated to his photo album on his phone and opened up the photo. He glanced up at Dan who was still fuming, raising his eyebrows as if he was daring Phil to take a good hard look at what was in front of him. Phil was entirely confused, but he looked down and analyzed the picture.

“Of course I looked at it. What are you-”

Phil stopped.

Oh.

He didn’t think he had ever fucked up so completely.

Not in his entire life.

Dan seemed to notice his realization as he probably could see Phil turn as red as the tomato on their counter.

“I. Wasn’t. Sleeping.” Dan said through gritted teeth, his face turning a soft shade of red as well.

Sure enough, Dan was right. Phil hadn’t looked closely enough at the photo he took to notice that Dan was in fact not asleep, he was very much awake, taking care of a unique problem that likes to surprise their gender in the morning. Phil had zoomed in and although it was hardly noticeable when looking at the picture from afar, Phil could clearly see Dan’s monstrous hand, wrapped around what could only be, without mistake, Dan’s dick.

“Oh crap.” Phil said, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He heard Dan scoff as his heartbeat stopped.

“Oh crap?” Dan asked. “That’s all you have to say? Oh CRAP?”

“I-I’m SO sorry…oh my god.” The reality of what had happened finally hit him and he self declared himself as the worst friend in the entire world. “Oh my god. Dan. I should have-”

Silence.

“I should have looked. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just-” He couldn’t finish a sentence he was too embarrassed. He couldn’t even imagine what Dan felt like right now. Half the internet had just seen his dick and here he was, standing in the door, probably plotting Phil’s murder.

But Dan only narrowed his eyes and stared at Phil who swore he was about to cry and Phil watched as he took a deep breath, releasing it and nodded with pursed lips.

“Next time, just check before you post a photo. You should know better.” Dan said the words flatly, turned on his heels, then fled the room, his bedroom door shutting with a slight slam. No yelling. No screaming. Just a calm voice and then nothing.

Phil was left shaking, in disbelief. How could he have been so stupid? Dan was right. He should know better. Their life was documented left and right. Their followers were relentless. They picked out little blemishes and claimed they were hickeys. They always had to check their side tables for incriminating objects because they would never live it down if they left fucking lotion on the desk. God forbid. The phandom dug for this kind of shit and Phil had just handed it to them on a silver platter. And oh fuck, now he was getting tweets. Shit shit shit.

Phil was a complete flop.

But right now, the internet was the last thing on his mind. Dan. Dan was the first. Dan was probably fuming. Hell, he would be too. Phil had literally shown his most private parts to the world and he hadn’t said more than “you should know better.” There was something wrong about that. Dan must be really really mad. With good reason of course. But it was rare that Dan didn’t voice his opinion so Phil needed to suck up his own terror and embarrassment and go make sure his friend was doing alright.

He got up from the couch and he migrated to the closed door that guarded his best friend’s room (he wasn’t even sure if he held best friend status anymore to be honest). He knocked lightly and shuffled so he wasn’t standing so close to the door.

“Dan?” He called once there was no answer. “Dan can I come in?”

“I’d rather you not.” Dan’s voice was monotone and Phil could tell he wasn’t a happy camper. Phil stayed silent and waited a few seconds. That seemed to be the answer Dan was going with and Phil couldn’t tell if he was meant to try harder or just back off. But Dan seemed to make that decision by yelling out to him again. “But if you’re just going to stand there silently, then you might as well.”

Phil didn’t think that sounded like an invitation, but he took it as one, desperate to fix this. He would do just about anything.

He opened the door slowly and found Dan sitting at his piano with his hands over the keys. He wasn’t playing, Dan didn’t play very often, he just liked to sit there when he was thinking, sometimes playing a note to jive a memory or something. It seemed he wasn’t even doing that today. Just sitting on the bench with his back slouched and his head staring blankly at the Guild Wars shrine above it. Phil would have smiled if he wasn’t in such trouble. Dan was awfully cute when he was thinking really hard about something. Not that he was thinking that right now. The room was awfully tense.

“I’m really-”

“I know.” Dan spat out. He didn’t give Phil the chance to apologize. Not even a little. “I know you’re sorry. I’m not mad at you.”

“Y-you’re not?” Phil asked meekly.

“No.” Dan sighed, his hands fell from their position and he looked up at the older boy. “I’m not mad. It was a mistake. I get it.”

Phil let out the breath he was holding, running a shaky hand through his fringe.

“I’m just frustrated. There’s nothing we can do about it now. You deleted the tweet. So…” Dan just looked to the floor. “I’m not mad at you, Phil. Relax. I’m just mad about the situation.”

Phil blessed his friend for being so understanding. Phil thought to himself that he might not be the same. He was impressed if he was being honest. Dan seemed a lot more collected than Phil would have been.

“How can I help?” Phil asked, the guilt in his stomach still making him want to hurl. Dan shrugged.

“You can’t. What’s done is done.” Dan said, turning his body and his fingers back to the keys. “Just…try not to respond to anything. People are already…”

There was a slight hesitation.

“…talking about it.”

The guilt reminded Phil again that it was his fault, Dan’s dejected voice sounding rather sad. Phil wished he could turn back time.

“Well…” Phil started. “If you think of anything I could do…”

“Yeah, okay.” Dan said, nodding, staring at the poster again. “I’ll let you know.”

Phil nodded and shuffled on his feet for a minute before deciding that he should leave Dan alone for a bit. The last thing Phil wanted was to be a bother. He left the room and closed the door, going back to his reruns, not really paying attention anyway.

-

Phil didn’t see Dan again for at least a few hours. Phil thought that maybe he would be hungry, but Dan must have had snacks stashed away because he didn’t leave his room again until nearly suppertime. Phil couldn’t help but think it was his fault. In retrospect, perhaps he should have left the flat so Dan could have some space away from him.

But Dan did show up in the doorway of the lounge and asked if Phil wanted a pizza. Phil checked the time and only then realized it had gotten that late. He nodded and Dan disappeared again to order their usuals.

Phil expected Dan to take his pizza and hide out in his room again, but he brought it to the lounge and plopped himself down in the sofa crease that Phil had left open for him if he had decided to come join him during the day. Phil tried not to act surprised with the younger boy opened the lid of the box and took a photo of it and then tweeting it. Phil understood that it would probably be pretty bad if he had gone radio silence since the incident. But while he was trying to pretend that he wasn’t staring at Dan, studying what he would do next, he suddenly noticed the brown eyes on him.

“What?” Dan asked, his voice quiet as he bit into a slice of pizza. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Phil nodded and snapped out of it. He grabbed a slice and took a massive bite.

“Phil?” Of course it was after that bite that Dan decided to say something and Phil turned his head with his full cheeks, earning a tiny chuckle before Dan kept going. “I have to talk to you about something.”

Phil’s heart fell to his stomach. Suddenly he wasn’t sure the bite was going to go down. Had Dan finally come to his senses? Was he going to move out? Did he not trust Phil anymore? Were they not allowed to be friends? His mind was whirring and apparently Dan could tell from his wide eyes that Phil was thinking into a hole.

“It’s really important so I need you to listen for a second.”

Dan had never used this tone on him. Even if Phil wanted to talk, his mouth was full of pizza and it felt like it had been sewn shut. He just nodded gently, hoping that was enough to let Dan know he was in serious mode. Dan just fidgeted with his sleeve and was barely making eye contact.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, but seeing as we met unfortunate circumstances this morning, it sort of seems appropriate…” Dan started, his face turning a shade of red that Phil hadn’t seen in a long while. The haircuts they got a few days before revealed Dan’s cheekbones that were flushed a pretty pink. “I think you should know that I haven’t been telling you everything I should be telling you, Phil.”

What was Dan on about? Did he kill someone? Was he suddenly confessing to a life of crime and a death sentence? Who actually was Dan Howell?

“You know how you always tell me that I should let you know if I’m having irrational thoughts? You know…the ones that put me in an existential crisis?” Dan started, his eyes dropping to his lap. Phil nodded and Dan saw it in the corner of his eye. “Well I’ve been having some of those thoughts. For a while now. And they’re not the normal ones. You know, the ones about death? Those I can usually tolerate. But these…” Dan played with the hem of his shirt. “…these thoughts are a little more difficult to deal with.”

“What do you mean?” Phil spoke up, not too sure where Dan was going with this.

“Phil, when you caught me this morning, I wasn’t just thinking about some random hot guy on pornhub,” Dan admitted as his voice got quieter. “I was thinking about you.”

Phil nearly choked.

What?

“This started a few weeks ago and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. I just…I know I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about my best friend, but I feel like I should come clean before it gets any worse,” Dan said, his voice kind of frantic now, almost like he was worried he wouldn’t get everything out before Phil said something to shut him down. “And I get it if you totally hate me…I just-”

“No, no, I don’t hate you…” Phil trailed, his mind blanking entirely. “I just didn’t…expect it, is all.”

“Yeah…” Dan said. His head was hung and Phil was totally lost. This day had been a roller coaster. It was like the Universe had decided that it was going to screw with Phil’s life today. No mercy.

Phil thought about what Dan just said, Phil’s eyes locked onto the pizza box in front of him. He thought hard. A few weeks was a long time to fester on a crush. Why did Dan think it was a good idea to tell him about it? Did he expect Phil to feel the same way? Oh no…Phil felt himself getting hotter. He loved Dan, a lot. He was his best friend. But he most certainly didn’t think of Dan in the same way that Dan was describing. Dan was a wonderful human being and Phil knew that he was objectively good looking but Phil had never looked at Dan that way and it didn’t really seem possible for him to think of him as anything more than a pal. What the hell was he supposed to say? Dan was sitting there quietly, his emotions on the table and his best friend was staring at the food in front of him like some sort of dumbass. God, Phil was not on his A-game today. He wondered if it had anything to do with…

That was it.

April Fools Day.

Suddenly, Phil understood what was going on here.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, seeming to startle the boy beside him as he jumped, his head snapping up to Phil’s face which was sporting a wide grin. “I see what’s going on here.”

“Y-you do?” Dan’s eyebrows raised and his eyes looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Don’t play dumb, D-slice. This is payback for this morning!” Phil laughed, clutching his stomach and nodding. “Very funny. You nearly got me for a second.”

Dan was silent, staring at him with the same shocked expression for moments before Phil saw Dan’s slightly agape mouth turn at the corner and he released a small chuckle as he turned to face his own pizza.

“Yeah. Ha. April Fools.” Dan grabbed his half finished slice and neared it to his mouth. Phil kept eating at his own, patting his friend on the back.

“Good one, Dan. I nearly believed you.”

“Mmhmm.” Dan said, shoving more pizza in his mouth and averting his eyes from Phil’s gaze.

“You’ve gotten really good at blushing on command.” Phil was impressed. He wished he could pull something like that. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t cut out to be a prankster. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Nah, I think I’m just going to head to bed.” Dan said, closing the box. He barely ate anything and if Phil knew Dan, as he did, he would guess that something was bothering him. Then again, Dan’s dick was on the internet and Phil understood the sour mood he might be in because of that.

-

The events of April Fools Day passed and Phil realized that Dan was not getting any less weird. He was still awfully skittish around Phil and Phil rarely saw him unless they were eating together or doing something important that required both of their presence. The internet had calmed down and it became quite evident who the real phans were. Sure, people freaked out and both Dan and Phil avoided social media for a while, but clearly without even asking them to, the fans picked up on the mistake and they pretty much stopped circulating the image. Much like with the Valentine’s Day video, their fans were looking out for them and that made Phil very happy. He hadn’t wanted to mortify his flatmate but if he had to do it, it might as well be to their loyal phans.

But this made Dan’s behavior super weird because now that the image was not a part of gossip and such, Dan was unwarrantedly acting unusual. Phil didn’t like how quiet it was around the house. It was two weeks since April first and Phil had seen more of his own face in the mirror than he had of Dan. And that was surely unusual.

Phil was lying in his own bed, thinking about everything Dan had said to him. When had he started acting strange? It was surely after April Fools Day and that was the last time they had an actual conversation. What had they talked about? Ah, right, Dan’s April Fools Joke. Phil laughed a little to himself when he thought about it. That was a pretty good one. Phil thought about how quickly he fell for that one. Phil was always a little on edge about that sort of stuff. The internet could really get into your head sometimes. At first it was really annoying that so many people that didn’t know him shipped him with his best friend. He thought it was invasive and kind of weird, but he would be lying if he didn’t worry sometimes about the thoughts they had about each other. They spent nearly every second with each other, it’s impossible not to accidently think about the other during odd moments or dream about the other in a weird situation. But Phil was always afraid that one day, one of them was going to wake up in love with the other and the other wouldn’t feel the same way. He didn’t think something like that could happen, but when Dan said what he had said the other day, it scared Phil for a moment. That would have been a nightmare. Phil wouldn’t have known what to do.

Phil thought back a little further to when they first met. Phil would be fibbing if he said he didn’t feel something for the younger boy way back then. He probably would have fallen for the joke a lot more had he still felt that way. The way Dan was all those years ago, small and insecure, totally unsure of who he was as a person and what he wanted to do. Phil had fallen so hard for him that he deemed it dangerous. He didn’t want to influence the impressionable boy at the time so he forced himself to get over his little crush and try to remain friends, guiding and befriending the boy so he would have someone to lean on. Since that beginning year, he hadn’t thought about Dan in that way. Dan had grown, matured, become someone that Phil was proud to be friends with and the internet was convinced that it was all because of Phil. Phil would never think that, but he knew he had a part in it. He chuckled a little as he thought about 2009 Dan and all of his issues. He was so cute and unsure. But now Dan was hot and confident, and Phil couldn’t believe he just thought those words. He shook his head. He didn’t need these thoughts to come back. He tried so hard to repress them and for some reason, opening this box of thoughts was something he only did when he was really tired and full of alcohol. He had no reason to open it while entirely sober and also awake.

But that’s not how thoughts work and now he was thinking about Dan’s smile and how much his cheeks had changed. They had gone from fleshy and pinchable to soft and sculpted. Dan’s eyes had changed from doe eyes to beautiful brown orbs that stared back at Phil with conviction and passion. Phil absolutely loved Dan’s eyes. Dan called them muddy and Phil shut that down real quick. Dan’s body had changed, turning from a lanky boy who didn’t know how to strut, to a thick and comfortable figure that could walk around with enough confidence to put Phil to shame. There really wasn’t a negative to Dan’s appearance, Phil thought. He was also just genuinely nice and suddenly tons of memories flooded behind his eyes. Ones where they ventured outside in the middle of the night because Phil just wanted some chocolate ice cream. Ones where they stayed up all night talking about silly things, Dan’s head leaning and grinning into Phil’s shoulder. Ones where they shared a bed on the tour bus because Dan’s back was in pain and Phil didn’t want to see Dan wince.

Phil was in too deep and he sat up. He needed to stop. He couldn’t think any further into this hole because on a very real note, he knew it was dangerous. This is why it was an April Fools joke, because these thoughts were invalid. It was too ridiculous. Dan knew that. Dan and Phil were not destined to be. Or they would be together already. It didn’t matter how many people shipped them, they were just friends and that was all they ever would be.

But for some reason, Phil was feeling a slight bit of disappointment and he told his brain to shut up.

-

Phil was in trouble. He shouldn’t have thought about it. Because now Dan was still being distant and all Phil could think about were the things he missed about him. His smile, his eyes, his thighs, his witty humor. He literally could list it all off the top of his head because that was all he could think about. His heart rate would spike when Dan came in to ask him a question and then his whole body would deflate when Dan shuffled off to his bedroom again. Something was wrong with Phil. He knew that he was being irrational. As Dan had joked a couple weeks ago, the thoughts were difficult to deal with.

Normally, Phil would tell Dan about this kind of thought. If it weren’t about Dan, he would have already told him. But Dan wasn’t wrong on April first. Phil wanted Dan to tell him if he ever thought things like this. It had been a joke but that’s why it was so believable. Because Dan would have told him if he had actually felt this way. But that worked both ways. Dan would expect the same from him. Phil froze, his finger stopping its scrolling through Tumblr. He needed to talk to Dan. It was only fair.

He checked the time and made sure it wasn’t too late but when he realized it was only 7:00pm, he was sure his flatmate would be up. He stood and stretched, kind of nervous. He knew it would be no big deal but he hated that him and his friend were on such bad terms. Phil would just mention that these thoughts were coming about because he missed Dan. That’s all. He was sure of it. Maybe they could do a few movie nights a week. Something to make sure Phil was getting proper Dan time. Maybe then it wouldn’t freak Dan out so much, coming clean and telling him that it was no big deal.

He arrived outside of Dan’s door and he knocked, feeling strange. He and Dan hadn’t had a proper conversation in weeks.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil called. “Do you have a second?”

“Yeah, sure, Phil. What’s up?” Dan called, inviting Phil in. Phil opened the door, slowly as usual and tried to keep his body from trembling. He wasn’t nervous. This was no big deal. Dan understood missing people, right?

“Can we talk?” Phil asked, playing with the hem of his shirt. Dan looked at his computer, clicked a few things, and then closed his laptop, scooting over on the bed and patting the space beside him.

“Sure.”

Dan still looked a little sad. Phil didn’t really have a point of reference, considering he hadn’t seen his flatmate in so long, but he liked to think that he knew Dan pretty well and this was not a joyous version of Dan.

“You can’t laugh at me.”

Dan looked confused. “Why would I laugh at you?”

“I don’t know…just…don’t, okay?” Phil requested again, trying to get Dan to understand how embarrassing this was for him to admit.

“Pinky swear. I won’t.”

“Alright…well, first of all, I want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been kind of distant recently and I wanted to see-”

“I’m fine.” Dan jumped in, clearing his throat. “Just haven’t felt the best the last couple weeks. I think I caught something.”

“Oh…alright. Well are you feeling better?” Phil asked, hoping that meant that he wasn’t going to be hiding out as much.

“A bit.” Dan answered, not looking at Phil.

“Well…that’s good,” Phil mumbled, picking at the sheets below him. “Um…so the reason I ask, is that I have been having…”

Phil contemplated his sentence.

“I just…miss you, is all. And I keep having these…” Phil looked at Dan who didn’t seem like he was paying much attention. His face had fallen and he was looking at his own lap. “…thoughts.”

That’s when Dan’s head snapped up. Phil jumped a little.

“Thoughts?”

“Yeah…thoughts,” Phil clarified, nodding. “I don’t know where they came from but I know we have an honesty thing going on and I just wanted to tell you. I’m sorry I hope that’s not weird…”

“No, no…not weird.” Dan stumbled over his words, his eyes looking more than interested all of a sudden.

“And it’s funny,” Phil paused to let out a nervous laugh for a second. “When you were joking a couple weeks ago, you mentioned these thoughts and you said they were difficult to deal with. And I know that was a joke…but it’s funny because they are awfully hard to deal with.”

Dan gave a half laugh but his eyes never changed. They were glued to Phil’s.

“But don’t worry!” Phil quickly added. “I’ve figured it out.”

“Oh you have, have you?” Dan asked quietly, almost like he was expecting something.

“Yes! I know why I’ve been having them,” Phil declared, hoping Dan wasn’t freaking out too much. He seemed a little scared. “I think it’s just because I haven’t been around you much. I keep thinking these things because you aren’t around. So I’m glad you said you’re feeling a bit better because maybe now those thoughts will start to go away. You know?”

Dan didn’t nod. He didn’t answer. He just stared.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I should have said something sooner…” Phil said, trying to read Dan’s reaction but Dan was not moving. He wasn’t even blinking and Phil wasn’t sure what to think. “Are you…okay?”

That’s when Dan blinked and he looked down, his face getting pink again. Phil saw the color wash over his cheeks.

“What are these uh…thoughts…about?” Dan coughed, not looking up again. Phil narrowed his eyes. Dan wanted to know what he was thinking about? Wouldn’t that just make this more awkward? He wasn’t going to argue with his best friend though, especially if he wasn’t feeling well.

“Um…nothing really intense. Definitely not like what you were joking about,” Phil laughed a little, watching Dan shrink a little. “But do you want to know something really embarrassing?”

Dan looked up through his fringe and nodded slowly.

“I used to have the biggest crush on you, Dan.” Phil chuckled. “And for some reason I just keep thinking about it.”

Dan had now gripped the sheets in his hand, totally frozen. Phil hoped that what he said wasn’t too weird. He wasn’t really thinking right now and he realized that maybe telling your best friend that you used to like them was not really the best way to go about keeping a friendship.

“Sorry…that’s probably…” Phil didn’t know what to call it. TMI? Not necessary info? Crazy?

“No. It’s fine…um. Me too.” Dan said, almost mumbling. Phil’s eyes went wide.

“What?” he laughed. “You too?”

Dan was smiling now, his cheeks pink. Phil could almost see his 2009 best friend in the face that Dan was pulling.

“How have I never known this?” Phil asked, kind of amazed that this had never come up. “I mean, I got over my crush in 2010! We’ve been best friends for seven years. How come we never talked about this?”

Dan was silent again, refusing to look up from his bedsheets below him as he picked at the duvet with his fingernails.

“I mean…when did you get over yours?”

Dan stopped. He froze and Phil kind of thought it was a little creepy. He looked like a mannequin or something even more uncanny. He was staring wide-eyed at his hands and he wasn’t even blinking. Instead of the blush that was previously over his cheeks, the color had drained and Dan was looking paler than ever.

Then he mumbled something that Phil didn’t quite catch.

“What?” Phil asked, leaning a little closer to the boy who was shrinking before him.

“I didn’t.” Dan repeated, louder this time.

Now it was Phil’s turn to freeze. What did Dan mean he didn’t? That would mean…

“Wait…”

Dan looked up and met Phil’s eyes. He looked scared. Like he had just told Phil something he shouldn’t have. He was one hundred percent vulnerable and suddenly it clicked. Dan had not been joking a few weeks ago. He had not been trying to get back at Phil for pranking him. Dan had been completely and entirely serious…and Phil had just laughed.

Oh God.

Phil was being a worse friend than he thought.

But Phil didn’t have time to think about that right now. His mind was taking him back to 2009 when he looked into the younger’s eyes for the first time in person and fell for him. Now that he knew Dan felt the same way, everything was different. Now that he knew that Dan was still feeling the same way, everything was different. Everything that Phil had thought about in the past few days was rushing back to him. Dan’s eyes, his lips, his hair, his whole body. Every inch of Dan. Every single thing.

And Phil felt stupid.

He felt so stupid that he hadn’t thought about Dan like that in so long. Dan had changed so much but as Phil stared into his beautiful brown eyes, he realized that Dan was the same as he had always been. That handsome young boy who just adored Phil and would do anything for him. But now, Phil would do the same for Dan. And was that what you called love? Was Phil in love?

Well holy shit.

This was a lot to realize all at once and it was clearly showing. Phil’s face was a range of emotions but he wasn’t sure about any of them. He had no idea if he should feel angry for not knowing, happy because he felt this way, relieved because of the lack of pressure, or sad because he lost so much time while running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Dan clearly saw the confusion though and he just let Phil work it out in his head for a little bit. Phil could feel the corners of his mouth turn up a little and Dan’s eyes shifted down to view them. He was mimicking Phil’s smile and it seemed that Phil’s was growing.

Phil was racking his brain, trying to figure out the perfect thing to say. Anything to say. He just didn’t know what to do.

Luckily, Dan knew him better than anyone else. He could see the moment it all clicked for him and it was Dan who broke the silence. Not with words but with a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil jumped, gently of course, but he kissed back and that was the moment. The moment of clarity. He was kissing Dan. Dan Howell. Youtuber, best friend, flatmate and the love of his life. His lips were soft and inviting and it seemed like they had practiced this moment for ages. It seemed like Dan had given this kiss a lot of thought which warmed Phil’s heart. He wondered what other things he didn’t know about Dan, if this had been something that he had hidden for seven years. What had Dan thought about those stupid little dates he went on with those stupid girls a few years ago? What did Dan think when Phil complained to him about being lonely and not being able to find anyone? What the hell was Dan thinking when he had caught Phil naked a few years back, having forgotten his towel and walking back from the bathroom? This explained so much and nothing at all and while he kissed the younger boy with the brown fringe, he let his hands tangle into the back of his hair, letting their lips continue their dance until Dan was through. This must have been the moment Dan had been waiting for and it must have taken entirely too long. It’s too bad Phil was so dense. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to wait.

But now he understood. He understood it all.

The kiss broke slowly and they sat breathing heavily for a moment with their foreheads pressed together.

“This isn’t some sort of sick way of getting back at me or something, is it?” Dan asked, his insecure self showing and Phil’s heart melted. He shook his head and chuckled a sad chuckle.

“Of course not, Dan. I would never do that to you,” Phil said, promising Dan something with his words. He hoped Dan didn’t think those things for long. Phil really wasn’t the pranking type.

“Good. Because I’m about to say something really stupid and I want to make sure it’s worth it.”

Phil said nothing, kissing Dan lightly on the lips and smiling in support.

“I love you, Phil Lester.” Dan whispered. “And I’ve loved you for seven years.”

Phil’s heart was a puddle. Dan sounded so sweet and it was as if 2009 Dan was sitting inches from him and telling Phil himself. Dan had probably waited for years to say those words. In that order. To Phil. He could feel the waterworks happening behind his eyes. He felt guilty - of all things. Because he was just not realizing how much he loved Dan. He supposed that he knew, deep deep down, but he wouldn’t let himself think about it. But now that he was…oh, now that he was. He could feel the way Dan’s words affected him. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach.

“I love you too, Dan Howell.”

Before he could say or do another thing, Dan kissed him again and this time, Phil didn’t think he was ever going to let go.