#or something to do the exact same thing that calum does?

[edge-oftheworld]

tell me why this is. calum hood has one of the most recognisable and unique voices i know of. like, ever since i first heard the second verse of why won't you love me I have been able to hear the tiniest snippet of a song and say 'that is calum'

and then luke hemmings has one of the most versatile voices ever. i've heard hundreds of songs in his voice and he can still release new things that surprise me and have me going 'is that luke? is that really luke?'

in actual fact there is only one person i have heard who is not calum hood who i hear singing and be like 'is that calum?' and it is in fact luke hemmings

[bucky-boychik-barnes]

For Cal and Oz, pleaseeee

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC?

💀 - Does your OC have any phobias?

🎹 - Do they have any hobbies?

and making up my own question: What do your OC's look like? Like if you were to make a moodboard or a pinterest collage or like face claim or something what would it look like?

🧠 -I like everything about Calum and Oz akdbsja, how they were best friends as kids and chose each other as partners when they got older, and how much they love and cherish and take care of each other, and how Oz is dramatic and Calum so indulging of him. Also I can live vicariously through them by writing all their fancy things and vacations.

💀 - Oz is terrified of snakes and spiders. Calum's baby sister is better at dealing with spiders than Oz is. Being in Ireland, you would think the snake thing would not be an issue - except for the lost pet snake in the recently bought used car ordeal. And then their son Doyle develops an interest in herpetology, and he is not going to discourage his kids' interests.

I don't know of any phobias Calum has, but I feel like he handles fear the exact same way he handles being sick - by ignoring it completely until forced by others. (Idk if you ever saw Brooklyn 99, but Rosa's, "I'm not sick, my healthy body is just exhibiting cold symptoms," is extremely Calum.) So there isn't anything to be afraid of because he will Handle It, just like he Handles Everything.

🎹 - Oz loves to work on cars (Both his and the kids PowerWheels, vroom vroom) and play video games (Luigi is his main and Luigi's Mansion is his favorite), and he has a stack of romance novels from the library he keeps in rotation. He is delighted that lately so many of them have been queer romance.

Calum likes doing metalwork, like making rings and necklaces and other jewelry, as well as woodwork, both whittling and bigger pieces. He plays video games with Oz, but I don't know if it is a hobby for him. He knows how to play piano and enjoys working out. But his favorite hobby is spoiling Oz like the giant princess he is.

And for your extra questions 🥰

Oz's face claim is Colin Farrell, with the same hair and eye color. Oz is 6'5" and has strong arms and shoulders, but is somewhat jiggly around his stomach and thighs and everywhere else. (It drives Calum feral, a little.)

Calum's face claim is Sebastian Stan, with green eyes. He's a little over six foot tall, and has the same build as this mirror selfie SebStan took (Oz wasn't okay that day.)

Also, am I going to make moodboards now? If I can find queer enough stock photos.

[prettyyyboyluke]

Can you please write a story about calum in a ddlg relationship with smut

ofc! enjoy! 

~ 

the day was going well. there were no issues, no broken rules, nothing that could get y/n in trouble. she is very well behaved for calum, she rarely acts out, and is very respectful of her dominant and his rules. tonight, they’re going to a little get together at michael’s house. nothing big, just something that their friend group does every once in awhile. calum had to go out and run a few errands, mostly to go get some sweet seltzer’s for y/n since she’ll only drink things that taste like juice. he came home with his and the band’s favorite beer and juice like alcohol. 

calum went into their bathroom to see y/n sitting at her vanity getting ready. “do you know what you’re wearing tonight, pretty girl?” he asks while stroking her hair. y/n shakes her head, but had an idea of what she was going to wear. “let me pick out your outfit tonight.” 

she finishes up her makeup and follows calum to their room. he walks over to the dresser pulling out a skirt, one of his sweaters, and his favorite collar they own. y/n looks at the skirt and collar with wide eyes and her face gets red. “you want me to wear that in front of everyone?” she asks, only used to wearing it just for calum. calum is quite possessive of y/n. there were many occasions where she wore this same exact outfit and calum wouldn’t let her out of the car before giving her a spanking. he doesn’t like anyone looking at her, and he always has a harsh grasp on her.

calum nods. “yes baby, i get to decide what i want you were. no arguments. please get dressed, i don’t want to keep everyone waiting.” y/n nods and walks over to the dresser, grabbing a pair of panties, but calum stops her. “i would have pulled them out if i wanted you to wear them.” he says, “don’t make me tell you again, get dressed.” y/n’s cheeks grow a darker red and she undresses from her sweats and t-shirt, sliding on the skirt and sweater then clipping on the collar. 

y/n takes a look in the mirror, smoothing down calum’s sweater before putting on her shoes. they get in the car and make their way to michael’s. the ride isn’t too long, but with calum’s hand resting on y/n’s mid thigh, she can only think about one thing. she glances over at calum who’s eyes are locked on the high way. calum slides her hand under her skirt and presses his fingers against her, getting a small whine out of her. he slowly starts to tease y/n and soon enough, she was rutting against his hand for more friction. 

more whines and whimpers left her mouth as she grew needier. “what’s wrong pretty girl? are you okay?” calum asks, moving his hand back to where it was resting before, giving her skin small circles. he looks over at y/n and notices that her eyes are glossy. 

“n-no daddy, come back, please.” she whines out and tried to move his hand back. calum swats it away after putting the car in park. 

“what, baby? are you day dreaming again?” calum lightly chuckles and leans over pressing a kiss to the side of his submissive’s head. “such a desperate little thing.” he grabs the loop in her collar and pulls her over, gently pressing a kiss to her lips. “pull yourself together, pretty girl. our friends don’t need to see how much of a pathetic mess you are for me right now.” 

they get out of the car and all y/n can focus on is calum’s hands. she just wants him to take her to the backseat and finish her off. walking into michael’s house, y/n can already tell this night is going to be ten times longer. “it’s about time you guys got here! what took you so long?” ashton asks. 

calum looks down at y/n before answering, “this one took her time getting ready.” he puts y/n on the spot and she lets out a meek sorry. calum sets down their drinks and grabs a beer for himself and a seltzer for y/n. they all gather around to play a game. she reachers for one of calum’s hands, wanting to distract herself from the ache that’s growing between her legs. she twists and turns his rings, watching them intently. his hands are so big compared to her’s. well, she’s just smaller to calum in general. barely standing at 5’1” and the fact that calum can fit his hand around her throat with one hand makes her small. but, size kinks exist for that very reason. 

the side conversation going on between luke and michael keep everyone distracted so calum can whisper to y/n. “just be patient for me, baby. you’ll get what you need later.” he kisses the side of her head again. y/n huffs and takes a big sip of her seltzer. she finishes her drink quickly after and gets up to get another. when things taste like juice, it’s like you’re not even drinking anything. 

calum’s hand returns to her thigh and her skin rises with goosebumps. she adjusts herself so that calum’s hand goes up higher. “daddy please, can we go to the bathroom?” she whispers to calum. 

he looks down at his submissive, seeing how flushed her face is and how puffy her lips are from biting them. “so needy, can’t get me out of your head can you?” she shakes her head at the question. “but we just got here, we wouldn’t want our friends to know somethings up, would be pretty girl?” when she doesn’t respond right away, calum tightens his grip on her thigh before repeating, “right, little girl?” 

“n-no daddy.” 

“good, then you’ll wait like a good girl until we’re home.” and y/n groans. 

~ 

everyone leaves michael’s house and heads their separate ways. y/n finished half of her pack of seltzer’s and is definitely buzzed, but that doesn’t take her mind off of calum in any way. they finally get into the car and y/n can’t help herself but practically climb over the center console and kiss calum. her lips have been vibrating to get a taste of him. the taste of mint gum and cigarettes fill her mouth while she circles her hips on him. calum is shocked at these movements made by her, normally he is the one to initiate everything. 

y/n pulls back, out of breath, “daddy please! i’ve been a good girl tonight, i need you to touch me!” she takes calum’s hand and puts it under her skirt so he can feel how wet she is. his lolls back and a groan leaves his throat. 

“just so fucking desperate for daddy’s touch. look at you, we’re not even out of the driveway and you’re just begging for daddy to fuck you.” he says, applying pressure to her clit. he circles the bundle of nerves for a while as he watches y/n close her eyes and move her hips in rhythm with him. his finally sinks two of his fingers in her wet walls and she tries to muster out something, but can’t. “nawh can’t even talk anymore, huh? is daddy making you that good?” he mocks her. 

y/n’s breath is heavy, and she’s ready to cum at any second. “look at me, pretty girl, or i stop.” calum says. she opens her eyes and lock them with his. “are you gonna cum?” he asks, moving his fingers faster. y/n nods, ready to let the pleasure flow through her body. “are you gonna ask to cum?” calum has a strict rule about always asking for permission. 

“please daddy, can i cum? oh-fuck-please, just like that.” she moans. her grip on calum’s shoulders is strong, her nails almost ripping the fabric. her hair is frizzy and is matted to her forehead. her legs are starting to shake and calum hasn’t given her the go yet. 

calum clicks his tongue before speaking, “ya know, daddy really should punish you. barely engaging with our friends, asking him to take you to the bathroom to fuck you, i don’t think you have been a good girl, y/n.” his rhythm is slowed and it’s aggravating y/n to a whole new level. 

y/n takes it upon herself to remove calum’s fingers from her, despite being so close to an orgasm, and sets them down in his lap. she looks at him before moving back to the passenger seat and takes her phone out, mindlessly scrolling through her notifications. 

calum’s a bit confused by the move his submissive just made, not sure if it was to distract him or to defy him. “are we just gonna sit here, or are we gonna go home? because i’d really like to get out this.” y/n finally speaks and motions to her clothes. her voice was laced with annoyance and tiredness, and calum wasn’t having any of it. 

“who do you think you are to talk to me like that? have you forgotten what respect is, little girl?” calum asks, putting his thumb under her chin to make her face him. 

“no, i’d just really like to get home if someone’s gonna punish me.” she says. 

and now, y/n can wait to get home. 

[karlajoyner]

Worst Enemy (Charlie Gillespie x Reader)

A/n: Sorry this took so long! I just wasn't sure how I wanted to go about this request since I haven’t read that much smut lately to be fully inspired. I read a lot of 5 seconds of summer smut to say the least. Calum Hood smut to be exact and my fingers couldn’t stop typing after that.😂 But I hope you guys like it! Please let me know if you do! Don't read it if you just want a normal imagine. Some normal ones coming soon. Also I have an upcoming announcement after I hit 150 followers!

Requested by: irwindshield (Wattpad)

Warnings: Super Smutty (18+)

————

"And action!" Kenny shouted.

I scowled at the boy in front of me who looked just as mad as I was.

"Seriously Luke your gonna tell me that you and Julie don't have anything going on"

"Y/c/n I already told you we don't! Isn't that enough?!" Charlie spoke standing up from his seat on the couch.

"No it's not. Not when you spent all weekend writing love songs together"

"It was one song and it wasn't about each other"

"One song still means something"

"Why does it even matter to you I'm single now? Isn't that what you wanted? To be free well now you're free to be with whoever you want or did you forget what happened with Reggie?"

"Nothing happened with Reggie. We were joking around. It's not my fault your jealous!" I shouted in frustration.

"Look who's talking" He said getting up in my face. Both our chests heaving in anger as we stared at each other angrily.

"You know what Patterson even when we're both dead I still regret ever falling in love with you all those years ago" I spoke through gritted teeth. I turned around dramatically to walk away, only to have Charlie grab me by the wrist and spin me around. Our faces now inches apart.

In aggravation he crash his lips onto mine shoving his tongue into my mouth. I huffed wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. We both fought for dominance as his hands found their way around my waist lifting me up in the air.

I got so caught up in the heated make out session I almost didn't hear Kenny yell for the end of the scene.

"Cut!" He shouted Charlie immediately letting me go. I scoffed pushing myself away from him to see his hair disheveled, his lips plump, and smeared with my red lipstick. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I wanted to finish what we started now. But I couldn't do that when the insanely hot actor I wanted to push me up against the wall also happened to be my worst enemy.

"That was great guys!" Kenny said walking towards us.

"We might reshoot tomorrow if we have time since this is a kids show and that was a little too not kid friendly. Maybe hold back on the tongue"

"You got it Kenny"

"It's already late enough thank you two for staying back tonight we really had to get this in. Have a good night!"

"It was no problem. See you tomorrow" I smiled at our director as he walked away. I turned back to the boy beside me glaring at him.

"Well that was shitty. He's right you use way too much tongue. It was like Niagara Falls" I spoke using hand gestures. I watched the brunette roll his eyes in annoyance making me grin. Turning back around I began to walk back towards my trailer deciding to just turn in my costume tomorrow. Like I had done so many times after shooting until the am.

"You know I've had plenty of people who think my kissing is amazing" Charlie spoke walking a few feet away from me seeing as his trailer was right beside mine. Unfortunate perks of playing love interest who broke up in the show.

"I hate to break it to you Charles but they lied"

"Shut up. I'm done with your shit for the day"

"You know if there's one thing I hate more than having to shoot a scene so late it's having to shoot it with you Gillespie"

"Yeah well it's no fun for me either. I mean having to make out with a fucking jerk and act like I'm in love with her. Isn't exactly the highlight of my year!" He whispered shouted making sure no one heard us. It was late and the very few people who stayed in their trailers were probably dead asleep due to how long filming went on today.

"Not for me either! Why do you hate me so much? I swear I tried to be fucking nice to you when we met"

"Please you were anything but nice" He argued making me facepalm.

"You fucking liar! I introduced myself. I stuck my hand out for you to shake and you completely denied it. If anything you're the prick and the asshole!" I shouted reaching the outskirts of my trailer.

Suddenly I felt my body collide with the cold vehicle behind me and a cold hand landing on my mouth. My eyes widened looking up at the man in front of me who's chest was heaving.

"You wanna say that to my face y/l/n" He spoke through gritted teeth.

"Look we both promised that we'd keep this little feud between us a secret for the sake of the show and our cast mates. So if you don't shut that big mouth of yours we might just get caught" He whispered making me roll my eyes.

Finally coming back to my senses I removed his hand from my mouth, looking him straight in the eyes.

"You fucking prick" I repeated myself seeing what he would say next. But he didn't say anything. Not a word.

I watched his face closely as his eyes flickered to my lips. He slowly leaned forward hesitant on his actions. Rolling my eyes I took initiative, smashing my lips onto his. I let out a breath as he lifted my leg up to pull me closer. Nearly letting a moan escape as I felt his hard on press against the front of my jeans.

"Can't even fucking make the first move. How fucking dry your sex life must be" I panted teasingly as we pulled away.

"Shut the fuck up" He whispered pressing his lips to mine once more with such a force. I immediately kissed back realization hitting me. We were in the middle of a parking lot filled with trailers.

I pushed him away taking his hand leading him to my trailer that wasn't too far. He complied following closely behind. Pressing his body into mine as I unlocked the door as quick as possible. I stepped into the trailer switching on the dim light. I bit my lip turning around to finally face Charlie who stood there with his beautiful blue eyes darkened with lust.

"Are we really gonna do this?" I asked leaning on the counter in the small kitchen area.

"I don't know. I-I mean we don't have to if you don't want to. We could just leave it here if that's w-what you want"

"Well what do you want?" I asked raising an eyebrow. I watched as his body shifted uncomfortably as I removed the jean jacket on my body leaving me in a silky satin cami.

"I really wanna fuck you" He responded biting his lip. My stomach filling with butterflies getting the response I was hoping for.

"Then do it" I stated watching as he made his way towards me. Crashing his lips onto mine. I let out a huff as he lifted me off the ground and pushed me onto the counter roughly. My back hitting the wood behind me forcefully.

"Seriously?" I panted pulled away from the kiss first.

"Sorry" He muttered sheepishly before diving into my neck. Finding a spot to suck on. I craned my neck allowing him more access not even caring that I'd have to deal with the makeup team tomorrow.

Before giving it a second thought I pulled off my top tossing it across the room leaving me in a teal Lacey bra. The same color of the cami I was wearing.

"Holy fuck" Charlie whispered most blankly admiring the view. I let out a giggle tugging at his shirt as well signaling I wanted it off. He quickly got the message.

It was my turn to drool seeing his tightly toned abs turning me on even more than I already was. I was knocked out of my trance by Charlie kissing me passionately once more. My eyes fluttering shut, pulling the hairs on his neck. Our tongues now fighting for dominance.

His hands moved away from my waist to my back. Unhooking my bra from my body. We shifted slightly, the material being flung across the room. Within seconds his hands roamed my body freely once more. A groan escaping my mouth as his lips moved down my neck.

Until eventually settling on my nipple. My core was now throbbing in anticipation of his next moves.

I bit my lip trying to keep quiet but at the rate his hands were moving it was nearly impossible. I watched as he moved down my body. Undoing my jeans quickly.

I whimpered as Charlie spread my legs apart. Toying with the thin fabric of the panties I was wearing. Feeling myself getting wetter by the second I grasped onto his hair. "Fuck Charlie please" I whined as he began to place kisses up my thighs. Each one a little longer than the last.

"Please what?"

"Don't make me fucking ask again Gillespie. I don't beg" I spoke pulling him harder from his hair. Forcing him to look up at me.

He growled at my actions ripping apart the fabric and tossing it off to the side.

My back arched feeling his slender fingers enter me. A loud moan escaping my lips as he skillfully pumped his fingers in and out of my entrance.

I bit my lip tightly opening my legs wider to give him better access. Only to feel the feeling of pleasure leave my body.

"What the fu-" My words were cut off by Charlie grabbing me by the thighs. Pulling me closer to the edge of the counter.

"Holy shit" I moaned as he dipped his head between my legs to attach himself to my now sensitive cunt. Sucking on it harshly with no hesitation. His tongue moved around so effortlessly. I threw my head back as my fingers entangled into his hair wanting to feel him now more than ever.

"So fucking good" He groaned pulling away to add two fingers. Doubling the satisfaction. My lips parting to slightly as my eyes screwed shut.

"Charlie I'm s-so close" I muttered feeling his fingers spread up. Within seconds he sent me over the edge. Pleasure coursing through my body. I panted loudly attempting to steady my breathing. Watching as Charlie stood up. Lifting his glistening fingers up to his lips sucking off every last drop of cum that coated them. I let out another moan at the sight feeing myself getting turned on again.

"You okay?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me. I giggled seeing his already plump lips swollen.

"Perfectly fine Charles" I spoke wiping off my juices running down his chin with a towel nearby.

"A thousand times better now actually"

"I'm glad to hear you say that baby. Cause I'm not done with you" He whispered holding me firmly by the waist.

"Oh really?" I asked raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"Well unless you wanna wait until tomorrow after our first date"

"First date? Are you asking me out?"

"So what if I am? You got a problem with it y/l/n?"

"Nope. No problem here. Well except for the fact that I'm all dirty and sweaty" I said running my fingers through his messy hair.

"Well that just won't do for my princess will it? Round 2 in the shower?" He questioned making me laugh.

"If you think you can make me cum again then yes" I laughed pulling him into a passionate kiss.

"Oh I know I can" He mumbled into my lips before lifting me off the counter. I giggled as he walked to the bathroom in the back of the trailer. The small confined space making me realize just how hot he actually was. It was. I balanced myself as he put me down to turn on the water. I began to set it at a warm temperature, Listening as Charlie stripped himself of the rest of his clothes from behind me.

"Your so beautiful" Charlie whispered wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

"Mmm you weren't saying that last week"

"I wasn't saying it but I was thinking it" He spoke as I felt something poking me from behind.

"You think about me?" I asked turning around to face him.

"A lot" He responded as I walked backwards. The warm water hitting me from above for a split second before my back hit the cold wall.

"Good" I responded as he pinned me up against the wall.

I huffed as his large hands grabbed me from behind my thighs. Wrapping my legs around his waist. Our make out session getting more heated by the second. Pulling him closer wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of me.

He was quick to line himself up to my entrance. Entering me slowly.

"C-can I move?" He asked after a moment. I nodded thankful he let me adjust to his size.

Within seconds we both were a wreck as he pounded into me. A string of curse words leaving our lips as the warm water fell over us.

I moaned as he hit my g-spot. My legs becoming weaker the faster he moved. I felt familiar knot forming at the pit of my stomach as he let out a noise of disgruntlement.

"Fuck baby I'm almost there"

I nodded along. Not daring to attempt to form any words. Both of us reaching our climax one after the other.

"We should do this again sometime. You know after our date" He grinned placing me down gently.

"I agree" I spoke moving under the water. I sighed contently as his arms wrapped around me from behind. His lips grazing my skin as he place chaste kisses upon it. A small smile forming on my face.

As much as this was the end of our little feud it also a new beginning to a new relationship.

————

Up Next: Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

Sacha Carlson x Reader

Booboo Stewart x Reader

Send in your requests!

[heartcal]

distant; c.h. (pt. ii)

i am so happy that a lot of you liked the first part!!! the feedback i got turned me into a puddle of happiness :^D

i got requests for a part two and so i am delivering!

it is longer than the first (and than i expected it to be), and i do feel like i rushed it so story progression may be moving a bit too fast. nonetheless, i hope this mends the hearts i broke with part one! 🤪

if there are any mistakes, do not hesitate to tell me!

pairing: calum hood x reader

summary: you feel like the relationship is deteriorating because he’s gotten distant. you want to bring it up with him, but how can you when he doesn’t realize something is wrong? and why does it invoke a hurtful argument when you voice your feelings?

warnings: just some swears, that’s about it

genre: angst, fluff

wc: 3,590 words (wOw)

part one | my masterlist!

Adjusting to life without Calum is hard. Seeing the pictures on your wall and your nightstand, along with the photos on your phone, mock you. The obvious thing to do would be to delete the images on your phone and take the pictures down move on, but you cannot bring yourself to do so.

His favorite mug he used when he came over is still in the cupboard, on the highest shelf that you can’t reach, so it stays there, taunting you when you reach for your mug. The magnets he got you when he toured were still on your fridge, holding some documents and reminders. Even the pair of sunglasses he always forgot to take with him sits collecting dust next to the coffee maker.

You need to move on, but all the little things around the house that you can’t get rid of is making it hard.

Days after he walked out, you moped around your apartment. You snacked on some foods but haven’t had full meals. You’re sure your utility bills will be lower than usual this month since you only shower when you start smelling yourself (luckily you were able to work from home), and you tend to stay in your room, so you don’t use much electricity.

Your friends know about what happened – your best friend was worried about you missing their calls and social media messages and came to visit you – but no matter how hard they’ve tried, they can’t get you to come out. Outings get turned down, video or audio calls get rejected, video game invites get ignored, and invitations to visit you get thrown out. They’re worried, you know they are, but you need time to yourself.

But how long will it be before it gets too much? All this time alone could just push you further down the wallowing hole?

It’s week three now. You took some time off from work to work from home due to your state. You didn’t want your coworkers questioning your dark circles and puffy eyes, nor did you have the energy to commute. Now that some time has passed, your boss has called you back in for a meeting (which you just have to sit through and you can head back home).

It feels weird being out in public. Your relationship wasn’t ‘out there’ like the other guys, but it was known to the public. You were worried about fans coming up to you in the street alone, but with Calum, it wasn’t nerve-wracking. So now that you’re on your own, you worry that a fan will walk up to you, knowing that your relationship is over with him, you fear you’ll be chastised for breaking his heart.

After the meeting, you plan to head straight home, wanting nothing but to lay in bed snuggled into your comforter with your laptop playing a random Netflix movie. That is your plan, but it falls through when your phone starts ringing with a familiar name.

It’s Calum.

Sitting in your car, you stare at the device as it continues to ring. Do you answer it? Do you let it ring?

It’s the first time either of you tried contacting the other since the fight. You won’t lie: you did try to text Calum the next day and call him a few days later, but your finger never pressed send either time. The idea of getting ignored weighed heavily on you since it was what initiated the argument.

So with that in mind, you let it ring as you tossed it onto the passenger seat and started your car.

Your phone rang two more times on the drive home, and you ignored those as well, but once you parked in your spot outside your apartment it rang again.

You were annoyed, reaching for it to shut it off entirely, but this time, there was a new name on the screen. Ashton.

You contemplated answering the call. If you answer, you risk Calum being on the line and you’re not interested in talking to him just yet. But maybe it is Ashton, possibly calling to check on you and see how you’re doing. It can’t hurt to answer the phone.

Turning off the ignition, you answer the phone and felt relief when you heard Ashton’s voice.

“Hey,” he sighs out, and you can hear his relief mixed with worry in his tone.

“Hi, Ash,” you smile slightly.

“How have you been?” you hear him moving around as if he was sitting on the couch or in bed.

You inhale, wondering what exactly it is you should say. You cannot say that you’re doing well; it’s a lie whether or not he can see you. Saying that you’re fine would suffice since it’s not an exact ‘good,’ but it’s up on the line of lies with good.

“You know,” you exhale with a shrug of your shoulders, “just hanging in there, I guess.”

It’s silent on his end. You know he wants to say something but he’s holding back. Nerves creep up on you, fearing he’ll bring up what happened and while it’s a good thing to talk to someone, you don’t feel up for it.

“Listen-,” he starts but you cut him off.

“Ashton, if you’re going to bring up what happened a few weeks ago, don’t.”

“All I’m gonna say is, you two need to talk.”

Your eyes shut, stinging as you hold back tears. You mumble his name in an attempt to stop him from continuing, but he continues.

“I don’t know the full extent of what happened since Calum won’t open up—,” another sigh falls from him, “—but whatever did happen, you two need to fix it. Leaving things as they are right now is going to get neither of you anywhere.”

Ashton’s right. He’s absolutely right and you know it. Many questions need asking, and many have been left unanswered. If you two left things as they are right now, it’ll only make it hard to move on. You deserve closure.

“Alright,” you swallow the urge to cry, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“He’s called you today—before I did.”

“I know.”

Ashton’s silent again, and you hear more shuffling as if he’s walking around. His voice lowers, “He’s really not doing well. I don’t even recognize him; I don’t even know if this person is Calum.”

You bite your tongue, wanting to tell Ashton that Calum did this to himself, but you want to end the conversation and head inside.

“I have to go, Ash.”

He hums in response and bids you goodbye. You hang up and step out of your car, your shoulders feeling lighter hearing that Calum is doing terrible and maybe even worse than you.

Once inside your apartment, it hits you. You now have to talk to Calum (you don’t want to lie to Ashton or break a promise with him), and the atmosphere is just like it was three weeks ago.

The candle you had lit at that time has since burned out, but it still sits on the coffee table with a mocking glare from the sunset outside. The weather outside is nice: not many clouds yet the clouds that are there are reflecting the sun’s light, a light pink hue mixed with the harsh yellow.

You sit in the same spot, yet again thinking of what you should say to him.

Why did he act the way he did? Why was he so distant? Why was he dead-set on breaking your heart?

You gathered your thoughts for over an hour. You even wrote down your questions because you don’t want a repeat of last time. However, you weren’t ready to call him.

You made dinner first, wanting a distraction (and some fuel so you can stand your ground) before you had to make the call. You pushed away any intrusive thoughts, thoughts that would make you second guess calling Calum, or that would hurt you entirely. You wanted to be ready, with a strong front and both feet planted firmly on the ground.

However, your plan to call him is gone as your phone rings in the living room. You stand frozen in front of your sink, a sponge in one hand and a dish in the other, as the phone blares the annoying tone.

With a gulp, you put the items down in the sink and then dry your hands off with the tea towel hanging on the handle of the stove. You mutter words of encouragement to yourself as you approach the sound, and you can only hope you keep your resolve.

You grab your phone, and his name brings your nerves straight up. Your thumb shakes over the green button, and you know you have a couple of rings left before it goes to voicemail. You want to be the bigger person and talk to him, and you gain control over your shaky thumb and answer the call.

The phone is at your ear, and before you can give your greeting, he speaks up first.

“Hey,” he breathes out. His voice is soft, hesitant and unsure.

“Hi, Calum,” your tone mirrors his.

He stumbles over his words, not able to form a complete sentence, let alone a word. He has so many things he wants to tell you, but they slip his mind as fast as they enter.

“We need to talk—,”

“Can I come up and talk?” he cuts you off with his request that has your eyes bulging.

“What—you’re here?” you rush towards the window to see if you can look down at the parking lot, trying to find his car in disbelief.

He’s quiet, realizing how weird it was of him to show up unannounced. “Yeah,” his voice is starting to shake, “I’m here.”

Your resolve falls, a wave of emotions starts to fall over you and you bring a hand to cover your mouth.

He hears your breathing change. He knows you’re about to cry and he hates it. “Please, can I come up there? I…I want to fix this.”

Your eyes have tears threatening to spill as you stare blankly out the window. The memory of the last time Calum was here reopens the scars, but if this is going to be the way you get the closure, you’ll do it.

“Door’s unlocked,” you whisper, turning to head for the front door to unlock it.

He thanks you and hangs up, and you only have about two minutes before he’s walking through that door.

Your mind is racing with thoughts of his appearance, and how he will view you. Was Ashton telling the truth when he was describing Calum?

You wanted to prove to him that you were doing better. Your eyes dart to the photos on the wall, and immediately you start for the first one your eyes see.

It’s a photo from the first time you joined him on tour. He was ecstatic, a bright smile on his face as he holds you close to him—practically smooshed up against him—and in the background stood the others, giving a thumbs up. It was his lock screen for months.

The one to the left was a collage. It was a gift given to you and Calum from the tour you joined him entirely on. It had photos of you, of him, and you two together taken by the crew and the rest of the band. Calum had his own, and you recall seeing it hang proudly in the entryway at his place.

Every photo on your wall had a story, a fond memory, and taking them down is painful. You don’t stop the tears from falling as you take down the first two, putting them on the TV stand before reaching for more.

Replaying the memories as you take the frames off the wall, you fail to hear the knocking on the door and eventually the door opening.

Calum stands at the door, watching you take down the photos and he’s happy you don’t notice him yet. It’s a knife in the heart, and each picture you take down twists the knife.

He clears his throat and calls your name, making you jump and abruptly turn towards him. In your hands was a photo he cherished the most: you and him sitting together, on the beach, and he was staring fondly at you while you read a funny portion of the book you were reading. He told you once, that that photo was evidence of him falling for you, that you can see it happening. But with the abrupt turn, it flies out of your hands, the frame cracking and the glass shattering as it hit the edge of the coffee table.

Shit.

“Hi,” you stand shocked as you greet him. That was the last thing you wanted to do with that photo.

“Uh,” he swallows, “hi, um, do you need help?”

You shake your head fervently, “No, no, no. Well, maybe?”

He only nods as you instruct him to grab the broom near the door. He takes the attached dustpan off as you carefully lift the photo from the mess. It’s not damaged, but the sight of it is painful to look at. Placing it on the coffee table, you ask Calum for the broom and for him to hold the dustpan.

It’s silent as you clean, and it’s uncomfortable. The elephant in the room is stomping around and demanding attention. Once it’s clean, you invite him to sit down and offer a drink.

“Just some water,” he tries to offer a smile, but it fails to show.

Calum sits down as you take the dustpan to the kitchen to empty it. He looks around your living room, noting the photos you didn’t take down and the ones you did. The ones that had the most meaning were taken down, leaving odd spaces on the wall between the pictures that are still up.

He hears you coming back and he graciously takes the cup of water from your hand, taking a sip before setting it on the coaster on the coffee table.

You sit on a living chair, one that does not match the couch but you found endearing.

Calum plays with his hands while you play with a loose thread on a throw pillow from the couch.

Not wanting to sit in silence anymore, Calum speaks up, “How have you been?”

A scoff falls out of your mouth before you can stop it. “Really?” you ask, your eyes staying on the pillow, “Let’s not do the small talk, Calum.”

“Right,” he frowns, nodding his head in agreement before it falls silent again.

He has a reason for why he acted the way he did that night. It’s not the best way to approach a situation, but in his mind, that was the easiest.

“Why did you do it?”

Your voice shakes him out of his thoughts. He looks at you, and you’re actively avoiding his eyes by playing with the thread that has come off the pillow from your constant picking.

He sighs, eyes shut as he leans back. “The truth—,” he sits up straight, running his hands down his face, “—I’m sorry. The way I behaved, my actions, words…I regret every single thing.”

His eyes are on you as you slowly lift your eyes towards his. He tries to lock eyes, his pleading ones staring into your stern ones, but you look away.

He continues, “The way my mind worked that night was inexcusable. I had all these thoughts that, in hindsight, weren’t good. But at that time, it was easier for me. I felt that if I hurt you enough, you’d dump me and move on. But I couldn’t bear hearing you say those words, so I did it myself.”

“You’re still not answering the question,” you strain, eyes lifting from the frameless photo on the coffee table to his red ones, “why, Calum?”

The need to lock eyes disappears from him. It pains him, hearing the emotion in your tone and seeing your puffy eyes.

“Calum, you said some pretty hurtful things. You said I was clingy—,”

“I didn’t mean it—,” he cuts you off but you jump right back in.

“I’m not done!” you stand, tossing the pillow onto the chair, “You said I was clingy, said I was overreacting when I was worried about our relationship and ended things instead of talking to me.”

“I—,” he stutters, bring fists to his eyes to stop the onslaught of tears, “—You deserve better.”

“Even if I do, Calum, I want you. Just you.”

His tears slip through and a sob escapes him. His emotions come crashing down with no control over them.

You kneel in front of him, gently grabbing his arms to move his hands away from his face. He doesn’t budge, rather he uses his strength to keep his arms from moving. You sighed, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He shakes his head, a sniffle and a hiccup coming from him as he tries to compose himself.

You want to hug him, knowing that when he gets like this he shuts everyone out. You stand, moving to sit next to him but keeping a safe distance, just enough to rub his back. “Please,” you whisper, “open up.”

He begins to steady his breathing, relaxing as you rub his back. He sniffles a few more times before taking a deep breath, slowly moving his hands away from his face.

“In my mind,” he starts, his voice raspy and just above a whisper, “I thought that me being gone a lot wasn’t fair for you. You either stay at home and wait for me, or you have to take time off work or be able to work from home; I know it takes a lot out of you. I thought you deserved someone who was always here for you, who wasn’t constantly away because it was their job. I was a dick because I wanted you to hate me so the break-up wouldn’t be hard for you.”

“You’re so stupid,” you mutter.

“I know.”

“Calum,” you sigh, leaning back into the couch but keeping your hand on his back, “you’re so selfish. Why did you think that? I want to make decisions in this relationship.”

He sniffles again, biting his lip as he nods his head in understanding.

“You need to be open with me—talk to me, Cal,” you scoot closer to him, your hand moving from his back to his shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze.

He leans into your touch, “I didn’t want to break-up. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I thought that it was what’s best.”

“You were so distant,” you mention, and he turns to look at you, grabbing your free hand with both of his.

“I know I’m distant after tour,” his eyes bore into yours as you bring the hand on his shoulder to land on top of his, “I feel drained and I am so appreciative that you give me space. But during this past tour, I—I just couldn’t face the fact that you’re alone and wait for me. I love you, so much, but I thought someone else can love you more than I can.”

You swallow a sob and lunge forward, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. His arms wrap around your waist and pull you close, his head nestling in between your neck and shoulder as he released more tears. He mumbles multiple apologies into your neck, fisting your shirt in his hands.

You stay holding each other for a while, relishing in each other’s company. Once he’s calmed down enough, he pulls away and holds your face in his hands, wiping away the tear stains and remaining tears.

“I don’t want this relationship to end.”

“I don’t either,” you agree as you rest your hands atop his.

“Will you take me back?” he asks, his red, puffy eyes now devoid of sorrow, rather holding hope.

“As long as you promise to talk to me about how you feel,” you lean your forehead against his with a smile, “if you can promise me that, then yes.”

He mirrors your smile, closing his eyes and moving to touch his lips with yours.

You smile into the kiss and pull away to give him another hug.

“One more thing,” your tone is light as you pull away.

“What’s that?”

“Your shoes—,” you point down at his feet, “—need to be off in here.”

He looks down at his feet and chuckles, “Sorry about that,” he stands and heads to the front door, removing his sneakers before making his way back to you.

You open your arms and he gladly lays into them, the two you spooning on the couch.

“I mean it,” he whispers into your chest, “I love you so much.”

“I’m sorry about the picture,” your apologetic tone makes him lift his head and he looks to where your thumb is pointing.

He shakes his head, “Don’t worry, I know you didn’t mean it.”

You nod, bringing your hand to his head, running it lightly through his hair as you begin to drift off to sleep.

Calum hears your heartbeat slow down, and all the worry from the past three weeks seem to dissipate. He knows all the things he said are going to be hard to forget, and he’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to you if it means he can be yours.

[catwatcha]

Pairing: Chan x Reader

Genre: Angst/fluff/smut

Word count: 2153

Warnings: 18+ smut & cursing & fainting

Authors note: shit goes down in this chapter so eeeeeekkkk

You’re too hard to forget.

It’s been one week without any dreams. I have moments where my eyes are closed and I see flashes of images that look like various hospital rooms. But none of them have Chan. I told Jasey what had happened, I think. Honestly my body felt numb and my head was ringing so I don’t know what exactly I said, but I said enough that she would leave me alone, because I don’t want to think about it.

Unfortunately, it’s all I can think about.

It’s Monday morning again. I walk into school and plaster a smile on my face, knowing that I can take off in just six hours. I can do that, right? Yes, I think. I walk over to Jasey as usual, but stop when I see a familiar face. It’s the boy who I saw outside the coffee shop a couple weeks ago. He seems to recognize me too, because he stares at me with wide eyes. “Uhhh,” I say when I look at him, and thankfully Jasey doesn’t seem to notice and interrupts me. “Y/n! You’re here! This is Minho,” she says, and I can see the blush spread across her cheeks. This is her secret. And apparently, mine too. “I’m Y/n,” I say to him, though I’m looking at my shoes. He hesitates, but introduces himself in a similar way. I silently thank him for not saying anything like, ‘I know you’, or, ‘wait you’re the weirdo who’s friends with my girlfriend?’ We shake hands. He smiles. I smile. And then I turn on my heels, because suddenly I feel dizzy and I’m having flashbacks and if I don’t run, my feet might stay grounded forever, in a state of confusion and shock. “Y/n!” Jasey yells after me, but I keep walking, because I don’t know what else to say. I hear a few whispers behind me, and then I feel a hand gently pulling my arm, stopping my escape plan. I don’t want to turn around in fear of explaining myself to Jasey, but this is worse. The person with a grip on my arm is Minho. I see Jasey on the other side of the courtyard, and she knows something because she’s staying put. Does she know what I told him? Does he even know the depth of what I told him? Right now I don’t care. Because no matter what I told them or told myself, the dreams are gone.

Minho lets go of my arm, but I know he wants to know what’s going on. I speak first. “Sorry, I’m running late and I have English and I’m happy for you and Jasey so anyways I’m gonna get going…” I said. “Y/n, yeah?” he says. I nod, and turn away but he reaches for my arm again. “Wait, I want to talk to you for a minute!” he nods over to a bench, inviting me to sit down. But before I can think, my head is spinning and Minho is there and Jasey is rushing over and there I am. I’m shaking, for reasons I don’t know, and there are so many voices yelling at me from reality as well as from my very own mind. My head hits the concrete, and I pass out.

“I’m okay love.” Chan is in a hospital bed. His hair lies flat, and his skin pale. But he still looks like Chan. My Chan. His eyes shine looking up at me, and his lips form into a smile. I hug him. “Why haven’t I been able to see you?” I ask. It’s been days of waiting, hoping, and wondering if he was okay. They wouldn’t let me in, but I knew I could’ve if he wanted me to. “Why didn’t you let me see you?” I asked as my eyes filled with familiar tears. “Because even though I was hurt, I knew that if you saw me it would hurt you too. And seeing you hurt causes me more pain than anything physical ever could.” I thought about his words, but only for a moment. Because the next thing I know, I’m consumed in a kiss that made my heart stop. I missed him. But he’s okay. It’s us against the world, and I knew nothing would change that. We were back. Chan was going to be okay, and so was I.

I woke up in the nurse’s office. I’ve only been here a few times, usually when I faked a cough to get out of class or when I get migraines. This time though it felt like I was in the middle of some depressing party, held just for me. To my right, Jasey and Minho are standing over me, talking in worried tones. About what, I don’t know. To my left, I see my mom, and that’s when I think this is serious. Then again, She was probably just obligated to be called because of the school phone call I’m sure she received. As if I had pushed some sort of button, the all look at me at the exact same time. Well, I think. This is awkward. Mrs. Amy, our school nurse, is the first to speak. “Y/n, can you hear me? You hit your head pretty hard. Do you want some water?” I shake my head. I don’t want water. I want to go back to bed. Because even though my head is actually pounding, and I’m still a bit nauseous, none of it matters right now. Chan is back. Why now? I look at Minho. He looks at me. When I shook his hand, something felt so familiar. Like he was connected somehow, but no matter. “Thank you.” I say, and I’m smiling like an idiot. He looks at me confused, but I get up and I walk out of the crowded office. And I’m running, because I have so much to do but I have only one place to go right now. I’m going to the coffee shop, and I’m not going to be scared to go in this time. It could be the beginning of the rest of my life if I would just take the extra three steps.

Minho’s P.O.V.

“Minho, I’m so confused right now,” Jasey says to me. “We literally just watched Y/n pass out hard, and then run away like she got a shot of adrenaline.” It was about 9 a.m.now, so I was very late to school. I decided to just skip today in general. This was far more interesting than world history. “I don’t know, Jae. I don’t even know her,” I say. Y/n and I hadn’t even really met that day at the coffee shop. Is this about what she said to me then? I barely remember. I just remember trying to comfort someone who looked a bit shaken up. I never thought she might be broken completely. Maybe this has something to do with that Chan kid? Maybe a breakup, who knows. I love Jasey, but do I have to deal with her friend now? It’s bad enough that Chris is already going through some breakup with a girl he won’t tell me about, and he’s slept at my house every night this week. We play music and he reads and I like that he makes me pizza (that boy can fucking cook, even if it’s just simple things), but I don’t know Y/n. I can’t handle this too. “You should talk to her,” I say to Jasey. “She’s just going through something right now,” she says back, and looks down at her shoes. I think. And then I have a stupid brilliant idea, that could help both me and Jae. We were both so caught up with our friends that we never got much time together. “You know,” I say. “If she’s going through a breakup, I may have an idea. Or even not a breakup, but just rough shit. I know it’s hard and stuff, but I think she should talk to one of my friends. Actually, I think they’d get along really well. They could keep each other company.” I mean, Chris and Y/n. I think they’d be cute. “Calum, that’s never going to happen. I’m sorry baby, but Y/n is taken. I mean, sorta.” She’s laughing, like what I said, it was the dumbest idea in the world. Ouch. “She’ll be okay. I’ll talk to her later,” she says. Oh well. Was worth a shot, if not for Y/n, for Chris at least. I apply her last words to him as well. He’ll be okay. Everything will be fine.

Y/n’s P.O.V.

I’m scared again. Five minutes ago, I told myself to take a deep breath and just walk in. That was after the twenty minutes of standing there, pretending to be on my phone and thinking. I did this so nobody would ask me what’s wrong, like Minho did. Big mistake. But now I’m here and I’m scared. Thinking about Chan always made me feel dizzy because I didn't know what was real and what was a dream. It felt like it had all just become one big blur, dragging myself to and from school, skipping my way to meet Chan and trudging my way to meet Jasey at her place. She knew about the shop, and she knew that I’d never gone in, even though I was there so often. After running out of school this afternoon, she deserved a call from me, at the least. So I called her and went over to her place, and here we are back at the same downtown corner with the smell of coffee and muffins drifting through the air. I was smiling like an idiot, and had told Jasey why I was so adamant about getting out of school. I left out the part about Minho. To me he was just another human on this earth who happened to be dating my best friend, but he had a weird effect on me. I definitely didn’t tell Jasey. She didn’t ask. “Are you ready? Let’s just grab something to go, I’m really thirsty anyways.” I knew I couldn’t stand there like an idiot for any longer. I almost lost Chan once, the worst had already happened. I knew I was ready for anything. I took one last deep breath before bracing myself, and I took my first steps into the nostalgic feeling cafe.

I took in this new feeling, both the physical and mental aspects of it. It was exactly the kind of place that I dreamed of spending hours in, reading books and writing poetry. It had dim lights and a few couches, and wooden tables were scattered around the room. It’s exactly what I knew it would be, aside from a few changes here and there, but I couldn’t help but take it all in with wide eyes. Jasey had left to go order a drink for her and myself, and I went to the table that faces the window, like I had known myself to do many times before, yet never before while conscious. This was a feeling that I was starting to like very fast. At first I couldn’t remember why I was even here, but that was only for a moment. I looked around me, but I saw no sign of a dark haired boy with the eyes that I drowned in every night. There was barely anyone here, actually. I still saw my best friends backside at the counter, waiting for our drinks and striking up a conversation with the barista. A few seats over was a boy who caught my eye.

He had bright blonde hair that was down across his forehead. His shirt was tattered, but in a fashionable way, which he wore with black skinny jeans and dirty black converse. His eyes were piercing right into mine, a dark brown that I wish didn’t scare me as much as they did. I looked down at my hands to see them shaking the smallest bit. There was something about his presence that made me uncomfortable, but at the same time like I belonged even more. He looked out of place, but acted like it didn’t matter. Just like me. I looked up again, surprised to see that he was still staring at me with an unknown emotion in his eyes. He looked confused, almost. He stood up, and I unconsciously held my breath, not knowing why he was walking over to my table. The door was behind me, but he wasn’t looking at the door. He was looking right at me, almost as if he was looking through me. He stood 2 feet from me now at a dead stop. I studied his face, while I’m sure mine had “shock” written all over it.

“Allie?”

[malumsmermaid]

Sweet Dream or a Beautiful Nightmare?

Happy Halloween everyone! This is the halloween event fic for the collab discord!

I chose the prompt of “Person A sells their soul to Person B, a crossroads demon,” for Mashton.

Word Count: 4.6k

Pairing: Demon Michael x Ashton

Description: So I made this an alternate timeline. 5SOS is still 5SOS, but, they don’t really take off until after Ashton is already 18, and Ashton joins the band much earlier than Michael does, for the sake of the prompt and my plans.

Warnings: Demons, mentions of death

Event Masterlist        My Masterlist       Buy Me a Ko-Fi

Ashton took a deep breath, giving the book and bag of supplies sitting in his passenger seat an anxious glance. He’d bought the spell book from a local used bookstore months ago, assuring his two friends that it was just as a joke. This week however, curiosity and desperation took over, leading him to dig through his closet until he found the note-laden spell book, still in the bag it was placed in the day it was purchased. 

He steeled himself, grabbing the book and bag and turning off his car, climbing out and taking sure steps towards the intersection of the streets. He grabbed chalk from the plastic bag, trying not to look too long at the other ingredients for the summoning. He set the book next to him on the ground, shivering as it fell open to the exact page he needed. “Okay Ash,” he breathed, “get yourself together and let’s do it, for the boys. Six guitarists in six months is fucking ridiculous.” 

He dug in the cloth bag for the box of chalk, taking a piece out and walking to the center of the intersection. He kneeled on the pavement, focusing on the crossroads he was at mentally as he drew out the symbol illustrated in the spell book. He knew that Luke, Calum and himself had a great fit for their band, the only thing they were lacking in their balance was the right guitarist. He had a feeling that if they didn’t find another guitarist soon, and if this seventh guitarist wasn’t the missing piece they’d been searching for, the two younger boys may lose hope and give up. He maintained focus on his goal as he meticulously followed the instructions laid out in the book.

Everything completed he took a step back, eyes closed as he focused on what he needed. When he opened his eyes again, there was a cloaked figure in front of him, orange glowing eyes showing from beneath a hood. Ashton stood his ground, even with the lit candles flickering out, staring the orange eyes down as he waited for the crossroads demon to speak. Ashton thought he could make out a smirk on the demon’s lips as he sized up the eighteen year old in front of him.

“Was this just some dare from your friends or do you actually need me for something, kid?” The demon’s voice was low, almost bored.

Ashton squared his shoulders, standing up straighter and sticking his chin out, pushing down even the slightest bit of fear. “I truly believe my band has a good chance of making it in our field, we just are failing desperately at finding the right guitarist.”

The demon blinked, “You’re willing to sell your soul to a demon...for a guitarist. Not the success of the band, just the guitarist.”

Ashton nodded, sighing, “We’ve been through six guitarists in as many months. I’m here for the perfect guitarist for our band. The success will follow from that.”

“Are you sure about that?” the demon asked, fingers fiddling with the large sleeves of the cloak. “This is really what you want to sell your soul for, no little extra guarantee that it will actually work out on top of this guitarist?”

Ashton looked at the ground, silent for a moment, before looking up into the glowing eyes through his fringe, “It really is. I think my bandmates may give up if this next guitarist doesn’t work out, and I don’t want that to happen. Besides, if it had been one of their ideas, I would’ve made sure I was the one to do it. They don’t deserve that.”

“And you do?” The demon retorted, though his voice took on a concerned note.

Ashton paused, eyebrows pulling together before shaking his head. He reached his hand across the sigil he’d drawn in the road, “Do we have a deal?”

The demon took in Ashton’s unwavering position, his refusal to back down, convinced that this was the measure he had to take for his friends. “Deal.” The demon responded, grasping Ashton’s hand in his own. “Guitarist lucky number seven will be at your next rehearsal,” he stated before turning around and getting ready to disappear back into the darkness, “Can’t wait to see how this one turns out.” He muttered to himself.

Ashton gathered what remained of his ingredients, taking them to the car and grabbing his thermos full of water, rinsing the chalk off of the roadway before finally getting back in his car and going home.

~~~~~

Two days later Ashton was setting up his drum kit in Luke’s house. He was anxiously tightening a wing nut to a cymbal when the doorbell rang. Luke frowned, putting his guitar down and going to answer the door. Ashton could hear Luke talking to someone and hummed, continuing his set up. Soon Luke returned, another boy following behind him. “This is Michael,” the blonde started, getting both Ashton and Calum’s attention. “He told me that he heard from a friend that we were looking for another guitarist?”

Luke’s blue eyes were questioning, wondering if his other two bandmates had spoken to anyone about the recent opening. Calum looked just as confused as Luke and Ashton whirred through some excuse he could make up. “I uh, may have mentioned it to one of the people at the barbecue I went to after practice the other night. Didn’t think they’d actually know someone looking for a band though, guess I was wrong.”

Luke simply shrugged and nodded, turning back to Michael, still hanging behind him. Ashton caught the guitarist’s eye and...did he just wink at him? No, he had to have imagined it. Michael’s brown hair fell in his face and he crouched on the floor, pulling his guitar out of the case and tuning it, knowing that the band would need to hear him play before anything was decided.

Ashton finished setting up his kit and took a seat in front of the Hemmings’ Christmas tree. Calum was on one side of him, fidgeting with the shoulders of his tank top, Luke on the other looking at Michael. He’d pulled his guitar strap over his shoulder, guitar hanging on his back as he fidgeted with the strands of his hair before stepping up to Calum’s keyboard. He took a deep breath, calming his nerves before he started playing the opening notes to Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold. He swung his guitar around and began to play. He leaned into the microphone and began singing the lyrics as well and Ashton thought he caught another furtive glance and a smirk from him. 

Luke got to his feet halfway through the song, stopping Michael. “Dude, if you can get along with the three of us as well as you can play guitar, I’d say you’re in. What do you guys think?”

Calum spoke up from his spot, “Yeah, hang out with us some after practice today and same at the next and if we’re all getting along, I’d say it’s going to work out.”

Ashton simply nodded his agreement with the other two boys and got to his feet, going to settle behind his drum set, ready to start practice. Michael was beaming as he moved to the other side of the living room stage, looking at the tabs Luke was showing him for one of the original songs that he wanted to work on today.

~~~~~~~

Michael blended into the group with ease, Ashton and Calum welcoming him in before the first rehearsal with the new guitarist was even over. Ashton brushed off his apprehension about the looks that Michael had been giving him, he was a nice guy and there was no way he could know about the deal the drummer had made. By his third rehearsal, Michael had come up with a name for the group, the other three boys having been struggling with that for a long time, especially with the more pressing issue of keeping a guitarist on the forefront of their minds. 

Soon, 5 Seconds of Summer were posting more videos to Luke’s youtube channel and playing more local shows. With Michael fitting in so well with the group they were now working harder than ever before. After a few months, they finally got a call from a label. They worked out the details with their parents and began touring around the country, and then across the world. 

The years went on and the band’s success continued to grow, multiple albums debuting at number 1 and playing larger and larger venues. During one tour Ashton dyed his hair black, posting a picture in front of a window, captioning it “feeling like a demon again.” Michael was in another room, and he let out a low chuckle when he read the caption, double tapping the photo and carrying on.

It was coming up on ten years since Michael joined the band, ten years since Ashton made a deal with the crossroads demon. He wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate his 28th birthday when it came along, knowing in five months, he would no longer be himself, if he was even still here. They finished recording their sixth album and Ashton went back to Australia for a month, spending time with his family. When he got back to LA in mid-September he began pulling away from his friends, only responding to band related texts immediately, sometimes taking three days to reply to even Calum when he tried to check in. He tried to say that he was working on a second solo album during the lull before they had to start promoting the new record, but he knew that would only hold them off for so long.

By October Ashton’s nightmares of the orange-eyed demon he’d been having from time to time since they met were now nightly. The first week of November he just gave up on sleeping entirely, throat raw from waking up screaming as the cloaked demon dragged him out of bed and down through his bedroom floor into darkness. 

At the end of the week without sleep, Ashton once again found himself spending the whole day sitting on his couch, staring intently at a blank page of his journal. The room grew dark around him as the sun sank in the sky. The last few golden rays travelled through the windows when he recognized the sound of Michael knocking on his door. Before he could get up or even respond to the sound, the door opened, Michael walking straight in. Ashton wearily raised his head, looking at his friend standing in the doorway to the living room. “You look soulless.” Michael said, “Trust me, I would know.”

Ashton shook his head, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning his head on his hands. “What do you need Mike?”

“I know why you’ve been avoiding us, pushing everyone away.”

Ashton let out a dark chuckle. “Sure. Take a guess.” He muttered, keeping his head down.

Michael stepped further into the room, boot stomping on the hardwood. “Ashton. Look at me.”

There was something different to Michael’s voice, and Ashton found himself unable to disobey. He sat up, turning to look at the blonde and gasped. The same glowing orange eyes that had been haunting his nightmares were staring straight at him, coming from Michael’s face. Ashton scrambled backwards until his back was against the far arm of the sofa, the guitar that had been next to him dropping to the floor. Michael frowned, stepping forward, picking up the instrument from the ground, checking it and carefully beginning to tune it again while Ashton searched for words. 

“Y-you!” He choked out, “Get out of Michael!”

The demon sighed, eyes fading back to green as he fiddled with the guitar. He snapped his fingers, turning on some lamps. “Ashton,” he said, voice soft, “I’ve been Michael the whole time, from before you came forth to make the deal to now.”

Ashton shook his head, “So I wasn’t being paranoid about the looks you were giving me when you tried out for the band.”

Michael chuckled, nodding. “I was sort of hoping you’d notice much sooner. I was just drawn in by your confidence that all you needed was a guitarist. And you were right.”

Ashton was still pressed against the arm of the sofa, so Michael stayed where he was, tenderly cradling Ashton’s guitar, letting him set his boundaries, letting him figure out how he felt. Finally, Ashton shifted, actually looking at Michael, no longer pinning himself to the end of the couch. When he spoke, his voice was raw, “It’s just...god, Michael. I’ve trusted you with things I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I’ve been vulnerable with you...I--I’m in fucking love with you.” Ashton’s scoff turned into a disbelieving laugh. “I would fall in love with a demon, makes so much more sense now.”

“Hey now,” Michael said, voice soft as he moved to sit next to Ashton, hand resting on the drummer’s thigh. Ashton didn’t pull away and Michael carried on, “I gave up my original job out of curiosity after we met. The past ten years I’ve spent with you...and the band...I’ve been closer to my old mortal life, old feelings, than I have been in centuries.”

“What do you mean?” Ashton asked, hazel eyes meeting green.

“I mean, I wasn’t always a crossroads demon, if that’s what you’re asking. In my old life I was a travelling minstrel, and one day, I performed the same ceremony you did, summoned the demon who would be my master in order to make a deal.”

Ashton tilted his head, understanding crashing over him and he nodded, curls bouncing. “Did you make the deal you expected me to make? Asking for success and fame?”

Michael chuckled, “No, Ashton, I assumed that’s where you were going because I’ve been a crossroads demon for four hundred years. The number of times I’ve heard that request in the past fifty years alone...it’s not a hard assumption to make.” 

Ashton nodded, quietly waiting to hear Michael’s story. Michael hummed, leaning back into the couch as he began. “It was a festival, celebrating the arrival of spring. We were playing in the market square and a boy caught my eye. I later learned he was the son of the lord and lady of that region and doubted I had much chance. But I had to have him. So, that night, I made a deal and within the next fortnight, I was a regular in his bed. 

His parents knew nothing of the matter and within two years he was married to the daughter of some duchess, but we had an understanding with her. She had little interest in lying with her husband anyway, her heart laid with one of the maids who helped her dress.

Much too soon my time came and I became a demon. I stopped aging, learned my trade, and began my work. I still spent nights with my beloved, but he continued aging, and soon, at least to me, it became clear that he couldn’t keep up with me anymore. I held his hand as he crossed over. He and his wife never had children, even for the sake of appearances, and so their line ended with their deaths. He chose to be reborn, I check in on him once every century, but I always miss when he would be my apparent age. The two times that I caught him in his later years, his soul recognized me for who I was and we had long talks when I came by, but nothing more.”

Ashton stared, nodding as he listened to Michael’s century’s old tale, of who he had been before Ashton was even a thought. “H-have you found him in this century?” He voiced.

Michael chuckled, “Yes, I have. As much as you remind me of him, you aren’t him. No, he’s the man you’ve known as my dad the past few years. Hate that I had to put that sort of spell on him, but I needed a cover. But, like I said, my timing has been off, probably the curse of being a demon, can’t keep up with the man I loved.”

Ashton nodded slowly. “But you know why I can’t tell anyone why I’ve been pulling away. Luke and Calum wouldn’t understand. I...I don’t want to hurt them.”

Michael hummed, pulling Ashton to rest on his chest. “I know, but I have a plan. I’ll get us both out of this. But first you need to get some sleep.”

Ashton wanted to protest, to explain his nightmares, but the warmth of Michael’s body and the song beginning to fill his ears were making his limbs heavy, eyelids drooping.

~~~~~~

Ashton awoke in his dark room, feeling more rested than he had in months. He was dimly aware of the other body in his bed, but opted to continue to lay still, see if sleep would claim him again, unsure how long he had been out. “Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Michael murmured, shifting to face Ashton.

Ashton didn’t jump, he wasn’t as foggy as he would normally expect upon waking up. He still remembered his conversation with Michael before he’d fallen asleep, and he still felt comforted by Michael’s presence, despite now knowing the truth. “How long was I out?” He hummed, turning to look at Michael’s silhouette.

Michael shifted, picking up his phone to check the time. “So it was like almost 7pm when you fell asleep the other night, then all of yesterday, I cleaned up the house by the way, and now it’s 5am the next day. Thought you were gonna wake up a few times during the day, but you just rolled over after mumbling something.”

Ashton blinked as he tried to take that in. He didn’t think that he’d ever slept that long, even at his most jet-lagged or exhausted following a long tour. “Makes sense, it’s been so long since I’ve gotten any sleep, since I’ve slept without any nightmares.”

Michael nodded, tentatively reaching out. Ashton moved closer, letting Michael place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Looked up tickets, got us a flight home tomorrow afternoon, figured you’d be awake by then. Do you wanna get Luke and Calum together for lunch or dinner today and just have a boy’s night, have a heart to heart?”

“But we can’t really tell them all of it, can we?”

“Up to you, I don’t mind them knowing, my plan includes shrugging off my old job, getting rid of these guys.”

Even knowing the truth, the sight of Michael’s glowing orange eyes still made Ashton flinch. “Let’s just plan getting together today, and decide what we’re going to tell them when we get there. I’m going to go do some yoga, stretch out after being in bed so long.” Ashton got out of bed after Michael nodded, stretching out his back as he walked around the bed. “How about dinner? Then we can come back here and talk more.”

Michael agreed, “I’ll send them a text later to get everything planned, doubt they’d appreciate a 5am text.”

~~~~~~

Ashton ended up deciding against telling Luke and Calum the full story, since it sounded like Michael was planning on no longer being a demon by the end of the week, and he still wasn’t sure he wanted to explain how Michael had really become part of the band, by Ashton making a deal with the demon. They’d been nothing but supportive, reminding him that they’re always there if he needs to talk. Michael was sitting next to him, occasionally giving him gentle touches and reassuring looks as he explained some of what he’d been going through. 

Ashton slept the whole flight back to Australia the next day, only waking during a spot of turbulence to find Michael had rested his head on Ashton’s shoulder, also asleep. Once they’d landed, Michael rented a car and they went to get dinner before checking into the hotel. “Let’s get some rest,” Michael said after he set his bag down, taking a seat on the bed. “Then tomorrow night we’ll go back to where we first met and get this reversed, neither of us will have anything to worry about anymore.”

Ashton nodded, and both men took turns getting ready for bed. There were two beds in the room, but Ashton looked over at Michael anxiously. “Can I sleep next to you? I...I don’t want to be alone in a bed again.”

Michael nodded and Ashton flipped off the lamp by the bed he’d originally claimed, crawling in next to Michael. He moved close to him, scared to be touching him, still not entirely sure where they stood. Michael however, closed the distance after he turned off the lamp, pressing his body closer and throwing an arm over Ashton’s shoulder.

The pair slept soundly through the night, spending the day laying low, having lunch and dinner out at quieter local cafes. As the last rays of sunlight disappeared below the horizon, full moon rising higher in the sky, Michael drove out to the crossroads where Ashton had summoned him just a month shy of ten years ago. He pulled over, reaching into the backseat for the bag he’d brought with him. Ashton followed him to the center of the intersection, watching as Michael began the summoning ceremony Ashton had followed, but in reverse order. The asphalt swallowed up the ingredients as Michael threw them down, the demon chanting in an ancient language as he circled the ground. He traced glowing orange runes into the road. 

Once there was a glowing circle surrounding the runes, Michael stepped back, arms open wide as he continued chanting, Ashton hesitantly stepping forward to stand at his side. Michael fell silent as before them appeared a figure far more terrifying than anything Ashton’s nightmares had conjured. Ashton was petrified, rooted to the spot. Michael gave him a glance before looking back at the entity before them. “Hey Cain, been a minute. Could you do human form, for the sake of my best friend here?”

The figure began to shrink, swirling shadows of dark fog turning to flesh and animal skin clothing, terrifying features morphing to human. “Cain?” Ashton squeaked, “Like Cain and Abel, Cain? Like…”

Michael simply nodded, “Told him about 150 years ago that he owed me a massive favor, now I’m cashing in.”

Cain snorted, now fully human, leaning on a wooden club. “I have existed for millenia, young minstrel, that may as well have been yesterday.”

Michael simply rolled his eyes, carrying on. “Look, you owe me big time and that’s what matters. Ash owes me his soul and his day is coming up, but I don’t want it anymore. I’ve spent the last ten years with Ashton and our bandmates and I’ve been more in touch with my mortal side than I’ve been since my beloved died the first time. After watching him die that first time, and then several times after that, I’m done. I have a new love and I can’t go through that again, watch him age and die. And none of that redemption myth stuff that goes around. I want to be mortal, I want to grow old for the first time in my entire existence, and I want to do that with Ashton.”

Ashton blinked, staring at Michael before he turned to look at Cain, who was deep in thought over Michael’s request. “That definitely is well within your right to request, and fills my debt to you without leaving you in debt to me...well thought out, minstrel.”

Michael’s face remained neutral and Cain held his hands out on either side of him. In his right hand, a scroll with what Ashton recognized as his signature at the bottom, in his left, a glowing ball of light. Cain released the ball of light, which began to float toward Michael as the scroll tore in two and burst into flame. “The deal is complete.” Cain stated, disappearing into shadow as the ball of light reached Michael, floating into his chest.

As soon as the light touched Michael’s chest, he collapsed onto the pavement, Ashton gasping and rushing to his side. Shadows poured from Michael’s eyes, nose, mouth and ears, sinking into the ground. Ashton crouched on the road, holding Michael’s head in his lap as the last of the shadows trickled out and faded away. The blonde’s eyelids slowly fluttered, finally blinking open fully. Ashton stared down at him, an extra glimmer of life showing in Michael’s green eyes that Ashton didn’t think he’d ever seen before. “Ash,” Michael croaked, trying to push himself up, but Ashton firmly pushed his shoulders back down.

“You just got blasted back by that bright thing, you need to chill for a moment.” He stated, hands staying on Michael’s shoulders.

Michael remained still, smiling up at Ashton. “It was my soul, my original soul, the one I signed over,” Michael whispered, “I can feel it.” He paused, then his eyes widened, “Do I look fucking ancient now?” He gasped.

Ashton chuckled, shaking his head, “No, you look like Michael, the same Michael I’ve known for the past ten years, just a little more soul behind your eyes.”

Michael rolled his eyes at the joke before looking up at the stars. “I meant it, when I said I wanted to grow old with you.”

“I know. I do too, I’m glad we have that option now.”

Michael smiled and they sat there quietly until Ashton felt that Michael had recovered, finally getting to their feet and driving back to the hotel. They spent the rest of the week in Australia, Cain’s deal hadn’t undone Michael’s spell on his parents, and both he and Ashton were glad of that, visiting with both their families while they were there. 

Once they were back in LA, Michael began moving his things into Ashton’s house. They had dinner with Luke and Calum, and the other two men could tell that something had changed between their friends, but didn’t push it. They knew that they’d be told when Michael and Ashton were ready.

Months later, Michael and Ashton were in their garden, sitting around the fire pit. They’d told Calum and Luke about their relationship at New Years, to which Luke yelled “Finally!” They’d all laughed and hugged before staring into the sky as fireworks exploded across the city, well ahead of midnight. 

Tonight was the last night of peace before they were set to go back into the studio. Ashton cuddled closer to Michael on the bench, lazily poking at the burning logs with the hook. “Y’know,” he whispered, “I feel like, if we were both human the whole time we’ve known each other, I’d still offer you my soul.”

Michael glanced at him, green eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Ashton giggled, dropping the metal rod to the grass and leaning up and giving Michael a kiss.

“Like in the I’m totally in love with you way, you worry wart.” He said. “I trust you with my heart and every bit of my being. I know that you won’t hurt me.”

Michael hummed, smiling at Ashton, watching the flames dance in his hazel eyes. “You know what?” He said after a couple of minutes, “I’d give you my soul too.” Michael tore his gaze from Ashton for a moment, sticking his skewer into the flames, watching the marshmallow goo that was still stuck to the metal blacken and drip into the fire. “Feels a lot better this way.” He observed, “With my first love I signed over my soul to get it, but to you, I’d give it freely.”

“That’s how it’s supposed to be.” Ashton whispered.

Michael nodded, dipping his head for another kiss. “I love you Ashton Irwin.”

“And I you, Michael Clifford.”

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[calpops]

oooooooooooohhh evie this is so exciting!! what about first kiss with enemies-to-lovers!cal??

I kinda ran away with this one. Hope y’all enjoy. Word count: 1.5k

You didn’t know how you ended up on a walk home with Calum; one of few people who could undoubtedly get under your skin and push all the wrong buttons. You didn’t remember when your disdain for him had grown, you didn’t even remember why. There had just always been an air of negativity—something that dug into you and wouldn’t let go. You surmised that maybe it had something to do with his cocky grins, the questions he asked and the responses he gave; a sharp wit matched with a sharp tongue giving you more than enough to verbally spar with. And you had—plenty of times. Usually during run ins where mutual friends brought you together. House parties where you’d comment on the music and he always had the exact opposite opinion. Where girls had lustful and longing eyes wandering after his every move and guys kept you distracted from the slights you felt towards him. But walking home with him was different.

The change in atmosphere from overcrowded, overly loud and overwhelming to silent and almost serene struck a contrast you couldn’t ignore. He was calm, less jaded and more settled. Occasionally you bumped shoulders, a narrow sidewalk keeping you close together. You moved away on instinct, automatically shifting to create space between you once more. Only once did you glance toward Calum to see a smirk painted across his face, a confidence you couldn’t replicate and never saw anywhere else keeping his shoulders squared and jaw set. You rolled your eyes, a small breath escaping you and colliding into the cool night air. It was Calum who turned next; eyes curious and too confident to waver as you caught his gaze.

“What?” He asked, voice sure and strong around one syllable. You shook your head to feign uncertainty at his question, wanting to make him explain himself and his one worded question. “What’s wrong? Why are you huffing?”

You pursed your lips, not at all surprised he’d call you out in such a bold way. If there was one thing about Calum’s attitude that you could almost appreciate it was his way of always meaning what he said and saying what he meant. You rolled your shoulders back and let out another breath; perhaps to collect yourself and your thoughts but more likely to annoy him further, keep him curious and waiting.

“It’s nothing,” you said, catching the hitch in your pitch and grimacing, your tell of lying shining through. Calum gave you a doubtful look. “It’s just—why are you even walking me home?”

You decided aversion and changing the subject would be best, unsure that you would even be able to put into words the reason for your attitude. In retrospect you knew he had done almost nothing to annoy you that night. Just one smirk was enough to get you riled up, and maybe, just maybe, that was on you. Not him.

“It’s late. Dark. Excuse me for caring and being a gentleman.”

You laughed dryly. “You do not care about me.”

Calum shrugged that off with an incredulous look. “Sure I do. What gave you that impression?”

His admittance and question stopped you in your tracks, deadpan yet confused. Calum was a few steps ahead of you, not stopping to accommodate your confusion—because of course he wouldn’t—when you finally shook yourself and took long strides to catch up to him. Your brow furrowed and fingers curled into your palms. There was a beat of pause while you reconciled with his words; unsure if he meant them or said them just to get a reaction out of you. But his eyes didn’t linger like usual when in a moment of heated debate and button pushing. He did not smirk or raise an eyebrow in challenge. He simply said the words and kept moving; said the words as if they were easy to admit.

“Since when?” You finally managed to get out; thoughts tumbling into one another, forming chaos and uncertainties you couldn’t deal with on a moment’s notice.

Calum shrugged, shoulders hitching and dropping in a quick burst as he kept moving forward; your apartment complex coming into view just up the sidewalk a piece.

“Does it matter?” He challenged, tone firm and steely. He stopped and it took everything in you not to be petty and keep walking as he had done moments earlier. You prided yourself on being the bigger person and stalling your steps.

“Yes.”

Your one worded answer had him laughing. It wasn’t the same kind of laugh you usually heard from him; not the dry humorless kind that spilled from him when he disagreed with your music taste. Nor the over exaggerated guffaw when your date of the night said something even you found outlandish. This laugh was tamer, more genuine and reserved. Less laughing at you and more laughing because of you. Not with you; not quite.

“Why is that so funny?” You asked, irritation building though it was hard to muster when his laughter was light and airy and begged for a giggle or two of your own to join him.

He shrugged again and it took every ounce of effort not to roll your eyes. “I’ve always cared about you. Don’t agree with you ninety percent of the time. I think your tastes in music and movies and men are trash, but it doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Calum started walking again, but his steps were small and he threw you a look as if asking if you were following. Following his movement and his words. It took a moment to process; memories flashing in quick replays. How Calum would linger to make sure your dates behaved, the quickness in which he had snatched a cup out of your hand and told you to never leave your drinks unattended, the questions he’d asked always prompting true colors from people. It hit you hard and fast. All those instances turning cockiness to caring. Flipping switches of annoyance to gratitude.

You bit your lip as you scurried to match his new pace. “Would my taste be so awful if I said I might somehow weirdly care for you too?”

“There’s always exceptions to the rules,” he grinned and for one of the first times you found it to be endearing; less conceited and more joking. “This is your stop, right?”

You nodded as the old brick building bore down on you. Your eyes flickered from an escape to a risk. From home to unknown territories.

“Yeah. Thanks for walking me home,” you said, the words foreign on your tongue in such a context and to Calum himself.

You shifted, unsure what your next move should be. Walking away and leaving all these new discoveries behind; left to the night where shadows were the only witnesses, or to dive headfirst into them. Calum was still, waiting for you, waiting with a welcoming presence you’d never picked up on before. You closed the distance between you, placed a small peck to his cheek and felt the warmth washing through him against the cold night on your lips.

“G’night, Calum,” you said in a whisper laced with disbelief.

You weren’t sure you could admit it at that moment, still too riled up and confused, but the small form of affection felt right. You were mid turn, about to make your way up to the building but Calum’s hand gently caught hold of yours, spun you back around. His eyes searched yours, body leaning in slowly, waiting for a type of permission. You nodded your head minutely, eyes fluttering shut as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. It was momentary, soft and gentle, easy yet alarming. Your entire body was ablaze, goosebumps rising on your arms as they came to wrap around the back of his neck, stood on tiptoes as you sought to deepen the kiss. Your mind was hazy, filled with what the hell’s and why the hell not’s. You weren’t sure how long it lasted and once you broke apart you weren’t sure it would ever happen again.

“That’s how you say goodnight,” Calum chided in a light tone; those giggles you’d suppressed from earlier finding way to the surface.

“You always have to one up me, huh?”

He merely nodded, tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and shifted to break the hold you had on him. You let him go, still unsure what exactly happened, why it happened and what it all meant. The only thing you did know for sure was that for once you actually looked forward to seeing Calum again.

***

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[cals-sunflower]

the garden (c.h)

Summary: the reader is the princess that prince calum has been promised at birth to be married to when of age. you then actually start to fall in love without knowing it.

——————————————————————————

every royal has a thing that helps them to escape even if it’s just for a moment. being a princess yourself, you know that things aren’t always the best when it comes to your royalty duties. your escape was the garden that your family has. you loved reading your books surrounded by gorgeous flowers and under the sun or even moonlight. it was the fact that nobody ever bothered you and you liked that.

“y/n, you know now that you’re of age it’s time for you to be queen and run a kingdom with prince calum,” your mother spoke as she stood behind you and brushed your hair. you nodded and gave her a tight lipped smile.

“yes mother, i know. but must it be necessary for me to move away from my home? can’t he just move here?” you were sort of in distress knowing that you have to leave pretty much everything and having it all go to your older brother.

your mother sighed and stopped brushing your hair to lay her hands on your shoulder. “no it does not work like that. you know this kingdom is already promised to your brother. stop asking such silly questions, you are to be queen with prince calum and rule over his kingdom with him. now please get ready to pack up for the trip in 3 days,” she puts your brush down and walks out of your room without another word.

your lady in waiting emma, knocks on your door before walking in. to you, she wasn’t just your lady in waiting but your best friend that you could always seek comfort in. you guys were never so formal around each other which was definitely a plus.

“hey y/n, what do you think you want to pack?” she knows not to push you but she always knows your mother would be pissed off if you guys didn’t start packing. you looked at her and shrugged your shoulders as your eyes started to water.

“oh honey come here,” she held her arms out for you to hug her. you embrace her and let your tears go. you found it unfair that you’re suppose to be married to someone you didn’t even know. that you didn’t even love. “it’s okay, i promise i’m going to be right with you. even though i don’t have much of a choice,” you let out a small hearty laugh at her attempt to make you smile which was working.

the moment your brother walked into your room was the exact moment everything felt even worse. “would you stop being a fucking crybaby? it’s not that serious really. so glad you’re not going to be around here anymore,” his shoulders shook with laughter.

“get out right now. leave me alone, i’m not in the mood to deal with your shit mason,” you stood up, pushed him out of the door and slammed it in his face before he got a chance to say anything else. you and mason used to be close as children but that changed when he found out he was to be ruler of the kingdom. you often wondered how things would be different if he wasn’t an ass to you.

—

in three days, your mother and father made sure you were ready to be with your fiancé. the goodbye was hard as it was because you had your last few moments in your garden just siting on the grass. it was crazy how your parents didn’t want to come with you. it felt like they were happy you were going away.

you and emma arrived at the castle in just a few hours. you could feel your breathing almost come to a stop but emma grabbed your hand and squeezed it to let you know you certainly wasn’t alone. someone was there to open the carriage door and helps you both out of the carriage. the queen, king and of course prince was right there to greet you guys at the castle entrance.

“it is an honor to meet you all,” you curtsied because it was what a princess should do. the queen mirrored your act while both the king and prince bowed. “the pleasure is all ours princess y/n. where might your parents be?” you felt slightly embarrassed by the king’s question.

“they did not feel it was necessary to come with me. as they are also getting ready to help my brother rule our kingdom. but this is my lady in waiting emma,” you introduced emma to the three. they nodded and greeted her as well.

“my son will be showing you both to your sleeping quarters. isn’t that right calum,” his mother turned to look at him. “yes, right this way ladies,” you and emma followed calum through the castle. he stops at where your room was at and was quick to turn to you.

“look i don’t really give a fuck about this but for the sake of my parents i’m trying. so please, just stay the hell away when possible. i don’t need to deal with a stuck up princess like you,” with that he walked away. he didn’t even know you but was quick to assume your character. it was something you didn’t look forward too.

you walked into the beautiful room decorated with all kinds of paintings on the wall with the gold ascent trimming. “yikes, i thought he was going to be nicer,” you looked at emma with a blank look.

“em he’s such an asshole! i am not a ‘stuck up princess’ hell i don’t even really want to marry him,” emma laughs at your huffing and pacing. “em this is not a laughing matter, can’t you see i’m ranting here!” you wave your arm dramatically and flop on your bed.

a knock on the door made you pause before saying a quick come in. to your surprise the queen was there in front of you. “y/n there is to be a ball tonight to celebrate you and calum coming together. but don’t worry about a dress, i had the tailors make you some dresses in different colors. i need you and calum to go work out what you guys want to wear,” with a single nod of your head, you followed her to where the prince was.

“there’s the beautiful princess! nice to meet you, i’m olivia and i’ll be helping you and calum pick out your outfits,” you smiled brightly at her feeling welcomed by her presence.

you ran your hands against the dresses with the various colors and styles. “what color were you thinking calum?” he looked over not only the suits but the dresses too. he couldn’t help but to think about how you’d look beautiful in any of the dresses. “calum?” you questioned him seeing as he was in some sort of daze.

“i think the emerald green looks great but i’m okay with anything if that’s not what you want,” he looked over at you as you pulled the green dress to view it. it was a gorgeous satin that had spaghetti straps with a slight v-neck and a high side slit. “i love it! olivia this dress is so beautiful. thank you so much,” you hugged the girl overly happy to wear the dress.

“great choice, you’re gonna look stunning! i’ll make sure of it,” she patted your back and ushered you to start getting ready.

—

calum hadn’t seen you since picking out the suit and dress but he was nervous. he felt bad that he judged you without really getting to know you. he was dressed in black slacks, an emerald green satin button up paired with black red bottom shoes. leaving at least three buttons open like he always.

the ball was in full swing and it just a matter of time before they announced you to everyone. to say you were nervous was an understatement. the only person you knew was emma and even she wasn’t going to around you for the entirety. you had to be with calum for basically the whole night. you wished you were in your garden, at least then you’d have calmed nerves.

“now announcing princess y/n,” you give a shy smile and wave as you walked down the stairs to meet calum. his eyes widened looking at you in your full beauty. your hair layed flat over your shoulders. light green makeup on your eyelids with your clear lip gloss. you could the applause from everyone in the room who was dying to see you and calum together. your hand meets his and he helps you down the last two steps. everyone goes back into their own conversations and you let calum guide you wherever.

he leans to your ear and you could feel his breath on the back of your neck. “you look absolutely gorgeous princess,” you give a tight smile.

“you don’t look too bad yourself asshole. yeah, i didn’t forget how you were rude to me earlier,” he stops the two of you from walk. “i’m sorry about that, it was way out of line to do that. i hope you can forgive me?” you nodded.

“yeah, i guess could. but i get to have your dessert tonight,” you pointed your finger at him jokingly. he lets out a small chuckle. “that’s a shame, i was hoping to have you for dessert,” you hit his arm and he wraps his around your waist to bring you over to his friends.

“y/n these are my friends michael, ashton, and luke. guys this is y/n” you immediately pulled ashton in for a hug being excited that you haven’t seen him since the winter ball your parents threw.

“how are you doing ash? i missed you,” you let go of his shoulders and smiled. “doing good y/n, it’s great to see you again. you look beautiful,” the other boys stood there and looked at each other confused. calum felt sort of upset but it wasn’t really his place to be upset in any way.

“we met at the winter ball two years ago that my parent threw. just haven’t been able to be in contact with him. plus, ash you didn’t tell me you knew calum,” you turned to the black haired boy. “and somehow that’s my fault i didn’t know calum was going to marry you,” you both laughed it off still leaving the other boys standing there awkwardly.

“well boys i’m off to catch a drink and be with em,” you waved and walked away. they make sure you’re completely out of earshot before talking about you.

“dude, you’re so lucky! she’s known to be one of nicest princesses ever and you get to marry her,” luke brought his eyes over to calum. “guys she’s really is pretty and i still feel bad i was a dick to her when we first met,” calum was embarrassed to even say. he doesn’t know you at all but yet had the audacity to judge you. you could’ve did the same thing assuming he was one of those princes that do whatever they pleased and whoever they pleased.

“i don’t know man but don’t let her slip through your fingers. she’s better than any of these other empty headed princess,” michael patted his shoulder.

—

in the last couple months you and calum have been closer. you rode horses together, watched tv, ate dinner with just the two of you and even chased each other around the castle. his mother and father where delighted to see your relationship bloom. you were excited to see that they did in fact have a garden. you arose early in the morning with your silk pajamas brushed your teeth, put your hair in a ponytail, grabbed a book you were currently reading and head down to the garden. nobody saw you which was perfect for you.

you take a seat on the grass with your back against the bench and start reading your book. the sun barely out and it was a breath of fresh air.

“hey em, do you know where y/n is? i haven’t seen her all morning and it’s lunchtime now,” emma shook her head at calum. “do you have a garden? if so, check there first! she loves being able to distant herself for a while,” he thanked her and went to the garden. there he found you sleeping on the grass in your pajamas and your book in hand. he felt his chest retract looking at you. still as gorgeous as ever.

“hey doll, it’s time to wake up,” he shook you to wake you up. you mumbled a no and turned over making calum chuckle before he gently grabbed you into his arms to carry you. “cal, leave me be please,” you whined really just wanting to go back to sleep.

“it’s lunchtime, you have to eat something then we can go back to sleep,” he stopped walking letting you fully open your eyes. “okay fine but does this mean we get to cuddle?” he smiled and nodded before putting you down.

“anything for you babe,” he kissed your temple and grabbed your free hand to walk back inside. you had gotten used to him calling you all sorts of pet names and you loved it. you guys weren’t really together, promised at birth or not. calum’s mother wanted you to be comfortable and if it wasn’t with her son, she was okay with it. she loved seeing you two together and she noticed the change between you.

“last one there is a rotten egg,” you take off sprinting to the dinning room dropping your book on the ground. calum was too quick for you and caught up with you in last then a minute. he scooped you up into his arms from behind making you squeal. “gotcha princess, you’re too slow for me,” he presses kisses all over your cheek and neck.

“cal stop that tickles,” you try pushing him away but much to your dismay it didn’t work. “should’ve never told me, now i shall never stop,” playfully he continues which makes the pair of you laugh even more.

-

it was december when your mother and brother came to visit. the holiday season was your favorite because of all the christmas lights and the winter air. you and calum were hosting a children’s event where you guys gave toys to all the children in the land. as you were handing gifts to all the kids you noticed a little girl who seemed to be shy and stood in the very back. you grabbed a couple of gifts for her that you thought she’d like and mumbled to calum that you’d be right back. he watched as you walked away and his heart swooned seeing you bend down to the girls height.

“and what’s your name sweet girl? i hope you don’t mind but i brought some gifts for you,” you whispered not wanting to really frighten her. “my name’s aaliyah and i’m six years old,” she waved a little at you.

“well it’s a pleasure to meet you aaliyah, i’m y/n and is it okay if we open your gifts together,” she nodded and you sat down place her in your lap. you didn’t mind the fact that your dress was on the ground, what mattered was making sure the girl knew she mattered and was loved.

it didn’t take long for you two to start laughing with each other and playing with her dolls. “i like your tiara ! it looks pretty on you,” she was now facing you and placed her hands on it.

“yeah? i think it’d look even better on you,” you gently take the tiara off and placed it on her head making her smile. “see you look gorgeous! now you’re a princess just like me,” she wraps arms around your neck and hugs you. calum catches your eyes and in that moment he just knew he was in love with you.

the event was long over and you had actually given aaliyah your tiara. you’re mother scolded you for it but you waved her off. clearly not caring you were now one tiara short over the many more you had in the closet.

“so y/n, i see you’re less bitchy which is great because now you’re not so uptight. did calum fuck the attitude out of you?” the way mason spoke to you made you livid. he doesn’t even act like your brother anymore just some arrogant piece of shit. before anyone knew it, you raised your hand and slapped him.

“you have some kind of fucking nerve. stop talking to me like i’m a doormat to be walked over. i’ve had enough of you-“ your mother was quick to cut you off with a stop. you were now even more angry, “no fuck that and fuck you. you never stand up for me when clearly that son of a bitch starts with me. i dont care anymore because this is the last straw. mason keep my name out of your fucking mouth or so help me i will not hesitate to stab you myself. now goodbye,” you hastily make it out of the room leaving everyone stunned.

calum clears his throat before mumbling a quick i should go check on her. the silence was nerve racking for everyone. no one knew what to say after your outburst but it was long overdue. he knew where to find you, the only place you go to escape. the garden.

you layed on the bench with your hand leaning down to run your finger tips on the grass. calum just walked over picking your legs up gently and sitting down, putting your legs in his lap. “are you okay love?” he rubbed small circle like patterns on your leg waiting for you to talk or not that was perfectly fine for him. you sat up and shook your head.

“no, hold me?” he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you holding you tightly. he felt like it was the right time to tell you how he felt but was scared of how you would react. “y/n, i’m in love with you. i have been for quite some time now i guess but tonight seeing how you interacted with aaliyah made me realize just how much i love you. i love your confidence, selflessness, and bubbly personality. i love the way you smile when you do things you love like come to the garden to read a book. just everything about you makes my heart happy. you don’t have to tell me anything because i know it’s weird timing to confess my love for you but i couldn’t go on another day without telling you how i feel,” you could feel your eyes watering as you removed yourself from his arms to face him fully.

“calum thomas hood i love you more than you ever know. though you were a bit of an asshole at first but it’s okay because your my asshole,” you paused for a second. “wait that didn’t sound right,” he chuckled and wiped away the single tear that fell to your face.

“that’s alright i know what you meant silly girl,” both hands now on your face, he kissed you and gladly you returned it. it wasn’t rushed or fast but the perfect slow kiss. you were the first one to pull for air placing your forehead on his.

“hey,” you humed in reply simply enjoying the moment. “i love you,” he smiled even harder. “hm turns out i love you just as much,” calum pulls you into a hug and keeps you there. you weren’t stressed about anything that happened just minutes. you didn’t care anymore, the love of your life was holding you in the very place you loved to be in the most.



[calumance]

Can I request something with dad cal and baby boy hood where you guys have another baby (can it be a boy because cal with two boys and mom being the only girl atm just melts me) and he’s a bit iffy about sharing you two and slips up a few times resulting in you two having to console him and talk to him sternly (which rarely happens bc the kid is always a sweet angel) but he eventually does come around and is just the best big brother to him 😆

I GOT CARRIED AWAY, SORRY. I’m not sorry this was so cute. 🥰🥰🥰

        Nine months went by insanely fast, but you were more than excited to bring your second child into the world. Calum sat at your side, holding onto his second born son. This one looking more like you than Aiden. Through your exhaustion, you lifted your hand and high fived Calum. Calum laughed and looked back down at the precious little boy peacefully sleeping in his swaddle. “So, Logan, huh?” You nod and push yourself up on the bed. “I love it.” Calum switched his focus over to you and pressed a loving kiss to your lips.

        Just as Calum handed Logan back to you so he could feed, Joy and David came into the room. Aiden was holding onto Joy’s hand with one hand and the other one nervously touching his lips. Aiden turned six a couple weeks ago, and had told you and Calum how excited he was to be a big brother, but the look he gave you as Logan latched told you he was no longer so excited. You chuckled and reached a hand out for Aiden. “Do you want to come up and see your new brother?” Aiden hesitated and looked up at Calum. After a second he nodded and Calum reached down and lifted Aiden onto the edge of the hospital bed.

        Aiden craned his neck and looked at the little boy quietly suckling to get some food. His face didn’t change, except for his eyes which were no longer interested in the baby, but locked on you. “His name is Logan.” Calum said, pulling Aiden’s attention back to him.

        Aiden didn’t seem to care, he just turned his attention back to you and stared at you. You reached your hand out towards him, keeping your other hand under Logan. The back of your fingers ran down Aiden’s soft cheek and Aiden lunged forward, “I want to cuddle with you now, mommy.”

        As Aiden pushed his way into your side, you wrapped your free hand around Aiden’s head. “Baby, we can cuddle in a little bit, you have to let your brother eat.” Aiden started to cry and you looked at Calum, pulling your eyebrows together. Calum returned the look then turned back to his parents.

        “Aiden, why don’t we let your mom feed Logan, and we’ll go get some ice cream.” Joy stepped forward and grabbed Aiden away from your side. Aiden wrapped himself around his grandma and continued to cry as they walked out of the room.

        Calum looked at you with the exact same confused look on his face as you had. “What was that about?” He asked and you shrugged.

**

        Joy and David kept Aiden until you and Calum were released from the hospital. Calum had called his mom once you had gotten home and gotten comfortable. As you lowered Logan into the bouncer, there was a knock on the door and Joy opened the door and called out. “We’re in here,” Calum called back, turning away from tucking the blanket around Logan and turning the soft music on.

        Aiden came jogging into the room but skidded to a halt when he saw you and Calum surrounding the baby who was starting to make soft whining noises. You turned to him and smiled a wide smile. “Hi baby!” You exclaimed as you opened your arms. Aiden ran over to you and threw himself against you, wrapping his small arms around you. You hugged him tightly and kissed the side of his head. “I missed you, did you miss me?” Aiden nodded against your shoulder and you shook him, causing him to giggle.

        Just as Aiden’s giggles calmed, Logan started crying. You turned around and looked at the time, you hadn’t fed him in a while. Calum saw the time and grabbed Aiden so you could stand and grab Logan out of the bouncer. Aiden started kicking and screaming against Calum as he took him away from you. Calum took Aiden out of the room and tried to distract him. Once they were gone, Joy helped you with the cover and sat next to you on the couch as you fed Logan. “Was Aiden acting weird the past few days as he stayed with you?”

        Joy shook her head, “No, he kept telling us that he was excited to be a big brother.” She shrugged and put her hand on your shoulder.

        Just as you finished feeding Logan, Calum came back into the room, Aiden sitting on his hip and his head on his shoulder. Calum put Aiden back on the ground and he immediately wrapped himself around your legs. You looked down for a second and then carefully passed Logan over to Calum. Once Calum securely had Logan, you bent over and picked Aiden up, setting him on your hip. “I love you, mama.” Aiden mumbled into the crook of your neck.

        “I love you too, baby.” You said as you rubbed his back.

**

        Later in the evening after Joy and David had left to go back to their hotel, you turned on the TV and made yourself comfortable on the couch. You set Logan on your chest and kissed his tiny head. Calum was reclined in the big chair, with Aiden cuddled up against his side. After a while of holding onto Logan and mindlessly watching TV, you decided to get up and make yourself a snack. “Cal, do you mind holding Logan while I go make a snack?”

        “Of course.” He said, lifting both of his arms, prepared to carefully take Logan out of your arms. As you were just about to hand the sleeping baby over, Aiden sat up and pushed your hands away, a stern ‘no’ leaving his lips. “Aiden, that’s not nice.” Calum said as Aiden attempted to bury himself back into Calum’s side.

        Not wanting to fight your fussy six year old, you sighed and hugged Logan tight to your chest. “It’s fine, I’ll put him in the bouncer, I’ll be back in a couple minutes.” Calum nodded and you gently placed the sleeping baby in the bouncer.

        When you came back into the room, Calum was using his foot to gently rock the bouncer and Aiden was sleeping, tightly holding onto Calum as if that’s all Aiden was ever going to hold onto. Your eyebrows pulled together and you sat down, “He wouldn’t even let me sit up to bounce Logan when he was starting to get fussy,” Calum whispered. “What’s going on with him?” You shrugged and handed Calum a portion of your snack and took over bouncing Logan to keep him asleep.

        Aiden continued to act up during the day, causing you to get more and more frustrated with his bad attitude. Aiden had just finished stomping away as you leaned against the counter, Logan strapped to your chest in a wrap carrier. Calum rounded the corner and pointed in the direction he son was stomping off towards. “What’s that all about?”

        “Calum, I don’t know what’s going on with your son, he is usually the most quiet, perfect little angel, but in the past few days since Logan was born, he’s been horrible.” You pushed yourself off the counter and wrapped your hands under the bundle in the wrap.

        Calum sighed and nodded. “I know, maybe we should talk to him?” He shrugged and craned his neck to look down the hallway. You nodded in agreement and followed Calum to Aiden’s bedroom.

        Calum knocked on the door and opened it at the same time. When the door opened all the way, you could see him curled up on his bed, his eyebrows pulled together in anger. “Aiden, can we talk?” Calum asked him as he took a few steps into the room. Aiden didn’t move, so Calum sat down on the end of his bed. You sat in the little chair across from the bed and put your hands on Logan’s back. “What’s going on with you, buddy?” Calum asked grabbing Aiden’s leg.

        Aiden pulled his leg away from Calum and stared daggers at Calum. “I hate him.” Aiden mumbled just barely loud enough for the two of you to hear.

        “Who do you hate?” You asked pulling your eyebrows together. Aiden pointed to the baby sleeping against your chest and you immediately looked at Calum. You shared a look with Calum and then you looked back to Aiden. “Why do you hate him, baby?”

        “Because all you care about is him.” Aiden said burying his face into the pillow. At the same time, you and Calum figured out everything.

        Calum looked down and rested his hand on Aiden again. “Aiden, just because we have to give a bit of extra care to Logan does not mean we love you less. We still love you more than the sun and moon and stars, but Logan is very little and needs a bit of extra help.” Calum looked at you and you nodded, telling him to keep going. “You’re getting big now so maybe you could help your brother with some things, like how to be an awesome kid.” Calum tickled Aiden’s side and he giggled.

        Aiden sat up and rubbed his eyes, “Could I teach him about my favorite game?” Calum and you nodded, his eyes starting to light up, “And, and teach him to like the same foods as me?” You both nodded again. Aiden smiled and played with the material of his comforter, shrugging his shoulders. “I guess he’s not so bad, then.” He looked up and both you and Calum leaned forward to pepper kisses all over his face, causing him to fall back in a fit of giggles.

[edge-oftheworld]

one thing that really got me about last night was luke made this offhand comment about how the last time he was at the venue he was 17 and not allowed onto the floor. which sure is weird and restrictive when you’re performing but also rules are rules (and I know what our regulations on underage drinking are and the consequences for venues) so idk that’s a conversation for youth liberation and the existence of child stars in general

but that got me thinking, annie came down to the merch table after her set and we all met her and I freaked her out with my retro cd burning habits and we bonded over the suburbs we grew up in even though I’m pretty sure we both forgot each other’s. and yeah she’s the opener when we’re all here for luke and she’s trying to build a fan base. but would luke have wanted to come down and meet the crowd like a local artist after playing a gig often does if he could?

I know fans go a bit crazy over luke especially and he doesn’t seem to have figured out how to interact in ways that dissipate the collective mania. and I can’t be the one to judge either of those things but it got me thinking about how it’s a whole decade later and he’s well past the age of anyone telling him what to do; but in some ways he does seem just as restricted in the venue as when he was 17. and I don’t know if he’d actually like to meet fans (ashton I’m pretty sure would, calum and michael have their moments, I think he’d just be scared tbh) but like. if your opener is able to have that option, wouldn’t it be nice if you did too?

and yeah he’s a bigger artist and whatever he’s made a living out of this for years years and has hits with the band and he’s a heartthrob or whatever. but I do wonder if the beauty of being actually a smaller artist is that you’re able to genuinely connect over your songs a lot more and not have to deal with the fan mania and love confessions and people who don’t understand consent? I just wish sometimes that the thank-you’s we had to cram into a few words on a sign could be genuine natural conversations (especially after he’s written a whole album about feeling lonely while on tour after an album he had no idea would be relatable because its content is the kind of thing you feel like no one else gets in the moment). and idk but maybe if you’re not much freer at 28 than 17 that might not help?

I’ve got my criticisms of celebrity as a concept and I loved meeting other fans even if I can’t relate one bit to how horny some of them were. but it seems to me we had this great opportunity to take some hard experiences, with a person who’s incredibly talented in that they’re able to turn them into such beautiful art, and just all kinda convince each other it might not be the exact same for all of us but when we feel like we’re alone that’s absolutely not true. share stories and catharsis. but instead the one person in that building who was possibly the least free to do that was luke himself.

there’s only so much validation you can get from songs being sung back to you surely especially with their personal vulnerable nature. like yeah he’s said it’s great and unexpected but I also don’t think he’s expected a single good thing in his life so it’s possible that’s not hard to achieve? it’s just a weird juxtaposition between the beautiful heartbreaking songs (and it’d be worse if he didn’t cut bloodline and cetfy) and then it’s like. he’s doing a shoey. he’s nervously rambling on about state of origin going for a lighthearted insult and accidentally revealing an insecurity about something women in sport like myself have long fought to be a false binary. just someone give that man a hug and one that’s not gonna freak him out how did we ever create a social environment where that’s impossible?

[daydadahlias]

i was re-reading will be not long ago and read your CA of calum in that fic and, if you feel like talking about it, do you think another reason why calum stayed in such denial was that he'd have to reckon with the fact that it possibly happened to him to? i know that fic is HEAVY so if you don't feel like responding, feel free to ignore this, i won't be offended at all!

Hi!! Thanks for asking!! Considering this is a very heavy topic, as you’ve said, I’ll address it further beneath the cut.

TW // sexual assault

First, I would just like to say I haven’t thought about this fic in what feels like an eternity so this ask came as quite a shock to me lol but I’m always open to discuss these sorts of things, especially considering how loud I am about the topic and y’know, by sheer virtue of putting the fic into the world, I was inviting interaction based on it. If I didn’t wanna talk about it, I wouldn’t have posted it. I do really appreciate the option you have to not answer though, that’s very kind of you!! <3

I would definitely say that one of the reasons Calum struggles with defining what happened to Ashton throughout the fic is because he’d have to apply it to himself as well, yeah. Seeing as this fic is told in Calum’s perspective and this is something he wouldn’t want to address openly, it’s not very touched on in the fic itself. It’s more the sort of thing you as a reader would have to choose to believe seeing as it isn’t really in your given circumstances. The only notion to it at all, I believe, are the brief lines when Michael alludes to Calum being “a mess” after having drunk sex with Nate (that Calum quickly dismisses) and Calum’s own brief reference to waking up in strange beds with no memory.

The whole reason Calum is so adamant that drunk sex is normal is because he keeps trying to tell himself that he has drunk sex all the time and it’s always normal when he does it, so why would this instance be any different?

I think completely that if Calum actively chose to see the situation with Ashton as rape from the beginning, that would require him to admit that the same thing had happened to himself with the same person, possibly multiple times. Because he has been in the exact same position as Ashton with Nate multiple times in the past, and I think the act of seeing that situation from an outside perspective and possibly realizing holy shit that’s what happened to me would have been really scary for him. Hence why he refuses to acknowledge that and constantly tries to say it was just fun drunk sex.

The real fear in this fic, from Ashton’s perspective and thus Calum’s as well, is that control could have been taken from them without them even being aware of it after the fact (considering that Ashton’s assault is one he doesn’t remember the details of at all). Calum doesn’t remember any of the direct events that happened to him with Nate either (so hypothetically, he may have fully consented at the time, but he doesn’t know that (also reminder that consent from a inebriated person is not valid consent at all)). Through seeing this instance happen to Ashton (ie. Ashton having sex he didn’t want to have and then not remembering it after), that would then force Calum to acknowledge his own power/control was taken from him without his consent and without him even knowing it. 

So, yeah, I would say you’re 100% right here.

And I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the movie Promising Young Woman, but it’s a film about sexual assault culture (that I wrote a bitching essay on for my final project this year in my writing seminar) that addresses this idea of “this subject is so much more horrifying (and hard to comprehend) when it’s personally attached to you.” And so if you’re interested in this topic, I would highly recommend the film. I think it’s beautiful. And it’s rare that I see a rape narrative portrayed in a way that isn’t meant to be tantalizing.

[kindahoping4forever]

What do you think their best qualities are in relationships?

Honestly they're all soft babies but in their own individual ways. 🥺

Ashton: One of Ash’s best qualities - period - is his instinct to take care of the people in his life. It’s like he has a sixth sense and can immediately tell when something is off with you and by the time you’re done telling him what’s wrong, he’s already thought of a handful of solutions to try and remedy your problem. Frustrated with work? He wants to hear you vent. Feeling under the weather? He’s got some supplements he’d love to throw into a smoothie for you. Not sure exactly what’s wrong but something definitely is? He tells you that’s fine and we all have days like that; he’ll suggest you go for a run together to clear your mind, maybe a hot shower and chill out to some records afterwards. Whatever you’re going through, Ash makes sure you know you don’t have to go through it alone.

Calum: If you’re with Cal, he’s undoubtedly treating you like royalty. He knows that you could be with anyone and he would find a way to show you every single day just how grateful he is that you’ve chosen him. Whether it’s small things like making you stay in bed while he cooks breakfast when you sleep over or texting you intermittently throughout the day to let you know he’s thinking of you (“Good morning, beautiful” in the AM, a picture of Duke captioned “Someone misses you,” a text asking how work was and of course “Sleep well, my love” before bed) or big things like surprising you with a weekend getaway or hiding small gifts in your luggage when you have to go away for work, you’re going to be absolutely spoiled with affection.

Luke: Luke strikes me as a thoughtful partner, the type of guy who does things without being asked; you call him on your way home from work and you sound stressed so he shows up at yours with dinner about 10 minutes after you get there. Before bed, he notices the string lights around your bedroom window have gone out and the next morning you get out of the shower to find he Amazon same day’d a new set and they’ve just arrived and he’s hanging them for you. There's also the romantic side to this trait, like the fact that he remembers the exact date you met and what you wore or the name of your first crush who broke your heart.

Michael: Michael would be both your boyfriend and your best friend. Being with him is just easy because you genuinely get along. You probably share a lot of the same interests and the things that you like that he doesn’t know much about, he wants to learn and he wants you to teach him because he loves how excited you get talking about it. It’s both a comfort and a thrill to know that no matter what activity you’re planning (movie nights, game nights, music festival road trips), you’re guaranteed to have someone by your side who is not only excited for the experience but excited to experience it with you.

4/4 Headcanon: Bad Relationship Habits

[calpalirwin]

Papa’s Job

Summary: Mason gets introduced to Ashton’s line of work.

A/N: Smushed a few ideas together. Also this piece delves deeper into Mason’s special needs diagnosis/lack thereof. And while I’ve done a fair amount of research both over the years for various reasons, and while writing this, I am by no means an expert, and my research is no substitute for personal experience. So please, feel free to offer constructive and KIND feedback in ways I can better write Mason. Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2k

And away, and away we go!

__

It seemed to Vanessa like wherever she turned, Mason was underfoot. “Fuckin’ hell!” she swore as she turned and almost tripped over the little boy.

Mason’s bottom lip trembled as he clapped his hands over his ears at her outburst.

She sighed and crouched down in front of the almost three year old, keeping a careful hold on Bailey who had been particularly fussy since her first round of shots the day before. “Sweet boy, you’re too close. I have the baby, we have to be careful.”

“Baie,” he nodded, reaching for his sister.

“You wanna hold her?”

Another nod.

“Okay, sweet boy. Let’s go sit, and you can hold Bai.”

Mason sprinted to the living room, flinging himself onto the couch. He grabbed the boppy and put it on his lap. “Momma. Baie.”

“Yes, Mase.” Vanessa said a silent prayer that Bailey wouldn’t kick up a fuss about not being in her arms as she placed the two month old on the boppy.

Bailey twisted her mouth to start crying, but Mason was quick to place his hand by her, her little fingers grasping around his slightly bigger index finger. “Baie, Baie, Baie,” he sang softly to her as she settled down.

“Bailey, Bailey, Bailey,” Vanessa sang with him, sitting down next to her son.

Mason continued to sing nonsense sounds at his sister, who slowly drifted off to sleep. Once Vanessa was sure she could move Bailey from Mason and upstairs to her crib to continue sleeping, she reached for her daughter. Mason whined low in his throat, placing his hands gently over Bailey. “Momma,” he warned in a low whisper.

“I know. I’m gonna go put her in her bed, sweet boy,” she answered back, her voice just as low.

Mason’s whine got more pronounced.

Vanessa pressed a finger to her lips. “I know you love her and want to hold her. You’re a great big brother, Mase. But sissy went night-night. You can hold her when she wakes up, okay?”

He pouted, but moved his hands away so Vanessa could take the sleeping infant. But clearly he wasn’t too thrilled at his sister being taken away because as soon as Bailey was in Vanessa’s arms, he chucked the boppy to the floor. “Mason Nicholas!” Vanessa hissed through her teeth as the toddler took off.

She held back the sigh, focusing on getting Bailey into her crib without more fuss.

Mason, in his quest to hide so he could continue to pout in peace, ended up at the top of the staircase leading to the basement. “Hey, Mase,” Ashton smiled when the little boy came stumbling down. He gripped the cymbal of his drum set between his index finger and thumb to silence it, setting his drumsticks aside. “Where’s Momma and Bailey?”

Mason jutted out his lower lip and pointed up the stairs.

“Aw, did Momma put Bailey down for a nap?”

Mason nodded. “Baie, Papa,” he whimpered.

“Aw,” Ashton chuckled, patting his lap. “Wanna come sit with me?”

He wiped at his face, walking over to Ashton and crawling into his lap. “Baie, Papa,” he repeated in a hiccuped sob.

Ashton wrapped the boy into him. “I know you’re sad. But Bailey needs to sleep. When she’s awake you can hold her some more.”

“Momma,” Mason mumbled.

“Yeah, I’m sure Momma did tell you the same thing. But it’s okay. You can still be sad about it.”

Mason let out a shuddery breath of acceptance before pushing at Ashton’s chest. Ashton opened his arms, expecting the boy to climb down from his lap. But to his surprise, Mason reached forward to tap his hands against the various drums, liking the sounds he produced. “Papa!” he beamed.

Ashton lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah? You wanna play the drums with me?” Ashton grabbed the drumsticks. “Look, bud,” he said, striking at the drums.

Mason laughed with glee at the sound, clutching on to Ashton’s wrists.

“Here, you try,” Ashton said, handing Mason one of the drumsticks.

Mason looked at it in uncertainty and back at Ashton.

“Like this,” Ashton demonstrated again.

Mason copied what Ashton had done as best he could.

“There ya go! Just like that!” Ashton encouraged, shifting Mason so that the boy was on one his knees, freeing up his other leg to kick up a steady beat against the bass drum.

“Mason?!” Vanessa’s frantic voice called down the stairs. “Ash, is he down there with you?”

“Yeah, we’re down here, baby.”

She came flying down the staircase, halting at the bottom, eyes wild as they landed on Mason sitting happily on Ashton’s lap playing with the drum kit. “You scared the crap out of me!”

Ashton’s own eyes went wide. “Me? What did I do?”

“Not you, him!” She pointed a finger at Mason. “He got mad that I put Bailey down so he took off to hide. I thought he went to hide in his room. Fuckin’ damn near tore the house apart looking for him.”

“Whoa,” Ashton eased, standing up and adjusting Mason on his hip. “Take a minute. He’s been with me. He’s fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that… Here, I’ll take him back upstairs.”

Ashton waved her off as Mason squirmed in his hold to reach for the drums. “Nah, I got him, it’s fine. We’re having fun, aren’t we, bud?”

Mason smacked on the cymbal with his stick, giggling at the sound.

Vanessa’s heart melted. “Alright. But, you, mister Mason,” she said, wagging a finger at the boy. “We do not throw things when we are upset.”

“Uh-oh,” Ashton tsked, looking down at the boy in his arms. “Momma’s right, Mase. Throwing things isn’t nice. What do we say after we do something that’s not nice?”

“Momma!” Mason grinned, blowing Vanessa a sloppy toddler kiss.

She crossed over to her boys, kissing Mason’s cheek. “I forgive you, sweet boy. So what are you and Papa doing?”

“Teaching him how to play drums. He seems to really like it,” Ashton told her, sitting back down with Mason so they could go back to playing.

“Yeah, they say music’s really good for him.”

“Who’s they?”

“They. The doctors. The research. Something about the repetitive nature helping with his speech. I dunno, a lot of the scientific mumbo jumbo goes over my head.”

“Well, why don’t we get him in like a class, or something. They have those, right?”

“Yeah. And I’ve been meaning to. But every time I think to look into it, something else comes up. And without a formal diagnosis, it’s hard to find the right class for him.”

“He doesn’t have a formal diagnosis? What does that mean?”

“It means they, the doctors, just have a lot of really good guesses but not any real answers because he’s still so young. It’s currently a toss up between aphasia and autism.”

“Okay, I know what autism is more or less. But what the fuck is that other word?”

“Fancy talk for speech disorder.”

“That is so fuckin stupid… they can’t tell if he has a speech disorder? He’s damn near three years old and only says 4 fuckin words. I may not know a whole hell of a lot about child development or whatever the fuck, but pretty sure three olds are supposed to say a lot more than 4 bloody words.”

Vanessa stifled her laughter as Ashton vented his frustration. She wondered how many times you had raved the exact same thing to Finn, almost verbatim. “They can tell he has a speech disorder, love. They just can’t tell if it’s just it’s own thing, or if there’s more to it than that. Autism and speech disorders tend to overlap.”

“Yeah, and I bet you had to pay out your fuckin ears for all those doctor visits, and specialists, and shit. God, your healthcare here sucks.”

This time, she did laugh. “Yeah, but Finn and I both have pretty good insurance plans so it wasn’t too bad.”

“Yeah, and we can always just do this,” he told her, jerking his chin about the room. “Do our own music therapy here in the basement.”

“Now, that’s not a bad idea.”

“Man, I can’t wait to start touring again. I mean, I’m gonna miss you guys like fuckin’ crazy. But god, I can’t wait to show you guys around when we do our gig here. You’re gonna fuckin’ love it, baby.”

“It might just be me coming to see you, babe. I don’t know how Mase will handle all the noise, even with headphones.”

“Shit you’re right… well maybe you guys should come to a rehearsal then. Give the headphones a proper test.”

“A private concert all our own, huh? I think that sounds perfect.”

~~~

Mason gasped in excitement as they walked into the rehearsal space and he saw all the instruments. “Momma!”

“Yeah, I see, sweet boy. Are you excited to watch Papa and Uncles?”

“Momma,” he nodded.

“Go say hi to everybody, and then we’ll sit and listen, okay?”

Mason dashed off to press his forehead against Calum, Luke, and Michael who all murmured their own hellos to the boy while Ashton helped Vanessa get settled down with Bailey. “Ikey!” Mason screeched when he got to Michael, reaching up to touch the man’s fringe that poked out of his hat.

“Yes!” Michael whooped in victory. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” Michael said pointing at Calum, Luke, and then back at Calum with each “fuck you.”

Calum rolled his eyes while Luke pouted, “How is ‘Mikey’ easier to say than ‘Luke’? How does he like your hair better? I have curls!”

“Oh, just let him have the win, Luke,” Ashton said, straightening up to his feet. “You guys ready or what?”

After making sure Bailey and Mason had their ears protected, the men all situated themselves with their instruments and started playing.

Mason managed to sit quietly through about two and a half songs before he got up and went over to Ashton, resting his small hand against the man’s leg. Ashton nodded for them to keep going when Calum, Luke, and Michael turned to look at him in a silent question. Between beats, Ashton scooped Mason up into his lap and finished the song. “Whatcha think?” Ashton asked both everybody and nobody as he pushed sweaty locks of hair back away from his face.

“Transitions sounded better this time,” Michael commented.

“Sounded better than better. Sounded tour ready,” Luke corrected.

“Could do without audience participation,” Calum teased with a playful look at Mason on Ashton’s lap.

“Just because you missed a beat, doesn’t mean you have to be bitter, Cal,” Ashton teased back. “And speaking of audience participation. What’d ya think?”

With all four men watching her, Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. “I’m no music expert, but I’m with Luke and Mike. Sounded really good.”

Mason, displeased that the music had stopped, reached across Ashton’s lap to strike at the cymbal with his hands. “Here,” Ashton told him, handing Mason the drumsticks. “With these.”

Mason tried again, shrieking with excitement at the sounds he produced from hitting the different parts of the drum set. Much like how he had done in the basement a week ago, Ashton shifted so Mason was fully seated on one leg so he would work the bass drum with his free leg without jostling the boy too much in the process. “Atta boy, Mase!” Ashton praised.

Rehearsal was quickly disbanded in favor of giving Mason a turn at all the other instruments in the room, letting him choose his favorite. Mason sat with Michael the longest, happily swiping a guitar pick against the strings. “Well, now we know what to get him for his birthday,” Michael grinned, sticking his tongue out at Calum and Luke.

Calum grumbled that this was barely a win for Michael because all this proved was that Mason definitely liked guitars, making it a win for everyone except Ashton, while Luke pouted more about how unfair it was Mason liked Michael more than him because “We play the same bloody instruments! I have CURLS!”

Ashton laughed at his friends, letting Michael gloat in his little victories a little bit longer before getting Mason’s attention. “Mase? Drums?” He drummed a quick and small beat that had Mason launching himself off of Michael and across the room to Ashton’s lap.

“Ha!” Calum smirked, flipping off Michael. “Now who’s Mase’s favorite?”

“Bailey,” everyone answered without needing to think about it.

__

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[mymindwide]

The end of heartache

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 3943

Warning: angst, feelings, smut

Summary: Your heart is broken, but can it be healed?

Author’s note: I hope you’ll love this, cuz this has a chapter two, just sayin’. :) Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

Everyone was pretty excited about the now traditional ‘good luck on tour’ send-off party; everyone but me. They didn’t know that this time it’s gonna be my send-off party too, tho I won’t come back after two or three months. As a matter of fact, I won’t come back ever. I’ve been planning this for months, and the emotional burden it carries slowly started to eat me up. They’re gonna be confused and disappointed, but I reached a point in my life where I have to make myself a priority, where I have to stop fooling myself.

I fell in love with someone who’s never gonna be mine, and the worst part is that I am happy for him; I root for his happiness – with someone else.

But a few months ago I reached my breaking point. That’s how much my heart could take, and this madness went even longer than anyone should do this to herself. I reached my limit, finally. I’ll probably love him for the rest of my life but I need to give myself a chance. I want to give myself a chance but it won’t work if I see him regularly. I’ll always find an excuse; my heart will always convince me that it’s happy when it “feels” Ashton close. I had to make sure this time my brain will win.

So here I am, leaning over the kitchen sink, trying to take deep, even breaths after the fifth or sixth time I threw up today. I knew I have to talk to the guys, they have the right to know I’m about to leave for good. Not the exact reasons why, but the fact itself for sure. I don’t want to just disappear, but it makes me nervous and anxious to the point of actually throwing up.

They became a massive part of my life a few years ago when Calum met my brother and somehow we too started talking and he invited me to a friends’ gathering and since then I’m stuck with them, and they’re stuck with me - the quiet, pretty, nice girl whose humor compensates for the quietness. Not much time had passed when I realized that I fell for one of them, the handsome drummer guy, Ash, with the same sense of humor as mine, with the brightest smile, with the kindest of hearts. But it was already late for me; before I could make it obvious for him, he introduced his significant other to the crew. I clearly remember that day, standing there smiling at the pretty young girl whom I couldn’t even hate, and who was holding hands with the guy I’d have died to hold hands with too.

Since then I am the girl, who is all smiles and fun and supportive, trying to hide the constant heartbreak I have to live with, especially in their presence.

 >>><<< 

 You wanted to keep it together but you couldn’t. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose and you almost started to calm down when Cal arrived in the kitchen with a huge punch bowl.

Your pulse rose higher and that most likely sat out on your face immediately. Some things will never change; you’ll never be a good actress.

 “Hey, are you okay?” he put the bowl down on the counter and headed your way.

 You looked him in the eye, and seeing that honest concern, it broke you. Silently your tears started falling and you covered your mouth with your hand to keep every tiny noise inside that could betray your whereabouts and your current state of mind to the others. It is just enough for Cal to witness and know.

First he couldn’t decide whether to hug you or just leave you cry yourself out, but eventually went for the first option and embraced you in a strong, protective hug.

You grabbed hold of the back of his sweater, squeezing it to the point your knuckles started to whiten, but at least your nerves calmed down enough to feel safe to let him go and look up from his chest.

 “And now I’m listening” he said to you with a bossy expression on his face.

“I need to tell you something” you leaned back to the counter leaving a few steps distance between you two. “I’m gonna leave for New York.”

“Wha…? When?”

“…Tomorrow morning…”

“And you’re just telling me now?!”

“Shhh shhh, I didn’t think this through, okay?” you tried to hush him from shouting out your well-kept secret.

“Moving to the other side of the States? You clearly didn’t.”

“No, how I’m gonna tell you.”

“A-a-and why New York? Wha-what is this madness?” he stuttered from the slight anger that was clearly flowed from his voice and showed on his face.

“I got a job offer there.”

“You’ve got a job here! Is there only one enterprise in this fucking city?”

“Cal, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Mhm” he hummed realizing that he really got tempered quickly. “I’m sorry to say this, but I sense big ass bullshit here. I just don’t see why you couldn’t have told this earlier if it’s really just about a job. There has to be something else. Something doesn’t feel right here. Is there anything else behind this abrupt moving?”

 Suddenly you couldn’t even speak, tho you don’t know why you were surprised, Calum is a very smart guy. Quiet like you, who only speaks when he has something to say, but always has his eyes open.

 “Has anyone hurt you?”

“Me, Cal, I’ve been hurting myself. For years.”

“Could you be a bit more specific?” he frowned.

 You realized there was nothing to lose anymore. You’ll leave the town tomorrow, and will never look back. With all this power in your hands, you can be honest for once.

 “It’s Ash, Cal. I love him. Basically since the day we’ve met.”

 Now you made him speechless. Or you thought.

 “I could say I’m surprised, but I’m not really.”

“You’re not?”

“Girl, now everything makes sense. I saw how you look at him. I think I’ve always seen it, but since nothing has ever happened, I just stopped paying attention. But it all comes together now. Why we couldn’t set you up on a date…”

“I got tired, Cal. Judge me all you want, but I got tired. I love him and believe me I tried to tell myself all kinds of things not to. And still here I am, still happy for him, still unhappy for myself. That’s why I have to go. This is not healthy anymore.”

“But wouldn’t it be easier to talk to him than to move your whole fucking life thousands of miles away from everyone you have?”

“First of all it’s a little bit late for that now I think. And even if I did, expect what exactly? That he’ll just dump her an instant when they look pretty happy to me…?! Tell me something. Is he in love?”

“I-I don’t know… we usually don’t talk about… these things. I mean… I guess so… I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s my guess too” you whispered as the oh so familiar knife chops round in your heart.

“This is still not right… ”

“Right or not, what’s done is done. Now you see there’s no use to tell him. It’s not Ashton’s fault…”

 “What should I know? What have I done again?” Ash jokes as he enters the kitchen to your biggest horror. “What? They just sent me to check on why we can’t have the punch.”

“Sorry babe, I’ll leave you to it” Cal looked at you with eyes wide open and a nod of his head. His facial expression suggested that the moment of truth has arrived and you weren’t happy about it.

 Both you and Ash watched him leave the kitchen, and looked back at each other at the same time.

 “So… what is going on here?”

“Ash, I am gonna move to New York. First thing tomorrow.”

“What? Why so sudden? And what does it have to do with me? You don’t make sense.”

“I’ll do in a minute.”

 He leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed in front of his chest. You have no idea where you found the strength in you, most likely your little talk with Cal helped to prepare your nerves for this conversation with Ash, but a not expected calmness overcame you. You really don’t have anything to lose now. Besides, the memories remain, and you’ll forever cherish your friendship while it lasted.

 “Can you recall the last time you heard me talking about being excited about a date or actually being on a date night?”

“No?! But these are private stuffs; I don’t poke my nose into things that are none of my business.”

“What’s the point of a date if you already know that you’d just fool the other party? When your heart is refusing your common sense? And all this because I already loved someone. It was you. It is you.” you felt like a whole mountain rolled down from your chest.

“What?”

“Now you know.”

“No-no, it’s not fair…”

“Do you want me to be fair or honest?”

“You’ve never even...”

“…tried to tell you? Because the moment I chose to do this happened to be the moment you chose to introduce your girl to us…”

“I had no idea.”

“And that just means I did a great job. Kudos for me, ‘the protector of relationships’” you rolled your eyes.

“Is this true? Is this because of me, then?”

“No, it’s because of me, Ashton. You’re not responsible for my feelings or for anyone else’s.”

“And yet somehow now I feel like it.”

“Well, I tell you, you shouldn’t. Better?” you forced a wry smile on yourself. “Please don’t have sleepless nights because of me.”

“Then why do you sound angry now?”

“Maybe because I never wanted you to know this. Because the whole thing was pointless from the very beginning. Because this conversation is exactly what I didn’t want to have” your voice already cracked. It always does this under a certain type of stress, for instance a confrontation. You’ve been very bad at these your whole life. “And I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, the universe, god, you name it. But that’s just life I guess. It’s not a sugarcoated shiny bubble for everyone.”

“…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Remember, I never expected anything from you, I didn’t even want you to know this in the first place, but it doesn’t matter now.”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I mean it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, too” you tried to smile once again.

 “Guys, are you not thirsty, why do you sit on our drinks?” a very loud and jumpy Luke came round the kitchen bringing you the absolution regarding this conversation, not that you weren’t finished. You think you said all you two could, leastways speak for you, for sure.

 As Luke entered, you headed for leaving the kitchen but before you’d have turned out of the door you touched Ash’s forearm.

 “But I’ll keep being happy for you no matter what.”

 He didn’t even respond, not that you were expecting anything. It was enough for you that he could see you were serious about what you just said. Your mouth can lie, your eyes can’t, and for seconds that seemed eternity at those moments, your eyes held onto each other’s.

 When the crew all sat down to eat, without raining on your dear boys’ parade you broke the news to everyone – obviously leaving out certain details – receiving the same shocked responses you got from Cal and Ash earlier, but altogether everyone was excited and cheering for you and made you promise that from time to time you’ll check in and report about your life in New York. Certainly they were confused regarding the suddenness, but got over it pretty quickly. Except for Cal and Ashton, but they knew the whole truth. It was interesting to witness that now it was Ash’s turn to smile and act like nothing has happened, and he was doing a great job.

At the end of the day they decided to continue the party with a little after show at some bar, which you obviously had no humor to go to, so with the excuse of your early morning trip you said goodbye to this 15 people crew and headed home for the last time.  

 >>><<< 

 You were already in your sleeping t-shirt and shorts when you decided to make the last round in the apartment you rented to make sure everything is packed and to eliminate the chance that something important might be left behind.  You headed for upstairs and were standing halfway on the stairway when the doorbell rang and broke the silence of the dark and still house.

You ran back down to peek out of the peephole to see Ashton standing outside waiting for you to answer the door.

 “Hey” nervousness was reflected in your eyes as you couldn’t imagine what he’s doing here one hour before midnight.

“Can I…?”

“Is everything okay?” you pulled aside from the door so he could come in.

“After our little chat I don’t think so.”

“Ash, I told you to forget it.”

“Cause that’s how it works, right?” he combed his hair back, he looked nervous, his body tensed.

“This is exactly why I wanted to keep it to myself, for fucks sake” you shook your head. “What are you doing here, Ash?” you sighed wearily.

“What I should have a long time ago.”

 For a moment you just stood there staring into each other’s eyes and… there was nothing to explain. That brief feeling you get when you both want something… well, now you both got that feeling. It is that moment, when you don’t want to ask questions, because it’s not necessary. He closed the distance between the two of you, and cupping your face he pressed his mouth against yours, and embracing this madness you happily welcomed his lips. After the first few exploratory touches you almost immediately started searching for each other’s tongue, and now you know how heaven tastes like. It’s soft and silky and tender – it’s heavenly. Letting go of your face his hands slid down your body to lift you up into his lap, your legs hugging his waist, his hands supporting your butt, while your hands caressing his hair at the back of his head.

You don’t know what is happening, but at this point you don’t even care about his motivations. You know you shouldn’t do this but you just stopped caring. You literally ran out of all the fucks to give. It’s the last time you’ll ever see anyone of them, you’ll leave and will never come back. You don’t cheat on anyone but yourself, but you can live with the thought. And as to Ashton… it’s his conscience, he has to deal with it, not you.

But tonight, for the first time, everything’s gonna be simple: he’s gonna love you and you’re gonna give him all that you are, whatever you can.

You wish you had more time, you wish you could get more of him but if this is all you can get, you’ll take it.

 Once you arrived in your bedroom, everything got more hurried and heated.

Both your t-shirts have landed on the floor, and with your back to the bed, you slid up on it, your eyes never leaving Ash's. Reaching in his pocket he pulled out a wrapped condom that he threw on the bed. Then unzipping and taking his jeans and boxer briefs off, he crawled up on the bed and leaned over you. Seeing him already half erected made you swallow hard and ache for feeling him with every existing sense you have.

Your eyes hardly could cope with the beauty his body meant for you. You wanted to touch him, to smell him, to taste him.

He kissed you on your lips, continued lower to suck on the fine and soft skin of your neck making his way down to caress your breasts, licking and stroking your nipples taking them in turns till they got hard under his touch, making you let out the first whimpers of the night. He went lower biting the skin on your stomach, his hands still perfectly covering your breasts.

He stopped at the waist of your shorts to look up at you and without asking anything with a swift move he pulled it off of you.

You loved that you two talked without saying a word, only with your eyes, simply because your desire for each other was loud enough.

Prying open your legs he dived in between them, his hands kept your hips in place and your fingers combed into his hair as he started pleasuring you with his tongue, licking and sucking your clit, your folds, and your entrance; not much time had to pass when you felt yourself getting dripping wet from was he was doing.

Your rapture took control over everything; your mind was clouded, your body quivered under his touch as your orgasm jolted in you making your hips rise from the surface of the bed.

 “Oh God, Ash, please…” you moaned over and over feeling the tiny aftershocks.

 You looked down at him and saw his eyes smiling as your lower half still covered his mouth but you could tell there’s a smile on his face seeing your reaction to him eating you out.

With one last soft kiss on your swollen clit he rose up, now kneeling before you, reaching for the condom next to him.

 “Let me touch you before you put it on. Please.”

 You sat up to his kneeling form still with your legs wide open, your eyes almost pleading. You saw his Adam’s apple lifting in his throat. He lowered his hand still holding the wrapped package and that was your answer you were waiting for.

You took him in your right hand; gently started running your fingers up and down on his hard shaft, your lips kissed and licked his stomach, while your left hand first just rested on his lower back, then the tip of your nails traced a path down to softly dig into his butt cheek. As a reward you got the softest moans that were the most pleasuring sound your ears could ask for. You admired his strong build, his beautiful toned body, his perfect length in your hands.

At some point he reached down to stop your hand from working on him any further and only with his eyes he instructed you to lie back on the bed. After applying the condom on his cock, balancing his weight on his forearm next to your head with one hand he guided himself to your entrance and pushed himself in inch by inch so you can get used to the feeling of him stretching you this way.

You held onto his shoulders; your whimpers quenched by his neck as your lips press against it. And he started rocking his hips, slowly moving in and out, getting deeper with every thrust.

 Even if my mind can process what is going on right now, my heart just can’t. Suddenly my mind had been filled with pictures from my past few years, pictures of a heartbroken girl in situations that hurt her yet no one knew her pain. Pictures of a girl when she felt genuinely happy if she felt Ashton’s attention on her and thereby him close; when they laughed together; the feeling how she felt when he hugged her and yet she knew that meant nothing compared to the hug his real girl gets… And finally pictures from the last 30 minutes, when the person she loved is here with her, he’s all hers, even if for only a very short time.

 You felt your chest crushing up and tears started streaming down on both sides of your face.

 “Am I hurting you?” he halts for a moment, his eyes filled with concern are searching yours.

“Not physically” you think to yourself. “No…” you smiled at him stroking his face while another teardrop left the corner of your eye. “You feel so good. Please don’t stop.”

“You feel good too” he wiped away your tears, and started moving again, a little quicker and harder than before, and he just felt even more amazing.

 You really liked the way you were now, you both knew that this is just what it is, and you didn’t need him whispering meaningless lies to you and thankfully he didn’t feel the urge to do so. And as for you, he already knows everything he has to know.

He knelt up and with this his thighs made you spread your legs even wider and he slid his hand on your inner thighs to keep it that way as he started fucking you again now being able to fully bury his full length inside you. Your heart was panting and both yours and Ash’s whimpers and groans filled the room as he pushed you closer and closer to your climax for the second time this night.

You cried out as it washed over you, your thighs were shaking under his hands, and he stayed still for the moments to enjoy the sight of your trembling body and how your walls rhythmically squeezing his cock inside you. That sensation gave him the final push, after a few more thrusts you felt him stiffen inside you, and with a loud groan he collapsed on top of you burying his face in your neck. You hugged his back and caressed his neck where his condor tattoo is located and his hair right above it.

After a few calm moments while you could digest everything that has happened on your own, he got up to get rid of the condom and lied down next to you.

 “I’m really sorry. I mean it.” this is the only thing he said and you understood everything. There was no need for words.

“I know, Ash.” you stroked his face while he closed his eyes giving in to the feeling of your warm palm on his cheek.

 You pulled the blanket on you, and watched him falling asleep.

 >>><<< 

 It was 5am, you have to leave in a bit, your uber is gonna be here in thirty minutes. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, trying to take in and memorize all you can from the guy sleeping on the other side.

You’re not looking for reasons, you’re just glad it happened one way or another. It feels like this is more than you could ever ask for anyway.

But looking at him while he sleeps so peacefully… it’s ridiculous how easily you could get used to this scene. Him in your bed, or you in his… passed out after a night like this…

God, how bad you’d like to touch him, how bad you’d like to kiss him awake every morning, how bad you’d like to put your hand over his heart just to feel its even beating… But most importantly how bad you wish you had the strength to say goodbye.

 >>><<< 

 You closed the door with the heaviest heart you have ever felt in your chest. A broken heart, whose most significant part is still lying in your bed…

 You were mine for a night; I was out of my mind. You were mine for a night…

[calumrose]

Trigger [Police/Gang! AU] Chapter 8 || C.H

A//N: It’s been a while since I’ve updated this fic... Sorry about that. I’ve missed writing Eloise and Calum so I’m hoping I’ll have chapter 9 finished soon (yeah, I’m still working on that...) But anyway, enjoy!

Word Count: 10.6k

Summary: Eloise Gray and Calum Hood, not two people you would ever think to put together. What started as a ploy for power turned into a romance, resulting in the realisation that loving your enemy may not be such a bad thing after all.

Previous Chapters: Prologue / Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

7 Days Left

The doorbell was a sound that Eloise had been dreading all day. She knew what was coming, what she would have to endure, and she knew she was going to hate every second of it.

Calum left her sitting in the living room, venturing towards the front door to welcome the familiar body into his home. He grasped onto the handle of the door, twisting the knob before pulling, the lock in the door clicking and releasing the door from the frame’s clutches.

“Hey Nik,” He smiled briefly, a heavy breath exhaling through his nose as he opened the door wider, allowing for Nikki to slide through and into his home, “Thanks for coming,”

“You’re my partner, Calum,” Nikki clicked her tongue, “It’s partly my job to come running when you call,”

As much as there was some truth in her response, Calum also knew that she cared. She never hesitated to tell him how crazy she thought he was when she first discovered his plan, practically yelling the words at him down the phone, but as soon as he said he needed her help, she came. She always did when he needed her.

“Does anyone know where you were heading?” Calum questioned, glancing out of the small window in his door, as if to try and spot any suspicious people who may have been attempting to listen in. A bit dramatic, Calum.

“Charlie thinks I’m meeting with a CI,” She reached into her pocket, pulling out the small recording device he had requested, the wires wrapped around it securely, and placing it into his open palm, “Told him I had a guy over in Whitestone who had some information for me, so he isn’t expecting me back anytime soon,” Nikki pulled off her jacket, crossing her arms pleasantly in front of her as she rested her jacket folded over them, keeping it securely against her chest as her and Calum stood by the door, “And before you ask, I left my phone at the station, so Will can’t tap into it or anything,”

“You’re always one step ahead,” Calum bounced his eyebrows, chuckling fondly at her answer to the unasked question.

“One of us has to be,” Nikki shrugged in response.

Nikki was one of the few cops Calum felt like he could trust. He knew that to execute he and Eloise’s plan he was going to need some help. He couldn’t go into the shipment yard alone, but he also knew he couldn’t trust the majority of the officers in his precinct to follow through with his plan. He recruited Nikki, knowing that he could trust her even though she wasn’t one hundred percent on board.

“So, where is she then?” Nikki let out an almost hesitated sigh, pursing her lips. With a single nod, Calum led her through his home, directing his partner into the sitting room, eyes instantly finding Eloise sat on the couch, arms crossed along her chest with her knees crossed over one another, scowl on her face as she looked at the other woman in Calum’s life.

Calum swore he could feel the tension grow when Eloise’s eyes met Nikki’s, a subtle quiet sigh leaving through his nose. He knew Eloise wasn’t fond about other cops knowing about them, knowing about their plan, but she knew that Calum couldn’t do it alone, that he needed some backup when it came to that night at the boat yard, and as much as it irritated her and worried her that she was putting her life in their hands, she knew she had to trust Calum. That’s all she had been doing this entire time, so what was a bit more.

“Eloise, this is my partner Nikki Reid,” Calum introduced the two females, glancing between them, “Nikki, this is Eloise,”

“I know who she is,” Nikki stated, unimpressed with how normal Calum was trying to make this introduction. She was here for him, not her. She had made that very clear to Calum over the phone, her tone in that moment only solidifying that.

“You and every other cop in this fucking city,” Eloise’s dark eyes rolled to the back of her head, her back slouching against the back of the couch, not appreciating Nikki’s spitting statement. She was perfectly aware that many people knew who she was, especially the NYPD. If she were anyone else, Eloise would be questioning as to why Nikki had this instant distaste towards her, but Eloise wasn’t blind, knowing that Nikki, much like every other cop, had been conditioned to preserve the course of justice in their city, which translated into stopping the likes of her and the group she ran with.

Nikki rolled her lips into her mouth, seeming as if she was thinking about her next words, knowing she had to keep her personal feelings in regard to this whole set up quiet, reminding herself that she was doing this for Calum, knowing he had become so invested in a situation that was completely out of his depth that she couldn’t let him drown, she had to help him.

“Calum’s told me everything,” Nikki began, dropping the coat in her hands so it rested over the back of the armchair to her left, “He told me about what you were instructed to do, and what’re you’re now planning to do, and I just want to say that I think you’re both completely out of your mi- “

“Why are we even trusting her again?” Eloise spat towards Calum, clearly irritated by Nikki’s attempt to express an opinion, “What’s stopping her from taking everything we say here straight back to the station and exploiting the whole thing?”

Calum moved over so he was crouched down in front of Eloise, Nikki’s eyes watching the whole action unfold, he placed a warm hand on her knee, squeezing it reassuringly as he gave her a comforting smile, “Because she’s a good cop, El. She’s my partner and I trust her, and you need to too,” His voice was soft, brown eyes meeting her own as he added, “At least do it for me, just this once,”

Eloise’s tongue pushed against her bottom teeth, rolling her lips into her mouth barely, as she glanced down at Calum’s hand resting comfortably against her knee. His touch was always warm, always comforting, it spoke a million words more than anyone ever could, and she basked in the effects it had on her. “Fine,”

“What I was going to say before,” Nikki let out a sigh, moving so she could take a seat on the armchair, leaning forward so her elbows rested limply on her denim covered legs, “Was that I think you’re both out of your minds, no doubt about that, but at the same time I can appreciate that you’re trying to do right by the city this time,” Calum shifted his weight, moving so he could take a seat on the couch next to Eloise, his arm subtly going behind her so the palm of his hand rested on the small of her back with an almost feather-like touch. “Calum’s clearly seen something in you that we’ve been blinded to all these years, and he’s always had good instincts, so I’m willing to help if you’ll let me,”

Eloise watched her eyes as Nikki spoke, noting her body language, how her eyes fell to Calum as she spoke, a warm smile on her face before her eyes met Eloise’s one more. Calum’s thumb gently rubbed against her back, silently comforting her as Nikki attempted to shoot her a smile, a half smile at that.

It was a start.

“I suppose I can resist the urge to shoot you if you’ll do the same,” Eloise pursed her lips with a raise of her eyebrows, evident sarcasm, and humour in her tone. It was a questionable attempt at humour, but that was Eloise.

Although it seemed that Nikki noted the attempt, embracing it with a small laugh, sounding only slightly uncomfortable as she responded with a small nod of her head, “You’ve got yourself a deal,”

Calum silently thanked the gods above for smoothening the tension, even if just a little. It wasn’t the most ideal situation for any of them to be sat in, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t try to make it work. They had to use each other to their advantage, use the positions they were in as a positive in order to get the outcome they equally wanted.

Nikki had warned him about how far he was pushing things, having asked her to keep things quiet from their Lieutenant, as well as the rest of the NYPD until he decided who else he would be taking along with him on the night. She had asked him what was so special about the girl who he was risking his career for, about what made her so different compared to every other young criminal in the city.

And the answer he gave was a silent one, one of uncertainty yet also one that held a knowing answer. He knew exactly what separated her from every other misled individual in the city, but he just didn’t know how to voice it.

“So, how much do we know about the shipment so far?” Nikki asked, eyes looking over to Eloise.

Eloise sat forward on the couch, perching herself on the edge, “Not much at the moment,” She admitted, a small defeated sigh escaping her lips, “Jay’s been keeping the details pretty quiet so far, some decisions still have to be made,” Calum’s arm moved around her back, palm resting comfortably on her waist, his forearm warmly against the space of her lower back. Eloise couldn’t help but spot Nikki’s eyes drifting to where Calum’s hand could be spotted on her waist, seeing the beginning of what she believed to be a small smile twitching at her lips at the sight. “All I’ve got is a date and location of where the shipment will be arriving, but an exact time or anything like that I’m in the dark,”

“Any idea of when you might know more?”

“Jay’s called a meeting tomorrow night with all of us,” Eloise nodded, “He’s asked for everyone to be there, so most likely this will be him wanting to dictate the plan, probably gonna decide who he wants on the deal,” The thought of the shipment made her stomach twist, realising how close it was compared to when this started. She had gone from having weeks to work out what she needed to do, to having a mere few days until everything that she had been plotting would be put into action. She couldn’t play deaf any longer to the time as it ticked on, as the day her greatest act of betrayal would strike and change her life forever. It would be the making point of her life, or it would be the very thing that broke her completely.

“Who does he want on the deal?” Nikki repeated her words, “Wait, so do you guys have a plan for if he doesn’t take you- “

“He will,” Eloise hadn’t noticed Calum spoke with her simultaneously in her response, her eyes looking to her right, watching as the man nodded at Nikki, an amused smile creeping to the corners of her lips before she had a chance to fight it. She pushed it back, clearing her throat quietly before continuing on her own, “I’ll be there indefinitely, as will Scott, Taylor, and Han. He’ll take a few others and keep the rest as backup,”

Nikki continued to ask numerous questions, trying to pry as much information out of Eloise as possible, but unfortunately for everyone in that room, Eloise only knew so much. Jay hadn’t been that open with sharing details on the shipment, not even with Han, which she discovered when she ran into him the morning after she had been with Scott.

She was leaving her apartment to catch the train to Queens when Han appeared in her hallway, stopping her in her tracks and asking for an update on their situation with the police. He seemed off that day; very paranoid and jumpy, very unlike him. She didn’t pry, knowing he was still a little shaken from the night at Mooney’s. When she asked about the deal and if Jay had said anything more on the matter, she noticed how Han just shrugged and brushed it off, seeming as in the dark as she did with the details. According to Han, Jay had been almost silent, only sharing snippets of information on the plan if he needed to, otherwise keeping it to himself with a vice-like lock on his tongue.

It wasn’t like Jay to keep Han in the dark, almost unheard of. It was always the two of them. Always. But it seemed as if Jay had cast Han out since that night from the way Han had described Jay’s attitude, as if he were doing this alone. That only worried Eloise; a plan without Han’s input was sure as hell to go wrong.

“I take it you’re gonna wear the wire I brought to the meeting tomorrow?” Nikki queried, eyebrows raised, head nodding towards the small black recording device that Calum had placed on the coffee table. Eyebrows furrowed, creasing her forehead, Eloise’s eyes shot to Calum, clearly unaware of this plan.

“You’ve got to be fucking with me, right?” Eloise asked, any ounce of amusement she previously had gone, “I walk in there with a wire on me – I’m as good as dead!” Eloise wasn’t stupid, she knew if any of the gang even got a whiff of a wire then she was done for; she wouldn’t see the outside of the hideout. She couldn’t even be sure anyone would stop Jay from putting a bullet through her, the line of friendship she previously had with the others becoming so blurred and almost non-existent.

She noticed how even Calum seemed a bit taken aback by Nikki’s question, it coming as a surprise to him as his brows matched her dark ones; furrowed but confused.

“If you’re not going to wear the wire, how are we to know what your boss decides?” Nikki gave a limp shrug of her shoulders, response exasperated as she looked to almost to be a tinge frustrated with the lack of physical evidence Calum and Eloise had gathered; it all being words and statements from the anonymous tip offs and small details that Calum had subtly slipped into conversation when informing his partner. “If we’re taking them down at the end of this, we need more than a few notes and claims of what they’ve been up to,” Nikki ran a hand over her face, “And if we’re supposedly helping you get out of there, we won’t be able to use any of the evidence against them in the case, any link to you will become null and void as you’ll become a candle in the wind, practically unheard of,”

Eloise eyes shot back to the raven-haired woman opposite her, blinking a few times before her statement seemed to click, “Wait, so you’re in on all of it? Not just trapping the guys but also- “

Nikki’s face seemed to soften, shoulders slumping, realising that Calum maybe hadn’t told Eloise everything, having left out a few details, “Calum wants to help you get out of New York, not just the Gypsy Kings – swears on his life that you deserve this chance, so I’m willing to bend a few rules of my own if he is,” Nikki let out a soft sigh, leaning back in the chair as she rested her right ankle on her left knee, “Which is why we can’t afford any slip ups, we need to know exactly what’s being said so we can be prepared for what’s coming,”

Maybe this Nikki chick wasn’t as bad as Eloise figured. She was willing to look the other way simply because Calum asked her to, something that she had been doing all her life; doing what she was told simply because she was asked. She placed her life in the hands of other people almost every day, having some form of faith in them that they would catch her if she were to fall. But never once, had she seen it first-hand as a witness. She looked at Calum and Nikki, and saw nothing but almost trust in one another, seeing how without question she would help him even though she didn’t agree with what he was doing, looking past that to help someone who she trusted was doing what he believed to be right. It warmed her; seeing how two people could be so trusting about something so outrageous.

“Whatever happens tomorrow night, we’ll know exactly what gets said,” Calum spoke out, “Wire or no wire, she’ll come back and tell us what she finds out, just like she has since the very beginning, Nik,” His voice was full of conviction, assuring his partner that what he knew was true. Eloise watched him as he spoke, her heart clenching pleasantly as he spoke of her, but what he said next ignited butterflies in her stomach, the simple statement causing a smile that she couldn’t prevent. “We trust Eloise and she trusts us, that’s how this works.”

Calum was right. The entire transaction between them was based on trust. Trust had been what kept them glued together since they first met, even though they never truly knew it. There had been something between them that couldn’t be ignored; a warmth they both felt and a natural calming nature around one another that was never fully understood until they decided to give in.

“But what about on the night when the shipment comes in?” Nikki sighed, rolling her lips into her mouth, noticing the glances that Eloise and Calum were sharing. As much as she didn’t approve of Calum’s infatuation with Eloise, nor did she like the idea of her partner endangering his livelihood for the girl in question, but she couldn’t deny the smallest ounce of a smile that curled at the corners of her lips at the sight of her friend happy.

For as long as she had known Calum, from being in the Academy together, and being partners since their first shift together, she had never seen him smile like he did when he was with Eloise. He always claimed to not have time for a relationship, using the job as an excuse, but she knew it was something he wanted. And now he had it, but the chances of that being taken away from him out balanced the chances. “It’s going to get out of hand too quickly, so it isn’t like we’ll be able to catch up afterwards and take details. We need to know then and there exactly what’s happening, so we can come in and extract you before it’s too late,”

“Nikki has a point, El,” Calum looked towards the brunette next to him, eyes quickly looking at the recording wire on the table before his eyes met her brown ones, “Like we said before, you’ll need to wear the wire on the night, it isn’t like one of us can sneak in undercover and stand next to you the whole time,” He looked to be hating the whole idea now, the fact that it was happening in a matter of days making him realise just how little time they had left, “It’s small enough that no one will even know it’s there. We’ll fit it under your shirt so it’s completely out of view, all you need to do is carry on like you’re expected to and then as soon as you say the codeword we’ll be coming in, as soon as you catch sight of us you run,”

“This is crazy,” Eloise laughed drily, her hands coming up to cover her face as she threw her head back to blindly face the ceiling, “This isn’t going to work… What was I thinking? I’m done for, I’m dead the minut- “

“Hey, hey, hey,” Calum whispered, his arm coming around from behind her back to gently try to pry her small hands from her face, wrapping his fingers around her wrist with a delicate grip, as if she would break otherwise, as he attempted to remove them, “El, it’s going to be fine, alright? We’ll have the whole place covered, you’re gonna make it out, I promise- “

“Don’t you dare promise me that,” She spoke coldly, eyes focused on the ceiling as Calum held onto her wrists limply, “You can’t predict what’s gonna happen, Cal. I know those guys better than you ever will, and as soon as they catch a glimpse of me running, I’m gonna get a bullet in the back,”

It was becoming a bit much for Eloise at this point. It was getting scary; it was getting too real.

“Look at me,” Calum’s voice coaxed her, the soft whisper barely audible. Eloise refused to let her eyes leave the ceiling, not wanting to look into the eyes of the man who had become her favourite person as of late.

In such a short span of time, Eloise couldn’t imagine a life without Calum in it. Feeling as though she had always had him around. Any moment where she wasn’t with him, she noticed she was missing him, craving some form of contact with him. He was intoxicating and she couldn’t get enough. It was the collection of late nights spent together, the laughs they shared when they were overtired, but most of all, it was way he looked at her that caused her heart to feel as though it was trying to pry its way out of her chest at the mere thought of what would be taking place in a week’s time.

His eyes told a million stories, and she had only discovered a selected few. She got lost in them every night, just as he got lost in her. Eloise was selfish in a way when it came to Calum, fighting with herself countless times over the past few days, wanting to forget about the deal and just run away with Calum, to live as just the two of them with no responsibilities and no acknowledgement of what they’d be leaving behind. But she knew she couldn’t do that. Every single ounce of good in her body – although she never believed there to be much – prevented her from doing just that, knowing she had to do what she had agreed.

It felt as though Nikki wasn’t even in the room when she allowed for their eyes to meet, everything else around the two becoming invisible as all they saw was each other. His large hands rested on the sides of her neck, thumbs coming up and rubbing smooth lines along the apples of her cheeks as he gave her one of his signature smiles, a smile that she knew she wanted to cherish for as long as time would let her.

“We’re gonna get you out,” His voice was smooth as silk, so quiet, “I’ve said it since the start, and I’ll say it again. You’re gonna make it out - you’re gonna get out of New York, and you’re gonna start again. Once you’re settled, I’ll come visit, yeah? I’ll come and see the swanky new apartment that you’ll get yourself, you’ll tell me all about the new job that you’re gonna get, and you can tell me every single detail about your new life,”

Eloise felt tears brimming at his words, the thought of being able to do all that seeming too good to be true. She knew it was exactly that. She hated how hopeful he sounded talking like that, as though he was certain that it was going to be her future. She could barely decipher the difference between her dreams and her reality anymore, and that was all because of him. He made everything feel like a fairy tale, made everything feel like it was impossible, so different to her reality.

Her watering eyes only sparked his own, the chocolate orbs turning glossy as they stared into the scared ones of Eloise. What they had truly was something special, something neither one believed possible, something neither one of them wanted to end. The thought of this final week being their last few days to spend together before everything changed hurt them, it pained them to think of it like a countdown, but that’s what it would turn into; a simple ticking clock that would count down the days, to the hours, to the very last minute before she would need to leave.

“Sound good?” He pressed his forehead against hers, smiling although he wanted nothing more than to cry at the sight of her feeling anything other than happiness. God, she broke him in a way he would never fully understand. He silently begged for her to nod, speak, to touch him. He just wanted a single form of confirmation from her, anything would suffice.

Eloise swallowed the rock of a lump that had lodged in her throat, giving a small gentle nod of her head as she looked at him, taking a shaky breath as she rolled her chapped lips into her mouth. She couldn’t help but to subtly lean into his touch, the warmth of his hands comforting her as she let out a shaky, “Yeah,”

Calum slowly leaned back, allowing for his hands to drop from Eloise’s neck as he smiled at her, eyes looking across the room to find the ones of his friend, noting the fond smile she gave him, a gentle nod of her head that spoke a thousand words more than he could have ever needed to hear.

“They uh,” Eloise cleared her throat, her hand coming up to wipe at her eyes as she composed herself, bringing her focus back to the task at hand, “They’ll be asking me about where you guys are gonna be on the night, I was supposed to leave dead ends for you to follow so by the time you learnt about the shipment, it would be too late,” Eloise reached forward for the recording wire, twisting it in her palm as she looked at it, silently figuring out how it worked, “But fake tip offs will only get me so far, it wouldn’t be believed to give them enough time to get in and get out before someone reported it,”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Calum chuckled lightly, glancing over at Nikki who reached forward to hand Eloise a folded piece of paper she had pulled out of her jacket, “We’ve got that covered,”

Eloise looked at Nikki, brows dropped in question, hand reaching out and taking the folded piece of card from her. The image that welcomed itself to her when she unfolded the sheet was one that caused her eyes to widen a little, the bold poster having the answer to her question.

“Okay, but how’s a football match going to help us?” Eloise lifted the poster, turning it in her hand as if to show Nikki the bright blue background.

“It’s a charity match,” Calum began, “It’s an annual thing held every year in light of raising money for Gracie Square hospital, which is very close to the Police Commissioner’s heart. But the date is wrong, on that poster is shows the date being next Saturday night, the same night as the shipment, when it actually isn’t happening for a few weeks,” Calum pointed to the brightly coloured text at the bottom of the poster, smirking at his awful attempt at photoshop, “So, you can use this alongside a fake tip off, assuring that 90% of the NYPD will be too busy running around a field to know what’s going on,”

“And you think this is gonna work?” Eloise’s tongue poked the inside of her cheek, an unsure sigh leaving her as she stared down at the poster. Would they really fall for something like that?

“Only one way to find out,” Nikki threw Eloise a shrug, reaching behind her to grab her jacket, removing her ankle from her knee before standing to her feet. She slid her jacket on with ease, looking down at the couple who sat on the couch, a gentle smile on her face as the sound of her boots clicked against Calum’s wooden floor as she made her way around the chair and picked up her purse. “I’ll leave that with you guys, but I need to head back to the station. Believe it or not but some of us still have real police work to do,” She shot a playful glare at Calum, “Not all of us have a million vacation days to use up,”

“I’ll walk you out,” Calum chuckled at Nikki’s remark, leaving a rather unsure Eloise by herself on the couch, poster in hand as she read the same words over and over again in her head.

Were they crazy for thinking this could work? Maybe.

Calum joined Nikki outside, closing the door behind him quietly as if not to disturb the silence. Nikki took a few steps before turning to face Calum, stopping just before the descending steps of his porch, tilting her head, and giving him a knowing smirk. “What have you gotten yourself into, Hood?” She couldn’t stop the dry laugh, her arms crossing across her chest as she leaned back, the large pillar behind her preventing her from stumbling, “You’re really gonna let her leave New York?”

Calum’s brows furrowed, almost unsure of how to take her question. Was she insinuating he backtracked? Insinuating that he betrayed her? “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” His tone was bitter, as if he had just sucked a ripe lemon.

“You love her and you’re really just going to let her leave?” Nikki crossed a leg in front of the other as she stood in place, keeping her voice down to prevent any lingering ears from overhearing them, “Or is that why you’re letting her go?”

Calum froze on the spot, his arms limp by his side as he registered Nikki’s accusation. One word had such an impact, delivering an almighty punch to his gut that left him winded. Such a powerful word; so small yet so big.

He knew that he loved being around Eloise, loved every moment he spent with her, but he had never truly thought about loving her. Calum believed he would eventually feel that way for her in due time, knowing he was head over heels for the girl who sat in his home, but was it possible to feel it as quickly as he was accused of. Was it love when he didn’t even admit it to himself first? When it took for a third party to point it out as if it was as obvious as a stain on a white shirt?

All the feelings she had made him feel over the past few weeks seemed to hit him like a truck, feeling like he was being thrown around like a ragdoll in the clutches of something he couldn’t escape. It was a scary feeling, usually compared to the likes of being on a rollercoaster you couldn’t get off, but to Calum it felt like so much more. It felt like he wasn’t in control, as if he couldn’t stop himself, couldn’t stop the way his heart skipped a beat when he thought of her smile, or the way he involuntarily smiled at the thought of her laugh. He felt as though he were simply a character, a creation of someone else who made his decisions for him, when in reality, everything he felt was caused by a pretty brunette by the name of Eloise. And yet somehow, for a man who felt as though the feelings were out of his control, he knew they were real. Every single one of them.

Did she even love him? Could she even love him? They had something, he knew they did, but was she willing to let herself succumb to the possibility of being in love when they were so close to a potential life-changing altercation? Was he willing to allow himself to embrace the true feelings, to share the word that he was yet to say to the girl who he knew had his heart in her hands?

“It’s clear as day, Cal,” Nikki’s voice caught his attention, bringing him back from the whirlwind of thoughts in his head and the pounding in his chest, “And if I can see it then so can everyone else, and I can see she feels the same,”

“But- “

“It’s in the small details, Calum,” Nikki stood upright, pulling her purse further up her arm, “The way you look at her, there’s a clear line between caring for someone and loving someone,” She smiled at the final words, “And you, Calum Hood, are loving her,”

With that final statement, Nikki turned to take her leave, walking down Calum’s driveway towards her parked car, sending a friendly wave through the windscreen before she started her engine and made her way back to the precinct, leaving Calum stood on his porch with her words circling around his head.

Calum loved Eloise. Deep down, he knew he did, but he was afraid to admit it, to himself, but also to her. She had asked him on that day if they were just setting themselves up for heartbreak, if he were prepared to risk everything he had for a total stranger? Calum recalled his response, ‘I’m willing if you are’, knowing he was wrong. He wasn’t willing. He was certain. Calum knew he would risk everything for her, that he was doing exactly that, and would do it a hundred times over for her again if she asked.

Now all he had to do was tell her that.

*****

6 Days Left

The smell of the hideout was one she never got used to. It was a strange mixture of cigarettes, dirt, and men. It wasn’t a pleasant smell, not like the one that engulfed her when she was with Calum. She could faintly smell cigarettes on him, knowing he snuck out for a cigarette when she was at his place, but never questioned it, it somehow didn't bother her unlike it did when others smoked. Maybe it was because he never did it around her; he always excused himself without her even having to ask. He was kind like that, seeming to do everything with nothing but consideration in mind for her.

If only everyone could be like that.

The sound of a door opening caught everyone’s attention, the collection of bodies that sat around the table all turned in unison, eyes falling on the open doorway and the body that entered. Eloise’s eyes followed the messy head of hair that floated through the room, watching as Scott met her eyes momentarily before tearing them away and continuing to make his way through the crowded room, taking a seat at the opposite end of the table. He was avoiding her, this only confirming what Eloise already knew from the lack of communication they had prior.

Eloise felt as though everyone’s eyes had turned to her even though they were anywhere but, unable to deny the uncomfortable bubble in her stomach that embedded itself as she watched Scott pick at his hands, becoming ignorant to everything else around him. The seat next to her remained empty, everyone around them assumed that Scott would sit there once Eloise had taken her place, knowing that they sat together every time, that they were a team.

But they couldn’t have felt any further from the word. The distance between them was evident; loud and clear as if someone were ringing a bell in the room, announcing it to anyone who would listen. Things with Scott just seemed to have gotten worse since that night he visited her apartment, the effort he made to answer his phone remaining virtually non-existent. It was almost as if he didn’t have one, as if she had been sending numerous texts to a blank number. Eloise was puzzled in regards to the sudden distance, it seemed to have begun back when everything started out, as if the day that Jay gave her an ultimatum was the day that Scott had begun his descent in associating with her, taking a further step back with each day that passed.

The difference in his physical appearance was one that not many would consider to be a change, but to Eloise it was like a reincarnation. From where she sat, she could make out his sunken eyes, the bags beneath them evident and dark, as if he hadn’t slept in days, the bruise that discoloured his jaw caught her attention, her brows furrowing as she thought of where it could have come from. Scott wasn’t a fighter unless provoked, or at least she thought he wasn’t. He wasn’t the same man she once called her best friend; he was an entirely different person.

Her eyes fell to her left, watching as Gabriel settled himself in the chair beside her, the blond jutting his chin over to Scott before catching her eyes, “What’s his problem?”

She wished she knew. If anyone were to ask her what was wrong with Scott a month ago, she would know within a heartbeat. But now… Now she had no idea. “Beats me,” She gave a limp shrug, sighing as she crossed her legs over one another while they continued to wait.

Jay was late. As usual.

Eloise’s eyes glance around the room, familiar faces surrounding her – faces she had grown up around as well as a few new ones she had come to know over the years. Many of them her own age, a few older, a few even younger than her, and guilt bubbled in the shallow pit of her stomach at the thought of cursing those who were only doing what they knew to the life behind bars that they would most likely live out if the whole deal fell through like it was supposed to.

The door practically flew off its hinges when Jay entered, barging through the doorway with heavy footsteps, a smug grin plastered across his face. A burner phone was clutched in his hand as he took his position at the head of the table, eyes cascading over the collection of bodies who hung on his every word and awaited the news he had gathered them to hear.

“Just came off the phone with Anton, and the deal’s still on,” Every word Jay spoke was like a needle pricking Eloise’s skin, the pompous attitude he oozed where he thought he was invincible made her skin crawl, “He’s bringin’ along a few of his boys, and according to him the shipment should be coming in at midnight,”

Brown eyes drifted to the side, catching the way Scott sat with his arms crossed along his chest, Eloise’s stomach sinking at the expression on his face, it was almost as if Scott was excited for this.

If only they knew what was being planned…

Jay continued on, spewing instruction after instruction of what he expected of his team on the night. Loaded guns, no distractions, blah blah blah… Eloise had to fight back the eyeroll her body wanted to give at Jay’s words; the same words he spoke before every bust or deal they walked into. But it was what he said next that caused Eloise to second guess the action her body naturally wanted to act on.

“And Scott’s gonna be upfront with me on this one,” He moved to stand behind Scott, hands resting on his shoulders, “It’s about time he had his chance to show everyone what he’s really made of, so I’ve decided he’s gonna ride up front with me on this bust,”

Eloise could have sworn someone was strangling her, the sudden lack of air to her lungs was painful as she heard Jay’s words. Scott was going to be his frontman… She drinks in the sight before her, eyes darting between the two, catching the almost-proud smile Jay was shining towards Scott, as if he were a child who had just taken his first steps.

“Scotty here has been working his ass off lately, bringin’ in some extra cash like I asked unlike the rest of you,” Jay spat the last part, his eyes narrowing as the vivid orbs burned holes into the skin of the scattered bodies, “Who here heard about the booze buy over in Staten Island a few nights ago?”

Glances were shared around the room, varied confused expressions and utters of ‘what buy?’ circled around before the sound of a fist slamming down onto the table brought the confused eyes back to the man of the hour, the anger radiating like steam from his body. Everyone was used to how quickly his mood would change, it very much acting like someone flicked a switch in the control room that was his brain, hardly anyone flinching at the sudden outburst from Jay.

“Exactly,” Jay seethed through gritted teeth, slowly lifting his clenched fist before resting it back on Scott’s tense shoulder, “But Scott here found out about it through the grapevine, decided to conduct a lil’ bit of business of his own out there, took the buyers from right under the Wolves’ noses,” Jay’s tone oozed with excitement as he talked about Scott’s endeavour, god it was almost as if it turned him on. Okay, gross.

Eloise’s eyes fell to Scott, disappointment clouding over her face as she shook her head barely, the movement hardly even acknowledged by her neck as she held back the sigh that sat heavy in her chest. How could he have been so stupid, she thought to herself. Staten Island wasn’t their area, they didn’t even venture into Staten Island regardless of business or not, silently agreeing to keep out of that area of New York for their own good.

The White Wolves weren’t the kind of gang that let things slide easily, and they weren’t too fond of others walking around their territory even if no harm was intended. Everyone knew that. But now, Scott had really rattled the cage; stealing business from another gang in their own part of the city was practically asking for trouble. It just enlarged the painted targets on their backs that were laid on them that night at Mooney’s, another rule being broken, and she knew that this time there was no question that this would entice a war.

How could she have let him be so stupid?

Eloise blamed herself. She always had done when it came to Scott, mainly because this time she wouldn’t be able to get him out of the trouble he had brought onto himself. All those years where she would talk his way out of whatever he had landed himself in had become for nothing, the end result of this oncoming altercation would be the breaking point, the only time when Eloise wouldn’t be able to save him.

This wasn’t Scott’s style though… Yeah, he had a big mouth and talked his way into trouble, but he was never usually stupid enough to go and break the rules that they had lived by for years. 

That was unless someone was convincing him otherwise…

Why didn’t she see it sooner; the distance, the ignoring of phone calls, lack of communication, cold shoulders, silent treatment, everything that had been building up for the past few weeks all made sense so suddenly, it was because of him. Jay had been working his way in since the day the plan was created, immediately creating a divide between Scott and Eloise. He was removing Eloise from the picture so he could get his claws into Scott, to move him away from the sensibility of Eloise’s motives and plant the blond in his very own twisted ones.

For years she had been a witness to the ways of Jay Snow; his manipulation of those below him in order to give him what he wants. He had always treated those below him as if they were prodigies, a personal project for him to use in order to build a powerful following that he could lead into power and would help him to control New York. And that’s exactly what he was turning Scott into.

God, she felt like such an idiot… How didn’t she see this sooner? She had been so blinded with Calum and focusing on overthrowing the gang that she hadn’t seen what had been happening while she was gone. She had lost her best friend, and there was no way in getting him back.

Eloise’s eyes met with Han’s from the doorway to her left, eyes peering over the heads of the others who had gathered while the tall man shot her a warning look as if to tell her to calm down. Eloise rolled her lips into her mouth almost painfully as she tried to release her shaky breath as quietly as possible, calming herself as she listened to the remainder of the spiteful speech Jay was throwing around the room.

There was a small part of her that had silently prayed that she would get Scott out, that she would be able to confess the ploy to him and convince him to run with her, to give them both a chance at a new life. But it was too late now… There was no way she would be able to pull him out of this. He was in too deep. He was at rock bottom with the worst of them.

Her mind felt like it spaced out, a million thoughts racing through the space at a million miles an hour, everything else around seeming so distant. This included the repeated question that sounded like a mere muffle in her ears until a nudge to her arm brought her back into the reality that she wished she weren’t a part of.

“Were you listenin’?” Jay asked rhetorically, brows raised, and chin tilted down as he stared at Eloise’s slouched figure from across the table. God, he infuriated her, talked down to her like a child, always had done. For years she brushed it off, it being her normal, but lately it burned her skin uncomfortably with every word.

She licked the top row of her teeth, tongue sliding along the front as she threw a haphazard shrug towards Jay, sitting slightly more upright as she rested an elbow on the dark table in front of her.

“Any word on the cop situation for the night?” Taylor’s voice piped up from behind Eloise, the sound of the new yet familiar tone was pleasant to Eloise momentarily before her brain kicked in, reminding her to fall back into the false confidence of playing along with the original plan. “Since she seems to be in a world of her own, has our dear little Eloise pulled her head out of the clouds for longer than five minutes and got the job done?”

Eloise had to fight the roll of her eyes yet again, turning her head briefly to look at Taylor, whose eyes were firmly planted on her, the cold blue orbs meeting her brown ones as she spoke, an intimidation game subtly taking place between the two young members. “You’re so lucky that I don’t put a bullet in you,” She pursed her lips, irritated, and fed up with the snarky comments like those which had been thrown around.

“Well, have you done it or not?”

“As far as they know, the shipment has been pushed back until late next week,” Eloise crossed her left knee over her right as she prodded the table with her finger, sighing as she looked down at the table briefly, “Told ‘em that the dock was confirmed to be the one down by St George in Staten Island, and I even got a dodgy text to look as though one of Corp had sent it,”

“Fuckin’ mugs,” Jay scoffed, smirking as he made his way back to the head of the table, perching himself on the edge so he was half-sitting on the brim as he watched Eloise with intent, waiting for her continue, clearly expecting more to follow.

“As for keeping ‘em busy on the night, they’ll be too caught up over in Eisenhower,” Eloise explained, “I set up a tip off on a supposed drug deal going on down there on Saturday and they’re crawling all over it,” She chuckled a little, almost scoffing as she looked to Jay, watching as he quite literally drank in every lie that left her lips, “So most of their night shift is gonna be working overtime on that case if what I’ve heard is right. But I’ve also found out that there’s a charity football game being held over in Belmont Park,” She reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out the folded poster that Nikki had given her, unfolding it before laying it out on the wooden table before sliding it over to Jay’s line of sight.

His green eyes scanned the poster, large hand reaching out and pulling it towards him, the paper sliding along the table like a snake slithering along the grass. Eloise watched as his eyes read over the words spread across the page, eyes pausing on the date, watching as they noted the small print at the bottom.

Let’s hope that was enough.

“The Commissioner organises it every year, requests all officers who are off-duty to come and participate,” Her voice continued, brown eyes watching as Jay’s green never tore from the poster in his eye line, “It’s gonna be over-crowded, apparently every cop in the city will be there as well as their families and friends. So, if they get called in about the shipment, it’ll give us more than enough time to clear out and move before they get even remotely near to the boat yard,”

“And your cop friend told you all this?” Taylor’s voice quizzed, “Where’s he gonna be on the night?”

Eloise’s eyes casted over to the side, the peering eyes of Taylor burning into the corner of her brown orbs as she refused to give him her full attention. “Calum’s playing at the game,” She answered nonchalantly.

“So, he’s gonna be busy?”

The effort she made not to roll her eyes at Jay’s idiotic query was painful, the gentle sting behind her eyes evident as she fought the primal urge in retaliation to stupidity. For a man who claimed to be so street-smart he sometimes lacked the basic common knowledge of words.

“He’s the captain of one of the teams so I think that says it all,” The scoff fell from her lips like an instinct, her free hand coming up and running through her hair as a few gentle chuckles were shared around the room at her remark.

“So, you think we’re good on the cop front?” Jay’s eyebrows raised in question, hands resting against the edge of the table as he leaned forward, as if to try and apply pressure to Eloise, as if to try and scare her by his physically higher position over her.

“Don’t see why not,” She shrugged, blinking blankly at Jay, “Patrols are gonna have their hands full over in Eisenhower, meanwhile the rest are going to be attending an overpacked football game where no one will be able to move their cars due to arrogance of the many football-maniacs that will also be attending,”

She laughed almost silently at the final part, remembering a story that Calum had shared of the last football game he attended, telling her of the time when he came out of the stadium with his dad only to have to wait for almost an hour to move his car because people had abandoned their vehicles left, right, and centre. The thought of him never had never left her throughout the entire meeting, the familiar warm face constantly playing on her mind as she sat and wondered what would happen to him if this went wrong. It didn’t just affect her, it impacted him in a way she couldn’t even begin to realise.

“Just think; by this time Saturday night we’ll be rollin’ in more money than we know what to do with,” Jay grinned, hands clasping together as he brought himself to his feet, palms sliding against one another greedily.

It always came back to money. Everything came back to the fucking money. But to Jay, this was the start of what he believed to be his climb to the top, his rise to power.

But all Eloise could think about was the desire to counteract his statement, to wipe the smug look off of his face and destroy every ounce of disgusting hope he had for what he wanted to achieve. She wanted to watch him crumble as she told him about how all he was going to become after Saturday night was another criminal who would spend the rest of his days behind bars, locked away from socialisation as the society he had transformed would dissipate into thin air.

It was a brief moment of want, the urge to watch Jay break surging through her, before she had to remind herself to wait. She knew she had to wait for her chance, to wait until the right moment on the night where she would be able to watch with front row seats as everything Jay worked to completely eradicate before his very eyes. 

Eloise’s ears became deaf to Jay’s words, the speech of how they were going to take their stand in the food chain that was the gang society within the city, this being their opportunity to climb up the ladder and make their success known. God, he talked so much shit. Her eyes fell to her boots beneath the table, eyes depicting the scuffs along the toes and sides while also noting the growing tear in the stitching where the sole connected with the toe of her boot. A new pair of boots were another thing that she had placed on the backburner, figuring it could be ignored until her boots quite literally fell off of her feet.

Her eyes subtly ventured across the room, head staying in place, watching how numerous members hung on Jay’s every word, many of them only doing so because they knew no better. Her lifestyle was so alike to others in this room, yet she couldn’t handle it anymore. She had lived this way for longer than a great deal of the men in the room, so why couldn’t she handle what she used to be so accustomed to?

Since she met Calum, so many things seemed to fall into place, they seemed to make sense. It was as if every time he touched her, he fixed a broken piece of her, allowing her to see past the blindness and lies she had been fed, to see the truthful answers to so many questions she had over the years. It allowed her to learn so much truth within so many lies. She pieced together why her mother fought so hard to keep her away from this life, why her mother was so willing to tarnish her own love with the man she married to protect her daughter. She pieced together why Ruby left one day and never came back, why Han had turned so cold towards the idea of love, playing it like a game. Every woman who was more than a toy to one of the Gypsy Kings had been the single thing that tried to create a divide between the lifestyle they led and the life they tried to create with those they loved, each one only ending with the same conclusion: to be a distant memory.

She felt her world freeze momentarily as her chocolate eyes met with the familiar golden ones of Scott. God, her heart hurt when she looked at him. He looked so lost, so hurt, so different, and yet the only thing she could focus on was how he looked at her. He didn’t look at her like he normally did, he looked to be hurt yes, but it was as if he was hurt by her, as if he felt nothing but disappointment as he searched for the familiar spark that he had grown up with. They both searched for the same thing in each other, the familiar warmth that settled in their stomachs knowing they were there for each other. But this time, there was nothing. There was no buzz, no fond smile, no friendship. And that hurt.

Eloise felt her heart crack at the way he watched her. He looked as if she was the one who had given him the bruise on his jaw, as if she were the one who had forced his hand to go into Staten Island and do what he did.

It was when his eyes broke with hers that she felt as though she saw the change in Scott solidify, as if before it was only a temporary covering that would fade, but now it was him. It was as if everything they had gone through meant nothing, as if he were more than was willing to forget it all and succumb to the hypnotic words of their rotten leader and toss her aside. But wasn’t that, in a way, what she was doing; throwing away everything they had to trap the Gypsy Kings and sell them out, ultimately betraying everyone she was supposed to look at as family? Maybe so, but she tried so hard to convince herself that this was different.

She practically jumped when she felt the tight weight fall on her shoulders, turning her head and finding Jay stood over her from behind, hands clamped around her shoulders as he squeezed, a proud laugh erupting from his chest. She wanted to shrink at his words, hearing how he praised her for her work, the weight of his hands matching the weight of her heart when she heard his next remark.

“You’re a real Gypsy King now,” Jay’s snake-like tongue suffocated the air as the words echoed throughout the room, as if he were announcing it, “Thomas’d be proud, a true Gypsy legacy carrying through the generations,”

Eloise pursed her lips, masking her grimace with a slight smirk, eyes falling to her lap as her hands fidgeted inside her pockets, fingers gripping onto her phone as she tried to focus on anything other than the words that Jay spoke. The mention of his name falling from his cold lips felt wrong, it felt dirty to hear a man with so much innocent blood on his hands speak of someone so close to her. She knew her father was no saint, but he was nothing like Jay, not even close.

He’d be proud…

No, he wouldn’t. Eloise wanted to be sick at the thought of someone being proud of her for doing what she had done in the past, for committing the wrongful acts she had participated in over the years because she knew no better. She had no guide throughout her teenage years, not a real one, since her dad died. She was a sheep for long enough, following what her friends did and craved for the ability to fit in somewhere and to belong. Eloise knew he wouldn’t be proud of who she was, but she did have a glimmer of hope that he would be proud of who she was becoming, even temporarily, as she tried to correct the wrong that she had done.

By the time Jay had finished up with the praising and going over small details in regard to the night, everyone took their leave, abandoning the hideout and disappearing into the night to return home or wherever it was that they went, Eloise was left alone at the table, her fingers twisting and turning her phone in her hands as she sat in her chair, unable to make herself move as she sat in the peaceful silence. The light above her had an orange tinge, the overcast adding a gentle glow to her skin as she thought to herself. No one had even said goodbye to her as they left, well no one except from Gabriel, a gentle pat on her shoulder being the silent goodbye he usually offered before he returned home to his small apartment in the east of Brooklyn.

Six days was all she had left. Well, six days and a few hours if she wanted to be precise… Such a small amount of time before her life would change forever. She only had to hold on just a little bit longer before she got to watch as everything Jay wanted would be taken from him, to be able to know that she had prevented any further destruction to be caused by him, but at the same time the small wait was also for what would possibly be when her own destruction would take full effect.

The threat Jay made at the very beginning played on her mind; simply threatening her to end up like her parents, but now it felt more real than ever that the – what was believed to be empty – threat would be a likely conclusion. She had no one to blame but herself, digging a hole so deep that no one could possibly help her get out of it.

It was times like these, when her mind was at its worst as it dug endless holes and created unanswerable questions that would puzzle her to no end, that she wished she had her mother with her. Eloise missed her dearly, but rarely wished wholeheartedly to have her around, not wanting to pain her heart any more than she already had. She missed the advice her mother used to give her, never really identifying it as advice instead mere suggestions. Eloise would run to her mother every time she had a question when she was a kid, or if she had an ultimatum to make, knowing her mother would always give her an answer she unknowingly wanted to hear.

Like when she was nine and couldn’t decide if she wanted to study butterflies or ladybugs for her personal project for school, or when she was ten and was left heartbroken because she didn’t get asked to go to the Christmas dance unlike most of the other girls in her class, thinking that her life was practically over. Very dramatic, Eloise.

Her mother would sit her down and explain to her that she was going to need to make a decision that made her happy, explaining that there would be many occasions throughout her life where Eloise would need to decide what was best for her, to strictly think of herself and put her own happiness before others. But Natalia always reminded her that there was a time and place to be selfish, always trying to teach her daughter how to be kind but also to be strong. Every pep talk she gave ended with the same somewhat finishing line, unintentionally sticking in her mind even when she didn’t really want it to.

She would always say that Eloise had a choice in everything she did, in every decision and every outcome; to decide if she was going to accept what happened and move on or if she was going to change it for the better.

God, if only she were still here, Eloise wished. What she would give to get some advice on what she should do, on where she should go from there. What she would give to have a hug right then; a warm motherly hug, something she hadn’t felt since she was eleven.

What that girl would give just to feel that comfort once more.

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