#or rather merlin's trust issues

[poisonedfate]

me: i'm not gonna make this about magic

also me:

[sunshinemayhem]

second chances - @wolfstarmicrofic - word count: 807

“Sirius, can we talk?” Remus makes an aborted motion at Sirius’s retreating back. James and Peter have already left, and transfiguration doesn't start for another thirty minutes. It’s the best time to have this conversation.

Sirius pauses, then raises an eyebrow, leaning against the door. His face is unreadable.

Remus nods. He’s grateful, at least, that Sirius hasn’t ignored him. “I’m sorry,” he says, unconsciously twisting the hem of his shirt.

Silence.

Remus takes a deep breath. This is harder than expected, but he promised himself he’d stop running away. He looks up, meeting Sirius’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, “I screwed up. I didn’t think of how I was hurting you. I.. I was afraid. I was so afraid of losing you –of losing what we had– that I chose to break my own heart before you could do it.” In the back of his head, he questions the Sorting Hat’s sanity for the millionth time.

Remus continues, “It’s not an excuse. I really am sorry.” He swallows. “I’m also sorry that I’m here now, putting you in this position, wanting to make up after I recklessly tore us apart.” He laughs, an ugly thing. “Merlin, I’m a selfish bastard, aren’t I? I’m sorry.” He’s long given up on eye contact. Remus stares at the ground, refusing to blink. He takes a deep breath.

“I.. I think I’m in love with you.” Remus thinks he hears a hitch in Sirius’s throat, but he can’t be sure. The next part is difficult, but it needs to be said. He owes it to the years of friendship between them.

His words come out faster. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I get it. Really, I do. I’m a pessimist, I’m flawed, I get in my own head. I’m trying, but I’m not perfect. And- And if you’d rather stay friends, I’ll be okay. Well, not okay but I’ll be fine-” Now it was Remus’s breath hitching. He blinks, then ducks his head, swiping his arm against his eyes. He’s humiliated himself enough.

There’s silence again, but Remus has finished his daily quota of courage. “I guess that’s all I had to say.” he shuffles his feet, lifts his head, looking anywhere but Sirius. He laughs once, bitter. “You know, I’d really appreciate a response.”

It’s quiet. Remus swallows. “I guess silence is an answer.” He screws his face up, willing himself not to cry. He really had fucked up, hadn’t he? He wonders if he’ll be okay.

“You-” He stops. He wants Sirius to leave. He starts again, “You’ll have to give me some time to deal with it, you understa-” Warm hands cup his face, and his words get stuck in his throat. They gently guide him to look forward, and Remus’s eyes widen as he realizes that Sirius –Sirius, who’d rather be humiliated publicly by Snape than cry– has puffy, red eyes. He still looks gorgeous, the git.

“Don’t cry, Moony.” he croaks, voice cracking after being silent for so long. Remus feels him gently cup his cheek, wiping away tears. Oh. He hadn’t realized that he was crying. He guesses willpower can only do so much. He feels exhausted, suddenly. 

Sirius is still talking, words tumbling over each other, frenetic. “You shouldn’t ever be sad. Never, never, never–” he cuts himself off. “You deserve to be happy. Always.”

Remus looks away, his face still being held hostage by the tenderness in Sirius’s movements. He can’t be comforted. What Sirius isn’t saying cuts like a sharp edge. He can feel acid at the back of his throat, and curses himself for expecting a different answer.

“Look at me,” Sirius says, his voice gentle. It rarely is, and Remus can’t fight it.

“I think I’m in love with you too.” Remus is caught off guard. There’s no way to misinterpret that. The voices in his head can’t contest it. 

“Don’t ever say that you’re not enough.” His voice is steady now. “I’m definitely more flawed than you are. I’m cruel, I’m superficial, I have too many trust issues.” Remus’s eyebrows draw together. He doesn’t agree, but his mouth has decided that that’s enough words for today. Sirius understands, like always. They’d always been like that, having conversations with glances, not needing words. In hindsight, that had become a bad thing when they’d stopped communicating. 

“Shh, let me finish. I’m sorry too. I didn’t know you were feeling like this. I noticed that you were acting differently, but I was too afraid that you were having second thoughts about me. I wanted to pretend everything was alright so that it didn’t end. ” Remus, again, wants to interrupt, but he’s stopped by Sirius’s earnest stare.

Sirius leans in. “I’m selfish too,” he whispers, “how about we try again?”

And just like that, Remus dares to hope.

[just-a-ghost00]

Who is your soulmate/twin flame? - Pick a Bangchan aesthetic edition

Twin flame is usually a term used to designate a specific type of soul bond/ soul contract between two individuals. They are sometimes refered to as « a single soul coming from the same egg » that got seperated before being incarnated. Each bearing different wounds, they navigate lifetimes to hopefully heal and reunite, becoming one again. Twin flames could be what you could say is Plato’s definition of soulmates. In modern times, the term soulmate refers to two distinct souls that have shared many lifetimes together and are meant to cross paths again in this lifetime to teach each other lessons and help each other resolve karma. Whether we are referring to one or another, both have in common a deep sense of love and connection. Whether you enquire about a twin flame or a soulmate, know that they aren’t necessarily a romantic partner. They could be of any gender. They might not be incarnated yet. They could be a child, an adult, a parent, a friend, a coworker. If you proceed with this reading, you should step in it with an open heart and mind. Take only what resonates and leave doubt at the gate. As you read, you may find that the person I’m describing sounds like you. That is because soulmates/TF tend to mirror one another. If it doesn’t feel like anything that makes sense to you, then maybe this reading held no messages for you today. Yours truly,

Just a ghost.

Group 1 - Rocky Chan🤘 Channeled song : BTBT from B.I feat Soulja boy & DeVita

Tarot : 8 of wands, Queen of swords, ace of swords, 9 of wands, 2 of cups, The Fool

Oracle cards : Ametrine - Make your big dreams your big life, Shiva Lingam - Go all in on your essence, 3 Dolphin - Socialize and celebrate life, play

Messages from Merlin :

Mandragora spell - Be the master of your beliefs : Your fears and anxiety are the product of your beliefs. Stop ruminating, for none of it is meant to happen. Your beliefs shape your reality so transform them to make them reflect your wishes and thus materialize them.

Red dragon & white dragon - Shed light onto your shadow : Shed light onto your inner conflicts. By accepting your mistakes and fears with humility, you’ll allow your trust and harmony to take back their rightful place in your realm. Don’t hesitate to apologize to and forgive yourself.

Whyvern spell - Choose consciously : Before you give in to temptation and follow a thought, a project or a person, take the time to learn more about them. Listen to your reason and intuition in order to avoid delusions. You can then peacefully envision what’s next.

Significant signs : Pisces, Gemini, Scorpio, Cancer, Sagittarius, numbers 8 1 9 2 0 3, letters F P A S L , colors like pastel pink / purple / ocean blue /red, dolphins, snakes, white dogs

Key words : idealist, hopeless romantic, Peter Pan syndrom, mommy issues, creative, connection, playfulness, emotional immaturity, soft hearted, touch starved, loyalty, inner child healing

This reading is going to be quite lengthy so bear with me. Grab a pen and a notebook if you wish. This person feels rather masculine. They are a soulmate of yours without a doubt. In terms of looks and general information, they have rather wavy hair and a lean body. They’re a swimmer or they enjoy any kind of activity related to water, like fishing or diving. They have tanned skin. They probably have kind of a surfer vibe. They live near an important body of water or they want to live near water. They likely have clear and shiny eyes, big doe eyes and kind of a lost puppy look. Their style feels pretty flowy and laid back. Probably casual most of the time. They feel gender fluid. They could identify as being bisexual. They are likely younger than you. If so, they are only a few years younger. You might want to check group 2 as well if you hesitated between the two groups. They could like painting as well, especially water coloring.

This person is a dreamer. Eternally dissatisfied with life, they long for more. They seek for thrilling and exhilarating sensations to make them feel alive. They are carefree, playful, innocent in many ways. It’s like they never had the time and space to really grow, to be a child with childlike occupations and worries. They had to grow up and be responsible too quickly too soon, probably because they were the eldest of their siblings or because they had to take care of an ill relative. They are an idealist. They tend to be very harsh on themselves, they struggle with the feeling of being good enough. They are the people pleaser, the mom friend, the psychologist, the cutie bestie of the group that gives so much but only gets so little in return and would never say a thing about it because they think they don’t deserve to demand anything. They are the social butterfly, the « I have so many friends » that they barely know type. They crave attention, they crave love. They love the idea of love. They are often in their little bubble, wishfully thinking about life and people. They are probably the type that wonders where in the world their soulmate is and WTF they are doing. They idealize love. Probably because they’ve never really been in love. They are incredibly intuitive and sensitive, caring and lovable. They like to make people feel good, to show love through acts of service and affirmations. They are all over the place. They are so excited by life and what it has to offer. They are an over thinker. They are pretty communicative. Though they are innocent and naive, they know pretty well what they want. They don’t hesitate to cut people off when needed. They have a lot of responsibilities on their shoulders. The concept of love and being in relationships is pretty new to them. They lack experience in the matters of the heart. They are a wanderer. They like to travel and explore places but also mindsets and people. This person has the potential to astral travel. They have very vivid dreams and nightmares. Intimacy scares the shit out of them but they crave it just as much as they dread it. This person wants to have children. They love children, love the idea of a big family. Since this person is so creative and dreamy and they have the Play card, they could very well be an artist or someone that has a meaningful presence online. They work in the entertainment industry in some way, shape or form. They tend to burn themselves out. They lack patience sometimes. They might struggle with ADHD or any other form of neurodivergence. They could be on the spectrum. This person’s purpose in life is to bring healing by alleviating the weight of other souls. Hence the entertainment thing. They are meant to distract people from their struggles and shadows so that they can appreciate their existence to a bare minimum and breathe a little. They could enjoy working with kids specifically. Being a teacher or a social worker could also be a thing they are into. They like to share and evolve in groups. Because they struggle with finding a sense of belonging. They feel sometimes like they are not from this earth and something more awaits them. Especially if they are on the spectrums (LGBTQIA+, Autism and so on). It can be hard for them to relate to other people or read the atmosphere in social settings. Being the comic relief of the group helps them deal with the stress that generates. They often wear masks to be liked by other people which gets pretty tiring. Hence they have no energy left to tend to themselves which is why they look for connections where they can rely on their partner without asking for or worrying about anything. They like to be pampered and praised, especially in bed.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Group 2 - Smiley Chan ����

Channeled song : You can’t hold my heart from Monsta X Significant signs : Scorpio, Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, Libra, Taurus, letters S L J P B K, snakes, ravens, numbers 37 19 9 6 11, colors like pastel green / sandy grey / soft blues

Tarot cards : Queen of wands, The Sun, 9 of wands, The Lovers, Page of swords, Justice Oracle cards : The Pillar, 37 Candy Basslet rx - Know your worth, Shungite - Get real with your truth, Bloodstone - Power up your vitals

Messages from Merlin The Wizard :

The 9 Guardians of Avalon - Ask and you shall receive : They guard the order of all things. They ensure the threads of fate twist and twine as they should and at the right time. Be sincere about what you wish for and they shall answer in their own way. Pay attention!

Guinevra Queen of Arthur - There is no King without a Queen : you need the qualities of both masculine and feminine. Combine your thinking with your sensitivity and creativity to your decision making skills and influence. It is within this fair and balanced union that fruitful projects can be birthed.

Tuatha Dé Danann - Message from the silent people : We became Sidhes, people from the underground of the earth we seek to protect. Faes and divine beings, our magic is powerful. Come meet us in the forest, by a lake or a river. Seek our help in the form of a simple prayer and we shall know how to comfort you.

Key words : daddy issues, ambition, balance, communication, spirituality, intensity, depth, grounding, self confidence, self worth, anger issues

There is a lot to cover here and this is going to be a lengthy reading so bear with me. Feel free to take notes, make your own research if you feel called to especially when it comes to the crystals mentioned. So first of all, I want to say that this person’s energy feels like it’s currently in it’s feminine era. Though this person is very balanced in general they are indulging more into their feminine side. They could have long hair and rather tanned skin. They like going outdoors, bathing into the sun, going for walks or running. They are athletic and pretty active. The reason I am saying this is because all of the tarot cards we have here are illustrated with very feminine characters. Now this person is very much owning their power and doing their best to unapologetically be themselves. In the past, they struggled with their body image and sense of self but it seems like they are coming to terms with that. They have strong boundaries and there’s a depth to them that could really trigger/scare people, including you. This person has been through so much they can’t be bothered anymore. They don’t have time for mind games, petty lies and arguments. They want to be treated with respect and are willing to do the same so long as you don’t cross them. They are very much down to earth and simple in their functioning : all or nothing type of mentality, be good to me and I’ll be great to you, stab me and I’ll bring hell upon your head. They don’t forgive and forget easily and could hold grudges. This person values honesty, fairness, integrity. They have a strong moral compass and look for people who can match their intensity. They are cerebral. They like to think, to imagine, to create. They have the energy and mentality of a leader, a pioneer, someone that people look up to because they pave the way in a very unique manner. This person really stands out from the crowds. They tend to burden and pressure themselves because they hold themselves in high regard. This is due to their upbringing. They were raised to be the man of the house, regardless of their gender. I have a gut feeling they could identify themselves as genderfluid. They value love and connections, loyalty and compassion. They give their all in relationships and are very protective of the people they love. They are very sensual, kinky even. This person is likely to be a potential romantic partner, whether you know them already or not. They are definitely not a child, though they can sometimes harbor the energy of one. They are bratty and stubborn AF. They get under people’s skin easily whether for good or bad reasons. They elicit strong reactions from people because their vibrations are beyond anything people can fathom.

Sometimes they overextend themselves. They like to give and be of help to others. People tend to feed off of their light like leeches. They could attract a lot of narcissistic people, naysayers and haters just by breathing. This person’s job in this lifetime is solely to trigger people and shake their dusty and sterile belief systems. Which is probably what they’re also meant to do in your life. Honestly, this feels like a twin flame connection. If you were ever wondering if you had one, now I guess you know. If we get more detailed about their looks and general information about them, I’d say they’re pretty curvy. They kinda set the usual standards of beauty off. This person was never meant to fit into a box. They’re their own goddam category. Very very strong energy here. They’re the type of person that maybe wouldn’t match the traditional beautiful/pretty girl/boy stereotype but instead would look magnificent because of what they radiate. Their morals and ideals are their beauty. They’re beautiful because of the way they think, the way they treat people with equity, the way they are deep down when no one is looking. They have unconventional interests or an unconventional way of going about common interests. Their eyes could be what draws you in. Other than that, their voice can be pretty addictive. Their whole being is addictive actually. They are likely to be a foreigner or someone that was raised with a different culture than yours. This person likes to play with their appearance and the way they present themselves. Their fashion style can vary depending on their mood.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Group 3 - Dreamy Chan Channeled song : My Oasis from Sam Smith feat Burna Boy

Tarot cards : 5 of pentacles rx, knight of pentacles, 2 of cups, 6 of pentacles, 7 of pentacles, king of cups Oracle cards : Ascension, Labradorite - Protect your magic, Pyrite - call on your core power, 15 Clownfish spirit - Protect your home, 43 Koi fish spirit - Just for fun

Possible signs : Pisces, Taurus, Scorpio, colors like soft greens and yellows, baby blue, cows and bulls, white dogs, letters A L P K C

Messages from Merlin The Wizard :

Mordred's betrayals - Don't let anger be your master : your anger isn't a good advisor. Shout, write, dance, talk about your suffering to let go of it but don't let it dictate the next chapter of your story. Whatever struggles you face, stay calm, transmute your anger and then you shall know how to deal with it and find solutions.

Merlin crazy in love - What are you ready to let go of? : To choose is to sacrifice realities that could have been. With each decision, you create your story by giving up on other possibilities. If you are wondering what to do, ask yourself what you would like to experience and what you are ready to let go of in order to get there.

Shadow magic - Transmute fear into strength : It is there, lingering in the shadows. Your fear. It doesn't know how much of a strength in can be instead of weakness. Understand your fear and challenge yourself to be stronger than it. Use it as a fuel to improve and have twice as many reasons to be proud of yourself.

Key words : caring, friends to lovers trope, morning calls and text, feeling lost and helpless, laidback, no strings attached, humanitarian work, anger issues, trust issues

This person is a soulmate of yours. They feel both masculine and femine. Their energy is pretty balanced and comforting. They are likely older than you. They have a look and a body type that's pretty common. Not too fit but not that bad either. They kinda blend in the crowd. You wouldn't notice them unless they wanted you to. They likely have long brown/black hair and tanned skin. But that's just a detail. I heard their appearance doesn't matter, they focus more on the soul. They think they're not pretty is what it is about. They are prettier than they think. But more than anything, they want to be known and loved for who they are deep in their core. When it comes to jobs or interests, this person could do something that inspires people. This is very general and can match a lot of jobs and activities. They like to raise awareness and learn from other people, so humanitarian work seems relevant. Artist could also be a possibility. This person is appreciated in their community for their strong values, their gentle side and work ethic. They never judge anyone or look down on people. They are very giving and patient, understanding. They know what it's like to be afraid or struggle. They've known pain on so many levels that at this point they have a black belt in life struggles. I feel like they want to protect people from the shitty sides of life. They want to help people avoid going through the struggles they faced when they were young. Like, let's say this person is queer and had a very hard time being themselves without facing backlash from other people, now that they've come so far they want to advocate for queer rights and help people that may be going through the same experience. Or if this person was abused, now that they've done their healing they want to help victims of abuse. This person has a lot of empathy and understanding of human condition. They are pretty down to earth and realistic. They like routines and patterns. They either work a nine to five or if they don't, they make sure they always do the same things : get their coffee first, set their equipment and tools, check their emails and notifications then get to work. Get a coffee on their way back, wash when they're home, check their mails again, work some more, overthink. Repeat. They strive for more. They long for more than the life they're experiencing right now. They're going through an awakening. This person had been neglecting the spiritual realm. They were only focusing on the material aspects of life. Concepts of souls or connections that went beyond distance and matter didn't resonate with them up until now. They recently had to let go of something that was important to them. Their life has been filled with sacrifice. This person would let opportunities pass, out of humility or out of love for others. They would put other people's needs first, no matter how much pain they were in. But the scales tipped when someone betrayed them or something felt very unfair to them. Like they were screwed over. This person lost confidence because of this and went through a very dark time in their life. They have struggled with depression and anxiety. They've had health issues, their abundance was affected by this situation. They could have lost a lot of money or important business partners, for instance. They could have lost their job or home or even their family. This person is now at a place in their life where they're back on track. They've worked on themselves, fought to regain control over their life and create a reality they could be proud of. Their finances are going well, they somewhat feel fulfilled but in the back of their mind it's like something's missing. They long for connection and attention. Something genuine and light hearted. I think this person has started to date. Or at least, they're open to the idea.

[pippin-katz]

I have discovered that I don't like when fanfics have Arthur react badly to a magic reveal and then continue to have him be insensitive/rude/mean/discriminatory towards Merlin afterwards.

Of course, Arthur canonically reacts negatively to Merlin's magic reveal, but he comes around fairly quickly and the real issue was the deception rather than the magic.

Sometimes I'll read a fic and Arthur will be incredibly stubborn about magic being bad to the point where it's out of character. He had lost his mother to magic, but he still wanted to see the good in it when Uther was dying. Even after Uther died, he wanted to see the good in magic to save Mordred. He's always tried to consider the alternative.

Season 2, Episode 08 - "The Sins of the Father" "What if my father's attitude towards magic is wrong? Perhaps it's not as simple as he would have us believe. Surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil."

Season 5, Episode 05- "The Disir" "Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought."

If it was the magic that bothered him in canon, he would've reacted far different. For example:

Arthur just watched Merlin (possibly) kill those two men. He watched his best friend and the person he trusted most use magic for violence; this is what magic is falsely associated with, but Merlin potentially confirms it in front of Arthur.

If the problem was the magic, he probably would've said something more along the lines of Merlin being a bad person or a monster. Instead he's far more focused on the fact that Merlin lied to him.

I don't mind if characters in fanfics are out of character sometimes, but I guess in this case, since it leads to Arthur being horrible to Merlin, it bothers me. It's an added reason to make him be cruel to him when there's plenty of reason there for a negative reaction already.

Maybe I'm just a snob or overly sensitive, but I guess an inaccurate portrayal of Arthur in magic reveal situations gets under my skin for some reason.

[ask-elland-n-will]

[Written in collaboration with @adallegra 🎃 Slytherin dorms, right after the Polyjuice Potion mishap but before all the other rps.]

Allegra is sitting in her dorm room, for once free from all the hustle and bustle of the Halloween activity and social interactions, when suddenly there is a knock on the door and a quiet couple of honks that sound suspiciously like somebody honking out her name. The knocking itself is also rather familiar to her: the rhythm is the one William insists on using whenever he is about to enter the girls' room. "In emergencies as a prefect, of course," he'd say, and then often sneak in for some gossip that can't wait for any other kind of meeting.

“I told you, Will, I’m not going,” Allegra calls out.

Did Will come with Nosy in hand to try and convince her to join again? Didn't Allegra make it clear to him very early on that she is not interested in drinking any Polyjuice potions and that Will should just go enjoy the evening? Didn't Will begrudgingly but agree, promising to share all the latest news when Halloween is over?

Allegra glances at the clock on her desk. It hasn’t even been that long, but trust Will to keep trying even if she already said no. She steels herself against the combination of Will and Nosy's pleading expressions. One of them, she can still firmly refuse to, but both? She reaches for the pouch of premium niffler treats she keeps in her desk drawer, ready to distract Nosy if it comes to it.

Before she could reply to more knocks, she hears sad honk sounds from the other side of the door, and then a sniffle. And then a few more as the knock repeats itself, weakly as if the dying man is standing on the other side. Merlin, is Will pretending to cry in his last-ditch attempt at convincing her? He hasn’t done that since… actually it hasn’t been that long ago. Allegra’s mind flits to a certain sticky toffee pudding she never got to finish.

Time to dance around the issue for a little bit and send Will back on his merry way to the party: surely he doesn't want to miss a chance to prefect around when somebody inevitably starts playing pranks on people?

She grabs her wand from the table and flicks it at the door which opens to reveal, not Will and Nosy, but Will and Nosy. Her jaw drops. Immediately, she presses a hand to her mouth because it’s clear to her that William is distraught. But her shoulders shake in uncontrollable silent laughter at the Will-Nosy hybrid standing in her doorway. Allegra stands, snatches the bag of treats off her desk and holds it out to her friend but instantly doubles over, laughing in earnest.

Wiping tears from her eyes, she manages, "At least you're not a dugbog, right?"

William starts crying even louder.

She takes a deep, calming breath, and goes to pull William into a hug, keeping the comment about how soft his fur is to herself.

“Silver linings and all, perhaps you’ll have a better grasp of niffler parenting techniques after this?"

Through the tears and sobs, a honk of a snort sounds from somewhere around her shoulder. And then — a crunch of the bag with treats.

[William had to come back to the Slytherin dorms to change right after the incident. Elland hadn't taken the potion just yet and he was worried, so he accompanied Will to the entrance and ended up waiting outside to see Will to the Medical Wing later, too. As a muggle-born, Els didn't find the situation funny at all, not with Will barely holding back the tears.

It's a good thing the ballroom was in the dungeons. Will needed to let go a little, so he stopped by Allegra's room where he knew nobody else would be at this time. Her laughing did actually make him feel better, surprisingly. Firstly, it was great to hear Allegra laugh that much and so earnestly. Will felt a bit proud of that! And secondly, it helped him loosen up. Yes, he cried and cried, but if Allegra found it funny, then it must be. Too bad Will couldn't really speak properly at that moment.

It didn't help that for a while Will felt like Allegra was slowly slipping away from him. Will is busy with classes, homework, prefect duties, Quidditch, and splitting his time between Allegra and Monty. He should find more opportunities to hang out with her. Monty is likely to be staying with Will and his family after they graduate, but Allegra? They definitely need more time before graduation. When else is he going to hear her laugh like that? Oh, what's that? He's eating niffler treats? Hah, honk, good one, Allegra, surely he hasn't lost him min— HONK HONK???

When he left the dorms, he felt much better. Good enough to ease Elland's worry and for Will to presentably make it to the Hospital Wing. Of course, he cried again when Mrs. Blainey told him that he just needed to wait it out naturally for a week or two. The speaking spell was cast, and Elland spent another 10 minutes calming Will down. He would have to come back the next day to properly learn the incantation to help Will whenever the spell wears off. Els ended up keeping an eye on William for the rest of the evening after his own Polyjuice wore off.]

[oneknightstand-if]

On a scale of least to most slowburn, where do all of the ROs lie? Can you tag this question with #slowburn, please?

Everything is Proceeding As Normal

Merlin : They're an incubus. You can have sex with them in Chapter 3! Although it'll take quite a bit more than that to establish a stable long-term romantic relationship with them, a lot of difficulties (of the 'squishy human hooking up with a near immortal ancient shapeshifting demon' sort) will need to be dealt with when you're already in the relationship.

Gwen : Not the type to let a little thing like the apocalypse and a real life game of Among Us distract from the real important things in life... like romance!

Cassandra : You know normally she's the type to just go for it when she sees something (or someone) that she likes, but the entire apocalyptic Among Us game would incline her to be even more cautious than normal. Well, at least compared to Gwen.

But What About My Subplot?!

Broderick : He and Lorelei are just full of suspicion during this part of the story and aren't inclined to trust you, which kind of makes a romance rather hard. (And then they both get smacked in the face with their relevant subplots).

Lorelei : Same as Broderick, but even worse. Definitely 'issues' to deal with here and her regaining her Camelot memories won't be helping there.

Adrian : Adrian has... issues. If he didn't, he and crush!MC would've hooked up years ago. So that's going to need to be dealt with before you can properly enter a long-term relationship with him. So he'll be consigned to lewd handholding in the dark for most of OKS like in the first chapter.

Uh...

404 Error Not Found : Yeah... that's going to have to be dealt with. Power of love, right?

Percy Doing His Thing

Percy : Besides Merlin, Percy is pretty much the only other RO who's sexuality will have any potential effect on the narrative. He's a demisexual with a high trigger point, so... it'll take awhile. He's really touchy-feely (especially with people he likes/trusts) so you can get very cuddly with him from the start, but anyone looking for anything spicier will have a while to wait. (You know you're on the right track when Percy starts mistaking Merlin for you.)

Not Actually in the Modern Age Yet

These romances are consideriner 'minor' in One Knight Stand because these RO's are literally sealed away and not present in the modern age yet.

Vivian : Sealed away at the edge of the Veil, so you'll be seeing her in the 'flesh' sooner than Arthur. You can totally have sex with her in one of the Camelot flashback scenes, however. (But that's not your current incarnation, so isn't helping the current relationship very much.)

Arthur : Not appearing until you finally successfully complete the Greater Circle. Unlike Vivian, probably won't be having any available sex scenes until after you've regained your Camelot memories at the end of the book. So have a heaping helping of flirting and UST instead?

*Note: One of these is a lie, because they're actually trying to kill you. (Well, 404 is definitely trying to kill you, but they can move on from that? Probably?)

[starkskypines]

follow your heart gently

having fun with the ace thoughts today my friends. love and acceptance in this merthur fic tonight <33

*****

Arthur has always been one to measure distances. Doing so helps him categorize the mettle of connection between himself and the person, the thing, the kingdom. Knowing the distance from the tip of another’s sword to himself keeps him alive. Knowing the distance between Camelot and a neighboring kingdom shows him his allies. The distance between a knight and himself in the journey. The distance between him and his knights on the training field. The distance between his father and himself–now this gap that can never be crossed but in death. The distance between him and his servants, him and Morgana, him and Merlin. Knowing the distance helps plan for the next move, helps him protect his heart.

The distance from Camelot to the Eastern Sea has always seemed so unfathomable a distance. Spices and supplies from there take months to make it to Camelot. Arthur always compared that distance to the distance between him and his father in their later years. Working so closely together, seeing each other every day, and yet their ideas for Camelot are so vastly different. Arthur always thought that distance would be the greatest one he’d ever measure. Now, looking down at the sleeping figures of Merlin and his knights, he knows there’s something more. The distance from a king to others.

Arthur had already planned to move quietly through the room to grab his sword, knowing from overheard conversations the night before that the knights were planning a night of drinking and carousing and would likely crash in the weapons room with all their gear rather than making it up the steps to their respective chambers. But now Arthur moves silently. He will not wake them and have them see the tears in his eyes that he can’t quite make go away.

He won’t have them question him over tears brought on by something as ridiculous as a Council meeting that no one else took issue with. Not even Merlin, who sat beside him, offered an opinion when the council asked if two years were enough time to find a queen.

It’s not like Arthur didn't know this day was coming. His father reminded him often on those days where someone thought to question why the Prince didn’t have any princesses interested in him. His father would tell him to enter negotiations, and he would but nothing ever came of the matches. Uther thought he was being willful and stubborn. Arthur didn’t know how to word his fears. As king, he still doesn’t.

As royalty, intimacy with others is a tricky thing. For one, there’s always the matter of trust. Arthur learned quickly that trust must be earned and can be just as easily taken away. His father is the prime example of that, Morgana too. Then, there’s the matter of his position. His elevated status means that he has to maintain a level of distance between himself and others. It’s never been an all-encompassing issue until now. Or maybe it’s always been there in the back of his mind, but now it’s joined with the knowledge that he’s fairly sure he’s done taking lovers.

read on ao3

[astaldis]

Issue no 30 - Scars

@whumpers-monthly

Two little excerpts from Prison Blues with scars

Fandom: The Witcher Netflix/The Witcher novels

Whumpee: Cahir

Whumper: Emhyr var Emreis

Caretaker: Assire var Anahid & Merlin (the cat)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, torture, Dead Dove: Do not eat! (but has some nice comfort, too, starting in the second half of chapter 9)

Summary: While sitting around the campfire with his companions, Jaskier sings one of his favourite songs. Which elicits a very unexpected reaction from one of the more recent additions to the company. Jaskier can be such an idiot once in a while. The good thing is - he knows and is ready to apologise. However, things are much worse than he anticipated and a quick sorry nowhere near enough.

From Chapter 8 - Ruin

"You look much better. The haircut is definitely an improvement. As well as the fresh clothes. Black does suit you," the Emperor says appraisingly when he comes to visit the prisoner late in the evening that day. Thoroughly enjoying the feeling of being clean for once, Cahir was, for the lack of a blanket, already half asleep in his new shirt and pants when the door creaked open, and thought he was dreaming at first. But he was not. The Emperor is here in his cell. And he is, once again, kneeling before him with trepidation, not having a clue about what to expect of the visit. More punishment? Absolution and release? Just another, rather one-sided, chat? Anything is possible. Which is quite unsettling. 

"Let's see if the food and exercise are doing you good, too," Emhyr continues. "Take off your shirt."

Cahir does as he is ordered. 

"Hmm, far better, indeed. Lean, but wiry." Emhyr reaches down to the kneeling prisoner and clutches Cahir's upper arm with one hand, feeling his biceps. "And muscular enough. The push-ups are paying off, I guess." Then, this time with the slightly callused inside of his thumb, he traces down one of the fresh scars that runs from Cahir's shoulder to his wrist, giving the young knight goosebumps all over. "Healed nicely, too. Not painful anymore, I hope?" Cahir shakes his head, surprised at the question. Is the White Flame concerned about him after all?

"Good. I trust you still remember the lesson, though?"

The lesson. Cahir swallows visibly at the memory. Of course, he remembers, how could he forget? Bowing his head and looking down at the stone floor, he nods. 

"What are you waiting for then?" The Emperor suddenly barks at him. "Strip!"

From Chapter 12 - The Present

Later in the evening, his belly full with a delicious and easy to eat fish stew accompanied by two glasses of excellent white wine, something he has not had in what feels like ages, Cahir is totally ready to follow Merlin's example, who, having eaten his share of fish, has already curled up under the blanket in the young knight's bed. However, his grandaunt motions for him to stay seated while she fetches something from her bedroom. A glass jar filled with some kind of ointment. 

"I thought you might want me to do something about those scars." She sits down opposite him again and puts the jar on the table. "So I mixed up this salve for you. The scars won't vanish completely as they are too old already, but together with a special spell I should be able to fade them quite a bit. However, for the spell and salve to work, I will have to trace every single scar with the tip of my finger. It might be somewhat uncomfortable and tingle and itch a little, too."

Cahir nods slowly. He hates those scars. And the memories they bring. Anything that makes them less conspicuous will probably be worth it. 

"I suggest you sit on the sofa. Take off your shirt and I'll start with the scars on your arms. Then we'll see how it goes."

It is slow and indeed tingly and itchy, and not a little awkward having his grandaunt touching him like this. Inhaling deeply, Cahir closes his eyes. Which makes it a lot worse. The cold salve Assire is applying while murmuring the words of a spell over and over does not feel much different from the cold tip of the metal device Dalgart, the torture master, used when he started cutting him, just teasingly at the beginning, merely grazing his skin, sending chills of foreboding up and down his spine. Shuddering, Cahir quickly opens his eyes again and focuses on the sorceress's nimble fingers. Soft human fingers, not metal claws. Fingers that want to help and heal, not tear and torture. There is no blood, just some whitish ointment. Which does not drip down his arms and onto the floor but is quickly absorbed into the skin. Cahir can already see the scars become lighter in colour and less jagged, observe the ugly and very visible reminders of his ordeal in the torture chamber that make him cringe every time he sees them fade. Taking another deep breath, he holds out his left arm to his grandaunt after she has finished with his right, his hand only shaking slightly. 

However, when, eventually, Assire begins to treat the scars on his chest, he loses it. No matter how hard Cahir tries to focus on the sorceress and on what she is doing, all he can think of, see, feel is Emhyr var Emreis standing in front of him in the dungeon tracing his scars with the tip of his index finger in some creepy travesty of a caress before he ... Cahir's stomach turns all of a sudden and he starts to tremble violently, gasping for breath, his heart thumping like mad. Through the loud ringing in his ears he hears Assire say something, but the words are drowned out by the crescendoing buzz. Just a second away from retching all over the place, he suddenly feels something in the palm of his hand. Something small, oval-shaped with a cool, smooth surface ...

Read the story on Ao3 here. But please mind the warnings/tags!

Published: 2022-06-04; Completed: 2022-08-03; Words: 32,676; Chapters: 14/14

[locke-writes]

Drifting Through the Doubt

Author: locke-writes

Title: Drifting Through the Doubt

Request: Song Fic using Are You With Me by Nilu for Arthur Pendragon (BBC Merlin) For: Anon

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,803

Tag List: @randomfandomimagine​ / @multifandomfix​ / @retvenkos​ / @dreamlandcreations​ / ask to be added

The nights seemed longer to Arthur since his father had died. Funeral preparations led way to coronation preparations with no break in between. There was barely any time to mourn let alone time to process the fact that he was to be the new king of Camelot. Some nights he would sit alone in bed half longing for sleep and half longing to be anyone else. Life may not be easier if he wasn't royalty but perhaps it might be simpler.

He wondered if the decisions in his life had been the right ones. He wondered if the people he has trusted throughout his right were the right people to confide in. He questioned everything, there had been expectations put on him from a young age and he knew there would be expectations put on him from the people of Camelot. He only hoped that he could lead the kingdom into a new age rather than thrust it back into the dark.

There was no one he could speak to on these issues, not really. He knew what Merlin would say, knew it would probably be some form of reassurance. While he was aware it would be a gesture of kindness and none of the words from Merlin would be lies, it still would not be the sort of truth that he was seeking. Not the words that he might be desperate to hear and yet fear to be told.

Arthur had made mistakes in his life, he recognized them for what they were when they occurred. Still he had not truly learned how to atone for mistakes which could easily be remedied, or maybe not easily but remedied all the same. He kept trying to convince himself that he had made the correct decision, that he hadn't made a mistake distancing himself from you. Distancing himself from one of the few people who knew him as he truly was.

He had loved you, still loved you. He just didn't want you to be swept up in the sea of grief and fear that had surrounded him as of late. It wasn't easy to push you away, it pained him but he fought the pain by convincing himself that you would be better off. You weren't royalty, you had no title to speak of and yet he loved you, something that was considered forbidden by his father, even more by all the court. Back then he didn't care, hadn't thought of his future as king.

And wasn't that all that mattered, the way that he was seen? His perception as king could lead to the growth of the kingdom, to alliances or to wars all the same. What kind of a person would he be if he put you in that situation? Yet night after night you were the one person that made it into his thoughts the most. Arthur wondered if he could live with the regret, if one day he would look back on the moments he was living through and feel no remorse, nothing of pain. Sorrow would be wiped away, he had to believe that. Didn't he?

Sleep seemed to consistently evade him. Merlin noticed, Gaius noticed, all the knights noticed. No one knew what to say, no one truly knew the cause although many suspected. Sorrow seemed to follow both you and Arthur although only Arthur's could be associated with the death of his father.

It was not unusual to see you in the company of Arthur, what became unusual was to see the two of you apart. To see the looks given in longing that seemed to be missed by one or the other. But there wasn't reason enough to get involved, not reason enough to make comments because assumptions weren't the same as fact.

Nightmares seemed to fill Arthur's sleep. He hadn't been sleeping well in the first place, stilled filled with fear over what was to come, any faults he might make in the weeks after the coronation. There wasn't much time left before then, wasn't much time before the fate of the kingdom was fully within his hands, where the advisors would keep from the decisions unless he questioned them.

Foolishness had been something his father accused of him as a child, he wondered if truly he had been foolish or innocent. He wondered now if his decision to pull away from you was foolish or was it a rational idea. All that he knew was that in the moment with the fear and the nightmares, you were the one person he wished to speak to, the one person that he knew might listen and understand. Still, forgiveness for what he had done was not to be easily given, this he knew. He also knew that perhaps it was not right for him to seek you out, to lay the burden of his life at your feet.

He stayed there, staring at the ceiling willing himself to fall back to sleep, hoping that the dreams to come would be peaceful and not terror filled.

Night after night Arthur experienced the nightmares. There was no rest to be had, the coronation was only four days away and he wasn't certain of the last time he had truly slept. While he knew it was potentially dangerous, he slipped out of bed, dressed himself for the first time since Merlin had become his servant, and slipped outside of the castle walls.

You were preparing for the coronation, nights spent working at your kitchen table working long into the night, sometimes even into the early morning. While most certainly would not be wearing armor to the coronation, the knights had a duty to which meant mending any and all pieces that had been damaged not just in battles but even in the midst of sparring. While there were days that you would have spent hours mending armor, you were never one to stay up until the dawn to finish your work, knowing that rest was what kept you from making mistakes and knowing that the cost of replenishing candles was often too much when you needed food and clothing for yourself.

Still, the coronation changed everything, made work pile up. Orders for new pieces of armor rose almost as fast as orders for repairs. Night after night you'd sit staring at the smaller pieces that you could bring from the armory without difficulty. Night after night you meant to keep your focus on work rather than drift off to sleep.

Arthur was unsure where he was going or what he was doing, wandering around outside of the castle. He traveled to the marketplace, passing stalls that would not be open until the morning, passing houses that had covered windows, informing him that the people of Camelot were in their beds performing that sweet task of sleep that he was desperate for.

A shadow passed your window, stopping for a moment. There had been no trouble in Camelot for some time and while you knew you might be walking into danger you wondered who would be at your door at this time of night. Gripping the mallet you had been using to smooth out dents in armor you opened your door only to be met with the sight of Arthur walking past. You called out to him.

Arthur had noticed the light coming from your home, but in his half asleep and worry riddled state hadn't identified it as your home until you had opened it. He turned to rush off before you recognized him but heard his name before any chance at an escape could be made. He paused, trying to determine if he really should turn, if there was anything that you would want to hear from him after all that he'd put you through. But then he knew at least he owed you an explanation. He turned to towards you and all he could see was the worry that had come over you. He followed you inside and sat at the only other chair around the table.

You hadn't quite known what to say to break the silence so you asked the only question you could.

"Why are you out of the castle, Arthur?"

He sat silent for a moment before deciding on the honest answer, "I haven't slept in days, not like I should be. There's nightmares, there's fear."

"And what does the future king have to be afraid of?" You questioned, although you knew the answer.

"All the decisions, the fate of Camelot, it all weighs on me now. I have no one to come and fix my mistakes, I could be a horrible king or I could be a great king there's nothing that tells me if what I choose is right. I'm afraid that my father's faults will become my own. I'm afraid I've already made terrible decisions, I'm afraid that pushing you away was a mistake and I'm afraid that even the truth won't bring you back to me, won't give me any semblance of forgiveness."

"The wars of our fathers aren't ours to fight Arthur. Your father's faults are not your own. True you have a difficult road ahead of you because your choices will be your own, the advisors you have are only there for that singular reason, they are not their to given the final decision. You may fail, you may succeed, however I know that I, your knights, and your friends all know that you will be a great king. As for forgiveness…I don't think I understand enough to give it"

Arthur nodded, "I had this belief that it wouldn't be right to put you at my side. Not to have you rule beside me, at least not yet, I don't even know if that is something of interest. I don't really know anything I suppose. I just thought I would save you from getting hurt, from the stares and the people saying that station matters over heart. I thought I was protecting you although I know that you don't need it. I thought I made the right decision, instead I think I've just been a fool."

"You've always been a fool Arthur, a fool who should learn that the ideas of one person do not dictate the ideas of a whole kingdom. Your father may have believed that another royal was your only option but if you had a chance to speak with your villagers perhaps they might prove differently. Fear makes us act in foolish ways, forgiveness has been given to you Arthur, but take it in stride because I may not offer it again."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Know that I am here for you, know that fear does not control us Arthur. You will be a great king, I have no doubt."

[sonicasura]

SonicAsura Doodles #74

'James Lake Junior. James L+_- Ju+:'or J-*- L*k_ J-_#:r...' The name kept getting blurry despite how many times he held on. He didn't know how or why but to lose it WILL be damnation. Maybe it's the strange whispers that drift through his head. Kind despite how scared and familiar it was. The Beast had too many questions that his masters will never answer. All he knows is the whisperer was important and they were fading just like the name.

Here he is folks, my Beast Jim redesign. I decided to ramp up the body horror so he really earns the title. Notice the two extra eyes, small arm and toothy mouth scatter haphazardly on his body? That is what's left of Troll Jim. Amulet and the corrupt shard tore the form into pieces before digging their claws into the human side.

This leads to Beast Jim's very peculiar situation. One body now inhabited by two spirits, the Trollhunter and what once was the Amulet. I don't see an item that links itself to previous wearers' souls via Soothscryer but also made from a sorceress' hand to not form a conscious at some point.

The Beast is just that, snippets of all those individuals cobbled up in this Frankenstein body. His instinct to keep the Whisperer(Jim) and the name from disappearing is the Amulet's remnant functions. To protect the Trollhunter against harm. Only issue being the evil magic shard that has continued to eat away all of Beast Jim.

Certain individuals and memories help fight the corruption which the Arcane Order rather prevent. Trust me when I say Beast Jim wants to keep any attempts to find answers hidden as the punishment he'll receive will be brutal. His makeshift clothes especially the colored fabric already got him in serious trouble.

Beast Jim's behavior around Claire canon wise will suit the trauma stem from various types of punishment given in the Middle Ages. Especially when it's issued from people with serious power and slaves. All I can say is it isn't pretty. Jim will seriously need some therapy afterwards.

Now as for what happens in canon, Beast Jim still falls apart but the Trollhunter ain't gonna be fully human. Some alterations remained from both corrupt and his half troll form. Like a horn, longer ears, maybe an extra eye or arm. I'll be drawing it later but Beast isn't fully gone either.

The alter ego is still there alongside some of his previous form's power. Remember when Douxie mentions he can possibly get Jim's troll form back and upgrade it? Beast will be a huge key in the process alongside serving as a template that Merlin's spell didn't have. I can't do a Post Wizards Jim without a full troll and remade half troll Jim.

That's all I have for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you back in Arcadia!

[notanotherinfjblog]

Do you ever find that you get characterized or stereotyped in certain ways by others, either negatively or positively?

Hi anon! :)

So you kind of mean, what are the reviews that I get to me as a person? Because there are absolutely trends in that respect.

What people usually agree on, no matter for how long they've known me, is that I'm quiet, nice, and pretty much impossible to read. Most strangers first think I'm shy, while my friends have learned that I'm not. I just don't talk much, but absolutely can monologue if so asked. Back in school, teachers often tended to forget me and said I hardly ever participated in class, even when that wasn't true. I could speak up like three times per class and they'd still say that I've never said a word in the entire semester. I always found that extremely annoying (especially since oral participation is 50-100% of your grade here, depending on the subject). I just always seem to fade into the background. But throughout my life, there have always been some extroverts who took one look at me and went "yeah, I'm gonna adopt that one." I remember when my ESTJ friend adopted me many years ago, she said "you are so cool when you talk, but you talk so little, so other people don't know how cool you really are. I'm going to tell them all about you!!" and so she (successfully) tried to make her friends befriend me because she (correctly) thought I wouldn't be socially adept enough to do that by myself. I appreciate this kind of behaviour a lot, but at the same time it's a bit infantilising, which is also something that keeps on happening. It's always very well meant, but it's like other people look at you and see a little baby that they need to protect. Funnily enough, the Video Diaries from BBC Merlin with all the comments about Colin Morgan (a fellow INFJ) by his co-stars always remind me a lot of how people tend talk about me when they first meet me. It's often a sort of bewilderment as to why everyone is so endeared by me when I'm actually a rather odd person, until they get to know me better and - oh, would you look at that? I've been adopted again. When you're perceived as nice and kind, but socially awkward, forgetful and completely detached from everyday life, apparently it makes you rather adorable in other people's eyes (or so I've been told). They do take you seriously, that's not an issue, but at the same time, it feels like they are cheering you on like a puppy that's chasing a motorbike. Similarly to Bradley James' (an ESFJ) little ironic rant in the video diaries linked above, where he goes "everyone loooves Colin, oh he's so nice, he's so innocent, aww Colin aww. Oh Bradley? Yeah, pff, don't worry about Bradley, he's fine, he's ... you know, whatever. Colin aww, look after Colin aww", people who know me actually really do talk about me like this, like I need to be looked after. For instance, when I recently got back from an international conference where I gave a presentation, I happened to meet my ENTJ colleague in the hallway and he immediately went "how was the conference? Were they nice to you?" Not "did you meet some nice people?", but "were they nice to you?" as in "do I need to get mad at people for not treating you right?" Similarly, I’ve had a student come up to me being genuinely worried about my workload and asking how I was going to grade all their term papers as if I hadn’t enough on my plate already and that I should take care of myself. So this can be very sweet, or occasionally a bit annoying.

Honestly, I'd say the only people who don't characterise me as a strange little puppy that needs protecting are ISFPs. Depending on their particular flavour of Fi, they usually look at me like "that's an alien. I don't trust her, keep her away from me." A lot of people don't really know what to do with me when they first meet me because no matter how emotive I can get, apparently I come across as an unreadable enigma so that you never know what I'm actually thinking or feeling at any given moment. Most people tend to stick around to find a way to peek beneath the mask they believe to be there (there isn't one), but 98% of ISFPs just go "Nope. Bye." Meanwhile, I often get the impression that I slightly terrify ISFJs like with an uncanny valley effect as in "I recognise that you have Fe like me, but there's something wrong with it. Why is there something wrong with it?"

So other people's types tend to play a role in their interpretation of me as well. For instance, when it comes to my sense of humour, it's always the same types that find it funny (ENTJ, ESTJ, INTJ, INFP, ESFJ, ENTP, ISTP), that know how to properly respond to it (ENTJ, INTJ, INFP, ENTP), and those who absolutely do not get it (ISFP, ENFP, ISTJ).

[thisisjustmefangirling]

Merlin rewatch, 1x06 : “A remedy to cure all ills”

This time I haven’t really taken notes while I was watching, so instead I’ll criticise the episode by talking about the characters.

Gaius : 

This episode is really good to bring up with more depth what happened during the Great Purge, and Gaius’ attitude and morals, both back then and during this episode, and lemme tell you, that man is shady.

He apparently stood by and let Uther murder people exactly like him, who were using magic.

We’ve already seen that he can still do a bit of magic, like when he used a spell for the antidote to the poison Merlin drank to save Arthur’s life; here he tries to use magic again, to attack Edwin, and fails. His magic does not manifest.

It’s really interesting to see that Edwin, before even trying to kill Uther, starts by discrediting Gaius, getting him kicked out of his position of physician. Of course, it allows Edwin to get closer to Uther so he can poison and kill him, but being a physician is almost all that Gaius has in life; except for Merlin.

And here lies my biggest issue : Gaius confesses to Merlin that Merlin is like a son to him. But he also says, in another scene, that he refuses to choose between Uther and Merlin. So Gaius loves Uther (a tyrant, murderer, who committed genocide) as much as he loves sweet Merlin ? Yes, at this point, Merlin has been in his life only for a few months (I guess), and he’s served Uther all his life. 

Gaius even asks Merlin to save Uther’s life by risking his own, using magic to remove the magical insects from Uther’s brain.

The fact he goes to visit the Great dragon, discusses Merlin’s destiny, and discusses the past with Geoffrey shows how much of his past he’s buried but still keeps in mind.

I never thought anything of Gaius when I was a teenager watching the show for the first time. He was the mentor, the father figure, the Yoda, the Dumbledore. But since then I’ve realised how shady Dumbledore and him are, and I can’t wait to rewatch more episodes and criticise him even more.

Arthur : 

Arthur has no important role in this episode, he is mostly anxious to save Morgana, insisting that Edwin be heard and examines her; and then he’s in a panic when his father seems to be suffering from the same evil as Morgana. This episode shows how much he cares about his family.

My favourite scene is when he’s in his chambers with Merlin, who’s pacing, thinking about Morgana.

“Merlin. You’re making me anxious”.

“But I’m not worried”.

“Then stop. Pacing.”

They spend time together. By the fire. In the evening. Sweet.

Merlin : 

Merlin shows he cares about Morgana and once again wants to use magic to save her, which shows he hasn’t really learnt from what happened when he saved Tom and Gwen was accused of witchcraft. He’s still rather young and innocent, wants to do what is right. He’s fascinated by Edwin’s equipment, and thrilled when he can show off his magic without fear.

Edwin was right about one thing : Merlin’s gift should not be hidden but practiced, encouraged, celebrated, and he needs someone to teach him. Sadly, Gaius won’t be a very good teacher. Except for the lies. Merlin will learn from Gaius that he must lie.

Gaius is good for Merlin as a father figure, because it’s true that Merlin has the fire and recklessness of youth and must be reined in sometimes.

In this episode, he murders Edwin with an axe, by reversing the spell Edwin used against him to animate the object. It sounded rather gruesome. 

Plot hole : they never mention finding Edwin’s body with an axe in it ? Do they, what, think he disappeared ?

Gwen :

Gwen is very sweet to Morgana, and also not blind. She doesn’t trust Edwin, clearly, and wants to stay by Morgana’s side. Adorable.

Morgana : 

If people could stop targeting her to use her to their ends, that would be lovely, thanks.

Edwin :

Damn dude you were clever and sort of right about this but also wrong because Morgana was innocent, and your parents were practicing DARK magic ? I pity you for seeing your parents burn, though.

[fandom-hoarder]

Watched the new Walker first thing today. Basically I was mentally yelling at everybody except Mawline this ep.

* I'm really glad to see mawline angry with bonham for telling cordell to move out, cuz wtf. She TOLD him to live there. What about family? I hate when families leave the homestead for no goddamn reason. I hated it on og Charmed and I'll hate it here if they push it through. Bonham needs smacked upside the head.

* why the fuck is cordell so goddamn trusting? This drives me crazy so often but especially rn wtf. She's a REPORTER, Cordi. Can you keep some shit close to the chest? Why is *she* trustworthy???

* there had better be something undercover going on with this trey situation or I'm gonna start BITING after all that "this is where you're supposed to be" (also the whole "had to fight hard for this so don't blow it" and the fact a new black ranger is the one to lose his job on his first fucking dps hearing ever). But im not sure, this could be for real real. Trey did get warned twice about following the orders he was actually given and following CHAIN OF COMMAND

* Liam, you are a lawyer, why do you seem so fucking stupid about legally binding decisions lately?? You're gonna ruin stella's life making her sign on as partner at 18 when you didn't even figure this shit out before getting the fucking charity label!!

* Stella, you need to talk to some DIFFERENT ADULTS ASAP

* i am sus af of julia and kevin

* julia is either in on something or just plain reckless and gonna get cordi in big trouble

* actual "romance" storylines (people becoming couples or shippy and the dynamic changing, rather than building up unspoken tension) really squick me out, and i wasn't fully aware HOW MUCH lately because spn (and merlin, to some degree) catered directly to me. Or maybe the quickness and lack of buildup is the real issue for me. I have no feelings there. It feels like when kids would couple up on recess in elementary school. kevin/cassie was fine cuz I'm sus of him, but im really glad she put her foot down this ep. Stella/colton was cute until it happened. I saw comments about cordell/julia somewhere and gagged cuz it's a possibility with this show! She's pretty, but i don't care!! That's not what i require to care. Meh. At least she's not Geri. I will never get my cordri feelings back because they opened the oven too soon and the souffle of tension deflated so much it sunk in and made a hole

* I'm sus of the whole damn squad and im even sus cordell's mentor isn't dead

* i would really appreciate it if cassie would stop talking rangers into problematic decisions. she doesn't have to stop trying, but it's getting frustrating that NO ONE has conviction to follow orders they've been given for a reason

* idr what else i was gonna say. I need the next ep right now.

[legends-of-time]

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 48: Aithusa

Masterlist

Amelia's POV

Merlin, Amelia, Percival, and Anne stand in the forests one night, staring up at Kilgharrah as they tell him some rather large news that they came across that the Dragon ought to know. It had been funny to watch the complete and utter shock that dawned on Percival's face when the creature appeared in the sky and flew down to them.

Merlin had been walking to Gaius' Chambers when he overheard the Physician conversing with someone they don't know. Merlin's curiosity was piqued and he listened in. He learnt it was an old pupil of Gaius'. Gaius had seemed worried about the man, Borden he'd called him. Borden had come to him for help, having stolen an artefact from the Druids, a Triskellian of Ashkanar, a key essentially, that was broken up into three parts. He had one part, had spent nearly half his life tracking it down, and had taken the second from the Druids, but the third part remained hidden deep within the vaults of Camelot. When pieced together the key is meant to lead the holder to a tomb, the tomb of Ashkanar, where, apparently, a Dragon egg is hidden. Borden had tried to argue that he wanted to see a 'noble creature' brought back to life but Gaius had immediately dismissed that as a falsehood.

After the man had left, Merlin had burst into the Chambers, angry that Gaius knew of such a place where a Dragon's egg is stored and hadn't said anything, what with him being the last Dragonlord, but Gaius had merely said the tomb was sealed by magic and only the key could get them in. There was no point in telling them about a place they wouldn't be able to enter or worse, telling them and watching them foolishly try to get in and die trying (as he knows they just might).

The key piece itself that is hidden in the Vaults had been there for 400 years which makes it all too obvious why Gaius had never said anything, if one part has been hidden and protected for so long, they can only imagine what the other parts are being kept like.

Borden had warned that he will be staying in Camelot, in the Tavern in the Lower Town and waiting for word from him about if Gaius will help or not. They don't doubt that if Gaius refuses, Borden will do so on his own.

Amelia knows they all want the Dragon Egg returned, to save the Dragons, and to help Kilgharrah protect his kin, but at the same time, they know the only way to do it will be for Borden to help and lead them to the tomb. Gaius knows not where it is, no one does, and that is why the key is needed. This brings up the issue they are facing, Gaius had warned Merlin that Borden has ill intent with the egg, but also that he is not a man to be trusted and if they try to help the man, he will stab them in the back in an instant. He is in a difficult spot as he doesn't want the egg to fall into Borden's hands, but he doesn't want them in danger of trying to deal with him and rescue it. Amelia had suggested they go to the one person who should have the deciding vote on what they do.

"I never dared dream of such a moment." Kilgharrah breathes, startling Amelia with the emotion in his voice, the hope, she can hear in it. "Until now, I believed the egg would never be found, that I would be the last of my kind."

"I'm still so sorry that happened," Amelia tells him. "What Uther did..." She shakes her head, she can't even begin to imagine what it was like for him, chained up, alone, listening to his kin crying out for help as they burned, and then for them to ask him for help to protect the very King that did that to him. Amelia hears a sniffle come from next to her.

"Do not weep for me, my dear." Kilgharrah smiles kindly at Anne.

"I'm not crying." Anne huffs though she sniffles and wipes beneath her eye. Amelia knows she's cursing her pregnancy. She has only just started to really feel the effects of it. She is still in her early days and while Amelia would argue that her stomach is still quite flat, Merlin in particular insists otherwise and always adds that he knows his wife's body quite well to Amelia's disgust.

Kilgharrah just chuckles. "As you wish." He gives her a small bow of the head.

"So, the legend is true?" Merlin asks rhetorically.

"This is a chance in a thousand. You must retrieve the egg."

"We know." Amelia murmurs hesitantly.

"Then what is the matter?"

"Gaius has forbidden it." Anne replies.

Kilgharrah scoffs. "Merlin! You are a Dragonlord! It is a gift passed down from your father. He gave up everything in his life to save me. What do you think he would say? The egg harbours the last of my kind. I beg you, Merlin. In your father's name, promise me that you will do everything in your power to rescue it."

"You have my promise." Merlin declares.

——

They set up a plan, Merlin goes to Borden as he's the best option. Percival looks too threatening, Amelia is too well known to be sneaking in and Merlin worries about Anne and the baby so she can't do it either. After, the plan is for Amelia, Merlin and Percival to go save the Dragon egg. Anne is excluded for the reasons mentioned above.

Borden agrees to Merlin helping him though the next step is for Merlin to get the keys from Arthur. Merlin later tells Amelia and Anne, on the way to the Council Chambers for a meeting with Arthur, Agravaine and Council members, that the initial try wasn't successful as Arthur had woken up so they need to try again.

Amelia eyes the keys on Arthur's belt as she stands in the meeting. She knows that she'll have to somehow get it off Arthur's belt without him noticing. Anne and Merlin linger in the background in the Council Chambers.

"We need to strengthen all our outlying defences as Odin's raids only go to prove. But it is the northern borders that are particularly vulnerable." Agravaine is saying as they ponder over a map.

"There's always been so, and the reason's obvious." Arthur says. "If you look at the terrain here—" He cuts himself off as his trousers fell to his knees. Amelia looks at him in surprise before looking accusingly at Merlin, who shrugs and grins while Anne next to him scrunches her face up in embarrassment.

"Allow me to help you, Sire!" Merlin calls cheerfully as he runs over to Arthur, grabbing his trousers.

"No!" Arthur protests, but Merlin is already holding onto his trousers. "No! Merlin!"

"Your Majesty!" Merlin insists.

"Merlin!" Arthur shouts as the two fall to the ground.

"Majesty!"

"Get off me!"

"I'm trying to help you, Sire!" Merlin says as Arthur finally gets out of his grip. He gets to his feet and pulls up his own trousers. After all this embarrassment, Amelia certainly hopes that Merlin has the key.

"There we go." Merlin says proudly. "Will there be anything else, Sire?"

Arthur looks at him incredulously. "No!" Merlin backs out in a way that tells Amelia he's hiding the key behind his back. Well, at least there's that.

Arthur turns to Anne, who's standing there and looking like she's suffering from severe second-hand embarrassment. "I certainly hope your child inherits their mother's... well, everything."

Anne grimaces before scuttling off after her husband.

Amelia smirks. "Clearly you need a new belt, Arthur."

Arthur glares and turns back to the map, clearing his throat. "So, the terrain here..."

——

The meeting with Borden had not gone very well, according to Merlin's grumbling the next morning when he explains to Anne, Percival, and Amelia why the warning bells had gone off on their way to the Vaults. 

Merlin tells them about what happened. He'd given Borden the key and guarded the entrance. Borden had completed the Triskelion but then the man had knocked him out, leaving the key with him clearly intending to frame him. Should've realised that was going to happen. Merlin had woken up and then had gone to try and put the key back in Arthur's Chambers when the bell had gone off.

"The lock hasn't been damaged, which would suggest whoever it was had a key." Agravaine says as he observes the gate.

"Strange." Gaius murmurs. His eyes flicker suspiciously towards Amelia, Anne, Merlin and Percival.

"Of all these treasures, this is all they were interested in." Arthur observes, opening an elaborate box to reveal its empty contents. "What was in here?"

"I believe, Sire, one third of a Triskelion, a type of key. A key that, according to legend, opens the ancient Tomb of Ashkanar." Gaius explains.

"I remember my father talk of such a tomb. It contained a Dragon's egg." Arthur says. Amelia remembers it well, it almost became a bedtime story for her, Morgana and Arthur. Uther had felt the need to tell them about it and his wish to find it and destroy the egg.

"It has been said."

"You don't believe it to be true?" Arthur asks.

"Well, it is possible, Sire. The wealth and wisdom of Ashkanar are without equal." Gaius admits. Amelia knows Gaius can't lie about this as Arthur will be angry and lose trust in him if he realises. They really don't need Arthur to trust Agravaine even more than he does already.

"Is the egg still there?" Agravaine asks.

"I can't be certain. But, to my knowledge, no one has disturbed the tomb for more than four hundred years." Gaius admits further.

"But with this Triskelion, someone could." Arthur realises.

"Sire, a Dragon's egg can live for a thousand years. Even today, it could still hatch, and another Dragon would be born into this world." Agravaine warns him.

"So, all my father's work to rid the world of these monsters would be undone." Arthur realises.

"That must be our fear."

Amelia glares at her uncle. He's playing on Arthur's need to please his father.

"Then we have no choice. We must hunt down this intruder, destroy the egg." Arthur declares. He turns to Percival. "Percival, gather the Knights."

"But Arthur," Amelia quickly interrupts before Percival does anything, "no one's found this tomb for four hundred years. Surely, we don't need to worry."

"We can't risk that, Amelia." Arthur argues.

Percival glances at Amelia, who reluctantly nods, and leaves to follow through with his orders.

——

"How could you be so stupid?!" Gaius cries as soon as he, Merlin, Anne and Amelia enter his Chambers. "What were you thinking?!"

"I am a Dragonlord. It is my sacred duty to protect the last of the Dragons." Merlin retorts.

"The tomb could've remained closed for another four hundred years and the egg would've been completely safe!"

"And Kilgharrah would have been alone!" Amelia snaps right back. She and Kilgharrah haven't been on the best of terms recently but her heart breaks thinking of him being the last of his kind and now they have the chance to change this. "We finally find another of his species and you tell us it's better to just leave it! To let this noble species die out!"

Gaius stares in shock at her tone.

"Arthur is riding out intent on destroying the egg." Anne speaks calmly. "We know Borden won't just release the Dragon if he gets there first."

"That's why we need your help Gaius," Merlin adds. "Percival and I are going with Arthur. We need to know exactly what Borden may do, what he's like, so that they can be prepared to stop him."

Now that Arthur knows, plans had to be changed. Amelia can no longer go with them as there's no way she's leaving the Kingdom in Agravaine's hands. Anne is glad she's not the only one that is being left behind. Amelia doesn't like not going with them but is reassured that Merlin has Percival as his backup.

Gaius sighs and nods.

——

Merlin's POV

Merlin heads off with Arthur, Percival and the rest of the Knights as soon as possible. Despite having a lead on Borden, they soon lose him and against Merlin's wishes, Arthur insists they make camp as it's getting dark. After a bit of fun with the Knights where Merlin thought they had eaten all the food, leaving none for him when it turns out they'd been hiding a plate for him the entire time.

Merlin sits with Arthur by the fire as the Knights sleep on. Merlin's mind is consumed by old memories.

"You're very quiet." Arthur remarks as he lounges back on a log while Merlin sits on it, facing the fire.

"I'm sorry." Merlin apologises softly.

"What is it?" Merlin doesn't respond. "Merlin."

Merlin sighs, knowing Arthur is not about to let it go. "It was here that I last saw my father."

Merlin glances at the King to see him processing the statement in surprise. "You never talked about it."

Merlin shrugs with false carelessness. "There's not much that I can say. I didn't really know him that well, but... I was proud of him. I want him to be proud of me." He admits.

"I can understand that. You should try being in my shoes." Arthur comments. "It was hard enough while he was alive, always having to live up to what he expected of me. It's even harder now. I now know what he faced, the decisions he had to make. I tell you Merlin, don't start measuring yourself against a man who's dead. You'll never win."

Merlin nods understandingly. "I know. He will always be better than me. I hope my child will be proud of me as well. I worry I won't be good at it. Being a father."

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be a good father. You can't fail at that." Arthur remarks.

"Was that a compliment?" Merlin asks with a small grin on his face.

Arthur scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous."

Merlin chuckles, his mood uplifted. If he does this, saves the egg, he's building a legacy for his child and their children to protect. This has been his drive ever since he learned of the egg. His duty to the future.

——

Percival's POV

The next morning, Merlin is feeling resurged with new determination. He tells Percival as they sneak along the woods towards Borden's camp that the Druids had come to him last night. They had told him of the direction in which Borden is heading as well as a warning for what they'll face there. It had been difficult to convince the others, after finding the camp empty, of Merlin's sudden knowledge of where to go being legitimate, Percival was honestly prepared to lie about finding some tracks, but thankfully Elyan spots some horse dung.

This convinces the others and they head on their way and soon reach a Cave with a stream trickling nearby.

"It's a dead end. That's it. Let's go back." Arthur declares.

The Knights turn back. Percival and Merlin don't, sharing a worried look. There must be something here. Percival begins looking around for any signs.

"What about the Cave?" Merlin questions, stopping the others in their tracks.

"We're wasting our time." Arthur dismisses.

Percival finally spots something, a muddy footprint by the water. "Arthur." He calls, drawing his King's attention and points down at the footprint.

They enter the Cave and draw their swords, going deeper and deeper. Still, nothing can be seen but a waterfall at the end.

"Merlin, this is ridiculous." Arthur complains. "Where's he heading?"

"There's light ahead." Merlin replies.

They come to the waterfall. Arthur sheathes his sword and puts his hand through it and crosses to the other side. They continue on the other side and emerge to find a lake the water pours into and a valley up ahead.

"No wonder no one's ever found it." Gwaine remarks.

They walk further into the valley where they finally spot the tomb looming in the distance. Percival shares a look with Merlin, they've finally found it. Merlin pushes forward, down the hill towards it and the rest follow.

——

They are walking down a large trench path towards the tower when Percival suddenly creases over in pain when an arrow lands in his leg causing him to fall to the ground.

"Take cover!" Arthur cries.

They press their backs into the trench walls. An arrow lands between Arthur's feet. Borden is clearly not taking any chances with them following. Percival groans in pain, unable to move from his spot meaning he's in a dangerous spot.

"You all right?" Arthur calls.

"Yeah." Percival groans but as soon as he says those words, an arrow flies and lands in the rock next to his head. That was close.

"Where's he firing from?" Arthur turns to Leon. "I'll draw fire, get him to safety."

Arthur nods to Percival. Borden shoots at Arthur as he dodges to the other side and Leon helps Percival to his feet so he can take cover against the wall. Elyan pulls the arrow out before bandaging it.

"Arthur." Merlin directs Arthur's line of vision. Arthur peeks out for a moment, then motions a plan to the Knights. Arthur sprints to the other side of the trench. It is then, as Percival glances at him, that Merlin's eyes turn gold. Probably stopping Borden from shooting at them anymore.

Arthur appears at the top of the trench. "What happened? Where's he gone?"

"Perhaps he ran out of bolts." Merlin suggests. Percival gives Merlin a knowing look but the manservant simply shrugs.

Percival limps along as they all emerge from the trench and move through the forest. Again, Merlin dashes ahead.

"Careful!" Arthur yells. Merlin stops and slides and Arthur pulls him back. "Who knows what he's left lying in wait for us."

"We can go around that." Merlin argues.

Percival knows Merlin wants to save this egg but honestly, Percival isn't looking forward to the increased probability that he'll explain to Anne how her husband got himself killed with his carelessness.

"No." Arthur grabs Merlin to stop him. "He knows we're coming."

"That's a risk we have to take!" Merlin insists.

"We'll make camp, continue at dawn. Merlin, help Percival." Arthur orders and the Knights immediately get to work preparing camp.

Merlin huffs irritably but gestures for Percival to sit on a fallen log a few feet away. Luckily the arrow had struck him in the calf so Merlin merely rolls the bottom of Percival's trouser leg up.

Merlin pulls out a few bandages from a small bag he'd brought, kneeling before the Knight and glancing around the tree to see that the Knights have actually already made camp. Percival knows there's not much to do but roll out bedsheets and start a fire. There is plenty of wood around them so the fire is already about to be started and they've thought to gather supplies and food before they'd set out again this time to save time. Arthur is speaking to Leon, both men with their backs to the camp as they seem to be discussing the woods and likely the order of the watch for the night.

Merlin smirks as he turns back to Percival. "How good are you at faking a limp?" He asks.

Percival starts to smile at that and chuckles. "I would say quite fair."

Percival leans back and observes as Merlin turns his leg slightly to see the wound, biting his lip to not hiss at the slight pain and watches in awe as Merlin merely mumbles a few words under his breath, his eyes flash and the wound closes up as though it has never been there, there isn't even any tenderness at all.

"It is a travesty." Percival murmurs as Merlin wraps a false bandage around his leg, leaving the blood there so that it would stain and seem like the wound is still bleeding a bit even though there is none left. "That a gift such as yours is persecuted the way it is."

Merlin nods. "It is."

"I had thought with Uther's death..." Percival trails off at that.

Merlin again nods. "One day when Arthur is ready."

——

Merlin cooks dinner for them. Once again, the others decide to pull the same prank they'd pulled on Merlin the night before. Percival chuckles to himself as it plays out in front of him. Arthur sends Merlin off to collect firewood as Elyan hands Percival his plate as he sits there 'injured'.

They all laugh and joke about the look on Merlin's face as they continue to eat but then Percival begins to feel drowsy. Maybe an after effect of Merlin's spell...

Percival startles awake along with the others at the sound of what seems to be multiple rocks crashing on one another. He and the Knights bolt in that direction. When they get to the tree line, Merlin is there crouching over his satchel as the tomb collapses in the distance.

"What the hell happened?" Arthur immediately questions.

"The tomb is a trap. He set it off. He never got out." Merlin replies.

"What about the egg?" Percival questions.

Percival gives Merlin a questioning look and the manservant gives him a slight nod before turning to the others. "It would've perished with him."

"Are you sure? We need to be certain." Arthur demands to know.

"Nothing's going to survive under all that." Leon says.

The tower completely collapses. Percival glances down at the bag at Merlin's feet.

——

Amelia's POV

The small party returns to Camelot with a pleased Arthur announcing to all that the fabled Dragon egg is dealt with. Amelia had dined with him to celebrate but afterwards said she wished to speak to Merlin and the Knights of their account of what had happened, remarking that Arthur's large head seemed to inflate certain events. He'd merely laughed and turned in for the night, exhausted after such a long tracking mission. Which is just perfect for the group to go to the clearing to meet with Kilgharrah.

And so, they are standing in the clearing, the egg on a small tree stump, Kilgharrah beaming happily down at them as he lands and looks at the egg.

"Gaius said that they could live for a long time." Anne remarks. "Is the egg still alive?"

"It can live for more than a thousand years." Kilgharrah reminds them with a nod.

Merlin grins to hear that confirmed. "So, you are no longer the last of your kind."

"It would seem not." The Dragon chuckles.

"So..." Amelia begins, bobbing on the heels of her feet excitedly. "How long before it hatches?"

"Young Dragons were called into the world by the Dragonlords. Only they had the power to summon them from the egg."

"I wish Arthur had known that," Amelia grumbles. "What use would there have been to hunt down the egg if the 'last' Dragonlord is dead?"

"He would have gone after it anyway, Amelia." Percival tells her sadly, making her nod at that.

"As the last Dragonlord." Kilgharrah continues. "This solemn duty falls to you, Merlin."

"How do I summon it?" Merlin asks.

"You must give the Dragon a name."

Merlin closes his eyes and after a few moments, he breathes, "Aithusa."

The egg begins to crack. They all watch intently as more and more cracks appear before a tiny white lizard with wings pops out, shaking off the excess shells and staring up at them adorably.

"Awww..." Anne coos. Amelia has to agree with her, the small Dragon is sweet.

"A White Dragon is, indeed, a rare thing and fitting." Kilgharrah remarks, "For in the Dragon Tongue, you named him after the light of the sun."

"Like with dawn it's a new day, it's like a new dawn, a new reign." Amelia murmurs. For the first time since Uther's death, she feels hope for the future that maybe things may be okay.

The little Dragon begins to inspect themself and stretch their wings.

"No Dragon birth is without meaning. Sometimes the meaning is hard to see, but I believe it is as clear as his name. The White Dragon bodes well for Albion, for you, for Arthur, and for the land that you will build together."

Anne and Amelia look at each other with tears in their eyes as the little Dragon hisses and seems to try and breathe fire but it only comes out more like the Dragon is trying to smile and laugh.

Amelia can only hope that this omen will prove true. Amelia needs a good sign for the future.

——

A/N: This turned into a bit of a Merlin and Percival bonding along with Merlin contemplating and worrying about being a father.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[igniferrus]

I already reblogged this once, but I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Arthur Pendragon is fundamentally a good man. Even in a show where he is constantly stymied by both writing choices and other character's actions, he is honourable, caring, and brave.

He kills the unicorn because Uther's purge of magic means he doesn't know any better, and then he doesn't want to eat during the famine he caused, because his people can't. The only test he fails is also the one where it is implied he won't be a good king; and it is said that it's because he would kill to protect his honour. BUT in that scene Evan (the tester) says that Arthur is a bad king because Uther would have had Evan executed as a thief, and Arthur not doing it is a sign that he is unfit to rule. So not only does it play on his huge daddy issues, it also seems like, in that moment, Arthur is trying to fix the mistake that implies he will be a bad king..... (He's a little confused, but he's got the spirit). Other than that, he turns a blind eye to allow Evan to steal to feed his children, and tries to die to save his people.

Some people say that Arthur is too mean to Merlin, but I just don't see it. Yes, their relationship is based on banter and insults, but Merlin definitely is an equal player in that. Arthur also calls Merlin wise and a good friend, and frequently tells him that he's someone Arthur trusts. It's not all insults. Plus, I only remember Merlin expressing his displeasure at being called idiot to Gaius in S2E1, not to Arthur. Arthur can't change if he doesn't know he's actually hurting Merlin. I think the only time one of them communicates the banter actually hurts is when Arthur compares being called fat to whatever is upsetting Merlin so deeply in S2E9, but that doesn't stop Merlin. (Also, not saying your maybe gf dying is the same as being insulted, but Arthur doesn't know that's what happened.)

Arthur is constantly going against Uther to keep Merlin safe, such as retrieving the Mortaeus flower and convincing everyone that Merlin's confession of sorcery when Gwen is arrested is fake, but also in little ways like bodily catching Merlin and removing him when the witchfinder accuses Gaius. He also cares deeply about Merlin's emotional state, as seen when he sits down with him after Freya died to check in on Merlin and cheer him up. He even double checks he didn't go too far with their play fights with the eater bucket joke! Arthur also focuses on Merlin's upset in the inn in S2E13 more than his own injuries. He's got a terrible shoulder wound that is no doubt infected at that point, but he's more concerned about what has Merlin so worked up. (Not to mention that he's looking for a way to save his people rather than recovering). In S5E5, Arthur says Merlin doesn't laughed at his jokes and hasn't smiled in three days. He's clearly very attuned to Merlin's mood and wants him to be happy.

And, of course, we come to Arthur and magic. Literally everyone around him is constantly telling him how evil magic is, and that it corrupts. And that's all he really sees of it. He loses Morgana to magic; she goes from an advocate for justice during Uther's reign to repeatedly attacking Camelot. Arthur himself is repeatedly attacked by magic users, and even the unicorn's curse punishes Arthur's people rather than him directly. He would not see that as just. Everyone around him is constantly decrying magic, reinforcing Uther's bullshit teachings. Even Merlin tells him to his face that there is no place for magic in Camelot. The closest anyone comes to telling Arthur his father was wrong about magic is Gaius in S4E7 when he says Dragoon/Merlin did not kill Uther, and that there are all sorts of people who want to protect Arthur. Which is not actually an endorsement of magic. And yet!! AND YET! Arthur shows compassion and understanding towards magic users. In S5E3, he saves the witch from burning, demands that she get a fair trial, and then asks Merlin to make her comfortable as she passes. He does not believe in killing sorcerers on sight. Arthur is implied to not even be wholly on board with killing all magic users at all! Way back in S1E8, not only does Arthur ague against having Mordred executed, Morgana says "If I know you at all, you won't stand by and let this happen." Even at this point, Arthur is not the kind of man who is willing to let a child die for how they were born! And this can't be contributed to Merlin's influence, as it's so early on in their relationship. This is just how Arthur is!

Finally, to close out this overly long meta (which didn't even touch on everything I meant to...), Kara. She wasn't executed for being a magic user. She wasn't even executed for trying to kill the King of Camelot (which I'm pretty sure in most medieval kingdoms was an offence that usually meant death), Arthur puts her on trial for hurting his people. "But you stand before the court, not because of an act of sorcery or sedition, but because an act of murder. Your actions have brought about the deaths of many good men and threaten the lives of many more." By his father's laws, Kara should be killed for being a druid. Arthur doesn't do that. By the law of pretty much any kingdom ever, Kara should be killed for her assassination attempt. Arthur doesn't focus on that. Rather than the danger to his own life, Arthur focuses on the safety of his people. Exactly as he always has, since the unicorn, since the dragon, since searching desperately for Merlin when everyone else had given up, since he literally had to have his wits and personality removed in order to be evacuated from his castle while it was under attack.

During Kara's trial, Arthur lays out his reasoning for keeping the magic ban, in a way that I feel like most people miss. "In your words…I hear the voice of Morgana. It is she and others like her who have abused the powers of magic. It is they who have brought the rift between our people. It is their deeds, that have terroised Camelot and forced us to outlaw such practices." Unlike Uther, Arthur isn't calling magic itself evil, he's focusing on those who "abuse" it, in other worse, use it improperly. His problem is the detrimental effects magic has on his people! No one has shown him or told him magic and the well-being of his people can co-exist! So what if Gaius says some magic users want to protect him? The people of Camelot are what matter. (And yes, I absolutely know magic users are only attacking Camelot because Uther outlawed it, but I'm just trying to show Arthur's perspective, and all he's ever known).

Arthur's priority is shown again and again to be his people and his friends, because he is A Good Man! I simply cannot vibe with anone who is anti-Arthur, we just didn't watch the same show.

I've been in this fandom for so long i don't even feel the need to argue with arthur haters/misunderstanders anymore i just go 'ohhh so you don't Get it I'm so sorry for your loss' and move on (said with clenched teeth and twitching eyes nails breaking as i pretend to be normal and chill about the daily slander)

[carewyncromwell]

“I’ve had enough of reading things By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians! All I want is the truth... Just gimme some truth...”

~“Gimme Some Truth” by John Lennon

x~x~x~x

brief reference to Merlin Wyllt @oneirataxia-girl

x~x~x~x

As January 1996 turned into February, Mia found herself less settled than ever. 

After the Azkaban break-out, Dolores Umbridge issued yet another “Educational Decree” for Hogwarts’s students, which Mia’s nephew Olin described thusly --

Now the teachers can’t talk about anything with their students unless it’s specifically about their classes! I heard Professor Flitwick appealing to Professor Dumbledore about it, since he frequently councils Ravenclaws about personal matters at home. He said he couldn’t bear it if anyone else went through what “Jacob” went through, so I reckon one of his students ended up in a bad place once. And my friend Catie’s parents are going through a nasty divorce right now, so Professor Sprout’s been helping her through it...are teachers just supposed to not talk to their students when they’re afraid to go home because of what’s going on with their parents? 

It made Mia suspect all the more that it had less to do with fixing problems at Hogwarts and much more about keeping students in the dark about what was going on in the political world...for what reason, Mia couldn’t figure out, but it troubled her all the same. The development concerned Florean too.

Brainwashing children to blindly trust in anyone’s authority is never a good sign. Muggle dictators have done it countless times over the centuries, to justify their claim. Even our own Ministry has done it, up to a point, in how they’ve whitewashed Merlin’s legacy as nothing but an example of “the most powerful wizard in history,” rather than someone who actively opposed and fought against what would become the Ministry of Magic and the Statute of Secrecy. I don’t want to believe this decision could be so maliciously motivated, and instead just be out of a misguided kind of protection...but considering what Olin has told you about Dolores Umbridge, I regret to say I have trouble promoting the latter. 

As if sensing how much people were starting to doubt the Daily Prophet, and by extension the Ministry of Magic’s account of what was going on, the Quibbler published an interview with Harry Potter, written by the Prophet’s once star-reporter Rita Skeeter, centered around the events of Cedric Diggory’s death. In the interview, Harry laid out a harrowing account, detailing how he and Cedric had decided to take the Triwizard Cup together for Hogwarts, since they’re reached it at the same time; how the Cup had actually been a Portkey, enchanted to transport them to a dark, unfamiliar graveyard; how as soon as they’d arrived, Peter Pettigrew (who was somehow both alive and a Death Eater!) killed Cedric on the orders of a malformed creature wrapped in rags in his arms; how that creature turned out to be Voldemort himself, who ordered Pettigrew to forcibly take some of Harry’s blood for a potion that restored his body to him; how Voldemort, newly restored and alive, summoned his remaining Death Eaters and tried to kill Harry; and finally how Harry miraculously escaped when his and Voldemort’s wands linked via Priori Incantantem and he magically summoned the Portkey back to his hands, returning him to school. 

It was an outrageous tale -- one too terrifying and ridiculous to believe. And yet, as much as Mia hated to admit it, parts of it seemed oddly sincere. Harry’s responses, for instance, came across as very modest, just like Florean had said he was -- Rita at several points seemed to encourage Harry to embellish his story, asking him about how the Death Eaters tortured him and such, but Harry didn’t rise to the bait.

“They didn’t do anything to me,” said Potter. “Except laugh, maybe -- a couple of them laughed. It was Voldemort who used the Cruciatus Curse -- they just stood back and watched.”

Trying to place herself in this poor boy’s shoes, your humble reporter asked him whether he’d resigned himself to death, upon facing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or if he had been truly so determined to survive and tell his story. Potter, however, confessed a shocking lack of introspection.

“I hadn’t really thought that far ahead,” said Potter. “I just knew I didn’t want to die on my knees. I wanted to die fighting. But then our wands connected, and my...the...ghosts appeared...I guess they’re called shades?...but they told me to...to get the Portkey and run. And Cedric asked me to take his body back. So I did.”

Then there were details here and there that were so specific, it seemed incredibly unlikely that a teenage boy could’ve just made it up. Why was it that almost every name Harry recalled among the Death Eaters belonged to someone who’d been accused but acquitted of helping the Death Eaters? And the one that hadn’t, Peter Pettigrew? Mia remembered Pettigrew and his little “buddies,” Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter, from school -- they and Severus Snape had been all four years older than her, but Mia remembered them, and even at the time, she’d had a hard time believing that Peter Pettigrew of all people had tried to stand up to the likes of Sirius Black. She’d ascribed this to Pettigrew losing all common sense in response to the grief of losing the Potters to one of his other best friends -- but even then, Pettigrew had always had a bit of “Slytherin” in him. He was cowardly, sure, and he was never as talented or intelligent as his other friends, but he was also rather clever, when push came to shove, and he had a way of weaseling his way out of trouble. If this story of Potter’s had been made-up, anyone else would’ve accused Sirius Black of being the ringleader of this whole affair -- Minister Fudge himself had claimed the Azkaban break-out was all his doing. Some others might’ve even gone after Severus Snape, considering his history with the Death Eaters. But Pettigrew? Why would Harry accuse someone who’d supposedly been dead for so many years? Why bring up this man, after so long, and depict him as this cowardly, reluctant supporter of the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time? How would Harry even have known Pettigrew was the sort to cower behind his more powerful friends, when Pettigrew had supposedly died when he was still an infant? How could Harry describe Pettigrew so well, as if he were a real person who’d aged and grown over the years, instead of just how he looked in his old photographs? 

Mia had been so invested by Harry’s account that she’d read the interview all the way through without putting it down. She then read it several more times over, and each time, she felt like her stomach was being tied in another knot.

It was only when a grayish-brown whippet came over to rest his head in her lap that Mia looked up from the Quibbler at last.

She forced a smile.

“...Hi, Dad.”

The whippet stared up at Mia for a long moment. Then some small flare of consciousness seemed to flicker to life behind his eyes, and the dog seemed to bend in on himself, resting his paw on the arm of the chair Mia was sitting in. Little by little, that paw seemed to grow and his short gray suede-like fur began to dissolve away into peach-colored skin...until at last, the bald, aging candymaker Ambrosius Flume sat curled up in a ball on the floor.

He opened and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he looked up. He put on a brave smile, upon seeing his second daughter.

“...Mia,” he said warmly. “Good morning.”

He glanced over at the closest window.

“...Or perhaps it’s good afternoon. Is it still the 13th?”

“Yeah,” said Mia.

“Oh good, I haven’t missed Valentine’s Day,” Ambrosius said brightly. “I still need to finish that special Sugar Butterfly for your mother...”

Seeing the somber look on Mia’s face, the candymaker’s face lost some of its cheer, but he still tried to keep a brave smile on.

“Mia, it’s all right,” he said gently. “I didn’t leave the house, I know that much. And I’m perfectly safe, so long as I don’t wander too far...”

Mia’s gaze fell down to the article she’d been reading uncomfortably.

It was true Ambrosius’s condition could be managed. He had always been able to turn back, once he’d interacted with his family and recalled his true self through them. But blood Maledictions were an incurable condition, one that gradually worsened over time. Sooner or later, all of those afflicted by it would transform into an animal devoid of any human consciousness and never be able to turn back into themselves. And the more Ambrosius turned into a dog without meaning to -- the longer he stayed in that form -- the more afraid Mia would be that he'd never become human again. It was a fear she’d had since she was a young child -- one so strong that her boggart for years had been her father in dog form...his eyes completely blank and growling at her like she was a stranger...

Ambrosius reached out and took his daughter’s hand. Mia looked up at him, to find a very comforting expression on his face.

“I may not remember everything, after getting dressed for the morning,” he said, “but I know what woke me up -- as it so often is -- was me seeing my little Pepper Imp and needing to be her father.”

Mia’s lips curled up in an emotional smile despite herself. Ambrosius smiled affectionately in return as he brought up his other hand to lightly pat her cheek.

“You looked quite troubled, when I came to,” he said. “Yet I don’t think it was just about me.”

He eyed Rita Skeeter’s article in her lap significantly.

Mia exhaled heavily.

“...Dad...I’m so conflicted,” she confessed. “The Ministry of Magic has always there to keep us safe -- that’s all it’s ever wanted to do, I know it. And yet...everything it’s been saying about Potter lately -- about Azkaban -- about You-Know-Who...none of it’s making any sense, Dad! Even Tia agrees. Dirk even thinks that Sturgis Podmore might’ve been put under the Imperius Curse, when he was found down in the Department of Mysteries last year for seemingly no reason. And Callie...Callie’s been talking to folks, ever since Rita Skeeter interviewed Potter...not just airheads like Jacob Cromwell or Xenophilius Lovegood, people who live in the real world, like Mafalda Hopkirk and John Dawlish -- respected Ministry employees -- ”

She picked it up and handed it to Ambrosius so he could read it himself from his spot on the floor.

“...And all of them -- well, just about all -- think Potter’s telling the truth! That Minister Fudge knows it too, deep down, but he’s been actively trying to discredit Potter and Dumbledore, all because he doesn’t want to face the truth! Even if that would have to mean that the Ministry has been lying about everything for the last year -- about Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black, the Azkaban break-out -- about You-Know-Who not being back! And worse still...I’m starting to think he might be too...”

She bowed her head, swallowing back the lump that had cropped up in her throat.

“I just don’t understand how Fudge could do something so horrible,” she said weakly. “Even if he is afraid...what about all of us? Aren’t we afraid, not knowing what’s going on? Does our fear not matter? Does Olin’s and Skylar’s fear not matter? Fudge is supposed to be our leader, our Minister. Won’t we be afraid -- even more afraid than him -- not even having someone who’ll fight to protect us and the ones we love?”

Ambrosius got to his feet so that he could settle himself down on the arm of Mia’s chair, bringing a paternal hand up to rest on the top of her head.

“I know,” he murmured. “It is a terrible thought.”

He slid a lock of hair that had come out of Mia’s bun neatly behind her ear.

“I wish I could say that it has to be some sort of misunderstanding...but based just on what I’m reading here -- ”

He flourished the article in his hand before putting it down on the side table.

“ -- and hearing what I have from Callie’s broadcasts...I don’t think your suspicions are as farfetched as we’d like to believe.”

Mia looked up at Ambrosius. His face was incredibly solemn.

“I hate to say it...but we may indeed be in a situation where the ones we’ve chosen to lead us have chosen their own self-interest over our lives. And if that’s truly the case...I think we may have to do some looking, to find others who see the road we’re on and may also want to reroute our course.”

"How could we do that?” asked Mia. “We’re just confectioners -- we’re not politicians, or Aurors...we’re not Dumbledore or the Minister. What could we do to protect our world, if things really are as bad as we think?”

Ambrosius put on a brave smile again as he scratched the back of his neck beside his ear. “I’m not sure...but, well, we can’t be the only ones, to not believe the Ministry’s narrative. Who knows? Maybe if we can find those other people who see the dark clouds overhead and want to do something about it, we can put our heads together. Then maybe we’ll find some way to be of use.”

But Mia shook her head.

“‘Be of use?’ In a second Wizarding War? Potentially facing off against the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time?”

She brought her arms around herself as she rested her face in her own lap.

“We’re just normal people, Dad,” she said despondently against her legs. “What would we be, to a monster like that?”

Ambrosius brought his arms around Mia and gave her a hug. Mia inhaled the familiar vanilla smell off of his coat, trying to find some shred of courage, however elusive it was.

She didn’t want to believe things were as terrible as she feared. Merlin...did she hope beyond reason that she was wrong.