#or otherwise the thing that they did was so insignificant to them that they can’t even recall it

[17panicattacksinatrenchcoat]

Okay I know that it’s a meme and all but the whole

[Adult person to their to parent]: “Hey that one thing you said to me when I was a kid was really fucked up and I want to talk about it”

[Parent] “Oh I don’t remember that haha” / “What are you talking about? I never did that to you.”

thing is actually so screwed up like can we talk about that

[hoshinoyozora]

Poor, Unfortunate Soul(s)

🖤 Pairing: Yandere! Self-aware! Twisted Wonderland x Female! Reader

💛 Word Count: 1,3k+

❤ Warnings: -

[Edited]

Do not re-upload my writing to another website or use it without my permission. Also, don’t ask for a sequel unless I like the story enough to write one. Please reblog so other people can see my stories!

***

Just a lil scenario about MC who ‘dismisses’ their existences aka me lmao.

“They’re just a bunch of game characters, anyway. Why should I care so much about them?”

You laughed, unaware of the hearts that you broke within the screen. The thin yet sturdy piece of glass that separated you from the people who thought of you as their world. Their everything. Your friend chuckled, adding salt to the injury. Had she didn’t ask you why you hadn’t logged into the game for days, weeks even, maybe they wouldn’t be so humiliated and disappointed.

But did that mean they wouldn’t know your true opinion on them otherwise?

Maybe ignorance was bliss, because, then, they would’ve kept holding onto the hope for you to come back. To still want them the same way they wanted you. In this world of codes and numbers, you were the one real thing in their lives. You were human. Warm, fleshy, and expressive. And yet, you dismissed their existences so easily just because you both lived in two different worlds.

Did they really mean nothing for you? Were all of your reactions towards them merely a façade? Or a memory so insignificant you forgot about it in the next day?

“Maybe I should just delete the app. It feels like a chore to open it nowadays.”

The sky darkened, the ground trembled, and the thunder rumbled as the result of a certain dragon fae. Was this your true self? Then again, NRC was a school of villains. They shouldn’t be surprised if you, the Player, turned out to be the biggest villain of all. Not even Malleus Draconia could hold a candle to you. Your words alone had the ability to mold and break their spirits. Your touch alone could move them somewhere else and show them how beautiful Twisted Wonderland was with you by their side. And your presence alone gave them a reason to live.

If you were to disappear, wouldn’t that be comparable to death? A slow, painful death where everyone lost themselves in depression and rage, and ultimately, destroyed themselves. In a moment of morbid curiosity, they wondered if that was what you wanted all along. You toyed with their hearts, and when you got bored, you moved onto their lives.

“We… we can’t just let her leave!” A boyish voice, thick with desperation and an even desperate attempt to recompose, shattered the mournful silence. Everyone recognized him as Ace Trappola, one of Yuu’s enviable first friends and troublemakers from Heartslabyul. “We need to stop her! Come on, guys. Are we really going to stop now, after everything we’ve done to reach her?”

“But how?” Leona asked, sounding even more listless somehow. Despite his pride and consent, you’d taken a peek into his past and remained amicable with him. It didn’t matter that it was for the sake of the plot, your vessel, Yuu, still approached him and asked for his help during Octavinelle’s story. Didn’t that mean something for you? For him? “Just because we’ve managed to hack into her phone doesn’t mean we can drag her here. There’s only so much we can do to make her stay.”

Ace flinched, unprepared for the reality to slap him twice.

“I-I don’t know.” He turned to face the Diasomnia gang who, with the exception of the sniffling Sebek, looked as somber as a funeral guest. “Malleus-senpai, Lilia-senpai, you guys gotta know something about bringing someone from another world, right? You guys are the strongest of the strongest. I don’t care if it’s forbidden. There… there has to be a way!”

For a moment, they were silent as though reluctant to admit their lack of knowledge. Ace wilted, his buckling knees threatening to collapse once the severity of the situation settled in.

That is, until Lilia opened his mouth.

“… There is, actually.” he murmured. “But for every soul that moves here, another has to replace them.”

Some of the characters lit up, but the others remained skeptical.

“And I assume it’s for the sake of balance?” Vil mused, crossing his arms.

Lilia’s glance confirmed his suspicion.

“T-then, what are we waiting for?” In a burst of hope, Azul momentarily stopped sobbing. “Let’s sacrifice that person.”

“But who’s gonna be that person?” Jamil retorted.

Everyone fell quiet again, unwilling to be the lamb in the altar of your capricious existence.

“The NPCs ‘live’ when the story is moving.” Idia mumbled through the floating device. His shyness and reluctance for a face-to-face interaction was customary, but nobody could truly see the underworld his sanity was falling at a rapid pace. Still, it didn’t change the fact that he still wanted to see you living among them. Literally. “That means she has to play again if we want to sacrifice one of them.”

“I, for one, would be more than willing to help ‘convincing’ her, if that’s what it takes.” Jade simpered with his eyes closed and a hand over his chest.

“Oui! It’d be a splendid day to see her sublime face gracing us again. The sun would shine warmly, the flowers would grow tastefully, and the birds would chirp merrily!” Rook enthused, jabbing at Malleus’s inadvertent use of magic.

Riddle wiped his teary eyes with the sleeve of his uniform and straightened up.

“Seeing that our Player has slackened in her responsibility to watch over us, it is our duty to set her right.” he declared. “Heartslabyul students, I order you to find this person and bring him here!”

“I-I agree…!” Sebek piped up, still loud as always despite his trembling voice and runny nose. “I shall seize him and send him to that world at once!”

Ever the dutiful one, Silver gripped his baton and nodded. As long as it wasn’t murder without a cause, he’d gladly perform any task like a true knight would.

“Well, if Riddle ordered us like this, who are we to disobey him?” Cater laughed, trying to hide the shakiness of his voice.

Trey pushed his glasses, foggy from the upcoming tears.

“Indeed. But I won’t lie, this is something that I’m looking forward to carry out.”

“For once, you did something right, Ace!” Deuce beamed proudly.

“Oi!”

Jamil glanced at Kalim, who reluctantly nodded. He hated to see people throwing away their lives carelessly, after all the assassination attempts that he suffered through the story. But if it was for the sake of seeing you with them, who was he to stop them?

Floyd grinned happily, but the anger of being abandoned by you darkened his eyes.

“Once she gets here, I’ll be sure to give her a nice, long squeeze as a welcome~”

“Well, Leona-san?” Ruggie asked, crossing his hands behind his head. “Are we gonna boost their morale or something?”

Leona sighed, lacking the irritated exhaustion he usually had. Even he wasn’t immune to the hope that Lilia brought to them, no matter how annoying it was to trust him.

“You better not be disappointing us, Lilia.” he growled. “And you, too, Radish Sprout.”

“I don’t like this.” Jack murmured. “But if this is what it takes to make the Player fulfill her role again, then I’ll do my best to live up to the expectations!”

“I… I will join as well!” Epel stated, clenching his fists resolutely.

“Look, Brother!” Ortho chirped. “You managed to bring them all together. That’s so cool!”

Idia muttered something, but the younger boy was too engrossed in their touching cooperation to notice.

Sunlight finally dispersed the dark clouds, mirroring their spirit. Malleus took a step forward with his chin raised in determination.

“Then, I shall assist Lilia with the magic.”

You said you didn’t care about them?

Well, they would make you care.

[louisisalarrie]

there’s quite the convo that was going on on twitter today, which is super interesting to me, because it’s brought up often and usually from newer members to the fandom, particularly solos. we’ve been talking about this for years. so… idk, let’s talk.

this convo is of the gist that Larries made Harry and louis stop interacting due to our interest in them being together. we, apparently, are the ones who made either mgmt, or Harry and Louis themselves, entirely separate and go from best friends to absolutely nothing. and when I say absolutely nothing, like… they were so distanced it was ridiculous.

but here’s the thing… if you weren’t around at the time (there’s no issue with that btw!), ziam was the second biggest ship after larry. A bunch of Larries shipped ziam, and a lot of larry antis shipped ziam, as well as ziam having their own following regardless of larry. And yes, I was there, so im fully aware ziam wasn’t as big as Larry, but they were definitely a close second as far as “ships” go. there was also narry, zarry, lilo, and all the others, but larry and ziam dominated.

But… funnily enough, ziam weren’t separating due to a large speculation of them being in a relationship. it was printed and posted in multiple formats that zayn had said in an interview he told Liam to kiss him and he did (early days, yes), and they really gave off relationship vibes for a long time there, but they were still close and interacting very lovingly throughout the entirety of 1d. and regardless of your stance on ziam, they were clearly very close.

The thing with this is, is that gay rumours can be harmful to a fanbase with a demographic of young women, who the idea is to make the band desirable for women to be with to keep them interested etc., we’re all aware of that, but why wasn’t ziam separated? why weren’t all the boys asked to be super straight with each other? why was it so intense with larry?

Because if you don’t have anything to hide, you don’t hide anything. ziam still were carrying on in front of our faces while larry went through a multitude of stunts (that antis and now some solos also believed were stunts), and were so strictly kept apart that it was blindingly obvious something was going on. To make it seem the most real, you’d have all the boys being laddy bro pals with one another. but it was specifically larry who were extremely drastically pushed apart. of course there was no public “fight” printed to give us a reason as to why they became so far apart (that would signal an end to the band and worry etc.) to make sense of it, but they just were forced in their own lanes. anyone with two eyes can see that, and you could easily tell if they hated each other or not. but the small moments they did interact, showed us otherwise.

anyway, it’s very important to note that ziam did not stop being ziam regardless of the rumours, but larry did stop being larry drastically. they’re not homophobes, they weren’t scared of encouraging the rumours (AIMH and all the playful tweets and interactions), but they were clearly separated when larry kept being talked about further down the track. and if you can’t see that, well you may need to reevaluate and use some critical thinking. it’s happened before 1d too, it’s not rocket science.

anyway, sorry for the rant. it’s just frustrating when I see this convo when we’ve had it over and over again. so, for all the newer larries,if you haven’t already, take this into consideration as one of the very biggest pieces of larry evidence we have. because, well, it is. it may seem insignificant as it’s not a “moment”, but rather it’s a long and ongoing piece of evidence that there was something to hide, so they hid it. and they still do.

[luckydicekirby]

erin hasn’t read jade legacy yet and i have 700 pages worth of Opinions about it and you can’t put stuff under a cut in tweets so i am finally returning to “posting on tumblr”

this book did not fully work for me! and i am really chewing on why. I enjoyed reading it, and it made me cry several times, but it felt structurally disconnected and didn’t really come together for me like, Thematically. the ending was just kind of eh. points for ending on bero and the twice lucky, because i’m a simple woman i love a good bookend, but it feels really weird that the end was basically like “well, we won bc our family likes each other and the mountain all hates each other” guys your family is a nightmare!!!!!!!! 

on some level I think I had expectations the book ultimately wasn’t interested in fulfilling so I’m not a super fair judge--my called shot for this book was that niko was going to kill hilo for murdering his mom, or that at least that was going to be a major point of contention between them. at a certain point it became obvious this was not the direction we were going in, which is fine, but eyni’s murder was SUCH a great momentous “oh shit” moment in jade war and I feel like we never fully followed up on it--it makes perfect sense that hilo would see it as necessary and like it was the right thing to do, because he’s a freak and he sucks (affectionate), but we barely get to see niko react to it as an adult. like I really thought we were going to get a moment in jade legacy that was like, hey hilo, turns out you cannot just kill your nephew��s mom and kidnap him as a toddler without consequences, but I guess......you can? i feel like we missed out on sooo much meaty crunchy stuff in this vein.

also this should have been at least two or three books. I was excited about the time skips, because I wanted to see the kids as adults, but a lot of specific moments had to get skimmed over to fit everything in, and the kids kind of got the shaft as far as characterization--we get the most interesting character stuff with niko, and he barely has any POV! I liked what we got of Ru (and his death made me cry like a baby), but jaya was cool but completely flat. my mind palace ideal structure is like. one book still centered on the adults while the kids are growing up, and then one book centered on the adult kids where we actually get to dig deep into their character stuff/their relationships with each other. 

anyway, stray thoughts:

making anden and lott narrative foils but then not having them get together honestly kind of a power move. i kind of respect it. my read is that lott is gay but decided he would never be able to be out and be the horn, and stuck to that. which WOULD sure make him feel real weird about anden!

shae/ayt mada real and no one can convince me otherwise. they both tried to kill each other they both saved each other’s lives that is romance baybee

i did really enjoy the continuing bero throughline/his ultimate insignificance, and inability to even MAKE himself significant by confessing to lan’s murder to niko. that scene was so good. 

it feels like all the interesting thematic stuff in this book was coming together in the wake of Ru’s death, and then it all had to get dropped bc we were once again at like, “uh oh mountain’s gonna take over”. like no go back i want to talk more about senseless death and about how vital it is to die for a cause as a green bone but ultimately lan’s death was also a senseless accident and hilo HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THAT AND ALWAYS LIED ABOUT IT AND THAT’S THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE WAR!!! CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT!!

2 black 2 green made me lose it. 

anyway i AM staring at my hands like is it just that i’m a slut for tragedy and wanted a worse ending to this book where like five major characters died....am EYE the problem for wanting this family to be irrevocably broken...am i too successionpilled.....

[thenugking]

For the meme!

✅😊

So first of all how dare you make me compliment myself

✅ list one or two favorite lines you’ve written and explain why they’re your favorite 

Okay so we’re going one line recently posted and one line upcoming, because otherwise I have to remember something I wrote over a month ago.

Upcoming, a line I enjoy from the childhood fic:

“And, um, wait until everyone’s got something first before you drink your blood. It’s polite.” “Why polite?” Orin mumbled, staring into her teacup. “Because it is! It’s good manners!”  “But--” “Oh, look,” said Kallian, quickly raising Gutty’s teacup to the doll’s mouth. “Gutty drank her poison before everyone was ready, and now she’s dead, so you can’t play with her any more.” She flipped the doll over, laying her face down. “Oh dear! You’ll have to play with Meaty instead! She’s being good and not drinking her poison yet!”

I love the moments that are just, Oh these guys are Kids, doing Normal Kidlike Behaviour like having tea parties with their toys and parroting The Rules without any understanding. But also because of the fucked up edgetastic environment they’re raised in, they’re serving blood and poison in the tea parties and naming their dolls after Guts. (Also, Kallian hates Gutty because she’s the doll Sarevok gave Orin, and she plays with her more than Meaty, the one Kallian gave her, and I love the mixed up mess of Kallian’s jealousy over not always being her sister’s favourite and the genuine Bad Vibes she gets from Sarevok and Orin’s relationship.)

And from the last chapter of Not A Place of Honour:

“He trapped one of his own people in Avernus once!” “What are you talking about? When did I--” [Enver] stops, remembering the bodyguard, and rolls his eyes. “That must have been almost a decade ago. If you’re going to claim you’ve never cared about me, maybe don’t dig up every insignificant employee I’ve ever let go.”

Like, it’s not one of those lines that make me go “holy shit, that’s beautiful, what an emotional punch.” It’s just--it’s the fact that it’s not a big deal here. It’s the fact that no one even uses Karlach’s name. Kallian only brings her up to score a point against Gortash, and he barely even remembers her, and refers to his act of deeply traumatic, horrifying betrayal as letting her go. And then continues the conversation, and no one mentions Karlach again, because she was just some random bodyguard and they have more important things to argue about. Just… absolute lack of care. For Gortah, It Was Tuesday.

😊 say something nice about your writing

I have been told that I’m very good at Show Not Tell. I write a lot of bastards and unreliable narrators, and I’m good at making it clear that they’re in the wrong, or avoiding acknowledging something, without, yknow, having them look at the camera and go “remember, abusing people is Wrong!” or whatever.

[fallout4-reacts]

Bit of a weird one... But how would companions react to recruiting Kellogg and/or post!quest Virgil?

I must be a masochist, but I've now done both for each companion

I hope you find the reactions appropriate

Few of romanced situations

PS: The companions don't seem to like Kellogg… or, more specifically, what he did

Cait : (Kellogg) Sole can't help but think Cait looks a little out of place. She opens her mouth with her shoulders sagging, frowns, and then opens her mouth again in the same weird fashion. This spectacle has been going on for a few moments when the combatant appears to be recovering.

"You realize that this man... you realize that he murdered your husband?"

Sole slowly shakes their head.

"I know it's difficult to explain, but I recall what happened. Kellogg is honest; he never intended for it to happen. I know that sounds strange, but I've discovered that the Commonwealth frequently brings out the worst in people, and if given a chance, they may occasionally become... better?"

Cait opens her lips and eyes wide again, but this time she regains swiftly entire control of herself, spitting on the ground in disgust.

"The only thing that can be extracted from this man is the dagger he will thrust into your back when you least expect it. That is something I refuse to see. I'm leaving! Contract or no contract!"

And, despite Sole's best efforts, Cait continues on her path unabated.

(Virgil) "So, uh... a lab rat, huh? So, you're choosing a lab rat over me as your companion? How positively delightful. I get when he was two metres high, but here?"

Impatient, sole stomping.

"Ah, feck it," Cait mutters as she gives a dismissive shrug. "After all, I saw Curie... When it blows in your face, you'll find me at the bar.”

Codsworth : (Kellogg) “Mum/Sir, this is the man who killed your spouse and kidnapped young master Shaun, are you sure you can trust him?”

Sole turns to the murderer and then to their butler.

“I know, but I think everybody gets a second chance. If they really want to reform, why wouldn’t I help them?”

“I recognize you there.”

The tone is at first glance enthusiastic, but Sole can’t help but hear the slight hint of underlying discouragement.

(Virgil) The scientist does not appear to have combat training, and Codsworth cannot help but query this choice. Then he recalls how insignificant he was during his initial time in this hostile Commonwealth. But time, experience, and especially Sole's company had made it an element on which we could rely, and he has no doubt that they could accomplish the same with Virgil. At the very least, residing in the Institute instilled in this character manners, such as hygiene and language, that are severely lacking in certain companions. So, it's a win-win for Codsworth.

Curie : (Kellogg) Curie is perplexed as to why her fellow companions react so negatively. Kellogg is an excellent combatant and a tremendous contributor to the squad. Winning one of the Institute's greatest assassins over them isn't a good thing?

"Coldly, you could say yes," Preston remarks. "However, that completely dismisses the harm done by this man. I don't understand how Sole can turn a blind eye to their spouse's deliberate murder."

Curie spends the night meditating on everything she has heard; more pronounced or nuanced perspectives. She rushes to meet Sole the next morning.

"I do understand one thing."

"Oh well?"

"You should be upset. You should despise Kellogg. I don't see any other option. So now I'm puzzled as to how there may be another. And it's clear that none of your companions understands either."

Sole sighs deeply and places an affectionate hand on Curie's arm.

"It's all OK to think that way. And it's true. Kellogg will never be forgiven for what he did. But who am I to judge and execute him?" They shrug and continue, "I prefer to let life extend its justice; otherwise, half of the Commonwealth would have to be executed for wronging someone at some point."

Curie appears to have finally grasped the concept. It's not so much Sole's forgiveness to Kellogg as it is their indifference. All things considered, Curie is now sure that this attitude is, overall, the wisest alternative.

(Virgil) To say Curie is excited is a thousand times understatement. Curie is so ecstatic that Sole has difficulty getting the scientist for a mission. Finally, they realize that they will not be travelling through the Commonwealth's ruins with Virgil anytime soon, and perhaps that is for the best. Curie and Virgil collaborated to establish a new hospital in Sanctuary that benefited from their extensive biological and biochemical knowledge.

Danse (Pre-BB) : (Kellogg) He simply doesn't get it. The knight arrived at the Prydwen with a mercenary; they all travelled to Sanctuary in the evening, but on the way, Danse discovered who this mercenary was.

And he simply doesn't get it.

"This man murdered your half and kidnapped your child; he should pay for his crimes with exemplary punishment, ending in his execution."

"Do you think I don't know what he did?" Sole exclaims irritably. "I know better than anyone what he did," he went on between his teeth, giving the Institute's murderer a black glare. "But I also know it's my best chance of finding Shaun, and that's reason enough for me to let him live."

Sole doesn't need to mention "for now." To Danse, it's as plain as if they'd shouted. He nods in agreement. He grasps the idea a little better, and deep inside, he silently swears to shoot the killer in the head as soon as their goal has been achieved.

(Virgil) "It's not strategically viable to keep a man without any military experience on the ground."

Sole smiles gently and pats their superior's shoulder.

"And this is where we come in. It's not as bad as hauling a scribe around."

Danse tilts his head to the side and widens his eyes.

"You...you're correct."

And with that, Sole begins whistling cheerfully as they resume. Danse instantly follows them.

Deacon (romanced) : (Kellogg) He is completely emotionless. Do you find it surprising? It's barely if the tip of a brow is visible over the line of his glasses, but he doesn't say anything. He follows in the footsteps of Sole and Kellogg without complaining or making any comments. Then, in the evening, he invites Kellogg to gather wood for the fire while Sole puts the sleeping bags and ring stone in place. When they are a safe distance from the camp, Deacon bends slightly to the assassin's ear.

"If you ever imagine being able to double-cross them, you will stop breathing in your old lady's sleep while dreaming about it."

Then Deacon resumes his search for wood as if nothing had happened and nothing had been uttered. Kellogg thinks about him for a few moments in silence before approaching him.

"What makes you think you'll ever get to see me dream?"

"Because if I don't, it will be Sole who will end your reign without hesitation. They may consider you an asset today, but they don't consider you to be their friend, and never will."

Deacon's conviction is so strong that Kellogg refuses to add anything. Similarly, he does not dare to take any action against the spy. He is not foolish; he understands that Sole's grace is unexpected and could slip away at any time.

(Virgil) He's overjoyed! A RailRoad team member from the Institute! This will be an asset to them. But he swiftly loses his enchantment. He realizes that Virgil's area of competence, in order for him to be effective as a doctor, does not include synths. They still have Amari, and then a doctor who is less... forthright than Carrington? It's still OK. He will not, however, insist if Virgil decides to relocate to Curie Hospital rather than HQ.

Dogmeat : (Kellogg) Sniff the man and notice that he has an awful odor. He dislikes the new one. He doesn't openly confront him because Sole appears to accept him, but he dislikes him. Dogmeat growls and flashes his teeth when Kellogg appears to want to be buddies. Everything will be OK if Kellogg keeps his distance. Dogmeat will rip Kellogg to pieces if he gets too close or tries to hurt Sole.

(Virgil) The person has an unusual odor; it smells like Strong. Dogmeat receives raw meat from Strong. Strong is adored by Dogmeat. Virgil is a favorite of Dogmeat. He chases him about, his tail bouncing excitedly in the air. Sole is overjoyed that Dogmeat adores Virgil. Dogmeat is even more happy.

Elder Maxson (romanced) : (Kellogg) "He is the very enemy we are fighting against."

"He is something that will help us gain access to the Institute."

Maxson has agreed to discuss with Sole. It's likely that his sentiments for them have a significant role. He occasionally worries if he is being too lenient, but Sole has demonstrated time and again that they are astute strategists. Who is he to criticize them if they can get over the murder of their spouse?

"Make sure you're keeping it on a leash."

"Be assured of that."

And the sparkle in Sole's eyes is not deceptive. Arthur is relieved when he finds out that Sole is merely acting tactically. He would not have appreciated the idea that the person he loves may be... weak.

(Virgil) Sole got there to discover a great asset! This man can not only inform them about the Institute's operations, but his personal knowledge also qualifies him as a scientist for the Brotherhood's research and development team. Maxson expresses his excitement to Sole... this night.

Hancock (romanced) : (Kellogg) An icy stare. It doesn't matter when or where; whenever Kellogg looks at Hancock, he is met with an icy stare. But Hancock didn't say anything. He's not here to lay down the law for Sole to obey. But he's here to protect Sole if anything goes wrong. So, every time Kellogg turns to face Hancock, he is met with a stare that is so black and cold that he can only describe it as a icy stare.

(Virgil) And what else? A scout? Oh no, Sole already did that. But he called it a squire. Well, it can’t be worse than Curie.

“Does he know how to shoot?”

“No, but he can cure the mutation of super-mutants.”

“Okay, so when you come across a band of super mutants, I hope they can plant needles at an incredible rate.”

“It…doesn’t work that way.”

“Then why are you dragging him?”

“He can...do drugs?”

“So why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Gage : (Kellogg) Going over their hatred to ensure a shock team? Gage is aware. You don't have to be a stickler for principle in his field of business. It's a good job that they hired their husband's murderer to follow them.

If the killer does not choose to kill Sole first. Gage keeps his guard up even if he thinks Sole's shot is effectively executed. He'll defend his overboss no matter what.

(Virgil) "A scientist? What will your scientist do?"

"He'll be able to read me a story at night before I go to sleep."

Porter scolds. He dislikes it when Sole makes fun of his illiteracy. It's not even that he can't read. It's because he dislikes reading. Nuance. However, following a more in-depth talk, Sole dangles certain benefits that they could reap by having Virgil on their team, and Gage has been doing business with his boss's new protégé ever since.

MacCready : (Kellogg) He is following. His remuneration does not include sound judgement or sound advise. He strictly follows. If the newcomer wants to be a jerk, he'll turn on his brain.

(romanced) Our adorable little rat face can get angry when he wants to, and on this one, he skips two or three swear words. But he restrains himself, just as he restrains himself from saying anything that would aggravate his relationship with Sole. He does not comprehend. He just doesn't get it. Then, one night, while ruminating by the fire, he glances up and sees Sole.

"What if I'm murdered? You're gonna be friends with my murderer, too?"

His companion sighs, looking for words to express themselves.

"Kellogg is my best hope for finding my son. He's not my friend, and he'll never be more than that. I honestly hope that this type of event never occurs again. If my son's life doesn't hang in the balance, I can promise you of one thing: any fool who dares to hurt you would beg heaven and hell that I end the torture into which I have plunged him."

And Sole's expression is so frigid; he appears to be so sure that MacCready is as well. He is reassured, and as a result, swallowing the medicine becomes much simpler.

(Virgil) A scientist? What else is there? What is a virologist? A VIROLOGIST?

"Do you know this strange thing that causes blue spots to grow..."

“No. I specialise in FEV-related DNA corruption."

"But do you think you could find a cure for an unknown disease if you could study it?"

"How could I? I've already spent my life developing a viable serum to treat all FEV types."

With his hands in his pockets, MacCready kicks a rock. A scientist… and what?

Nick Valentine : (Kellogg) "What!?"

Nick is very aware of his own image, as well as the impression he has always presented. He's always tried to maintain a certain level of class and presence in order to maintain his "stoic detective image," and now that he's a synth, it's easier to keep his emotions in check. When Sole walks into Nick's office that night and they declare from point to point that Kellogg has become their companion, Nick lets loose an exclamation that is perhaps a touch too keen to be manly. He had no idea his voice modulator could generate such distortion. Sole then sits calmly in the chair in front of Elie's office and explains his points of view. Nick simply nods, attempting to clear his mind of judgements. He agrees. Anyway, it's not like he has a choice. He's simply taken aback.

For his part, he is well aware that in a thousand years of existence, he would never have agreed to take Eddie Winter with him.

(Virgil) Nick is not shocked when the former super mutant begs them to accompany them out of the Glowing Sea. The threat of the Institute is no longer present, and Virgil's desire to return to human society is understandable. He is further surprised when he asks Sole to accompany them on their Minutemen operations. The man doesn't appear to be built for this type of work. He's not surprised however, that Sole agrees. After all, his pal had already taken up a synth that couldn't swing a baseball bat (but proved to be formidable with a laser rifle) and they had even raided a crowded Gunner plant with Travis.

Piper : (Kellogg) Interesting. She hangs on to the fact that it's interesting. If she really asks herself, she'll break. No, we're referring to Piper. She sobs uncontrollably.

"How dare you betray your husband's memory like that?"

The unexpectedness completely surprises Sole. Piper had been trudging along in quiet when this situation erupted.

"Piper, I already told you it was to find Shaun."

"There isn't any valid justification. It's just too awful. Look, once you've finished with him, you can meet me at the Publick Occurency. But I'm afraid I can't. I can't deceive myself and accept his presence. You're either stronger than me or you don't have a heart—

"Piper!"

"Sorry. He's driving me crazy. It's simply... too much. If he didn't murder you, meet me in Diamond City after you're done."

By going on her way to the large city, she says nothing, but her stillness and determination speak for herself. Sole is seriously doubting themselves for a second.

(Virgil) "But you weren't afraid when the transformation started?"

Virgil sighs and turns to face Sole. Sole laughs and shrugs their shoulders. What did they anticipate? It's an incredible story, and Piper put a lot of effort into it because Virgil initially looked to have no trouble giving the interview. A scientist from the Institute! A scientist from the Institute who injected himself with the FEV and then recovered! Piper can't help but think about how much attention the title will bring to her paper.

Preston : (Kellogg) He looks at the man from head to toe for a long while before shifting his sight almost off to Sole.

"Seriously?"

"He's my best bet for finding my son."

Preston exhales a deep sigh.

"Be cautious. Betrayals are already common money in this world, but this one has it tattooed on his forehead."

Preston, on the other hand, has faith in his General. He is aware that Sole is a resourceful individual and that if there is an issue, Kellogg will have it in his throat.

(Virgil) Preston is favorable of Sanctuary Hospital employing a biochemist. This colony will undoubtedly become a pillar of the Commonwealth. Even though he doesn't understand how Sole did it, he's pleased that they were able to bring back numerous exceptional elements in the settlement.

Strong : (Kellogg) The super mutant may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but he recognises that something strange is going on. Even he can see that accepting Sole's spouses murderer as a companion is wrong. He's trying to reason with Sole.

"I require him. He, for one, confessed to killing my spouse with contempt. He was simply carrying out orders. You, too, obeyed Fist's orders, sometimes against your will, right?"

"When Fist wants killing Rex human, Strong says no."

Sole crosses their arms, their expression is harsh, but Strong's expression is dreadful next to it. They heave a deep breath, knowing full well that they are now at their lowest point.

"I understand, Strong. That is why Strong is known as Strong. A Strong is a strong person. A weak human is weaker. I am a pitiful person who needs Kellogg to find his son."

Strong's attention is drawn to Sole's explanations. He gives a nod.

"Strong is strong. Puny human is weak. Strong will protect puny human if Kellogg wants to hurt Puny human."

"I knew I could always count on you, big guy."

They resume their journey, and Kellogg is convinced that it is best to stick to his arrangement with Sole, based on the glances Strong gives him.

(Virgil) Strong dislikes it completely. Strong refuses to sleep with the man who wishes to cure super-mutants. Strong is unhappy. Strong told Sole.

"Come on, I promised you; no one will cure you unless it's exactly what you want."

"Strong don’t believe. Puny human can come and get Strong when Fake Mutant isn’t with them."

Sole has attempted to argue, but it just appears to enrage Strong. As a result, they decide to let the super mutant go. Virgil is daydreaming as he sees the massive shape fade away.

"That's too bad. Keeping a guinea pig on hand..."

"You weren't even considering forcing Strong to transform?"

"Absolutely."

Sole is irritated. They disagree with the scientist's viewpoint. But, at the very least, he was forthright, so Sole knows that they must never leave Virgil alone in the presence of Strong.

X6-88 : (Kellogg) X6 is pleased that Sole's team possesses such an effective member. None of his companions can convince him to refute it. Anything developed by the Institute can only be to Sole's utmost advantage...

(Virgil) ...excluding this element. X6 disagrees. He attempts to persuade Sole to deliver Virgil to the Institute so that the appropriate actions can be taken on his behalf. Sole refuses, arguing that they and the Commonwealth require Virgil. X6 will comply with Sole's requests, but he will occasionally remind Sole to whom they owe their loyalty.

[esoteric-mantra-stuff]

Erebus (a Maiden of the Stars Epilogue)

Not me sneak-releasing an epilogue. This is just a very short thing I wanted to write for the maiden path. It's really short, but I had fun with it anyway.

Half inspired by this Mitski track

---------------------

It’s a cold and dark journey through infinite darkness. After restoring the Elden Ring and weaving the new order of the world with it, you took to the stars, as it was foretold you would. You were prepared to face this journey to destroy the Greater Will and establish the Chill Night. You did not need a consort, as your loneliness was to be as much a solemn duty as a punishment. To bring a companion along would be cruel, yet Aster joined you of his own will. It’s strange that despite the gap between you, the burned bridges, and the scorched earth, he still provides you with companionship. It’s not love, familial or otherwise, but for a moment, it’s close enough to pretend to feel loved. Maybe that’s all you deserve.

He stares back at the blue marble you abandoned so long ago. To you, it’s lost among the stars, a tiny insignificant speck of dust hidden between the titans that rule its existence, but to him, the Lands Between might as well have been beneath his feet. He hasn’t lost sight of it since you left eons ago. Everything he once knew now faded into dust; the world he once belonged to simply isn’t there anymore, yet he keeps staring. Regret, perhaps, or maybe a sense of duty towards that which he abandoned. Maybe it doesn’t matter, but you try to support him anyway.

It’s a cold embrace, a home without warmth, a place to survive but not to live, but it’s the only embrace you can give. The people you robbed him from can’t love him anymore, so you have to try and make him feel loved for them. That’s the only apology you can give. He smiles at you. He doesn’t hide his sadness, but he is grateful. You wish you could be someone else, but he doesn’t mind. In the cold dark path you’ve embarked on, you’re everything he has left, and vice-versa.

Eventually, he’ll be reunited with her, and his family shall meet once more beyond the veil. You will not join them, for even if you died, the place you would go would never be the paradise he belongs in, so you’ll be left alone, amongst the dark. Until then, you’ll be here for him in whatever small way you can.

[thatmcgwords]

You must describe yourself differently. Stop thinking you are a chronic overthinker; instead, say, “I can make competent decisions easily. I don’t need to second-guess myself. I can weed out what’s unhealthy and insignificant.”

If you want to stop overthinking, you must start doing things differently. After you believe in your ability to improve, you can move on to specific strategies, which we’ll cover later in this summary.

Here are the tell-tale signs of analysis paralysis:

• You postpone decisions hoping for a more suitable option.

• You keep searching for more options.

• You frequently review available information.

• You are afraid to make a mistake.

Intellectually curious people may seek more information on a topic despite already knowing enough, which may lead to decision paralysis. Exploring your options is good, but too much data doesn’t simplify the solution. Perfectionism is another key factor in decision paralysis; it makes you want the perfect answer, so you end up overthinking every detail.

If neither option is perfect, why make a choice? Overthinking is stressful and goes hand-in-hand with striving for perfection.

Reality Check

If you’re often stuck looking for the obvious perfect decision, remind yourself that it doesn’t exist. In most cases, you’ll find a couple of reasonable solutions.

Don’t think; act!

If you can’t pick the right answer, stop researching and start doing. ~ Anne Bogel

One tiny action can give you the necessary momentum and a perspective shift. When stuck between decisions, ask yourself what you can do, whether getting another point of view from someone, setting a deadline, or making a list.

Perfection doesn’t exist

Trying to reach perfection in any task prevents you from enjoying your progress. Comparing your achievements to an ethereal ideal doesn’t help decision-making and brings you down, which pulls you further into the overthinking loop.

Start failing!

Allow yourself to fail. A screw-up will teach you how to improve next time, so it’s not inherently wrong. Any outcome of an experiment is helpful and, therefore, successful. Failure isn’t that scary once you get comfortable with it.

Get curious

When developers work on an app, the first version is never perfect. They want to make the first build quick and see how it works to improve it later. This approach of doing and seeing what happens is excellent for breaking out of overthinking. You don’t have to get it right.

Connect the dots

Once you try each strategy, you can combine them:

• Check your options and their outcomes.

• Get moving and ask a friend for a second opinion.

• Let yourself make a mistake.

• Experiment; pick any option. If you get it right and like it, it’s a win. Otherwise, you know that option won’t work in the future and won’t mull over it again.

When you recognize a situation where you are overthinking, go through each step. It will become a habit with time, so you’ll do it subconsciously.

Ask yourself whether there is a setting that triggers analysis paralysis or perfectionism. What makes you stuck? Which strategies can you use to break the cycle?

Did you know? Women are more prone to overthinking and perfectionism due to physiological and social factors. Therefore, they suffer from depression and anxiety twice as often as men.

If showing up for your loved ones is essential for you, you won’t have to debate going to a wedding or a small gathering. You won’t regret the time you spend because you’re expressing your love and support. The same goes for things that require your attention, like books, media, or global issues.

However, some values people think they have never influenced their decisions, so assessing your beliefs is vital, but make sure to pay attention to your behavior. If you don’t allocate any resources to charity, the latter probably isn’t high on your value list.

It’s normal that your beliefs seem blurry. Examine what influences your decisions and where you spend time, energy, and money. If you don’t like whatever you discover, identify the new values that make you who you want to be. With practice, they will become second nature.

The value of daily habits becomes clear once you neglect them. ~ Anne Bogel

Physical space significantly affects overthinking, so clutter distracts you from a clear thought process. When you feel overwhelmed or can’t find something, that’s your cue.

Moving on from the external environment, let’s discuss the equally important factor — your body. Firstly, get enough rest and nutrition. Exercise also helps your brain, so take daily walks. Remember to take breaks during mentally taxing tasks, which is a simple yet very effective strategy. The truth is this: these exercises don’t need to be complex; a handful of simple actions have an immense impact.

Let’s make a plan for situations that force overthinking:

1. Notice what’s on your mind and what causes negative thought loops.

2. Disrupt the loop by concentrating on the good or practicing gratitude. For example, when you see a speeding car, imagine if there’s someone in labor inside.

3. Get creative and imagine the situation from another viewpoint. What would you say to your loved one if they were in the same scenario?

4. Tell your brain, “Not now” and visualize brushing away those thoughts.

5. Brush away unhelpful thoughts; they just don’t deserve your attention or define your best and authentic self. Recognize them and let them leave. And give overthinking the same treatment.

6. Postpone overthinking and indulge for a short time. This way, you can keep your analysis paralysis from meddling in essential tasks but still get that relief.

7. Write down what’s bothering you to untangle and organize your thoughts.

8. Distract yourself, so overthinking fades into the background. This exercise may seem childish, but it can be effective.

9. Move your body and change the setting because your physical state affects the mind. Whether you exercise or just take out the trash, move!

Apart from the first exercise, you can pick and choose them in random order. Try all of them to see which ones are effective for you. While your mind may get stuck sometimes, you can use these strategies to redirect it.

I know, but…

Sometimes you might know the answer already. However, you keep analyzing the situation because you understand what needs to be done but are reluctant to do it.

Of course, two unpleasant options may also lead to overthinking. In this case, you must start acting. Keeping the unwanted action in front of you for longer will only bring you down, so get moving!

The more you contemplate your options, the more difficult the decision becomes. ~ Anne Bogel

Mistakes are simply mistakes; they happen by accident, and most will never be repeated. Therefore, you don’t need to analyze them to do better next time. Don’t wallow. Switch your attention to the next thing.

Unfortunately, humans have limited physical and mental energy, so treat them as finite resources. Decision fatigue occurs when you feel overwhelmed by too many options. You can avoid it by limiting your everyday choices to free up time for more essential issues:

• Eat the Same Thing:

• Signature Dish: Perfect a recipe you’re good at and use it for gatherings or dinners.

• Pick “The Outfit”: Wear a shirt and pants. Buy clothes that go well with the rest of your wardrobe, and you won’t have to think about what to wear. Like the last strategy, create a signature outfit for special occasions.

• One source: When you don’t know what to read, limit your options to a single source like your bookshelf.

• Create routines: Set a laundry and grocery day or start working at the same time each day. You won’t have to think about how to fit a task into your schedule if it’s set to a specific time.

You can skip some of these strategies if they don’t fit your lifestyle. Their purpose is to clear your headspace so it’s free of minor unnecessary decisions.

When you approach an automatic routine with a different mindset, it can become a ritual. It follows a rhythm and requires participation. For instance, a morning ritual helps you start the day and find harmony to tackle your tasks. A nighttime routine is beneficial for better sleep and a mental reset. You can also turn a regular activity into a routine to structure your day or week.

Most importantly, rituals direct your mind to one activity, preventing overthinking. They can also facilitate your connections with yourself and other people. Don’t stress about looking for the perfect one; implement small rituals in your daily life and reap the benefits gradually.

Be mindful of rituals that leave you anxious. If reading the news in the morning is stressful, move this activity to lunch.

Another helpful exercise is splurging, which isn’t about being irresponsible with money but allocating resources for your splurges. Signature experiences usually cost money, but you’ll receive fond memories of the time you splurged with your friends or family. Sometimes, it’s not about spending money. You may allocate extra time for a road trip or try a new restaurant. Priceless memories won’t make you second-guess your decision.

New experiences bring excitement and curiosity into your life. ~ Anne Bogel

paralysis, expect that you’ll succeed. Your perspective is essential. And when something does not go according to plan, lean into it and predict a pleasant outcome. Choose strategies that seem promising and keep at them.

try these techniques to be mindful of your interactions with technology and stay in control:

• Implement device-free zones where you don't have to decide whether to use them.

• Close unnecessary tabs in your browser; they often represent halfway decisions you keep contemplating.

• Unsubscribe from marketing emails.

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[jokertrap-ran]

[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Osakabe Seiji Cast Story Chapter 9 Translation

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist | Osakabe Seiji’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Osakabe’s Route Tag will be #Seiji’s Star

Akira: Good work out there.

Akira: Wait… what’s going on? What’s with that insane amount of vegetables?

Seiji: It’s almost as if you’re planning on setting up a stall at the Farmer’s Market.

Takuto: Oh, these are presents! My friend back home who runs a farm with his family said to share it with everyone here.

Souji: Who?

Takuto: The Matsudas. We live in the same neighborhood, so our parents are pretty close. That’s why we get lots of gifts every year.

Takuto: Oh! I just thought of something good.

Takuto: Why don’t you guys come over to my place the next time you drop by Miyazaki? I’ll introduce you to my friend if you do.

▷Choice: I wanna go!

Ginga: Sounds like a great idea. We could hold a Miyazaki live, and it sounds like we’ll be able to get free food during our stay too.

▷Choice: What kind of gift should I bring?

Rei: Wouldn’t something unique to Yokohama do? We could pick out something that could be enjoyed by all ages.

Seiji: …

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Ginga: Okay! Time for a short break!

Seiji: —Yeah. Tell them that I’ll be there this weekend.

Seiji: …What? Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll be returning alone, of course.

Seiji: Alright. Goodbye.

Seiji: Now then…

Seiji: Can’t say I appreciate you eavesdropping on me, Concertmistress.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

▷Choice: Sorry…

Seiji: If you’re blanching from getting caught, perhaps you should have refrained from doing it in the first place. Seiji: But it’s fine. I don’t particularly care. I’m guessing that you heard me speaking and found it hard to leave, right?

▷Choice: How’d you know?

Seiji: Did you think I wouldn’t notice? Seiji: Well, it’s fine either way. I wouldn’t talk about things that I’d rather people not hear out in the open like this anyway.

Seiji: I have business back in Mito again, and I was just discussing plans over the phone.

▷Choice: I want to go with you

Seiji: Sorry, but that’s not on the table.

▷Choice: Were you planning on returning with someone?

Seiji: You heard? I should applaud you for your sharp hearing. No wonder you’re the Concertmistress here.

Seiji: The guys back home thought that I’d be bringing you along for the ride again, but I’ve corrected them otherwise.

▷Choice: So I can’t go with you this time?

Seiji: Glad to see that you’re quick on the uptake.

Seiji: I've let you through the gates of the Osakabe family home, which would have been otherwise closed to you, let you interact with the members of my family, and even allowed you to attend a traditional event of ours.

Seiji: I'm sure your curious little mind has already been satisfied, yes?

Seiji: Let's end it off here, shall we? There shall be no more study tours from now on.

▷Choice: Why so suddenly?

Seiji: Sudden? Not at all. I've planned to draw a line somewhere from the very beginning.

▷Choice: I wasn't doing it out of curiosity…

Seiji: Really? You seemed to be doing it all purely for fun in my eyes.

Seiji: Do you remember the time people tried picking a fight with you because of your connection to me?

Seiji: That incident had been of little to no concern due to the insignificance of the people involved. But that may not be the case, should there be a next time.

Seiji: I have to always consider the possibility of the worst-case scenario happening. That's the reality of the world I live in.

Seiji: Hmph. Looks like those gears in your head aren't quite turning…

Seiji: I suppose that's just how ordinary folk are.

Seiji: The different perspectives we have are more than enough proof that we live in entirely different worlds… on different sides of a coin.

▷Choice: We aren't that different 

Seiji: We are. Think about it for a moment, will you?

Seiji: Visiting Akabane’s or your home holds a different connotation from visiting mine.

Seiji: After listening to his story, I came to a realization— never have I once considered inviting a friend over to my house.

Seiji: Such a thought had never once crossed my mind, ever. This is why I'm fundamentally different from all of you.

Seiji: I'm sure you understand, (L/n)-san. We have to redraw this line now, for each other's sake.

▷Choice: No

Seiji: You're persistent. Why do you care that much?

▷Choice: You're an important member of the Starlight Orchestra 

Seiji: That, I am. Nothing more and nothing less. So, why are you digging your heels in?

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

I thought back to the events that had transpired in Mito

I had fun spending time with Osakabe and the people of the Kiryu Clan.

It's too late for me to turn my back on them now despite knowing that we're from different worlds.

Seiji: Bound by fate, in life or in death — A promise that we will be together even after we pass from this realm, remaining on the same lotus flower as we await reincarnation…

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

▷Choice: We're bound by fate, in life or in death

Seiji: …! You…

Seiji: What a fierce look you have on your face… one fitting for the mistress of the house.

Seiji: You sure do say some strange things. I can almost see the lotus netsuke you once held, despite it being non-existent at the moment.

Seiji: …Let's continue this conversation another day. This break is too short to be dealing with a stubborn “ane-san”.

Seiji: Come on, then. Let's head back to the hall. Time for you to return to being the Starlight Orchestra’s Concertmistress.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬Seiji’s Star♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Previous Part: (Chapter 8) Next Part: (Chapter 10)

[paragonrobits]

resumed film challenges with a friend and this week we did KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park

here's my review on it, and also on LetterboxD if you go there!

Supposedly this movie was a reason several of the original members of KISS left the band. All things considered, yeah, I can see it.

As an overview, the movie has a fairly solid plot, all things considered; a failing park has a concert starring KISS to drive up sales, as the technical side of the park’s management (our antagonist, Abner Devereaux) is gradually being pushed out. The plot is kicked off when the fiance of Melissa, our primary protagonist besides KISS themselves, goes missing. During her initial search for him, we see that Devereaux is using a mechanical means of controlling him to essentially convert him (though without any of the implied physical ickiness my choice of words inevitably implies) into a kind of animatronic, which he otherwise excels at as shown through a recurring them of amusement park classic horror movie monsters such as Frankenstein’s Monster and Dracula that show up in a memorable (though padding-heavy) scene as a bunch of punks mess around and wind up being captured to become further animatronic-like minions under his control. Without much other recourse, she asks KISS for help, whom in the context of tihs movie have superpowers.

On the whole, I’m not terribly inclined to poke fun at that alone! I mean, yeah, it’s a silly idea. But I am all about silly ideas, particularly when the work is completely serious or earnest about it, which to its credit this movie is. I can’t say it's executed particularly well, to be honest. The special effects were likely hokey even when this movie was new (not that i regard special effects being bad as a NEGATIVE thing, exactly; for my part I still like the likes of Strange Brew with its goofy special effects), and the movie runs on the vibe of So Bad It’s Good. To be honest, though, I wouldn’t call it particularly good even with that; as much as I’m inclined to at least lean with the basic idea, it runs into the movie’s biggest problem.

I’ll never really be shy about this, but a lot of characterization or motivations can have trouble getting my interest, especially if the setting is mundane in nature and romance in particular is just not interesting to me for the most part, and this movie’s biggest problem for me is that it’s… well, kinda boring. When Devereaux argues with his partner on business stuff, I’ll admit that IS genuinely interesting. To just me, maybe? Probably. I honestly wouldn’t have minded a full 1 hour 30 minutes of exposition heavy dialogue on the implications of business versus unfounded technical experimentation. To be fair, I still firmly remember reading The Hobbit as a child and there’s a brief bit when the extensive stay in the marvelous elven city of Rivendell is brought up and the narrator remarks that it was enjoyable but far too dull to be of interest to a reader and the irony in how the pleasant every day things aren’t interesting enough to read about, and young me thought: “Nonsense! I’d LOVE to read a book of nothing BUT that, that sounds amazing” and in fairness, this is likely as close to slice-of-life stuff that I like, besides a potential notion that it must chiefly be of interest to the reader before it becomes interesting, rather than strictly on its own merits. But anyway my point stands that I would have liked those kinds of heavy dialogue over… uh, whatever it is this movie has going on. It’s something, alright, but it wasn’t all that interesting.

I mean, really. We have KISS fighting evil robot duplicates and horror movie animatronics, with SUPERPOWERS! That’s amazing! How on earth do you make that dull? Unfortunately that’s kind of the best way to describe my experience with this one. A bit sad but that’s the best you can say about some things.

It doesn’t help that there’s quite a lot of padding in this one; it takes about 30 minutes (a not insignificant chunk of a movie that’s one hour and 30 minutes long) for KISS to actually show up, assuming you don’t count the intro credits in which they are the first thing we see in the movie, though given that its them just rocking out, I honestly can’t count that. It DOES feel like cheating that I can’t, but that’s just the breaks. But most of the first 30 minutes are spent with a number of characters (Melissa and her fiance, a bunch of admittedly pretty amusing punks whose character really makes it clear that this IS A Hanna-Barbera film, if the sound effects didn’t clue you in… and honestly it didn’t for me, those went right over my head, I just liked how they sounded) whom I didn’t find that interesting except for the antagonist.

On that note, he does have a pretty neat and wacked out long term plot, REPLACING HUMANITY WITH HIS PERFECT ANIMATRONICS. It makes no sense, it’s completely bizarre and it’s JUST to the left of a genuinely horrifying notion that the movie largely avoids since there’s no actual tinkering with the physical body, just slapping them with a device that makes them do whatever he wants. In short I kind of love it. It’s a fun antagonist motivation that fits the tone of the movie quite well.

It takes a while for KISS to actually show up, and I must confess that even though I was a kid in the 90s back when KISS was still well remembered, I never really knew much of their music. It wasn’t for their music being disliked in my household; my mom loved rock and roll in general, though I can't recall her feelings on KISS besides ‘they exist, I guess’, being much more of a country and rock household. Besides some of their music in Brutal Legend, KISS has been in a weird spot in that I am intellectually aware that they were pretty big players back in the day but I’ve never really listened to them or heard anything they sang. Their music in this one is darn good; its arguably the best part of the movie apart from how seriously it takes its own more outrageous elements. KISS themselves, as they are portrayed, are kind of boring. They’re still probably more interesting than the rest of the cast, but unfortunately it was still quite hard for me to get a read on them. I even had a hard time telling them apart with the exception of Cat Man and The Demon, and that was mostly due to them having the most obvious outliers of face paint and character depiction. (I kind of have to appreciate what I can only assume is The Demon’s dedicated to kayfabe.) Their powers are ill-defined but that kind of works well for this movie; if you consider powers in fiction as ways to solve problems or introduce interesting story elements, they certainly do that well enough here. The origin of their powers are vague but, again, work well enough for the movie. I don’t feel that they NECESSARILY need to have every detail explained, and honestly that would probably have been weirder than just going very soft on it.

I hear that Ace was the only one into it and you can kind of see; for the rest of the movie he stands out the most (besides Cat Man, who is quite dedicated to his puns in a way I honestly can’t fault) as having the most energy. There’s a concept known as taking the bad movie seriously and he’s not doing THAT, he’s having fun with a cornball idea and rolling with it, so I kind of liked that about him. For the others, as noted, except for the Demon and Cat Man I had a hard time telling them apart at all, though I must note that apparently Peter Criss, who was Cat Man in KISS, had most of his lines dubbed by Michael Bell, whom in a bit of personal recognition was a major influence in my life, as he did the voice work of Raziel in the gothic Legacy of Kain series. (I’m certain anyone who is even slightly familiar with my tastes or interests is probably going ‘yeah okay that tracks’.) A minor thing but it sticks out!

The rest of the movie honestly isn’t that much more interesting, though it does have a pretty neat concept of robot doppelgangers that show up in a way that honestly makes Devereaux feel a bit like Willy Wonka. An EVIL Willy Wonka. (Or, if you take the memes as semi canon, an evil-ER Willy Wonka.) All things considered, while I wouldn’t call it solid it’s at least… semi-gaseous? I mean, it’s not plasma, if you’re willing to stretch the metaphor as much as I am.

Ultimately it reminds me quite a lot of the ‘Scooby-Doo Meets X’ that was a popular feature on Cartoon Network back in the day. (Goodness but I miss those, and Don Knots showing up all the time, according to my memory.) Given that this IS a Hanna-Barbera feature, that is appropriate, but this comes off as a lackluster and uninteresting variation of that theme. I’m not suggesting that a talking dog would have improved the movie, but it probably wouldn’t have made things any worse and felt about as consistent, even if it would have torn the poor budget to pieces. In the end, there’s a remarkable sincerity to a lot of it I appreciate, even if I can’t really LIKE this one.

(It’s still better than Joe Dirt, though that’s really something in this movie’s failure. There’s probably some discussion to be had on the merits of being bored versus actively repelled, since the latter implies genuine engagement, but frankly I don’t like thinking about it!)

Musical challenge! Theme twenty-six, a film about a band!

[thelistingteammiami]

7 Tips for Selling Your Home While Still Living in It.jpg

7 Tips for Selling Your Home While Still Living in It

Most people wouldn't want to sell their house while still residing there. It's challenging to schedule viewings. Keeping the place tidy at all times can become a hassle. And whenever someone wants to see the property, you must get your pets out of sight. Yet, if you handle things correctly, the inconvenience will pass quickly since your home will sell fast. Therefore, following the example of other homeowners who did this before you, here is how selling your home while still living in it can be possible. Follow these tips, and you will close the deal in no time.

1.   Depersonalize your space

Potential buyers need to picture themselves living in your house. Therefore, your rare stamps collection and your child's toys will get in the way. And you will have to move out of the house at some point anyway, right? So why not start packing all those keepsakes and souvenirs of the family now? Furthermore, the idea is to make the space look as neutral as possible. So hang some landscape or nature photos instead of your favorite abstract paintings. They could be distracting and hard to digest for some potential buyers. You can even leave the walls empty if you repainted them recently, as it can make the space look more spacious.

2.   Declutter

While removing and packing the personal items you won’t need soon, now is the perfect time to declutter. Therefore, inventory all your belongings and separate them into different piles. Your three main categories should be things for keeping, donating, and throwing away. As you move through the house from room to room, pick the items you find and place them in the correct pile. When you finish, find ways to deal whit what you are left with. For instance, you can organize a garage sale and make some extra money with items you can’t donate and that are in good condition.

At the same time, you can join forces with the pros if there are items and furniture you must relocate to your new home from a different state before selling the house. Interstate movers can help you move your belongings from Florida to another state quickly so you can focus on selling your home while still living in it.

3.   Make the necessary repairs

As homeowners, we become accustomed to leaking faucets, stuck doors, crooked cabinets, and toilets that overflow if you don't flush them correctly. All these insignificant flaws, though, might give the impression that your house hasn't been well-maintained to a buyer when you're ready to sell.

Therefore, now is the time to repair or replace all those annoying things you haven't had time to deal with. Moreover, to prevent any surprises, consider getting a house inspection. You will receive a list of things to fix from the house inspector, and you can use this list to remedy the things you would otherwise have missed.

4.   Repaint

A property will feel newer after receiving a fresh coat of paint. In truth, the most frequent advice real estate agents give sellers before they list their home is to paint. The correct paint may accentuate architectural features and make tiny rooms look bigger. Therefore, pay attention to the color you choose. Experts often recommend warm neutral shades like beige, gray, greige, and cream. These neutral colors make it easier for buyers to imagine their items in your house, as these shades go with everything.

On the other hand, if you don’t have the time to repaint the whole house, at least ensure you repaint the kitchen, bathrooms, and entryway. Also, if you repainted a few years before and there aren’t significant damages to the walls, you can just touch up scruffs or stains on walls.

5.   Get the house cleaned and keep it that way

Having your house ready for potential buyers to visit could take some work. Cleaning tasks involve washing the windows inside and out, washing outside walls and walkways, re-caulking sinks and showers, and polishing chrome fixtures and mirrors. Also, remove all the dust under the furniture, cupboards, closets, and other hidden places.

Try to uphold this degree of cleanliness with routine cleaning, waxing floors, dusting furniture, and keeping the kitchen and bathrooms spotless. Close the toilet lid when not used and hang fresh towels for visitors.

6.   Be prepared for home showings

When buyers ask to tour your house, you should be as accommodating as possible. Tell your agent about your plans and any times you won't be available for showings. However, even with these preparations, expect last-minute showing requests. Therefore, prepare your home for showings fast by creating a strategy and a checklist. Clean up quickly before a showing, turn on all the lights, open the blinds or curtains, and check that the temperature is pleasant. If necessary, put on the heat or air conditioning, switch on the ceiling fans, or even start a fire in the fireplace if it's chilly outdoors.

7.   Keep pets out of the way when selling your home while still living in it

Although we love our pets, they may contribute just as much to a messy home as children do. In addition to shedding hair, many pets leave behind a lasting odor that may deter potential buyers. Therefore, consider boarding your pets or sending them to live with a relative or close friend when your house is on the market. In addition, remove pet-related items from your home, such as litter boxes, kennels, and toys, and fix any damage your pet may have brought on. Your agent and any buyers who attend showings will feel much better like this. After all, dealing with someone else’s pet while on a house view is never ideal.

Final thoughts

As you can see, selling your home while still living in it doesn’t need to be complicated. Moreover, anything is possible with the right real estate agent by your side. Therefore, ensure you find a reputable agent to work with, and you will sell your home in the blink of an eye.

Image used:

https://unsplash.com/photos/-dcznEJPmsk

[hersweetrevenge]

woke up extra early for no reason today, saw you had posted, read this new chapter and then fell back asleep to dream on it lol 💗 i love the shift in tone at this point in their relationship. and man, i knew it was coming, but the growing tension of "things are too good, so something's got to give" and veronica's wariness has me on the edge of my seat 👀

All Corey knows how to make is bad choices. He was never going to do the right thing... Selfish asshole.

this is one of the concepts that makes a daily rotation in my mind. i know we've said before that our versions of corey work under different circumstances, but i do love the idea of him in relation to whether he's being selfish or not. he goes his whole life never getting what he wants, being controlled and manipulated, and i feel like it's inevitable that he hits a point where (whether he acknowledges it or not) he acts selfishly just to have some sort of control or self-indulgence. he's been telling himself he shouldn't be around people, that people will get hurt, but he wants so badly to have someone who is his. he gives in because he's gone without for so long, he can't bare it anymore. if that makes him selfish, a part of him says so be it, while another says he should be wracked with guilt.

He’d wanted that more than anything. That isn’t true though, is it? He’d wanted her more than almost anything. There were things he wanted more.

so obsessed !! ahhh just corey being someone who never got what he wanted, no matter how much he wanted it. he went through life hoping that he'd get what he wanted eventually, if he just worked hard and waited, just a little bit longer, then one day it'd happen. corey being self-aware enough to know, but not necessarily regret, his indulgence in what he wanted. i think it scares him a little that what he wanted in his core, was so violent. his want for revenge far outweighed the want for friends, or a romance or academic success.

Back and forth, smiling and frowning into your hair in the gloom of the bedroom. Crying. Laughing. Spiralling.

this description is so beautiful !! the atmosphere is built to well in this whole paragraph, like i understand exactly that weird time where it's not quite night and not quite dawn. the stillness, the quiet, the way it could still be a dream but every emotion is feels so intense you just know you're not dreaming.

corey getting caught up in his own thoughts feels very accurate. he's either suppressed the things he didn't want to think about, or otherwise didn't have anyone to talk to about them, so he tends to get stuck in his own echo chamber maybe ??

“I can’t explain. It’s like... It's like I’m cursed.” He says finally.

i love the contrast between his pre-accident feelings about his own place in the universe (insignificant, unimportant, certainly not interesting enough to get caught up in the michael myers story) compared with now, where he really believes he's cursed, that what happened to him was because of something inherent to his being. and by extension, what he does is significant enough to spread the curse.

He wants to lose himself in you so bad. 

you did it, you broke corey cunningham down to his base component. i see that in him too; just wanting to stop thinking or worrying about anything at all. and the connection he makes between the reader being the only one he can get that relief from just reinforces the desperation he feels to hold on to you.

He drops his head back to your chest and basks in the hot, soft hug of your cunt.

yes, yes, yes !! this is so silly, stupid hot 💗 corey is a boob guy all day long. i can totally see him really liking the comfort aspect of intimacy and love making, like he could genuinely stay like that all day because what better way is there for him to feel safe and wanted.

Being wanted and admired by you threatens to overwhelm him

i just love how slow and languid this feels compared to the previous night, like this time all that emotion and devotion is being set in stone. how overwhelming it is to be someone's.

weirdly, i love the phrase "slowly sinks back in" too 👀 sinking, idk just something about it scratches an itch for me, the way it evokes this whole idea of being absolutely wrapped up in each other and enveloping each other completely. something something, loves you so much he wants to be inside you entirely, so that you're the only thing he feels.

It kills you that this is obviously hurting him.

no !! no, please 😭😭 never mind hurting corey, this is hurting me lol i know it's the right thing, how you shouldn't give up tour individual life for a shared one entirely, but idc i will give up everything for him, i want to be with him every minute of every day lol

but aside from that, i love the implications of this though 👀 corey is nothing if not obsessive (thank you joan, you ruined a perfectly good boy), he doesn't know any other way than to make the subject of his affection the one and only thing in his life. it's going to hit hard that he can't be with reader as much as possible, even if logically he knows he isn't about him, he likes his alone time as much as the next introvert, but just when he thought his loneliness was over...

“Jesus Christ! Was he trying to devour you?” Veronica says. “Something like that,” you reply. You can’t help but smile as you pat your collar back into place. “Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”

veronica knows what's up lol i love her characterisation, she's so blunt but genuinely caring, because nothing she says is mean.

and the real joy that comes from reader when she talks about corey to other people !! i can feel it, maybe it's already there for me lol but if so your writing captures its exactly, distils it into dialogue that feels so coy and playful and authentic.

By some miracle not all of it had fallen into the bottomless pit of Corey’s stomach.

he's a growing boy, he needs to be well fed. especially after being homeless and just, not being able to trust know he'll get another meal. even going back to joan, i get the sense it was an "eat what he's been given because there's no alternative". and also, like we've said, he is in his prime "eats whatever he likes and is strong for no reason" stage and i love that for him. the comparison with a dog from the pound is perfect, not only about his appetite, but just the way he's never been able to just be content.

ahh you know what i'm going to say, but i truly do love this story !! and this was such a nice chapter to bridge the intensity of the chase to the more settled honeymoon phase. i love how you build individual doubts and struggles and tensions, even if the relationship could be perfect, seeing how both sides deal with it in their own heads is fascinating. thank you for delivering so much in every single chapter !! 💗

and i am so ready for veronica and corey to meet (whenever that may be); it could be a brawl (because veronica takes no prisoners when it comes to this) or they could become besties (because god knows corey needs a few friends) and i would be equally happy lol

Clean Again

Chatper 8: CURSED read on AO3 | previous chapter | tumblr chapter index make sure to check AO3 for this fic's playlist and other extras!

The morning after Reader and Corey's big night

general warnings for this fic - angst, fluff, smut (MDNI), canon-typical violence, canon-typical gore contents/warnings for this chapter - angst, passing mention of animal abuse, smut - PiV, soaking, cream pie.

3,339 words

@rebel-blue @heartrot666 @wolvesandvampires @cordelium @toxicanonymity @multifandom--mess @hersweetrevenge @futurewife @yllcm @ethanhoewke dm me or reply to this post to be added to the tag list 💕

Corey wakes when the sun is just barely starting to lighten the far edge of the sky. He reaches out for you in the dark and he finds you lying on your side, facing away from him. He pulls himself to you, wrapping you in his arms. You nuzzle into him in your sleep. He gets lost in the full body skin contact, in awe that the moment is real. In awe that you exist. A gallon of blood circulating in your veins, swishing and whirring around right under Corey’s hands. 

The thought makes him woozy. He knows how precarious a life is, how simply one can end. He knows too, the consequences when a life does not end, progressing unnaturally past the expiration date. How everyone is always teetering, balanced on the edge of a knife. And how much more precarious your life has become since he entered it.

He did the wrong thing. He’s done nothing but the wrong thing since he was too fucking stupid to keep his eyes on the ground the first time he saw you. He did the wrong thing every time he noticed you getting more attached to him and didn’t walk away. He did the wrong thing every time he kissed you, every time he texted you good morning. Last night he let the last chance to do the right thing slip away. 

All Corey knows how to make is bad choices. He was never going to do the right thing. He didn’t realize it at the time, but he made the last wrong choice as he made the first one. From the moment he saw you, he was always going to pick the option that kept him close to you. Selfish asshole. And now he’s earned a title: boyfriend. He can’t help but be proud of it. 10 years after all his peers, he’s finally hit a milestone he never thought he’d reach. Ugly, white trash, psycho Michael Myers copycat killer Corey Cunningham has a girlfriend. 

Allyson should have been his first girlfriend. He’d wanted that more than anything. That isn’t true though, is it? He’d wanted her more than almost anything. There were things he wanted more. Revenge. Power. Seeing the fear in his victims eyes as the tables turned against them. Hadn’t he chosen those things over her? And it had gotten her killed. He shivers, trying not to imagine Allyson’s corpse, or yours, ashen, punctured all over with knife wounds. With a fresh start in a new place, he won’t make that choice again. Probably.  

Corey feels smug, gloating glee. He feels paralyzing fear. He feels gnawing, rending guilt, and the tiniest wisp of hope. Back and forth, smiling and frowning into your hair in the gloom of the bedroom. Crying. Laughing. Spiraling. He didn’t do the right thing, but he can go for second best. He can do everything in his power to protect you from his past, and he can be a good boy and learn to control his temper so there’s nothing in the future that requires hiding. He’s not sure if he can do it. Last night he’d been preoccupied, but in the gloom this morning he fights the urge to destroy the unfaithful ex you mentioned. God help him if someone disrespects you in front of him. But he has to try. For you. 

He drifts halfway back to sleep, exhausted by the turmoil, slipping partially into fucked up dreams before waking back up and repeating the cycle. Hours pass. The sun comes the rest of the way up and filters through the curtains. Turning the room from black to dark blue to gray. Finally, you stir in his arms, rousing him from another round of semiconscious shame. You roll over to face him.

“Hey,” you say quietly, giving him a groggy little smile. 

“Hey,” he says.

You kiss him softly, then tuck your head under his chin, pressing in more tightly against him.  The tension in his muscles releases. He stops spiraling. His past misdeeds, the danger he’s putting you in, all the peripheral bullshit dissolves. For now what matters is that you’re here. You’re alive and you’re his girlfriend and you’re naked and you’re so close to him it feels like you’re trying to crawl into his ribcage. Nothing could spoil this moment. He kisses the top of your head. 

Corey’s hands roam your skin, drawing circles. When he gets too high up on your neck, he hears you wince a little and he pulls back in concern.

“Sorry about the hickies,” he says.

“Don’t be,” you murmur against his chest. “I like them.”

“You do?” 

“Mmm. I’ll have to wear more makeup than I usually do for a couple days, but I like knowing they’re there even if no one else does. I’ll be carrying you around with me all the time.” 

The sentiment is so sweet, it takes him by surprise. He chuckles and clears his throat.

“Last night you said, ‘I haven’t done this very many times.’ What does that mean?” You ask.

“Oh uh… I’ve been with a couple girls but only a couple. Never anyone more than once.” He hesitates, embarrassed. “You um… You’re my first actual girlfriend.”

You pull out of his arms and sit up, facing him. “What?” He flinches, but your voice is tender. “Corey, how is that possible? A sweetheart like you?”

He rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling. “I just…Nothing ever lasted long enough to get there. Something always went bad before I could…” He lets the sentence hang there, unfinished. 

“Like what?” You put your hand on his stomach. The gentle warmth and light weight are soothing, but he struggles to come up with a way to tell you that won’t give him away. He sits up and takes your hands.

“I can’t explain. It’s like... It's like I’m cursed.” He says finally.

“Well, I intend to break that curse.” You bring his hand to your lips and brush his knuckles against them.  “In fact, I think I know a spell that breaks curses.”

“Oh yeah?” He asks, apprehensive but amused.

“Yeah.” You say. You rise to your knees and swing one leg over his so you’re straddling his lap. “But it only works if the person reciting it is panting and moaning.”

He’s still not used to someone being so forward with him, and Corey can feel his face flushing instantly, even as his semi-stiff morning wood hardens completely. You hover over him, your labia barely brushing his shaft. Just that much contact makes a little moan escape his lips and he drops his head to your chest. You put your hands on the back of his neck and squeeze your tits together with your arms, the softness pressing in on him. He nuzzles you, using his nose to slip deeper between your breasts. He wants to lose himself in you so bad. 

You lower yourself a little and wiggle so his cock slips between your lips. The warmth and wetness make his cock even harder, almost too hard. You slide yourself up the shaft, then back down, just once, slowly.

“Corey,” you huff, “I need it.”

The sound of your voice and the request combined make his breath catch. He pulls his head from your cleavage and looks up at your face. “How?” He whispers.

You slide one hand from the back of his neck up to his cheek. “However you want.”

What he wants is just to feel you around him, to admire you and be close to you. He reaches down with one hand and guides himself to your entrance, rubbing a circle around it before gliding in. You arch your back over the arm still wrapped around you and hum deeply. He pulls his hand out and you take him all the way. He shudders and groans, clamping his arms tight around your waist and holding you down.

“Don’t move,” he says, then he feels like he sounded too harsh. “Please,” he adds more softly.

He drops his head back to your chest and basks in the hot, soft hug of your cunt. You play with his hair and kiss his head. Corey wishes this could be his whole life. No more abuse, no more hiding, no more guilt or fear. Just your affection and the way you feel around him. But you start to get antsy, squirming and squeezing your pussy around him slightly. His hips move a little too. He can’t stay still if you don’t. 

“Whatever you’re doing is cheating.” His muffled voice tells your tits. 

“I can’t help it,” you whine. “You feel too good.”

He raises his head again and looks into your eyes. You give him The Smile. He thrusts up into you automatically. Holy shit. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he says.

“You’re so pretty,” you reply, starting to ride him.

He chuckles nervously at your compliment, and his laughter turns to moans as you move your hips back and forth. He slides his hands down from your waist to your hips and digs his fingers into your soft flesh, keeping his eyes on your face. 

You run your hands over his clavicles and pecs, and he can’t believe how smooth and gentle your palms feel. You take him by surprise when you brush lightly over his nipples, the sensation equal parts extremely foreign and extremely welcome. 

“Ugh, these shoulders,” you say, bringing your hands back up his chest and down his arms slightly. 

“My… my shoulders?” He asks, starting to struggle to talk. 

“Mhm.” You nod your head in time with the rolling of your hips. “So broad… so strong… so freckled…Your body is gorgeous, Corey.” 

No one has ever complimented him that way. Being wanted and admired by you threatens to overwhelm him and he uses his grip on your hips to slow your riding down. You whine and try to speed back up but he holds you firmly until you quit fighting. Wrapping his arms back around your waist, he brings his feet closer to him.

“Hold onto me,” he says, and you lace your fingers together behind his neck. He leans back then rocks forward, putting you on your back, with him on his knees above you. Somehow he stays inside you through the maneuver. You encircle his waist with your legs. He slides his cock almost all the way out of you, then slowly sinks back in. You both shudder.

Corey kisses you all over your face, fucking you as slowly and gently as he can manage, groaning with his lips against your face as he tries to last. You bring your hands down from his neck, sliding all the way down his arms to his wrists. Your fingers barely wrap halfway around. You let out a little moan every time he thrusts in, getting louder and louder. It doesn’t take long for him to get close, even as slowly as he’s going. You feel so good he can barely believe you’re real.

As if on cue, you bury the fingers of one hand in his curls. “I’m gonna cum, Corey,” you say, voice breathy.

“Yeah?” He grunts. 

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.” You rock your hips under him, ruining his efforts to keep the pace from getting faster. He pulls his wrist from the hand that’s still holding it and weaves his fingers between yours as he matches your speed. You look at him with so much reverence it hurts. Then you squeeze your eyes closed and let out a high pitched mewl as you cum all over his cock. He loses himself, cumming with you, completing a few final thrusts as he empties his load deep in your pussy. 

Out of breath and satisfied, he pulls out and lays down next to you. You roll onto your side to face him and kiss the tip of his nose. For once his thoughts are still and he feels completely content. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend a magnificently lazy Sunday with Corey. Your boyfriend. This has always been your favorite part of a relationship, the moment it finally becomes, but it’s never been this perfect before. He’s beautiful, he’s sweet, he’s smart, he’s strange, he’s made you cum so hard you saw stars three times in 12 hours. All of that is more than enough, more than you had ever dared ask for from a partner. But it isn’t everything. There’s something you struggle to put your finger on, a je ne sais quoi. Corey just… fits you, complements you, like you’re two halves of a matching set, reunited. Whatever was missing, whatever you’ve been searching for all this time, Corey has in spades. 

That evening you’re laying on the couch with him. He’s leaning back against the armrest and you’re nestled between his legs, resting your face and hands on his stomach. Somehow you’ve both wound up shirtless. Beneath your cheek he makes an excellent pillow, thin but deliciously soft layer of fat insulating rock hard muscle underneath. The fuzzy trail of auburn hair leading from his belly button down into the waistband of his jeans tickles the skin on your chest. You’re so infatuated you feel drunk. 

But when he gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving you alone for a moment, you sober abruptly. That tendency for infatuation is what gets you in trouble, and on some level you know that. If you hadn’t been so infatuated with Hurley to begin with, you never would’ve lingered in his life so long, trying to get it back. If you hadn’t been so infatuated with Orin, you would’ve realized that he’d been cheating practically since the beginning. Corey’s not like them, you trust that. But you don’t trust yourself. You like him so much you feel like you could drown in it and you desperately need a way to stay in control.

He comes out of the bathroom and goes to lay back down, but you stop him, leaving him to awkwardly perch on the edge of the couch.

“I’m so glad we made it official,” you say, taking his hands.

“Me too,” he says, breaking into a wide grin.

“And I’m really excited to see what the future holds,” you continue.

“So am I.” He squeezes your hands and scoots closer to you. 

“But um…I don’t want to lose track of myself. I don’t think we should spend too much time together.” Corey’s eyebrows pinch. He opens his mouth and then closes it. “I just wanna like… I want us to keep our own lives, you know? I want to go out with my friends, and I want to have evenings where I just veg out on the couch, and I have my mending…”

“Okay…” He looks confused. 

“Um… I want you here, I don’t want you to think I don’t, I do. I’m so excited to be your girlfriend. But I think we should agree to have like, three nights apart a week. Is that okay?”

“If that’s what you want.” Corey says. He chews his bottom lip. It kills you that this is obviously hurting him.

“It’s not you,” you say, rubbing his big knuckles with your thumbs. “It’s just… I’m cursed too.”

Monday morning you pull a mock neck top from your closet, but it doesn’t come up nearly high enough to hide everything. You’re late to work because of how much time it takes blending foundation over the purple splotches Corey covered you in, trying to get your neck and face to match. 

Of course your ruse does not fool Veronica. When she gets there in the afternoon she notices right away. “Hello, foundation!” She says. “What are you trying to cover up under there?”

“Why do I have to be covering something up? Can’t I just want to wear more makeup some days than others?”

“No!” She laughs. “I’ve literally never seen you wear this much makeup in my life.”

Mondays are always slow, so the store is completely devoid of customers. Rose overhears the conversation and wanders over. 

“Can you believe her?” You ask Rose, indicating Veronica.

“You really do look different today,” Rose says. 

You sigh dramatically, but really you’re excited to show off. “Fine, I’ll show you.” You look out the window to make sure no customers are coming, then you stick three fingers in the collar of your shirt and pull it down. They both gasp and raise their eyebrows.

“Jesus Christ! Was he trying to devour you?” Veronica says.

“Something like that,” you reply. You can’t help but smile as you pat your collar back into place. “Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”

“Boyfriend!” Rose exclaims. 

“We had the talk Saturday night.”

“That’s so exciting!” Rose trills. Veronica seems less stoked.

“What’s up with you, sourpuss? You were pushing me to take the next step.” 

“Yeah,” Veronica says, “I said let him fuck you, not maul you.” 

“Tomato, To-mah-to.” You shrug. They both laugh but Veronica’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

When you get home your apartment feels empty. You wish Corey was coming to hang out. You unlock your phone and pull up your text conversation with him, thumb hovering to type. It would be so easy to ask him to come over when he gets off work, you know he would say yes. But you were the one to ask for alone time, and it was a good instinct, no matter how badly you want to defy it. You stand in your bedroom door and toss your phone onto your bed. Out of sight, out of mind. Then you put a record on, cranking the volume, and sit down at the dining table in front of your sewing machine. You’ve got shit to do. 

You hunch over a massively full skirt that needs to be taken up a couple inches, fucking with the way you fold the new hem until it lies flat and smooth, handing yourself pins from a bundle you hold between your teeth. You get halfway around before side A of the record ends. For side B you switch to reinforcing the inner thighs of a pair of pants that have started to wear thin. You do a task for the length of a side for several albums before you realize it’s dinner time and you’re starving. 

There’s leftover pizza from last night. By some miracle not all of it had fallen into the bottomless pit of Corey’s stomach. He reminds you of a dog your parents rescued when you were a kid. Her previous owners had starved her, and she was weird about food for the rest of her life. He hasn’t gotten much larger, but Corey seems much denser now than when you first met him. Like he started made out of pine and now he’s solid oak. 

God, do you wish he was here right now. While the pizza is in your toaster oven you go get your phone. Your most recent notification is a text from him from an hour ago.

It’s such a simple text but it floods your heart with affection.

After you reply to Corey, you scroll through your conversations until you find Veronica. You’re annoyed about how she reacted to the news that you’re in a relationship now. As the toaster oven timer dings you hit send. 

You curl up on the couch with your pizza and a can of cider. Since she’s already skeptical you know you can’t tell her the real story. She won’t take kindly to his jealousy, or the fact that he showed up to surprise you and then left without saying anything. 

Despite the angry expression, you know the emoji is her white flag. Sure enough another message comes through, and then another.

There’s the Veronica you expected. 

[2kverrr]

Spiritual Awakening Trip

Sam Giddings x Reader

Summary: Sam takes you on a camping trip, fluff.

Warnings: None.

It's a beautiful night. The stars shining bright, and the moon full and round. The air's crisp and cool, but not too cold. A perfect night for a campfire.

The wind lightly breezes through my hair as I stare up at the stars. They're so much bigger and brighter when you give them all your attention. It made me feel small and insignificant, yet somehow connected.

I can almost see myself among them, a speck of dust in a vast universe. I guess it humbles me a bit, but it doesn't retract that alive feeling it gives me.

I trace the outline of one of the stars with my finger, watching the tiny black dots move across the starry sky. I didn't know their names, but I know that each and every one of them had some sort of meaning.

"What're you doing?" A chuckle from behind me vibrates onto the back of my head.

I lower my hand from above me, and turn to face the blonde behind me. Her hazel eyes twinkle with humour, and her smile contagious as per usual. She's the one who forced me to come on this 'spiritual awakening' trip. As much as the bugs and hay-fever annoyed me, it makes me feel special to be apart of her little thing. "Looking up at the stars," I reply.

"See! You're spirits are becoming one with nature," She pauses, ",okay, that sounded stupid. But look, aren't you glad we're on this trip?"

"Yes, of course." I can't deny how wonderful it is being here with her. "But all these bites say otherwise." I downplay, if I were to leave it at that she'd be teasing me about it for ages.

She laughs, "You'll get used to it!" She links her hands on my chest, letting me sink into her stomach. She giggles, "And you will thank me later, when you find the fun in nature." She jokes.

I snarl playfully, "Oh yeah? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough," She teases with a wink.

I link my fingers in between hers, letting them fall back onto my chest, "Where did you learn to tease like that?"

She shrugs, "That's for me to know and for you to find out."  A smirk plastered on her face.

Nature has never been on my side. I'm sure every bug I've ever encountered has had some sort of personal vendetta against me. A thousand bugs could bite me right now, and I think I'd still want to be here right here, right now. Next to the girl I love, in front of a fire, enjoying the peaceful night.

There's something about being out here, away from everyone else, that feels different. Not better or worse, but just different. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe it's because it's not the same old routine every day. I can't count the number of times I've woken up in the morning, and gone straight to the kitchen to make breakfast. Same ole same ole. Since Sam became a daily part of my life it's really added a bit of spice.

I turn my body around, my stomach now resting on top of Sam's waist, "Hmm? What's wrong?"

I let my face make its way closer to Sam's, placing my chin atop her chest. "Nothing is wrong." I whisper, "I'm exactly where I want to be."

She chuckles and kisses the top of my head, "Glad to hear it." She places her hand on the back of my neck, pulling my face back to hers. We stare deep into each other's eyes, our breathing matching. I open my mouth to speak, but she stops me before I do.

Sam leans in, her lips pecking mine. I soon pull her in for another kiss, but before it get minorly intense she lets out a soft laugh, breaking the kiss. I rest my head on her chest, her lips leaving small kisses on my hair.

The fire continues to roar and the wind doesn't calm any more, "How're we going to put out the fire?" I question, the fire way too big to just chuck a bit of water over.

"That's a good question." She responds with a semi-faltered smile, not bothering to give me a straight answer, "Stamp on it?"

"Okay, and set your leg on fire?" I roll my eyes.

"What makes you think I'm doing the stamping?"

Switched it up a bit today. Replayed Until Dawn and Sam has won my heart all over again.

[pies-writes-and-more]

jealous

Word Count: 3,130

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Fem!Reader

Warnings: some insecurity angst (only a little though) but all fluff otherwise!

A/N: thank you for the help and love you two give me @satan-ruler-of-hells​ @thisnoodlewritesao3​. Was having a shitty day so I queued this fic up to hopefully bring some smiles to people’s faces <3

Haikyuu Masterlist

Ushijima would never understand why people flocked to him the way they did during tournaments. No matter where the team went, there were people begging for answers to their invasive questions, people screaming in excitement as soon as they saw them, but why?

“You’re a big strong attractive dude, Ushi, I dunno what to tell ya. Not to mention, you’re the ace of a powerhouse school,” Tendō laughed when Ushijima asked him why. But it wasn’t like any of these girls knew him so why were they always asking for pictures?

But despite not really understanding, Ushijima often complied with the request for photos, standing there as stoic as ever, not even bothering to crack a smile. He didn’t want to make anyone upset and he felt like just going along with it might actually be easier than trying to run away.

But today, Tendō watched as one girl got prepared for a selfie, and surprised Ushijima with a kiss on the cheek for the photo. She squealed in excitement, thanking him even as she ran away. The two Shiratorizawa boys stood there in confusion, Tendō’s eyes looking around to make sure you weren’t around to experience that.

Ushijima stood there for a moment longer, his hand going up to his cheek and touching the place she had kissed him. Had that really just happened? How odd. Why would someone he had never even met before do something like that?

The thought left his mind as soon as it had entered, turning around to follow Tendō onto the court. But he noticed how his friend’s eyes seemed to glance around the hallway, as if looking for someone, then fall on him questioningly.

“What is it?” Ushijima asked, watching his friend’s eyes carefully. 

Tendō just laughed and shook his head, “I’m just glad poor Y/N didn’t have to watch that. Can’t say I’d envy her.”

Ushijima’s brow tensed a little hearing those words, trying to comprehend Tendō’s words and tone, “I don’t understand.”

“I mean, you’re constantly followed around by girls and you must see some of them all the time at every one of our tournaments. But you and Y/N haven’t had a lot of time to see each other now that practice is every day right? Plus... what girl wants to see her boyfriend get kissed by some random fangirl?” Tendō explained, holding his hands behind his head as they walked into the stadium courts. 

Ushijima frowned a bit, still not fully comprehending. You knew that he was busy with volleyball and you knew he loved you, didn’t you? So why did it matter what some insignificant people thought? Or what some random person did for that matter? Sure, it was an uncomfortable kiss and was awkward but would it matter? He didn’t even know the girl. 

Unbeknownst to either of them, the girl had posted the pic onto social media. Swarms of jealous students and gossip news reporters started to share the picture and repost it with the question “Is this Ushijima’s girlfriend?”

It didn’t take long for you to be tagged. One of your friend had sent the photo with a questioning keyboard smash, wondering if you had known.

You hadn’t.

You had been up in the stands when it all took place - you didn’t see Ushijima often before a game since he was usually stretching while you got there early to get good seats. You had been sitting up in the stands, talking to another friend of yours and some of the other players’ friends and family. But when you saw the picture, it was like everything around you started to move in slow motion.

Your heart felt like it was moving up your throat, your chest tightening. Who was this girl? Your fingers instantly clicked onto her profile, glancing at all of her public photos. She was gorgeous, thin, smart by the looks of it too. She even had a picture or her playing volleyball.

Something inside of you asked the question, “Would Ushijima be better off with someone like her?”

He wasn’t following her on social media, so he didn’t know who she was. It wasn’t uncommon for people to post their photos with Ushijima, but no fans had ever been so bold to kiss him for a picture before.

You couldn’t even remember the rest of the game. Your stomach was churning so much you thought you were going to be sick.

“Everything alright, Y/N?” Your friend asked when they realized you hadn’t cheered as loud as you normally did during the games. You quickly plastered on a smile, nodding quickly.

“I’ve got to head out early! Tell the boys I said congratulations!” You asked them as the game came to an end, your feet quickly moving out of the stadium before the crowds left.

Ushijima could’ve sworn you had been up in the stands and you always came to his games. So where were you? Why hadn’t you come down yet? He stood in the hallway, watching as crowds of people left. Loads of them congratulated him or tried to strike up a conversation with him. But not a single one of them was you.

“Oh Ushijima! Y/N asked me to say congratulations!” Someone smiled up at him giving a thumbs up. He recognized them, they were friends with you weren’t they? So you had been here...

Ushijima’s forehead creased ever so slightly, “Where is she?”

“She said she had to go for some reason! She didn’t look so good when she left to be honest. Maybe she was feeling sick?” Your friend shrugged and gave another wave before rushing off.

Ushijima glanced at his phone, finding no notifications from you. If you had been feeling sick, why wouldn’t you tell him?

“You alright there, Ushi?” Tendō called, slapping his shoulder playfully. “We won, it’s time to go! What’re you standing around for?” His head spun around, looking for the missing part of their trio. “Where’s Y/N? It’s almost time for our celebratory dinner!”

“She left,” was all he said with a frown.

Tendō sucked in some air nervously, glancing at his own phone and all the notifications he had gotten over the recent scandal photo. “Think it might have to do with this?” He asked, showing the post to his friend. “Didn’t you get tagged in it too? Seems like the whole team was.”

“I don’t have notifications for those apps,” Ushijima shrugged. “I get tagged in a lot of things and it gets annoying.”

Tendō pouted at this, realizing that’s why Ushijima never responded to the hilarious things he would send him.

Ushijima was still frowning, wondering why everyone seemed so concerned with his dating life. He scrolled through the notifications that Tendō had on his phone, news reporters questioning Ushijima’s relationship status, people from their school mentioning Y/N and curiously wondering if they had broken up. 

All of this over some random girl? He glanced at her post a little closer, noting the caption read, “Ushi” with a little heart emoji next to it. He hadn’t been happy at all that some girl had decided to plant a kiss on his cheek but he never had the chance to tell her that before she ran off. 

“Why would Y/N leave over that?” Ushijima finally spoke, glancing again at his own phone to see if maybe you had texted him in the last few minutes.

Tendō sighed and raised an eyebrow to him, “Ushijima, some people get jealous.”

Jealous. The word echoed in Ushijima’s mind as he tried to consider the possibility that you were jealous over someone whose name he didn’t even know. 

“Wouldn’t you be jealous if you saw someone posting a similar photo of Y/N?” Tendō asked with a tilt to his head, curiously watching his friend’s expression. 

Ushijima let the thought cross over his mind while the two of them walked to where the rest of the team had gathered. What if some dude had posted a picture of Y/N, kissed her cheek, and everyone had assumed they were together? He frowned and shook his head of the awful thought, now understanding that maybe jealousy was that pit in his stomach he was currently experiencing. 

Although Coach Washijo growled a little in response, Ushijima insisted that he would not be joining the team for a celebratory dinner. When Goshiki asked Tendō where Ushijima was going, he’d just shrug and smile saying, “He’s off to be a good boyfriend.”

It must’ve been strange, seeing this tall man running around town, looking confused and frustrated. Numerous people around him glanced back at him, watching him with questioning eyes as he passed but Ushijima didn’t even noticed. He needed to make sure that you were okay.

You weren’t really sure why you left so quickly after the game was over. You knew the longer you waited to have this conversation with Ushijima, the more awkward you’d feel and the more upset that he’d be that you hadn’t brought it up sooner.

It’s not like you were mad at him or anything - how could you be? It wasn’t like he was the one kissing her, or that he had known she was going to do that - you knew it wasn’t the latter since Ushijima wasn’t all that big on PDA anyways so there was no way he’d be okay with it with some random girl... you hoped at least.

So if you weren’t mad, why did you run? You frowned as you tried to think of a good excuse, trying to tear apart the reasons for your behaviour. But all you could really think of is how insecure you had felt, seeing that picture. That girl was everything and you were... well what even were you?

Ushijima didn’t know how to beat around the bush - he didn’t know anything but being blunt and honest. So he had to be with you for a reason right? If he wanted to break up with you, he would’ve... right?

You groaned quietly, stuffing your face into the pillow you were holding into your lap. You needed to text him - he was probably wondering why you didn’t stay till after the game. But he hadn’t even texted you... hadn’t called... maybe he hadn’t noticed? You glanced at your phone one more time, as if waiting to see a notification you had missed or a text that you hadn’t heard the alert for.

Maybe you should just call him. Maybe if he hadn’t noticed, you both could just go out for food or have a nice night in and you could forget you ever saw that photo. You nodded slightly at your plan, moving your finger to call him. 

But a knock on your door distracted you. You looked up at the sound, glancing between that and your phone.

You dragged yourself out of bed, starting to type out a very nonchalant casual text to Ushijima as you made your way downstairs. Though it was very obvious once you opened the door that the text wasn’t needed.

“Y/N.”

What was it about the way he said your name that sent chills down your spine? 

You bit down on your lip nervously, realizing that all that time spent coming up with excuses was useless because here he was right in front of you, panting slightly, and you were drawing a blank.

“H-Hi, Ushijima,” you hesitated slightly, both standing there awkwardly until he nodded towards the inside of your house.

“Can I come in?” He asked softly, his voice more gentle than usual even with his heavy breathing. 

You nodded slowly and let him in, watching as he tucked his shoes away and stood in front of you as if waiting for you to say something.

“So... congratulations on your win,” you offered after moments of silence.

His eyes just watched you, as if checking to make sure you were okay, “Your friend said you had to leave. They also mentioned you weren’t feeling well. Is that why you didn’t stay?”

You stuttered out some sort of syllables that were no where near to being words as your boyfriend placed his hand on your forehead, cupping your cheeks in his other hand, “You don’t feel feverish but you are a bit warm,” he stated quietly. “Would you like me to make you some soup?”

You shook your head quickly, stepping back from him slightly, “I’m okay, Ushijima, promise. My... stomach just didn’t feel right.”

His eyes narrowed ever so slightly as he watched you, “Your stomach?”

You nodded, staring at your feet. You should just be honest, shouldn’t you? Ushijima was always honest with you. But what if you were honest and he came to the same realization - that he could do better than you?

“So this has nothing to do with that Instagram post?” Ushijima’s voice was stiffer this time around, almost... awkward? He shifted on his feet, trying to get you to look at him but when you wouldn’t, he just gently put his fingers under your chin, lifting your gaze to his. “Please talk to me, darling.”

It was as if you had been hiding tears this whole time and didn’t even realize it. But the softness in his voice and his eyes, the way he touched you, just made your eyes start to tear up, “It’s stupid,” you admitted after a moment and Ushijima’s thumb wiped away a tear that escaped you. “I know you don’t even know her.”

He nodded in response, stepping a bit closer to you now, “I didn’t know she was going to do that,” he told you, confirming what you had already assumed. “But I’m sorry.”

You gave a little laughing, shaking your head, “Ushijima, you have nothing to be sorry for. I know you take pictures with your fans sometimes.”

“No, I’m sorry because I didn’t understand why you would be upset at it at first. But Tendō helped me understand. Please don’t go taking photos like that with other men,” Ushijima asked you and made you laugh again. “I... I wouldn’t like it.” He admitted shyly, his lips turning to a small smile as he watched you laugh.

“She’s rather pretty though,” you mumbled softly, finally wiping the rest of your tears that were building in your eyes. “I just... You two look really good together.”

Ushijima seemed to think about this, lifting his eyes up to the ceiling as he considered your words, “She’s not ugly.” He stated simply, finally looking back down at you. “But I have no feelings towards her.”

“Feelings can be developed,” you suggested, hating every word that was coming from your mouth. Why were you arguing for him to leave you? Why were you trying to convince him?

Ushijima gave a chuckle this time, patting your head softly, “Why would I want to develop feelings for anyone else when I have so many feelings for you? You have nothing to be jealous over, love.”

Ushijima always said things with such honesty and you knew he would never say anything he didn’t mean... but didn’t he know there were girls out there much better than you?

“You are the one I want to be with. Not anyone else. All those girls I see at my games all look the same. But when I look at you,” Ushijima let his thumb graze over your lips gently, a small smirk on his lips, “I have to remind myself to stop looking at you. I have to tell myself that I’m staring. Before we started dating, Tendō told me you might think I was creepy because I just couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

You giggled, trying to not focus on the tingles this man’s finger left on your lips, “Oh ya?”

Ushijima just nodded firmly and leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, Y/N. I couldn’t care less about anyone else. Do you trust me?”

The question hung in the air for a moment - you knew you did but how long would it be before he realized just how incredible he was?

“Yeah,” you whispered, trying to shove down all of your anxieties. 

He watched you and even though you were saying yes, there was something about the way you were standing that didn’t match with your words. Ushijima wasn’t the best at understanding people, but he knew you. “Everyone of those fans would stop coming up to me if I wasn’t as good at volleyball. One day, when I can’t play as well anymore, or if I ever get injured, all those fans will disappear. But the only one I’d still want with me is you. That’s how I know I love you.”

And even if it was just for a moment, all your anxieties stopped. You smiled to yourself and threw your arms around him into a tight hug. Ushijima’s massive arms wrapped around you as he pressed more kisses to your forehead and cheeks. “Next time, please talk to me honestly,” he whispered to you.

You nodded into his shoulder, closing your eyes tightly and murmuring back, “I love you too.”

The two of you would end up in your room, curled up with some show playing in the background before you’d sit up in realization, blinking at him in surprise, “Hang on, didn’t the team go for your celebration dinner?”

Ushijima shrugged and nodded, glancing at the time displayed on his phone screen, “Yeah they should be done soon. I imagine Tendō will text me to make sure you’re okay after.”

Your forehead creased in worry, staring at him, “Did... Did they drop you off on the way or something?”

Ushijima’s eyes shared your level of confusion, tilting his head as he tried to think about your question, “Why would they?”

“Ushijima, how the hell did you get here?” You asked with wide eyes, remembering how out of breath he was and wanting to hear the words from his lips.

“I ran,” he stated simply as if it was such a casual thing to do. “Is that important to know?”

“Babe, your tournament was across the city,” you gaped, mouth open slightly as your eyes widened even further. “That must’ve been such a long run, especially after a game!”

Ushijima thought for a moment, thinking about how the team had to take a bus to the games today, and how Y/N had to take transit. His mind tried to calculate the distance, though it wasn’t likely he’d get an answer. He just shrugged, thinking nothing of it as he settled back into your bed, “I could’ve gone farther,” was all he said as he pulled you in for some more cuddles, “as long as it was for you.”

Haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to join!)

@al0ehas​ @aurumk​ @devilkittymusic​ @thisnoodlewritesao3​ @satan-ruler-of-hells​ @trashy-simp​ @jeppiet​ @lucyheartfilias-wife​ @darkvadeeer​ @haikyuutothetop​ @wolfishwriting​ @livy384​

[ushalin]

Female Socialisation & Beauty: The Highs & Lows of Being a High School Girl

Or, if you’re a geeky, intelligent, “weird”, non-makeup wearing, non-shaving, openly-radfem, openly-separatist, openly-lesbian high school girl, it’s really just the lows. 

First post on RadBlr. Was on RadTwt as Alora/@missypilled (rip). Misogyny in school is possibly driving me insane. 

I have very long hair (I’d like to cut it but am not allowed to). I don’t style it. I always wear it in a ponytail for convenience, otherwise it’s irritating and gets in the way (which, of course, is an issue boys never deal with). I’ve been harassed—genuine harassment—by girls so many times over the years for never doing anything with my hair, or never having it down. I am treated SO much better by girls if I have it down; this has been consistent over the years, from Year 3 to Year 10. I look prettier with my hair down, and of course more feminine. I don’t care; it’s goddamn inconvenient. I’m here to function properly, not look attractive. 

A few days ago, I tested out this theory once again by having my hair down during class. Girls who usually only talk to me when they want to make fun of me for being a feminist were suddenly friendly and chatty. They stopped giving me sideway glances in class. Something so seemingly insignificant as hair style (or lack thereof) plays such a large part in treatment. They spend hours on their hair, I clearly don’t; I wash and brush it, that’s it. I don’t care about it like they do and it angers them. They distance themselves from me. Exactly how they’re trained to react. 

No surprise this experience applies to my zero-makeup face (the ones who treat me worse are the ones who wear the most makeup; I hold a metaphorical mirror up to them and make them ask themselves, “Why DO I wear all this?” and they hate it, they can’t bear to face the reality) and my hairy body. I have never worn makeup or shaved to see if it makes a difference and I never will, but we all know they would treat me much better if I did (the boys also mock my hairy body, far worse—even sexually harassing me for it [I beat up the boy who sexually harassed me by making inappropriate comments about my pubic hair lmao]). Obviously, this treatment has worsened since I came out as lesbian. 

I don’t care about approval or acceptance, thankfully. But I do think about this a lot. And I feel sad. Not for myself, but for these girls. Because they’ve been brainwashed. Because female socialisation has taught them to attack and mock any girl who doesn't conform to expectations of us (the things I’ve heard girls say in the changing rooms about some random girl who doesn’t shave her “vagina” [vulva...], dear God... wish I could find out who she was though, I want to be friends), any girl who escapes our hellish socialisation; you're a lesbian? You're a feminist (a radfem no less)? You're a separatist? You're beauty-free? Say goodbye to 90% of female friendships in school (ESPECIALLY high school, especially in the later part of school). Oh, are you a geek as well?* A nerd? Intelligent? Know your place, female! Partially writing this because I got laughed at, stared at and whispered about for a solid three minutes today for putting my hand up and giving the teacher a high-level analysis on the quote 'O, I am fortune's fool!'—this all came mostly from girls. One started choking with laughter??? Never seen any geeky or nerdy boys treated like that. Never witnessed them scathingly talked about for answering a question well. I wouldn't even call myself a nerd, I never put my hand up, I only do if no one else knows the answer. I didn’t even sound nerdy lmao? 

*Thinking about the treatment of the gay boy who’s into planes and NASA vs the treatment of the lesbian girl who’s into Doctor Who is 🥴 it’s really something. 

Female socialisation is evil. Truly evil. It teaches girls to keep away from those who don’t conform, to only interact when harassing us and attempting to coerce us into conforming to expectations of womyn—which of course keeps them from developing female solidarity with us (because we are dangerous; we are the deviants who could influence them, who could free them from their shackles), and it tries to keep us from developing solidarity with them because we wouldn’t want to be friends with cruel people. 

Society tells us female friendships are fake and insincere, that we’ll never have the depth male friendships have. That girls are bitchy and catty and love causing drama, but boys are so simple and peaceful. It’s drilled into us from our first year at school. 

Obviously, this is bullshit. I don’t need to explain how moids are incapable of having true bonds. Female friendship is a beautiful thing.All these things which girls apparently are? They’re socialised into being that if they are. Of course, we can’t acknowledge patriarchy is the cause of this, no, girls are just naturally evil bitches and a plethora of other misogynistic slurs, and, hey, you should focus on male relationships instead of female friendships, put your boyfriend over your friends! 

But as these girls who avoid this one aspect of socialisation are ostracised and disliked, they’re pushed into another section of female socialisation: they believe these lies about girls and female friendships. They’re treated like this because girls are catty and spiteful and snakes. It’s not because of any deeper reasons, it’s just because this is the way girls are. I’ve never come to this conclusion, but I can’t tell you the amount of (female :/) adults who have offered me this explanation when I come to them about my troubles. 

If I talk about all the other shit I’ve experienced at school for being lesbian and for being a radfem, this post would be a mile long. I’m sure as hell going to write something about that later though. But Jesus. I can tell you now the only time I’ve seen female solidarity at school is when OSA girls have come together to harass a lesbian. 

And if you girls find me here, like you did my Twitter, where you harassed me and revealed my personal information... like I said before: you won’t stop me from fighting for female liberation. Nothing you do gets to me. All I feel for you—all I will ever feel for you—is pity. You’re so young, I still hope there’s time for you to develop class consciousness. 

Schools are breeding grounds for misogyny. It’s hell where boys’ sexual harassment is rife and unrelenting, and female socialisation is shoved at you constantly and if for a single second you resist it, they will come for you and they will never stop. 

Fuck this world. Screw this world for making girls suffer. We’re children. We’re goddamn children and we have to go through this. Fuck moids and fuck moid-lovers. The horrors girls, especially teenage girls, go through would be considered morally illegal in any fair, womyn-loving world. But we’re in this world, where male supremacy has reigned for millennia and will continue to do so for a very long time. I hate it. No one thinks of the girl children. No one cares about us, not even each other. I’ve seen what my female peers have done to become numb to it. It is horrifying and heart-breaking. We deserve so much better.

[garden-bug]

I think I tagged acknowledging that the books did cover it pretty well… the post is essentially about that discomfort. Looking at things from a moral lens is also really interesting and actually underpins pretty much every debate you’d have about the themes of a story. I also don’t think that it’s ’good versus evil’ plain and simple. Thrawn is morally ambiguous: he’s the definition of an anti-villain. I understand the frustration of constantly hearing criticism about a character who is so much more nuanced than just ‘oh but he’s a bad guy cause he joined the empire!’ I think we probably agree on this.

What other contexts do you want to analyse the morality of this under? Is your point that in this fantasy universe the morality is different? That goes back to the point about that reality being uncomfortable because of the child soldiery. In which case, the books themselves conform to this modern western standard… (I also can’t think of a context where child soldiery wouldn’t be immoral I mean it’s… a pretty basic moral standard. Is it really just a western value of 2023?)

I understand disliking this because you don’t want to hear criticism (of the modern western morality kind) about something you don’t think it needs to be applied to. Fair enough. It’s not that it really matters anyway, it’s just a story with a relatively small and insignificant fanbase at the end of the day. Whether or not we criticise the morals of this fantasy world heavily or not at all doesn’t really matter.

I just find stories more interesting if you apply a moral lens. That’s how they inform our lives and how we learn from them. I mean you could argue that otherwise what’s the point in writing if it’s purely for entertainment and not intellectual stimulation… (that’s another debate though)

Yes we can also analyse them through different lenses (including different moral ones). But why exclude this one?

I also think that it’s unrealistic to expect people to address the overall moral ambiguity of a story when they’re making a single point about one single aspect. Idk. I usually try to anyway by tagging because I literally can’t not include a balanced judgement it’s feels neglectful otherwise lmao.

Sorry for the long response it was an interesting thing to think about. I probably missed some things but hope this was interesting to read at least…

I hope you don’t mind me saying but I agree with your Thrawn posts lmaooo. Filoni Thrawn was not it. I wrote a post about that too!! I swear it’s not as long as this…

The way Thrawn and everyone looks out for Che’ri is cute until you remember that she’s a child solider..