#or not bc that could make me feel worse

[datshitrandom]

having a "you really suck at everything" day

[skunkes]

[caeslxys]

Something I think is extremely interesting thematically when it comes to connecting what Downfall and the ideas it tackled to the overarching narrative of campaign three is that the things Downfall made a point to showcase of Aeor—Cassida, Hallis, the visual of an aeormaton proposing to her partner, the specific and intentional decision to shed light on a far from insignificant amount of the population being civilians or refugees—is that it plays in perfect parallel across from what is happening (and, really, has been happening) to the ruidusborn on Exandria in present.

Bear with me for a moment. Aeor is ultimately a city that was collectively punished for the decisions of its leadership. We could (and, judging by the amount of discourse around this particular topic already, probably will) argue about what the Gods’ motivation for all of this was—whether it be that they could not, in the end, bear to kill their siblings or that they were terrified at the prospect of mortality—for me it is a very healthy dose of both—but for this I am much more interested in the latter. They were scared. That, really, is the driving force behind both this arc and their role in c3 as a whole.

Why I point this out is: It is far more interesting to me, especially as we go back to Bells Hells this week, to dissect the Gods and their decisions not purely on sympathetic motivation alone but as beings in the highest seat of power in the highest social class in Exandria.

So, having established that the Gods (in relation to mortals) are more a higher social class than anything we could compare to our real life understanding of divinity and that Aeor was eviscerated largely because of their fear—what is the difference between those innocents in Aeor caught in the trappings of their autocratic government leadership and a divine war on the ground, and those of the ruidusborn being manipulated both by Ludinus and by the very thing that inspired such visceral fear in the Gods to start with. I would argue very little.

I think of Cassida, doing what she genuinely thought was right and good and would save people, her son, and the object of her worship—and how that did not matter enough to any of them to spare her because of the fear they held at the very concept of mortality. I think of Liliana and Imogen, one of which we know begged for the gods to help her or send her a sign for years on years, and how every single one of their largest struggles could have been avoided had the gods loved them, their supposed children, as much as they feared what they could be. I think of how the thing that did save Imogen, in the end, was a woman who herself existed in direct defiance of the gods will. I think of that young boy, sixteen years old, that Laudna exalted on Ruidus.

I think it’s completely fair to judge Aeor’s overall society as deeply corrupt—it was!—but its leadership and police force are not a reflection of every one of its citizens. Similarly, it is fair to judge the Ruby Vanguard as corrupt—it is!—but its multiple heads of leadership and even the god-eater further are not a reflection of every one of its members.

Notably, and what I think the Hells will latch onto, this did not matter to the Gods. It did not matter that Cassida was trying to help. She was still too much of a risk. Will it matter, what Imogen does? Will it matter, if that young boy is in the blast radius when they decide to take no further chances?

I’ve seen a lot of people say that the Hells will side with the gods and I don’t think I agree. Especially as Imogen has been scolded and villainized over and over for daring to try and save her mother—who herself has been seen by some as an irredeemable evil in spite of her drive being the exact same—her family—but when it’s the Gods it’s justified? When it’s the Gods, it’s sympathetic? Too sympathetic to criticize further than “they’re family”?

I obviously do not think the Gods should die or be eaten or what have you, and I certainly don’t agree with Ludinus (though I find him much more compelling than just a variation of hubris wizard), but when talking about the Gods in Aeor and in present it isn’t really at all about their motivation or their family. It can’t be. Too many people, including our active protagonists, lives have been effected for it to be as cut and dry as “they’re family”. These are your children. They are your family, too.

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[becca-e-barnes]

Not to be too filthy but the thought of dbf!bucky warning you that he's not going to pull out?? 🤤

I've been thinking about this a lot today and I really like imagining the way he'd position you however he wants you. He doesn't tell you what he wants you to do, he just guides you instead.

Because I love the thought of him pressing gently on your shoulders while he's kissing you, urging you to sink to your knees for him. You take the hint, opening your mouth while watching him undo his belt but he swears he might lose it when you press your tongue over your bottom lip.

"Good girl." He tries not to sound too breathless when he presses his slick tip to your lips, letting you taste his precum, smearing it over your waiting tongue. It's not long before you're eagerly taking all of him, sucking and licking and enjoying the weight of him in your mouth. You feel the tip press to the back of your throat and you do your very best to remember to breathe, trying to ignore your own growing arousal.

The hand on the back of your head keeps you in place while he thrusts in and out of your mouth and it's nice to just let him take for a little while. When you need to, you can press back against his hand and give yourself a break but the praise he showers you with makes it's hard to focus on anything other than the throbbing between your own legs.

"Fuck, look at you." He groans, applying a little more pressure to the back of your head and you try to stifle your gag reflex when he nudges the back of your throat once more. "Such a perfect mouth. Feels like you were made for this, weren't you, baby? You take me like such a good girl."

God, you want to agree. Something about being his good girl leaves your panties soaked and your body desperate. He treats you right. He cares about more than just your pleasure; he cares about how you're feeling, inside and outside of the bedroom. He's good to you and that simple fact makes the sex even better.

Before too long, he's pulled back from your mouth and he's holding your chin gently, encouraging you to stand up again before he presses you back onto the bed.

You whimper quietly at the feeling of his thick fingers grazing the little soaked lace panties you're wearing before he takes them off and lets them drop to the floor.

"Please." You gasp, letting your fingers drift over your soaked sex with an urgency that surprises your partner. Bucky watches as two of your own fingers slip into your cunt before you trail them up to circle your clit. He doesn't miss how they glisten, coated in evidence of your overwhelming arousal.

Relief floods you when you feel him press his tip to your entrance, letting him sink slowly into you. Nothing compares to the feeling of that first glide into your body. It's intimate but it's downright filthy at the same time.

"Best fucking girl for me." Bucky groans the words between kisses to your neck, slowly pulling out before pressing back where he belongs.

You can only whimper, fingernails digging into his back, forever urging him to fuck you harder.

"I hope you know I'm not pulling out tonight." The words make your cunt flutter with excitement and you almost wonder if he can feel it. "Feels too good. I'm going to stuff this pretty pussy full." He cradles your face in one hand, his eyes locked on yours and you're acutely aware that there's nothing you want to feel more than the gush of his cum into your body.

[lovesickeros]

lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...

it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy

also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]

gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.

anyway.

there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.

imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.

a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.

the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?

but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.

[wri0thesley]

considering how hard i push on your blog your rules post what you like i feel so so silly posting self ship stuff on my blog like you’re all rolling your eyes ready to unfollow bc of course [f/o] wouldn’t love you, nat. we are simply putting up with your other posts until you get back to posting the only thing anyone follows you for, sexy self-insert porn. in fact i constantly worry posting self ship stuff puts people off my reader-insert things tbh bc reader insert writers should be soulless appearanceless blank slate writing machines. this is all probably very silly; nobody really thinks like that. and yet the thoughts plague me every time i post.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[3416]

everyone bitching about the pwhl logos and names all day long is so boring lol. i get that its in sports fans nature to never be happy about anything but fr the only reason established teams branding across every league is accepted is bc of longevity lkgfjdskl... like sports teams just have some of THE dumbest names available and i think it's a hard task to try to please any population of people about something that subjective but... i'm just excited that there gets to be a brand identity for these teams now for good.

[pcktknife]

i am always filled with so much dread

[crybaby-bkg]

I started crocheting my first blanket today and my hand hurts so unbelievably bad and I’m not even a quarter done with it 🫡🫡

[ganondoodle]

im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-

and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..

it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now

i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...

[francy-sketches]

I finished my stupid fucking final project at the last possible minute I never have to touch that thing again

[mumblesplash]

man i’ve had pretty serious art block before in the past but it was always more a lack of inspiration/irl stuff draining all my energy, currently Not having art block but getting hit by my first bout EVER of feeling like i just straight up can’t make anything that’s good enough and oh my god how do people deal with this

[cardos-talking]

every time i finish a piece i want to fckn drop art... even if i want to draw, this shit is so discouraging for some reason, it's been months and im tired

---

found this post in my drafts from april i think? but i still feel it so much, nothing has changed. idk why i keep drawing, just bc i have nothing else to do and i feel guilty to waste all those years i spent learning? idk. lately for some reason every small thing feels like a kick in the gut and i've been contemplating about stopping for a while. and considering health issues every art feels like the last now

I never feel like i belong anywhere, in any fandom i like, in any group that i might be invited to... it makes me feel a bit nicer when someone says that my art cheered them up a bit or sth but it's so temporary :( i miss the days when my art alone made me a bit proud like hell yeah i drew that (which there wasn't much of them either)

before i started posting my art online, i was drawing very rarely and only for myself or that one "friend" who either ignored it or said like cool or sth and changed the topic. I absolutely hated what i do. I spend years to start loving my art, i like what i drew during that "offline" period now, i liked what i did at the time and much of my confidence was coming from online support. And now it's all just gone??? all those years, gone in a few weeks it's so dumb. Idk why i write this or why anyone would read this i'm just so done

gonna push myself and keep goin yet again i guess

[skunkes]

if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.