#or my ‘outbursts’ were always really really short episodes

[tabbytiger]

me getting angry be like: *gets angry abt the situation like hours or days or months or years after it happens bc I’m so conditioned to always be calm and forgiving or TOO calm and de-escalate in the moment*

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

(this is a side-by-side show and book review, now that I've read the books, so there will be book spoilers. Also I'm not good at keeping it short so it will be Long.)

Season 1 episode 2 [... After the Phantoms of Your Former Self] - part 1/3

- Can I start first with a shout out to the music? The soundtrack is gorgeous. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think violins are the main instruments of the opening theme and the music of the "Previously"? If it's the case, that could definitely be a throwback to Nicki, and how the violin music was so important to Lestat when he was still mortal. There's a passage in The Vampire Lestat where he describes the music that Nicki plays that made me shiver:

"He ripped into the song. He tore the notes out of the violin and each note was translucent and throbbing. [...] I had never known music like it, the rawness of it, the intensity, the rapid glittering torrents of notes that came out of the strings as he sawed away."

And then later on:

"Still the sound came. It came rising out of the instrument and cleaving the night as if it were some shining element, other than air and light and matter, that might climb to the very stars. [...] The long vibrant notes, and the chilling glissandos, and the violin singing in its own tongue to make every other form of speech seem false."

Given how important music is for Lestat in the books, it does seem like the show's soundtrack was given its equal importance.

Okay, back to the show.

- Oooooh, we are starting immediately with some Armandaniel! Ahem, sorry, that random guy in the background and Danny boy. Talking about Venetian art. The writers really said "this is a show that has to be seen multiple times at multiple stages of its development to really understand all the layers and all the subtext and all the interpersonal relationships".

*chokes on a cherry pit* "Marius de Romanus"?? Excuse me???!!! Armand has a painting of Marius in his Dubai penthouse? Sorry, I need to be revived, I think I just passed out.

[Daniel] "'Did you always work for him?' [Rashid/Armand] 'I serve a god. It is my honor to serve.'" - Armand you need another hobby than Louis, seriously. Remark: those lenses work really well, at no point can you tell that those are not Armand's real eyes; on the other hand Assad Zaman has really gorgeous brown eyes. Remark: even with the canon change that the sun doesn't make vampires immediately slip into the death sleep as it rises, the fact that Armand is always awake way before Louis does say something of his age.

Love that the mortal servants are wearing masks. Covid ain't no joke, kids.

- [Louis] "'I want to apologize for my outburst earlier. I can assure you it won't happen again.' [Daniel] 'Memory is a monster. We forget. It doesn't'." - firstly, Louis' entrance is eerie. The way he seems to be gliding on the floor, and the total stillness of his face, and the flatness of his voice (once again, in awe of Jacob's accent work). Secondly, hey, the main theme of the first two seasons, hammered in: memory can change, it can reshape itself, it can twist on itself to protect the mind, or to protect itself - can you trust that you remember what happened how it happened? Or is your mind cannibalizing itself, and therefore, do you know who you truly are?

Huh. The music isn't extradiegetic. It's actually playing in the scene.

[Louis] "AB negative, fresh from the farm." - sorry, can I ask, what fucking farm? Is this more of the roleplay, or are non-human animals' blood types also ABO (no, NOT that type, geez), or are we really saying Louis has a human farm...? Excuse me but this cannot be just a throwaway random comment, what the fuck. Too many implications. *five minutes later* Right, so, did a rapid search, apparently some animal blood types also have an A type, and some animals have so much more than the ABO system. In other words, this doesn't tell me anything. "Part of me wants to ask about the farm", yes please Daniel, ASK.

- Lestat is a bloody diva, I love him. Not much to say about the graveyard scene (disposal of the bodies), except that I'm dying of laughter. Louis is going through hell while his body dies, meanwhile Lestat is prancing around, throwing punchlines, humming to himself and stashing corpses into graves. This must have been so hilarious and chaotic to film! Note to self, check if there are bloopers and how many takes did this scene take. Pretty sure that's the kind of scene where you burst out laughing at your co-actor's antics at least once or twice.

[Lestat] "There's the spark." - first of all, how is Sam Reid that pretty, jesus. Secondly, I love the way they represent the vampire's sight. It's such a big passage each time, how a vampire sees the world differently, and not in a metaphorical way, in an actual "my eyes work differently now" way, so of course they couldn't just ignore it. Love that Lestat calls it a spark. And the way they each look at each other, Lestat as if he's falling even more in love, and Louis as if he's not only going out of his mind in a "oh this is madness" way but also in a "I am understanding new things about the world" way. Although, as I've said in another post commenting on book IWTV, one thing about Louis is that he often thinks he knows or understands what's happening while in actuality he has no clue and is completely out of touch.

- [Louis] "'Lestat's blood was giggling inside me, teasing my senses, illuminating the district with overwhelming detail, as if I had walked my entire life as a dead man, and now, dead, could finally receive the secrets of existence.' [Daniel] 'You were fucking loaded.' [Louis] 'Beyond articulation.'"

Firstly, moment of silence for Louis' poetic aspirations slammed back down to Earth by Daniel. What happened basically: "*poetic nonsensical rambling* / Dude you were so fucking wasted / LOL dude I was sooooo wasted". Secondly, yeah, don't get too excited, the bad trip's about to start.

"They were your brothers and sisters once, but now they are your savoury inferiors", says Lestat, the guy who falls in love with a different mortal basically every other week. Oh, he's literally describing them as one would talk about wine. Alright.

I find it interesting that Lestat doesn't say anything about "feeding on the evil ones and leaving the innocents alone". Be right back, need to check the books, when does Lestat starts applying that philosophy? *comes back 10 minutes later covered in blood* Couldn't find a relevant passage. Let's table this for later.

[Lestat] "Careful mon cher, you're beginning to frighten the man." - Daniel talks about that in season 2, if I'm correct. But yeah, memory, huh? How could it have been Lestat who says that, knowing that maker and fledgling are mentally cut off from each other? Either Lestat said it out loud but low enough that only Louis could hear, or Louis, to use Daniel's words, went "schizophrenic" since the beginning and was already imagining Lestat as his subconscious voice.

"Just to be clear, gents, we are here to talk abot farm equipments, am I right?" - oh, are you looking for anything else to happen, random victim number one? Is that a hint of gay panic that I'm hearing?

[Lestat] "The neck, bite the neck, Louis. No, you don't bite the blood, you suck it. Yes, yes, that's better." - have I said lately how much I adore Lestat...? No? Well. Lestat cracks me up. Something I love about hm in the books is his dry humor and delivery. He is really funny when he wants to be.

- Aaaah, we're getting to the first major scene. Makes you wonder why I spent so much time on the first 9 minutes, huh? (Yes, we're barely on minute 10 out of 52, I did say I can't do short)

"'I-I gotta go home.' 'This is your home now, Louis. Breathe.' 'I-I gotta collect money from the cribs.' 'I have all the money we need. Breathe.' ' I have to go see Grace and Paul.' 'Oh, dear.' 'You ain't fucking hearin' me! I need to go home.'"

Several things. And actually one of the heart of the constant misunderstanding between Louis and Lestat. Lestat here has no attachment to his home - Louis on the other hand is the main provider of his family, the man of the house. He can't just disappear, the way Lestat seems to want him to. A few changes from the books, in which Lestat firstly is traveling with his old and dying father and thus has to care for him until his death, and secondly lets Louis understand that he has no money and Louis has to provide for him. Also as we learn in The Vampire Lestat, after his own transformation, Lestat continues to take care of his mortal family, sending them money and gifts. So, unless that part has been changed in the show, a bit hypocritical from him to act as if Louis wanting to continue caring for his family is an imposition. Then there's the part where Louis forgets Paul is dead, and Lestat immediately reacts with concern. "Oh, dear, um, how to make you remember gently that your brother is dead actually" or "Oh, dear, are you alright?".

And finally there's the fact that Louis overreacts without hearing anything Lestat tries to say, without letting Lestat say anything actually, physically pushing him away and then accusing him of not listening. I mean, it's not really Louis' fault, baby boy has gone through A LOT in the last 24 hours (Paul's suicide, his funeral, the church's burning and the priests' murders, his transformation and physical death, his first hunting, not even talking about having to hear Horse Rando's ramblings...), he's confused and lost and hurting and hasn't had time to come to terms with anything that's happened. But on the other hand, Lestat's the only one that could help him, and instead of listening to him, giving him 5 more minutes to explain, Louis almost immediately shuts him out and pushes him away. And in return Lestat closes himself up and decides to be as contrary as possible, instead of being patient and helpful. And sometimes it's Lestat who's asking for patience and support and doesn't get it and Louis closing himself up, etc. And thus the main Loustat dynamic for the next several decades is born.

- "You're going to find that very difficult", yep, thanks Lestat. Very constructive. Oh, and look, the sun is up and none of them is sleeping (yeah, that tiny little change actually bothers me, I don't know why yet - maybe I'll find the words later). Really love the visual effect of vampires starting to flake off as ashes as they burn. Hammers in the idea of "undead body". "The sun gives life to everything but us. I should have told you that" - YA THINK. Explain to me why you have a roof window opened letting in the deadly sun (the sun is a deadly laser, free reference for everyone) when you're a vampire. Sounds like structural failure to me. THIS SCENE. First of all Sam Reid's French pronunciation of "New Orleans" and other words, and then Sam Reid's TRAINING ROUTINE holy shit I'm looking respectfully. OH, and his SWAGGER, we need a swagger competition between Sam Reid as Lestat and David Tennant as Crowley, PLEASE. "The perfect setting for a vampire home, a vampire romance" - boy is so THIRSTY lmao. What a slut (affectionate - and also, free gift to non-book readers, Lestat canonically LOVES being called a slut, I am not inventing anything; go mad with it). LOVE that Lestat goes into the coffin fully NAKED and then looks at half-burned Louis and still goes "it's okay, you can go on top", NOTHING will turn him off when it comes to Louis, absolutely nothing. And then Louis' little "gulp", his realisation that, oh, shit, doesn't matter that the guy is an asshole, he wanna tap that.

- Oh, I was going to stop part 1 with this, but Daniel and Louis' exchange is too good to pass.

[Louis] "'Too many firsts for one night.' [Daniel] 'How's sexuality play in that?' [Louis] 'It's a complicated question, Daniel, and we shouldn't conflate it with the salesman's death.' [Daniel] 'Humor me.' [Louis] 'To satisfy your fixation, being transformed by Lestat, being desired by him, bedding down with him, was an overture of sorts to that side of my nature.' [Daniel] 'To the shame of queer theorists everywhere.'"

*cackling* Two catty drama queens trying to outcunt each other, this is a feast. I love Jacob's delivery of these lines, as if it's so not interesting and he'd rather talk about anything else, but also, he cannot stop himself from talking about Lestat. There's really the reluctance of talking about something, someone, that meant a lot, still means a lot, but hurts so damn much that it's better to pretend that it doesn't mean anything anymore. I can't help but seeing that last line as a bit of a meta commentary on the history of the books? I'd need to do some research on book reviews in the '70s, see how the homoerotic explicit subtext of the text was received by non-queer audiences, or even what queer readers were saying, if they (the queer theorists) were divided in their interpretation of the text, or if the book was viewed immediately as a gay romance. Because, like, it's been a month since I read IWTV, and in the meantime I read the rest of the series and dived into the few fics I could find, but if memory serves, IWTV the book doesn't outright state that the relationship between Louis and Lestat is a romance. Mmh. Too many things to research, let's table this for now.

episode 1 | part 2 | part 3 | episode 3 | episode 4 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[alfredsolos]

I saw this panel recently and some hc's came into me, so I wanted to write about them:

There is also this panel from Batman and Robin:

So I'm going to base this off from my own hc that even while he's sleeping, half of his brain is awake and that enables him to be aware even when he's 'asleep'. So he doesn't just do it while awake.

Since half of his brain is always either asleep or awake, he never really gets rest properly and has constant dark eyebags.

No one apart from Jon or the LoA trainers know he does this and they constantly wonder how he can sleep so lightly.

He is always tired but never shows it. Apart from his eyebags there are no physical indications that he's tired. He is also 'normally' very energetic so no one suspects anything.

As said by Damian himself at the first panel, he gets short bursts of sleep whenever and wherever he can. But he maintains his posture even when he's sleeping so that no one thinks he's vulnurable.

Damian has a hard time controlling his emotions, so it's easy to rile him up or anger him. Him being restless, sleepy and tired all the time is one of the major causes for his emotional outbursts.

Just like (canon) Bruce, he can fall asleep in just a few seconds.

Damian always sleeps on his back, so that if someone tries to attack him in his 'sleep' he can counter as effectively as he can.

He doesn't see this 'ability' of his as a bad thing. But if someone were to find out it would take a lot to for them to convince Damian that this was fucked up and really bad for his health.

Doesn't matter if he's awake or sleep, Damian never feels safe anywhere. A lot of people want him dead, so it doesn't matter if he's in the most secure place in the world he will still not feel safe.

Sometimes his brain just stops working and it's like he forgets everything along with his ability of speaking or his memory. These episodes only last a couple seconds, but still terrifies Damian.

Damian will not sleep in a place other than the manor (or his future home), other superheroes' houses, The LoA base (when they're not trying to kill him). Like I said, he still won't feel safe but will let half of his brain sleep.

The only times he fully sleeps are when he is sedated or unconcious. If he's injured but concious, he still won't fully sleep.

I don't know how much canon compliant these were to you, but I enjoyed writing these. I have so much more hc's for Damian (not only for sleeping, but about everything), but there are already so much in tumblr. So I wanted to ask:

[thatgordongirl]

My thoughts about Season 5:

First off, I have loved the name James for years, and I’m literally over the moon about it being Captain’s name

I can’t explain how much I’ve loved this name

But also, Captain episode felt like it could’ve had a bit more build-up to it, like have the scene where he sneaks in be longer and show him almost getting to Havers the whole day 

It just felt disappointing a bit to see it in the last ten minutes and be very short 

For all that suspense over five years

As much as I loved this season, it felt kinda off in a neutral way 

Like some of the jokes were less subtle

I have to admit I wasn’t a big fan of Alison and Mike having a baby initially

But I think it’s very fitting to have the show start with a near-death experience and end with the birth of a child 

But girl, they have no money, why would a baby be a good idea? 

Also

Thomas, you’ve got to be kidding me

Every time I thought he’d stop with Alison, even when she tricked him, I felt like we would really get some growth

And we didn’t, he was utterly stagnant 

He can have as interesting relationships with the other ghosts, but his thing with Alison will always be awkward

And it’s in character not to see Obi being the same heartbroken thing, but come on

You had SUCH an opportunity to get Thomas to realise he was being ridiculous by seeing himself in Obi

The only thing I felt he improved on was being able to apologise genuinely for his outburst to Pat 

Speaking of Pat, he was absolutely gold this season, probably the best with jokes 

I didn’t really like the Rachel weather girl thing, but besides that, Pat was really entertaining

Now getting back to it feeling off, maybe it’s just a new season thing where it feels strange for a little while, but it felt like someone else wrote this season

The more vulgar jokes, which I have no problem with, I found them funny, but they are usually more innuendos 

Side note: it’s weird to think of all the things the swagger stick has been used for in fanfiction after this

And Alison being pregnant is just so unlike any other season that it was bound to feel different

Also, I felt that perhaps they hammered in the found family thing a bit too much? Like Julian’s scene was good, but it would’ve felt more impactful if everyone hadn’t said it like fifty times throughout the season 

I loved how they handled Captain’s story 

Humphrey’s parts were great too, I don’t have any complaints there 

A part of me feels like Robin will go, because the way he was this season felt very different too

I really do think he is at peace, he has done all he has to do, he’s left his mark 

And I would be okay with him going, he deserves to be free

Kitty was brilliant too, she has the perfect combination of maturity and still being naive about some things 

Julian could’ve had something, I think 

Like not a whole episode but some little flashback 

And I’m so disappointed but unsurprised there was no Rachel Fawcett

Also Pat’s remarks about Robin being unintelligent in order to highlight why he would be superior felt really cruel considering the amount of times Robin’s consoled him over the years 

You know he’s emotionally intelligent, Patrick, and he can speak multiple languages 

And almost nothing came of the Kitmas teases throughout the show

I’m not overly bothered by it, but it felt like a bit of a waste of it wouldn’t amount to anything 

[leftersteindraws]

Hi! I'd like to hear your opinion on STY's anime. Mine's probably very biased since I read the source material first, tho aside from how they made the cases very simple and pretty much skipped everything, the way they portrayed the characters was probably what bothered me most. ESPECIALLY Yakumo and Haruka. Yakumo barely made any expression throughout the episodes although in the light novel he does smile, even laughs (sometimes outbursts XD). Regardless, I'd like to hear your opinion.

Hi anon!

I didn't read the source material prior to watching it but I read the manga first (this was at a time when the anime was still pretty recent and the manga storyline hasn't gone very far, so the anime was my exposure to the start of the novel storyline's escalation at volume 5-6). I did rewatch it at some point but my memory of it is pretty hazy so my opinion is also probably both biased and somewhat unreliable 🤷‍♂️ (admittedly I'm at a point where I'm not reliant on official materials to maintain interest in the series so I'm sure some of you revisit it more often than I do).

I think I mostly have the same opinion as you. It was lacking in a lot of aspects including what you've mentioned, and when recommending the series I always advise against watching it as one's first introduction to the series.

The problem with way they portrayed the characters I think is that they were trying to emulate Oda-sensei's style and depiction of the characters especially with lead characters like Yakumo and Haruka, but were too focused on making them look a certain way that they fall short in making the characters look more expressive. I think that's a fairly common trap when it comes to drawing characters in manga/anime style though (it's honestly one of my biggest worry with my own art too; I value faithful characterization pretty highly).

Honestly if we were to talk about the show's content itself the main (perhaps sole) highlight of the anime to me would be Daisuke Ono's performance...All else aside, I'm glad they actually managed to get a notable VA for Yakumo.

At the end of the day, an adaptation is an adaptation. Every medium has its own strengths and limitations which meant not everything from the source material will always be adaptable from one medium to another. Add in other constraints like budget, project timeline, executive decisions, manpower and number of episodes, then perhaps they had done all they could even if the end product leaves much to be desired. Hence to me, the adaptation's shortfall doesn't feel like ones that are unique to the series but rather common with anime adaptations in particular. This reasoning is simply how I made peace with the adaptation. Even the way it was, it still helped introduce people to the series and bring their attention to the manga and original novel as well.

Will we ever get a reboot? Honestly, I don't really expect one, although I always appreciate new official JP content in any form as a sign the series is alive and well! The novels are doing well enough in Japan that it allowed Kaminaga-sensei to write more for the series (in fact, they just announced the official start date of the sequel and complete edition today). However, I've been feeling that the type of audience the series primarily attracted in Japan doesn't necessarily overlap with anime and/or manga audiences...I don't know how else to describe it and it could very well be my own hunch but that's just how I feel. We'll just have to wait and see.

[atlasira]

IDK if it’s because I don’t have to wait in between weekly releases this time but Season 1 really is such a psychological mindfuck for DALS MC. Like I knew it was a horror, but with the weekly releases I was always so focused on my confusion, it never hit me just how much more MC has to be.

So much shit happens: Vlad has extremely random outbursts of rage before going cardboard stoic or candy sweet right after, MC got kidnapped and placed on a table like a grand feast ham, she hears shit in the walls and then all of a sudden the house is actively trying to murder her before pretending like it Wasn’t just doing that.

Almost everyone around her is blatantly keeping secrets or just being weird as all fuck, Vlad isn’t helping as his only responses are “you imagined that” or “no comment. goodbye!”, and she can’t even ESCAPE bc the few times she does it somehow follows her i.e. Sandra having a goddamn witch’s lair in her basement, i.e. it raining literal darkness and “creatures of the night” that very same day. And nevermind the sheer acid trip of traveling through time whenever she touches those paintings, who, by the way, apparently try to get all the people that owns them killed or driven mad!

Like I just finished Episode 10 and the set of events that just transpired were nothing short of INSANE!

MC watches the events in the past unfold after Lale’s rape attempt and she finally realizes that these are not just dreams and her, Leo, and Vlad must be actual descendants or reincarnations or whatever.

Then she learns why Vlad has beef with Gradish and that they must be in Dracula’s actual freakshow of a castle.

So she runs to find Vlad to confirm only to find out that somehow modern day Gradish, after having just left, apparently came back to the castle only to leave again with him and Vlad now in the forest alone.

So she runs to chase them not knowing what she’ll find only to see holy shit Gradish in a pool of blood and Vlad just 🧍‍♂️ over his body! She then runs away in terror only to stumble into Sandra’s fucking chaotic father out of NOWHERE and she screams and somehow Leo pops in just as Sandra’s dad completely vanishes and MC just crumbles to her knees and this all happened in a matter of like 5 MINUTES!! Just!! what the fuck!!!!

IDK how MC hasn’t lost her mind already Jesus Christ

[unpassive-viewer]

The Bear: Season 2 Thoughts (Mild Spoilers)

Hey y’all,

I binged The Bear S2 this week and I have things to say.

This show is so visually beautiful, the shots of the food, the tight shots on the actors - everything was gorgeous. The cinematography impacted the story so perfectly in a way that I am not used to witnessing in television versus movies. 

I was rooting for every single character so much. Their stories were all expanded upon so well, and none of them were static. The acting was 10/10, I really bought the development of the relationships even though some of them seemed a little random coming off of S1. The writing for Carmy was perfect as a product of his dysfunctional environment (disclosure: my family is very similar to his, it was like watching myself in a character). Jamie Lee Curtis’ acting made me want to crawl out of my skin, which is a testament to how well she played the part. 

In particular, I fell in love with Richie and Tina this season. 

Richie got the perfect redemption arc - this season was truly his and I loved it. I could not stand him in S1, but S2 fleshed out his character so well. I want his character to get win after win, and I think he has has a long way to go in S3 (should we get it). Matty Matheson’s character was also a great counterweight to Ebon’s pessimism, I thought their dynamic was a lot of fun. 

I feel similarly about Tina’s character. This season you’re really able to understand their motivations and fears, which I always adore. Liza was incredible in the role. On one hand I think the show is best as a stand-alone, but I could also watch Tina’s story by itself. Both she and Richie get a huge dose of self-confidence this season and it makes for a very endearing, relatable story. I think very often stories that involve that kind of realization are very commodified and dramatized when it comes to middle-aged protagonists, but the growth of these characters felt very real and well-deserved. (Side note - I follow Liza on Instagram now and she’s such a sweet lady. She reminds me so much of my mom.)

Sydney - Ayo Edebiri - is an incredible character and Ayo’s writing was perfection. Syd’s and Carmy’s signing “I’m sorry” was a really interesting touch and encapsulates their dynamic so well. I also oddly love the way she’s styled. When she’s not wearing her work clothes, her style isn’t flashy, but she looks fantastic always. Her style is so reflective of her character - often slouched, baggy styles with pops of colour. In my opinion she looks like an artist - a creative - which I’d say is pretty accurate to her reality. 

Lionel Boyce’s portrayal of Marcus was once again very sweet, and I liked his somewhat less dramatic character arc. I didn’t love his little outburst at the end of the season, but as a character that’s been such a consistent teddy bear it’s nice to see some more conflict introduced to his story. 

After this season, I want more Will Poulter and Olivia Colman. I am very much in love with them, and their brief parts in the series were so lovely (despite feeling a little random). Olivia Colman brings the most incredible energy to every project I have seen her in, she is radiant and I love her. I also love the attention to detail with Poulter’s tattoos having a story behind them. 

Claire was a good character as well, but she didn’t have the same effect on me as Poulter and Colman. While they’re all static characters, Claire was just... too perfect. Not entirely manic pixie dream girl perfect, but I didn’t find her particularly compelling. For what the character was, she was played well by Molly Gordon, and it was nice to see Carmy get the chance to be something other than an anxious unhappy wreck for a few episodes. 

My singular big criticism as of now is that there was so much compressed into this season that it all felt a little random. There were a lot of characters introduced in a very short period of time. While it was nice to see the environment external to the restaurant and I think all of those characters fit very well, it was just a lot. I think the Christmas dinner episode was very important to the story, but the rest of the season could have used a little more breathing room that that episode took up. 

I binged it, but this show deserves to be mulled over. 

[warriorsparked]

Headcanon:

I know I've mentioned this before, because I am definitely MTMTE critical about it, but Megatron returning to a civilian life is not... simple. Nor does it come without its struggles.

It's pretty far fetched to see someone like Megatron, someone who was literally a warlord, a cruel one at that, simply go to being a peaceful mech. That's not how it works.

His struggles with PTSD, I feel, were incredibly underwhelming in the series. I fully understand his redemption arc (and I wholeheartedly support it), and I do understand that comics are limited due to time, art, etc and everything else that comes with it. But Megatron's temper, frustration and violent nature isn't something that's just going to disappear because he's "had some time to think about it".

Megatron absolutely suffers from depression when it comes to a life after what he's done. He's got to live with the consequences of his actions, and understanding that he's done a LOT wrong. But he's not just going to shut down and become placid, or even a pacifist.

Megatron is a fierce, passionate warrior. His life has been nothing but violence for vorns (and for my Megatron, his entire LIFE has been surrounded by violence). Violence is pretty much all he's known.

As an adult, and someone who is on the more mature side of life, he does absolutely calm down from his raging episodes as Decepticon leader, but that doesn't mean he's a pacifistic. He's merely wisened up, and will CHOOSE his battles now (although I can tell you it's very easy to rile him up still, so he can and will still explode at some). There are plenty of things that still make him angry, and his temper will always be short. He is quick to snap, he is quick to the defence, he has a lot of self image issues after what he's done, and he understands why people don't like him.

Ultimately, Megatron is not here to please others. He is here because he understands the punishment he should receive for what he'd turned into. He DOES want to redeem himself, but it's not because he cares what others think about him, it's because he cares what HE thinks about himself. He wants redemption for himself, because he knows that he was fighting for a good reason, and he hates that he had become corrupted by that power, anger and greed, the drive for control because of his fears of having NO control. His actions now, are to remind himself that he ALSO deserves to live a life after the war--even if it's hard to accept and believe that (which is why therapy is important for him as well, despite his distaste for it).

I won't underplay the consequences that a few millions of years of war had on Megatron's mind. I won't underplay the moods he struggles through, the PTSD, the nightmares he suffers, the shell shock, I won't underplay his temper and his outbursts of emotions, and the episodes of depression where he cannot see the point in him being there anymore.

Megatron is SUCH an emotionally driven mech, it's hard to ignore that, and while he certainly keeps up facades and puts up his walls, I really won't be ignoring these parts of him. He is a complex individual, and at times, he's hard to read--he's had vorns to school his emotions in certain areas. But deep down, Megatron is an exceptionally emotional mech that is simply hurting and does not like to admit that.

[alligatorjesie]

1) Rey’s relevance is not dependent on Kylo/Ben, it never was

It is tho. It literally is. They’re fucking soul bonded to one another.

well... were.

2) she’s the protagonist like the movies are about HER journey and always will be

Star Wars episodes 7 8 and 9 are about multiple people. Rey is the ‘main character’ for sure since she has the most screen time but those stories are just as much about the Skywalkers and their drama, Rey sometimes being just a vessel for us to watch it implode upon itself up close. Stating these movies were solely about Rey is an outright lie. Those movies were just as much about Ben Solo and his family.

3) TFA Rey, TLJ Rey and TROS Rey are all one in the same

… yeah? I mean, no one is arguing she’s an entirely different character from one movie to another?

She’s a little out of character in tros because she has some severe emotional constipation that I personally feel like she never had in TFA and TLJ. She was always very blunt but if she felt a way about something she was at least vocal about it.

In tros she’s just angry and pent up she comes off as somewhat emotionally stifled compared to her in previous movies in my opinion and I understand fully that is My opinion, not a fact.

But no one said she’s completely out of character. Or a different character?

Legit I don't remember seeing anyone say that in the original post.

4. DLF is just short for Disney Lucas Films mate. It ain’t that deep.

what else do you want us to call it? You really want everyone to type out the entire thing like that’s some kind of sign of respect? I don’t respect Disney because they hired nazis back in the 50s and shuttered an entire hand animation studio because they realized they could force computer animators to do the same work next to fucking nothing with zero union fees.

Fuck Disney. They're lucky I don't call them Demon Lickass Fucks.

Listen, yo, my comradio, you need to let this 'Strong People Don't Need Anybody' shit fuckin' die brah.

It’s not weakness needing people.

If anything; people can achieve amazing things with help from loved ones.

Ben Solo was able to do the one thing Anakin was never fuckin' able to figure out and tipped ass over teakettle to the darkside to try and learn it, how to bring a loved one back from the dead, and he was able to do it at all Because He Loved So Deeply.

There's power in that. Power both the Sith and the Jedi were very afraid of.

No man is an island and we could/should argue trying to force a person who needed people into not needing people is how Ben Solo became Kylo Ren.

Rey having a bond with a person she’s able to emotionally understand and balance with through the force isn’t a character weakness. I don’t know why people like you think she can just swallow that pain down and pull herself up by her bootstraps and still be emotionally centered enough to be an effective Jedi master.

She rejected Ben in the throne room back in TLJ and spent An Entire Year trying (poorly) to emotionally suppress those complicated feeling. She couldn't process being mad at him over the course of tros and constantly has angry outbursts that start bleeding out into the friendships around her.

That just doesn't sound like shit a centered Jedi master does you know?

She lost a very deeply ingrained part of herself when Ben passed. Broken force bonds can feel like someone has cut off a part of themselves, forever feeling a hollow ache in the place the person once occupied.

You know. Like when a Fucking Loved One Dies.

I've lost pets over 15 years ago who I still think about and it makes me sad they're not here anymore.

Rey lost half her soul.

The Jedi being so hell bent on no attachments and a lack of empathy for the suffering around them is the exact reason they failed in the end. Forcing Rey who So Deeply Craved Someone, Anyone, to come back for her on jakku to now forgo all attachments because she’s trying to become the jedi master we’re not even entirely sure she wanted to become to start with says YOU only view Rey as a vessel that will rebuild the Jedi Order.

She wanted a family. She got war and death.

It’s fine for some fans to not be really jazzed to watch a character they really like get beaten down further by the pain we know she’s got to be feeling or worst yet expect us to swallow that she’s fine and happy with her shitty lot in life from a writer who doesn’t understand her or care to.

I'll be real with you, until I see Adam Driver is attached to this project I sincerely dgaf, and we all know that's not going to happen I don't blame him for writing off the whole idea post TROS, obviously, the cast of the Sequel Trilogy was PRISTINE across the board and I blame them for literally nothing, it is DLF that is the problem It will be interesting to see how Star Wars fans react to this, and if anyone at all gives it the time of day. It will also be interesting to see if they give Rey a new love interest in these new movies, because I've got a feeling the internet will instantly set the whole thing on fire if they do Lots of bad in the future, people. Lots of bad.

[lokisgoodgirl]

Sounds of the Forest [Avenger!Loki x Female Reader]

A link to my Masterlist is HERE Summary: During a field mission, you and Avenger!Loki take a little time to celebrate your victory in a conveniently placed abandoned house within the forest. (w/c 1.7k) Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI. Fluff & gentle Smut/Angst. Semi-public sex.

Your knife met the face of the last chitauri in your section of the battleground as you saw Loki stamp on the head of another from the corner of your eye. It had been a long afternoon in the remote wilds of Oregon where a rogue band of survivors from the Battle of New York had spent years in the forest, trying to re-group – and succeeding.

The Hulk roared gleefully through distant trees. The relentless booms and blasts from the Avengers at full capacity had slowed to occasional outbursts as the enemy force lessened under their efforts. It would be a good day.

You began to make one last sweep around the clearing, dappled in sunlight through the surrounding trees, weapon raised as Loki sauntered over to you with a chuckle, his cape billowing behind him.

"Always so conscientious, my love." His long arms clad in battle leathers surrounded you from behind as you tried to squirm away, still on high alert.

"Loki, it’s not safe – you must be more careful…" You sighed as you squinted through the trees, scanning for a glint of metal or gamma haze in the foliage.

"Trust me, darling – I wouldn’t risk you for anything. Believe me, the coast is clear." Loki leaned in behind you, planting a loving kiss underneath your ear, as you found yourself melting in to your lover’s calming embrace. Safe.

By your estimation, you had both been in the clearing for around 45 minutes. Dozens upon dozens of mindless chitauri flooding from holes in the undergrowth, from the trees, from the crevices in the rock below – all of whom now lay lifelessly scattered at your feet.

You drank in the smell of his hair, the scent of him still sharp through the cake of blood and sweat, as his face nestled into the nape of your neck from behind, remembering how even when he had a hoard of enemies baying for retribution within arms reach he looked to check that you were safe. He needn’t have worried. You were doing the same.

His lips descended to yours, flexing against you with force as he clung to your waist, pulling you back on to his chest tightly.

"I was really worried there for a while, you know…’ he murmured when you finally broke for air, ‘they were too fast for my magic, there were too many...I-"

You silenced him with another kiss, slipping your tongue between his lips. You could see the words he had been planning to say reflected in his startled eyes; worried that he wouldn’t have been able to save you, that he had been weak, that you would have been hurt.

"We’re alive," you whispered gently. "Let that be enough for now."

A moment passed as you both listened for the rest of the team, an eerie silence before you heard Steve shout something sarcastically which warranted a loud jibe in return from Thor’s booming voice.

"I don’t think they need our help, do you?" Loki said, a hopeful tone tingeing his voice as he squeezed you tightly, his hand sliding upwards to cup your breasts through your tight black combat suit.

"Loki…" you scolded, as he moved his hips to rub against your ass, the thick leather pressing eagerly between your thighs. He was always insatiably horny after a battle, but he usually managed to hold it together until after the flight home. Usually.

He spun you ninety degrees and planted you back down on the ground, now facing the small stone building long abandoned in the forest which you had used as a barricade during a particularly tenuous episode of your earlier fight. Short, elaborate stairs wound upwards to the vacant doorway, the roof caved in and foliage growing from within as it was reclaimed by the land.

"What do you say, sweetheart?" he purred seductively in your ear, knowing his voice was an irresistibly soothing balm after the trials of intense combat. "Shall we celebrate our victory, just you and I?"

You squealed in surprise as he scooped you into his arms, his armour pressing against the aches growing in your body as he carried you up the stairs, kicking a chitauri carcass out of his way as he went.

You trailed your hand over the thick moss coating the stair walls, feeling the hidden moisture wash away the dirt of battle and fear as droplets rose to greet your playful fingertips.

Loki placed you down at the top, fluidly taking your hand and leading you through the doorway which led to a solitary room. It was once someone’s home...perhaps their whole life. Where they played and mourned and loved, never knowing about the deadly creatures which lurked outside Earth’s boundaries, waiting to strike.

Your thoughts were interrupted as Loki kissed you again, his hand cupping your jaw as he moulded himself to you, gently guiding you back to the nearest crumbling wall. His tongue slid needily into your mouth, desperate to taste the woman he adored as he groaned with anticipation at the effects of your touch.

"I love you, Y/N" he murmured through shortened breaths, "I thought I might lose you…"

His words hung in the air like smoke as you began to unfasten his leathers, his fingers nimbly unclasping your own gear as first your weapons belt, and then the bottoms of your standard Shield battle suit, slid to the ground. You kicked them to the side, half naked in front of the demi-god as he gazed on you with a heady mix of intense lust and utter devotion.

His fingers glowed and you watched with intent fascination as the grime of the fight was dissolved on his skin, his hand as fresh as if he’d stepped from a shower. Slowly he lowered it, massaging your moistening clit gently as you languished into him, your arms draped around his neck in the corner of the desolated house.

Waves of pleasure rippled over you as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear, sliding two fingers inside you as your soft moans chimed with the sounds of the forest. You whispered his name as he raised your legs around his hips, gently lowering you on to his hardened cock as his breath hitched beneath you. He panted loving praises as he began to thrust into you, savouring every inch.

The low smack of his leathers against your skin was a symphony as his lips travelled across the soft skin of your exposed neck, your head thrown back to the open sky as you felt him slide his magnificent cock inside you again and again, a deep moan threatening to rise from your throat as he found the spot inside you that only he could.

His hand snaked across your mouth, pressed tenderly across your lips as his eyes twinkled with mischief. He lived for this; making you complicit in his games, making you his, making you come.

"You need to keep it down remember, darling...we don’t want the team knowing we’ve been slacking on the job, do we?" he muttered. The immense effort to deliver his words with his signature authoritative sarcasm betrayed the fact he was on the edge of heaven himself.

The pressure of his hand loosened, and you took the opportunity to capture one of his fingers in your mouth. He bucked against you, his length channelling even deeper inside you, as your wet tongue wrapped tantalisingly around his digit, sucking purposefully as he released a broken groan; his senses overloaded with need.

"I’m going to c-come, Loki" you stammered, as he reluctantly pulled his finger from the grip of your warm mouth, imagining its delicious suction enveloping his cock. Maybe later.

"And I, my love..." His voice wavered under the strain as he readjusted you against the wall. Loki's hands ran up your thighs as they found purchase on your ass to complete his second mission of the afternoon.

His manhood throbbed inside you as he filled you to the hilt, your pelvic mounds pressed together tightly, as he made small thrusts brimming with power. They hit the back of your keening pussy with methodical rhythm, walls began to ripple around his length as orgasm descended. It coursed through your bruised and aching body like a warm bath as you clung to Loki in a desperate kiss. Your legs squeezed around his hips as you pulled him as close to your body as he could possibly be.

He moaned into your mouth, massaging your tongue messily with his as he followed you; his welcome seed coating the walls of your channel with juddering thrusts. The sound of your name on his lips was music as you inhaled the thick scent of wet vegetation around you.

Lowering you to the ground, he moved swiftly to pass your abandoned clothing to you with a soft smile. He leant towards you again, pressing you lightly against the wall with a tender kiss.

"They should be around here somewhere."

Stark’s robotic-tinged voice penetrated the clearing as Loki narrowed his eyes above you at the unwelcome intrusion. You lightly smacked your hand to his shoulder, 

"Go," you whispered, "I’ll be right behind you."

You pulled on your trousers quickly, grabbing your weapons belt and running down the stairs to follow the strides of your lover. He was already halfway across the clearing, gesticulating towards the group gathered at the edge of the trees.

"All clear", Loki said calmly to the waiting group. "Y/N and I were just making one last scout of the area, can’t be too careful…" He winked at Tony as you caught up to his shoulder, hearing his words and suppressing the urge to laugh.

"Excellent!" Thor rumbled, "then our job here is done, my friends – to the quinjet!"

You followed the figures in front of you, the effects of hours of intense fighting and impromptu sex beginning to weigh heavy on your muscles. You threw Loki a knowing look as he waited for you to pass and get a head start.

"Not so fast -" Stark extended his metal hand to hit Loki’s leather-clad shoulder as his visor lifted, revealing a single raised eyebrow, a smile playing at his lips.

"I gave you as much time as I could – I hope that was enough time to complete your uh, scouting mission?" he said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"Indeed." Loki replied sharply. The battle of wills forming between them in acknowledgment that Tony absolutely knew what had just transpired. And Loki knew he knew.

"I have heat sensors in this thing, you know.."

Tony’s voice was firm, before breaking into a low chuckle. "Just uh, don’t make a habit of getting your rocks off on missions will you?" he winked, before blasting off the ground into the open sky above.

__

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[yandere-daze]

Horrortober Day 11

Hnghhh today it´s time for a very special boy! So happy to write for Riddle again, he was my first favorite when I got into twst and I still really really love him! *gestures at my profile picture and header* ndkda

Also apologies for the longer wait for this one, last night I finished up Taisho x Alice Episode 1 with a friend and I was way too tired to keep writing after that 4 hour long session

Prompt and challenge by @pastelbirb and @yandere-sins!

Link to my Horrortober masterlist here!

Day 11: Punish --> “I don’t want to do this! But you leave me no choice.”

tw yandere, tw toxic relationship, tw possessiveness

„How many times have I told you this, y/n? You have to follow the rules I have given you. Just because I love you doesn´t mean you are exempt from them”, the Heartslabyul dorm leader said with a disappointed scowl on his face as he stood there right in front of you with his arms crossed. You just sighed and rolled your eyes, having already heard this rant many times before had made you immune to the stern tune he liked to use when scolding you. But your nonchalant attitude just made the redhead angrier.

He stomped his foot on the ground and his voice increased in volume. “Don´t roll your eyes at me! This is serious! Breaking the rules shall not be forgiven, rule breakers must always be judged! So what do you have to say for yourself?” Riddle looked quite impatient so you elected to just speak up now, not wanting to anger him any further.

“I´m really sorry Riddle but I really don´t understand what I did wrong. What rule could I have possibly broken just in the 10 minutes I was away from you?”

And you were being honest right now, you really had no idea why you were suddenly in trouble. There were just so many ridiculous rules, how were you supposed to keep track of all of them? It was a feat of sheer impossibility! And most of them were stupid anyway but you were smart enough to not inform Riddle of that.

Riddle sighed and with a disappointed look went on to tell you of your supposed wrongdoings.

“It won´t do for a fellow dorm leader to not know the rules but I suppose I will be merciful this time and explain it to you once more. Really, it is quite simple. It´s not just one rule you have broken, which would have been bad enough already, no, you had to go and break several in such a short amount of time! I´m quite disappointed in you, y/n”, he shook his head as if to emphasize that particular fact.

Internally you raised an eyebrow at that. How could that be? Literally all you did was walk over to Ace and Deuce for a bit to talk and then immediately came back. How could that have broken more than one rule?? But for the moment you thought it would be best to just let Riddle tell you what was wrong.

Satisfied at your lack of an outburst in an attempt to disturb him, Riddle continued.

“Now where should I begin? Let´s start with the gravest mistake of all. You left my side to talk to someone else even though we were having a fine day with just the two of us.”

Your eyes widened in disbelief. “That´s it? That isn´t even a rule to begin with! I can talk to whoever I want!”

You couldn´t help your outburst. You were just irritated that this was what he would consider a grave affront to the rules. This was ridiculous!

The redhead just clicked his tongue, now clearly dissatisfied with your response if the way his frown deepened was anything to go off of. “But don´t you remember? When I confessed my undying love to you, you promised that you would always stay by my side! You said we would always be together! It was a rule you brought forward and I have never even considered breaking it once! And now you will just deny it ever happened and trample all over it?!” He was noticeably getting angrier and angrier the more time passed in which there was total silence on your end. You were just at a loss for words. Had he really taken that so seriously? You would have though it to be cute if he wasn´t throwing such a fit over it now.

“Riddle, please calm down. Of course I´m at your side but that doesn´t mean I´m forbidden from talking to anyone else! You have it all wrong.”

It didn´t look like he was going to calm down anytime soon. “A rule is a rule, you can´t go breaking them just because you want to! You know I love but it´s not something I can just let go unpunished. And that wasn´t even the only rule you broke!”

Oh boy, you could only imagine the next supposed rule would be just as ridiculous as this one.

Riddle huffed and stomped his foot one more time as he glared right into your eyes. “Now moving on, the second rule you broke was laughing with someone other than me, your boyfriend! We are meant to be together and the very thought of you smiling with someone else, especially these unruly boys makes my heart flare up in rage! How dare you show them what is supposed to be for my eyes only?! They don´t deserve to even be in the vicinity of your radiant smile!”

“You mean to say”, you deadpanned, “me smiling was somehow breaking a rule? Are you serious?” You huffed in disbelief. This was going way too far.

“Indeed”, his face softened a tiny fraction as he grasped your face with his slender fingers. You squirmed away from his touch but he held you firmly. Then he brought two his fingers to the corners of your mouth to force a strained smile out of you. He swooned and sighed dreamily at that.

“Your lovely smile, your radiance! It all belongs to me and me alone! It´s a promise you made when we got into a relationship together, you can´t escape from your responsibilities now”, he frowned again and removed his fingers from your face, allowing your muscles to relax again. “You have to keep what you promised me and I´m sorry to say but I´m very disappointed in you. It breaks my heart to think you would ever even consider betraying me like this!” Near the end of his sentence he was raising his voice again and his hands started shaking as he once more became enraged.

“And you know what´s the worst thing?! You did all of this behind my back! You said you had some business to deal with and left me standing there! I trusted you and yet you lied! You spoke with other men without telling me! I only found out because I followed you out of a sense of wanting to see that you were safe! Imagine my shock and despair when I found out what you were really doing!” His face flushed an angry red like you have never seen before, Riddle´s voice shook the entire room and you wouldn´t be surprised if the entire school could hear the screaming door leader.

“Riddle, I´m sorry for not telling you but I just really didn´t think it was all that serious. You´re taking it too much to heart and acting like I´m only ever allowed to be with you! That´s not a very healthy thing to think and I´m sorry but I won´t apologize for what I did. I see no need to.” You decidedly had enough of this. You just hoped Riddle would calm down again if you left him for a while so you started turning your back on him, ready to leave.

“NO Y/N YOU`RE STAYING HERE!” Riddle´s grip on your wrist was painfully tight as he pulled you closer to him. You struggled to break free but he was surprisingly strong for someone so tiny when he wanted to.

“Y/n, I really don´t want to do this, but you leave me no choice. These troublemakers seem to have gotten to your head and made you think that you could just break the rules like this whenever you please. You don´t show any remorse but I´ll make you understand. You´ll soon come to realize that I´m only wanting what´s best for you.”

He raised his magic pen and held you firmly with his other hand so you couldn´t get away.

“Off with your head!”

The all too familiar words echoed in your head as you felt your throat squeeze up and for a moment you felt like you were running out of breath. Then the sensation stopped and as you hesitantly looked down, you saw the heart shaped collar around your neck.

“But I can´t use magi-“, you wanted to protest but Riddle promptly silenced you.

“I know but this is to serve as a reminder that rule breakers and liars will always get punished. Even my lovely darling”, he sighed again and gently ran his finger over the heart shaped collar he had just forced you to wear. Hah it was almost like he had just claimed you for himself! Everyone who would see you now would immediately recognize that it was his doing and he rejoiced at the mere thought of it.

“Things are going to change from now on until you understand. You will devote every single second of your day to me, just like I´ve always done for you. It´s important for both partners to put in the same amount of effort for a healthy and balanced relationship, isn´t that right?”

[captnjacksparrow]

SNS Dynamics - Sasuke's Perspective

Lengthy post ahead

On completing my rewatch of Naruto part I and part II, many things which never made sense started to make sense. One among them is the relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. I used to ask why Naruto is going so far for Sasuke. And why Sasuke is helping out Naruto even though he wants to kill him. And I used to think that Episode 478 was retconned to make the final battle ends in a draw and Sasuke somehow made to reconcile with the titular character. Yet, I instinctively felt, ‘Something is very different about them’. But on careful rewatch, all the clues which consolidate their relationship was there. The way they love each other is totally on a different level and the creator very carefully planned this from the beginning of the Manga.

Though I really don’t like the ending for making every characters into a child rearing machine at an age of 20 to make way for an abomination called ‘Boruto’, I still loved everything till Episode 479.

I wanted to discuss about both Naruto and Sasuke's perspective. But that cannot be accommodated in a single post. So, I decided to start with Sasuke. Since Naruto's side of SNS is very open and vocal, we clearly knew what is going on in his mind. But Sasuke's side is usually very subtle but much more intense than Naruto which makes it worth analyzing.

Before getting to that, for most of the characters in the Naruto universe (I mean 99%), Sasuke is a person who looks cool, aloof, rude, overbearing, blunt, genius and emotionless. And that’s the truth. Except for Itachi and Naruto. So when I say he is rude or arrogant, it is from the people’s POV.  And since I always see myself in Itachi, I see Sasuke as that adorable innocent child who is very honest but forgiving.

I strongly feel that Sasuke has some innocent enchantment towards Naruto ever since he lost his family which later transcended into a bond which cannot be put under Friendship or Bromance. Enchantment, here I meant by, is not in a sexual way but more like the unconscious need to be in the presence of other person. Like walking beside each other eternally. Or even warming up next to a campfire near a chilly beach. You don’t want to fall into the fire but just enjoy the warmth. It maybe totally a platonic love like many claims to be. But his absolute disinterest in any other characters (even just as a friend) and the following traits he shows only to Naruto are clearly not just distinctive of platonic love either. It’s completely beyond platonic.

The following are the traits which Sasuke shows only towards Naruto, could have been avoided or delegated to other characters if the creator really wanted to assert their relationship as just friendship. There are lot of subtexts and emotions which I cannot accept it under the guise of bromance or friendship. It’s just not possible. If someone you like shows all these traits to another person, you should stop thinking about that person and move on.

The traits are :

Preferential Treatment

Attentive

Protective

My body moved on its own

One and Only

Powerful Eyes

Unconscious Closeness

Preferential Treatment

This is the very basic and first thing you show to someone whom you love. Meaning, I will treat this person much different from everyone else. When I was exploring this trait, I couldn’t stop laughing in many places. Because Sasuke is such a trolling machine who mercilessly trolls people who are in his way. He also inspire certain amount of fear which makes him even more unapproachable.

He has this cold bearing where people find it extremely difficult to manage or approach him. It comes off as very rude most of the times. One such example is Sai told Sasuke that he will get along better with him than Naruto. Sasuke put a Genjutsu on him for comparing himself with Naruto. LOL.

What's more funny is most people (Sakura, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sai, Hinata) usually talk to him politely with honorifics like 'Sasuke-kun'. But he didn't give two shits about them and shitted them all mercilessly.

Here is the infamous proposal from Sakura in part 1.

Well she deserved this one to be honest. Throughout the entire conversation Sasuke never saw her face and responded very bluntly even though she was pouring her heart out crying. There was no visible distress or sadness from Sasuke’s side.

Whereas with Naruto, in the final Valley of The End, we saw him turning towards Naruto and answer him properly when Naruto asked the same question of what Sakura asked. There were so many emotions throughout the battle and Sasuke’s pain of leaving Naruto was clearly shown. Which explains the difference of where Sasuke keeps Naruto in his heart.

The following is the one from Chunin Exams prelims where Sakura is begging for him to quit with tears. The response is an usual 'Stay out of my business'.

Me: Sasuke!!!! Even I don't know how to approach you!!!! I understand you don't like to talk unnecessarily so you just shitted on Sai. But Sakura is your teammate, isn't it?

And then there is this little orange blonde who literally trolls Sasuke.

I really thot Sasuke was going to trash Naruto too, like he could have easily said, 'Naruto, you should also stay out of my business'.

But then

These words are something precious for Naruto. He wished for these words to come from Sasuke someday in his lifetime. But not at that time. And he was truly shocked and very excited. Believe me, when watching that scene, it was really great. But while making analysis like this, it’s absolutely hilarious.

This dynamics is similar to

Sakura: *cries unbearably* Sasuke-kun, I am worried about you. Don’t act so strong.

Sasuke: Shut up. Mind your own business.

Naruto: Bastard! She is worried about you.

Sasuke: Alright, I love you. Now shut up.

ROOOFFFFL :-D

I thought all these childhood bickers were over by part 1 and we will never see it in part 2.

Nope. I was wrong. Kakashi and Sakura were the scapegoats here.

Here's another round of applause from Naruto.

And I honestly cannot comprehend what was going on in Sasuke's mind and why he is really rude to Sakura and Kakashi. It seems he was really irritated by their presence or he maybe thinking they were useless or both.

When Naruto asks him something, he responds without any insults. What baffles me most is that during Infinite Tsukuyomi, Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto for his Revolution and awaiting his fated battle. And yet he answers him properly.

Can you see the pattern here?

He shits on people asking some question even with an utmost polite attitude but when Naruto asks the same question he was like "Alright Sweetie, Am gonna answer anything you want and say anything you like".

The following is the beginning of everything where Naruto can't even swear properly but still Sasuke couldn't even bother.

In short, the way he treats Naruto is quite different and hilarious when compared to the others. With his cold bearing, he absolutely has no need to put up with Naruto's outburst but he still accepts without a care every time. RIP to those souls who got the short end of the stick.

He must have an extreme tolerance towards Naruto's tirades to the point where he can never insult him back. And I also believe 100% that, nobody dares to make such frequent insults on Sasuke to his face except Naruto.

I know SK shippers jump in here to say Naruto is not the only one. But still the dynamics between Karin and Sasuke is simply a mirror image of Naruto and Sasuke, probably she reminded him of Naruto and hence made some exceptions for her because Sasuke never gives a damn about any other clan other than his own, but when Kabuto tells him Karin belongs to Uzumaki clan, he was shocked. I am pretty sure the only other Uzumaki member he knew is none other than Naruto.

Now, does this means he is in super love with Naruto? No.

But the way he treats every other characters and how he treats Naruto exclusively speaks volumes and this trope shouldn’t have existed in the first place. The creator should have made Sasuke treat both of his teammates equally which could’ve deflected the shipping angle. 

Attentive

Am not talking about how attentively he analyzes his enemies in the battles. Of course, in that department, Sasuke flies high. This is about how attentive he is to Naruto to the point where he can deduce what Naruto thinks and how Naruto looks without the need to communicate with him.

I know Sasuke suspected Sakura was acting strange before Chunin Exams when she said 'Good Morning' with some hesitation. But the difference here is that Sasuke can identify Naruto without even talking to him.

Funny thing here is that Sasuke was sitting somewhere far behind from Naruto and yet he could pick up Naruto getting freaked out without seeing his face.

Who could forget about the famous ‘Where’s real Naruto?’ episode during Chunin Exams?. It would’ve been fine if this happened once. But the creator went ahead and made this thing happen twice under entirely different situations. And everytime Sasuke can find fake Naruto without fail. This scene conveys Sasuke is very observant towards Naruto’s appearance & fighting skills (the way he evades an attack).

Now, being attentive to someone is not a special thing which attributes to love. But considering Sasuke’s personality who is aloof and focused on his own world, knowing Naruto like the back of his hand  is way too descriptive. Only someone who really understands the other person or constantly paying attention can find out such subtle changes. It doesn’t end here.

This is the battle between Gaara and Naruto. Where Naruto was literally confused about how to save his friends from Gaara who is much more powerful. And yet Sasuke can find Naruto’s mood just by seeing him.

Me: Yes, Sasuke!!! Gaara happened to pass by Naruto and forgot to kill him on a whim!!! So, Naruto is scared to the shit!!

Also Me: You guys always bicker with each other and are not best of friends. Sasuke!!! How could you analyze his mood just by looking at Naruto????

In Shippuden, There’s no inner monologue like the above, but whenever Naruto appears before him (Orochimaru’s hideout, Bridge, War arc), Sasuke gives his undivided attention to him. He even went so far as to advice him to pay attention to the battle. And I was like “Wait!!! you wanted to kill him... why pay attention to him at all? Geez”.

As much as you want to think that Sasuke doesn’t care about anyone, he does care about Naruto to the point where he doesn’t want him to be worried. How thoughtful just for a ‘teammate’.

How did Sasuke knew that Naruto would worry about him?, I wonder.

But all these things started from this

This boy has been noticing Naruto from way back when he was around 7 when he lost his family. Of course he would know every little things about Naruto because for some undefinable reason he couldn’t stop paying his attention to Naruto. A lineup of girls vying for his attention because of his cool appearance, whereas Sasuke simply loved Naruto without any reservations but because of his childish and warm personality which reminded him of his family.

‘I couldn’t stop paying attention to you’  and in some translations the words were ‘I couldn’t take my eyes off you’. Either way, these words are not for someone you see just as a friend let alone a brother.

Protectiveness

I can go on and on about how protective Sasuke is towards Naruto. I can write a separate post about it. This is the most important aspects of this ship which makes it sail higher than any other ships.

Of course, this is the Ninja world where people wants to protect each other and at the same time kill each other too. Sasuke protecting Naruto and Naruto protecting Sasuke is not too special. In fact, one of the weak and pathetic character like Sakura was saved once in every three episodes by Naruto or Kakashi or even by Sasuke sometimes.

And yet here I am mentioning protectiveness as the most important aspect of this ship. So what differentiates?

The way Sasuke protects Naruto is one of the intense thing I’ve ever seen. When I watch this series, I gained this immense ability to put myself in other characters mind just like Naruto. When I put myself in Sasuke’s mind whenever he tried to protect Naruto under different conditions, I simply cannot put their relationship under Friendship.

Here, Naruto is fighting Gaara in part 1 and Naruto was repelled by his own attack from the paper bomb. Sasuke being already battered by his curse mark bruise and he couldn’t move an inch. And yet he is shielding Naruto even though it is completely unnecessary because Naruto bumping into a tree log is completely normal. The creator even went under a lot of pain to draw that panel which took 40% of the page.

Now you may question, many characters even died protecting someone. What’s so special with just shielding?

Like Hinata jumping in for suicide before Pain, Iruka blocking Mizuki’s attack, Tsunade blocking Orochimaru, Neji dying as a ‘Love Cupid’ for hinata and Naruto.... I can cite many things here. What’s common among them all is that they were all perfectly capable of moving around and yet decided to save Naruto.

But that’s not the only point. 

Is there any need for him to save Naruto? No.

Will Naruto die if he didn’t shield him? No.

Then why? He could have spent that energy trying to do something for Sakura rather than do a pointless shielding. 

And then there is Kushina.

Naruto’s mom was already on the verge of dying as she had Kurama extracted from her body and Jinchuriki without a Tailed Beast will die. Because of Uzumaki clan’s strong life force, she could hold off for a bit longer. When kurama attacked Naruto, she shielded him with her body and saved her son from an imminent death.

Even though Sasuke didn’t die shielding him, but there is a semblance.

Both protected Naruto even when their body condition is worse. That is, Protect at all cost attitude.

I intended to put Land of the Waves arc here as it is very similar to what happens with Kushina. But that’s for an upcoming section.

Now, as a Mother her instinct to protect Naruto is very strong.

But who is Naruto for Sasuke? What makes his instinct so strong to protect someone who is not even related by his blood? Until and unless you love that person dearly you won’t do it.

That brings me to the next thing.

Yeah, it kind of looks ‘very friendly’ to give a 3 layered protection to someone who is already powered up like you and most importantly you want to kill him.(Can I say that looks really romantic?). Anyways my point is different.

What really happens here is this

It is a well established fact that Minato, the Yellow Flash is the fastest shinobi in Narutoverse. It wasn’t surpassed yet. He uses the Hiraishin No Jutsu to teleport at the speed of light. It was invented by none other than Tobirama Senju who is the fastest shinobi of his time.

We basically have two fastest shinobi in the battlefield here. And Minato being the fastest among them, definitely don’t want to blow up near his son for whom he died protecting him once. He wanted to teleport somewhere away and before he could do it, Tobirama teleported the bomb back to Obito.

What many fails to notice here is that all these things are happening in mere seconds. But Sasuke realized it real quick as usual and protects Naruto in an instant. How fast his instinct you may ask? Quicker than the two fastest shinobi on the battlefield and one among them is Naruto’s dad.

What I want to say is Sasuke’s protective instinct is quicker than Naruto’s father and similar to Naruto’s mother.

And you know, I questioned myself during the Chunin Exams arc “I think in the Zabuza arc, Naruto conveniently happened to be near Sasuke, So he protected him at the cost of his life. What if Sakura happens to be there? Would he have done the same? Maybe he would’ve died protecting her too.”

But all of my questions were thrown into drain by Sasuke as if he was able to read my mind. The answer is “Hell! I don’t care if she died. That’s her loss. I will not die for her sake.”

This is really confusing, hilarious and romantic at the same time.

Me: Sasuke!!! I understand why you want to save Jugo... Even though you abandoned him in the Land of Iron. LOL. What are you going to do with Naruto anyway when the whole world is blasted off?

He proved this again in the Kaguya’s Lava dimension too. Before you tell me that he saved Naruto because he needs him to seal off Kaguya, the previous scenario nullifies your argument.

And SS wankers shamelessly defending that Sasuke don’t want Sakura to die by Kaguya’s hands, that’s why he left her to die. Geez!!! Who the hell is Sakura to Kaguya anyway? Even if she were to die by Kaguya’s hands, it would almost look like how Obito died. It’s not bad at all. But falling into the lava pit, burning, screaming.... sssshhhh. Wake the f**k up!!!

Now how can you convince me that this is just Friendship? What’s more funny is Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto later at some point. Throughout the War Arc I was always confused as to why Sasuke even care about Naruto at all? He didn’t care about him ever since he left him 3 or 4 years ago and he doesn’t have to. After all everyone have their own paths to walk on.

Even if I put myself in Sasuke’s mind and see Naruto just as a friend whom I want to kill, I wouldn’t go under so much pain to save him. I would feel like it’s better for him to die by something else rather than me. Because I can’t bring myself to kill someone I know well.

These scenes are not just put there by chance.

Such a strong reflex to protect someone is only possible when you consider that person’s life more than yours.

Does any other ship has such things to show? I’ll wait.

Yeah Sasuke protected Sakura from Orochimaru and Gaara. But he also went so far to wait for Karin and awakened a new power to protect her. So does this means he love those girls?? No. He was just showing a team camaraderie. But it’s funny that later, he tried to kill those girls knowing full well they are unprepared to fight him. While with Naruto, it always comes with a warning. Try to understand this difference. Which is exactly why I didn’t put Sasuke saving Naruto during his Chakra training, or falling from the waterfall and many more. Because they are just a team camaraderie.

I don’t even have to compare with other ships, did Sasuke ever protected anyone like this in the whole series?. These are the things which could’ve been avoided or handled in a different way, like there was no need to emphasize on saving Naruto alone while ignoring others.

My body moved on its own

I don’t need to explain this any deeper. There are many people who says Sasuke is incapable of showing his true feelings. He is cold, rude, aloof and stoic so he always hides his feelings for everyone (mostly this line was used by Sakura wankers who wanted to portray that Sasuke always loved Sakura deeply but never shows). But they fail to understand the irony that one of the most beautiful line in this entire series was told by none other than ‘Sasuke Uchiha’, “My body moved on its own”.

Yet I find Sasuke shows his honest and heartful emotions before the people he loves. If he can show that to Itachi and Naruto, why not with Sakura?

I know those wankers try to say Sasuke repressed all his feelings until Chapter 698, so he has some romantic feelings for Sakura too. Bullshit!!!

Even though he repressed those feelings in his mind, his body always betrays him in the end and his feelings pours out from time to time. That is what this section explores about.

Man, this is the most painful GIF I have ever made.

In his battle with Itachi, he was completely consumed by the feeling of revenge and hatred for his brother. But when Itachi approached him in his final moments with an intention (seemingly) to snatch his eyes, he still couldn't push Itachi away though he could have. Sasuke just looked into his eyes and let him do whatever he was about to do.

Why?, Because he loved his brother so much once that he don't know what to do but simply embrace that moment. These are the moments your mind says to close your eyes or even run away (he totally could have) but his body will not allow him to.

This is what I meant by your body betrays yourself. Even in your darkest moments, you cannot fake. You always show your true emotions towards the person you love. The more you suppress, the more it will burst out.

Here Sasuke’s hatred is glaring through his eyes because Sakura is persuading him to not do something he wants to (as always). His only motivation is to kill that man. His resolve is a real deal.

But in a matter of minutes after giving that long hateful speech with some heavy determination, when he saw that hungry blonde boy who was tied up for trying to steal food, Sasuke just acted on his own and served him food even though he was told not to which could jeopardize his career.

This bipolar dance is something to notice throughout the series and is always interesting to explore. When Sakura tries to dissuade Sasuke from something, he always retorts to insults or an angry stare. But when Naruto accidentally stands in Sasuke’s way, he always involuntarily helps him out.

In short, towards Sakura he was like “Even you cannot take that path away from me” but when turning towards Naruto, he was like “Well, I can risk everything for you at the cost of my path”.

This seals the real deal for SNS ship.

At this point, for us viewers, Naruto is just an orphan who has no friends but always carries his life with a positive spirit hoping that someday he will be accepted by everyone.

Unbeknownst the fact that he already has one person who was willing to die for him and putting all his dreams into fire.

Important thing to notice, It’s entirely at Naruto’s fault for them being in this situation. If Naruto had used a bit of brain to attack from outside the mirror, they wouldn’t have been in this situation. But still Sasuke plunged into the trap without any regrets. That’s the beauty of this scene.

What’s more thrilling is that the creator told us Sasuke loved Naruto in the very next chapter itself. 

How?

By making Haku jump before Zabuza knowing full well that he is going to die which is not very different from how Sasuke shielded Naruto.

And not only that, but by making Naruto say “He really loved you”. I got to say the creator may sucks at writing Sakura and Hinata for God only knows for whatever twisted reasons. But when it comes to male characters like Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Obito... he was just amazing and on another level.

How?

By indirectly drawing parallels between Sasuke and Haku in a matter of successive chapters.

By dropping indirect hints and crumbs like these to tell us, the audience, the motivations of the characters.

I always had the thought why did he risked his life for a boy who always fights with him? This became more emotional when we get to know the real reason for why Sasuke risked his life much later in chapter 698.

Having faced all the turbulent things in his life, somehow seeing Naruto doing all those childish stuffs made him feel relieved. That warmth was what he needed at that time. He wanted to escape from it but couldn’t. That’s why he embraced his warmth unknowingly in his Team 7 days by constantly reaching out to him starting from asking tips, concerned about having breakfast and training with him to climb the tree.

Sasuke even come to like Naruto more than himself and that’s why he was willing to die for him.

This feeling is definitely not a bromance or friendship. It’s an innocent enchantment you hope to last forever. Which again explains why he tolerated Naruto’s insults and hostility all those times. Because Sasuke knew those childish things were the ones he got attracted to him ever since his childhood. Rather than saying tolerated, I should use the term enjoyed. He really enjoyed those moments being bugged by Naruto for no reason.

Because just like Itachi said to Sasuke once, ‘If you are excellent you become alienated and arrogant even though you were sought after at the beginning’ . But Naruto pestering him means he is very curious about Sasuke which no one else tried. He was adored by those girls for his coolness and revered by those boys for his excellence but nobody really tried to befriend him. But Naruto tried to befriend him through Rivalry. That’s why Sasuke unconsciously started to like him. This also explains why he roasted Sakura for badmouthing him even though Naruto attacked him and tied him up earlier.

If Sasuke can show all these feelings even though he was trying to suppress it towards Naruto and Itachi, Why can’t he show a single normal feeling towards Sakura??? Because there isn’t one. Except for an old Team 7 camaraderie where he saw her as an acquaintance and nothing more.

Many NH shippers claims, but Hinata loved her ‘Naruto-Kun’. She jumped in front of Naruto to save him from Pain, when in reality she just acted selfishly and couldn’t pull out the Chakra rods. Meaning she failed whatever she was about to do.

Another interesting thing to cite for NH shippers, they claim for Naruto, Hinata is the most important person his life. Since when? With that shitty movie called ‘The Last’ with shitty retconned stuff? In all the 699 chapters he always claimed Iruka Sensei and Sasuke were the important people in his life. And you know what? For Hinata to like Naruto, he has to jump in to save her from the bullies. But for Sasuke he just saved Naruto without any validation. He saw Naruto and liked his presence and just did it. 

When you could accept that failed attempt as a love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto when in fact he succeeded in saving him and that too unconditionally?

This is one of the tropes which should have been avoided if the creator wanted Sasuke and Naruto to be just friends.

One and Only

This is something very special that is offered to that one person in his life. That is Naruto. Even Itachi knew it. That is the Power to influence Sasuke’s heart. This is the fact even Sasuke himself knew it and that’s why he wanted to kill him.

Now don’t compare this with the manipulation shit which Orochimaru and Obito were doing. It’s not that. Many Sasuke fanatics always blame Naruto that he is also manipulating Sasuke just like everyone. That’s totally wrong.

Manipulation is something you do by talking about some twisted facts and make the other person to do what you want to.

Naruto never did that. Ever. Whenever Naruto and Sasuke meet, they always talk about themselves and how they feel. Not the world, not Team 7 or anything. Which is exactly why Sasuke himself willingly left that space in his heart for Naruto when he left him in the Valley of the End which he badly wanted to destroy. Sasuke, of all people, know Naruto is also very honest.

Sasuke lost all his rationality when he went into darkness by stabbing Karin who was helping him in his battle with Danzo. She even replenished his chakra many times. He not only just stabbed her, after when he found her still alive, he decided to finish her off with his Chidori.

And then the pink haired bitch appears before him and started to concoct lies with malicious intent to kill him. This provoked Sasuke more and more to reach this point.

Believe me, when you are lost in darkness, all you need is a small light which can show you a path. Someone who can extend helping hands to lift you up with honesty.

Sakura, being a crass woman, riled up Sasuke further with full of nonsense.

If you want to picture the darkness,

This is exactly how Sasuke feels. He is in so much pain and don’t know how to face it or deal with it. So he started to destroy everything he sees. For him Karin, Sakura, Kakashi are all just some pebbles in his way and want to trample them as he goes. His entire life has become farce after knowing his beloved brother’s real pain and miseries. Now he has no one left from his family.

Until Naruto appears.

He may not be his family, but he is the only person left for him in this world. Which is established in many Naruto endings and even Sasuke himself accepts this with Sage of Six Paths. 

But my Cherry Blossom queen really loved Sasuke, she only wanted the good of him. My question is ‘Then why the fuck she tried to kill him? She looked at Sasuke and find that he changed. She didn’t even bothered to find out what’s going on from his side.’ Then how is this considered as wanting only good for him? 

Surprisingly Sasuke calmed down a bit, the moment Naruto appears and even started to respond to him which he didn’t before with Kakashi and Sakura. Deep down Sasuke himself knew in his heart that the path he is going through is Self-destructive. Just like Kurama tells Naruto ‘Destroy everything you see’ in the Pain arc when he sprouted upto Eighth Tail, Sasuke’s traumatic mind tells him to ‘Destroy Konoha’.

All he needed was someone to extend an helping hand to tell him what to do without any malice. Naruto did that. Just like what Minato did for Naruto in Pain arc.

After clashing Rasengan with Chidori ,they meet inside the White bubble space and Naruto talks to Sasuke which evoked all his past memories which he never wanted to awaken.

That’s why Sasuke was visibly shaken with Naruto’s words. Because those were the words which mirrors exactly how Sasuke feels too. He was surprised and shocked that Naruto also felt the same way without him ever openly confessing those feelings.

When everyone tried to kill him for his monstrosity, Naruto is the only person standing there seeing him as his friend. Just like how Iruka saw Naruto way back in 1st chapter.

Believe me, even at the depth of darkness, when you see the person you love so much, you will stop and rationalize.

That is exactly why Itachi left Sasuke in Naruto’s hands. He even admitted to Sasuke that his words will not reach him no matter what.

Sasuke may not have abandoned his ambitions at that point. But Naruto gave him a clear path. That is ‘Show all your hatred on me’ and then do whatever you want.

I know SS shippers will claim that back hug from Sakura changed his murderous behaviour during the Chunin Exams. Yes. That’s true. But right after that, when Sasuke was fighting Yoroi in a one-on-one combat, his Cursed Seal flares up again. He retracted that seal out of his sheer will and thought about both Sakura and Naruto who was freaking out without even knowing about the seal. So, it’s not only a Sakura exclusive moment. The creator even went ahead and drawn a panel asking Sakura to not say anything about the Curse Mark to Naruto. Why do that?

As far as I understand, Sasuke saw Naruto and felt the warmth of his family. He singled that out in chapter 698. When Naruto was placed in the same team as him, he started to extend his good side to his other team members as well. But the moment he decided to leave the village, he severed the ties with Sakura (was there ever one apart from considering her as a teammate?) by saying Thank You. Meaning, you helped me many times so thanks for all of that. What’s more pitiful is, he didn’t even look at her face for the entire conversation except for saying ‘You are really annoying’. There is nowhere in the manga where Sasuke singled out Sakura for making him feel anything and did something for her exclusively. It’s all in the context of Team 7.

If Sakura is the most important person in Sasuke’s life, he should have stopped the rampage the moment he saw her but instead he got riled up more and more. Which explains where Sasuke kept her in his heart. Literally nowhere. He threw her into the trash. LOL.

If Hulk can calm down after seeing Betty Ross and you call that love, why not accept Sasuke loves Naruto??

Powerful Eyes

You know, Even in real life, Our eyes always reflects our true feelings, just like how your body betrays your mind , your eyes even betray your body.

Just like how Itachi could never fake his evil brother act in his final moments.

Just like how Sasuke couldn’t turn away from Itachi when he was approaching him to seemingly snatch his eyes.

Uchiha boys being a romantic bunch, always expose their awakening/ reawakening/ evolving their Sharingan in a most distressed situation. Just like Madara and Sasuke exposed their brimming eyes for Hashirama and Naruto. But in this department, Madara is wildly romantic as always. LOL. Despite losing 3 brothers, he awakened his Sharingan only when he was breaking up with his ‘friend’. And Sasuke, he reawakened / evolved Sharingan when trying to save / breaking up with his ‘friend’. Such a Biological defect!!!!

Poor Sakura pathetically fails in this department.

Anyways this part is not about Sharingan anyway. It’s about how such a powerful eyes becomes powerless before those Blue Eyes.

Eye Symbolism is something I really enjoy exploring in this ship.

Like I mentioned earlier, Sasuke has never shown his emotions atleast starting from Part II. He usually never shows any positive emotions like happiness, laughing, pouting, love, excitement (although he has shown all these towards Itachi and Naruto) and is known for negative emotions like anger, annoyance, hatred.

Look at how Sasuke is glaring with hatred for her insensitive words. She deserved this to be honest.

Now, is there any need to show your fury towards Kabuto?

Since the beginning of the Shippuden, some facts have been established strongly:

1. Sasuke has changed by leaps and bounds in terms of his attitude and hatred.

2. Sharingan is pretty dangerous. Many characters including kurama acknowledges it. Sasuke is very adept at using his Sharingan.

Orochimaru maybe right. But he doesn’t know the weakness. LOL

His hatred has reached to a point where he couldn’t think anything rationally and started to kill everyone, just like how Naruto kicked Sakura in his 4 Tailed Kyuubi Mode engulfed with the hatred of Kurama. Meaning, to reach his goal, Sasuke will kill anyone in his path without any hesitation. This shot is the representation of this.

And yet when he saw those particular Blue eyes, he stops his rampage immediately and visibly shocked even.  That’s the look of ‘why is that blue eyes here?’

You have every right to accuse me that I am over exaggerating this scene. I am not. Even I wanted to think that way too that I am deluding myself. The creator has only consolidated my view pretty strongly.

There’s no need to emphasize on eyes at all. The anime team has went under so much pain to animate this scene in a satisfying and compelling way.

What’s more? The creator even went under further extent to draw a whole page in the manga focusing on their eye contact after the Rasengan vs Chidori clash. Meaning, Sasuke has calmed down visibly and became very easy to reason with.

Trust me, even in your darker / vulnerable moments, your eyes will reflect your true feelings to the person you love. You cannot be stubborn. 

Now did it stop here?? Nope, it happened again in the Final Valley of the End battle too.

Sasuke is usually confident of his Sharingan (rightfully so) and likes to flaunt his eyes just like Madara. He was very sure that he was going to win.

While Sasuke had a clear resolve to kill Naruto when he was showing his back, but the moment he comes close with those Blue Eyes, his heart even pounded strongly (in the anime), and lost the resolve completely which made his Sharingan retract itself unconsciously. Meaning, his eyes betrayed him.

It’s funny that not even a minute ago he was very proud of his Visual Prowess as an Uchiha and his victory is inevitable but the moment he saw those Blue eyes, he just lost. You think I am again exaggerating?. Nope!!!

Oh Dear!!! This doesn’t get more romantic than this. An inescapable gaze from those blue eyes he loved all along.

Sasuke!! What happened to your proud Uchiha eyes?. You just stole Chakra from Naruto, isn’t it? Hints like these are really heartwarming, to be honest.

My entire point is, every character from every arc hypes up Sharingan starting from Zabuza, Haku, Rock Lee, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Kurama and many more, but why put a weakness for Naruto’s eyes? 

What I really loved exploring is the way Sasuke totally expressed everything through his eyes in Episode 478.

Sasuke shows his vulnerability towards Naruto with just his eyes. These are not something you show to everyone. Even when Itachi departed finally after releasing Edo Tensei, Sasuke looked sad, shocked and pained but didn’t cry. He accepted the reality of it. The last time when we saw him crying, it was after knowing the truth of Itachi, facing towards the beach and was weeping unbearably because there was no one else for him in this world. But this time, he is next to the person whom he feels truly loved and he doesn’t mind showing it with his eyes.

Well, on multiple rewatches, the clues for their love was already dropped in the 1st Valley of the End fight itself. Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by balling his chidori fist rather than ramming through his chest. So the feelings inside the bubble are their honest emotions like always.

The pain on the verge of their separation inside the white bubble is clearly evident from their eyes even in their monstrous form. Even in the manga it was mentioned that ‘I can’t turn my back  Vs  I am not letting you go’

But what they really wanted to be from their childhood was this.

Look at Sasuke, how entranced he was on looking at that innocent boy. Now put yourself at Sasuke’s mind. Will you ever look at your friend like that??? Now, they are probably just 7 here, am not romanticizing. But Sasuke looks enthralled innocently.

But somehow, their paths separated them for who knows how long. But the pain in both their eyes is unbearable. Even the databook, mentioned that separating from Naruto is like ripping half of his body. Well, this proves it.

Now, if they really wanted to portray this as friendship, they never should have given Eye symbolism at all. They should have gone with ‘I was always jealous of you’ thing, like they portrayed in that filler episode 450.I would’ve gladly accepted it as friendship. Because that’s how friends behave when they are jealous and I wasn’t feeling any romance at all. There’s no need of that lengthy monologue on how he was always looking at Naruto and felt pain.

I am telling you, I won’t be looking at my friend like this. 

Unconscious closeness

Remember, I’ve written in the beginning of the post that Sasuke enjoys the warmth from Naruto. Meaning, he likes that person’s presence unconsciously and want to be near him. Sasuke proved this many times.

This is the most intense and confusing section I have to dissect for this post. But it’s the most entertaining nonetheless, atleast for me.

Starting from the Land of the Waves arc, here Sasuke is speed walking to match up with Naruto.

Initially I thought, he is trying to be competitive. But instead of walking ahead of Naruto to show who is faster, he just walks beside him. I find this really hilarious and adorable. This just shows Sasuke likes Naruto’s presence so much so that he wants to walk beside him.

Now many SS shippers tries to make this scene for themselves, when it is clearly not.

If you notice Sasuke in the Bell Training, he compares his strength difference with Kakashi and determines to get stronger. Same with Might Guy, he compares Might Guy’s speed with his own Sensei. Meaning, he respects people with strength. Naturally, he should’ve asked her and Sakura would have given him tips wholeheartedly. Because she really succeeded in that training.

Why bother to ask a deadlast?

The only reason I could find is that he wants to befriend him in his own stubborn way. But Poor Soul!!! He didn’t get the tips anyway. LOL. But despite getting the short end of the stick, he never hold it against him. Just like he never held anything against Naruto when he tied him up in Episode 3. All he did was just flaunt how he escaped.

Pretty cool for a 12 year old kid. Because If I were Sasuke, I would hold it for sure.

Once again Sasuke proves how he can care Naruto in his own adorable way.

He could’ve said ‘I am going to train too” if he really intended to train. There is no need to say ‘Going for a Walk’ and ask Naruto about breakfast. This explains that Sasuke simply missed the boy’s prolonged absence and reached out to him in his own cute way.

Now all these doesn’t mean he was in love with him. It’s just a childish attraction which makes him act like that involuntarily.

I just added this GIF to compare with the next scene.

Now Shikamaru falling on Naruto in an unconventional way doesn’t look anywhere romantic. Instead it’s the opposite. They are pretty friendly here.

But Sasuke’s approach to Naruto does looks undeniably sensual and I couldn’t deny the sexual tension that brings with it. (Even when I watched it for the first time having no idea of shipping anyone, I lowkey got creeped and thought, ‘Sasuke!! What have you become? ’)

This scene is something even I can’t dissect. Because honestly I don’t know. Sasuke is a person who never appreciates physical touches nor does he initiates either.

I get this crazy femme fatale vibe when seeing Sasuke with his sexy costume landing at a speed of lightning with his hands wrapped around Naruto and taunting near his ear about what was he doing there? The only reason I could think of is that maybe he missed him for 3 years which made him go unconsciously so close near Naruto. It’s also funny that he could’ve shoved his sword into Naruto’s heart before landing and no one could’ve batted an eyelid.

Damn you, Kishimoto!!! Is this scene absolutely necessary??? What are you trying to convey? Why do you give Sasuke, a sexualized aura?? I understand you love this character so much and you want this character to be desirable among women. Yeah, you succeeded by making Karin behave like a woman in heat, the moment they met. But instead of letting her get close to him, you made Sasuke to say ‘You... Don’t get so close’ whereas with Naruto, you made Sasuke to go willingly touch him in a half hugging stance. Geez!!!

Here comes the most interesting part in this section.

It may seem irrelevant at the beginning but trust me, it will make sense later.

Before that, I would like to appreciate the creator and especially the anime team to bring the battle sequence so lively and different in its own way. If you notice the purpose of every battle that happened in Naruto series, each carries it own meaning and deliberately distinguished. How you ask?

The fight between Deidara vs Sasuke.

Logically Deidara should be dead in the Gaara retrieval arc itself. There is no point for him to chase Sasuke who killed Orochimaru to whom Deidara had nothing to do with. It didn’t impact the story in any way. But the purpose of that battle is to show how far Sasuke has grown up in those 3 years. The way he can use his Sharingan to analyze his enemies abilities and weakness so quickly and take multiple steps ahead, the way he can use Genjutsu and other incredible jutsus in his arsenal were a visual treat.

Now, let’s analyze Sasuke’s arsenal of Jutsus. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, a decent Genjutsu, Chidori Senbon (needles), Raikiri (Chidori sword which ranges to 5 metres), Chidori Nagash (Chidori from his whole body), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu Shuriken Jutsu with wire works, Kirin, Gokakyu No jutsu, Sword fighting, basic Hand-to-Hand fighting (I’ve never seen him do it ever since the Chunin Exams with Orochimaru), Archery fighting, Susanoo, Amaterasu and all the Rinnegan abilities.

Based on the jutsus he learned so far and how he applies in every battle, it all confirms two things:

Sasuke is a Medium-Long Range Shinobi

Sasuke’s battles are usually based on his Cleverness

Let’s go for Naruto. He can do Teleportation Jutsu, Sexy Jutsu, Harem no jutsu, Rasengan, Rasen Shuriken, Oodama Rasengan, Biju Dama, Tailed Beast Mode, Kage Bunshin No jutsu, Sage mode jutsu, Frog Kumite, Better Hand-to-Hand combat skills (better than Sasuke), Transformation Jutsu, Substitution Jutsu and all his Six path abilities.

Compared to Sasuke, Naruto’s jutsu variety is very less. But for every 4 punches from Sasuke equals 1 powerful punch from Naruto. Analyzing all of them,

Naruto is a Close-Range Shinobi except for his Rasen Shuriken

Naruto’s battles are usually based on his Jutsu Timing and Unpredictability

Now, Let’s rewind back to 3 years and look at the 1st Valley of the End battle. That battle was cleverly choreographed which carried very intense emotional baggage. Things we never knew about those boys until then were openly admitted and acknowledged. That is, for Sasuke, Naruto became his closest friend. For Naruto, he always wanted to be Sasuke’s friend way back when he was 6 or 7. For both, they already have some unexplainable bond by just looking at each other and smiling secretly.

The theme of that battle started as Am going on my own path vs I can’t allow you to tread on that dangerous path and ended up with I want to break our bond vs I don’t want to.

Now, this posture represents, Naruto is the one who pursues Sasuke to stop him from whatever he was about to do. Meaning, Naruto is the one who is constantly reaching out and Sasuke as usual kicks him out violently, that is he is pushing him away. That’s the essence of the whole battle.

Considering all the battles in the Naruto universe, I categorize them as follows:

Best Calculated (and emotional) battle - Itachi vs Sasuke

Best Hand-to-Hand combat - Kakashi vs Obito (what a fight it was!!!)

Best Mega Powered Up battle - Hashirama vs Madara

Best Emotional battle - Naruto vs Sasuke (1st valley of the end)

Best Unpredictable/Entertaining battle - Naruto vs Pain

Despite having all the potential to fulfill the above categories, The Final Valley of the End Battle never bested in any of them.

As analyzed before, the boys have grown up to greater heights. I expected a battle between Cleverness of Sasuke Vs Unpredictability of Naruto

But what I observed was something so intense. That is Unintentional closeness.

This battle symbolizes one thing: I am going to kill you to get lonely vs I won’t let you kill me because you will be alone.

Being a long range fighter, I expected Sasuke to go for this.

If you have to kill someone you love, it is best to keep your distance. Sasuke knows this full well when he battled with Itachi. Except for some Sword fighting, he maintained a certain distance to fight Itachi throughout, until the very end.

But when fighting Naruto, all I got was this.

That’s when I finally understood that this posture means, the fight is very personal. Which means, Sasuke or Naruto won’t be fighting by sitting on top of each other with their enemies or anyone else. That’s just between them alone.  

There was no analysis or cleverness from Sasuke’s side or any Unpredictability from Naruto. It was very bland and Sasuke looked clueless throughout the fight.

It started with some boxing style combat, including stealing hand seals and then some power punches. Very quickly it propels to Susanoo vs Tailed Beast mode. I expected some Hashirama vs Madara level power battle.

But all we saw there was this.

I mean, Come on!!! Man. Even the most Crazy and openly Romantic Uchiha, Madara himself never fought like this in Susanoo with Hashirama (Though Madara must be thinking ‘Damn Hashirama! I should’ve tried this with you’. LOL). Those mega battles carried variety of tactics.

Another thing I noticed was, Sasuke is the one who does lots of talking and constantly pursuing Naruto. Whereas Naruto is uncharacteristically quiet for the most part. 

And finally it leads to this.

Sasuke was unconsciously getting closer and closer to Naruto which is the opposite of what he wants to do. Because of that very closeness, he couldn’t look at his eyes with his Sharingan and eventually got an uppercut. It’s like Sasuke was screaming, ‘Hate me’ and Naruto was like ‘Keep talking’.

Every jutsu he had for attacking from a long-range were forgotten. He didn’t even try to put Naruto under Genjutsu. I mean with his Rinnegan, he was capable of putting all the 9 Tailed Beasts into a powerful Genjutsu. Why didn’t he try that with Naruto? There was no Chidori Stream or Lightning Blade.

I can imagine Naruto doing close range fights with someone or even sitting on top of the enemy. Example, part I, Naruto head bumped Gaara. He was literally fighting with his Shadow Clones against a Monster so he had to get closer. Naruto monstrously punching Deidara not knowing the fact that it was a clay clone.

But Sasuke??? Can you imagine Sasuke sitting on top of the enemy and punching to pulp??? No way. Not a chance.!!!

In one way or other way, Sasuke was always in the close proximity with Naruto throughout the battle and touching each other which is totally uncharacteristic of him when compared to his other battles.

Every battle he ever fought was always at a distance which is the clear representation of his own character. He is calculative, analytical, precise and moves fluidly with a flair like a true Ninja unlike Naruto who is always reckless, noisy, powerful and clumsy. 

Sasuke is someone who never lets his emotions get ahead in the battle, unlike Naruto. This is evident from the War when he was yelling at Naruto to stop worrying about Hokage as they were Edo Tensei who can regenerate. Even when fighting with Itachi, he calculated every move and attacked Itachi without any emotions except at the very end. Sasuke in this final battle forgot who he was and telling us viewers “Am just gonna get closer to Naruto and punch him hard”.

In short, Sasuke completely forgot all his battle tactics he had with Itachi and let his emotions get ahead of his cleverness and got himself closer to Naruto which eventually ended up weakening his resolve to kill him. This is what I meant by Unintentional Closeness.

Anyways, what I understood was, the creator didn’t put all this by without any meaning. It’s all very deliberate and drawn carefully.

Moving onto the final and the most defining moments of SNS.

When I watched this scene for the first time, I can’t comprehend the exact meaning. And I forgot about this later because of my excitement to know what happens next. But what I understood on my rewatch is that, the feelings exchanged here is very pure and innocent but distressing.

Sasuke already lost his resolve to kill by not ramming Naruto with Chidori instead balled up his fist. So he is not contemplating whether or not to kill Naruto.

Sasuke made every effort to leave Naruto and succeeded in it too. But somehow, accidentally, when faced with a person whom he considers so precious in such a close proximity, despite have a stinging pain in his arm, he is feeling the warmth he once felt. He just wants that warmth to prolong for some more time and he can’t able to evade it. So he totally gave in to that desire and feeling it unconsciously. Sasuke always watched Naruto (unbeknownst to him) and felt warmth, relief and weakness. This scene is the symbolic and innocent representation of all those feelings when he saw Naruto and he is exeriencing it for the final time. 

Does this means, does Sasuke wants to kiss him? No.

But every symbolism of that being happening is there. It’s just all open to interpretations. The creator could show us how Sasuke fell on his knees and staring at Naruto intently but never intended to show when he got up and left. I don’t understand this twisted mind of the creator.

Added to that, Sasuke was about to say ‘Naruto, I....’ God only knows what he was about to say. But every possibility of Sasuke confessing and kissing is there.

I know the creator cannot approach this directly considering the situations he worked under. But is there any necessity for such an intense scene? Even the anime creators loved this scene and made their own version of making Naruto’s eyes wide open and even more closer.

I wont be watching my friend or sister like that. 

That explains all the way back to this fated accidental scene.

There is nothing special about this scene. It’s all very clear that the kiss was accidental. It was really funny. But my point is why Sasuke never beat him to pulp or even push Naruto away like he did with Sakura and Karin? Why did he stood up for Naruto before Sakura? Why did he let go off Naruto even though he tied him up? Too many leeway for a single person in a single episode. And the most important part is, Sasuke thought it was intentional and remembers the taste. LOL.

Does this means he enjoyed the kiss? Not at all.

Most probably he was shocked to see Naruto in such a close proximity after seeing him from a distance for all those years. And he enjoys this as just another prank from Naruto in his own innocent way. But he won’t mind getting another one from Naruto either.

So, to conclude

I believe I made this post from an objective standpoint without making crazy theories and I don’t have to..... since canonical resources were plenty. Obviously my own bias will also be there which is unavoidable. But I tried to question the creative choices of why this scene even exist in the first place many times. Because those are the scenes which made the most impact inside me.

My first watch of Naruto gave me the benefit of doubt that ‘Are they in love? Nah... They are friends. Maybe I am just overthinking...  but why does it feel different??’ and that too only after finishing episode 478. After rewatching it again and again, it only consolidated my view.

For Sasuke, his worldly ties are pretty thin and runny. He was always a loner from the beginning even when he had his family. He never bothered to make any friends nor did anyone tried to befriend him. He was pretty close to his family especially Itachi. When he lost everything, somehow he got attracted innocently to Naruto and started to like him. But beyond Naruto he never bothered to add anyone in his heart. He considered Kakashi and Sakura were like his acquaintances who helped him a lot and that’s all.

Then after using Orochimaru, he gathered some high skilled shinobi for killing Itachi. But he made it clear that there don’t need to be any understanding but just co-operation would be enough. But along his way, he just abandoned Jugo, Suigetsu somewhere. He openly said to Karin that she is nothing but a burden to him. When his hatred reached upto a maximum boiling point, he didn’t even hesitate to kill Karin, Kakashi or Sakura. But the moment Naruto appears he calmed down. The proof? He was shocked to see Naruto at first. Then Naruto calls, ‘Sasuke!!!’, to which Sasuke responds with, ‘What?’. Despite becoming a maniac, he could find it in his heart to listen to Naruto.

It took an Edo Tenseified Itachi to bring him some rationality to question his beliefs about destroying Konoha. When Jugo and Suigetsu appear again, he casually asked them, ‘What do you want with me at this point?’, I mean, Come On, Man. LOL.  Even during the war arc, when things were about to blast off he only cared about Jugo (who helped him many times, so understandable) and Naruto (Geez!!! LOL).

Even after their final battle, the anime went so far as to create a scene where they were alone in a bright Konoha. But Sasuke looked very peaceful and listening to Naruto intently. When Naruto freaks out about Infinite Tsukuyomi, he casually laughs off and says ‘you still care about the world’. Meaning, he is happy there spending time alone with the person he loves. Doesn’t give a rat’s ass about missing anyone else. (How romantic!!!). Honestly, Sasuke wouldn’t mind if they were to stay that way forever. He would gladly listen to Naruto all day.  But when Naruto disappears he freaks out and starting to make up his mind about joining his brother.

It’s very clear that the people he adores are Itachi and Naruto. Towards Itachi, it’s super understandable, because he is his own brother. But Naruto??? Why should the creator go so far as to make Sasuke adores Naruto even after breaking up with him?

And why make Sasuke possessive about Naruto’s life? When Obito was about to kill Naruto with that Black Orbs, Sasuke blocked him and said ‘You are not the One to sever the past, I am’. I understand the logic behind Sasuke’s possessiveness on Itachi’s life because he destroyed his family, childhood and even Itachi wants Sasuke to be the one to kill him. But why possessive on Naruto? He is not related to him by blood. Naruto never did anything wrong to Sasuke to warrant any hate either. You will become possessive on something only when you truly hate it or wholeheartedly love it. There is no middle ground. My point is why put Naruto here at all in the first place?? Believe me, If Sasuke never paid attention to Naruto in the War arc, I would be the first person to jump out of this ship. 

Just to give you a basic example, Imagine you are living in a place far away from your family, friends and that loveable person. When Corona hits everywhere and forced Lockdown to travel outside the city, and the situation is getting worse day by day. Whom would you desperately reach out first? You would reach the person whom you are connected well in your family and that loved one. You will prioritize your friends only later. This is the Universal truth. Sasuke was seen showing that same instinct in the War arc towards Naruto whom he was not related by blood. And you all just want me to believe Sasuke sees him as just a friend?? Give me a break!!!

If all those traits I’ve mentioned above have been avoided to a greater extent, I would be happy to believe that they are friends. If not all, at the very least delegate some of the tropes to other people or share some of the tropes with other people along with Naruto. But dumping it all on Naruto alone makes me only curious and incredibly romantic too. 

It’s no wonder, Naruto would go so far as to reach out Sasuke even at the expense of his life.

Oh, Did I forget about the cutest and most exclusive trope to SNS?

U-SU-RA-TON-KA-CHI, the most personal word which carries its own meaning and is only for Naruto. So funny that Sasuke has to spend a certain amount of energy to call Naruto using a 6 syllabic word rather than NA-RU-TO, a 3 syllabic word which is much easier.

Disclaimer: This post constituted everything from from Chapter 1 to 699 or Episode 1 to 135 (part 1) + Episode 1 to 479 (Shippuden) excluding fillers. Though Sasuke shinden novel was made into anime, I don’t want to consider that here. As much as I loved the prologue in that novel, I still don’t want to cite that here, as I consider everything after 699 is $$$$ making bullshit.

FUN FACT:

If you put yourself in any character in the Naruto Universe except for Naruto, and ask them, ‘What do you think about Sasuke?’. You know the answer from Sakura, she will say ‘Sasuke-Kun looks very cool and acts aloof, that’s why I love him’. Kakashi will say ‘My favorite student’. And all the other people will say somewhat similar, ‘He is an excellent Shinobi who belongs to the proud Uchiha clan and Naruto’s rival’

But Naruto will be the only person to say this.

“Lot of fun to be around” ....... LOLLLLL.

Me: No, Naruto!!! Clearly not. No one in your universe can have fun with him except you. Go and Ask Sai, Team Taka or your own Team 7. They adore him for being Cool and Talented. But Fun is not the word that equates with Sasuke unless there is no You, Naruto.

Thanks for reading :-D

[twirlyeyebrows]

How Could I Have Known?

(A Zosan Fic)

Link to Chapter 6!

Link to Entire Work on ao3!

Ch. 7 - Because It’s You

Zoro’s first response to the man was not an answer to the question he asked, but instead a question of his own. “The fuck are you doing here?” He spat with slurred words. Sanji sighed. “Well, I was going to take the night watch but Robin offered instead, so now I'm here. Nothing interesting.” He paused and looked Zoro up and down, his eyes naturally landing on the bottle of wine he was currently putting back in the cabinet. “But I'm sure you have a good reason to be here at this hour.” He said rhetorically. Anyone who walked by the kitchen would be able to smell the harsh stench of booze from outside. Zoro shot him a look and closed the cabinet door. Sanji watched as the swordsman hobbled over to the table and sat down in the same place he always did. He looked terrible. Not only was he very obviously drunk but he looked like he'd been in the middle of a huge crisis. He guessed that wouldn't have been too out of the ordinary for how Zoro had been acting lately.

“So are you just not gonna answer my question then, moss head?” Sanji said as he tilted his head towards the drunk. He still hasn't moved from the doorway, he didn't know where to go. “It's not important.” Zoro huffed.

Sanji expected that. At this point, it would've been a miracle if Zoro were to talk about anything that was going on. The silence that followed was painful. Zoro was too intoxicated to realize that his reply barely even counted as a response, and Sanji was trying to hold back from pressing for details. “Alright, well. I guess I'll leave you to it then.” The cook said, beginning to turn around.

He wasn't happy to be cutting the conversation so short. He wanted to talk about what had happened earlier today, he wanted to try to do what he could to help Zoro. He'd be lying if he said he didn't also want confirmation that the swordsman’s outburst wasn't directly his fault. Or if it was, that he'd be able to make up for it. All in all, it was getting harder to watch one of his teammates suffer so much alone. Zoro wasn't going to be any help in that process though, so what else could he have done but just leave? There would be a time when they'd eventually hash stuff out and be back to their annoying bickering selves so he might as well just let Zoro have his night alone with the alcohol. As soon as he started to back out of the door he had essentially just entered, he heard the other man speak.

“Wait-” Zoro started, not thinking about the words about to come out of his mouth. “You should stay.” Sanji couldn't believe his ears. Did that bastard really just invite him to stay through his drunk episode? Did he even have any recollection of what happened earlier? Was he simply just not mad anymore? Sanji didn't know how to respond. This was all so confusing. Zoro was so confusing. He quickly weighed his options in his head. If he stayed he might be able to actually get something out of Zoro, which would be good for the both of them he thought. On the other hand, this was a very slippery slope. Zoro was well past tipsy and Sanji knew that anything could come out of his mouth at any moment. He might end up hearing something he shouldn't, or something he didn't want to know. He decided to take his chances. Zoro may have been angry at him earlier but the air seemed to be clear enough at this point, at least for now. And Sanji wasn't a person who could just deny someone when they needed help. He inhaled through his cigarette, promptly exhaling and releasing a small cloud of smoke into the air. “You want me to stay here with you? Did I hear that right?” There was no harm in reiterating, or giving Zoro a chance to change his mind. He made sure to enunciate his words almost too much.

The swordsman’s mind was so fogged with emotion and intoxication that he only realized what he had blurted out when Sanji repeated it back to him. He cussed himself out in his mind; how could he be so careless? He hoped the red on his checks from being drunk was enough to hide the light pink of embarrassment he could feel spreading across his face. He wanted to try to plead his case. He wanted to start making fun of Sanji right then and there and tell him he'd be happy if he left. Obviously, that would be a lie. Even with his senses going wild, he could still admire the man in front of him. If anything, the booze made his feelings way harder to deal with. Zoro hadn't ever experienced this before; being drunk and feeling the need to be romantic. He was always a lone wolf, especially when it came to drinking. But now things had changed and he had to try to accept that. If he attempted to argue right now he had a 100% chance of losing, and about a 200% chance of accidentally saying something stupid. His brain snapped out of thought as he put together the fact that he had just been blankly staring at the chef since he last spoke. He took a mental note to work on his drunk reaction time so he didn't look like an idiot again.

The emotions he felt earlier drinking alone had subsided and were replaced by new feelings. Instead of being hyper, upset, and jittery, Zoro now felt hazy, a little sleepy, and mostly calm. “Mostly” calm because this situation had “BAD IDEA” written all over it, but it's too late to take back his words now. At least he was woozy enough to be able to play off anything he said as a side effect of the drinking.

“I mean, only if like...if like you wanted to.” He paused to burp, Sanji looked disgusted.“What if I pass out or get sick or die from alcohol poisoning...wh-who would help me?” He thought he would at least try to make himself sound less desperate. He didn't think it worked the way he intended.

Sanji rolled his eyes and chuckled softly. “Of course, you're only worried about yourself,” He inhaled through his nose and made a noise of contentment as he let out his breath. “Typical swordsman.” He said. He swiveled his whole body around and sauntered over to the table, sitting down across from the garden head. “Sure. I'll stay. I don't have anything better to do.” He mumbled. Sanji looked blankly at the man and waited for him to say or do anything. He couldn't think of a time Zoro had ever been like this while he was drunk. He was so...spacey.. it was extremely unlike him. He wondered what was going on in that brain of his.

“Fuck, shit, Goddammit, Fuck, Fuck!” Were the only words that were present in Zoro's mind as the cook sat down with him. He couldn't do anything but watch as Sanji looked at him with questioning eyes. Zoro mentally slapped himself and told him not to think about Sanji’s eyes, or his perfect sunny hair, ...or his peachy cheeks…. or his long thick eyelashes…. Zoro had to shake his head to get himself out of this unending loop. Who would've known that love was this hard to contain? He was sure he looked insane from the man across the table’s perspective. He didn't know if the wine he drank was a blessing or a curse. Okay, it was almost definitely a curse, but at least it made his idiocy easier to excuse.

He wanted to have a normal conversation but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He was scared to open his mouth. The last thing he needed was to say something on a whim and regret it. He was doing everything in his power not to act like a moron, which included keeping his mouth shut at all times.

Sanji continued to sit there confused as to why Zoro had barely said anything to him this whole time but he knew it must've been something related to everything that was going on. On the inside, Sanji was being eaten alive by the feeling of stress. He wanted things to go back to normal, he wanted to clear the slate with the man before him. He didn't know if he'd be able to keep being idle and act like everything would work itself out. Maybe it was a stupidly bold decision but he decided to say something about the events of earlier today. He knew that he had the highest chance of Zoro explaining the most while he was intoxicated, so he might as well get this over with now.

“So, uhh, about earlier..” Sanji started, not wanting to finish his thoughts out loud. He started fidgeting with his hands, fearful to continue, when Zoro stopped him. He looked eager to stay off the topic. “I know, I know. I’m stupid and awful and…” Zoro felt the alcohol continue to fight back. “and I’m sorry.” Sanji was almost stunned by what he just heard. He couldn't remember the last time Zoro had apologized that genuinely. It was nice.

“Look, I'm not upset with you,” Sanji lied. Of course, he was upset. What right did Zoro have to lash out on Nami (and him) like that for no reason? If he hadn't been working through some deep shit, he'd have been thrown in the ocean by now. Sanji didn't want to admit it but it had hurt his feelings as well. Of course, his priority was Nami and her feelings, but when Zoro made a jab about his cooking, he felt a part of him waver. It sucked but he'd gone through way more in his life so adding one more thing to suck up wasn't some impossible challenge. Plus, he wanted nothing more than to just be over this whole “Zoro acting weird” thing, and if avoiding escalating the situation was what it took then by all means he was going to do just that. “I just wanted to know what I did so I could apologize. I'm not gonna beat you or anything.”

After hearing that, Zoro immediately stood up from the table and went back over to the cooking area. He opened two cabinets before settling on the one he was looking for. He grabbed a bottle of expensive vodka they had picked up a few weeks ago from a prestigious island. “Hey what are you doing with that? That's for special occasions.” Sanji protested. Zoro didn't turn around to look at him, nor did he respond. He brought the bottle back to the table, sat down, and took a heavy swig right out of the bottle. Sanji looked like he was using all his strength not to tell off the swordsman right then and there. Zoro didn't know why he hadn't. After swallowing the liquid in one sip he exhaled deeply. He could feel the burn once again, but he needed this to even possibly get through this conversation Sanji had started.

“It was-wasn’t you, cook.” Zoro could feel the alcohol coursing through his system, despite this, he took yet another sip. “It wasn't you. It wasn't Nami. It wasn't anything. I was- being dumb and...I don't know..” He couldn't even try to pass as mildly sober anymore. “I just don't know. But I do know that it wasn't- wasn’t you.” Zoro inhaled, trying to ignore the heat in his chest. “And I.. I really a-am sorry. I know I fucked up bad. Your cooking is great...by the way…” His head started to spin.

Sanji relaxed a little bit. He was grateful to know that it hadn't been him, or Nami by all means. He felt like he could forgive Zoro, although it might take a little time. He apologized, yes, but what he said was still hurtful and couldn't just be swept away that easily. For now though, he had no choice but to keep it to himself. At least he said he made great food, that definitely helped his case.

Zoro confirming that it was just himself being weird was still bittersweet to Sanji. He was relieved that it hadn't been anything he'd done, but he was worried for Zoro’s sake. Whatever it was that was making him act this way was starting to take a dangerous toll on him. Zoro was always grouchy and sometimes rude, but he'd never lash out at someone for no reason like that. This whole situation was changing him and Sanji felt responsible for not being able to help. He knew it wasn't directly his problem but he felt like he had to do something for the crew’s future. Who knows what would happen if Zoro continued to be in this state forever? Sanji didn't want to find out. He couldn't let that become a reality. He knew he had to keep the ball rolling, and the best way to do that was to get off this topic.

Sanji tapped his fingers on the table, not knowing what to say and desperately trying to think of something. He kept eye contact with his hands because... honestly? He was scared to look up at Zoro. Every beat of silence made his heart beat with anticipation, and not the good kind. He felt like he was walking on pins and needles. He heard the swish of liquid in glass and quickly deduced that Zoro is once again taking another drink of the (highly expensive) alcohol. He looked up at him, about to tell him to save some for a better time when the words were taken straight from his mouth. His eyes were met with Zoro staring right back at him with a look of contentment. Could it be contentment? Was Zoro ever content around him? Every single one of their fights would say otherwise.

“That buzz finally giving you a good feeling, moss brain?” Sanji chuckled, trying not to sound so caught off guard. “Yeah. It's a good one. You have good taste.” Zoro replied, every word being drawn out. “I know. That's kind of my job.” Sanji said while taking a breath through his cigarette. He blew the smoke cloud up towards the ceiling. “Yeah, well. You're good at- at your job, cook.” Zoro sounded like a broken record. Sanji debated telling him to put the alcohol down but he hadn't seen Zoro look this pleasant in days. Maybe this is what he needed, even if it was possibly harming his health in the end. The chef didn't know how to reply so he just laughed and nodded. “You know what, what else you're stupidly good at?” Zoro laughed, Sanji raised an eyebrow, not having any clue where this was going. “What?” Sanji asked. “Pissing me off like nobody else.” Zoro said cockily, pressing his hand against the table and leaning forward. Sanji smiled slyly. “Yeah, right back at you.”

As Zoro leaned forward closer to the cook he could smell the tobacco on his breath. He had to use every ounce of common sense he had not to lean fully in and kiss him. Even just this playful back and forth felt like he was overstepping a boundary. He took another drink, he needed it.

Sanji’s eyes widened. “Well we all know what you're stupidly good at.” He said, tipping his head down to gesture at Zoro taking yet another sip. Zoro belly laughed. Sanji felt embarrassed for letting out a mental sigh of relief. He shouldn't care so much about Zoro, but he was so relieved to see him acting like himself again. Well, not really like himself, but an even cheerier version of himself.

“That's- that is so hypocritical, cook. You smoke like… a pack a day.” Zoro retorted, still laughing. Sanji could tell that the man was out of it by now. He was off in his own loopy world, but he was happy. “Y’know.. with both our- our awful habits we'd kind of be perfect for each other.” Zoro said, swinging the bottle around next to him.

Sanji felt his heart stop. There's no way he heard that right. There is no way on earth that those words just came out of that man’s mouth.

Sanji nervously chuckled. He didn't want to act off guard in case Zoro hadn't meant what Sanji thought he did. He responded as normally as he could. “Nah it would be terrible. We'd only perpetuate each other’s habits.” God, what was he saying? More importantly, what was Zoro saying?

Zoro took yet another swig of the vodka, it was getting to be too much in Sanji’s eyes. “Isn't that the point?” The intoxicated man said, shifting his eyes toward the cook. “Is it?” Sanji asked back quickly in a panic. Zoro chuckled and set down the bottle. He had a craving look in his eye. Sanji was starting to look how he felt; nervous. Zoro was apparently able to pick up on this despite his situation. “Relax, cook. I'm not gonna, gonna like make a move on you or anything. ‘Nless you want me to.” Zoro winked.

Sanji sat across from the man in absolute awe. Was this actually happening? There was no way he meant anything he was saying right now. It must be because he's drunk and possibly also sexually ambiguous, which would be news to Sanji. Still, even if he was, why of all people would he be hitting on him? Didn't Zoro hate him? He guessed it was because he was the only person in the vicinity and he was drowning in alcohol.

“You look like you just. Uh.. like saw a ghost. Did I say something wrong?” Zoro asked, seeming very genuine but still foxy. Sanji realized that his thoughts were now translating onto his face. He must've really looked terrified if Zoro could decipher it in his current state. He tried to catch his composure but this all felt so abnormal, so wrong. Why would Zoro be saying these things? Was he going to stop? He seemed like he was enjoying it like he's wanted to flirt like this for so long. Could you even count this as flirting? Sanji wanted nothing more than to know if these were Zoro’s genuine feelings or just an idiotic side effect of the drinks. Either way, there was an intense conversation to be had later.

“I mean, not really? I don't know, you're just acting weird.” Sanji hesitantly replied. Zoro’s face turned slightly more somber. “Oh.” That was all he could say. Sanji couldn't help but feel bad for killing Zoro’s good mood. “Okay well, it's fine I guess, it's just...confusing.” Sanji tried to plead his case. He hoped it didn't translate negatively. “Confusing?” Zoro asked with a dramatically questioning look plastered on his face. Just by looking at his eyes, he could tell that they were glazed over with about 10 layers of a drunken haze. He couldn't believe this was a real event that was happening. “Yeah. Well. Y’know, I- you-” He stopped to take a deep breath, it's as if his throat wouldn't let him voice the words he tried to. “You've never acted like this before, at least around me. It almost feels like.. you're… flirting?” Sanji was finally able to spit out. He wanted to close his eyes and brace himself for the worst but instead, he kept looking at the swordsman, desperate to pinpoint his initial reaction before he had time to cover it up. There ended up being no secondary reaction. Zoro’s initial reaction was staring at the cook, wide-eyed. He looked so out of it yet so focused. Like he had paragraphs he wanted to say but his mind was blank. Everything about his body language was stiff. His entire character changed.

“Hey cook, can I tell you something?” Zoro said after a painful few seconds of silence. Sanji’s palms started to sweat. He had no idea what was coming next. He didn't know if he wanted to know. Half of him wanted to say no and live in ignorant bliss for the rest of his life. The other half of him was dying with curiosity, even if this was just the build-up to some dumb joke or insult. He'd never know if he didn't agree. Plus, what if it was something important? What if it was something about why Zoro’s been acting the way he has? What if there was some way he'd be able to actually help him for the first time? He'd feel awful if that were the case and he ended up declining the swordsman's request. He took another puff from his cigarette, pretending to be calm when that's the last thing he was. “Go for it.” Sanji replied. Zoro looked like he was going to be sick, Sanji felt like he was too. “D-Don’t freak out or. or anything okay? ‘Cuz you have the… the tendency to do that.” Every word out of Zoro’s mouth was getting less and less comprehensible. Sanji scoffed and looked to the side. Eye contact with Zoro right now felt like he was looking into a pit of never-ending fire. He was definitely going to get burned. Sanji couldn't bring himself to say anything, even though he wanted to. He made a gesture to the man to continue with his thoughts. He had made it clear that he wouldn't freak out, just not through words.

It was impossible to ignore Zoro’s mannerisms right now. His hands were shaking and his face was beet red. He looked like he was about to take a final for a class he'd never attended. There was some inner battle he was fighting with himself, and Sanji assumed he was about to get insight on what that was.

“Okay. Uh.. Jesus Christ.” Zoro couldn't even put one thought together. He really was struggling. It was painful to watch. “Would you wanna write it out or something?” Sanji suggested, trying to ease Zoro’s debilitating stress. “No! No, it's. It's something I have to say.” He said with urgency.

Sanji’s eyes got wide as Zoro’s had minutes prior. This was a completely new side of Zoro and it felt like he wasn't supposed to see it. He was nothing like his normal laid back and dismissive self. Watching Zoro get so hung up on trying to say one thing was intense. Sanji didn't think he'd ever see Zoro fidget out of stress but apparently, there was a first for everything. What could he possibly be trying to say that would put him through this much turmoil?

“I'm going to- to regret this so much.” Zoro mumbled. He put one of his hands in his grassy hair. He sighed. He looked at the wall, knowing if he looked at Sanji it would end so much worse. Every time he tried to get the words out they'd catch on his tongue. His throat was burning as it did nowadays whenever he talked to Sanji. He wanted to tell him so badly. He wanted to get it off his chest and deal with the consequences as fast as possible. The question was, could he? The desire to continue his normal arguments and stupid nicknames with the cook was stronger than the will he had to admit his feelings. He didn't want anything to change. He guessed they already had. His intoxication didn't help while trying to make this decision. He had already outright flirted with the cook which would've easily put his sober self over the edge. He couldn't control his emotions at all, but the tiny ounce of sobriety he had hidden somewhere in his body was yelling at him to keep his mouth shut.

“Actually, y’know… it's- it's stupid anyways and I don't think you actually care.” Zoro stumbled, sounding downright terrible. Sanji intently took in Zoro's expression for a second. He looked terrified. This was a look Sanji only ever saw on his face when the man or one of their other crewmates was near death. What the fuck was he going to say? He looked heartbroken.

Sanji drew a long breath from his cigarette. “Look, I don't know what's going on and I'm not going to pretend like I do, but you really seem distressed right now.” Sanji said in a calm tone. “No shit, curly.” Zoro retorted with a scoff. Sanji rolled his eyes. “I'm just saying that whatever you want to say probably isn't as bad as you think it is.” Sanji shrugged. He was trying his absolute best to give off a “too cool” demeanor, hoping it'll rub off on Zoro. “You don't. You don't know that.” Zoro replied. What could Sanji possibly say right now to get through to the moss brain? He seemed hopeless. “Exactly. I don't know, but if you tell me maybe I can help, if you'd let me.” Sanji nearly whispered.

Zoro felt his heart skip more than a beat. Sanji’s words rang in his ears. “If you’d let me.” Zoro would do anything for Sanji, he didn't think his body would give him a choice. Maybe he should just get it over with. Maybe he should tell him.

Would he be able to?

“I th-think...uh…” Zoro's sobriety was completely thrown out the window. “Should I find Chopper? I don't.. feel well.” He said, sounding weirdly ashamed. “Of course you don't feel well you bastard. You're piss drunk.” Sanji replied with an obvious tone. “But if I recall, you mentioned wanting me here specifically in case you got sick so..why get Chopper?”

Zoro’s mind was clouded by so many thoughts and emotions he couldn't form a response. He never thought he'd ever get this close to talking about his real feelings, especially not with the man they all revolve around.

Sanji was beginning to lose it but he couldn't let that show. He needed to know what Zoro was going to say. He wouldn't leave until he found out. It was something that needed to be said, even if the other man didn't want to talk about it. The fact that it was proving to be this complicated to put into words while Zoro’s this drunk was very telling. The walls Zoro had put up to guard whatever information this was were incredibly strong. Sanji knew he had to remain calm and coarse Zoro through this as best as he could.

“Hey, moss head, look at me.” Sanji said in a hushed tone. He felt like he was speaking to a child. The fact that he was saying these tranquil words to Zoro of all people was absolutely beyond him. Zoro took one glance at the cook and immediately looked away. Sanji sighed softly and dropped his head a tiny bit. What could he do to make this easier? Suddenly he felt another hand against his own.

Sanji’s initial reaction was to pull away and punch the man in the face. He didn't do this, of course. Instead, he flinched, pulled his hand back a tiny bit out of shock, but resumed its position after a split second of consideration. Sanji remembers the times he'd been worked up like this, and he always remembers that having someone there next to you is the best way to attempt to get through it. Sanji was the only other person in this room so of course if Zoro physically needed someone, he was going to show that through him. Still, it felt very weird to feel Zoro’s skin against his own. He tried not to think about it.

Then Sanji felt Zoro weakly try to put his hand in his. In another wave of shock, Sanji almost pulled back once more and activated a fight response. He just needed to keep telling himself that the swordsman was drunk and didn't mean any of this whatsoever. He needed someone at this moment. There was no one else in the room with them. 1+1=2. It meant nothing more than that and Sanji was going to try his best to help, even if it meant… holding hands with Zoro… even just the thought of that left a confusing taste on Sanji’s tongue.

Zoro was internally freaking out while also being completely numb at the same time. The immense amounts of alcohol he'd consumed had fully taken over by now. The low tingle he felt every time he moved and the burning heat in his chest and throat made that very evident. At the same time, somewhere in his mind, something was telling him to stop what he was doing. Unfortunately for him, as much as that voice tried to scream, the drunken want of physical affection was louder.

Zoro had no desire to make Sanji uncomfortable. Zoro didn't even have the desire to do this thing he was doing in the first place. Well, he did, but only in the deepest corners of his mind. If he were sober right now, he'd have told Sanji to leave him alone and they both would've gone about their days. But the current predicament was a lot different than that.

He had heard the cook tell him to look into his eyes. And he did... for half a second. He couldn't dare to look at him. He had decided that days ago. Sanji didn't understand what was going on but Zoro knew all too well. If he were to make eye contact in a vulnerable moment such as this, he didn't know what he might do. Whatever it would end up being, it wouldn't be good.

He heard the cook’s voice again. That lovely and calm voice. Zoro had never heard Sanji speak with such a delicate tone. He never wanted it to stop. He wanted to live in this bliss forever. He wanted to hear Sanji sing him songs in this tone, he wanted him to wake him up every morning sounding like this, he wanted to get one of the leftover dials from the sky island and keep those syllables forever. Zoro at this moment didn't care how cheesy he was being or how deep he had gotten himself into this hole. He just wanted to keep Sanji talking.

But the dreamlike fog wore off as Zoro realized the actual words Sanji had said.

“Is this..helping? I mean, uh, should I like… I don't know, sorry.” Sanji fumbled. He was never a huge hand holder or super physical guy. Despite his unwavering comments towards women, physical affection had always been sort of a gray area for him. His main goal, however, was helping Zoro through what he was going through right now, so he was able to set aside the discomfort he was trying to hide. Hearing his voice say what he just had though, he figured he wasn't doing a very good job at concealing it. He continued to let Zoro’s hand rest loosely in his, trying to tell himself not to let his own hand get clammy in the process.

Zoro realized how he was making Sanji feel and instantly felt a wave of guilt wash over him. His chest tightened and he knew he should let go of the cook’s hand, but God he didn't want to. He knew it was the right thing to do though. It would be beyond rude of him to not pick up on Sanji’s alarmed mannerisms. Zoro slowly untangled his fingers from the other man’s. He immediately missed the feeling of having a hand entangled with his own, as strained as it had been.

“Fuck. I'm.. I'm sorry, I didn't-” The swordsman's words were taken out of his mouth as he felt Sanji grab his hand back. His eyes shot up in shock and his face was saturated red in a heartbeat. Sanji ever so softly laced his fingers in between Zoro’s and held down with gentleness.

“I know this is… unconventional. Especially for.. us and with all things considered. But I've been where you are. I know how you feel. You need someone and I'm here so.. don't apologize.” Sanji tried to say every word with care. It was terrifying and weird and still made no sense in his mind but if this was the only way he'd be able to get through to Zoro, so be it. He'd rather awkwardly hold hands with him and then wipe his mind of it later than have Zoro continue to be in this slump for the rest of his life.

Zoro’s shocked expression dissipated as he processed Sanji’s words. He couldn't form any correct thoughts it seemed. He was touched by the affection Sanji had shown and was caught off guard by the fact that they were once again interlocking fingers. Something about what he had said rubbed Zoro the wrong way though. The way he inserted himself into his shoes like he knew what this was like. Like Sanji knew what it was like to accidentally fall in love with someone off-limits for an infinite number of reasons. Zoro didn't know everything about Sanji’s past by any stretch of the imagination, but he was pretty confident that the cook hadn't gone through this specific situation. He could feel the heat prick at his ears as he looked away from Sanji finally.

“Y-you don't know what this is like.” Zoro said with disdain. His words were slurred and his tone was a low growl. Sanji had to force himself not to immediately start up a fight with the swordsman. “I know I don't know, but I can get a good idea, moss head. I'm just trying to be here for you.” Sanji said, his words hinting at aggression. “I know. Thanks.” Zoro said, ridding his voice of all emotion. Sanji’s face twisted sourly. “Thanks? That's all you're going to say?” His voice raised a little bit. “Do you see what I'm trying to do? What I've been trying to do?” Sanji was beginning to show that he was getting fed up. “All I want is for you to be back to your normal asshole self. I don't know what you want from me.” Sanji protested.

Zoro felt disgusting. Physically and mentally. The alcohol was not helping his case, if anything it only made him sicker. Balance that with the realization he'd been a burden to Sanji this whole time and behold the worst feeling of Zoro’s life. He wanted nothing more than to run away and never let the cook see his face ever again. Maybe this was the line their relationship (whatever that was) wouldn't cross. Zoro looked up at Sanji. He was horrified.

��I don't know either.” Zoro replied. “I ha-have no clue what you could possibly do to help.” Sanji scoffed at this statement. “Jesus… Okay, so what have I been doing this entire time then?” Sanji spat. Zoro could see that familiar fire start to sizzle in his infinitely blue eyes. He really was upset. Zoro hated where this was going.

“I don't know.” Zoro didn't know how he was supposed to respond to the cook’s inquiries. He didn't know what he could say that would prevent escalating his anger while also not blatantly lying. He'd done enough lying. Enough pretending everything was alright or at least trying to. He wanted to let Sanji help but how would that be possible if Sanji didn't know what was going on?

“You know, I'm trying really hard not to fucking lose it right now. Why are you being like this? I just want to help.” Sanji asked, taking a deep and tired breath. Zoro remained silent. It was the best option for him at that moment. He had no answer to give Sanji.

He could feel Sanji’s piercing gaze beating down on him. He didn't want to look at the man. He didn't want to see the disappointment he had caused. Zoro felt a squeeze in his hand.

“I'm trying not to get upset, I really am, but you're not making it easy for me.” Sanji let out a desperate laugh. Zoro kept a deadpan face and continued to avoid eye contact. “I just…” Sanji collected himself. “I just want to know what it is you were going to tell me.” He confessed. “Then maybe I can start to do some good.”

Maybe, just maybe if Zoro was honest with Sanji he'd get a break. This had all been far too much. Today, the last few days, this moment he was currently living. It had all been too much. Everything was constantly buzzing in his head, what was right vs wrong, what was romantic vs platonic, what consequences all of this would produce, everything. All of it was non-stop crashing in his mind and he was over it. He could feel vibrations in his feet. The walls looked like they were spinning. His heart rate was through the roof and he had just caught a glimpse of Sanji. He looked like he'd gone through hell. Zoro realized he probably had. He'd been doing everything he could to help for days and Zoro’s barely gave him a thank you. Zoro felt beyond sick. He'd hurt Sanji multiple times during this endeavor and had tried to walk away. He couldn't get away from it anymore. He couldn't keep hiding from the things he'd tried to bury. Clearly, they weren't going anywhere. Maybe if he was honest there would be some silver lining. Maybe if he was honest he could stop the banging in his head. Maybe if he was honest he could take away the pain he had caused Sanji. Maybe he'd end up making it worse.

There was only one way to find out.

“You-You're sure you wanna know, cook?” Zoro said, barely comprehensible. He sounded fragile and small. It was unlike any way he'd ever sounded before. He was genuinely scared.

Sanji felt his fingers accidentally loosen on Zoro’s grip as he couldn't help but jump back a bit in awe. Was he finally getting somewhere? Was Zoro finally going to try to open up? Sanji felt like he could run a marathon with all the adrenaline that hit him at that moment. “Yes, Jesus, of course I do.” The words fell out of his mouth, praying to any god in existence that Zoro wouldn't go back in his shell.

Zoro was shaking ever so slightly. This was the most out of his comfort zone thing he'd ever done. He usually enjoyed pushing himself to build up stamina in all aspects of his life but this was a very different scenario. He tried to sound out what he was going to say in his mind. Everything became a mixture of random words and he couldn't stick to one train of thought. He opened his mouth only to promptly shut it again. He'd never been so timid about anything, he didn't like it. He didn't like feeling like prey. If an enemy were to attack right now, he'd be useless in the battle, and that drove him insane. He needed to just get it over with. He needed all of this bullshit to be over. If Sanji ended up hating him he could at least put that energy into training. He tried to convince himself he was sober. He wanted to be as composed as possible if he was going to ruin his own life.

“Okay...uh. Fuck. Sorry.” Zoro was off to a terrible start. Why were confessions so hard? He let go of Sanji’s hand. He thought that if he told Sanji he loved him while they were holding hands it might be too much for both of them. He leaned back. He finally got the courage to look at the other man. For once, he let himself get lost in his eyes. The mix of blues and lavenders seemed to swirl together as the cook looked back in anticipation. His eyes looked just like the sea, maybe prettier. Zoro felt a pang in his heart. Some of the nervousness washed away as a deep blush dusted his cheeks. Maybe he'd actually be able to get this off his chest. Taking in Sanji’s features as focused as he did made him lose all sense of reality. Nothing mattered to him but the man in front of him. He needed Sanji to know that.

Zoro tried not to think about the consequences this may have as he took a deep breath in. When he looked at Sanji he could tell he was on the edge of his seat. Zoro was surprised that he hadn't been shaken to the brink of death by Sanji and his intrusiveness. He supposed he had been mentally, though. He watched as Sanji tried to conceal his eagerness with a calm facade. Zoro saw through it of course, but he appreciated the sentiment. He couldn't blame him anyway. If Zoro were in Sanji’s shoes, he would've lost all patience a long time ago.

Zoro snapped out of his thoughts as he realized what he had committed to do. He tried to coach himself in his mind but that damn fancy vodka had made it nearly impossible. He was going to have to wing it and hope for the best. He couldn't believe he was actually about to do this.

It wasn't called liquid courage for nothing.

“L-Like I said, don't freak out… okay?” Zoro practically pleaded. “I won't, moss head. I'm telling you, I just want to help.” Sanji replied, looking more hopeful than he had all day. Zoro begged the universe not to let his confession be the cause of that hope being crushed. “Okay…” Zoro continued, extremely tentatively. He thought he'd start with a secret that would hopefully be easy to swallow, and then get into the real reason he was in so much agony. That's about as far ahead as Zoro had planned.

“So.. y’know how you're obsessed w-with women?” Zoro stammered. He hated saying that. It sucked having to remind himself that there was no way in hell the cook would ever like him back. Not like it had ever been a possibility, but Zoro was bitter about it nonetheless. Sanji raised an eyebrow. “Yes…?” He questioned as he resisted rolling his eyes. Zoro exhaled. “Well, I guess.. uh.. I guess you could say that I’m not.” Zoro spat out as fast as he could. Sanji looked taken aback but not necessarily in a bad way. When Zoro read his face he didn't see any sort of disgust or judgment, which was a good sign. He did look slightly more nervous than before though. Zoro prayed even harder that he hadn't caught on yet.

“Are you coming out to me, idiot?” Sanji replied, sounding as chill as ever. Zoro was in awe. Did he really not care at all? More pressingly, was it that obvious? “Well when you put it like that..” Zoro didn't know what he wanted to say or how to. Luckily, Sanji was there to answer a question he hadn't even asked. “I don't see why that's something you should be worried about. You think anyone on the crew is going to care?” Sanji said, almost looking like he was trying to hold back laughter. “Is it th-that easy to tell?” Zoro said, looking at the floor and crossing his arms. To Sanji, he looked like an angry little kid, and he couldn't lie to himself and say it wasn't a little amusing. He shrugged in response. “Not necessarily. I mean, we all kind of knew something was up. You've never once shown interest in… well, anyone. It's not that hard to put the pieces together.” He paused, examining Zoro’s stressed facial expression. “But if you're asking if we've all conspired behind your back and decided you're gay, no, we haven't.” He said, taking a draw from his cigarette.

Zoro hearing those words leave the cook’s mouth was like a dream. Maybe a nightmare. Whatever it was, it didn't feel real. There was so much information to take in now and his drunken mind couldn't process it. Apparently, everyone on the crew knew that he wasn't straight- wonderful. That's exactly what he needed. He huffed as he continued to go over what Sanji had said in his mind. He unfolded his arms when he realized Sanji had said he never showed interest in anyone. That was a good sign. He hadn't yet deduced the real secret Zoro needed to say. That was the next thing that hit him. The actual secret. He'd gotten so caught up in Sanji’s tranquil response that he'd forgotten about what he really needed to tell the man. This was going to be a lot harder. He tried to think of how to even begin to word this as Sanji burst his thought bubble.

“Is that all? All of this just because you don't like women? I mean I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, I'm just saying-” Sanji was about to reassure the swordsman more when he began to speak over him. “No, it's not-” Zoro sighed. This was it. This was him committing. “It's not just that.” Sanji’s face turned from calm to concerned in a split second. Something about his expression showed that he might've seen this coming. He put his elbows on the table and put his cheeks in the palms of his hands. “Do go on.” Sanji said nonchalantly. Zoro heard this response and wished that what he was about to say was as carefree as Sanji was anticipating.

Zoro knew he had to rip it off like a bandaid. All he had to do was pretend it was one of Chopper’s bandages. He never fought as well when he was all wrapped up like a mummy. This was basically the same thing, right?

“I think there's somebody that I like. A lot.” Zoro spoke as fast as he could while still being able to annunciate. He kept his gaze strictly on the table. He didn't want to see Sanji’s face. He watched as Sanji’s hands fell away from his face and smacked down on the tabletop. He winced at the loud bang that came from it. “Well that's great!” Sanji’s hands moved into the air. “I guess chia pets can find love after all. So who is he?” He said with that same gleam of anticipation from earlier. Zoro didn't respond. Sanji noticed. “Come on you bastard, if anyone knows about love, it's me. I won't make fun of you I swear.” He tried to reason with Zoro.

Zoro looked down at the bottle of vodka still in front of him. He hadn't taken a sip in a while. This might be a good time. It could also be possibly the worst time. He glanced up at Sanji who had taken notice of his unending stare at the bottle. Sanji still had the same “For the love of god just spit it out” face but with a hint of “If you take one more sip of that I'm going to kick you all the way across the Grand Line”. Zoro looked back down and pushed the glass bottle to the end of the table.

“Fucking Christ, okay well,” Zoro began. He rubbed his eyes with two fingers and kept them there. “It's uh.. someone on the ship.” He ripped off like a bandage, just like he said he would. Sanji’s face practically lit up. Obviously, he was all for some Straw Hat drama. Little did he know. He put his hands on the edge of the table and leaned back. “Well shit! That's news!” He said in a cheery tone. “Now you have to tell me.” He shot Zoro with a smug look. Zoro didn't see it, but he felt it.

“Haven't I said enough?” Zoro said with a tone drenched in anguish. He folded his arms again and looked towards the kitchen sink.

“You've said a lot, I'll give you that. I know that took a lot out of you, shitty swordsman.” Sanji said with a lighthearted twang. Zoro picked up on the genuine proudness weaved in the sarcastic words and he blushed ever so slightly. He snapped out of it as Sanji pointed a finger at him and continued. “But you’re downright cruel if you'd really leave me hanging after dropping that on me.”

Zoro groaned and tilted his head back. His head hurt, he was still nauseous, his heart was racing and he was starting to sweat. Everything about this entire day had been a whirlwind. He just wanted to sleep. He smiled as he thought about getting in bed next to the cook. He'd put his arm around him and the smaller man would lay his head on his chest. Zoro had daydreamed about this scenario so many times it almost felt real. He continued to imagine being under a huge blanket as he was ripped from his ideal world. And by the same man he was thinking about, no less. Sanji was snapping his fingers in Zoro’s face, trying to get his attention. It definitely worked.

“Hey, asshole! Wake up! I know you're still drunk but you owe me a name!” Sanji said as he pulled his arm back in. Zoro tried not to get flustered. It was clear that Sanji was no longer upset. It felt like the tension had been sucked out of the air. He wasn't mad, he wasn't grossed out, he didn't even seem shocked. He was messing around with Zoro just as he used to and things finally felt normal again for once. Zoro felt good. Sanji’s reactions had been so tame compared to what he had imagined. He'd barely reacted at all, and the reactions that he did give all seemed… nice. Zoro felt the familiar butterfly sensation he always got around Sanji. He felt like he could breathe for the first time in so long. He took a deep inhale in and exhaled just as hard. He had jitters, but the good kind of jitters. He felt like he could tell Sanji anything. He felt like he could do anything.

“Guess.” Zoro said, a tiny smile creeping on his face. Sanji tilted his head forward. “Guess?” He asked back. “If you wanna know so bad-” Zoro paused to swallow his spit, the alcohol had dried out his mouth so much. “-guess.” He stated. “Don't make me do that.” Sanji said, almost embarrassed.

What if he guessed wrong and made a fool out of himself? He was the expert of love after all. He had no clues as to who it could be, Zoro acted the same around nearly everyone. Everyone except…. well it didn't matter because there's no way that could ever happen. Sanji thought back to just a little while ago when Zoro had acted “friendly” towards him. “I'm not gonna make a move on you or anything. ‘Nless you want me to.” Zoro’s voice echoed softly in the back of his mind. He drove the thoughts away. There was no possible way that was the case, it was stupid of him to even consider.

Now that he settled that within his mind, he had to take a shot in the dark and try to figure out who this idiot admired. He started with the obvious answer.

“Okay fine, I'll play your game.” Sanji said smugly. Zoro felt his stomach flip as Sanji said those words while making direct eye contact. “Is it Luffy?” Sanji guessed eagerly. Zoro chuckled. “No, it's not Luffy. I don't think I could handle that much chaos.” He said honestly. Sanji nodded in agreement, he had a great point. Sanji pondered again. “Umm… Usopp?” Sanji asked, skeptically. “Nah, I definitely- definitely don't see him like that.” Zoro countered. Sanji expected that but it still left him confused.

Sanji’s mouth got dry. No one else on the ship was a viable fit for Zoro. Sanji’s palms started to sweat. There was no way, right? No way that what he was thinking could actually be right?

Sanji laughed nervously. “I'm outta guesses, honestly. Just tell me.” He said quickly. “You can't think of anyone else?” Zoro asked, raising an eyebrow. The way Zoro phrased the question stressed Sanji out, he didn't like how drawn out and suggestive it was. “Nope, no one.” He replied. “You only guessed twice, there's-- not many other people on the ship, maybe give it one more shot.” As confident as Zoro felt after Sanji had only replied with good responses to everything he said, he still didn't want to admit to the man that he was fond of him like that. The chef’s change in expression hadn't helped either, after he had guessed Usopp he seemed to have turned a little paler. Zoro could feel the nervousness creeping back but he tried to shove it down.

Sanji wasn't stupid. Of all people, he'd be the one to recognize hints when they're dropped. Still, he had an incredibly difficult time believing what Zoro was implying. He didn't know if he'd be flattered or terrified if his suspicion turned out to be true.

He supposed he didn't have a choice. If he wanted an answer, he was going to have to get it out of Zoro. He'd been backed into a wall and left with no choice, clearly, Zoro wasn't going to crack. He resumed his calm outlook, telling himself he was getting worked up over nothing.

Sanji let out a laugh before he said anything. He inhaled through the cigarette still between his teeth and exhaled that all too familiar smoke. “Well at this point I'm completely in the dark. I'd bet my life on the fact that it's not anyone I didn't guess.” He said, not knowing how to blatantly ask the type of question he was dying to. Zoro turned his head to the side, staring at the kitchen floor. “Well I guess you'd have to take your own life then.” Zoro retorted, quieter than his normal voice. Sanji opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he realized Zoro had opened his mouth again too.

“I wouldn't let you do that though, cook. You know why?”

Sanji felt his heart drop into his stomach. He wiped his hands on his pants and tried to pinch himself back to reality. There was no possible way that this was happening. He attempted to steady his breath, but it didn't work. He had to focus on not letting the cigarette drop out of his mouth.

“Why?” Sanji was able to choke out. He knew what was about to come out of Zoro’s mouth but he couldn't admit it. He couldn't say it was real until he heard it.

“Like a bandage.” Zoro said in his head. He reminded himself to thank that special vodka later for giving him the courage to do something as insane as this. He looked the man in front of him dead in the eyes.

“Because it's you, Sanji.”

[thatshithurted8]

Could’ve Been

Summary: In which Jeff deals with the repercussions of not acting on his feelings towards reader. 

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: angst, drinking and swear words.

You couldn’t help yourself, but to giggle while you made dinner for Jeff, Jonah and yourself. The sound of your laugh causes Jeff to look up from his barbers station and over to you, a smile appearing on his face at the sound of it. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Just thinking about yours and Jonah’s bits.” You state. Jeff just finished filming a barbershop episode with Bryce Hall, but by now the crew and Bryce were long gone. 

Jeff smiles to himself as he puts his multiple hair clippers away. Even though you told Jeff and Jonah from the beginning you didn’t want to be in any of the episodes you always found yourself being in them anyway. Whether that be you doing the boys hair for an episode to having your witty remarks and contagious laugh be heard in every video. 

Little did you know though, there was a reason why you were such a consistent guest on the show. This reason being the developing feelings both Jeff and Jonah harbored for you. Despite both boys openly flirting with you in seemingly every episode you were in you still remained oblivious to their feelings. However, as time went on unbeknownst to either Jeff or Jonah you started to reciprocate feelings for Jeff. You loved Jonah, but he was more like a brother to you than anything. 

 As more episodes of you appearing in were published to YouTube it was clear to not only the fans, but to Jeff as well what was happening. Fans constantly pointed out that it was obvious there was a love triangle going on whether it be a bit or not. They concluded this from all of the clips of both boys openly flirting with you along with all of the longing stares they gave you. It made Jeff giddy to know you most likely felt the same way about him the way he felt about you, but he never acted on it. He couldn’t do that to Jonah especially with how obvious it was the boy was in love with you. 

“What’re ya making?” Jeff asks walking into the kitchen and peering over your shoulder after finally cleaning up his station. Jonah looks up from his phone from his spot at the kitchen’s island and he can feel his stomach drop at the proximity of you two. He watches as you pick up the spoon you were using to stir and allowed Jeff to taste the homemade tomato sauce for the spaghetti you were making. 

“Tastes like what my ma makes, maybe even better, but don’t let her know I said that.” Jeff compliments causing heat to rush to your face and ears as he smiles at your reaction. This seemingly wholesome interaction between you two gets cut short by Jonah coughing and standing up. 

“I’m not feeling spaghetti tonight I’m gonna eat out instead.” He says pushing his chair in underneath the island before walking out of his apartment without saying another word. 

You look over at Jeff confused, but he just looks down at the ground not knowing what to say while slowly moving away from you. Jeff knew why Jonah was upset. After all Jonah has told him many times he likes you and Jeff did go a little over board with the flirting with you in today’s episode. 

“That was weird. What was that about?” You ask Jeff as he sits down at the island and pulls his phone out to text Jonah. Jonah loved your cooking and never missed an opportunity to have some. 

Jeff shrugs his shoulders and puts his phone away. “He’s been stressed lately, I don’t know why.” He lies. “We should move up to my apartment he’s gonna probably want to be alone when he gets back.” 

“Poor Jonah, I hope he can relax.” You pout while you turn off the stove to bring the food you were cooking up to Jeff’s. The brunette helps you, but can’t help but to feel guilty at your obliviousness. Jeff loved flirting with you after all his feelings for you were strong, but he felt bad for his best friend. It was obvious you didn’t reciprocate Jonah’s feelings let alone were you aware of them. 

The two of you carefully maneuver up to Jeff’s apartment with kitchen towels underneath the hot pots so neither of you would burn yourselves. As you get back into the groove of cooking again Jeff turns his stereo on, the Beatles echoing throughout the apartment. 

Ever since Jonah seemingly stormed off earlier Jeff has been acting kind of stand offish which you couldn’t help but to notice. However, as each Beatles track played he started to return back to his playful self and your laughs of encouragement egged him on to continue singing along horribly to the music. 

After an intense performance of Jeff playing the air guitar and singing to Helter Skelter Come Together came on, making you squeal. That was your go to song for karaoke night. Jeff smiles at you as you grab a ladle and start to sing into it as if it was a microphone. 

“He got hair down to his knees. He got to be a joker, he just do what he please.” You horribly sing out while slowly moving your hips back and forth while slowly making your way down to your knees in front of Jeff. 

You continue your performance while Jeff tries his hardest to not let his mind wander due to the position you were in. 

“One thing I can tell you, you just got to be free.” You sing getting up fast while shaking your head back and forth to the beat of the song. As you fully immerse yourself into your performance Jeff laughs at you with loving eyes, but he is interrupted from watching when his phone buzzes in his pocket. 

It was a text from Jonah. “You know my feelings towards Y/N the least you can do is not flirt with her around me.” 

Suddenly a wave of guilt washes over Jeff. The moment Jeff met you he could feel the spark between you two and just as he was about to tell Jonah how he was feeling about you he beat Jeff to it and started gushing about you the next time Jonah saw Jeff. This resulted in Jeff never opening up to his best friend to let him know he had feelings for you as well. 

“What’s wrong?” You furrow your eyebrows while watching Jeff sit down at his dinning table with an upset facial expression. 

Jeff quickly sends out an “I’m sorry” text to Jonah before putting his phone away and nervously running his fingers through his hair. “Nothin.” 

Furrowing your eyebrows even more you put down the ladle and make your way over to Jeff, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders from behind. “Seriously what’s up?” 

“Nothin Y/N.” Jeff says standing up abruptly and gently pushing you off of him, causing your heart to drop. 

“Yea okay.” You sassily say back while returning to the stove to cook, the playful mood ruined. There was now an unwanted awkward tension in the air that both you and Jeff felt, but neither of you knew what to say. 

Finally Jeff speaks up, not really wanting to say what he was about to, but he felt like he owed it to Jonah to. “Y/N I think you should give Jonah a shot.” 

You slowly turn around from the stove to look at Jeff with a confused expression etched onto your face. “What?”

“You guys have so much in common and click well. You guys could be a solid couple.” 

Your heart sank initially thinking Jeff didn’t reciprocate your feelings, but the way he was looking everywhere, but you while saying this had you thinking otherwise. “Where is this coming from?” You ask starting to connect the dots and stepping closer to Jeff who doesn’t move away this time. 

He remains silent. 

“Jeff? Does Jonah have feelings for me?” 

Jeff simply nods his head yes as if it was hurting him to say that. He didn’t want you to find out this way. After all, it should be up to Jonah to tell you when he’s ready, but from what Jeff just said he had no choice to tell you.

You let out a sigh. This was not how things were supposed to happen. “I feel bad, but I don’t feel the same for him.” You say inching closer to Jeff. His heartbreaks for Jonah, but he can’t help but selfishly feel hopeful that he may get a chance with you. 

“Do you know who I do have feelings for?” You ask placing your hand on Jeff’s chest while a spike of confidence flows through you. Jeff’s breath catches in his throat when you get closer to him, but he instinctively melts into your touch. 

“Who Y/N?” He stutters out, nervous that you were going to say Todd or some shit. Jeff wasn’t typically a nervous person, but when it came to you and his strong feelings for you he was. 

You roll your eyes at his obliviousness. “You for fuck’s sake. I thought it was obvious.” 

A blush and smile washes over Jeff’s face as he looks down at you, but his smile quickly disappears when he remembers Jonah. Seeing his reaction makes you release an annoyed sigh. Although you were oblivious to Jonah’s feelings and sometimes got in your head about Jeff there was no denying he felt the same for you. You just knew he did. 

“We can’t do this to Jonah.” 

Rolling your eyes you move away from Jeff. The confidence that you had was now annoyance. From the moment you became friends with the two boys you learned that Jonah had a track record of seemingly liking every girl Jeff liked as well. Ultimately causing Jeff to step back so Jonah could have a shot. Yes, Jeff’s being a good friend, but you were sick and tired seeing Jeff’s happiness be put on the line for a guy who wouldn’t do the same for him. 

“I know you feel what I feel. I’ve felt it the moment we met two years ago. For the love of everything good stop denying your feelings and finally own up to them for once! You have let Jonah stop you from being happy for so long now. Advocate for yourself Jeff, be selfish for once in your life cause I know you want this as much as I do!” 

Jeff looks at you with wide eyes. He was happy that you finally confessed your feelings for him, but he didn’t see this outburst coming even though he knows every word you said was true. 

“I can’t Jonah’s my best friend.”

You internally groan, getting even more agitated that Jeff wasn’t seeing what you were seeing. “I understand that, he’s my friend too, but given the opportunity he would push you to the side if that meant he had a shot. I’m not asking you to drop him. I’m asking you to allow yourself to be happy for once.” You say rolling your eyes before turning back to the food cooking on the stove that you seemingly abandoned. 

The tension in the air was now thicker than before and Jeff felt awkward in his own apartment. A few minutes go by and he finally speaks up. “Y/N look at me.” 

You look over at him with an unimpressed expression, but you notice how close he’s gotten to you. Jeff grabs your hand and starts to gently rub his thumb across the back of it. “You’re right. I do have feelings for you.” He says inching closer to you, causing your heart rate to speed up. 

“Then act like it.” You say looking up into his beautiful brown eyes. 

Without hesitating Jeff pulls you to his chest by your hand before smashing his lips against yours and caressing your cheek with his free hand. Automatically you kiss back, placing your hand on the nape of his neck while deepening the kiss. 

You were the first to pull away, but you rest your forehead against his. “Wow.” That was probably the best kiss you’ve ever had. 

Jeff’s cheeks were flushed red and you knew he felt the butterflies from the kiss as well. You two stare into each others eyes seemingly relishing in the moment before guilt begins to wash over Jeff’s face as he realizes what he just did. 

“What?” You ask backing away concerned.

He sighs and scratches at his beard. “I want this as much as you do, but I can’t for Jonah’s sake.” 

You close your eyes and let out a deep breathe at his words, trying your best to control your emotions. He just said the last thing you wanted to hear. Without saying another word you walk by the brunette and to the front door where you put on your shoes and grab your purse. 

“Where are you goin?” 

“I’m sorry Jeff, but I can’t be friends with you especially after that kiss. My feelings are just going to keep growing and there’s no point in torturing myself by being around you when I can’t be yours.” You simply state, hurt evident in your voice before opening the door and leaving Jeff’s apartment without another word. 

As the door shuts the smoke alarm goes off signaling the food you were cooking was burning, which only made Jeff’s heartbroken mood worse.  

- 

“Oh my god Y/N is here! I haven’t seen her in so long!” Zane yells to Jeff over the music before rushing over to you who just arrived to Todd’s birthday party. Ever since that night 8 months ago in Jeff’s apartment you started to distance yourself from Jeff and Jonah along with the Vlog Squad since they were always with either boy. However, you weren’t going to miss Todd’s birthday for the world. After all he was one of your closest friends. 

The moment Jeff’s eyes fall onto your frame while you greet the first few people you know his heart rate began to increase. You looked good. Hell even better than you did 8 months ago if that was possible. 

You made your rounds through the party, saying hi and having conversations with your friends that you haven’t seen in almost a year while the music filled the large house. Although, it was Todd’s birthday you were hesitant to come. After all you knew Jonah was going to be there and more importantly Jeff as well. But today wasn’t about you it was about Todd. With that being said you decided to swallow your pride and show up for one of your best friends. 

However, you tried your best to avoid Jonah and Jeff for the night. Which was working out fine until you ran into Jonah. You guys hugged and caught up and to your surprise Jonah introduces his girlfriend, Francesca to you. Of course you were happy for him, he deserved to be happy, but the two started dating two months after that night at Jeff’s. That meant if you stayed around you and Jeff could’ve been a couple. Yet, you couldn’t help, but to feel hurt. Surely Jeff would’ve jumped on the opportunity to make you his now that Jonah was off the market, but you haven’t heard from the Staten Island stud since a week after what happened. Clearly Jeff’s feelings towards you weren’t as strong as you thought.

As the night continues Jeff builds up enough confidence to approach you. So that’s what he did. Feeling a tap on your shoulder you turn around from your conversation with Todd and are shocked to see Jeff standing in front of you. 

“Oh my gosh Jeff! It’s been so long!” You exclaim before pulling the brunette in for a hug, fighting off the awkward tension. This was seemingly a friendly hug, but as you were in his embrace all of the feelings you thought you didn’t feel anymore came rushing back. Jeff felt the same from the moment he saw you walk in. And the familiar but nostalgic smell of your perfume only amplified it.

“How’ve you been?” He asks pulling away, but laughing at your reaction. You didn’t realize how much you missed his laugh until now.

“I’ve been pretty busy with school, but still good. What about you?” Jeff was happy to hear that you were still in school. After months of Jeff convincing you to chase your dreams you finally applied to a university to become a physiotherapist and got in, putting your influencer career on the back burner. He was proud of you for not giving into your fears of having a late start in your degree and quitting.

“I’ve been good as well. The guys and I have been pumping out barbershop episodes basically every week now.” By now Todd was now gone, talking to his other guests.

Although, both of you were telling the truth of what has been up lately neither of you delved into the fact your minds would always wander back to each other. Especially late at night when neither of you could fall asleep.

“How are ya liking school?” Jeff asks stepping a bit closer for you to hear him due to the loud music.Just as you were about to answer his question you feel arms wrap around your waist and a kiss being placed on your cheek. 

Justin. Not your boyfriend, but not your friend either.

“Hey baby sorry that I’m late.”

As Jeff watched the guy that looks a bit like him display affection to you a pang of jealously and hurt hits him. Clearly your feelings for him weren’t as strong as Jeff thought they were.

You mumble a “hi” back to Justin and discreetly push him off of you. Suddenly you were all too aware of who you were standing in front of with your rebound by your side.

“Who’s this?” Justin asks pointing at Jeff then looking at you.

“Justin this is Jeff, a friend I haven’t seen in a while.” Another pang of hurt hits Jeff at being friendzoned. “And Jeff this is Justin.”

Jeff swallows the lump in his throat and cuts directly to the chase. “So are you guys a couple?”

You almost choke on your drink at Jeff’s boldness, but Justin answers his question before you could cough out a reply. “Nah, not yet man. Y/N wants to take things slow. Something about not wanting to get her hopes up if things turn sour.” Justin laughs. 

Jeff looks at you knowing exactly why you want to take things slow with this guy. You didn’t want to be let down the way you did with Jeff. It was obvious you were still hurt and Jeff’s suspicions of that were proven by your avoidance from his analytical gaze. 

An awkward silence falls upon you guys, but Justin doesn’t seem to acknowledge it as he was vibing out to the music. You and Jeff exchange awkward looks while you anxiously bite on the rim of your solo cup. 

Just as you were to speak up to bid goodbye to Jeff and get away from the tension Erin comes running up to you. “Y/N it’s our song!” She yells, clearly intoxicated. Before you could protest what was about to happen she drags you over to an open spot in the crowded house to dance to Britney Spears, Toxic. Ultimately leaving Justin and Jeff alone. 

As you danced to one of your favourite songs you were grateful that Erin pulled you away because your mind was starting to drift away from Jeff and the way his presence made you feel. The next thing you know the song was over, but you continued to dance with Erin to five other songs while Zane supplied shots for you two. 

While each song passed you were oblivious to Jeff’s eyes on you. Justin was talking his ear off about the mixtape he was working on and quite frankly Jeff couldn’t give less of a shit. Every time Justin asked him a question Jeff would simply respond with vague answers, trying his best to suppress his emotions. 

Seeing you after all of these months apart it made Jeff realize just how much he missed you. There was no denying he missed you from the moment you walked out of his apartment, but ever since then he tried his best to distract himself with creating. And it was working, but that was until now. 

You continued to let loose occasionally glancing over to Jeff’s direction without realizing what you were doing. It wasn’t until you felt arms wrap around your waist that your dance moves come to a stop. You quickly turn around and smile while stumbling into Justin’s arms. 

“Hey baby.” You say while wrapping your arms around Justin’s neck while continuing to sway to the music, the alcohol you drank flooding throughout your blood.

“I’m going to get a drink do you want anything?” 

You simply nod your head as Mariah walks over to catch up with you and Justin walks away to find the kitchen. Your conversation with Mariah was going great until you felt someone place their hands on the small of your back. 

“Excuse me.” 

You turn to look and see the person was Jeff walking past you. He makes eye contact with you and you could’ve sworn time stopped in that moment, making you automatically sober up. His eyes were full of longing as well as hurt. Jeff doesn’t stop to talk to you. Instead he keeps on moving through the crowd of people to leave, your eyes yearning after him.

Your focus on the brunette is ultimately broken when Justin hands you a beer. You shake your head and turn back to your conversation with Mariah and introduce Justin to her. As you do this you miss Jeff turning to look back at you one last time, his heart breaking even more as he watches you grasp onto Justin’s arm while laughing loudly. 

As he walks out of the party Jeff’s mind wanders to what you two could’ve been ultimately hurting himself more at the thought. 

tags: @jeffywittek2020

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hi! Could I please request headcanons with the Durins, Bofur, Dwalin, Legolas, Elrond and anyone you'd like to add (or take out, sorry if that's too many characters) with a reader that tics? Like sometimes, random sounds slip out of them and they repeat them periodically for like a minute or so? Or sometimes hand movements or little gestures? I feel kinda embarassed of mine, so it would really help me. Thank you (also I read the nail polish headcanons and I loved them, you're amazing!)!

Absolutely!! And don't ever feel embarrassed! You are amazing, beautiful and perfect just the way you are!! Hope this meets up to your expectations! I'm not very familiar with tics and such, (I did a bit of research) so let me know how I did with the writing!

Tics (Thorin's Company x reader)

Thorin

At first, our king under the mountain doesn't know what to think

Surely he didn't hear you squeak...

To be honest, he thought you were doing it to annoy him, since your first interaction, you might have gotten off on the wrong foot 😅

And it wasn't the easiest to explain to Thorin, knowing he can be a tad thick-headed sometimes

It took a while to help him comprehend and had never seen it in your light

He understands now though, and has the most patience you have ever seen

He's never been more understanding to one person, even with his stubborn and sometimes grumpy demeanor

Thorin knows you can't help it, which is why he's instantly overprotective of you

If anyone dares make one comment, he's on their case like CRAZY

"Y/N can not help it, gilthock!"

"If you improperly console with her/him/them again, you'll face the wrath of my kin."

When the company was being chased down by Beorn, your tics were triggered and the great skin-changer could hear you from inside, clawing at the door with fury

You felt terrible, not able to contain the short exclamations and noises slipping from your mouth

But Thorin sent an icy glare to anyone who tried to hush you or tell you to keep it down

He's constantly reminding you that it's not your fault, and has become like a fatherly figure to you... Or perhaps, something more 😉

Fili and Kili

Unsurprisingly, both are also very confused little princes

Fili seems to have a bit more understanding of the seriousness of the situation, or at least maturity

(He is next in line to be king after all)

It took a while for them to adjust, since they'd never met anyone with tics before

One night, as you all sat down by the fire, the company grew a bit rowdy, which became stressful for our poor Y/N

Your tics were triggered easily by then with short yelps, and lines of curses that even made bofur blush

Ofc, you couldn't control it, but since the company had little idea of what was going on

the two brothers were quick to rush to your aid, rubbing a hand on your back as you let out a frustrated groan

"What's wrong with her, Oin?"

"I'm not sure. Is it a curse?"

"Probably dark magic!" Dori gasped

You just shook your head and managed to explain your predicament through tics that annoyed the absolute shit out of you

and embarrassed you as well >:(

After that, the princes were stuck to you like flies to honey

They would always ride their ponies by yours, offer to carry your bags, spend all day cheering you up

And more often than not, you would become less stressed and the thought of your tics would float away in the wind 😌✨

Hell, they even stood up to their own uncle after he continued to press some stressful questions about your unfortunate condition

Even if Fili and Kili are both very aware of the randomness of your outbursts, they still treat you as a normal part of the company

They'd hate for you to feel "out-of-place" as Kili put it, in their traveling party

You are so important to them both, and they'd never let you get hurt

Bofur

Meet Mr. Comedic relief

Whenever Bofur had first met you, he giggled at your little tics

Of course, he'd never meant to make you feel bad, he just thought they were absolutely adorable

Sometimes he playfully teased you about it, and that certainly didn't make you feel better

One night, he had gotten the others in the company to join him in his seemingly harmless jesting,

You just forced out laughter, hoping to convince them that you too, thought it hilarious

But after everyone had fallen asleep by the dying fire, your quiet sobs and tics were what stirred bofur

He came over and asked what was wrong, apparent worry shining in his deep brown eyes

So, reluctantly, you explained why you had little outbursts

Bofur felt awful

"Oh...oh. Oh I'm so sorry lass/laddie/leddie! I never meant any harm!"

He wrapped his huge arms around you in a big bear hug

Bofur never wanted to make anyone feel bad about themselves, especially you (his favorite member of the company 🥺)

"It's okay Bo. It's not your fault that they happen."

It takes a while for you to convince him he's not at fault, and once you do, he's never reluctant to approach you and spark up a silly conversation 😊

He has THE BEST stories

Is very good at keeping your thoughts away from your tics and cheering you up during stressful or upsetting situations

You call him "Bofur-Bear" 🥺

And he adores you so much

He doesn't really know how to react when you have ongoing outbursts, that go on for a minute or two

So he makes really corny jokes and stupidly hilarious innuendos that extract giggles from you while your having an episode

He will never let you go 🥴👉👈

Dwalin

(This Gif is so GOD DAMN FUNNY 💀)

Dwalin is, in some ways, like Thorin

Except 10x more grumpy 🙄

That's okay though, because we still love him 🥰

SUPER confused

At first, he was kinda rude :/

Said it was "disturbing to his duties"

tHAT HURT-

But one night, in the quiet of Rivendell, after everyone else had fallen asleep, you walked around the kingdom to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the elvish land

Dwalin had followed you, and when he called your name, you jumped in surprise, and it sparked a string of swearing

His eyes widened in shock in first, and then some incredible happened

He smiled :)

Just a tiny little grin, that was hardly noticeable under his thick mustache, but a smile nonetheless

"I didn't know ya' could use yer mouth like that."

You grumbled and turned back to the balcony, trying to rid yourself of his company

Regardless, he took heavy steps next to you, and slapped a thick hand against your back, as a friendly gesture

"Why are being so nice to me all of a sudden?" You asked incredulously

Dwalin sighed, but before he could answer, you yelled and slapped your hands against the marble railing

"I hadn't meant ta upset ya' that much."

You just shook your head, and proceeded to describe to him what was really going on

After that, Dwalin was silent, but gave a quick nod

He still needed time to really let the information seep through his thick head

You thought you had scared him off at first, but as your journey continued on, Dwalin actually grew closer than before

Whenever an enemy was nearby, he would look for you first, and place you behind h, out of harms way

Extra dinner? Dwalin made sure you were the first to get second portions, despite your humble protests

He gets teased by the rest of the company, and though he'll never openly admit it, he's grown very fond of you 🥴

He's not really the best at picking up on your social cues, like if he's being way overprotective

Though he tries his best, he also won't can't treat you like a regular person, more like someone who's physically injured

"Come on, Y/N let me carry ya'"

"Dwalin, seriously, I'm fine, I know how to walk-"

*picks you up anyways*

Overall, very sweet, just a bit excessive sometimes 😅❤

I just decided to stick with these few characters if you don't mind, since I have a lot of other requests to fill out, but I hope these are okay!! Thank you for your request, and I hope these were accurate enough 😅🥰

You're amazing, beautiful and never feel ashamed or embarrassed for something you can't control!! Stay strong!! ❤

[sweetestlamb]

Mostrami Amore.

Summary: Cha-young tries to move on from a certain mafia boss. 

Author’s Note: Thank for to everyone who sent in prompts for Chayenzo, it resulted in this mess. I don’t have much to say, I considered making this into a multi- chaptered story but honestly I don’t have time for another ongoing story so if this seems rushed it was a little, I wrote it in one go today. Hope you enjoy this, I stuck in some of my favorite crack ship because I am weak and obsessed. Happy reading! 

p.s takes place after final episode but han seo lives because this is my world and I get to play God. 

Another postcard.

Their delivery becomes sporadic and she’s embarrassed at the giddiness that washes over her each time a new square is sent miles across a wide stretch of ocean, the view on the card most likely lackluster in comparison to the true rendering of Malta. She has spent many hours on her laptop searching for images of the small paradisiac island, yearning to see what he sees and feel just a tad bit closer to him. Most of her life has been spent in solitude with only her work acquaintances filling the void at times, so she expected herself to be more equipped to deal with his disappearance and subsequent absence. But nothing prepares her for those moments at the coffee shop, when she finds herself smiling across a table only to realize there is no miniature espresso cup in the hand of a very dangerous Italian Korean mafia member grinning back at her. 

The smile melts off her face and she swallows the bitter cool sludge in her cup, the beverage tasting exactly as he had described it without him there. 

Nights are the hardest, loneliness coils around her like a snake. 

There was never any other fate for them, she knew that when Vincenzo murdered all their enemies this was their only real outcome. He would always be a fugitive on the run and she an accomplice if he were captured and questioned, it was in both of their best interests if he vanished from the face of the planet. But knowing that does nothing to qualm the ever present feeling of isolation that clings to her skin as she sits alone on her couch, downing makgeolli at a vicious pace. Trying to wash his taste from her mouth, that kiss on loop in her mind and the phantom grip of his hand on her neck. 

It’s those treacherous nights without the plaza members that have become a second family to her and Han Seo following her like the lost puppy he is calling her “Noona” so freely and frequently until she forgets her own name, that she allows herself to feel exactly what she’s feelings. 

Heartbroken. 

Desperate. 

Lonely. 

Rage. 

The last one she hides like a dirty secret in the closet of her heart, she knew what she was signing up for. She has no legitimate reason to be angry, or so she tries to reason with herself. But. This was the same man who had bypassed the security of one of the richest men in Korea and ultimately killed him without leaving a trace. She had watched him do despicable things, blackmailing, threatening, seducing, and murdering others as he saw fit and yet, he hadn’t used any of those dastardly ways to see her. That chance meeting at the art gallery had been the last she had seen of him, Then a few weeks later another postcard with the same message she had boldly uttered at the airport, it feels insufficient after having him in her arms again. She knew in that moment that they would never be enough again. She hadn’t even argued when Mr. Nam claimed he would leave this one on his table instead, she merely nodded and walked away to peruse the new sexual assault case she has taken recently. 

It gets harder and harder to hear Han Seo regaling the wonders of his “hyung”,  her anger boiling deep below the surface like magma waiting to explode and transform into something tangible and destructive. 

“He told me that he has a room for me too. I wonder when he’ll let us visit.” 

She nods absently, staring out the window at the sunlight twinkling in through the blinds but then his words register and the gears in her head churn before running the sentence back through to carefully process them. 

“He---what? You spoke to Vincenzo?” 

The human puppy pouts his lips before tilting his head and dealing a hard blow to her ego and her heart, “Yeah, he sends me letters. I got so scared the first time! He said the letter would self-destruct after I read it and I really thought that was true and I dived across the room to escape but I bumped my head on the table and then...” 

He sent Han Seo letters.  

She had received the same fucking postcard for months on end with the same message she had said to him, and he had time to write Han Seo letters. He hadn’t sent her even one in the time he had been gone. 

“That fucking bastard!”  She explodes interrupting Han Seo’s recount of his near death experience and he looks wide- eyed and taken back by her outburst, she almost soothes him before another wave of anger rushes through her veins. She had accepted the bare minimum because she thought this was all he could give her but it seemed she was being too naïve. He was Vincenzo Cassano after all, he could make anything happen. She had seen it with her own two eyes. If he wasn’t reaching out to her maybe that was a message and she was too blind to see it. 

“Noona? Are you okay?” Han Seo looks absolutely terrified, eyes huge and quivering. She doesn’t bother answering, grabbing her cup of lukewarm coffee and stomping out of the office ignoring Mr. Nam’s calls behind her. She’s tired of being an idiot. 

She throws herself into forgetting him, the same way he seems to have forgotten her despite his words to her that fateful night on the stairs. 

I thought about you everyday. 

Actions speak louder than words and she is done accepting his crumbs. She has never needed anyone, had even accepted when her own father wanted nothing to do with her; she has basically been prepping for this moment her entire life. 

So she goes shopping with Miri, buying gadgets that she has no idea how to use but that the other girl makes sound like things that she definitely needs such as a new home security system, her break in still fresh in her mind. She grins at the pretty smile on the other girl’s round face as she explains the specification of the machines around them and she can see why Han Seo has such a huge crush on the girl, the pretty blush that blossoms on the other girl’s cheek after stating the fact out loud is adorable and she pinches said cheek much to her chagrin. 

“You should worry about your own love life.” Miri teases but the words sting like acid on her skin and she turns away to hide the grimace on her face, but she’s not fast enough and the other girl catches her wrist halting her movement. 

“What? What’s wrong? Did something happen to Mr. Cassano?” Miri whispers the last part, looking around to make sure that nobody overhears them. 

She forces herself to stifle her emotions, trapping them in the back of her mind refusing to let him have this kind of affect on her. 

“I wouldn’t know.” She tries for a emotionless tone but even she can hear the bitterness in her own voice and Miri’s eyes fill with pity and it makes her sick to her stomach, “Don’t. I am going to be fine. Let’s just go.” 

They don’t utter single word in the car ride home. 

After that it becomes painfully obvious that everyone in the plaza thinks something is wrong with her and are teaming up to make her feel better. It’s the packed lunches that keep showing up on her desk without fail, her clothes being steamed and pressed for free, the way that they won’t allow her to be alone and there are countless spontaneous family game nights all ending with her drunk and being carried home. 

Tonight Mr. Tak is the unlucky volunteer, dragging her limp body in her father’s house and she thinks of all the times that they drank here together and a certain person was the one hauling her body to bed complaining and grumbling but that distractingly fond smile on his face that he only ever seemed to shoot her way. Her heart thumped loudly as he loomed over her and leaned in close, getting her hopes up only to brush her hair behind her ears and softly tell her, “Go to sleep now,” and she had never been obedient all her teachers could testify to that but when he looked at her like that she was powerless to do anything else but listen. 

“I miss him.” The traitorous words fall from her lips and vanish into the inky darkness of the night. 

A deep sigh from the left of her, “We know.” 

She feels vulnerable, the worst thing about having a weakness is other’s noticing too. She hates how weak she feels. 

“I am going to forget him.” 

The body supporting most of her weight tenses under her arm and she waits for his response, they all love Vincenzo- he had become their unexpected hero and leader in many ways. They would always take his side, she knows that. 

“If that’s what you need to do to be happy. Then, do it. Loving a man like Vincenzo isn’t easy.” 

She turns to look at him in genuine shock. 

“What? You thought I would tell you to keep waiting with no end in sight? You should know by now, you mean a lot to us too. Your happiness is important to us too, we’re a family.” 

“But we’re the Cassano family,” she challenges unable to accept that they could love her without Vincenzo attached, but Mr. Tak shrugs at the clarification, “We can be the Hong Family too.”

She feels her eyes swimming. 

“I should go inside.” 

She feels sober and more awake than ever, she stays up all night twirling the long strands of her hair in between her fingers. 

Thinking. 

Variety is the spice of life. 

She doesn’t know where she’s heard that but it’s those sage words that are the catalyst for her spontaneous decision. 

“Same as always? Silky with some body?” Her stylist peers into her eyes through the wide mirror and she hears herself say, “No I want a cut and some color.” Yu-jin raises one pretty tweezed brow but nods after a moment’s pause, “Okay. How short are you thinking?” 

And that’s how she starts her day with long thick hair that grazes her lower back and ends it with a short bob that tickles her neck. It feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulder, metaphorically and literally and she loves the face that she sees in the mirror, her eyes looking brighter than they have in months. She feels more alive, like a snake shedding its skin and becoming a newer and fresher version of itself. 

“Your hair?” That becomes the running theme for her day, shocked gaping mouths and hands reaching out for the hair that was once there.  She merely smirks at their palpable surprise, especially Seol-jin who doesn’t recognize her from behind. 

“I haven’t seen a pretty lady like you aro--Oh Ms. Hong! I’m so sorry I didn’t recognize you, I am so sorry please excuse me!” The interpretative dancer bolts away leaving her to watch him bemused, she skips to Jipuragi with a pep in her step laughing loudly when Mr. Nam drops his coffee upon seeing her and the brown liquid goes flying and douses him in a sticky hot mess. 

It’s an entertaining day to say the least. 

Moments later when he’s finished cleaning himself up and changing into the cheetah print track suit that he insisted to keeping in the office, he mentions that a new postcard has arrived. She nods at the information, looking at her laptop and it’s only seconds later that she finally looks up and sees that he’s waiting for her response. She doesn’t have one. 

Forcing a tight smile on her face she replies, “Oh that’s great. Just put it with the others.” 

He does. 

But she can feel his eyes on her, his concern heavy and tangible in the air. 

She pretends not to notice and keeps clicking away on her laptop, only glancing over at the card once or twice. But it’s only out of habit. 

Nothing more. 

She starts going on dates with random men. Men she meets in coffee shops, on the streets, in bars, hell one time even the bookstore. She never meets the same man twice and they never get what they want but it does make her feel desirable and that’s all she’s looking for. 

“Where are you going?” Han Seo asks her curiously, Miri by his side as she struts out the plaza new perfume on her skin. 

“On a date. I’ll see you both later.” They both gape at her and can only watch with wide eyes as she sashays away, heels clicking with every step. 

Word spreads like wildfire and no one takes it harder than Mr. An, who calls her a “jezebel” and cries at the front of the law firm for hours, she has to step over him to go get lunch shaking him off when he latches on to her ankles. 

The others just look at her with sad eyes, filled with both understanding and disappointment. 

Much to her surprise the lunch boxes keep coming and her clothes are still pressed and starched to perfection though. 

She also starts taking self defense classes, Korea is much more dangerous than she had first suspected and she has to be able to protect herself because nobody is coming to save her.  Not anymore. 

It becomes a great outlet for her built up anger and her instructor praises her for being a fast learner. She grins and nods before flipping him and twisting his arm around his own neck in a modified sleeper hold. When he taps on her arm she squeezes tighter instead of letting go and he goes limp for a moment before she comes back to herself and releases him hastily with a quick apology, “Sorry!”

He rubs his neck, panting for air and she feels guilty, there's a tinge of that but most of all she feels powerful, more so than she has for a long time. 

It’s crazy but she finds herself asking him for drinks after class and even crazier is that he agrees even with her marks still there on his skin, the area bruised and red. He looks at her like she’s challenge that he wants to conquer, she lets him believe that’s possible. It’s only a bit of fun anyway, she has no plans for anything serious. 

Drinks turn into a drunken cab ride home with his hand on her thigh, hot through the thin material of her tights and they don’t feel right- too small and not rough enough but she’s moving on and she has no time to reminisce. 

There hasn’t even been a postcard lately. Message, loud and clear. 

When she shoves the keys into her door, he’s glued to her body leaving wet kisses on the long column of her neck and she tries to suppress the nausea that swims in her stomach, everything feels wrong and she hates herself for feeling that way. Why shouldn’t she fuck whoever she wants? He is probably doing the same thing, everyday on his beautiful private island. Kissing women that aren’t her and whispering dirty Italian words into their ears as he rocks back and forth, nary a thought of that Korean woman he knew once upon a time. 

Fuck him. 

She rocks back into the purposeful grind of the hips behind her, feeling the hardness that digs into the soft flesh of her ass and finally the door opens and they both tumble in haphazardly and he thrusts a hand under her loose shirt fingering at her breasts before a dark figure moves far too quickly in her peripheral and she hears her date cry out in pain. 

She almost faints at the familiar sight of the one person she never expected to see, the hard glint of his cold eyes as he twists the same hand that had just been fondling her chest. The grip looks painful, the wrist contorted in an unnatural manner. 

“What the fuck? You have a boyfriend?!” Her instructor cries out, voice high pitched falling to his knees as Vincenzo kicks his feet out from under him. 

She rolls her eyes, of course he would come now when she is trying (and failing) to get over him. 

Vindictively she answers the question, ‘No.” 

But that makes Vincenzo twist the wrist in his grip even tighter and she can see the bones breaking so she takes pity on the poor man, he didn’t sign up for a murderous mafia leader after all. 

“Just let him go. You have no right to do any of this.” 

He doesn’t listen right away and absently she wonders if she’ll need to test out her new moves on him, it would be satisfying to deck him square in the face. She dreams of that as often as she dreams of their reunion. Her feelings are...complicated to say the least. 

Then with a grunt, he throws the other man away like he’s trash and growls out, “Get out of here before I kill you.” 

She tries not be get turned on by that. But it’s a hard sell, her body already getting revved up. He’s telling the truth. 

The man wastes no time, jumping to his feet and bolting out the door without one backwards glance. Asshole, he was really just leaving her with a clearly unstable and dangerous man. 

“We need to talk.” Vincenzo squeezes out between clenched teeth, and her blood runs cold but she stares him dead in the eyes tired of this game they’ve been playing, if he’s here to end things she wants to know. 

“Okay. Then talk.” 

She looks insanely beautiful, with her hair cropped so short bringing his eyes to the tantalizing length of her neck. His eyes close in on a spot of moisture on her neck, he feels his blood boiling imagining that bastard touching any part of her.  She’s glaring right back at him, her chest rising and falling and he can’t help but check her out, it’s been months since he saw her in person the photo of her doing aerial yoga above his bed couldn’t compare to the tempest that is Cha-young in real life. 

The flat plane of her belly is on display under the white crop top loosely stretched across her chest which leads down to her slim hips and legs wrapped in white spandex, leaving very little to the imagination not that he hasn’t imagined her in far less many, many times. Too many times to count. Spilling across the silk adorning his king sized bed with only her name on his lips. 

She looks fucking hot. 

That makes it even more frustrating because he can still clearly see that bastard wrapped around her like a snake and his hands going up her shirt---he has to take a deep breath before he breaks something. Or chases that asshole to break his face. 

There’s so much he wants to say to her, so much he owes her. 

I missed you. 

I love you. 

Come with me. 

“Who the hell was that?” He says this instead then watches her eyes glint over into nothing but pure murderous rage. Wrong move. But he couldn’t help it, green eyed raged taking away his decision making abilities. 

“That’s all you have to say? Get out.” 

He wasn’t expecting rose petals and trumpets when he returned but he definitely wasn’t expecting this, her cold glare or another man in his spot. He thought she would wait for him, just as he had done for her. 

“Are you serious right now?” He counters, flabbergasted. 

“Deadly. Get out.” 

He clenches his fist, and then stomps out. Turning back but only to watch the door slam in his face. 

What the hell. 

It had only taken a letter from Han Seo to get him on boat that would take him to an open field and hours later he was soaring through the skies on a hot air balloon, on his way back to Korea. It was insane and he barely had time to explain to his family but Luca nodded at him like this was the only choice and told him that he would take care of everything, and he trusted those words more than he had ever trusted anything in his life.

“Vai a prendere la tua donna( go get your woman).” 

He had nodded, gruffly patting the other man on his shoulder before hopping over into the waiting boat. 

But he wasn’t so certain anymore that Cha-young was his. 

She seems different. Colder almost, she leaves whenever I mention your name and she goes on dates now. I think she’s moving on hyung, what are you going to do? 

Those words had been the scariest thing he had never seen. Scarier than every gun that had ever been pointed at his head. He thought what they had was something special, something that could stand the test of time and distance. He stared at the huge pile of letters on his bedside, all addressed to her. He had written one everyday since they had been separated, but each time he was too much of a coward to send it. In those letters he could say things that he could never say to her face, things like how much he ached without her by his side and how her smile was the only thing that kept him going. In those letters he could regal the ways he loved her, and how deeply she had been branded into his soul, every atom of his body belonged to her and her alone.  He would kill for her, die for her, anything she needed or merely wanted he would provide it, all she needed to do was ask. 

He could only share those feelings in the letters. 

He walks for hours, until he ends up at his old apartment the familiar door greeting him and he sticks his hand in his pocket before he remembers that he gave the key away, with a sigh he starts to walk away before the door creaks open and he hears a voice he hasn’t heard in months. 

“Hyung!” 

A warmth spreads across his back as a solid weight almost knocks him off his feet. He reaches one arm around his body, awkwardly slapping the face that is pressing into his collar. 

“You really chose to stay here.” 

He feels the nod on his shoulder, “Of course. It made me feel closer to you hyung, I missed you.” 

He grunts in response, before turning around and tugging the younger man into a real hug. He had missed the annoying little leech too, he had missed everyone. 

They are still in each other’s embrace for a moment before Han Seo pulls away, sympathy etched deep on his face. 

“She wasn’t happy to see you.” 

“There was someone else there.” He hates the words even as they leave his mouth and Han Seo winces, looking pained for him before tugging him into the small apartment. Everything is just like he left it.  He looks around in awe. 

“I’m sorry hyung. What are you going to do?”

That’s the golden question, he pondered it all the way here and he’s no closer to knowing the answer to that. Usually she is the one that makes the move, she has always been the brave one between them. He back steps and says things he doesn’t mean and she sees through him and smashes down all his walls. That’s how this has always worked. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave her alone. Let her be happy.” 

A loud scoff reaches his ears, “Sure. Is that why you sailed across sharked infested waters and trusted a hot air balloon company run my former thugs?”

He smarts at the sarcastic reply and glares before flicking the cheeky brat on his nose, "I liked you better when you were stupid you know. Now you're a little smart ass."

The younger man looks even more youthful as he grins back at him, rubbing at his nose before shrugging.  "I learned from the best."

He has no rebuttal for that so he tries to flick him again, giving chase when he darts off.

It feels good to be home.

He warns Han Seo not to tell anyone that he's here least they give away his location.

So he's not surprised the next day to find the cavalry at his doorstep hands filled to the brim with containers of food. There are tears, mostly from Mr. Nam who won't stop screaming his name and pinching his cheeks to see if he's real and Mr. An who wraps around him like a koala despite his very detailed threats. It's all chaos and so familiar that his heart aches but her absence is like a hole in his chest. Nobody mentions her but they all keep looking at the door, so it's obvious that she was invited but chose not to come.

Because she didn't want to see him.

"You're here to win her back right?" He doesn't know who even utters the words but when he glances up they are all looking at him expectantly.

He didn't know that was what he was indeed here for thought that she would happily welcome him back and they could pick up where they left off but she's made it clear that this won't be the case. This will be the most important fight of his life.

"Yes. I'm here for Cha-young."

He gets enthusiastic thumbs up and a loud giggle from the Yeon-Jin  and Cheol-Wook’s adorable baby, her little hands too uncoordinated to do a thumbs up but she waves excitedly  feeding off the energy around her.

He wonders how Cha-young would look with a baby in her arms, their baby it's a dangerous thought. But one that he can't get out of his mind once he thinks it.

They stay until midnight, forcing him to eat and drink too much soju until he passes out to dreams filled with a round Cha-young, belly swollen and protruding from her body. 

It doesn't take much to learn her schedule(Mr. Nam hands him a laminated copy) and he has to put on a disguise but he enters the shop seconds after her, hearing her order that god awful sewer water she's so fond of.

"An espresso for me." He leans in too close, almost brushing her shoulder and she jolts at the sound of his voice, turning to stare at him as if she's a mirage.

"You're still here?" She whispers and then shakes her head and looks away as if she's hadn't meant to say the words aloud.

It hurts him that she thought he would leave without telling her but he can't blame her, he has been anything but consistent. Instead of answering, he leans forward to hand his credit card to the cashier who glances between them suspiciously before accepting the card.

Their orders are ready in seconds and he follows her as she walks to their table, butterflies in his stomach at the familiar sight.

She turns to him with a glare, "It's just the only available table."

He moves to pull out her chair and she starts at him tight lipped before sitting down. She's in a tight black suit today, two long slits on the side of her pants going all the way up to her thighs. He gulps down his drink to get rid of the drool pooling in his mouth.

"You're upset with me."

She stares at him like he's the biggest idiot on the planet, it's not a look he receives often but she's always the outlier in his otherwise organized life.

"Astute observation." She quips back, sucking loudly at her coffee.

"Why?"

He considered how to go about breeching this subject and in the end had decided on going straight to the source, he had been under the impression that this was working for them.

Her face morphs into a person he hasn't seen for a long time, the Cha-young that would berate him and make him angry enough to curse in Italian.

"Do you think this little of me?"

He's completely lost, "What do you mean? What did I do that was so wrong? Wrong enough for you to cheat on me!" He's panting now, his voice has gotten loud enough to catch people's attention he can feel them watching their table, nosy and invested.

"Cheat on you?"

Cold as ice, her voice is. It almost makes him shiver.

"How could I possibly cheat on you? We're not together. You send me the same postcard with the same message every few months. I have no idea what you're doing in Malta, who you're with. You can't even be bothered to send me a letter, do you think this is a relationship? You think it's enough to pop up like this every once in a blue moon? You've told me nothing about how you feel about me but I'm supposed to be satisfied with whatever you throw my way?"

If he wasn't sitting down his legs would have already given out he's certain about that. Her voice is deadly quiet each word landing and chipping away at his confidence.

"I'm doing the best I can! You knew it would be like this after everything was over, why are you blaming me now? How about you, I don't know how you feel either!"

"I love you! Anyone with eyes can see that, I told you that at the airport too. And again when I took a bullet for you, you didn't think that meant I loved you? I was willing to die for you."

Shit.

It's not at all how he expected them to confess their love for each other, it's hard to believe the words that are coming out of her mouth as she bares her teeth at him.

"So why are you doing this? Why are there other men?"

Why aren't I enough? He wants to say but he's scared of her answer, terrified that she'll say that she can't do this anymore. That he just isn’t enough anymore. 

She stares at him long and hard.

Waiting for something. But he doesn't know what.

"You haven't changed at all. You're still a coward, I'm not interested in guessing anymore. I’m done playing this game.” 

She stands up and walks away, leaving her unfinished coffee on the table.

Unwanted just like him.

She doesn't see him for days and she accepts that her words had done their damage, she had cried until she fell asleep that night. Waking up with swollen red eyes that no amount of concealer would save but thankfully no one commented on her state.

She goes through her day on autopilot and before she knows it she's back home, ready to face her night alone  again. She pushes the door open, half praying he'll be waiting for her but her hopes shattered when she turns on the lights and finds no one.

"It's better this way." She lies to herself, pouring herself an obscene glass of soju. She's going to need plenty of alcohol to get through this pain.

Her head is woozy and heavy when she hears a sound, suddenly alert she stills in her chair before rushing over to get a frying pan walking on the tips of her toes she prowls closer to the clicking sound, finding herself at the window peering at a long lost friend. Placing the frying pan on her window sill she pry opens the window, screeching when the audacious bird flies inside landing on her table as if he belongs there.

"Hey Inzaghi! Get your dirty bird feet off my table!"

He looks at her nonchalantly, making himself comfortable on said table and she sighs before shutting the window and drunkenly swaying over to him.

"What are you even doing there? Do you want to be my bird now, I won't be a very good owner. I won't remember to feed you. I barely remember to feed myself."

Despite being a bird he finds a way to roll his eyes at her before standing up and only then does she notice something on his leg. She looks at him cautiously before moving closer and untying the paper on his leg, the pigeon barely reacts before flying over to her couch. She sighs in annoyance, she's going to have to clean everything after this bird leaves.

She unwinds the string holding the paper together, unrolling the paper scroll. There is a message written inside: the rooftop. 9 pm.

Glancing at her clock the time shines at her.

7:34pm.

"This could be a trap."

It very much could be, she has enemies now. It was a small price to pay for taking down Babel but she's always looking over her shoulders now, so this note could easily be someone luring her to hurt her or get back at Vincenzo.

Inzaghi coos loudly at her as if he can hear her thoughts. This time he finds a way to look exasperated.

She stumbles off to her room.

She needs time to think.

"So she told you that she loved you and you didn't say it back?"

"I was shocked. She was growling at me and looked ready to kill me at the same time." He reasons back, trying to show his hyung his point of view. The younger man doesn't look even a little bit convinced by his logic.

"Okay and? That sounds perfectly normal for you too. You should have shot someone and wrote it back in their blood on the table."

He recoils in disgust at the suggestion, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you actually insane, why the fuck would I do that?"

Han Seo stares deadpan in return.

He puts up a hand trying to stop whatever response he has, "Don't say it."

It doesn't work.

"Pig's blood. Don't forget I saw it all, I've never seen Ms. Hong look so excited before. You're both crazy."

Well, that had been different. It was an old tradition, she simply had an appreciation for the classics.

"And I bet you're defending her right now in your mind. Noona is just like you, that's why you're made for each other. She's the gasoline to your fire."

"You know that would just make an even larger fire right?"

"Yes. I'm smart now remember? I know what I said."

He sighs falling into the comfortable familiarity of the couch, a spring digging into his thigh.

"Why didn't you say it back?" His stills at the barely whispered question, his chest constricting as he recalls the passionate confession. He had frozen, like he'd always known she was the brave one between them. Always doing the unexpected and the time was no different, her words had knocked him off his feet.

"Because I was scared."

Han Seo huffs at his honesty. He doesn't know where the words are coming from but he's tired of keeping it all in.

"Because if anything happens to her it'll break me, I thought it would be better if I kept her at a distance. I thought this was enough. I thought this would be easier. When I think about her I want to drop everything and just be with her and that...was too dangerous. I had to keep my distance."

There's a pregnant pause, just the sound of their breathing filling the void.

"Was it?"

"What?"

"Easier. Is this better? Enough?"

He thinks about Cha-young getting married to a faceless man, exchanging vows and sealing it with a kiss, happy and in love on their honeymoon wanton moans and screams from their room, learning that they're having a baby and her round and glowing with someone else's child smiling brightly as she rubs her belly and it's too much. He wants to smash it all into little pieces.

"No. It's not enough. I need her, without her nothing is enough."

"That's what you should have said to her. Don't glare at me I'm right, but I have an idea. I saw it in an American cartoon."

And that's how he lets his younger brother convince him to send a note to Cha-young using Inzaghi, the pigeon had shown up one night and he'd been so happy he almost kissed the bird.

"How will he know where Cha Young lives?" He asks skeptical even as he ties the note to the birds leg.

"I showed him a picture of her house. According to the cartoon, birds just know.” 

He stares at the younger man, wondering why he's listening to this ridiculous plan.

"This is stupid. I should just text her, Inzaghi is never going to deliver this. He's just a regular pigeon." 

"This is more romantic." He answers matter of fact.

"How is a pigeon delivering a message in anyway romantic?" He challenges already knowing from the shit eating grin he won’t like the response. 

"The same way pig blood was." The brat counters and he doesn't get a chance to respond before Han Seo picks Inzaghi up and throws him out the window, "In the name of love!" He only barely stops himself from bashing his head into the wall, the younger man has to wrestle him to the ground.

It's stupid. They did all of this for nothing the cool breeze makes him pull his coat tighter around his body, exposed to the weather on the open space of the rooftop.

He checks his watch, 9:48.

She's not coming and the worst part is that he doesn't know if it's because that damn bird never delivered his message or if it's because she really doesn't want anything to do with him. The burden of not knowing hurts more than anything.

Expelling the air in his lungs he walks back to the single door that leads off the roof, twisting the doorknob in his hand and pulling it open.

Meeting the shocked face of one Cha-young.

They both just stare at each other before he speaks, "You came."

He can't believe it. Inzaghi had actually delivered the note, somehow the pigeon had found her house and she was here. He almost pinches himself to see if he'd passed out on the roof and this was just a dream.

"I didn't know Inzaghi was a carrier pigeon." She futilely tries to change the subject and he takes a step back, gathering the tattered pieces of his courage. The same courage that had propelled him to kiss her all those months ago on the stairs.

"I'm so happy you're here. I waited for you."

She stares at him like he has two heads before blushing, and avoiding his eyes.

"Come with me." He extends his hands and tries not to be too hurt when she bypasses it and steps around him instead.

At least she was here.

With a quick swipe of his hand he sends the message to his accomplices.

Now.

The lights come on, fairy lights decorating the roof top in a heavenly glow. She spins around in wonder, eyes nearly as bright she's so beautiful it's almost painful to look at her.

Then the music starts.

The soft notes filling the space.

When I walk down a road I don't know well....

She looks around in wonder, staring back at him she can’t believe what’s happening. 

Then the letters start falling from the sky, all the letters he had written to her alone and missing her thousands of miles away. His plaza family smiles down at him, throwing letters from a higher building.

Cha-young stares up at the sky in surprise, hundreds of letters landing all around her.

It had taken a few days for Luca to send them all over and then another day to get the guts to do this, there was no turning back now. He had never willingly made himself vulnerable to anyone else, but according to Han Seo it was the only way he was going to win her back. 

“She just wants to know that you love her too. Show her.” 

He watches anxiously as she picks up a letter, stroking lightly at her own name on the front looking at him with stunned wet eyes. 

“You wrote me a letter.” Her voice is revere and awe that he doesn’t deserve, not after everything he has put her through in the sake of protecting himself but he’s too elated to see her looking at him like that again, like he’s someone important to her. 

“182. For each day we were apart. I told you I thought about you everyday, and every time I did I wrote you a letter.” 

She stares at the letter in her hand, gently ripping it open and devouring the words on the page. Nerves shoot up and down his body as he watches her read his most private thoughts about her, her expressive face for once empty of emotions as she silently reads the letter. 

He waits. 

Breathless and terrified. 

“Why didn’t you ever send them? They were mine so why did you keep them?” He hears an edge in her voice that makes him wonder if she’s only talking about the letters. 

“Cha-young, I don’t think you understand.” 

She breathes out loudly, stomping over to him until they are inches apart and he has no choice but to look into the deep pool of her eyes. 

“I don’t! I don’t understand anything, I thought you had found someone else in Malta and the postcards were just your way of being nice. I thought you didn’t feel the same way I did, you were sending Han Seo letters but you wouldn’t do the same for me. What was I supposed to think? Why didn’t you try to help me understand, you were gone for six months!” 

There’s so much wrong with everything she said, how could he find anyone else when his heart beats for her? How could he forget her when everything he did reminded him of her, he saw her every night in his dreams. But he doesn’t make the same mistake this time, he says what’s important. 

“I feel the same way. I love you Cha-young. I thought this was better for you, that this could be enough. But I was wrong, I missed you every minute of every--” 

“Come home with me.” 

He stops, stares, gapes and then stares some more. 

“What? I wasn’t finished confessing though.” Actually offended that she interrupted his planned speech. He was about to recite one of his favorite Italian love poems for her and then ask her to dance. 

She rolls her eyes dragging him towards the door, “Don’t you think we’ve wasted enough time? It’s been six months and you have been here for too long, you have to go soon.” 

She’s right, he has a flight in two days for an identity he borrowed for his escape. 

“Listen to her, just go back to her place and have a good night!” That sounds like Cheol-Wook and then they all erupt into applause and start cheering and hollering, chanting their names and then to his embarrassment they start chanting, “Go have sex! Go have sex!” complete with the monks banging on their drums and he doesn’t think he will ever live down this moment, especially when he sees Miri capturing it on the new video camera he had gifted her. 

He flips them off as an eager Cha-young pulls him away their laughter following them all the way. 

The car ride is too long on the way over and she wonders how quickly she can undress them both as soon as they reach, there is simply no time to waste. 

But once they get to the doorstep he suddenly freezes, tugging her backwards into his chest. 

“This looks familiar doesn’t it?” His voice is dark and smoky and she immediately knows what he’s referring to, and she refuses to give him any reaction. 

“Are you seriously doing this right now?” 

“You let someone else touch you. Here.” He runs a hand up her neck, briefly squeezing, “And here,” she gasps at his hands suddenly on her breast, squeezing harshly at the tender flesh. 

“So what are you going to do about it?” She knows that she’s playing with fire, but that is their foundation. She has never aimed to cool him off or tone him down, she sees the dark side inside of him and loves it, encourages it and feeds on it herself allowing it to bring her darkness out too. 

He kicks the door open, shoving her side and she delights at the rough treatment. She hopes that she is filled with his bruises tomorrow. 

She doesn’t wait for his next move, pulling her shirt up and over her head before tugging off her skirt leaving herself in a barely there lace panties and a matching lace bra that is translucent, her nipples peeking through the sheer material. He stares at her transfixed, his hunger evident in his eyes and in the tent forming in his tight dress pants. 

“Take those off.” She commands and he smirks before obeying, peeling the pants off his thighs standing in his button down shirt and tight boxer briefs that leave nothing to her imagination, every delicious inch of him visible. She steps forward bringing their bodies in contact, before thrusting her hand inside the opening of his briefs. He feels hard and smooth, liquid pooling at the tip and she twists her hand collecting it to ease her slow strokes up and down. His voice hitches as she fingers his balls and without warning she tugs his boxers off, leaving him bare to her eyes. 

Mesmerized by the unencumbered sight of him, she drops to her knees using her hand to guide him to her eagerly waiting mouth. 

His flavor explodes on her tongue and she swallows more, grabbing his hips to drag him deeper into her mouth until she can feel him in her throat, but even after her eyes start to burn and she feels herself choking she doesn’t stop, bobbing up and down hungrily, sloppy wet sounds filling the room in a filthy symphony. At first he lets her control the movement, pliant in her hands but as she increases her speed and suction he starts groaning and huffing loudly and then she feels his hand on the back of her hand, keeping her in place and when she looks up at him he looks wrecked. Eyes dazed and his face red and flushed, she ingrains that image in her mind, for when he’s gone and all she has are her toys. 

She stares back defiantly before he draws himself out of her mouth, a single line of spit connecting them and then he thrusts back into her mouth roughly and she opens her mouth wider to accept the abuse, loving every second of it even as a her throat aches. He sets a frantic pace, his balls slamming against her chin and she doesn’t realize at first that his grunts have transformed into words, too much blood rushing to her head. 

“Mine. Mine, nobody can---ah fuck! Nobody can see you like this. Only me. You’re mine.” 

He fucks her mouth like it’s his to use and do what he pleases, and she’s wetter than she’s ever been listening to him claim her verbally and with the wet push of his dick in her mouth. 

She starts grinding on the floor like a cat in heat and without preamble he grabs her under her armpits and lifts her like she weighs nothing, his dick sliding free from her hot mouth, “I want to make you scream.” He says this like a declaration of love and she throws herself at him, kissing the words off his lips. His tongue swirls in her mouth and she wonders if he can taste himself in her. It makes her hotter and she grinds her barely covered pussy onto his naked length, groaning at the friction even though the thin layer separating them. 

He tosses her onto the bed and she doesn’t even remember them walking, his tongue and his wondering fingers had completely distracted her. 

She lays sprawled across the bed as he stares at her, like she’s feast he can’t wait to devour. 

“Nobody has been in here.” She doesn’t know if he’s asking a question or making a statement, but she feels that his jealousy is real. Seeing her with someone else had done something to him, guilt washes over her. If she had seen him with someone else she would have lost her mind too. 

“Nobody. I never brought anyone home before, that guy was a mistake. I was just hurt and missing you. I’m sorry.” 

He had abandoned her for six months and she didn’t owe him anything but his pain is her pain and they are stronger now, everything has been said. 

“Good.” 

Then he rips her panties away and buries his face between her legs, prying her wide open with his hands and lapping at her with his searing hot tongue. Immediately he has his wish and she screams, loud enough to fill the entire room. 

“Already screaming amore? It’s going to be a long night, I want to make you hoarse.”  

She doesn’t get a moment to respond before he’s back to licking and sucking at her most sacred part, fingers deep inside her as he thrusts and strokes alongside his tongue, his fingers and tongue moving in tandem and she tries to stifle the scream but a particularly deep fuck makes the sound erupt from her throat and her head feels dizzy from the overwhelming sensation. 

He has boundless energy it seems, as time drags by and she feels her body tightening up as he systemically destroys her, he never takes a break or pauses, slurping up all the liquid that drips from her and the sounds of him swallowing are beyond erotic. When a hand runs up her stomach and squeezes at a bouncing breast she can’t contain her moans of pleasure, crying out as his fingers pinching the tight bud of her nipple. 

“Please.” 

He coos in her, “So pretty when you beg.” Then he sticks his tongue as far as it can go and she hears the rush of blood in her head as her body shakes apart and her release gushes from her body, twitching when he laps it all up her oversensitive body recoiling from the overstimulation. 

She has never come like that before, most men have never put in the work necessary to make her come and she wasn’t one to fake it so her experiences with sex with someone else were few and far in between. 

This feels like nirvana. 

“You still with me amore?” The bastard looks so smug, looming above her naked arms on the side of her head, and she had no idea when he took his shirt off. 

“I can’t feel like my legs.” 

He chuckles loudly at the statement, grinning growing wider. 

“Well I can assure you that they’re still there and they will look great wrapped around my waist.” 

Raising to his challenge, although her body is still buzzing she wraps her legs around his waist, they feel like jelly but she finds the strength to follow through with her movement. 

“I was right they do look great.” 

“Well this would look great in me.” She counters, grabbing at his thick ruddy red dick jutting from his body and he rocks into her hand before knocking her hand away and taking himself in his hand. 

“Do we need a condom?” He asks her, looking like he is ready to stop at nay minute if she tells him that they do. 

“No.” 

She has been on birth control since she was a teen and there’s been no one for her since she met him, and she trusts that it’s been the same for him. 

“Thank goodness, I want to feel everything.” He barely finishes his sentence before he’s easing into her, slow and steady. She lets him continue for a moment before she tightens her legs around his waist and pulls him in roughly, as deep as she can get him in this position. “Fuck, you’re so impatient.” 

“Shut up and fuck me already.” 

He grumbles at her calling her bossy, but she sighs when he draws out and slams back in with a quick snap of his hips. 

“Yes just like that!” 

He takes direction very well, repeating the motion until the bed starts to creak from their movements, he pistons in and out of her gone all semblance of gentle or slow, they have teetered into a speed that can only be defined as “break neck” and she feels her body sliding up the mattress as he pounds into her over and over again, she latches onto his neck eager to leave a branding mark on him and he groans at the suction, grinding harder into her and gripping her ass to force her to meet his vicious thrusts. 

Absently she feels him peeling her bra from her body, the only remaining item of clothing that has survived their coupling and she knows exactly when he sees the scar. The grotesque knitting of skin that had left a permanent scar on her shoulder, she almost covers it up but when she peels her eyes open he is staring at her mesmerized. 

“Don’t look.” 

He leans down to kiss it, the softest more precious kiss she has ever received in her life. 

He peppers more kisses all over, then strokes at it with a single finger. 

“I should have realized, this was your confession. I was an idiot. I will never be that stupid again, I love you so much. I would do anything for you. Anything.” 

He puts her legs on her shoulder, nearly bending her in half before resuming his thrusts but they are less frenzied now, it feels like lovemaking. Her eyes prickle when he kisses her scar with every downward thrust, whispering, “Beautiful, so beautiful. Every inch of you.” 

She cries out. 

With every thrust he kisses her scar, making her feel lightheaded and naked. 

When he moves them into a new position, her back to his front giving him better access to her scar, she loses herself as he whispers sweet nothings into her ears and litters the spot with warm kisses. 

She falls off the edge with his lips on her scar and him deep inside her, warm bursts filling her up before leaking out onto the bed sheets. 

“Today’s our last day.” 

Waking up next to him is torture, she tries not to ingrain that in her mind but it’s too late it’s already there. He blinks away the sleep in his eyes at her words and then nods solemnly in agreement. 

“Yes for this visit. But I’ll always come back for you.” 

She smiles brightly, “Don’t keep me waiting for too long.” 

They don’t leave the bed except to get breakfast and that ends with her laid across the kitchen table getting taken from behind after teasing him. He can’t seem to keep his hands off her new hair, twisting the short strands in his hands and yanking on them. She catches him looking at her heatedly more than once. 

Then they wind up in the shower, trying to clean up and getting dirtier instead, his hands tight in her hair and around her waist as he hoists her up to pound her into the wall. Making up for lost time. 

They get messages from their entire family, Vincenzo showing her a message from Han Seo asking if he’s going to be an uncle soon. She promises to embarrass him in front of Miri very, very soon. 

Both pretend they don’t feel the day fading away, bringing them closer to their goodbye. 

Tomorrow he will be gone again, but there’s no guessing now. She knows what she means to him now and that’s more than enough. 

She wakes up to an empty bed and a ticket to Malta, the ball is in her court.