#or maybe I'm full of shit. who knows

[hawkeene]

okay i finished 6a (only 5 eps left to go now!) and i'm genuinely so emotional about demetri and hawk (as i always am) because genuinely, all of their issues always stem from how much they love each other.

in s1-3, eli changes. he becomes hawk. and he gets popular! and he stops getting bullied! and his life isn't hell anymore, and fuck, he likes himself a little bit more. but demetri doesn't. demetri who's been by his side forever, who has always been his best friend, half of himself even, looks at him stronger, happier, more confident and just... looks away. and it makes hawk so mad because everyone else loves him now. everyone but demetri. and everyone isn't enough. he needs demetri to love him too. but demetri refuses to for some reason, and he even refuses to call him by his new name. he flat-out refuses to acknowledge the person he's become, and it hurts hawk so much. but being hurt by something like this is for pussies, so he turns it into anger, and he lashes out again demetri constantly. if demetri refuses to clap, then hawk will give him an actual reason not to. and to add to it all, he thinks demetri doesn't love him anymore. and yet, hawk can't stop loving him.

and demetri, on the other hand, has loved eli his entire life. even when no one else did, demetri loved him, oh, so much. until one day, eli changes. he has a new look, a new haircut, a new tattoo, new friends, and a new personality even. and suddenly, demetri is on the outside looking in. it had always been him and eli against the world, but now eli is in the world, and demetri is left standing on the edge alone. and he doesn't get it. their friendship has always been everything he needs, so why does eli need more? why isn't he enough anymore? and now eli is slipping through his fingers, and demetri can barely recognize his friend anymore. and he tries so hard to hang on, but all eli ever does is push him away. so demetri pushes back. because clinging hurts too much, and clearly eli doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, so why does his chest hurt when he looks at him?

they're both so angry at each other, because they still love each other so much. hawk is mad at demetri because he still loves him so much. because demetri is the one part of eli he can't seem to get rid of. even when he tries his best to drown it, this fondness, this love he has for demetri manages to break through to the surface, and hawk just can't let that happen. so he pushes demetri, farther and farther, hoping demetri will finally give up on him, on them. but he doesn't give up. even when he's mad at hawk, even when they've been at odds for months, he tells him "you'd actually hurt me?". and then, again "please, stop, it's me". even after everything hawk has done, demetri still believes there's something there, between them.

and then s6 rolls around, and again, love is the issue. demetri has planned his entire life with eli (around eli) for... forever. and when they made up, he just assumed that was back on track. that whatever path he walked, eli would walk beside him. wherever he'd go, eli would go, because he would go anywhere eli does. and that's such a given for him. that is never questioned even once. once they start talking about uni with their friends, demetri never once asks eli where he's going because, duh, he's going to MIT with him. demetri and eli will be together, tomorrow, in 3 weeks, in 3 years. it is a fact of nature. it is the one thing demetri is always sure of.

but on the other hand? hawk has grown, and changed, and he's become so much more than he ever thought he would be. and he still loves demetri, and robotics, and designing, and nerd shit, but he also knows there's more to him now, and some part of him wants to explore that! and when he tells demetri he might not be going to MIT, when he tells him he wants to "keep his options open" (insane dialogue choice btw), he doesn't understand demetri's reaction. because he's so confident in the strength of their relationship, he doesn't really see what the issue is? and because of that, because the thought that being away from each other could change things never even once crosses his mind, he reads demetri's anger as obsession, as being a control freak, instead of the fear that actually hides behind it. because there's no fear in hawk's mind. even if they go to different schools, they'll always be in each other's lives, they'll always love each other, so why is demetri reacting like this?

they're mad at each other because how much they care and love for each other creates a huge misunderstanding. if eli doesn't want to go to MIT with demetri, that's a personal attack on demetri, on their relationship, and it must mean eli doesn't love him as much as he does him. if demetri reacts so vehemently to hawk exploring his options, it's because he's a control freak who still refuses to love and accept hawk for who he's become.

and it's just... it's so fascinating. each time they're having major issues, love is the fucking problem. the love they have for each other is exactly what's driving the wedge between them. because both times, demetri loves eli so much he doesn't understand why he needs anything more than them, because he certainly doesn't, he never has. because both times, hawk doesn't understand why the person he loves most refuses to love him for who he is, fully, and that hurts so much because he's the only one whose opinion really matters.

[sergle]

has the huggable twee irritation always been a Thing or did it evolve in response to like, "you're not ugly. i'd fuck you" type comments? like in your personal experience

god, I'm not well spoken enough to describe it exactly the way it Registers In My Brain... but like. It's not the "you're not ugly, I'd fuck you" genre, and that type of comment is so easy to immediately dismiss because it always comes from a certain type of man, and it's like yeah yeah, I could throw a sandwich and you'd fuck it before it hit the floor. But also, that one's so specific, it's a bottom-of-the-barrel "compliment" that dudes will give when a woman has actively said something about feeling like she's unattractive.

The HUGGABLE THING. The oooh squishy marshmallow somft huggable mom shaped 🥺🥰 She looks like she gives GREAT HUGS. Those comments are UNPROMPTED. I'm immediately like. Every keyword you say, I kill another hostage. I will blow up this whole building and everyone in it. Because it is SO FUCKING WEIRD. And I have heard it one million times. And I see it on every drawing of a character who's even remotely plus sized. These comments would not fly for a thinner person, they'd be rightfully received as weird. People aren't gonna comment on a picture of Ariana Grande going omg she's sooo huggable mom friend shaped. WHAT. Simultaneously are desexualized and sanitized to a weird degree in that uwu language way, WHILE also being creepy. Like, why are you describing what you think I'd feel like if you hugged me? Like the only positive thing you can think of to say is that I look like I have some give. As strangers. I'm not going to hug you, I think you're a creep and I think you're giving yourself a big pat on the back for complimenting a fat person. What are we doing I'm arguing at the air. Where am I And you're just supposed to go oh thank you that's so nice, because as a fat person, you gotta take whatever compliment you get, even if it is actually not a compliment. And that's the thing, there are SO MANY ACTUAL COMPLIMENTS TO PICK FROM. But people settle on huggable and somft. Was this person pretty? Were they hot? You could say gorgeous? Handsome, beautiful? Elegant? Stunning? Sharp? Sexy? Stylish? Are you trying to say that you're attracted to this person's body? Are we being horny? Do you think they just look nice in general? Can't we think of anything else to say? Or are we just gonna sit here and say they fuckin look like Santa Claus. Huggable like a pillow. Girl what the fuck

[vaguely-concerned]

just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2

[bleeding-hart]

some sketches

based on @theicarusconstellation's writing

I keep thinking of details I left out and stuff I need to fix but if I let myself do that I'm going to go insane so we're leaving it at this

Also some Sirius because they're a fucking king and we love them (I very strongly hc them as genderqueer and using any pronouns, but specifically he/they/she/it)

The dress was a bit of a failure but hey it looks like fabric at least I think maybe

[spamtoon]

i would take their poison

Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)

[roaringroa]

they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

[francy-sketches]

I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

[jubileebloom]

I aspire to be a lover not a hater. but

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of the horrors brian goosebumpsphantomoftheauditorium is still So funny for being like yeah i'm a ghost i know i'm a ghost. & he's befriended the horror fan menace duo who are giggling clutching each other like omg omg okay. we're fine. we're breaking into the school at night to investigate the horrors aaaa what if there's a ghost eek ok ok!!! & brian ghost who knows he's a ghost is like omg guys aaaa stopppp ;;m;; suffering thee Most but he's not putting on an act to conceal his phantomly destiny. he's just like that

[shirogane-oushirou]

thank you, tv room, for giving me a brain blast and helping me FINALLY decide between some different ren origin options after mulling over them for months :) he may have come fully formed in my brain personality-wise, but i'm still working on details.

still waiting on that voice claim brain blast tho KJANSFKJN

[afniel]

AH I REMEMBERED WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY EARLIER but it's kind of stupid, lmao.

So my partner is getting into brewing beer and I got them a Tilt, which is a Bluetooth hydrometer. It measures specific gravity and temperature, which are things you want to know so that you don't kill your yeast or whatever. Except the sensor's Bluetooth range is super short, and it basically runs via a phone app, and the temperature we're logging currently is the crawlspace, accessible via the staircase closet. So they were like, wait, what do we do about this, because I can't leave my phone in the closet, that's my alarm clock.

In a kind of ridiculous turn of life imitating art, I was like, hold up, I got just the thing right at my desk. Bam. Old phone. We just needed to scrounge up a charger because the battery is so dead that after charging just enough to power on it claimed it was at 53% (to be fair to it, there is a very real chance that it's correct, and it just holds no charge at this point so the capacity is just THAT low) and now it lives in the closet logging sensor data.

And I was like, you know...didn't I just solve a major story detail with a much larger version of this...yeah, no, this is all vaguely familiar somehow, power supply issues and all. Kind of cool that the concept works though. Kind of weird that it came up at all?

We are not gonna talk about the fact that I still have at least two more ancient-ass phones in a drawer where that came from because look, man, sometimes you just need a camera/mic/mini computer with Bluetooth and wifi that fits in a pocket, and people just get rid of these things, but not me. I actually could build a shitty security system out of them if I was reaaaally inclined. I mean. I'm not. But it's technically possible.

For real though, If I pick up any stupid maker projects I still high-key am thinking about slapping Bluetooth into a necomimi headset and running that through an Arduino and learning to code just enough to let me skip songs/change the volume on Spotify with my brain, because it's entirely doable, and I mean yeah I could do that on my phone remotely too, but that's not funny, now, is it. I'm just not sure it's $350+ of parts funny. Kind of a big investment just to prove the point that haha look I am the extremely ADHD type of lazy where I would rather solve a problem via the most convoluted and complicated Rube-Goldberg type ass machine way possible rather than just perform a single simple action.

YEAH I'VE BEEN THIS SCATTERED ALL DAY AND I REALLY SHOULD GO TO BED SHOULDN'T I. I started playing Satisfactory. Mistakes were made. I'm going to dream about conveyor belts again and I did it to myself...

[izzy-b-hands]

prolific is slow, so more filming and posting it is for today (tho I'm making!! slow progress!! towards enough ad revenue for a payout, and i got like 100 views across all my stuff yesterday alone! which isn't a lot for most ppl but for me it's !!!! which makes it worth it to try and keep up the tighter filming/posting schedule as best I can)

[cappurrccino]

tfw u find a graduate program that sounds fucking incredible and has a specialization in book conservation, but then you look at the application requirements and realize you'll never get in 😔

[skrunksthatwunk]

not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine

[azumasoroshi]

watching this dude play undertale and it's really funny because like. he killed one froggit back in the ruins and then continued the rest of the game passively and the chat will not stop bringing it up, because, of course, it's undertale

but he doesnt know the significance so he gets really defensive whenever they bring it up and he's like "IT WAS ONE FROG!!!" and it's just. absolutely hilarious to imagine frisk saying that in the narrative context of undertale

these comments put it best i think lmFAO