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fuck1ng-queen · 2 days ago

Text

Less Complicated

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Words: 1.6k

Warnings: none actually, enemies to lovers

Author comments: hey bestiessss! this is the first oneshot i'm posting to celebrate valentine's day with bad omens and i'm so excited to this week because i'll post one per day! i hope you all like it and see you tomorrow! 💕

The wind was blowing so hard you could hear it. You pressed your arms against your body, trying your best to close your coat around you. The leafless trees danced under the light of the streetlamps. A few small piles of snow piled up on the damp sidewalks, reflecting the brightness of the shop windows decorated with red hearts and shiny letters. The distant sound of laughter and conversations between couples walking by created a cozy backdrop, contrasting with your loneliness as you walked. Valentine's Day had never been a special day for you, it was just another one when the world around you was immersed in hearts and flowers. As you walked to the café on the corner, the one you always went to when you felt lonely, your thoughts were occupied with the upcoming exhibition you were organizing for the local gallery. It was the only thing that still kept you distracted from it all.

The sound of music in the distance caught your attention. You frowned in disapproval as you recognized the melody of the famous song by the band you avoided listening to so much. More specifically, the lead singer you'd rather forget: Noah.

Noah had always been a constant presence in your life, but not always for the best reasons. Ever since high school, your lives seemed intertwined by an inexplicable rivalry. He was the kind of person who always made a point of annoying you, as if he knew exactly where every single one of your vulnerabilities was. How could someone who hated you so much get to know you so well? And to make things worse, he did it with pleasure, always with a smile on his face that at the time you could die for, but you would never tell anyone that you found it attractive.

The music in the distance brought back memories. The fierce competitions to be the best student in the class, the discussions about who was the most creative in the projects, the challenging looks you exchanged every chance you got. Noah always found a way to unsettle you, with his unfunny jokes and constant teasing. He knew exactly how to make you angry.

“Do you really think you can beat me?” Noah scoffed after one of the many competitions you’ve entered.

“At least I make an effort, unlike you who only rely on your own cheap charm,” you retorted, with sparks in your eyes.

“Charm? I didn’t know you noticed,” he replied with that mischievous smile that only pissed you off even more.

Inside the café, the warmth and the scents welcomed you. You took off your coat and sat down by the window, opening your computer to revise a few things. You were so immersed in your work that you almost didn't notice when a man entered the café, shaking the snow out of his hair and heading for the counter. He looked different from what you remembered, maybe more mature, but still with that carefree air that irritated you so much. You blinked a few times until you believed it was none other than Noah.

“I can’t believe it.” His voice brought you back to reality.

You looked up, forcing a polite smile. “Noah.”

“You here? I swear I didn’t expect to see you.” He smiled, and you had to fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“I’m working. What about you?”

“Show. We're in town. It looks like the band is still following you,” he joked, and you let out a sigh.

“Unfortunately, it seems so.” You turned your attention back to the screen, trying to put an end to the conversation.

But Noah wasn't the type of person to be ignored so easily. He ordered a coffee and sat down at your table, facing you. “Why are you always so serious? Isn't it Valentine's Day? You should be having fun.”

“And what about you? Where's your romantic day?” you replied, raising an eyebrow.

“I don't have one. My passion is music, remember?” He shrugged, taking a sip of coffee.

“Of course. How could I forget?” you replied, with a touch of sarcasm. “You play everywhere.”

“You always notice, then” he laughed, making you roll your eyes. “But what about you, still organizing those art exhibitions?” Noah asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

“Yes, that's my job,” you replied as dryly as you could, turning your eyes back to your laptop.

“You know, you really take all this seriously. Haven't you ever thought about relaxing a bit?” he teased.

You sighed and closed your laptop with an audible click. “Noah, why do you always feel the need to tease me?”

“Because it's fun to see you get angry,” he replied with a mischievous grin. “But maybe I also like to see you a little out of your comfort zone.”

“You don't change, do you? Always the same Noah, eager to be the center of attention,” you retorted, crossing your arms.

“And you, always so focused, so determined,” he said softly. “Maybe that's what I admire about you.”

You couldn't help but be surprised by the honesty in his voice. “Admire? You?”

“Yes. As much as we fight, I've always admired your passion for what you do. We're artists, we can't deny that we're passionate, and I admire that in you. Even if I don't say it often,” Noah admitted, looking directly into your eyes.

You felt disconcerted. You weren't used to this vulnerable version of Noah, let alone a compliment from him, or the way you felt, unable to arm yourself for a response. You looked away, trying to process what he had said.

“Well, thanks, I guess,” you mumbled, not knowing what to say.

Noah smiled, realizing that he had managed to disarm you. “Who knows, maybe we should try being friends for once?”

You arched an eyebrow, still skeptical. “Friends? I don't know if we're ready for that.”

“Maybe not now, but who knows in the future?” Noah replied, getting up to leave. “Anyway, it was good to see you. Good luck with the new exhibition.”

“Thank you, Noah. Good luck with your presentation,” you replied, watching as Noah left the café.

(...)

In the following days, you tried to concentrate on your work, but the conversation with Noah kept going through your head. He seemed different, more sincere, more vulnerable. It made you uneasy.

On the opening night of the exhibition, you were nervous. The lights in the gallery shone brightly, reflecting the meticulously selected paintings and sculptures. You ran your eyes over everything, as if there were still some detail or other that might have gone unnoticed, in an attempt to suppress your nervousness.

“It's perfect,” Noah's voice sounded next to you, soft and encouraging.

You turned to him, surprised to see him there. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to support you. We're artists, I know how lonely today can be for you. I thought you might need a friend tonight,” he said with a warm smile.

You felt a genuine wave of gratitude at that moment, making you smile back. “Thank you, Noah. It means a lot to me.”

“Can I ask you something?” Noah hesitated, as if choosing every word he was going to say.

“Of course,” you replied, curious.

“Why have you always hated me so much?” The question was direct, but there was a vulnerability in his voice that made you feel your stomach lurch.

You took a deep breath, staring at him. “It was never hate, Noah. I think it was... fear. Fear of how you made me feel. You were always so free, so confident, and I didn't know how to deal with it.”

“Fear?” Noah asked, surprised. “I never wanted to scare you. I always thought you hated me because well... I've always been a jerk to you.”

You laughed softly, despite your serious look. “And you were. But I was also a bit stubborn and proud. The two of us were always competing, always trying to prove I don't know what to I don't know who. Maybe we were actually trying to hide what we really felt.”

“And what did we really feel?” Noah asked in a soft tone, but full of curiosity.

You sighed, your gaze fixed on his eyes. “I think we were afraid of getting hurt. It was easier to fight than to admit that maybe there was something more. Something we didn't know how to deal with.”

“I won't deny it, I always felt there was something more,” Noah admitted. “But I didn't know how to tell you. Every time I tried, we ended up fighting. And then I thought, maybe it's better this way. Less complicated.”

“Less complicated, more painful,” you replied, your voice trembling slightly. “As time went by, I kept thinking about all the things I wish I'd told you, but never did. There was always a barrier between us, something we never knew how to cross.”

Noah took a step closer, gently holding your hand. You didn't remember, but that was probably the first time you touched each other, and it gave you goosebumps. “I always felt that there was something big between us. Maybe it's too late, but I think I'd still like to explore it with you.”

You felt your heart soar at his words. “Noah, I feel it too. I think I want to stop running away.”

He smiled, gently pulling you closer. “So, what do you say about starting now? My name is Noah and I sing in a band.” He smiled, holding out his hand to shake yours.

You giggled, feeling your face heat up. You smiled back, your eyes shining with the chance of a new hope, feeling that the truce between you could last forever.

Masterlist | Valentine's Day One Shots

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#bad omens #bad omens fic #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian fanfic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader

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dellamortethelesser · 14 hours ago

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The Wigmaker Job

Notes and Thoughts - Part 2

pt1 | pt2 | pt 3

Picking back up in the next scene, Lucanis and Illario are exiting the tavern on their way to the contract. Here, they are described as "lean with dark hair and umber eyes". ← THIS MEANS THEY PURPOSELY GAVE MY POOKIE BLUE EYES TO MAKE HIM LOOK MORE EVIL.

(I also forgot to mention in the previous scene they discuss that Illario fastidiously grooms his 5 o'clock shadow so they also took THAT from us. But! Veilguard did give him a huge ass… no, I need his brown eyes back).

"Illario was all smiles. His was a calculated handsomeness. From his smooth skin to his perfect, white teeth, everything was contrived to be enticing". ← insane thing to say i think what did caterina do to influence that so strongly. like yes, lucanis is a mage-killer and that's certainly a Niche, but let's not pretend that Illario isn't filling a different sort of niche. both of them have been trained to be more valuable Alive than Dead.

"As they walked through the crowd, he basked in the appreciative glances he received," ← unsure whether this is omniscient on part of the author or intended to be directly lucanis's pov. this specific passage i've never been able to figure it out. if it's lucanis's pov though, i would wonder if that 'basking' isn't just… a front.

I have to assume this passage is somewhat omniscient because it goes on to say that "… while Lucanis stared ahead, focused and intense. He was the kind of man you couldn't look away from—until he looked at you." ← i have to assume this is all referring to Lucanis? if so? because if it is lucanis's pov why would he… idk. 'the kind of man you couldn't look away from' could still refer to illario? idk. it's a really hard passage for me to parse i feel stupid. debate in the reblogs

This whole next part of the story makes me insane because it's just further emphasizing my point that Lucanis gives absolutely no thought to Illario as an equal working with him on this contract—THAT HE ASKED ILLARIO TO BE HERE FOR. i'll try to break this down but i recommend just reading along in your own copy alsfjk

"So what's the plan? Now that Ambrose knows we're coming" / "We were never going through the front door." ← Illario is asking here, now that there's proof the Venatori know the Crows are after them, what the new plan is. he is only JUST NOW finding out that Lucanis never HAD a plan that didn't account for this? again i'm not sure how lucanis "knew" unless it's supposed to make him out to be the better assassin, but it reads as though he was purposefully keeping Illario in the dark.

hang on let me just directly quote this next part

"I bought THIS—" Illario gestured towards his tunic. "Because YOU said we were dispatching Tevinter's 'premiere' wigmaker at an exclusive party. Emphasis on exclusive." "Uh-huh." "It was a rush order. We were with the tailor for hours." "I recall." "Why let me go through the motions of purchasing formal wear for an event we're not actually attending?" "I know how much you enjoy dressing up," Lucanis goaded and ducked under a pointed archway.

But. You are attending this event. Crucially you are in fact both attending this event and do need Illario to dress the part to get YOU where YOU need to be. Why are you goading him on like this?!

You're both on the way to this contract—and Lucanis is leading him through a back entrance, btw, AND THE FACT THAT ILLARIO DOESN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT TELLS ME THAT LUCANIS DIDN'T TELL HIM THAT PART OF THE PLAN EITHER—so why are you doing this?!

Lucanis why are you fucking with him like this on purpose? THERE'S NO REAL REASON GIVEN IN HIS NARRATIVE SO I HAVE TO EXTRAPOLATE THAT THIS IS JUST NORMAL FOR THEM. WHICH ISN'T NORMAL

quick interlude to add that Lucanis's 'bleeding heart' sympathies are here from the jump; he is aware of the cultural importance of the vhenedahl, and remarks that the magisters trying to make a statue to keep their slaves in line had the opposite effect.

Again Lucanis reveals some way into the passageways they're using—that Illario didn't know about on both accounts—and is SMUG ABOUT IT. HE TOSSES ILLARIO A SMUG LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDERS.

"I wouldn't complain if you filled me in," he grumbled. "Yes, you would." "As much," Illario conceded. "I wouldn't complain as much."

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THIS LUCANIS. The dynamic between them is just consistently reinforcing the idea that wherever Lucanis goes, Illario is expected to follow, unwaveringly, unquestioningly, and to be quite honest i would be driven fucking insane.

We're only so many pages in and there is a very clear way that Lucanis treats Illario just in the context of working CONTRACTS together, and that way is… not very good! YOU INVITED HIM HERE. WHY ARE YOU KEEPING HIM IN THE DARK?

I say this like I don't understand but a lot of people have rightly pointed out that this is their 'normal'. This is learned behavior, a learned dynamic, and I do believe Caterina is partly responsible for fostering it by showing such clear favoritism to Lucanis and likely giving him behavior to model.

Which goes back to my previous question of… why? If you're not going to name an heir and want this to be a winner takes it all relationship, why show such clear favoritism?! THESE ARE YOUR LAST TWO LIVING RELATIVES, CATERINA.

Back to the book. Lucanis's elf contact greets him with "Master Dellamorte". Cool! When she looks for an introduction, though, it is Illario that butts in with "Master Dellamorte the Lesser". ← hi my love. why did you do this? well because it reinforces the same shit we've been seeing the whole time. and calls back to how he already referred to lucanis as 'the great' in their first scene together.

"My cousin," Lucanis clarified. ← no defense or correction? fine maybe not the time or place. one of the more neutral statements that Lucanis has said to him but he's damned by faint praise and the fact there is no INNER NARRATIVE QUESTIONING ILLARIO'S ANSWER MEANS THIS IS ALSO ASSUMED TO BE NORMAL.

Heading up the passage. It's magic. the room spins

"Lucanis bit back a laugh as Illario held out an arm to steady himself." ← WHY. why is this funny to you. okay now im sounding like i'm seething at lucanis which i kind of am BUT TRUST I STILL LOVE HIM

THIS DYNAMIC IS JUST INSANE TO ME. okay anyways next bit. i'm covering one more scene and then will do another post for part 3. together we can work through this story a few pages every day. I'm gonna break up this last bit in some chunks

"You've made friends." / "You would too, if you ever left Treviso." / "I'm here now, aren't I?" ← Illario was trying to be nice. Lucanis immediately takes a shot at the fact that Illario stays in Treviso (are we implying here that Illario doesn't take jobs? Doesn't work?) and Illario reminds him that HE CAME TO VYRANTIUM FOR LUCANIS. He's here for you!

"Seriously, though, what is this place?" "A perk. Given by our mysterious benefactor." Lucanis quickened his pace, hoping to leave the answer at that. Illario did not take the hint. "Speaking of, I have some questions about him… her… them?"

1) diversity win

2) AGAIN. Illario is being kept in the dark about things and Lucanis is intentionally not sharing them. WHY? We are never given a reason WHY from Lucanis. Just that he doesn't want to share anything with Illario—ostensibly about their client but ABOUT THE WHOLE CONTRACT IS WHAT THE NARRATIVE SHOWS.

"Oh, come on," Illario urged, matching Lucanis's pace. "When have we ever taken on an anonymous client?" "Since someone could put tangible stock in the phrase 'Silence is golden'." "You're not the least bit curious?" Lucanis exhaled through his nose. "If someone wants to pay me top coin to kill a bunch of racist blood mages—who have it coming—I'm not going to complain."

again we see Lucanis's sympathies coming to light. these are not bad feelings to have obviously we should hate racists. but they are assassins paid to kill and not get emotionally entangled in the job which Lucanis consistently does in this short story.

additionally. again. the way he talks to illario. i just. can it be stated enough at any point.

Quotes are either paraphrased or taken directly from The Wigmaker Job, written by Courtney Woods.

#dragon age #the wigmaker job #tevinter nights #dragon age analysis #dragon age meta #long post #my analysis #illario dellamorte #lucanis dellamorte #caterina dellamorte #house dellamorte (meta)

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herrscherofmagic · 1 day ago

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I'd like to add to this, though it's a bit tangential — there's also some pretty fundamental skills that exist in both STEM and humanities, and being able to make the connections between how they exist in these separate fields can really help your comprehension in either or both categories.

I'll have to apologize in advance because this post got way, way longer than I intended, and it's a fair bit messy and all over the place. But I do try and tie it back in to this original post, even if it takes a hot minute to get there >.>

I'm no longer in STEM at the moment but I did take a handy amount of both STEM and humanities courses, and ultimately chose the humanities route. Despite focusing on the humanities, there's definitely some STEM ideas that I found really useful in life, and by far the #1 has probably been the idea of abstraction.

For instance, when you say "abstract" there's a lot of things that can come to mind, with a common example being abstract art, right? Everyone knows the "crappy modern art" that's "overvalued" and "nonsensical" and whatnot. The funny-lookin' paint splatters on a canvas, or the giant blocks of solid color. That sort of thing.

Well, the word "abstract" is meant to represent the idea of something which exists separately from the real world. In contrast, the real stuff is described as being "concrete". The thing is that there's a spectrum of this stuff, with some things being more concrete but still a little abstract, and vice-versa.

Turns out that this is a REALLY important idea in computer science. Because computer chips work with 1s and 0s, and our silly primate brains ain't optimized to add a bajillion 1s and 0s. So instead, we use abstraction to describe collections of operations with these 1s and 0s: from the fundamental machine code that's binary operations only, to the "assembly language" that bridges the gap between binary numbers and human-readable characters, then to the higher-level programming languages.

We use highly-abstracted programming languages and write code like "a + b = c" but that has to be translated down into a more concrete code, the assembly language, and then that gets translated even further into the actual *real* operations happening on the transistors, the 1s and 0s.

And within a programming language we also use abstraction, such as in Java, an object-oriented programming language. You might take a block of code that has many different uses and describe it in a simple form as a class, then extend subclasses and give more concrete and specific definitions to that superclass.

A common and easy-to-understand example of this is Minecraft, with it's mobs, programmed in Java. There's a lot of things called "mobs", which are mobile entities that move themselves around and can interact with the player (and which the player can interact with). But some are aggressive, some are netural, some are passive— so how do you code all these different types of mobs?

What you can do is create an "abstract" class (not necessarily a literal "abstract class") for "mobs" in general, defining the most fundamental and simple traits (health bars, movement, dimensions, etc.) and then extend that class into specific examples. You might create a subclass for the "Passive mobs" that defines how they react to being hit by a player, with their frantic running around.

But then the "Hostile mobs" subclass has a separate and unique bit of code to describe how these mobs deal more damage. And then you can extend the "Hostile mobs" subclass into a "Skeleton" subclass to define ranged attacks that other mobs don't have, and so on.

You can work with varying levels of abstraction in your code, in order to meet different needs. By working at high levels of abstract you define wide and simple principles readily understood with less effort, and which can be more widely applied, and then begin to narrow down the code into more detailed sections for specific circumstances.

It turns out... that's EXACTLY how abstraction works in art. All the stuff you see in art exists on a spectrum from "abstract" to "concrete" and artworks are often made at some point on that spectrum to serve a specific purpose.

For example, you might want to visually depict a bird. On the most concrete level you have the human eye's vision of a bird, though even that is subjective: it's based on the physical health of one's eyesight, and the cultural expectations of what a "bird" is.

Then you have the photograph, which is still nearly exact concrete (hence "photorealistic") but still not 100% there. Then you have photorealistic art, and realistic, and then you go more and more abstract. You might move towards impressionistic art and pointillism, and then surreal art, and eventually you might arrive near total abstraction.

For instance, take this lovely photo of a Florida Scrub Jay (a very, very specific type of bird). This would be a rather concrete representation of a bird, and not just any bird but a particular species. Not a robin or raven or raptor, but a Florida Scrub Jay and nothing else!

(Photo from Wikimedia Commons)

Since that is a photo, it's pretty concrete to begin with. So to make it more abstract... I'll draw a quick study of it!

It's dirty and messy but gets the job done, I'm not making a 3-hour painted study for a tumblr post about STEM and humanities (and apparently birds, now). This took like... idk half an hour, 45 minutes? 15 minutes? I forgot to keep count and i've already put in like one and a half hours towards making this post by this point...

The drawing is still quite recognizable as being a Florida Scurb Jay, despite how messy it is, and you can also see the resemblance with the reference photo. It's farm from photorealistic, but it still has a strong level of concrete representation to it. It's far from true abstract art.

We can simplify things further, though, still staying representational but inching just a weeeee bit closer to the abstract:

First we do away with the background, stick with some simply bold lines, and use big broad shapes with solid color. Then we simplify it even more, using only a few lines to indicate major forms, and using just four colors. No tree branch either. You can still recognize it as a Florida Scrub Jay though... right?

BUT WAIT! Another competitor has entered the ring! in the corner with the steel chair, it's...

the Blue Jay?!

(Once more, photo from Wikimedia Commons)

Turns out, we've abstracted far enough away from the original photo reference, that now our bird doodle seems to resemble BOTH the Florida Scrub Jay (Aphelocoma coerulescens) and this lovely Blue Jay (Cyanocitta cristata).

After all, both are birds which are white and blue, and have a roughly similar body proportion. The tails and wing feathers are both blue, and the heads both have blue. Most of the differentiation comes from details, like the rings of black on the Blue Jay's tail, or the white tuft of feathers atop the Florida Scrub Jay's head.

Well, guess what, folks? We can abstract even further!

First, let's do away with all those pesky colors. We only need the one blue, right? After all, both the Florida Scrub Jay and the Blue Jay can be called "blue birds" so why do we need white or gray?

But that's not a very attractive blue, is it? So... maybe we brighten it up a bit?

Aha! Now we're talking. But this pose is a bit... meh. Now that we've abstracted away so much detail, you can hardly tell it's a bird! especially with the wing tucked in and the tail overlapped with the leg.

Maybe we can just flip up the wing and tail? And let's open the beak for good measure, too, just to emphasize that it's a beak and not a sideways ice cream cone!

Hmmm... That's looking better. Say, our original photo was of a bird standing on a branch, but we don't have the branch anymore, and birds fly right? So why not just get rid of the legs entirely?

And for some reason I feel like this would look really, really nice if we flipped it horizontally. Maybe clean up some of the shapes too?

Wait a damn minute...

Fuck, it's Twitter!

Achievement Get: Reinvent Graphic Design

Of course... there's still one last step of abstraction to take.

"Behold, a bird!-" Diogenes, probably

To make this a bit easier to understand, I've compiled it all into a handy-dandy chart (which I made before the aforementioned Minecraft chart, just fyi):

Representation isn't a singular possibility. That is to say that there's no one "true way" to represent a given bird, or in this case the Florida Scrub Jay. There are varying levels of concrete and abstract representation, and these serve different purposes.

Heck, even once we get to the level of abstract, there's different ways to abstract.

For instance, by abstracting to color, we get just a single shade of blue, not a random shade of blue but rather a specific shade that's derived from more concrete representations of blue birds.

But instead of abstracting to color, we can abstract to lines instead, and get a few vague lines that hint at the form of a bird flapping it's wings.

It's that sort of abstraction-to-lines that's useful in things like animation, where using simple linework to emphasize seemingly abstract concepts like "rhythm" and "movement" in a more tangible way can help make the figures feel more alive:

(Image taken from the Barnes & Noble listing of the book Gesture Drawing: Dynamic Movement and Form, by Michael Hampton.)

This is why I've grown to appreciate abstract art, even if it's not the primary thing I draw or my #1 form of consumed art. Because ultimately, abstract art can (though doesn't necessarily have to) serve a purpose: to explore the underlying visual themes throughout countless forms of art.

Explorations of line, color, value, shape, form, etc. have their merit in allowing us to contemplate these ideas in simple abstracted ways that do away with the messy distracting details. And once you get a better understanding of these fundamental art concepts in a more abstract sense, you can use that abstract understanding to reinforce your more concrete representational works. Shapes in underlying compositions, gesture lines in figure drawing, and so on.

Going back to the concrete-abstraction bird chart, you'll notice a little detour on the right-hand side of that chart. That's because I didn't draw my study directly from the photo; instead, I took multiple steps to get there:

A quickly and roughly-traced line sketch, then a value sketch (setting aside the photo instead of drawing over it at this point), and then adding the colors by eye, along with a few crisp lines to help indicate important edges.

THIS is the whole point of this rambling essay.

This is the crux of the matter.

This notion of concrete vs. abstract is one of the most important tools I have as an artist, because it allows me to divide the process of creating art into various stages with different intentions and different tools.

Instead of one continuous process from start to finish, from beginning to end, from concept to realized image... it's a messy back-and-forth between different processes that jump between simplification and complexity, from abstract to concrete.

It's that back-and-forth and decision-making which makes each and every artwork unique, and which helps add a tremendous amount of meaning.

And naturally, this applies to writing as well.

I don't want to drag this on any longer than it already has, so I'll wrap things up by going back to the very original post. To quote:

"I can instantly tell when someone in one of my STEM classes didn’t pay attention in English class in high school because they can’t read scientific articles without feeding them through ChatGPT."

Yeah. This is EXACTLY why I despise ChatGPT and almost every other form of "generative AI".

Even setting aside the environmental aspects,

Even setting aside the blatant stock manipulation and technocratic bullshit,

Even setting aside the plagiarism...

...ultimately, these statistical models cannot truly replicate the human process of creation.

They simply aggregate values associated with keywords, associations which are algorithmically trained via a dataset, and then spit out some randomized combination of these values. Regardless of whether these values are words or pixels or sound waves.

Letting these generative models do your "thinking" for you?? that can only be utterly devastating to one's own critical thinking skills. I'm quite frankly terrified by how desperately these companies push these "tools" because literally nobody on this godforsaken planet truly benefits from these things excepts shareholders.

Note, this isn't a dig at all forms of machine learning; there's an AMAZING wealth of possibility from machine learning as a whole.

This "AI" stuff just ain't it.

And this is why, ultimately, it's so important to study both humanities and STEM to some degree. These are different fields of knowledge that often have similar underlying skills involved, and learning about these different fields and identiying these common skills will strengthen your ability to use these skills in all sorts of scenarios.

To use an analogy with exercise, swimming and running are two very different forms of exercise. Just because a person is good at athletic running doesn't mean they're good at athletic swimming, and vice-versa.

However, both running and swimming require muscle movements, and the action of muscles requires energy. These muscles consume energy we get from nutrients, but importantly, they need *oxygen* to facilitate this process. And we get oxygen by breathing, right?

So folks learning to do exercise often need to learn to breathe well, too. We breathe almost effortlessly in daily life, but breathing purposefully helps you maximize your oxygen intake and CO2 outtake, making sure your body has enough oxygen to keep its muscles running optimally and for longer. Taking deeper and longer breaths while swimming, for example, can help you dive deeper for longer.

But guess what? Exercise ain't the only thing that needs good breathing. It turns out, when playing woodwind instruments like flutes, where you blow air out into or past the instrument to make sound... breathing is a handy thing as well.

So, all else being equal, a good swimmer will probably be better at breathing when they start athletic running than someone else who is also just starting to practice athletic running.

And, all else being equal, a good swimmer will probably have a better lung capacity and thus be better-equipped to play long passages when they begin learning to play the flute, compared to a different novice flautist who hasn't done any sort of exercises to practice their breathing technique.

Ultimately, there are still differences between breathing for swimming, and breathing for running, and breathing for playing music. But they're ALL still forms of breathing.

Likewise, the various critical thinking skills you learn in various STEM and humanities fields are all different and unique in their applications, but still have fundamental similarities.

Nobody needs to master everything, but to overly neglect STEM or humanities in favor of the other? That's going to hold you back, and make you vulnerable to being unable to handle various types of problems in life.

A lack of science knowledge might make you susceptible to misinformation about science, a lack of historical knowledge makes you susceptible to misinformation about history.

A lack of basic math skill makes it more difficult for you to handle logic problems in real life, and a lack of basic artistic ideas makes it more difficult to derive greater meaning and enjoyment from the plethora of arts in our daily lives; and so on and so forth.

The thing is that I think many people already have a greater deal of "basic knowledge" in various fields than they give themselves credit for. Even —or perhaps especially— when they're young!

Unfortunately, however, education systems (at least where I live, in the good 'ole US of A (derogatory) ) often separate these fields, and struggle to put them in the context of each other. To make it worse, once they're separated they're often further diluted to the point of near uselessness. History becomes rote memorization, art becomes algorithmic, math becomes overly formulaic, and so on.

If they can't be engaged with the educational material, they'll try and disengage. Especially if there are external circumstances such as bullying, chaotic or harmful domestic environments, malnutrition, etc.

And when time limits and testing standards are enforced atop all of this, naturally people turn to whatever "tools" they can to try and take back some of their time for their own interests.

Once upon a time these students would do things like write down the formulas for a test on the inside of their socks, or something. Now, of course... we've got ChatGPT.

There's so, so much to be said on the woes of education, but long story short, we're reaping the unfortunate harvest of decades of neglected education systems.

It's a damn shame, ain't it?

I cannot stress the importance of paying attention in language classes in high school. Maybe the reason why your English teacher taught you about unreliable narrators is because a lot of the media around you is written by unreliable narrators posing as reliable. Maybe they gave you assignments on interpreting texts so you could draw your own conclusions about news articles. Some of you clearly thought English classes were useless in high school and now are unable to engage critically with media.

#quite ironic i used such an extensive programming metaphor #given that I FUCKING HATE programming with all my being #i'd rather chew glass than code #anyways #live laugh love doing anything but programming :)#this is why I switched out of STEM- because I ain't codin' all day #uhhh idk how else to tag this so uh here we go #life advice #yeah that's all i got lol

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rei-ismyname · 3 days ago

Text

Cyclops, Masculinity, and the Hellfire Club

After Jean walks in on Emma's 'therapy session' with Scott, the two women have a long discussion in which he is not welcome. Scott deals with his feelings by getting drunk by himself at the Hellfire Club. People just will not leave him alone though, starting with this unnamed psychic dancer. She's presumably doing her job under the assumption that this is what men are here for. It's a normative and reasonable assumption, but Scott is pointedly uninterested in participating in this marker of masculinity.

The dancer's words remind us of Emma - telepathy, seduction, and a call to let loose - though there's markers of Jean there too, the wife he hasn't been able to communicate with. He rejects the whole thing as 'sexless and unarousing' instead of a 'no thanks, I'm not in the mood' or similar. Instead of rejecting Emma by proxy, my read is that he's rejecting the physicality of it, compared to the mind sex that's been going on. Also, Scott does a lot of 'calling the shots' - too much even. Exercising sexual, gendered power doesn't appeal to him.

This is nothing Scott hasn't been told before. I'm reminded of the butte sex incident specifically, where Phoenix urged him to 'get out of [his] head' so they could have sex. The dynamic and the power differential made the traditional gender roles hazy.

I think Scott agrees with the dancer here in some ways. He's been viewed as uptight his whole life and there's so many instances where Scott isn't the instigator of sex and intimacy. Here in the Hellfire Club with their regency cosplay the gender roles are super patriarchal. Scott rejects or tries to escape the expectations of traditional gender roles and the art reflects that - shifting from the male gaze to Scott's famous gaze. Interestingly we never see the dancer's face so we don't know who she's presenting as. It's Jean who has the significant association with black lingerie and red hair but it's Emma who's associated with BDSM.

Scott gives an awkward apology and explanation, doing his best to strip the illusions away. I can't help but feel like he's trying to convince himself that his complicated feelings for Emma aren't real but he's not doing a very good job. Why did he even come to the Hellfire Club? There's plenty of places to get drunk without running into people he knows or people that know him. He's wearing his X-Men jacket and his unique visor, not exactly incognito.

He completely avoids eye contact with the dancer and everything is tinted red, suggesting we're seeing everything through his POV. His gaze has a long association with angst and self doubt - I have to wonder how well he 'sees' the person he's making assumptions about. He's not exactly denying her personhood, but he's not especially interested in it either. It's ironic that he'd go to the one club that has a intimacy-free version of both his significant relationships with women at this point. One thing's for sure, he's not interested in performing masculinity, but he's in a space where he can't escape the expectation.

The faceless, nameless dancer eventually leaves. Scott's brief solitude is interrupted by a particular kind of toxic masculinity turned up to 11 - Sabertooth. He approaches from a dominant position in the ancient greek sense, from behind - while pointedly calling Scott 'boy.' He ignores this, and Sabertooth gets in really close to smell his drink, describing it as 'gay.' Deeply childish, but explicitly challenging Scott's masculinity. Creed accuses Scott of 'having issues' in a pretty egregious pot/kettle situation.

Scott responds, but simply by telling him to get out of his face. 'Seriously.' Creed switches to that other marker of masculinity - violence, or at least threats of it. Scott ignores that too, rejecting chest beating and puerile verbal sparring. Sebastian Shaw intervenes and orders Creed to leave Scott alone. Shaw has his own thoughts on exercising patriarchal power, but leaves when Scott isn't interested.

Scott is about to leave because 'his pride can't take it anymore.' He doesn't elaborate on this because he's accosted by probably the most prominent uber masculine person in his life - Logan. Logan accuses Scott of 'making the X-Men look like losers' and it's hard to read this as anything but a gendered challenge. He expands on Creed's judgment of Scott's choice of beverage by implying it's not 'real' (ly masculine) - slamming a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table. Scott's not interested in that either.

Logan doesn't really give Scott a choice, framing it in the context of a challenge. Denying that he's here to convince him to return to the X-Men, he tells Scott that Emma was murdered after he left. Leaving him to chew on that, Logan lays out the stakes of the challenge and departs for the urinal - that most bioessentialist of masculine spaces.

Making the subtext text, Creed follows him in for some insecure dick measuring. Rejecting any kind of serious discussion with an uncharacteristically cerebral Sabertooth, Logan issues violent threats and returns to Scott. It's got massive ex vibes in the best Creed/Logan homoerotic manchild way.

Scott finally opens up, discussing his relationship woes with Logan of all people. He shares how each of them makes him feel, explicitly tying the tension to the boy/man dichotomy. The 'pressure' and 'expectations' feel significant, something he should really talk to Jean about. Unfortunately he's got Logan instead, who's not especially interested in listening at all. He chimes in about Jean, of course, but he's here for tough love.

Scott ponders how anyone could think he'd shoot Emma. Above all he's not going back to the mansion and he's not drunk (or so he claims.) Logan, asshole that he is, suggests Scott should be grateful for what he has. 'You always get the best girls' which has got to be the worst possible thing to say (and super gross). Sure, he's having relationship troubles, but he's trying to figure out his emotions and his trauma. Logan frames this as 'all you do is whine' which is both not true and very rich coming from him.

I've never identified with Scott more than when he says 'I hate you.' Logan manages to make it all about himself, explicitly stating his jealousy. 'All I ever wanted was what you got' accusing him of throwing 'it all away to run wild with the White Queen.' He's right that Jean would like it if he came out of his shell, to a degree, but their problem is one of trauma and communication. Logan's possessive, reductive, and frankly ignorant diagnosis misses the forest for the trees. Scott's problems aren't his problems yet he gets the kind of advice one might expect from this hypermasculine space.

Further minimising Scott's issues, Logan shifts the conversation focus entirely to him. He outright says that Scott's problems are nothing compared to his and guilts him into helping assault The World to uncover Logan's past. He probably would have said yes if he just asked as a friend, but instead he kidnaps him when he passes out. Logan says he's 'trying hard' but doesn't finish the sentence before urging him to put aside his problems.

So instead of talking with his wife or getting to brood alone, Scott ends up hungover on a black ops mission. He got to verbalise some things he'd been keeping bottled up, but in a sense he was assaulted by masculinity and toxic expectations at every turn. Dude needs better friends. The narrative doesn't portray this as a positive thing - in fact it's pretty messed up. I wonder if he regrets going to the Hellfire Club.

Despite the superhero context, Grant Morrison does a swell job of portraying an AMAB person withdrawing from masculine-coded spaces and expectations, at least in my experience. Especially when you're friends with people like Logan, whose only mode is toxic hypermasculinity. I think if he was framed as being unequivocally right it'd be overpowering. Morrison's issues with writing women are on display, but overall this issue is powerful, especially for the time.

#x comics #x men #cyclops #logan howlett #new x men #grant morrison #hellfire club #sabertooth #emma frost #jean grey #toxic masculinity #marvel #comics #fantomex

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iiheartarc · 2 days ago

Text

MY TAKE ON THE CAITVI DISCOURSE

total wordcount: 1591

I will say that I've briefly commented on their dynamic in the past, but it was worded really badly so I feel like I need to defend my writing skills a little bit as well with this, but that's just a sidenote. 💀

I think what a lot of people are missing when people do criticise CaitVi is that they aren't necessarily hating on the ship, it's what writing choices have done to it.

I'm not even going to even say I'm a CaitVi hater, I'm not (S1 CaitVi my beloved, you deserved better), but I do think the choices that writers made this season heavily effected how audiences portrayed the ship, even including myself.

Idk I hope this insight might give some people more perspective on why CaitVi became so hated in this season, people rlly need to start looking at both sides and not taking criticism as a personal attack. It really could've been avoided too if the writers had added more time or extended the series onto a third season, but that's another issue on its own.

1. Caitlyn hits Vi

I really don't get why people are so quick to defend Caitlyn on this one, especially considering the amount of hate Vi got when she hit Powder. Are both inexcusable? Yes. But I do think that the situation is a little different when it's a fifteen year old child who had just witnessed the death of her entire family and a twenty something year old woman who took out her anger and grief on the woman she loved because she blocked her shot.

I do think that people also do ignore the immense amount of trauma that Caitlyn suffered at the hand of Jinx, but unlike when Vi 'abandoned' Powder, (again, that's a whole other conversation, we know she was not abandoned), Vi was not that direct source of anguish to Caitlyn the way Powder was to Vi. (Pls lmk if you want me to expand further on this)

Again, not excusing Vi hitting Powder, I'm pointing out the differences.

It's then also incredibly tone deaf when Caitlyn hits her on two more occasions with the same gun, the third time being played off as a joke. It really doesn't come off well, especially when Vi had been a victim of police-brutality even before the abuse she faced at the hands of the enforcers in Stillwater.

And then, even after all this, it's never addressed. It's brushed over, like Vi's entire trauma in the show, the most we get is Caitlyn brushing her hand over Vi's abdomen in the cell scene. Again, can be taken as an apology, but I think that for some very specific things (like hitting your romantic partner), verbal apologies do need to be made in order to communicate healthily and somewhat build a healthier relationship.

I don't really want to talk about the abusive implications of this, because I don't think I'm someone who can talk about it with a full understanding because that's something I've fortunately never been through, but the blatant disregard and shunning of abuse survivors when they pull up the red flags raised because of this is disgusting. In real life, or if it had even been someone else in the show, if the ship had been a heterosexual relationship, people would call Caitlyn an abuser and would be outraged that Vi had been paired with her in the end. But I digress.

1. The cell sex scene

Initially I hadn't been too bothered about this when I had first watched the episode, but when you really think about it, it shouldn't have happened. Hell, they could've had sex in Caitlyn's office and half of the criticism wouldn't have happened, the ship wouldn't be so hated and the fandom wouldn't be half as divided as it is now (from what I've seen).

First and foremost, the cell.

All I can say is wtf. It was such a poor choice it's actually unfathomable to me now. I don't know why the writers thought that it'd be a good idea for Caitlyn and Vi to have their first time in a jail cell, not only the one Jinx had been locked in, but the one Vi had herself been locked in for what we can assume to be hours. The place of her abuse should not be somewhere where the writers could possibly think would be a suitable for a victim to have such an intimate moment with her partner.

Then there's the fact that Vi had looked to have had some sort of breakdown, we see she's sh and there are literal crates in the wall from where she punched it as well as her knuckles bleeding. As soon as she sees Caitlyn, there's a parallel to when they first met, to when Vi is quite literally caged. She's clearly not in the right state of mind, and so when the scene eventually happens it inevitably comes off as wrong because Vi is incredibly emotionally vulnerable in that moment.

"But Vi initiated it!" That still doesn't make it okay. I do think that this also came with an issue of timing, but then again, as I mentioned earlier, it literally could've been in the office as they argued and it would've been recieved so much better then the cell scene was. Vi wasn't breaking down, she wasn't locked in a reminder of the abuse she faced and her sister hadn't just ran off to do goodness knows what (in Vi's POV, us as the audience know exactly what she's about to do). They could've even have it fade to black and cut to the next scene tangled in bed doing whatever they would've been doing in the cell, Vi would assumably have had time to calm down, would be having sex in a warm and safe environment, and guess what? The audience would've been even happier.

Sure there would've been criticism, but Vi could literally save a thousand babies and adopt them all and still face hate, because a lot of the hate is being directed to Vi too because of the situation with Jinx. That, again, is a whole other situation.

3. "Dirt Under Your Nails"

Again, for the love of god, there can be so many takeaways from this sentence but do not be surprised that people didn't like it. I didn't, it made me cringe horribly.

And before people throw 'media literacy is dead', this whole post (practically essay), is analysing a piece of media that I love. To be literate, you can draw different interpretations and conclusions and that's exactly what I'm doing. It's like saying literacy is dead if two people were to disagree on what the meaning of Macbeth's quote 'I am in blood' meant.

I digress.

I think the main issue here is the class difference between Vi and Cait. Caitlyn is from the aristocracy, a direct heir to a position of power in Piltover, while Vi is lower class, effected indefinitely by growing up in poverty. Even though she grew up as Vander's kid, they were still 'scraping for scraps'. The wealth margin between the two is almost immeasurable, and with the difference in money comes a difference in experiences, as we - the audiences - know.

It especially comes off wrong considering the class tensions and political themes heavily focussed on within the first season. The conflict between Piltover and Zaun, the abuse of power and exploitation of Zaunites by both topside and the chembarons, the prevalence of police brutality on the streets of the Undercity. Again, Vi is someone who is directly effected by this, while Caitlyn came into this blissfully naïve. She did learn yes, and in s1 she was so determined to help, but when then this progress reverts into her calling zaunites 'animals' and using the grey as a weapon, it again makes Vi's words feel uncomfortable.

Again, I think this was a massive timing issue, I would've love to see Caitlyn succumb fully to a villain arc. It would've been so interesting to delve into.

I think Vi has always had the image of herself that she'll always be viewed as less by Piltover, that she herself views herself as less. She says it herself to Vander in s1 ep2 while they're on the bridge, "I grew up knowing I'm less than them." So when she then says as her final words in the show, "I'm the dirt under your nails" obviously, that's going to come across as tacky.

People are free to think of romantic connotations for this, I won't stop you, but when you think about how the show was so focussed on class tensions, police brutality, oppression and exploitation, it doesn't come off right. Idk, that's what got me so interested with the show in the first place, the way these themes were explored so deeply but subtly in a way that didn't feel forced, so Vi's words really rubbed me the wrong way.

Conclusion

So I hope everyone that read somewhat gets where I'm coming from, this was my attempt to try and explain what I think needed to be, badly. Again, you can like the ship, I'm not saying I don't, but it also needs to be acknowledged that there is so many things that could've been worked on properly, done properly or addressed properly, and ignoring criticism won't help these issues to be fixed in the future.

Feel free to ask any questions and thanks for reading this long ass rant :)

#vi arcane #arcane vi #arcane s2 #arcane netflix #caitlyn kiramman #caitlyn arcane #this is not anti caitvi #caitvi #I miss s1 caitvi chat ☹️☹️#bring back the scene from s1 ep 8 #where was that caitvi in s2 😔😔#this was so long omfg #if only i was this passionate about my assignments #let alone my epq 💀💀#sixth form is kicking my assss 😝 (send help)

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schwarzgeier-side · 1 day ago

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Another oc you say? You are now psuedo-legally obligated to yap about them. Pretty please?

Uhmuh uhh scrambles through my notes

OKAY SO disclaimer She's not finished yet cauze uh im too gay

But here's my concept for Geier, the Vulture! I know others probably made better Geier concepts but fuck it i love vultures and i wanted to make my own.

Geier units in my head could be something akin to Exterminators , a sort of. Clean up unit as a response to any bioresonant fenomena or any massive "casulties". They also serve as reserve back up in case a Falke goes a bit rouge since they would be made with bioresonant supressors built in. Like an opposite to what Kolibris and Falkes have. This module makes them a lot more resistant to any bioresonance shenanigans but also makes them. More numb in a way? They literaly think . Less sorta. Not in dumb way just kinda. Doesn'r get nosy or curious , doesn't question many orders or things outside of their objectives. They're there to burn corpses and burn bioresonant fuckery. And they do it well.

Im still deciding on the coloring but I'm torn between black motives or orange . NOW A FUN THING is that Geiers have a built in mask! It's very similair to Starling ones but the very small mouth part being the only removable part. The vents on the side serve for better breathing and filtering during clean up and burning. The visor is fully detachable though and ofc is anti heat equiped. They also have canister ports on their backs for ease of attacking the gasoline tanks that hook up to the flamethrowers. Height wise they average between a Star and an Ara and have more animal style hind legs to ease movement for any big mushy places.

Personality wise Geiers are. Scarily calm and blunt. Straight to the point , short stern sentences. They don't take shit from anyone though sdhdh they're built to face off Falkes so they will gladly spar with other Protektors too. Which happens quite a bit as a source of stabilization , along with maintaining their guns and flamethrowers. They don't need much regarding hobbies or stabilization since the supression module already makes them. More apathetic. Makes them kinda loners , squads go up to max 5 with the members of Geier cadre being in the sort of a dynamic where they don't talk at all in their dorm but they will loyaly die for eachother without a question.

Saying all that deep down they are not that bad to get along with , they're just intimidating and blunt. Stuff like a stray Eule asking for help with moving supplies or an Ara needing some metal ripped out , Geiers will help without question. They are just quiet about it. They uh do have a tendecy to come off as extreme , specialy with fresh Geiers reacting to anything suspicious , yanking an Ara from vents on accident or cornering a coughing gestalt dhdhhd , but this mellows out with experience. If any replika decides to warm up to a Geier and put in the time and effort, Geiers are terrifingly loyal and good companions ,just very specific and introverted.

A slight sidenote , since Nation ofc wouldn't like a replika thats fully immune to bioresonant mental checks , the mind and thoughts of Geiers can be accesed through their neuro-ports by manualy plugging in. They have weekly check-ins like that with either a Kolibri or Falke or any of the leading figure at their facility.

Andd some more misc doodles

Thank u for asking btw hhhh it's weird coming out and yapping even more about replika ocs but it's so much fun.

#i like her i just do not have her fully figured out fjfhhf #theyre just chill guys #siting in the corner playing with arson lmao #theres more technicaly with geiers gestalt knowing Blaus gestalt that i have in the works but thats even more vauge #lets just say Blaus gestalt liked to play god when Geiers gestalt croaked in the war cough #signalis #signalis fanart #signalis oc #Geier #my art #my oc #oc #geier replika #signalis geier

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olderthannetfic · 21 hours ago

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I hate that EOTWR's involvement is making people dismiss how stupid the tag changes are.

So if I write an AU where Sam Wilson is the first Captain America, do I put it in Captain America (Chris Evans movies) or Captain America (Anthony Mackie movies)? If I write a fic where someone else is the first Cap, do I still have to put it in the Chris Evans category even though he's not the faceclaim and this isn't RPF or roleplaying? If I want to do a role swap AU, I still have to use the actors' names in the categories? Why? It's not RPF. I'm not writing Chris Evans. It's a Captain America MCU fic, not a Chris Evans With Blond Hair fic.

Also, they're not separate continuities. In order for you to write Sam Wilson, most of the time, with very rare exceptions, there will be a Chris Evans Captain America continuity implied. Characters from that continuity will be showing up, because it's the same universe. So a huge chunk of fic written since Endgame is going to qualify for both tags. I feel like this is just going to make tagging a headache.

It also makes searching for a fic a headache. Now you have double the categories to go through trying to find something you forgot to bookmark. Oh, you wanted to read that Sam Wilson fic? Well, all Captain America fics for MCU Cap were turned to Chris Evans fics by default, so unless the author has updated and swapped categories, you have to dig through the mountain in that category to find it.

I know people - usually rightfully - assume EOTWR complaining about something means it's not a big deal but this is genuinely a really shitty change on just about every level. If a change makes it harder to find and accurately tag things, it hasn't eliminated ambiguity. It's just perpetuated it.

1 problem - 1 problem + 1 new problem = 1 problem.

I'm skeptical that this particular wrangling choice will do anything useful, but all the same issues apply to everything comics-related all the time anyway. People are constantly writing frankencanon and having to explain that such-and-such didn't happen in their continuity, but it's otherwise mostly based on [specific adaptation] or [this one comics run].

I gather that people actually have asked for some wrangling changes... but personally, I think Sam Wilson gen fans are out of luck, and Sam Wilson ship fans are going to need to start from a ship tag and filter out Stucky. That's just what happens when something so popular its gravitational pull warps everything around it is adjacent to the thing one likes.

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no-goodbyes-no-regrets · 1 day ago

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Look at me finally finishing something!

For @bucktommyfluffebruary day 5: Mundane chores

Operation Supermarket (AO3)

Food shop/grocery shopping

(it's mostly from Tommy's pov so Buck is referred to as Evan)

I have a lot of partially written fics/ficlets for almost all of the days, and I do plan on finishing all of them - though they probably won't be posted on the 'right' days.

----

"Do you have the list?"

"Yup. Right here." Tommy handed over the item as he pushed their shopping cart into the supermarket with his free hand.

He'd given Evan free rein of the kitchen and planning their second six month anniversary, and the other man approached it with an almost military precision.

He'd spent weeks scrolling through cooking websites, looking through cookbooks, and even a Rolodex of recipes he'd gotten from somewhere until he'd put together the perfect anniversary dinner.

Even though Tommy had told him more than once he'd be happy to go out to dinner or even just order a pizza.

"Babe you forgot the garlic." Evan pulled him out of his thoughts, studying the shopping list and apparently making notes.

Tommy had no idea where he'd even gotten a pen from.

"No, I didn't forget it, I didn't put it on the list because we still have some."

"No we don't, I used the last of it last night."

Tommy frowned.

"We ordered in last night."

"Yeah but I started prepping for dinner tonight while you were at the game with Eddie." Evan explained. "The sauce takes a long time... and it needs garlic. Which you forgot to put on the list, even though I wrote it on the note board on the fridge."

The small white board and marker on his fridge had been one of Evan's changes to his kitchen when he'd started spending more time at Tommy's place and essentially made the kitchen his own.

He had to admit it was useful to keep track of what he'd ran out of and what he needed to buy for specific meals, or even just what was on offer, but Tommy had always been a quick look in the fridge before leaving for the store kind of guy, and usually decided on the spot if he liked any of the special offers.

Evan's methods were very different.

"The note board doesn't work if you don't look at it, Tom." Evan sighed.

"I'm trying to make myself remember, I promise."

"You can just get rid of it if you don't like it... but I just... I thought it was a good way to keep track of things."

"It is. I'm just not really used to it yet." Tommy explained. "You have a certain way of doing things and I have mine, we just need to find a way to make them fit with mine. And we will."

Evan gave him a small smile and turned back to the list.

"Alright if we go aisle to aisle, it'll be more efficient, and we'll have time to stop by Miceli's."

"Miceli's? I thought you didn't want to go back there because the place is cursed?"

"It is cursed." Evan said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But you love their spumoni and the tiramisu is great... and we can still treat ourselves to the food if we take it to go."

"So the curse is just the building then? Not the food?" Tommy teased. "Are we really going to risk it?"

"Yes because I'm not letting you walk away again." Evan vowed. "Been there, done that, didn't enjoy it, won't be doing it again."

"Same here." Tommy smiled. "Ok, so, garlic. What else is on the list?"

Evan scanned the list and looked around the store.

"We need bread and those crackers you like that taste of nothing."

"They're a healthy and easy snack." Tommy protested

"It's like eating cardboard." Evan replied without missing a beat. "Right, I need to pick up some snacks for Jee because I have her on Thursday... and you start a 48 on Friday that overlaps with my 72 starting Saturday, so we'll be back at yours... Tuesday or Wednesday. Unless you want to come over to mine right after my shift? Or you could stop by the firehouse after yours, I'm sure everyone would love to see you. And you know Bobby is fine with it as long as everything still gets done. And - " he looked up to find Tommy staring at him. "What? What's that look?"

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Yes you do. You -"

"He loves you honey." an old lady patted Evan on the arm. "My husband used to look at me like that. We were together 44 years. You hold onto to that one honey. He's a good one. I can see it in his eyes." she smiled at them both and then continued with her shopping.

Tommy walked over to him, slid his arms around Evan's waist and kissed him.

"Yeah. What she said."

#Bucktommy #bucktommy fic #Tevan #tevan fic #My writing

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ejeffers1239 · 3 days ago

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This is your monthly reminder that trans girl periods are probably definitely real.

"ow ow ow ow ow"

- Erika

Serious discussion of/essay on trans woman periods under the cut:

While transgender women experiencing period symptoms is not something that has been scientifically researched with any rigor as far as I'm aware, enough trans women report the phenomena that it can reasonably be assumed real. The interesting thing is there are competing theories as to the mechanism behind trans women periods, which are as follows:

1. An empathetic or otherwise psychosomatic response, as in a trans woman has periods because she knows other women do. I don't like this, but we'll get back to that

2. Confirmation bias of unrelated symptoms, usually gastrointestinal, calling anything that happens in the general area a period.

3. Hormonal cycle from taking estrogen makes the body attempt a period, even without a uterus, accounting for cramping, mood changes, and changes to breast texture.

I don't think 1 or 2 are especially good explanations on their own, and taken in a vacuum sort of reinforce a conclusion and stereotype that transgender women are faking it (1) or eat nothing but junk food (2). However, these two definitely aren't unprecedented as factors, as long as you accept that there is a hormonal component (3).

Considering two of the most common phenomena reported with periods generally, we can get a broader picture. First is the phenomena of women syncing their cycles; this itself sports conflicting research and is mostly anecdotally observed, just like trans women periods. Nonetheless it could provide a point towards the empathetic response theory that would be more than making it up, rather, whatever about an estrogen-dominant body that (allegedly) causes sync is also applicable to transgender women. Second, consider the phenomena of period cravings. This phenomena is much more established than sync, it's commonly accepted that women on their periods tend to crave foods high in carbs, sugar, and salt. In other words, junk food. In that light the "trans women have had diets and call it a period" claim is not entirely dismissible, but is actually flipped in the ordering. It's entirely likely that trans women having their period regardless end up eating junk food, and cast doubt on to the validity of their own periods as a result.

As for my own personal anecdotes, I experience a cycle that is at least somewhat consistent. I don't notice symptoms every month, but many months, and they usually follow the same "structure" so to speak:

First, for about half a day, I get really horny. I believe this would technically be pre-period or a hormonal analogue to ovulation, nonetheless, I take the opportunity to have some fun, as pretty much nothing compares to how good it feels during this time.

Next, I have the junk food cravings, granted, I'm someone who eats taco bell weekly so, this doesn't represent an especially large change of diet for me, it's there though and if I'm cooking I might end up making something like mashed potatoes.

Finally, for around three days after that, I get really bloated and have some "typical" period symptoms: pain in my abdomen, the bloating itself, sore breasts, and even period shits. This is where I am while writing this post and we'll, to reiterate, "ow ow ow ow ow."

To me, this is far to specific of a sequence of events to be fake, even if it's not strictly monthly, and trans women have factors like missing estrogen doses or the presence/lack of progesterone that could influence that timing away from perfectly routine. Ultimately I'm another anecdote in a sea of anecdotes but, I choose to believe trans girl periods are real and biologically based, and I hope I've made a compelling argument supporting that here. This blog is made possible by boredom and mania mutuals like you, thank you!

#periods #trans girl periods #transgender #queer #lesbian #transfem #transbian

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mint-in-the-moonlight · 1 day ago

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putting the poly back in polytheism

something that I've noticed in neo-pagan/polytheist spaces is this focus on one or a few deities. while this is a valid approach and seems to be working amazingly for many people, i wanted to write a short defence of a different form of polytheism that, while maybe less visible on social media, is equally viable.

the poly in polytheism necessitates the belief in multiple gods however modern forms of worship take many different forms on top of that. from my years being in pagan spaces on social media I have noticed that to many, being a polytheist means worshipping one or a handful of gods and having very close relationships with them. which deities someone chooses to have this kind of relationship with stems from multiple possible sources, for example, personal interest, the deity's domain being somehow related to a person's life or an inexplicable draw to them.

to me, this seems to be the dominant view on social media of the form that neo-paganism takes, however, after years of exploring my spirituality and practice, I have come to the conclusion that this is not how I want to worship. I am writing this post for more people like me, who are interested in exploring this often less mainstream approach.

an ancient template

reading about Ancient Greek and Roman civilisations I was always struck by the number of minor deities with hyper-specific domains and associations. as a modern pagan, I could not understand the appeal of worshipping such a deity, ie. using so much time and resources to build a relationship for only a handful of niche issues that you could approach them with.

but as I kept reading and exploring, I realised that I was approaching polytheism completely differently than the ancients did. they truly did live in a world full of gods and they did not require a relationship built over days, if not weeks or more, to approach a deity and ask for their aid.

as long as you followed the rules of reciprocity, you could approach any deity that was relevant to your situation because they were the best equipped to help you with your problem. now this is not true for all of the population all the time, there were definitely also for example, people devoted to one deity, but from my understanding, this seemed to be the general form that polytheism took in those ancient civilisations.

the influence of monotheism

I think another feature of online neo-paganism is this expansion of the major deities' domains which then removes the need to worship the smaller deities. now, don't get me wrong, I'm all for expanding the domains of deities, especially if this is done from a revivalist perspective in order to modernise them for the contemporary worshipper. but sometimes I feel like completely unrelated domains are added for the sake of convenience more than anything else, ie. so that someone can keep worshipping the same deity(ies) without approaching others.

this, in my opinion, goes against one of the core aspects of polytheism which is the idea that different gods rule over different domains and have power over them. following this idea, it would make very little sense to pray to Neptune during air travel as he has no influence over the skies. yet, I sometimes see the deities be treated more like monotheistic gods which are all-powerful and can influence anything in the world.

if this is your view of how the gods work, that's fine, but I feel like sometimes people accept it without questioning it much or thinking about their view of theology at all. after mulling this idea over for some time, I realised it made much more sense to approach those specific deities, even if they are much less known or minor because this fits into my beliefs about polytheism much better.

a poly-practice

so, how would a poly-polytheistic practice look like in the modern day? well, there are many ways to go about it but I will just share bits from my own experience.

what I have ended up doing is focusing on different deities as they become relevant in my life - I focused on worshipping Janus at the beginning of the year while also taking the time to pray to Fortuna in moment when I needed her aid. I then did some extra reading on Jupiter, but didn't forget to thank Mars every time I went to the gym. I no longer felt the pressure to have some sort of special "connection" to every deity or "feel their presence", just trusting that they are there and then catching glimpses of divinity in my daily life.

looking into which Roman festivals I wanted to celebrate also opened my perspectives to more deities I would not have otherwise worshipped on my own. like this, I feel like I am building an arsenal of deities I can turn to when I need and of course, it is also vital to remember that I can call on multiple ones at the same time, just like the Romans saw the gods aiding one another in their tasks.

I only have one altar, which is practical and thus quite minimalistic, but there is space for my prayer notebook as well as other supplies that I need for my rituals.

conclusion

of course, this kind of practice results in a much more "impersonal" relationship with the gods, but I never really felt the need to communicate with them directly or things like that, so it fits me well. I find comfort in imagining a world full of gods, who may only know me in passing but who look out for me nevertheless.

in the end, the goal of this post is not to change anyone's mind about how they worship, but to present an alternate perspective which you can learn from but also completely disregard. in the end I am just happy that you were interested enough to reach until the end of this post. thank you for reading!!

#paganism #polytheism #roman polytheism #helpol #hellenic polytheism #pagan #religio romana #cultus deorum #mint in the moonlight #mint hot takes

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widebrimmedhatsblog · 1 day ago

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I’d love to hear your thoughts on the ending!!

I'm soooo sorry nonny. This took 5ever. For some reason, I mentally decided that the completion of this ask would be the end of my Onyx Storm era, and then I didn't want to go near it because I didn't want the book to be done :(. However, I was brave, and I did it. This got insanely obscenely long, so you're getting Xaden's chapter 65 now, and then I'll reblog with Vi's LAST chapter some other time.

Chapter 65: Xaden

Veninism: I think the first thing that comes up in this chapter is the insight into the venin mindset. Xaden's significantly more intense (both than earlier in the book, and in his previous POV chapters). At first, I wasn't a huge fan of the "ice" thing, because I missed the part where he explains it (perks of reading till 5 in the morning) and I thought it was some anachronistic hockey reference. (Fun fact: I wrote this out before Rebecca gave that interview revealing that, yes, it WAS an anachronistic hockey reference. I know that lady WELL.) HOWEVER! The way it's explained here, (essay below the cut)

"Wrath courses like a current under the ice I willingly skate onto, cutting my emotions like the burdens they are so I can be the weapon she needs." (Yarros, 520)

reminds me a lot of a PTSD flashback/trauma event. Not only does this make significantly more sense with the metaphor at hand, but it makes a lot more sense with Rebecca's body of work. I know she's made addiction comparisons, and I can see some lines, but, frankly, I think it's a much more intricate web than a 1-1 metaphor. Especially with the use of the word "triggered" to describe what happens to him when he is "on the ice" as it were, I think (if anything) it's about using an addiction to cope with PTSD-type trauma.

Bond Fuckery: After revealing that Xaden cannot kill the sage himself, he goes on to say,

"I could no more raise a blade to his throat than I could Violet. The bond between Violence and me is the kind of magic that has no explanation." (Yarros, 521)

Which....is weird! Given that we have a precise explanation for said bond in Fourth Wing, maybe something else is going on? #the power of love?? I'm not trying to say they're soul mates in any real tangible way because this is not that kind of story, but I do think it means something. I just don't know what yet.

Further bond fuckery themes are found earlier in the book. There's the entire situation with Andarna leaving, in which Leothan says,

"Bonds are merely magical ties. You are irid. You are magic. Bend it, shape it, break it as you see fit." (Yarros, 443)

I've definitely seem some people floating the idea that perhaps Andarna broke Tairn and Sgaeyl's mating bond, re: Tairn's suspicious period of rest on page 526, (I personally thought he was tired from killing some dragons!) and I definitely think that's a possibility. However, I think it's really interesting that, specifically, Leothan also says bend it and shape it. I know we're supposed to finish the book thinking that Andarna/Leothan severed Violet's bond with Andarna, and then re-forged said bond mid-battle. To me...that doesn't really make sense? There was no real moment where you can say, okay, bond re-forged. It just kind of happens? Which I suppose is also how it happens at threshing, so maybe I'm the problem. Still, I think the idea that perhaps Andarna (or another irid??? given her 1 week of training???) bent or reshaped Tairn and Sgaeyl's mating bond (in order to protect Xaden/Xaden's mission/Violet from the consequences of Xaden's mission) is worth considering.

There's also the entire element of modern AU no magic isles. I know a lot of people thought that entire quest section of the book was filler, but I disagree. I definitely think that insertion was meant to demonstrate that the bonds are not as infallible as we've been led to believe, to show their importance to Xaden and Violet, and to further show just how much Andarna is not like other dragons, and therefore able to do shit with the bond.

Xaden's new brother! Xaden starts off describing the new venin by saying,

"and now that my sage has a new sibling he can use against me...I'm screwed." (Yarros, 521)

Then, he goes on to add:

"...my new brother and the unconscious dragon lying in the valley...how could he do this? Choose this after watching me stumble and fall over the last five months. How could he willingly walk the path I've fought like hell to leave? He's the last person I ever would have expected to turn, and yet here we are." (Yarros, 521)

My money's on Bodhi! There's a lot of "brother" mentions surrounding Bodhi, given the repeated descriptions of how similar he and Xaden look. He's "the closest thing (Xaden) has to a brother since Liam." Garrick even thought Theophanie called Bodhi his brother beforehand! It's Bodhi. Further nuance to Bodhi turning is found, in my opinion, in his frustration with Xaden's over-protection at the end of Onyx Storm. This feeling of impotence combined with something potentially happening to Cuir (re: unconcious dragon lying in the valley/Bodhi puking his guts up wherever that quote is) gives him a reason to turn.

I know @skyfallscotland thinks Xaden's new brother is actually Aaric, which is also super intriguing. Specifically, Amy suggested a scenario where Aaric knows he needs to be venin in order to win the war, and is willing to do whatever it takes to get to the future he sees. I do lean more towards Bodhi than Aaric, if only because of the element of knowing for 5 months (which Aaric does not--even if he finds out about Xaden's veninism from his signet, RY has confirmed Aaric didn't manifest in IF, and therefore it cannot have been five months prior to Battle of Draithus), Xaden really seems to care about this new brother. I know he says he has a "complicated sort of loyalty" to Aaric, but I don't think he and Aaric at the friendship level where Aaric can be used against him in the same way Bodhi can. There's also the whole having to give Vi Tyrrendor ordeal. I know some people think Xaden may have had a change of heart and decided to listen to Bodhi in regards to not forcing him to lead Tyrrendor in his stead, and/or Xaden just felt giving Vi the province directly (what a wedding gift!) was the best possible way to protect her. Who knows, not me. I think of Xaden as someone not particularly inclined to listening to people when he doesn't feel like it, but I also know he'll prioritize Vi regardless, so it could go either way.

Slayer! This is just for the one line mention of Berwyn killing the dragons with the alloy dagger. For one thing, I think this draws parallels between the venin and the dragons (which have been a theme the entire series). For another, I think this is how Xaden, Vi, and co. go about killing the dragons and elders in order to get to the eggs. Seems a lot less messy!

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once: Throughout the text, there's a couple mentions of individuals inability to be everywhere all at once. Theophanie, in chapter 60, for example: (from my Kindle copy, so no page numbers, sorryyyy)

"You're just another lightning wielder, mortally incapable of being everywhere at once."

Or, the slightly different take from Mira in Chapter 23:

"Even if he did, we can't be in two places at once."

I have no idea why this got me so bad, but every time I read it, my spidey-senses tingled. I really feel like it means something. Xaden then wraps things up with saying he IS everywhere at once, on page 522 in regards to the veninism amplifying his shadow powers.

Do I know what this means? No! Of course not! At first, I thought it was a papa sorrengail is venin hint, but I don't actually believe in that. I have been holding out hope that perhaps Vi is somehow venin from Lilith (this is why I think papa sorrengail had her dedicated. it doesn't really make sense to me for Rebecca to write her with a real disability, and then have that real disability be a birth defect when it isn't one in real life. that just seems odd?) and I think this COULD be a hint there. Although, as always, who knows.

What is a soul if not love? Some of you may know, I've been getting a wee bit heated about the implications of the corporeal soul. I get a bit gagged by this because it makes no sense. I ask @maethologies probably once a day, what IS a soul? And to that question, I raise you this: what is a soul if not love?

page 523 has this:

""I love you.' Violet's voice cracks the cold, and a silken thread of warmth wedges itself in the opening before it seals shut, locking it in place. No. Wait. I grab for that thread with desperate hands, clawing to keep her as more of my pieces are blown away, lost to the void. She is warmth and light and air and love."

For starters, I think "she is warmth and light and air and love" is my favorite quote from the entire series. It makes me want to cry!!! There's definitely something to the fact that being venin makes Xaden colder, and Violet only seems to get warmer in this book (her lightning being hot enough to blister, for example). But really, my focus here is that he's so aggressively in love with her. I genuinely do not know how people read this line, or the rest of the novel, and somehow thought Xaden was just going to go join up with the venin. Genuinely! I am REALLY not trying to be mean, it just makes no sense to me.

I'm going to go a bit out of order here to further contextualize, but other Xaden Riorson bangers include:

"What even am I? Hers." (Yarros, 524)

And, far earlier in the text, when Courtlyn asks to whom Xaden swears his fealty:

"Violet. (...) My loyalty is to Violet first above everything, everyone else." (this is a Kindle page number because I don't want to find it in my book, LMAO, but it's 326 in that format!)

Again, he's constantly making it as clear as humanly possible that SHE comes first for him. He is not going to spontaneously gain venin loyalty. Whatever soul-fuckery is going on here, it doesn't make him incapable of love. If anything, the presence of love is what is going to continue to save him. In the chapter 48 epigraph, in which a scenario is described wherein a venin returns to their village, desiccating an entire village except for her husband and two children. Clearly, the theme here is that the feeling of love helps venin gain control of themselves when lost to the thrall of power, if you will.

Frankly, there's a LOT of issues with venin as a concept and how willing the fan base is to accept the characterization of the entire "enemy" as evil, soulless, and incapable of feeling and love. Just on the most basic level, think about the real world implications of that ideology for about ten seconds. If you can't do that, think about it in-universe. The entire point of books one and two were that Navarre's government perpetuated a narrative of dehumanization in regards to the Poromish people so that Navarrians could see them as the enemy. This tactic of dehumanization is then DIRECTLY applied to the venin. The narrative on the surface-level is: These people ARE human, but these other guys are the REAL monsters. Please kill THEM instead. I cannot tell you how many times I've seen people say "Violet's never killed anyone in the series, she only kills venin!" The very fact of saying these people aren't human; therefore they can die...do you see what I see? I know I'm a bit more thematically minded than the average romantasy reader, but it's really VERY in your face here.

The most obvious narrative purpose for Xaden choosing to turn is that it gives Violet and the reader a way to humanize the venin, just like working with the gryphon fliers in part two allowed us all to humanize them. After I finished IF, there was not a doubt in my mind that this was where Rebecca was going.

And she went there...a little bit? She's about halfway there, I'd say. Violet has started to internally reconcile with the fact that Xaden being a venin makes it impossible for her to generalize venin any further, but there's definitely still an undercurrent of "he's not like other venin!!" I think this COULD be a logical progression of the story, and, partially, I think it makes sense for it to take a minute for her thought processes to shift. However, I think it needs to be better layered? And I think that when you have a book like this one with such a low barrier to entry, you need to do a bit more thematic hand-holding if you want people to really get things.

Anyway, this was all to say: Xaden loves her, and so, his soul is fine. HE's fine. He's not evil, he didn't marry her just to leave, he's not "team venin". Etc! I could go on about this further, and I think before book 4 I'll be pushed over the edge and do so. But, for now, I do think the direction Rebecca is pushing for is the "cure" being the power of love et. al.

Mommy Issues: We come back to Sgaeyl! I know some people think Sgaeyl breaks the bond with Xaden as part of his 12 hour plan, and again, I ask: literally how.

Basically, unlike his mother, Sgaeyl isn't leaving Xaden. When he breaks through the pulling from the earth haze, he asks Sgaeyl if she forsakes him, and she says:

"'What is there left of you to forsake?' Sgaeyl lowers her head and steam gusts down the canyon, reminding me of the moment she found me in the forest at threshing. (Yarros, 523)

My direct annotation here is : threshing! Threshing = choice. And I'm right! Threshing does equal choice. She has the option to forsake him, and she doesn't! Case closed. I will say, just as a side note, the idea that she'd leave him for being extra venin is wack as hell when he became extra venin for her. I don't think she was that heated about him being venin in the first place: the focus of her ire at the end of IF was that he "picked" Violet. "You cannot! I chose you!/ But Violet chose me too." She's just a pick me dragon at heart.

Quest Squad (Xaden's Version) I touched on this in response to my other ask about the ending, but now we're gonna go beat by beat.

Xaden starts what I call the quest intro by responding to Sgaeyl's threshing part 2 with:

"'You tell me.' I lower the ice and let her in."

Clearly, this is Xaden showing Sgaeyl whatever plan he's been concocting in his head.

Sgaeyl's response:

"Her next breath is laced with sulfur, and her eyes widen. 'You cannot mean to--'"

Now, this is just needlessly vague to make sure we buy the next book. Like we weren't going to anyway. Thank you for extorting me, Red Tower. However, at the very least, it reveals that his plan is, shall we say, problematic? Controversial? Illegal?

Then, we have (from Xaden)

"'You saw what happened. It is the only way.' She glances over her shoulder. 'And you think she'll help?' 'She loves me.' 'Tairn does not, and you haven't looked in a mirror yet. The red veins branching from your eyes look like her lightning.' 'She'll help.' It comes out with a hell of a lot more certainty than I feel. 'She promised.'"

Line by line time!

"it is the only way" is mad interesting from Xaden "the right way isn't the only way" Riorson. It could just be the influence of being venin on his psyche---everything feels more serious now, and he himself is more intense. But it's such an interesting switch, especially since Violet's assumed his way of thinking from FW.

At first I thought the pronoun fuckery in SHE'll help/SHE loves me was meant to indicate that the she in question was not actually Violet, but I don't think so anymore. I do think it's intentionally misleading! Again, for the money. But, more than that, I think Sgaeyl is glancing over her shoulder AT Violet and Tairn to indicate who they're yapping about.

Now, how will she help? I think this is a separate quandary than the marriage (hence where I broke up the text). Personally, I think this is him saying Vi goes with him to get the eggs/kill the dragons/etc.

The veins branching from his eyes are intriguing. I know he says he's no longer an initiate on this page, but I don't think he's an Asim either? According to Mr. Drake Cordella's venin compendium, Asim's veins distend only when riled, but Sage's veins are perpetually distended. (Iron Flame chapter 47 epigraph). I guess we'll see? I don't know, it would make sense to me if he was a sage, but who knows.

And, finally, what the hell did she promise?

WAY earlier on in the book, Xaden says:

"Swear you'll sound the alarm if I go too far, that you'll keep it safe, even if it's from me." (Yarros, 58)

This is what I think he's referring to! I know @hockeyspiral23 thinks the 'it' in question is actually the sword of Tyrrendor (correct me if I'm wrong!!) and not Tyrrendor itself. I definitely think there's something to that theory.

A few pages later, Xaden says:

"I'll use Tyrrendor to protect you, not you to protect Tyrrendor." (Yarros, 102)

Not to be a broken record, but again: Intentionally! Misleading! Content! I think you're SUPPOSED to interpret the promise as Violet saying she'll protect Tyrrendor from Xaden, and Xaden saying he's "gone too far". But when you actually look at the text, there's no way that's what he's saying. First of all, why would Sgaeyl think THAT plan wouldn't work with Tairn? Tairn does NOT fuck with Xaden right now. And then, why would Xaden Riorson, president and CEO of the Violet Sorrengail fan club, prioritize Tyrrendor over Violet? He cares about Tyrrendor, sure, but in the face of VIOLET? It doesn't compare. It just doesn't! ("I love you more than this city. Do not die defending it.") He's not winning any king of the year awards with those priorities, but that doesn't make it any less true. I basically already have a post ranting about this, (here! If you're curious) so I'm going to cut myself off here. Basically, we have to remember who Xaden actually is when we try to contextualize this vague ass chapter.

And then, wedding bells!

"'Even if she agrees, no one will--'

'Someone owes me a favor.'" (Yarros, 524)

This is the part of the quest that I think is more directly the marriage issue. This has already been covered elsewhere, but the Priestess from Dunne's temple says she owes Xaden a favor earlier on. She goes on to officiate their marriage. I just think the wording makes it clear that this is a multi-step plan. (How can Violet "help" with her own marriage?)

I already quoted the absolute banger "What even am I? Hers." But I'm going to bring it up again! His loyalty, primarily, is to Violet. Whatever quest he's going on, it's FOR HER. He steals the eggs FOR HER. He''s taking them somewhere FOR HER. I don't know how to make that any clearer, but if I keep seeing people misinterpret it, I'll probably try again.

Agency!

The final bit I'm going to pull is Sgaeyl saying:

"And her decision will determine our fate." (Yarros, 524).

I think this just really succinctly makes clear my 573938503 argument above. Violet gets final say on Quest Squad (Xaden's Version) but whatever he does do, he's doing it with Sgaeyl. I know there's some good bits Rebecca's said throughout the tour that support this interpretation, but I don't think I need them quite yet. Maybe next time!

For now, that's all. I'll see y'all back here with Violet's chapter in a bit!

#helena's asks!#helena's essays #onyx storm spoilers #I'm not tagging this any further it does not need to break containment

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mcclainwilla · 2 days ago

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TW: discussion of suicide/SA consistent with the events of TSC

One thing that I'm nearly certain we'll be seeing from tgr, with the upcoming interview and the song Nora posted, is more information about Zane, specifically whatever 'contest' he and Grayson had the January before Jean left the nest.

In Ch. 11 (pg. 198 in the paperback), when it's revealed that Colleen Jenkins has killed herself, Jean tells us that "Zane hadn't been able to face her, not after what he'd done to Jean, not after what Riko made him do to Grayson." Later on, when Grayson shows up to USC campus, Jean tries to remember "what he'd looked like in January, bruised and bloodied" (Ch. 16, paperback pg. 285). My biggest oversight here is that I can't remember/find if/where it says that Riko punished Grayson for raping Jean outside of his orders, but it's not hard to imagine. Riko is not the type to forgive someone for stealing his thunder; furthermore, in his eyes, Grayson has touched something that does not belong to him (the whole wretched 'Jean is the property of the Moriyamas' thing), and is punished as such.

Especially given the wording of that first quote, it really would not surprise me if Riko ordered Zane to rape Grayson as punishment for the both of them. A violent beating just wouldn't cut it (and wouldn't deter Colleen from returning to Jean and Zane's room), not when every Raven on the court is used to exacting violent hazing upon each other, Colleen included. And actually, there's a really interesting line that seems to suggest Colleen also knew about Grayson's abuse - "In exchange for his discretion [regarding the times Jean walked in on her and Zane having sex] Colleen checked Grayson with unmitigated violence during scrimmages" (also Ch. 11, paperback pg. 198).

The only thing that throws me is that Jean calls whatever happened between Grayson and Zane a 'contest' that Zane won, not Grayson, after Grayson said he had arrived to claim his Perfect Court number (pg. 285). One possible explanation for this is that Riko decided to put a spin on the rumors that Jean had slept his way onto the starting lineup, and made Grayson and Zane compete for the number via sexual violence.

No matter the outcome, I'm very interested to see where this storyline goes. Everyone remember to say your 'fuck Zane Reacher's tonight.

#fuck zane reacher all my homies hate zane reacher #hey remember kids #if you're gonna sell out your friend for a rank #you better actually get the number you wanted lmaoooo #sorry its personal #the sunshine court #tsc #jean moreau #zane reacher #tw sa mention #tw sui implied

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atinycelery · 2 days ago

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Cameron as Lockwood was amazing and the show writing definitely had him analyzed really well what Lockwood would've been like if he was older, instead of 15 as he was and Lucy being 14 and George being also 15 at the beginning of the book series

Yes, 18 yo Lockwood would appear more tired even from the first episode or maybe that's just Cameron lol because he's been thru a lot for years, as he's aged up by 3 years, but I keep thinking of the 15yo Lockwood who's still got his twinkle, his hopes. For me, Cameron!Lockwood is anxious and visibly trying his best, book!Lockwood doesn't know the kind of out of depthness he's actually in if he's a normal kid in a normal universe.

Cameron!Lockwood is hanging by a thread, book!Lockwood (putting aside our famous hc that the books romanticize Lockwood because it's from Lucy's pov) is a kid who stepped into a sinkhole and he's sinking slowly into it but he doesn't know it

I'm a sucker for the early teens books characters because those things that they changed and/or wrote to become more dramatic and/or didn't land as well as they would've if they weren't on tv....is because they're early teens in the books

This hollowed out grieving boy will not have the mind for anything else other than what he thinks is essential at that age; his company, his house, his livelihood, his looks and his friends. He's had enough at 15

It took him longer to reach the romantic attachment conclusions not because he didn't realize his feelings; being a ghost hunter means you gotta emphatize and understand why ghosts are acting the way they did, even if he didn't go as far Lucy did. It's because he's 15

Those awkward gaps in the books where Lucy was doing more than she should and we were all like, pls react the way a normal guy who likes a girl would, and he didn't? That's because he's literally 15/16. He doesn't know how to react like that. He was mad at Lucy for going against his orders as her employer because he didn't know how else best to react. Yet. Best he can do is try to cheer you up awkwardly with "you know I'd die for you". And he was super sincere when he said that.

He's trying to stay a company afloat at 15 and possibly younger than that when he first met George. He doesn't have the mind capacity for anything else. His energy is spent so much on being on top of things as the leader, appearing charming as he best know, getting as much good cases as they can, keeping the company and himself fed and sheltered; see how he treated Lucy in THB-- it's because he thinks what he did was right; he thinks keeping Lucy alienated was a way to keep her safe, he employed Holly specifically because he wanted the company to work smoothly, better

The kid who basically went suicidal mode because he didn't know how to deal with Lucy leaving the co. had probably just turned 16/17ish. They've only reached the age they were in the show i think, in the latter part of the books series

Yes angsty and capable 17/18 y/o Lockwood is great but can you imagine being in a younger time in your life and doing what he was trying to do? That's angsty younger, and capable 15ish y/o kid

It's not a vast difference in age, but I would sooner send a 17 year old kid to buy groceries than a 15 yr old if I had the choice

The age factor messes me up everytime because Lockwood lost his family and he's managing a company at younger than 15. Lucy left home at 14. 14. She lost her colleagues/friends at younger than that. That awkward, no filter George is 15. That kid who's also trying his best to manage the food intakes in the house the way he knew how to before Holly arrived was in his early teens

You turn to look at Flo and she's just a little bit older than the trio. Flo is older than Lockwood in the books iirc but still probably younger than show Flo. And she was already traumatized and messed up. I actually think show Flo is more sane than book Flo (maybe show Flo had better coping mechanisms lol)

Things make more sense in the show with 17/18/18ish characters managing the company. Normal kids are about to leave school at that age. 17ish are not adults but they're old enough that it's believable and not alarming that they're living together, they're fighting together with no adults supervision,

but imagine being younger than that...and no adult supervision, and it's not merely that it's all shenanigans, it's that they're early teens kids trying their best the way they know how too. In other words, too young it makes me wanna cry. If i was a character in the books, I'd adopt them all

To reiterate the wildness of it all, imagine you're agreeing to sending your 15yo brother and his friends to a haunted mansion where the owner is a homicidal geezer who wanted ro silence them by pretending to ask them to solve the haunting of his mansion WHERE PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY LOST THEIR LIVES

That's book one.

Do you realize how skrunkly and the extent of out of depthness they all had in the books because of how much younger they were in them and i wanna hug them sm

#this has been going around in my head like rotisserie chicken for a year #lockwood and co #lockwood & co #l&co #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george cubbins #holly munro #florence bonnard #flo bones #jonathan stroud

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kabr0ztrousers · 2 days ago

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hiya it's🦋anon again can I request a fem reader x male vampire, while reader and the vampire have sex he ends up putting his fangs in her neck and he turns her into a vampire.

Today's been busy again so I'm letting this one jump the queue a little because it's a little shorter. After this I've still got about a week's backlog so if you've asked for anything please don't feel put out, it's coming (pun intended(yes even you, Clown Fucker))

Kabr0z Writes episode 40: Sanguinare Vampiris

Also entitled: You have contracted Hemolytic Porphyria

Find the rest of the Kabr0z Writes anthology here!

CWs: death (kinda); blood play; vampires; blood mention; this list expands if you're familiar with Vampire: the Masquerade to include ghoulification; intox; loss of agency/control; possessive/obsessive relationships;

A/N: I am again reminding you all, you can submit any requests, ideas, verbal abuse, et cetera in my asks and DMs, it will most likely get written.

Even that thing you're thinking of.

Especially that.

###################################

Winter time was a blessing. The sun setting so soon meant your lover was able to come around sooner, and didn't have to wake you in the small hours of the morning to escape the scorching rays. In summer you had to go to his Haven, waiting for dusk before he'd wake up, normally in the small hours in the morning, and only until dawn.

A knock came on your door. He couldn't enter without permission, apparently something to do with the specific kind of vampire he is? He was always pretty vague about it, apparently the less you knew the safer you were. Vampire society seemed pretty cutthroat, you weren't sure you wanted to know more about it.

You answered the door. Nobody was there, but you knew better "come in, then" you said to the empty street

He didn't appear, exactly, you more just realised he was stood there. The deep kiss drawing snapping his illusion as he pressed his body to yours, closing the door behind him.

He was cold, almost clammy, he could mimic being alive if he wanted to, the warmth, the breathing, the heartbeat, but it drained him when he did, so you didn't want him exerting himself if he didn't need to. You were with him because you liked him, not just for the sex. Although, the sex was damn good.

He smiled at you "You eaten yet?"

You shook your head and he pulled out his phone, dialling up a takeout "I'll get you something, my treat"

He ordered a Chinese, and you watched a movie as you ate, him just watching. Vampires can't stomach actual food. He tried when you were first dating, but it didn't stay down and wasn't pretty when it came back up.

So your night together drew on, him asking about your day, your work, your friends, then hanging on every word as you told him.

Being an immortal member of the living dead must get lonely.

The film wasn't very good, some action flick without any real plot or substance. You found yourself staring at him as he absentmindedly watched. He dressed casually, a button down and jeans, a nice watch, a pair of practical boots left by your door. He only became a vampire in the 90's, and he's looked like a 20-something ever since. It made it easier for you to explain to your friends, and the age gap didn't really bother you, even though he was turned before you were even born.

He noticed you watching him, eyeing his sharp jawline, his mouth twisted to a smile and he took a breath. You watched as colour flooded his face, the greyish pallor of his skin turning rosy, his eyes moistening and starting to blink. He kissed you again.

It was warm this time, his breath hot against your face. You touched his chest, feeling it rise and fall beneath your hand. You knew what it cost him to do this.

You rolled on top of him, pushing your hips against his, feeling his cock start to grow and harden. You opened your shirt and one of his hands slid around your waist. He bit the other, holding the wound to your lips. You sucked out a mouthful of his Vitae, feeling the strength and vigour it gave you blossom in your chest, making your skin flush and your pussy moisten.

You slipped off his lap onto the floor, unfastening his jeans and slipping his cock out, licking it up and down as it twitched under your attention, coating it with your spit.

Your pants were already on the floor next to you as you fingered yourself, keeping his cock in your mouth and two fingers in your cunt. The way he stroked your hair as you sucked his cock always just made you wetter and needier, your pussy already clenching around your fingers as you toyed with yourself, teasing out a small orgasm before the main event, just enough to quicken your heart.

His breath quickened as he watched you cum, the little noises escaping you making his cock twitch in your mouth but you knew he wouldn't cum too soon.

You pulled yourself back up to his lap, moving his hands to your tits as you lowered yourself onto his cock. He gasped as it slid into you, your spit only helping it into your soaking pussy. He squeezed and rubbed your breasts as you started to ride him. He always managed to hit the best spots inside you, making you whine and whimper with every roll of your hips. He cradled your face, turning you to look into his wine-dark eyes

"You love this" his voice was even, it made your head spin

"I love this" you echoed to him

"You love me" came his voice again, echoing through the corners of your mind

"I love you" you responded, the only things in the world were his eyes and his cock, each one driving you wild

"Cum"

You came. Still transfixed by him, your body jolted and squirmed as you squirted around the cock skewering you, still rolling and bucking your hips, wringing out every drop of pleasure he was giving you

"Again"

You screamed, your pussy clenching and squirting. Your body pulsing in sync with it, white knuckles gripping his shoulders as he pulled you in to him.

The bite was ecstasy. You came again as soon as his fangs pierced your skin, arms dropping to your sides and brain clouding. You felt your legs twitching and shivering. Your fingertips tingling.

Your head spun faster and faster as your breathing got faster and lighter.

The room got cold, and darker, maybe the power was on the fritz?

The sound of the TV was distant, quiet, as though heard from the next room

It's getting colder.

It's dark.

You can't feel your legs.

A kiss.

Your mind explodes. You spasm and twitch as every vein in your body fills with fire. You try to scream, pain searing through you. You can see. You can hear. You can smell.

You hear the sounds of your neighbours snoring, you can see everything in the room as though the lights were on, but the only light is the TV. You can smell... Blood. Yours, your neighbours', carried on the wind. You're so hungry.

He's stood there, licking his lip, sealing the wound.

You get up, strength coursing through you.

He smiles at you. "Welcome to the rest of your life. We can go over the formalities later. For now, let's get you someone to eat"

#################################

Postscript: Wow, that was another fun one to write! Massive thanks to the folks at White Wolf/Onyx Path for the Vampire: the Masquerade system which I couched this in.

If you can correctly identify the clan Vamp!BF belongs to, you get your request fast-tracked, contest closes when the first winner's story is published! Guess early, guess often, send me your requests!

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