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mellowswriting · 2 years ago

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hello!! this is probably for sinful sunday but i’d loveeee to see a john price NSFW alphabet, wanna read your take on the captain!!

john price - nsfw alphabet

a/n || I didn’t post this for sinful sunday because I just knew it would be so damn long 💀 I love Captain Price too much smh I wanna eat this man UP

Masterlist | John Price Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

This man not only knows how to take care of his woman, but he thrives off it. It makes him feel like a good man, a man deserving of the love you shower him with. Of course, it goes beyond stroking his own ego - you deserve to be cared for and cherished. He’ll be damned if he isn’t going to give you everything and more.

John is a very tactile man. He loves holding you close and letting his hands roam over your body, targeting any sore spots he may have left on your body. The sound of your breathless laughter as his mustache tickles your soft skin makes his chest feel all warm and bright. If you’re up for it, he loves showering with you afterward. If you give him those puppy dog eyes that he loves, you just might be able to convince him to join you for a bubble bath. All the while, he’s checking in with you.

“How’s that feel, love?” John asks, his chin on your shoulder as he holds you close in the bathtub. “Is the temperature okay?”

“Perfect.” You sigh. You can feel him smile against your neck. “Just perfect.”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

John Price is a man who appreciates a woman in her entirety, but he does have a particular fondness for breasts. All shapes and sizes, he doesn’t have a preference. As long as you’ll let him worship them, he’s a happy man. He loves teasing your nipples until they’re pebbled for him, just so he can

He also has a whole thing about thick thighs. Absolutely loves ‘em. Goes feral for it. He likes squeezing them and nibbling them til he’s left his mark.

He isn’t particularly vain, nor is he self-conscious of his body. If you pressed him hard enough on the subject, he would probably say his hands and/or arms. There’s a gorgeous definition in his muscles that he worked hard for, so he’s proud of them. It doesn’t hurt that he sees how much you admire them, how much you like seeing his hands on you (which is what spurred a particularly erotic night in which he positioned a mirror at the end of the bed and made you watch as he took you apart with those hands you love so much).

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

John loves finishing inside of you. He’s the type of man that buries himself to the hilt, so deep that it hurts. Marking you from the inside like that feels so animal, so possessive. Not to mention this man’s breeding kink - dear lord don’t get me started

That being said, he doesn’t mind coming on your skin. He loves seeing it on your chest (again, he’s a tits man) and your face. He always cleans you up after, all while he murmurs how beautiful you look covered in his cum.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He knows it's completely ludicrous and would never happen realistically - but John loves the idea of fucking you in front of the team. He isn’t oblivious. You’re a beautiful woman and the rest of the men can’t help but notice that. Every time he sees Soap drag you in for a hug that looks a little too friendly, or Gaz’s eyes linger on your ass for a beat too long, or Simon staring at you like he wants to eat you alive - John goes a little out of his mind with possessiveness. The idea of bending you over in front of them, letting them watch but not touch, lights a fire in his veins.

He wants them all to know. He wants them to see exactly who you belong to. He wants them to know every time they look at you that John Price is the man that makes you come so hard you black out.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

John knows exactly what he’s doing. He was, for lack of a better term, a total fucking slut when he was younger. While he doesn’t go sleeping around anymore, all of that experience he got over the years means he knows just how to break you apart. He’s cocky about it, too.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any position where you’re face to face. He can see all those pretty expressions on your face and watch your tits bounce, and he’s a happy fucking man.

Cowgirl makes him go wild. The way your hips roll, your head tipped back as you focus on using him for your own pleasure… he could just about blow his load right then and there. John likes rocking up into you sharply, just to see you gasp and brace yourself on his chest. But for the most part, he’ll just sit back and enjoy the show.

He likes good old-fashioned missionary. Anyone who says it's boring can go fuck themselves. Feeling your legs tighten around his waist, your nails digging into his shoulders, those desperate whimpers right in his ear - all of it makes him damn near feral. Plus, it’s just too easy to transition into a mating press - once again: breeding kink, anyone???

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s more on the serious side of things. If you bump heads or something like that, he’ll definitely chuckle and move right back on to fucking you like his life depends on it. When he’s a little tipsy and the two of you are fooling around, though? He has this dopey little smile on his face because he really can’t believe how lucky he is.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

His pubic hair is thick and wiry, and has the same coloring as his beard. It leads up into a thinner happy trail. John likes keeping himself well-groomed. If he had it his way, everything would always be neatly trimmed. The lack of time and availability of trimmers on longer missions sometimes get in the way of that.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It all depends on the situation. There are times when he’s pure reverence, singing those honeyed praises and looking in your eyes as you fall apart for him. He will murmur how much he loves you, that he’s never letting you go, that you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him in this wretched world.

Then there are the times when you’ve teased and pressed your luck for hours and he bends you over his desk to teach you a lesson. He’s all rough edges and discipline, fiery with the need to put you in your place - and even then, there are little hints of intimacy. It’s in the softness of his eyes when he admires your submissive form, the careful stroke of his fingers along your jaw as he fucks your face.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He’s a man with a healthy appetite for pleasure - if you aren’t there or not in the mood, he has no problem taking care of himself. There are times he turns to porn but more often than not, he just admires those pictures you’ve sent him or the little videos of the two of you together.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Competence/praise kink - Tell him how good he’s fucking you. Whimper that it's too much, he’s just too good and you swear you’ll die if he makes you come again. It isn’t just a stroke to his ego or his pride. It doesn’t just reaffirm the cockiness he has over how good he is in bed. It makes him feel like a good man, a worthy man. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be sexual to get him going. Every time he does something sweet for you and you give him that honeyed sigh, eyes full of love as you tell him what a good husband he is, arousal stirs in his belly. He can’t help it. He just loves being a good man for you.

Breeding kink - Doesn’t matter if you’re trying for a baby or not, John is indulging in this every single time he comes inside of you. There’s something so animal, so basic about it. Imagining your belly swelling with his child, your body changing and growing because of the seed he planted inside you - fuck, it gets him every single time.

Restraints - He likes tying your hands up. Whether he’s tying them to the headboard to edge and/or overstimulate you until you cry or behind your back while he fucks your face, he just loves watching you tug and pull. You look so cute when you’re all desperate for him.

Edging - There’s just something so sweet about the way you beg him to please, please let you come, you promise you’ll be good, you just need it, you need him - John swears every time you beg, it adds years to his life. Sustains him. But of course, edging leads right into…

Overstimulation - Making you come over and over until you’re trembling and tears run down your cheeks is one of his favorite pastimes.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

John prefers the bedroom first and foremost. The privacy lets him strip you both down completely naked and really take his time, not having to censor himself or worry about getting caught in a compromising position. The bed is huge and comfortable, and the ease of access means he can fall asleep right there with you and wake you up with more pleasure after a few hours of rest.

If that isn’t an option - which happens fairly often - his office is his next go-to. He doesn’t mind the lack of privacy too much since you look so ridiculously hot bent over his desk with his hand clamped over your mouth. He’ll shush you, his lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “Can’t have the whole team knowing you’re in here takin’ my cock, right love?”

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

If you want to get something out of this man, there’s a very easy formula to follow: get nice and close, press your hand to his chest, and look up at him with those sweet, innocent eyes. Maybe flutter your eyelashes at him, give him that cute little smile. It makes him a horny, thoughtless mess.

John loves watching you work out or spar. Those soft grunts, your muscles flexing and shifting beneath your skin, the muttered curses - he has to leave the training room before everyone sees how hard he is. Has and will continue to use ‘sparring’ as a form of foreplay. I use quotations because there is no real training involved. It’s just an excuse to get his hands on you and feel your body pressed so completely against his. The playful struggle, the laughter that neither of you can hold back, the wriggling of your body beneath his after you let him pin you - it’s enough to have John dragging you off to somewhere at least semi-private.

Seeing you in his clothes gets him going in that warm, fuzzy way. He wants to fuck you slow and soft, cradle your face in his hands while he takes you in the bed you share, feel you cry out his name against his lips as he works you through an orgasm.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Breath play is a strict no for John. He sticks by the golden rule of squeezing the sides of the neck, not the front. He’s perfectly fine with restricting blood flow to give you that nice little head high, but anything that involves cutting off your ability to breathe is not happening.

He doesn’t like anything harsher than playful, praising degradation. Sure, he’ll call you a slut but only if the words ‘pretty’ or ‘my’ are tacked in front of it. See, he doesn’t like genuinely being mean. It makes him feel bad.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

If there’s a throne for the King of Pussy Eating, John Price is sitting atop it. Consider it the byproduct of his slutty days. He can take you from zero to coming all over his face in less than a few minutes. And the best part? He isn’t just good at it - he fucking loves it. He’s gotten off just from burying his face beneath your thighs too many times to count. If he had it his way, he would never stop. Feeling your thighs clench around his head, your fingers pulling at his hair, your hips grinding up to meet his mouth - it’s enough to have him coming on the sheets right then and there.

John has a tendency to drag you off at the drop of a hat just to make you come on his tongue. There are moments when he can’t help himself - he just needs it like he needs air to breathe. He likes pulling you into closets and pushing you up against the door - which doesn’t lock, by the way - and just dropping to his knees right there. Before you know it, you can’t even think straight. Two seconds ago, you were working away like a diligent soldier and now your captain has your thigh hooked over his shoulder to get impossibly closer to your pussy. No reciprocation needed. All he wanted was to make you come your brains out. :)

Just the sight of you on your knees for him is enough to have his cock straining against the zipper of his pants. Who can blame him? Someone so gorgeous, so eager, kneeling in front of him, stripping away his clothes just enough to get his cock in your mouth - it makes him feel so desired that it makes him lightheaded. Even though he’s usually the one barking commands all day, John follows your lead. If you just want to take over and please him, he’s more than happy to rest his hand on the back of your head and let you go at your own pace. No pushing, just holding you there. Burying his fingers in your hair to rub your scalp lovingly, letting out those soft grunts and broken praise that sends heat flushing across your cheeks.

In those moments when you need him to be in control, to guide your head with your hair in his fist, he gives it to you - and he gives it good. John takes his time easing his cock down your throat. Each rock of his hips pushes just a little bit deeper until your nose brushes the trimmed hair at the base. The fluttering of your throat around his cock, all hot and wet and perfect, has his voice all rough and rumbly as praise falls from his lips. Even as he fucks your throat, John is gently rubbing your cheek with his thumb or rubbing soothing circles into your hair. He shows you how much he loves you, how much he cherishes the trust you place in his very capable hands.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Whatever the moment calls for, that’s what he’s going with.

In those initial moments after waking, John draws you back into his embrace from where you’ve drifted off throughout the night. His hands are slow, gentle in their reacquainting with your body after mere hours apart. Every kiss, every touch, every longing look is drawn out, thick and syrupy with sleepiness and love. It’s tender. Reverent.

When he has you bent over his desk or whisked away into some closet somewhere, there’s no choice but to rush things a bit. BUT! John firmly believes that just because he can’t take his time, doesn’t mean any sensuality has evaporated into thin air. Sure, he may only have ten minutes between meetings to bend you over his desk. That doesn’t mean he isn’t trailing kisses along your shoulder and whispering filthy praise in your ear.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are a necessity in his line of work. Captain John Price is an important man, after all. A few moments together squeezed in between important meetings and whatnot are a necessity if he’s going to keep you both satiated and satisfied. Plus, there is a little thrill to it that he can’t deny. It’s fun to sneak around like a couple of horny teenagers. He tries not to go over the top with how often he brings you into his office “for a quick word” wink wink, nudge nudge. Can’t be too obvious, after all.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as it follows the golden rule of safe, sane, and consensual, John is definitely down to try new things. There’s nothing wrong with spicing things up every now and then. He’s the type that likes to talk it through thoroughly enough to understand exactly what you want, limits, and everything in between. It’s important to communicate of course but he definitely has a secret agenda. He likes seeing you get all bashful and shy as you explain what you want him to do to you, how you want him to manipulate your body. You get all squirmy in his lap and he loves it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

John tends to only go one round - he’s a forty-year-old man, after all - but he lasts so long that one round is all you need. Hell, it's all you can handle. Foreplay is everything in his mind so by the time he’s splitting you open on his cock, he’s made you cum at least once. Usually twice if he has his way and another before he finally finishes inside you. The feeling of your pussy quivering around him always does him in, leaves him a pussy drunk mess.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He has one for himself. Nothing special, just a little silicone toy he got himself as a treat. Once you come into his life, though? At least two vibrators are added to his little collection. He isn’t the kind of man that gets insecure over adding toys into the mix - in fact, he thinks they can be a lot of fun. A vibrator is a perfect addition to those edging sessions he loves to inflict upon you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Every now and then, John gets this wild urge to literally tie you down and tease you for hours. There’s something about being so purely in control that turns him on beyond belief. Every time you squirm and beg and plead, he shushes you and rubs your thighs, tells you to stop interrupting him while he’s eating you to his fill. Don’t worry, he’ll let you come. Eventually.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

John isn’t loud when he fucks, but he never shuts up. His voice is rough, all low and rumbly and delicious as he praises you. He just can’t help himself. After mastering the art of being silent thanks to his years living in barracks and dorms in the military, he’s all too eager to voice his pleasure. Not that you mind, of course. That filthy mouth of his only serves to turn you on more with how well he uses it. Even when his mouth is, uh, otherwise occupied, he’s still groaning into you like he’ll die if he can’t vocalize how crazy you make him.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

John loves cockwarming. He lives for those moments when he has you on your knees, tucked beneath his desk as his cock rests in your mouth. His right hand scribbles away at the paperwork in front of him and his left rests on your head, petting your hair lovingly. So if you have an oral fixation (like I do), then Price is your man. 100%.

He also has toyed around with the idea of a formal D/s relationship. Nothing too intricate or outlandish, just roles for the two of you to slip into when the moment is right - and the moment is right fairly often. There’s a natural air of dominance about him

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Let’s just be frank here: seven inches and thick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

How often does he want to fuck you? Constantly. He wants you to be a thoroughly fucked out mess any chance he gets. Real life doesn’t exactly allow for that kind of indulgence, though. Instead, John settles for every few days. He really takes his time with you, wants to make it count every time - just to see you melted into a puddle of pleasure and overstimulation.

That being said, he isn’t a stranger to tugging you into some secluded area and getting a little handsy. Just because there isn’t enough time to fuck you doesn’t mean he can’t get you both off. He can’t count the number of times he’s locked you both in some random supply closet and fallen to his knees to eat you out against the shelves. Or how many times he’s let you jerk him off in the dingy bathroom of some shitty bar.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

John doesn’t like being the first one to fall asleep afterward. Even when he’s exhausted and his eyes ache to close, he has to make sure you’re taken care of first. If you just curl up into his side and fall asleep, he’s happy to wrap an arm around you and follow your lead. When you do need his attention, you get it without fail - even if his voice is all rough and sleepy while he does it.

#john price x reader #john price x you #john price x reader smut #john price smut

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kellycataclysm · 3 months ago

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🌵☀️ for lyra!!! you can answer it with your harvey HCs too if you want :D

Hello hello! Okay physical affection and first impressions! These are such lovely questions!

Firstly, physical affection. Lyra LOVES it. She loves to hug her friends and family. She loves to snuggle with her dog, loves to have the cat curl up in her lap. Then there’s her two favourite people in the whole world. She loves to feel Evie sleeping next to her, their little girl crawling into their bed in the middle of the night or just before the sunrise. She loves to feel her small hand in hers.

And then Harvey. She would touch him constantly if she could. Physical touch is a love language for these two. She loves to hug him, hold his hand, touch him gently as they pass each other, link their little fingers when they are in the car. Physical affection from him and giving him physical affection is so very important to her. His kiss takes her breath away and she will never get enough of it. And while they tell each other how they feel, being able to show it is even better.

Harvey is less likely to show affection to friends and family in a physical way. He’s going to give his good friends a handshake or a pat on the back when they see each other, he will hug his parents when he visits home, but other than that, he is not overly tactile. Evie and Lyra are a different story. Harvey loves to carry Evie on his shoulders, giving her his giant’s eye view of the world. He will snuggle with her on the couch before she goes to bed, reading her a story as she nestles in his arms.

As for Lyra, not being able to touch her before they became a couple consumed him, he wanted to so desperately. The first time they hugged, as friends, it took all his willpower not to bury his nose into her hair and breathe her in. As they grew closer, he grew more confident, gentle touches sneaking in with more frequency. The night she spent in his bed, before they became a couple, she fell asleep in his arms and he knew, he would never be able to let her go again. He loves to wrap her up in a warm hug, link their fingers as they walk, and her kiss… he would kiss her endlessly if he could, lifting her face to his, looking into her eyes, pressing his lips to hers, telling her just how much he adores her without even saying a word.

Lyra is friendly, polite, well-spoken and makes an excellent first impression. She is quiet, but loves to meet people and hear their stories, learn about their experiences, curious about the world around her. She loves to laugh, smiling as she listens to your stories. Not entirely confident, she does have a small element of awkwardness in her behaviour, sometimes saying something dorky that she wishes she could take back, but she quickly shakes her head at herself and moves on. She’ll spiral about it in the middle of the night later. She is quietly charming and carries herself very well. It is this gentle magic that had Harvey captivated from the moment he laid eyes on her.

Most of the time, Harvey makes an excellent first impression. He always dresses smartly, without being vain in the slightest. If anything, he lacks self-confidence. He is very smart, polite and extremely well-spoken, a professional through and through. He needs to be trusted by his community so it is important to him that he makes an excellent first impression, sometimes causing a little anxiety in getting it right the first time, leading to him overthinking many of his interactions. He is tall and broad and sometimes his height makes him feel a little self-conscious. He knows that people can be intimidated by doctors and so being a tall doctor, he worries that people will not be able to connect with him. He is quiet and often this leads him to withdraw from people or keep a detached professional distance. When he gets to know you, that is when he will share his passions and his dorky charm. Lyra was swept off her feet by the tall, handsome, well-dressed doctor, but when she really got to know him and his gentle charm and nerdy jokes, that is when she fell hard.

Thank you so much for those lovely questions!

#stardew valley #stardew valley harvey #stardew harvey #sdv harvey #harvey stardew valley #lyra and harvey #harvey sdv #stardew lyra #stardew farmer #stardew valley fanfic #oc ask game

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veliseraptor · 1 year ago

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If you haven't done so already, do you have any particular headcanons for Xiao Xingchen?

I've always seen him as a very interesting character, from his fife as the pupil of an inmortal master, to his views about the world. I specially find the image of the folk hero he seems to have incredibly appealing, although I feel it gets left behind in the background of the story. But what do you think?

boy do I!!! I have a stack of Xiao Xingchen headcanons that just might together stack up longer than the entire yi city arc in canon. I have long experience with building a large edifice of headcanon upon a relatively slim amount of actual text, and I have spent a lot of time thinking about Xiao Xingchen. I'm sure this comes as a complete surprise to everyone.

one important headcanon to me is the sort of...pair that Xiao Xingchen is a very sociable and extroverted person, and he has major abandonment issues. I feel like the first one is something where the perception is otherwise because he's not exactly boisterous and he has this "untouchable immortal" reputation following him around making him out to be something more than human (which also renders him less than human, but I've talked about that before).

but Xiao Xingchen loves people, I think - he believes in people, yes, but he also just generally genuinely likes them. he likes to talk to people. now, this doesn't always mean he's good at it - the other thing about Xiao Xingchen is that he's kind of weird and socially graceless - but he's a very friendly person by nature.

this makes his utter isolation post-baixue even sadder, because I don't think it's because he can't make connections, or doesn't want to - I think he's not letting himself try. he's cut himself off from trying to make friends. prior to that I think people tend to hold him at a distance, because other people perceive him as untouchable/distant and project that onto how they interact with him, and if they do interact with him he's weird and socially graceless which can be a turn-off for further interaction. afterwards he's just doing the same.

and meanwhile! all this is happening and Xiao Xingchen is in a state of continual low-level homesickness (the world is harder and meaner than he thought it would be, he can never go home, he genuinely believes in his decision to descend but also it hurts sometimes), and he has his one companion who is the best ever but even so...that's one person and I think Xiao Xingchen craves more connection than that. but because of who he is and who he's chosen to be, he doesn't have that community that he desperately misses, and he's not willing to compromise himself in order to find it the simplest way (i.e. by joining a sect).

the dream of creating a sect is, I think, a little more Xiao Xingchen's than Song Lan's - not that Song Lan's not in favor of the idea, but I think he'd be more content without it, continuing to be independent, than Xiao Xingchen is. but he also has his temple to go home to (until he doesn't).

and for extra spicy fun my headcanon has always been that Xiao Xingchen is very tactile while Song Lan is...the opposite, and while Xiao Xingchen would never complain and might not even acknowledge it to himself, he is perfectly content with the non-physical state of their relationship, of course, he would like to be cuddled and that's just not something Song Lan generally feels up to doing.

and then!! and then Song Lan lashes out at Xiao Xingchen, pushing him away, and the closest person Xiao Xingchen has to home is torn away from him, and then his actual home is taken away again (because he goes back for Song Lan only to have to leave again, really forever this time), and he's on his own wallowing in guilt and self-loathing and very determinedly being Alone until a-Qing shows up and basically goes "mine now" and adopts Xiao Xingchen as very much hers. A-Qing is so important for the way that she walks into Xiao Xingchen's self-imposed solitude and just moves in without taking no for an answer. that's, I think, part of why Xiao Xingchen loves her so much.

but after Song Lan there's definitely a low key assumption for Xiao Xingchen, I think, that people will leave him eventually. I think he always tended toward a little bit of clinginess, but after he gives up his eyes that clinginess both increases exponentially and also becomes an exercise in intense self-denial. he won't let himself be clingy with the people he cares about even if that is what he desperately wants to be. nobody would want to live with us in this coffin house.

there's an exchange that I'm really quite proud of in The Care and Keeping of an Unexpected Captive:

“You like - you like feeling like a hero. Like you’re - saving the world, all the pathetic people too weak to save themselves, there’s you, righteously battling evil, kind, generous–” Words that would be compliments from someone else Xue Yang spat like insults. Xiao Xingchen drew back. “That’s not it,” he protested. “I don’t care who knows me, or if anyone does. I’m not looking for fame or glory–” “No,” Xue Yang said, his voice harsh, “you just want people to love you.”

and I don't think Xue Yang is wrong. he's not 100% right either - Xiao Xingchen does believe in his mission, and does just genuinely want to help people and do the right thing.

but he also really, really, really wants to be loved, and is very afraid that he won't be.

#conversating #anonymous #look at that i wrote a mini essay #xiao xingchen #aggressively headcanons #the sad queer cultivators show #i think a lot about xxc's dysfunction. it's fun

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alarrytale · 6 months ago

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J. Bailey is straight passing and that helps him. Het females can more easily ignore he's gay and keep living out their fantasy.//

He is indeed straight passing, he doesn´t have any stereotypically-gay mannerism, he doesn´t wear sequins or fancy colourful outfits (his Met Gala outfit was way too boring for that event but also can´t imagine him wearing something super-gay-H´s-stage-outfits style) except that one outfit with glitter blue shirt and he gets straight roles and he´s great playing those because he´s a professional actor. And yet he´s open about his sexuality, he kissed his bf and M.Bomer on their mouths when he won awards, he´s involved into queer convos and het females easily ignore his sexuality or are actually suprised when they find out he´s gay because no way they would tell. And all of this makes me wonder more and more every day why the hell H must be this closeted and have this womanizerTM image to cover up his real sexuality (and I´m not even starting with Louis and their relationship).

You can see that huge difference where J.Bailey is open, he´s himself, he´s tactile with both men and women and he can just do whatever he wants because he´s not hiding in the closet....while H´s image is very very carefuly curated, he has to appeal to everyone (straight and gay), if he´s too friendly with women het harries immediately yell he´s dating those women, made-up hookup rumours are all over the place, he can´t do or say much (and so if he adresses queer convo it´s disaster), he can´t even be officially single for long. Just because he´s deep in the closet during the period when more and more famous people come out.

I´m wondering if H can see where J.Bailey´s career is heading and how big deal he´s becoming while being openly gay and maybe it will encourage him to try to push his real self more? But not the way he´ll have to stunt more with next-woman-of-the-year pda included and push this stunt to get away with more gay stuff.

Hi, anon!

I think the difference is that H is a singer first and foremost and marketed since day one to het projecting females. It's his brand and his image. J. Bailey has just been his charming, multitalented self and never pretended to be someone he's not.

I don't know what H can and can't do when it comes to being more himself. It seems like there's no limit on stage, but off stage he seems like he isn't doing anything more than he's done before, and even appearing more straight than usual. I'm not very optimistic we'll see much of a change from him towards being more himself until he's allowed to come out. We'll have to see when this new era really starts.

#queer convos #harry image #jonathan bailey

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i-didnt-do-1t · 2 years ago

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David is the type to adamantly disagree with the idea he gets bullied at school- a short fic, and somehow the first thing I’ve written for newsies lmao

Admittedly, David was optimistic to think he’d make it the whole day with no one asking about it.

“So. Dave.” Jack said, draping himself over David’s shoulder, arm a vice grip around the back of his neck in an approximation of the friendly tactility the newsies had perfected. “You gonna talk about it?”

David, for his part, didn’t even try to struggle out of the grip, all too used to Jack’s body weight being propped against him. He was a shelf for Jack’s elbow essentially, which was almost impressive considering the slight height advantage he had. He was just glad that wasn’t a nickname that ever stuck. Someone tried once, and David found himself launching into defence of himself, because despite what some people might think he did have self respect and before he even reached the two minute mark JoJo had rolled his eyes and waved him off saying, “Yeah. Never mind, forgot why you were called Mouth.”

He still wasn’t sure whether to be offended or not.

At Jack’s question, he didn’t roll his eyes. Didn’t look up from the leftover newspaper he was holding.

“Wasn’t a bad headline this morning. A fire.”

“Yeah. I know, I have eyes Dave.”

“Almost forgot with how observant you are.” His tone was dry.

That earned him a scuff up the back of the head and a scoff from Jack, almost something like a laugh.

“Alright smartass just because I miss one thing-“

“He was right in front of you-“

“Don’t mean I can’t see the shiner you got this morning.”

“-I mean, I know Spot’s not the tallest but-“

“Ay. Dave.” David shut his mouth. “Quit ignoring me.”

Still, he couldn’t help himself. “Sorry, habit.”

(He was not sorry at all.)

He could practically feel Jacks frown, “Alright, n’ quit the sarcastic bullshit for a sec.”

“I don’t know what your talking abou-“

Jack’s casual lean across his shoulder changed, throwing David a little of balance till Jack’s hand caught at the nape of his neck like he was a cat.

This was embarrassing.

Jack stared him dead in the eye, unimpressed.

“Black eye Davey. Start talking.”

He repressed a sigh. Not even attempting to shake off the grip and regain some dignity. Instead he sent Jack a blank stare back, one of his own unimpressed ones, the type he used on Race sometimes when he told a particularly bad joke.

“It’s nothing.”

“If it were nothing you woulda told me already.”

“No. I wouldn’t.”

“Was it your da?”

That gave him pause, and then he noticed the concern in Jack’s expression, just underneath everything, in the way he searched his face as if, if he looked hard enough, he could tell whose fist the bruise matched.

“No. No Jack, I promise. He wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Right, that’s what Albert thought bout his da too.”

He wasn’t unfamiliar with the back story of a few of the others, the ones that didn’t mind talking about it, but that never made hearing about it any easier. Suddenly Jack’s tenseness, the confrontation, made sense.

“It wasn’t him. I promise.”

Jack held his gaze for a second longer before he finally looked away and released his grip.

“Alright. I’m trustin you Davey.”

Damn.

He swallowed his pride.

“It was a guy from school.”

Jack raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “What some hoity-toity asshole landed a hit on you?”

“Yeah.” Jack pulled a face, and Davey couldn’t help but snort. “I appreciate the surprise Jack but I’m not sure it’s warranted.”

“Why’d anyone wanna hit you?”

David sent him a blank look at that, and Jack rolled his shoulder.

“Yeah okay. What’d you do?”

“Get higher scores than him even though I missed a few months.”

“Huh.”

He folded up the paper he was holding, and tucked it under his arm, squinting as he looked at Jack, the sun behind him creeping around the lodge house and silhouetting him.

“I don’t think he likes that I’m a newsie and smart because he’s got some warped sense of money equalling brains or something stupid.”

“Sounds like the average rich kid.”

David half shrugged, looking away. “You get used to it.”

“You getting bullied then?”

“What? No.”

“Sounds like you’re getting bullied.”

“I’m not getting bullied.”

“Yeah, sure are persuasive with that shiner there Davey.”

“Blink literally gave me a black eye two months ago.”

“You deserved that one you were being an ass.”

“He was also being an ass I just didn’t hit him.”

“Oh.”

He sent him a pointed look. “Yeah oh.”

“Well, look, you need a hand with anything Dave let us know.” He reached over and clapped him hard on the shoulder. “We got your back alright.”

He couldn’t help but let his lips twitch up at that. David had never really been the type to have friends before he met Jack, sometimes it was easy to forget.

“Thanks.”

He slung his arm back around David’s shoulder again, dragging him toward the Lodge-house. All week the boys had been waiting for their Friday night poker game, hosted by Race and betting marbles.

He stumbled forward, pulled by the familiar weight. He could practically feel Jack’s eye roll as he answered.

“Yeah yeah, shut up.”

#newsies #jack kelly #david jacobs #newsies davey #newsies jack kelly #newsies fanfiction #newsies fic

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lannisterdaddyissues · 2 years ago

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For the otp ask thing

3, 9, 16 and 31 with slimav :)

AHHHHHH SLIMAV MY BELOVED YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW VALIDATING IT WAS TO RECEIVE THIS ASK BESTIE THANK UUUUU 🥹🙏🧎‍♀️

anyway im. im so sorry this is 2 months late things got out of hand but here i am delivering the slimav goodies now <3

3. Who hogs the cover / Who loves to cuddle? who hogs the cover: oh sli 100%. he runs hot so he really doesn’t even need them, and instead of using them to keep warm they just end up in a tangled heap on the floor next to him LOL. as a result mav usually ends up sticking to him like glue at some point in the middle of the night to soak up his body heat bc even if he was aware enough to steal back the blanket in the middle of the night, he would never win against sli’s 6’5” ass 😔 who loves to cuddle: um both of them next question. have u SEEN them they are literally the teddy bearest of all teddy bears. thank u for an actually serious answer tho they both love to cuddle!!! 🥹 they just have one of those perfect size differences where it doesn’t make sense NOT to cuddle when they fit perfectly together yknow… they take up less space that way and they get to cuddle so its a win-win! 🥺 they’re also both super tactile bc mav is most definitely touch starved and sli is obv very touchy feely with his friends, like him hugging ice and giving him a friendly wiggle at the graduation lives rent free in my head forever that shit was so FUCKING cute ok

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)? mav! he’s an early bird, there’s almost always a full cup already waiting for sli by the time he makes it to the kitchen because he takes so long in the bathroom in the mornings (no he’s not shitting 💀 he just has to shower and shave because mans grows hair like no tomorrow and he stinks)

funnily enough, mav actually never drank coffee before coming to topgun, but now that he is constantly plagued by the horrors a cup of coffee does wonders for him throughout the day. however he is not allowed to have more than one cup per day or there will be consequences per the wrath of one iceman kazansky

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms? i don’t think either of them are scared of thunderstorms per se, but sometimes when mav dreams about hop 31 the nightmares fuck him up pretty bad… he’s flown through a lot worse though.

also i personally think the fandom hc that mav is afraid of ghosts is infinitely funnier bc he would be so ridiculous about it 😭 (also slider is afraid of clowns you can’t change my mind on this)

31. Who is more affectionate? ice: you guys its not a competition slider & mav, aggressively cuddling on the couch: YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

but if id have to say its gonna be slider bc that man is such a fucking teddy bear he has no shame or self-consciousness when it comes to being a sucker for mav both in public and in private meanwhile mav is more shy and reserved so hes most affectionate in private :’)

#ask #reply #calkale #mutual #slimav

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sl-walker · 2 years ago

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Ok, you asked for it. Meta Part 1/1000. Who is Scotty?

For me, the biggest question is: how is it that in one universe, a person can be reservedly taciturn, and in the other, socially garrulous? The only answer I can come up with is that it isn’t a fundamental characteristic of self, it isn’t their nature, but a symptom of something else related to some differences in their lives.

Scotty in every universe has three layers: the mask, the damage, the actual person.

In TOS Scotty, the mask is that wall. Sure, he’s friendly enough, but most people don’t know him, and that is fine by him. He’ll give you the surface of himself, and you are going to think you know him, but it isn’t true. And that mask fits over the underlying damage that you have so aptly described in all your stories. The wolf, the survivor. (It gives him an iron backbone that, by the way, I think is missing in AOS Scotty.)

Then we have AOS Scotty. He’s openly gregarious, almost oversharing. He is good at reading people; in the movies he is reacting constantly to what people are feeling and thinking around him, actively tactile, touching them, reaching out, watching. I considered the possibility that he was just a non-trauma response Scotty, the way TOS Scotty might be with a gentler life, but I don’t think that’s true. My interpretation of AOS Scotty is in part informed by pretty much every significant Simon Pegg character: an easy going funny guy who is always masking mental illness, addiction, self-doubt, loneliness, even despair. But it isn’t just the actor. Textually, the broadly comic guy fades when he’s comfortable.

So he’s masking too. What is he masking? What coping technique is reading people that closely for? What is he using humor to cover, what doesn’t he want people poking? It’s not trauma; trauma would send him in TOS Scotty direction—because that’s how Scotty reacts to trauma.

After watching him, I’m convinced he has significant mental illness going on. They both clearly struggle with depression, but the first time we meet AOS Scotty he tells us this genuinely insane story about the dog and the transporter which is entirely about overconfidence, euphoric energy, a feeling of invincibility, lack of impulse control … it’s a manic episode. (Which, honest to god, I also think he has going throughout the entirety of the first movie.) He tells the story for comedy, what’s he covering? That dog could have just as easily have been a person. AOS Scotty is afraid of himself, of hurting people. He’s reading people because he’s using them as a stand in for his own judgment, which he doesn’t trust. Am I out of control? Am I scaring you?

Now, in both of them the mask and the damage causes some additional issues that overlap, but also some things that may be actual self. They share some arguable negative traits. Self destructive fuckup? Yep. Obsessive, addictive. Someone who people don’t actually know because the real person is generally buried under the mask. Irritable and grumpy. Stubborn. Pushback when someone is being an idiot. Can get emotional and riled up. Is that because they are masking and damaged, or is that part of who they are?

I’m convinced that the real person, underneath everything, is fundamentally the same in both universes. The sweetheart. Brilliant, serious. The reasonably-natural leader. (TOS Scotty is frequently badass; AOS Scotty takes control of the engineering deck instantly, with zero authority.) Prefers order but will let it go if he has to. Develops unusual relationships that aren’t easily classified. Lights up the room when he is genuinely happy. Drops truth bombs that people don’t always want to hear.

What do you think? The guy who won’t speak two words is the same person as the chatterbox who won’t shut up. Why?

I have put a TL;DR at the bottom as an apology for the length of this. >.>

Okay, so-- bearing in mind that everything I know about the AOS versions I've learned second-hand, either via that one spectacular RPer back in '09 or now you, and that I am an Opinionated Person--

My answer is that it was always a parallel universe, never a branch off. That Spock accidentally followed Nero sideways into an already-existent parallel, that they weren't creating something new, but interfering with something already there. That's legitimately the only way it makes sense to me; not only in terms of like actual characterization, but also in universal aesthetics. Jim Kirk having blue eyes, while Len McCoy has hazel, stuff like that. Apple store versus actual deep sea submarine. Cornfields versus geosynch orbit over San Fran. XD

It's always been, for me, that Pegg's Scotty is such a vastly different critter from Doohan's that I can't honestly ever see them having been the same person even in the past. And I think some of that is nature, and no small amount of that is nurture (or different kinds of lack thereof), and then just different formative experiences, too.

So, I've always operated on the theory that they're actually genetically half-brothers, because that does make actual perfect sense to me; that can also explain why I can see more easily where AOS Scotty could be related to Peter Preston (a fair-haired kid with lighter hazel eyes from what I can tell) whereas TOS Scotty is a bit more of a stretch there.

And that also means some variations on hows and how nots.

God, I dunno whether I should beg forgiveness or not for the length and rambling nature of this, but here goes:

All right, so I definitely write AotW with the aim of it being perfectly dovetailed to TOS canon (before Disco and SNW, though if they come up with something excellent that fits, I'll gleefully add it in), all the way to Relics (and beyond), occasionally yoinking a plot or two I like from the novels, or some other incidental and then asking lots and lots of deep questions. Like, "Excuse me, what was up with [insert event] at this [insert timestamp] that had that particular expression on your face?" and then writing, I dunno, 10K of backstory for it. LOL! OR, my god, this whole storyline was because I was chin-handing at Scotty (as one does or should) going, "But why did you buy a boat for retirement?" And then like, twenty-one years later, I've answered that one, but asked about a thousand more.

Digression aside, though. So, going on TOS canon, my take on the facets (caveat emptor, caveat lector):

1.) The mask he wears: Made of stereotypes and assumptions made by other people which he just doesn't correct or offer anything deeper to. Largely self-protective. He doesn't want to get too close to his crewmates, not because he doesn't care about them -- he very much does! -- but partly because personal trust does not come anything like naturally to him, it generally has to be earned and the only one I think who earned even some of that is Spock by that point.

But also partly because Scotty's already deep into his career? He's at the age where most career officers can retire, whether they choose to or not. Hell, he reached that age before Jim Kirk even took over. He's five years older than McCoy, and most of a decade or more older than the rest. So, he's already climbed to the peak of where he dearly wanted his career to go (Enterprise's Chief, Pike's Chief) and is actually, seriously contemplating retirement. Starfleet's changing around him some, he has definitely Been Through Some Shit, he has a family he wants to go back home to. Like, despite loving the Enterprise, and considering her half of his home, she's not all of it, and he does want to watch nieces and nephews grow up, he does want to try his hand at teaching on a larger scale, and hell, maybe he'll find a lad or lass who can live with him. (There are reasons he doesn't ultimately retire, but we won't get into those here.)

So, allowing himself to get too personally attached to his crewmates is a recipe for being kept in service past when he wants to be. It also, in my timeline, is because he lost one crew very traumatically and has lost crewmates otherwise, and loving people just so they can die on him trips allllll over his abandonment issues anyway. So, easier to keep them at arms length, care for them, protect them (even with his life), but never let them have pieces of himself that there's no getting back.

I think the mask is even more opaque in the movie era, too.

2.) Actual fuckup: Surprisingly not as much in evidence in TOS-era canon as one might expect. He only gets drunk onscreen once, and even then he wasn't doing it for fun, he was doing it for a purpose. I tend to write him with Jimmy in mind, who definitely drank (and got hammered), but who also regularly quit for long periods of time just to prove to himself that he wasn't his alcoholic father. At least in my stuff, in the TOS era and before it, Scotty only gets absolutely trashed when he's happy; he knows better than to drink when he's upset, so he doesn't. He doesn't like where his mind goes otherwise. And he knows what that can lead to, too.

There's a line in Torn that always sort of sticks with me:

He didn't like to fight, not like that. Not verbally, not physically. If confrontation could be avoided, Scott avoided it -- he didn't like the sick feeling that came with that kind of anger, the kind that boiled. He hated that feeling, knew too well what it could lead to if you got to like it too much. If you're too good at something and you like it too much, you'll do it. He didn't like it, but it seemed like he was always doing it anyway.

That kinda goes double for alcohol. So, he drinks on screen, but he's only shitfaced once in TOS, and even then under other circumstances. He drinks in the movie era, too, but I think we only see him mildly tossed in VI. And then Relics, but who the hell could blame him? (I personally think he drank as self-medication occasionally by then, hence me writing What Is Late. McCoy does get to see behind the mask, but -- tellingly -- can't actually do anything with what he can see to help in the deep ways that are needed there.)

So, the other actual fucking-up is mostly in crushing on exactly the wrong kind of people (women who need/want something he's just not) and losing his head trying to uphold a chivalrous ideal, only to land firmly on his face. Despite that dumbassery, though, he's not controlling or possessive, just protective and ridiculous.

I would label his propensity for being (a little frighteningly) willing to die in the line of duty under this, except I don't think that's actually much of a character flaw? Like, I don't think he devalues his life at least in that era? So much as it's just how he's wired. There's a scene I don't know if you've read, that I originally conceived of when I was first writing ONOW, believe it or not, but didn't have the nerve to write back then. Or the skill, honestly. Fairly shortly after Corry pulls Scotty out of the ocean. And I only just added it back when I did the most recent workover of that novel, and it kinda goes into it some:

Cor was gone when he woke up the time after, what felt like a fair piece of time after; he thought he was maybe delirious when he found himself looking at Sean Kelley, sitting with the chair back at the table.

“They’re pack animals, you know. Family animals,” Sean said, hitching Corry’s blue blanket up tighter around his shoulders, after a moment where they just stared at one another. “Wolves, I mean. I grew up in Montana; at dusk, you could hear them singing.”

It wasn’t a non sequitur, exactly. It was more than Scotty knew how to process. He took a deep breath -- aware again of what that felt like -- and let it out; felt how much it weighed to do that, too. “‘M nae sure ye’re ‘ere,” he said, mouth not wanting to work right; still, it seemed necessary to let Sean know that he might not actually be real.

Sean didn’t seem to care whether he was real or not. “World War III was the best thing for them,” he said. “Even though Colonel Green’s army devastated Bozeman. And Livingston. Even with the radiation. They didn’t have to survive so many of us anymore.” He closed his eyes; in the soft light of the cabin, his face was shining with tears. “We go and pick up a tray from a cafeteria, but they have to fight every day to eat. Or for space to live. For everything.” There was a beat, then he opened his eyes and said, “I jumped.”

Scotty still wasn’t sure he wasn’t dreaming -- or hallucinating -- Sean sitting there. But he said, “Me too.” Solidarity for a feeling, he thought.

“I know.” Sean freed his arm from the blanket and scrubbed his forearm across his face, voice tight. “It’s terrifying, isn’t it? I don’t know how to even-- say how horrible it was. How lonely. You know?”

Scotty thought about the black, growling mountains of water. “Aye,” he said, closing his eyes again; if Sean was the product of delirium, it probably didn’t matter so much anyway.

Sean was quiet for a moment, then said, “No one jumped after me.”

It didn’t sound like a lament; more like a man putting some kind of realization together.

“I woulda.” Scotty didn’t need to think about it; whatever bad blood had existed between them before just didn’t seem important now. But it wouldn’t have ever, he knew. He would have jumped after Sean, or anyone else; it would have never occurred to him not to.

This was, though, the first time that he realized that. He didn't know what that changed, if anything.

Sean made a sound like a laugh, if a laugh could be that fractured. “I know you would have. I would have jumped for you, too. I guess I kind of did, in a way. I guess we both kind of did. But that’s not what I meant.”

There was no understanding that right now; there would have to be a time later for it. Scotty hummed back something of an acknowledgment, even as the rocking of the Lady Grey and the tenuous sensation of being warm and too heavy to move was pulling him away again.

Right at the edge of gone, he heard Sean say, “Now I know why they call you Wolf.”

And like, that says it. At least my take on it. It's not so much that he wants to die or even wants to hurt himself (though that man absolutely does have the capacity to be incredibly self-punishing if pushed the wrong way), it's that where he places his values sometimes is at odds with continuing to breathe. Even if he is a survivor. Maybe especially because he's a survivor.

So. Onto mental health.

(I absolutely want to pick your brain about AOS!Scotty being bipolar, because wow, that is awesome insight and also a very good explanation for what I thought was a ridiculous tale -- Archer's beagle -- and also like, psychology is my thing, and also like, there is some evidence that if you pushed him in the right ways, TOS!Scotty could have gone that same route, right?? So, like, anything you wanna talk about backstory wise there, please do. For real, I will beg even. What environmental factors were at play there? What of that is genetic?)

But anyway, by the time TOS starts, Scotty's got his headspace pretty well under control. Predisposed to depression (that's one of the many things that happens when you're traumatized as young as he was), has been on rock bottom in his life, but he's also learned a lot of coping mechanisms that would have worked, if he had actually gone and retired when he was planning to. They aren't perfect coping mechanisms, but they do the job.

He's confident and knows his ship, he worked for years under a Captain who not only elevated his career, but built him up in ways that meant he could be comfortable in the center chair, or when everything is going nuts, and he is less prone to reckless courage (but still brave down to his last cell), and like-- I personally think the peak of Scotty's career in Starfleet was before we ever see him in that red shirt for the first time. Because for the rest of the universe, his greatest contributions happened later. But as to him, as a person, as a man who has Been Through Some Shit, I think his highest points were between '56-'65. And I think serving on Kirk's Enterprise, and all the sometimes insane chaos there -- including him being possessed and used as a murder weapon, including him being killed -- started putting some very real cracks in that otherwise solid place he'd clawed for.

And I mean, Season 1 Scotty really is the rock. Steady and calm for the most part; when he does get agitated, it's not really that manic kind that happens much more frequently later. Season 2 Scotty Goes Through More Shit and you can start to see where it's doing a number on him. Season 3 Scotty is just-- like, you can tell he is Not Exactly Okay. He's still smart as hell and competent, but still Not Exactly Okay. Movie!era Scotty is the same, but instead of wearing the mask, he's started pretty much being the mask; when you see behind it is vanishingly rare. And he also still Goes Through More Shit.

So, we get to Actual!Scotty. You say:

Agreed. XD On every point, too.

I think, though, that one thing TOS!Scotty has that AOS!Scotty doesn't -- at least as I write him -- is the foundation of his own anger. He swallows a lot of it as a kid. He takes a lot of suffering without biting back, at least at first. (So did his actor.) But that doesn't mean that rage isn't down there simmering.

And like, you've read Forty-Eight (and Give and Take, etc), so obviously there comes a point where he stops tolerating it. That point, I think, is well before that, but before then, he's mostly avoiding and staying away from the things that have hurt him. It's not until his mother drops dead and he almost does and then he gets horribly triggered by circumstances no one intended to be triggers that he starts biting back.

When you told me that AOS!Scotty kind of slumped off devastated when Kirk 'fired' him, that was what really jumped out. Like I said there, that mental image: TOS!Scotty woulda absolutely been lit up hot and loaded both barrels and he wouldn't have gone to drink his sorrows away, he would have gone after Jim Kirk's throat even if he really liked the guy because no one -- no one -- is ever going to hand him a beating again where he'll lay under a fist. Not ever.

So-- I don't know if I've given any answers here, but that's where I think the big differences are:

TL;DR: Different men altogether from the jump because different universes. And TOS!Scotty got that fire and spine and ability to snap back because he once was a battered child with no advocate, and even if he swallowed that anger back then, it still existed and eventually came back, and ultimately even helped him become the absolute badass we see later.

So. XD Thoughts?

#scotty #meta #arc of the wolf

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juuheizou · 1 year ago

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heyyy I saw you're answering asks so i wanted to give you one of my own:: how exactly does juuzou feel about physical touch? how does he like it? is he into pda at all? how does he feel w people touching him in general or in a friendly way? at what point of a romantic relationship he feels comfortable w a partner surprising him with cheek, nose and forehead kisses? in what point does he feel comfortable seeking phisical comfort?🥺

Hey! Haha, yeah, I just don't get asks that often, so I can see how it might seem questionable whether I'm answering them at any given moment or not, but I can assure you I always am. Hope this one gives you the insight you're looking for!

how exactly does juuzou feel about physical touch?

Suzuya strikes me as a really touch-happy person trapped in the body of someone with debilitating tactile defensiveness and a long history of that touch-happiness getting him in trouble. His most natural way to show affection is through physical touch. He self-soothes primarily with things he can touch and feel. And, though we don't see as many examples in :RE as the original series, he was prone to solving perceived problems with more destructive forms of touch. His hands are an integral part of how he interacts with the world, and touch is up there with taste among his most important senses.

At the same time, I can see a lack of innately understanding what's considered normal and acceptable when it comes to physical contact getting him in trouble, especially when he was first rescued and integrated into human society. He has learned through bullying and people only seeing the worst in him that he touches things he's not supposed to, whether that be picking up and examining a pile of entrails with his bare hands or grabbing a highly decorated ghoul investigator for their attention over an idea that just popped into his head. That's not even counting the times in canon that he's physically lashed out at people.

I see the same indiscretion being taken advantage of by people like Big Madam. Snuffing out any inklings that something isn't right in their mother/child relationship with a treat like cuddling up together and reading about giraffes, or how her whole system of torture and corporal punishment worked so well with a young Suzuya to begin with. Of course her rewards are affectionate and good; it's some of the closest contact she gives him. So physical touch is something he craves strongly and often, but how he acts on it is somewhat tempered by his experiences as the series and his life go on.

On the purely physical side as well, anyone who explores my blog enough will know I strongly headcanon him as autistic, and think that while it might have affected and been affected by his past with Big Madam, his indifference to pain is one of his many sensory hypo and hypersensitivities that he has always had and would have still had without her influence. Some sensations, he will barely notice at all unless it's to an extreme that would be unbearable to other people, and he seeks some of those ones out both for self-regulation and enjoyment. Others, it doesn't matter how positive the context or how beloved a person they come from-- to him they feel more noxious than pain and may push him into sensory overload, if not a shutdown or meltdown depending on what it is, how much/how long it goes on, and the day he's having. Different kinds of touch fall into one of those extremes or the other.

how does he like it?

He likes deep pressure and firm touches, like a tight hug, being wrapped in a heavy blanket, or having a cat in his lap. Even things like falling from somewhere he likes to climb/perch, taking a hit in battle, or parttaking in extreme body modification can feel kind of good, because a lot of the sensations that would be masked by pain in most people are resistance and pressure. I think if he got to go to one of those trampoline parks with crash mats and foam pits everywhere, he would probably keep throwing himself at stuff until the place closed or he passed out from exhaustion.

When it's something he does to himself, like body stitching or self-injurious stimming, there's also the feeling of doing the act itself, such as the sinking of his needle into skin, which can also feel soothing or satisfying. Between liking the feeling of doing a lot of these things and not being sensitive to the consequences himself, this is also why he can sometimes squeeze too hard or be a little rough when he's on the giving end of affectionate touch, which is most of the time now that it's up to him. It's also why he likes throwing Hanbee so much.

Textures are also very important, even in everyday things like the foods he eats and the clothes he wears, so of course they're important here too. He's definitely a soft, plushy, and fuzzy things autistic. If you don't think he collects plushies to squeeze and snuggle with, you're simply wrong. He enjoys playing with someone's soft hair or squishing his cheek against a fuzzy animal or piece of a person's clothing, but trying to hug him while you're wearing one of his trigger textures is going to be a very disappointing experience. You might even get shoved away.

is he into pda at all?

Oh yes. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your perspective) Mutsuki is absolutely petrified of having attention drawn to him in public, and PDA sure feels like drawing attention to him in public. For Suzuya, however, it would be another layer of something he enjoys on top of a fun day or night out, and who doesn't want to double up on things they enjoy? There are rare occasions where PDA makes Mutsuki feel safe and protected, and Suzuya gets to indulge in it, but for the most part, it's a want that Suzuya keeps to himself, despite the name.

how does he feel w people touching him in general or in a friendly way?

When someone in his inner circle of people figures out how to do it right, he will pester them for more, but the former is a requirement. If Amon or any other macho man at the CCG gave him a stiff, half-assed clap on the shoulder because he did something cool and for a second they forgot he wasn't one of the guys they like, they're going to get their hand swatted away, or grabbed and twisted until it hurts if he doesn't like the person either. However, a clap on the shoulder from Shinohara, firm and hearty and committed to giving him that pressure he craves: he'll keep coming to Shinohara over and over to solicit an annoying amount of claps on the shoulder. He can't stand going to a hairdresser and cuts his hair himself to avoid it, but that doesn't stop him from bouncing up to Akira to see if she'll style his hair.

As much as he enjoys the sensory aspect of touch, there is an emotional aspect too, and I think once he gets used to living his own life and not being Big Madam's pet, he would learn that he really likes personal space just because it's his. Having the choice is just so different and reminds him in a good way how free he is now, so when that control of his own space is encroached on, it might even surprise him how protective he's become of that space. Also, if you don't know him well, chances are you're not going to touch him right.

at what point of a romantic relationship he feels comfortable w a partner surprising him with cheek, nose and forehead kisses?

Probably not ever, honestly, because who knows what kind of day he's having or if he's one small push away from sensory overload and can't even handle things he would normally like. It will always be the safest to ask, verbally or by giving him the chance to meet the other person halfway or choose not to. As much as he would enjoy being on the giving end of surprise kisses, that doesn't mean he has to want the same for himself. And besides, why bother trying to surprise the master of surprises when you can just enjoy his surprises?

in what point does he feel comfortable seeking phisical comfort??

Opposite of the last one, pretty early on. Having something that's a good kind of different from the many ways he self-soothes would be a big motivator for him to let someone else into his life when he's just fine on his own. If they don't hug him better than he can squeeze himself in a nice blanket, why even humor the idea of compromising with someone else's needs and rules? He likes his freedom, after all.

#answers #anon #that said i am working my way through an influx of asks i got super close together at the moment #and they're taking time because I want to but thought and detail into every last one

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bratz-kitten · 3 years ago

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ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT. 7

gemini and pisces placements are similar in the sense that geminis are able to see things from all perspectives, while pisces are able to empathise with people who have all sorts of different perspectives. pisces placements... be careful with over-empathising with the people who hurt you to the point where you’re understanding why they did it and you start excusing their actions. gemini placements... be careful with seeking the multi-layers and million different perspectives in everything and everyone to the point where you’re driving your own mind insane and you don’t know what your opinion is anymore because you hyper-analyse so much. too much of a good ability becomes a curse.

people with venus-mars aspects have a talent for making people who hate them fall in love with them 💋

moon in the 11th house natives tend to attract friends who get into scandals. moon in the 10th house natives tend to be the ones who get into said scandals. it’s a PERFECT FRIENDSHIP

capricorn placements have a talent for knowing how to make things last. they want to prolong the enjoyment they get out of something for as long as possible, which is why their hobbies, friendships and relationships tend to last a lifetime... hedonistic sluts

since both the 7th house and the 11th house rule fandoms, celebrities with a 7th house or 11th house neptune can attract fans who view them as angels who can’t do nothing wrong — because of this, those celebrities rarely take accountability for their mistakes, since people keep pushing the “but they’re perfect :(“ light on them

pluto conjunct ascendant natives always come off as very serious during first impressions, no matter how approachable and inviting they strive to appear.

sun and moon in the 10th house people may feel as if they’re always exposed to the public eye, they can’t get away with keeping things secretive. others always notice whatever they want kept on the low. this can be especially frustrating if they notice that others aren’t exposed to the same kind of scrutiny that they are for simply existing

lilith in pisces bitches have a natural talent for appearing like angels even in situations where they are 100% guilty. it’s very easy for them to put on their vulnerable, lost puppy act lmfao, which triggers others’ protective instincts. they may be able to cry on cue when people call them out on their bullshit, making them feel like THEY’re the shitty ones for confronting the lilith native... it’s insane

lilith in the 12th house natives may feel as though the themes of lilith are trapped in their psyche, at the core of who they are and those themes become unavoidable for them — they’re always there, lurking in the shadows, becoming the center of their nightmares

people with mercury in the 1st house can feel veryyy threatened and defensive when someone possesses knowledge in an area that they don’t, it’s like it hits them right on their biggest fears. they often either try to “one-up” the other person in an attempt to heal their broken ego or shut down altogether in insecurity. it’s imperative that they work on developing a strong sense of self-worth because they can be extremely prone to comparing their mental skills to those of other people.

people with personal planets in the 12th house may feel as though a lot of their artistic drive is stifled by their lack of energy. like... in the mental realm there’s a lot going on and it’s incredible, but then you pick up a pen to actualize your visions and you feel exhaustion immediately overtaking you. it can feel like there’s a lot to your psyche that feels inaccessible to you not because you don’t want to explore it, but because you have yet to restore the energy to dive deep into it. this can be especially noticeable if there’s absolutely no 5th house energy in the chart

people with jupiter in an earth sign love being surrounded by greeneries in their home; they may take a lot of enjoyment out of taking care of plants, gardening, cooking and stuff of the sort. it makes them feel more grounded, independent, and even healed. they also LOVE scents that connect them to nature like the scent of grass and the ocean.

air mercuries can be very beware of strangers, they can feel offended when their friends make them socialize with someone they don’t know and it can take a hot while before they trust the person enough to lower their defences a bit. they need to know it’s safe before expressing their usual sexy eccentric selves in front of someone new. on the other hand, aries placements can also hate being introduced to new people through their friends but it’s mostly because they’re very territorial over them, and can’t stand the thought that this new person can hurt their friendship in any possible way

meanwhile, it’s probably an earth or leo/sagittarius mercury introducing new friends to the group. they’re so fucking good with people and it shows in how they make people feel welcomed so easily, it’s like they “take” the person in and adopt them into the group. they can’t stand seeing someone being treated like an outcast because they know how it sucks to feel rejected, so they’ll try their best to make you feel included

while on the subject of people who hate seeing others be treated like an outcast because they know how it feels like to be rejected: SCORPIO RISINGS. bro. people underestimate how chill they can actually be. if they see you being left out, they’ll approach you with no fucks given and do anything in their power to make you feel comfortable. they do so well in group settings.

and while on the subject of scorpio risings... i have a scorpio rising friend and he goes thru it on the daily. he often complains that people are always suspicious of him and that they seem repulsed by him, strangers on the street will stay tf away from him. and it’s so heartbreaking because his personality is so friendly and welcoming and it doesn’t at all match his intimidating appearance. scorpio risings have this energy that not many people can handle, others feel either really drawn to them or downright scared of them because of the “danger” element they seem to carry in them

i know two people who are both scorpio suns and libra moons and they look the exact same, even though they have different risings. brown, deep-set eyes, coarse dark hair, naturally tanner skin tone — and they have the same style as well, using lots of band t-shirts and dark clothing. scorpio energy is always so noticeable wherever it is i swear, it’s like it takes over the rest of the chart

gemini moons are what yall claim gemini venuses to be. like, seriously... have you ever met someone with a gemini venus? they don’t need constant stimulation or else they’ll get bored and cheat. not in the slightest; actually, they’re often incredibly loyal and crave longterm, committed relationships. if anything, they need stimulation outside of their relationship in the form of a good, exciting career and hobbies so that they don’t get too addicted to their partner and to constantly analysing every aspect of their relationship. gemini moons however, tend to have multiple partners throughout life and they often feat deep commitment. they can be huge players imo, IT’S THEM YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT!

sagittarius placements are so... tactile? like, they love to touch things. when they go to stores and stuff, they’ll start holding everything that catches their attention— it’s like they can only decide if they want to buy something after thouroughly exploring how it feels, the texture and the energy that the object gives them through touch. and they talk so much with their hands. it makes me so anxious like bitch you aren’t selena gomez, i promise you that you CAN keep your hands to yourself

taurus placements are so weird to me, i can’t understand them. it’s like they’re afraid of exploring their own depths, which in turn makes me unable to explore them. okay, how do i put this... it’s like they have this preset idea of who they are and after deciding so, they’re unwilling to let go of it. “i’m the stable friend who’s here for everyone even when i can barely take care of my own self” and then that’s who they are: the people who are a steady rock in the lives of others, taking care of everyone. and then they refuse to change even after getting hurt. and then, it’s like... well, you can’t just be that. you are a human who contains multitudes, but i don’t think you give yourself enough credit on how layered you are. that fear of changeability, that need to be the one stable thing in a world full of unpredictability will only damage you in the end, because you won’t get to fully experience life’s greatest pleasure: knowing yourself. becoming your own best friend, exploring every layer that there is to your being. i think you deny yourself of that experience because you fear that, with self-learning comes self-growth which leads to transformation. and you fear transformation because you don’t want to change for the worst. but like... transformation is necessary and with that comes adaptability + flexibility, which are things you could greatly benefit from.

scorpio venuses can be so pessimistic— and when they’re in a dark mindset, it’s so difficult to pull them out of it. it’s so difficult to get them to see the good in difficult situations, and to help them believe that it gets better. but even if you don’t believe me, i’ll keep telling you; it does get better. you’ll get through this.

jupiter in the 4th house is an indicator of food having been an amazing part of your childhood; there might’ve been a lot of feasts and you could’ve had a parent who loved to cook. being well fed might be a huge concern for you now; you might get sick easily when you’re eating fast food and non-traditional plates.

mercury square uranus is an extremely difficult aspect to have because, in your earlier years, you might’ve felt dumb or like there was something wrong with your intelligence because you might’ve found school difficult due to it’s structured nature that didn’t fit with the way you like to learn things— you need to learn in an interactive way that piques your interest. your anxiety and any traumatic experienced that you faced could’ve heavily impacted your school performance. you might’ve had an ease with learning but then, when it came to doing the written tests, you couldn’t perform to the best of your abilities. either way, school might’ve been a source of a lot of stress and difficulty.

mercury square pluto can have some weird manifestation where, like... you suspect things but you always suspect the wrong things. i’ve met a few people with this aspect and all of them were extremely suspicious of the most random things who were literally normal and innocent. this aspect can cause a lot of chaos to one’s interpersonal relationships because you might find yourself suspecting your loved ones in the weirdest circumstances due to your trust issues, which in return causes them to lose trust in you + the want to confide in you because you keep questioning everything they’re up to WHEN THEY’RE NOT UP TO ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE. probably the most frustrating thing that can happen with this aspect is when you always suspect what you shouldn’t, but then, when sketchy things are actually happening that should be questioned, you don’t bat an eye to it. omfg it drives me insane

moon conjunct the ascendant can make someone have a very delicate appearance that gives others the impression that they need to handle you like fine china or else you might break. my mother has this at a very tight orb and whenever i bring people over, their first impression of her is always “she looks so frail”. the native might be extremely sensitive to every minor inconvenience which brings a lot of frustration to them, a feeling that they can’t control their reactions and inner turmoil. it can also suck when you don’t want to be depicted as the victim but then that’s the way everyone perceives you. the native might have very expressive and shiny eyes, and they can cry easily. it’s very difficult for them to hide their emotions.

your jupiter sign can signify where you feel an overflow of energy. jupiter in cancer may feel like you have an overflow of nurturing and protective energy towards your loved ones, with a lot of intuition and need for introspection. jupiter in leo can make you feel like you a talent for self-expression and dealing with others, being overly dramatic and prideful at times, and with a huge drive to have fun. jupiter in virgo can feel an overflow of perceptive qualities, with a huge amount of self-awareness and also awareness of your surroundings, ability to constantly analyse and a constant strive for perfection (which btw is impossible since perfection is unattainable and you’re a human being who makes mistakes and that’s completely fine. stop finding flaws where there aren’t none).

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almysdrawing · 2 years ago

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My Arkhamverse!Jervis Headcanons

So here I am, at last. I don't know how to write character headcanons properly so I hope I haven't messed up too much.

Jervis doesn't care how other people perceive him. He speaks in rhymes and quotations, if he considers it appropriate for the situation. It's other people’s problem if they don't understand what he means.

He's the most expressive rogue, you can always tell what he thinks about. He's just a little unstoppable ball of energy, he often walks around the room and gesticulates with his hands. He won’t stop being active until he wants to.

Jervis is often trifling with something in his hands. If he doesn't have something to occupy himself with, he starts straightening his clothes. This is one of the reasons why he looks more or less neat.

Sometimes Jervis doesn’t understand phrases with figurative meanings, even if he initially knows that they are idioms. So sometimes he can be easily confused by them.

If Jervis gets flustered, he can lightly hit you. It's usually harmless, but you have to be careful about what he's holding in his hands. He is very self-conscious and he will defend himself.

Despite the fact that Jervis loves his Mad Hatter attire very much, he can usually wear completely random clothes. Oversized T-shirts and hoodies are his favorites. But one thing remains the same, he always covers his head. Whether with a hat or a hood, he is rarely seen without any headgear.

Jervis is very tactile. In addition to his expressiveness, he won't hesitate to touch you (within the limits of decency, of course). He also loves to hug people. Most rogues have experienced his love for hugs first hand (my condolences to Scarecrow).

Since Jervis is very childish, he doesn't drink alcohol and doesn’t understand some adult topics. So sometimes he can ask silly questions that often would put you in the place of the parent of a small child. You will never forgive yourself if you answer directly.

Jervis is very friendly, so the rogues mostly treat him positively. Since he does not seek to seize power in the city and is constantly in his imaginary world, he most often doesn't have disagreements with other villains. Of course, they may be annoyed by his manner of speech and behavior, but they don't show any hostility.

Jervis feels bad about killing, and he gets very upset when he kills or hurts people. He feels depressed and closes in on himself for some time, which helps him to lay low, albeit inadvertently.

Sometimes he has trouble distinguishing reality from imagination. From the outside it looks weird and unnerving. At such moments it's recommended to leave Jervis alone because it’s quite dangerous to stay around.

#jervis tetch #mad hatter #batman arkham series #arkhamverse #batman fandom #almy's headcanons #my post #not art

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faeintheointment · 2 years ago

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A New Normal - Part 5

Weeks have become months and my trips to the oversized abode have not abated. Late night conversations led to the cushion and the sweater becoming regular features of my visits. He was becoming more tactile - there wasn’t the fear that I would break if he touched me anymore. Instead of perching on furniture, he would hold be in either one open palm or cupped in two. He would often demonstrate companionable affection with a stroke with a finger or a friendly poke if we made fun of each other as we did in times gone by. There has never been an instance of discomfort or fear due to his size. I never felt as though he would take advantage of the size difference. Picking up was always done respectfully and without unexpected grabbing. It was my favourite place to go and spend time either at home or walking in the gorgeous landscape surrounding his house. Invitations were no longer needed, but if I needed to spend an evening at home for work or just to relax, that was fine too.

Friendship was all that was on the agenda though. I still couldn’t fathom him being able to feel anything else for me. He inspired awe because of his stature - more of him to love - but I had somehow managed to convince (kid?) myself that I had my feelings under control. Or so I thought.

Earlier in the day I’d received some amazing news about a job I’d just been offered doing what I really loved. I wanted to celebrate and I could think of no one else I’d rather share my excitement with. So I picked up a bottle(or two) of my favourite sparkling wine and took myself off to his place. As usual, I was literally swept off my feet upon arrival.

“You don’t usually clink when I pick you up - what’s with the bottles?” he asked, raising a quizzical eyebrow.

"I'll tell you when we sit down," I replied excitedly. “But it is definitely worth celebrating!”

I relayed the story of my news - I’d been given a new role at work doing more of what I wanted to be doing and it offered exciting new challenges. I toasted my success. As the night passed, I drank more of my wine, and I’ll be honest, I was so relaxed and happy I didn’t keep track of how much. It was making me perhaps a little bolder than I would ordinarily have been. To the point of being more flirtatious than usual.

I don’t know whether it was the excitement of the moment, but suddenly he raised me up and pressed me close to his cheek in as near to an embrace as we could possibly get. Then he relaxed and dropped his hand back and looked at me lying in his palm. The suddenness of the movement had caught my breath and I was reclined looking at him in surprise. The look we exchanged was so intense. Almost imperceptibly, it seemed like he was raising his hand towards his lips. My eyes widened - could he have felt for me…? I hoped so…

Just as quickly as it happened, he stopped. His expression suddenly changed to something akin to horror and shame and then to an awkward smile.

“You idiot!” I told myself, “What the hell?! Did you think he was going to kiss you? God if he saw you wanted it, he’s going to think you’re ridiculous!”

I snapped out of my self-reproach and looked at my watch. “Oh god I am such an idiot, I let it get late and I forgot I’ve got to be somewhere early tomorrow!” I had to say something to break the awkwardness even if it was a lie. I just had to get out of there.

“Oh, here - let me take you home - it’s quicker…” he offered. The walk had never been more tense or quiet. When he placed me on the balcony, I made a quick exit, as if every extra minute of sleep I could get was crucial. I watched from behind the drapes that I hurriedly swished shut as he walked away and sighed sadly, feeling like this was the last time I would ever see him.

“What a dolt! Like he’s going to find you attractive like this - you’re doll-sized to him! And now you’ve blown even a friendship by making it weird…”

If I’d had the gift of telepathy, I would have heard something similar from him:

“Oh what a weirdo! She was probably terrified - you’re monstrously large and she’s so small, but so pretty - and now you’ve made it weird. I bet you never hear from her again either…”

Instead, I lay awake, tossing and turning. Filled with anger at myself, and feeling foolish, wondering how to fill a 50 foot void in my life.

#giant tiny #gentle giant #sfw g/t #giant #gt community #g/t #size difference #g/t fluff #g/t community #giant/tiny

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neuronary · 4 years ago

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i might have to write the azula and aang sailing trip bonding fic actually because i honestly have so many thoughts about them and their friendship.

like tell me that avatar ‘it’s important for me to learn waterbending but not as important as riding a giant sea snake’ aang would not be the perfect person to hang out with princess ‘i have never played any games in my life ever’ azula.

they absolutely would play pai sho together and it would take hours and hours because azula’s strategy is very aggressive and aang’s is very evasive so they’d end up running in circles for a full day until one of them adapted to the other’s strategy for like ten seconds. and people complain about them wasting the time but aang insists it’s ‘reparations’ and it’s so important that they ‘restore balance’ through ‘friendly competition’. (they just really want to play pai sho because they’re literally children.)

aang is just being his rebellious self and it stresses azula the fuck out because she doesn’t know how to not follow rules for more then seven seconds. he’ll be like ‘oh hey azula we were just gonna go [insert mostly harmless but very illegal activity here] wanna come?’ and azula’s like ‘???? no??????’

he finds out that she and zuko have never danced and while, yes, he can pretty much just dump zuko on any other member of the gaang to have fun azula’s especially prickly about this. so he spends like three days needling her about it until she’s finally like ‘if i let you teach me one dance will u shut the fuck up and let me study’ and aang’s like ‘ya of course’ but even then she’s hesitant and he’s trying to get her to loosen up and dance not fight azula it’s suposed to be fun. azula can’t stand being bad at something so she goes on a whole rant about how dancing is stupid and pointless and a waste of her time and storms off and zuko’s like ‘give her a few hours if you value your eyebrows’.

so like the next day after some extensive research in the palace archives (aided by sokka because aang has adhd and he can’t look for just one thing without getting distracted by eight other things) aang comes back with a bunch of really old firebending scrolls from before the militarization of the fire nation. he shows them to azula like ‘look this is the in between step for you. you’re really good at firebending, plus if we did these ones it would look So Cool with your blue flames. pleeeaaaassseee?’

(it is in fact easier once azula has some solid instructions and diagrams. and yes aang it does in fact look very cool with her blue flames.)

as an aside, it takes azula literally years to stop calling aang ‘avatar’ and just call him ‘aang’. it starts off because she has no idea what his name actually is (she caves and asks mai after about three weeks of trying to figure it out) then it’s about respect because he’s the avatar and she’s not exactly happy about it but if they’re working with the avatar she’s not going to be impolite about it. so aang’s just like ‘you can call me aang. really. aang is fine. please call me aang.’ and azula looks at him like he’s just shot her pet bird because of course she can’t call you aang, avatar, that would be r u d e.

a lot of their friendship is based around adaptation and finding ‘in between steps’ because they’re polar opposites.

like aang is super tactile and physically affectionate All The Damn Time and zuko adapted to that pretty quickly because he’s also tactile as hell he’s just repressed, azula Cannot Fucking Cope. like aang will grab hold of her arm because he’s super excited to show her something and she will completely freeze up and snatch it away and he’s like ‘oh i’m sorry are you okay’ and she’s fine but don’t fucking touch her. (they’re working on it.) (aang’s new method is to yell ‘flameo’ really loud as a warning.) (azula nearly resorted to begging him to say anything else.) (zuko broke first so she didn’t have to.)

i’ve said before how azula is super into history and has a ton of it memorized, so, after the war is really nearly done and all of the important stuff has been dealt with, aang has the time to find out the extent of what happened to his people. a lot of people (katara and zuko, mainly) have their doubts on how good of an idea this is, but he just really needs to know for certain. so he goes to azula, because she’s the only one who won’t soften the blow. they sit in one of the courtyards and meditate together and then he asks. and she just tells him, in simple terms, what happened, and when, and - to the best of her knowledge - why. she doesn’t try to dress it up or justify it and when she gets to the end of it all she does her best to apologize. it’s halting and awkward because she’s azula and she has almost no social skills and then she panics internally while aang starts crying. cue the most awkward hug-turned-shoulder-pat in history.

aang really appreciates it, and the fact that she knows the actual dates is helpful, because now he can link up a timeline and Hey Why Is There Still This Decree About Hunting Down Airbenders In Effect.

well that’s because sozin was paranoid and committing a genocide isn’t that simple, logistically speaking, and since the air nomads were, well, nomads it was even more complicated. long story short azulon pretty much defunded the units that were out looking for them but there was a ‘kill-on-sight’ order out after that that no one ever got rid of.

aang isn’t getting his hopes up, he really isn’t, but why not publicly repeal the law and maybe he can announce that he’ll be at the southern air temple for the next big holiday and that there will be no one but him if any air nomads in hiding - or anyone who knows anything - want to come forward.

no one comes, and katara and sokka and zuko and even toph are there to comfort him as he grieves again.

azula’s the one who tells him to try again. and again. and again.

until it’s less about hoping he’s not the last one and more about remembering all the others. he starts going through the temples, finds all sorts of hidden artefacts - small things that weren’t burned away all those years ago - and gets to rebuild, bit by bit, his heritage. after a while, the air acolytes join him and celebrations are had in remembrance of the lost nation.

azula and zuko never come. no one from the fire nation does, not for years. and the first time they do, when they’re all in their thirties and bumi and kya and tenzin are all running around with the other kids, a sandbender shows up. an old one, older than iroh, maybe even older than bumi, and he takes off his layered hood to reveal faded blue tattoos.

aang insists it’s because all the four nations were finally at peace in one place. azula thinks it’s all a big coincidence. they bicker about this constantly.

this got long so i’m gonna leave it but i have so many more ideas about this.

#atla #aang #azula #aang and azula #headcanons #i guess

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goth-surana · 4 years ago

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The People Will Talk

Title: The People Will Talk

Pairing: Anders/Male Hawke

Main Tags: Secret relationship, banter

Summary: All of the main companions react to Hawke's new relationship, some before Hawke has even announced it. By the way, why hasn't he?

I participated in the 2021 Handers Gift Exchange run by @handers-time, here is my gift for @samsnak who wanted the companions commenting on Anders and Hawke’s relationship. I hope you enjoy!

Read on Ao3 or read under the cut

---- Part 1----

Merrill was more observant than people gave her credit for. Sure, she missed a lot of innuendos but that was just because they were different from the Dalish! She could tell a dirty Dalish joke with the best of them, but none of the others would get it.

Anyway, that was beside the point. The point was that Merrill seemed to be the only one of their companions who noticed that Hawke and Anders were a couple now. A very cute couple too, if you asked Merrill.

Anders was so much happier now, he looked less like a man holding up the weight of the world. He smiled more often, and his jokes didn’t have the same undercurrent of sadness.

Hawke was a tactile person, but he just could not keep his hands off of Anders. Not in a dirty way! Or, well, probably some times in a dirty way…

He took every opportunity to brush up against Anders, to put a hand on his shoulder, to give him a friendly hug. It was a wonder Hawke was fooling people at all with how obvious he was being.

That brought Merrill to the confusing part - they were keeping it a secret. Why? Why keep something so joyous a secret?

The group was off to Sundermount for some mercenary job Hawke took. Even with his mansion he still needed to pay for things, and he also couldn’t help but say yes whenever Kirkwall inevitably needed his aid.

Right now the group was clearing out a cave of spiders. Hawke had brought Anders, Merrill, and Fenris. A bit of a contentious group, but they were making it work. Hawke’s witty remarks had a way of defusing most situations.

“Even the spider guts on my clothes are covered in spider guts,” Hawke complained. “This cave had better have something of value in it…”

Soon enough they did find some locked chests, which Hawke went right to attempting to open. He fiddled with the lock a bit, but it wasn’t working.

“You know,” Anders offered, “I could just set fire to the thing and burn some of the wood away. Valuable treasure usually won’t burn.”

“Could be useful documents,” Hawke replied, his lock picking tools moving quickly.

“From what, a hundred years ago?” Anders asked. Hawke didn’t reply. He kept trying to open the chest and kept failing.

“One tiny tiny fire spell…” Anders reminded him, leaning against the cave wall and grinning. Even as Hawke grunted in frustration Anders looked at him fondly. Hawke wasn’t the only one who was obvious.

“Okay,” Hawke announced, “trying a new strategy.”

“Secret rogue technique?” Fenris asked him, a little sarcastically.

“Of course,” replied Hawke. Then, he picked up the chest and threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and landed, not a dent on the thing.

Anders burst out laughing, which is something he never would have done before. Hawke looked over at him, and all frustration melted away. He wore a small satisfied grin, watching Anders laugh with open fascination. Oh creators, they were cute.

Eventually the group agreed to take the chest back to Varric and Isabela and see if either of them had better luck. The group decided to camp out that night in the cave since the sun was setting, and Merrill noticed how close to Anders Hawke put his bedroll. They could just be sleeping together if they weren’t trying to hide. It was quite silly, watching Anders look with open longing at the space between them.

At some point Hawke went out of the cave to gather some elfroot, and Merrill decided now was a good time to ask him why on earth he was hiding his relationship.

“Hawke…” Merrill said, walking beside him.

Hawke jumped, clearly not noticing her presence until just then.

“Maker!” He exclaimed. “You should wear shoes… why are you out here?”

Merrill grinned. “I just wanted to congratulate you! You and Anders,” she whispered.

Hawke was completely caught off guard, raising his eyebrows. “Me-me and Anders? What about us?”

“You’re together now!” Merrill continued. “Come on Hawke, don’t lie!”

Hawke let out a sigh, but then smiled. “Alright, alright. Yeah, we’re together now.”

Merrill let out a small squeal, clapping her hands. “Why ever are you keeping it a secret though?”

Hawke’s smile slipped from his face. “Anders. He’s nervous… about him getting me in trouble somehow. Lots of eyes on me, being the new blood in Hightown. I also don’t…. oh, never mind.”

It wasn’t like Hawke to sound that uncertain about something. Hawke always knew what he was doing, or at least looked and acted like it.

Right now he looked like he was holding onto something and desperately wished to unload that burden.

“Hawke,” Merrill chided gently, “you can tell me, whatever it is.”

Hawke considered her offer for a moment, an uncharacteristic look of vulnerability in his eyes that so often sparkled with mischief.

“I don’t know if he even knows how to be in a proper relationship,” Hawke said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Relationships are discouraged in the Circle,” Hawke explained. “So everyone had to be secret, and no couple were really an item exactly. It was all fleeting. This isn’t fleeting, but I don’t know how to tell Anders that.”

Well, the answer seemed obvious to Merrill. “Tell him just like you told me! You just said it.”

Hawke chuckled, slightly subdued. “I know, I know. Look, I may have a particular talent for running my mouth but I’d rather not be that careless with Anders. He deserves security.”

Merrill smiled. That was sweet, she thought. How ridiculous that Hawke was worried about this when he was clearly everything Anders needed.

“Well,” Merrill told Hawke, “however you have been handling Anders so far is-“

Hawke let out a snort of laughter.

“Stop it!” Grinned Merrill, realizing what she had said. “I’m trying to tell you something. I’m saying no matter what you’re afraid of, you’re good to him. I can see it, he’s so much happier now!”

Hawke’s expression was open, hopeful. “You think so?”

“I do think so, very much.”

—— Part 2 ——

Fenris and Hawke were drinking together at Fenris’s dilapidated mansion, trying to unwind from a stressful battle. Hawke had wanted company and a stiff drink but not the noise of the Hanged Man, so Fenris had offered his mansion as a suggestion.

Hawke was able to unwind quickly, going right back to his boisterous self. The man was somewhat infuriating and overly-witty, but he was Fenris’s friend. One of his closest friends.

It was getting late, and Fenris was just about to suggest they turn in for the night when Hawke says something that nearly makes him spit out his drink.

“I should really get going, don’t want to keep Anders up waiting.”

Hawke realized a second after he spoke what he had said, and just looked at Fenris for a moment. Fenris looked back.

“Fucking finally!” Fenris exclaimed, gesturing wildly. “Fasta vass, you two were insufferable.”

Hawke just blinked at him a few times. “Insufferable? Really, I know you don’t like Anders but-“

“Both of you,” Fenris clarified. “You, Hawke, were insufferable around the man.”

Fenris did not like the mage, he was not happy for the mage per se, but… he could be happy for his friend. And happy he could finally tell his friend what a lovesick fool he always looked.

“You two make doe eyes at each other from across the room, find any and all excuses to make physical contact, you stare at him when he’s not looking and he stares at you when you’re not looking - it was madness!”

Hawke still looked somewhat stunned, but seemed to be taking Fenris’s comments in stride. Maybe a little embarrassed. “I didn’t look that often,” he said.

Fenris actually laughed. “Oh please, you are the worse of the two!”

“Am not,” Hawke responded a bit drunkenly. He was slightly flushed, either from the alcohol or from embarrassment.

“What I am confused about is why,” Fenris continued, the wine making him bolder than usual, “are you not flaunting your sickening love to the whole of Thedas?”

“I don’t know!” Hawke said a little too loudly, waving a hand. “It’s...Andersdoesntwanna…”

“What?” Fenris asked. It was unlike Hawke to mumble. He said what he thought and made damn sure everybody heard.

“Anders wants to keep us a secret,” Hawke said, slumping his shoulders. He looked like a disappointed Mabari. How very Fereldan of him.

“And,” Fenris said, not quite believing he was actually trying to help Hawke figure out his relationship problems with the abomination, “you do not want to be secret?”

“Yeah,” Hawke frowned, leaning his chin on one hand. “Fenris, I wanna treat him right,” Hawke whined. “I wanna take him places and buy him flowers and-“

Fenris tuned Hawke out after that, waiting for him to finish his list of things.

“I had no idea you were such a romantic.” Truly, this was a side of Hawke he had not seen yet. Hawke was irreverent, not one for traditions like flowers.

“Well,” said Hawke, “mages don’t get to be romantic in the Circle. So I want to give him that. And I don’t know, I just… he deserves romantic gestures and all that.”

That was disgustingly sweet.

“But I can’t do any of that if we have to sneak around,” Hawke continued to complain. “And I don’t know why he’s so intent on keeping us a secret! It’s not the Circle anymore, no one will punish us for loving each other.”

“”Love” is it?” Fenris asked with an amused smirk. Hawke really did open up when he was drunk.

Hawke looked slightly mortified, but tried to collect himself. “So?” He asked defensively, “people fall in love quickly all the time. And it’s not like I just met him-“

“Certainly not, I have been there throughout the literal years of pining.”

Fenris thought he might have some idea of what the mage’s motivations were, but it was a little too close to empathizing with him… oh, fuck it he was trying to help his friend. He could imagine himself in the mage’s shoes for once.

“Hawke,” Fenris said gently, “have you considered…” ah, how to phrase this? Even going down this line of thought was a little too close to home for Fenris. He didn’t want to think of the past, did not want to admit to Hawke how it still clung to him.

“Have you considered that in some ways the man has not left the Circle?”

“Whadaya mean?” Hawke asked, squinting. Hawke had better not be too drunk to remember Fenris pouring his heart out to him.

“I… in Tevinter… at Danarius’s estate… the slaves were not permitted to form romantic attachments. Those who were found were punished or sold.”

Fuck, it felt like there was a rock in his throat. The damn things he did for Hawke… Hawke had better be grateful that Fenris was such a good fucking friend.

“I, even now…” okay, just breath. Just breath. “Find it frightening that I even have friends.”

There, he said it. Bandage ripped off, wound disinfected. It hurt, but it was over.

Except that Hawke still looked confused. Fucker.

“Just because the mage is out of the Circle does not mean his mind will operate so. Habits are hard to break. You said yourself that he has never known stability. He will resist it.”

Hawke frowned sadly. “That’s… wow. I’d never thought of it like that.”

He suddenly looked much more sober.

“Thank you, Fenris. And I’m sorry that you still struggle.”

Now the conversation was turned back on Fenris, and Fenris did not like that one bit.

Fenris took another drink.

—— Part 3 ——

Isabela gleefully stabbed her attacker in the throat, spinning around and slashing at another. There were a lot of Tal-Vashoth on the Wounded Coast, after the same bounty as them. Isabela tried to have fun during fights, it was better than fear.

Unfortunately her strategy began to fail as the battle went on. They were outnumbered, and even with magic aiding them it was a struggle. Finally, Isabela killed what she thought was the last enemy. She almost sank to her knees in relief, but that relief was short lived and cut off abruptly as she heard Anders scream out for Hawke.

Isabela whipped around to see Hawke on the ground with blood spilling from his chest. Anders was kneeling over him, putting pressure on the wound and casting. Fenris stood to the side, having just killed the man who injured Hawke.

Even though Isabela wasn’t a mage, she could tell something was wrong. The spell came in fits and bursts, unstable. Anders was breathing heavily, sweat beading on his brow. His mana must be running out.

Isabela wished they had been fighting someone who might carry a lyrium potion, because Anders was clearly out.

Isabela watched on helplessly as Anders’ mana made one final surge before the man collapsed across Hawke’s chest. Isabela ran to them, pulling Anders up and looking Hawke over.

The wound was closed. He was still covered in scrapes and bleeding from a few smaller cuts, but the main danger was over. Hawke opened his eyes, blinked up at the sky.

“Anders?” He asked, seeing the man leaning on Isabela’s shoulder.

Anders shot up at his name, and then something unexpected happened. Or rather, very expected but startling nonetheless.

Anders grabbed Hawke by the lapels, pulled him up and kissed him hard.

Isabela just stared for a moment, but then began to clap. That was certainly a good ending to a fight. It was just like them to need a life or death situation to finally - wait.

Wait. Hawke didn’t look surprised, just stared up at Anders lovingly. Wait a minute.

“How bloody long have you two been together and I didn’t know it?” Isabela asked in exasperation and amusement.

Both men turned to her. Anders averted his eyes, Hawke just laughed.

“About a month,” Hawke said, still sounding somewhat out of it. He still managed to sound casual though.

Anders covered his face with one hand and groaned.

“Now everyone will find out,” he sighed. “You certainly won’t keep your mouth shut…”

“I can keep a secret,” Isabela replied haughtily. She was still grinning, caught up in the rush of a finished battle and the relief her friend was okay.

“I already knew,” Fenris shrugged. Now Isabela wanted to know how that happened.

“Fenris knew before me?” Isabela protested at the same time as Anders turned to Hawke and asked “Really? You told Fenris?”

“Didn’t mean to…” Hawke said sheepishly as he slowly sat up. “I was a little drunk.”

Anders was still grimacing, avoiding the eyes of his companions. For someone so unapologetic, he was adorably shy about this. Isabela simply had to tease him.

On the way back Fenris had to carry Hawke on his back, as Hawke was still quite injured. Anders had offered to carry him, saying he was stronger than he looked as a Grey Warden, but Hawke insisted that he had overworked himself healing. Anders relented, walking silently beside the group.

“So,” Isabela asked, “which one of you asked the other out?”

“Oh Maker,” Anders muttered, “here we go…”

“I bet it was Hawke,” Isabela continued, “you’re too mopey and sad to say something first. Although lately you’ve been better, which I’m guessing has something to do with Hawke.”

“Yes,” Anders replied, blushing and still frowning,, “Hawke makes me happy.”

“Awww,” Hawke said, grinning.

“It’s also about time you got laid,” Isabela continued with a wicked grin.

“You have no boundaries whatsoever,” Anders complained. “None at all.”

“Hawke, you’d better be good,” Isabela said. “He deserves good.”

Hawke just laughed. “I’m the best.”

“Sure, sweet thing,” replied Isabela. “I’ve never met a man who didn’t think so.”

What followed was a playful argument about Hawke’s prowess, which was only ended by Anders declaring “Alright yes he’s good! Now shut up.”

Isabela grinned. Fenris made a disgusted face.

“You must cease this conversation until you are not on my back.”

“Save it for when Anders is on his back,” Isabela agreed, nodding.

“I hate you all,” muttered Anders. “See, this is why we were secret!”

“They’ll get over it,” said Hawke, unusually giddy for a man who almost died. If Isabela had to guess he was riding the high of being public with his relationship. Hawke always had to be the center of attention.

“What are you smiling for?” Anders asked Hawke.

“What? Can’t I be glad that I can finally talk openly about my handsome, kind, talented, sexy, selfless, amazing-“

“Oh Maker please stop!” Anders pleaded, blushing hard. He was so pale he couldn’t hide it at all.

“-Striking, strong, perfect boyfriend?” Hawke finished with a pleased look.

This was great. Isabela was absolutely loving this.

“Save it for your mansion,” Fenris grumbled.

“You two finally agree on something!” Isabela smiled, nudging Anders.

“Lucky day indeed,” the man replied. Then, “Varric will be the worst.”

“Oh definitely,” Isabela nodded, “he’s going to ask all sorts of questions. Better prepare your answers.”

“What’s to prepare, we can just tell the truth,” said Hawke.

“I’m not telling him about my sex life, that’s the limit,” Anders declared.

“Then hope Hawke swears off wine,” added Fenris. “He’s chatty.”

Anders looked over at Hawke, raising an eyebrow.

“I’ll not say a word,” he promised. “As long as I can keep talking about my special, sweet, beautiful-“

“Maker...,” Anders muttered again as Hawke went on another tirade of Anders’ good qualities.

Isabela spent the rest of the trip needling the pair with questions. Eventually even Anders started to smile, though he hid it well.

—— Part 4 ——

Aveline saw the absolute last person she wanted to when she responded to a claim of a bar brawl. Hawke. Of course it was Hawke.

He was slumped against the wall, face sporting a black eye and a bloody nose. The other guy didn’t look well either, leaning against one of his friends who also looked worse for wear.

“I’ll take him,” Aveline sighed to her fellow guardsmen.

Aveline led Hawke away, letting her friend put an arm around her shoulder to steady himself.

“You owe me yet another favor,” she grumbled.

“I’ll help with an investigation or something,” Hawke replied flippantly.

“Eventually you will run out of favors from me. What got into you this time?”

Hawke tensed beside her, stopped walking.

“He was a Templar, talking some shit about the mages under his “care””, Hawke sneered the last part. “Thought of them like animals, wasn’t afraid to let the whole bar know it. Bastard needed a good punch in the face.”

Aveline sighed. Hawke didn’t used to be like this.

“Hawke, that sounds like none of your business,” Aveline reminded him. “He wasn’t attacking you, you’re not even a mage.”

Hawke pulled away from her, stumbling slightly. “Bethany is, Anders is!”

“Bethany would not want you fighting Templars, she is perfectly at home in the Circle. Do not make this about Bethany, I know full well who is causing you to act like this.”

“Like what?” Hawke argued, “like someone willing to stand up for what’s right?”

“Like a troublemaker,” Aveline answered.

“Sometimes trouble needs to be made, it’s better than staying silent.”

Aveline rolled her eyes. Hawke was a ruffian at the best of times, and his new relationship was making him even worse.

“That sounds like a line straight from his manifesto,” Aveline replied.

“And that surprises you?” Hawke asked, raising his voice. “It surprises you that I support the man I love?”

“I had hoped,” Aveline told him, “that perhaps you would be a good influence on him. It appears he has influenced you.”

“You just want him silent, compliant, like all the rest!” Hawke snarled. This was worse than Aveline first thought.

“I do not hate mages,” said Aveline. “You know that.”

“But you don’t support them,” said Hawke as he leaned on a brick wall to take pressure off of his injured leg.

“I don’t support madness, needless violence.”

“You’re fine with me,” said Hawke. “Am I so different? I may live in Hightown now but I’m still a mercenary.”

Aveline contemplated this. It was true that her friendship with Hawke was somewhat...strained, but they had been through a lot together.

“You’re like family to me, Hawke,” Aveline decided on saying.

“Well Anders is my family now,” said Hawke. “And I won’t sit by while some asshole talks shit about my family. He needed a reminder to keep his shitty opinions to himself.”

“Hawke,” Aveline sighed. “Let’s just get you home. You’re still hurt.”

Aveline didn’t want to fight about this, they would never see eye to eye. This new development did worry her though. At first Hawke’s biggest flaw was that he cared too little, he breezed through life on nothing but witty one-liners. Now it seemed he took things too seriously, or at least believed that needless violence was the answer.

But as Aveline had said before, Hawke was her family. Hawke may flaunt his disregard for law and order constantly, may live by his own bizarre moral code…. but he was family. Aveline looked out for her family.

Hawke begrudgingly threw an arm around her shoulder, knowing he needed the support. The walk back to Hightown was awkward, neither of them speaking.

Aveline knocked on the mansion door, and a startled Bodahn answered. They were quickly ushered into the living room where Hawke collapsed ungracefully to the couch.

“Hawke?” Came the voice of Anders. “It’s about time you got home, I was getting w-“

Anders, looking a little sleepy and wearing Hawke’s house robe (which was enormous on him), rounded the corner.

“Maker’s breath, Hawke! What happened?” Anders rushed to Hawke’s side and sat next to him on the sofa.

“He fought a Templar,” said Aveline.

“Two Templars,” Hawke clarified. Anders looked mildly horrified.

“And why did you think that was a good idea?” He asked, placing a hand delicately on Hawke’s cheek as he began to heal the bruises on his face.

Hawke rattled off the same story he told Aveline, all the while Anders fretting over him and admonishing him for putting himself in danger. Unstable as he was, at least Anders knew how stupid what Hawke did was.

“This isn’t your fight, love,” Anders told him sadly. “When-“ he glanced over at Aveline, considering, but then continued talking to Hawke anyway.

“When we became involved I never wanted this for you! I want you to be safe, and my life isn’t safe!”

“It is too my fight,” Hawke replied. “It should have been my fight a long time ago, but it is now. I’m the son of a mage, brother to a mage, and now the lover of a mage.”

Anders bit his lip nervously, still looking upset.

“So what if I get into a few scrapes,” Hawke continued, trying for levity. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. And now I have a handsome healer to patch me up.”

Aveline pulled a face. “You can flirt when I’m gone.”

Aveline made for the door, but before she left she looked back a moment. Hawke was still trying to keep Anders from worrying, saying some nonsense or another. Anders continued to heal him, looking at Hawke with more care than anyone else did.

Maybe in a way, Anders was good for Hawke. Hawke looked after others, and until now no one was there to look after him.

Anders may be volatile, may be trouble, but… Aveline could see the devotion in his eyes. He may be dragging Hawke into trouble, but she could see he would do whatever he could to drag Hawke back out of it safe. Hawke needed someone like that.

—— Part 5 ——

Varric was waiting in Hawke’s living room, dressed far better than he ever had before. Kirkwall was throwing a party in Hawke’s honor after he was declared Champion, and Hawke had made sure all his friends got invitations. Varric had come to Hawke’s mansion to help him get ready.

“This is a bad idea,” came Anders’ voice from a room away.

“Nonsense!” Hawke replied jovially as he donned his fancy new coat. “Come on, show me how good you look!”

Anders entered the living room, wearing attire worthy of Hightown in a deep navy color. It looked striking against his pale skin and blonde hair.

Hawke whistled, and Varric could see why.

“You clean up nice, Blondie.”

“Hey, back off,” Hawke laughed.

“Told you, not into humans.”

Hawke continued to grin and Anders continued to look worried.

“I...I’m not sure I should go,” Anders said. “Everyone will be watching you, and a great many of them probably saw me use magic during the invasion.”

Hawke’s expression softened, but he still smiled. “Love, I couldn’t face those nobles without you.”

Anders didn’t look convinced. He wrung his hands nervously, not meeting Hawke’s eyes. “The Knight Commander will be there.”

“I won’t let her touch you,” Hawke said, voice suddenly hard.

Anders let out a sad laugh. “I’m not entirely sure you’re in control of that, love. But besides that you need to make a good impression on all of Kirkwall and that includes the Templars. You taking me with you as your guest is just...it’s as if you’re declaring…”

“That I love you?” Hawke asked, slightly incredulous. “I damn well hope that’s what it looks like I’m declaring, it’s what I’m trying to declare.”

Anders looked startled, his reply dying on his lips.

“You two are such a cliche,” Varric added, hoping to ease the tension but also unable to resist teasing two of his closest friends.

“If I wrote you into a story the reviews would all call it unrealistic!”

Hawke smiled, slightly abashed. Hawke was a shameless man, but when it came to Anders he was sometimes like a youth with his first love.

“Anyway,” Hawke said, his voice becoming serious once more. “I’m not hiding us. You’re part of my life, and those nobles can deal with it. I’m the fucking Champion, if that doesn’t let me dance with the man I love them what’s even the point?”

“You don’t like making things easy on yourself, do you…” Anders muttered, blushing slightly.

“I don’t care about easy, I care about you.”

Oh ancestors, they really were a cliche. It was so cute it was almost sickening.

“Writing that one down…” Varric smirked, indeed pulling out a notebook.

Anders frowned and Hawke laughed.

“I still don’t know about all this…” Anders said, voice soft and unsure.

“Anders,” said Hawke, getting to his feet and walking to him. He took the other man’s hands in his. “I want you there with me for all of Kirkwall to see. I want to be known as the lover of a mage because that’s who I am, and the world can screw itself if it doesn’t like seeing us happy. Your fight is my fight, always will be.”

Anders looked like he didn’t know how to respond for a moment. Then he spoke, only a soft “okay.”

Then promptly he decided he needed to check his hair in the mirror again and left.

“Your man’s a skittish one,” Varric told Hawke.

“Only about this,” Hawke sighed. “But one day he won’t be. I’ll make sure that one day he’s not afraid of happiness.”

“He’s probably more afraid of what could ruin that happiness,” Varric told his friend.

“If that were the only thing…” Hawke shook his head. “Well, I’ve got my work cut out for me, that’s for sure. Doesn’t matter though,” Hawke finished, smiling his usual carefree smile. “I’ll be with him ‘till the end, I’ve got time.”

Varric laughed at Hawke, fondly. “Maybe he’s just embarrassed because you say things like that. You truly have no shame.”

“The world’s got too much shame in it,” Hawke replied easily with a wave of his hand, “why add more?”

Varric decided to write that one down too.

—— Part 5 ——

“Come on Fenris,” said Isabela, leaning languidly against a pillar, her cleavage absolutely spilling out of her dress. “Admit it, they’re cute.”

She was looking out onto the dance floor where Hawke had finally coaxed Anders.

“They are repulsive,” Fenris huffed.

“They are not!” Merrill chimed in as she sipped from a champagne glass. “They’re adorable.”

Hawke’s band of misfits had somehow ended up all clumped together, enjoying the festivities but not the nobles.

“Well, I am happy for Hawke,” said Aveline. She wore her ceremonial armor, opting out of a dress.

“But I also saw the look the Knight Commander gave him. She’s not happy.”

“Lighten up,” said Isabela. “Hawke will be fine. He always is.”

“And I don’t think Hawke minds getting into more trouble,” said Merrill in a matter-of-fact tone, “certainly not if it’s for Anders. He does love showing him off.”

“Hey, it’s giving me more book material,” said Varric, “so I can’t complain.”

“I don’t know who is more shameless,” said Fenris, “you or Hawke.”

“Are you talking about my writing or Bianca?”

“Both,” Fenris said, a slight smirk on his lips.

The group watched on, somewhat captivated by how Hawke and Anders moved through the dance floor. It was a relief to all of them that the pining was now over, and they were all happy for their friends.

Anders had been right about their relationship bringing trouble, but Hawke was also right that he did not give a damn.

“Fine,” Fenris scoffed. “They are...cute.”

#handers #m!handers #anders/male hawke #anders/hawke #da fanfic

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marshthat · 4 years ago

Text

My Jedi master Eeth Koth headcanons!

Eeth Koth has been my comfort charcter for quite a long time, and still is now (and I hope still will be in the future also, bc I cant imagine me existing without my love for Eeth anymore).

So, I've decided to share my most prominent master Koth headcanons that I've accumulated at this point

As promised, I'm posting only general ones, without any specific implied pairings or other relationships!

note: (due not so much info about Eeth in Canon and Legends (unforgivably little actually), maaaaybe I'm projecting some of my own mental stuff on him, but eh, this is unevitable I guess :)

Have fun reading these!

1. Change of the profile

In his youth, Eeth was a Jedi Guardian, a.k.a "Jedi-on-the-front-line", and carried a blue lightsaber. But after the death of his master, followed by him joining the High Council, Eeth calmed down his inner rambo and changed his profile to a Jedi Consular. And so he chose a path of a diplomat, built a green lightsaber (with a hilt very similar to his dead master's one, as a remembrance) and eventually became famous in the Jedi Order exactly for his ability to resolve conflicts peacefully. (that's why no big missions on his part before the Clone Wars era apart from his participation in the Yinchorri incident)

2. The acceptance issue

Eeth pays a lot of attention to his appearance: carefully brushes his hair, makes sure his clothing is perfect, and so on.

Some consider this a simple whim, but in fact this will to have an ideal appearance is a consequence of some issues Koth now has because of his difficult childhood. Due to the fact that Eeth spent his first four years as a ragged orphan in the filthy slums of Nar Shaddaa, he sometimes feels as if he doesn't deserve to be in such a clean and nice place as the Coruscant Jedi Temple. (And the fact that his membership in the Order at first caused a lot of controversy among the Council masters only worsened this fear)

That is why Eeth tries his best to always look as perfect as possible - to be suitable for the beauty of the Temple and to not feel himself a stranger in its walls.

3. Long meditation hours and self-reflecting

He does meditate on his issues quite often, in order to get rid of every irrational fear he has, like the one described in the previous headcanon. Usually he does that in the evening, after all the tasks are completed - he gives himself time to reflect on what happened during the day, what he did and said and how the others reacted. This does help, but still some thorns can be very hard to get out of his hearts. His favourite meditation place is his own quarters in the Temple, where he can have a nice view on the evening/night Coruscant, which is somehow more relaxing to him than the gardens in the Room of Thousand Fountains.

4. A little peek into the apartment

Eeth’s master-quarters in the Temple are decorated with effort and thought. The most significant part are the long heavy thick and soft curtains, that, if closed, take all the light in the room away, leaving the nice pleasant semidarkness atmoshphere. Also Eeth has a lot of various cushions around the whole apartment, along with an enormous supply of aroma candles!

5. The tragedy of the Padawan

Eeth's first and only Padawan learner was Sharad Hett.

Sharad's will to quit the Order deeply hurt Eeth, even if he didn't say that out loud, as he put a lot of effort and dedication in his promise to be the best master possible for Sharad. Also he lowkey agreed with the accusations of other masters telling him he was responsible for Sharad's departure because Koth failed as a teacher - so he does feel himself guilty of failing both Sharad and the Order.

After the Hett's incident, he actually vowed to himself not to take any more Padawan learners, so as not to let anyone's expectations down again. (And, like master Saesee Tiin, chose to put his efforts into other fields rather then teaching)

(these panels still hurt me somehow qwq

Sharad made Eeth cry, for kriffs sake!)

6. But he's still very friendly to kids

Despite the unpleasant exprienece with his own Padawan, he did let go of his initial frustration and now he is quite happy to give younglings and young padawans some general lessons! Also sometimes he takes other masters' students to group trainings or supervises them during the Trials of Knighthood. And young Jedi do love master Koth a lot - because he's soft and very patient, and does allow them some liberties :)

7. The social butterfly

Eeth is a "social butterfly" or a "caretaker" (ESFJ mbti-type)

He is used to being among a large number of people, but even though it seems that he gathers these people around him, in fact this is not true - his natural charm and outgoing personality allow him to easily make new acquaintances, interact with friends and encourage conversations, but he more follows his more assertive companions, adapts his behavior and words to them in order to create the most comfortable atmosphere possible, than directs them himself.

In other words, he offers the fun, but enjoys more the others' reactions to it, than the fun itself!

8. Sweet tooth!

Eeth LOVES sweet things! He generally likes all sorts of sweets, starting with various desserts and finishing with sugary tropic fruits. (Gaining weight? Naaah, the zabraks physiology allows him to consume a lot of food because of the higher metabolism due to the zabraks having two hearts. And also he does a lot of physical exercise in the training halls. So it's not a problem at all!)

9. And he is sweet himself too

This love for sugary things is not only for sweet treats actually, but also for the scents of cosmetics too! (And he does use a lot of that stuff). That is why Eeth usually smells of something nice, either caramel, or vanilla, or fruity etc.

This is often favorited by his colleagues on the Council, who definitely enjoy the pleasant aroma Eeth always brings with him to the Council meetings.

10. Energy drinks!

He got badly used to them during the Clone Wars era, because he really needed an additional energy resource when staying up all night brushing through various diplomatic documents and strategy plans. Caf wasn't much of a help because it just turned out to be not strong enough for the zabrak, so he eventually replaced it with cheap but more effective sweet energy drinks. It doesn't really matter to him which drinks to buy exactly, but the meiloorun-flavoured ones are among his favourites.

11. Form of lightsaber combat

Form III - Soresu!

I actually did a separate essay analyzing why Eeth’s form of combat is definitely Soresu, but if keeping brief: he uses Soresu mixed with some Ataru moves. Ataru was his initial style, advised by his master due to Eeth’s small complexion and natural agility & flexibility, but after changing his Jedi profile to a Consular he also adopted the main Consulars’ style - Soresu (usually called “the diplomat style”, “the most peaceful among the seven'' etc.). Koth’s Soresu moves can clearly be seen in the “Grievous Intrigue” episode in particular. Also Koth’s stance in the "Intrigue" is different from the famous Kenobi's "point-fingers" thingy simply because Eeth's pose is not an opening Soresu stance, but the brace-ready stance, which in Soresu is described as “having much in common with the "Ataru guard," with the hilt held at waist height on the dominant side in a two-handed grip for greater control, extended vertically upwards”

12. The double-bladed saber

Eeth wields a double-bladed saber almost as well as a regular one.

And in fact, it was Darth Maul who has inspired Eeth to try this kind of a weapon - after the High Council sent him to lead the investigation on the question of a zabrak sith on Naboo in 32 bby, he got genuinely interested in the possible perks of two blades in his Soresu and eventually mastered the double-bladed saber on quite a level. But he still sees this only as an interesting training option, but nothing more. So the double-bladed saber stays in the Temple and is used only in the Training Halls, but never on the battlefield.

13. An earring (yes, in the singular form)

Eeth has one of his ears pierced (right one), and he actually has several different earrings, mostly simple, like basic metal rings, which he usually picks every morning according to his mood. But to be honest, this earring thing is purely only for himself - because you can’t really see his ears under his usual three-ponytails hairstyle.

Though, he did abandon wearing earrings during the Clone Wars era - because since the war began and the potentially dangerous missions became more frequent, it wasn’t really a right place and time for such things, especially knowing that the Separatists can use some specific traps (like the ones they used to magnetize Jedi lightsabers on Lola-Sayu). The prospect of losing the whole ear due to such a trap is not the most pleasant one indeed.

14. HUGS (and other tactile activities)

Eeth very very VERY much loves hugs!

And for him, tactile contacts are more than just a way to feel comfortable - for him it's a vital part of the whole communication process. This issue dates back to his master, Kosul Ayada, who was a herglic (a race that is actually not very good at speaking Galactic Basic), and therefore helped himself with gestures and body language. And spending a lot of time around master Ayada, Eeth also got used to supporting his verbal dialogue by body language and tactile contact.

That is why while speaking Eeth actively gestures, grabs the other's hands, squeezes shoulders etc. And the hugs are his way to express sympathy and also to feel safe and appreciated!

15. Driving skills

Master Koth can drive, and actually quite well. And by driving I mean not spaceships, but smaller things that stay on land, like speeders.

And because he is a diplomat who often attends various meetings with senators and ambassadors, he also has a personal speeder, allocated to him by the Order for the ease of attending senator events and other diplomatic ocasions.

(But he does use it for other personal purposes too, because why not to, if there is an opportunity)))

(A panel of Eeth casually driving a speeder like a damn pro is one of my fav Eeth comics crumbs,,,,,,)

16. Singing

Eeth enjoys singing! But he usually keeps this thing to himself, making the quiet manthra-like singing a part of his meditative prep - it helps him to settle down his tangly thoughts a bit and tune his mind and body for the actual meditation.

(the hc was inspired by Hassani Shapi’s singing in one of his films, because Shapi’s voice is really beautiful and I’m sad they didn’t give him even a single line in the Phantom Menace when filming Koth’s Council scene)

17. Space soap operas...? (not so serious, sometimes treated as crack, but sometimes not)

Koth (secretly) likes soap operas on the late-night HoloNet, and often stays up to watch a new episode of something before going to bed. His favourite series is called “Lekkus of love” (my imaginary in-universe show I usually use in my sw writings) and it's about a twi’lek girl’s life, filmed in the style of our “Magnificent Century”, with lots of romantic intrigues and twists.

18. LOTS of feelings

Referencing the previous one - Eeth is very emotional, actually! Yes, he’s a Jedi and he knows how to keep his mind clear, but he’s still sensitive enough to actually cry over sad episodes of "Lekkus…" because “Poor Ai’sha, she worked so hard to get her man’s attention, but he still chose that togruta girl? This is outrageous, this is unfair! :ccc”

Also this can be in fact explained biologically. He's a zabrak, and zabraks are supposed to have a hot, blazing, higly-emotional nature (to match their home planet, Iridonia, wich is also boiling with acid seas and all that - otherwise they won't survive)

19. Podracing as a favourite sport

Eeth enjoys podracing. He first got into it back on Nar Shaddaa, when he heard a lot about racing and stuff from smugglers and bounty hunters (and at that time he even dreamed of becoming a cool podracer - but that was of course before he was taken to the Temple).

Now he doesn't dream of podracing that much, but still can and actually does enjoy watching annual championships via HoloNet. He also tries to keep in touch with the latest news in the podracing world (that interest he shares with the young Anakin Skywalker, and they do sometimes occasionally discuss podracing when they both have free time)

20. Horns

Eeth doesn’t really trust droids with trimming his horns, so he usually does that by himself, in the freshener, and that always takes a while. Also unlike a lot of male iridonian zabraks, who prefer to keep the tips of their horns comparatively sharp as a sign of their brutality and masculinity, Eeth chooses to make the tips humbly rounded and smoothed.

21. A pet? (Also not so serious - but sometimes it IS the most serious hc!)

Eeth has a pet loth-cat! The loth-cat is a she-cat, and she's big, fluffy and always on her own mind. Agen Kolar sometimes points out that the loth-cat is very similar to her owner in a lot of little things, like the way the cat purrs when being hugged and how she is obsessed with being clean and ideal too.

The loth-cat is also a bit jealous of her owner’s attention, so she will every time make herself comfortable on his knees when Eeth is meditating or working with documents to show that this is HER man. (especially when smb comes over to Eeth’s apartment - that's the case when she just NEEDS to state who’s the real boss here).

22. Participation in the first battle of Geonosis

I headcanon that Eeth was not directly on the Petranaki Arena actually during the first battle of Geonosis in the AOTC. Since he's not on-screen in that symbolic circle of survivors but is still stated as a participant, I assume that instead of being a part of the main group, Eeth joined Yoda on his trip to Kamino. Maybe not directly on the planet but still somewhere there, helping to gather clone legions to guide them to Geonosis.

(p.s. I know that Eeth's on-screen absence is because of Shapi being replaced with another actor and the new character turning out not at all alike to TPM Koth, but this little hc actually kinda fixes the hole without ruining anything…?))

#star wars #star wars expanded universe #star wars legends #star wars the clone wars #clone wars #eeth koth #sharad hett #kosul ayada #star wars headcanons #ihonestly I can talk about Eeth for hours and days and month #Eeth is the best cinnamon bun in the Jedi Order

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