#or it's actually still happening but it's become so normal that they don't even comment on it anymore

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

#most powerful force in the universe?? is this one (1) perfectly human little girl?? perhaps??#< prev tag#Y E S#please do more poetic waxing i am Listening very closely#and yeah absolutely agree with everything#i dont think the bleedthrough whatever it is can affect them too much#but its absolutely possible thats something in the background they are constantly dealing with#tbh the bois are either a super good or a total disaster and bleedthrough could be useful in both cases lol#ALSO ALSO#i wonder if dealing with this secondhand but Intense grief ever since gaining consciousness mellowed out the entity when the bois met#early episodes entity is pretty melancholic and philosophical those fall into the Sad TM category feelings generally#you know what i need a meme#faroe changed john truthers unite

#somewhat less related but the main hook that caught me in the show besides the premise is music#and like one of the main songs of the show is madness and its associated with the king plus the king himself seems to fancy artists#SO SO#what if#johns god shard power is actually pulling out faroe's song out of arthur's mind and john is literally hearing it just as the audience is#we all know thats the tune of arthur's soul is it too far-fetched a god of art and madness would be attuned to it#i wonder if that tune was...excuse me. drowned so deep down below an ocean of rage that yellow couldn't hear it#right before arthur played it on that piano and then that train hit yellow all at once and he lashed out because of that intense pain#cause honestly yellow swallowed quite a lot of revelations much better than you would expect i always found it weird he raged so suddenly#what can i ever only ramble in tags xD#i love throwing psychic damage around at mutuals

YEAH YEAH like. yeah i don't think necessarily the bleedthrough is the direct cause of anything, but i DO think it adds to a lot of things. just like, a factor hovering around in the background enhancing whatever blowout fight and/or declaration of unending devotion they're doing today. i also think that maybe john has gotten like... more distinct from arthur's emotions over time, potentially? like maybe as he finds his own humanity he has a better basis to keep his footing and not just get swept along with his host, which is really more of an extension of him learning how to process emotions in general i guess, i'm getting distracted. what was i talking about

OH YEAH AND YELLOW. fuck, yeah yellow... if there IS anything to the idea of faroe's memory affecting john on a more fundamental level, then god, yeah, of course that same like, templating?? would fuck with yellow, like. when john met arthur he was mostly confused and scared abt the general situation he found himself in, he was barely even given time to process parker's death let alone react to it. but compared to when yellow met arthur?? he was at a fucking Low Point. grieving and angry and suffering and ready to fucking die, god that would be fucking poison in an emotional link with a being who's new to humanity and already feeling lost and defensive. no wonder they ended up hating each other, that was a fucking death spiral from day 1.

gald you're enjoying the psychic damage)))

tbh John is not Exactly comparable to Gilgamesh, cause he has Dark World Amnesia TM or whatever, but everything else tracks with him

p.s. also I believe this change-inspired-by-grief only really solidified after Faroe's story was revealed. It forced John to reconcile the fact that he can feel such deep and heavy emotion not only with Arthur (or Lily), but also someone he never even met. Every other sympathy he displayed was passing or surface level, which is a very good start of course, but I don't think it was enough to convince John to change so thoroughly as he had to.

(I'm a secondhand Faroe grief for John enthusiast)

(wrt this post)

YEAH GOD YEAH like it’s not an exact 1:1 (i def don’t think john is nearly as much of an asshole as Gilgamesh even at the start, he’s more just… clumsy?? emotionally?? idk how to phrase it) but it’s more abt this Being that was once so far above humanity, choosing to “lower” himself to that level and in doing so experiencing both the heights and depths of human emotion. “irreversibly changed by friendship and love and loss and regret” indeed…

anyway this is tangential to your point but is there any emotional exchange btwn these two that can’t be enhanced by that implied empathic bleedthrough. I do not think so. bc like, speaking of grief. if john gets any of arthur’s emotions then he kind of can’t avoid this one, right. it’s always always there, from the fucking moment they meet, before he even knows who or where he is he knows that melody and john can feel it when he plays, that love with nowhere to go. it’s a heartbeat underscoring their whole journey. her song her name her memory burning so bright that fucking elder gods can’t take it away from him. how could john Not feel at least some of that, right. before he knows anything else abt humanity, before his name, before the lake or the hospital or any of it, he knows the taste of arthur’s love, and his grief.

…was this just an excuse for me to wax poetic abt the importance of faroe’s song. maybe. but anyway I think there is a STRONG argument to be made that she is the single most important character in the whole show. like she drives so fucking much of it. none of it could have happened without her on SO many levels I could talk abt it forever

[nanenna]

Jeez Louise This is a Mess

Sleepy King (Nenna edition) Master Post

Apologies in advance, I'm not very familiar with John Constantine, trying to do anything from his perspective is definitely an unwise decision. I have chosen it anyway. He's almost definitely OOC.

---

John watched the Fentons and the mayor just saunter through the brand new hole in the mayor’s wall like this was just a normal Friday for them. Considering how weird the town was as a whole, it probably was. And he meant that by the old meaning of the word and as literal as one could possibly interpret it. He’d never been anywhere where the veil was so thin over such a large area, with æther so thick in the air of course it was affecting the locals. Probably had something to do with whoever or whatever had cloaked the whole town.

John turned to Tall Dark and Broody, “So, what happened to all the bugs and trackers you put on them originally?”

Batsy frowned, “Danny’s are still in the Fenton residence, expected since he clearly changed his clothes. His parents’ trackers and bugs all went offline not long after arriving home, the ones I placed inside the residence are malfunctioning.”

“And that’s not the least bit suspicious?” John asked.

“It’s incredibly suspicious,” Batsy said with a completely straight face before turning and also walking right out the brand new hole. “I suggest you actually use the comm I gave you earlier, they’re explaining the situation to Masters.”

Unfortunately Mr. Gargles Gravel for Breakfast had a point, John sighed and did put in the comm, though he knew it would be spotty with the use of magic to follow the group. Batsy and Wonder Woman could follow however they liked, John did not have the energy for that.

The comms were staticky, cutting in and out even without John’s abuse of the thin veil to quick step around town. Not surprising, the amount of pure death magic radiating off the two dead-alive people in that tank would be enough to mess with most electronics even if the veil weren’t practically non-existent.

“Somehow this place feels cozy,” Boston commented as he followed John.

“You would think so.”

The conversation on the comm was getting worse, the bugs were clearly slowly giving up the ghost. John only caught a few words here and there, and those were only because they were Ghost Speak, something that shouldn’t be possible for flesh and blood mouths to speak. It’s just bits and pieces, names and titles mostly, but if he’s understanding this right…

“Huh, that may change the situation a bit.”

“What are you going on about?” Boston asked.

“It sounds like Pariah isn’t the Ghost King anymore. But Batsy’s bugs are losing the war against æther, so when we get there you’re gonna need to go spy on them.”

“Will that work?”

“Try to keep out of sight, but even if you get caught the worst they’ll do is kick you out. Undead solidarity.”

Boston grumbled, but when John met back up with Batsy and Wonder Woman staring through a window right to where the group was talking, Boston did as he was asked and slipped right through the wall and inside. John cast a quick spell to spy through Boston.

Boston floated slowly into the room, seemingly becoming braver as the Fentons looked right past him without reacting. Unfortunately, he got a little too close to the one person in the room that could definitely see him. The kid jumped out of his seat in surprise.

“Don't sneak up on me like that!” The kid whined as he picked himself up off the floor. Then he froze, eyes glaring at Boston. “How did you sneak up on me? You didn't activate my ghost sense at all.”

“Oh, you can see me? And ghost sense?”

“You don't know who I am?”

“Uh… Daniel Fenton?”

“Well yes, but ghosts don't usually call me that.”

“Then what do they call you?”

“How about you tell me your name first?”

“I’m Deadman.”

The kid burst into laughter. “Are you for real?”

“Danny, is it Youngblood?” The sister asked.

“Huh?” The kid looked to his older sister, then back to Boston. He gestured, “You can't see him?”

The Fentons all shook their heads.

The creepy mayor came back into the room holding a cardboard box, knocking a thin layer of dust from the top. “Here it is!” He looked up and frowned. “Who are you, and why are you in my home?”

“I’m Deadman and I’m uh… lost?”

“He didn't set off my ghost sense,” the kid added. He turned back to Boston, “Are you even a ghost?”

Batman, who’d spent the last few minutes getting into the perfect position while he waited for the most dramatic moment chose then to crash through the window. John started cursing as he rushed to climb in after the loon, already prepping a spell. The moment he had a clear line of sight he shot off the revelation spell at the kid.

It did… well not much.

Really about all it did was give the kid a couple extra accessories. He expected them, but he also expected it to somehow reveal the kid’s undead status too. Make him look all glowy and ghostly like he had when he’d first arrived last night, because John was pretty sure the kid hadn’t been kidnapped after all. Or at least not how they originally assumed, he was pretty sure some spirits considered an unwilling summons a kidnapping.

Still, there the crown was. Just floating over the kid’s head, toxic green æther flames around it like a death energy aurora. And like any teenager the kid seemed completely oblivious, having to be told the crown was even there. Once he got a hand on it though he said something odd, “Okay, crown retrieved.”

John just tucked his hands in his pockets, waiting to see what they were doing. Why did they think they needed to find the crown?

“We may have a problem,” The creepy mayor said as he pulled an identical crown from his cardboard box.

“What.” The kid looked back and forth between the crown in his hand and the one in the creeper’s. “Why are there two?”

And, well, John agreed. Why the fuck were there two? He already started muttering an identification spell as the kid turned to him.

“What did you do?!”

“I didn't do anything,” John protested, “that was purely an identification spell, it can't duplicate things!”

“Well clearly you did something wrong,” The kid’s mom said while glaring at the him.

Of course things got dicey after that, the kid and the creepy mayor got into a fight over the second crown, things turned into a right mess, and John was quite content to let them squabble among themselves. He moved to go stand next to Batsy and Wonder Woman, Boston with him, waiting to see how this went.

Of course the tussle then turned into fighting over the ring on the kid’s finger, still blaming John for just revealing the crown and ring the kid had apparently had this whole time.

“Alright, that’s enough. Shut up!” John may have put a bit of intent into that, and it worked beautifully. The whole group stopped and stared at him, finally shutting up. The parents managed to get between the kid and the creeper, each one still with one of the crowns.

The crowns he now knew were both, somehow, legitimate.

John pointed at the kid, “Just call the crown, it’ll listen.”

The kid gave him a disbelieving look. “Oh sure, I’ll just,” he hunched forward a little bit, clapped his hands, and whistled like he was calling a dog, “here Crowny, Crowny, Crowny.”

For a brief moment nothing happened, then the creeper mayor jerked forward as the crown yanked itself from his hand. It went to go join the other crown floating over the kid’s head, one of them grew wider so the other could nestle inside it, both spinning in place but in opposite directions.

Everyone was staring at the display.

“What uh… what are they doing?” The kid asked nervously.

“They… like each other?” The sister asked skeptically.

“Great, wonderful, fabulous, just what I need in my life.” The kid sighed and turned to glare at John. “What. Did. You. DO?!”

“I didn’t do shit,” John replied, much to the parents’ combined horror. “Looks like somehow they’re both legit, my best guess is one of them isn’t from this timeline.”

“Oh,” the sister said, grabbing everyone’s attention. “The Nasty Burger explosion happened after the fight with the king, right?”

“The what?” the kid’s parents asked.

“Oh,” the kid responded, “I’m starting to see why the council of eyeballs hates my guts.”

And wasn’t that a concerning sentence. John desperately needed a drink, thankfully he had a flask on him and chose that moment to take a swig. “Alright, so there should be a second ring too, no point leaving that on Dark’s finger in case he gets out again.”

“Vlad did it,” the kid said while pointing at the creeper.

“Excuse me!” Creeper actually put a hand to his neck, like some fainting Victorian lady.

“Vlad tried to steal the ring and crown, so he let Dark out of the sarcophagus and I had to go clean up his mess, like always.” The kid glared at the creeper, it was starting to paint a really concerning picture.

“I’m sure Vladdie was just trying to keep these powerful artifacts safe,” the kid’s dad said loudly and happily. Yeah, there was the concerning picture again.

“I’d believe it if all he took was the ring, but the crown was safely sealed away with Pariah and he let the guy out to steal it.”

“Just call the ring,” John said gruffly.

“Here Ragey, Ragey, Ragey.” The kid whistled and clapped his hands again. The ring showing up on the kid’s other hand was expected, the glowing green hell hound that came sprinting through the wall and practically tackled the kid wasn’t. “Cujo! Hi! Who’s a good puppy?!”

Keeriest, John needed a stiffer drink.

[r0-boat]

Can see how the king's right hands deal with their ruts? Especially Beleth if you don't mind

Raaaaa

Whb second in command

(advisors or right hand devils)

Asmodeus's right hand devil will get a part 2 along with all Abbadon devils once it's confirmed

Sitri

Do you know how hard it is to hold back? Especially when you're a devil that takes pride in their professionalism. And all you do is tease him, envy and wrath mixing with possessiveness and lust as he watches you trying not to shatter the porcelain in his hand.

He's not like a certain empty-headed brute that becomes a slave to their rut. At least he has a level of class to keep other devils away from you.

It starts with death glares and possessive touches, pulling you to his side, His hand grabbing at your hip. Trying to guide you away. Settle remarks telling other devils to back off or else consequences will happen.

However, adding a particular devil to the mix can escalate quickly until Sitri becomes the feral demon he once was. He'll take you away to claim you All his bottled up feelings exploding as drills into your body and degrades you.

Bimet

He'll do anything to get your attention during his rut even eliminate others in his competition. These are one of the only times Bimet will open his own wallet and spoil you because all he wants is your body and to monopolize all of your time.

Become significantly more whiny, begging for your attention. He'll get nice and dressed up and tight and lacy lingerie just for you! Grind his rock hard leaking cock against your supple body does he lays his lips and kisses every inch of your skin.

Don't be fooled by his submissiveness, He has a sly as a fox and the moment he has you to himself, And when you least expect it That's when he takes full control.

Plunging his cock hard and deep. His inner demons take over saying worrying comments of how he'll keep you all to himself and that you'll only need him, that he's the only play thing you'll ever need.

Foras

He tries to avoid you, He does not mean to make you sad or break your heart He just doesn't think he can hold himself back around you and do his job at the same time.

That doesn't mean he doesn't want you... Far from it. But he can't just claim you out in the open especially not when Levi is hanging every devil that dares even look at you. So he waits; a patient devil will be rewarded.

Leviathan will never know that is most trusted devil waits for him to leave you two alone for enough time for him to finally let go. Hours perhaps even days of holding back now he's drooling and he can't stop himself. "Please tell me to stop... Because I don't think I can."

Like a switch is flipped inside of him, you've never seen Foras so... Rough, His hands that normally touch and caress now grope and smack, and His feather-light kisses are now bites and hickeys. Foras thinks it's so cute that you don't believe that he can be just as jealous as his king. He's just good at hiding it.

Bael

It seems like he's not affected at all but all it takes is one little thread to snap for everything to come crashing down. He has so much work and he just tries to bury himself with even more work during his ruts.

He already knew you might be a problem during his rut so he tries not to see you, no matter how tempting and how much he's plagued with dreams of your body bouncing up and down on his.

And when you do visit he can't bear till even look at you just hearing your voice He could feel his cock throbbing. And you just love teasing him don't you? You just love pushing him to the point where he slams you on his desk and fucks you. He'll make sure to fill you up so full you're still dripping of him when Beel gets a hold of you.

He'll make you reek of his scent,He's not letting you leave till he's covered every part of you in his scen. Bael could already imagine his friend's grimacing face when Beel buries his nose into your neck just to find out that you already been claimed by the devil actually running the country.

Marbas(+Gamigin)

He has underestimated a dragon's rut, He did not know how fast the Young dragon's body would lose control, just by your scent alone He doesn't exactly blame him Your scent is intoxicating especially during rut but at least he could control himself instead grinding himself on you like Gamigin.

Even now the dragon looks and whines as he struggles against the black bondages Marbas had to put him in. You thank Marbas That's smile of yours affecting him more than he'd like to admit, before asking him if the dragon will be okay?

He drools at your honey like voice wondering what it sound like if you screamed his name. You care so much about all the devils around you. It's no wonder you're so popular. Mine

Marbas in reality is no better as his kisses turn rougher and deeper all as the dragon watches His older 'brother' putting him in his place. Gamigin needed to learn the virtue of patience anyway...

Beleth

He wants you, He wants you so bad. So he must play all his cards right, plan things just right so he could have at least one night with you... Even before his rut He would stay up all night laying in bed wondering how much that cute little human body could take before it breaks. Now as his cock dribbles and soaks with precum He could feel your imaginary walls squeeze down on him.

It will all start with an innocent little text. Whether it be a dinner date, or something he needs to ask in person. Anything to get you right where he wants you. With Belphegor being asleep this time of day and The other's working. His office is empty.

He asks you to take a seat on his couch and prepares a glass of alcohol or any drink of your choice (He made sure to ask a couple of days beforehand). His office looks sleek and modern, almost as if you're preparing for a job interview then to talk with a friend.

That's when you realize something is off. Is he slides you with a glass? His eyes stare into yours, giving you an almost hungry look. Then he sits next to you so close His thighs are touching yours still giving you that look. Then he places a hand on your thigh finally taking cigarette out of his mouth. He licks his lips before leaning into kiss you. Before you know it Your body is trapped between His and the leather couch. Is a rat makes us cock hurt so much He might just keep you for a few days or perhaps... Weeks. You don't mind being a little cock slave toy for him for a while, do you? You could warm his cock while he works hard and keep him company before he goes to bed. Make sure you get luxurious meals and make sure you get plenty of water and rest doesn't that sound delightful?

[inbabylontheywept]

Realizing in hindsight that the only reason I was so skeptical about your camp story is that being covered in a combination of crusty, sticky pink residue and rotten fish oil for days on end while sleeping on a wooden floor in the Arizona heat sounded like such unbearable sensory agony that I wanted to convince myself it was fake, because I didn't want to believe that anybody had genuinely been through that. I'd have walked out of that place with a rucksack of pink ooze and either find my way back to civilization or become crispy pink buzzard chow after day 2.

Like, legitimately, I think about my reaction to that post a lot. The imagery was so deeply unpleasant that I was desperately scrambling to convince myself it wasn't true like I'd just found out my spouse was a serial killer. There was no torture, no death, no hunger or disease, just a bunch of sweaty guys being covered in sticky fruit-flavored slime, subjected to unpleasant smells, and sleeping blanketless on the floor. And you can't even smell! You were spared a good third of it! Yet your experience still horrified me worse than any war story, medieval torture device or horror movie for reasons I cannot hope to fathom.

idk, I've had this ask stewing in my head for months, but I keep forgetting to actually write and send it. In my heart of hearts, I knew your story was perfectly plausible. I was just grasping at straws, praying for you to admit that no, nobody has ever showered in off-brand Gatorade and then not slept for 3 days while being expected to attend uni lectures. It's all untrue, a ruse, a trick, and such things could never happen outside of the cruelest depths of hell. Santa Claus is real, teachers live in the school, babies are delivered by storks, and the pink sauce incident never happened.

My mom pulls me into a warm hug after I scrape my knee. The plastic egg I found under the couch opens to reveal a piece of chocolate. A dollar magically appears under the pillow where I'd put my tooth. All is well. I am safe. The universe is kind, and whoever's running it loves me.

It's a sunny August day and I'm holding a popsicle on the swingset. I'm using my plastic dinosaurs to act out an improvised battle between good guys and bad guys as I sit on the carpeted floor. I'm playing Fossil Fighters on my dinged-up Nintendo DS in the plush brown armchair by the window.

I add the carrot nose to my snowman. Candy plops into my Halloween bag. The speaker on the classroom wall announces that school's out for summer, and we all bound out the door with wild glee, free at last.

Panting, wheezing, I drag my battered form back into the cobbled-together wreckage of my innocence, only one arm remaining with which to drag myself, blood and intestines trailing behind me as the storm rages overhead, washing my entrails downstream. I huddle underneath what remains of my once-pristine shelter from the cold and wet, pulling the shards back together as best I can as the wind howls angrily, hatefully. It's no use. It's broken. It's gone. It cannot be repaired. My innocence will never return to me. The rain seeps through the cracks and lands upon my face.

The rain is pink, I realize, and I cry.

First off: I haven’t actually been on the receiving end of this before and I have to say, it's an almost literally gripping experience. I felt this rat for the last three paragraphs.

Incredibly well done. Second: If you just didnt' want to believe, that's fine, I barely have room in me for medium fries - a grudge would just pour out the top, too much tea for my cup. But you don't have to like, gaslight yourself into thinking the story is totally normal and believable (I always stretch my stories out a little) or beat yourself up over it for months. I meant it when I said we're good, you and I. It still makes me happy to see a comment or a like or, rarely, a question like this from you.

If it's just something that pops into your mind every now and again, I dunno, don't sweat it. I'd hate to give you a complex. Did I mention that I loved that writing for this? Incredible experience.

[leo-artista]

Soooo I've been thinking about this roleswap au that I made and how Eda and Stan's backstories would change in accordance to their new setting, and here's what I have so far:

- Eda and Lilith's conflict stems from Lilith feeling like her accomplishments aren't recognized by her parents because they're always more worried about taking care of Eda (she's chronically ill, because in toh her curse is used as a metaphor for that so I thought it would be cool to include it here). And like Stan and Ford they never communicate about it, so it ends up souring their relationship

- Their fall out happens because Eda accidentally breaks Lilith's project, and Lilith assumes she sabotaged her on purpose. Then they fight and Eda decides to leave the house to get away from her sister and also her overprotective mom

- Fast forward a few years, Lilith calls for help from Eda because she was tricked by an entity she thought was her friend. They fight, Lilith goes through the portal, Eda steals her identity and spends 30 years working to bring her back, you know the drill

- So in this au I thought about making Luz and King twins, but then I had the idea of King taking Soos's place as the adopted son figure who works in the shop since it would kinda match with their canon relationship, so instead Luz and Vee are sisters here, and Vee's adopted. Idk if they would actually be related to Eda or not, maybe her and Camila are friends and she asks Eda to let her kids spend summer with her or something

Now to Stanley:

- So like. The whole "six fingered freak" stuff kinda doesn't work anymore because this is the boiling isles and everyone's weird here. I still want Ford to have six fingers because it's an iconic part of his character, but it's just seen as a normal thing in this setting so it doesn't change anything

- Ford has an afinity for all types of magic, and he wants to join the emperor's coven so he can be allowed to study and use all of them. Stanley's also good with magic, but since he doesn't pay attention at school and doesn't care enough to learn more than he has to, he's known as the "dumber twin", even if in practicality they're on the same level

- To be honest idk how the whole curse thing would go. Maybe Ford is manipulated by Bill (who takes Belo's place in this au) to curse his own brother in exchange for joining the coven because he sees potential in him? Well in any case, Stan gets cursed and attacks Filbrick while in his owl form and that's how he gets kicked out

- Maybe Soos could be King in this au, since I don't want Stan to just be all alone and I think they'd have a cute dynamic

- Mabel and Dipper end up in the boiling isles after they ditch summer camp and end up with Stanley. Dipper doesn't like him at first, but Mabel thinks he's really cool and she wants him to teach her magic (which Stanley eventually does, begrudgingly). Dipper really likes the boiling isles and wants to learn everything he can about it, so he ends up getting into Hexside (followed by Mabel who wants to learn more about the magic system so she can become the coolest witch ever)

- By this point Ford is working with the emperor and trying to catch Stanley because he thinks he can find a cure for the curse (Bill told him so, and he'd never lie to him, right?)

So that's all I have for now, if you have any comments or suggestions I'd love to hear it

[prone-to-fleeting-obsessions]

Dating Veritas Ratio hc's

Out of all the hsr men, I'd imagine he'd be the most irritated figuring out he has a crush

A crush? A stupid little manifestation of his irrational emotions???

He'll stew over it a while, picking it apart like the most complex of equations, his stoic expression not wavering

So what if he's around you often? So what if he unconsciously seeks you out, it doesn't mean anything...

He'll hammer that narrative over and over until it becomes truth, or as close to truth as his mind will allow

You'll act like a married couple, though

He'll scold you without any real irritation, eyes narrowing as he pulls you closer to just fix the problem himself

A leaf in your hair? Your sleeve unrolled? Coffee stain on your shirt?

Honestly, how could you be such a careless mess...

Wait, no. No don't go, you're his careless mess—

It'll become a new normal to just have him occasionally once over your appearance, looking for things he can fix and doing so without a word

He also takes it upon himself to make you a healthier and more rounded person

No you're not eating garbage calories for the third meal in a row, yes you are drinking a full glass of water as he reads you excerpts from his book on how quantum chemistry applies to theoretical engineering under Nous's 63rd law of imaginary quantum information science, and there will be a quiz after so pay attention

If asked about why he's often seen by your side, he'll usually answer with a glare and an insult, commenting on the lack of even borderline decent conversationalists around

You're probably not really going to get an actual confession out of him, because that would force him to admit defeat to those annoyingly persistent feelings that just won't leave him be

If you take the initiative of backing him into a corner, you get to watch him flounder a bit, an expression of agitation and a growing warmth throughout his whole body as he skirts the topic with overly complex excuses

He's a big fan of doing different things in the same space, talking isn't necessary

Occasionally, when he remembers you're still there, he'll glance up from his book to see how you're faring, before getting back into it

He has a bit of a staring problem, in a way

It's just that he's so up in his head often, usually easily loosing sight of his surroundings, and you just happen to be the most pleasing thing to keep his eyes on

He'll look away when he notices you staring back, but it's not long before you feel his eyes trained on you again, as if studying every little movement as he works out equations in his head

Of course he does need alone time, usually spent reading in the bath

But that period seems to be getting shorter and shorter as his focus is constantly broken by unconditionally looking around to find you while deep in thought

He will absolutely use you as a blank canvas to throw ideas and thoughts on if he can't work through something in his head

By explaining it to you in mind numbing detail, he'll usually run headfirst into the solution, and it's a treat to watch his eyes widen ever so slightly as he pauses, immediately thanking you curtly before moving straight to writing

Your sense of curiosity is his favorite trait, the one he wants to nurture and encourage you to feed

He's not expecting you to be as smart as him, that would be an impossible expectation, but he will not allow you to give in to ignorance, to get in the habit of complacency, as it is the enemy of growth

He's an intimidating figure to most, both from his status and sharp tongue, so it's not uncommon for low-level scientists with something to prove to seek you out

Sometimes to get information on him, sometimes to test your intelligence, as if trying to prove themselves better than the company the great Dr. Ratio chooses to keep

He's quick to nip that in the bud, though

His crossed arm stoic faced glare would scare away anyone who isn't keen on being picked apart verbally

He'll claim it's all to avoid tainting you with their idiocracy, and that you really shouldn't keep such company

Tries to use selfish logical excuses constantly to get things he wants from you

"I've already chosen your hotel room for this trip, it'll be next to mine so I don't have to travel as far to compare notes in the morning."

"Honestly. You're coming with me to dinner so I won't waste my time working around your schedule later."

"No. You are absolutely not going to get a closer look at those monsters because I'm not cleaning up the mess you'll no doubt get yourself into by being so reckless."

"You're really going to waste your valuable time entertaining those IPC buffoons? They have more credits than brain cells. Stay here, lest their ignorance rub off on you."

He means well, under the insults and unapproachable demeanor

And, at a certain point, he really can't imagine the rest of his life without you close by

[mychem1cal1mbalance]

How it feels to be underweight

You're underweight, finally.

You've reached a bmi of 16, you're 45 kg, 166 cm.

People around you mention your weight occasionally. They tell you how skinny you are and sometimes comment on your diet, or lack thereof. People call you 'petite.' People say you don't eat enough, you need to eat more. You shrug it off. 'It's just genetics.' you say, 'I'm just naturally underweight'. Covertly, you ooze with sick pride. It isn't genetics, actually. It's a lot of hard labor. You run on the treadmill everyday. You skip breakfast and lunch. Actually, you don't eat at school anymore whatsoever; eating has become too sacred to do in public. You like to eat alone, that way you can really savor the meal. You eat 1 meal a day. You've told your parents not to cook for you anymore. You act too fussy, you say you don't like what they've made, you'll make dinner yourself. At first, they object, but eventually they become complacent with your little rituals, and allow you to eat in isolation. They worry sometimes, about how skinny you are. But you brush off their concerns, immediately on the defensive, 'I eat all the time!'

And you do. You lose control a lot. It seems to you, every other day you lose control. You snap, and eat everything. Absolutely everything. You eat to the point of eruption. Your stomach bloats outwards, pulled so uncomfortably tight it feels as if it will rupture. You've heard of that happening, but formerly could not conceive how full, just how much a person would have to eat for their stomach to actually burst open. Now you can. You go into a frenzy, eating and eating until you feel sick. You went over the limit. The day is ruined already, so you may as well. Your entire being is spiralling out of control. You are disgusting. You are pathetic.

The next day, you torture yourself with your daily weigh in. You have gained. You are a failure, you are repulsive. You look in the mirror, and you hate what you see still. Fat. How many kgs have you lost? You can't remember. You can't remember what your body used to look like. You don't really know what it looks like now -

are you really that skinny...?

You think to yourself: at 35 kg, you will finally be skinny.

You feel tired all the time, exhausted all the time. Emotionally. Physically. You are constantly losing control. You are constantly getting back on track. It's completely, excruciatingly, exhausting. It is draining you away. You cannot eat like a normal person. You cannot even conceive eating like a normal person. You look in the mirror, wondering when this all started. Still fat. The days are blurring, you hate yourself more. Binging. Restricting. You can never get a hold of yourself long enough, it seems, before you fuck everything up again.

You cannot fathom ever eating like a normal person again. This is just how you are. It's absolute hell. You can't seem to lose weight. But you need to lose weight. You'll feel better at 35kg, you know it. You'll finally be skinny at 35kg. You think about food all the time. Food, and losing. Losing and food. You hate yourself so much, you can hardly bare it. You need to lose weight. You need to lose weight. You are dying. You are stuck in a cycle. You feel like shit. You can't go over your limit, ever. But you do - you binge. Again and again. The guilt is bone-crushing. This is your own personal hell. You could never, ever, eat like a normal person, ever again. You cannot possibly conceive eating normally ever again. You're stuck this way, forever. You're hungry. Eventually, you want a reprieve from this torture, but you can't stop. If you stop, you'll gain weight. You want help, but you can't imagine getting it. You don't deserve help. At 35kg, you'll be worthy of help. At 35kg, you'll actually be skinny.

You need to lose weight.

[valar-did-me-wrong]

I keep seeing this sentiment among people that"the showrunners are giving into /going to give into Tolkien dude bros" and before too many fans actually start believing all this I jusy want to remind everyone somethings about..

The Hate Storm of 2022 🌪️

And how back then this show stood up with Ismael, Sophia, Cynthia, Morfydd, Sara, Lenny Meghan & Markella when the online hate was 1000000000000x worse than what you see rn.

If you weren't tuned into ROP back then, I assure you whatever vitriol you see about the show rn on twitter or ragetube is nothing compared to what was happening in 2022.

On sites like Instagram, not only bots & racists but even normal regular people used to directly bully you and pile on if you left even a single positive emoji in the show's comments.

Even many left leaning Tolkien blogs here were parroting lore points (originating on racist youtube channels) that were based solely on PJ movies, praising WB like it was a non-profit fighting against world hunger & warning to block ROP blogs on sight for watching a show made by Christian men

(PROF. TOLKIEN WAS A HINDU MONK WHO SOLELY WORE SAFFRON DHOTI I GUESS RIGHT?!?)

It was so much that back then the official trop Instagram account DELETED all their promotional photos, cast intros, teasers, trailers EVERYTHING to post a statment that condemned all the racist & horribly misogynistic vitriol thrown at the POC & female cast of the show.

They did all this when the hate campaigners were publically encouraging masses to review bomb ROP across internet to the point that IMDb had to suspend posting user ratings of the show without reviewing them first.

And the global public sentiment was basically hacked by loud incessant misinformation, lies and rage bait that made it trendy & even progressive to bash on the show.

Now despite all this the showrunners stood by their creative choices & actors back then just how they are doing it rn imo..

Remember when the Haters™ complained about Arondir being "too good of a warrior to be true"?? The show did not let that change their decision of showing Arondir as an exceptionally skilled warrior. Even in S2 when his storyline got disturbed by Nazanin leaving, they made sure to give him as many action sequences as possible, made him fight beside and more than High King Gil Galad of the Noldor & Elrond freaking Peredhel in the Siege.. even highlighted all this in BTS videos.

And when the the internet pushed that Galadriel should not be fighting on the frontline but rather float in forests?? They reminded the lore bros of Nerwen with her hairstyle exactly how Tolkien wrote and still made her fight orcs, rescue survivors, negotiate sucessful peace treaties, duel with Sauron & kick his ass in an ultimate finale showdown.

And orc family hate?? Despite all the loud nonsense around it they highlighted it with dedicated posts & Tolkien quotes instead of hiding it away.

And finally, despite consistent continuous complaints against the Harfoot storyline, they did not shrink it or write it out.. because in their vision of Tolkien the little guys & their stories are important so they stay, even going into S3.

I'm not saying there aren't any problems with their depiction of POC characters or writing or pacing. There DEFINITELY are, I mean look at who all died among Elrond's company... The problems especially with minor POC characters are there & VERY visible in S2. (which I hope they fix in future seasons)

But imo these things aren't because the show wants to please racist ragetubers or try to win over a group of Tolkien fanatics who will never become show fans anyway. You, me, my dog, the Haters™ and even Mcpayne know this.. it's common sense atp.

All to say this show was literally forged in the fires of Internet hate storms, I don't think the pathetic flicker of the remaining Haters matters to the showrunners anymore.

(Also the ratings people keep using to scare the fans are US ONLY ratings & data, there's a whole world out here beyond US & the show remained in the Prime top shows across many countries for weeks & weeks after the S2 finale.. and the constant stream of new viewers that are starting the show for the first time just on this website should be proof enough that the show is doing fine) Don't let the show haters' talking points get to you!

Season 3 is, for all intents & purposes, already green lit and ROP is going to complete the story it started out to tell.. don't worry needlessly :)

edited Tolkien lore bros to Tolkien dude bros (I'm not saying all masc fans of Tolkien are racist sexists I promise, it's just a term we use here 😭) after someone from outside of ROP pointed they have a problem.. clarifying things here also, if you love Tolkien & dislike ROP for reasons other than female lead/POC characters/not a copy of PJ = bad etc etc, I've no problem with your personal opinions & this post is not about you :)

[reticent-writer]

Hey! Well, actually, I really like the set of stories about Teen!Reader and Alostor where the reader is classified as an assistant, I would like a story that shows how they met and how they get to the point where they consider him an assistant and their confidence to say him dad? Thank you, I'm sorry if the request was very long. (Writing this I remembered the fight Alastor and Lucifer had over Charlie about who she calls Dad, I felt it would still be a good scenario for indignation)

An: I had a storyboard for this exact thing but its messy and if you don't know me you probably wouldn't understand how my mind works but basically i have ocs for this

This took a bit longer because it happens before Alastor and reader dies plus I gave reader a family so...... some basic info

Y/n was born into a family that was picture perfect on the outside

father was a factory worker Mother was a dressmaker

Doll House by Melanie Martinez fits them perfectly

Y/n was the middle child of 5

When Y/n was born the eldest (Atticus boy) was 10, Second eldest 6 (Alma girl), Middle child (y/n)

when y/n turned 4 their parents had twins (Giles boy, Gideon boy)

This is a glimpse into my mind. It might not make sense.

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

-1920-

Y/n is 10.

Your parents were perfectionists, especially when it came to the public eye. The L/n family was always the center of attention in your little town, deep in Louisiana.

You and your siblings were constantly dressed in Sunday's best.

"Kids make yourselves look presentable. A client is coming soon." Your mother called out from her 'workspace'. kids aren't allowed in there.

"Can't we just stay in our rooms." Atticus complained from his spot on the couch.

"Get. Dressed."

Atticus groaned as he got up to go to his room. On his way, he knocked on your door before opening it.

"You're supposed to wait for a response, Jackass."

"Next time you curse at me I'm poppin' you." He threatened but you knew he wouldn't do anything, "Mom said get dressed, tell Alma."

He closed the door before you could complain. You heard the shuffling of his feet as he ran to his room.

His room was at the end of the hall. the hall was short with 2 doors on each side. Alma was across from you and the twins were next to her.

Right across from your room is Alma's. She's going into her preteen years and started to spend more time in her room. Your mother says she's adjusting to becoming a woman and needs her time alone. She's also becoming very snappy.

You slowly opened your door to stare at hers. You slowly walk into the hallway and up to her door. You knock three time and wait for a responce. She didn't open the door.

"I heard Atticus." Her voice was horse and strained but you believed what your mother told you.

That was all you needed to get yourself ready.

-------

Your mother made all (except for Alma) of you sit in the living room and wait for the client.

*knock knock knock*

"He's here. You better behave." She says before opening the door with a smile only guests see, "Alastor, It's so good to see you again."

"Good to see you to, my dear and my my look at the children. They all seem to be in good health." He greeted all of you with a smile.

"Hello sir." Atticus spoke for all of you.

"You seem to be missing one." Alastor commented, making your mother chuckle.

"She's been feeling under the weather as of late, come along I need to take your measurements. Atticus, Y/n prepare some tea." She ordered.

Alastor and your mother went to her workspace and she shut the door.

----------

That night went smoothly until your father got home. He didn't like the fact that your mother was in her workspace with a man and the door closed, even if he was a client.

It caused fighting -well more than there normally is anyway- between your mother and father. It's always been easy to make your father mad.

It got worse when Alastor took notice of it he came by more often with the excuse of having gifts for you and your siblings.

He gave you a radio to listen to him when he went on air. Atticus was offered a job at the radio station. Alma got a set of jewelry.

This angered your father more and instead of taking it out on Alastor or your mother he took it out on you and your siblings. Atticus tried to protect all of you.

One day your father and Atticus got into a really bad fight and your brother was shot. He didn't make it.

It was around the same time when a horrid smell started coming from Alma's room. Your parents said she caught a fever and no one noticed but you didn't believe them anymore.

From then on you started distancing yourself from your family and growing closer to Alastor.

--------

When you got older (16) you started working with alastor at the radio station. He taught you how to live life without worry.

He treats you like your a person and not just your parent's child.

Your parents treated you like a decoration. Alastor treated you like a child he didn't know he wanted.

You found out he was a murder by accident. You forgot someone at the station late at night and went back to get it to see blood spattered in the talking booth.

At first you thought it was Alastors so you took a gun that the station had in case of emergencies and followed the trail.

Opening the back door you saw Alastor dragging the body. The two of you made eye contact. Your body moved without hesitation and helped him hide the body.

------

Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud.

✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･**･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　

This is long and not what I usually write but it's been stuck in my head for a while.

A/n: I've decided to cut the twins and make y/n the youngest. I had something for them originally but it's better for just Alma, Atticus and Y/n

Art by @ghostly-one

[molsno]

I don't think there's enough discussion of the transmisogynistic voyeurism that's extremely widespread in online spaces. it's definitely a problem offline too but it's become significantly more pervasive and inescapable online.

transmisogynistic voyeurism is an obsession with trans women's internal lives. while traditionally it's usually been focused on our bodies, hormones, sexualities, transitions, and other such aspects that portray us as exotic, artificial, hypersexual mimics of "real" women (this is still largely the case among conservatives), it's taken on a new form in the past several years as society's understanding of transness has slowly improved.

in more recent years, the fascination with trans women and transfemininity, particularly in purportedly progressive spaces, has shifted to focus on the "artificiality" of our womanhood from a sociocultural perspective, rather than from a biological and sexual perspective.

it's become common to see screenshots from 4chan and other similar communities of trans women or transfem eggs posting about their unusual kinks, often with racist or antisemitic undertones. screenshots of ostensibly closeted trans women being transphobic to openly trans people have become commonplace. whenever a trans woman is revealed to be racist or a sexual predator, she becomes the new topic du jour, where everyone has to weigh in and publicly disavow her actions.

you might be thinking, what's the problem with this? after all, shouldn't we be holding racists, antisemites, transphobes, and sexual predators accountable? and while the answer to that question is an unambiguous, resounding "yes!", the problem here is the unusual focus on trans women in particular, and the fact that what's happening doesn't even remotely resemble accountability.

bigotry is not a uniquely transfeminine trait. anyone can be a bigot. however, by and large, even supposed trans allies, people who put "trans women are women" and "terfs dni" in their bio, still secretly see trans women as fundamentally male, due to having been "male socialized" (a notion which very strongly contradicts our own lived experiences). thus, when they see post after post after post of trans women being bigoted, it reifies tme people's beliefs that we are all holders of male privilege who have never had to face oppression before coming out as trans.

this idea is problematic for a number of reasons. first, it denies the experiences of trans women who have been oppressed by other systems before coming out as trans. for example, multiple times in just the past few weeks, I've seen trans women of color accused of being racist, even against people of their own race; as if having to face racism all their lives wasn't bad enough, now they're assumed to be perpetrators of it. however, this idea also ignores the very real effect that transmisogyny has had in shaping our lives, even when we didn't know we were trans ourselves.

when we attempt to talk about this topic - the perception that tme people have of trans women being uniquely bigoted, we are by and large brushed off as seeking to "excuse the actions" of bigoted trans women so that we can be bigoted ourselves. this abject refusal to actually engage with what we are saying to instead paint us as the very people we're constantly made to publicly disavow lest we face social ostracization (even if we have no idea who said people even are) further reifies the stereotype of us as privileged men.

I want you to imagine for a moment if trans men were subjected to this kind of voyeurism instead. on an average day scrolling through tumblr, you'd see a post of a trans man's nsfw blog where he shares posts about how rape should be legal, right alongside his bloodplay and cannibalism kink posts, accusing trans men of normalizing rape and murder. another post would show a screenshot of the trans guy who proclaimed to have been hitler in a past life, accompanied by comments demanding trans men take responsibility by purging their community of people like him. you'd scroll down a little further and see a screenshot of a terf blog with "dysphoric female" in bio where they complain about how a trans man they know has been brainwashed by "gender ideology" with all of the comments hoping they figure out their gender identity but still vehemently disavowing them and asserting they would feel unsafe around such a person even after coming out.

the reason that doesn't happen is because biological essentialism runs rampant even in queer spaces. trans men, who were afab, are often presumed to be incapable of harm due to having been "female socialized". trans men don't have their kinks publicly shared to paint them as dangerous because they're generally assumed to be victims of sexual violence, not perpetrators. trans men aren't collectively held accountable for the actions of one trans man they don't even know because a trans man doing harm is believed to be an anomaly, and thus can be dealt with on an individual basis. that last example is especially laughable, because trans men who were formerly terfs are often lauded as heroes for sharing their stories and offered condolences for having been victims of "cult brainwashing".

the fact that this kind of voyeurism does happen to trans women is because, having been amab, we are presumed to be the perpetrators of harm rather than victims. that's not to say that trans women can't be bigoted or dangerous; clearly they can, or else this kind of voyeurism couldn't exist in the first place.

trans women can be racist, trans women can be antisemitic, trans women can be transphobic, trans women can be sexual predators, and so on. these things are all true. however, they are not more likely to be true of trans women than of other demographics. that's the point I'm trying to make here.

stop and consider for a moment, what accountability actually means. are racist, antisemitic trans women being held accountable when you share screenshots of the bigotry they post anonymously on 4chan? does that screenshot you reblogged of an assumed transfem egg being transphobic to an out trans person hold them responsible for their transphobia? is that racist trans woman who's a convicted sexual predator sentenced to prison being held accountable when you share detailed documentaries about her crimes? are they facing consequences for their actions because of you raising awareness about them?

in the vast majority of cases, the answer is no. what's really happening is that you're raising outrage about trans women, and demanding that all of us publicly disavow and distance ourselves from them, even when we have no idea who they are, so that you won't come after us next. you're upholding the idea that trans women hold a "male privilege debt" that we can never fully repay but must endlessly strive to repay regardless. this obsession with our perceived socially male traits has got to stop.

[marinettesaltprompts]

Marinette Salt Prompts: In which Max saves Paris by being himself - Part 1

Prompt by yours truly :)

Warning: Long Post!

When Max first became Pegasus, he was initially excited to become a hero. Getting these cool awesome powers, being able to help the people of Paris and be seen more than just a computer geek had put a spring in his step.

And it still was! ... For a time at least.

But then one day following an akuma attack in which Max lost conciousness (from a wasp attack? did Chloe get akumatised again?) Ladybug came by with a new suit and a declaration that she was the "Guardian" (whatever that had meant). Nobody questioned the declaration, even Max.

This of course, meant that Pegasus became a hero more than not.

This didn't seem so bad at first ... but then the weariness began to set in. More and more akuma's appeared, resulting in Max having to be called more often, leaving him tired and exhausted as a result. While Max was lucky enough that he had not managed to to be hit by an akuma's power, seeing one of his hero allies just disappear sent shivers down the poor genius's spine. Especially when Roi Singe was hit (even though Max had no clue who he was, he seemed familliar).

It didn't help that Ladybug and Chat Noir, the main Heroes of Paris, had begun to fight a lot more. At first it was just simple disagreements, but then it became louder. Max noted that Chat kept trying to get close to Ladybug, but the latter kept trying to push him away. At first Max had assumed that it was due to Chat's well known crush on Ladybug, but now he was not so sure, especially when she began to get snappy with others even if Chat had said nothing the enitre fight (which in itself became more and more uncommon). Ladybug was obviously stressed, but whenever anyone commented on it, she would either deny it or get incredibly angry (especially if it was Chat Noir that made the statement)

It was only after a long and terrible akuma battle that Max began to see things differently. More than half the heroes had been "disappeared", only to be returned back to life with the Miraculous Ladybug. A lot of the heroes looked very uncomfortable, but had said nothing as Ladybug once again congratulated them on a won battle.

Max finally spoke up.

"Um... actually, I have a question?"

The way Ladybug seemed to snap her head to him almost made him jump back, but seeing as she had some sort of smile on her face, he continued.

"These akuma's have started to become more and more problematic recently ... more than half of us were... vanished, when normally that doesn't happen..."

Of course it happened more often, they just didn't say anything. But this is the worst one yet. Most of them vanished. ONLY vanished. We don't say kill because thats impossible to think about without feeling sick to the core

"... perhaps we should approch the problem with the akumas a bit more differently?"

Ladybug paused, the smile disappearing from her face as she contemplated what he said.

"...Well... sure. I suppose we don't spend enough time actually training. I mean, me and Noir have a lot of experience but all of you are much newer than we are ..." Ladybug snapped her fingers in excitement "Oh I know! How about we meet up for a training session? Perhaps we could all take the time to learn how to use our powers better!"

Despite the well intentions behind it, Max actually felt sick at the idea of having to spend more time in the costume. He actually had his own life to worry about thank you very much. (Unbeknwnst to him, several others felt the same way).

"N-No! I-I mean that was what I was going with, we are ok with using our abilities." Max said hurriedly, avoiding the subtle displeasure on Ladybug's face. "What I meant to say was... shouldn't we try and solve the issue directly."

"What, you mean the akumas?" Ladybug asked.

"No ... I meant Hawkmoth. Shouldn't we do something about finding him?"

The question caused everyone to perk up at the thought. Even the now-normally silent Chat Noir raised his ears at the suggestion.

However, Ladybug's face remained stone cold.

"That's ... not possible."

"What do you mean its not? I mean, we have these powers right? Couldn't we use them to find him?" Max said, even as the others visibly shrinked with anger.

"I'm saying its not as simple as you think. We don't have the time to find him. We already spent enough time dealing with the akumas. Don't you want to go back to your normal lives?"

(The irony that the akuma's had left them busy to begin with remained lost on Ladybug's mind, even as the others inwardly cringed at the statement)

Max however refused to back down on this however. "Ladybug, with all due respect, we have been fighting an akuma every few days now. Some weeks we even had to fight every single day! Shouldn't we try to stop the problem at its source?"

"The problem," Ladybug said through gritted teeth. "is that Hawkmoth is too well hidden. We need to focus on being ready for his next attack, not wasting time on impossible goals. We can stop him for good when he finally gets cocky and shows himself."

"B-But we can't rely on that! Ladybug, he has no reason to show himself because his powers don't require him to be close to be effective. Too many of us got ki- got vanished! If this happens again we could actually be in serious trouble!"

"Look, I'm trying my best here! My plan was still able to work! We succeeded in the end right? We saved the day! That's all that matters! That's all we can do for now!" Ladybug said, her voice getting louder.

"And what if it fails the next time?"

"My plans haven't failed yet! Can't you trust me Pegasus?"

"I do! B-But you haven't been performing optimally! Every time you call us you look extremely tired, and you've begun stuttering at times when you're making a plan in battle! You've been coming to every akuma fight all tense and stressed and-"

Max's voice died out in his throat as the rest of the team flinched. He didn't want to say that word, but it slipped out on accident. The whole teamed had learned that nobody should call Ladybug stressed. But he did.

The effect was near instant. Ladybug's eyes constricted and she began to visibly tense up and shake.

"OH GREAT, NOW ITS YOU TOO! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE NOT THE ONE HAVING TO STRUGGLE HERE?! I'M THE GUARDIAN! I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN YOU WASTING MY TIME ON STUPID QUESTIONS!"

Pegasu- no, Max, flinched, but tried to stay strong. Emphasis on tried, even as his confidence began to falter/

"Ladybug look, i'm sorry, but if you could jus-"

"NO, YOU DON'T GET IT. I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN STOP HAWKMOTH. ALL I ASK IS FOR THE REST OF YOU TO JUST LISTEN TO MY PLAN SO THAT WE CAN BEAT THE AKUMA AND GO HOME. BUT NO, YOU HAVE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO LIKE IM DOING EVERYTHING WRONG! I HAVE TO MAKE THE PLAN! WHO ELSE CAN PURIFY THE AKUMA? WHO ELSE CAN SAVE PARIS?" Ladybug yelled as she stormed up to Pegasus, furiously tense and visibly sweating.

"But how are we supposed to save Paris if Hawkmoth is still a threat?!" Max said suddenly, a wave of adrenaline overcoming him as he momentarily met Ladybug's eyes. "We can't keep doing this forever like we have no one that won't miss us, we have our own lives too! We can't keep running off to save Paris when our families don't even know where we are! My mom doesn't know where I am!"

Ladybug narrowed her eyes.

"So this is what this is about?" Ladybug asked questionly with hostility. "That you can't keep up with being ahero? Being a hero means that sometimes we have to do what is necassary for the greater good! Not everyone can run away when you're the only one who had the power to fix it. Its about sacrifice!"

"...but this isn't sacrifice. It's a slaughter." Max said, his voice suddenly going hoarse. He felt tired in that moment, a wave of exhaustion ovecoming him as he slumped forwards. He wanted to be back home, not on these rooftops, but with his best buddy Kim and his great robot friend Markov. His family.

As the rest of the heroes stared in shock at the genius hero looking so defeated, Ladybug stood silently as she appeared apathetic to Max's outburst, merely glancing at him as she looked at her (former?) ally.

"You know what? Fine? If all of this is such a problem for you, then I'll find someone else who can take over for you. The akuma's defeated anyways." Ladybug said seriously, ignoring the shock from some of the more empathetic heroes. "Go to your rendevouz spot and wait for me. I'll come and pick up the Horse Miraculous from you. You're off the team."

Despite having no desire to be Pegasus in that moment, the callousness in Ladybug's statement caused Max to feel angry, his hand curling into a grip as he took a deep breathe in and out.

"You know what? No, I don't think I will." Max said simply, ignoring the shock on Ladybug's face as he turned around. "I'm tired, im exhausted, and I just want to go home. You know where I live, you can come and grab my Miraculous from my house once your done with the rest of your team. I'll take the express route home."

Voyage

With a simple word, Max created a portal beneath his feet, leaving to quickly for anyone to stop him or see where he ended up.

Max crashed into his bed. Quickly detrasnforming, he looked up from his bed to see Markov flying towards him.

"Oh hello Max! You look very tired!"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that buddy." Max replied.

"Oh no! You look upset, did something happen?"

As Max sat up from his bed, he began to recount his story as he changed from his normal outfit into his pyjama's. As Max sat down at the computer, he finished recounting this story to Markov.

"...And that's where I am now. So many other heroes got hurt and I'm worried that we won't be able to take another attack like that, but now Ladybug is mad at me and now I'm off the team! Sure, I don't have to be part of the battle, but it won't help when the next monster of the day suddenly levels Paris's city flat!"

"That sounds like a problem!" Markov replied. Though his emotion program was a bit simple, he felt a bit sad for his friend (and a bit angry at Ladybug, though not enough to trigger an akuma attack).

"Yeah, tell me about it. Not to mention that Hawkmoth is still out there, wherever he's hiding."

As Markov began to ponder how he could help his friends mood, a thought came to him.

"Perhaps we could solve this Hawkmoth issue ourselves."

"W-What? Markov I don't think thats possible. I mean, I am about to lose the Horse Miraculous once Ladybug finds me, I don't think we can do much against a magical supervillain."

"True, but as you said to Ladybug, fighting isn't doing us much good at the moment either. In order to stop the akuma's we need to solve the problem at the source. By all accounts, there's a 99% probability that Hawkmoth is a normal human adult outside of his costume. All we need to do is find out who Hawkmoth is and then we can catch him off guard to defeat him! Simple is it not?"

Max contemplated the idea, slowly nodding as he agreed with Markov. "That does seem like a good idea... but where can we start? It's not like we can just track down where he lives. Paris is huge!"

"So we will just have to go for the next two best things. His akumas and his victims! If we can track where those butteflies come from and where they are headed, we can follow them back to his lair!"

"His lair Markov?"

The robot nodded. "I don't remember much when I was Robustus, but I was able to recover a still image of Hawkmoth from his perspective! Apparently he has a huge lair from which he hides!"

"Wait, you had this the whole time? Why not tell anyone?"

"... I didn't think it was useful" Markov said embarrassingly.

Max decided to let it go though as he began to formulate an idea. "So... he sends his akuma's from a lair. So in order to find the lair we need to find the where the akuma's are flying from..."

Slowly, Max looked through his room. Scattered about were serveral drones, some of which were dismantled in order to create the shell for Markov's AI. If he could create a program to speciifically track down these akuma's...

His thought process was interrupted by a knock on his window, Max turned to see the window opened by an unimpressed Ladybug.

"Max"

"... Ladybug"

"the Horse Miraculous. Where is it?"

Wordlessly, Max gave her the box. Ignoring the look on her face, Max opened his laptop as he began to write a code on his laptop.

Ladybug contined to stare at him.

"You know, I was really hoping that you would have reconsidered your actions when I asked you to go to the rendevous point. I'm disappointed to see that I was proven wrong. Especially with that stunt you pulled."

Max continued to ignore her as he kept typing.

Ladybug sniffed her nose as she turned to leave. "Don't expect me to call you again ever. If this is how you are going to act when you are freaking out, then you don't deserve to be on this team."

Max never took his eyes off the computer, even as Markov stared angrily at Ladybug, wanting to say something but feeling like he should not interrupt. His eyes smiling as his code and his plan started to form together.

"Go ahead. Find someone else. Superhero work wasn't cut for me anyways. I'm much better when i'm using my brain anyways. I know what I need to do now. Besides, if being on the team means being treated that way, I'll pass. Last thing I need is to follow another Chloe."

Ladybug flinched, before leaving Max's room, yoyo flying in the distance.

Max didn't notice though. He had a plan.

One that would surely deal with this akuma plan once and for all.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Hi everyone! Hope you like this new idea i've had for a while now! Sorry if it feels rushed, I wrote this while feeling quite tired. I'm making plans for a part 2 and 3, but please let me know what you guys think!

[narcjsistx]

𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 | kaiser x reader

— part nine

plot: kaiser comforted you after a bad and slow breakup, but what will happen now considering what you two shared? is everything still unexpected or is there something you both simply have yet to realize?. fluff shit 'cause yeah!!

words: 2.7k (2711)

extra: it will probably become a multi part story, tell me if you're interested in a part ten!. This is my first time trying a chapter with images, but I need them for the plot

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; take a look, trust me!. you can find the other parts of the story by searching in the section dedicated to bllk

You look at your phone, your hands shaking every time you reread even just two or three of the comments on the post: it's incredible how everyone, everyone except Gabriel, has sensed your discomfort in his touch and his simple presence. Or maybe he understood it too, but he forced it because he knew it would bother you, which would be typical of him. On the other hand, there are also many comments that note Michael's presence at the fashion show, how he looked at you and how you actually looked back at him. Many also noted how he seemed angry when he saw that creep of your ex

You didn't think you'd make his presence so obvious, but you're obviously bad at keeping it under wraps. On the one hand, it's normal that he was at the show tonight, after all, for the media you're still best friends, but maybe it was the way you looked at each other that made someone have doubts, because in the midst of the sea of comments about Gabriel there are also some about Kaiser and his gaze towards you

The show ended less than half an hour ago, it's already midnight and the agency published the post, tagging you. The fashion show, beyond the unexpected, was a real success: you came back viral in less than a few hours, and now everyone seems to forget the hatred they poured out on you when you were still considered the one who cheated on Gabriel. You have many emotions in your body, such as joy and happiness, but also many similar to sadness and anger

But also a lot, a lot of confusion

Why didn't you know that Gabriel, who until a few weeks ago was your boyfriend, was one of the founders of this fashion agency. Why did he seem to be so in tune with the designer, that you swear he never mentioned you in all the time you were together? How could you not know these things?

Gabriel had an agency, yes, but an Italian one... the same one you worked for and from which you voluntarily resigned. You don't deny that he had often mentioned to you that he had some connection with some agency in Germany, but none of these involved being a founder. Also, the designer seemed to be the same age as you, so why didn't you know her? In the fashion world everyone knows each other a little, even you knew models or designers for whom you never actually worked, so why did this Ursula seem to have appeared out of nowhere for you but not for Gabriel?. Everything seemed to have a common thread, but you lacked the light to make it work and therefore understand it

A notification from your phone wakes you from your thoughts. You look down, at the screen

You read the message, and sigh to release some tension. Maybe having Kaiser to comfort you now would be nice, but hell, you don't want to look like someone who waits for the person you love only to unload on him all the bad you have inside

You look at yourself in the mirror: you are still wearing your makeup, your hair is loose and there is no trace of the dress, replaced by underwear and a simple white tank top. You left the clothes you were wearing before in the dressing room, but evidently they took them to be washed without your consent. You still have something else to wear to go home, but you don't have the physical strength when it comes to searching through the big wardrobe that the staff has granted you

Your phone keeps getting notification after notification, and you notice how the post has now been replicated on another social, where there are several people arguing in the comments

There are people who support you, others who have noticed Kaiser's presence, others who still believe the version that Gabriel gave of you where you are the one who cheated on him. It is precisely this last thing that bothers you the most, because you are probably one of the people in the world who viscerally hates everything that deals with cheat, physical and in the field of friendship. They called you a whore, a slut, but traitor is what bothers you the most

And now, seeing the situation you are in, you regret having abandoned everyone years ago to go to Italy with him. Italy has given you so much, you can't help but admit it, but you would have preferred never to have met the man who is now destroying you after you were back to square one after so much pain. You wanted to go back to being yourself, the same you were and always will be, but you wanted to do it with the knowledge that Gabriel can no longer do anything to you

But apparently, he still can

And that means you can't really start over yet

You sigh, resting your head on your folded arms on the vanity table. You have to be strong, because no one will be for you, or rather, you know that Kaiser would be, but you have always been an independent girl

Lost in your thoughts, you hear some female voices in the hallway. It's probably some model, but there's a voice that you can't quite recognize as a female. You raise your head when you hear the door suddenly open, and your eyes widen when you see who it is

Gabriel. You don't know how he did it, but he's here, with his usual dick face

"What?" you say, turning to him, nerves on edge. You watch him slowly close the door behind him, leaning his back against the finely crafted wood "Surprise". You look at him disgusted, while he seems absolutely amused by your behavior "I didn't know you were the founder of an agency in Germany. Not only do you tell false things about me, but also to me" you say in a sour tone, and he doesn't seem at all hurt by your words, which slide off him without hitting him "About you, to you... I don't see any difference, honestly. As long as you're in the middle it's fine, right?" he asks giggling, and you are tempted to take the perfume bottle next to you and throw it at him

"Seriously, what do you want?" you ask annoyed, and he seems serious again "You already know. Back together, you and me, back to our home in Italy. I'll say that I said things about you in a moment of anger and everyone will understand me because oh, they love me so much. And you'll go back to having a respectable life and a respectable boyfriend" he says

You swear you're fighting a battle with yourself to not throw yourself at him and beat them until he's dead. He knows all about the pain he's caused you, and now what does he want? To get back together? You and him back in that house? You'd rather puke until the day you die, which would be soon anyway. Gabriel has destroyed you, and you know that if you accept his apology he'll do exactly what he's done before. It's a wicked game, one he loves to play with his favorite victim, you

He loves the feeling of knowing you are beneath him, compliant, always ready to accept his screams at you. He knew from the beginning that you simply needed someone to love you, and he turned the situation to his advantage. But now he doesn't know that you don't want to play his games anymore, that you've finally understood that he has reached the limit of everything he can do. He doesn't know that the role of respectable boyfriend that he used to have is now held by Kaiser, who has always been the boy he didn't have to worry about and who he has always kept away from you since you've been together

“You’ve always been good at jokes, I’ll give you that” you say sarcastically, rising from the stool you’ve been sitting on, slowly walking towards him “But if you have any intention of making me be who I’ve always been with you, you’re sorely mistaken. I’m sick of all your fucking drama, your lies, just being you! You enjoy using me because you know you can do it, but hey, bad news, that girl you love is gone. Subjugate another person, another whore since you always thought of me as one, but don’t even joke about me getting back into a relationship with you" you say, walking towards him, your voice firm and confident “You’re a worm, one of those parasites. You only love the ones you can use, because no one really loves you for who you are, because you suck. You change people’s minds so much that you make them your lovers, and hell, I admit you did that to me too and you succeeded, it worked for our entire relationship. But parasites, if they come into contact with insecticide, they die" you say

You end up in front of him, a few inches away. You hold his gaze for the first time in a long time, and you have no intention of looking away. The pressure is building, but so is your desire to make him understand what a shitty person he is

"The insecticide is my self-respect, which you tried to take away from me. But you can't make me whore, a slut, yours anymore. And if you think that-" you keep talking, but you feel his hands coming to your jaw, holding you still. You remain paralyzed, trying to free yourself from his grip "What the fuck do you want to do to me? Shut me up? What do you mean, that I'm right, that you know how much you suck?" you say in a challenging tone, not wanting to stay quiet

His gaze is fixed on you, while his hands tighten their grip more and more. It's hurting you, but it's nothing you can't handle after everything he's done to you. "You remain a whore even when I give you the chance to fix it" he says, and moves his hand just enough to pinch your cheek, leaving a huge, painful red mark

"Who would be a whore?"

You turn to the door, behind Gabriel. Kaiser's slender figure looks like a miracle, and hell, from the look on his face he seems to have heard far too much of everything he's told you. You breathe a small sigh of relief, and your grip is released the moment Gabriel seems to hear Kaiser's voice. He turns, meeting the gaze of your secret boyfriend, who is clenching his hands into fists at his sides, making the veins in his hands stand out

They look at each other, and you see the hatred that has always united them. Gabriel has hated Kaiser from the first moment, and you know after reading the letters that Micheal has never tolerated him. Gabriel has forbidden you to see him for a long time, and Kaiser blames him for having taken you away from him. But now, beyond the hatred, you reflect in your ex's gaze a hint of fear, which he is trying not to show

"I only see one whore in this room, maybe two, but I don't have the necessary proof" he says, and you are surprised at how he still tries to play the role of the righteous one, even though he knows that everything is against him. Gabriel knows very well that Kaiser in terms of strength can even kill him, and yet he is acting as if he doesn't feel even a shred of fear, even though his eyes tell another story. Michael looks at him for a few seconds, even chuckling. His tattooed hand then meets the other man's head, who ends up lying on the floor with his head crushed "Whore? Me?"

It's a quick gesture, which takes you a bit by surprise. You rub your cheek with the pinch, from which you feel a trickle of blood coming out when you bring your hand in front of your gaze. Kaiser watches the scene, noticing both the blood and the red on your face, and this thing seems to ignite something in him: he picks the man up bodily from the ground, slamming him against the wall while holding him by the shoulders "What the fuck is wrong with you to do something like that to her? Isn't it enough for you to be a piece of shit?" he yells at Gabriel, who is now seriously starting to shake. You jump at the gesture, coming up behind Kaiser as you shake his shoulder to calm him down, but he doesn't even seem to notice you as he looks at the man in front of him with the same intensity he's concentrating on scoring. It seems like he's now venting everything he feels for Gabriel, lethal hatred

"Micheal please, don't overdo it" you say in a pleading tone, but nothing seems to stop his raging river "How the fuck do you call yourself a man if you don't even know how to treat a girl who until recently was your girlfriend? Are you really so disgusting that you don't know how to react to reality except with your hands?" he screams, and in a messy way he slams him against the wall. The situation seems to be seriously getting more serious than you think, and you shake his shoulders so as to at least make him understand that if he continues like this he will be the one to be in the wrong

"I don't care if you call me a whore, because I don't care what you think of me. But if you, who are shit, call her a whore, who only put reality in your face, it pisses me off. If you can't accept reality it's not my problem, but it's my problem if you try to put your hands on her" he says harshly, and only after a while can he feel your agitation. With a sigh full of tension he releases his shoulders, and Gabriel falls to the ground as he tries to catch his breath. The scene seems to play out in front of your eyes on repeat, as you tremble for some reason unknown to you. You look at Kaiser, who is still looking at the floor, where Gabriel is still sitting. He also seems to be tense, but you see him turn in your direction, putting a hand in front of you, as if he is waiting for you to recover. You gulp down a lump of saliva, taking a few steps forward as you grab his hand, a gesture that after that exit from the hotel, has become important to you. You squeeze it, and you feel it reciprocate from his fine fingers. “Go away" Kaiser says, his tone calmer now but still harsh. You watch the scene still shaking a little, but less than before. It was a bad and harsh experience

In this situation and after hearing your current boyfriend's words, you think about how he didn't hesitate to defend you, which is not a given. Michael had no problem putting your ex in his place when he crossed the line, and you realize how much he cares about you, which makes your heart explode. He had no problem being called a whore, but when he said it to you? Oh, he exploded. It does your heart good to think about how now someone finally genuinely loves you

Gabriel stands up hastily, straightening his suit as if nothing had happened. He doesn't dare look at either of you, but breaks this situation as he is about to leave the room, where he turns to you, completely ignoring Kaiser at your side

Gabriel hates you. He hates that you're finally realizing how shitty he's always been to you

Gabriel hates knowing that the old version of you no longer exists, that can no longer subdue you

Gabriel hates you

And you know the shit just started

tag(s): @rroxii ; @kittenish0 ; @bungoustraydogsno1fan (if you want to be tagged tell me!)

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Can you write one where reader teases Fermin because he’s pretty short 🤏🏼 compared to other players and Fermin takes it too seriously and becomes insecure and then reader tells him it’s not a big deal and that she loves him being a shortie with a big ass 🍑 or smth like that with fluff in the end ☺️

Thank you

Warnings: A tiny bit of d*ck sizes conversation, hints of morning love, mentions of Fermín's big ass (Yes, that's a warning); mr. sunshine is a bit insecure 'cus of his height in the fic, nothing major or explicit happens

Lack and Excess -F.L16

Summary: Your boyfriend's insecure about his height but don't worry, you reassure him that despite his short height you love him either way

"Let me get that for you, preciosa" You hear your ten months boyfriend say, you were making some lunch seeing as your parents and two younger siblings were coming over to have a nice evening with you and your boyfriend, Fermín at his house.

"It's okay, mi amor. I can get that"

"Shush" He said tapping your bum softly

"¡Fermín!" He laughs winking at you as he extends his arm to reach for the plates, however his fingers couldn't reach them. He sighed and got on his tip toes managing to bring them down and in front of you

"Seeing as you want to help" You began with a smile "I need your help to bring down here that salad bowl"

"No worries"

"But you can actually lift me up so I can pull it down"

"I can do that" You give him a look

"Venga amor, it's not time to show anything. It'll be easier and faster if you lift me up, my parents are going to be here in approximately thirty minutes and I still need to get ready"

"I'll be fast, don't worry. I'll just go, grab it and give it to you so you can do that delicious salad I'm already dreaming of" You smile blushing at his comment

"Rápido, López" (Quick, López) He got in front of the counter and got on his tip toes but still with that he couldn't reach the bowl

After a few minutes of trying and even jumping a bit, he turned to you and mentioned for you to come "Done?" You asked but he didn't said anything, in fact, he didn't even looked at you, only at the floor.

You felt his arms wrap around your waist and pull you up, your hands instantly went to his shoulders, you grabbed the bowl and a few seconds later he pulled you back on your feet.

"Gracias" (Thank you) He hums still not looking at you, you kissed his cheek several times to thank him; you can clearly sense that he got upset "Fer" You call him forgetting about the salad

"What's up, amor?"

"Are you upset?"

"Why would I be?"

"Let me rephrase that... I know you're upset what I don't know, it's why. You were sunshine-smiling a few seconds ago and now you have this angry face"

"You don't know if I'm upset"

"We may not have ten years together yet but we do have ten months and during those months I have been dating you, I got to know you and everything about you. I know how to read you. I know when something's bothering you, I know when you're happy, I know when you wanna leave a place, I know when you wanna cry, when you're mad, everything Fermín. And you do the same for me. Please, tell me why are you upset?"

He looked at you and the looked at the floor "Because I'm short" He mumbles

"Ah?"

"Because I'm short" He repeats again

"What does it have with you being short?"

"Everything. It has everything. On the pitch I can't do most headers, it's really putting me off people are doubting me because of that and now off pitch, I can't even bring down to my girlfriend a simple salad bowl. Can you believe that?"

"It's also normal for girls to have short boyfriends, I don't understand what you're going for"

"Why did you choose me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I have seen your ex boyfriend's, Y/N. All of them are at least two heads taller than me"

"So what? Fer, I don't care about their heights, I don't even care about yours! And please don't get me wrong, I love you and your height, I meant it as I don't really pay attention to it, yes, we're almost the same height with you being a few inches taller than me, so what? Yes, my exes's were way more taller than me but so what? They also called me little and I felt insecure in that time but I don't care about it now. You shouldn't care about what other people might say about you, you know who you are and what you are. Your family and friends know that too. I know that too. And that's all it should matter to you"

"You're perfect just the way you are, mi amor. I'm short and that's the way I'll be. You're short and that's how you'll be. However, we as a couple can help each other and be one single tall person. That's good for me and it should also be good for you, Fer"

"It is"

"It doesn't look like"

"You gotta understand me, preciosa. I see all these couples where the girl can't do something and the guy is always there to help her, I wanna be that for you but I can't because I'm short"

"We're an unique couple and we don't need for the other to do all the work, like I said we can do the work together" You smile "I really like the fact we're almost the same height and you may be small but you have such a big heart, a big personality, you're a big person in general; what you lack in height you make up for with other things" You say and soon you see a smile coming to Fermín's face

"What other things?" He wraps his arms around you bringing you into him

"Such a dirty minded you are!" He laughs "But you do have a big ass and I love my shortie bofyriend with big ass"

"And what about my-?"

"You know I love him and his size as well" You cut him off with a big smile on your face and some blush covering your cheeks

"I love how shy you can get when you were going at it this morning"

"Shut up" You hit his chest softly "I love you, all of you" You put emphasis on your words making him smile widely "I gotta go and shower" You slap his bum twice before receiving a few slaps back, you smile and kiss his lips

"Can I join you?"

"No!"

"Why not"

"My parents will be here anytime"

"Oh come on!"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviymarcsbride @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld @http-isabela

[icallhimjoey]

Define Close

♥ ♥  Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: What good are flatmates even, if they don't comfort you when you need it most? Or when you need it a normal amount? Or, you know, when you don't really need it, but just really want it?

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, afab!reader, hurt/comfort i guess? idk we're sad a lot and joe cheers us up a lot, mentions of reader having hair long enough to be played with

Author’s note: oooohh trouble in paradise? or maybe not... well, at least there's some realisations. a few of them. we'll see how much they'll actually mean and if it'll change anything.

Wordcount: 4.3K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

Joe had been thrown for a loop.

What the fuck was that?

He didn’t understand what was suddenly different. Why things had suddenly changed. It was only subtle, they were just two words. But at the same time, proven by the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about them, they carried colossal meaning.

“Thank you.”

It took him a second to process the words. He didn’t even really hear them at first. Didn’t let them land properly. Not initially.

He watched you walk into the kitchen and have a sip of water before you went to bed. Told him good night, which he returned, and then after you’d left him by himself, he suddenly frowned. Tucked in his chin in confusion.

Thank you?

Thank you for what?

You had never told him thank you before after an evening of a shared pizza and soft comfort on the sofa. Throughout the whole film, Joe’d rested his arm on the back of it, bent at the elbow, fingers slowly raking through your hair at your hairline. You’d curled into him like a cat, feet pressed into the cushions right next to his thighs, knees over his lap and your head on his shoulder.

Close and comfy, like it always was. Like you always were.

Joe had expected you to fall asleep, because you usually did, but you hadn’t this time. The film ended, and as the credits rolled, you sat up, stretched your arms up over your head and yawned.

“Thank you.” you’d casually said before getting up and leaving him there.

You made an offhand comment about needing to clean the kitchen. Said you’d get to it tomorrow and disappeared into the hallway before Joe could say anything about it.

Thank you.

Joe knew he was likely being silly. Saying thank you was a good thing. A polite thing to do, the opposite of rude, or careless. He should actually be glad for it.

Yet, he wasn’t.

It took him a whole day of thinking about it to figure out why it bothered him so much.

For one, he didn’t like that you’d introduced something new that felt less intimate, somehow. You’d never said it before, and he couldn’t think of anything else being different, so why suddenly this? Then, secondly, and Joe knew there was a fair chance he was wrong, but it somehow turned the quality time you spent together feel grossly transactional.

Like he’d done a stranger a favour.

He still didn’t fully get it, because essentially he was accusing you of doing something appreciative, but it just... it absolutely didn’t sit right with him.

Problem was, who was he going to talk to about this?

He couldn’t talk to anyone. Not even you. Because that’s not what you did. You never talked. Not about these things, at least.

And so, because there wasn’t really any other choice, Joe decided to push the whole thing to the back of his mind, where he’d forget about all of it eventually.

He was likely being stupid.

You had been nice.

He could just force himself to say you were welcome if you did it again.

Though he really hoped you wouldn’t do it again.

Didn’t want that to become a new flatmate thing, saying thank you and you’re welcome like you were vague acquaintances.

Things weren’t meant to move backwards like that. Not that Joe dared think of next steps. Forward ones. Of moving whatever was happening between the two of you along. But he didn’t want to go backwards.

He feared things were already slightly moving backwards though, because you’d not snuck into his bed in a while.

And you’d not gone out of your way to find him for a quick hug in a bit.

Joe thought it was likely that you were seeing someone. Or at least talking to someone. Not that this stopped you from draping yourself over Joe’s lap when you’d find him watching TV sat on the sofa, but it felt like you were pulling away just ever so slightly.

He only allowed himself to dwell on it for a second.

Was probably for the best, wasn’t it?

Joe understood that having you as a flatmate only worked out in the way that it did on his end because he wasn’t looking to enter a serious relationship with anyone.

If he was, he’d have to move out.

He’d have to.

There was no way he was going to be able to convince someone, anyone, that you and Joe were just normal flatmates. Especially if it was someone he’d have serious intentions about maybe marrying one day.

Or, if he could, there’d still be the issue that she would then likely not trust it. Not trust you. Not trust him.

So maybe this was smart.

Not as fun, though.

Good, for you. Obviously. You seemed happier. In better moods. This was a good thing, Joe reminded himself, and made a real point to think it every time he felt a little sad when he watched a film by himself in an empty flat. When he went to bed by himself in an empty flat.

A few weeks passed like that, until one afternoon, he’d walked in with bags full of shopping, and saw you’d crawled into bed for a midday nap. You’d left your bedroom door open and Joe took a moment to look at you as he leant against the doorframe.

Why did you look so much better to him when you were asleep?

So much softer. Almost fragile. Like you needed protecting.

He knew he took too long staring at you. Had to snap himself out of it and he squeezed his eyes shut as he closed the door. The self-restraint it took to not just walk right over and get into bed with you deserved a fucking medal, Joe thought.

When dinner time was nearing and he still hadn’t seen or heard you, he took it upon himself to go and wake you up.

Soft knocks on your bedroom door got no answer.

He went inside anyway, whispered your name and walked over to your bed.

You’d curled up into a little ball, face squished between your pillow and your pulled up shoulder and you looked achingly adorable, Joe could hardly stand it.

He used a finger to remove a strand of hair that had fallen over your face and softly said your name once more.

You woke up slow.

Joe got to witness it from up close.

After groaning, stretching and a deep inhale, you blinked your eyes into focus and found Joe sat on the edge of your bed.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he smiled. You frowned at his little joke, knowing full well it was nearing in on the evening. “We’re making pizza from scratch for dinner.”

You hummed and, in all honesty, wanted to roll over and get a few more minutes in. You’d not had a single good night’s sleep all week, so you’d reserved the weekend to catch up.

Just, sleep. No other plans.

“You want some home made pizza?” Joe cooed, eyes all rounded, all gentle.

You nodded, rubbing your face further into your pillow as you did.

“Yea? What toppings do you want?”

Joe forced you to wake up a little more. To think a little straighter.

It took you a second to get it together, and then you softly said, “I don’t know, what did you get?”

“Lots.”

“Hmm,” you tried your best suppressing a yawn. “I’ll have everything then.”

“All right, one everything-pizza, coming up.”

You huffed a laugh and rolled onto your back, managing to open your eyes fully now. You stared up at the ceiling a second, and then looked at Joe.

“I skipped lunch, so this is perfect, actually.”

And Joe just... smiled. Grinned widely as he looked at you. It took a few seconds before he seemed to realise that you could see him, because suddenly he looked down a little bashfully before clearing his throat and getting up.

“No need to rush, it’ll take a while. Dough’s still rising.” Joe talked as he walked out, slapping the doorframe as he passed it before disappearing from view.

And... shit.

You felt it then and you just... you knew you’d been right.

This just confirmed it, and you didn’t like how it all just settled into your bones more. Because, it meant trouble.

You’d first noticed it a few weeks ago.

How you’d somehow, over the span of some months, had fucking managed to fully pavlov yourself. Conditioned your mood into doing a complete one-eighty the moment your flat came into view.

You could’ve had the best day. Be in the best mood. Absolutely no reason to feel sad, to be tired, to be all down. Could be so happy, feel really upbeat, all chipper and energized. But you would quite literally turn the corner, would see your building, and you would feel your whole mood sink with every step you’d get closer.

And for what?

Just so you could be babied by your flatmate?

Because you knew he always would?

Sick. That wasn’t okay.

You had a stern check-in with yourself when, a few weeks ago, you came home after work and used the whole lift ride to think of reasons to be sad, quite literally depressing yourself.

And then, when you walked in on the verge of tears, Joe wasn’t there.

You fucking idiot.

Did all that for fucking nothing.

And now what?

Pick up the pieces yourself?

Where was the fun in that?

You thought about Joe’s bed, then. You knew he didn’t mind you sleeping in there. But, what were you doing, realistically? If you really gave it a good think?

Something needed changing.

Enough of this bullshit.

And when Joe had walked in around eight that evening, you sat down and watched a film together and you’d tried so very hard not to fall asleep. To not wobble in your mood. To not rely on Joe so much to fix what wasn’t even broken. God, you really had to stop convincing yourself that you were broken all of the time.

Once the film finished, you’d told Joe thanks and went to sleep and felt fucking awful for it, but it was probably for the best.

It would be good trying to be a bit more normal.

Use your words.

Be polite and say thanks when you should.

And maybe you should stop going for dates with guys, laugh at their jokes all night, but secretly be so excited to go home where you could sink into Joe’s side and hide yourself away underneath his arm for a good while.

Maybe you should stop having adult sleep-overs at random guys’ places, and constantly think of how your body fit together with theirs compared to Joe’s.

Wasn’t exactly healthy, what you’d been doing, was it?

Best to pull back. If only a little.

But then, waking up to Joe sat on the edge of your bed? Calling you sunshine as he smiled? Talking about making home made pizza together? Whispering all soft so you could wake up gently?

God.

There really was just something about it.

About him.

And even though you lived together, you realised you had missed him when you watched him walk out of your bedroom, talking about pizza dough rising and telling you not to rush getting out of bed.

Overcome by a weird surge of blind affection that would’ve been directionless had Joe not been there, you decided to just let it lead you where it wanted you to go. Let it pull you out of bed. Let it lumber you over to your kitchen.

You had itchy hands that needed to touch.

Arms that need to curl around and squeeze.

Feel him.

Feel him all up against you. Around you. Everywhere.

But, you were stopped in your tracks.

Thrown for a loop.

You hadn’t expected another person there.

Joe was stood by the counter, his back facing you, as he was cutting up some chicken to cook.

At the island stood his father.

“Hello,” Joe’s dad could smile just as warmly as Joe could. All kind and friendly. He said hello the way polite people always did, intonation going from up, then down, and then slightly up again at the end.

You knew Joe’s dad.

Had met him many times before.

You just hadn’t expected him.

He startled the tears right into your eyes.

Which sucked.

Because you were already on your way to attach yourself to Joe for a minute, and now you couldn’t because that’s not what you did in front of other people, and now you were crying, and guess how you always dealt with tears inside these four walls? Who always dealt with your tears inside these four walls?

Panic.

“Ooh, sorry! Did I frighten you?”

“N-no,” you tried smiling to disguise that actually, yes, he had done. But that wasn’t his fault. You had just wrongly assumed that when Joe said we’re making pizza from scratch, that he meant you and him would be making pizza from scratch.

Not his father and him.

Stupid.

Joe looked over his shoulder and saw you stood in the doorway still, body all rigid as your eyes darted from his dad to him and back again, and he saw.

Saw how your index fingers curled to scratch at your thumbs by your sides.

Saw how your held your breath, scared to release it, because what if it came out as a sob?

Saw how you bit your bottom lip into your mouth to make sure they wouldn’t see it tremble.

Saw the telltale crease of your forehead that always came before tears.

Shit.

Joe put his knife down and then, just... stood there. Didn’t know what to do. Because there was company, and Joe didn’t do what Joe usually did when there was company.

So now what?

You opened your mouth, and something stuttered out, but none of you could make sense of what words they were meant to be.

And then you just... stepped back.

Left.

Needed to go hide in your bathroom or something. Splash some cold water into your face and slap yourself across a wet cheek. It was so fucking silly, but it was wildly overwhelming to really want a hug from your comfort-person and then not be able to get one.

Just before you were about to dart into your room, you heard following footsteps.

No voice.

No words.

Just footsteps.

You were about three steps into your bedroom, bee-lining it to your ensuite, when a hand got you by the elbow and stopped you.

“Hey, come here.”

You easily let yourself be pulled back and crashed into Joe’s chest. It was confusing to try and wrap your head around why you suddenly were all up in your feelings, why the sudden dramatics, why your eyes were wet and your throat felt tight.

But then, there was Joe.

Ready to take care of it.

Joe used both arms to hold you against him firmly, one large palm around the back of your head to hold it in place. He let his head rest on top of yours, his cheek pressing into your hair, and you clung to him. Burrowed your face into him and tightly twisted handfuls of fabric of his shirt into your fists as your breathing grew more erratic.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Joe shushed and squeezed you and you mentally kicked yourself for even attempting to deprive yourself from this for weeks.

This was nice. This certainty of safety. Of zero judgement. Zero questions.

Why were you so upset?

It left you shaking.

Joe fucking loved it.

“It’s just my dad,” Joe said, and you couldn’t help the laugh that startled out of you. He said it like he was reassuring you that his dad didn’t bite, but you understood he meant his dad wasn’t going to be weird about what he’d just witnessed. Wasn’t going to mention how you’d just made a fool of yourself.

You turned your head to press your forehead into the hollow of Joe’s neck, rubbed your skin across his and took a second to just breathe. To stick your nose into the dip between his collarbones and to inhale him. To really feel Joe.

And Joe was never the first to pull away.

But his dad was making pizza in the kitchen still.

The longer you’d be gone, the higher the chance of an explanation needed.

“Tell you what,” Joe said after a bit. “You take a minute, clean this pigsty,–” Joe felt you were about to pull back, likely to argue him, so he didn’t leave any room as he quickly continued, “It’s so messy in here, I can’t even see the floor, and then, once you’re finished, in like, half an hour,–” you fully tried pulling out of Joe’s grasp now as you laughed, but he’d really locked his arm in, keeping you in place, still squished against his front. It turned into a playful wrestle to get free as you tried to pry your hands in between the two of you. “When you’ll have managed maybe tidy half of it, we’ll have dinner ready.”

Joe finally let go, and you pinched him in the side for his jokes.

Made him flinch and yelp, and it only made you smile wider.

Your room was hardly a mess.

“I’ll make an extra large pizza with the– with everything on that we can share.”

Fuck off, that made you pout.

“Stop, don’t cry. It’s just because my dad wants bean curd on his, so he has to do his own.”

“Oh, ew,” you grimaced, and Joe made big eyes in agreement as he nodded.

“Bean curd doesn’t count as everything,”

“Bean curd doesn’t even count as food.”

And just like that; you were normal flatmates again.

One just desperately needed a cuddle and the other desperately wanted to give one.

You didn’t need to talk about why.

Didn’t need to explain yourselves.

It just was what it was.

Joe gave your shoulders a last squeeze and left you alone in your bedroom. Pretended to trip on mess on his way out, and you checked, but there was nothing there.

Just before Joe found himself back in his kitchen where his dad was cutting up tofu, he silently celebrated how you hadn’t said thank you this time.

The universe felt restored.

Joe casually told his father that you were half asleep still when you’d walked in a minute ago. And his dad didn’t ask questions. Just asked if he could pass him the shredded cheese.

Having dinner together was fine. You mostly listened to the conversations between the two of them. Chimed in with an opinion when asked. Gave Joe a look when he silently ate all the smaller slices he’d cut, leaving you the larger ones, ensuring you got more than plenty seeing as you’d not eaten since breakfast. He even left you his bits of crust, because Joe knew how you always saved your own until the end so you could eat them with some sauce you dipped them into.

Joe fed you and cared for you and you tried you best ignoring how that made you feel inside of your chest, because you were just normal friendly flatmates and his father was literally right there.

About an hour later, when his dad was on his way out, you heard him ask Joe if he had any plans for the evening. It was Saturday night. You forgot people often had exciting plans on Saturday night.

For a single second, you prayed Joe didn’t have any plans as you selfishly felt you were due some falling asleep in his arms on the sofa.

Then you heard him say, “Horror film, I think,” before the two of them fell into too long a conversation about which films they’d seen over the past couple of weeks. And had Joe seen this film already? Because he’d heard good things. Um, no, he hadn’t. Not Yet. Ah, but he was going to a screening on Wednesday, Joe should join him. And, yea, he’d check his schedule, would let him know, because that sounded like fun.

You were cleaning the kitchen, wiping down the counters, when Joe finally said goodbye to his father and shut the door behind him. You heard how he locked it properly before he joined you again.

Joe didn’t ask if you wanted to watch a scary film with him. Just turned on the TV and found the one he wanted to watch.

Didn’t ask if you wanted a fat glass of red wine. Just poured two and placed them on the coffee table.

He didn’t have to call you over, didn’t have to motion at where to sit, and didn’t have to ask to share the blanket. You were already there, sat down right beside him and covered the two of you with the cosiest throw blanket you owned.

All unsaid.

All perfectly executed.

You weren’t the best at enjoying horror flicks. You were too easily scared, the suspense too difficult for you to handle, but it was fine. Joe was there. And you’d probably hardly get to see any of it, you knew.

Joe knew too.

If not the lack of sleep, the carbs of the pizza and the smooth glass of red would probably get you to drift off in no time.

With your glass in your hand, arm curled in to let it rest against your cheek, Joe invited you to let all your weight slump into his shoulder. He nursed his own glass in his lap as the film started, and you glued your gazes to the TV.

Your eyes were already kind of heavy, but you loved the shared warmth and gentle embrace too much to let yourself fall asleep so easily. You wanted to consciously exist in it for as long as you could, tonight. So you put some real effort into getting into the film, knowing that if it managed to get you hooked, staying awake wouldn’t become a huge chore. Especially with its genre.

But it kind of became a huge chore, anyway.

And you swore there were moments where you could feel Joe’s eyes on you, but when you chanced a quick peek, he was watching the TV, his head inclined to yours ever so slightly.

Maybe that was just the uneasy feeling that the scary film gave you then. Not Joe watching you.

You ignored how that disappointed you slightly.

It didn’t take long for your eyes to grow too heavy to keep open, and after really giving it your best try to fight it, you gave yourself over to what your body wanted. Closed your eyes and turned your nose into Joe’s arm.

Joe smelled like he always smelled.

You couldn’t really describe it, but it was distinctly him.

After a few minutes of teetering on the edge, you felt Joe take the glass of red from your grasp. You wanted to open your eyes, to apologise for nearly falling asleep whilst snuggled up under a cream-coloured throw blanket, but your eyes were heavier than anticipated.

You only managed a small murmur of sound. A little hum to let Joe know.

Your body moved as Joe leant forward to place both glasses onto the coffee table before he sat back, and in your hazy state, you let Joe help you get comfortable again. You felt how his hand slid under your elbow to curl around your arm, rubbing down the curve of it, until it reached your wrist. There, his fingers wrapped around and held on.

Not quite holding hands, but something close.

You dug your face further into his bicep, feeling the contour of it under your cheek and Joe slowly dropped his head on top of yours.

The last thing you remembered hearing were some gory slashing sounds accompanied with loud female screaming coming from the TV.

The last thing you remembered feeling was Joe’s breath that tickled a strand of your hair against your temple.

Yea.

You could just stay there forever.

Fuck rational thought and sensible life choices. They were quickly abandoned and could stay abandoned for all you cared.

Especially when you, what felt like hours later, roused awake a little when two arms lifted you from the sofa. When a voice softly shushed you, even though you made no sound. When an elbow switched off the lights, and when carefully measure footsteps carried you over into bed.

Into Joe’s bed.

You weren’t alert enough to pay attention to Joe’s turns. Hadn’t sensed where Joe was taking you from just his movements.

But the overwhelming scent as you were placed down onto a mattress told you all you needed to know.

With your eyes still closed, your arms searched for Joe across the bed, and you let out a soft whine when you couldn’t find him.

Joe was as quick as he could be.

Rushed around the bed and slid under the covers right into your awaiting arms.

You shifted until you fit together just right.

Comfortably wrapped up, legs wedged in between other legs, arms nudged into crooks of necks and circled around waists. Nose to nose, this time. Close. Sharing breath.

When Joe accidentally bumped his nose against yours, it startled him slightly.

Maybe that was too close.

But then you did something you’d never done before and you nuzzled. Let your noses slide together until those too fit together just right.

Joe knew he shouldn’t think of next steps. Of forward ones. Steps that moved whatever was happening between the two of you along.

But, fuck it.

Tell him how he couldn’t.

Look at how fucking close you were.

And sure, you were just flatmates who did this sometimes. It didn’t have to mean anything, because it hadn’t really meant anything so far.

And yet...

Joe opened a careful eye to steal one last look before he’d let himself drift off, and even though he looked at you with eyes all out of focus, the sight of you made things grow behind his ribs.

He was going to stop pretending this was normal, he promised himself.

Because all of it did mean something.

This carried meaning.

Carried colossal meaning.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[barananduen-blog]

FAVORITE CDRAMAS - 2024

This year, I finished 33 dramas (including minis, movies, one variety show, and some left over from previous years). Among those, these were my favorites, including a short "about" summary or an "explain this poorly."

NOTES

All of these are ancient costume dramas, unless noted specifically.

I don't care if a drama has a happy or a sad ending, as long as it's well written.

THE STARS: These are the ones that I not only super enjoyed, but also score great on all critical aspects: plot, writing, character depth, visual appeal, and the ability to capture and hold the viewer's attention. ✅Recommend! THE CHECKMARKS: They're great and I really, really enjoyed them, and they made me squee too🥰 but they're not as technically perfect as the ones above. Still awesome dramas, and I recommend them! ✅Recommend! OTHERS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT: They're not a third tier, or an honorable mention. Generally, they're not that great technically, or missed the list by a botched ending, or something in the technical aspects was missing, but I enjoyed them nevertheless and want to talk about them for some reason. Other than that, they're just listed in the order in which I watched them.

SUBTITLES: Please help stop the prejudice against Mango subtitles. Everything I've watched from them this year has had excellent subs.

ON ROMANCE: Though I appreciate it, I'm not really all that much into the romance aspect of dramas. I say this because I know many people watch them specifically for the romance, and I've seen comments asking how soon the couples kiss. At the end of a drama, I tend to not even remember if they kissed or not (unless it was memorable - either because it was a very good kiss or a very bad one😂). So, with that disclaimer said...

THE STARS

"A JOURNEY TO LOVE" Liu Shishi, Liu Yuning, Alen Fang, He Landou, Chen Youwei, Wang Yizhe

I watched half of this in January and it was broadcast after I posted my faves from last year, so it goes in this year's list.

Premise: Emperor is kidnapped. No one really wants to rescue him. Ning Yuanzhou (Liu Yuning) puts together a team of Ocean's Eleven Ning's Six to bring him back, including an assassin, a crossdressing princess, an angry doctor, a womanizing archer, an engineer puppy, and an animal-loving defense specialist.

"LOVE YOU SEVEN TIMES" Ding Yuxi, Yang Chaoyue

Left over from 2023.

Premise: Seven shorter stories strung together by the overarching plot of trying to recover the God of War's powers and figuring out what happened with a powerful evil fairy.

"BELL RINGING" Li Daikun, Song Fangyuan

Mixture of modern and ancient, but modern is main. Twelve 20-ish minute episodes.

Explain it Badly: The tragic story of what happens when you don't read the fine print when signing a (magical) contract. [I reviewed it properly here.]

"THE LEGEND OF SHEN LI" Zhao Liying, Lin Gengxin

Explain it Badly: The goddess of war has become a chicken. An unfeeling immortal feels. This is catastrophic. But first, he buys the chicken.

"IN BLOSSOM" Ju Jingyi, Liu Xueyi

Premise: Coroner gets kidnapped and subjected to a forced face transplant by jealous socialite who wants her boyfriend. Socialite marries coroner's BF but is killed at the wedding. Coroner, who now looks like the socialite, teams up with former boyfriend (who doesn't know about the face swap) to solve cases.

"UNCHAINED LOVE" Dylan Wang, Chen Yuqi

Left over from 2022, actually.

Explain it Badly: The empire's Most Eligible Eunuch, who everyone wants to bed, and the concubine who really Does Not Want to die with the dead emperor. [I wrote about it more properly here.]

"CALL ME BY FIRE - SEASON 4" Singing variety show

Not a drama, but I'd really be remiss if I didn't include it here. The grip this show had one me! I'll just copy what I wrote before:

Explain it Badly: Call Me by Fire is going to ruin me for normal concerts. What do you mean your show doesn't have singing, dancing, playing instruments, Peking Opera, acting a whole cinematographic mini movie with costumes, flying and dancing on wires, fighting live without doubles, the multilevel moving stage burning, explosions, drowning, trees falling, *WHEEEZE!* and fake rain all at once?! ...That explains it pretty well, actually.

I started watching this for Miyavi and then I was HOOKED.

THE CHECKMARKS

"WHITE CAT LEGEND" Ding Yuxi, Zhou Qi, Ding Jiawen, Zhang Yicong, Feng Man, Anwaer Kuddusjan

Explain it Badly: Catboy detective (Ding Yuxi, of course; he has the white cat role pegged) adopts a golden retriever puppy and four other fools to solve cases and get a government job. And then there's the orange cat.

"DRAMATIC SELF-HELP STRATEGY" Jin Zixua, Hao Fushen

Mini-drama from 2023. 25eps x 10min

Premise: Actress transmigrates into a drama she's acting in ... as a character who's about to be killed because her husband has just died! She must save him, solve the mystery of his murder to save herself, break a time loop, and return to the real world.

A hidden gem. The mystery is pretty well done in this drama, which is super rare, especially in minis.

"NANCHENG BANQUET" Wang Youshuo, Zhao Zhaoyi, Xia Ningjun

Explain it Badly: Assassin loses her memory, becomes a cartoon bunny sunny fake eunuch, the emperor's bad-influence bestie, and her grumpy former target's employee. Everyone's lovely. [I explained it properly here.]

"LOVE IN THE DESERT" Alen Fang, Hankiz Omar

A Secret Third Option (Why I liked it): I really enjoyed watching this; it was very different from other costume dramas. From the setting (desert tribes instead of high-society cities) to the soundtrack, to the "This is allowed now?" moments, this was different in a good way. The costumes were so many (about 1 every 2 eps for FL, and a whole bunch for 2FL, + other characters) and every single one of them was top notch; the best I've seen in a cdrama so far.

"LOVE GAME IN EASTERN FANTASY" Esther Yu, Ding Yuxi

Almost a Star: This was a super fun drama. :D It's lighthearted, and the first five episodes are laugh-out-loud funny. Everyone's really nice, even most of the villains - you end up feeling for them as well, and most of them redeem themselves. And all characters are fully fleshed-out, even the mini-villains the party encounters along the way. Esther's costumes are SO pretty, too. [I did a proper review of it here.]

"BLOSSOM" Meng Ziyi, Li Yunrui

Almost a Star: This drama surprised me by doing time travel AND "going against fate" differently. I also liked how, despite looking like it would go in that direction, it wasn't a revenge drama, but the protagonist really tried to make life better for everyone. Good plot, good writing all throughout, good characterization, keeps your interest. The first full-length drama I watch from a director whose minis I enjoy. Definitely recommend!

OTHERS I WANT TO TALK ABOUT

"SECRETS OF THE SHADOW SECT" Hu Yiyao, Lin Zehui

Mini drama. 24 eps x 12 min

Almost a Checkmark. Honestly, I don't remember why this wasn't a checkmark. But I also honestly cannot remember the ending. So maybe that had something to do with it. However, before that, the cinematography and sets were beautiful and the plot was interesting and well-written. The characters were engaging, as well.

"HEART OF ICE AND FLAME" Huang Tingting, Li Daikun

Mini drama. 24 eps x 10 min. Cliffhanger ending.

Ep 24 is a cliffhanger and a hook for a new plot. You can take ep23 as an ending, if you want, I guess. The production value was low, but the plot was good, and the main characters were such endearing dumbasses. The two leads play 3 characters/personas each, and each has their own distinct personality and has iconic moments. ML's main persona (dumb prince) unknowingly marries all 3 of FL's, each for different reasons, and she (in reality a former general) plays along because she wants his heart (literally). Then there's the wizard who's stuck in a snow avalanche but can still send and receive messages. And Chen Zihan, who played Tragicomic Ghost in Word of Honor, plays the mother of scorpions here. TW: If you have a phobia of bugs, probably skip this one.

"BUTTERFLIED LOVER" Rain Lu, Zhao Yiqin

Mini drama from 2023. 22 eps x 20 min

I pretty much try anything from this director because he's honestly top notch. Absolutely stunning works, visually!

Ancient vampires, pretty much. The only reason it didn't rank higher for me was personal - as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, I'm not really into plots that focus only on the romance. But if you enjoy romance plots, I definitely recommend you check this out!

"THE DOUBLE" Wu Jinyan, Wang Xingyue

Almost a Checkmark. Revenge plot and fake identities. For most of the drama, I thought this was amazing, and then I wasn't too thrilled about the ending arc. But the drama was really well done. Visually beautiful, with fun and interesting characters, and multiple, parallel plots, which is something I like. Amidst all the tragedy, it also had two comic relief characters that I enjoyed a lot (the turtle cousin and the attendant who apparently didn't know how to use stairs).

"LOVE'S REBELLION" Zhang Linghe, Jing Tian

Reason to Watch It: Appreciate Zhang Linghe looking 🔥 sometimes evil and sometimes not, and a pretty whale town that reminded me of Kilika from Final Fantasy X (mostly X-2 because of the pastel colors). The characters and their interactions were fun. The villains did a good job being hateable. Pity the frustrating omission of a key fight - what was so problematic about ML's brain-fight with the demon that they had to cut it?? We were left wondering what happened in there.

🔇NSFW Audio! Use headphones while playing video🔇 "MISTAKEN LOVE" Shao Yuqi, Li Daikun

Mini drama. 24 eps x 10 min

A drama that you "watch for the plot" The "plot" = *points at video above* If you watch dramas for the kissing scenes and you don't mind every character being toxic, this is a drama for you.

Really good artistic direction (sets and costumes, camerawork, colors, lighting, music timing, etc.), and honestly the best kissing scenes I've seen in a cdrama (note I did say Chinese drama, and I've only been watching since 2021). And extra kudos to Duan Yixuan for her brave dubbing of FL (note: same voice actress who dubbed Bai Lu in "Till the End of the Moon"). Why "brave?" *points at the video again*😳

"THE STORY OF PEARL GIRL" Zhao Lusi, Liu Yuning

Almost a Checkmark. Would have been a solid Checkmark if not for the last episode. I have nothing against what the last ep told us, but rather against how they told it. It could have been 15-20min long and it would have been stronger for it. I do understand that the dragging was meant as a narrative parallel to how the characters wanted to extend the time they spent together as much as possible (as shown by the very slow soup-drinking and dregs-scraping), but, personally, I lost my patience with the method. Then, on the second half of that ep, it would have been nice if, instead of just showing the meeting from a neutral POV, they'd done it from the protag's POV, letting the viewer experience her emotional turmoil and distraught-ness, much like they did when she was diving for pearls at the beginning. Finally, the very last scene, with the camels, told a story but felt detached; they could have shown an aged version of the character leading into that narration.

I'm currently watching other December releases, but if they make the list, I'll include them in next year's.

[dragoncityinteriordesign]

Hey, Guardian fans! Got something here you might like!

And that something would be Kaleidoscope of Death (the 2018 gay webnovel) and the Spirealm (the 2024 drama based on it). You can read the more detailed rec posts for both Kaleidoscope of Death and the Spirealm (as well as for some other media, all of which you can read here), but I wanted to come in and do a specific post about why I think fans of Guardian would really have a good time with these two.

This isn't just my observation -- other people who are fans of both have commented on how they scratch the same itch. They're just similar enough to one another to feel familiar, which still different enough that nothing feels repetitive/derivative. It's also funny to me how much the relationship of Guardian the book to Guardian the show is like the relationship of Kaleidoscope of Death to the Spirealm. They're both spooky gay stories that lose a lot in the adaptation to television, but also gain a lot in the process, until it's hard to say which one is the superior telling of the story.

So I'm coming in here with an extremely quick, spoiler-free-as-I-can-make-them five reasons why fans of Guardian in particular might be inclined to enjoy this book/show combo.

1. These boys are not normal about one another

I know you love it when the boys are not normal about one another. Ruan Nanzhu (cunty, well-dressed, on the left) and Lin Qiushi (sporty, cat dad, on the right) are extremely not normal about one another.

(Guardian lucked out in that when the drama was made, shows hadn't yet started doing the bullshit of changing the danmei boys' TV names. Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei are Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei no matter where they are -- but these two are Ruan Nanzhu and Lin Qiushi in the book, and Ruan Lanzhu and Ling Jiushi in the show. I'm going to be using their book names just because I've seen them written more often and they look more correct to me now.)

There's a Reason they're together. Maybe they don't go back as far as Ye Olde Haixing, but rest assured theirs is not a random encounter. Also, just like in Guardian, the Reasons in the book and the show have some surface similarities, but play out very differently.

This is a slow-burn gay love story that's a freak4freak relationship featuring two completely different kinds of freak. Lin Qiushi is the only person Ruan Nanzhu's ever let get close to him. Ruan Nanzhu's the only person who's ever pierced Lin Qiushi's cat-loving veil of obliviousness. Theirs is the true love of being willing to burn down the world for the same person you love annoying the pants off of. They're hot-and-cold messes who can't live without one another.

Obviously, as in Guardian's case, the boys-kissing parts are textual only in the book, not in the show. But keeping them from kissing actually ends up making them way less normal about one another. Yes, tell the guy who's technically your boss to platonically call you "daddy." What's not heterosexual about that?

2. Fun horror(-ish)

Both books have fantastic worlds and weird metaphysical conflicts, where terrible and unsettling things happen. They have ghosts and ghost-like things that can scare you and even kill you. Both contain some really unsettling passages about gore, violence, and body horror, and both include at least a bit of background cannibalism from one of the party members.

...And both shows have had those elements totally nerfed by censorship. Just as the ghosts of Diyu become the aliens of Dixing, the mysterious door worlds of Kaleidoscope of Death become the eeeeevil American video game of the Spirealm. It's exactly as silly and nonsensical as it sounds, and I know you can laugh your way through how stupid the adaptation choices are, because you already have.

Does this destroy the horror of it? Eh, yes and no. No, because there are still fundamentally some horror-esque things going on. But also yes, because having all these killer doors be part of a video game is about as nonsensical as having a lot of aliens living in the center of the earth, and it all winds up being a bit ... well, silly. At least Guardian had the excuse of having to do a last-minute scramble; the Spirealm was committed to this from the start. (What the Spirealm also has that Guardian the show lacks is the occasional hilarious, perfunctory digression into how eeeeeeevil capitalism is, which is its own form of both cringe and comedy.)

The book is legitimately creepy, though. There were a couple points I found myself reading it late at night, right before going to bed, and thinking, hm, maybe I should not be doing this. I love it so much that I actually read it the first time, got to the very important information in the first extra, turned right around, and read it a second time with that new context. It's not so horror that a casual reader couldn't enjoy it, but maybe leave the lights on while you do.

3. We're not co-workers, we're found family.

You know how the SIU/SID crew is the best and the most wonderful and you want to pick them up and hug them all and put them in your pocket and carry them around with you? Yeah, it's likely you're going to have a similar reaction to the Obsidian members and their associated friends.

Both SIU/SID and Obsidian have similar qualities where they're organizations operating under the radar of normal society, doing jobs that do not respect 9-5 boundaries or lunch breaks, where things are dangerous enough that you have to trust your co-workers with your life on a very regular basis. But while only the Guardian ghosts live at headquarters, everyone in Obsidian shares the same house. They eat meals together, watch movies together, play board games together, hang out and read in the TV pit together, decorate the house for New Year's together, barge into one another's rooms together...

Did you love it when Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan wound up living in apartments conveniently across the hall from one another? You're likely going to feel a similar kind of way when Ruan Nanzhu immediately moves Lin Qiushi (and his cat!) into the bedroom across the hall from his own.

As with Guardian, the book has more characters than the show does, but that's because it's cheaper to write a new character than it is to hire a new actor. And it's also easier to write off a new character than it is to get rid of a main cast member, so the book and the show have slightly different lists of who lives and who dies, and when. Take my "be careful who you get attached to" warning seriously.

4. A similarly batshit television aesthetic

Okay, okay, so nothing will ever be like Guardian's thrift-store maximalist approach to set dressing. The Spirealm is more intentional about its choices, and less like all it can afford to do is to keep reusing the same dozen objects repositioned slightly. The Spirealm is what it looks like when you actually have all the money you need and still choose to decorate like Guardian did.

Because of the story's supernatural main conceit, a lot of the environments are bizarre, impossible worlds that do not rely much on petty little things like logic or accuracy or the laws of physics. They're basically dreamscapes, filled with things that don't make sense but also don't have to.

The whole thing is also beautifully shot. I know that a lot of the screenshots emphasize the extremely yellow Wong Kar-wai color grading that I honestly wish weren't there, but it's fine in context. Really, the framing, the motion of the camera, the composition of scenes -- it's just all lovely. I've been watching it with no sound or subtitles on to do screenshots, and I keep being astonished by how nice it is to just look at.

Shen Wei's clothing choices seem tame compared to the high strangness Ruan Nanzhu considers fashion. He'll see your arm garters and raise you a coat that somehow has three lapels. No, I don't know how it works either. But if you like seeing a beautiful bitchy man in bizarre outfits (and I know you do), the Spirealm's got you covered.

And are there inexplicable English-titled books, both generically fake and perplexingly real? Baby, you know there are.

The Spirealm's set design is ultimately not nearly as interesting as Guardian's is, but it's definitely more engaging than most. If you (like me!) enjoy pausing and squinting at the backgrounds of shots, this will bring you hours of scrutinizing entertainment.

5. Not not the same endings

By this I mean, the end of Guardian the book is to the end of Guardian the show as the end of Kaleidoscope of Death is to the end of the Spirealm. I don't mean the exact same things happen, and I can't tell you exactly what happens without spoiling some major things I don't think should be spoiled. What I do mean is that they feel very similar in the relationship between source and adaptation.

Now that I've said this, you're going to be thinking, oh, I know how it ends! No, I promise, you really don't. But when you finally experience said endings, you're going to understand what I mean. Xi Zixu, writing Kaleidoscope of Death in 2018, could not have been responding to the ending of Guardian the show, which was airing at the same time the novel was being released. However, I'd be willing to put down a not-small amount of money that the production team on the Spirealm was at least passingly familiar with Guardian. I don't think it's accurate to say the Spirealm's ending is a direct response to Guardian the show's ending, but I do believe it understands that it's contributing to a conversation to which the endings of both Guardian versions already belong.

And that's all I'm going to say about that! You'll get it when you get there.

bonus: kitty!

This is Chestnut. Chestnut is perfect.

I find it charming how much Xi Zixu, the author, loves cats. She talks about her cat in her author's notes. She waxes poetic about how great cats are in the prose. She has obviously chosen to make Lin Qiushi a cat dad for reasons of writing her own favorite personal traits onto her blorbos.

Of course Ruan Nanzhu is jealous of a cat. He's jealous of himself. He's a one-man jealousy machine when it comes to Lin Qiushi's affections. He's being so normal right now.

Have I convinced you?

Scroll down to the bottom of the rec posts I mentioned earlier to find all the information you need to read Kaleidoscope of Death and all the information you need to watch the Spirealm.

My final verdict is that Guardian the show is substantially better than the Spirealm, and Guardian the book is also better than Kaleidoscope of Death -- but by a much, much narrower margin. I don't even have strong feelings about which one of them you should experience first; I actually started the show, jumped to the book, read it while I was watching the middle episodes, and then finished the show, and even that broken-ass order was not a bad way to approach them. But be prepared to do both! You'll want to do both. Trust me.

Anyway, after you're done watching/reading, come find me at @thirteenthdoor, which is where I'm putting all my Kaleidoscope of Death/Spirealm analysis, reblogs, and shitposting. But only after, because I'm not being careful about spoilers at all over there.

See you in the doors!