#or it almost devolved into one anyway oops

[lilflowerpot]

I’m so happy that you share my headcanon of Keith having a crush on James because honestly there was so much unresolved tension between them.

Also, can you please open your fruitful mind cave and please share some headcanons that you have of the two of them please? So i can sit here and giggle uncontrollably while staring at my phone🙃

[original]

I don't really have a whole lot in the way of concrete headcanons regarding Keith & James' past, it's more nebulous ~vibes~, but let me give it my best shot:

So first thing's first, they met upon starting middleschool at the ripe young age of 11 with that delightful hormonal cocktail and all the dysfunctional emotions it entails a-brewing.

Keith's dad had been dead some three years at this point, and his foster placements had gone up in flames enough times that he'd been recently, but rather permanently, placed in a local group home. That in mind, he's all but given up on making actual human connections because these things seem to just never quite work out for him; better that he give up trying altogether, and save himself the hurt, but then... there's James.

Keith's already snagged the desk by the window in the far back—the best spot, as far as he's concerned—and is as happy to ignore and be ignored by his classmates as they file in for sixth period physics, until- until he walks in, all loud laughs and cheeky smiles, with a gaggle of kids hanging off his every word and more effortless charisma than any pre-teen boy should ever really have the right to.

And then gunmetal eyes sort of slide across the room—like he knew he was being watched before Keith even realised he was watching—all lazy arrogance and stupid hair, and he's looking Keith up and down and raising an eyebrow and- Keith looks away, mouth drawn and shoulders tight. Kids like that like to fight kids like him, he knows, and he cannot afford to get chewed out on his first fucking day for god's sake.

But it's not just physics because why would it be, no, over the coming week Keith finds that James Griffin—and it's no surprise to learn he's from money with a name like that—shares at least half his classes, P.E. among them, which is where it truly beings.

"It" being their... rivalry, Keith supposes.

He's not even sure who started it, just as likely to be both of them as neither, but when they're put on opposing teams for a "friendly" game of football, what begins as Keith making the most of his natural dexterity—skirting around lumbering opponents, nimble as a cat—turns into Griffin hunting him and only him down across the pitch like a damn bloodhound. "That's the game kid" the coach tells him, as if, by the end of it, he hadn't been systematically cornered and corralled by the other team irrespective of whether or not he had the damn ball, entirely at Griffin's direction, "like it or lump it". Keith, still wheezing with ribs that protest every breath after a particularly rough tackle, finds himself quite particularly disinclined to lump it, and certainly doesn't like it one bit.

Definitely not.

So Griffin pushes, Keith pulls. Griffin hits, Keith kicks. Griffin scratches, Keith bites.

But it's not bullying, never that: Keith's known his fair share—a scruffy orphan with anger issues is an easy target, he supposes—and this simply isn't it. Griffin evens defends him, once, in the particularly chilly January of their first year when a meat-headed trio think it funny to soak Keith's shirt during gym and leave it out to freeze; without pause or hesitation, Griffin had quietly handled them with more snide diplomacy than Keith himself would ever wield, and though the details of that closing whisper-threat were known only to he who'd received it, the sudden pallor of face and contrition of manner had left quite the impression.

...As did the cozily lined sweater that James—with goosebumps rising on his arms and cheeks already pinking from the chill—had thrown into Keith's arms from across the changing room, citing the pinprick hole in the cuff as reason enough for him to have been planning to rid himself of it anyway.

They're not friends—how could they be? James is intelligent and popular and so annoyingly good at things he damn near makes an art out of breathing—but for the first time since he was orphaned, Keith finds himself with one singular constant that he can rely on to be infuriatingly charmingly stubbornly there: never shying from Keith's sharp edges nor being swayed by the cruel whispers that haunt him everywhere he goes, James is just... James. Disagreeable. Incomprehensible. Unwavering.

And maybe, just a little bit like Keith.

Oh, and I'm also inclined to believe that (both in this au and canon) that past altercation seen in s7ep01 where Keith goes "I can out-fly anyone in this building" and James fires back with "Oh yeah? Is that what mommy and daddy told you before-" [gets punched in the face] was a classic case of projection on James' part: he strikes me as a kid whose parents expect nothing less than perfection—not only that he could be the best, but that he should—so I think that Keith getting the group in trouble, coupled with James just outright projecting his own experiences, led to a cruel comment (and worse for the fact that I believe James didn't actually know Keith was an orphan until after this instance).

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

I propose a memory loss au where Spider is horribly injured and put in a coma indefinitely, but luckily the scientists are able to put his memories in the body of an avatar. The only problem? His "memories" are shit due to the injury and now he's only got the vaguest of memories surrounding everyone.

Picture:

He isn't sure why he does what he does next. All he knows is that when he walked up to the boy (who was shorter than him---not by much, but still shorter and for some reason that felt weird) and cupped the back of his neck to gently bring his face forward it felt right. When he pressed soft kisses to both of his cheeks, then his forehead, then his nose, it felt right. When he pressed their foreheads together and whispered "Hey, Neteyam," it felt right.

And for a second the boy, Neteyam (he must be), melted into him, allowing it. But now, as if remembering himself, he pulls back from Spider with a gasp, his eyes widening. Fear. Why is he afraid, Spider wonders. He doesn't know much these days, but he knows that this is right. He knows that he and this boy belong to one another.

Behind Neteyam, a woman, a man, two girls, and a boy have frozen. Their eyes are locked on where Spider's hands are still cupping Neteyam's neck with varying degrees of emotion.

"Bro, what the actual fuck," the boy blurts at the same time as the older of the girls crows "I knew it!"

But Spider pays them no mind. His entire being is focused on the woman. She looks ready to kill.

Anon. I am so upset that you have left me with this. It has haunted me since it entered my inbox. I neeeeed a fic of it so bad actually. Write it for me anon, pls. This is HAUNTING ME, oh the rent??? It's fucking free.

Is his body still there, so he hasn't been fully transferred?? Is he stuck in his coma body if he isn't in the avatar? How did he get hurt?? Where are they, are they in High Camp or at Awa'atlu?? Must've been fun for our boy Neteyam, especially if it was our secretly mated au and his mate is just missing and then horribly injured and Neteyam has to walk around being chill even though he feels like he's missing a limb.

If this is our accidentally mated au then that explains why he's just drawn over to Neteyam and just does what feels natural. AND why Neteyam would just relax into it, because he's been missing Spider and keeping away for so long. And the fear is totally for Spider, not for himself.

Lo'ak being like what the fuck while Kiri knew killed me. I do wonder how Jake and Tuk felt. I bet Tuk doesn't care really, she's just invested in hanging out with Spider again she doesn't really care what he's doing with Neteyam. Jake is like "Oh shit," because now he's dialed in on Neytiri.

UGH, it could go one of two ways. Yes, she could be furious at Spider and blame him, but she could also be angry at herself. At this point (if this is our accidentally mated au) she's been aware her son had mated with someone but that he wouldn't tell her who for a while now. She had thought he trusted her, and that he told her everything. It felt like a huge failure that he didn't trust her with something that special, and she'd been telling herself it was because of who he mated with that he wasn't telling the family. But now it's hard not to feel like it was her, that she was the reason. Her family would've been accepting right away if they knew. I'm sure she'd lash out at Spider at first, but I have a hard time not believing that self blame would be there and she'd realize it quickly. Maybe after some time alone or a chat with Jake or Mo'at.

On a happier note, there is a romantic comedy of sorts to follow in that Spider is going fully off of vibes. He's just gonna be doing all SORTS of physical affection, even verbal. Just saying shit that comes to mind, any memories, doing things that feel right like taking Neteyam's hand or cuddling him and Neteyam is loving it but also wants to die because they have been a SECRET for like YEARS NOW and no one is used to this and he is very embarrassed and tense. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk (even Jake a little lol) are relentless in teasing him and pretending it's gross.

Neteyam says he's going out hunting and Spider's like, "Okay, bye" and gives him a very regular and normal kiss goodbye because again, he's going off vibes. Neteyam just stands there and reboots for like a minute while Kiri and Lo'ak take turns seeing who can pretend to throw up the loudest in the corner.

Spider: *takes Neteyam's hand*

Kiri and Lo'ak:

Spider: *kisses Neteyam*

Kiri and Lo'ak:

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Headcanon Kate gives the 141 kisses and then immediately bites them to show affection like a cat

HOW DO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN DEEP IN BITING 141 HEADCANONS

It's a love bite!! She just gets so excited by physical affection she has to nom a little. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Price and Ghost DO NOT make it easy for her. Ghost, obviously, covering his face a lot, but Price has a beard! She can't nip at his cheek or chin, she just gets a mouthful of beard, that's unacceptable. Sometimes she bites his nose. He's smart, though, can tell when she's bitey, knows to pull away so she can't nab him. So she resorts to biting the back of his hand. He has to shave for some reason and after the first round of novelty wears off (babyface Price?!!?!) new novelty appears because NEW BITING SURFACE!!

Kate tried to bite Ghost's hard shell mask once and hated it. He covers up a lot so she can't ever shrug it off like "oh oops i didn't mean to" she literally has to ruck up a sleeve or tug his collar down. this gives him enough time to plan a RETALIATION BITE.

Not nippy ones like she does, either. Full on chomps. His reasoning is "if I have my teeth in you then i know you are not going off somewhere doing something STUPID" Kate is offended by the implication she does stupid things. rude. This does NOTHING btw to make anyone else on base less intimidated by Ghost. rumors circulate about how he bites hard enough to draw blood and that's with someone he kind of likes! (this did happen, thankfully it was not in public because they were both very kind of into it)

feral bastard man Soap adores the love bites. to the point where if he's feeling down, he'll ask for it because it's a nice little dopamine rush. When the ADHD starts ADHDing he will either bite or ask to be bitten. it works, so nobody questions it. Soap is actually more likely to break skin because he's got sharp chompers. Kate likes to bite the top of his ear. Will use the mohawk to drag his head down if she needs to

Gaz gets nibbles. comparatively gentle bites. the guys are talking about their various Kate Bite Bruises Etc and Gaz is like??? wtf are you on about??? Sure there's a bit of a sting sometimes but she kisses it away. Price makes a comment about maybe she bites harder to match the biting the guys do to her (he is correct for the most part). And Gaz is like. you HEATHENS. why are you BITING HER BACK?

This devolves into a very long (slightly horny) discussion of biting as affection, etc. as well as some brief spirals into "why isn't she biting me harder/softer???" (there's a slight chance that Kate comes by Price's office while this is the hot topic in the guys' group chat and Price relays the entire conversation to her, no this is NOT an invitation to bite me right now Katherine!!!! [Price is the only one who can call her Katherine and he's only done it twice])

Anyway Gaz gets Nice Bites until he has a close call, which prompts a very dramatic kiss from Kate followed by a very mean bite to his neck that bruises almost instantly. Gaz is like great! i now see i was not missing out on anything. let's go back to the nice bites please. (he will get nice bites when he stops doing stupid shit, and Gaz thinks that's a bit rich coming from the queen of stupid shit herself, which earns him another, if slightly nicer, bite)

One of them has the top of his ear nicked from an arrow. Not Ghost, his ears are covered, but at least ONE of the others. I'm pretty sure it's Soap but it could be Gaz. that doesn't have anything to do with biting but is important for us all to know.

[facewithoutheart]

Thanks @hushed-chorus & @ionlydrinkhotwater for the tags ❤️ and to everyone who’s been tagging me lately. I am Trying™ and I think I may have turned a corner yesterday working on two projects.

In that spirit I’m cleaning up my boulders turn into sand doc because I need to pick out some gems from the ever increasing trash of “maybe add this” so here are some darlings I am throwing away, all Simon POV bc I’ve been trapped in his head for over a month:

In the end there’s actually no contest, is there. It’s door number three: ding, ding, ding. Collect your prize. Spoiler alert! It’s loneliness.

…

When I fist Baz’s shirt and shove his back against the door, there’s a moment where I can’t move, struck frozen by the image of countless other Simons, aged fourteen through yesterday, having this same fantasy that I’m now living.

…

Stop my heart, I want to tell him. It’s yours anyway.

…

Baz shivers and I look up at him through my lashes. He’s no longer frowning, but there’s tears in his eyes. He holds his hand out and I pull it to my cheek. Hold it there.

Penitence, then.

He thumbs over my cheekbone, almost absently. “Aren’t you going to finish?”

…

“Baby,” I force every ounce of sincerity into the word, “don’t look at me like that.”

He tilts up his chin, sending his damp eyes into shadow. “Like what?”

Like I’m breaking your heart.

Like I’m the only one who can mend it.

“Like I’m not giving you a good show. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Sharing dead darlings is such a weird feeling because it’s like: here are all the things I am going to cut please tell me how much you like them! But I also like showing people that there are often times you get so stuck in a WIP that you’ll literally throw anything on a wall to see what sticks. Ultimately what helped was releasing the idea that this fic needed to be about the sex. Because that’s what started this fic: ooh what if Baz and Simon have some hot infidelity sex where Baz is cheating on Lamb? And has quickly devolved into why doesn’t Simon let himself have nice things…

Accepting that I don’t care about the smut helped release me from the block and so this fic is FINALLY moving forward. Sorry to anyone who wanted fun sexy scenes… they are……… short. Oops.

Tagging @thewholelemon, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe (thanks to both of you for the amazing plot help yesterday ❤️❤️❤️❤️), @martsonmars, @artsyunderstudy, @bookish-bogwitch, @cutestkilla, @whogaveyoupermission, @shrekgogurt, @theearlgreymage, @yellobb, @larkral, @moodandmist, & @confused-bi-queer show me your WIPs! (If you want)

Ok also that third snippet “aren’t you going to finish” makes me think of Baz frowning down at Simon who isn’t sucking his cock like “baby you’ve barely touched your meal” and I’m laughing at my own revised scene

[palms-upturned]

au where nanami leaves ohtori at the same time as anthy and they have to go an an oops! we're narrative foils road trip together

(im legally obligated to plug the old fic i wrote w a plot exactly like this but for anthy and wakaba)

Send me a random AU of your choosing and a fandom and I’ll write a plot summary for it

after utena disappears, nanami can’t leave things alone, she has to find out what happened to her. something something seeing too much of herself in utena to be able to cope with never knowing if she made it out okay

nanami leaves ohtori to find her… only to run into anthy at the nearest train station at the same time. spiderman pointing meme

nanami was going to take the train home to pack up some things from her house, but now she’s like where are YOU going?! and anthy is like why do you care? ^_^ cue nanami trying to bicker and anthy just being a master of passive aggression

nanami gets angry and tells her SHE’S looking for utena, and anthy may as well just admit to whatever she and the chairman did to make her disappear and where she went. anthy drops the passive aggression and just sort of shuts down for a while until she says she only vaguely knows where utena might be but isn’t sure

nanami sort of falters at anthy’s reaction, but she’s like ok well now you have to tell me where she is and anthy is reluctantly like only if you’ll agree to take me there, it’s far away and i don’t think i’ll be able to afford a plane ticket. nanami is like ohoho, i can even charter a private jet (cue anthy internally being like teehee i know, i remember the time touga and i pranked you into flying to india ^_^)

anthy is like ok well. i think she’s in amsterdam. “AMSTERDAM?!” “amsterdam.” she explains about utena’s aunt yurika and is like “it’s our sister city, after all ^_^” however neither of them know wtf that means

nanami is p sure she’s getting pranked but charters the jet anyway in hopes that even if anthy’s lying, she’ll have a chance at getting the truth out of her so long as they’re together. so they fly off toward amsterdam. a 20 or so hour flight. they’re gonna be stuck together in a confined space for 20 hours. what could possibly go wrong

at first they both are seemingly having a passive aggressive fake-friendly competition until it devolves into nanami just getting pissed off while anthy is like 😌

nanami starts to sulk and they end up in silence for a while until that gets too unbearable for nanami and she lashes out like “why are you even looking for utena, you honestly think she’ll want to see you?”

anthy is like 😐 bc on the one hand she really is afraid that utena won’t be happy to see her again, on the other hand, fuck you nanami what the hell do you know

so she’s just like well if you hate me so much, you didn’t have to come with me ^_^ and nanami is like shut up YOU came with ME this is MY jet you know

back to silence for a while. horrible awful silence

nanami is like “if she’s really all right, why won’t you tell me what happened”

anthy is quiet for a while and then finally says, “because you’re right. i hurt her. i hurt her and she left and i believe she’s waiting for me but i don’t know. you already know everything that matters, so i don’t know what you want me to say.”

nanami is like i want you to say you’re sorry!! and anthy is like what about you? and nanami is like 😶

nanami thinks back on everything she did and tried to do to anthy (she actually thinks about this all the time, she just hates to) and remembering all of it now knowing what she knows hurts real bad. she’s like “if i say sorry, will you answer some questions?”

anthy is like. maybe. and nanami is like well maybe im sorry then. and anthy is like fair enough

nanami seems almost afraid to ask her first question, but finally says, “was my brother also… were you both…” [pregnant pause]

anthy’s like …yeah. him too.

nanami gets too upset to talk for a while. she could say, “your brother made my brother who he is” but that feels wrong, because then she could also say “my brother made me who i am,” and she would be too ashamed of herself to pin everything she did on touga. it’s just not true. and so she can’t blame the chairman for everything touga did to her, either. touga hurt her intentionally, full stop. and nanami hurt a lot of people, including anthy

nanami also asks if anthy loves utena (she asks this very awkwardly lmfao) and anthy has to think about that for a while, and whether or not she has the right to say yes. but she absolutely does. so she says it and nanami is like …ok. idgi after everything that happened with u two but ok

anthy asks if she can ask nanami a question. nanami cautiously says yes. anthy asks “do you really hate me?”

nanami starts getting really emotional— angry, sad, ashamed, lots of things. and she’s like “i think i do, but i think i hate me more than you.”

anthy also looks a little emotional and is like yeah. i get that.

eventually nanami just cries and is like where are we supposed to go from here, what place in the world is there for girls like us

anthy also gets teary eyed and says she doesn’t know, but she has to believe that there is one, because she has to believe that there’s a place for utena in this world and that she didn’t really disappear

idk what else happens on the plane ride, i forgot to mention chuchu is there and has been tormenting nanami im sure, probably his thematically relevant antics were what made her have her angry outbursts SJSHDJDJ

they eventually land and anthy tells nanami the rest of what she knows about utena’s aunt yurika, which is not much but it’s a start

they disembark from the plane and nanami starts getting overwhelmed like oh my god, what am i doing rn. this is really scary.

anthy also is scared, but she offers nanami her hand. nanami gets choked up again and takes it and it ends there probably HSBSNDND

THIS WAS A RLLY FUN ONE THANK U IZZY

[lloydskywalkers]

let me just start out by saying i love ever single one of your stories!!! i’m pretty new to the show and your works just add so much more feeling to everything and it’s sooo good!!! i don’t know if you ever do requests or not, so don’t bother with this if you’re busy!! but if you ever get a chance could you write smthg abt Jay and Kai? their friendship is so underrated but so good and i live for the moments in the show when Kai’s big brother instinct(tm) kicks in for him as well as Nya and Lloyd

aH thank you so much!! i’m so glad to hear that :D and this isn’t...exactly what you asked for, but Kai and Jay have this fun of dynamic that reminds me a lot of me and my brother, and i’ve been tossing around little bits of interaction between them for a while now, so i tried to make something coherent out of those :’D

Jay likes to think he’s pretty good at the whole compartmentalizing thing, for the most part. Mainly because he actually knows what it means, and it is not, for instance, locking your team up in a literal compartment while rushing off to fight the other compartment that is your resurrected homicidal father into submission.

“That was one time,” Lloyd will grumble, as if he’s only almost-died once. And then Jay will flinch, because that’s where his compartments come into play.

(Nadakhan gets one, Unagami gets another, the whole fun-times adoption reveal another, and everything else can get stuffed into the metaphorical attic since they won’t pay rent.)

Unfortunately, the attic is where the bad stuff lives.

Metaphorically.

If Jay had a nickel for every time he almost lost all of his friends, he’d have two nickels, plus another nickel for Cole falling into the fog, and another for Lloyd getting crushed by a roof, and another for Zane blowing up, and another for Nya in that awful dress with paling skin as her breathing stutters and the light in her eyes draining and —

And Jay is way, way too familiar with how it looks when his family dies, and all the nickels in the world won’t help that.

So while Jay likes to think he’s pretty good at compartmentalizing, he also thinks he’s got a valid excuse for the way he reacts when Lloyd goes down in the fight that afternoon. Sure, some vague part of his mind remembers that they’ve got a plan they’re running, and Lloyd should easily be able to handle a tiny little stumble — but Jay’s mind is stuck in glaring oranges and health bars, the unsteady gasping noise Lloyd had made before he went down, dissolving into digitized cubes just like everyone else, and Jay—

Jay can’t handle that, compartments or not, so he clears the space between them in a heartbeat just in time to take the bullet that comes hurtling Lloyd’s way.

It’d probably be a very noble and touching scene, if one) Jay didn’t make a hideous squeaking noise when it hit because bullets hurt, and two) the bullet would have missed Lloyd by a good two feet anyways.

Ah well, he thinks, as everything devolves into panicked yelling. It’s the thought that counts.

Except thoughts do not count when Kai is involved, apparently. Or any of the rest of the team, for that matter.

“What is wrong with you?” Kai hisses right in his face, eyes wild and sparking. “I was covering Lloyd, what were you doing?”

“Filling in for you, obviously,” Jay retorts. He has an excellent followup to that, real snappy and all, except that’s the moment Kai’s hand clamps down on the bullet wound in his arm to stop the bleeding, and Jay ends up stifling a shriek instead.

Great, he thinks, fighting back stinging tears of pain as he tries not to take Kai’s apparent wrath too personally. At least Cole looks worried, along the the rest of the team, who are dutifully concerned for his wellbeing like proper teammates should be.

“He’s going to need the hospital,” Zane informs them, his voice a lot steadier and calmer than his words make Jay feel. Zane’s eyebrows furrow as he studies his arm. “Stitches, probably.”

Jay swallows, trying not to curse. There’s a sharp scream as Nya finishes taking out another attacker just beyond them, and Jay figures that’s good enough.

“Okay,” Lloyd says, squeezing Jay’s wrist briefly. Either in comfort about the stitches or thanks for trying to cover him, Jay’s not sure. It’s a nice gesture, nonetheless. “Kai, Cole, can you get him there while we finish up? Sooner the better.”

Cole gives a sharp nod, and offers to take Jay from where Kai’s got him in a death grip. Kai shakes his head, and Jay’s stomach sinks. Sure enough, as soon as they’re clear of the scene, Kai starts going off.

“What did you mean, ‘filling in for me’,” he grinds through his teeth, clearly not about to let this go.

Jay bristles in response at his tone. “I meant,” he bites out, through a hot flare of pain in his arm. Kai’s always merciless with the bandages, even when he’s not in a mood. “That you weren’t there. So I covered.”

He should leave it at that, but Jay’s in a foul enough mood to finish with a condescending, “You’re welcome.”

Kai’s expression grows thunderous. “You didn’t need to. I was right there, you shouldn’t have — you weren’t needed, you should’ve held back.”

Jay feels his chest go tight. His head is clouding with anger, and the pain in his arm isn’t helping, but — ‘you weren’t needed’? Kai really didn’t skimp on the jerk juice this morning, did he.

“Oh, like you could’ve done so much better,” Jay glares. “Lloyd would’ve been toast by the time you got to him.”

“I could’ve made it!”

“Yeah right—”

“I would have, and I wouldn’t have gotten hit!” Kai snarls back. Something in Jay snaps. Or maybe it’s just the steadily increasing blood loss, but of all the nerve—

“Well you didn’t, ‘cause you weren’t there!” he snaps back. “You were too slow, which is real funny since your brain is too!”

It’s not his best comeback, he’ll admit, but Kai looks as if he’s about to light him on fire, if he weren’t stuck carrying Jay like the cover of some awful romance novel, blood getting all over his uniform as they both scream at each other. Maybe Jay will get lucky, and Kai will combust, and they’ll both go up in flames before they can remember that Cole is right there watching them.

“Cut it out, now!”

Oops, too late. For all the incensed authority in Cole’s voice, there’s still a traitorous falter that lets them both know they’ve screwed up. They fall silent, the atmosphere heavy with the lingering tension and new sense of guilt.

And the disgusting sound of Jay’s blood leaking through the makeshift bandage and hitting the ground, truly revolting, he hates blood.

“Just…no more. Please, shut up until we’re at the hospital.” Cole marches forward, snatches Jay from Kai’s arms, and proceeds to beat the fastest route to the hospital at a militant pace.

Jay still looks like some helpless romance cover heroine, dangling from Cole’s arms like he is. It occurs to him that he doesn’t even need to be carried — it’s his arm that’s hurt, he can still walk—

But any protests die rapidly at the look on Cole’s face. And at least this way, Jay thinks sullenly, he can fixedly ignore Kai.

Then again, Kai’s got a killer glare, and Jay’s always been garbage at ignoring people when his feelings are hurt.

* * * * * * * *

Despite the fuss everyone makes, Jay’s arm really isn’t that bad. They hook him up with some pretty sweet meds so he remembers zero of the actual arm-fixing, and he wakes up just in time to complain about being held in the hospital for ‘observation’ or whatever.

“It’s to make sure there’s no infection, or that you don’t rip your stitches out,” Nya tells him pointedly. Jay cringes under the look she gives him at that last part. Geez. You get kicked in the stitches one time after sneaking out early and suddenly no one’s got any faith in you. Typical.

“Why couldn’t we have just gone to medbay,” Jay grumbles. “Pixal gives way better stitches than this, anyways.”

“Gun wounds get hospitals,” Nya reminds him. “And it’s not fair to put that kind of pressure on Pix when we can avoid it.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

Nya glares at him. “It most certainly was that bad.”

“Oh, so when you get your arm crushed by a car, it’s fine,” Jay glares back. “But when I get a tiny little bullet nick, it’s that bad.”

Nya rolls her eyes, ignoring him. “Just think of it this way,” she says. “Now you have a little more time before Lloyd starts weeping apologies all over you.”

“Aw, no,” Jay groans, leaning back in the hospital bed. “Tell me he’s not blaming himself, Nya.”

“I think we had a promise about not lying to each other, or something,” Nya says, sympathetically. She winces. “Pretty sure he made the connection, too.”

Jay frowns. “What connection?”

Nya shifts, her eyes darting from side to side. “The, uh, the whole…Prime Empire, thing.”

Jay stares at her for a beat, trying to reconcile his blatant shock with the roiling nausea at the mention in his stomach. Nya looking at him all kind and sympathetically isn’t helping, either, because she might have made it down to the final two, but she was never all alone, and the reminder that she’d have been fine if Jay hadn’t gotten her killed twice is—

Bad. Real bad, not good, zero out of ten stars. Maybe he can take a bullet for Nya, next, and that’ll — that’ll help things, maybe. Equivalent exchange? Restitution? Some kind of fancy word that means Jay swears he’s gonna make it up.

In the meantime, he smothers the rising sickness in his throat and sinks lower into the bed, sulking. “It’s too easy to recognize trauma in this team.”

“I hear you,” Nya sighs, wearily. She nudges his shoulder, rising from her seat near the bed. “Speaking of. Someone’s got something they want to say to you.”

It takes Jay a second, but his eyes widen as Nya heads for the door. “Wait, wait wait wait, don’t you dare—”

“Love you,” Nya says cheekily, before taking her merry leave of the room. There’s a brief scuffle from outside, and the sound of Kai yelping, before Nya shoves him through the door, slamming it shut behind him with a damning click.

For a second, Jay’s tempted to hit the ‘call nurse’ button as hard as he can, in some desperate attempt to escape. Then he gets a good look at Kai, who’s turned a pale, queasy color that frankly looks awful on him, which is saying a lot ‘cause there isn’t much that doesn’t look good on Kai, but the expression he has on now—

Aw, man, now Jay’s feeling guilty and it isn’t even his fault. Stupid moral conscience center, he curses himself.

“So, uh…” he begins, because far be it from him to let this kind of awkward silence stretch on any longer. “Nice, ah, weather we’re having?”

Kai doesn’t respond, staring fixedly at the floor, and Jay sizes up the ‘call nurse’ button again. Just for the both of their sakes, of course.

But then Kai takes a deep breath, blows it out, and rocks back on his heels, fiddling with his hands. “I, um. I’m sorry.”

Jay’s jaw drops open. Which is probably an overdramatic move, all things considered, but unless he’s suddenly lost the ability to understand words, Kai just apologized to him.

Kai apologized. To him.

It’s not that Kai apologizing is some great big deal — Kai might have his pride, but he’s also an intuitive and good-hearted person who knows when he’s messed up. But to him?

Jay knows how he and Kai work. Kai knows how he and Jay work, and he’s breaking the rules. Because Kai and Jay don’t apologize to each other. Unless it’s some awkward expression of sympathy, they’ve never needed to. They fight dirty, aim for each other’s kneecaps, swear eternal vengeance and hatred at each other before storming off, then an hour later Jay’s bounding into Kai’s room to show him dumb meme videos and neither of them even remember what they were fighting about.

Acknowledging said fight with something as gushy as apologizing is not only useless since they both forget what they’re apologizing for anyways, but also useless because it’ll take too much time, and counterproductive on top, because it’ll most likely end in another fight about who apologized better. So for Kai to walk in and say sorry—

“Oh no, who did you kill?” Jay says, paling.

Kai spears him with a look, but it’s so pathetically watered-down and miserable that Jay forgets to glare back.

“Sorry, sorry,” Jay mutters. “I just—”

“No, no, I’m the one who’s sorry,” Kai interrupts. He hesitates, then sighs. “But that’s fair. I — I was unfair. To you, back there. Like, really unfair, in a bad way, ‘cause you were shot and I know you meant well, but you—”

Kai gestures wildly with his hands, his stream of words cutting off. Jay is left to stare open-mouthed at him again. Babbling like this is Jay’s thing. Kai is breaking all the rules today, huh.

“I just…” Kai trails off, ducking his head. “I don’t like watching you guys get hurt. I don’t — I don’t like watching you get hurt. And I get scared, but it comes out angry, and then I make a mess of things so I’m — sorry. Really sorry, for biting your head off.”

He exhales, a little shaky, fingers balled up in tight fists as his head hangs low, refusing to meet Jay’s eyes. Something softens in Jay’s chest, like gooey melting butter or something else equally pathetic. But it’s rare that Kai vocalizes this stuff, despite the fact that Jay knows he cares, and it’s nice to hear it, so he figures he’s entitled to all the butter he wants.

Jay’s own gaze falters, and the something starts to twist. He bites his lip, tugging half-heartedly at the bandages around his arm.

“Well,” he pauses, thinking of the way his brain had shifted to autopilot when he’d watched Lloyd falter, the razor-sharp shard of terror that always splinters through him when any of their teammates come too close to the awful images of death left in his head. He swallows. “I guess I don’t really have any room to talk,” he murmurs. “Be pretty dumb if I blamed you for that.”

He’s preparing to sink back into his own well of self-pity and loathing, resigned to spending the next few hours until they check him out of the hospital replaying bad memories in his head, when Kai’s next to him all of the sudden, shoving him over on the hospital bed.

“Hey, hey, what’s the big idea—”

“Move, c’mon. You don’t need that much room, you’re a stick,” Kai grumbles, before grinning brightly in success as Jay makes him space. The contrast in expression is enough to startle Jay into silence, and Kai takes advantage. “I know that look. But you already got shot, so you gotta cheer up now.”

“So you’re forcing me into cheerfulness by stealing my hospital bed,” Jay scowls, but the sting is lost in the sudden surge of affection as Kai elbows his way on the bed with him, a steady warmth by his side.

“I’m gifting you my presence, you should be celebrating,” Kai huffs, as he pulls his phone out. “Now stop looking so sad and watch this video I got of a bunch’a geese chasing Zane at the park the other day.”

“You’re such a jerk,” Jay says, but he’s already snickering as he leans his head against Kai’s shoulder to get a better look.

He’s forgotten to tell Kai he forgives him, but like most things between them — Jay doesn’t really need to say it out loud.

[shugokairifatewin]

An AOT Rant for a Freshly Finished Season 4, Part 1 Watcher

Alright, it seems like this has become a habit of mine when I can’t seem to expel something from my mind - so here I am, with yet another rant at the end of a devastating arc of story that has drawn me in, probably a bit too much, as per usual - oops! Time to set the tone and listen to the saddest songs from Attack on Titan that literally rip me to pieces now that we’re all the way in season 4! :’D

So big spoiler warning for anyone who hasn’t caught up on the Attack on Titan anime! Here’s your chance, turn back now or forever hold your peace!

...

......

.........

Alright, we are definitely going to start at the end of season three because um what the ACTUAL fuck? Did NOT expect some “this is the actual world and you’re just ignorant and underdeveloped” bs. I have too many feelings surrounding this and I definitely want to focus on a season 4 rant more than a season three and prior rant (I should really just a start live streaming this clearly!) but one of many feelings is just shock? Also OUR SWEET BABY ANGELS GOT TO SEE THE SEA but it felt... so sad, like this was a turning point? Like even though they saw the ocean and Armin was just so overcome with joy that he got to experience this with his best friends, I felt so sad :c And it felt very much like so much bullshit had happened that Eren really couldn’t bring himself to even enjoy that moment - WHICH CRUSHES MY SOUL *wheeze* SOMEONE GIVE THIS POOR BOY A HUG-

Buuuut this is about season 4, so we’ll continue with that. Honestly, really wasn’t a big fan of the first chunk of season 4. I was thinking about how much I really couldn’t care less about Marley and all their stupid, ass-hattish bullshit that they put my poor babies through - WE DIDN’T NEED TO LOSE PETRA OR ERWIN BECAUSE MARLEY HAS A GRUDGE AGAINST ELDIANS ALRIGHT YOU GUYS SUCK - so when they came at me with all this fucking bratty Eldian-raised-Marlian crap, I was NOT happy about it. Not a fan of Gabi, didn’t care about the other kids either, really, and I especially wasn’t a fan of the other titans (which...slowly changed, in some ways). It just all had such a bitter taste in my mouth after everything that happened in the previous seasons. Though I admit they did a good job of making me soft for characters I didn’t care for, like I feel terrible for how oppressed the Eldians in Marley are and I get that they don’t have a choice in most of it but it was just a weird place for me. Falco is really a saving grace character in that arc for me.

Also 1000% knew it was Eren as soon as he spoke / appeared. I really was thinking the whole time that he was there on a mission from the Scouts and he kept saying things about his family and I was like oh shit they done infiltrated, they ‘bout to get wrecked. And when shit hit the fan and everything started devolving I had to say - and God I am definitely not proud of it - but like this is how it felt to them in Shiganshina? But simultaneously I felt like a trash can because it just wasn’t like Eren to go so wholeheartedly ape-shit on innocents. (Again, it was a weird time for me - but I guess that was the point x.x) Something felt really weird about the whole thing.

AND BOY WAS I RIGHT BECAUSE WHEN LEVI KICKED HIM RIGHT IN THE HEAD I ALMOST SCREAMED - talk about a blindside? I wasn’t expecting him to have gone completely AWOL and start acting on his own!

Won’t lie though... >.>

THIS MAN CAN KICK ME AROUND ANY DAY MY GOD I LOVE LEVI-

AND FUCKING SASHA DUDE IMMEDIATELY CEMEMNTED MY ANNOYANCE AND HATRED FOR GABI - WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY FUELING MY LOVE FOR FALCO BECAUSE HE FUCKING GETS IT, VIOLENCE IS NOT THE KEY

She deserved better, and I will never recover from her death. *Scout Salute*

ALSE WHAT THE SEVEN HELLS IS GOING ON IN ZEKE’S HEAD, SLKDOIRJFEORIJ I WAS SCREAMING OMFG

Anyway, lets fast forward to the last three episodes or I’ll talk for hours and hours. When Eren just straight up showed up in the room with Mikasa and Armin and Gabi in the third to last episode I was like:

BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL HE LOOKING DAMN FINE

SIR DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, THAT’S LEVI’S JOB.

Second, WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM- AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!

And here is when I really started spiraling because I was like no its gonna be fine because he’s finally going to get to explain himself and tell Armin, HIS BEST FRIEND, and Mikasa, HIS LITERAL PROTECTOR WAIFU LOVER, why he’s going nuts and acting like a sociopath, and everything’s going to be fine and it’s all going to make sense, and his reasoning will be sound and he and Zeke are actually going to help the Eldians take down Marley and save all the Eldians that are stuck in internment-

BUT OH NO THAT ISN’T WHAT THE HELL WE GET. INSTEAD WE GET PAIN. AND SORROW. AND DEPRESSION. AND MY FUCKING HEART LITERALLY BROKE IN HALF-

MY WHOLE FUCKING HEART ABSOLUTELY SHATTERED BECAUSE THIS HAS BEEN MY OTP FOR THIS WHOLE ASS ANIME AND I CANNOT FUNCTION IN A WORLD IN WHICH EREN TRULY HATES MIKASA

AND IF THIS WASN’T BAD ENOUGH THE FUCKING LAST TIME I SEE LEVI, MY HUSBAND, IS GETTING BLOWN TO BITS- *SCREAMS*

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, EVERYTHING IS UNACCEPTABLE!

There are only a few things in this world I cannot handle. Losing my favorite character in a horrible way - I still have hope that Levi is okay, though, he’s an Ackerman after all and I’m fairly certain he’ll survive...I hope so anyway or it’ll be one less reason to finish this anime x_x

Another is taking one of my favorite characters and TURNING THEM AGAINST THE PROTAGS - ESPECIALLY IF IT IS A PROTAG THAT IS BEING TURNED AND TWISTED AGAINST THOSE WHO WERE ONCE HIS/HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS-

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A WHOLESOME ANIME OPENING WITH THEIR CHILDHOOD FRIENDSHIP AND ALL THIS BEAUTIFUL BUILD UP AND THEN FUCKING WRECK ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT IN EPISODE 73 YOU SADISTS-

And so, as a coping method, I have invented a theory :’) Because that is how I must cope for the next two months. You manga readers keep quiet and let me dream, by the way! No confirmation or declines on here! ;P

*jumps into the rabbit hole*

So, Eren, whilst he was living among the Marlians, continuously kept mentioning his family and how he doesn’t think he can face them anymore, and yada yada. And despite everything, the scouts showed up and they were there for him even though they didn’t think it wise. He also made a great point while he was being held captive that at any point, he could break out but he didn’t - very well could have been because he was waiting for the right time, but again, I can hope that he really didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Which leads me to the fact that he HASN’T hurt anyone, not anyone he considered family, friends, or allies - not physically anyway :’) - He very easily could have slaughtered them all and after gaining the support of all the Military he really doesn’t have much standing in his way. So he still cares?

Something else that really, really rubs me the wrong way about this whole thing is how much most of this goes against what Eren believed for so long. Like why the seven hells would Eren want to just slaughter the entire Eldian internment district? Bro, those are your peeps being held captive, they aren’t your enemies! I understand the Marlians, definitely understand that, but the Eldians who’ve done nothing but be oppressed for the last century or so?

Definitely not Eren’s style. And his conversation with Reiner sort of proves that. He talks about how he and Reiner are the same. We see a certain amount of humanity in Eren here, in the beginning of the season while he’s in Marley and that humanity seems near nonexistent when he returns to Eldia/Pardis. It just makes me think that it’s for show even more. His wording is also interesting. “I’ll keep moving forward until I exterminate the enemy.” But what IS the enemy, who is it that he wants to exterminate? The wording conflicts with Zeke’s plan that he’s supposedly going along with because in basically sterilizing all Eldians, is he really “exterminating an enemy?” Just seems a little fishy to me.

On top of all of that, there’s the fact that he has literally done nothing up to this point to show any sort of hatred or resentment towards Mikasa. Nothing but kindness. Nothing but the same amount of devotion she has shown him, Ackerman instinct be damned. It CAN’T be as black and white as what was stated in that episode.

I’m thinking (and hoping and praying to every god in existence because I really just can’t imagine the end of this anime/manga without a redemption arc for Eren) that it’s all a farce, and that he’s acting the way he is because he actually disagrees with Zeke but the only way he can actually accomplish his real goal is to play into Zeke’s hand. It seems so seriously impossible - improbable and frankly unbelievable - that the two people who he loved and cared for most in the whole world mean nothing to him anymore. I think he’s trying to martyr himself. I think that Eren is trying to make himself the villain so that when he inevitably dies (really hope not but I don’t see this ending any other way T.T) the world will see Eldians as a people who overthrew the king and wish for nothing more than peace in the wake of a tyrant.

Honestly, that theory hurts my heart, too, but I really just want to see the good in people. Maybe it makes me naïve. But I have to see the good in people, even fictional people, or I feel like there is no hope. 

[pengy-pop]

Unfinished Writing #1: Bederia

Context for this piece was to be mostly a headcanon romp and to show of what the dynamic of my own interpretation of adult years Bederia would be like. It got to be too long and had not much happening in it, and When I realised I didn’t know exactly where I wanted to go with it; I got unfortunately bored of it rather quickly.

But, I hope you’re maybe able to find something interesting in here, anyway!

enjoy!

Gloria was having a bad day.

It started the moment she woke up that morning to find that her boltund had gotten into her pokefood supplies at some point during the night and, after gorging themselves on around a quarter of the giant bag of food meant to feed six pokemon for 5 weeks; had then proceeded to regurgitate it all up in her bathroom and was forced to clean it up and make sure the criminal boltund was alright at around six o’clock in the morning. She dropped her shower head on her foot while taking her morning shower and slipped and fell on the tiles while picking it up, and she knew she was going to be seeing a nasty bruise somewhere on her body later because of it.

Then, as she was preparing her breakfast; she found out the weather forcasted for rain and thunderstorms; on the day she was supposed to be meeting up with her friends for a long-awaited lunch they’d been planning at one of their regular spots. She accidentally burnt her toast while thinking about it, and dropped an egg on the floor while she was trying to cook two.

Then, she had gotten the call from Hop.

“Uh, so, me and Marnie won’t be able to make it to lunch today.” Hop’s voice was hesitant, fast, and apologetic; and Gloria swallowed thickly as she heard loud noises in the background of the call.

“How come? Did something happen?” There was a stern female voice in the background, followed by a loud crash, and Gloria winced.

Morpeko must be having another outburst.

“Yeahhh, you could say that, mate. Just-uh-I’m really sorry, Gloria, If we can get this solved quickly I can-”

“No, no, it’s okay! It sounds like theres a lot happening there. Did you two��Need any extra help?” She chewed her bottom lip, anxiously. Hop’s answer was immediate.

“No! No, it’s alright! You just go on ahead without us! Tell, uh—Tell Bede we said hey; and—oh, right—ask him if he’s planning on RSVP’ing anytime soon, we need to finalise our numbers.” Gloria nodded, before realising Hop wouldn’t be able to see her answer.

“Sure; and you’re absolutely sure you guys don’t need any help?” A hiss was heard.

“Positive, Gloria. Besides, you know how annoying Bede gets when plans change suddenly. I gotta go, but i’ll call you later, okay?”

“Alright, good luck calming Morpeko.” Hop snorted on the other line, and she could practically hear the grin in his voice.

“Thanks, mate! Catch you later! Sorry again!” As soon as he hung up; Gloria felt her stomach twist with a sick emotion she’d found herself becoming all-too-familiar with lately, and, with a defeated sigh, she collapsed back onto her couch, mindlessely flicking on the tv for white noise.

Gloria prayed that the rest of her day wasn’t as awful as her morning was.

                                                           —————————

The rest of the day wasn’t much better.

After later sending Bede a message of the change of plans; she stepped in a large puddle almost as soon as she exited her apartment complex, splashing water over herself, leaving her legs cold and wet as she made her way to the cafe. She shook off her umbrella, stepping inside, and was greeted by a waiter and an indeedee; who escorted her to a booth seat after she gave them her reservation name.

A booth meant to fit four people.

With a heavy sigh, Gloria all but collapsed down onto the seat, letting her head fall back against the cushioned seat. As she turned her head to look out to the rainy street, unsurprisingly bustling despite the rain. While normally Gloria would be eager to see her friends, she was, instead, thankful that Bede wasn’t there yet.  

It wasn’t because she hated Bede though, or anything of the sort, really. In fact; her problem wasn’t that she wanted to be away from him; it was that whenever she was around him, she wanted him alarmingly close. It was something she could handle if they were surrounded by others, usually; since there were others to distract her; but when it was just the two of them, alone, it became much more troublesome. She’d become hyper-aware of his presence at all times, any time he’d look her in the eyes or say her name she would find herself heating up, stomach would fill with butterflies, her fingers would twitch and frequently find she wanted to shove herself into his personal space. Wanted to grab his face in her hands and Do something.

She wasn’t sure what, exactly, she would even do, though. Pinch his cheeks, maybe? contort his mouth into an awkward smile like she used to do when they were kids?

….Kiss him?

Gloria exhaled, closing her eyes. There had come a certain point in Gloria’s life where she had to admit to herself that, yes, she did have a crush on Bede. It had just hit her one day, when they were talking together during a camping trip with Hop and Marnie. the latter were off cooking while her and Bede had sat together, playing with their pokemon and idly debating over something. It was a little heated, sure, but most of their conversations were; and they were having fun, nonetheless. Mid-debate; Gloria’s boltund had bounded up to Bede with a happy huff and plopped themselves down right on his lap, bringing a pause to their conversation as Bede looked down at the dog, then Gloria, with an expression halfway between bewildermant and offense. She had laughed, and he had let out an indignant huff; before he relaxed and, surprising her, he reached down to scratch behind the dog’s ears. And she wasn’t sure what exactly it was; but all to quickly, her world had come crashing down on top of her and all that was left in her brain as she watched her boltund melt into Bede’s touch and he, in turn, let out a sound; a gentle, amused sigh; his face soft in a way she’d only ever seen a few rare times; was four words.

“Oh. I like him.”

And; well, really, it had all just been downhill from there for Gloria. Her fondness for him only grew; and Slowly, over the years, he’d been letting her in more and more, letting her see far beyond what was on the surface.

She found him endearing; despite everything. Deeply flawed, but endearing nonetheless. However, she wasn’t sure where to even begin when it came to approaching Bede about the subject. He had never expressed much desire or interest in pursuing any sort of romantic relationship. At least, none that she herself had ever seen. And Bede was, to put it simply, a very private and closed-off person, and much like a stray cat; one wrong move and he’d be spooked off; potentially forever; and that was the last thing she wanted to happen.

But, oh did she want to love him so badly. There was so much she wanted. She wanted to talk and laugh with Bede, hold his hand in hers; hug him and not be shoved unceremoniously off him, she wanted to kiss him all over his face and instead of him grimacing, she wanted him to smile and kiss her back. She’d like to spend the night with him, eating dinner with him, having those conversations with him that always somehow seemed to devolve into semi-heated debates because their differing ideas until they both inevitably passed out together.

Gloria was so deep in her pining for Bede that it was frustrating her now; because as much as she just wanted to blurt out how she felt, she knew that it would lead to nothing good. She’d always made the mistake of running her mouth; hell, she STILL frequently made that mistake, but this was the one thing she wasn’t completely willing to let fall apart in front of her. No, she’d come too far with Bede at this point and she outright refused to lose his friendship. So for once in her life; she would bite down on her tongue.

Because she’s not quite sure she could handle losing Bede from her life; no matter how frustrating it was for her to swallow how much she felt for him.

There was a noise, and she felt something on her shoulder, shaking her. Gloria eyes snapped open, her vision blurry for a few moments as they readjusted to the light flooding in again as she looked around, confused.

How long had she been zoning out? Had she fallen asleep?

“Ah, there you are. Rather unwise of you to fall asleep in a public place like this, Gloria.” Gloria’s eyes fell on Bede, standing beside her booth, shiny spritzee hovering around him out of the corner of her eye as she caught the last moments of him removing his hand from her shoulder, and she stared dumbly up at him for a few seconds.

Oh. Bede was here now.

“You’re here.” Bede scoffed, shaking his head as he took his seat across from her in the booth.

“Astute observation.” His eyes fell on her for a brief moment as he reached for the menu that sat in front of him. “I apologise for my being tardy. the weather caused some delays.”

“You were late?” She scrambled for her rotom phone; and, sure enough, he was about fifteen minutes late. “Oh. It’s okay. I didn’t even notice.”

“Of course you didn’t; you were passed out. I doubt you even received my message.” Gloria switched to her messaging app. Oh. He had left her a message earlier, stating that he may be arriving late.

“Ah. Oops.” Bede hummed non-committedly in return, looking over the menu; his left hand over his mouth in that stupidly endearing thoughtful pose of his.

“I take you haven’t even ordered yet?” Gloria realised she hadn’t even picked up the menu herself yet, and she fumbled to do so, her face feeling familarly warm and her palms beginning to sweat.

“Nope. Was waiting for you.” It didn’t take her long to decide on what she wanted; and Bede didn’t respond; so she instead took that time to look at Bede across from her as his focus lay on his own menu.

There was something different…

She squinted, leaning forward a bit. There was definitely something different about him. Bede took notice of her expression, lilac eyes flicking up to her, confusion knitted his features.

“What on earth are you staring at—”

“—Did you get a haircut?” Bede’s eyes widened a little, and Gloria knew she’d hit the nail on the head. She leaned back again into her chair, smiling. Truthfully, it wasn’t a big change. She had just noticed that he had gotten his curls trimmed a little on the nape of his neck. But it looked nice on him, regardless.

“I…yes, I did, actually.” His eyes flicked away from her, and Gloria’s smile grew wider. “I’m rather surprised you noticed, actually. You’re the first one to do so today.”

“‘Course I noticed! Looks good; looks handsome!” Bede’s face snapped immediately snapped back to look at hers, his eyes wide and shocked; and Gloria would have slapped herself right then if she could have.

“—For, uh, you know! It’s—uh, appropriate! Like—like Ballonlea’s gym leader ‘ought look good, right? Opal always used to say presentation was important, yeah?” She fumbled through her words, and she could feel the eyes of both Bede and his spritzee on her. His Spritzee, in particular, hovered over her, her bright yellow eyes staring straight through her. “I…I just think you look…nice…” Her words peetered out pathetically as she sunk a little into her seat. Bede’s gaze upon her was incredulous; and she would have normally delighted in the way his pale cheeks were flushed red if she wasn’t so embarrassed herself. After what felt like a century; Bede finally looked away from her, clearing his throat awkawrdly.

“…Right. Well; shall we order?” Gloria nodded fervently as she lifted her hand to hail down a waiter. As the two ordered their food and drinks, Bede went off on a tangent about his most recent auditions at Ballonlea, and Gloria sat and listened to his every haughty, smug word, thankful that he hadn’t chosen to comment further on her earlier stumble.

                                                         ———————

It was halfway through her meal, and after she’d taken a much-too-large bite of her sandwich, that Gloria remembered what Hop had asked of her that morning. Her cheeks too stuffed to say anything, Gloria instead waved her hand in front of Bede’s face to get his attention.

“Mmf—Hey, Bede—”

“Chew and swallow before speaking, Gloria; you’re not a toddler.” He scrunched up his nose in that cute way he always did as he looked at her with mild disgust. Gloria rolled her eyes; but did take a moment longer to actually chew and swallow her mouthful. With and exhale, she quickly took a gulp of her drink, ignoring the sigh of disappointment that Bede, and finally turned back up to look at him again.

“Hop wanted to know if you were gonna RSVP for the wedding or not.” The mention of the wedding caused Bede to tense, and he carefully put down his utensils.

“I…Haven’t yet made a decision.”

“Why not? S’not like you’re the one getting married.”

“Yes, but Gloria what you don’t understand is that I do not particularly want to attend their wedding.”

“Why? They’re our friends; we should be there on their big day.” Bede opened his mouth to say something, but Gloria continued. “—And they ARE both of our friends, we are PAST trying to deny this.” Bede closed his mouth again with a sigh. “—So theres really no reason for you to have put it off for so long.”

[satendou]

OKAY OKAY OKAY I KNOW THIS IS SOOOO CLICHE BUT LIKE 😠😠😠 im such a SUCKER for relationships with a deep understanding for e/o and a poly relationship w bokuaka would be just THAT.... like im so INVESTED also omg talk abt ur fav poly pairings bc ive read thru ur entire poly tag and im in love 😞😞😞 suddenly i do want to be in a poly relationship w the hq boys (i am also a rarepair kinda girl so seeing u write about them as poly pairings make my heart go 💗💗💗💗 i luv it so much thank u for ur service)

you saying i have a deep understanding of e/o: what is e/o?

hrnnnngd wjeheveve i loved reading this i was so tempted to just hoard it 🥺

uhhhhh my favorite poly pairings are probably iwaoi, akiwa (iwaka? iwakaashi? anyway i get da point), kuraka, daikuro (daishou not daichi sorry), and whatever the hell the ship name is for semi/shirabu.

iwaoi should be obvious like,,,they have such a strong bond already that it feels like one of the most natural pairings. i don’t have to fight to see how they might interact. i always imagine oikawa acting like a little gremlin just to rile iwa up, and iwa is SO obvious about his feelings for oiks bc he’ll start stumbling over his “shittykawa” insults in fear that oikawa will ✨suddenly✨ be hurt by them.

iwa: i don’t wanna be obvious about it

you mattsun and makki, in the bg, watching him stutter through a painful number of insults for oikawa: sure jan

oikawa, pretending to be oblivious: what was that iwa-chan?

kuraka isn’t quite as fluid to me as boaka would be but i just know that akaashi and kuroo would be the cheekiest, sweetest, dorkiest idiots in a relationship. kuroo enjoys inconveniencing you to the nth degree, and akaashi will sit back and watch it happen. akaashi is a good cook (you can’t change my mind) and makes sure you’re eating correctly, but will get kuroo back for shenanigans by telling him he doesn’t get to eat. also: puns. that’s all.

one of my rarepairs is probably more like a “uniquepair” but whatever. iwakaashi just slammed me in the head with a mallet one day and took hold. akaashi takes a LOT of pride in flustering iwa, but iwa doesn’t realize how easily he flusters akaashi in return, bc he’s too busy being flustered. iwa has an obsession with akaashi’s hands (don’t we all), and akaashi always loses his ability to think when iwa wanders in shirtless (i’m losing my ability to think just thinking about it oop). anyway, the relationship with them isn’t as loud as it would be with kuroo or oiks, but akaashi flourishes by being the trickster in the relationship. in the other i always see him as the more level head just bc kuroo is a bigger goofball.

uhhhh kurodai (daikuroo?) is just,,,like iwakaashi it knocked me out one day. that fuckin relationship is chaotic af. i hate to say it but they probably argue a lot. it always starts out joking, but can and will come down to a “why do you always do this” type of fight. like,,,they don’t find it hard to agree on things specifically but each of them has their own opinion and both want to do it, so neither of them want to back down. so they often devolve into petty arguments bc “nothing they suggest or do is ever right”. theirs is probably the most unstable relationship to me, but they just have to go and learn from a sort of friendship to a relationship. they’ll figure it out and then you’ll have your hands full. sarcasm, stupid puns, romantic surprises all the time. they almost burn the house down once trying to recreate the dish you had on your first date with them at home. charcoal a la city water: yum.

semirabu, shiremi, uhhhh shiremabu idfk they all sound terrible ANYWAY. semi is pretty laid back compared to shirabu, and usually just lets shirabu have his way (within reason of course) bc usually he’s right. shirabu has to learn to curb some of his more acerbic attitude at the beginning of the relationship, bc before where he’d just speak his mind, he now needs tact and boy lemme tell you, he doesn’t have that. another one that’s kinda unstable at the beginning bc shirabu has never had a serious relationship before, so he’s unsure of himself and that makes him even more uneasy, which makes him prone to lashing out more. you and semi need to be patient with him but don’t let him walk all over you either. he figures it out eventually.

this got so long sorry 💀 i just,,,love talking about them man. i don’t think most people like polyships lmao.

[moveslikebucky]

Chapter 4 of my Raiders of the Lost Ark fusion is up and this chapter has The Boat Scene (that’s right y’all, they kiss in this one >_>!!)  There’s only one chapter left after this!  

In this chapter: Drinking contests with French archaeologists!  Snakes unionizing!  Aziraphale being Strong As Fuck!  A car chase!  And, as mentioned previously, some tender lovely kissing <3

Excerpt below, with the link to ao3 at the bottom <3

As always I’m thanking @narumikaiko for the amazing beta work, @luritto for britpicking and keeping me honest, and @yamisnuffles for doing the art that inspired this in the first place <3 <3   Also tagging @mcbitchtits cuz as always I would hate for them to miss this xD.

We’re almost at the end, one chapter to go after this!

---

Belloq’s Tent, Dig Site at Tanis.  Almost dawn.

Crowley downs his third glass of brandy, feeling the burn as it runs down his throat.  He’s still perfectly sober, but making a show of not being.  Belloq has devolved from one rant to the other, finally settling on Nazis in general.

“I don’t even want to work with them, they’re just the only ones taking me seriously!  Even then, they really aren’t.”

“Facist regimes usually only take themselves seriously.  Big reason why they happen.  It’s all me, me, me, I, I, I and off they go.”  Crowley gestures broadly as he speaks, playing up the motion, creating a false sense of security.

“You must’ve seen quite a few of them.”

“In my experience,” Crowley says, adding a hiss into the word for effect, “humans are pretty much all the same.  You’ve seen one regime, you’ve seen them all.”

“The knowledge of humanity you must have.  I wonder how many history books have it wrong?”

“Ah- here, let me,” Crowley extends a hand and Belloq passes him the bottle.  “You’d be surprised how much they get right, actually.  And how much of what’s right they say is false.”  He pours himself another glass, tops off Belloq’s when he extends it out.  “King Arthur, for example: great fella.  Bit too great, spreading his good will all over the bloody place.”

“King Arthur was real?”

“Oh yeah, whole thing.  Lady of the Lake and all that nonsense.  Dinosaurs, though.  Completely fake.  Big cosmic joke, that one.”

“Astounding.  You could completely rewrite human history!”  Belloq exclaims as he throws back his liquor.  Crowley laughs and makes a show of spilling his glass.  “Oops,” Belloq slurs at him, devolving into laughter of his own.

Crowley watches the brandy at the edge of the circle as it streaks the red paint where it drags through it.  He sighs and cracks his spine, feeling his power start to trickle back.  Be a few minutes yet before it’s enough for him to break out, but not much longer.

Crowley passes the bottle back with a smirk, tosses his own back again.  It’s good, better than a lot of the swill he had in Nepal.  “This is some good stuff.” Crowley downs the little bit left in his glass.  “Where’d you get it anyway?”

“I grew up with this,” Belloq is, at this point, unable to even sit up straight.  Swaying from side to side, face red and splotchy.  All according to plan.  “It’s my family label!”

Crowley can feel the tingle of hellish power creeping back to the center of him.  Spreading along his fingers and toes, up the lines of his bones.  A dark and creeping thing.  Spooky.  Like the chill you get in a dilapidated old house.  The feel of something foreboding.  He almost has enough to break through.  The barrier is weakening.

“Tell me more, demon—“

“The name’s Crowley, if you don’t mind.”

“Right, Crowley,” Belloq corrects himself and leans forward to pour Crowley another glass.  “What about the Bible?  How much of it is wrong?”

“The Heaven should I know?  I’m a demon, I can’t even touch those.”

“Ah, sorry, silly assumption.”

“Just a bit,” Crowley says with more than a hint of offense.  He’s still not over the time Aziraphale left an old misprinted copy on the sofa in the back room.  Hadn’t been able to sit for weeks after that.

A dead silence falls between the two of them.  Belloq still sways a bit where he sits, knocks back another glass, leaving the bottle nearly empty.  The creeping dark continues, the four points of it meeting in the center of Crowley’s chest.  He does a quick test, snaps his fingers behind his back, feeling the sparks light there.

He snaps again and the paint on the floor evaporates from around him.  In one smooth motion he lunges for the bottle, smashes it on the edge of the table and brandishes it in Belloq’s face.  A shift in ozone, just a bit of demonic energy, and the edges of the glass glow with heat and hellfire.

“You!” Belloq exclaims, looking behind him to the rug.  “How!”

“Notice your fancy jewelry is missing, what’s up with that?”

“I-I-“ Belloq’s eyes keep darting behind him as Crowley slowly backs towards the tent flap.

“Not so powerful without it, eh?”  Crowley smirks at him.  Humans are so fucking easy when the cards are played right.  “I really must be going now.  Was a fun time!  Maybe we’ll meet again on a better occasion.”

Crowley turns to make his escape, manifesting his wings.  Great black feathers fill the tent, more void than true color, blocking out the scant amount of light that remains.  He ducks out and kicks off the ground into the breaking dawn light, taking to the sky to search for Aziraphale.  A hill just to the west, a lightning strike and that telltale divinity in the air.  Gotcha.

He has about five seconds to pat himself on the back before he’s frozen in midair.

[Continue on AO3]

[eolian-234]

The Hourglass

Previous Chapter Thirteen: Trust in me 

Happy Monday. This completes day thirteen of whumptober: breathe in and breathe out. Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen: Moments in Time 

“Say hello to your new guardians.”

Peter pulled down the sleeves of his shirt and gave a withered glance at Tony who greeted them with a smirk in the lobby of the hospital. He ignored the flip in his stomach. This was a different Tony All that mattered was finding the truth and if he was a bit giddy from escaping the hospital, well, he wasn’t going to complain.

“Hell, Tony. You work fast when you want to.” 



“What can I say,” He said saddling up to them and throwing his arms around each of their shoulders. “I’m the kind of person who can…”



“Stuff it?” Rhodey added helpfully.

“Fuck off?” Peter said to which Rhodey laughed.

“I can offer my support and guidance to this wrecked youth in need. You imbeciles. It’s not too late to take you back.” He said with a side eye at Peter as Rhodey and him continued to laugh together.

“We have to keep him. I mean he looks so good in the plaid and all.” Rhodey shoved them all so they wobbled over each other’s legs and barely missing the spinning doors. Peter remained squished between them the whole trip to the car. His cheeks hurt from smiling.

-

Unlike so many years ago they arrived at the apartment with the gloom of impending doom. Though he still had a flash of apprehension, this time was fresh. He almost expected to see the door split in two on the floor and broken kitchen table, but there wasn’t a single scuff mark or dented piece of furniture in sight. Not even the fabric of the couch, less faded green than he remembered, was worn from use.

At the hospital it was difficult to believe the he had time traveled but the apartment it was obvious. The rubber pile in the corner turned out to be a clear inflatable seat with glitter. Behind it was a sturdier, more expensive looking chair pushed into the corner. The influence of Rhodey and Tony and their youth, he assumed, was abundant. He often wondered how long they lived in this space.

They settled around the table Peter had last seen in pieces. He grabbed the cups out of the cupboard to pour water.

“What?” He said as he set them down on the table. They eyed each other before Rhodey spoke.  

“How did you know that’s where the cups were?”

Peter looked down at the table clenching his fists in his lap. “Oh, uh, well. That’s just how it was at my house and I assumed the same here. It’s a fairly common cupboard design about 45 percent of people have the cups to the left of the stove.” 



They stared at him and shared another look. Peter watched as Rhodey shrugged.

“Alright.” Tony said clapping his hands to gather them around. “I need to fill you in on the cover story and just make sure everything’s okay with you. This is not an actual kidnapping no matter what my compatriot says.” 



“You thought it sounded cool as well.” Rhodey crossed his arms in front of him.

“Of course, it sounds cooler. Anyway, I want to preface this by saying I can undo any of this if you want. You also don’t have to sign them now, although if someone comes sniffing around it would be better.”

He shifted through the stack of papers laid out on the table and began describing the plan. Tony hadn’t been joking when he mentioned guardians earlier. The guardianship, as far as he could tell from reading through the papers was as legit as his driver’s license. Peter signed his name wondering how legal this all was. Tony was putting the papers away in a matter of minutes.

When he asked how everything wrapped up so quickly Tony said: “I’m rich, kid, and money buys this type of stuff way too easy to be okay with but it does have its advantages. Case in point here.”



“You were right to be worried. The CPS was looking for you. Along with…”

Someone kicked Peter under the table.

“Ow!”

“Oops that was meant for Rhodey.”



“Ow, damn Tony.”

The two devolved into bickering from there and Peter never learned what Rhodey was going to say.

-

The brush moved up and down the wall. It repeated the same motion over and over leaving a trail of evidence on the vertical surface until it dried. He knew what room would be his before they walked him down the hall. There was the bed and dresser but was void of all the decorations that had been hanging when Peter lived there before.

“We’ve just never gotten around to decorating. So, it’s up to you, honestly I couldn’t care less so go all out.”

Peter requested blue paint and bedspread but gave no more direction than that. All three of them dressed in old t-shirts so the painting would go quicker. Peter’s thoughts wandered after the first wall. With every new stroke of paint, he wondered how and if he was changing the future. The possibilities confronted him with every decision no matter the size. He could be changing everything. The time space continuum could be irrevocably destroyed by him eating a bowl of Wheaties in the morning. Not that the apartment was stocked with any healthy cereal.

The worst aspect was the secret voice in his mind that wanted to change everything. He wanted to storm out and never return to the apartment. He longed to stay wrapped up in his new comforter and never leave. He wanted to go see May. Longed to stare at her smile and wrap his arms around him. Would she recognize him somehow in the deepest parts of her? Would their connection transcend time and reality? What was the right choice?

The answer scared him.

The impossibility of the situation was precisely why he was staying inside the apartment as much as he could. This afternoon was paint day.

“Why the long face, Peter?”


“Go away Tony.”



“Well, he’s got a point. You look like you wanted to paint it with lavender and we wouldn’t let you. I knew that lilac would’ve been perfect.” 



“Shut it, Rhodey.” He said with a reluctant smile. Tony stepped toward him and with a flick of his wrist, pointed the paint brush at him. Peter wiped his sleeve along his chin.

“Point to you, Honey Bear. I need to step up my game.”



“What-what do you mean?” Peter dipped his paintbrush into the pot, making sure to wipe one side off before dabbing it into the corner of the wall.

“We’ve got a small bet going to see who can make you smile more. Believe me, kid. It’s harder than it looks. Here I thought I was king of moody but you might take the cake.”

They gave each other high-fives as Peter deadpanned. He should be mad they were betting about him. They were laughing and he agreed, it was ridiculous. Their attempts were absurd and stranger still, it was working. Tony rubbed in the point he won from Peter’s smile. Before he could celebrate Peter jabbed him with the paintbrush staining his shirt with a blue dot. He turned to Rhodey and with some extra strength and a precision throw launched the paintbrush at him.

Both exclaimed and an all-out war ensued.

The room was painted… eventually.

The paint never came out of their clothes.

None of them cared that much.

-

“Did you hear that our esteemed guest. It’s movie night, although I wouldn’t get too excited because it’s Tony’s turn to pick.

“You guys watch without me, I’m not feeling it.”



Peter found out within days of living with their younger versions that Tony was right. He was the king of moody and he was wearing the crown tonight. Only with the promise of cookies and popcorn had he emerged from his room wrapped snug in one of his blankets. Tony snatched the cookie tin away from Rhodey and, with crumbs on his mouth, refused to watch any movie his friend suggested.

“But we didn’t celebrate Christmas Tones. Pllleeease.”

“You know I don’t like it.” 



They sat, arms crossed, staring at each other. Peter shifted his weight between them. He was on his way to make popcorn at Rhodey’s request but Tony’s refusal had put a stop to the plans. He risked a glance at Tony who was still staring daggers at his friend.

May and Ben had seen how Peter struggled with the holidays in the beginning years of living with them. While they never forced cheer on him, they created traditions Peter could find a sense of newness in. Instead of baking gingerbread cookies, they cooked pfeffernusse. Rather than hanging stockings, their faux fireplace was lined with t-shirts they decorated and sewed up at the bottom. Sometimes Christmas wasn’t about Christmas as much as it was about just being with people. Peter had an idea. It just so happened to involve a movie he’d watched with them twenty-five years into the future.

“How about we watch some good old classic horror films. House of Dracula?”

The suggestion was unfair in some ways because he knew Tony only watched horror movies during the holidays. Their conversation at the hospital shed some light on the reason why he refused to watch family films at this time of year. Peter decided not to question if this was a previous tradition or if he was the one to introduce it.

Two hours later found Rhodey snoring – heavy breathing, he insisted – on the couch. Peter and Tony carried the empty dishes into the kitchen. Peter began washing and Tony leaned against the island counter, water in hand.

“Hey, Peter?” Tony handed him the glass but didn’t move away from his side.

“Hmm?”



“How did you know I liked to watch horror movies?”
Peter froze for a moment and began scrubbing again. He forced himself to laugh.

“I didn’t. I picked something not Christmassy but still a movie so Rhodey would be happy.”



Tony hummed. “You’re a strange kid. You know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” He scrubbed harder.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Do I? I don’t know you. Not really. I don’t think I ever did.” The frustration was hot on the back of his neck. Peter rinsed the brush and began scrubbing anew.  “Why do you watch horror movies at Christmas anyway?”

Tony contemplated his words. Timed slowed in that moment. The water dribbled down his wrist and into the sleeve of his sweatshirt, Tony’s foot tapped against the cabinet, and the snores from Rhodey wafted into the room. Finally, he stopped tapping his foot and turned toward Peter.

“It was something my mom and I did. I, uh, didn’t get along with my dad and used to get scared too easily. We would watch them together to conquer that fear I had. It’s stupid but I just never associated Christmas with Christmas growing up.”



“It’s not stupid and, if it means anything, I understand. When I lived with my aunt and uncle we never really celebrated in a traditional sense. I’m sorry I snapped.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s nothing I didn’t deserve. I’m trying not to push but I am me so bear with it while I practice.”



Peter chuckled. Tony had no idea how pushy he was sometimes.

-

Peter choose the wrong one.

It was such a small detail; one he barely noticed was absent on his second introduction to the apartment. Tony had given him a magazine and instructed him to pick any phone he wanted for the living room. He dropped it on Peter’s desk and hurried off not answering his questions about what happened to the last one. Peter gathered from Rhodey that someone, he wasn’t going to snitch, had thrown it out the window.

Yes, out their multistoried apartment window.

Peter flipped through it and then he’d seen the one. It was so cool complete with clear plastic and these colored innards. The neon fidgets inside would move when you were on the phone convinced him so he’d ordered it without a second thought.  

It wasn’t until he awoke in the middle of the night sweat soaked through his shirt that he remembered.  He stumbled to the office and rummaged through the papers in hopes of finding the receipt. Of all the times for someone to organize.  

Damn it.

The phone in the future wasn’t clear with neon accents. It was a hamburger. The phone was in the shape of a hamburger. Would this food shaped communication device be the difference between life and death?

He didn’t know.

It was his fault.

He backed up into the hallway until his back hit the wall.

Peter barely noticed the shaking of his hands but could feel the pins and needles of each breath he took. His breath stalled and built up the pressure in his chest begging to escape out. His fingers tingled. Peter lost track of time.

“Breathe in and breathe out.”

“We’re here… sitting right beside you, Peter.”

“You are here in our apartment. You are Peter Parker. I’m Rhodey. That’s Tony and we are going to be okay.”



Peter came back to himself in slow increments. His back was pressed against the wall. There was cramp in his legs from curling them up to his chest. He stiffened and then relaxed. Two bodies were pressed against each of his shoulders. His head was bent up, resting on Rhodey’s shoulder and his hand was tucked into Tony’s palm between their bodies on the floor.

He didn’t remember his mission or how angry he’d been. All he could think about was the fact he might have ruined it all. He might have taken their future away and it was all his fault. What would happen if he ever went back to the future and these solid presences were no more all because he made a mistake?

Rhodey shifted in his sleep. Peter’s head fell more fully on his shoulder. He breathed in the minty scent and some of the anger he dragged back with him from the future chipped off his heart. Did the truth matter from the future when the Tony and Rhodey from here and now were beside him, comforting him?

Peter closed his eyes and slept.

Thank you!

Next Chapter Fifteen: Down Once More

[ivcsisms]

wait i forgot i even wanted to post this, i have no reason to other than it took forever nd it’s very sad... enjoy i guess !! ivy wrote this letter to lux and didn’t mean to send it but it accidentally got sent anyway, oops !! 

lux / delilah / whoever the fuck you are,

i’ll probably never send you this, but these thoughts have been circling around in my head like a cruel melody that’s been drowning out everything else, and i need them to live somewhere outside my brain. i keep thinking about the way you said i treated you like shit, and i just don’t get it. i broke up with my boyfriend for you and two days later you were engaged to jordan. it still sounds funny to even say that in my head, like when i’m in a nightmare and i start to realize that things aren’t right, things aren’t real. except now every time i wake up, it’s worse. i’ve never felt like this before, and i fucking hate it. i hate you for making me feel this way. i hate you for doing this to me.

i hate you for doing this to US. we were so good lux delilah. or so i thought. it turns out i was wrong about a lot of things, huh? i was wrong to trust you. i was wrong to think i knew you. i was wrong to let you in. i was wrong to believe a word you said. i was wrong to think you could read between the lines, that you KNEW what i meant and how i felt. i was wrong to love you. and god, i fucking loved you. and i was fucking TERRIFIED of it. funny enough, THIS is exactly what i feared would happen. i knew the time would come that you would realize you were too good for me, but i never knew it’d be this bad. i never thought you would just… toss me away like that, so suddenly. what did i do? what did i say? was any of it real? ever? was i just fucking crazy the whole time, projecting my own feelings on to you? i thought you cared. i though you loved me too, for fucks sake. but there’s no way you ever did, because apparently i treated you like shit and was never good enough. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised. i’m not the type of girl you love. i’m not the type of girl you marry. i’m not meant for forever, just for the night or until the thrill wears off. you wanna hear something funny? the last thing my mom told me, almost four years ago, was that no one could ever love me with “that attitude”. i called her last night to tell her she was right, but she had changed her number. isn’t that just the cherry on top of this shit fucking sundae?

first you break my heart, and i can’t even vent to my friends about it because they’re all in your fucking wedding party. then i almost die, and no one even cares. do you know you’re the only person who came to the hospital besides alex? it turns out you weren’t the only one pretending to care about me, it was everyone in my life. and finally, i find out that my own mother changed her number and didn’t bother to tell me. am i that awful? am i that unloveable? i knew karma would catch up to me some day, but i just.. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know who i am. i look in the mirror and i don’t recognize her. i’m still not convinced i didn’t die in my bedroom that night, and that all of this is just my own personal hell. that would make more sense to me than the fact that you were faking it the entire time.

i just can’t figure out WHY? why string me along for so long? was it funny? am i just a big joke to you? was it the challenge? of breaking down my walls just to break ME? was any of it real? i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. that’s what it really comes down to, isn’t it? i’m too much of the bad things and not enough of the good things, and i guess you just finally realized that i wasn’t worth the time, just like everyone else. i thought you were different. add that to the list of things i was wrong about.

you wanna know how i know some cosmic power is laughing at me? the same day i got the invite to your fucking wedding, the bracelet i ordered for you came in the mail. i spent the first paycheck of my music career on a cartier love bracelet for you. it’s rose gold and has our initials engraved on the inside, but you aren’t even LS, are you? god, i am such a fucking CLOWN. i’m usually so much better at realizing when people are lying, god knows i’ve done my fair share of bending the truth. red flags just look like flags with rose-colored glasses, though, right? i wanted you so bad, i wanted you to love me back so bad, i ate up every lie you fed me. and the most pathetic part? all i want right now is for you to lie to me again. to just pretend for a second that you have a heart, and that there’s a place for me in it. but none of that is true. nothing you told me is true. i thought about sending the bracelet back, but i decided to keep it. i wear it now to remind me where love got me: alone, miserable, and bitter. a fucking shell of who i used to be, a pitiful pathetic joke. some kind of fucking freak show for everyone else to sit and laugh at. EVERYONE. even the people i thought were my friends.

i tried so hard. i really REALLY tried. i tried to be good enough for you. i tried to do things right with you. i’m a terrible person, and i know that. i’m a liar and a hypocrite, and it was stupid of me to really think i could ever make you happy. i wish more than anything that i could have done that. i love you so much and i’ve never said that, never felt that for anyone. in my life. honestly. i’ve never even LIKED anyone half as much as you. but the person i knew WASN’T YOU, was it? or maybe it was, and whoever the fuck you’ve become is someone different. either way, you aren’t MY you anymore.

i hope you’re happy. i know that sounds bitter and hateful, but i really mean it. a part of me really does hope you never cared about me, and that none of this phases you at all and you’re living in pure bliss. isn’t that RIDICULOUS? that i want for you to have played the fuck out of me, just to know that you’re happy? i hate that i want you to be happy. i hate you for turning me into a fucking simp. a pathetic little bitch. i fucking hate that you made me love you for nothing.

i want to send this to you so you can feel as bad as i do, but you don’t deserve to see my sadness. you aren’t my love anymore, you’re just a stranger. a liar. a manipulative asshole. and despite it all, i still love you. i hate that i do, but i do. i know it’s cliche to say i probably always will, but that’s how it feels. like i’ll never get through this. i’m either going to be miserable and bitter for the rest of my life because i fucked up my shot with the love of my life, or i’m going to drink myself into an early grave. i’m spinning out of control and all i can do is sit in the passenger seat and watch. nothing’s helping. nothing’s working. i can’t drink you away. i can’t smoke you away. i can’t fuck you away. i can’t scream you away. i can’t burn you away. i can’t throw you away. i thought writing this all out would make me feel better, but it just hurts worse. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. i love you. i gave you everything i had and it wasn’t enough. [ this continues on for like 3 pages front and back, her handwriting becoming more and more frantic, the pages ripped in a few places from the pressure she was using, ultimately just devolving into random scribbles ]

[quillreflections]

Title: Electric Blue

Chapter: 11/???

Series: Yugioh GX

Pairing: Chazz/reader

Are you hiding, somewhere behind those eyes?

The shrill ringing of your phone pierces through your skull, jarring you awake. You groan loudly. All your limbs feel like sand— sluggishly, you roll over, your pajamas sticking uncomfortably to your sweat-covered body.

Safe to say, you don't feel well.

For a moment, you grope blindly at your nightstand, trying to find your phone; when you don't find it quick enough, you crack an eye open, only to screw your eyes shut immediately. God, the light's far too bright, it'll cause a headache— well, a worse one than the phone has caused, anyways. Why won't it stop ringing?!

Finally, you find your phone, answering it just to stop that hellish sound.

"Hello?" Your voice is thick with sleep and something else.

"Hey, [Name], where are you?" Jaden's voice on the other end of the line.

"In bed. . . why, do you need me?" Your voice cracks somewhere in the middle.

"Well, it's not like you to miss class, so we just wondered—"

"Miss class?! What time is i—" you jolt upright, only to double over as a rough series of coughs tear their way out of your throat.

"Whoa, [Name], you don't sound too good," Jaden's voice trails off, and it sounds like he's relaying your condition to someone else. You take the chance to check the time— it's almost 10. You've missed a couple of classes, but there's still quite a few left; now that you're awake, might as well get going.

"I'm fine, it's just allergies," you assure him. "I'll see you guys at lunch." And before Jaden can argue, you've hung up on him, throwing yourself into the routine of getting ready.

Damn, you practically have to peel your pjs off, they're so soaked— and maybe it's just because you're in a rush, but you're a bit short of breath this morning, having to pause every few moments to rest. This is probably what you get for staying out in the cold with Chazz over Christmas.

☆☆☆

On one hand, the day feels like it's crawling by— you stumble into each class and then keep your eyes on the clock for each hour, knowing that you haven't retained a word of any of your lectures. But on the other hand, the day feels like it hasn't happened at all; your head feels like it's stuffed with cotton, and more than a few professors have gotten onto you about it today.

"—we'll go to the dueling field!"

The ends of your professor's statement finally register. The other students around you begin shoving their chairs back, pushing past each other, chattering excitedly. You're much slower to follow. When you try to stand, it feels like you're much heavier than normal. God, the room is spinning— you turn your head, trying to focus on one single point in the hopes that your vision will stop swimming. You move to climb the stairs leading to the exits, following all your classmates; somewhere on the edge of your hearing, you think that someone calls your name, but the ringing in your ears mounts and drowns out all other sounds. Your chest is heavy now too, and you're having to take deep breaths to get even a hint of air— hey, let's just rest for awhile.

☆☆☆

Chazz fidgets nervously as the professors recount their class roles; his class was pairing with yours for dueling practice, but he'd been searching the crowd since his group walked in, and he can't find you anywhere. When the professors look away, he pulls his PDA from his coat pocket and sends off a quick message. "Where the hell are you?"

When you don't respond, he turns to Bastion, who's standing next to him in the unorganized group of students. "Do you know where [Name] is?"

Bastion shakes his head. "Jaden said it sounded like she'd be in the rest of her classes, but our schedules don't intersect, so I haven't seen her. Why, is she not here either?"

Chazz anxiously looks back down at his PDA— no response. He's almost lost in his thoughts when Bastion nudges him, bringing his attention to the whispering professors a few steps away.

"She was in class when we started— maybe she got lost on the way?" Your professor turns from his coworkers and towards the milling students. "Can anyone go look for Miss [Name] quickly? She seems to have wandered off again!"

Immediately, Chazz throws his hand into the air— when he sees that several other boys have raised their hands to volunteer, he starts waving frantically and stretches up on his toes, doing his best to make sure he's seen. "Hey! If you don't give me permission, I'm gonna go anyways!"

The teachers chuckle, but nod at Chazz anyways, and then he's off like a shooting star. He vaguely remembers your class schedule for this semester; most courses are held in this particular building anyways, so even if he just pokes his head through classroom doorways, he should be fine.

Door after door, hall after hall, still no sign of you. Chazz snarls in frustration as he shoves open the door to yet another empty classroom.

"What the hell?!"

You're sprawled out on the stairs. Even from his spot in the doorway, Chazz can see that you're sweating heavily and struggling to breath— he stumbles over to you, dropping to his knees, grasping you by the shoulder and shaking you gently. "Hey, [Name], c'mon, this isn't funny—"

Your only response is a quiet moan. Chazz exhales, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to yours, only to immediately recoil— god, you're absolutely burning up. There's no way he's hauling you back to class like this. . . he considers calling someone else to help, but the idea of another man seeing you in such a vulnerable state doesn't sit right with him.

As carefully as possible, Chazz slides his arms under you, hoisting you up and holding you close. In your sleep, you whine, nuzzling closer to his chest— despite being so feverish, you shiver in his arms.

☆☆☆

When you finally open your eyes again, you're in a bed that you know isn't your own. You blink a few times, bringing one hand up to rub the sleep from your eyes; everything's white and sterile, and you can only assume you're in the infirmary? Slowly you sit up— ugh, everything aches. What happened?

"You need to take care of yourself too," a voice drifts through the curtains surrounding your bed.

"I'm fine, I want to stay here!" 

Ah, that's a voice you recognize.

"Chazz?" Your own voice is fragile and barely above a whisper, but clearly it's enough; the curtains swish aside, and he steps into your small room, concern painted over his face.

"God, you're so stupid," are the first words spilling from his mouth. Despite that, he smiles, although it's frail— he settles himself in the metal chair by your bedside, reaching out to grab your hand, squeezing tightly. "You should've just stayed in bed, dumbass."

"I. . . felt bad, knowing someone was worried." You shrug awkwardly, wishing you could put more into your voice. "Jaden sounded really concerned, and I did really feel fine—"

"Liar." Chazz scoffs. "And hey—" he stares you down for a moment, the tips of his ears turning red. He averts his eyes before continuing. "I'm always gonna be worried for you anyways, y'know. So like, try to avoid scaring me next time, damn."

You chuckle, but it quickly devolves into a coughing fit; Chazz lets go of your hand and leans closer, rubbing soothing circles on your back instead. Once you catch your breath, you also catch a glimpse of the clock on the wall— it's nearly midnight. You whirl to face him, anxiety visible on your face.

"It's so late! You need to go back and rest too!"

Chazz almost laughs— you'd been unconscious for nearly eight hours, and you're worried about him? He leans back in his chair and crosses his legs, smirking at you. "I'm staying here with you until you're better. Needing me and wanting me are two different things."

You can feel your face heating up under his gaze. Slowly you lay back down, pulling the thin infirmary blankets up in the hopes of capturing some heat. You're glad your voice is so weak at this point, because maybe he won't hear you. "I— want you and I need you, y'know."

Then you roll over and try to steady your breathing, pretending you're asleep, hoping he didn't hear that entirely. Chazz leans back in his chair, hoping he did hear it properly.

[rip I was hoping to get this posted on his birthday but things happened so it's a day late oops lmao]

[naysaltysalmon]

Shoutout to @tiburme for tagging me~!

Rules: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things and then tag 10 people.

Oh, massive spoilers below btw.

1. Gon Freecss from Hunter x Hunter: My favorite shounen protagonist by far. At first you think he’s your typical happy-go-lucky bouncy boye :D who definitely doesn’t have abandonment issues or self-destructive tendencies that literally actually almost kill him later on, and then, uwu... The amount of complexity that Gon has as a protagonist who hardly ever has stand-alone development is nothing short of astounding. How during the Chimera Ant Art his characterization totally dips off to the side to become an unknowable entity even to the audience, while still retaining amazing character development regardless -- not to mention how brilliantly daring his decision to threaten Komugi is that nearly every other author with such a happy-go-lucky protagonist would shy away from in cowardice -- is absolutely surreal to me. The more I think and write about Gon, the more I fall in love with him. If I ever meet his father, and by that I mean his real father, the creator, Togashi, I have nothing else to say but,,, well done, sir.

2. Tanjirou Kamado from Demon Slayer: I’m really hoping the Demon Slayer movie comes out soon because I absolutely love this boy and how charming he is. Unlike most protagonists, not just of shounen anime but of seemingly macho story lines that involve power-ups and training in general, Tanjirou never lets go of his kind heart. (Welp, except maybe in some cases when he’s facing the Upper Moons later on -- I haven’t caught up yet -- but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT for now.) From the beginning, Tanjirou’s kindness isn’t an obstacle holding back his power, though other characters pose it that way, but rather he cultivates his empathy to grant peace to the demons he faces. He smiles in the face of anyone who treats him poorly because of his cluelessness, and that’s just so heartwarming to see, and dare I say subversive to the hardened, calculating, and cocky male protagonists we so often get. Good job, Gotouge.

3. Joseph Joestar from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Giorno Giovanna was a close second, but I gotta go with Joseph. He’s the one who made me fall in love with the series, and with the later parts too. Unlike Jonathan Joestar, who was chivalrous and manly, Joseph was a riot: colorful, arrogant, funny, but also extremely clever. I absolutely loved his, “Next you’ll say...!” because at first I expected it to just be him being an overconfident asshole and eventually he’d be proven wrong at the ~Dai Pinchi Moment~ (please excuse my weeb speech, I legit didn’t know what else to call it), but then he hit the mark every time and eventually I was just waiting for when he’d pull that out and it was so hype. Also I surely can’t forget his transformation as an old dude in Part 3 -- him screaming “OOHHHH MY GAAAWDDDA!” and “HOLY SHIIIT!” murdered me every time. And of course, last but not least, the raw fucking emotion when Caeser died -- the dude actually gave a shit and wasn’t made entirely of wit and absurdity, but heart too. Joseph set the tone for what JJBA was as a whole for me (fuck off with that “but Part 3/Part 4 is the best Part” bullshit, Part 2 will always be top tier for me because of Joseph Joestar’s brilliant, bright, and beautiful absurdity -- but Part 5 was really good too). Araki really is a genius.

4. Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: My love for this series is a bit older than the series I’ve already mentioned, and TLoZ: TP was actually probably the first time I got seriously obsessed with a fandom. I love all the Links in their own ways, but Twilight Princess really drove home the “lone wolf chosen by the gods, fighting against the world” narrative for me. It made me feel important and strong at a time when no one cared about me. Seeing Link struggle silently through his quest with villagers who meant well but did nothing for him, and Midna who started out as a reluctant acquaintance and eventually became so much more, meant so much to me at the time I played the game. I will always love Twilight Princess the most because of what it did for me at one of the darkest times in my life, and because I felt completely and utterly immersed in every part of the story and gameplay through Link’s character, who was, and in many ways, still is, so relatable to me: Silent courage really is what I use to get through every day.

5. Greedling from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood): For once I’m not naming the protagonist of a series! Lissen, I still smile whenever I see the slightest reference to Edward Elric, but now he’s more of my childhood love. He’s just a part of my personality already? LOL. Anyway, FMA(B) has so many good characters that choosing just one doesn’t feel right (I mean, same with HxH tho). I say Greedling because that encompasses both Ling and Greed though, two of my favorite characters from the series! Ling’s apparent childishness in constantly running away from fights, making other people pay for his food, and failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation (until Lan Fan’s arm gets cut off lol oops) is so adorable and entertaining. He’s the best kind of idiot asshole, and I especially love how he teases Ed. After him and Greed fuse, Ling’s stout heart becomes even more apparent, as he constantly eggs Greed on to remember his past life, his friends, and become someone outside of Father/the Dwarf in the Flask. Conversely, Greed’s nonchalance and (of course) avarice are nothing short of entertaining and heartbreaking. Greed’s realization at the end, when he finally admitted to himself that what he wanted all along were “friends like these,” completely crushed me the first few times I watched FMAB. And when he’s screaming in the tunnels under Central after having killed Bido, remembering his friends, and he doesn’t understand why, and later attacks Wrath/King Bradley... that shit was so entertaining and cathartic to watch. None of his development feels like forced redemption, nor like it was too little development, since it mostly happens in the background and away from the “validating eyes” of the protagonists other than Ling. And at the end, when Ling and Greed work together to take down Bradley and all the soldiers invading Central HQ... it’s so beautiful. Many have said this before but I’ll say it again: Hiromu Arakawa wrote the perfect series.

6. Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler: Another protagonist! And another older obsession of mine. Ciel remains in my mind to this day mainly for his heartlessness in relation to his age, and the fluidity with which Toboso tells his story. Normally when authors write younger characters into their serious stories, they make “child adults” of sorts, but Ciel feels totally realistic to the extent that he is both childish and adult to me. Obviously, Ciel is responsible and (normally) level-headed due to being the head of the Phantomhive household, but also from trauma. Yet, his cruelty at times is what sticks in my mind the most: You really feel that he’s someone who feels he’s been abandoned by the entire world, given his experiences, and that makes him disregard or use others sometimes in order to reach his own ends. Normally, authors would be too cowardly to let their protagonists, let alone child protagonists, go to such lengths to avenge their family, or carry out their duty as the dog of the military (looking at you, Arakawa -- she’s still a goddess tho). But Ciel is unforgiving. He lies to Snake and tells him his troupe is still alive. He murders the entire troupe because he’s triggered -- a childish decision, but driven with adult-like power due to trauma. It’s devastatingly riveting, and I cannot forget his unrelenting, contained rage to this day.

7. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars: This one may come as a shock to most of you, because I hardly ever post Star Wars let alone Ahsoka content on here -- but it’s true. Other than the blatant, half-assedly inserted heteroromantic partner they gave Ahsoka in, like, idk season 3??, Ahsoka is a fucking goddess. From her origin as a wee baby in the earlier seasons who didn’t really know what she was doing and was a bit of a cocky brat, to how she matures and becomes wise, resourceful, and fierce in the later seasons, I just love Ahsoka’s design and character to this day. The episodes that stick in my mind aside from the obvious are when she’s possessed by the Dark Side of the Force on that Force balance planet and her arrogance becomes so exaggerated that she threatens and attacks Anakin, her teacher. It was so fucking cathartic. Normally female characters, let alone young protagonist female characters, are never allowed to show the ugly sides of themselves in fiction, since women are always portrayed as perfect beautiful majestic angels or some bullshit like that. (Or they’re cocky/sexy/slutty villain women. ‘Kay then.) Seeing Ahsoka devolve into her basal desires and come out of it like hardly anything happened and she’s still a perfectly valid character was so amazing to see on a meta level; it wasn’t about her learning a lesson or anything, it was a thing that happened like any other character and then they moved the fuck on. I also distinctly remember the episode where she was trapped on that island/planet and she had to take out the aliens that were after her all by herself. That was so fucking empowering to watch and god fucking dammit I need to rewatch this series now. And of course, let us not forget the fact that the entire time, we were all expecting Ahsoka to just be another domino in Anakin’s downfall -- and she was, but not through the refrigerator -- but through walking away from it all. That was so powerful and moving -- and heartbreaking. By the end of TCW, her character carried weight and agency in the narrative, and god, I only wish whoever wrote her could write more female characters in the future.

8. Tigress from Kung Fu Panda: Maybe another surprise, but I think she deserves this spot. Tigress is a female character who starts out as kind of an antagonist, given how she outright tells Po to leave the kung fu temple within the first day of him arriving. She’s even jealous of the fact that he’s chosen as the Dragon Warrior rather than her -- but that’s due to the backwash of years of trying to live up to the memory of Tai Lung in order to please Shifu (which means “master” in Chinese but ok I’ll shut up now), her master and mentor over the years. She never says this out loud in the movie, which is what makes her character more believable. Others even joke about how stoic she is (and not in bad taste). Her character development is definitely present for those who are looking -- but I put her on this list because I’m so happy the movie doesn’t make it some huge dramatic emotional thing, because so often in media women are depicted as being overly-emotional and here Tigress is just a hurt child trying to make her mentor happy. But, she gets over it, her and Po become allies, even friends to each other -- she and Po talk like equals in the second and third movies, and she even tells him to back out of the fight with Lord Shen and he listens (I mean he doesn’t stay put but he doesn’t undermine her opinion either lol, like most jokesy protagonists of Western media would -- looking at you, Marvel). I like Tigress because she’s an antagonist without being a bitch, she’s powerful without being overpowered, and she’s not sexualized despite being a well-trained, at times jealous, and even emotionally awkward kung fu master. And I almost forgot to mention the best part: There is never an indication of romance between her and Po, or any other character, for that matter. She’s perfectly capable, complex, and lovely on her own terms. And that’s that on THAT.

9. Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit: I wanted to include at least one character protagonist from a live-action movie/book, lol. I feel like Bilbo’s pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t wanna go on an adventure because he likes his doilies and warm sheets, but then Gandalf seduces him with the call to the outside world and possible death (LOL), and he fucking goes for it, grumbling the entire time. Isn’t that what any of us would do if given such a proposition? I like to think so. Bilbo obviously has his own gradual, evil transformation with the One Ring, becomes murderous and uses it to disappear, and grows a strong bromance with the King Under the Mountain (which happens in both the movie and the book), but I think what I like about him is that he really feels... down-to-earth? Like even though the adventure changes him, it never feels like he’s been stretched in a way that makes his core character traits of grumbling and bluntness disappear. He gets better at the whole adventuring thing, for sure, but he remains Bilbo, at least, to me, throughout the journey. It was heartwrenching watching him try to save Thorin in The Battle of Five Armies, honestly, but Bilbo’s the kind of character that I feel like has his own story and mythology aside from The Hobbit, and maybe that’s just the result of J.R.R. Tolkien writing the lore for every aspect of his universe, but My Point Still Stands. He feels like his own man apart from the series he’s in, yet he’s still so much fun in his series.

10. Barley Lightfoot from Onward: And last, this one is because I saw Onward yesterday and was pleasantly surprised by the characterization in it -- and anyone who thinks differently can kiss my *ss. :) I was not expecting the movie to take the twist of fleshing out the “annoying” (more like adorable) overconfident nerdy big brother. Normally those characters are swiped to the side because God Forbid The Comic Relief Have Any Sadness In Them. I was expecting the movie to focus on Ian’s journey to meet his fatha and that the movie would pull something stupid at the end like “oh actually there’s another phoenix gem underneath the school” or “actually since only his legs appeared then you still have 24 hours with him” or some shit like that, but I guess this isn’t an anime so those absurdist explanations wouldn’t hold water anyway. But still, for a kid’s movie, I was NOT expecting this movie to go so hard with the characterization. For once, the main character doesn’t get what he wants at the end, and instead realizes it’s his big brother, Barley, who’s been looking out for him his entire life. Meeting his dad would betray that reality. What happens instead is that the lovable big brother never actually said goodbye to their dad before he died, because when their dad got sick, said brother ran away from the hospital room in fear of all the life-sustaining equipment. (Is this some meta thing about Chris Pratt and Guardians of the Galaxy? Off topic and call me stupid, but I didn’t realize Chris Pratt plays him until I saw everyone freaking out about it afterward on Tumblr laksjdflak.) So instead, the lovable big brother talks to the dad at the end, and unconfident younger brother grows confidence and thanks big bro for being with him his entire life. It was so touching, dude. I cry. But the moment that sticks in my mind the most was when Ian was crossing the invisible bridge... Ian needed to have confidence in himself to be able to cross over a chasm in their path, and Barley knew that if Ian didn’t believe in himself, he would fall and die. They tie a rope around Ian for good measure, and Barley encourages him the entire way, but halfway over, the rope comes loose and slips off. Barley sees this and starts panicking, but of course continues to encourage Ian so that Ian will get to the other side. What got to me wasn’t the fact that he faked it for Ian, but that there are actual tears running down his face as he’s encouraging Ian to get to the other side, because he knows otherwise Ian wouldn’t have the confidence and would fall to his death. Like dude, that raw, complex emotion in a kid’s movie?! DUDE?! I was fucking surprised. The clear anxiety and grief in Barley’s face as Ian’s totally clueless and even dancing around in the air was just too much, omfg. Of course, then it’s played off for laughs, but... I guess that makes sense for the annoying overconfident nerdy big bro character. :’)

Okay these are way longer than I anticipated and I’m sorry, but also I’m really not. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on my favs!

Seems I don’t talk to that many people on here anymore: @stupidbluejay @mirycactusito @chronicstarlight

[blueboxesandtrafficcones]

The Nuptial Necessity - Chapter 8

A 12xRose Human AU

Despite an unglamorous job description, Rose loves the work she does with The Thistle Foundation, a charity founded by her best friend’s great-uncle.  It doesn’t hurt that her boss, her friend’s father, is easy on the eyes.  With a great job, wonderful friends and a loving family, life couldn’t be better – except for having someone to share it with.

All of that is threatened, though, when the great-uncle dies – and sets a strange condition for his nephew to inherit, jeopardizing the Foundation and Rose’s future, sparking a chain of events that might just get her everything she dreamed of and more.

Chapters will be posted on Saturdays and Tuesdays.  Many thanks to my beta, @stupidsatsuma

Rated: Explicit, for eventual smut

@doctorroseprompts

AO3  |  Masterlist

—

Sunday (cont’d)

Rose’s nails dug into her palms so hard it hurt, as she tried desperately to focus on the pain rather than the stream of words coming from her mother’s lips.  Doesn’t she get it? she raged, glaring across the table.  Why can’t she just leave me the fuck alone?

Malcolm’s warm palm on her knee was all that was keeping her from lunging across the table, the intimate touch setting her on fire, or at least the bits of her mind that weren’t tied up in rage.  He’d never touched her there before, and the slow drag of his thumb against the sensitive skin on the side of her knee made her want him to move his hand upwards and inward.

The fantasy played out for just a moment until the words nice widower punctured her daze and she tuned back in.

Are you fucking kidding me?  This is bullshit.

She didn’t plan it.  She hadn’t made up her mind.

She just wanted her mother to stop. talking.

“Malcolm and I are getting married.”

The words slipped out effortlessly, and she didn’t know what she was saying until they were out there like Pandora’s Box, unrecoverable.

Malcolm’s hand squeezed her knee tightly for just a moment before relaxing, and as much as she wanted to check his expression she couldn’t tear her eyes away from her mother’s stunned face, mouth opening and closing silently like a goldfish, looking for all the world like she’d walked into a wall.

“You… what?” Jackie asked faintly, her voice sounding loud and out of focus to Rose’s ear.

“We… we’re getting married.  Two weekends from now.  By a judge.”  Despite the oddness of the words it felt right, natural, and by the way Malcolm wasn’t having a nervous breakdown, he at least somewhat agreed.

“You’re getting married?” her mum whispered, and she nodded, catching the movement of Malcolm’s head as he mimicked her.

“Are you pregnant?” her father asked neutrally, and Rose startled, having almost forgotten he was there, anyone was there, with as intent as she’d been on Jackie.

Before she could answer, though, Malcolm spoke up, voice unusually rough.  “Of course not.”  They stared off for a beat, before Pete sighed and nodded.  For the first time since she’d heard about the will Rose remembered one glaring fact – that Malcolm and her father had been friends and quasi-business partners for almost twice as long as Rose had worked for him, had known each other long before Rose and Clara met at uni.

Oops.  That could be awkward.

Her father turned his eyes on her, and not even his unusually serious expression was enough to distract her from the sudden heat of Malcolm’s hand taking her palm, lacing their fingers together and squeezing gently, a warmth in her chest at his quiet show of support.  “Is this what you want?”

It was, desperately, though not how.  Among many other things, she’d imagined that, were something to ever happen with Malcolm, he would be as irrevocably in love with her as she was with him.  Be careful what you wish for, she thought sardonically.  Unable to open her mouth, afraid if any words came out they’d be accompanied by tears, or worse her real feelings, she just nodded, gripping Malcolm’s hand tightly.

After several moments that felt like lifetimes, her father gave a sharp nod.

And then burst into a great big grin.

“That’s wonderful!” he crowed, pushing back from the table and coming around to kiss Rose’s cheek before shaking Malcolm’s hand.  “Welcome to the family, son,” he joked, clasping Malcolm’s shoulder.  “I’ll get the champagne.”

“I-”

He was back in a flash with an ice-cold bottle, and she wondered dimly why they’d had one chilled, watching with a strange sense of detachment as Pete opened the bottle, sending the cork flying.  The pop seemed to startle everyone else back to life, as Clara began to squeal from her place on Rose’s left, throwing her arms around her and hugging her tightly.

Rose slowly turned her head to face Malcolm to find him already watching her with an impossibly soft and tender expression, one that was almost enough to move her to tears with the gentle awe radiating from him.

Really? he mouthed, arching an eyebrow, and she studied his face, committing this moment to memory.

Then, slowly, with a shy smile, warmth in her cheeks, she nodded.

-

Their afternoon cookout quickly devolved into an impromptu engagement party, though Malcolm didn’t miss Rose’s careful machinations to keep them from being split up.

Given it was her family he was content to let her do most of the storytelling, not wanting to contradict whatever she did- or more specifically didn’t- want them to know.  Instead he watched her, using the cover of ‘adoring fiancé’ to study her, allowing his eyes feast to upon her as his heart ached to do.

“So, why now?” Pete asked, only able to get a word in edgewise after more than an hour.  “Why the rush?”

Rose shrugged, leaning closer to Malcolm and peering up at him.  “Well…”

Guessing she wanted him to jump in, he said, “Wallace’s death put some things into perspective, I think, about what really matters in life.  I’d say that’s a large part of it.”  He had to elbow Rose when she snorted at the bit he left unsaid.  “It just… seems right, is all.”

“And when did you know?” Jackie asked, hauling Tony up onto her lap and cuddling him.  “That something was there.”

Malcolm tensed, unsure of what to do.  “Me?”

Half a dozen expectant faces stared at him, and he sighed.  “Right- well…” When Rose didn’t jump in to save him he realized he was going to answer the question; but how?  If he lied, they would likely see through it, but if he told the truth… he was worried it might be too convincing, and tip his hand.  Fuck.  “It was gradual,” he said, honestly enough, “but… I don’t know.  One day I looked at her and saw something I hadn’t before.”  His impromptu audience didn’t look satisfied, so he shrugged.  “To be perfectly honest, I think we were arguing over pizza toppings.”

Rose stiffened beside him, a peculiar expression on her face; almost as if she knew the evening he was talking about.  “The night before the Charitable Earth Gala,” she murmured, proving that she did.

He had no idea what to do with that.

“Yes,” he said softly, before clearing his throat and turning back to their observers.  “Anyway, that was… when I started seeing her a new light.”

Jackie nodded, mouth pursed, before turning back to her daughter.  “So, have you gone looking at dresses yet?”

-

Eventually her mum had to put Tony down for a nap, allowing Rose to escape to the library for some much-needed silence and alone time.

She had only just flopped down onto the couch when the door creaked open, and she tensed; if she stayed still and quiet and the person didn’t actually enter the room she wouldn’t be seen, and she prayed they would move on.

“Rose?”

I suppose he gets a pass.  “Yeah?”  She struggled upright as he entered the room, carefully shutting the door behind him before taking the seat next to her.  “Hi.”

“Hey.”  He sighed, stretching his feet out on the coffee table and leaning back.  “And to think Clara spent the entire ride over to pick up Danny lecturing me about causing trouble.”  He rolled his head to the side to face her, grinning.  “Kid’s never gotten so lucky in his life.”

Rose considered the lingerie she’d helped Clara buy for Danny’s birthday the month before, and smirked.  “Not sure that’s true.”

It was adorable, watching his expression cycle through the various emotions of confusion as they graduated to understanding and then horror.  “I didn’t need to know that,” he said in disgust, making her giggle.

“You said it.”

He nudged her with his elbow, and she shifted on the cushions to avoid it, turning her body more towards his.

“So…”

“So,” she mimicked, pulling her legs up under her.  “I guess it’s official.”

Malcolm nodded, expression turning serious.  “Listen, I understand why you said it- believe me, I do- but… is that what you really want?  I hate to think of you putting your life on hold for this, no matter how good a cause.”

Rose shrugged one shoulder, toying with the corner of the afghan spread along the back of the couch.  “Oh, come on,” she said quietly, “we both know it was always going to go this way, don’t pretend.  And it’s not like I’ve got a serious boyfriend whose life will be affected by this.  I want to do this, I do.  What we have- I can’t lose it.  Professionally,” she added in a hurry, realizing how close it came to a confession.  “Obviously.”

“Obviously,” he repeated, his tone a bit too flat.  “Are you-”

“Yes.”  She couldn’t help but smirk.  “Just think how badly this will piss off Missy.”

That got her a laugh.  “She’ll be furious,” he said fondly, “which for me is reason enough.  Now, when do you want to discuss this in detail?”

“Tomorrow?”  Pulling her mobile out of her back pocket, she opened the calendar.  “We’re both free at eleven- want to talk then?”

Malcolm nodded.  “Let’s order takeaway and talk over lunch- I’d take you somewhere nice, but it’s not exactly a conversation we want overheard.”

“Chips?”

“Anything you want,” he laughed, before briefly touching her knee.  “Really- anything.  For… all of this.  Name your price.”

Rose tilted her head, propping it up with an elbow on the back of the couch.  “Hmmm… well, you mentioned there would be actual duties and work and stuff with this, right?”

He nodded.

“Then a raise- not an extravagant one but something reasonable- would be fitting.”  She bit her lip, wondering if she should bring up her idea.

“What is it?”

“Clara said she and Danny are talking about getting a flat,” she said slowly, “something bigger and more centrally located than they have now.  You mentioned spare rooms… it would certainly be convincing if we were living under the same roof, which would leave my flat empty- which happens to meet all of their needs.”

Malcolm grimaced at that.  “Your logic is sound,” he allowed, “but I’m not sure how I feel about facilitating my daughter living with her boyfriend- even indirectly.”

“Probably about the same as she does about this.”

“Fair point.”  He reluctantly grinned.  “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you’re not asking for much, though you certainly could.”

Rose rolled her eyes.  “I don’t need your money,” she reminded him, “and I’m getting plenty of benefits- a title, a raise, to live in a nice Townhouse, not losing my job…” not losing you, she let go unsaid, but she wondered if he could hear it in her tone anyway.  “Point is, you don’t need to bribe me, or feel guilty.  It could all be a lot worse.”

“It could.”  He grinned.  “I don’t know if you know but Jo was training a temp for about a week before you started.  Nice bloke, smart enough, but I don’t think anyone would buy that.”

She had to laugh, trying to picture that.  “I met him on my first day,” she snorted.  “Didn’t really seem your type, to be honest.”

“He just didn’t have the legs.”

“Oh, you’re a legs man!” Rose crowed, whacking his chest.  “I should’ve known.”  She thought she’d caught him staring a few times, and resolved to never wear trousers to work again unless absolutely necessary.

“What can I say, it works for me,” he protested, lips curling up.  “Can’t be explained.”

Lifting up slightly she uncurled her legs in favor of draping them over his lap.  “Mhmm, well, if you promise not to get too pervy, you can give me a foot massage,” she said innocently, wriggling her toes.  “These dogs are barking.”

“You’re barking.”  He laid a palm over the tops of her feet, and she enjoyed the innate warmth as much as the spark of their skin meeting.  “But I suppose I’m stuck with you now.”

“I suppose you are.”

And they shared bright smiles.

[queenmorgawse]

transmigration for dummies

chapter three. mdzs scum villain au. read on ao3 + end notes.  credit to @lee-luca, esp as another bit of the comic is mentioned here.  previous | first | next 

One hour, thirty minutes and two hundred rules into his punishment, Jingyi is as bored as he’s ever been in this life. To top it all off, the System isn’t responding to any of his pleas for company, only responding with oops ): something went wrong when he tries to ping it. Back home, this is about when he would have given up on homework and started scrolling through his Twitter feed instead, but there’s not much he can do without his phone.

Ugh, he’d kill for one of these crappy McDonalds games. Even a Kinder toy would make him happy right now. Instead, he doodles on his torn-up first drafts, on which the ink made blots from his clumsy first attempts to imitate the original text’s elegant calligraphy.

He silently adds bic pens to the ever-increasing list of modern appliances he misses.

When badly-drawn stickmen get boring as well, he starts to think about the original Lan Jingyi in his life. Maybe that’s how it works, after all. Mom sure would love someone who’d actually go to bed early when she tells him to. On the other hand, once he got over the initial shock of modern Jingyi’s life, he’d probably find it pretty dull. High school isn’t about to compare to flying swords and cultivation, that’s for sure.  

Opposite him, Sizhui is bent over his own stack of scrolls, poring over rows and rows of tiny characters and absent-mindedly running his fingers along the lines. From the way he hums to himself when he thinks Jingyi is too busy copying to care, he guesses they’re music sheets of some kind. Unlike Jingyi, he looks like he’s actually engrossed in what he’s doing.

Too bad. Jingyi’s reached that point of boredom at which he needs to talk to someone or else he’ll implode. ( Still, he promises himself he’ll stop if Sizhui shows even a hint of genuine annoyance. )

“Hey, Lan Sizhui ⎯ can I call you just Sizhui? Um, sorry I got you stuck here.”

To his relief, the other doesn’t look irritated, just surprised. “Sizhui is fine,” he ventures after a few seconds. A smile breaks out on his face. “That’s good. I was afraid you were still mad me, you’ve been so awkward all day...”

Wait, what? Who’s angry at you? Someone who kicks kittens for fun, probably.

Oh right, me. Maybe he’s the one whose brain needs a reboot. How does he explain that it’s not him who’s mad? Hell, he doesn’t even know what the original is supposed to be mad about. For some reason, it feels weird to ask, just because it seems important enough that admitting he forgot would be insulting.

“Anyway,” Sizhui continues after coughing into his sleeve, “it’s alright, you don’t have to apologize to me. I’ve got to go over these before tomorrow’s lesson anyway, I might as well do it here.”

“Inquiry?” Jingyi ventures, maybe-maybe-not because it’s the only title he clearly remembers from the ones canon mentioned.

“Oh, no. Asking very specific questions is still a bit out of my reach, but Fa...Hanguang-jun wrote down a list of phrases for me, so we’re going to try them tomorrow.” His face softens at the mention of Lan Wangji. If this was a fic, this would be when Jingyi keels over and presses his face into a pillow for a little while.   

The chat devolves into musical cultivation. Jingyi muddles his way through it the best he can, feeling like he’s bullshitting an essay out loud, but Sizhui doesn’t seem to find his vague answers all that off-putting. He still pointedly glances down at the stack of unfinished notes on the table from time to time, but since Jingyi’s calligraphy has been getting worse and worse the less attention he pays to it, maybe it’s for the better.   

When dinner time rolls around, they eat their bowls sitting on the steps leading up to the Library Pavilion, after Sizhui rightfully points out Lan Qiren would have their skins if they spilled even a drop of sauce on the sect’s precious texts. Gradually, Jingyi feels himself relax.

“So, are we chill?” he asks between two mouthfuls of rice.

Sizhui just stares at him.

Right. No slang. “...I mean, we’re doing good, right? We’re friends?”

Something complicated passes over Sizhui’s expression. It’s too fleeting for him to catch more than a glimpse of it, especially as it’s overridden by his usual calm smile before Jingyi can shove another rice ball into his mouth, but he could swear the other winced.

Well, ouch. It must show on his face, because Sizhui suddenly looks alarmed and adds : “Yes, yes, we are!” Another smile. This time, Jingyi can definitely see the strain. “We’re friends. You don’t have to doubt that.”

“Oh. Great!” Jingyi resists the urge to reach out and gently punch his shoulder. Who knows how it’d be perceived. “We’re gonna spend a lot of time together, if I’ve got to keep copying rules, so...I wanted to make sure.”

【OOC behavior detected : contradiction of backstory despite hints : -20 points. Current balance : 65 points. 】

Shut up! I want him to like me!

“We’re friends,” Sizhui repeats one last time, like he’s trying to convince himself. Then he reaches for Jingyi’s shoulder and gives his robes a tug. “We should get back in there. Two more hours before curfew, you can still get a few lines in. I won’t distract you.”

“Ugh.”

Jingyi makes a face. Sizhui laughs, and the tension from earlier dissolves. “Come on. The more you get done, the faster it’ll be over.”

-

It turns out they’re both severely underestimating the number of rules Jingyi can break without realizing, and therefore the amount of time they’ll be spending here.

Despite these setbacks, over the course of the next handful of weeks, Jingyi adapts to his new life the best he can. He finds out, with much relief, that even though he can’t access the original’s knowledge and memories, training since childhood pays off even after a body swap. He doesn’t have to think too hard about sparring, just keep a firm grip on his sword, and his muscles can apparently do the rest with minimal effort on his part.

It only works with the actual fighting, though. After going to bed feeling sore all over for a week straight, Jingyi gives up and gives the cold springs a shot. It freezes his limbs off, but the ache gets better after that. It even gets him about a dozen points, which he adds to the rest, gained through menial tasks across the Cloud Recesses and some well-timed mischief.

He also likes to think he gets some progress done with step one of his grand plan to survive this novel. There’s no undoing years of being a pain in everyone’s ass in a matter of weeks, but Jingyi still gives it his best shot - peppered with tasteful cursing at the System when it deducts points for actually following the rules or, you know, not being a dick to everyone he talks to. As a result, he goes from mostly being avoided by the other disciples to tolerated, even if no one but Sizhui goes out of their way to talk to him or invite him to join in on...whatever fun they have.

Jingyi doubts he’s missing out on much, at least where the Lans are concerned. But rumor has it some of the guest disciples snuck out into Caiyi to try some of the local wine, and he’s jealous of that, which is kind of irrational. He doesn’t even like the taste of wine that much, and besides, that may be too much of an infraction for a raised Lan, however prone to rule-breaking said Lan is supposed to be.

( He really can’t afford to slip up again. When he dared chop a solid forty centimeters off his hair after struggling to run a comb through it for the fifth time that week, the System’s alarm blared so loud he almost had an out of body experience. He’d felt the hundred points shaved off his score, though, even if he’d managed to negotiate half of them back. That was the spiritual equivalent of having a car zoom past right as you were about to cross the street, and Jingyi’s in no hurry to do it again...but with that said, it feels great not to have to deal with a bird’s nest every time he wakes up. )

-

Of course, he can’t just get comfortable with his new daily routine. Something has to happen. This time, said something takes the shape of a summon from Teacher Lan. Jingyi drags his feet over from the Library Pavilion and away from his sixth copy of Gusu Lan rules. His wrist is still complaining every time he bends it a little too far. Fuck corpse powder, it’s carpal tunnel that’s going to do him in.

Speaking of copies, maybe he shouldn’t slump this much. He’s fairly sure there’s a rule for that somewhere in the two thousand and nineties.

Given the circumstances, Jingyi fully expects another lecture from Lan Qiren the moment he sets foot in the communal hall, but quickly readjusts his expectations when he spots the small crowd of disciples gathered around their teacher. Most of them are familiar faces by now, except for the girls, who for some reason live in a completely different part of the Cloud Recesses. Still, he recognizes Lan Fan, the shimei who looks like she could bite your head off but actually gave him some pretty helpful tips on sword stances the other day, Tao Ming, the boy who’d seemed vaguely suspicious of him that first day, and of course, Sizhui in the forefront.

Lan Qiren narrows his eyes at him as he hastily joins the rest of the group. “Late again, Lan Jingyi.”

“Sorry, Teacher. This disciple was busy copying rules when he heard.”

A few of his companions snort, the noise quickly disguised as a sudden and collective bout of coughing. Jingyi can’t blame them ; if he’d heard the same words everyday for weeks on end, he’d be laughing too. Lan Qiren gives a long-suffering sigh, but whatever he’s about to tell them must take precedence, because Jingyi gets away with what might otherwise have been considered cheek.

“Madam Mo of Mo Village has sent us a request for assistance.” Given their teacher’s expression, he might as well said that she’d beaten down their door in the middle of the night and let a donkey loose in the courtyard. “From the servants’ description, it shouldn’t be anything more than a few walking corpses. Nothing a group of juniors cannot handle.”

Yeah, right. Despite knowing he’s supposed to let canon run its course, Jingyi still feels a twinge of apprehension. Why, you ask? He can answer that in two points.

Things Jingyi knows : mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Things Jingyi doesn’t know : how to kill zombies with swords.

In theory, he did spend the last few weeks training, and he didn’t slack off either, thank you very much. Doesn’t mean he’s ever gone up against a corpse before. He’s a coward, okay? Horror movie night was hell, back in his own world. He’s in no hurry to experience it in real (?) life.

“Lan Sizhui will lead the group,” Lan Qiren continues. “I expect all of you to keep your behaviors appropriate and not bring shame onto our sect.” To no one’s surprise, Jingyi thinks, and throws the interested party a small smile. To his surprise, Sizhui blushes and looks down at his boots, looking both embarrassed and pleased. It’s an unfairly cute look on him, but again, most of his looks are.  

Right on cue, the System wheezes to life like it just crawled out of a computer from the nineties.【Beginning stage checkpoint mission assigned. Destination : Mo Village. Mission : ensure the protagonist, Wei Wuxian, makes it to Mount Dafan to meet love interest Lan Wangji. Please click to accept.】

Jingyi mentally slams the Accept button.

Ding!  【Mission successfully accepted. Please read the file carefully for mission details and make appropriate preparations. We wish you success. 】

OOC function, here he comes!