#or if it's just me being afraid of being cringe
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what is your worst "hear me out" for transformers? mine is tarantulas like a spider in irl hell no… but a big robot spider thats hot
Probably Tarantulas (I love his Earthspark design) or IDW Waspinator.
I read Windblade for Metroplex lore and it reminded me of this messed up, fatally gullible mech that is everyone’s punching bag and just knows it.
Worker Bee
IDW Waspinator x Reader
• Dragging his broken body, his alt mode scrabbles for purchase in the leaf litter. It’s hard to focus on much besides the pain and finding somewhere safe to hide and heal. He’s not even sure what he did, only that Skywarp had pointed at him right before Megatron went ballistic on him and the two other Decepticons that had been close by. Maybe he had done something wrong. He must have. “Waspinator’s fault,” he rasps, antenna flicking because there’s light up ahead, a building where he’ll be out of the snow just beginning to fall. Leaving the tree line, he drags himself inside, legs scrabbling and knocking over a metal can that clatters as it goes rolling and he collapses on the straw inside. So tired, burrowing in.
• Looking up from your book at the noise, you groan because the raccoons are back and they’ve tipped over the trash can. It’s late and you just want to ignore it and deal with it in the morning, but there might be garbage strewn across the yard by then. Standing, you tug on a coat, grab a flashlight, and a rifle just in case it’s a bear, not cute little trash pandas raiding your garbage. You’d left the barn door open apparently and you find the can turned over, but its contents not scattered everywhere. Maybe the sound scared them off? Setting the gun down, you right the can and turn as something shifts within the hay, rising slowly to tower over you.
• There’s a human with a weapon. Here to hurt him, because everyone does. They always do. It hurts to transform and reach for the human, but his injuries throw him off balance and he crashes down, knocking the little organic sprawling with him. And you’re screaming at him, your fear jangling through him making him curl forward, servos over his head. Waiting for a blow that doesn’t come. “Not hurt Waspinator?”
• Hyperventilating as the monster lifts its big head slightly, you can’t even scream. Voice overlayed with slow buzz, the thing had spoken. It’s gigantic, seizing your ankle when you try to crawl away and dragging you back, looming over you. All you can do is hold up your hands in supplication as those awful mandibles work and those glowing optics stare. “Don’t hurt me.”
• This is new. Someone afraid of him? It should make him feel powerful to be the one feared for once, but it just makes him oddly ill. Sitting up and gingerly touching the wound in his torso sluggishly bleeding energon, he makes a buzzing click of his mandibles. “No hurt,” he says as you scramble to your hands and knees to put some distance between you. “Already hurt,” he adds tiredly, and you hesitate in your retreat. Staring at the energon welling through his servos. You take a hand through your hair, expression twisting.
• All you have to do is run like hell. That thing, Waspinator it had called itself, is hurt too badly to chase you. But there’s something about its defeated tone that makes you feel guilty. This isn’t your problem. Big and scary was already hurt when he crashed in your barn. So why do you go over to the workbench and retrieve a roll of duct tape? He hisses at you, rearing back when you try to touch him and you freeze. “Cut that out,” you snap and his antenna flatten back. Not hurt Waspinator? You’d guessed with the way he’d worded that question that maybe he’s used to being hurt. That he’d fold if you acted aggressive and you were right. It’s unsettling to see a giant, metal death bug cringe like a puppy being scolded. But he doesn’t make a peep as you find the hole in his metal side and gingerly tape the leaking lines, trying to not think too closely on what you’re touching or that your hands are inside him rooting around. “Waspinator, right?” The way he’s just staring down at you with those wide glowing optics just cements in your head that he’s a big, really ugly puppy.
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in case you don't live forever by ben platt is so branch coded the urge to write fanfic is killing me rn
like he knows poppy wont live forever and he's not gonna lie to himself that she might get hurt or die, and his arc is literally just him saying 'screw it, living well is better than living safe' and choosing to love her anyway and aghhhhhhhh
#branch#trolls branch#music#ben platt#i keep trying not to brainrot about trolls on main#idk if i just know i don't have time for another muse#or if it's just me being afraid of being cringe#on the literal cringe website#but screw it#branch taught me some stuff about myself#and i love the trops#and music#and everything that speaks to you deserves to be explored#so cringecore is back baby
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seeing some prophecy discourse which has once again reminded me why i personally find the prospect of dany as the prince that was promised really compelling. and it makes the targaryens so much thematically richer. like, they only survived the doom through the power of prophecy and then the visions marked them forever and this thing, this blessing which gave generations of targaryens some existential meaning eventually morphed into a curse which brought so many of them great misery—"my brothers dreamed of dragons too, and the dreams killed them, every one." (aemon, affc) and in due course almost ended their line once again with rhaegar. but then dany happened.
almost four hundred years since the doom when prophecy saved them and nearly killed them again on the trident, dany was born. dany who carries echoes of all her targaryen ancestors within her. she's aegon the conqueror come again but she's also maegor the cruel when she promises the khals who had hurt her khalasar would die screaming. she's rhaenyra in her struggles to wield power and establish legitimacy as a woman, she shares her sense of egalitarianism with egg, and she drinks from the cup passed from rhaegar, i.e. inherits (what he once thought of) his narrative destiny to help defend the realms during the long night.
dany who is both their beginning, since she's the first targaryen created and introduced to us on page and the narrative end point of their dynasty. which reflects all the way into her arc being cyclical by design as it calls back to the foundation of the valyrian empire in essos—during the fifth war the freehold torched old ghis with dragonfire so nothing would grow there again and centuries later this girl, the last dragon, is going to help plant trees there again. it's not about retreading old ground or rejecting her house words but about redefining what it means to be the blood of the dragon. which is not to say all that came before her was meaningless since this recontextualisation is only possible through the three centuries of ancestral history weighing on her. and dany's very existence echoes back in time because the prophecy itself has influenced the lives of generations of targaryens. three hundred years of history, all the glory and the horror concentrated in this one person-point. the prince that was promised not simply as a figure of the long night but as someone who is the apotheosis of their house. dany as both their beginning and their end, because the iron throne is presently a symbol of stagnation, a world in stasis, and it has to go. no restoration, instead the old world dying in fire and a new world being born in the aftermath.
#linked that dragons planting trees post because i'm afraid someone will show up in the notes to say “dragons plant no trees” 💀#sorry to be a cringe prophecy poster but the themes and symbolism got to me.#and yeah i recall “r'hllor shows me only snow” i'm not saying it can't be jon in any capacity just that i find this thematically compelling#and this is not to say jon's irrelevant or that his targaryen heritage would mean nothing for his character#but in the five books so far the heart of his story are the free folk. the cup being passed from mance. and he does drink from it#the echoing all her ancestors thing happens to a lot of characters. archmaester rigney was onto something with his wheel of time reference#all the accomplished brandons through 8000 years of stark history. bran's namesakes. old nan sometimes confusing him with them.#which could mean nothing.#dany#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#*[🫀]#melnibonean expys
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i think isolating the bats from their teams and external support systems is like….. functionally bad. like wdym red hood is on dicks speeddial but his actual soulmate donna troy isn’t. why is everyone in gotham. why do these people have no friends
#fic where the league never meets the bats and are super intimidated by them but somehow dick is still nightwing#every fic where people call jason for help instead of the titans or the bop#fic where wally hangs around dick 24/7 but there’s no linda or iris or the twins or hartley or anyone else mentioned#donna is just totally mia. roy is there for jason to get mad at or fight ollie for#kon waxes poetic about being a clone but is otherwise an accessory to tim#the bats are so smart and special and league is so afraid of them as if everyone doesn’t collectively think bruce is cringe#cass is in hong kong. again. for some reason#no one knows who garth is#look me in the eyes and tell me guy gardner would give a shit about bruce waynes menacing aura
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My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)
When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.
She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.
She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.
She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.
...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.
Remember this line?
You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:
Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?
...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)
As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.
She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.
I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.
...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.
I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.
And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.
She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.
During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.
She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.
But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.
Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.
...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?
But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.
If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.
I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.
She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.
Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.
So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.
She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.
For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.
She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.
But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.
If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.
But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.
He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.
He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)
She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.
He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.
Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.
They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.
None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.
Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.
It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.
Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.
She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.
She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...
She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.
I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.
How much he loves her.
And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.
Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.
It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.
She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.
I feel like this moment here...
-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.
Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.
And it's all thanks to Sonic.
If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.
Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.
He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.
Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.
Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.
They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.
"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
#piko rambles#sonic the hedgehog#amy rose#Meant to be platonic but I don't care if you tag as ship lol#I've been meaning to post something like this for the longest time now but never really got into posting it-#-because you guys REALLY hate seeing these two together for some reason.#Well not for SOME reason. There are valid reasons why you don't ship them. Everyone has valid reason why they don't ship this or that.#But sometimes those reasons can just sound so petty to me. Like the reason why is because Amy is a stalker or Sonic hates her which is FALS#Also those age gap arguments are understandable but so goddamn annoying sometimes. Maybe when they hit their late teens or early twenties-#then they can be together if they want to. Besides a good percentage of Sonic ships are better off if they waited til they're old enough im#I love them regardless of whether they're just friends or an awkward older cringe fail couple lmao#But them being just friends and hiding away all their emotions towards each other just to keep them safe and happy with them- 😭😭😭#Son/adow is my favorite ship of all time and sonamy is my favorite childhood ship/platonic ship because they both have one thing in common.#ANGST 😀#I've been thinking about Sonic and Amy's dynamic as of late and MAN-#Mixed with some personal headcanons of mine and their dynamic as of late just makes me so emotional.#Sonic and Amy have gotten so close now and it's so sweet but so heartbreaking at the same time when you think about it.#I'm so happy they are getting along better and being there for each other but there is so much to dissect here. So much to think about.#I might be a little silly but Amy losing her parents and being alone for so long and being the reason why she's always hanging onto Sonic-#-explains SOOOOOOOOO much about her. At least that's my headcanon for WHY that is.#Amy with abandonment issues speaks to me on a personal level. I'm always afraid of being forgotten or left behind by my family.#I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough no matter how hard I try. I do not blame Amy. I relate to her a lot. It's one of the many reasons#-why Amy is my favorite character besides Sonic and Shadow.#She fights hard to prove she's a valuable member of the team and hates getting left behind but despite all that she wasn't afraid to-#-express herself and her love for people. But after the Eggman War there was some changes that made her less expressive about her love.#Yeah she still loves Sonic but she doesn't admit it because none of that matters anymore and she thought that not being loved by Sonic#-is better than being loved since she nearly wasted her life loving someone who she thought has constantly bothered. 🥲#But I think after TMoStH I think she'll be less afraid of being expressive about it. She and Sonic are just so caring for each other 😭#I love these two way too much that when I think about them for too long I'll start SOBBING 😭😭 I'M EVEN SOBBING RIGHT NOW LMAO
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it’s so hard being a datv lover on the internet right now, i can’t make any comments about how much im enjoying the game without some weirdo on reddit being like “yeah but dont you find the dialogue so cringe? doesnt it feel so disney+ to you?” and when i ask what they mean without fail they’re like “well have you seen taash talk about their gender” 😐
#like idk how to explain this#bc obviously ppl can have criticisms of the game 😭 but so curious to me how many ppl are like#only giving one example of ‘cringe’ writing and it’s always ab taash’s gender exploration 😭#i thought their talks were extremely touching as someone who is nonbinary but sure lets let a bunch of cis ppl control the narrative#idk it makes me sad to see how adverse ppl are to having a nb main character#i get it that the whole ‘discovering your identity’ trope isnt everyones favorite but#the way i see it i think it is amazing that theres a character who is vocal ab their identity#too often i see cis ppl have sentiments like#‘you can do what you want in your own home just dont talk to me about it’#so i appreciate that taash is vocal about this. i like that they’re not afraid to talk about their identity#like idk but i can’t remember EVER having a nb main character who is explicitly so#so genuinely seeing someone being vocally represented. it’s nice. idk!#i just hate how much ppl are attacking them bc ‘talking about gender identity is cringe’#like maybe you just think nb people in general are cringe if you recoil at the mere discussion of one’s identity idk#anyways. this was long winded. i’m gonna stay off reddit for a while bc everyone annoys me 😭 ty tumblr for being the only place w#good opinions
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if i get one more tiktok with a ttpd sound imma genuinely lose it, it sounds so bad and cringe and god pls spare me
#'lyrical genius' after making a song that is meant to be used in a 15 sec vid and little else#anti taylor swift#just in case#but i want a space to rant#'whose afraid of lil old me? u should be?' gives off SO MANYY cringe vibes#like it's meant to be used in a tiktok audio with text saying 'when im nice but then im not >:)'#cmon now#and if ppl r like 'then dont listen to her' IM TRYING HER MUSIC IS BEING FORCED DOWN MY THROAT#whoever said she did no marketing is lying cause she deadass had it on spotify and a lil icon on tiktok#ok n e ways just a lil rant <3
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Lark says "Hi, dad" and it is cold. Tired. Distant. That's all that's left between them-- "Dad" is a hollow thing. There's nothing there. Or, well, maybe one thing is there: Blame. It's someone's fault, and maybe it's Lark's, maybe it's Henry's, but someone's to blame. Maybe both of them are.
Sparrow says "Hi, dad" but what he's really saying is "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He's begging, pleading, and later, when he finds himself all but CLINGING to his father, he knows his apologies are hollow things, and no one is listening. Because yes, Sparrow is his father's son, but oh, Henry is his brother's father, and both have had enough of begging, of boundaries built and broken. But all Sparrow has are apologies--that's all that's left.
Guilt--that's all that's left between the three of them.
#HIIIII dndads fandom enjoy this piece of cringe 💖#ANYWAY i had to get my thoughts out bc i have been BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS#Anthony could have just said 'hi dad' once for both of them but he DIDN'T and THAT made me unwell#and then henry HARDLY hugging sparrow back???? AHHHH#left me thinking about how will had said previously Henry never really dealt with the anger he had with his kids#and how we've seen at least lark turn henrys talk of boundaries against him and i#Henry being so CIVIL to avoid another blow up fight with his kids so afraid to do anything wrong so wanting to do RIGHT#by what his kids want by what boundaries they've set#and in the end he ends up out of their lives to quite honestly the detriment of nearly all of them (i cant get started on lark rn lol)#idk idk im butchering this!!#its just they are all so GUILTY for things they could change and things they couldn't and that HAUNTS them#i am shaking the bars of my enclosure!!!! i need to lay down#dndads#dndads spoilers#dungeons and daddies
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Hey, I'm gonna make a bit of a long post here. It's going to be ramble-y, it's going to be kind of a stream of thought deal, and I don't really know where it's going to end up as I'm writing this. It's personal, and it's something I feel strongly about, and it has to do with my last textpost.
So. The topic of today is:
I Don't Like Talking About Myself Anymore.
And no, this isn't going to be some post where I'm just venting, but moreso analyzing why. I need to get my thoughts out there on this, and I need to...talk about it, really. Just throw it off my chest, into a wild where maybe six people will read it. So let's get into it.
Last night, in a small bit of frustration, I made a post talking about people trying to over-analyze media, and give it an objective rating of it being good or bad, and indirectly using that as some high ground, telling people that they shouldn't like something because it's "objectively bad". If you want to read that, I'll put a link to it below.
Link to post: Fair warning, I use a bit of harsh language. I stand by it, though.
And ever since I posted this, I've been in a lot of thoughts about it. What brought this surge of emotion up? Why do I feel so particularly strongly about it? Why is this a belief I hold close to my heart? And - the answer isn't really simple. Like most emotions people go through, it ends up being a complex weave. So let's start with the absolute basics.
First thing's first. Part of the reason I feel so strongly about this is, that, there's a natural element of attachment to the media that people enjoy, and that includes myself. *I* have some form of attachment to the media I enjoy. FPSes, the dnd campaign I play in every week, the small bits of music and other games that I enjoy, the people I like watching on youtube or even the small amount of shows I enjoy watching. All of it takes up at least somewhat of a portion of my life, and as such, it becomes part of...who I am, in a way. Media sticks with people, it can influence them in various ways.
And now, we live in a world where people end up trying to analyze everything to a point where nobody can just admit that they *dislike* something these days. There always has to be some kind of justification for their dislike, there always has to be some logical, realistic reason for it that makes sense in their head. So, they come up with reasons why. And those reasons can range from a wide variety of things. For example, if I told someone I liked the genre of metal in music, I could get a response along the lines of, "Oh, metal (the genre of music) is too formulaic. Everything's the same, so it's bad. And, the lyrics end up sounding like a kid wrote them", instead of that person just saying "you know, I really do respect your tastes in music, however, I am not a fan of metal, because it simply isn't for me." The latter of these two responses would legitimately tell me, the person speaking, that, hey. I can respect that this isn't for them, and that I can disengage the topic on friendly terms. Not everyone's going to mutually like the exact same things, and that's part of being human. However.
The first response is where things get bad. Because now, suddenly, I feel confronted. I now have to sit there and justify my like for something, in a heated debate that I didn't want to have in the first place, because here I was, pouring my heart out about something I love. And now, that love is being attacked by someone who had no real purpose in it. And it doesn't even come out of a place of malice, most of the time. People are nowadays super trained into thinking that they have to fit into these very specific camps or else like...they'll be laughed at, or whatever.
So, this all leads me back to the topic at the top of this post. I don't like talking about myself anymore. I don't like going off about the hobbies I have. The OCs whose stories I think about every day, my favorite video games or movies or songs or...any of it. Because the default response these days seems to be that, if I'm not talking with someone who likes the things I like, that I'm going to be met with some form of backlash on it. And it hurts. It genuinely really hurts. I hold up something I genuinely love, and I want to talk about it with people. (At least, when people want to hear about it. Don't force things on people, that also isn't right. Something I'm working on myself, too.) I want to share it, and now I'm afraid to, because at the end of it all, I think I'm going to be...harassed, or chastised, or ridiculed, or some other thing, because that happens to be the default now. And now I feel backed into a corner, where I've put myself in some kind of shame box that I'm only now after maybe 15 years starting to slowly work my way out of.
Just respect other people's hobbies, as long as they aren't harmful. That's all I ask.
#sorcerer rambles#long post#final extra thoughts:#I once had someone who I am very good friends with say something along the lines of like#"oh#And in the moment I really didn't know how to respond#I like the gunplay and the world and the gameplay of it all#and if the person who said that reads this#I do not harbor any ill will towards you for that. You apologized and owned up#I'm just using it as an example because it was the first thing that came to mind#but like I was legitimately hurt in the moment#something about it felt like I was being insulted for this thing I like#and I know that this experience isn't going to be universal#but it's important enough to me. To who I am.#I want to love other people's hobbies. I want to take part in other people's joy.#I want to love my own hobbies too. But now I'm just afraid#I'm afraid to talk about it. I'm afraid to even *like* my hobbies at this point#and I need to grow out of it. So talking about it like this is a step.#And it's a step I need to continue taking. Be cringe and be free.#Cringe culture is dead anyways. Fuck that
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it's been over 2 weeks and this thing (unfortunately) still has a grip on me
#rant in the tags coming so please do scroll away if you enjoyed the finale 🙏#you know how with some things you'll be like 'I had some negativity towards this thing but--#now that it's been some time I feel better towards it'?#my thoughts on the finale have only gotten worse since it released 🥲#being given more time to think on it made me notice more things I had wrong with it#like I really wanted to give it the benefit of the doubt but it is so difficult#when I tried ranking the episodes from best to least favorite#I'd come to realize that I couldn't put either finale episode above the other for the bottom two#they both gave me the same feeling of being doused in ooze 😭#I've written a good handful more thoughts on why I disliked it since the last rundown I had posted#though I'm afraid if talking about this is considered cringe or old news now that it's been a minute since the eps came out lol#I've watched the finale in full two times just to take everything in but I don't think I can do it again anytime soon#I think there's about 8-10 mins of the finale that I genuinely enjoyed#the rest making me want to cry in disappointment or was just 'okay' to me#just gotta 'it is what it is' my way through knowing the show ended like That. we stay silly!#however- writing about it does give me a little bit of relief lol#adventure time#at#fionna and cake#petrigrof#simon petrikov#betty grof#my post#my art
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so I kind of fell into the roblox rabbithole
#(warning these tags are just goona be me yapping)#the pressure fix isnt exactly new at this point but shhhhh#that was the one that started this all that was the gateway drug#for those curious the other two are regretevator and phighting#im actually kind of really embarrassed by this. like yeah be cringe and free but#I may be cringe but I am Not free#(plus people can be really mean abt this stuff and I dont want random people yelling at me for the crime of liking a game)#heavily debating making another sideblog just for like. stuff im afraid to post on this one for fear of being Cringe
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okay . i think im going to go for it and ask my professor to read my yuri jellyfish poem (that i plan to submit to some places.....) on mon or tues -BLOWS UP VIOLENTLY-
#seeing my therapist for the first time in THREE WEEKS has resulted in some normalness being injected into my brain#gwah . i think itll be okay#im so afraid that he'll think im / my writjng is cringe and embarrassing and that he'll wonder why im even showing it to him but i think its#all just . anxiety . so so much of it#and after much rationalization i think itll be ok .#hes never been mean to me esp about my writing so its unlikely he'll be mean now . im just scared bc its p personal writing#I WILL BE FINE.......#ss
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#chicken speaks#figured out my resolution for this year#idk i feel like spending so many formative years on the internet has made me develop a fear of being misinterpreted#or being seen as cringe which is a very stifling mindset because cringe is dead!!#i need to get used#to not being so afraid#and being okay with expressing myself and having fun and not thinking so much about these things#even just thinking of posting this makes me feel a bit nervous kfsks#man
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Like, not that you aren't "allowed" to like Bad Art™ (and I do, in fact, like a lot of art that I think is bad), but there's a certain kind of isolation that comes from thinking something is genuinely good and incredibly meaningful and that it excels artistically, and coming across a bunch of people who think it's just. Bad. Who do not see the meaning in it and who think it is artistically lacking, if not bankrupt. Because if you hate something acclaimed/popular, then you're just contrary. But if you unironically love something that's widely-disparaged, you're "cringe" which, for some inexplicable reason, people consider to be the worst kind of personal sin imaginable.
#like this is not me being afraid of being perceived as 'cringe' I don't care and I already know that I am#this is me once again lamenting that people seem to judge other people by some rubric that I don't understand and that makes it#difficult to build relationships with other people#something something disconnect from humanity something something no one to share the more intense parts of your life with#something something 'Patrick tell me what the secret is. Just tell me what the secret is. Is there a manual? Do you have the manual?#I know you have the manual Patrick. I know it's in your TRUCK Patrick!'
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honestly i think if i knew at any point from like 17-19 that i would end up a friendless loser at 22 i wouldve killed myself then to spare myself the humiliation
#the only thing that sustained my sense of self then really was the notion that i wasnt a complete loser#and that i was improving above other people & that i had recovered from being lame earlier in life#well. look at me now. and honestly i dont know if i was right#ive gotten back into things that i considered 'cringe' for a while (principally fanfiction and fandom) just because theres few things which#make me feel any sense of happiness & i have to stick to what i can get . ive tried not to self censor as much because of fear of being see#as cringe recently. because again i simply dont want to deny myself the few damn things i Have#but now it feels like . idk. ive become the person i was afraid of being when i was younger#and i dont know how to feel about it. because i dont feel good about myself. but i would only be more miserable if i tried to censor all th#things i was allowed to like and what ways i was allowed to like them again#its like. i already let anxiety completely and utterly rule my life irl. if i let it online too i wouldnt have anywhere to be#in any way authentic at all
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thinking about the fact that "there's always a better UTAU and anything you can do and have done has probably been done leagues better by someone else with a better set up, better mic, more practice, better pronunciation, etc..." is a statement that would have once inspired such frustration and agony and desire to quit in me, but nowadays just has me like
phew ! ! ! thank god ! ! ! ! ! w
which is such a switch-up but honestly probably illustrates one of the biggest differences between pre-UTAU hiatus me and post-UTAU hiatus me w
#that and the fact that current me doesn't feel the need to hide their love of the community behind 6 layers of sass and contrarian nonsense#like my god i was sooo afraid of being cringe that i went out of my way to make crevan like That™#(spoilers: that ended up being cringe in its own right but i forgive myself for that ksjhdfglkj)#but back to the original point#i just keep thinking about the number of times i've seen people in the comments of UTAU release videos get indignant#and express such frustration and disappointment and vitriol towards the creator for not making a perfect library#and it's just like#my guy#libraries like kohaku merry are right there#you have gekiyaku and all the other super expressive multipitch VCVs with ten million appends#why are you acting so entitled over what is essentially someone's hobby OC#unless explicitly marketed as such#UTAU libraries are not a product#they're a neat little labor of hobbyist love that people don't even need to share but choose to because that's part of the fun#because so much of UTAU is all about finding the VBs you like and using them to make your own works ! ! !#there's literally an endless supply so if you don't like one you can just#move on#like i just don't get it#not every UTAU has to be this perfect end-all professional product ala kasane teto or all the other big name libraries#the whole charm is that they are a silly little indie thing#and i just straight up don't understand why someone would rather get huffy over a personal library than move on
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