#too often i see cis ppl have sentiments like

[stinkrascal]

it’s so hard being a datv lover on the internet right now, i can’t make any comments about how much im enjoying the game without some weirdo on reddit being like “yeah but dont you find the dialogue so cringe? doesnt it feel so disney+ to you?” and when i ask what they mean without fail they’re like “well have you seen taash talk about their gender” 😐

[fetidfruit]

application.

──   (  sophie wilde. 23. cis woman. she/her.  ) thank god you’re here, man - have you seen TABITHA “TABI” SWALLOW anywhere? i totally lost them after their rendition of softly by clairo last night. no? they’re like, aye - high and go to LANGSTON - i think they’re a SOPHOMORE studying FASHION DESIGN? but who knows, these days. all i know is that they’re INTUITIVE & COMPASSIONATE and a CANCER . last night they kept going on and on about how they won MOST LIKELY TO BRIM WITH TEARS OVER A BEADED LAMPSHADE GATHERING DUST IN THE BACK OF AN ANTIQUE SHOP last year, which is cool and whatever, but i just wouldn’t expect it out of them, considering they’re so, like, SHY & HOPEFUL, you know? anyways - i’m going to check down by franklin & brown antiques, i think that’s where they like to hang. text me if you see them, okay? bye! / as penned by nai.  28.  gmt.

student file.

full name — . tabitha alina swallow.

nickname(s) — . tabi or tabs.

place of birth — . a home birth in a metal bath in a ramshackle commune shed. rural america somewhere but tabi gets it mixed up #memoryproblemteas

date of birth & age — . june 22nd, 23.

gender / pronouns — . woman, she/her.

sexuality — . maybe bi. undetermined.

astrology — . cancer.

dormitory — . castle fell.

interests — . sylvanian families. particularly smooth and interestingly coloured pebbles. mohair leg warmers. umbrellas with corny cartoons on bought for 99p from charity shops. attending petting zoos for mental health reasons. pastel satin ribbons in the place of normal laces. grandma adjacent antique floral sofas. tiny nonsensical purses. the fluffiest bunnies. that one image of snoopy wearing little glasses and inspecting a dress he's sewn. frida kahlo socks. addressing unjust pigeon hatred propaganda. medieval princess hats with tinkling bells on the end. homemade ceramic mugs with chips for character. stuffed toys. illustrated books about fairies. pretend tea parties. baby teeth. morning birdcall.

aversions — . cynicism. judging a book by its cover. watching wildlife documentaries where any animal gets hurt even if it's the natural order. not finding sentimentality in meaningless objects. going to bed with unbrushed teeth. ai art. plain rugs without character. leaving out that one friend because the pavement's too small. coffee. the stale musk of unwashed laundry. sofas without cutesy eccentric cushions. badly wrapped store bought sushi. when people kill bugs. taking off her npc cartoon character jewellery that she has to wear always. being asked a question in a roomful of strangers. wordy philosophy books. the fact people don't speak like animal crossing characters with real life subtitles.

quirks — . always wears either flats or kitten heels STRONGLY believes in comfort n resents anything taller for encumbering feet. sometimes wears long dainty dresses jst to take the trash out bc it makes her feel nice. forever a smidge startled if u address her directly bc she can't quite believe it. sometimes gets overwhelmed in public spaces n puts on these dingy pastel headphones out of nowhere. has the nonsensical urge to try n befriend any given animal even if it could maul her. hates littering so ends up putting trash in pockets n carrying around trash w her at all times bc she forgets to empty them / her bag. picks things most ppl hate as her favourite so they don't somehow learn abt it n feel left out even if inanimate.

most played — storm in summer by skullcrusher.

notable features — . big watery boba alien eyes. pastel nail polish (picks it into disarray often). tiny pea head.

general disposition — . nervous. tender. newborn fawn vibes.

public record.

as i mentioned prev, tabi was born in a metal bath tub in a dingy shed on a rural lot far off the grid in somewhereville america. CULT TW her mother ws actually indoctrinated into a group living on a self sustaining commune n tabi was the product of her n the leader's #copulation. tbh tabi cld honestly have multiple half-siblings without knowing abt it bc of this bc he was Busy! she grew to b about 3 ish maybe b4 the group was disbanded by the authorities n bc of the conditions occurring there was some to-ing and fro-ing b4 ultimately it was decided tabi's mother wasn't fit to raise her any mre So! she entered into the system pretty young n bebe

PTSD, TRAUMA TW tabi doesn't remember a whole lot of details abt her childhood. it's more these little flashes n images w vignetted corners. sometimes she'll see a kid alone on a swing in a certain degree of sunlight n it'll jog smthn bt she won't be able to put her finger on it. she gets this uncomfortable sinking feeling in churches listening to the pastor give his sermons n seeing hw trusting everyone in the pews looks. smthn abt authority curdles in her tummy like bad milk. mayb this is part of why she's so bad at enacting it herself. a vast majority of tabi's childhood is a patchwork quilt w squares missing. when she tries to warm herself in the cloak of it she can't help bt shiver

NEGLECT TW tabi wound up being fostered by a couple who relied on each tiny head in their home as another source of government funded income. every day was a scrap to earn ur place and tabi was often overlooked as a result. i kind of picture her as the runt of the litter guinea pig who always got butted out of the way to munch from a bowl of sunflower seeds. she'd jst sort of blink in the corner n pick over what she cld when the best was already spoken for

there were small silver linings. a foster sibling w whom tabi banded together for a short bt nourishing 2 yrs and taught her what family feels like. they were relocated fr behavioural difficulties at school n tabi was unable to maintain contact bt they hold a special place in tabi's heart still. she hopes the stars shine extra bright wherever they are now. (possible wc tbh)

tabi also learned how to b resourceful. being a foster kid in the house that she was, her allocated toy was a dingy sylvanian cat with an ink stained ear and elongated whiskers. tabi cherished her like the most valuable asset any person cld ever fathom to imagine possessing n spent quiet lunchtimes in the art classroom crafting miniature clothes out of odd materials

this ws a whole gateway into tabi's favourite form of expression. designing and making clothes was where she shined. it some experimentation on a sylvianian toy scale b4 she felt brave enough to move to real person sizes bt tabi made it work bc she jst pretended she was a giant sylvanian too n adapted measurements accordingly. besides it made thrifted clothes otherwise a bit worse for wear something more fun n interesting when she embroidered patterns with cheap thread or painted orchids and birds of paradise up the pant legs.

when tabi reached 16 she received a letter in the mail. her foster mother watched with a squint as she carefully pried it open. it ws from her birth mother.

they still keep in touch 2 this day. its sporadic without any consistency to it n her mum is quite all over the place to put it lightly bt tabi has a lot of patience n understands that her mum is just a bit different to other people. she doesnt blame her for any of it. it's kind of sad bc tabi ends up advising her on her life rather than vice versa n is more of the parent than the child in many ways

me realising ive gone on way too long abt her story growing up like omgggg aha stoppppp. anyway got scholarship to langston fr fashion design n has been self sufficient scraping by since 18 so. hits the whip.

personal details.

frm an outside perspective tabi is quite literally akin to her namesake n like a skittish stray tabby cat. it takes her a minute to feel comfortable in an unfamiliar social situation n she tends to sort of jst be quiet n shut down bc she doesn't think her input is needed unless it's specifically asked fr

that SAID sometimes she jst meshes w ppl n feels comfy from the get go. it's rly a case by case basis n she doesn't have a criteria for it its more of a gut feeling / vibe tht sort of puts her at ease. mayb like a kindred soul underlying everything situation. or like. idk this person has something abt them that feels like they might Understand. u know???? nods n walks away without further explanation

vry creatively inclined. likes weird little trinkets n is EXCESSIVELY sentimental abt almost anything, even a random stone she picked off a beach 7 yrs ago. intensely crafty n loves making thoughtful gifts fr ppl out of nowhere someones literally jst minding their business then tabis like um hi so i made u this tea cosy bc u said mugs burn ur hands when theyre too hot one time n i figured it might help :) the person like wtf. do i know u?

OCD TW struggles w self imposed rules n numbering things. always hd to check she locked her door by trying the handle 3 times afterwards. idk mayb it's bc she's had so little control in her upbrigning but also had to Be in control so consistently throughout her life that it feels like there's this immense pressure to get everything right n no margin for error bt. ya. hangs head.

relates a lot to patchwork teddy bears. feels like a mismatched amalgamation of every place she's ever been n every person she's ever loved or loathed. so intent on finding the light in any dark situation tht even if it was pitch black she'd squeeze her eyes shut so tight she'd conjure phantom stars on the backs of her eyelids. sometimes looks for the good even when it isn't there </3

That Girl who secretly reads fantasy books abt faerie smut To Cope. except coping jst means mentally leaving ur body for a couple of hrs to laugh at feyre fr her core "pulsing with heat" over a hand kiss as if tabi wldnt react the same. it's complex.

[blackwoolncrown]

Hello! Real question here. How come 'queer' is a white cishetcentric concept?

I feel like I answered that in the very post I mentioned it but on the grounds that this is a good faith question, here is my sentiment on the matter:

'Queer' as a word connotates strangeness, outlier qualities etc.

Contemporary lgbt ppl often tout a stance of reclamation and we are occupied with both being proud of this non-normativity and justifying strangeness as natural.

This makes sense only within a context that still somehow centers and organizes in relation to a sense of normativity that is cis,white,het. Those cannot be separated because the mainstream gender norms were created WITH whiteness during colonization as a justification for the brutal violences against indigenous people.

This whole process of being like "Yeah I *am* strange! I'm weird! That's good! In fact nature is queer too!" is silly to me because again, there s nothing weird or strange about gender or sexual diversity. There is nothing truly strange in all of nature- only from a human normative perspective (and a narrow one at that) that views nature as separate from self, unknowable and somewhat hostile. To itself, nature in all its diversity IS common.

And that's all it is at the end of the day: mundane, natural diversity, the likes of which was and is well documented on the gender/sexuality scale in precolonial indigenous society.

I am not weird, I'm not an outlier. I'm not even 'afraid' of being weird- I just feel like the idea is juvenile. It's reactionary. It's coping. I'm beyond coping.

My identity is common, natural. It is not in opposition to a cis-het identity. It is just one of many possible ways to be. I am not comparing myself to cis het people. I would be me without them.

Let me repeat: I refuse to have an identity that requires cisheterosexuality in its definition. I am entirely disinterested in triangulating myself around or against notions of identity thought up by delirious, violent, spiritually ill europeans some scant handful of generations ago when I can have a sense of identity far broader and older than that.

My people existed for thousands upon thousands of years before 'queerness' was invented and tbh I think that it is an inevitable stumbling block that we today are concerned with looking back at these identities- which were as far as labels are involved more social roles than personal identities- and trying to understand and valuate them through a contemporary queer lens.

overall contemporary LGBT identity struggles are more concerned with seeing sexuality and gender as an individualistically oriented quality than a language of social role and responsibility which IMO is one area where it can fail to provide some people with a sense of personal meaning and solidity they seek. But you can't expect much else from an individualistic culture.

This is not to say that there are not gender/sexuality identities that DO have this quality of being more a social role but it is no wonder that most of that cultural aspect is found with and originates from people of color, generally speaking. This is also not to say there aren't reasons WHY contemporary queer culture is centered around reactivity and response to oppression. I'm just saying like... I don't personally vibe with the idea that my existence and expression is here to be a form of rebellion. I am saying it exists beyond, before, during and after any oppression. I am who I am with or without white people or colonization and ONLY within the context of created-white created-cishet people have I ever been considered 'strange' in any way. I'm not gonna affirm to myself and in my reality some shit ppl like that made up. I'm not in the business of centering the opinions of petty oppressors.

Lastly I feel like a non-zero amount of so-called queer people become so preocupied with reclaiming queerness by expressing an outer strangeness (which has its purpose!) that we overlook that for many what they really fear is being totally unremarkable and common.

I personally find it more important to develop an identity that explains what you do in the village; what you are to your loved ones.

:shrug:

[genderkoolaid]

thinkin abt that quote thats like "there is more to be learned from wearing a dress for a day than wearing a suit for a lifetime" and like. i get that for many people femininity is a radical transgressive act. it is for me sometimes! i don't entirely not relate to the sentiment!

but i feel like it comes from the erasure of butchness & transmasculinity when ppl say stuff like this. like... for people who have been forced to wear a dress for a lifetime, wearing a suit is a radical act of defiance and learning abt yourself.

we need to stop reducing queerness down to "learning to be feminine and rejecting masculinity!" 1. butches (not just butch lesbians but all butches including men) exist and butch masculinity is radical 2. it's actively hostile to transmascs. it's deeply upsetting to see people insisting that wearing a suit isn't radical and can't help you learn anything like wearing a dress can, because you know what trans men are told all the goddamn time, by cis feminists especially?

that we just need to embrace our womanhood. that we need to find power in being women. we are constantly told that our maleness and our masculinity is succumbing to the patriarchy and that actually, the REAL radical act is to be women. i cannot express how much femininity can be a force of the status quo for transmascs.

and yeah these quotes and these sentiments are often personal and they arent inherently bad and everyone has their own experience.

but when you hear these ideas constantly repeated in queer spaces, and never the opposite, it creates this constant, background radiation of erasure. it's a small reminder that we are not thought about or considered. there's a reason we have the term microaggression. this happened in that JVN video too, i remember; a whole lot of people talking about being feminine and not one single transmasculine person. queer masculinity is constantly erased.

i'm not saying "never talk about how radical femininity can be" i'm just asking people to consider transmasculinity seriously for five seconds and realize that not everyone is escaping from masculinity to femininity. positioning femininity as universally freeing and masculinity as universally imprisoning is transmasc erasure and creates a hostile environment for us.

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being ���cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[brvdleymilligan]

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.  

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops. 

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!