#or i will actually fucking punch u
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jesus fucking christ i hate these guys-
#as a disabled jewish and trans guy pls stay the fuck away from me#and never call me smthn that was probably used as a slur against my polish-jewish ancestors#or i will actually fucking punch u#fuck radfems
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i have one video i've been wanting to make about a certain splatoon lore topic so badly for some years now and i wanna do it soon. but every time i think about it i can feel myself going insane. there's so much i need to say. how do i structure this in a way that makes sense. does it even make sense at all. to me? god help me
#rassicas speaks#spoilers: yep its the water thing.#stares haggardly at mirror with my hands white knuckle gripping on the sides of the bathroom sink. splashes water in my face#i feel like ive cracked open a fucking conspiracy. ITS ALL CONNECTED ITS ALL FUCKING CONNECTEDDDDD I FEEL INSANE#stares at my corkboard with strings. punches wall#the water weakness is not as stupid and disjointed as everyone thinks and i have to prove it.#the disconnect between the west and JP in terms of acceptance of the water weakness lore is fucking insane#there's a video from a edutainment quiz youtuber in JP. not a splatuber mind you. that talks about osmosis and how it connects to inklings#the canon explanation mind you. this video has a million views!!!#a million fucking views!! its a video for casuals!! everyone knows inklings canonically die in water and the reason is related to osmosis!!#meanwhile if you bring up the concept of inklings dying in water on the western side with hopes to theorize according to canon lore#and i will. present the dev interview that outright confirms the reason is related to osmosis.#u know what happens. um actually they only die in fresh water! um no they dont die in water they just cant swim! DO U KNOW HOW INSANE I FEE#jp side has been speculating on how the osmosis thing actually works on inkling biology for years#and the english side cant even get over the hurdle that the water weakness is like. real undeniable canon#like i get that info is less accessible here. as i will prove. in my video eventually.#but holy fuck it makes me crazyyyyy when i actually do present stuff and ppl cover their ears anyway. this has happened a lot.
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HEHEEHEHSHSH licking and kissing his dick through his sweats :333 just straight up making out with it :333
I– 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴AND YOU KNOWWW HE'D BE SO FUCKING INTO THAT. he's leaning against the kitchen counter or smth as you drop down to your knees, eyes blown wide as you kiss the tip through the material🥴🥴🥴 he's staring at you so fucking intently that you think he might actually burn you alive. so you don't stop – you palm his balls and lick a stripe up his shaft and he's already bucking his hips into your face. and he loves it if you're being extra dirty – just rubbing your face against his bulge gets him so fuxkibg hard fuuuuckkkkk he's gonna fuck your throat so good he won't be able to hold backk<333333
#EVIEEEE WHAT ARE U DOIN GTO MEEEE#I NEED TO GO TO BED LMAOOOO#BUT NOW I'M THINKIGNABT HIS DDDDICK AGAINN#ACTUALLY IT FEELS WRONG TO CALL IT A DICK HE MOST DEFINITELY HAS A COCK#like that's just the right thing to say ok#ffffuuuuuckkkk#he's so hot i wanna punch him#HE'D LIKE THAT SHIT TOOO#FFFUUUUUUCKKK#oke ily evie#thanks for the brainrot#i hope you're doing soooso fucking good my love<3333#evie <3#friends!!#toji
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i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using
#our t#this is *any* trans hc it doesnt matter the flavour of the trans headcanon. i dont have time for that shit i have real problems#if i see one more fight over jegbert or dave on this site i s2g#if june happens on screen like if we SEE june happen on screen then that will be canon. even for a single panel she will be canon#but genderbend aus have existed since the dawn of fuckin time and an au isnt gonna suddenly blast june's canon transness outta existence#like what are yall TALKING about.#and im saying 'if' w/ a heavy fuckin sigh bc while the hsbc team has stated that they have plans no one knows#when or where or how thats gonna happen. i want it to happen & i have my own hopes for how it will but we'll just have to see#but this aint abt rep yall just want justification to punch e/o in the face & call it 'fighting against ur intercommunity oppressors'#or whatever cause none of yall are brave enough to get organized#and actually try to make changes in ur communities.....headcanons will never be actual representation#as for dave. yall know that transmascs and cis boys also struggle with masculinity right? esp hegemonic pressures and ideals?#thats kinda what LE is about? thats why so many trans guys see themselves in the striders. thats why i think theyre supposed to be cis#but thats ALSO why so many transfemme folks see themselves in dave. and that should be rlly beautiful!!! we're not so different!!!#its almost like that power structure harms everyone in different ways bc of how we treat e/o inside of the structure!!!!!#i cant TELL you how many of my cis guy friends have cptsd from just not being allowed to express sadness or joy in an acceptable way#and davepeta being nonbinary only adds to this!!! davepetas existence in contrast to dave DIRECTLY MIRRORS roxy in meat/candy#but yall are never gonna be fuckin ready for that so what the fuck ever i guess#i just feel constantly forced outside of this fandom or scorned as a Bad Tranny bc im very literally in the middle of this shit#and i dont believe one style of presentation is inherently better or morally righteous than the other. like what are yall expecting#are yall expecting to be let into tranny heaven bc u wear a skirt and say 'haha yeah all instances of mascness is grossss' be for real#just rlly highlights the fact that no one in this fandom wants to care abt intersex trans ppl or hear them talk or try to#contribute to gender analysis. its not girlboss enough i guess. sorry for not drinking the radfem rhetoric thats embedded itself#into this site i suppose. hope the fandom gets better but idk i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon#stop treating femininity as smth inherently Morally Good its all 'divine feminine moon phase' bullshit slightly repackaged#to include transfemme folks. which none of yall should want. its a direct pushback to actual feminism but ok all mascs evil bc LE i guess#im not missing the fact that this fandom cracks down hard on queer mascness & tries to 1:1 equate that hegemonic cismasculinity either#yall aint slick at all. sorry im just. fucking tired. feeling like i dont exist & my words dont matter
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i really like a lot of the banter in veilguard, it's one of the few times the companions can actually exchange some verbal jabs especially at the start of the game. i've said repeatedly that this game is lacking friction and i stand by that ☝️ i think the problem isn't that they all automatically get along, some of them don't at all in the beginning-- Davrin and Lucanis i think are the most obvious, and Taash and Emmrich as well-- but the thing is. Rook just speaks their therapy-speak to them and suddenly it's all fine. we don't see a lot of the friction in cutscenes or significant questlines, only in banter.
again there is Davrin and Lucanis of course who i do think are the most successful and organic relationship in the game. and that's because we actually get to see them go from being hostile to supporting and ultimately liking each other, and it feels born out of mutual respect rather than Rook forcing them to hold hands.
i like a lot of Bellara and Neve's banter as well, and they seem to spend a lot of time together at the start of the game when there's not that many people at the Lighthouse yet, and Neve consistently shows up for Bellara during her story. i also like Neve and Lucanis together, they're very cute. there are definitely friendly relationships that feel natural, but then there are moments like where Taash bulldozes over Bellara when discussing Mythal's and Solas's relationship, and Bellara isn't allowed to snap back at Taash for being disrespectful. she (+ elven Rook) are also never allowed to call out Harding for her racism, we either have to agree or just not acknowledge it and always be really really nice to Harding specifically.... and i think little moments of friction within actual main plot beats and significant cutscenes (like is done with Davrin and Lucanis) would have made a lot of the dynamics more interesting rather than just dancing around it and relegating it to banter or limited interactions you could ultimately miss if you don't have them constantly in your party/aren't constantly checking in at the Lighthouse. also companion approval should actually matter and they should be allowed to vocally disapprove of Rook's choices.
#does this make sense? idk#i think of like. fenris and anders for example. they begrudgingly work together but are both friends with hawke#they dont just automatically become friends at any point. they have issues and while they both support hawke#the game never forces them to just get along for the sake of it#but theyre all still a part of the same friend group and still do have interactions together#like u actually get disapproval from them for doing certain things and they'll Tell you so. but veilguard companions don't#there are only 3 times i can think of where companions vocally disagree#the mayor at dmeta's crossing & the treviso vs minrathous choice & punching the first warden#otherwise. nothing#the approval/disapproval system literally does not do anything at all except for that very first choice at the start of the fucking game#and you can easily win all of neve's approval back almost immediately. the only real consequence is with lucanis#who i believe gets locked out and can't be romanced if you lose treviso#i guess to be fair there really arent that many main plot choices for rook to make that would piss anyone off so lol. theyre always Right#it feels like the only way to get disapproval/lose companions is to just Not do their quests at all#datv spoilers#datv critical#i guess but not as serious lmao#da posting
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For the au ask game!
OKAY I wanted specifically to get to the pokemon au from the ask you sent, it's been cooking a bit so it's time to see what comes out of the oven, so... @azol-otl ty for the ask!
Crossover au's are all about the fused worldbuilding for me and speculating on how characters from universe A would fit into universe B heehee hoohoo - and for Batfam especially it's fun to think about the equivalent of their roles as vigilantes! What kind of people have the same level of celebrity, the same sideways seeking of justice?
Naturally this leads you to the gym leaders because a) it's the most fun and b) they are like. Quasi-law enforcement/educators/professional athletes depending on how you try to translate the innate child's perspective on the pokemon universe into something that makes sense as an adult lol ilu pokemon. [insert 'compels me though' gif here]
SO with this in mind, here's 5 fun facts (that are mostly backstory lmao) from a jaytim pokemon au I would write
I'm deeply ill about pokemon so this one goes under the cut lol:
Jason Todd used to be the Champion. He won the role after Dick Grayson quit a year or two before (Dick had been getting older and chafing under the League rules - meaning he'd been chafing under how Bruce ran the League) and was a fierce competitor who didn't believe in going easy on anyone. His Houndoom was a force to be reckoned with, and despite running a mostly Dark-type team, his Honchkrow cleaned up anyone thinking their Fighting-types could sweep. He looked after the League and Gotham with a cocky, self-assured attitude and the win record to back it up. .
Jason disappeared suddenly at the age of 15. Many assumed him dead, after a Rocket (Or whatever Gotham themed gang name we want to go with lol could be Team Joker) bombing in the area he'd last been seen, but he's officially declared missing. Bruce Wayne took back the duties of interim Champion as he once did for Dick Grayson, but he's not quite the mentor he once was. It's obvious he's grieving, and that he doesn't want to mentor any more twelve year olds. Dick signed up to be a Gym Leader shortly after this, returning from his trip about a year early to help out in the chaos following Jason's disappearance. .
Enter Tim Drake. Tim's gym challenge wasn't all that interesting in the circuit at first; he had a rocky start and had to retake a few gym challenges. He wasn't exactly sweeping on his first try every time like Jason had done. He didn't have the meteoric rise that caught the Champion's attention early, didn't get one-on-one mentorship or face-to-face meetings, cautionary advice and congratulations all rolled into one from Bruce Wayne himself - but Tim had patience and grit, and he paid attention. He was gunning for the Championship, and it wasn't just so he could prove himself. Team Rocket/Joker was still out there, and Bruce needed all the help he could get. He was always better for Gotham when he had a Robin. .
Dick had been nicknamed Robin for his all-Flying-type team and especially his Natu-then-Xatu; Jason followed up with his Murkrow-then-Honchkrow; Tim's Rookidee was one among many (Robin-esque pokemon were popularized by Dick and the trend remains through Tim's day) so he wasn't considered a possible Robin successor until it was a Corvisquire and he was about to face Dick Grayson himself, a badge away from Victory Road. By then, Tim and his team were a well-oiled machine (he runs mostly Steel-types lol but also Normal-types for the unexpected adaptability and the 'underestimate my rattata i dare you it's in the top peRCENTAGE--' of it all. FEAR.), and his loss-record had all but frozen while his win-record ticked higher and higher. .
Shit finally goes down about three years after Tim has become Champion and all but bullied Bruce into mentoring him (he basically said 'if you don't watch me, i'll go find Team Rocket/Joker on my own' and triggers all of Bruce's child endangerment traumas simultaneously) and the mysterious Rocket/Joker leader Red Hood shows up, bringing the gang out of the shadows in pursuit of a hidden agenda. Identity shenanigans and "wait is that a Houndoom? But he's only been using Ghost-types, it CAN'T be..." and heel-face turns abound. .
(BONUS FACT: Something something, Jason went into deep cover with Looker or whoever he is, that Interpol guy from X & Y (WAIT. LOOKER MIGHT ACTUALLY BE TALIA AL GHUL IN THIS AU HOHOHO), infiltrating the Rocket/Joker gang and going public as Red Hood is the first step in the last phase of the sting. Cue a million tense Jaytim interactions in which Tim is legitimately trying to take Red Hood down and Jason desperately tries to shake him so that he doesn't do anything that forces Jason to blow his cover. There is at least one 'tugged into a tight space to hide them both from the actual bad guys, "wait, did you just HELP me...?" "Think whatever you want, babybird"' interaction because I am a slut for the first sprinkles of a redemption arc that is rife with UST fufufu)
#did i make this pokemon au actually an undercover spy action movie? yes. yes i did#also their full team comp i will leave to the imagination haha#everyone has their preferences for what's appropriate so i'll name a general typing preference and leave it there mostly#but I will defend Dick 'the Flying' Grayson(s) forever. all flying types for him change my mind#I like the idea of city-boy through and through street kid Jason having a stereotypical inner city team at first#but his team changes and expands as his pokemon journey really kicks off#i always think of that one short from the start of Pokemon 2000 with the inner city tire castle that pikachu finds#and the houndour that FUCKS IT UP LOL#so to me houndour is like. okay it's one of my favorite pokemon (COULD YOU TELL *glances at my banner) but it's a def an urban pokemon to m#so i like the idea of scrappy street kid Jason finding a houndour 🥺 and that was his first pokemon 🥺#so he kinda falls into dark-types in part because of the stigma around them being difficult to raise and him calling BS#and then of course he switches to ghost-types after he 'dies' in part to separate his identity as Red Hood from Jason Todd#but also for the joke of it all lmao look the dead boy uses ghost pokemon. who also have a stigma for being creepy/unlovable. i cry forever#Tim's team i am the most *shrug* about but i do think he has either a competitive team or a meme team lol#but for him i do like the aesthetics of steel- electric- normal- because Tim is the robin with secretly unhinged normal boy swag#he's out here doing the math and making you underestimate him look at his big tanky aggron lol so slow and then BAM#pikachu with light orb and x6 agility x6 double team u can't touch that rat electro ball to the face#Does his wigglytuff know thunderpunch? ice punch? fire punch? good luck guessing he switches its move set after every battle mfer#OKAY ANYWAY#ty azol for the ask!! i love pokemon i have many brainworms owo#edit: had to fix the formatting a bit to make this READABLE. God help me if it sucks to look at RIP#jaytim#not fic#my writing#ask game#asked and answered#pokemon#dc
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im just thinking abt like. sam (almost) never hits back. only under extreme duress. and i really can't imagine him lashing out at partners either, maybe yelling but never physical. and trying to understand why, like does he actually think he's better than dean by not punching? does he seek therapy at stanford? does he just think he deserves it and feels like he's at the bottom of the totem pole everywhere he goes?
literally makes me feel sick. idk i have a Thing for a teenage sam who is like totally opposed to violence (despite being forced on hunts and into sparring and training and loading guns all the time). there’s that throwaway joke about his idol being gandhi and there’s the fact that obviously sam doesnt Want any of this, this being Hunting and the constant violence that comes with, so i can just see this thing developing where for a brief period hes like sooo holier than thou about it i am better than you and dad cause i read books and i dont solve my problems by hitting things (which tbh he is so right about! <3) but obviously its just his way of coping with the violence that hes been entrenched in since he was six months old. and this is like literally just inside my head. but in my head its true. that was kind of unrelated actually but also not really
and so yeah i think. idk. violence is sooo normal to sam and dean. i think sam doesnt Want to hit back cause its counterproductive and unnecessary and he prefers to talk things through, like that’s just not how he deals with things, what use is hitting back going to do? like then they’d just get into a physical fight. which i dont think he wants. but also 100% even if not consciously i think sam believes he deserves it or at least that its Okay when it happens to him. he literally doesnt even question it. especially like… after s4. i think he tends to just accept deans treatment cause hes got this belief deep down that he’ll always deserve it, and also even if dean isn’t always right he always somehow ends up being right, and….. so awful.
also i do actually think sam went to therapy at stanford but thats just cause i find it fun to think about. like what did he say…. how do you even word the trauma of that upbringing. not sure if he actually took any valuable lessons from it or benefitted from it post short-term.
#thank u for the ask i love talking abt them#i feel like when they were younger sam would’ve hit back more maybe. and it wouldve ended up in actual physical fights/sparring#and i just think idk. sam is wordsy. he does prelaw. hes talkative about things he likes and he relishes explaining cases and hes more#comfortable in a verbal fight. despite his obvious physical strength. meanwhile dean runs out of words to say thatll make sam do what he#wants (slash words to say in general) and throws a punch.#but then its also that sam doesnt even really take an issue with it. from what we see in canon. he’s just like. okay. you satisfied? hit me#all you want it won’t change anything. he barely seems to register it its just part of Dean. which is SO fucked up. <3#he just!! accepts that this is what dean does if hes angry with sam or about sam or near sam. like.#spn#oliver talks#sam winchester#sam & dean#also anon who r youuu i love you#poison in the water
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going 2 imagine that tide lambert my dad tide lambert is holding my hand thru these interviews and saying supportive shit like "you got this!!! 👍" yes i am mentally ill dont talk 2 me
#sometimes u gotta picture ur blorbos doing shit with u to actually like. do it#also mark wavelength winters is gonna be there too and hes gonna tell me not to fuck it up#and if the interviewer asks any illegal questions i should punch them square in the face#my divorced dads r accompanying me in spirit today 👍#whiskey yelling into the void
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g*lmar rly has to be the best skajrim character on the real like even if you don't like him he just is . literally The best one i think......... on dat note i also imagine that he and ulfr*c despite being fairydust BFFs for lyfe genuinely have the worst communication skills ever seen
#text#but i already talked about how g*lmar is weird about ulfr*c anyways#literally jubilant and feeling special cus he's the only person ulfr*c actually trusts and speaks to outside of formal conversations#he's a very manly man too (like N*loth) for wanting to just control everything... well actually having ulfr*c under 'control' is enough 4 -#- him. unlike n*loth who wants to be above everything that moves. literally not about him tho#i hope that other st*rmcloaks develop a habit of going to hide downstairs in the palace whenever they can tell the vibe between -#- g*lmar and ulfr*c is off because they're gonna be yelling at each other and throwing shit around for 40 minutes in a few seconds#i don't believe they'd fight insanely often but being at an active war probably gets them heated more. Often than usual; and their -#- conflicts are never resolved. i feel like they just don't talk to each other for a good 2 days and act like nothing happened#they're way too manly and prideful to actually let the other one 'win' so they just don't say anything ever post-arguing#Tbhs g*lmar actually really likes that ulfr*c is so unstable and harrowed because it makes himself feel very good and reliable -#- but he has his limits 😂LMFAOO i bet sometimes he gets really tired of him being so traumatized. very rarely but he does think about it#i'll have to desribe that a bit better later tho... don't know how to word it atm#but maybe he wants to punch him or something BYE. no...... 💔savage as hell#he likes it in a very general sense of ulfr*c's personality especially between them but doesn't like it when it causes them to clash#this might just be mostly ulfr*c's doing cus i doubt he's actually talkative about his past issues and Troubles (torture mayhem) and -#- can't communicate anything about it or set boundaries when needed. he just gets mad or very avoidant. No fixing that tho#well it's just shameful to him so he'd rather do nothing than even admit anything to anyone Everrrrr#why does his life suck so bad LMFAOOOOOOOOO#their nasty musty mutualism .. leeching off your traumatized Bff so that he can make you feel good by saying he needs you in particular#while U pay him back with some support.......SOME#Oh well#that zero communication between some sk*rim characters looks yammy as fuck to me. A;lways. ALWAYS#nelvas is power dynamic induced...... g*lmar&&ulfr*c trauma-caused... elituli Um😂 t*llius doesn't even know any hobbies she has#bye this is why they're serving so hard
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Just a little follow up on that last post but just in general I think one of the reasons I've really stopped caring for railing on the Playtime devs... Is just because it feels like so much of it is just speculative nonsense trying to make every single thing they do secretly evil or lazy or bad. Why isn't it enough to discuss the Actual bad things they did [the fact they used to run a shady content farm before doing game work, the fact they tried to sell lore to their fans via NFTs, etc] it's hard for me to engage with content that rightfully critiques that bc oftentimes they then spiral into speculative 'so now we have to tell you why this moment where an employee blinks in the game is code for the devs secretly stole all their code from Bendy and kill babies as a hobby'.
Which makes me turn off my brain and not want to take any other points they make seriously, bc like I said if you lie to me to try and convince me of your point, I'm not gonna take anything else you say seriously bc I won't know if it's true or just something you made up anymore.
It honestly feels like everyone just keeps making shit up bc Poppy Playtime used to be the internet punching bag but now that the NFTs thing isn't the hottest topic to discuss about it anymore we all just need a reason to make fun of it and the people who like it. Which just kinda feels like unfair cringe culture, because if our real problem is the devs being greedy and shady why isn't the same effort put into roasting similar devs like the Bendy team? We can't suddenly say 'well actually being a bit greedy isn't That bad' when it's a team we like instead of one we all decided is 'cringe n bad'.
#ramblez#I hope all this makes sense Im not saying u cant dislike the devs of any of these games#just that the double standards on display really drive me nuts#sure playtime co tried to sell nfts but kindly beast laid off almost all of its employees and tried to sell its fans at full price a game#made by two people in three weeks last minute#if being greedy and lazy is really as bad as the internet says it is why arent the bendy devs the internets punching bag too#you cant have that sort of obvious double standard and then still expect me to think you take that topic seriously#bc when you only bring it up in relation to devs you clearly have a bias against and dont bring it up against devs ur bias towards#its clear that the greediness isnt actually the problem you care abt at least thats how it reads to me#anyways both of these devs suck but I dont think that means everyone at playtime co is secretly evil and in on it#a lot of effort is clearly on display in the writing animation coding etc and we shouldnt pretend its all awful just bc the ceos suck#same way I only level a lot of my problems with bendy towards mike n mood and not every single person who works on the games#bc clearly someone at JDS and playtime co cares a lot about what theyre making and thats really nice to see#its just that the ceos keep fucking up the product esp when it comes to Bendy-
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going to win the SATs. This is both achievable (hasn't studied.) and normal (are ey going to college??) to want.
#when september comes im gon a EAT my guidance counsler#unironically im really excited for school bc a) FREAKING PROOOOOMMMMMMNN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and b) i like learning things now. crazy#if u told me literally 3 years ago i would actually want to study id punch you for lying#which is funny bc all i wanted back then was to fuck off to university and watch movies in peoples dorms#undersocialized gremiling aside. im doing physioligy this yr :)))))))))) im so freaking excited DDDUDE#winter depression better fuck off when that course comes in !!!!!!!!! OR ELSE#like we gwt to use a microscope ...look at cells........learn organ functions and names.....I HOPE THERES PICTURES .....#and were reading frankienstien (novel) which i think is wicked. and swag.
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oughghgh
#post therapy tummy ow#today i surprised my therapist with a detail i didnt know i hadn't told her yet 🥴#and i said it so casually and i saw her eyebrows raise REALLY hard and thats when i realized and i was just like ok put a pin in it#i realized recently that like. these traumas i experienced jumble in my head so much bc they DO overlap#and its so fucked up realizing how many people have seen me in vulnerable states and gone “ah! i want in on that”#not as in “lemme help” tho but as in “lemme use you too”#like what the FUCKKKKKK#its not even specific to 2016 [where we're focusing on the chaos now] but even BEFORE THAT IM REALIZING#honestly if a chunk of u even knew a fraction of the trauma i experienced i think u would seriously not like me/find me as sexy as yall do#but anyway yea#my tummy hurts and i have to go to work /:#and all i want to do is keep vomiting about the traumas ive experienced bc i got really into some details there at the end /:#all ima say tho is: i deserve to have my life fully funded so i can have a fucking break bc what the actual Fuck#like yeah i couldve made some better decisions but the number of times i got hurt bc i trusted someone and told them things THEY ASKED TO#HEAR ABOUT/HOLD SPACE FOR and then they engaged in the same fucking behaviors or used that pain to then lie to me in ways that i would ofc#believe. . . . . .. . . . . . . disgusting its no wonder I dont feel safe fucking making friends anymore#like even thinking just about like the things i told certain ppl to the harm i experienced by them /:#and thinking of how all that ofc led to someone like my ex being able to take advantage of me#g-d i want to punch all these people
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i fucking hate this gane
throws up tears
#sophie’s idle chatter#i just finished chapter 5 meaning the end of season one and its safe to say this game has destroyed me in a million different ways#some of which being my emotions and my bank#what the fuck was the entirety of chap 5….. lunar games i cannot do this u have actually made me cry so much why did u have to make the#writing so so good and all the characters so compelling in their own way 😭#im abt to start chap 6 where we can unlock yuye and jihans routes from this chap onwards#sighs im not emotionally ready for this bc seeing glimpses of the bad ending illustrations in the archive makes me wanna jump out my window#and then after i unlock all their routes theres still season 2 thats locked…#hwal and eunhan…. throwing up …….. shitting tears …… banging my fists against the wall ….. punching air …….#fuck#at least this game is the kind with ads to replenish bc im used to these kinds of games#stares at lord of heroes and all their reward ads 🧍♀️#anyway my bank is always open for this game rven if it forces me through emotional trauma#baek jihan my beloved…. my love…… my life…… ourgh#AND SUYEON WAILS I LOVE U#man the devs have me in a chokehold for their amazing lore and writing…#anyway its 2 am and my eyes are puffy and my nose is stuffy and i should sleep but what is sleep when u have been emotionally damaged 🫡
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so fucking glad that big biceps bernard is back
#i've needed weirdly jacked bernard back#i'm sorry but if you don't draw him like he can pick tim up with one hand then you're not doing it right#also the shirt off sweatpants slung low on his hips???#bear i see you#also just kinda obsessed with the fact that he has a punching bag just in the middle of his living room apparently????#what's up with that#not to make this sad but do you think tim knows??#do you think bear likes the pain?#doesn't wrap his hands properly and they split and scab and he knows that this is unhealthy but fuck the sting feels good and he doesn't#know how to live in his body if it isn't hurting anymore???#do you think he waits for tim to notice and when tim inevitably doesn't bc he's busy or bc he's tired bear looks at himself in the mirror#and tells himself 'you're just doing for attention anyway. why should he notice? it's not like you're actually in pain. u did to yourself.'#bernard dowd#dc
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SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR. KEVIN PHILLIPS
#super dark times#zach taylor#allison bannister#sam edits#if you listen closely you can hear the sound of both mine and Allison's hearts breaking! <3#ok but fr: i know this is gifs. so no sound. but the WAY he DELIVERS the 'you've got a bump on your head' line makes me NUTS#it's so soft. it's so fond. it's... it's a punch in the fucking gut. he likes her *so much* but he *can't let himself have this nice#thing with her* because he's *being eaten alive by guilt he can't accept & won't let himself be happy because of it* and SHE DOESN'T KNOW!#like the thing. the thing is. when you watch SDT you're along the ride with Zach and his POV of everything. despite the obvious paranoia#& guilt warping his perspective/influencing his behavior—we can see where that's all coming from. we understand the motivations#behind the actions he takes. but ALLISON? Allison has no fucking clue what's going on! from Allison's perspective... Zach is this guy she's#known for a while (like they make a point of *telling us* in one of the earliest scenes that Zach feels weird talking about her in the#detached way they may talk abt other people in their grade they barely know—because it's *different* since he and Josh *actually know her*#plus in the script [and it STILL COUNTS TO ME because she *starts* saying the line but just gets cut off by Dennis] Allison brings#up Zach & Josh having had a silly handshake since 7th grade ['oh god that used to make me pee!' <- girl why would u say that to him]#so it's like... these are kids who've known each other for years!) and he's got this obvious fucking crush on her (the hallway scene where#he is. blatantly staring and she catches him for a second) and the moment she decides to actually start pursuing him because SHE'S#got a crush on HIM too... he starts pulling away and acting erratic and sending her the most mixed signals in the fucking world.#and sheee THINKSSS ITS HERRR FAULT!!!!!!!! like. listen. this scene i giffed above? this is what she's fucking talking about later#when she jokes about not wanting to 'scare him off again'. like sure she says it like a joke but... uhm. i simply think there's#a certain amount of truth to it too—because he DID leave the party visibly freaked out! and i think it'd be perfectly believable for her#to think that it was at least partially HER pushing too hard that was causing him to withdraw/pull away from her. plus she blatantly says#she thinks she's the reason Josh & Zach are fighting. like. this poor girl is on the outskirts of a tragedy she'll probably NEVER know the#details of but she's seeing firsthand the impact it's having on Zach and... blaming herself... that's so fucking heartbreaking
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damn i kinda hate tumblr rn. can queer ppl stop being horrifically mean to other queer ppl for no fucking reason. ur not funny ur just mean
#especially cause most of the time it feels like it's just ppl catching strays while ur complaining abt something real#being an ace transfem on this site already feels like this cause apparently we're the favorite punching bag of this queer “community”#where rape victims who can't turn their trauma into a sex drive and be “freaky” are tossed under the bus constantly for a laugh#but every other post complaining abt actual terf shit or whatever has to randomly include jabs at ppl who are just living their lives who#said 1 silly thing op finds unbelievably annoying#and it's just. why#i get that the world sucks and sometimes ur too angry to process what ur saying but u need to recognize ur hurling bricks at the ppl#who are right beside you on all of this shit for literally no reason other than to lash out#and that's not fucking healthy#im not saying don't be angry im saying u don't actually get to use those legitimate feelings as an excuse to hurt others#especially others who have it just as bad as you and are not doing shit to u
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