#especially others who have it just as bad as you and are not doing shit to u

[paarksunghoon]

resignation (6)

SUMMARY: For the last six years, you’ve dedicated your career to ensuring Park Sunghoon never misses a day of work in his life. But you’re tired of endless days that seem to blend together, and seeing him living his fun, luxurious lifestyle makes you think about what else you might be missing out on. When Sunghoon finds your resignation letter on his desk, he does everything in his power to convince you to stay.

NOTES: life comes at ya fast…updates will come as I have more inspo and time to write. :) this is unedited

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: cunnilingus, slight coercion (but is it really if she wants it?).

SERIES PLAYLIST + SERIES MASTERLIST

***

Midweek comes around slower than you’d like and it feels as though your days are dragging on the more you try to tie up loose ends and review resumes of potential candidates. 

Sunghoon has agreed to transfer some of the responsibilities onto the secretaries for the time being. They’ll be responsible for attending meetings in-office and other tasks that can be taken off of your plate as you focus on what’s at hand. 

“Are you any closer to finding me a new assistant?”

He asks this at least once every few hours. He’ll do it when he hears you typing away on your keyboard or when you’ve neglected to hear him call you from the door. Sunghoon says it with a smile that looks too playful for your liking. 

“Not any closer than I was since the last time you asked me.” 

“Shame. But perfection takes time, doesn't it?”

You roll your eyes. “Come in and close the door, will you? It’s hot as shit outside and you’re letting all of my cold air out.” 

“Maintenance is working on fixing the air conditioning in the main areas. My office isn’t as cold as yours, I’ll say that.”

“Maintenance likes me better.”

“Nuh uh.” 

You look up from your monitor. “What are you, a child?”

“Maybe.” You roll your eyes again and focus back on your work. “Any candidates I should know about?”

“Are you asking me because you’re interested or because you’re bored?”

“Is there any difference?”

“Yes. You either care about who’s going to take over my position once I’m gone, or you enjoy watching me suffer by being in my presence.” 

“The latter, actually. You’re cute when you’re angry at me.” You scowl at him. “See? Cute.” 

“I’m not cute.”

“You say that, and yet you are.” 

“You’re insufferable.”

“And you’re really cute, especially with my hand between your legs.” Your face grows hot and Sunghoon grins when he realizes he’s rendered you speechless. 

“If you aren’t going to be of any help, might as well go back to your office and do your job.” 

Sunghoon puts both hands up. “Alright, alright. I did come here with the intention of an update, though. Heeseung mentioned you’ve made some progress when I saw him earlier this morning.” 

“Some. I’ve been getting hundreds and hundreds of applications, and it’s getting hard to sift through all of them.”

“What kind of things are you looking for?” 

“Experience, mostly. Someone who meets half of these qualifications and won’t be an ass about it.”

“Got any contenders?” 

“I haven’t met with anyone yet, so I can’t be so sure right now. I’m in correspondence with some to meet at the office next week for an initial interview before I decide.”

“How many interviews?”

“Three. One introduction, a second so they can see the office, and a third with you.”

“With me?”

You roll your eyes. “Yes, you. I need you to like your assistant.” 

“The way I like you?”

You near your throat. 

“I surely hope not.” 

“You don’t have to worry about that. I just need an assistant who can handle the job and not complain about it too much.” 

“That’s the goal.”

“Who are you meeting with next week?” 

“Cho Miyeon’s coming on Monday morning and Kang Taehyun will be coming the same afternoon.”

“Yang Jungwon on Tuesday too, huh?” Sunghoon peers over your shoulder and stares at your calendar. “You’ve got a busy week.”

“I’m doing my best. My workload is being shared while I look for my replacement, so it’s not too bad. Don’t get any ideas and add things on my docket, though.”

“Well…”

You sigh. “Sunghoon, please. I’m trying to be diligent and do right by you, but you’re making me want to quit on the spot.” 

“Hear me out at least, okay?” 

Sunghoon sits on the edge of your desk and sees the top button of your blouse unbuttoned. It’s not enough for him to see your bra underneath, but his mouth runs dry thinking about it. 

“It’s our turn to choose a restaurant for the next quarterly dinner party. As you know, it’s important because we as a company build internal connections and reward those who work under us with an all expenses paid meal.”

“Plus quarterly bonuses from the respective employers.”

He nods. “Yes, plus the bonuses. Anyway, I’ve booked a reservation at a highly rated Spanish place that serves tapas style for tonight. Cool, huh?” 

“You cannot seriously expect me to drop my plans to work.” 

“You don’t have plans.”

“Okay, fair point. But Pochi, Sunghoon. And I don’t want to work!”

“We won’t be out until late into the evening, if you’re worried about feeding her. We’ll leave the office early and I’ll have you home before nine. And you won’t be working. Not really.” 

“Asking me to try food for a work event is considered work.”

“Just come with me, okay? If you like it, we’ll host the party there. If not, we try another one on the list.”

“What list?”

Sunghoon merely smiles but he doesn’t explain further. “Don’t worry about it. Get yourself hungry and we’ll leave at five.”

“You, leaving work at five…”

“Early, I know.” Sunghoon laughs. “So what do you say?”

“I say you want me to ignore all of my tasks and distract me with food. Why can’t you go with another assistant who actually gives a shit about this party?”

“Because I care about your opinion, not theirs.” 

“I don’t have time to entertain this when it’s not on my immediate priority list. You can bring Jongseong to dinner, for all I care. He’ll appreciate that more than me.” 

Before you know it, he’s on the floor and turning your chair to face him. 

“Sunghoon!” 

He situates himself between your legs and spreads them apart by pushing your knees away. His fingertips gently touch your skin and inch up the skirt you’re wearing, pushing the fabric up your thigh. Your resolve seems to crumble when you see him like this and look around hastily. 

“W-What are you doing?” 

Sunghoon doesn’t speak. He looks at you and smiles like he knows something you don’t.

“My window is open,” you say in a haste, trying to push his hands away from your legs. 

Sunghoon merely laughs and leans down to press a kiss to the inside of your knee while maintaining eye contact. You sit frozen in your chair as you watch him stand, eyes trained on his semi-hard cock outlined in his trousers. He makes no fuss and faces the windows to close the blinds before turning back to look at you.

“Better?” 

All you can do is nod. Sunghoon drinks you in with his eyes. His gaze starts at the bottom of your heels until you feel his stare drag up your body, locked in on the flesh of your collarbones until his eyes meet yours. It’s hard to keep eye contact with him when he’s looking at you like that, never mind the fact that the outline of his dick is practically at eye level. 

He brings his hand to his mouth and rubs his jaw, huffing something you can’t quite make out. He then resumes his positions on his knees and this time, you don’t complain when Sunghoon pries your legs apart. 

“Can I try to convince you?” he asks in a sultry tone. His voice might as well be made of soft velvet and you find yourself nodding. “Yeah? Can I have my way with you right here?” 

Sunghoon has his answer when you widen your legs before him and parts his mouth like he’s in awe. He observed the way your skirt rides up your thighs even more, then shifts his gaze to your covered cunt. Sunghoon looks like he might as well be high; his gaze is hyper focused between your legs and his well you panties mold to the shape of your cunt. 

His bottom lip becomes wet with his saliva and you’re almost positive that Sunghoon would start drooling the longer he looks at you. His hands delicately hold your ankles in place when you brush your thumb against the corner of your mouth. 

“You’re drooling.” Sunghoon looks up at you.

“I can’t help it,” he says, kissing the pad of your thumb. “You’re so perfect down here.” 

Your cheeks flush for the umpteenth time. Sunghoon’s hands move from your ankles to gently caress the outer skin of your calves before he brings one hand to push your skirt until it sits just below your waist. You lift your hips to help him and settle back down in your chair at a steep slouch. 

Sunghoon holds you there and you feel as if you’re being presented on a platter. Still unused to being like this in front of him, you resist the urge to close your legs to prevent yourself from being even more flushed than you already are. He pushes his face between your legs and gives one, long kiss to your covered slit. 

“So perfect.” Sunghoon mumbles against you, and you suck in a quick breath. He sticks his tongue out to taste the wet slick soaking from the fabric. “That’s really good.” 

Never in a million years would you have ever guessed how good Sunghoon looks on his knees. He’s brash and confident, proud and stoic. The ease in which Sunghoon fell to his knees knowing he’d see what you hide between your legs makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Sunghoon, who stands down for no one, kneels on his knees for you. 

He pulls your body down and brings his tongue all over your covered cunt. The surface of his tongue makes you clench against him and buck your hips. Sunghoon chases after it, pushing against you harder than merely grazing like he was previously. He licks a confident stripe and laps at your panties like a kitten drinking milk. 

His ginormous hands and caresses your outer thigh like he’s trying to make you relaxed and unashamed of the pleasure he wants to give you. You’re reminiscent of how you felt the morning Sunghoon’s hands were on you for the first time—nervous, excited, and extremely horny. 

When Sunghoon pulls your panties to the side to reveal your lap to him, he groans and his warm breath makes a shove run down your spine. He admires the way your pussy clenches in front of him and kisses your naked slit like he’s trying to reassure you.

“Relax, love. It’s just me.”

“Kind of hard to relax.” 

“Why?” Sunghoon kisses your slit once more and you sigh in contentment.

“I’m not used to people looking at me like this.” 

He looks up. “Get used to me between your legs.” 

When you deal with Sunghoon’s demands during working hours, you’re a force to be reckoned with. He’s stubborn and loves to fight back until you frustratingly give up or until you’ve backed him into a corner. You’re used to his hotheaded tendencies and never back down if you can help it.

But Sunghoon’s hands keep you locked before him so gently that it makes you think you’ve got nothing to worry about. His fingers caress your skin in a way that makes you tingle with excitement and lust, and it’s been a while since you’ve felt this way about anyone. 

He can feel your body respond to him when you loosen the tightness in your hips and let your legs fall beside him. Sunghoon’s mouth kisses your outer lips and avoids your clit, but the feeling is all the same when you haven’t been in this position in years. He takes his time, moving his plush and moistened lips across your skin like he’s mapping out every inch of you.

Sunghoon’s head moves to your inner thigh and his hair brushes your skin. His eyes remained closed as if to savor the taste of your body. You can’t seem to look at anything but him like you’re afraid he’ll disappear if you close your eyes and allow yourself to lose yourself in his touch.

Feeling so exposed is out of your comfort zone. You feel completely naked in front of him despite wearing a blouse and a skirt, technically. The sheer act of intimacy, even if Sunghoon walks away from you forever after he’s done kissing you between your legs, still feels like more than a mere hookup like your previous experiences. 

Sunghoon is still fully dressed and you wonder if he’s as hard as he was before kneeling. Your mind races when he switches legs and kisses all the way to the inner portion of your knee, dabbing gentle pecks that makes your heart race much faster than you would’ve ever anticipated. 

He must know by now you’re as inexperienced as a woman your age could be. It’s never for the lack of trying; men leave you disappointed and the pool of new lovers falls short when you aren’t the type of person to lose yourself in strangers who will never love you back. Sunghoon touches you like he’s more than somebody you’ve worked with for the last six years. It scares and excites you all at once. 

His breath ghosts over your cunt before he sticks his tongue out to lick a fat stripe. It feels like the entire surface of his tongue covers the entirety without a single inch being undiscovered by his mouth, and the sensation makes your toes curl in your heels. It’s enough to make your back arch slightly. Sunghoon watches you and puts both of his hands at the side of your hips to keep you steady before him. 

Sunghoon takes his time and doesn’t rush it like you think he will. He sounded so desperate to get you to agree to come with him to dinner tonight. You were sure he’d get on both hands and knees like a dog to beckon you to come. The sense of urgency seems to have been tossed out the window when he closed the blinds. Despite being in your office and hearing faint sounds of the copy printed from outside the doors, you feel like it’s just the two of you existing in the same space. 

His tongue moves up and down your slit slowly. Sunghoon’s eyelashes are long and dark, fluttering against his cheek with every pass. You wonder if this is what he looks like when you’re kissing him. It’s unfair how sexy he looks when his tongue is coated in your slick and when he’s sighing against your pussy like this is a meal that has finally satisfied his craving. 

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs against you the second he pushes his tongue past your folds. The vibrations continue to add to your pleasure and you buck your hips against his face. 

“S-Stop talking.”

He chuckles. “I think you like it when I talk to you like this.”

You shake your head stubbornly. Sunghoon hums like he doesn’t believe you. His fingers dig into your hips to pull you closer to his face instantly, latching onto your cunt with the urgency you anticipated beforehand. He shoves his tongue deep inside of you to the point where you grip the handles of your chair until your knuckles feel sore. Your palms have grown sweaty and you fear you’re losing your grip on both the chair and your sanity. 

He looks up at you before taking one hand and putting it in his hair. It’s like a foreign instinct takes over. Your hand grips his hair until you’re holding his head in place. His eyes flicker back to yours before focusing on lapping up your wetness, no doubt coating the lower half of his face in it. 

There’s no real method he’s adhering to. It’s messy and growing louder by the second with his saliva mixing in with your juices. Sunghoon slurps you up like he’s trying to taste all of you at once and flexes his jaw to accommodate shoving his tongue inside of your folds and thrusting. 

Your legs eventually wrap around his shoulders and Sunghoon can feel your heel digging into his suit jacket. He doesn’t mind. You’re sure this encourages him to fuck you like this harder because his tongue moves in circles inside of you when your thighs keep his head locked in place. His dark brown eyes open to look right at you and the moans you’ve been holding in escape. 

Sunghoon moans against you too. Your whimpers and short breath sent the blood straight to his cock, but he knows this isn’t the time nor the place to make you moan the way he wants you to. He’ll take what he can get, but that single, deep moan that came from his tongue bouncing over your clit makes him think it would be worth it for everybody to hear you come.

He looks so good with your thighs suffocating his face. Sunghoon doesn’t complain, he just puts his hands on your thighs and squeezes you to keep them there. Your hips start to chase his mouth when you feel your orgasm building and when Sunghoon sees your chest heaving off of the chair, he keeps his steady position and flicks his tongue across your swollen bud. 

You don’t even realize your hips are rolling against his mouth until you come against Sunghoon’s tongue. He doesn’t give you a second to breathe as he laps it up, opening his mouth as best as he can with your legs still wrapped around his face. He moans when he tastes all you have to offer and bucks his hips to grind against the tightness of his slacks when he sees your eyes wired shut and mouth gaping. 

The grip on his hair loosens when your body relaxes and so does the grip on your legs. Your breath feels much heavier than before and when you open your eyes, Sunghoon’s looking at you with a drunken smile on his face. Your cheeks instantly heat up and you try to pry your legs back down, but he keeps you steady there and moves his head to kiss you on each thigh.

“You look so pretty when you come.”

“S-Sunghoon…”

“Yeah, love?” 

You blush harder. “You’re just…” 

“I’m just what?” 

You avoid eye contact. “You looked really hot.” 

He laughs and you feel his eyes still staring at you. Sunghoon lets go of your legs and helps settle them back down on the ground before pushing your panties back in its proper place. He wipes his chin with the back of his hand and sits on the back of his knees to help you regain balance and sit upright in your chair as you fix your skirt in an attempt to look decent. 

“You did so well for me,” he says, pushing upwards to kiss you. Your taste lingers on his lips. Sunghoon braces himself on your thighs and his palms feel comforting. 

“I-I can’t believe I let you do that in my office.”

“Such a rebel, hm?” Sunghoon chuckles between kisses before pulling back to look at you. “Did that convince you to come with me tonight?” 

You nod shyly. “I don’t want you to think I’m the type of girl who can be bribed by sex, though.”

“I don’t think that of you. Matter of fact, I know I had you reeled in when I told you I’d take care of the details.” 

“Hmph.”

“I ate you out because I wanted to.”

Sunghoon kisses you again before standing up. The sheer size of it makes your mouth water and you see the small, wet stain left by his precum. He watches you with fascination and watches your hand reach out with hesitation, pulling back before you’ll do something you might regret. 

He doesn’t force you to touch him, nor does he ask you to do anything in return. You watch him with hooded eyes and the sight of you looking up at him while he stands will fuel his dreams for days to come. 

“You’re hard.” 

“That I am.”

“All that from eating me out?”

He laughs. “You underestimate how much I’m attracted to you.”

Your eyes flicker up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So much that I ate your cute little pussy in your office.” 

You swat the side of his thigh and look away from him. “I…My pussy isn’t cute.”

“So cute and so tight. Felt it with my fingers and I felt it again with my tongue. Can’t help but wonder what it’ll feel like with my dick.” 

“Sunghoon!” 

“Too soon?” The blush on your face gives your desire away, but he laughs and backs off. 

“I have a pair of fresh slacks in my office. Let’s finish the rest of today and then we’ll head over for dinner, yeah?”

You raise your eyebrow. “You’re gonna walk out of my office while you’re hard?” 

“It’s like, two inches from yours.” 

“People could see.”

“Aw, are you worried about me?”

You huff. “Let people see how hard you get for me, for all I care.” 

Sunghoon smirks. “Atta girl. I think I just might.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Just how you like me to be.”

You don’t argue with him. You both know he’s right. He eventually makes his way to the front door and is about to leave before he comes back around your desk. Sunghoon takes you by surprise and leans down to kiss your lips once more before wordlessly exiting your office.

It takes a great deal of strength to stand up and open the blinds.

***

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[holdmytesseract]

daryl dixon x fem!reader

🪶 part two

warnings for this chapter: typical twd stuff, walkers, weapons, 'idiots in love', insecure!Daryl? lots of tension? another cliffhanger, swear words, Carol and Daryl being besties

word count: 4k

a/n: i finished writing this sweet mini series - and i absolutely cannot wait to share the other three parts with y'all! i love this so much.

[ 🪶 part one ]

masterlist 🪶 EoH Masterlist

LITRM Masterlist 🪶 Daryl Masterlist

Daryl snorted and shook his head at his best friend's words. "Nah." A reaction the woman had kind of anticipated. "Yes, you are, Daryl. Admit it to yourself." The archer scoffed, "'M not... in love." and continued to dispute it. Carol sighed; letting go of the man's arm and slightly shifted to be able to face him better.

"Okay, where's the problem? What's so bad about being in love?" Daryl scoffed; throwing the stone in his hands away, which caused Dog's ears - who laid snuggled against his dad's leg - to perk up. "Nothin'. 'S just... I've never did this before. Not properly." "And that's okay. I'm sure Y/N understands that as well. There's a first for everything."

Another moment of silence passed, before Carol took the hand of her best friend in hers; causing his head to turn and face her. "You deserve to be happy, Daryl. You deserve a happy end. Especially after all that shit you've been through. You deserve to be loved." The archer's hand gently squeezed the woman's hand as he pressed his lips in a thin line; not saying a word. He simply didn't know what to say.

"Don't you want this?" She asked carefully then, to which Daryl only shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno," he said; voice merely above a whisper.

"Well..." Carol started, and took a deep breath. Her hand let go of his again. "No matter how you decide on this, you have to give Y/N her notebook back." Daryl grunted lowly. "Can't ya give it back to 'er?" The gray haired woman shook her head; "No." a small smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. "I won't let you run away from this, Mr. Crossbow. You'll have to face this - and Y/N."

"You really think I'm gonna find it again?" You questioned Michonne sceptically. The woman smiled and nodded confidently. "Yes. Don't worry. Your notebook will find its way back to you. I'm sure of it." "Okay..." You gave her an uptight smile and went to hug her in order to say goodbye. "If you say so..."

That's what Michonne said... Almost two months ago, right before she (and everyone else) returned to their communities... Slowly, you really started to lose hope... You sighed and clapped your diary shut; hiding it again underneath your mattress. Just as you wanted to blow out the candle and go to bed, you could hear a soft - almost faint knock against the door to the cozy, little hut you lived in. Frowning, you reached for your knife and slowly made your way over. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door - only to see a familiar figure standing in front of it. Well, rather the back of a familiar figure. Your heart skipped a beat.

"Daryl?"

Your voice caused the archer with his signature angel-winged vest to stop dead in his tracks. "What are you doing here?"

The man swallowed hard - unbeknownst to you. He had hoped that you were asleep already. That he arrived too late in Oceanside. That he didn't have to face this, but reassuring his conscience with the fact that he tried.

Well, his plan failed.

Taking a deep breath, he turned to face you; arms crossed behind his back to hide your precious notebook. "Been bringin' some stuff for the trade." It wasn't a lie. "O-kay," you gave him a nod, then frowned. "I-I mean, no. What are you doing here?" You vaguely gestured around to refer to your hut; unable to form a different sentence. The presence of your crush totally threw your already tired brain totally off-track.

"Oh, uh," Daryl started and ducked his head, while nervously chewing on the inside of his bottom lip; working hard to form the right words in his head. "I, uh, jus' wanted to give ya somethin' back." Slowly, he brought forward your notebook from behind his back, causing your eyes to widen.

"Belongs to ya, righ'?" You nodded; stunned and wordless. Daryl took a few hesitant steps closer - as if you were a wounded, dangerous animal. "Found it, 'n thought I should give it back to ya." Once he was close enough, he literally shoved the notebook into your arms and chest, before quickly stepping backwards again.

You blinked; looked from him to the notebook and back. "T-Thanks, I-" "'Course, see ya." The archer instantly interrupted you and this time really turned on his heels and vanished into the night; leaving you just standing there. What you didn't see, nor hear, was how the man pinched the bridge of his nose and repeatedly mumbled under his breath: "'M a goddamn idiot."

You stood like frozen to the ground in the doorway, just staring into the distance. Only a chilly breeze, which caused goosebumps to spread all over your skin managed to pull you out of your trance like state. Blinking again, you turned around and went back inside the hut; closing the door behind you. You made your way back into your cozy bedroom and got comfortable underneath the sheets; carefully checking the beloved notebook in your hands if it was okay. Not that you didn't trust Daryl, but...

Skipping through the pages, you discovered that everything was as it should be. No ripped pages, not dog-eared or stained. He had been really attentive. A smile spread on your face. The happiness that you got your most valued possession back finally sinking in - but not lasting long...

You reached the last page you had drawn something onto... Daryl. And suddenly sunk your heart to your boots. What if he knew? What if he had seen the drawing? "Oh gods..." You whispered to yourself. Was it a coincidence that he of all people had found your notebook? Should you confront him? Ask him? You had to, right? Or not?

Your head started to spin; one thought chasing the next. Needless to say, it was a sleepless night.

You couldn't tell yet if fate wanted to help you or kick you repeatedly in the butt. All you wanted the following day was to talk to Cyndie - thinking Daryl had left Oceanside again, but then you saw the two of them having a seemingly important conversation. With your eyes widening, you quickly turned on your heels again and wanted to 'flee'.

But you didn't get far.

"Y/N, wait!" You heard Cyndie call out. Squeezing your eyes shut in a grimace, you took a deep breath and turned to face them with a fake smile. "Good to see you. You're just in time." "O-Oh, yeah? Am I?" Cyndie nodded with a smile, then gestured towards the archer. "Daryl agreed to help us get the new solar panels we need. You know, the ones which got destroyed in that storm a few weeks ago?" "Yeah, I know... How, uh, kind of him." "Indeed," Cyndie agreed. "And you are going to go with him."

Your eyes widened again; cheeks instantly turning red.

"M-Me?"

"Her?"

Both, you and Daryl exclaimed simultaneously.

Cyndie's eyes darted back and forth between you and the archer. A borderline skeptical look was on her face as she nodded. "Yes. You know the area pretty well. Better than anybody. You know where that warehouse is," she explained, then scanned your faces again. "Is this a problem for you two? A conflict or anything else you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Nah."

You and Daryl answered simultaneously once more. The leader of the community gave you both another skeptical look. "Okay. You should gear up and get going then. Better be back before it gets dark. And be careful, yes? Take care." Cyndie received two nods as an answer. "Good," she said and turned to walk away. "Oh, and Daryl?" The archer looked up to face the woman. "Thank you. Your help is highly appreciated." The man nibbled at his bottom lip and gave her another nod; desperately trying to hide the upcoming nervosity inside him.

You inhaled a deep breath in a lousy attempt to calm your rapidly beating heart. It was beyond excited to spend time with the man it secretly yearned for. Your head on the other hand was signaling you the complete opposite. Your head told to run and hide, despite knowing that you couldn't. You agreed to this mission, after all.

"Get yer stuff. Ten minutes at the gate," Daryl's voice urged to your ears, but before you could say something, he was gone.

"Shit, shit, shit," you cursed under your breath. This was going to be a fucking nightmare

Thirty minutes later, you and Daryl were on the road together; making your way to the warehouse with the solar panels. Cyndie had described the way and even handed him a small map. You really didn't know why she nevertheless send you along. Just because you 'knew the area'? You had to suppress a scoff. Despite all that, though, were you certain that your leader had no idea which hell she pushed you through. It was torture. You absolutely didn't know how to act around Daryl anymore. The uncertainty what he knew and if he had seen your drawing of him (including the poem) was positively driving you insane.

Of course, you didn't have the guts to ask him either; too afraid of the outcome. What were you supposed to say anyway?

'Hey, Daryl, have you coincidentally seen the drawing I made of you in my notebook? Why I drew you? Oh, just because I'm totally into you.'

No. Certainly not.

Therefore, you settled on staying quiet and watching him instead. Analyzing his behavior. Daryl was walking ahead in silence; crossbow slung over his back and map haphazardly stuffed in the back pocket of his jeans. He led the way, but looked regularly back over his shoulder to make sure you were still there. It was challenging to lower your gaze in time and avoid his beautiful eyes whenever he did that. No words were exchanged. Sure, Daryl wasn't super talkative. He had never been and you knew that, but... You felt like he was even quieter than before. It was weird. His whole demeanor was weird. He was acting... different - and it gave you chills.

What if he had truly seen the drawing and is now creeped out by me? What if he thinks I'm weird? Or crazy? Or he's disgusted? Angry?

Your thoughts were a mental merry-go-round.

Little did you know that the archer was acting so distant and weird because his romantic feelings for you he had discovered a few weeks back were skyrocketing since he was that close to you for almost two hours now, and he just didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like a teenage boy falling in love for the first time. He just hoped that this was over fast and he could return back home to Alexandria and hide away.

But fate had other plans, of course. It didn't let you and Daryl off the hook that easily. Quite the opposite...

"S-Stay here? Overnight?" You squeaked out in a high-pitched, yet muffled voice; shocked and appalled. "Ain't got no choice," Daryl whisper-shouted as he carefully peeked out of one of the small, dirty windows of the barricaded door. "'S way too dangerous, 'n it's gettin' dark soon. There 'r way too many of 'em out there. We can't take 'em. Not jus' the two 'a us." He referred to the rather big herd of walkers, which had suddenly decided to flood the small town you were in. "If ya wanna go 'n die, go. Ain't gonna hold ya back," he snapped gruffly, but instantly regretted it again. The mere thought of seeing you die caused his heart to shoot an aching pain through his whole body. Oh, how he would hold you back...

You just nodded wordlessly and turned around to somehow make yourself comfortable. "Well, at least we got the solar panels," you whispered and vanished around the corner. He could hear the slight hurt in your voice.

Daryl sighed deeply and squeezed his eyes shut. "Idiot. Yer a damn idiot, Dixon," he muttered to himself and managed to barely hold back his fist from slamming it against the steel door. Attracting a ton of hungry walkers in an already shitty situation wasn't a good idea.

To keep his mind distracted with other things that weren't you - and frankly to give himself an excuse to not face you, he patrolled the whole building; checking every window and door to make sure that nothing dangerous could get in. Dead or alive.

Nevertheless, Daryl knew that he had to face you at some point. He just couldn't stay away. His selfless nature and the attraction he felt towards you literally urging him on to check in on you and protect you if necessary. So, he made his way carefully to the little camp you had set up. Wordlessly, he set his crossbow down, shrugged off his backpack and sat down opposite you with his back resting against the cool wall. He just watched you for a long moment with the pad of his thumb between his teeth; gnawing at the rough skin, as you munched on some bread you had packed.

"Barricaded the doors 'n made sure nothin' can get in," Daryl dared to speak up then. "We should keep watch anyway, though. Ain't takin' the risk." You nodded - and silence settled over the both of you again. It was nowhere near pleasant and rather suffocating. And yet neither of you knew what to say, until...

"Ya mad at me or sum'thin'?"

The archer's sudden, unexpected words cut through the silence like a knife. Daryl himself didn't even know why he said them. They just slipped past his lips. You hadn't given him a glance. Until now. You looked up slowly - almost shyly. Your eyes met his, and he could swear that his heart skipped a beat - just like yours. Then you shook your head. "No. Why should I?" The man opposite you merely shrugged his shoulders. "'Cause yer actin' pissed 'n distant." You scoffed, "Me? Distant and pissed?" and crossed your arms over your chest. "You're the one who's acting weird and distant." Daryl grunted, and shook his head; causing a few wild bangs to fall into his face. "Nah, I ain't. Dunno whatcha mean." "You're a bad liar." Now Daryl scoffed. "Yeah? How do ya know? Ya ain't know shit 'bout me."

You didn't know why, but his words stung.

You said nothing and instead turned away from him to lay down on the hard, uncomfortable underground with your backpack acting as a pillow. "I thought we were friends, but... Apparently I got that wrong," you whispered and closed your eyes. And again Daryl regretted his words. How could he act so stupidly and make the same mistakes again and again?

Another long period of silence passed between the both of you, while it got dark outside. The only source of light were both yours and the archer's flashlights. The faint but always present sounds of familiar groans and snarls reminded you constantly of the danger lurking outside - why you were trapped in this damn building, and keeping you from sleeping. Since you had turned away from the man across you, you had been staring out of the distant window; watching the moon replace the sun through a thick layer of dirt and dust.

"You could've just told me." Your quiet voice ripped Daryl out of his trance like state; deeply sunken in his own thoughts. "Wha'?" He asked; heart speeding up again as his brain registered your words and the possible meanings behind them. Tell you what? That he loved you? Have you managed to see through his façade?

"That you hate me."

Your words soothed and simultaneously hurt him. Relieved that you hadn't figured him out. Hurt that you were thinking he hated you. "Wha'?" He croaked out again; too stunned to get his mouth to say something different. You shifted and turned to face him once more. The light wasn't bright and your face barely illuminated, and yet he could see the nervosity on your face. Your eyes held fear, regret - and something he couldn't pinpoint. "You... You've seen the page, didn't you? I-In my notebook. That's why you act like that. You hate me now." You didn't know where you took the bravery from to ask him that. Perhaps it was the steady relentless nagging of the voice in your head. Perhaps you just couldn't take the uncertainty any longer.

Daryl was speechless. Way too overwhelmed by what you just said. She knows. She knows. She knows. The words echoed through his mind on repeat. His pulse sped up once more as he stared at you in shock. "I-I-" The man stammered and needed quite a few moments to get himself together. "Nah. I-I mean, yeah. I, uh, saw your drawin'. 'M sorry. I didn't mean to snoop around. I jus' wanted to figure out who the notebook belonged to."

Fuck, fuck, fuck, you cursed internally; having a hard time to hide your blush. This was beyond embarrassing. You felt like being stripped butt naked and put in front of a huge crowd of people; judging and laughing at you. Your mind worked at lightning speed to find the right words to say to Daryl. A good explanation. An apology. A white lie-

"But I dun hate ya."

And suddenly it was quiet. All the thoughts and voices in your head suddenly fell silent.

Blinking, and completely in disbelief, you sat up. "What?"

Daryl shrugged his shoulders; nervously fumbling with his fingers. "I dun hate ya."

You blinked again. "You... Don't?" "Nah."

Another beat of silence passed, in which your brain just tried to comprehend what your ears just heard. You opened your mouth to say something and answer him, but before a single word could leave your lips, a loud noise could be heard from just outside the building. It caused both your survival instincts to kick in; the conversation forgotten for the moment. "Get over, 'n turn off yer flashlight," the archer whisper-shouted as he got on his feet; extinguishing the light and drawing his knives. You quickly nodded and got over to him. Pressing your back against the wall beside Daryl, you drew your weapon as well and switched off the flashlight. It was entirely dark now in the way too large warehouse - except for the moonlight shining through the high windows. Adrenaline pumped through your body as you stood there besides Daryl; breathing shakily. The noise you had heard a few moments ago didn't repeat itself, but the snarls and growls outside got louder.

The archer stowed his knives away again and switched his flashlight back on, before he made his way over to an old shelf. "Help me get that thing over there," he said; jutting his chin towards the wall ahead and taking the flashlight between his lips. You did the same and hurried over to help him get the shelf as quietly as possible over to stand directly against the wall; not knowing what his intention was. You discovered it soon, though; watching with wide eyes as he started to climb on the damn shelf. "Daryl," you whispered. "What are you doing? This thing is old. What if it breaks?" "Ain't gonna break. 'M jus' takin' a look," he grunted and reached the top; pulling himself up to stand and look out of the window. "What is it? Can you see something?" "Jus' a burnin' car," he stated quietly, then shifted to climb down again. "Be careful," you mumbled; watching his every move.

"A burning car?" You asked as the archer had both feet planted firmly back on the ground again. "Yeah. 'N a hell lotta walkers, of course." You frowned. "Means someone is out there?" Daryl shrugged his shoulder. "Could be anythin', but yeah, looks like someone lit it to distract the walkers." He walked back over to your little camp to grab his crossbow. "Imma check the doors again, 'n take a look around. Stay put, 'kay?" "But..." You watched him disappear into the darkness with wide eyes.

You sighed and sat down again; back against the wall and clutching your flashlight and knife tight. Those haunting sounds of dozens of walkers attracted by that car keeping you brain on high alert. You weren't afraid of the situation. Nervous, perhaps. You were afraid that something happened to Daryl. That someway somehow found something dangerous its way past the barricades inside the building and was now lurking in the shadows to attack. Should I follow him? The thought crossed your mind more than just once - but before you could act on it did you hear some rustling. Quickly snapping your head to the right - ready to defend yourself, you watched with pure relief how Daryl appeared from around the corner. "Daryl..." You sighed; a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. "You okay?" He nodded. "'M fine. Doors are still barricaded. Seems like nothin' tried to get in," he reported as he put his crossbow back down. "Wha'ever it was it's gone. Think we are safe. Jus' need to wait out those damn walkers. There's even more now." He sat down beside you with a grunt. "The car..." The archer nodded. "Well, at least we are safe for now... Hopefully," you muttered and took another deep breath; leaning your head against his shoulder. Before you realized what you were doing, was it already too late. Your body craved safety and a feeling of comfort - and the man you loved was right there. Apparently did your control slip for a moment, which was enough for your heart to command your body to act as it desired.

Daryl froze at the sudden, unexpected contact; a blush spreading over his whole face and even coloring the tips of his ears. "If you don't hate me... Why do you act like you do?" Your voice was hushed and soft - almost vulnerable. It tore at the archer's heartstrings.

He swallowed; "'Cause I..." trying to find the right words to say. "I didn't mean ta push ya away, 's jus'... I've never... I..." You slowly lifted your head to look at him. You had never seen the archer struggling like that. "You never...?" You asked quietly; literally able to see the gears turning in his head. Daryl shyly tilted his head a mere few inches to be able to look at you as well - a big mistake. He didn't realize how close you truly were. Until now. He was able to see every inch of your beautiful face. Every dimple. Every dip and curve. Every mole and beauty mark.

Once more he swallowed hard; eyes dropping to your lush lips. They looked so warm, so soft, so inviting - and only a few inches separated them from his. It caused the archer's breath to hitch in his throat.

"You never...?" You repeated, seemingly unaware of the situation you both were in. Daryl couldn't do much than stare. "I-I never..." He tried again, but felt himself lose the battle. He leaned in slowly, causing a small gasp to slip past your lips as you suddenly noticed as well how close you were. "D-Daryl?" Your heart threatened to burst with each inch he bridged, until his lips were hovering just above yours.

He is going to kiss me. It's happening. Daryl Dixon is going to kiss me. Am I dreaming?

You couldn't believe this; were clearly thinking that you were caught in a dream. You would've never imagined that this was going to happen - and yet you could feel his warmth radiating off of him and his unsteady breath against your skin.

Like clockwork slipped your eyes shut; ready to finally feel his lips on yours.

[ 🪶 part three ]

tags: @dixonsdarkelf @angelwings-crossbowstrings @ellasdixon @dixons-sunshine @negansbestie @bigbaldheadname @km-ffluv @loz-3 @whore4romance @dilfdixon @mayday2007 @huntedmusicgardenn @0-aubrie0 @sweetz1919 @stitchintimefan @cakesandtom @ffsjustletmesleep @making-the-most-0f-it @erebus-et-eigengrau @belitoxx @fictive-sl0th @marvelcasey05 @secretsicanthideanymore

[naeuris-brainrot]

Yeah. Yeahhhh. It's very... Tropey. It's clear that Sky was written from 2003-2004, and I appreciate Olivier's bi representation however bad it is because it's a 2004 game from Japan. But jfc. The explicitly queer characters do not have well-written queerness. At least up to where I am in Reverie.

Spoilers for Sky FC, Sky SC, Azure Cold Steel 1, 2, and 4, and Reverie below the cut

And crossdressing is played for laughs, but the first scenario where it happens (which is like 8 games before the second scenario) it's not only because of theatre, but the girls play guys and a guy plays a girl. And it's poked fun at but not in a transphobic or homophobic way, just because the guy who dresses as a girl gets blushy about it. Again, I appreciate it more in context of it releasing in 2004.

The adoptive sibling romance... Yeah I don't have much for this one other than Joshua never viewed them as siblings and they were 12 when he got brought home by Estelle's dad and 16 when they decided to be bf/gf. Plus Joshua had two people he actually considered siblings and never thought of Estelle that way.

I hate the Agate/Tita and Rean/Elise stuff though I think the games would have lost absolutely nothing by not including that.

Plus holy shit they don't know how to write lesbians. Shirley, Angelica, and Ilya are awful people tbh and should go to jail ESPECIALLY in regards to their treatment of Elie, Towa, and Sully respectively. Aeolia is on thin fucking ice.

Crow, though overtly flirting with Rean in CS1 and CS2, is not in any way actually a romance option. This sucks because he's pretty fucking wholesome in his flirting with Rean, and it's the first real time we've seen someone queer in the series be not a predatory stereotype about it. Additionally, they seem to have forgotten about Crow's flirting with Rean in CS3/4/Rev. Tbf, bigger things were going on. But CrowRean deserved to be canon and Cold Steel as a subseries fucked up by doing the whole harem thing for Rean.

Now Wazy. Wazy Wazy Wazy. Uh. I don't know how to categorize him. People can't tell his gender and call him by he/him, she/her, and they/them pronouns throughout from Zero and to Azure, and he explicitly makes jokes about this and doesn't mind people seeing him as whatever gender they want to see him as. Yeah, the main cast all he/him Wazy but on missions where there's a gender divide Wazy goes with the girls, and Wazy is the only "guy" in the entirety of Trails to wear a two-piece bathing suit.

Wazy is a sex worker who has said he works with both male and female clients, and is genuinely sweet when he's not being a total dickhead (affectionate). He flirts with the entire SSS excluding Tio, the only minor in the SSS, and Lloyd, Randy, Elie, and Noel all find him equally annoying and endearing.

He's involved in the Septian Church by magical trauma, not by choice (which you only learn if you max out your bond with him in Azure and then choose to see his hidden cutscene which gives very important background info on him that's kinda wild), and he gets called "Father Wazy" by those in the church. His Squires all unequivocally think he's a pain in the ass but see him as reliably a dumbass and respect him completely.

I haven't played Daybreak, so IDK what the situation is like there (supposedly there's a male character who explicitly likes men and is the least stereotypical/tropey portrayal in Trails yet, as explained to me by the trans girl who got me into the series).

But I have hope.

Mostly because I love the plot.

Getting people into Trails is so awkward. You can talk all you want about the fun characters, the great writing, and the moving stories but you always have to warn upfront about the Adoptive Sibling Romance, the Not Very Terrific Lesbians, etc. and it feels like you're shilling for the worst anime shit imaginable.

[daizyblood]

//SPOILERS// For today's E.A.P.S episode

Mmmmm, hahaha- People are partly right when they say Charlie isn't to blame

The adults (minus Eclipse) are to blame.

HENRY is to blame.

Everyone saw how Charlie was behaving and did jackshit. (Again, excluding Eclipse)

But more specifically, Henry didn't correct his own daughter's behavior. Children are who you mold them into (typically) so her having no regard for personal boundaries or an understanding of consent is heavily reflective of what kind of parent Henry is.

Eclipse took care of her while Henry was out of the picture, which was nice but Charlie is no longer his responsibility outside of helping her with her powers, he shouldn't have had to give her so many warnings (not turning him into a baby for example, he did tell her not to do that), Henry should've stepped in before it got to this point.

Charlie however is not an idiot or an innocent child, she is a preteen, 11 is far too old to be acting like this, even without Henry actively teaching her boundaries she should've been able to learn them by interacting with other children or people generally.

Eclipse shouldn't have told her that the best thing she did was die, that was absolutely not okay, but him saying that doesn't suddenly make him part of the problem, it's a blip in contrast to how he's been treated before.

It's still bad regardless, and I have seen some people say it was probably the virus-

Oh right, that, the world-ending catastrophe that Eclipse is responsible for keeping at bay and/or getting rid of.

Charlie's powers are important but not as important as THE END OF THE WORLD, yes a lack of attention can cause children to act out, especially when it's someone who previously spent a lot of time with them, but hitting him in the face with a... What was it? A hammer? Whatever it was, she still hit him, turning him into a baby and making fun of him? Bothering him non-stop during a high stress situation? Like c'mon, wtf-

Apart from Henry, there are so many people who could be teaching her otherwise, who should be explaining to her why what she is doing isn't okay, but, once again, she is also too old to be doing this shit.

And that "apology" was baffling, girly pop, respectfully... No-

I get she was just doing what Ruin asked (distraction 💃🪩) however she could've done literally anything else.

Charlie may be a child but she still needs to take accountability (as does Henry for lacking in his parenting)

And virus or not, Eclipse should apologize for saying smth like that, cause that was wild 😭

NOT ONLY THAT Charlie needs to redo that apology and be given an appropriate punishment (grounding, taking of a privilege, extra chores JUST SMTH-)

Eclipse has his own responsibilities, his children, the virus, himself- so on, he can't always be dealing with Charlie nor should he have too when she has a present parent.

OMG AND ROXANNE oh you- WHY I OUGHTA- Girl, you cannot be there enforcing said behavior, cause that's not okay either.

She has seen Eclipse in his darkest moment and still treated him like that.

Fucking crazy, some friend 💀

Anyway now that I've got that off my chest... Maybe I'll go draw? Idk still not feeling great... Mkay baaiiiiiii

OH and for anyone confused on the episodes I'm talking about (y'know, for future when this post is no longer relevant-), the one where Eclipse gets hit is "Charlie Becomes A DENTIST!" The one where he turns into a baby is "ECLIPSE BECOMES A MISERABLE BABY!" And the one where shit really hits the fan is "ECLIPSE HATES CHARLIE!!!"

[janiehellion]

Not to be dramatic, but this comment on AO3 actually made me tear up in the best way possible. I did respond to it already, but I still feel like nothing I say could do justice to how much it really means to me. (Keeping their username hidden due to privacy and out of respect.)

And I know... I don't usually post randomly like this, but writing fanfiction—especially in a fandom like The Walking Dead, where so many writers are ridiculously talented, writers like Krys, Murda, Taylor, and so many more, but especially those that I follow and got the incredible chance to interact with so far.

Yes, there are writers who put out works way faster than I ever could and ever did in years—it can be really isolating. (If this is the right word... I don't know how to explain it better.) Especially when you write slowly, when you're anxious as shit, or when your fics simply don't get much reach or interaction because they're just... too damn long.

(My current draft for a requested one-shot is over 30K, and I'm trying to shorten it simply because I know that most don't wanna read that many words regarding a Daryl Dixon x Reader fic. My drafts just keep getting longer, so no wonder I barely even post, and I do wanna apologize for that.)

Anyway, I'm one of those writers who rereads their own fanfics over and over again, and constantly hearing that little voice telling me, "This isn't good enough. It's just bad. Delete it." Like, all the time. I overthink every line and every word. So I end up trying everything to make a fic at least okay to read… and then doubting whether the plot even makes sense or if it sounds the way I want it to. Especially when writing for characters like Daryl, Rick, Negan, or Shane—these kinda characters that have been written so incredibly well by so many others, those who are able to put it all in fewer words than I do.

But then someone, a stranger, leaves a comment like this.

They didn't just say "Great fic!" (which I also appreciate so deeply, don't get me wrong,) but they saw the exact things I try so hard to do: tone, emotion, clarity, and consistency. They said my writing was inspirational. They literally bookmarked it as a reference for what they want to achieve. As someone with English as their first language, no less. And, as you can see, they said I should be less hard on myself.

Do you understand how healing that is to read?

I still can't believe it's real. This is just insane to me. It makes all the hours of obsessing over every damn draft feel seen and heard.

To the person who wrote this: thank you. You are one of the few humans that encourage me to keep writing. Same with the other authors I got to know through Tumblr, AO3, and Wattpad so far.

I just never would've thought that sometimes, a stranger somewhere on this planet, this world, would remind me of how much I love writing at exactly the right time. You never know what someone might go through offline, and I absolutely needed this. This is why feedback matters.

[torglives]

every day i die. why can people not accept the reality of mutual toxicity in pangili2

EVERY DAY I DIE. it drives me up the wall as a pangi main. the pili main life is something i can't even imagine.

some people are so laser focused on their own perspectives that everything done against them is irredeemably evil. these people do not know or appreciate an unreliable narrator. or characters with skew-y morals. or interesting, nuanced dynamics. come on guys. COME ON. WHERE'S YOUR FUN.

what happened to "supporting rights and wrongs." why must we be so lame... why must everything be a "right" ... do they know that this takes away from interesting characters. do the people who do this shit know that. i know they probably don't care. i love pangi's character, part of his appeal is that he does shitty things, it makes him so much more complex. it makes him more interesting to me. sidebar, sorry-- but going around and saying how much you love tr pangi and then just. COMPLETELY IGNORING/RE-FRAMING A HUGE PART OF HIM IS SO FUCKING. GOD. ITS SO ANNOYING. HE'S OVER-EMOTIONAL. HE'S RASH. HE SUCKS REALLY REALLY BAD SOMETIMES. it's not a bad thing to admit that, and you cannot claim to understand or give a fuck about his character when you deny that. doing that in itself is mischaracterization of him, not even to mention of pili. i also know that the people doing it aren't my beautiful friends on tumblr so i'm shouting my frustrations into a chamber of people who already know all of this. but still. AUGH.

their mutual toxicity is what makes their relationship so interesting. it's what makes their relationship period! it makes both of them, as characters, and how they interact with the world around them more interesting too. especially because they were a specific brand of toxic exclusively to each other. are the implications of that not compelling to the general audience? i don't understand why chunks of the fandom are so willing to let such a fascinating dynamic go in order to satisfy their "one person good, one person bad" mentality. they seriously, genuinely were both equally awful to each other. how many times do i have to say that. i also don't understand why a relationship CONFIRMED by BOTH CREATORS as being MUTUALLY TOXIC is actively spoiling a single character for so many people. it's so upsetting, because the discussion around both of them would be so peak if everyone got on the same (objectively correct :3) wavelength.

[imgonna--explode]

alrighty. again, not in order.

yup, most adolescents/minors don’t get diagnosed with pds because of hormone imbalances that could be the actual cause. i agree fully. yeah, you probably shouldn’t claim to have a pd you’re not diagnosed with. i see where you’re coming from. concern about echo chambers is reasonable. i agree with that. and let me just say: stop saying sorry for things i’ve gone through. it doesn’t help (me). you don’t need to bear the responsibility of easing experiences you weren’t there for and weren’t asked to ease.

when i said i was okay with a kid dying, i wasn’t trying to enable suicide or child murder or whatever you thought. i was just saying that if a kid did commit suicide and was successful, that it was for their greater good. people dying is always morally neutral. i just wish that when people talk about teen suicide they wouldn’t try to preach in teens’ faces how they just need to keep on going with their lives, but try to make a better environment for teenagers in general. and yeah, it hurts me biologically, but mentally it’s lost its effect because YOU NEED TO SEE PAST YOUR PAIN SOMETIMES AND RECOGNIZE THAT THE PERSON WHO DIED WAS GOING THROUGH GREATER PAIN (/nm). they died, but it’s fine. suicide shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. and i love how you end it off with that “you’re not alone” bullshit. i’m sorry, but i don’t understand how that helps.

you say there’s no easy solution to grief or suicidal ideation; well, i think there is. death is fine. needed, sometimes, especially in cases of suicide. i know you’ll try to twist my words and say that i was saying that i hate suicidal people or whatever, so what i mean by that is needed by the individual. again, death is fine. many don’t want it, that’s also fine. grief hurts, that’s just objective. but it’s okay to die, and it’s okay to die young. it hurts for the people around the dead youth but ultimately, it’s not as if they committed a crime by dying. i’m not trying to enable suicide or demean grieving people, i’m just saying that it’s morally neutral.

yeah, to be fair, i did put words in your mouth and i’m not gonna try and deny that. sorry. again, i’m stupid, my frontal lobe isn’t developed, etc. that’s just an objective statement and not me trying to demean myself or try to make you feel bad, i’m just being honest.

protect from what? how come you say you care but i haven’t even seen you in real life? how do you know i’m not the worst person to exist?

it’s weird that you say you’re not trying to help anyone here but are trying to preach to people to not be in communities like these because they only “made you worse” or can only harm you down the line. while i may have implied something wrong with these communities by saying you’re trying to help us, i truly meant to say you’re trying to help the individual with their individual problems.

and as i said, saying life gets exponentially harder to younger people who have suicidal thoughts is going to make them fucking die. since you’re so adamant on having kids survive to their next chapter, maybe don’t say that? me, personally, i’ve accepted that life will always be shit and will continue to get more shit as i (maybe) go on, but others probably might take that wrong. you say you care so much for these kids you don’t even know behind your screen, act like it. if you want them alive in their twenties, conceal the truth.

and? fuck around and find out? genuinely, what are you trying to say by that?

i’m not saying to give up on people who are still alive. i understand why you think i may have implied that. again, words are hard, refer to me being a minor and not having a developed frontal lobe. but, as hard as it is, have trust in the people who killed themselves that they did it for a good reason. death is only natural. you cannot deny the inevitable.

love and support is basic human decency. i get that. how are our communities not showing love and support? that’s all i get from here.

i may have missed some points and made some flawed statements but i’m tired and i don’t want to review further or write more. sorry.

“Kids shouldn’t be on jiraiblr!” You’re right, they shouldn’t. They should be enjoying life as a kid. But they’re not, they’re fucking miserable, so shut the fuck up and stop complaining. If that’s all you whine about get the hell off jiraiblr, nobody wants you here.

[23z567]

theyre like. a disease

[jackass-jones]

Thinking of vlr Akane is so conflicting cuz on one hand I’m so upset that she doesn’t ever get a moment to just rest and enjoy being alive again I’m upset that she just gets deeper and deeper into this role she’s built for herself and she loses her humanity and will never ever be that girl who died in the incinerator. But on the other hand, I need her to get so, so much worse I need her to be so obsessed with perfection she has this unique ability to change the course of history and she will burn everything and everyone to the ground in the blink of an eye if it means she can "reset" and get a perfect timeline and I desperately need her to never be satisfied with anything because really, is there anything that’s worth all the damage she’s caused?

[camgoloud]

he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care

[adragonsfriend]

This post is about attempts to reanalyze Anakin as depressed, passive, or in the habit of internalizing his pain. Like. That’s not how he copes, at least most of the time. He is externalising. Loudly. Violently. Very rarely is he “ugh my despicable self, I cannot ever do any better I will just stay here in my despicable position.”

For most of his tenure as a Sith he is “yes obviously I am a murderer of children, look ma I’ll do it again RIGHT NOW. It’s not wrong if I would choose to do it again RIGHT NOW. I was never wrong to do that, otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it again RIGHT NOW.”

He has initiative, about several specific things, and one of them is killing people. Palpatine unquestionably abuses and manipulates him. In the extreme. But the desire to portray him as “just a foot soldier” because he…takes orders from Tarkin (aka one of the highest people in the Empire) sometimes? (Also half this argument is typically based on Leia’s line about him being on Tarkin’s “leash,” which is really just…a deliberately insulting way of saying Anakin is under his command). Is wild. Especially when between ANH and ESB he clearly has the resources and authority to start a massive hunt for Luke while apparently managing to conceal it from Palpatine’s notice for over a year.

Now in various AUs, it is useful for Anakin to conceptualise himself as enslaved by Palpatine and the Empire. It’s even true: he’s there against his will and cannot leave while his labor is taken advantage of. It allows him to tap into cultural frameworks he would otherwise be excluded from in order to draw strength to take actions, be they small or large, to resist that control. That’s good.

In canon, Anakin refuses all such frameworks—that of his mother and childhood, that of the Jedi, that of “doing child murder makes me feel like a sack of shit”—until Luke, over the course of several years and entirely by accident up until the end of ROTJ, offers him a very specific one:

Here is a person who has no reason at all to hope for you or ask for your help who does anyway. You offer him the same choice you make every day.

He refuses you as you are.

He says you cannot have him, in your life or in your heart, unless you choose deliberately to abandon everything you have worked half your life for and the only other living person whom you love.

Because Anakin has worked and invested himself in the Empire and in Palpatine’s authority, and he has done so again and again because as long as he does it again, he doesn’t have to face that it’s the wrong choice.

Luke says his father truly is dead if Anakin keeps making that choice.

I have put quite some thought into the Sith, at this point. At the core it is very simple:

To be a good Sith apprentice is to willingly and enthusiastically pursue what hurts you, in the belief it will make you powerful.

(So he’s doing it again. Right now)

Anakin has killed children before. Twice over he has nearly killed his own son on Mustafar and Bespin. Why should he hesitate to let his son die through inaction, of all things? He is Darth Vader, killer of children, and he has done this before.

He comes very close to settling in and waiting for Palpatine to finish killing Luke, to return to his side and go on choosing to do it again.

But Luke has, accidentally, given him years to contemplate his new dilemma. Anakin stopped being a good Sith apprentice a while ago, in exchange for being a bad Sith apprentice. He has stopped enthusiastically pursuing what hurts him, even sought to avoid it by encouraging Luke to kill him in his place. At this point in ROTS he actually has entered a depressive, passive, nearly self-reflective state. Very much unlike every other time he chose to do it again.

So when the time comes to do it again…he does something different.

Anakin as Vader is very easy to understand. He is not in denial about any of his crimes. He’s in the opposite of in denial, he’s—

*im interrupted by screams down the hall*

As I was saying, he’s—

*lightsaber swooshing*

—doing it again.

[rapidhighway]

Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome

[kickerofelves]

So it’s officially mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) in addition to myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome since covid leaves behind a bunch of viral and immune cell byproducts which trigger all sorts of unfortunate inflammatory cascades, and in turn, all sorts of symptoms. It’s like fucking Symptoms Syndrome so it’s hard to get a diagnosis, but it’s such a specific set of symptoms that I’m 99% sure this is exactly what’s going on with me

I’ve got the brain fog, and the post-exertional malaise, and the memory problems, and the migraines, and the anxiety, and the panic attacks, and the irritability, and the return of asthma I haven’t had to deal with since I was like 6, and the vertigo, and the digestion problems, and the nausea, and the weird head and neck tension (which as it turns out is my inflammatory response affecting my nervous system, yay!).

For real if you’ve felt dumber and more emotional and just Physically Bad, there’s a very distinct chance you may be dealing with this as well. It’s also much more likely if you have preexisting autoimmune issues, like in my case really bad allergies.

The only coherent way I can describe the onset of an episode of symptoms is that it’s like that feeling of nerve-level aversion you get if you’ve ever accidentally looked into the sun, except you get that feeling from all stimulus and throughout your whole body. It’s also neurological very similar to how post-concussion syndrome felt, because surprise! It’s brain damage! 🧠🔨🥳🎉

Thankfully I have a doctor who listens despite having, hands down, the worst health insurance I’ve ever had the displeasure of dealing with (Cigna), because getting a diagnosis is already hard enough. And then treating it? Good fucking luck because all the funding has dried up and no one is studying anything to do with covid anymore. So I’ve been forced to dig through existing research—a process which involves a great deal of the high level thinking I was specifically medically advised against engaging in because stress literally makes my brain inflamed—in order to receive any sort of effective treatment at all. And the only shit I’ve found that has any long lasting effects are experimental research peptides which are expensive and I have to inject into myself regularly. Also essentially giving myself low level electroshock therapy with a TENS machine (at the direction of a physician! Do not just start attaching electrodes to pretty much anywhere above your neck or on your chest willy nilly because it could disrupt your heart’s electrical system and KILL YOU).

BUT I’m gradually feeling better (when I’m less exhausted I’ll post more about the peptides I’m taking because I know it sounds like some joe Rogan BS but it’s research backed and relatively safe) and I would recommend anyone else experiencing this shit to advocate for themselves as much as possible to just get the diagnosis on paper somewhere so that you don’t have to keep convincing every single medical professional you encounter that you do in fact have Problems that Require Treatment.

The moral of the story/tldr? Uuuuuh fuck if I know. don’t get sick and especially don’t get sick in the US? lol. I guess I just wanted to vent and at least post a PSA for other people who might just feel like they have Symptoms Syndrome.

I didn’t have covid but no one wants to run any tests and the government has just stopped collecting data because it was making them look bad, so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Not covid” apparently also has long term neurological effects, and now I have regular, debilitating vertigo and migraines. And there’s no clear answer what to do next. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool …

[mokeonn]

I think that the 2010's media landscape of Buzzfeed articles about plotholes in disney movies, Cinemasins critiques, and Watchmojo Top Ten scenes in movies that make no sense has truely ruined a lot of media. People are afraid that their work will be torn down if they dare leave a single thing up in the air, if they dare ask their audience to suspend their disbelief.

All too often nowadays I see stories (especially fantasy), take the time to explain how every small aspect of the world works and how it all logically makes sense. The constant time stopped to explain why an event happened, how this object works, or why this is important to the characters. It's just really not needed and it honestly makes a lot of stories worse.

I am of the opinion that the best stories truly just drop you into their world and explain nothing. They just take you through the story of this world and you just have to accept it and continue on. "When he became king, the land became barren." I don't want the story to stop and explain why this is, or how it happened, I want us to move on so we can just assume that the king has such rancid vibes that everything died.

[crescenthistory]

have you ever had something so significant and impactful happen to you but it’s in a really niche area that you can’t really tell anyone in your general life about, so you’re just left imploding and silently screaming???? it’s hell 😭😭

very long story made semi-short; my found family and i have attended and contributed to a live action role play camp twice a year for almost a decade now that’s based on hogwarts/the hp universe and really fucking well made by a skilled team. and you get really fucking attached to these characters because for a few weeks every year you live as them and make friends as them and it’s REAL even though it’s not. my last character was so fucking devastating and important to me, and she had this epic tragic love story with my best friend’s character. we haven’t played them since we finished their storyline in 2023. AND MY BEST FRIEND WAS JUST ASKED TO RETURN AS THAT CHARACTER FOR THIS YEAR’S CAMP????? that’s HUGE, the game masters never make requests like that and it’s super secret but he told me (because it would be cruel not to with our characters’ backstories) and i’m just reeling with shock and excitement and fear. like i’m left REELING at the fact that i get to see him again (him being my bsf’s old character) (bc when you finish playing someone you never get to “see” them again uknow? it’s a whole thing) and also at what this means and all the wounds from the two of them are opening up again and we’re just DYING. we have no idea why he was asked back or what will happen it’s INSANE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. to deal with it all i’m knitting and crocheting him a bunch of different things that my character has made for his (they live together on her family farm and she uses crafts and art to cope</33) and we’re just literally crying. i love them, they’re sunshine x sunshine and literal soulmates — i made that character based on the concept of what would happen if a sensitive, creative child had the most gentle and accepting parents who cultivated kindness. and then there was a war and her parents were fucking killed offfffff and it was such a huge thing. she lost her leg, her boyfriend lost his eye. it was a whole thing. i’m jittery with emotion and handcrafting at god’s speed because this camp is in three weeks and i’m just. dying. and screaming. my poor wife. (dw she attends the camp too and is screaming with me)

[rolandkaros]

tbh I find it kinda annoying the way people think they have to put down sincaraz to bring up igaryna, they can both be good in their own way

if it makes u feel better i dont put sincaraz down to bring up igaryna i just dont find sincaraz that interesting