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evening boop!
Afternoon boop! :)
#replies#uygfiug#just got home from work and i'm gonna cook some CHILLI#also eager to finish my drawing so i can start on the next one#but wanted to jot down some ideas for a timeloop fic#but my dog is play biting me now so that's the plan for now i guess lmaooo#not enough time in the day to do things after work#hope your day is going well!#or i think you're sleeping now?#wibbly wobbly timey wimey#and all that#whatever it is i hope ur having a good one!
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my father the ghost
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#pok gukgak#conceptually takes place Far post canon. this is using my future!riz design#I have. Too Much thoughts abt spyre afterlife and the idea of ''doing what you're good at and like doing forever'' as a kind of heaven#but mm. if I say anything I will have to say Everything and tbh? cant afford that#so. here this is. kinda think it'd stand for itself that's the concept. ok I sleep now good night
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I've been musing over a few thoughts inspired by this ask about a mafia-ish style of Apex Polarity without it being too close to Pearl Eye, and after watching a few videos of Orcas hunting their prey (which included dolphins), landed on a sort of Mafia inspired Apex Polarity AU
Also not to add another Y/N to Orclipse's growing collection but this Y/N is a white-beaked dolphin. Look! They're so beautiful!
Sirens are cunning, brutal, and take everything with teeth and claws. The strongest kill and maim at a whim. As a siren who's not particularly strong, though incredibly agile, with a tail streamlined and dark gray with white patches, fins curved and mostly black, you're somewhere at the bottom. You're doing your best to survive and avoid trouble. You pick your battles and you pick your escapes, and most importantly, you stay alive.
But then you do something really stupid: you venture where you shouldn't have.
You don't usually swim so far up north but you're hungry, and the thought of a few tasty squids distracts you from the silent waters and vast, blue emptiness. You realize a bit too late that you're not the only one hunting.
You catch the first orca siren in the distance as a dark figure, and then another. Two who immediately cut through the water, charging straight for you like shadows. Though you turn tail and bolt, you quickly spot them in the corner of your vision. They easily keep pace, their size and strength overwhelming as they flank you on both sides, wide grins flashing their deadly teeth. You can hardly look at the mismatched color of their eyes as you dodge and weave, diving down only to be cut off by one with midnight blue colors at the tip of his flukes, and shooting off to the left just to almost be snatched by the black-bone claws of a siren with bright yellow fins framing his head.
They're toying with you. You know that for a fact in how they just barely keep back, corraling you onwards, draining your already spent energy, and picking at your panicking pulse. You have no choice but to avoid the edges of their jaws and the tips of their talons, and swim in the direction they want.
You near a field of ice floes floating on the water, and though you cut into the jagged structures dipping into the sea, the orca sirens never lose you. A desperate need for air pushes you onward. One small drop of hope still burns in your chest. Despite the aching of your muscles, you steal a gulp of oxygen and dip back down once more, charging away—
Only to run smack into a third orca siren.
This one grabs you, his burning red and orange colors filling your vision. The other two orcas join to help their kin keep you in place long enough for you to truly regret ever venturing here. Between the three of what you can only assume are brothers, hands hooked over you shoulders, claws clutching your wrists, and palms pressing into your hips, you're a fish caught in a net.
You brace for a voilent end. It never arrives. Instead of digging into your sweet meat, the sirens offer you a deal. The tips of sharp fingertips trace your jawline and the soft inside of your arms and down your slick tail while they explain.
You keep watch for human ships and report back when they're getting close, and in exchange, you get the best food you can imagine, the entire Arctic Ocean to swim, and anything else you'd like. The best benefit? You're under their protection. Of course, they expect utter loyalty from you. You are no one else's. Failure to devote yourself to this work and the brothers would mean a grisly fate, but hey, you're nothing if not eager to not be torn apart. So you agree.
You have a few questions about this whole arrangement, struggling to understand why they, powerful orca sirens, bother with a smaller fish like you when they could rip you limb from limb and be done. What's with the human ships? Why task you to this? Are you just fodder so they can keep their fins nice and unscabbed? They reassure you that they'll explain in due time (the sunny one booping your nose, much to your chagrin), but for now, all you know to know is that the human ships are a problem, and you are their solution for it. You've never really encountered humans before, but they've never really encountered sirens, or so you thought.
The burning red one lets you go, but you don't slip away too far before he tugs on your flukes and tells you to follow him. It's not a request. The darker blue one leaves for a moment, jetting away as the other two guide you to a nice resting place on an icy shore. They introduce themselves, and then their brother reappears with a squid in hand, half dead, and an insistence that you eat—they could tell during the chase that you didn't have all your energy.
And that's how you unwittingly join a very powerful pod of orca brothers who may or may not be teasing and taunting you simultaneously.
#finally have a dolphin y/n (i know orcas and belugas are dolphins but this one is more 'traditional')#anyways#eclipse: join our aquatic mafia#y/n: and if i don't?#sun: we'll finish what we started#moon: and eat you :)#y/n: ...hard to say no to an offer like that#mostly it's the boys flustering y/n relentlessly because they think it's funny and you're just so cute when you try to hide your blushing#and not totally because they're catching feelings#they're all menaces your honor#y/n is just trying to get by and now they're stuck (protected) here#apex polarity#freaking idk what to call it#let's just go with#sleeping with the fishes#<<< au name let's go#also sun and moon are here! They're not babies this time!#naff writing#dolphin!reader#orca!sun#orca!moon#orca!eclipse
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A lil doodle of the boys as rats from @thebad-lydrawn-sanses
#UTDR#UTMV#thebad-lydrawn-sanses#Fighting my way back out of the art block pits#I'm late to the party cause you're doing mermaid guys now but#Your little rat boys were so cute and I love them c:#Y'know that thing where two rats are standing up and like having a slap fight?#That's Killer and Dust as rats to me#Horror is just chilling not getting involved#He steals the snacks while they fight with each other#They all sleep in a rat hammock in a big heap#I do think it's funny to imagine a universe where Nightmare sics three rats on his brother in battle
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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.
#IF you do the therapy to stop being an asshole and make a POINT of being like#''i used to be a jerk about this but now i'm not''#..... we can reevaluate ....#btw i hope this doesn't need explanation and everyone can be normal on this post#and not be like#what if i am a DOCTOR and i was aSKED#like we all know what i'm referring to here#you're like in target and lizzo is playing in the background and they're like#DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIZZO IS FAT?#or ur on instagram and like some dude's comment is like#NICE ART BUT WHY ARENT YOU THIN#like .... okay we get it. we get it . go to sleep . go to therapy. bye.#ALSO BTW i am in recovery for an ED and im saying this AS someone with Brain Problems#pls do not clown on this and be like ''actually i'm allowed to be rude and judgemental''#no u aren't. none of us are. having an ED is not a pass for being a fucking dick#it can make you ACT like a dick. that isn't something you should be proud of or seek to continue#hence.... therapy!!!!!!!!#i know it's kind of controversial to say it but frankly i don't believe in infantilizing mental illness#by being like ''oh they can't help themselves''#bc that kind of thinking is .... unbelievably toxic lmafo#you might not be able to control your split-second thoughts/judgements#i have ocd i understand#but like. . . .. you know#we both know#this post is not about ''u blurted something u regret''#this post is about. THAT GUY
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She was forever unexpected and I was drunk on that about her. She was the love that came without warning, she had carved out my heart before i could've said no, and she always had that look in her eyes, the brightness of love and kindness and that everything was possible, i felt it too — when I was with her. I want to fall in love with her all over again, I want to get ruined again, only if she's the one breaking my heart
#I don't know if you know this Cheri but lately all i think about is you#I listen to your voice in my head and I can't sleep without it#I wonder where did it all went and whom I became in my agony and yet you my darling always loved me#You loved me like i belonged and deserved and you loved me despite and because#Because you are everything that I loved and ever wanted#Everything for me my love#There's no home for me except your arms and i promise you this now#I will be back home to you so soon#Do not waste your life beloved#You're the brightest star that guides me home#And even if this strange veil will come between us know I am always there on the other with you#Eat well and sleep well Cheri#I do not like it when you don't take care of yourself#Been reading too much Wilde all his words resonate to your beauty mon bebe
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Imagining Davrin waking up in the middle of the night and hearing Assan chirping a bit more than usual, and someone trying to shush him.
He walks through and finds Rook sneaking him extra treats and Rook's just like, "...I can explain"
#she talks!#dragon age#veilguard#i think he'd find it cute probably#it could be a really sweet bonding moment if you're gonna romance him lol#a wee heart to heart as rook can't sleep and seeks out assan for a hug#and gets some support from davrin that they weren't expecting but were grateful for anyways :')#this was also in my drafts for too long#its in the world now x#daft wee posts#davrin#assan#this is gonna become a fanfic i'm gonna write now isn't it *sigh*#rook x davrin#with those tags ig lol
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WAH thank you sm for the help & support so far!!! ;_; I wasn't really expecting much help right away so I was surprised but thank you!! It helped a lot esp. w/ the loans I've had to pay ;;
I still have a lot of stuff to catch up on so I hope you guys can be patient w/ me 🙏I've opened patreon as a way to earn & also as motivation to finish my backlog. Tbh it's still overwhelming when I think about the backlog of work I have to do (it's a lot...) but hopefully I'll get things done eventually. For now I'm working on the preview for my patreon promo post so have this very messy & illegible wip for now:
My page is now live here if anyone would like to check it out :)
#im sleeping late again just to post this but anyways thank you sm again for the help!!! ;_;#just realized it's been a year since I first tried patreon...#from opening patreon last year -> then moving to ko-fi memberships -> annnd going back to patreon again#it's diff. from before tho since i'm offering diff. perks now#idk if it would really interest ppl to join but I think it's fun :) esp. the drawpile part#tbh im very deprived of social interaction for some time now#it's time i get to change that! I think starting by drawing w/ other ppl isn't so bad 😌#anyways! im heading to bed now bc i need to sleep#hope you're all doing well <3#bam blabs
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I am in love with the idea of sugar daddy bakugou, he would have to physically drag me out of bed to class, I set like 5 alarms and then still not go
IT'S ABSURD, like you can't even lie to him abt it either because he has your whole schedule memorized!! You think you've finally gotten away with missing one morning class just to sleep in and cuddle, but NOPE, after one hit of the snooze button he's pulling off your blankets and flickering the lights on and off.
You're like, "can't i just be your housespouse, stay home and do chores???"
And he's frowning, "first you were beggin' me for tuition, now you don't even wanna go???" (i'd immediately get up to argue with him but that's another story)
He is so annoying lmfao. Has an argument for all of your complaints, and will try to slap your butt if you don't get up. And the worst part is that he really does want you to do well !!! and get a degree in case you need to support yourself ever. Good LUCK not feeling guilty and trying to get out of homework, too.....
(and LITERALLY ME THIS MORNING, my alarm rang for an hour and apparently i just did not give enough of a fuck to notice😭😭😭)
#bakugo#youre like 'but i'm tired!!' and he's like 'you got an extra hour of sleep bc i drive you now'#you're like 'my bags not packed!!' and he's already packed it for you (poorly but still)#got dam!!!#it is funny tho the one time he does let u skip and u tell ur prof ur sick#only for them to see you on the hero billboards instagram with him#anyway was thinking abt this on the way home and i thought abt that one 'i'm tired of this grandpa!!'#you when he gets a peak at your notebook and starts trying to explain stuff to u#HELP ME PLEASE#thats u on the phone to kiri#hope this was an ok answer!#caitie things#anon#gen
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"ive played in a canadian market ive been in st louis in the summer they won—ive never seen buzz like this" "we're really lucky we get to play hockey in such a nice place" the C and A clocking in on their Praise South Florida as a Hockeytown shift
2024-25 Media Day | 9.18.24 (x)(x)
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#preseason#harper move aside maffhew is here to PANDER#you ever have fond feelings for guys who just love the place they play for so much#did i tear up a bit? admittedly yeah a little bit#any praise for this sports hellhole is good#idk man growing up here its just nice to hear guys talk good about it NOW instead of the glory days ya know?#“you cant win the cup tomorrow but you can try to build our game where we have a chance to make the playoffs”#matthew and his oration skills never cease to amaze me because he speaks to such emotionality#like okay??? should i run through a wall for you??? several walls??? yeah bud?????#not related but maffhew i dont have a lisp well say that to the mic that peaks anytime you have to make a fh sound my guy#“going to games is a lot of fun now” oh so you're just gonna drop that on me and not expect me to cry#yeah thanks mate real cool#sasha i want to hold you with the gentleness of a tuilip craddling a sleeping field mouse#if i tear up any harder snot is gonna be coming out me nose#i just think they :(
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How's about a whumpee who desires pain?
A whumpee who wants to be stressed and panicked and hurt. Everything's been too good for too long, and maybe that frustrates them a little bit.
Why do they feel this way? They don't know. All they do know, is that that risky and/or hurtful scenario is looking quite tempting.
If nobody's going to make them worse, they'll do it themself.
#whump#angst#whumpblr#whumpee#caretaker#whump prompt#whump prompts#whump ideas#whump idea#kinda going through it rn ngl. dont really get why. probably just need to sleep. i did stay up super late last night ngl lol#I think i just kinda wanna feel alive y'know? i yearn for the pain of my heart squeezing in my chest. I want a problem. i want pressure.#eh. doesn't matter. like I said- I'm probably just tired. if somebody's seeing this for some reason- I hope you're having a lovely day/night#imma go to sleep now lol. night!
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Riz has counted four casseroles this week alone. Five, if one goes by the method of cooking, but Yelen's scary when she's crossed, and calling her burek by its proper name is important to her, so Riz does her the courtesy and doesn't include it in his mental tally.
He holds the tupperware over his head to keep it out if the way as he takes careful steps over the piles of notes in his path. The dockman case just closed, relevant documentations handed over to relevant personnels, evidences dealt with as needed; all he has lying around now is just record of the process and traces of himself thinking through it. Unsurprisingly they still haven't invented a surface more convenient for people under five feet who like to pace to put pieces of paper on than the ground.
Actual records go into the case folder with the other documents. Anything else with at least one side still blank is going to the school kids in the block - they chew through an astounding amount of paper just learning arithmetic. The rest is for the recycling basket.
Later. It's his mandated lunch break right now.
Riz sits down in front of the corner file cabinet. In an office often overrun with papers and strings and sometimes even thumbtacks, he's never really managed to clutter up this exact square of surface like every other ones. Ever since the bottom drawer rattled for no discernible reason a day long past, his eyes have always just kinda decided to slide across the space without acknowledging it.
It's years out, now. Riz doesn't know why he thought it such a big deal anymore, back then. He wasn't scared, he doesn't think. Not anymore. Maybe just uncomfortable with the idea that certain things persist despite all efforts to change.
He opens the tupperware. Dame Carabelle's experiment greets him with enough spice in the aroma alone to knock out a small mammal. When he chopped the vegetables for this casserole he couldn't really imagine the eventual heft of it, evident even through just these few ladles' worth, maybe weighing heavier for being still warm. His folk eat more through the smell and the textures and the aftertastes than the taste itself. His folk's meal is really the cooking rather than the eating. The eating is the meal's end.
"Hey," he tells the file cabinet's bottom drawer. "Um."
It's the anniversary. Riz doesn't know the exact date of his dad's death; nobody currently alive does. He and Mom both use the date of the funeral, though as he moved out to Bastion and then got more directly involved with Interplanar he hasn't really been going to Dad's grave as much. Doesn't seem like very efficient use of his time, catching a train or borrowing a car or spending a whole spell slot on going somewhere he knows Dad isn't at. They're sorta coworkers now. They talk on and off every other week between missions. When he goes now, it's just to clean up the place, keeping the landmark tidy and respectable.
Without that work to mark the date he doesn't really know what it serves anymore. But he still remembers it. Still takes note, absently or not, when it comes around.
There's not really a good way to tell the drawer that. Riz looks for another way to start the... conversation, hopefully. The question at play, he'd guess, is why he's doing this. He's been pretty content ignoring all the rattlings and the knocks from inside and the times it sits slightly ajar without him ever opening it himself; hell, he still uses the three drawers on top of it. Space is fucking precious in Bastion.
Precious enough to finally fix this damn drawer so he gets his turn to use it? Riz asks himself. Is that what we're getting to? Then he dismisses the thought - he didn't manage to fix it the times he actually tried, let alone-- now. When he doesn't really care that much to.
That's probably a good place to start. "'s fine if you keep being in there, turns out," Riz says.
The lunch hours are quiet in the block, sleepy and bright with the brief window of sunlight that manages to break through roof overhangs and extended balconies and laundry lines and climbing vines. Riz's work isn't loud here (the loud parts happen away from his office, if everything goes right), but the fragment of early summer heat reflected in the steady warmth his meal still carries compels him to lower his voice even more. It makes the words feel intimate, in a way he's never been familiar with - if he says something he just says it. He doesn't whisper. If he gives his friends something, he gives it open-palm. He's found out, along the way, that people usually don't think of rituals and courtesies the way he does.
Small voice for a diminished monster. "You know why I think so?" Riz asks. "Because almost two decades ago you kidnapped me and almost killed me, and now you rattle a drawer in my office."
It doesn't sound as much like a taunt as Riz wanted it to; the drawer has made a lot of noises again this morning when he checked the calendar, and he was definitely annoyed at it. Now, though, facing it like this after cooking the whole morning with more grandparents and peers from the block than he can count on both hands to cater for a tenant union meeting, he thinks the annoyance has morphed. Changed shape.
It has the shades of something like pity. Riz is not prone to pity, and especially not at these kinda matters. It's slightly maddening that he coheres perfectly outside of this one spot. That he commands his spaces, except for a drawer.
He puts the tupperware onto the floor between himself and the cabinet. "I know we're aware it's the anniversary," he says at the drawer. "You do this every year. You make a ruckus every time I decide to go do my job instead of mooching off my friends' aircon, and every time I get an invitation to some stupid social thing I want to turn down, and every time one of the old people tries to introduce me to a child or a nibling, because being a bachelor over thirty is weird," he pinches the bridge of his nose. "I have three fucking jobs. I love doing my fucking jobs. I'm forcing funds into infrastructures. You're never leaving, are you."
The drawer vibrates lightly. It's a very, very mild acknowledgement, considering the history of reactions Riz has gotten from this thing. Riz thinks it's emanating joyous agreement, or satisfaction.
It only sharpens the pity. Riz doesn't like that, but it's how it is. That's, ultimately, the lesson he's been taught over and over and over again, just by existing as himself, turned every which way by space after space that don't see him eye-to-eye: it's not like he'd quit living over any of it. It's not like any of it can sand off these fundamental pieces of him.
He's outgrown a lot of things, he's found out. Again, and again, and again. A childhood home, a yearly trip, a monster.
"'s probably scary for you, huh?" He asks. "Because I left."
He thinks he hears joints creak that sound like you did. Probably the way a scorned lover would say it, in a movie or a yellowback. He has no more connection to the idea than he did as a kid. Less, because it doesn't even scare him.
"That's what it is, right? That it's the anniversary, and I'll never be like Dad." He raises a knee from the floor, pulls it back closer to him. Slings an arm over it. "You love to remind me. The thing is, Dad also left. He loved Mom and he loved me, and none of us wanted it to happen, but it still did. Because love does fuckall to make anyone stay on its own."
He's long past being bitter about it. It's just the facts. Once upon a time he looked into the future and the specter of his friends' happily-ever-after casted lightless, fathomless shadow over him. Love, marriage, that kind of devotion, to a fifteen-year-old with more solved cases than friends seemed so eternal. Final.
But you can only watch your friends build up apps' worth of jilted lovers for so long before getting over it.
"You know what I learned?" Riz tells the drawer. "Love doesn't make anyone stay. Project management does."
He stands up, and picks up the tupperware of Dame Carabelle's casserole, that he helped make, that he helped share with a block's worth of neighbors and members of a community he's at home with, and goes sit at his desk to eat. "Last chance to get any," he drops an offer over his shoulder as he walks away.
He doesn't eat all of his share in one go. What he's spared he leaves on the desk when going outside for a smoke break. Baron looks the exact same as when he saw them last, when he catches a glimpse; they haven't grown at all. They aren't there when he comes back inside, but the leftover has gone days-old cold, like someone's sucked the future out of it.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#this is set a Long time into the future. riz is like 32 in this one#''I will go to sleep'' so turns out that was a fucking lie#lmao I just needed to finally externalize this idea into Some kind of more final form#initially I aimed for a comic with this but ooughgoughhh I am. indisposed. unable to do that rn#and also I feel like there would just be too fucking much Riz Saying Words in that format for it to work. and I always go if theres so much#words in ur comic might as well make it a fic. and well. heeding my own advice perhaps#just been sitting on this sentiment of like. perceiving romantic relationships as uniquely permanent or conclusive#when the vast majority of people I know would hugely benefit from a divorce lmao#since watching fhjy at least. I think in a sense this is kind of my personal answer for that sticky note style comic I did way back thens#how much of that fear of being deprioritized comes from not being taken care of by the community you're in#I think that's the prettiest answer I can give for riz's deal. not one singular Special Person no matter the kind of flavour#but spaces that he's integrated in. that he has a hand in building even#okay NOW I sleep. everyone be quiet ok small voice for good sleep. it wont be a lie this time I prommy
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torn between "deacon is a Cat and will fully lay on you if hes decided you're one of his people" or "deacon claims to be averse to physical touch and is never physically affectionate with anyone. however, he is actually extremely touch starved and no one would have ever guessed it until sole survivor discovers it" what do y'all think. im leaning toward the second one. kinda want to draw a thing. can i even draw deacon. who knows probably not
i also think hancock is very casually affectionate with anyone he's close to. he's a "puts his arm around you anytime you're standing close enough" guy. a "rests his head on you when he's tired" guy. he is not concerned about being too affectionate at all unless you're giving signs you dont like it. i mean in a What Will People Think way
i feel like... nick valentine is emotionally affectionate but never physically until, one day, suddenly, wordlessly, he takes your hand without thinking. bizarrely automatic even though there was no precedent for this before. the second you acknowledge it if theres Any Hint of a negative or mocking response he drops it immediately and never does it again. but if not, could be slowly, cautiously convinced into a comfortable kind of unspoken unacknowledged closeness. holds your hand in the dark when he can tell you're scared. i think it doesn't come very naturally to him. i have no evidence for any of this but i feel it all in my heart
#what are fridays for if not playing fallout 4 with increasingly less brain function at 2 in the morning. i need to go to Sleep#i think there were more thoughts on this thread but its gone now its in the void i lost it#hancock seems very comfortable and natural with you when you romance him#i swear deacon said something like I Dont Do Hugs but i cannot remember the context#and im not even sure it happened it mightve been a headcanon i read or something#bonus thought strong doesnt know what the FUCK you're doing if you hug him. he is so confused. he doesnt know what to do#anyway. i need to be asleep
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the only reason you're still alive is cause I let you live
yes yes I know this is the pilot and that's a season 3 quote BUT IT FITS OK?
this drawing oh THIS DRAWING
I thought hey I like fucking around with lighting and shading this is going to be fun
but oh boy
OOOOOOOH BOY
the amount of times I wanted to throw my laptop out of a window is far too many to count
goes to show that fuck it we ball ISN'T the best drawing philosophy to live by some times
below cut is the sketch that started it all
#it took me drawing this to realize but I've been making the bunny's body way more human like as of recent#hell even their faces can look a bit more human from time to time#I think it's cause I've gotten better at/been drawing more humans ever since I've started my bunny bs#it's both funny and weird to me#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits fanart#guillermo de la cruz#*funny tag for my art*#bun stuff#I started this at like 4 or 5 am yesterday?#it is now 7 am#here's your reminder that sleep if for nerds#edit: you know a drawing is good when you straighten you back after spending hours on it#only for it to sound like you're cracking a glow stick
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[SHINee - View] May 18, 2015
#shinee#view#shinee view#5hinee#jonghyun#onew#taemin#key#minho#sometimes you get in your feels because it's dec 18th and then you're making gifs at 2am when you should be sleeping#i just needed gifs of them happy and laughing and that's why we're here right now#these snippets in View just came to my brain so that's where i went#just a little sunshine on today of all days#i need to go to sleep and stop thinking about things because jonghyun has been in the back of my thoughts the whole day and i just miss him#mia gifs shinee things#mia gifs kpop things#mia gifs things
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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