#or i find it disgusting irl
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Could I ask what your bdsm results are, for reasearch purposes🧐
This is the randomest ask I’ve ever gotten but ykw, I got curious too 😭 I haven’t taken this test since highschool I think??
lol i dont think this is too surprising 😵 I think last time I took it I remember I had 99% vanilla so!!! There's a change but not much..😭
#i feel like im the sort of person whose more risky ykw is best kept a fantasy#or more like the fictional things i like#dont translate well in the actual thing#or i find it disgusting irl#its why experimentalist is very low#lol talking about this on this blog specifically is so...out of tune but whatever ig 😭😭
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I love wyllstarion because Wyll is one "Astarion admits all of his weird ass fantasies about things Wyll could do to him in bed but never would in reality" conversation away from realising his full potential as a monsterfucker and unlearning his catholic levels of guilt.
#Wyllstarion#Wyll Ravengard#Astarion#Like. Imagine Wyll being like “oh I am such a monster I had this terrible thought about finding hunting a turn on”#And astarion being like “oh I wish you were worse. I wish you would do things that would explode your pretty head with utter disgust”#And Wyll learns the difference between actually wanting smthn irl versus roleplaying/fantasising about something in bed#I love you wyllstarion roleplaying fics#I also think Wyll secretly wants Astarion to hunt HIM sexually#but he's SO ashamed to say that because it MUST mean he secretly thinks Astarion IS a monster#But Astarion is like I will eat you. Please let me eat you.
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Everytime I see discourse about kink or nudity at pride I get reminded of the time I went to pride a few years ago with my mother and my sibling- who was 17 at the time and is somewhere on the ace spectrum- and about halfway through, the march went under a gatehouse. Some inhabitants were sitting in their open windows watching the parade. Right before we crossed under them, one of them decided to just... take her shirt off. She wasn't wearing a bra. And you know what happened? People whooped and cheered, and then kept walking. That's it. And there were kids around!! They didn't care. My sibling didn't care. My mother, a cisgender heterosexual woman in her 50s, did not care.
This stuff stops being such a big deal when you go offline. It was basically the same amount of boob you'd see in any perfume ad. No one was like 'what about the children?' And if you didn't wanna see it and looked down, no one would've called you a puritanical prude for that. And it helps to remind myself of that everytime I see kink at pride discourse getting rehashed because at actual pride, people don't care.
#pride#kink discourse#lgbtqia#lgbtq#kink at pride#something DID make my mom uncomfortable later. and it was a bunch of gay guys in front of us making homophobic jokes at each other#she went 'i know they're gay so it's technically hamless but i just don't think it's right'#so it's not like she's some kind of radical liberated queer activist or anything she's just your average liberal parent#and she did not care about this! at all!#to be clear discomfort with sex in an amatonormative society is perfectly fine and normal#'disgust has no ethical weight' goes both for what triggered the disgust response and for the person having the disgust response#and i think i also want to say to those people who don't want to be labeled 'puritans' but can't help the discomfort#i've found people are generally also a lot more gracious about THAT irl#if they aren't being told 'leave' but 'let's make sure you can ignore this and have a good time'#most people who aren't assholes will be receptive to that#i think maybe queer people could stand to learn from disabled people and the way they deal with conflicting access needs#for example allowing support animals excludes people with allergies#you can't get around that by declaring either of these groups unwelcome you have to find a balance#and try to help as many people as you can while compromising
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Got any trans HCs for the amphibia trio? I love the many different interpretations I've seen from this fandom
I don't know about specific headcanons, I know I'm considering making Anne trans in RiAAU but I haven't decided yet.
In one hand: it would be interesting to think how she deals with her first periods because, well, amphibians don't have those, and Hop Pop assumes she's dying (she doesn't tell anyone else because she's so embarrassed). Not that he tells her that, but it really freaks him out. He thinks she has some sort of internal damage, and it's only after months of research that he finds out about some rare mammalian species, such as a few monkeys and rodents, that experience the same cycle Anne goes through. The whole point of this is that it makes Anne feel even more out-of-place. She doesn't remember her world or her parents, only that she came from "somewhere" (possibly another continent) full of people of her species, and she wonders if things would have been easier if she grew up with her biological family. I mean, surely this would be easier. It just serves as a reminder that she knows nothing about her species, not even its name, and she has no idea of how her biology works or what is good and bad for her or how long she'll live or what changes she'll go through.
.
BUT, on the other hand: Trans Anne. Let's start with the obvious: amphibians don't have penises or vaginas and they reproduce externally, meaning they like... release eggs and sperm in the water and they mix without the involvement of either parent, meaning no one knows what the cultural significance of a "penis" or a "vagina" tends to be in most human cultures. As a literaly 3yo, Anne probably didn't have an extensive understanding of s.ex and gender, and it wasn't like the clothes she showed up with told Hop Pop much. She just knew that, as time went on, she found herself relating more and more to the female frogs of Wartwood, and she almost subconsciously began to refer to herself as a girl. There wasn't any big coming out moment, more like a point in which, after months of ambiguity (this kid kept using different pronouns for herself) she just settled on some good ol' she/her and began picking somewhat girly clothes when Hop Pop took her to the market.
It's not like the concept of trans people doesn't exist in Amphibia, it's just that Anne didn't realize that was her situation until, at least, meeting Marcy, and noticing the differences between them. It's not like either of them had ever seen another human from up close, so they didn't know what to expect anyway. Anne's only encounters with Sasha beforehand had consisted on magical girl swordfighting in the sky and whatnot. Certainly not enough to discuss their unique biology, which is something Marcy is very excited to discuss, since she's never met anyone with her same "condition" before, and she wants to know everything, so she uses her as her little rat lab whenever she has the chance. Even then, since she also lacks all knowledge of human s.exual dimorphism and its cultural implications, she doesn't associate anything about either of their bodies to any specific gender that could possibly be asigned to anyone based on biological feautures. Since Sasha remembers the most from Earth, she's probably the only one who could maybe possibly remeber her mom or the kindergarden teacher saying something about "the difference between boys and girls", but by the point she's in speaking terms with Anne, and by the time she realizes their bodies are different, she doesn't really care.
That's not to say Anne doesn't experience dysphoria or that she never undergoes any kind of physical transition. It was probably around the time her voice started to change during puberty that she realized her case may be kinda unique: neither Marcy nor Sasha's voices have changed that much, she can tell even though she only sees Marcy in person like once every 3 years and all the words she exchanges with Sasha consist of death threats and insults. Plus, there's a clear difference between """male""" and """female""" voiced in frogs too. She doesn't want to sound like a man! She doesn't want to be anything like a man! Men are gross! Sorry Sprig, Hop Pop, but it's true. Men are icky icky yuck yuck and Anne is a girly girl. She doesn't want to turn into Stumpy! Or Buff Loggle! Oh, no, is that her future? She commits the triple mistake of 1) sending a letter to Marcy that same day, 2) knocking on Maddies' door promising her firstborn if she can save her from turning into Stumpy, and 3) she becomes obsessed researching mammalian biology in the archives. Bad decision. Bad bad. She's discovering things to feel dysphoric about she never even knew existed! Did you know mammalian mothers feed their offsprings with "milk" that comes from their "mammary glands"? Did Sasha and Marcy have those? She hates herself a little for checking out Marcy next time she sees her and she realizes that, indeed, in the past years she's grown a pair of those that Anne does NOT have. She notes that both she and Sasha are pretty much hairless. She used to think hair was a normal mammalian trait! That weasel that tries to eat the frogs every winter sure is covered in it!
Maddie shows up to her door with a bunch of new spells to try out, happy to have a willing subject. Most embarrassingly, Marcy starts doing her own research as soon as she gets Anne's letter and sends her all her discoveries, and now Anne feels mortified because Marcy knows about all the bad bad very bad changes she's going through (Marcy, for her part, is just fascinated by the nature of their "condition").
It takes a bit, but after a few very frenzied weeks, Anne comes to understad what's going on: her species had certain level of sexual dimorphism and she just happened to have been born with the supposed "sex" usually associated with "men" as a social category. When Hop Pop finds out, he burst into laughter. Oh, it was THAT all along! Anne made it sound so complicated, but it was just the same things he went through when he was younger, just the other way around ("Say what now Hop Pop?")! A few curses here and there and she won't have to worry about these so called "mammary glands" and "hair" anymore, though in the meantime, as Maddie perfects a human-friendly curse, she gets turned into all sort of different creatures. By the time it's done, she just wants to feel like... herself.
It's true that there are some things about her body that make her feel weird, like they don't quite fit in, but there are others she only worries about because she compared herself to Sasha and Marcy, which wasn't fair to anyone involved. Did she really want to fundamentally change parts of her body because of insecurities she developed last week over a book about lemurs? Then, a second set of fears come in: what will happen when she goes back to her place of origin? Because she does want to find her birth family. Will they recognize her, if they're looking for a boy? Will they think she's lying if she claims to be their daughter? If she changes only a few things but doesn't "go all the way", will people there think she's a freak? Will she ever be able to fit in with those of her species?
Does she really care so much about what other people think? She just wants to be herself. Some of the changes she's been going through are making her feel less like herself and more like she's being turned into a tax collector from Toad Tower. Those things have to go - her voice, for example. And she wants a more femenine silhouette (she may or may not show Maddie photos of young Mrs. Croaker as a reference). She wants a softer face. She's seeing her face changing in the mirror and she doesn't like it. She wants it to stay round and soft, not to grow hard and sharp or big and rough. She's not so sure she wants those "mammary glands". It's not like she ever thought about having kids, and the whole "breastfeeding" thing just seems gross, but after her research, and finding out she could have kids with, I don't know, maybe Marcy one day (a thought that makes her blush), she thinks it may be a good idea. She'll consider it. Maybe later. Her genitalia... well, she's used to what she has now. It already took her like 10 years to fully figure out what it was and how it worked and starting over with a whole new set just feels like too much work (also, the babies, the potential babies with Marcy). Frogs and toads have neither "penises" or "vaginas" so there's not a lot of information, and based on books about lemurs and her own empirical experience, comparing herself to other mammalian species isn't too useful. She'll leave it the way it is. She'll see if there's anything else she wants to change later, or if she wants to go back on something.
Marcy is surprised next time Anne visits Newtopia. In her letters, she described this strange transformation in excruciating detail, but seeing her in person now, holding her face in her hands, all she sees is the same Anne she's always loved.
A few more ideas:
HEADCANON: in Amphibia, two people of the same "s.ex" can reproduce through magic, which means there has to be a concious effort and intent. The external fertilization process there's no such thing as a pregnancy, and there's no such thing as s.ex. All reproduction is intentional, which means there's no need for abortion either. There are processes to destroy fertilized eggs and embryos, but they look completely different from human abortions.
Amphibians may perform acts resembling s.ex for pleasure or fun but they look different from human s.ex and have no relation to reproduction.
Andrias is the only person in Amphibia who knows enough about humans to know how they reproduce (a process he finds repulsive). He never tells Marcy, of course, though once she becomes queen, she finds his secret library and his hidden tomes on "alien biology", some of which talk about humans. He's also the only one who knows humans can have children on accident, and that Anne is the only human in Amphibia who could cause something like that to happen (he reads all of Marcy's correspondence). He knows his daughter is very close to this weird farm girl penpal of hers, and even though she's still a child, he worries for her future and the future of the crown. This new discovery could land the crown in the hands of a dynasty of aliens if he's not careful. Is it weird that he spends so much time worrying about his 12yo daughter getting pregnant from another 12yo? Yes, yes it is, but he already controls every aspect of her life, it's not like he's going to stop at her sexuality, future, real, or imaginary.
Man now that I wrote it all down, I think this option is more compelling than the first. Maybe I WILL go with this one.
#amphibia#raised in amphibia au#anne boonchuy#marcanne#trans anne boonchuy#my posts#btw i'm very cis so i want to apologize if I said anything weird. since anne here grew up in a world so different from us#i imagine the ''trans experience'' as one of the only humans in frog world must be very different from the irl ''trans experience''#so I kept it mostly personal and thinking about what would make sense in her situation#for example. we know she finds boys pretty gross and likes more girly things#so the idea of ''turning into a boy'' as she hits puberty must make her feel gross#but i'm worried that describing how i imagine the perspective of this specific characters in her very specific situation#will come across as me saying ''oh being amab is gross and disgusting and icky'' which is NOT what I want to imply#do i think this anne may feel that way about herself considering she's never met another trans person in her life (except for this Hop Pop#but it's been so long since his transition he kinda forgot about it and doesn't bring it up)#?? yes. i think her first impulse would be to feel like that#because it comes from a place of ''This Does NOT reflect me. in fact it reflects everything I hate''#aaaah i hope i'm not messing up here. i'm open to criticism btw if anyone thinks this doesn't work i'd love to hear corrections#also re: the reproduction and period talk. i hope no one is too grossed out by that. i just thought it'd make sense#like it'd make sense for andrias to worry about that#also i just find the idea funny like. amphibians don't f.uck. copulation is for gross mammals. which means they probably find mammalian#reproductive organs particularly disgusting#which probably makes the girls feel... bad 😭
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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One day on the Bridgerton side of twitter has been so unbelievably rank and vile I almost miss Ted Lasso twitter
#I said ALMOST#!!!#but like. the blatant homophobia#fighting to the death over the book versions of characters who are blatantly bad people#ship wars but between entirely different unrelated ships from ppl who do not seem to understand the concept of the show#weird irl shipper territory#body shaming#blatantly calling characters they don’t like ugly ?#as using that as justification for certain seasons worse?#because they personally don’t find the characters as attractive as others?#throwing a hissy fit over like. the existence of all of 4 lgbtq people in Jane Austen roleplay regency era#saying queer women can’t want children WITH THEIR WHOLE CHESTS?#like godddd it’s unbelievably disgusting#I am going to quietly enjoy the first episode of part 2 tonight on my own#and never participate in that fandom ever 💚#Bridgerton
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“In general I find the idea of being with a man disgusting but I don’t find it disgusting with him”
- spoken by a lesbian
#then I call myself straight yet I find it disgusting in every way LOOLLLL MAYBE IM NOT STRAIGHT AT ALL 😭#except maybe that one hs guy but like#I think I’d be disgusted if I learned more about him#dora daily#though I’m#not gay because I literally have no comment about women they’re just there yk IDK HOE TO EXPLAIN IT#though the reason I’m disgusted is cause there is not a single normal dude I’ve met ever 😭 they’re all grotesque PLS GOD I JUST EANT TO MEET#A NORMAL DUDE NOT FOR ANY REASON APART FROM HAVING HOPE THEY EXIST#I want to prove myself right that they exist LOL#like I have my dad and brother (they’re not the best examples of good dudes) then my little brother (but he’s too young for me to form an#opinion)#Then my cousins … no comment uhm#yeah lowkey weirdos for liking a girl who was in primary school while they were in middle or high school#then there’s the randoms irl who no matter how well things seem to go they always say something weird that makes you go of course he said#that he’s a man 😭#had to take a step back when mashaAllah boy said he sympathises with the dude who killed women because he was a loser who couldn’t get a gf#BRUH#it’s through this that I realise to some extent how bad relationships have a grip on people and just how much I clearly don’t understand#about others. IF I GET HARASSED INTO MARRIAGE PLS I JUST WANT AN AROACE DUDE LIKE LISTEN IF ALHAITHAM WAS IRL I WOULD BE THRIVING CAUSE HES#VERY AROACE IN MY HEART#I just want to co exist with someone like in an ultimate bestie kind of way is that too much to ask 😓
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I know who you are 👁
Hi then!! hi!!!!
#Though I am curious#IRL or do you just know my main?#I mean I kind of wasn't hiding the fact this was MY sideblog in my bio#and IRL I'm kind of open about this#Either way#Hiiiiii#Do you like the show?#Do you find me Disgusting?#bichambered-reservoir#ask
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I hate social media I hope all social media blows up forever I hope the entire internet gets deleted tomorrow amen
#I am goinggg to kill myself over this panopticon we're trapped in fr#sorry I'm mad because I saw a post hating bi lesbians again. but I'm GOING insane that every time I turn on my computer -#- I'm forced to see 100 takes about how so-and-so group is HARMFUL and full of EVIL FREAKS and I stg it's almost never about -#an actual harmful group its always something like 'lgbt people with an identity I don't understand' or like 'people who I think are weird'#idk I need to find a way to get un-addicted to the internet so I can take a fucking break because this is not healthy for me.#I need to spend a few weeks just hanging out with my irl weirdos and my dog (who's also a weirdo tbh) and that's it.#I want to make bracelets and get high and draw my fursona#and when I *do* pause to think about upsetting things I want those things to be IMPORTANT and MEANINGFUL#and not just discourse as a byproduct of un-analyzed disgust
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I find it funny when bi lesbian supporters are like “go into a lesbian bar and ask them about their attraction and you’ll see how many lesbians there like men!!!” Like first of all the people saying they like men there would be bisexuals . And secondly if you went up to lesbians in real life and asked them how attracted to men they are you would get your shit rocked
#like hmmmm let’s have you examine why you’re SO set on finding this group of imaginary lesbians who are into men#like why don’t you do some self reflection and then come back and talk to me#yeah yeah yada yada some people irl will ofc use the lesbian label instead of bisexual even if they do have attraction to men#and not everyone will use the label the same etc etc#but at the same time I just need y’all terminally online people to realize that trying to rewrite lesbianism to include men is just#disgusting and so lesphobic it’s unreal
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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time
#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore#save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years#& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me#like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am#at Best just a pleasant acquaintance#which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep#but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous#no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective#/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed#bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage#recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way#like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company#(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff#just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to#but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to#I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical#man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all#they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?
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JUST REMMEBERED MY DREAM LAST NIGHT OH MY GOD
#i was a part of this sports team for something called like. competitive puppeteering?#and youd go and meet up with a bunch of people and try to like. out-puppet eachother with elaborate puppets and performances#it was mainly comedy-based and whoever utilised their puppet best and was funnier won usually#anyway i had this one puppet i always used that i loved a lot. and that puppet. was of the onceler. it was a little mannequin i think?#and in my dream we went to a competitive puppet game or smth and i realised i couldnt find my little onceler puppet#and i was very freaked out scared stressed etc. but figured id probably just left him at home#so i used a sock puppet 😭 but it was literally just a sock. on my hand. no decoration at all. and i had to get the puppet to fake kiss#this random guy i know irl and then act disgusted#i think that was because he was on the same bus as me yesterday and his friend was talking abiut how all his crushes ended up hating him#anyway i did very badly in that puppeteering competition 😔 and rhen there was drama between other members of the puppeteering team i was on#(all people i know irl) (and the ‘coach’ was my irl basketball coach lmao)#then it turned into some weird au deanbenny forest ghost au where i was living in a forest watching events unfold or something it was odd#interesting tho#anyway yeah that was my dream 👍
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I ran out of room in the tags to talk about my cats....
So the last kitty is a girl named raspberry. Someone brought her into a walmart unprovoked and handed her to my mom and now she is our baby. She eats potato chips and sleeps in a basket she has outgrown to the point of physically breaking it... twice. We keep fixing the basket because it is her favorite and she will sleep/mope where the basket used to be if we try to toss it out.
Bonus: explain who your cats are and how you got them in the tags
#i will always take time to gush about my cats#i have six cats#the oldest is a 13 yo orange male named jerkface#jerkface is shortened to JF is shortened to Jeff#jeff is such a sweetheart he has a bed in front of the vent and ive seen him so happy making biscuits that he forgot how to lay down#then i have ikiri#she is a 10 year old gray torti that got pulled out of a car engine#so shes very skittish and is basically a cryptid#she has never taken a treat from anyone#even human food#but i did find her eating chocolate with no repercussions#so take that how you will#then i have Jupiter#another orange male#this one is 8 years old#he likes to scream and be held like an infant#and lick inside your ear canal#unlike an infant#hopefully#then we have Lump the tuxedo male#idk i think hes like 4#he is the first one we got on purpose#even jeff was given to us by a dude that broke into someones house and stole him#because he was being kept inside a bird cage#lump is the longest boy ive ever seen irl#and he hates me woth the type of disinterested disgust usually reserved for anime antiheroes#but hes literally my sister's teddy bear he is always glued to her side#then we have rin#she is lumps biological half sister#she likes to sleep in front of closed doors and the top of stairs
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thoughts r being thunked
#thinking about the time i opened tiktok and saw people shittin on objectum folks again#im not personally into objects as far as im aware#but i think object attracted folks are the least of your troubles really#i *know* it's tiktok and it's a lot of young people acting disgusted for yknow all sorts of social stuff#but it rubs me the wrong way iunno#like why are you finding problem w people attracted to objects. if anything#you should be finding problem with idk actual irl offenders or some shit#like cmon now
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not 2 keep posting literally Only Vents (and like 1 normal thing once a day) but it's nights like these I reminisce about my abuser and wonder all that "what if"s
all the sui tw/cw tags r because of shit I wrote in the tags
#➳ valentin vents#and yes i am purposefully triggering memories by listening to my playlist of songs i had full blown panic attacks and mental breakdowns to#or would listen to while it manipulated and turned me into his own little puppet while i felt disgust and. so. unsatisfied.#i hate that you all know me as who i am now#i hate that this is the me you have to see#why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ?#why couldn't you guys have gotten attached to him ? he would have been a better friend and partner than this aqua .#this aqua cries xerself to bed every night even if things are theoretically fine and makes her life miserable for no reason#he's selfish and always demands more and more and then plays the victim about it#she shouldn't exist . this vessel should have died a year ago when it met the person — the monster — who ruined it .#the asshole who killed innocent sonia and left his body to be possessed by the worthless maryne#i should have done it . i should have gone and chugged all those pills instead of just cutting contact . maybe he would have felt remorse#maybe I'd have saved so much money and tears and not have wasted the time of those who got to know this current '' being ''#but I've always been too much of a pussy to do something like that#oh well#i guess I'll just have to wait until the universe decides it's my time since i guess . idk . dad would miss me a lot . maybe some irls woul#too ? and mom and grandma . yeah I'll . uh . not chug an entire bottle of whatever random pills i can find in my cabinet .#i still need to get married some day . and at the very least I'm not dying a virgin lmao#ugh angways aqua stfu time go cry in uur bed like uu always do stop telling people online how uu should have killed uurself a year ago n#sharing tmi about uur trauma !!!!#tw sui mention#tw sui ideation#tw sui vent#tw sui talk#cw sui mention#cw sui ideation#cw sui thoughts#yea
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fellow aroaces, how do you do it?
#I am so insanely lonely and I'm trying dating apps and just trying to push the aroace aside#Because I dont have a family and all my friends irl are in relationships so I see them like 3 times a year max#And it feels like the only way I can find irl companionship is with a romantic partner#But i feel nothing and it just feels like a lie when i talk to people on dating apps#no matter how hard i try theres just nothing. if anything its just disgust and discomfort.#how do you accept youre gonna be alone forever?#because i cannot cope with that reality#but the alternative feels so awful too
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