oxyfem

[oxyfem]

itll be interesting to see how the 'labels can actually mean whatever' crowd reacts to their favorite label getting retconned

[oxyfem]

Some of you guys talk about sex on this website like straight men. Im sorry if this is your first time learning that sex can also be non-penetrative but I don’t know why I’m having to teach you this

[oxyfem]

i would love to understand this better.

Was having a conversation with another lesbian today who had issue with me saying "if you're open to men you can't call yourself a lesbian". She said that if she's horny enough she would "use a man" but doesn't ever see herself asking for sex from a man. I asked her how does she expect a man to approach her if she identifies as a lesbian. Does she expect men to feel comfortable approaching lesbians for sex?

Like, this is just a fundamental issue with the identity wars we have going on lately. In practice, labels are only ever meant to communicate in shorthand a relationship you want with other people, a request for how they interact with you. One single label was never meant to encapsulate an entire complex human experience. But if you're using an accepted label you need to understand that it is communicating things about you that other people will understand in the most dominant definition of the word.

I asked her more about it. It came down to, she was asexual but had high libido. She said she didn't really want men OR women approaching her, and only ever wanted a relationship with women. I said that that seemed like a personal intersection between her identities that didn't equal a problem with the lesbian label as a whole. I asked her why she didn't feel comfortable using bisexual and she reiterated she doesn't want to approach men for sex or have them approach her. I asked again how she ever sees herself having sex with a man, how would that initiate, and she couldn't answer me.

Like. And this is the problem. Why aren't we using labels to describe the behaviors we want? Why are we using labels as a "maybe, kinda, sorta, I could see myself doing this" instead of a communication and request between yourself and other people? I fear we are rapidly approaching an area where "any label can mean anything" becomes a band-aid for not actually externalizing asking for certain experiences from other people. A mental thought-stopper that prevents true introspection of your own personal needs from taking place.

If you're expecting a relationship with the world and not asking for it, that is literally your fault. No one else knows to provide you things if you aren't communicating them. It is not a problem of the label you're using (that asks men not to approach lesbians) if the behavior you're receiving is that men don't approach you.

[oxyfem]

ISHIMURA Masayuki（石村 雅幸 Japanese, b.1965）

精魄    Japanese painting   via

[oxyfem]

COMIC RISE コミックライズ

5-2000

鷹久邦弘 Takaku Kunihiro

[oxyfem]

the midwest princess 💖🎠 #ChappellRoan

[oxyfem]

lesbians want one thing and it’s an ejaculating strap

[oxyfem]

a homage to Sappho - Norman Lindsay c.1928

[oxyfem]

Annie Stegg Gerard  -- The Oak Tree Fae

[oxyfem]

smoking and thinking of ending it all tbh

[oxyfem]

ナポリタン風の女の子です。

[oxyfem]

WHISPER OF THE HEART (1995) dir. Yoshifumi Kondō

[oxyfem]

sera of london

[oxyfem]

vinnie on a bed, oc. 2024

happy tdov!

[oxyfem]

[oxyfem]

For the anon who requested pictures of wolves with plushies a while back - Arctic wolf (Canis lupus arctos) called Riot with an Easter bunny plushie at the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary

Pictures by Rae McCue

[oxyfem]

"werewolf butch x vampire femme is overdone !" i am going to be real with you i find it very hard to believe that any wlw troupe is overdone. sorry that you saw 5 art pieces of some wlw artists ocs and are over it now but that is a you problem