#or i dont know how to respond just just yet
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hehe its okay to use my ask as a springboard i don't mind!!! i've seen your art in the himeru tag for awhile and only just now got around to following you bc i'm not on tumblr a lot jsndfgsjkd i thought, "wow i'd really like to talk to this person bc this person has so many fun ideas about my blorbo" so i wanted to lyk!!!! i'm glad my message found you well :D
always always!! I'm so happy to hear from literally anyone about anythingbut esp himeru. youre always welcome to chat to me about literally anything just know i am. rather chattery!!!
#brain so full of au it cant function great#and i do tend to be a bit of a shy and reclusive creature so if anyone finds their messages unanswered for a few days it is probbaly becaus#i got embarrassed#or i dont know how to respond just just yet#but i rlly do adore chatting and talking to people and im always up for questions or requests#asks#THANK YOU AGAIN. IM VERY RED
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tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike
#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found!#yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3#not because hes nervous#im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this#pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO#i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally#anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye#i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless#WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony#can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND#think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand#we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved'#ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!!#i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do#i just keep doing whatever i feel like#i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it#mha#my art#yoichi shigaraki#one for all#my hero academia#first ofa user#shigaraki yoichi#mha yoichi#tiny yoichi#tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes#ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!!#i had an art moment though#HALLEJUHAH#art gods had my back fr
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REVERT?!?
REVEEERTTTT?????
I am LOOKING
OH GOD I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY AAK I JUST KNOW I NEED TO KNOW MORE OF THIS STUPID WET BEAST OF A CLOWN ON THIS AU
oh you know how it is
when theres this almost overwhelming power seeping into your mind, changing and breaking and folding it. maybe it makes your worst come out to the broad light, maybe something happens to you and its enough to shift something in you. and this power can be the amplifier.
then youre put in a containment, with nothing but your own mind as company, and things just keep reverbing and amplifying and changing even more
then youre free, and suddenly all of that noise is gone. its silent, but at first even painful, like constant ringing in your ears after constant bombardment with noise
i think suddenly having your mind stripped of something this impactful could be a trigger for a change. and maybe now that most of it is gone, you can think more clearly. reverting fully is impossible, too many things changed permanently both externally and internally. but some things can come back, even if partially. maybe enjoying something you abandoned long ago? or accepting the past happened and maybe its time to move on
not that the last part could be that easy but hey, who knows
#ask#moonsfantasyworld#sorry if it sounds pretentious i got lost in a heat of the moment#also sorry for keeping this in my inbox for a MONTH??#insane i just didnt know how to respond to it#dejammed au#what makes me sad is that we dont know that much about the beasts yet besides mystic flour atm#so id be just making up shit without any basis on the lore#for now im using mystic flour info and the idea pilk was the founder of the academy
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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Roxy when Skylar is being annoying:
Bonus fact: the music that plays during the scene is called “Uuuggghhh”, and I love it so much.
Second gif just because I have 50 of these, Skylar and Roxy blaming the other when arguing:
I go disappear back into my Murder Drones hyperfixation, byeeeeeee ~
Very low effort here, but this is your fault lol
They're sisters so who the heck knows what they were arguing about
(And yes Roxy's supposed to be purple but depending on the shading of your device, she might appear to be pink... idk why devices do that but I have learned the hard way that they all make things look different and I HATE IT)
#fun fact: i have not watched Murder Drones yet#(dont hurt me ;u;)#I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS UNTIL TADC OK-#LEAVEMEALONELOL#I WILL WATCH IT.#...eventually.#i hear it's a fun series#i will probably get hooked on it the moment i watch it lol-#also... i might do something for the first gif#maybe. might. possibly.#idk. depends on how long it'll take#but i just wanted to do this for now so you dont have to wait for me to respond :3#*cough* like always v_v#anyway :D#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#fnaf fandom#fnaf au#fnaf sb oc#fnaf oc#fnaf original character#fnaf fanfic#lizard's asks#lizard's answers#lizard talks
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I am sorry you've been harrassed by terfs, but the way you are currently trying to weed them out seems a bit misguided. As in, the vast majority of terfs are in fact ok with big hairy CIS men. The so-called men they are actively hating are trans women/transfem people. So by acting like you proclaiming your love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant you seem to be missing the point at best.
i'd love to actually respond to your concerns or whatever the hell it was that you were trying to convey with this ask, but it has almost no basis in reality so i literally cant.
thats the one statement on how effective i think the banners are that has left my queue so far. which is: i hope it works but also have literally 2 other backup plans already in case it does not. i dont know why youre calling that "acting like [me] proclaiming [my] love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant", because thats wildly off target from what i have actually said at any point. everything else youve said is also pretty much either dead wrong or ignorant, so im getting the feeling that you not reading has been a problem for a while.
(ive also not mentioned terfs this entire time--ive been talking about radfems and using the word radfems. they're not the same thing although there's large overlap. so like. thats strike two for zero reading comprehension, buddy. cause you are literally not talking about the group im talking about and youre also inventing whole new sentences that i didnt say.)
#obviously reading ability does not equal intelligence. more about the wild overconfidence of someone who didnt bother to check if they#even read a statement correctly#i misread things all the time which is why i also dont barge into strangers inboxes to insult THEIR intelligence#because i know theres always a chance im completely wrong and i dont want to be an asshole#anon you could give that a try#like what am i even supposed to say to this ? i dont think its the best terf repellant and have never said that ?#but if you know so much about them go ahead and tell us your suggestions for how to get rid of them#im skeptical that they will make any sense at all but im always open to new ideas#(feels nice to be condescended to doesnt it ? i assume thats why you were condescending to me so im returning the favor <3)#anyway other than this fool thank you all for the supportive asks im glad youre enjoying the banners ! so am i :D#way too soon to tell if theyre working (no radfems yet but i usually get a wave of them every couple months so i wont jump to conclusions)#but just as blog decor theyre already great#there are many many asks though and i dont enjoy when this blog is less fiber craft than other stuff#so im reading each one and appreciating them but please dont be upset that im not responding to them or posting them#i have the first 2 i got in my queue and then i got like 20 more so
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I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----
my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt
shit 🫠
#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt#why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol#like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you#and i know damn well all of you know why#yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way#behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap#i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too#yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but#What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you#like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way#man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes#yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss#like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of#pathetic and idk until how long#can i keep on staying sane like this lol#im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me#but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are#w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
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starting teaching again means i'm very in my feels and thoughts about my nonverbal ocs. Momoki being a well known twitch streamer who notably never talks. Communicates entirely in facial expressions. Occasionally streams with his moirail who reads him better than anyone. Dia struggling to finish sentences when asked about serious things, when he's not able to crack jokes. Lockjaw finding it easier to use adapted sign language and writing than to use the digital voice he was given.
Nonverbal ocs with communication devices. Using images and writing. Not always using sign language, but sometimes learning bits and pieces.
#i had fun on friday but it was an INSANE struggle?#new classes mean they dont know how i speak yet#my kids from last year picked up really quick. sometimes mr l just stops mid sentence and you gotta finish for him#sometimes mr l chokes up. sometimes he uses his computer to say the words. sometimes he only responds in facial expressions.#my heart hurts with how much i miss those kids.#i had kids in every class who picked up instantly and could finish my thoughts when i struggled.#and the new ones will learn!#and i will once again get over my guilt of being disabled in front of them because it shows them disabled people doing jobs they may want.#maybe i could incorporate some sign language into my classroom#universal sign for 'mr l cant talk rn'
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sometimes I talk to my dad abt controversial things and/or literally give my opinion and he responds and I'm just like 'yeah no you're why people dont like me'
#me sayjng that I dont agree with his opinion but sure you can think his way but heres why i dont agree and him going 'yes no ofcourse you're#right because you're always right and never open for different opinions and not nuanced and and and' in the most sarcastic way and I'm just#standing there like '??? I ended my piece saying y ur opinion could also be right wtf' and he is like 'no im sure because i know these#kinda things' and me and my mom ask for evidence and he gets mad bc no he knows this obviously he just knows this#and then 5 minutes later he goes (non sarcastically) 'yea kyle can do anything' and then when i respond w 'ye sure' he gets mad#bc he sees it as me not being able to take a compliment#SIR I CAN IN FACT NOT DO ANYTHING U LIT TOLD ME I'M BLATENTLY WRONG AND MY OPINION IS WRONG 5 MINUTES AGO#stop telling me I'm perfect AT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME PLEASE#anyway slay i dont like him as a man and yet he makes me feel like im not allowed to#and shames me when i make it clear I dont like being around him as much#anyway hes a sucky sucky man a lot of the time and atp I'm like 90% sure hes a narcissist but idk enough abt it#anyway fat slay#I'm literally never coming out to him as trans bte bc when one of his closest friends came out as a women and said she was going to#transition he saw it as unfair to HIM because its hard for HIM to lose a friend and he didn't know how to deal with that so she was a bad#friend for doing that. also I'm his favourite little girl to this day like sir....im a 24 yr old whos not called themselves a woman in like#6 yrs please catch on#god so much to talk abt w/him thats to much I'm not gonna trauma dump#anyway he sucks#he just can't seem to grab onto me thinking he sucks
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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Does every uni do this thing and you have to message teachers to ask them to be your thesis' director or is it just my uni that thrives on humiliation
#i have been sittin on it for a week bc i honestly couldn't and the days pass by me like sand thru my hands#but how come two of the teachers i asked have already filled their spots (2).... how did people know already what they wanted to do....#and you need to know your theme and title and what youre going to do and how and just.... damn it is the end of june...#one teacher i sent an email yesterday hasnt responded yet so i am crafting emails and documents for two others bc they all responded within#a day.....#i have never been this close to ritualistic suicide i am having stress dreams about a teacher i had that passed away 😭😭 what the hell#<- joking about the suicide as we all do but goddamn the stress#i dreamt that i had three models to do and my project partner didnt do shit#now in this one with my teacher i had no money bc i spent it on a taylor swift show??? and i was sitting there like i dont even like this#why did i pay for this#so funny retroactively#uni#talking tag
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bro i really am just.
😀
i am just fucking sitting.
#GIRL.......not nerdy guy just texting me cause i havent responded in more than two weeks 😭 OH CMON I JUST FORGOT YOU i cant be getting#delusional over him aGAIN..... he just texted me “hey (name)? where've you gotten lost?” okokok. the fact he hasnt forgotten my ass yet? ok.#slay mayhaps but also... why🤨 anyways. i came to uni today and barely talked to anyone💀💀💀 he doesnt share today's particular lesson so#we haven't seen eachother in like............. more than a month? give or take..#so if i decide to show up again tomorrow ill most likely see him. so. ill have to dress up extra cute. why? i dunno. my brainworms tell me#to do so. see#i wouldve dressed cuter today but i was too tired and didnt have enough tjme.....#im kinda running on not enough sleep but i meant to say we dont share today's particular class.#ive almost forgotten how his dumb cute lil loir face looks like. hm.... anyway.#im tired. took too much hydroxyzine and almost fell asleep in class 💀 someone nameless bitch gave me a dirty look and i was like ok i dont#eveb know you why the disgusted face💀 youve never seen a sleepy angel or what#“some* nameless bitch”#especially an angel sleepy cuz of a “drug” like cmon. grow up. 🙄#placeholder tag
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Need that post thats like childhood friends are like open wounds that never stop bleeding rn
#gonna go cry now#cause its her birthday today and we havent talked in a month#and so i texted her happy birthday and i dont know how to be like#i love you im sorry for never responding who are you friends with whats the party like did you get your license yet#just ugh#theres so much unsaid and i dont know how to be fuckin normal about it#tater rambles
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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listen, I know that depression is more of a chemical thing and while it has triggers it doesn't actually care how good or bad things are, but it's so stupid and disrespectful of my brain to be having a moment when everything is fr going perfectly my way.
also, I may be mildly anemic because I was really prone to iron deficiency as a kid and I'm feeling about how I felt then. and it might also be some general burnout due to things being good and feeling pressure around that. idk. not having fun rn.
#generally mental health is stupid#i can still feel happy in the moment#im not to complete numb apathy yet#(though i do definitely get there a lot)#but im just TIRED!!!!!#more than i know i should be#and i have no appetite no matter how much i know i should eat#and my sleep has been shit#and every time i do go to take a nap or something i cant force myself to sleep#mostly because im afraid ill miss an opportunity to talk to that dude#not that hed care if i told him that i was asleep#but more because i had neglected my social need so heavily for so long#and i do feel so much better when we talk (even now that im feeling not great again)#and i like talking to so few people that i cant really go elsewhere for that need#so id rather skip out on sleep (especially since i get a 'healthy' amount of sleep and tend to oversleep w depression so i dont need it)#than miss out on talking to him#(i say as if i havent ignored his last text for the past hour because i dont have the energy to respond)
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