#or humans really

[consumedbythemossyforest]

A Pocketful of Sunshine

The goblin stepped up to the counter in the coffee shop, “One black coffee with a shot of charisma, please!” The orc behind the counter whose nametag read Kansif nodded and hit a few buttons on the machine, “And can I get a name for that?” 

“Pocket.”

“Excellent, I’ll have that ready for you in just a moment.” The orc turned around and glanced at the machines behind her and they promptly started whirring. The shop was relatively empty so she turned back to Pocket, “Big day?”

“Ah, yeah,” Pocket said, hand rubbing the back of their neck “I have a job interview in like 30 minutes. How did you know?”

Kansif chuckled, “People only order charisma shots when something important is happening.”

Pocket smiled up at her and damn it was like their entire face lit up. They ran their hand through their hair and Kansif was struck by the urge to brush that hair back into place.

“Ha! Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I’m just nervous y’know? It’s basically my dream job and I really want them to like me.”

With a snap of Kansif’s fingers, another light flicked on behind them, “I’ll add a shot of lavender too.” When it seemed Pocket was going to open their mouth to protest, Kansif swiftly cut them off with, “Don’t worry, it’s on the house. While it might not be magic, lavender always helps calm my nerves.” With that, there was a ding from the machine indicating that Pocket’s coffee was ready. Kansif slipped an enchanted, heat-resistant, sleeve on the cup before she passed it over to Pocket.

“Thank you for the coffee!” They said, heading for the door.

“It’s my pleasure honestly, and good luck with the job interview!” Kansif answered, picking up a cloth and beginning to wipe down the counter.

Meanwhile, Pocket made their way to the building where their interview was being held and took a sip of the perfectly warm coffee. Huh, they thought, the lavender works surprisingly well. As they brought the cup to their face for another sip, a bit of writing caught their eye.

Pocket, I just thought you should know that I think you’d get the job even without the charisma shot. And I’m honestly surprised that I’m doing this without one myself, but let me know how it goes? Maybe over some dinner? Xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Kansif

The words warm Pocket more than the coffee ever could. Of course they had thought Kansif was stunning. She was tall and strong-looking but had kind eyes and a gentle smile. And she had been so sweet to Pocket, helping soothe them and wishing them luck. And now this? It was almost too good to be true, but Pocket was never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so they carefully slipped the sleeve into their jacket and opened to door to Bharash’s Books and Beats.

A middle-aged (what was considered middle-aged for a Dragonborn? Pocket should probably figure that out) Dragonborn was at the front counter, flipping through the pages of a well-worn copy of Bookseller’s Almanac: The A to Z of Storytelling and Story-Selling. Pocket finished the rest of her coffee, threw it out, and cleared their throat, “Ah, excuse me? I’m here for a job interview?”  The Dragonborn looked up and smiled broadly,

“Of course! You must be Pocket! A pleasure to meet you,” She had set down her book and made her way around the counter, offering her hand for Pocket to shake. They clasped hands, and Pocket couldn’t help but notice how their hand was completely enveloped by the dragonborns. 

“It’s good to meet you too….?” Pocket trailed off, subtly trying to spot a name tag.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Where are my manners? The name’s Bharash,” Not subtly enough, apparently, “I own the store!”

Pocket raised an eyebrow, “You’re kidding. I thought that it was a completely different Bharash who had their name on the store,” they quipped. Then immediately winced, this was the kind of attitude that ensured they hadn’t lasted long at many of their previous jobs. To their relief, Bharash just laughed and clapped them on the shoulder, causing them to stumble slightly, “That’s a good one! I sure am glad that you have a sense of humour, it means you’ll fit in just fine. Now, would you follow me to my office?” Pocket inclined their head in an after-you gesture, “Wonderful!” She glanced into the stacks of books, “Alvarie! Do you mind watching the counter for a bit? I have an interview!” Pocket saw a young sprite poke its head out from behind a particularly precarious tower and squeak back, 

“Yes of course!”

Bharash opened the door to a cozy, dimly lit office. There were leather chairs and a particularly impressive illusion of a fireplace that emitted just enough heat to keep one warm, but not too much that it was stifling. She sat down behind a gorgeous mahogany desk and gestured Pocket to a chair on the other side, “Now, Pocket, you’re applying to be our events coordinator, do I have that right?” Pocket was thankfully feeling their shot of charisma by now and their eyes lit up,

“Yes, I am!”

“Stupendous! Now, would you mind telling me why you applied and what ideas you have for the role?” Bharash sat back in her chair, a gentle smile on her broad face.

“Yeah, sure!” Pocket said, scooching forward in their seat, “There was this library back in my hometown, Mosvil, and every Tuesday night they would host this paint night. The first time I went, I completely fell in love with the space. I had never painted before in my life but the instructors were so nice and patient, it felt like I belonged there. It was this wonderful community that I had become a part of, everyone was included and it was something constant that I could always look forward to.” By now Pocket’s grin stretched across their face and their hands were flying in their enthusiasm, “Ever since then I’ve wanted to bring that sort of space to others. But not just paint nights. I was thinking of doing something different each night. Maybe painting one night, but also knitting another night. Oh and writing…” Pocket trailed off, “Sorry about that. I just get really excited thinking about it.”

Bharash let out a hearty laugh, “Yes, you sure do! And that’s exactly what we’re looking for here. I honestly don’t see any point in dragging this out, you have the job if you want it.”

Pocket gaped for a second before saying, “Yes! Yes of course! Thank you so much!”

“No need to thank me, just bring this enthusiasm with you next week. We can get started on planning and advertising on Monday, how does that sound?”

“That sounds great, ma’am!” and Bharash scoffed,

“Oh no!” Bharash sputtered, “Please don’t call me ma’am, I’m not that old, and we’re definitely not that formal here. Just call me Bharash.” They made their way out of the office and back to the front counter where Alvarie was ringing a customer through. “Well, it was wonderful meeting you Pocket, I’ll see you here on Monday. Nine o’clock!”

“I’ll be here.” Pocket smiled and stepped out of the store. 

On their way home, Pocket pulled out their phone and the coffee sleeve and entered a new number into their contacts. 

Hey Kansif, it’s Pocket! How does seven sound? My treat :) 

And so Pocket smiled, and kept smiling.

[rainia]

this speaking as a cis person. Nothing brings me more joy seeing people find gender euphoria in becoming a mediocre representation of humanity. And I mean that so genuinely. Local boy finds joy and fulfillment wearing a cargo shorts and t-shirt combo. Local girl has transitioned to look like someone's disheveled aunt, has never been happier. Local person experiences gender euphoria rocking the world's worst bowl-cut. Without a scap of irony, this shit makes me see the wonder and whimsy in just, being a human. An average, person going through their day-to-day, is a wondrous thing? That's amazing. And heteronormativity has stripped these experiences of their joy. Like you're right, wearing a basic girlypop skirt should make my heart sing. Why not? Why are these expressions lesser because they're normal? All this to say. Shoutout to all the basic bitches out there. Yes that polo shirt does make you look like a divorced golfer dad. Yes, that too is kind of a slay, now that I think of it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Expertise can't help you here.

[lgbtlunaverse]

The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[wormy-business]

I saw this question posed on tiktok, but I think Tumblr would really enjoy it too.

If a fae creature offered to give one million dollars for a bone FROM YOUR BODY chosen at random, how many bones would you allow them to take?

Light clarifications; The fae is not the one choosing the bones. The bone is taken at random. Each bone, no matter the size or importance, is worth a full million dollars. You must also declare the exact number first, you can't go bone-by-bone. You either say 2 or you say 10, you can't work your way up to a higher number. The bones are removed instantaneously, and the money is given immediately as well. You will not get in government trouble for acquiring the money.

Tell me in the tags/replies how many bones you'd let the fae take. And as always, reblog for bigger sample size.

[flufflecat]

thinking about ford "human blood tastes better" pines

ford "i have been desiring blood more than usual" pines

stanford "was bitten by a fruit bat but still wrote the sentence 'i have been desiring blood more than usual'" pines

[destielmemenews]

"School districts currently work with processing companies to offer cashless payment systems for families. But the companies can charge “processing fees” for each transaction. By law, students who are eligible for reduced price meals cannot be charged more than 30 cents for breakfast and 40 cents for lunch. With processing fees, however, families can end up paying 10 times that amount. Processing companies charge as much as $3.25 or 4% to 5% per transaction, according to a recent report from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau."

source 1

source 2

source 3

[ink-the-artist]

Love the contrast between the Americans’ “Apollo” and the Soviets’ “Sputnik.” You got the Americans naming their rocket after a Greek god trying to communicate the grandness and importance of this rocket. And you got the Soviets naming their rocket “fellow traveler.” Like a friend you go on an  adventure with together. This rocket is our little friend lol 

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Pit bonnie considers himself a great dad!

[wanologic]

reminder to take care of your loser human body

[mist-the-wannabe-linguist]

Dunno how to put it properly into words but lately I find myself thinking more about that particular innocence of fairy tales, for lack of better word. Where a traveller in the middle of a field comes across an old woman with a scythe who is very clearly Death, but he treats her as any other auntie from the village. Or meeting a strange green-skinned man by the lake and sharing your loaf of bread with him when he asks because even though he's clearly not human, your mother's last words before you left home were to be kind to everyone. Where the old man in the forest rewards you for your help with nothing but a dove feather, and when you accept even such a seemingly useless reward with gratitude, on your way home you learn that it's turned to solid gold. Where supernatural beings never harm a person directly and every action against humans is a test of character, and every supernatural punishment is the result of a person bringing on their own demise through their own actions they could have avoided had they changed their ways. Where the hero wins for no other reason than that they were a good person. I don't have the braincells to describe this better right now but I wish modern fairy tales did this more instead of trying to be fantasy action movies.

[roninkairi]

You can only reblog this today.*

*PLEASE READ THE TAGS

[yourangle-yuordevil]

That time in ancient Greece when Aziraphale needed a speedy horse and accidentally invented the pegasus

VS.

Whatever Crowley had going on in medieval times

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

License to Kitty.

[hollis-art]

i keep seeing redesigns of them as humans so i decided to throw my hat into the ring

[theshadowrealmitself]

I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them

People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human

��-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”

“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”

“Yeah!!”

“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”

“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“

“How illogical”

“That’s what I’m saying!!!”