#or going back to what you know which is toxicity and feeling immense regret the day after

[enchantressiren]

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐚𝐧𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲.❞

What makes your future lover horny around you? (Detailed)

Masterlist.

Authors note,

Finding matching dividers and photos were a nightmare, unfortunately, but I also deeply missed my old theme.

Divider.

Pile 01. 

“You’re such a sweetheart, I wish I knew you before. I wish I waited for you instead of being in a relationship with her. I wished..” There are a lot of wishes from your future person and a lot of regrets from their past relationship. A lot of pain surrounds their heart, yet when it comes to you, their mind is crystal clear, and they know they are with the right person. You make them feel okay and safe and helped them understand their own emotions. A lot of healed energy and open-minded individuals here. I hear a lot of thanks from them; you also helped them realize their sexuality, yet you do not feel disgusted by them. A lot of them met close-minded individuals, and their minds have been accustomed to feeling ashamed and fearful about who they really are. You are their safe haven. 

Now, what makes your future spouse horny around you? A lot of things, they’re so romantically beautiful that my heart is fluttering for you. An immense feeling of serenity flows through me. 

The way you speak to them, you are always calm around them, and you speak/ooze elegance. Their hearts flutter, and this usually turns them on.

The way you command others to notice you, whether it is intentionally or not. You make others notice you so easily, which is also how you make your fp notice you or how your fp has noticed you. 

I see a scene where someone is wearing something that shines and makes others notice it. The outfit is your aesthetic; it doesn’t matter what it is. The vibe is this dark blue hue mixed with a saturated gray, but there is a spotlight on them. Everyone is watching their every move and cannot get enough of them. There are other socialites in this scene, yet everyone needs to notice this person. This is your energy, you steal others' spotlight, thus doing the same with your fp. Your dominant energy turns your fp on like a madman, and I can hear them masturbating while muttering your name.

Your word choices, your fp sees you full of richness. Your vocabulary is broad, and they think your intelligence is on another level. I see you saying filthy words to them during sex in a romanticized language, or your native language, and this is their killer. Their heart will beat like crazy, they will become sweaty and become aroused on the spot. Some will literally orgasm on the spot depending on their sex drive and yours (so this varies). 

This may seem normal to you, but to them this is.. Not sure how to explain it, but it is something else. Your healing nature is their turn on. So, as mentioned, their ex messed them up and there was a lot of toxic energy surrounding them with her (yes, regardless of their gender), but with you—it’s very healthy and romantic. For some reason (their words), it turns them on a lot. You could be setting up a boundary and explaining why, and their mind drifts to fucking you endlessly. Then they have to remind themselves to listen, and they will—every little word that comes from your mouth, the detail of where they are, every movement of yours, but ultimately go back to those thoughts. Again, this also comes back to your presence and how you make everyone drawn to you effortlessly. 

During sex, you tend to squirm around the person you make out with spontaneously, just something your body has been doing forever. For them, they find it adorable and cannot get enough of it. Some of you feel insecure about it, but you shouldn’t because it is one of their favorites. Now, it doesn’t necessarily turn them on, but it plays a part in your presence. Addictive is what pops into mind.

Seriously, your presence is incredible, so healing and nurturing and your presence itself is going to bring so many suitors into your life that you may feel overwhelmed. So make sure to tend to yourself and distance from energy vampires that will appear as your future lover; do not ignore your gut feeling or intuition around certain people despite how others speak kindly about them. Not everything meets the eye.

Your hardworking ability and determination are one of their turn ons. They have or will speak about this to their mother, hiding parts of their fantasy of you fucking them/pegging them endlessly while using a tie around their neck to control them but also choke them. A lot of rough fantasies, but aside from this. They adore how you work so hard to get what you want instead of projecting envious energy onto others and being bitter. Once again, this is normal for you, but for them and others around you, it is so refreshing. Also, they will peek around when you are working and admire your body and hope that you will not see them despite you knowing they are and accentuating your body for their eyes. 

Channeled song:

Climax - Djo 

✮ Masterlist.

Pile 02. 

With how you make them smile instantly. They have a rough and biker type of personality. Very heartwarming and soft with the right person yet so gruff. With you though, they are able to let loose, which makes it easier for them to show that they do become aroused by you. They have had instances where they could not or were not allowed by people they used to know. They have never been in a relationship, which has resulted in them being bitter, so do expect rough sex from time to time. I do find it ironic with how they have never had sex before, but you do teach them everything you know and they are able to adapt to the details and your body movement. 

You are an unbothered person and very laid back. They are someone who will overthink and let their insecurities interfere with their words, so sometimes they will try to assert their ‘dominance’ with you. The reality is: they want you to dominate them despite what they are actually saying. They have a lot of bratty energy, or scared bratty energy. Your unbothered personality turns them on and will make them realize they like being dominated, but it also pisses them off since they are used to others being intimidated by them and cowering away. 

They will become turned on by how you always wear something sexy or any type of accessory that is appealing to the male’s gaze, regardless of your and their gender. Something about them gets them going, and they will let you step on them, both metaphorically and physically. 

I see an image where someone is wearing red heels and clear stockings holding a baton as their lover's hands are tied with their used stocking after they came. And their lover is begging for them to touch them, but the person will not. The lover's main focus is their high heel as the image zooms onto it. Your fp main focus will be that sexy outfit or accessory whenever they can get their hands on you or if you are taking control. I feel a lot of vers energy despite you being prone to take the bottom role. I see them encouraging you and making you feel confident too.

This isn’t something that turns them on, but it is necessary for me to say. They love your legs. A lot of you feel insecure about it, and some of you feel shameful for not shaving your legs’ hair, but mind you, they will be worshiping your mind no matter what. If you were to insult them or your leg, expect them to drag you anywhere and kiss them so hard in an attempt to make a hickey but for it to fail miserably. 

Your tongue skills are to die for. The second you even mention oral to them, they will be aroused, and their heart will start to race like heartburn. Overwhelming sensations will drape around their body and make them into a mummy. This only comes down to when you do give them oral, as they will be your sucker. You could even bribe them or give a peace offering for oral and you will receive instant obliviousness or forgiveness. But they do know that it is their weakness, so they won’t be bothered or insulted by it. I see the both of you using this as a tease or a joke with others (when they become comfortable with the idea). 

I mentioned how they will worship you and have bratty energy, but I also feel toxic alpha energy. The meaning fits their personality when you meet and get to know one another but it is hidden perfectly. You will notice it and some of you will brush it off. They grew up in a toxic environment where toxic masculinity and misogynistic traits were normalized for them, and they believe it is their duty to do everything without getting help from anyone, hence the gruffness in their lovely personality. There are a lot of internalized misogynistic traits with them that they may project onto you, so when they do ask you out, make them wait for you for a few months or 1-2 years (depending on your gut feeling) and call them out for their behavior because it will be a toxic relationship if you do not. Calling them out makes them change for the better, so you can actually see the lovely personality I spoke of.

If you do make them wait, the relationship will blossom into something pretty.. Like a sakura tree. Their energy after they heal and are with you is so enchanting and soothing, it makes you desire to sit at a pond and read a book with one another while gazing at the clouds passing by. The breeze brushes on your skin, leaving a subtle chill, and their gaze from your body to your lips as you speak will send shivers both on your body. Their respectful movements with you will make you melt..

I could write a book on how beautiful the relationship will become, but that is for you to find out and for me to know. 

Channeled songs:

She calls me daddy - KiNG MALA

Sweet but psycho - Ava Max

✮ Masterlist.

Pile 03.

How many people do you have chasing after you? Your sex appeal is off the roof; I see so many people similar to a zombie horde chasing after you and begging you for your attention; the same goes for your fp. Some of you do manifestation techniques and affirm for sex appeal beauty, something about being sexy or being a queen/god, and an aura that draws people in and it’s working. This is how you will attract your fp. Some of you have met them and you know it’s them because you manifested them, and for those that haven't, they will come to you in April, May, June, or if you start to see things that have ‘’mars,’’ you are close. 

Now, what makes your fp horny around you?

They become aroused when you are boastful, cocky, and straight up arrogant. They remind me of a puppy, always following their owner, no matter what and always needing them. 

You have a seductive walk, you move and walk like a serpent. It’s silent, smooth, and confident, but you have this movement that draws its prey to you. I cannot explain the energy I am feeling, but I know that you know what I mean because you have been affirming it. 

You wear a lot of red and gold, red lipsticks, red eye shadow, gold suits, dark red suits, dresses that show a lot of skin, etc. You ooze the definition of sex appeal, and your fp sees it for themselves, and they desire for you to tie them up with red chains into your prey to devour. 

Is snakes your favorite or something you feel connected to? Your energy fits a snake in the best and worst ways. Meaning, you’re cunning as one but tantalizing as their eyes. You seriously pull people in, and I feel hypnotized as I do your reading. Your energy is secretive as a snake, but so open as the inside of their body when consuming their prey. You’re going to hypnotize them so well, and it happens accidentally. In that moment, you forget about your affirmations and techniques and meet them, even if you have met them (but you already knew that because it feels natural for you).

The way you move during sex. Your body movement is slow and smooth; your moves are sensual, as if you were a dancer for centuries. It reminds me of Egyptian belly dancers and their pharaoh would watch and enjoy. Your beauty and moves make them so horny that if you blew on their sensitive spot, they would instantly squirt.

You’re a secretive person, and you tell them small things about yourself, and they are itching for more. But the thing that turns them on is how you describe your past experiences, the words you use.. It is not meant to be suggestive, yet it is. 

Your tongue movement. You either lick your teeth sensually, flick your tongue, nibble or bite your lips, or do all of them and play with your hair in a subtle movement to make them notice you when they are busy with something. This catches their attention so fast and they will feel hot and bothered. 

Lap dances are your specialty, and if not now, in the future it will be because you wanted to tease them and be mischievous. Your lap dances compared to their last experiences always make them cum.. And it won’t even be 10 minutes in. And you will chuckle at them and play with their hair, and their cheeks will become so flushed they squirt.

There are so many things you will do that make your fp horny, but I have to stop it here because your energy is so strong that I felt like a sailor and you were the sirens singing to me and I was about to drown—I cannot write anymore (omg). Some of you have been manifesting for the ones I have written, and now that you have seen it, congratulations on your dedication and consistency for your desires. And to your fp, good luck to them because your energy—whew. 

Channeled song:

APT - ROSÉ and Bruno Mars

✮ Masterlist.

[pepperf]

Genuinely can't decide if the writers intended the Five and Lila relationship to be toxic, or if that's just their idea of romance - just like Rochester, Heathcliff, Darcy, and that dude from Twilight, right???

Okay, let's have a readmore. Note tags, ppl, and curate your experience.

Lila has a relatively sensible approach to relationships, which is consistent, despite her somewhat Machiavellian approach to getting what she wants out of them - she put Diego in his place about having realistic expectations back in s3. She's pretty clear about who she is and where her lines are drawn, and is "weirdly self-actualised", according to Klaus. And Five - romantically inexperienced, thinks everyone should do what he says at all times - tries to impose his notion of How This Should Go onto her, from nearly the start of their brief romance, but leaning hard into it once it starts going sour - which also checks out: he was alone for 45 years and his previous relationship was all in his head, giving him full control, so that's what he's used to. But I couldn't tell if they genuinely intended to show it as him being incredibly selfish in prioritising his feelings over her wishes, or if they honestly thought it was romantic. I mean, the barbed wire-style bracelet is a little on the nose, and there's some symbolism that I'll get into in a sec. Truthfully, I'm not inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt - I think SB at least thought it was hot, judging by what he's said about identifying with Five, and about how he finally gets to have a romance. This seems to have been his pet project for the season, blergh.

It's that tedious old misogynist chestnut, that all women secretly want A Man to take control. It's frustrating, because they already established that Lila likes to be in charge, she wants to be free to make her own choices, she'd already had twenty-plus years of being told what to think and do. And yet she has to remind Five, who really ought to know her better by now, "You do not get to decide what I do with my life!" It's also very disconnected from reality. It's not actually fun or sexy to be gaslighted, to be lied to by some insecure asshole who thinks they know better about what's good for you, that they have a right to stick their nose into your personal relationships or keep you away from your kids. Not cool, Five, not cool. He's lucky she didn't kick him in the nuts on the way out. But another reason I think they didn't do this consciously is that Five doesn't seem to realise his assholery - there's no hint that he's regretting anything other than being dumped.

Lila was trapped for seven years in an intense, claustrophobic situation with Five - and if they'd continued to exist, she could have worked through the feelings that come out of that. Like Ritu said, of course there's going to be love there: they've spent seven years together, on the run. If nothing else, it would be a matter of survival - either you find a way to get along, or you kill each other. And they went in with a fair amount in common already (although being adopted by the Handler at age four is not at all the same as being recruited by her at age fifty-something). So I'm annoyed that Lila's whole arc this season is one of frustration about having to be the grown up in her relationship, taking a break to reassess, going off to do something a bit crazy and fun - and promptly getting stranded with someone considerably less emotionally competent.

Okay, I'm being somewhat harsh - Lila unexpectedly getting the timeout she wanted could've been a decent storyline, she could have some time to reflect, live the child-free life without consequences, and have some adventures (she actively enjoys danger!). And she and Five got to bond, that had lots of interesting potential, especially with their complicated history. But it tipped over from being a potential opportunity into an immensely over the top punishment for her impulsivity, and took them so far from where they'd started that there's a total emotional disconnect with the main story. Which is a fucking weird choice for one episode in such a short season, ngl.

And then, ugh, she's right back to dealing with the apocalypse, visibly thrown by a Diego who has unexpectedly thought about what she said and is trying to be a better husband, and dealing with a Five who has decided to get territorial. It's deeply uncomfortable, Five is gearing up to start trouble, so wrapped up in his own hurt feelings that he's functionally useless for the actual problem in front of them - leaving Lila to deal with the mess he creates, and then leverage said feelings to get him to put on his big boy pants and help. She still reaches out to him in the end, I think she knows him well enough by this point to understand what makes him tick...and she's having to be the sensible one up to the end of her existence. Can't she have someone who's willing to meet her halfway? The reflecting that Diego did, him making a start on making amends (given that it was only a few hours for him, that's about as much as they could squeeze in) was basically just wasted. They start to reconnect at the end, and mutually apologise for the damage they've done - but that's all they get, and it's a travesty.

Personally I think the whole storyline should have been cut, but if - if - they really felt it added something, they could have given it some time in the real world, see how this shaky new romance holds up against a serious relationship that's been massively fractured. In a different show, that might have been a fine story. But they don't do that. Whatever she might have wanted, Lila doesn't get time to even think about her choices. She gets to stop existing. (Or they could just have not gone there in the first place, god I hate love triangle plotlines, they do no favours for anyone involved!)

Given a continued existence in which to do so, I'm sure Five would have moved on pretty quickly. It's his first romance with a real person, he feels it intensely - but once the dust settled, he'd see that they were in very different emotional places (she wanted to get back to her family, the break from reality is way overdue to end - and he wanted to stay in their little bubble and leave all that behind). The actual romance part was actually pretty brief, and lacking in any deep communication - as Lila says, it wasn't real. They're playing house in an attempt to feel normal - in a greenhouse (a fragile structure, not a real home), eating strawberries (a treat more than real sustenance), like children...hey, maybe I'm wrong and the writers DID intend to do that, bc that's some choice visual metaphors. And they're playing roles: all their normal antagonism - what made them so fun and sparky in previous seasons, and even during the earlier part of their adventure! - disappears. Lila is a chameleon, taking on a character is her happy place - and this was how Five kept himself going, last time he was in this situation, so he's slipping back into that method of survival (although he's not as good as she is at separating reality from fiction). So while all that is totally understandable, it's insubstantial. If Five had the space to do some self-reflection, or if one of his more rational siblings (Luther maybe, or...um...or a friend, if he can make one...or maybe that dude in the Losers Department at the CIA...) sat down with him and explained that you need to treat a partner as an equal, maybe he could do better next time - or double down and keep being an asshole, that's also a strong possibility.

idk - I still don't honestly think the show intended it that way, unfortunately. I think they shoehorned the characters into the scenes they wanted, regardless of sense or even plot requirement. There are a LOT of badly-explained or badly-thought out moments in this season, and this whole mess just adds to the incoherency. Or maybe it's just a consequence of TV - you get multiple creative people involved, and the reasoning gets muddied, especially over time. Maybe it was SB's intention from the start, but he didn't inform the actors until the final season, so they've been playing it straight.

This show has an...interesting tendency to do something that you think is totally unacceptable and just gloss over it at the time, and then address it next season (like Luther apologising to Viktor), as if the writers all brought it up in their respective therapy sessions during the break, and worked through the issues - so maybe if they'd had another season, they would have gone into all that. Maybe. But we're clearly not going to get that, and they're all gone from existence so I can't headcanon that in this universe, they eventually sort it out. So I'm putting it down to one thing:

Break out the dodgy facial hair (I see you're ahead of me, Five) and let's get kicking babies!

[funky-little-archivist]

Okay besties listen to me right now. Here’s how steddyhands can still win (real and true)

Stede and Ed clearly love each other very much, but they just can’t seem to stop fighting. They can’t seem to get on quite the same page, and this is a problem they’ve had from the start. They both want different things at the end of the day, and they just haven’t been able to reconcile that issue. Ed wants to explore non pirate life, which he’s never really had a chance to do, while Stede wants to explore pirate life for the exact same reason. I can’t really point at either of them and say that either of these things are wrong or they’re being intentionally malicious with each other. I also can’t point at the writers and complain about them stringing us along when all we want is for gentlebeard to be happy because this feels like very natural progression for both of them. As I said, they’ve been heading in this direction from the very start of the show.

So you know what I think they need? A stabilizing force. An anchor. A mediator. These are two whim-proned people who need someone to keep them grounded. And who’s sitting right there waiting for the chance to do exactly that? Izzy.

All season, apart from the parts where he was mourning blackbeard and the loss of his leg, izzy has been doing pretty much exactly that for both of them. Yes last season izzy was pretty much nothing but toxic for Ed, encouraging the worst parts of him. But he’s since come to regret that and was actively the one that stopped his downwards spiral. And he’s been coaching Stede, getting to know him better and teaching him how to pirate properly. This season izzy has really been encouraging both of them towards the goals they had at the start of season 1, in a way, making them the versions of themselves they want to be. But it does seem like he doesn’t intend for Stede to go off the deep end like Ed did either, as izzy discouraged him getting into the bar fight and kept trying to make him back down. I don’t think season 1 izzy would have ever done that for Ed. He’d have wanted blackbeard to defend his reputation. I think izzy wants them to be better, and as he said he actively approves of and encourages Stede and Ed’s relationship. He knows that they’re good for each other, and he doesn’t necessarily want to see them break up. But he also wants them to be the best versions of themselves.

And I’m honestly starting to think that’s what they need. As I said, they need a calming force, because both of them are very active passionate energies in their own way. But here’s the thing, I could be crazy but I’m actually starting to suspect maybe there’s a chance the show is going in this direction as well? I mean I could be reading too much into it, and listen I’ll be the last to put faith into this kind of theorizing again. But listen

How could it possibly not have been intentional to have izzy serenade Ed and stede’s first time together? It could have been literally anyone. It could have been frenchie, we’ve seen him sing before. But no, it was izzy, he got glammed up, showing his immense emotional growth and maturity compared to the first season, and had him practically sing his blessings for their relationship. And yes, maybe that’s all it was meant to symbolize, that izzy approves now and has moved on. Except he so clearly hasn’t moved on (we all saw that heart eyes stare he gave Ed in man on fire) and for me it’s the fact that he actually played an active part in their scene together, at least for the audience. He set the mood guys. In a sort of metatextual way, izzy was part of Ed and stede’s love scene.

And then there’s the fact that the show has been exploring non traditional non monogamist relationships for the entire season. I mean, already in season 1 we had Lucius telling izzy that they don’t get jealous when izzy tried to use that against him, but now we have olu and Jim actively celebrating each other’s relationships with other people despite still sort of being in some kind on non platonic relationship (shown by olu calling Jim babe during the safe space stand still scene). Olu, Jim and Archie sort of formed a straight up throuple? And then olu and zheng almost invited Jim and Archie to? Share a room with them?? Maybe? Whatever the case, it’s all fluid. And that’s okay! This type of relationship fluidity has been so normalized on the show, I don’t really see a reason for them to get precious about Stede and Ed being the only exclusive couple. At it makes sense, sexual fluidity has always been an integral part of the queer community and it’s so refreshing to see it represented here realistically. (Not to say that monogamy isn’t also accepted and valid in queer spaces but many shows have and will continue to represent that. It’s nice to see a representation of the less traditional, less “sanitized” side of queerness.) (edit: AND LET’S NOT FORGET SPANISH JACKIE! hell she was doing it before anyone else)

And hey as a bisexual myself I understand not everyone will like this allusion but I did see someone say that izzy is quite literally Ed and stede’s unicorn lmao. So. there’s that.

And not that this would be a perfect solution to all their problems either. I don’t want izzy to just continue to play custodian to Ed’s problems and add stede’s to that as well, not to mention that izzy and Ed have SO much work to do to fix their mess of a relationship. But I just think maybe all three of them can help balance each other out, mediate each side of the triangle. The dynamic would just be so satisfyingly perfect, and hey, a stool can’t hold up anything with just two legs, but with three it is stable.

Anyway, basically I’m starting to see it guys and maybe I’m crazy but maybe there’s actually a chance here. Again, I’m by no means saying this is 100% going to happen, and most likely I’m seeing things they didn’t intend. But from interviews from David jenkins and the cast, to subtext in the show, I think maybe there’s a non zero chance. Either way, I cannot wait to see what this show has in store for us in the last three episodes.

[killuintense]

❝ shades of cool ❞

vendetta!leon kennedy x fem!reader.

summary: when did you fall in love with someone who lives in shades of cool?

content: 2.1k words, friend with benefits, angst, hurt/no comfort, commitment issues, alcohol issues, toxic relationship, mention of Ada (sorry girl I love you), slight nsfw.

note: ever since i heard this song for the first time i thought of Leon automatically, of how irreparable all the damage he has received is done to me even if true love is presented to him. So i hope you enjoy it and if you can, listen to the song for a better reading!! you can leave me requests or recommendations, i'll be reading them!

Sometimes you wondered how many times you had seen that blue gaze so sad and lost in the solitude of his thoughts, ignoring you for a few seconds, which became enough for you to realize that he was not there with you. He never was.

Not even when he laughed and spoke to you again after taking a sip of his drink, that whiskey that drained all his regrets as if you didn't exist, as if you weren't enough to make him feel good. But it was his words dragging across his tongue with difficulty that made you lower the adrenaline of loving him, bringing you back to the reality in which you found yourself.

You met Leon in one of his many missions, you were carrying out one of your investigations for the private company that provided services to the D.S.O. You would almost say that you worked together, and although you were always a woman focused on work, his blue eyes and the immensity of them swallowed you up instantly. Especially when he noticed you were in danger and put his hard bearing in front of your body, covering you completely while telling you that he would take care of it, because he didn't want anything to happen to you. Fuck, you felt the air escape your lips and your heart pounding with desperation as he would pull you away from the zombies with that agility worthy of a militarily trained man, and kill them all. Then he would throw out his sarcastic and teasing comments, winking at you subtly every time you laughed and rolled your eyes, trying to hide your heart clouded with shyness.

Looking at him now, you should have stopped right there, but… the mission ended successfully, and he told you that it had been a while since he had finished one of his jobs without a dead body on his shoulders. He seemed happy, that man who you sensed was hiding an injured child, was happy and all those looks went straight to you. For that very reason -among all the looks he had given you- you couldn't refuse when he invited you to dinner "Shall we have something to dinner after this?" he mentioned while he was signing some papers. You laughed and nodded, what else could you do? That blond was talking to you, that blond was glaring at you the whole mission just at you and now he wanted to do something as simple as have dinner, relax. You couldn't deny him.

Now you were thinking that you wished you had really, really stopped there. But the talk was spontaneous between the two of you, his jokes and his very particular remarks took you out of that rushing routine of work, and your soothing voice and warm arms gave him the calm he had lost years before. And the combination of the two made for a fatal but so tempting result. In fact, that day you were left in no doubt. His hips colliding with yours, his length working its way inside you, giving him another kind of heat that made him tremble on top of your body. Your head was high on those sensations, kept spinning and sinking in his smell so masculine, so lulling.

"God…so good, so fuckin good" he gasped in your ear, thrusting again and again inside you. His hands didn't know where to go first, didn't know whether to squeeze your neck roughly, whether to caress your breasts or cling more to your soft hair as he fucked you so deeply that you felt no other cock could ever give you again in your life. You could feel his mouth move from your lips to your neck harshly, and you were already anticipating the marks he would leave, and that's what drove you the craziest. "You're so tight, is this how I get you? Holy shit…" he growled, perhaps the most natural and deep growl anyone had ever been able to give you. And it was that aggressiveness and hardness mixed with imploring adoration for you were ways of defining Leon Kennedy. Even when he cummed, after making you come so fucking hard, he moaned your name so needily and pleasurably that you thought you had signed the sentence of your obsession right then and there.

And it got better the more you got to know him, when he embraced you after fucking you so well that your legs were almost unable to move. Holding you in his arms and kissing you, telling you how good you were, how good you were doing him. And, over time, that was what they did most, what they had become; that unspoken agreement of non-commitment that started out as the perfect plan but was…. was killing you.

When the nights came where instead of staying with you in bed he went to the sofa in the bedroom and started to sink into drinking, when you found him crying in your arms while you didn't know what to do or what to say to him. Then you noticed that Leon was very romantic, he almost lived for love, and he couldn't carry any more deaths, any more of life's rejections of him; especially when he mentioned Ada and your little hopes that something between you was possible, were shattered.

"He's calling me, not her…" you thought as you received a message on your phone, him asking you if you were free. Asking you if you were free to take you to bed, before asking if you were well, if you felt like it. What you didn't understand at that moment is that if it was for Leon, he would have called her and not you.

But what could you do? He would tell you everything with confidence, he would sink into the warmth of your embrace when he didn't know where to go, when the pain chased him and left him prey instead of hunter. You would nod, whisper comforting words, caress his bare, scratched back for you. At the time you were constantly convincing yourself that you could fix him, that you had come into his life to do something for him and care for you the way he did for you.

The problem was when you realized that he was unfixable, that not even a little of your love and what you had to give him was of any use to him. So much of your love, your body, that connection, was of no use to him. When the sheets got tangled between you and your moans calmed down after you both finished, unlike always, you felt him get up and walk with a heavy step to the table in front of the bed, take the bottle with a glass cup and pour the liquid, and suddenly the room reeked of that pure perfume of expensive whiskey, so as not to stop reminding you that even that drug served him more than you. And you couldn't fix it. You couldn't do anything with his strange weather; when he was well with you and was back to being that Leon with hopes and goals that made your heart not want to let go but then he would get depressed enough, he would start to be curt and dry, he would tell you that he preferred not to make plans for the future, that he didn't think beyond that. And you stayed at the doors of his head, unable to know what he felt, what was wrong with him, trying to understand him the way he left you being so confused and abstract. He lived in the shadows, in cold tones, and he was slowly dragging you down with him.

You even remember the last night you were with him. He said he would stop by to see you, he didn't even ask you and even though you were overwhelmed and broken in yourself, you accepted. You wanted to leave him, every day was a harder suffering than the previous one, you began to hate him and that was the most complicated part, because you also loved him. You hated the idea of not being able to do anything for him, of seeing him falling apart. Of not being able to provoke him the way Ada did, of him not thinking about you as much as he thought about her, of him not choosing you the way he did her. And you didn't blame her, sometimes you even felt regret that Leon couldn't be happy with Ada; but not enough to make you wish he would leave you.

"Hey…" he was leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. The doorknob began to soak between your hands, the nervousness becoming present with each passing second. He looked so good, his blue eyes swallowed you more and more, the density of his lips moving to say even the slightest word made you weak.

"Leon…" came out almost like a whisper for help, you were drowning and your head didn't know what to do or where to go. The shit you were going through was being fought by that adrenaline addiction that man in front of you was causing you. However you frowned and made up your mind. That would stop right there.

"Leon!" you moaned as he buried you in the couch in one lunge, grinding your insides with a quickness that plunged you into the disgrace of feeling fake loved. You couldn't help yourself, not when he wouldn't let you finish a sentence he was already sinking into your neck kissing you where only he knew you loved so much. His moans and grunts were transfixing in your ears; you felt wetter than ever, you were clenching him tighter than ever. And he was struggling not to cum at that very moment, you could tell by the way he tensed his jaw and pounded you harder with his plunging cock as if your insides were his favorite place. "Kiss me, kiss me, for God's sake…" you gasped pleading tears of pleasure -mixed with some of sadness- ran down your flushed and hot face, you even felt a bit of your soul go with him when he stared at you. It had been months since he had stared at you, intensely; soon you felt like you were looking at heaven and at the same time his lips were taking you to hell. Holy God, that kiss was too much for you; not only because while he was eating you like that, he was cumming hard inside you, moaning with his tongue running across your mouth, sucking your lips, licking no matter where, but also because it seems that was enough for him to sink into your heaving, defeated chest. And you held him, with no one holding you; and soon he seemed asleep, and it was all it took for you to sob and cry without him noticing. You let yourself go in that pathetic way, feeling the cum inside you, how your body received it so well, feeling that it was the only thing that united the two of you.

You woke up without him next to you, or on top of you, or in the kitchen looking out the window while he drank his coffee, as he always did. You didn't know when, but he was gone, and you woke up without a trace of him. For the first time, it had never happened before. Then, at that moment, Leon Kennedy, who was crumbling, ended up taking you too to that world of gray, where the blue was sadness and not sky. And the only two times he looked for you, you didn't answer, not because you didn't want to, but because you didn't have the strength to stop feeling that pain in your heart.

Because, at that moment, you were aware of Leon's true absence. When he gave up at the second attempt. And left a hurting woman, with bitter love to give, but none to receive.

[aajjks]

sorry i’m late. today was…a day but hopefully, this part makes up for it 🩵

DHP!JK

your heart breaks as you listen to your husband. he’s so vulnerable and weak; so much has happened in one day. the funeral, sarang, and now mi-cha—it’s all piling on him, and when his back is against the wall, what more can he do besides eliminating the problem in his life? all your baby wants is peace of mind. his mind has been running since the day of ian’s death, and it hasn’t had rest since. you know, threatening to leave jungkook when he’s at his most vulnerable was the last thing he needed to hear, but after tonight, you’ve realized that his decisions could lead him to a very dark path that he’ll deeply regret, you know it.

in a way, you blame yourself for mi-cha’s betrayal. for years, you kept her at arm’s length (for a good reason), and the moment she got too close, she burned you, jungkook, and junseo. it’s just like jiyeon said: it all points back to you.

sarang was because of you.

mi-cha was because of you.

your poor husband is going crazy and feels suicidal because of you.

he’s not the poison, you are.

you poisoned him the moment you introduced yourself to him those years ago. you were never the antidote he thinks you are. you’re a cancer that spreads, and because you never have the guts or sense to leave, it never goes away. you both are so toxic for each other, but it never turned either of you away, it only made your love grow and grow and grow.

“i don’t think you’re a psycho, jungkook” you speak up. “i think you act on impulse instead of properly thinking it through. we both have that habit, honestly” you sigh as you think back to the time you beat sarang up at the party and almost had charges pressed against you for it.

impulsive, but she deserved it.

you take jungkook’s hands in yours and look into his teary, vulnerable eyes. “i’m so sorry this is happening to you—to us. you are and will always be the man i love. nothing will ever change that. i know so much shit is going on, but we can’t lose control like that. i never want us to feel unsafe with each other because you ARE my haven, baby. your arms around me is like the inhaler to my asthma. when you kiss me, i feel like i’m floating, and nobody will ever hurt me” you come closer. “so i get it. this shit is a fucking mess and makes you want to hurt any and everyone, but baby, you have to calm down. give your mind a break. i know you don’t want to be this person, baby, and i believe you. if nobody else does, i do. i’ll be right here changing with you and reminding you just how important you are to me. i’ll annoy the fuck out of you about it forever and don’t you DARE hurt yourself because you matter, jungkook. your existence matters”

“just because you did a bad thing, it doesn’t make you a bad person. you have a big heart, and you love hard. i understand you, baby, i see you. i. see. you.”

~🫧

Jungkook cries hard as he hears your words.

And before you can think he looks at you permission before he’s kissing your mouth like his life depends on it because you drive him crazy in the best way possible

You’re perfect for him because you understand the darkest parts of them and you know how to accept him as he is rather than trying to change him you’re just trying to improve him

And he appreciates your help so much because he knows deep down that he needs a lot of help. He’s not right in the head, especially these days.

He just came back from burying his brother 6 feet under, and he sees his stalker playing with his baby boy all because of your sister’s betrayal

What was he supposed to do?

The thing he was not supposed to do was to back hand you, and bust your lip with his wedding ring, which is the symbol of his commitment to you and his immense love to you

But he ended up, busting your lip and making you bleed.

“I love you so fucking much. I love you so much. You’re my entire life. I would do anything for you. I would ruin myself for you, but please don’t fucking leave me.” he begs against your lips.

His body temperature is burning right now because he’s got fever, but all he needs is your reassurance that you’re not gonna leave him.

But the more he stares at your busted lip the more he feels like he should be away from you because he ended up physically hurting you.

“Y-Yn please let’s go to the bedroom. Let me fix your lip properly. I promise.” he gets up on his shaky legs and helps you get up as well.

He spares one last glance into your sleeping son’s crib before he’s taking you upstairs, even though he’s so weak right now, he decides to pick you up bridal style and walks onto the stairs.

He closes the door to your bedroom as soon as you reach it and gently puts you down onto the bed so you can sit down.

And then he’s going into your bathroom to search for an ointment, it’s not like it’s gonna make it any better, but he doesn’t want you to be in too much pain, especially because of him

But he should’ve thought about it before he decided to smack you unknowingly, but he still did it.

After applying the ointment on your lip, he kisses it again and again, and as he does so he cannot stop crying because he’s the reason it’s busted.

These lips of yours were made to be kissed by him, not to get busted by him

But after your reassurance and your sweet words, he decides to change his clothes and take a shower, as soon as he gets into the shower, he slides down the wall and cries his eyes out

He’s so exhausted.

But he cannot put all of his burden on you. He’s already burdened you enough.

After 30 minutes, he finally emerges back from the shower and put on his sweatpants before he’s jumping onto the bed, as soon as his head hits his pillow, he sighs in relief

“Yn come cuddle me, please?… if you want to.” he slyly asks.

He’s not sure if you want to touch him right now and he understands, but he desperately needs your cuddles too. Why is he so selfish?

Jungkook moves his head so his cheek is pressing against his pillow, he tries to relax but then, as you climb onto the bed next to him, he notices something sticky.

His pillow is really sticky.

“Ew what the fuck? Yn my pillow is so fucking sticky.”

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Is there such thing as emotional grooming? Can someone with extremely bad mental health unintentionally "groom" a young teen into doing emotional labor for them?

(Context of the question below. CW for toxic friendship conduct and mentions of suicidal ideation, self-harm, and CSA)

I've been studying with a guy since I was 13/14, and he, 16. One day, he had a flashback, and I tried to help him through it, to be the support I never got. After that, though, he made me his personal therapist. All of our interactions would be about him, about how he wanted to kill himself, hurt himself, how he hated living, and was a burden to his family. He described to me the sexual abuse he went through, the porn addiction he had in childhood, his gruesome suicide plans and everything bad that had ever happened to him, all with no regard to if that would affect me. I feel it was my fault, though, because I encouraged him, happy that he trusted me enough to tell me his worst traumas. And I couldn't possibly leave! I'm the only one he could count on, the only thing keeping him alive. So it didn't matter where I was, how I was, and who I was with, every second of my time was an invitation for him to come foward dump his problems on me. It made me relive the worst moments of my life and resurfaced symptoms I spent years getting treated for.

At one point, I tried to tell him I needed a break, and he agreed. A few days later, he just started messaging me that he would try to kill himself if things didn't get better for him soon because he felt like things were only getting worse.

And now, almost two years later, he's finally... fine. Better. He started medication, talked to his family, fixed things. And now I have to see him laugh and go by his day happily and pretend that I don't carry the weight he put on me. Hell, he doesn't even know I'm still hurting, or that I ever hurt because of him at all! I was the only fool who gave himself away. He's thankful to me, but I just wish he would stop trying to be friends, like I wasn't just a tool for him to use just months ago. And I feel like I'm lying to myself in order to make it look worse than it was, projecting past abusers onto him, making him a bad person (which I don't think he is, I understand that depression can do that to a guy).

What is even worse is that now we're in a sexual relationship (I'm 15, he's 17). I wanted that for so long, but now, I can't even know he's in the same room as me without wanting to run away and hide. I don't even remember why I thought it was a good idea, but I regret it immensely. And now it feels like a responsibility, and I would feel like an asshole in just suddenly wanting to go back in what I started.

I'm sorry about the rant. I just don't know what to do. I know the answer seems obvious: "just don't have sex with him anymore", and yet, I feel like there's no way out of this, that there's nothing wrong with what he did and is doing, that yes, he hurt me, but I can't blame him because I never told him how I felt.

Thank you for getting through this, and please take your time to deal with this ask. Don't burn yourself out, alright? Ily.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. It sounds like this person traumadumped on you and you were made to feel emotionally responsible for this person's wellbeing and safety, which is an unrealistic and unhealthy amount of pressure on you. Please know that anything this person does to himself is not your fault or responsibility, even if you decided to take some distance. This kind of experience can also lead to vicarious trauma, which is a result of being exposed to someone else's trauma.

It's understandable you feel pressure to continue the relationship. However, sexual relationships between minors is not really a good idea since minors cannot consent, and depending on where you live, a sexual relationship between minors may not be legal. Also considering the traumatizing dynamic that has happened between you in the past, it may not be a healthy basis for a relationship, sexual or not. But perhaps there could be a useful discussion about past behavior, boundaries, and needs. It's ultimately up to you how'd you like to continue this relationship.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your experiences, navigate your relationship with this person, and develop some healthy coping mechanisms that you can take with you on your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[keijislove]

Pureblood Mania: Sirius Black X Reader

A/N: Warning: toxic mother-daughter relationship. Mentions of drinking.

Sirius Black was one of the most arrogant, thick and inconsiderate prats anyone would have the misfortune to meet. He found his pleasure in staying with random girls who truly fell for his charm all while he didn’t even look back once he got what he needed. Which is why to say that he was furious at the moment was a complete understatement.

His ‘beloved’ mother had decided to pounce upon him this very morning and Walburga Black was not one to beat around the bush. Authoritatively, she stormed into his room and snapped her fingers in front of her face, saying, “We’ve got to talk.”

Sirius supressed a massive groan – this couldn’t be good.

“I can see your future is going nowhere, boy!” she snarled, “You shall, under no circumstances, besmirch the ground that my forefathers have bestowed upon me by ending up to be a – a street dweller!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. Trust her to say something dramatic like this.

“Therefore, to improve our situation and get rid of you,” she added nastily, “You will be getting married at the end of this month.”

If there was anything Sirius was expecting, it definitely wasn’t this. He got up so fast that his chair crashed to the ground. He did not care.

“Wha- married?!” he sputtered, “To whom?!”

“You shall see this evening,” his smother snapped, “She’s a lovely girl. They will arrive at around five. Wear something respectable. And fix your hair!”

She stormed out of the room, leaving Sirius mouth agape.

Married.

She would probably be some swotty pureblood. The very thought disgusted him. Though, deep down, Sirius always knew he would be married this way, he wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. He was used to variety. Now he’d be stuck with some dull girl for the rest of his life. This day could not get worse.

------

“I’m ready, mum,” you spoke in a monotonous voice.

This morning, your darling mother had announced that you’d be getting married at the end of this month to a ‘charming’ young man. You knew she didn’t care who you married. Pureblood was the word.

You were wearing a F/C dress and your hair was styled neatly – very unlike you.

Your mother came bustling into the room saying, “Good. We should leave now, they’re expecting us. And don’t embarrass me.”

She glared threateningly at you.

You rolled your eyes.

As you stepped into the car, very much aware of what you were signing up for, it drove ahead through the beautiful town you’d once called home. Your car stopped in front of a handsome manor – one you’d never seen before.

As the front gates opened to reveal a scrawny house elf, you followed your mother inside. The moment you reached the living room, something felt off.

“Ah, Y/M/N!” a richly dressed woman greeted, “And dear Y/N! How lovely to see you!”

It was at that moment that you spotted one of your oldest friends, Regulus Black. Your eyebrows rose. This was better than any random pureblood, however, you were quite incapable of thinking of Regulus that way and you were sure he was too.

You looked at him and he looked back. You pointed to yourself and then him and mouthed, “Seriously?”

Regulus looked sickened and shook his head in disgust, mouthing, “Not me.”

You frowned slightly. Regulus didn’t have a cousin, did he? After all, the only other person in the house was –

Oh. Oh, OH.

Your face morphed into an expression of absolute horror as you registered the other person who had just entered the room, mirroring your expression.

Realising you were gaping, you cleared your throat and spoke, “Sirius.”

Your voice was three octaves higher than usual and you hated it.

“Y/N.” Sirius breathed, still in shock.

“Oh, you two know each other?” Mrs Black clapped happily, “How lovely.”

“Yes,” you muttered, “How lovely.”

You glared his way as a pang of immense guilt welled in Sirius’ stomach, eating at him like termites as he relived his only memories of you at Hogwarts.

A girl was laughing and chatting animatedly to an otherwise quiet boy, who reciprocated her actions. Y/N L/N and Regulus Black were almost inseparable.

“Oi, Y/N!” a dark-haired boy with a handsome face called, “Is it because you pity my idiotic brother that you hang out with him? Or is it just that you’re so pathetic that no one else wants to hang out with you?”

His mates howled with laughter as you blushed furiously. Regulus threw a disgusted look their way and tugged at your sleeve, muttering, “Let’s leave.”

-

The same girl was now attempting to carry a large pile of books to the library to help Madame Pince with her work, when they tumbled out of her hands and she fell to the floor with a thud.

“What’s that, L/N?!” Sirius Black yelled from nearby, “Bite off more than you can chew?”

James and Peter positively roared with laughter as Remus suddenly became interested on one spot in his book, his brows furrowing into a frown slightly.

You gathered your books in embarrassment before practically running to the library with them.

-

As he relived these moments, he realised how much you’d actually grown. You weren’t the same old dorky girl from Hogwarts. You were now a quiet, reserved and admittedly extremely attractive young woman who looked ready to burst into tears.

“Sirius dear, take Y//N up to your room, will you?” Mrs Black gave a nasty fake smile.

“Yes, uh, okay, come on,” Sirius stammered.

You walked up the stairs in silence, not daring to look at each other. The house was indeed, very beautiful. As you reached Sirius’ room, you clambered inside before he finally spoke.

“So,” Sirius awkwardly began, “H-how are you, where’ve you been?”

“Do you really care or are you just being polite?” you muttered, upholding a deadpan stare out the window and on the handsome garden.

“Listen, Y/N, I know we got off on the wrong foot-”

“Yeah, we damn right did!” you snapped, pouring out seven years’ worth of feelings at once, “You never had the right foot when it came to me, Sirius, and I doubt that you have it now.”

“Look, I know you don’t want to do this,” Sirius desperately said, “I don’t want to force you into anything but-”

“Oh yes, there’s always a but when it comes to you, isn’t it?” you spat, “I can’t call off this marriage because my mum will kill me, you understand? Kill me. And I’m not like on of the many girls you screw every night-”

“I never said you were,” Sirius angrily spoke.

“Thank Merlin, you’ve finally done something wise, Black,” you snarled in his face, “We’ve got to grit our teeth and do it. Will you please try not to be a complete and utter arse and make it harder for me than it already is?”

At that moment, your mother burst into the room, “Y/N darling, we’ve got to leave now, and get your dress picked.”

Trying not to gag at the fake ‘darling’, you threw one last nasty glare in Sirius’ direction before following your mother out of the room.

-------

DAY OF WEDDING (A/N: sorry 😉)

“Bleurgh,” you blankly stated to your friend Lily Evans, who was getting you ready for the wedding alongside another girl called Marlene McKinnon, to whom you’d never really talked but she seemed nice anyway.

“What’s wrong, you look gorgeous!!” Lily gasped.

“Spiffing, Y/N,” Marlene grinned at you, “Let’s get your hair done, Sirius is a lucky man!”

She hastily added, “Joking!” as you glared murderously at her.

Soon your hair was styled and your veil perched on top of your head along with a bouquet of roses in your arms.

As you walked alongside your father down the aisle, you fought the urge to turn and run on the spot. Sirius was gaping at you from the front. He looked quite nice, you had to admit.

His face formed a cocky smirk as you fought another urge to throw the bouquet at his face.

You didn’t register any vows the priest made, your mind wandering over to glimpses of the future you were signing up for.

The word that caught you by surprise was, “You may kiss the bride.”

“Oh shit,” you thought, trying not to panic.

Sirius threw an anxious glance at your face, as if asking for your permission and you closed your eyes and nodded slightly. You could feel his minty breath on your face as his lips captured your own. They were gone the moment they appeared.

You flushed. How foolish of you to think Sirius Black would ever like you. You were looking anywhere but his face, refusing to fall for his charm. As the guests congratulated you and the food was eaten, the speeches delivered, it was finally time to go home. You were to go to a honeymoon destination your mothers had chosen and Merlin you were going to regret this.

The moment you stepped inside your bedroom; something was off. The whole room smelt like flowers and there was this tiny ass bed in which the two of you would have to squeeze.

“Ugh,” you moaned into your palms, grabbing your clothes and heading off to the bathroom to change out of this awful wedding dress and into your nightclothes.

By the time you washed off your makeup and brushed your teeth, your new ‘husband’ was already sitting on the bed, changed into his own nightclothes.

You sat warily on the bed, as far away from him as possible. Sirius threw a questioning glance your way before speaking, “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Ignoring this mildly hurtful jibe, you spoke, “You don’t care how attractive the girl is, as long as she’s ready to shag you.”

“Nice,” Sirius sarcastically muttered, “I can see why Regulus liked you. You’re a bloody psychopath.”

“He’s a damn sight better than you are,” you retorted.

“I’m the handsome one,” Sirius cockily stated.

“I’d rather marry Severus,” you coldly spoke, “At least he knows his manners.”

“You really know how to wound a man.”

“It’s midnight, go to sleep. And no funny business, Black,” you warned.

“Can’t make no promises,” Sirius chanted as you threw a pillow at his face before turning the other way and falling asleep.

------

Married life didn’t suit you at all, especially when your husband was such an arse. He would leave early morning and go out with his stupid friends and sometimes even bring them over. Let���s just say you didn’t fancy quietly sitting in the corner, watching James Potter and Sirius Black taking turns shoving pencils up their noses while Peter cheered them on and Remus sat with his head in his hands, continually apologising to you.

You drew the line when Sirius returned one day, apparently been out with his friends.

He silently hung up his coat before turning to walk to the bathroom when you shut your book and spoke, “Enjoyed ourselves, did we?”

Sirius turned around to face you, confused, “Huh?”

“We need to talk,” you spoke, struggling to keep your voice even.

“’Kay, but first I’m going to-”

“NOW.” you spoke with such a ringing force in your voice, Sirius was surprised at himself for not recoiling several steps.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah, OK. What’s up?”

“I’ll tell you what’s up,” you fumed, “Where do you get to these days? I go to bed and you’re not there; I wake up and you’re still not there and you turn up for lunch then disappear again to wherever you go!”

“So?” Sirius shrugged, “’Smatter with you?”

“For Merlin’s sake, Sirius, I’m your wife,” you spoke, “I have a right to know where you go-”

“You’re not my wife,” Sirius frowned slightly.

“I – what, sorry?!” you sputtered.

“I thought we just married for namesake,” Sirius’ frown grew deeper.

“Yeah, but that still makes me your wife, git!” you yelled angrily.

“Why do you care where I go?” Sirius furiously asked you, “It’s not like you like me any better when I’m around-”

“If you’re married, I hope you realise that you can’t sleep around anymore, namesake or not,” you coolly stated.

Sirius looked taken aback, “I don’t sleep around.”

“A likely story,” you snarled.

“You know what, you’re being ridiculous right now,” Sirius huffed in annoyance, “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait, no,” you hurried forward and made to seize his forearm but he roughly shook you off before slamming the door in your face.

------------

“I’d make fun of you right now,” Regulus was trying to control his laughter, “But you seem pretty miserable already. Care telling me what’s wrong, brother?”

Sirius scowled at his younger brother. Trust the little shit to try and get back at him for possible blackmail material.

“I need something to drink first,” Sirius stated.

Regulus snorted before summoning a bottle of firewhiskey and two glasses with a wave of his wand. He poured some out for himself and gave the other glass to his brother.

Sirius took a swig before speaking, “It’s Y/N. She’s acting weird.”

“You always found her weird,” Regulus coldly stated.

“Nah, now she’s weirder than usual,” Sirius shuddered, and with a deep breath, began to explain.

By the time he finished, Regulus was staring at him with incredulity and exasperation.

“Are you really such an idiot?” he asked disbelievingly, “You’re supposed to be smarter than this, Sirius, dogs are smart!”

“What’s intelligence got to do with this?” Sirius asked, confused.

Regulus rolled his eyes, “You’ve no idea, have you? Imagine, brother, my situation at Hogwarts when she used to burst into tears in front of me after you’d teased her, telling me that she was no good and how Sirius Black would never like someone like her back!”

Sirius’ look of confusion morphed into one of comprehension, followed by horror.

“She-?” he asked.

“Yes,” Regulus nodded, staring at him in disgust, “Now go apologise to her, or I’ll hex you so bad you’ll shoot flames out of your-”

“No, okay, no,” Sirius made a disgusted face before proceeding to down the entire bottle of Firewhiskey.

--------

A knock on your door around midnight told you that your delightful ‘husband’ had come home. Scowling, you got out of bed to open the door to reveal and extremely drunk Sirius standing there.

“What the-”

“I’m sorryyyyy Y/N ieeeee,” Sirius sobbed, flinging himself onto you.

“Uhm,” you awkwardly patted his head, “What’s going on-?”

“All the time I thought you – hic – fancied my – hic – brother, when you were really – hic – oh, I’ve been a complete – hic – arse to you and – hic – now I’ve – hic – ruined everything,” he rambled.

“Sirius, what-” you got cut off as his lips sloppily grazed over your own. You closed your eyes for a brief moment before realising he was drunk. He probably didn’t know what he was doing. This was wrong.

“Sirius,” you muttered, pushing him off slightly, “You don’t mean this, trust me, you don’t.”

“I do, I do,” he howled, still sobbing, “I wanna be your husband – make lots of little kids with you!”

“OK,” you spoke, this was where to draw the line, “Tell me this when you’re sober, with a straight face, and I’ll believe you.”

His face morphed into a dorky grin and his head lolled over to your shoulder as you practically carried him inside before the both of you fell asleep.

When you woke up, you were surprised to see him leaning impatiently over you, showing no sign of a hangover whatsoever.

“Ready to make those little kids?” he asked cheekily as you gasped, a realisation hitting you.

“I’m going to kill Regulus.”

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

What you need to know in order to be ready for the love you so longingly seek!

This reading is looking at anything you might need to heal or grow into in order to enter future relationships as your higher self. I am not looking at your future, but simply trying to guide you towards your highest good in the field of love. Many of us have internalized certain perceptions of love that we must unlearn, or have lived through difficult moments which have closed us off or made experiencing love more difficult. If you are in a toxic relationship/situation, please do not take any messages that might seem to tell you to stay in it. With this reading, I will hopefully open you up to some introspection and hopefully growth. You may very well be attracted to multiple piles and that is ok! Read all that attract you and take what resonates. Each pile has three pieces of advice, so mixing and matching is invited!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Knot

1. Yang

Yang tells me that you need to learn to become more proactive in love. You cannot wait around. You must act! You need to manifest your desires into the material world by doing. It's perfectly fine to do the first move, no matter what society deems "acceptable", it is even invited with this card.

23. Peace

Radical acceptance is necessary for inner peace and in this case for a higher love. You must first love yourself fully, light and shadow self, before loving someone else in the way that you both deserve! And you deserve radical acceptance, we are all flawed and intricate people! As long as we are willing to change and grow and put in the work, past mistakes can be atoned for.

38. To be fair

This card tells me that you need to learn to be more balanced in relationships. Are you giving more than the other parties? Are you giving less? We must be fair to both others and ourselves. When someone in the relationship gives more, they may feel underappreciated which can become unmotivating, but they can also overwhelm the other person. You must learn balance.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

7. To the sea (reversed)

"When fishermen cannot go to sea, they stay at home and repair their nets." This is a quote from the guidebook that I had to rewrite here because it encapsulates the advice perfectly. You probably long for love like fishermen long for the sea. This card is telling me that the problem isn't coming from you, but the external world. An idea that just popped up in my head is a queer teen living in a homophobic area or with homophobic parents, so it is likely that this could be your situation. If it is, I love you, please take care of yourself, love and better days will come, don't worry! But you must wait a while longer until the external world matches your vibration, perhaps you'll have to move, wait until you're safe to go out to the sea. Until then, go with the flow.

50. No place like home (reversed)

This card seems to work perfectly with the previous one, it reminds us that what is familiar isn't always the best, because it keeps us from growing. If you want change, you can't keep going to the same things/people that haven't worked before, it's counterintuitive. It is natural to go back to what's familiar, but try something new. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Choose unfamiliar.

34. A leg up (reversed)

You are carrying the burden of your world all alone. You probably don't feel safe sharing what you feel, or are very uncomfortable with vulnerability. To be honest with you, right before writing this part of the reading, I started tearing up, you are holding in so much hurt... You need to voice your struggles, being vulnerable is proof of immense strength, believe me! I know it's hard! Start little by little with someone you really trust!

Pile 3

Charm: Star

35. Loyal Heart

Ok if one pile is ready for the beginning of a relationship it's this one. It is the perfect time for you to create loyal commitments. It is possible that you are already in a committed relationship, but at the very least you are surrounded by loyal, devoted people. Don't forget to be devoted and loyal in return!

4. Higher Power (reversed)

This card is inviting you to trust in whatever divine power you believe in, trust that the universe is divinely guiding you and protecting you. I feel like if a certain religion or spiritual path attracts or fascinates you, you should start looking into it, careful with being disrespectful or appropriating it, especially with closed practices, please do your research! But connecting to Source would be beneficial to you in the long run!

25. Round and Round

You are stuck in a cycle that you must break. Do not worry, you shouldn't feel bad, it's all part of the learning process. Remember: you've been through this before, think back on how that made you feel the previous times, are you sure you want to go through that again? Breaking this cycle is a form of self-care, and you need to care for yourself! You are subconsciously punishing yourself by staying in this cycle, try thinking about the root of why you're doing so! It could help you in breaking it!

Pile 4

Charm: "Love"

8. The tribe

You may want to find your tribe, or you have recently found it. You might feel like you finally belong, or are longing for that feeling. Whenever I get this card, I think of the astrology/witchcraft/tarot community here! It may be the same for you! You are welcome here, and hopefully, you feel like you belong! Contributing to any community that you are passionate about, whether online or in real life, will bring you great joy and satisfaction. Your tribe awaits and needs you! It's possible that that's where you'll find love as well!

6. Not for you (reversed)

Let them go. Whoever you first thought of, it's time to stop obsessing over them. "Don't chase after what flees you." I'm sure you realize this is not serving you, but how do you stop? This card is suggesting radical acceptance and surrender, that this is a sign that someone or something much better is waiting for you. I suggest reminding yourself that they aren't perfect and that you have just come to idealize them.

52. Mending (reversed)

You are very likely going through a grieving period right now. There is so much hurt and disappointment. "Heartbreak is a strange healer of souls." It may feel awful now, but trust that when you look back one day, you will see that the hurt you're feeling now, transformed you in a powerful way. This card is inviting you to accept the heartbreak and push through it, situations like this open us up to seeing the world in a new way, to growing. Better days are coming!

Pile 5

Charm: Angel

28. Building blocks (reversed)

Are you acting according to your belief system? Are you following the advice you give others? You must look carefully at your core foundation. It seems to me that you have done a lot of inner growth, but are still stuck in your old ways. Your outer self isn't matching your inner self. Start doing what you preach!

47. Go the distance

I feel like you're someone that wants love right now! For it to come fast and smoothly, like a sprint. You must learn to see love more realistically, as a long-distance race of endurance. You may be the type to immediately run at the sight of a problem. You must learn to be dedicated and work in love, it won't always be the idealized version you keep reading about or watching. Love demands work!

32. Here and Now (reversed)

You live in the past, don't you? So much regret and nostalgia... Or perhaps you live in the future? Daydreams and ambition. There is a need to learn to live in the here and now, you cannot change the past, and the future is infinite. They're both elusive, and unreliable; now is tangible, real, and full of immediate possibilities.

Pile 6

Charm: Mars Symbol

22. Blessed

This beautiful card talks about an unexpected and "unearned" wonderful event, that seems like divine intervention, a gift from the universe. The advice I take from this card is to practice gratitude because you seem to be blessed in the love department. Perhaps you already know who "the one" is for you. If you don't, trust that the universe has someone wonderful for you!

31. Why?

Ask yourself why you feel as you do about/in love? It is time for some introspection. You need to think and identify unhealthy patterns in your love life. Why do you act as you do in a relationship? Identify what in your past has caused this behavior. It won't solve the problem right away, but it's a good first step. Understanding the problem will be validating.

27. Exchanging gifts (reversed)

"Be careful what you pray for because you might just get it." You need to be ready for the energy exchange that will happen if this happens. This card talks about an imbalance between giving and receiving. You must learn that if you receive a lot, you must return a lot, love needs to be balanced. If you give more, you aren't actually in control, the other party could be consciously or unconsciously taking advantage of your generosity!

Pile 7

Charm: Eternally Open Heart Locket

17. The Fates

You must learn to accept that there are things and people you simply cannot control and change. You cannot blame yourself for things beyond your control, nor can you blame others for things they cannot control. Just be wise enough to tell the difference between things one can control and things one cannot!! If you have a tendency to mold people into your ideal, making them lose their essence, you must learn to accept people for who they are. It is not your job to change them: the desire to change must come from them, for them.

15. Message in a bottle

Try asking for specific signs from the universe, or start becoming more aware of them. Synchronicities are all around you, they're the way that the universe confirms that you're on the right path! Listen carefully to those you communicate with, they could be delivering a cledon to you. This card itself is a good sign, a favorable answer to the question occupying your mind.

9. Treasure Island

You might've already, but if you haven't, MANIFEST YOUR LOVE!! You will be greatly rewarded when you embrace the law of attraction and your intuition. Depending on your belief in how manifestation works, try being mindful of free will! If you believe that love spells on specific people are influencing their free will, then it is immoral to manifest a specific person. If you don't believe that that is how manifestation works, do as you will, just be in line with your beliefs! This card is also a great sign, you're on the right path, and have good fortune on your side. Very lucky pile!!

Pile 8

Charm: Boot

2. Yin (reversed)

You must learn to receive, only being the giver isn't good for you. You deserve to receive! Be open to embodying yin and yang equally. "You stop the flow of abundance when you constantly insist upon being the giver." Be the listener, the one that learns, the one that is being led.

33. Chaos and Conflict

You may be afraid of chaos and conflict, but you must remember that they can rid you of what's no longer serving you. Conflict also implies two sides, remember that yours isn't the only one, and conflict can lead to mutual understanding. Learn to put up boundaries, but also to respect those of others. When you finally see the potential of healing that conflict can cause, you'll be ready for mature communication in relationships.

20. Imagine

Remember that you can create what you imagine! Your imagination is powerful in manifesting your desires, but it can't do everything for you! Manifestation is work, when an opportunity arises, act! This card can also be a sign that the person you're manifesting will be entering your life soon. When they appear, don't just wait, and daydream! The imagination part of manifesting is done, now it's time to act.

Pile 9

Charm: Knife

21. Clean it up

It's time to let go and declutter your mind. Think about what is no longer serving you, about the things that only overwhelm you, and make you overthink, they aren't good for you. It might also help you to declutter in general, your house, your closet, your phone, your feed, etc. Make room for the new and the better.

48. Poised (reversed)

Think carefully, are you really ready for love right now? Because this card is telling me that you aren't. It's ok to be a "late bloomer", and it's important to be ready for love, as to not hurt the one you love, and yourself. Being single isn't a sign of "failure", it gives you the time and space to focus on yourself, on your growth, on your healing, on exploring and understanding yourself. Being single can seem like a curse, but it's a blessing, it's what you need right now.

16. All that glitters

Are you being yourself in love? Are they? Don't succumb to the power of superficiality. Either let go of the mask or look beyond theirs! "Imagine that all the glitter is gone. Would you still desire the object or person?" If one falls for the glitter, what will happen on the day they forgets to glue it on?

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

[cevans16]

Ask Her To Dance

Summary: You’re part of the Avengers during the Infinity War era, you and the cast have a final party in Greece

You had all recently finished filming Infinity War, traveling to Europe to start the promo tour, ending up in Greece. You played a military veteran who had started working for the Avengers, you had grown close to the entire cast, having a crush on Sebastian. Sebastian had always been a quiet one except when he was with you or Anthony Mackie. 

It was the last night after a ton of interviews, photoshoots, etc. Robert had suggested you all go out to a club to blow off some steam and as as last hoorah. So there you were in a midi skin-tight lavender summer dress and black high heels. Scarlett had done your makeup in a dark smokey eye look balancing the rest with a natural shade while Lizzie did your hair in voluminous curls, you looked sexy to say the least.

“Wow....you look wow, I’m not a lesbian but I would turn for you” Scarlett said once they took a final look at you. 

“What am I not hot before this look?” you teased

“Oh of course you are but now I can’t hold myself” she said smirking at you. 

While they were finishing up you heard someone knock on the hotel door, you went to open it to find the boys standing there, they didn’t say a word but their eyes looked like they were about to pop out. 

“Okay...where’s (Y/N) and what have you done to her?” Robert jokingly asked

“Stop! You guys coming in or what” you said stepping aside to allow them in

“I think they’re almost done, I’m going downstairs to get us a cab” you said.

You didn’t see that Mackie had elbowed Sebastian to go with you to the lobby. Sebastian blushed and shook his head, “Come on.....hey (Y/N) you shouldn’t go alone, Sebs here will accompany you” Mackie announced. 

You looked at him with a confusing look but didn’t ask any questions, at least not in front of the boys. “Okay...come on Sebastian”. 

“Ladies first” he motioned to you to walk inside the elevator first to head down

“Such a gentleman” you said. You leaned on the elevator wall, tapping your heel on the floor

“You look beautiful (Y/N)” Sebastian said in a soft whisper, you felt your cheeks heat up at him complimenting you

“Thank you, you look great as always” you replied, this time you saw him blush, he smiled scrunching in his nose in that adorable way that he always did when he got shy. 

You let the driver know that you would be down in about twenty more minutes. You and Sebastian headed back up to see if everyone else was almost ready. You walked in to the room with Scarlett and Lizzie finishing up the last of their makeup. You grabbed a mascara to touch up on your own eyelashes. 

“You ladies take forever” Chris Evans teased you three

“Okay then wait for us over there” you turned to say to him 

You kept eyeing Evans for a bit, he obviously caught onto your expression.

“Noooo whatever it is don’t” he said a little frightened

“Seriously, you two film a movie where you are a couple and now you act like a couple” Robert teased

Robert’s comment caused Sebastian’s heart to drop a little bit. He knew you and Chris Evans were only great friends but after seeing some of the footage of the Knives Out movie you and Chris played as a toxic couple, Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder if there could be something more between you and Chris.

“Oh stop no, its not like that but I do have an idea...well more of a favor” you said

“What?” Chris asked you

“Can I please put mascara on one of your eyelashes because yours are so long and I want to see what they look like with mascara!” you asked him excitedly

“What the fahck noooo” he said, his little Bostonian accent showing

“Please Chris, just one eye! I promise I’ll wipe it off.....please, I’ll drop on my knees to beg you” you pleaded

“Can you at least wait for all of us to leave, we don’t want to see that” Robert joked

“Shut it Downey” you said laughing, “Please Chris, I’ll give you ten bucks”

Chris narrowed his eyes at you, mulling over the situation for a second. He couldn’t say no to you though, you had become such a great friend to him.

“Fine, just one damn eye that’s it” he said to you

You did a little jump of joy, walking over to him. He was on the end of the couch next to Sebastian. You set your knee between Sebastian and Chris who had scooted a bit over to give you some space. 

“Why am I letting you do this?” Chris said already regretting his choice

“Because you love me” you teased at him

“That I do” he immediately replied

Sebastian would be lying if he said that he wasn’t jealous at hearing Chris say that, or seeing you get along great with Chris, let alone seeing how close your face was to Chris’. He didn’t say anything, only intently looking at you place the mascara on Chris’ eyelashes. Mackie on the other hand could tell the little green monster was getting the best of Sebastian slowly but surely.

“Ohhh my gosh -CHRIS- this isn’t fair” you yelped seeing his eyelashes grow longer and darker

You glanced quickly over to Sebastian, he looked away instantly, a light blush on his cheeks. 

“Wait, you have long lashes too, not like Chris’ but--OKAY this isn’t fair, why do you boys get long lashes” you commented

“Yours are long too so stop whining” Chris said

You were still looking at Sebastian’s eyes, they were a beautiful shade of blue, you loved his eyes, this was the first time you were able to see them so upclose though. 

“Are you going to stare at him or can I wipe this damn makeup off?” Chris asked pulling you out of your trance. This time you felt yourself blush with Sebastian being the one to catch you.

“Sorry- yes Chris you can go now. Sebastian, would you let me put mascara on” you now asked him

“I’m sure he’d let you do anything to him” Mackie commented, earning a deathful glare from Sebastian

“It’s okay if you don’t want to” you immediately added

“Nahh let me see doll” he smiled at you, leaning his face closer to yours, you felt your breath hitch.

“YAY, okay look up just a little bit-oh wait hold on” you said, you put the mascara that you had in your hand behind your dress, you pulled out another one from your thigh, Sebastian was a little confused at the switch.

“Don’t say anything but I used waterproof mascara on Chris” you whispered giggling at your confession. 

“You’re bad” Sebastian replied chuckling at your little shenanigans, Chris was going to flip. And he sure did.

“Okay I’m almost don-” you were about to say

“(Y/N)!!!!!” you heard Chris yell for you, he came out of the bathroom followed by the girls who couldn’t stop laughing

“What?” you asked innocently

“Don’t ‘what’ me with those eyes, you put waterproof on didn’t you!?” he stated

“Noooo look” you said showing him the mascara you had in your hand

“That’s bullshit where is it!?” he yelled

You knew he wasn’t entirely pissed but he wasn’t too happy either

“Chris I don’t know what you’re talking about” you said trying to hide the smirk on your face

“I see it” Chris said at the mascara that was placed behind your back in your dress. Chris swiped it out quickly, almost shoving it in your face.

“I’ll get you back” he peered at you 

“Ohhh how scary” you said cackling at this point. Chris didn’t respond however he slightly shoved you towards Sebastian who caught you with his hands on your sides, both of you blushing immensely.

“Sorry” you both said at the same time. You could feel everyone else’s eyes on you and Sebastian. You got up from the couch walking over to get a makeup wipe remover

“You have nice eyelashes too Sebs.....actually your entire eyes....its not fair” you complimented him

“Thanks” he replied shyly.

He was about to take the wipe from your hands but you shook your head, reaching over to his face to wipe away the makeup

“Why does he get special treatment?” Chris asked, he knew exactly why.

“Shut it” you said

“I’m still going to get you back, this shit does not come off easily” Chris said complaining.

The girls were finally done, all of you doing one last check before heading out to the bar lounge which was a little far away from the hotel. 

After a twenty minute drive you arrived to your destination, you and the girls headed to the restroom while the guys got some drinks and headed over to the private section. The place wasn’t too crowded or crazy but there were enough people to give it a great atmosphere. It also overlooked part of Greece and the ocean, the warm humid weather being complemented with a nice breeze.

“So now that we’re done with the tour, maybe you should ask her out before you start filming here?” Mackie encouraged Sebastian.

“Ehhh I don’t know man, I don’t think she likes me” Sebastian replied shyly

“Oh don’t start with that, she is into you! She just doesn’t make it obvious, Scar told me that she thinks you’re cute sooo can’t be wrong, won’t hurt to ask” Mackie said. 

“Trust me she likes you” Chris added in with a wink at Sebastian. 

“Where did you go?” Hemsworth asked him

“I was getting payback” he smirked

Sebastian was going to ask Chris what he meant until he saw you and the girls walking over with your drinks.

“Man this place is beautiful!” You yelled over the music. 

“You’ve never been to Greece?” Lizzie asked you 

“Nah it’s my first time so be gentle” you joked, Sebastian almost spit out his drink

“Speaking of first times, how’s the movie for you two going?” Scarlett asked you and Chris, you both turned to look at each other

“Not bad actually, definitely more risqué than what I did in Vampire Diaries” you explained.

“Ohhh I may or may not have requested that song” Chris Evans confessed while drinking his beer

“What!! Why?!” you yelped

“Oh come on, you know people go crazy when they see you on the screen with that song playing” he smirked

He was right, there was a certain scene in the show you had done where your character is a newly turned vampire, almost dirty dancing with one of the bad boy vampires at a college party. 

“I swear everywhere I go they play that song” you added

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing” Evans said. 

“What show?” Sebastian asked curiously, he had heard about the show but never watched it. Sebastian’s comment added onto the fuel of everyone around you. 

“Out of all people, YOU for sure have to see it, she looks hot” Scarlett motioned over to you

“Scarrrr” you gritted through your teeth. Luckily you were saved by the song playing over the speakers, Feel So Close by Calvin Harris boomed over the place. 

The intro had you moving to the beat, you loved this song, it brought you great memories from when you were part of the Vampire Diaries show

Almost a minute into the song the DJ yelled, “We hear a certain vampire is in the building!! Give it up for (Y/N)!!!!!”

Sure enough they played that certain party scene on the big screen. You and your former costar Ian Somerhalder killing it as vampires dirty dancing.

You felt yourself blushing, embarrassed at the unwanted attention. You turned to Chris Evans who was laughing his ass off while recording your reaction and everyone else.

“Let’s see your famous vampire moves!” the DJ yelled into the microphone

You yelled over to Lizzie and Scarlett, “Too bad I don’t have my friend to dance with me”

You moved your hips stronger to the rhythm of the song, twirling, making the exact moves you did when you had done that certain episode. You were laughing, carefree, having fun almost forgetting about your embarrassment.

Sebastian was paying attention to both you and the scene playing, he had to watch this show he thought to himself. He always thought you were gorgeous but this scene seeing you with blood, fangs, dancing, turned him on more than anything. However he also wished he was the guy who had been dancing with you for that scene.

Your final move was another sway of your hips, in the show you had ran your finger on your costar’s face to wipe some blood, sucking on it. You did the exact same move to Scarlett who acted like she was fanning herself. The boys and Lizzie laughed at your move, the entire place going crazier.

When the song ended, you shoved Evans, “I hate you!!!” you yelled over to him

“Payback’s a bitch sweetheart” he laughed, you shook your head, “ahhh come on, you know that song brings you back to good old times” he added

“I hate to say it but you’re right” you agreed, the song reminded you of great times with your former castmates

“What about it? You and that guy dated” Sebastian asked curiously

“Ian...no he was dating someone else but he’s still a great friend of mine. We had such a blast filming that part, brings me very fun memories from when I did that show” you explained.

After Evans’ little stunt on you, you guys were all dancing around having a great time. 

The next song to come up was Gimme Gimme by ABBA causing you and the girls to go crazy, the boys only laughed enjoying your excitement.

You, Scarlett and Lizzie made a sandwich between each other, all dancing carefree. You all took turns lip syncing, twirling each other.

You yelling “GIMME GIMME GIMME A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT!!!” with Scarlett and Lizzie doing a supposed back up dancing. 

Sebastian had never seen this side of you, at this moment he really wished you were his girlfriend because he really wanted to kiss you. 

“You should ask her to dance” Robert yelled over to him, motioning to you

Sebastian instantly shook his head, “I can’t...I don’t want to make it awkward plus she’s having fun” he added. 

“Suit yourself” Robert said walking away to get some water

You were all at the lounge for about another two hours, enjoying a night out with each other. 

One of the next songs was I Feel Love by Donna Summer

Sebastian wasn’t going to ask you to dance until he saw you were with Evans’ heading towards the dance floor besides Hemsworth and his wife Elsa dancing next to you and smiling at you both. 

You started to hold Evans’ left hand moving to the beat as it picked up both of you laughing about something. Sebastian looked at Mackie who was smirking at him, “You’ll regret it if you don’t” leaning in closer to Sebastian, “trust me though there’s nothing more going on between those two” he explained referring to you and Chris.

Like clockwork, Sebastian walked over to you and Evans, Lizzie and Scarlett noticed because they called Evans over to dance with them, you were about to follow when you heard Sebastian yell for you. 

“(Y/N), want to dance?” he said smiling shyly

You felt your heart skip a beat, you weren’t sure if it was a good idea because you knew your feelings for Sebastian would probably get worse but you decided to just live in the moment

“Sure!” you yelled, placing your hand onto his, he twirled you first and then you two were moving into a great rhythm to the song

You liked that Sebastian kept you close but still was respectful to your space, its not that you didn’t want to be grinding on him but you also wanted to respect Sebastian. 

At one point he pulled you in close to his face and said, “I really would like to kiss you (Y/N)” 

You looked up at him, you didn’t know what to say at first so you pulled his face down towards yours, playfully licking his nose with your tongue causing him to laugh

“What was that for?” he asked surprised at your action

“I’ve wanted to kiss you too Sebastian” you confessed

With that Sebastian then licked your nose with his tongue while he held your face with both of his hands and then he kissed you passionately. You two kissed each other like there was no tomorrow while still keeping to the beat of Donna Summer’s sultry song.

“Holy shit!!!!” Evans yelled over you two, “fucking finally!!!” he added while the rest of cast cheered you and Sebastian on.

Although the song is almost eight minutes long it felt like two with Sebastian. You two kept dancing, giving each other a few kisses here and there. 

At one point you were all back to your private section again. The final song was 34+35 by Ariana Grande 

“Oh-I love this song!” you yelled

“YOU, innocent (Y/N)?!” Mackie exclaimed

“It’s not that bad” you said defensively 

“Just give me them babieees” you sang loudly but looked at Scarlett, making a come here gesture for her to join you.

You kept singing the song, surprising everyone because you weren’t much into pop let alone a song about explicit sex. The girls joined in including Robert’s wife Susan and Elsa, Hemsworth’s wife.

Sebastian was mesmerized by you in so many ways it drove him crazy.

“Baby, you might need a side belt when I ride it” you acted like you put a seatbelt on, saying your hips like your were riding. 

“I’m living for this” Lizzie chuckled while dancing with you too

“Sebastian...look away” Evans’ said covering Sebastian’s eyes playfully

“Nooo leave him alone” Elsa laughed

After a while, you all started gathering your things to head back to the hotel. Sebastian grabbed your hand, kissing it and smiling at you.

“What” you asked him smiling back

“Nothing, well, would you like to uhm.... go out on a date with me?” he asked you a bit nervous

“I would love to Sebastian” you said

He scrunched his nose in a cute way that he always did when he got nervous or flustered. 

“I can’t wait” he said leaning over to give you a kiss on your forehead

“I told you to ask her to dance” Robert said smiling over at you both.

You were glad that Sebastian had listened.

[ahsxual]

Purple and Green Desire

Pairing: Ledger!Joker x Female!Reader

Summary: You wanted to make J a surprise by painting your hair half purple, half green, and provoke him to see what his reaction would be. Little did you know what would come for you...

Warnings: Rough and mad J, possessive and jealous J, J scaring the reader, reader with psychotic thoughts, sir kink, dom/sub, vaginal sex, hard spanking, oral sex (male and female), fingering, nipple play, some blood involved, swearing, degradation, a little bit of edging, mentions of anal sex

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 4,2 k

A/N: Sooo this was supposed to be posted on Halloween, but as always I'm late. I had this idea a while ago, and thought: "why not write a smut out of it?". I thought it would be a good idea to join your request and my ideas together, my lovely @mountainjiwish. Thank you so much for your incredible idea!! I wanted to write something like this for so long, but I thought I wouldn't be able to write such a rough J fic... but how do we know we're not good at something if we don’t try it? Anyway, I still hope you all enjoy it <33

In the last few months, your life has changed drastically. You never thought you would be where you were right now, however you couldn't complain about it, not at all. How could you? You received what you had always wanted and desired for the longest time, something you had always idealized, waiting for your darkest kinks turn into reality with someone you trusted... and he, well, he could have his little toy only for himself, something he didn't know how tremendously he craved until he landed his hungry eyes on you.

If it was possible, your relationship would be seen as extremely toxic by others: you didn't have, or at least you never admitted out loud, the true feelings you had for each other. You just made your darkest wishes come true every time you were together, feeding the hunger that was growing inside your hearts and cores, and that only you could make that happen.

He could be compared to the biggest and most dangerous lion in the jungle, and you to a little masochist deer who would always be eager for the lion to come after you, and eat you in the most cruel way possible. But what was "funny" to you, was the fact that the lion would never let his deer escape from him without causing it some deep wounds... however, he would never kill the deer, wanting for it to come back to him so he could catch it and have some fun. That was the game you both enjoyed playing since day one.

Today was october 31st, your favorite day of the year. Why? It's simple: on this day, you felt like you could be yourself, without being judged or being too obvious that you also had psychopathic instincts. Of course you had your own dark thoughts. Of course you also had the cruel desire to rip someone's throat every time they messed with you or with someone you loved. But you didn't have enough courage to cause such bloody chaos, so instead you decided to be with someone who represented your inner self. Unlike you, J does not fear the consequences of his acts, or even feels guilty. But you do, so that's why it's so much funnier to watch the world burn by someone you love. That way you don't have to feel guilty about anything, because you didn't do anything by your own hands, right? You're not guilty for liking to see the blood coming out of people's mouth and eyes, while they scream in agony. You're not guilty for craving so much to watch the world be destroyed by the scalding fire before your sadic eyes, to love someone who would realize your wishes for you. But that didn't matter right now. What mattered is that you wanted to surprise J, to show him once agaim how a good and dedicated submissive you are for him.

You painted your hair half purple, half green, and put it in two ponytails, each one with a different color, while your makeup also had those gorgeous colors. You wanted to look sexy, yet cute and innocent for him, even if you were the bratiest woman he had ever met in his entire life. And believe me... he had met a lot of girls. Yet none of them were as good as you, and none of them would be loyal and stay with him for so long, even when he had been considered a monster before everyone's eyes... but not yours. He always saw you as his little bunny, his little doll, his little loyal masochist... and he surely planned to keep you for himself for a very long, long time. Your outfit was a little different and scandalous too: you dressed yourself in a fit leather dress you had recently bought, with the highest leather boots you had in your wardrobe, while wearing your sexiest black lace thong briefs and the choker with a diamond "J" on it that he gave you in the beginning of your "relationship". This item was utterly sacred. He always made you to wear it: everyday, at any second of the day, so you wouldn't forget to who you belong to. You then thought carefully if you should wear a bra or not, and decided it would be better if you didn't wear any at all, before putting a comfortable leather jacket on.

You checked yourself in the mirror and for what felt like an eternity, you felt stunning. Halloween never failed to make you feel more confident about yourself, neither the expensive clothes J "bought" you or the compliments he gaves after seeing you wearing them. You stared in the mirror a little while, until you realized that you had something that was excessive on your body: the "J" choker. You knew too well that he would be furious if he didn't see you wearing it... but after all, that's what you wanted, to see the ravenous lion being released from its cage. However, you didn't feel satisfied. Not yet. You were also planning something else to make him even more mad: what about, pretending you went to a party without his gift and permission, while using your favorite perfume in your most exuberant outfit, and then not giving him the attention he always craved from you? Deep down, you even feared he would kill you out of anger, because of your malicious and provocative plan... oh, you really didn't know who you were messing with. But thinking about it, what better way to die than to have sex with the person you were so immensely addicted to?

When you finished fixing your hair by making each ponytail look messy, you heard the door of your house being closed so hard that you genuinely believed he had broken it, which meant he was already mad. Perfect. You ran to your room and started to act normal, pretending to be packing your sex toys. But now that he was there, you felt yourself slightly shaking from pure fear and anticipation. You had a slight idea of what was coming, you just didn't know the gravity of it.

Suddenly your room's door was carefully opened, which wasn't a good sign. The calm before the storm. Maybe he felt your perfume from afar, and knowing that you would only use it for very special occasions, and that he wasn't there with you before, it only meant you did use it for something else. He could even be compared to a quiet dangerous dog, because of his keen sense of smell... and because of his unpredictable behavior. You could sense his stare burning into your back, but you acted like you had a durable shield against his fervent fire. You purposely positioned yourself in a way so that he had a good view of what you were doing: packing your sex toys that were forbidden to be used, unless J used them on you. Now, you could feel and smell the hot and suffocating flames of his fire getting way too intense. You then finished packing them under your bed, and stood up to take your jacket off, making sure he noticed you weren't wearing the choker he gave you.

"You don't look very joyful. Rough day?" you answered contemptuously, calmly taking your boots off in the process. From his point of view, you went somewhere else to do who knows what without his permission, and since you were too desesperate and lazy to undress yourself first, you masturbated with your clothes on. According to his perspective, you didn’t give a shit about his rules, like the obedient slut you should be to him.

Saying that his glare towards you was terrifying and caused shivers down your spine, was an absolute understatement. You instantly regreted making all of this up, but it was too late. Now, you would have to deal with the real consequences of your brat decisions. J slowly walked towards you, making you unconsciously step back until you met the rigid wall of your suddenly cold room. He was so close to you, making you feel his hot, yet deep and rhythmic breathing on your face, and without your leather boots, you felt once again intimidated by his much taller figure. He took this opportunity to analyze you better: your messy colored ponytails and makeup, that for a moment almost made him crack a smile because of your choices, your sexy outfit... to the absence of your necklace.

"Something is ah... missing on ya, dont'cha think, doll? Huh?" completely ignoring your question, he calmly, yet dangerously asked, making known the fact that he instantly noticed you weren't wearing his precious and meaningful accessory. His gloved hands slid to your naked neck and grabbed it forcefully, making you unable to respond him, because of the lacking of air in your throat and lungs. Once he realized you would literally pass out if he continued to choke you, he slightly let it go, just enough to make you receive some oxygen to your now extremely frightened brain.

"I don't k-know what you're talking about..." you really weren't one to give up easily. You wanted to see how your little game would end, even though you had just been almost choked to death. His pupils became so much darker once he realized what game you were playing.

"Ya don't... know?" he suddenly started laughing maniacally, the loudest and scariest sound you had ever heard in your entire life. You knew he had already discovered what your intentions were, however he still didn't know if the fact that you went out with someone else and played with yourself, was true. Yet you would keep him thinking about  that... What a strong and determined woman you were.

His laugh started to slow down and his not so happy expression returned to his scarred face. "Do I really need to ah... remind ya of the rules dollface, huh?" his voice was deeper and hoarse, and you could tell he was trying to contain his humiliating words towards you to himself... at least for now. He walked away from you to grabbed the box under your bed, keeping an intense eye contact with you, and put it above the bed. You were watching very attentively with each step he made, not having the courage to look away from him. He then grabbed each vibrator you had, and started to break them with his own hands. Since when did he have so much strength??

"J, what the hell?!" you screamed at him and the moment you took a step forward, he nimbly took a knife from his pocket and pointed it in your direction.

"Ata-tada!" he warned you with his fatal object in his left hand while giving you a sharp stare, making you return immediately to your initial position. "Dont'cha wanna make things harder for yourself. This is all your fault." he grabbed a broken piece of your favorite vibrator and threw it caressly to a random corner of your room. Much to your control, your eyes started to water instantly: you wanted to provoke him, not ending up having your dear toys broken. But that's what you get when you get on J's nerves... and this was nothing compared to what he wanted to do to you...

A single tear came out of your eye and you instantly looked way, ashamed for feeling so unnecessarily sad for having your sexual toys destroyed. You closed your eyes, and all you could only hear, was your own sobs and his heavy steps.

"Shh-Shh why are ya crying bunny? Ya knew this was ah... gonna happen the moment you messed with your owner, didn't ya?" you didn't answer to him. You were way too pissed to give him what he wanted, but once again... you made the wrong choice. "ANSWER ME!" you never felt so intimidated by anyone the way you did at that moment. You were now trembling with fear, and even if you didn't want to admit it, you were also trembling by lust, excitement and hunger for him. He suddenly harshly grabbed your cheeks and made you look up at him: your makeup was already ruined because of the mix of emotions that filled your slippery salty tears, and by his rough movements on your face.

"YES!!" you responded the loudest you could, but he didn't seem satisfied.

"Yes, what?!" he asked calmer while tightening his grip on your aching jaw, yet he was calm by far.

"Yes sir!!!" for the first time for what felt like hours, you saw a proud grin form on his scarred cheeks. You unconsciously smiled too, but that didn't last for too long since he caressly shoved you against the bed. If your bed wasn't so soft, you were sure you would have bruises or even broken your face. He then roughly pinned your hands together, and tied them tightly with some handcuffs he found in the box beside you both. He turned you on your back, and instantly placed a knife on your jaw. You didn't dare to move, because if you did... that scene would definitely turn into a bloody mess. He was so concentrated on your body, memorizing every detail of your soft skin into his psychotic mind, and without a warning, he cut your dress in half with his pointy knife, and this time, you didn't dare to complain.

"Hmm, no bra..?" he pretended to look surprised and looked like he didn't care about your decision, but his body language betrayed his mind since his excitement was way more noticeable. "Now tell me... how ah... naughty and filthy can ya be, huh?" he then grabbed your hips with such force that you knew for sure he would leave dark bruises there. You didn't know anymore if it was the fact that you were so distracted in leading your own emotions, or if it was due to you being completely consumed by pure desire, that you didn't prepare yourself from what was coming: you suddenly felt his sharpened knife being softly, yet firmly craved into your chest. You couldn't see it, but you did feel the fatal object drawing a "J" letter on your once soft chest. He wanted to mark you forever, so if a goddamn choker couldn't make that happen... a deep scar definitely will. Your screams were mistaken for loud moans, so he continued to do his work, blood running out of your body into the sheets, that were once white, into a dark, permanent red.

When he turned you around, you felt another hot and painful sensation, but this time on your butt cheek, so painful and hard it was, that you almost fell out of the bed, only to be abruptly grabbed by your ponytails to make you still.

"Where do ya think you're going, huh?" he pushed you to himself by each ponytail. A muffled sound of pleasure and pain came out involuntarily of your mouth, yet you couldn't care less.

"Please..." you pleaded, blinded by the absurd amount of pleasure that was running into your veins for him.

"Please what, huh? Tell me... Tell your sir want you ah... desire from him. And if ya behave like ah... good little slut for him, maybe he will reward ya." you opened your eyes that were previously tightly closed and looked deep into eyes, noticing that his eyes were now completely black, like he was possessed by the devil himself. You could feel his huge and solid bulge leaning against your now reddish ass since he pulled you so close to him, and you knew that everything was finally leading to where you wanted.

"I want more... please sir, I want you to destroy me..." the moment those words came out of your mouth, he totally lost it. Neither him or you could hold yourselves anymore. With your leather dress thrown into a corner, your ass was now exposed. He caressed your butt not so softly with his strong hands, admiring the gorgeous view for a few seconds. Oh, how he loved to see his doll with lace.

Your room was then filled with loud moans, deep groans from him, and even louder sounds of skin being roughly spanked. He knows your limits very well, so he stopped once he noticed you couldn't take it anymore: after all, the pain is beauty for him, but so is pleasure and trust from both sides. Your ass was now covered in shades of dark purple and red, a view that J never got tired of... in fact, it was his favorite.

"The purple really ah... suits ya, doll. So does the green and the red..." he whispered more to himself, getting lost in the beauty of the job you both did: the spanking session he just gave you, and the look you chose for yourself that had everything to do with him, as it proved your submission for him as well. While he was saying that, you were trying to catch your breath and collect yourself from what just happened. Your ass was hurting so bad, and you were sure you wouldn't be able to sit properly for weeks, but the pleasure that came from it... it made it all worth it. You were almost getting your breath back, almost, when you felt your ponytails getting pulled once again. He really liked the idea of the colored ponytails, you proudly thought for yourself.

"Ata-tada, ya weren't going ta sleep on me, now would ya? Oh sweet cheeks, we are just-getting-started..." you shaked your head, and before he could punish you again, you immediately remembered what you must do.

"No sir!! I won't upset you again... I-I promise I will be a good slut for you!" you obediently answered, fearing to be punished again. Your makeup must be already ruined because of your uncontrollable crying. Your cheeks were covered in a black mascara, and purple and green makeup that was very blurred because your previous position, so it was practically inevitable to rub your face against the bed. This was something that always made J's pants twist with randiness: the messier, the better.

After your response, you heard a satisfied groan from his throat: he had already forgotten the fact that he was extremely mad, only for that feeling be replaced and completely consumed by lust. He then approached your neck and sucked it roughly, leaving marks that would last for a very long time because of the force it was made, while grabbing your throat to make you still. It came to your mind the idea of him being a vampire who was immensely thirsty by your blood.

You gently rubbed your ass on his throbbing, hard cock: it hurted really bad, but it was the only movement you could do to caught his attention, since he was restraining almost all of your body movements.

"Someone is feeling really eager, huh? Ha! All it takes is ta teach ya some ah... manners, to get those panties all soaked for me..." after that, he ripped your lace briefs with his own hands, making you flinch, and then put two long gloved fingers in you. He was never a very patient man and he wasn’t going to be now, so he started to finger you as fast as he could, curling his skilled fingers into your g-spot from time to time. It felt like pure bless, and it was impossible for you to contain all of your sweet sounds. But even if you did, you knew you would be in real trouble for containing them: J loved to hear your moans and screams of pleasure and pain for him, so he had forbidden you to hide them from him. When you were about to cum, he turned you around and replaced his experienced fingers by his hot and wet tongue on your clit, sucking it hard.

" Oh God, J!!" you moaned as loud as you could, and if it weren't the cuffs holding you still, you would ride your orgasm while fucking his face. This was the first time he let you cum without edging you first. Looks like he's feeling generous. Yet neither of you would be satisfied with only one orgasm, especially you, and J knew it.

"God has nothing to do with your ah... pleasure, doll. I am the only one who makes ya cum like a fucking squirter whore, do ya hear me?" he grabbed your face hard enough to make it hurt, and then forced you to look at him while he slowly sucked his gloved fingers with your juices on it, right in front of your face, wanting to make a show for you. "Hmm, always so... tasty." he admitted with the sexiest tone you have ever heard from anyone. "But now... I've gotta prepare ya for da real deal." once he said that, he pushed three fingers into your mouth.

You could taste your own cum and his saliva mixed on his fingers, and you would be lying if you said it wasn't your favorite taste. You knew you had little time to adjust to his fingers, trying so hard to control yourself from gagging... and that was what was worrying you, since if you couldn't take his fingers... it would be ten times worse once you sucked his dick. He decided to take his fingers off of your wet mouth, since his cock was starting to get so tight in his pants, to the point of being painful. While he was unbuttoning his pants, you took the chance to breathe properly, yet that didn't last too long.

"Come here." he ordered while he grabbed your legs, and then pushed them out of the bed to make you kneel on the ground, before grabbing your freshly painted purple and green ponytails.

"Now open wide that pretty mouth of yours. Sir is gonna ah... feed his slut until she's full." with a smirk printed on his scarred white and red cheeks, he wasted no time in shoving his erected cock inside your already wet mouth. "Fuck! That mouth of yours never fails to get me all riled up, dollface!" he started laughing maniacally right after while thrusting faster and harder into your mouth. You could barely breathe, especially when he shoved all of his dick down on your throat, only to get it out for a few seconds before shoving it back inside, where it belongs. Your boobs (that were also covered in blood because his previous signature he made especifically for you), upper legs and even the floor were covered in saliva and some of his cum, and you couldn't wait for him to release all of his cum inside your mouth... you couldn't wait to make him proud of you.

You started to feel his movements getting sloppier, his groans and breath getting uncontrollably deeper, and his dick twitching in your throat. You could tell he was close, and the moment you felt your ponytails getting pulled closer to his pubic hair, you knew that was it.

"Fuck!" he loudly cursed before releasing all of his cum inside your mouth and down through your sore throat. His taste felt more salty than before, but you still managed to swallow it. It was too much cum for you to keep in your mouth, so some of it escaped from it into the ground. After looking at you silently, he caught your attention by his demanding tone towards you.

"What are ya waiting for, huh? Clean your mess. Now." his glare was fatal, and his hold on your hair started to become unbearable, so you didn't challenge him any further. You crouched down on the ground and started to lick the rest of his cum that fell out of your tiny mouth, yearning a satisfied groan from him after you were done.

"Good girl..." he praised, before helping you getting up from the rigid floor to kiss you passionately. You melted completely into the kiss, his tongue fighting for dominance and obviously winning, until you felt his sharp, yellow teeth bitting your lower lip, making it bleed. He sucked all of your blood like his life depended on it, and you couldn't help but feel wetter with each second. Seems like J wants to be a vampire for halloween this year.

When he got bored of it, he pushed you onto the bed, and lifted you legs around his neck once he was positioned on top of you. You could tell he was really hard again, until you felt him rubbing only the tip of his cock on your clit. He remained in that position for some time, creating the perfect amount of friction on your clit to make you squirm under him. It seemed strange, however it was something you learned from him that felt so incredibly good. He decided to suck your hard nipples meanwhile, which made you gasp because of the unexpected, yet very welcome act, and moan harder. When you were about to cum, he shoved himself inside your dripping cunt, this time having no mercy on you. His thrusts were fast, hard and pounded you so deeply, that you could swear you were seeing shiny stars all over your room.

"Oh fuck, right there sir, please let me cum!!!" you closed your eyes, only to be slapped in the face as a warning to keep them wide open.

"Ya wanna cum, huh? Do ya think you deserve it?" he asked, staring into your soul to see if you would dare lie to him. "Dirty sluts don't get to cum, and believe me when I say that I'm gonna fucking destroy ya." after that, he put both of his gloved hands around your neck, grabbing it with such force with the porpuse to punish you from your supposed desobedience. You could see the madness itself returning to his eyes, and before you weren't able to talk anymore by lack of air, you decided to expose the truth to him, before it was too late for you.

"I-I didn't go anywhere! I didn't f-fuck anyone and... a-and I didn't go to any p-party!" it was so difficult to talk, but at the same time, in the situation and position you were currently on, it made you cum so hard without even getting time to ask him for permission, yet he didn't care about it since he was now focused on what you said.

"What?" he looked so confused, and his eyes started to return to their original color, getting also softer in the process. He suddenly stopped fucking you, and in that moment you thanked to whoever was up there for letting you cum before he stopped.

"I-I just wanted to make you mad... I wanted this..." you admitted, ashamed for making yourself look silly and desperate in front of him. You couldn't tell if he was still mad and irritated, or relieved. Maybe all of them, because now he had the guarantee that you obeyed him and didn't fuck anyone else.

"Oh, doll... If ya want me to fuck ya this hard, all ya need to do his to ask nicely. But ya like to play games instead, dont'cha? I always knew how kinky you were. Then congratulations, ya got what ya wanted! Ya really pissed me off, but dont'cha think you're gonna get out of this that ah... easily..." he warned you. For some reason, he decided to look at your bedside table, only to discover where your very badly hidden J’s choker had landed. He grabbed the innocent object, that was also the responsible for the best sex of your life, while still being inside of you, and then put it back where it belongs: on your neck. After making sure his gift was well tightened around your neck, he took his dick out of your vagina and lined it up right with your tight ass hole.

Now this was going to be a long night...

[ukcyo]

sehnsucht.

❦ summary ; as all of you wait to reach your destination, reiner and you are entangled in each other’s arms. there isn't any other place you'd feel at home than here, lying next to him.

➳ pairing ; reiner braun x reader

➳ genre ; angst, hurt/comfort, tinge of fluff

➳ warnings ; spoilers for chapter 129 and beyond, mentions of death

Slumber was meant for serenity and comfort, a brief escape from the disappointing (in your case—devastating) fact that was reality. Yet, this world remains as cruel and sadistic as ever, placing you into the realm of nightmares in order to prohibit you from even enjoying an ounce of rest.

Seeing the sea painted red, millions of lifeless bodies floating aimlessly, was enough to blast you awake.

Cold sweat overtakes you as your chest heaves rapidly, the horror of what you saw still vividly fresh in your mind. It makes you reel, eyes moving frantically as you remain unaware if this was reality or not, your heart pounding so hard it was as if it was going to explode.

But as soon as your eyes land on the man lying next to you, arm protectively wrapped around your waist, your body immediately relaxes.

Reiner’s eyes are shut close, his lips slightly parted as small huffs of breath consistently escape from between them. His expression was peaceful, which was something that greatly contrasted the sorrow and desolation that was frequent on his features from the moment you finally saw him after four years. You can’t help but feel a bit of joy and relief at noticing this, for it had been a while since you’ve seen him so serene and calm, as if the arduousness of life had failed to penetrate him. Seeing him like this was enough to tell you that what you saw was just a nightmare.

Seconds later, however, he begins to stir, eyes slowly opening to reveal their gleaming hazel color. You must have woken him up due to your rustling.

Reiner’s eyes immediately fall onto you, haziness still deeply laced into them due to the fact that he was still half-asleep. Your heart leaps when you feel his hand softly rub circles into your waist, the gesture bringing great comfort to you. Instinctively, you turn your body towards him, wanting to feel this as long as possible. His warmth and affection was the only thing keeping you together at the moment. It was the only thing preventing you from thinking just how plausible your nightmare was.

Yet, as soon as you do this, Reiner’s hands gently clutch your cheeks, tilting your head upwards. His eyebrows are furrowed in immense concern, the sleepiness present in his eyes now all gone.

“What’s wrong? You’re shaking...”

Curse his perceptiveness. 

And curse you for not noticing that you were still deeply bothered.

“I...It’s nothing,” you reassure quietly, hoping to everything that your voice doesn’t betray you. You close your eyes as you rest the weight of your face on the hands that continued to caress your cheeks, focusing on completely calming yourself by the utter warmth and care emitted by them. Reiner’s hands were calloused and rigid, most likely stemming from all the strain and battles they were subjugated to. But despite that, they managed to make you feel like you are right where you belong.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” you followed up, guilty over your actions. He was probably really tired and that brief sleep would have helped him a lot, “I know how exhausted and worn out you are.”

He feels a pang of shame from your apology. Even back then, during your training days and well into joining the Survey Corps, you had always managed to look through him like transparent glass. Despite how well Reiner acted as an older brother, carefully crafting his persona, you knew it was all an act. You knew how tired he got, how much he often wanted to break down and cry from both the hidden guilt and stress that came from the crimes in pursuit of completing their mission. And each time you noticed, you were there to comfort him. You always looked out for him, for his wellbeing, and always put his needs above yourself. Before he knew it, he was always crying to you about how tired he was, how he didn’t realize how difficult this all really was. Even if you didn’t know what he was really talking about, you never failed to listen, giving him the advice that allowed him to continue moving forward.

You were a savior, someone who always managed to give him a brief taste of solace. He grew intoxicated and soon, he wasn’t only falling in love with the way you gave him brief peace. He fell in love with your voice, the way your cheeks would rise when you threw a solid, ecstatic grin towards his way, how your eyes twinkled under the moonlight--he fell in love with you and the way you made him feel. It blinded and cursed him, because his love for you further tore him in half. And through this all, through all the conflict and inner turmoil, he never even thought of what you were going through.

And yet, four years later, during the end of the world, as both of you lay on this bed, entangled in each other’s arms, your cheeks snuggly resting against the palm of his hand, you never changed. Even after feeling the rapid rate of your heartbeat, your body shaking in fright, you still put him first. You thought about his wellbeing instead of your own.

How selfish and undeserving he was.

“[y/n] please... Please don't do that, I want you to tell me what's wrong," he pleads, tears already accumulating in his eyes, "You always think about how I feel, but you never think about your own."

You stiffen as you open your eyes to stare at Reiner in shock. Your heart sinks as you once more see guilt and self-loathe painted across his features, his staple expressions. The past four years that you shared away from each other has truly scarred and battered him in such a ghastly manner.

You clasp his hands that continue to tenderly encage your cheeks.

"I'm alright, I promise. It was just some stupid nightmare," you reassure with a tranquilizing tone. Yet, even after saying so, you can still clearly see the despondency in his expression. You can see the poison of diffidence littered all over his eyes, the tears that were still crumpled around their rims only further magnifying it.

He was suffering so much.

"You still don't believe me," you admit sadly, eyes downcast to prevent yourself from also tearing up, "Reiner, I know I already told you this but I'm much more selfish than you give me credit for. Even back then, I... A major reason onto why I was always there to comfort you was because it made me feel important, that my life was more than just constant danger. I wanted to keep that to myself, to keep you to myself. I never even once suggested you try telling the others about what you were feeling, because I wanted you to continue to look at me like I was the only light of your life. Because everytime you looked at me like that... I feel like the future is brighter than it seems to be."

His eyes widen as you bite your lip in pure, utter shame. Admitting this part of yourself burned you much more than you thought it would.

"I love you, Reiner, and I always will. That's why I always prioritize you and your feelings. That's why I could never completely hate you after you betrayed us all those years ago, no matter how much I should've," you confess breathlessly, "But to say that I do so selflessly is a lie in itself. I'm not that good of a person, and I honestly think none of us are. This cruel world makes sure of that."

You finally have the courage to look at him again, telling yourself that you'll accept the hurt and betrayed expression that will be present on his face. After all, you just shattered the idealized perception he had of you.

To your surprise, you were met with a genuinely delighted smile instead.

It was as if something heavy was lifted off of Reiner's chest after hearing you tell him all of those hidden thoughts. He feels extremely light, the exquisite taste of euphoria that he hasn't felt in such a while being so vividly present on his tongue.

You didn't love him out of pity. You love him because his presence gives you joy and satisfaction.

"Thank you. I'm... I'm so happy."

You're speechless, completely caught off guard from this unexpected reaction.

"Wh- I don't understand," you stammer, thoughts in disarray, "I just admitted to you that I-"

"You love me," Reiner reiterates with a much more cheerful tone than usual, "You love me because of who I am and how I make you feel. You don't love me because you think I need it."

You realize the reason behind his ecstatic reaction with your confession. Seeing Reiner so undeniably happy also made you feel similar sentiments, but the fact that he thought of your love in such a completely different way also planted a small seed of disappointment.

Your hand leaves his hand to caress his cheek instead, the small hairs that formed his goatee slightly tickling your palm.

"I never thought of you as a charity case," you whispered with a tone that sounded more pained than you intended, "I didn't fall in love with you because of your pain. I would hate myself if I did."

His tears finally spills over, its path down his cheeks being cut short by your hand.

If only things were different. If only they didn't turn out this way. He would've--

"I wish I married you beforehand," Reiner admits, "That way, when I end up dying from trying to save the world now, I wouldn't have any regrets. Because half of me would have continued living in you."

There it was. The toxic substance of lamentation. You felt the same, having the same thoughts over and over again for the time after learning of the truth behind the walls and what Reiner and the others had to go through. What if, if only, if only you didn't do this, what if you did that. It was a never ending cycle of pain, grief, and hurt that damaged you beyond mention. But as time passed, so did those emotions, and you found yourself accepting that the damage had been done. All you can do now is move on with the present and do better.

Reiner had never broken out of that cycle and you'd be damn to let him continue being in it.

"How do you know you will die," you question, "It's not like it's set in stone. We can still do it, we can still get married after all of this is over. All you have to do is survive. You have to fight to live as much as you can. I know I will, for you."

He gasps in surprise before his expression softens after internalizing your words. The Warrior was finding himself getting lost and intoxicated in the look of hope and adoration in your eyes, just like he did back then. You are a drug that attaches to him like glue and he will always embrace it full-heartedly.

"So let's survive for each other. Let's survive for a future we both deserve."

Reiner couldn't even bear to fathom what kind of emotions surged through him when the most heavenly smile etched across your lips after saying those words of promise. He felt like he was basking in the presence of a goddess, because it was almost impossible someone like you are real. Someone as ethereal and lovely as you can't possibly exist on this Earth. Yet here you are, hand wrapped around his cheek, saying you'll survive so you can still marry him.

"Can I kiss you," he timidly requests, voice barely above a whisper. He wanted more of your touch, your essence to envelop him whole, but a part of him still feels so unworthy of it.

A small, disbelieving chuckle escapes from you. You thought he would never ask.

"Please."

In an instant, Reiner guides your head closer to his until his lips finally meets yours. His lips were still as soft as they were four years ago, the sweetness and elation they provided you filled up the crevices of your soul. There was nothing on this earth that can defeat the way Reiner's lips felt against yours. There was no force that can match the passion and fervor that was present in the way his lips moved against yours, the action itself telling you just how vast his love for you was.

As exhilarating kissing Reiner was, you were more ecstatic over what this kiss meant to both of you. It was his promise, his promise to you that he will do his best to survive. The way that both of you are in a current liplock, joined as one, demonstrated his vow to make it out of this alive in order to join both of your lives together in marriage.

You wish this would never end.

You wish time wasn't so inevitable.

Reiner slowly parts from you after a while, his eyes looking at each and every feature on your face. He engraves the way you look right now in his mind, the memory of it already being one of his most treasured.

His thumb gently scrapes away at your cheekbones, as if to take something away. You didn't realize that you were crying.

"I will love you even after death. But you're right, I don't have to die so soon," Reiner confesses with sincerity, before returning to wrap his arms around your form once more. He flushes you against his chest as he places a loving kiss on the top of your head.

"I promise you. We'll both survive."

hellooo !! this is my very fic/ one-shot made on this site :'^ i hope you enjoy it as much as it was both fun and hurt to write lol

i'm still trying to navigate through tumblr and how to use it so i hope you bear with me !! thank you once again <33

[plasticnightmaredoll]

I stumbled across an interesting article the other day that was quite eye-opening:

Now, I am aware I have issues, and those issues stem from receiving verbal and emotional abuse from one of my parents from childhood even through my college years, and a little bit past that. Nearly 2/3rds of my life, to be honest. I am still attempting to heal but it's not easy, not in the slightest.

Reading through the article reminded me of two things:

I am not alone and LOTS of people endured emotional and verbal abuse while growing up (as well as other kinds of abuse in some cases).

I can see exactly why it's such a challenge to overcome these mental and emotional scars because I have a bunch of issues.

In case you don't want to read the whole article or just want a quick reference right here without having to go back and forth, this is a sort of summary version of the list (based on my interpretations). I bolded everything that applies to me and...well, you'll see:

Blaming yourself or taking the blame for other people's actions/behaviors.

Overthinking due to immense self-doubt.

Expecting perfection from yourself and setting unrealistic goals because of it.

Believing your problems don't matter when compared to everyone else's.

Bottling up your emotions.

Afraid to try anything new out of fear of disappointing friends and family.

Anger issues as a result of anger being directed at you as a child.

Putting on a brave face and acting like you're untouchable and unbreakable to convince others and yourself (temporarily) that you have it together (which is a lie).

Flinching when people try to touch you (in a friendly manner, like a hug or pat on the back) or when someone raises their voice (kind of like a form of PTSD from your childhood abuse).

Belittling, insulting, and/or scolding yourself for being emotional.

Fear of abandonment (including fear of people dying and leaving you).

Always/often saying, "yes," to everyone out of fear of getting into trouble (fear of conflict/confrontation due to past abuse).

Relying on others to assure you whether or not you're making the right decisions.

Shutting down emotionally when anyone raises their voice to you.

Social awkwardness: being too shy and anxious or being too friendly and giddy when it comes to meeting new people.

Whenever you find yourself in an argument or even if someone just raises their voice (maybe not even at you), you immediately feel like cowering out of fear.

Talking fast and over-explaining due to being ignored, ridiculed, and/or talked over by your parents/family.

Fear of growing close to anyone (be it as a friend or as a romantic partner) due to abuse and betrayal from parents/family while growing up. So, you're often lonely but afraid to reach out to anyone out of fear of being mistreated.

Remaining quiet in conversations and/or refusing to start conversations due to being mistreated for speaking up as a child.

Fear of authority, worrying if even a simple talk with your teacher or boss may be the result of you being in some sort of trouble. So, those with "power" remind you of your abusive parents, who had power over you and abused that power regularly.

Well, 19 out of 20. That's... a lot.

It's scary to see just how much I'm dealing with (and have dealt with most of my life) mentally and emotionally all because one of the two people I expected to love me unconditionally chose to be a terrible, overbearing, short-tempered parent.

This is one of the many reasons why I think women who want to get tubal surgery should be allowed to without hitting so many roadblocks. Don't come at me with religious beliefs of physicians, or "some women regret it, so you might, too!" or "you haven't had kids so you don't know the joy!"

I. Don't. Want. Kids.

I'm selfish, ok? I like money, like my free time, like sleeping in and napping, like being able to go where I want and when I want, want to be able to travel to goddamn Japan someday without having kids dragging me down the whole way there, I love gaming and want to keep getting the best gaming PCs I can afford...

I mean, at least I -- and other women who want to have tubal surgery -- are being responsible and realizing that parenting isn't for us and it's not fair to just put unwanted children into the adoption system time and time again. I'd rather be safe than sorry, you know?

And the same goes for other types of birth control. Women shouldn't be shamed for wanting such things, although it does still happen. I realize that parenting isn't for me and I'd be an awful parent -- not on purpose, mind you, but I'm too anxious, depressed, yet goal-oriented and self-indulgent to be a good parent. So, wanting long-term or even permanent birth control is a very responsible decision, I think. I'm avoiding a problem that doesn't need to happen if that makes sense.

But the article also made me realize something else, and it's based on what read and learned over the years:

You don't need to apologize to anyone for your existence, nor do you need to explain yourself to everyone who questions every detail about you. You are you, you have your privacy, you have your personal issues to deal with, and you don't owe nosy people anything.

You need to take care of yourself, and if anyone tries to get in the way and make you feel uncomfortable, then you need to avoid them because they aren't going to make things any easier for you. I'm much more aware now of how people are, and I now avoid interacting with those who display abusive/toxic traits like that of my one parent. I don't need more of that kind of crap in my life, certainly not from strangers who may claim to be a friend or my boyfriend or whatever.

No, I am me, I can be me, and I don't need anyone else trying to take their problems out on me. I hope others also realize this, that they don't need to be someone's punching bag (verbally or physically or both), and that it's not your fault if you were abused: the abuser is to blame, no matter what the excuses are. You are not responsible for an abuser's behavior, care, or past. Abusers need to help themselves and you need to help you.

[the-villian-i-seem-to-be]

I have a request that you don't have to do if you don't want.

Would you write a yandere William and Sherlock from Yuukokou no Moriarty? Or are you not interested?

Damn! Yandere William and Yandere Sherlock!! Ok so both or separate? I'll do both!!

(Y/N) could feel themselves grow weary of the rising tension between her and Sherlock. You see, (Y/N) is a journalist who loves to write about Sherlocks cases in the newspaper. They always are accompanying him for cases with Dr. Watson, even if the detective dislikes her nosy attitude to his work life and personal life. But the journalist could tell he was warming up to her. Even if it was only.

Anyway, she decided to accompany Sherlock and Dr. Watson on another case. Though the doctor had caught the flu and had given her his train ticket to make sure Sherlock wouldn't cause trouble on one of his cases with Inspector Lestrade. So she agreed and three rode off to York for his case. Though it was a waste of time in detectives eyes once he couldn't find what he was looking for. He started spew a few curses under his breath once Mr. Lestrade went to get a newspaper.

Saying he'll come to the train car a bit later before it takes off. So the journalist and detective were alone on the boarding dock. Heading to their train. "Honestly, to hell with your death by illness. Get yourself killed, seriously.."

Sherlock utters with clear agitation in his voice. "Aw, c'mon detective Sherlock. It's okay, we can always come back and take another look around!" The (h/c)-nette smiles, hoping it would ease his worries.

Which didn't work because it seemed as if he grew more upset.

"I should of shot him when I could. If I had..."

(Y/N)'s knew he was talking about the Mr. Hope case. Though she never thought he should of killed him! "Sherlock-!" He cuts her off, "if I had killed I would have been one step closer to a huge mystery!"

"We both know that you would of done it if given the chance! You don't even care for the mystery, only the story that gets coverage!" "That isn't true!" The journalist hollars, making Sherlock turn quiet.

Sucking in a shaky breath, they try to speak more calmly. "I may go on your cases for a story. But I also care about the people in them. Sherlock, I don't want to write a article about you killing a man, and for what? A bigger mystery that you want to solve?"

"I.. I thought you weren't like that, I thought you actually seeked the truth, but not the way I hoped for." They say, sadly starring at the dark haired male in front of them. "I'll meet you in train car shortly, I-I, need a minute to calm my nerves." As the woman walks off, Sherlock scowls at his actions.

"That is-I didn't-" the male sighs and ruffles his hair. His mood and thoughts in a jumble. Pulling out a cigarette, he lights it up. Taking in the toxic fumes into his lungs to calm himself and clear his head.

(Y/N) finds herself siting in the food car, she rather be on her lonsome than deal with a unpleasant Sherlock. He was acting childish and locked her out of their shared car. So she decided to wait for his anger to subsidize. Though they were growing antsy and they needed to talk this out with Sherlock. She didn't want their supposed "one sided friendship" to end!? He let her try his cigarette once.

Only after, thought she was dying after taking a puff of the cancer stick and he laughed at her. Not only that, but she was given the privilege to hear him play the violin once before he kicked her out of his house for bothering him! Sighing, she felt her pumped up spirit slowly fading into a husk.

"Enough sulking, get a grip!" She sits up and slaps her cheeks. Frightening the waiter that waited for her to make her order. "M-miss are you alright?" Turning her eyes to the waiter with determination, she nods. Telling the waiter she wasn't ready to order yet.

Getting out of her seat, she was about to head over to Sherlock. Though her eyes find a familiar blond headed man sitting in one of the booths a little farther from her's.

Stepping cautiously to his booth, she holds her head up high an stands in front of him. "Mr. Professor Moriarty..?" The blonde male looks up from his empty dish and his red rubies stare at her with confusion and another emotion she couldn't quite place. "Mr. Professor! It truly is you!"

"My god, how are you? It's been quite awhile since I saw you." The mathematician smiles at her, "yes, hello Ms. (Y/N), I am well. How are you?"

The woman smiles gleefully, "yes I have-!" She held back her tongue as the memories with Sherlock resurface. Yet her smile stayed stuck to her lips. "Uh.. I should go. I don't want to over stay my welcome-" "there's no need for you to leave just yet. Me and my brother were getting quite bored. Please sit awhile, it will be nice to talk once more."

Mr. Moriarty says politely, letting her join them. The Journalist tries to force herself to decline, yet, she may never take this opportunity to sit to a nobleman as interesting as him ever again. She couldn't miss her chance! She can just make some small chit chat then run off after to talk to Sherlock! Genius!

"Alright.. But not for long, I need to talk with a friend of mine after." "A friend?" The second oldest Moriarty questions, his tone slightly cold. (Y/N) doesn't bother to notice his tone and sits down next to Williams brother. "Yes, I came here with a friend, well, in my opinion. I'm pretty sure he hates my guts now, but he's still a close companion of mine" (Y/N) chuckles dryly.

"I, see. I hope the two of you are, well." He replies stiffly, hiding a unhappy look with a smile. Though his observant brother could tell that he was slowly growing annoyed by her words.

"If you do mind me asking, but how do you know of my brother Ms. (Y/N)?" Louis asks her, her focus shifts to the male next to her.

Her eyes light up at Louis. "Ah, we met on the Noahtic. I was covering a story about a performance that was going to be held on it. I met Mr. Moriarty at a small gathering held on the ship floors. I offered him a drink and the two of us chatted for awhile." (Y/N) said with sheepish grin.

"Then I heard a murder had occured durring the performance. I was so shocked yet, forgive me for saying this, but thrilled! This was something that needed to be shown to the public- oh um, forgive me for blabbering!" (Y/N) blurted out, covering her mouth with her hand to stop herself.

William just chuckles at her, shaking his head. "It's quite alright. I didn't know you were so passionate about your job. I find it very endearing and admirable." (Y/N) flushed from his compliments, letting her hand fall to her lap as she gave him a sweet smile. "Thank you, Professor Moriarty. That's very kind of you."

Before William could say another word, Inspector Lestrade walks up to the booth. "(L/N)?" Looking up to see who had called her, she sees the Inspector. Quickly getting up from her seat, she greets him awkwardly.

"Is this the man you said that "hates your guts" ?" William questions, though his eyes don't glare at him. "NO, NO, NO, NO!" Flailing her hands around, she tries to clear up the misunderstanding. "I was joking!"

"Mr. Lestrade doesn't hate me! I was talking about someone else! Not him!!" The journalist cries out, the Inspector sighs and shakes his head.

"I apologize for my acquaintance, Mr..?" "Oh, this is Professor Moriarty! And the one sitting across from is his brother." (Y/N) introduces them to Mr. Lestrade like nothing had ever happened. Or at least pretending too.

"Professor Moriarty and Mr. Moriarty, this is Inspector Lestrade. He's another good friend of mine. He works for the Scotland Yard. Pretty neat right?"

(Y/N) winks, doing small jazz hands to make his introduction a little interesting. "(Y/N), why aren't you with-" before the Inspector could finish his sentence. A shrill scream of woman was heard.

~°~

Running to source of the scream. (Y/N) follows behind the youngest Moriarty and Inspector Lestrade. She bumps into one of the passengers and apologizes. Not looking at who she bumped into.

(Y/N) could hear Sherlock and Professor Moriarty discus. Growing immensely curious, she wiggled her way through the two men. Walking up to Sherlock and

"What happened?!" She said, but mostly to Sherlock who arrived before her. Who was looking through a peep hole of one of the rooms inside the train car.

"Look for yourself." He remarks, stepping away from the peep hole. (Y/N) hesitates for a moment, though creates false courage to see what happened. But was then was stopped by Sherlocks hand on her shoulder.

He didn't stare at her in the eye like normally, instead her shirt. Confused, (Y/N) looks down, she regrets it soon after. There, on her shirt was fresh blood. Even some smeared on her hands. "What.."

All eyes focused solely on her, the air quiet as she was panicking inside her mind. "It seems we have a valuable prize in our game now to make things more interesting." William said to the shocked detective, who gave the noble man a twisted smirk. "I guess so, I don't plan on losing, Liam." A disturbing smile crawls onto the crime consultant.

"Neither do I."

(Okay, this ask went a LOT longer than expected. I wanted to make it shorter but a rush of creativity hit me because I was re-watching ep 10 of Yuukoku No Moriarty! And reading the manga!! Yes!! And I hope I made them very Yandere-ish.)

[antihentaiclub]

i’m rating manga/manhwa i’ve read because i don’t want to do my schoolwork

1. Blood Bank

status: completed

rating: 8.8/10



this was the first one i read and MAN. i like how in the beginning there was no relationship whatsoever but because Shell had power, he was able to use it and see One whenever he felt, at first, Shell was almost like a sugar daddy trying to use that to win One over. but over time, they developed a genuine relationship that was unbreakable and brought them back to each other in the end so they would receive their own happily ever after that they Definitely deserved.

2. bj Alex

status: ongoing (side story)

rating: 8.9/10



the basis of the story was good. i liked the growth of Jiwon throughout the entire story. watching Jiwon accept and move forward from his past trauma was therapeutic and so wholesome. it would probably be my favorite aspect of the series. however, i wanted to punch Dong-gyun Real hard in the beginning because of how he thirsted of Jiwon, but i think that factor is what made him so realistic. he was nearly obsessed with this idea he had of Jiwon and we got to see that idea destroyed and rebuilt multiple times. one another note, i really liked the side story with MD and Chanwoo. it was subtle enough not to overtake the main plot, but present enough o make an impact. now, though, in the side story i want to murder Chanwoo because he’s taking MD for granted. anyways, overall, bj Alex is a very good story. i also quite liked that it was drawn in black and white and the important parts were in color.

3. Make Me Bark

status: completed

rating: 7.5/10



Make Me Bark was very cute. different than my usual tastes, but definitely a good, quick read. i like how Sungjoon was having nothing go his way but Hyo-in kinda swooped in and knocked him off his feet. although, i do wish that we got to know a little more about Hyo-in. i feel like i know so little about him.

4. Well Done!

status: completed

rating: 7/10



i liked the overall concept quite a lot actually. i think the author did a decent job in proving that there doesn’t have to be a good person, or a hero, in a story and that both sides can essentially be villains in their own respect. parts of me wished that Sangwoo and Jaehyun worked out in the end, but i know their relationship didn’t have a solid foundation whatsoever. i don’t want to say the end was fitting for Jaehyun, but he definitely got knocked off his high horse.

5. Walk on Water

status: ongoing

rating: 9.8/10



one of my absolute favorites. this story takes you on so many twists and turns emotionally. the author has beautiful art and an incredible story including growth for both McQueen and Yeowoon. i can’t talk enough about how much i like it. it starts with Ed, who’s later revealed to actually be name Yeowoon, trying to find another source of income to pay off debt that his grandfather accrued. he stumbled upon this gay porn website owned by Glen McQueen and decided to give it a shot, despite not being gay. from then on a shaky string of hookups to hide true feelings ensues until McQueen and Ed finally reveal their real emotions. they begin dating and one would think that’s it, things are fine. but instead, things all start going wrong and Ed and McQueen get in a huge nasty fight in which they both end up regretting but Ed can’t bring himself to be the bigger man and apologize. he starts finding himself in less and less fortunate situations, but currently things are starting to take a turn for the better as he and McQueen have apologized and are talking in hopes of eventually creating a new relationship that will not lead to the hurt they experienced before.

6. BL Motel

status: ongoing

rating: 8.7/10



in this story i liked watching Jinwon and Byul’s relationship grow. you get to see them develop feelings and not tell each other despite how obvious it is. you also get to see Byul struggle with he and his brother’s relationship and how it had been flawed from the beginning. it showed Jinwon helping him and letting him finally resolve the situation so now they are on better terms and healing and finding proper love. i liked that a lot. my one thing that bothers me though, is that a lot of the character designs are similar so i get super confused on who is who. it’s a little disorganized in that sense which can make it a bit hard to read. otherwise, it’s a great story.

7. Dear Door

status: ongoing

rating: 8.6/10



i love the art style for this story. it goes from sophisticated and attractive to cute doodles in seconds and i like the laid back approach to storytelling. in this universe demons can use people as “doors” between the human realm and Hell, which is how Cain, a demon, and Gyeong Joon, a human police officer. Cain begins to use Gyeong Joon as his door and they develop an interesting type of relationship that still has a lot of room for growth. it’s still very early on for this story but i look forward to updates.

8. Love or Hate

status: ongoing

rating: 9.5/10



another favorite of mine. first, the art style is incredible and the character designs are so good. plus, the story is well structured. in this story you witness Haesoo conflicted between two people, his long time hookup Joowon, who he had known for ten years and had immense history with, and Taekyung, a photographer who he met through his job and funny enough, resembles Joowon’s actions. the story shows the damage of toxic relationships and how vulnerable people become when they’re in love with another person and when all they want is them. the characters, Haesoo especially, are so well thought out and complex and it adds so much flavor to the already good story. i heavily anticipate season 3 and know i’m in for a rollercoaster.

9. Back to School

status: completed

rating: 6.8/10



hear me out, by no means am i saying i didn’t like Back to School. what i am saying is i think there was potential for so much more. the ending was abrupt and left me with too many unanswered questions. i also thought the writing was a bit inconsistent towards the end. anyways, the concept was good. Cha Chiwoo left school because of a traumatic event and went back after taking his time off to finish and get his diploma. there he met Ki Kyujin, the class president, who tried befriending him despite the rumors that surrounded him. later on he reconnects with someone from his past, Song Jihyun, his ex best friend and the reason he left school in the first place. now, Jihyun decides to finish school and they’re all in the same class. throughout the story we got to unlock more of Chiwoo and Jihyun’s history, which was a factor i enjoyed. however, at the end, after Jihyun left, i think there should’ve been a point in the future where he comes back and he and Chiwoo actually resolve their last and can healthily move forward. i know it’s not my story, but i think something like that would’ve provided more of a resolution than Chiwoo just confessing his feelings and kissing Kyujin. i also think Jihyun was demonized more than necessary. he already had been falsely arrested for murder, he had multiple settled cases for his violent nature, and he had the major fall out with Chiwoo but in the q&a at the end the author said that Jihyun had raped Chiwoo which i don’t think matches his character. it was clear that everything he did was because he loved Chiwoo and he isn’t stupid enough to do something so cruel, or so i think.

[charmedseoull]

The Aftermath of Fanfiction Authors with Reba Interview

Before You Read the Interview

I contacted Reba after she posted a Reddit thread titled “When a fic becomes too popular and the author deletes their account and/or work. Explained.” on a throwaway account. We discussed details of the interview during December over email, then started the interview in January. This interview is not associated with a project and is its own independent work. Reba has chosen to remain anonymous.

She provides insight on potential reasons to why fanfiction authors abandon their work from the perspective of a fanfiction reader. She also answered general fandom questions and questions about herself so readers could understand her background.

Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who documents fandom history using Fanlore. If you would like to be interviewed to help document perspectives in fandom, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Now presenting the interview with Reba, long-time fanfiction reader and participant in fandom:

When did you first join fandom culture?

I joined fandom culture in 2014. I feel like fandoms really peaked during this time. [Presence of SuperWhoLock and other Tumblr specific fandoms.]

What fandoms are you in? How have your experiences in them been?

I will be honest and say fandom culture isn’t for me- so I can’t say I’m active in any fandoms (I’m just a silent consumer) but growing up I was a fan of music artists mostly; Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande… I loved the IT 2017 movie adaptation for a long time (I still do), and early 2020 is when I got into BLACKPINK, then BTS. My experience with all of these has been good, and maybe that’s because I don’t see any of the drama and arguments online- but I don’t regret any of my past interests because they all made me happy at one point in time.

What do you like about fandoms?

 What I like about fandoms is how happy it can make an individual; getting excited for a new music video, smiling at behind the scenes photos… it can bring someone a little joy if they are having a bad day.

What do you dislike about fandoms?

I don’t like stan culture at all; fandom drama, arguing on twitter with strangers to defend an artist who doesn’t even know you… it all seems toxic. While I'm sure healthy stanning does exist, I don't think it's easy to achieve at all.

How long have you been an ARMY? What are your opinions about the fandom? How has your experience in the fandom been? 

I became an ARMY in early 2020 when Map of the Soul: 7 was released, so only a year. I really do like the fandom; ARMY is the only fandom I’ve seen where there are so many fans worldwide of all different ages, and that just shows how BTS and their music really is for everyone. There is so much BTS content that there’s never a dull day, so my experience in the fandom has been enjoyable!

Did you ever leave ARMY and take a break then come back?

 I’ve never left ARMY, that being said, I’m a newbie and haven’t been here for long.

When did you first start reading fanfiction? 

I have been exposed to fanfiction since 2014, but I wasn’t in any fandom back then and started reading fanfiction in 2017.

What do you think the purpose behind fanfiction is?

 We mostly read for entertainment but there is definitely a purpose to fanfiction, as for all art. Fanfiction is a great thing for both reader and writers, it can be an outlet for many people, a way to experience things that you don't have a chance to experience in your own life. It also can be a good base ground for people who want to start writing, or for someone who finds reading huge paperback novels difficult. Fanfiction is so easily accessible, you can pull up a story to read or share your work at the press of a button.

As you’ve read fanfiction over the years, do you feel like anything about fanfiction has changed?

Yes! Fanfiction is taken a lot more seriously now, people who write fanfiction treat it like an actual novel with plotting and editing- the quality of fanfiction in general is a lot better. Fandom ships have also changed; when I was a teenager Harry Styles fanfictions were crazy popular, now the fanfics that seem to be more popular are BTS! So that just shows when music evolves, pretty much everything else does too.

As a reader, how do you view authors?

I'm always amazed by fanfic authors because they practically write whole novels for free. Writing can be such a personal thing, and it does take talent; there is a story the author wants to convey, and when a story is told in a beautiful way, it leaves a lasting impact on the reader. I’m sure that must be a euphoric feeling for the author- it means they told their story, and they did it well.

Do you think many other readers share the same view as you?

No, not at all. There are readers out there who don’t really think about the time and effort authors put into their stories. I’ve seen readers expect so much, and criticise something so little. It’s sad- people should be able to write whatever they want, writing is supposed to encourage creativity. Authors shouldn’t have to fear backlash for doing just that. Being creative. 

Why do you think so many authors delete/orphan their work after it gains popularity?

When a story gains popularity- it attracts good and bad attention alike. Unfortunately the negative affects us a lot more, it’s just human nature. While authors do put their work out there, I don’t think they are ever prepared for their stories to become so popular. I am sure it is overwhelming and that’s why authors feel the need to distance themselves from it all and delete/orphan their work.

What stories prompted you to start thinking about why authors delete/orphan their works? 

I read a story called mixtape (IT movie) and I was around long enough to see chapters be uploaded each week. I also saw the struggles the author went through when their fanfic began to rise in popularity, which eventually led to the story being completely deleted from the internet. So I thought this could have been a one-off since I hadn’t read many fanfictions. I then moved onto BTS fanfiction and decided to read the most talked about ones first, only to see a lot of them were by orphaned accounts (so not just a one-off occurrence!). House of Cards by sugamins was the one that got me thinking, I thought “why would somebody not want to be associated with this amazing writing?!” That’s when I began to do some research and stumbled across your interview with the author!

How do you think backlash for a work harms an authors mental health? 

An immense amount of feedback, positive or negative, can take a toll on one person. A lot of authors can be reserved people and they write because they are passionate, as an outlet or just a hobby. So when their work does receive backlash it can be very upsetting- it could make them doubt their reasons and capabilities and affect an author so much they might stop writing all together.

How do you think some authors manage their mental health and not delete a work? 

This is a hard question because everyone deals with backlash differently. I know some authors who are not bothered by backlash and they choose to ignore it and move on with their day, and then there are other authors who are more anxious and have to put a lot of measures in place to protect their mental health; from your interview with sugamins they explain how they didn’t want to destroy their work, just distance themselves from it, so that’s always an option.

Taking time away from social media and getting enough rest, it is important to not neglect your well-being. Finding a way to cope when you feel low; animals tend to ground me and improve my mental health- they are loving and don’t judge you for who you are. Maybe you cope by talking with friends, or listening to your favourite song. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it helps. 

At what point with mental health do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

I think an author starts to consider deleting/orphaning their work when it completely consumes them. It is not healthy to be fixated on something that is no longer bringing you happiness, you need to let it go. If you are an author reading this, just know you are not your feedback, it doesn’t define your existence, okay? Fanfiction should add to your life, not take away from it. 

Why do you think some readers invade an authors privacy?

Sometimes, people care more about the author than the work they have created. So when a fanfic has deeply touched a reader and helped them through so much, they want to reach out in any way and tell them so- this can be invasive if the reader is not careful about their approach.

How do you think authors manage this privacy invasion?

Stopping it before it happens; not using your real name, having a separate account for writing, don’t link social media accounts in your works etc. If privacy has already been compromised and a reader is making the author uncomfortable, then disabling comments on their works, making a new social media or changing their accounts to private would be smart. Just knowing how to keep safe online.

At what point with privacy invasion do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

When you are at risk of being doxed. I think when readers are going as far as finding authors’ personal accounts and messaging their friends- anything along those lines is scary and the reader is going from a supporter to an intrusive stranger real fast.

Why do you think anonymity is important for fanfiction writing?

When your full name is attached to everything you do, people have a very easy way to get back to you. This is why authors keep an anonymous profile, and it is important readers respect that.  Most authors don’t want their family, friends, employer etc to see that sort of stuff. It is completely okay to remain professional and keep fanfiction writing separate from personal life.

Do you think fanfiction writing should stay free? Do you think authors should be paid for their work? 

I do think fanfiction writing should stay free on the sites they originate from (AO3 for example). However, if the author wants to take their work elsewhere to earn money then I don’t see an issue in that. I am glad you mention copyright law with fanfiction in particular because the author of mixtape (the fanfiction I mentioned earlier) tried to self publish their work while keeping canon names, the author tried to justify it as a parody work and everyone was so concerned that they reported the book until it got removed. I have seen stories on Wattpad become published books to purchase, however, the names had been changed to original characters- I think this seems like a much more logical move to avoid any legal repercussions.

As a reader, how has an author’s work connected with you personally? 

I have had works connect with me on a personal level, one in particular is Somebody To Love by LOVERVMINS (orphaned). My standards are impossibly high after reading that fanfic and I don’t think I will ever come across something so beautiful again. Somebody To Love is a taekook fic that was uploaded to AO3 in 2019, the author ended up deleting all their works but thankfully left this particular story up. I was immediately captured by the incredible writing and unique plot; the story of two lovers who were never meant for each other, but destiny found its way anyway… I apologise in advance for how long this summary (with spoilers) is, but I think my thoughts are proof of how this story has connected with me so much!

(Spoilers for Somebody to Love by LOVERVMINS. Please feel free to scroll to the next bolded question to avoid spoilers.)

In this story, Taehyung is a successful lawyer while Jungkook is just a student, despite the difference in status and wealth, they are intrigued by one another from the very start. After meeting Taehyung, Jungkook is left feeling confused about himself, the internalised homophobia is strong to begin with but as the chapters progress Jungkook goes from someone who is afraid of society and what people may think, to strong and outspoken. Taehyung plays a fundamental part in this, because if Jungkook were to never meet Taehyung, he wouldn’t have realised who he really was, he wouldn’t have been brave enough to discover his sexuality and fall in love in a time where it was so unaccepting. Taehyung is bold and confident on the surface, giving little regard for anybody other than himself, but his concern for others soon changes after he meets Jungkook, he becomes a better man. He could have had his heart desires- but Taehyung was no longer selfish from those few months he spent with Jungkook, so he stayed with his wife to be a good father.

Taehyung makes Jungkook promise him he will find somebody to love (hence the title), and he does, Jungkook finds somebody to love and he is happy- Taehyung finds this out when they unexpectedly meet a few years later, this is the final time Jungkook and Taehyung see each other… but knowing Jungkook is happy, leaves Taehyung happy.

There are different kinds of love, some last forever, and some just for a chapter of your life. It is clear Jungkook was Taehyung’s forever. And I don’t think Jungkook’s love for Taehyung ever went away, he just found another kind of love like he had promised. Jungkook had to live his life; he couldn’t wait for Taehyung, to leave his marriage in the unforeseeable future, or watch him raise his kids from afar, this shows that even if society were accepting, their circumstances were too far gone- if only they met sooner, or in another life. It makes you imagine a world where they could have been together, it makes you think beyond the story even when it’s ended.

It has been a month or two since I read LOVERVMINS work, and I still feel a pang in my chest every time I think of Taehyung’s letter for Jungkook in the epilogue.

Why do you think others think they have the right to know an authors personal information?

I think in this day and age, everything about a person is on show, so people just expect that sort of information from you. Authors appreciate feedback- but they don't know the reader, their family or what they do for fun. Vice versa. You only see a small glimpse into the authors life, and the stuff you see is what they feel comfortable enough to show. That should be enough.

Do you consider writing an art form?

  I do consider writing an art form. Writing is like painting an image in the readers mind. I think it is better than visual art because when you are reading a story, not everyone is going to envision the exact same thing, it is up to the imagination. I think that is what makes it so beautiful- we all collectively love a story, yet, we somehow interpret it differently.

Why do you think Archive of Our Own is the ideal platform for fanfiction writing?

I think Archive of Our Own is ideal for fanfiction writing because they give you many options with your work so you are comfortable- it is easy to remove comments, delete an account, or orphan works while keeping your account etc. It is important authors get control of what happens to their work if they want to leave and go in a different direction.

Do you think other fanfiction writing platforms like Fanfiction.net and Wattpad are ideal or lacking?

I think Wattpad is ideal for younger audiences; it’s more visual with book covers and the layout in general is more appealing, I also feel like the stories on there are targeted for pre-teens. When I first got into fanfiction, I did start on Wattpad because it was easier to navigate. I look back now though and do think it is lacking in terms of quality, a lot of the stories are written for shock value and don’t really make much sense because of that. It is hard to find a story on Wattpad that ticks all the boxes (but not impossible). Wattpad also had a breach with data last summer and everyone’s emails got pwned so that made a lot of people move to AO3. I have never used Fanfiction.net so unfortunately I can’t speak for that one. Overall, AO3 has much more content, you can find a story with ease once you know how to use the site.

How has fanfiction writing affected the people in your personal life?

How did you find out that your sister is writing fanfiction?

My sister wrote a Harry Styles fanfic in 2014 which gathered around half a million reads on Wattpad, she got comments from people telling her how much her fanfic has impacted their lives pretty much every day. My sister and I are close and we share the same friends, I noticed when we would have sleepovers she was always on her phone and never paid attention to the movies we were watching. I think all the numbers did affect her for a moment and it wasn’t until my sister started her exams that she realised she had to put her concentration into those to pass, that’s how she came to the decision to delete the story. I asked her recently if she regrets deleting it and she told me she doesn’t at all, she now looks back and doesn’t think her writing was good back then. So I think that shows authors do know what they’re doing and what is best for them in the long run. 

My sister had a one direction fan account on Instagram that had 100k+ followers (insane!), she was always open with her interests and I found out she started writing fanfiction through that account.

What personal reasons do you think authors have for deleting/orphaning works?

The list is endless; maybe the author wrote the story in a bad time in their life and they want to delete it because it reminds them of that time, they could have left the fandom, or they simply do not like their story anymore- they grew up and know they can do so much better. It is okay for an author to grow apart from their work, it shows they are growing as a person too.

Why do you think authors get backlash from writing dark themes?

I think authors receive backlash from writing dark themes because it can be triggering for some and can bring up unpleasant memories.

What do you think are the responsibilities of an author when writing dark themes?

 A safe bet would be to tag anything relating to abuse (physical, emotional, etc), mental illness (eating disorders, self harm, suicide, etc), graphic violence and rape/sexual assault. That’s what comes to mind. And if a trigger occurs only in a certain chapter, then having an additional warning in the chapter notes would be helpful.  

What do you think are the responsibilities of a reader when reading dark themes?

If dark subjects are included in the tags, don’t read the story if it could trigger you. It is as simple as that. People decide to read the fanfic then get mad at the author for triggering them. I am not trying to insult anybody who has triggers, maybe they read a story and their specific trigger was never mentioned in the additional tags… this is what the ‘chose not to archive warnings’ box is for, with this option, it is handled in AO3’s FAQ that major tags are not necessary. In shirt, this means there may be triggering content in the fic that is not disclosed by the author. Plus, there is usually a pop up banner before you click on a story which reads ‘this work could have adult content. if you proceed you have agreed that you are willing to see such content’. There are so many warnings, you can’t miss them. It is a case of reading at your own risk, you can’t blame the author if you do not like the result.

Do you think authors are facing too much pressure from readers about what themes they write?

I do think authors face unnecessary pressure with the themes they write; they are put on such a pedestal that when they write something that isn’t what the audience want, they receive a lot of negative criticism. Authors, no matter what themes you are writing, there is no need to worry if you are writing for yourself and putting out the content you set out to create.

Why do you think authors write dark themes?

 Dark themes are simply an exploration of difficult emotions along with unpleasant events or consequences. Authors write dark themes because it serves a narrative purpose. And authors don’t have to be ‘dark’ people or experience all of these unsettling things to write such content. 

Why do you think readers read dark themes?

Dark themes are not for everyone, I personally don’t think there are enough dark works out there. I read dark themes because it interests me more, I want to know how the characters are going to cope with the consequences, or heal from the trauma. Other readers might prefer dark themes for the graphic content, this is fine too. Fictional violence is not real- we all know this, so there is no reason to be terrified. 

Why do you think so many authors want to have their work get popular?

 People may disagree, but I think it has a lot to do with validation. Subconsciously, authors want people to like their work- a rise in popularity means readers are seeing the authors work, and hopefully taking enjoyment from it. This isn’t a bad thing as long as you realise validation does not equal self-worth. There are people out there who write and do not gain much attention, but that doesn’t stop them from posting their work anyway.

Do you think a work’s popularity is important?

I personally don’t. I read a range of fanfictions- some are super popular, others are not. It is the content I am more interested in, not how many hits/views it has.  

Should we judge authors for deleting/orphaning their work?

Not at all! I am sure authors have thought long and hard before coming to their decision.

How should we view situations where authors delete/orphan their work? 

For a reader, it can be upsetting when authors delete/orphan their work, especially if there is no possibility of reading that story again. However, we need to show compassion and view the situation from the authors perspective; gaining popularity on a fanfic isn't as pleasant as it might seem, it is much more complicated than that. A lot of feedback, both good and bad, can be overwhelming. Mental health is important, and if that means distancing yourself from something so popular, then it must be done. Privacy can be compromised, people in your real life might find out you write these stories and not be accepting, or readers become invasive which is a scary situation to be in. And a mixture of personal reasons, people are allowed to grow and change and want to distance themselves from things they are no longer proud of. 

What do you think authors should be aware of in case their work does get popular?

This is a good question… I think authors need to be aware that with good feedback, also comes bad feedback. You cannot please every single person on this earth, but that is not your job- so do not take it personally. 

Do you have any last messages to readers of this interview?

 I want to thank you in particular, Charm. This interview is probably the coolest thing I’ll ever get to do for the BTS fandom and I’m so grateful that our paths crossed so we could create this interview together. You are such a kind soul and it has been a pleasure from start to finish. 

For the authors reading this interview; I am just a reader, but I do understand how it can be hard for you to continue on when you are going through so many struggles readers don’t get to see. Just know you are appreciated, and you are supported no matter what you decide to do with your works in the future. Having popular works shouldn’t feel like a burden, there are blessings hidden in there- you have made readers feel a rollercoaster of emotions with your talent, you are able to engage with readers around the world, and you have created a beautiful story from nothing… you did that! 

For the silent readers like myself: let the authors of your favourite work know how much you loved it (in a respectful way) before it is too late! I so wish I had the chance to tell the author of Somebody To Love how their story broke my heart then healed it again. Treasure the fanfictions you love because they very well could be gone tomorrow!

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmedseoul’s Fanlore projects.

Reba has chosen to remain anonymous. No social media or information about her will be released publicly.

This interview was conducted through email from January 31, 2021 to February 1, 2021 with Reba’s consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies and the posting website’s privacy policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden. 

Due to the casual nature of this interview, repost of this interview is strictly prohibited. Linking and sharing is appreciated. Translation and unauthorized repost of this interview is forbidden.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

[t4twolfstar]

Pearl Jam songs as the marauders' story

listen here

explanations under read more

Red Mosquito - Remus is bit by Greyback

two steps ahead of him, punctures in your neck…/ Hoverin' just above your bed... (2x)/ I was bitten...must have been the devil…/ He was just paying me…/ A little visit, reminding me of his presence…

Jeremy - most of the song, Sirius

Okay so we’re going to look at the verses not the refrain for this one bc (TW su*) this song is based on an actual boy who diy died in front of his class so like no we’re not relating to that part but the “Clearly I remember/ Pickin’ on the boy/ Seemed a harmless little fuck/ But we unleashed the lion….Daddy didn't give affection, no/And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear”

Daughter - Sirius at home

Trans sirius in an abusive household………. “Mother reads aloud, child tries to understand it/Tries to make her proud/ The shades go down, it's in her head/ Painted room, can't deny that something's wrong/ Don’t call me daughter, not fit to”

Leash - Sirius and Remus’ toxic codependent love and then yelling at the establishment/people who say they’re too young going too deep too hard too fast

“Troubled souls unite/ We got ourselves tonight, oh/ I am fuel you are friends we got the means to make amends/ I am lost I'm no guide but I'm by your side/ I am right by your side….We will find a way we will find our place/ Drop the leash drop the leash/Get outta' my fuckin' face”

Why Go? - Sirius becoming disenchanted w his family

Trans Sirius too of course. She seems to be stronger/ But what they want/ Her to be is weak/ She could play pretend/ She could join the game, boy/ She could be another clone….don’t come visit/mother/ why go home?

Blood - Sirius’ family trying to make him into something he’s not

Spin me round/ Roll me over/ Fucking circus/ Stab it down/ One way needle/ Pulled so slowly/ Drains and spills/ Soaks the pages/ Fills their sponges/ It’s my blood/ It’s my blood

WMA - basically about all the big pureblood families that can get away w anything

“He won the lottery when he was born/ Took his mothers white breast to his tongue/ Do no wrong so clean cut/ Dirty his hands, it comes right off” (tw for song: police, implied police violence)

Do the Evolution - Sirius ranting abt/mocking his family

Admire me, admire my home/ Admire my son, he's my clone…./ I'll do what I want but irresponsibly/ It’s evolution, baby/ I’m a thief, I'm a liar/ There’s my church, I sing in the choir:/ (Hallelujah, hallelujah)

Bushleaguer - abt the aristocracy etc

This song is literally about George bush lmao but I love it abt the upper class

“Born on third, thinks he got a triple…./The aristocrat choir sings, "what's the ruckus?”/ The haves have not a clue/ The immenseness of suffering”

Mind your manners - You guessed it - Sirius rejecting his family

I've got an unfortunate feelin’/ I've been beaten down/I feel I don't believe/ And now the truth is coming out/ What they've taken is more than a vow/ They’ve taken your innocence/ And then they throw them on a burning fire/ All along they're sayin’/ Mind your manners

My father’s son - SIRIUS

I am my father's son,/ Yeah, too bad he was a psychopath and now I'm the next in line, , dear mother, yes, surely she's a work of art,…/Can I get a reprieve?/ This gene pool dark and deep…./Now father you're dead and gone and I'm finally free to be me,/ Thanks for all your dark gifts for which I've got no sympathy,/ I’m living in a walled-up place in the bounds of 5th symphony

Yellow Ledbetter - Sirius

Okay so 97% of the the lyrics are indecipherable when Eddie sings them but you can hear I don’t wanna stay

Go - Regulus to Sirius as he’s trying to leave

(Abuse tw) So sorry about this one yall …… .but yes I think this is regulus finally realizing that he shouldn’t have let things get so bad at home (Sirius blames him for not stepping in even tho he’s a child there’s nuance here etc) and he’s begging Sirius not to leave him here “Oh please don't go out on me don't go out on me now/ Never acted up before don't go on me now/ I swear I never took it for granted just thought of it now/ Suppose I abused you just passing it on….I pulled the covers over him shoulda' pulled the alarm/ Turned to my nemesis…Please don't go on me/ Don’t go on me/ Don’t go on me/ Don’t go on me/ please”

Rearviewmirror - Sirius running away

(Tw abuse) Time to emancipate/ I guess it was the beatings made me wise….Forced to endure/ What I could not forgive/ I seem to look away/ Wounds in the mirror waved/ It wasn't my surface most defiled

Can’t Keep - Sirius running away from home

I want to shake/ I want to wind out/ I want to leave/ This mind and shout/ I’ve lived/ All this life/ Like an ocean/ In disguise/ I don't live for ever/ You can't keep/ Me here

Hail, Hail - Remus and Sirius’ codependent strong love

A how I love you till the day I die...ah and beyond…/ are we going to the same place? If so, can I come?/ It’s egg rollin' thick and heavy...all the past we carry…

Release - Remus thinking about his dad

Remus’ dad is so full of guilt for his hand in remus’ transformations that he extracted himself from remus’ life. Remus laments here, “Oh, dear dad/ Can you see me now?/ I am myself/ Like you somehow” “I'll hold the pain/Release me” he’d would rather have a dad, guilt and all, here, than the self appointed absence but since you left me with the absence and grief and loss of it, at least release me from it, loosen your grip so I can move on.

Present Tense - Sirius and Remus talking probably laying in the forbidden forest assuaging one another’s beliefs of the gnarled beasts they think they are

BUGS - prob remus when he turns before the boys know

Bugs on my ceiling/ Crowded the floor/ Standing sitting kneeling…/ A few block the door/ And now the question’s:/ Do I kill them?/ Become their friend?/ Do I eat them?/ Do I join them?/ I’ll just stop now/ I’ll become naked/ And with the...I'll become one

Who you are - probably James at remus when he thinks he’s a big monster

Who are we?/ Who we are./ What’s your part? Who you are / You are who you are.

Save you - GOD THIS SONGG okay this is probably James @ Sirius when home life is bad and also Sirius @ Remus and also Remus @ Sirius it’s all of them @ all of them

Gonna save you fucker, not gonna lose you/ Feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go,/ Too important to me/ Too important to us, we'd be lost without you/ Baby, let yourself fall, I'm right below you now/ And fuck me if I say something you don't want to hear/ And fuck if you only hear what you want to hear/ Fuck me if I care, but I'm not leaving here/ You helped me when I was down, I'll help when you're down/ Why are you hitting yourself, c'mon hit me instead

Life Wasted - Sirius @ Reg re: leaving

I escaped it, a life wasted./ I’m never going back again…./ You're always saying you're too weak to be Strong./ You’re harder on yourself than just about Anyone/ Why swim the channel just to get this far?/ Halfway there, why would you turn around?

Severed Hand - Reg joins the death eaters

Big man stands behind an open door/ Said, leave your lady on the cement floor./ Got some kicks, want to take a ride?/ I said, yeah!/ Oh please understand I just need, my friend,/ A way a way a way home

Brain of J. - Reg and Sirius arguing after he joins the death eaters

The whole world will be different soon/ The whole world will be relieving/ You, you've been taught/ We’d been the same, now they got you in line/ Stand behind the stripes/ There will be order, so give it a good mind…./And by name/ The name they gave me/ The name I'm letting go

Deep - Regulus knows he’s in too deep

This is Regulus knowing he’s in too deep, Voldemort and the death eaters are such bad fucking people and he’s in too deep now (massive tw for this song for drugs and se*ual violence)

“Ponders his Maker, ponders his will/ in too deep/ can’t touch the bottom”

Pilate - Remus abt Sirius ;0)

Like Pilate I have a dog/ (Obeys listens kisses loves)/ Walks me out of town/ Still one's a crowd/ Making angels in the dirt/ Looking up looking all around

You Are - in love 🥰

Love is a tower/ Of strength to me/ I am the shoreline/ But you're the sea

Red Bar - the war begins

War, I’m crazy/ War I’m crazy I’m war the song is also a lil goofy so it’s maybe just like going crazy being so in it that it’s funny now

Porch - WARTIME EVERYONE @ THEIR LOVERS

It’s the war and everyone knows today could be their last day and tensions are running high in relationships and they love each other so much and need each other but snap at one another nonetheless

What the fuck is this world running to?/ You didn't leave a message/ At least I could have learned your voice one last time/ Daily minefield, this could be my time by you/ Would you hit me? Would you hit me?/ Hear my name, take a good look/ This could be the day/ Hold my hand, walk beside me

Thin Air - babes in love

There's a light, when my baby's in my arms,/ There’s a light, when the window shades are drawn…/ And I know she's reached my heart, in thin air.

All or None - More war time songs soz

Here's the selfless confession/ Leading me back to war/ Can we help that our destinations/ Are the ones we've been before?/ I still try to run on/ But it's all or none

Parting Ways - Lily @ James during the war

She knows their future's burning/ But she can smile just the same, same/ And though her mood is fine today/ There’s a fear they'll soon be parting ways

Love Boat Caption - Sirius/Remus, Lily/James, etc etc. during the war

Love boat captain/ Take the reigns and steer us towards the clear, here/ It’s already been sung, but it can't be said enough/ All you need is loveIt's an art to live with pain/ Mix the light into grey/ Lost nine friends we'll never know/ Two years ago today/ And if our lives became too long/ Would it add to our regret?…./Hold me and make it the truthThat when all is lost, there will be you

Evacuation - going into hiding

Lukin- Lily and James have to go into hiding

(Tw st*lking mention in explanation, gun mention in song) The song was written by Eddie when he was being stalked and he had to bring himself and his wife to a friend’s house for safety.

In Hiding - Lily and James are in hiding and enter Peter

No way in or out/ I turned and walked the hallways/ And pulled the curtains down…./I swallow the truth to keep from lying/ i'm no longer overwhelmed and it seems so simple now/ Yeah, it's funny how things change so much/ It’s all state of mind

Once - Peter Pettigrew betraying the marauders

Literally about someone committing a mass murder. “Once upon a time I could control myself.” “Mimic whats insane.”

Around the Bend - I'm so sorry ummm but Lily to Harry on Halloween 💀

I am wishing you a well…./ I hold your head deep in my arms/ My fingertips, they close your eyes/ Off you dream, my little child/ There’s a sun around the bend/ Please forgive me, won't you, dear?/ Please forgive and let me share with you, around the bend/ You’re an angel when you sleep/ How I want your soul to keep, on and on around the bend

Garden - Sirius being taken to Azkaban

He’s just taking his fate as it comes to him.

The direction of the eye/ So misleading/ The defection of the soul/ Nauseously quick/I will walk, with my hands bound/ I will walk, with my face blood/ I will walk, with my shadow flag/ Into your garden/ Garden of stone

Even flow - IS SO VERY MUCH SIRIUS IN AZKABAN

sung from the pov of an incarcerated person waiting for life to begin again

BUGS - Sirius in Azkaban (yes I already said this abt remus but idc)

Bugs on my ceiling/ Crowded the floor/ Standing sitting kneeling…/ A few block the door/ And now the question’s:/ Do I kill them?/ Become their friend?/ Do I eat them?/ Do I join them?/ I’ll just stop now/ I’ll become naked/ And with the...I'll become one

Black - Remus lamenting about Sirius’ perceived deception

Remembering their love and how now so many of his memories are tainted (by) black and that all of this has changed him fundamentally (star imagery, “black”, “tattooed everything”)

Indifference - Sirius in grimmauld place, sirius in Azkaban

Sirius taking his home life in stride until he can leave, taking Azkaban in stride bc it doesn’t matter any way bc he believes he deserve it anyway

“Pretend I'm free to roam/ I will make my way/ Through one more day in hell/ How much difference does it make?/ How much difference does it make?/ I will hold the candle/ Till it burns up my arm/ Oh, I'll keep takin' punches/ Until their will grows tired/ Oh, I will stare the sun down/ Until my eyes go blind/ Hey, I won't change direction/ And I won't change my mind/ How much difference does it make?/ How much difference does it make?/ I’ll swallow poison, until I grow immune/ I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room”

Alive - Remus post ’81

Eddie originally wrote the song as a lament - why did I live when he didn’t? Why am I still alive?

“Is something wrong she said, of course there is, you’re still alive she said, but do I deserve to be?”

Animal - Remus after ’81 when he needs to transform alone

Feat. A throwback to being turned (so tw: abd*ction) “Torture from you to me, yeah/Abducted from the street/I'd rather be with an animal”

Nothingman - Sirius and Remus after ’81

Once divided nothing left to subtract/ Some words when spoken can't be taken back/ Walks on his own with thoughts he can't help thinking/ Future’s above but in the past he's slow and sinking…./ She once believed in every story he had to tell/ One day she stiffened took the other side/ Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell/ One just escapes one's left inside the well

Smile - Remus @ the marauders (except it’s after ’81 and he just thinks of them fondly)

Don't it make you smile?/ I miss you already/ I miss you always/ I miss you already/ I miss you all day/ This is how I feel/ Three crooked hearts swirls all around/ Don’t it make you smile?

In my tree - remus abt sirius after ’81

I remember him, yeah…/ I swore I knew everything, oh yeah…/ They say knowledge is a dream, yeah…/ He's growing up just like me, yeah…

Light Years - Remus abt Sirius

But now you're gone, I haven't figured out why/ I’ve come up with riddles and jokes about war/ I’ve figured out numbers and what they're for/ I’ve understood feelings and I've understood words/ But how could you be taken away?/ Back pages and days alone that could have been spent/ Together, but we were miles apart Every inch between us becomes light years now

I’m open - Remus!!!! Post ’81

After spending half his life searching he still felt as blank/ As the ceiling at which he stared/ He is alive but feels absolutely nothing/ So is he?/ When he was six he believed that the moon overhead followed him/…..So this is what it's like to be an adult/ If he only knew now what he knew then

Thumbing my Way - Remus post ’81 again blah blah ikik

I can't be free with what's locked inside of me/ If there was a key you took it in your hand/ There’s no wrong or right but I'm sure there's good and bad/ The questions linger overhead

Rats - we know how remus like to soliloquize …. This is him waxing poetic about how fucking horrible Peter is

The song itself is kind of listing the many ills of humankind saying how rats don’t compare to people bc they don’t do all this. But Peter isnt really a rat. He’s a man and oppresses like a man and betrays like a man and takes like a man.

“Drink the blood of their so-called best friend….They don't scurry when something bigger comes their way….Don't take what's not theirs“

Oceans - Sirius escaping Azkaban

Hold on to the thread/ The currents will shift, glide me towards/ You know something's left/ And we're all allowed to dream of the next…..The sea will rise/ Please stand by the shore/ I will be there once more

Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town - Sirius after Azkaban

200004309248% sirius returning from 12 years isolated. He doesn’t really recognize most things. Remus wouldn’t recognize him. He’s different. Changed by being unchanged. He couldn’t grow and learn and morph and become. He stagnated yet decayed. But he’s back and he recognizes your skin and your breath. He’s back.

Off He Goes - Sirius is a Sagittarius in the first half, second half is post PoA

Know a man his face seemed pulled and tense/ Like he's riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds/ So I approach with tact/ Suggest that he should relax/ But he's always movin' much too fast/ Said he'll see me on the flip side/ On this trip he's taken for a ride…./ And now I rub my eyes for he has returned/ Seems my preconceptions are what should have been burned/ For he still smiles and he's still strong/ Nothing’s changed, but the surrounding bullshit, that has grown/ And now he's home, and we're laughing, like we always did/ My same old, same old friend/ Until a quarter-to-ten

All Those Yesterdays - and cue the bath scene, remus washes his lost love

Don't you think you oughta rest?/ Don’t you think you oughta lay you head down?/ You don't think there's time to stop/ There’s time enough for you to lay your head down tonight tonight/ Let it wash away/ All those yesterdays