#or better advice or something more meaningful or this or that I CANT DO IT ANYMORE

[ohmrbandy]

GUH

[thequietkid-moonie]

Violet Evergarden with a reader who used to fight against her on the enemy side during the war and hc’s about

How they meet again, what do they think of each other at first, how they fall in love with each other, and how they get together please.

Falling in love with an ex soldier enemy

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Violent Evergarden ]

I started to watch the anime again because i want to see the movies now too and brooooo I being crying a loooot!!!

Also, i think i made a really good job with this one, I think is cute and fluffy (also, maybe a little bit too cheesy but you cant blame me! im a hopless romantic!) ❤️ I hope you like it as much as I did writing it!

After the war finished Violet was finally able to live her life, learning to be just herself and not a weapon for the war. Her job as auto memory doll give her the opportunity to truly enjoy the life and even meet new people

A war is a really cruel and infortunate event, is quite common to people who lived in any of the countries that are involved try to move to another in hopes to get a better quality of life, either during the was or even after the war finished since the aftermath of the war is just as cruel as the war itself. It doesn't matter the military rank you used to have, no matter how much battles you were in or the horrors you you had to witness, the important is that is over and now you can try and have a peaceful life, try to forget all that happened

You two meeting was a mere coincidence, you two only constantly meet while walking the same streets in your way to work, even if it was a small stretch of the road you two always saw each other

Because of Violet's personality the only way you two will met and actively see each other has to be because you two see each other constantly and you start talking to her, honestly a simple greeting everyday, like telling her just a good morning everytime you cross paths or even just wishing her a good day is more than enough to make an impact on her, if it happens everyday it becomes part of her day to the point when if you ever go missing one day Violet will get a little worried and may even wait for a moment in the point where you two usually met in hopes that you are just running a little late

It take a while but at some point Violet herself will try to start a conversation because now she wants to talk more with you, she doesn't really get why but now she now is more curious and want to get to know you a little more, even if your conversations are just about how pretty the day is or wishing you luck for the day, or even Violet giving you advice for something trivial you commented without thinking much but that she have take too serious, it take a long time but your friendship bloom like the prettiest flower, it was small and probably base on small interactions, but for both it was truly meaningful

When you two are together, talking about the most trivial things in the world, even if is just for a few minutes both can feel like if you two were just normal people, as if your life doesn't have a trail of blood behind you, as if you have being like this always, those minutes together is a simple moment of peace, even if non of you were already used to a simple civilian life or are still hunted by the past, all of that is ereased for the few moments when you two stop to greet each other

The feelings grow slowly, just like your friendship, it take a while to pass from a simple feeling of comfortness to love, with her new life it came new people, new places and new feelings, what she feels for you is completely diferent from what she felt for the major, but at the same time holds the same meaning and intensity, you aren't all she has now but she knows she wants to be with you, and even if the feeling is similar she still need time to understand her feelings

Everyone in CH Postal Company can notice the change on Violet, is small and invisible for anyone who doesn't know her enough, but for them is almost obvious that there is something that is making her really happy, and, honestly, everyone is happy for her, cheering for her to don't lose what makes her happy (and, also, trying to pry on her to get to know what it is, specially if is someone)

Ex soldiers tent to have a slow recovery and has problems to readapt to live a normal life, but since you two share the same past then you two can understand the heavy burden that it represents without even knowing, both can go as as slowly as you need because the other need to go to the same rythm, agreeding without even having to say it

Despite not having a problem with talking about it, Violet has never told you that she used to be a soldier just because the topic never came to the conversation, but at some point one of you end up sliping a comment about your past, about the war in a perspective that only a soldier could have, and just with that simple comment both understand that you two share the same past, but with a little more talking, even if one of you just say small coments quickly you two realice that both were fighting on diferent sides

After that is almost as if your relationship have broke, non of you could mutter any other word because it simple doesn't leave your mouth, non of you were even able to see each other again without looking away troubled, not because you were enemies but because of the insecurity and the shame, both have their hands dirt with blood of innocent, both of you feel ashame of what you had to do because of the orders of your superiors, both undestand what it is to be hunted by the pain in your hearts because of the screams and the relentless terrors of the battlefield, but also both share the same feeling that trouble your hearts how am I supouse to look at you after what I have done to your people?

Violet return to be reserved and quite, ashame of her actions on the war and shutting herself, returning to just do her job and trying to easy her mind with all the insecurities, she tries to don't stuck her mind on what happened but her heart hurts, she feels like she is losing you just like she lost the major, even more when she doesn't greet you on your usual spot anymore or whenever she sees you walking with your head down to don't look at her

After a while Violet pass from feeling ashame to be more curious about you again, she constantly catch herself thinking on you, wondering if you have nightmares about being in the battlefield too, wondering if your body also have the scars of the war, if you also feel this heavy burden in her heart and mind for all those you had to kill, if you were also only used as a weapon for the war

After a long time, and some reasurance of her friends (who tries to comfort her without even knowing what happened since Violet doesn't really want to share it with anyone) she finally decides that she wants to know the answer of all those questions, she wants to know how you feel, what you feel, and most important, she now understand that she doesn't want to lose you, so with determination she imediatly take her typewriter and did what she thinks is the best for now, write you a letter

The very next day of writing the letter she waited patiently in the spot where you used to met, even making sure she get there early so she don't miss you out, standing in front of you once you appear she introduce herself as the auto memory doll and give you the letter, just saying that someone have send it to you before saying bye and going to her work. The letter was from herself and express all the worries and sadness that has being bugging her, all her feelings and the fear she has of losing you, of losing what you two had, even making clear that she still doesn't understand what she truly feel for you but she is sure that she doesn't want to lose you

Later that day, Violet recived a special commission, someone that came to CH Postal Company and asked for her services to write an answer of a letter that has recived recently, you were there to answer her letter with another letter, expressing your own worries and what bugged you, but also that you have missed her all this days you couldn't even look at her at her face, admiting that the idea of losing her break your heart and that you hope you two could continue where you left it

After this your relasionship started again, but this time with more strenght, now that you two know that you can understand each other better you can apreciate your friendship even more, and even if you two were taking your time it wouldn't take much time before relice that this relationship were more than a simple friendship, it holds more value and meaning, the feeling are more stronge anc comforting to be just a simple friendship

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Hello, I've been enjoying your Arc-V reactions so much. I had a question since you called Yuya your favorite protagonist, do you have some like deeper character analysis thoughts on him? I feel like I had a strong grasp of his character in season 1, but in seasons 2 and 3 I don't think I understood well what the writers were going for with him, other than he's extremely repressed because both parents told him he's never allowed to get angry or cry and express any negative emotions.

WAH THANK YOU apologies this took ten thousand years to get to..late june/july is always busy for my art fightin' ass

ANYWAY IVE BEEN HMMING AND PONDERING OVER THIS FOR A WHILE and like. i think the tricky thing with yuya is that, well, i don't think the WRITERS even fully had a grasp on what they wanted to go for with him in the later seasons (and/or what they wanted to do with arc-v's themes. and the plot. and the all of it lmao) so it really is a bit of a 'there's multiple reads you can have on this character and while not all of 'em are right, not all of 'em are probably wrong either'; the narrative frankly doesn't have a strong enough backbone for like the entire second half to put full conviction into one definite read. Great news for guys who like to think way too much about yugioh characters!! Less great news for "trying to actually grasp wtf the actual honest to god true intent of the writing was" 🥴

All that on the table and now aside, let's talk about the little unwell tomato of the hour. First I do think it's a bit misleading to say Yuya's especially repressed, per say--there's an element of unconscious ignoring/avoidance to repression, and let's be real this kid is certainly not ignoring his negative emotions. The negative emotions are beating his ass. He is spending half the series having catastrophic emotional meltdowns and veering directly into sobs and explosive rage outbursts and feeling Bad almost constantly. I think with him it's more an instance of him having just an absolute pisspoor handling on his emotional regulation... because yeah his parents have been giving him terrible self-help advice for years </3

I don't think theyve necessarily told him he's not allowed to be sad/get angry/express negative emotions--instead it's more of a case where (with Yusho especially) Yuya's being told if he DOES feel sad or upset, then that needs to be met with a smile in order to truly push past it and to feel better, i.e. if you fake the laughter then it will become genuine laughter and youll be a-ok and HAPPY!! YAY HAPPY ^_^ (yusho you cant fucking say that to your coughing baby who's also a hydrogen bomb!!!! oh god!!!!)

arc-v is Very into this idea of illustration emotions as through the metaphor of a pendulum (huh wonder why) especially like.... 'when you're crying, laugh instead, and that will swing your emotions back around again into positive ones' and 'if you're courageous and confident and push through feeling upset, that courage will swing back and turn into happiness.' which is like... IT'S ALMOST SOMETHING. THEYRE ALMOST SAYING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. BUT YUYA IS SUCH A BAD MAIN CHARACTER TO EMBODY THIS THEMATIC CONCEPT. he's neurotic and kind of not particularly brave and wretchedly insecure and again his emotional regulation is complete dogwater and he's not a very good, confident duelist (or showman even) and so on and so forth. And the problem I think is as you get into season 2 and 3 the stakes keep getting higher and urgent but Yuya doesn't really like.... Grow very much in those aforementioned areas. They just start piling more and more insane shit on him and then it's not just his dad telling him to smile more but also like half the rest of the cast and the narrative itself BUT THERE NEVER GETS TO BE A MOMENT WHERE LIKE. THAT MANTRA FEELS EARNED, FOR YUYA. The writers reeeeally really want him to be this embodiment of laughter and always swinging back around to smile in the face of adversity but most of the moments we see them trying to make Yuya out to be this in the show, where his dueling brings smiles to everyone and ends classism and makes the bad guys nice immediately, they just feel kind of....fake. ive mentioned before how the end of arc-v feels like a fake tumblr post but alongside that a lot of season 2/3's writing for yuya feels like the exaggerated parody of steven universe that su critical blogs in 2015 were convincing themselves existed. and don't get me wrong it's fucking hysterical, I think it's hilarious yuya fixed arc-v aster in like two duels and now he's not an authoritarian child soldier anymore, but we do have to also Be So Serious.

sorry i just needed to post CHILL OUT ON THE GLOOM AND DOOM :/ again. this aster definitely has killed people but it's fine yuya fixed him. he's fine.

IMO It's hard to get a grasp on/understand Yuya's character in the later half of the series cuz yuya's character is so weighed down with these big idealistic themes the show didn't actually put any work towards getting him on a narratively satisfying track to fulfill them. He spends like 2/3s of season two literally locked in rooms astral projecting every so often like COME ON. and season 3 much like a lot of arc-v ALMOST GETS THERE. ALMOST SAYS SOMETHING, WITH YURI AND WITH ZARC. What happens when someone's happiness comes about from pain and violence? What happens when a smile is full of malice? That could be such a cool opportunity to explore the pitfalls of the pendulum emotion metaphor the show sets up, how that can be twisted into something harmful, but. well. that's not what we got huh :,)

anyway all that to say i think yuya's a sweet kid who has such a genuinely big heart and is a really interesting character, but it's almost this sort of key feature of his that he's really not a terribly happy person despite the smiley emoji-shaped hole the show's plot tries to jam him into (and cuz of that there's just so much dissonance in that that makes his whole deal kind of murky when all is said and done.) he's really a character that just has nonstop shit Happening to him whether he wants it to or not and it's kind of insane how little agency he has for like... So Much of the Show. He's made into a mouthpiece for Smile Away Da Pain and like.... for what? [arc-v spoilers if it matters] at the end of the series the other three yuboys are effectively dead and soul-absorbed and don't come back and it's like. you cant Smile World that loss away, arc-v. yknow?

i have no idea what my point was anymore, it is very late haha. LOVE YUYA. THEY COULD HAVE SAID SOME REALLY THOUGHT PROVOKING SHIT WITH HIM. AND YET !

[caluski]

hi… any tips how to spend your birthday alone :-(

hiii im so sorry baby i know this sucks :(((((( i might be not the right person to answer this bc i always freak out about my birthdays BUT maybe some of these could soothe your nerves a little as well.

choose music for yourself. what i usually do when im having a tough day is picking either a) a playlist of mine that i know will keep me feeling alright, or b) a playlist with new music that i can listen to thorough the day in hopes of finding something new (like my favorite genre playlists from everynoise.com). if youre likely to feel crappy on ur bday best to not choose either too sad or too happy music!!! too sad for obvious reason, but too happy - might make you feel even worse, like forcing yourself to smile in the mirror when you feel like the absolute failure. if youre out of ideas lmk what genres/artists you like and i would love to try to pick out a playlist for you!

the classic go to cinema/cafe/restaurant/gym/beach whatever to keep yourself busy. im sure you probably thought of this yourself but its a standard advice for a reason; activities are good for you!!!!!! since its summer, maybe your city has some fun events? flea market or thrifting? being a tourist at your own city? maybe a free museum or art gallery exhibit? think it through, im sure theres something you can come up with!!!! for me, free-to-attend events work best, because i dont have to worry about feeling guilty about spending much money.

if youre like me, you might feel worse if you pretend its a day like any other - for me, celebrating things is super important, so i have to acknowledge birthdays properly. so what i do, instead of acting like its nothing, is trying to make it as special as possible. if you cant be with your loved ones, try to make it a day of preparing yourself for the upcoming year. for me, its usually meditation, taking some time to relax with my thoughts (like during yoga), lighting candles, and so on and so on. for me this past sunday, it was a lot of listening to the rain and intense wind. maybe take a super long bath, or if you prefer being more active, a longer than usual walk/run to help you clear your mind.

this is connected to previous point, but - remember to look at your future with hope no matter what. its really important to try and find positives, even if being alone for one reason or another sucks so much. good ways of doing it are listing ways in which your life has become better than last year (there MUST be something - maybe youve become better at sex, maybe youre feeling a little more comfortable in your gender expression, maybe you finally learned how to love food you used to be grossed out by, whatever). think of what youve overcome since past birthdays, think of how youve grown or what youve learned, and then set yourself some goals to achieve over the next year. dont be TOO ambitious because then youll just feel upset bc you didnt manage to meet your expectations. aim low and specific! explore a new city, try to overcome your anxiety about phonecalls, find a new comfort tv show, and such. think of small things youve always wanted to improve on that feel more achievable. you can put it into a letter to yourself to open in a year, maybe a word document, an extra long journal entry. remember that a you from the next year will likely read this! be kind to them and give them as many excuses to feel proud and hopeful as possible.

start the good change & embrace new things! dont let yourself drown in sadness by staying in bed all day. its okay to have bad days and let yourself process them - we cant possibly be doing our best all the time, and sometimes slowing down for a moment really is necessary to keep moving forward - but it'll feel so much better to do something meaningful (to you). if youve been wanting to start working out for a while, a day like this might be good to do it for the first time. or maybe youve been putting off cleaning your bedroom or your bathroom or something. change your sheets and pajamas! start fresh! crack open a new book! maybe you have an unused notebook laying around - start a scrapbook with a beautiful collage on the very first page. make that recipe youve kept in your bookmarks for years - its so fun to look back at your memories like, "oh i remember ive made my very favorite meal for the very first time on that lonely birthday!!! how symbolic is that, now i cant imagine celebrations without it!!!" and so on and so on.

and these might be super obvious but theyre also super important: stay well fed and hydrated! get plenty of fresh air! if possible reach out to someone for some human contact! go to bed at proper hour or take naps (dont stay up for too long esp if you know you'll do nothing but feel sad - and lack of sleep will only make you feel shittier).

these might be pretty plain but i hope something can be helpful. so sorry about your birthday being in solitude! i hope the next one will be much, much better and you'll be surrounded by your loved ones. happy birthday sweet pea! and let me know how the day goes for you :-) mwah!

[drdemonprince]

Hey Devon. In your book you talked about how often, autistic people are more likely to face abuse. That’s very true in my experience. I’ve been in several abusive relationships and I’m in one again but at the same time I don’t want to leave because like you said, we fear abandonment. You didn’t really give tips on how to get out of abusive relationships unless I’m not remembering correctly and in that case my apologies. But I’m just wondering if you could give some tips on how to get out of a situation like that while having abandonment issues and not wanting to leave because you love the person. Thank you

A few years ago, I wrote an essay with advice for people who love someone who is currently being abused, and want to be able to support the abuse victim better. Ultimately though, the piece is also about what it's like to be a victim and to hide your abuse from your friends and loved ones while it is happening, and what slowly coming to the point of deciding to leave looked like for me. So I think you'll get something out of it:

On average, it takes seven attempts for a domestic abuse victim to make a lasting break from their abuser. If you aren't ready to end it yet, you deserve to be patient with yourself. In the meantime, keep a journal of your feelings and the worst of your experiences (if you can do so safely). Identify a friend or two whom you can really be honest about the abuse to, who will listen and not judge you or try to force your hand (a virtual friend is fine for this if you cant meet face to face). Begin contemplating some the specifics for when you do leave: where would you live, who could help you move, how would you spend your time, how would you like to decorate your own space. Having something to look forward to on the other side is essential.

Loving someone who mistreats you really is like an addiction in a great many ways, and so I have found a great deal of meaning from writings on harm reduction, as well as books on codependency, and dialectical behavioral therapeutic approaches to fears of abandonment. There are some codependency workbooks on my to-read list right now that a friend recommended after reading Unmasking Autism and seeing much of their own dating life reflected in the book. I'll report back once I've had the chance to try them out.

I wish problems like these had a tidier answer, but for me overcoming these tendencies is an ongoing struggle and I still yearn for my abandonment anxieties to be soothed in a way that I think they ultimately just never will. I have tried all my life throwing pursuits and people into the chasm of my own neediness, and never have I ever felt filled up. I'm starting to think these feelings and yearnings are just a life wound I need to accept living with, and that acceptance of that pain will bring me the closest to healing and peace that I'll be capable of. I think it is still possible to lead a meaningful life with many wonderful experiences while lugging that baggage around. I hope you find a way to carry that weight that works for you.

[mallowstep]

um sorry if this is a weird question but how do you deal with back pain? my back aches basically 24/7 but sometimes the pain gets so bad that i cant move a lot. and my parents dont believe me cuz im 'too young' to have it and they think im just making it up lol

i am not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

i don't know WHY or WHERE your back hurts, so even with my limited abilities, i can't say very much.

i have upper back pain. it's worst on my left shoulder. like. under the shoulder blade sometimes. if that makes sense. but it will spread across my whole upper back, and even to my lower back if i REALLY fuck up. for example today i am sitting in a gordian knot and i can feel that i am going to regret that choice because i can already feel it hurting way closer to my spine than on a good day.

also sometimes it spreads up to my neck.

the trapezius muscle is PART of it but i'm not sure if it's the root cause or if it's compensating.

so ymmv significantly with all of this, but:

biggest thing i do is lie on the floor for a bit. hips and back against the ground, but i usually don't have my legs flat on the ground. i've found it's more effective that way. probably something to do with the angle of your pelvis. i'm not a doctor or a physical therapist, i don't know. i just know that this works.

it sometimes hurts more at first, but i can like. feel my shoulders get drawn back? it's gravity working to pull you into "good" posture, which helps me a lot. if i can sit up straight, i deal a lot better with the pain.

i've fucked around with sleeping positions, but i think sleeping on my back would be the only thing that would help, and i can't typically fall asleep like that. because i tend to curl my shoulders in when i sleep, which makes it worse.

(temporarily relieves pain, makes things worse in the long run.)

so i've given up on that.

i also do some basic stretches: usually focused on getting my shoulders to not be so forward. running through uhhh how do i explain.

so i did years of ballet which is probably part of why my body is so fucked up, and when you're doing like. a plié or tendu exercise. you move your arms in a certain pattern. the thing that it's doing that's making me feel better is rolling my shoulders, but shhh.

sometimes i also do this thing where i just. pretend i'm trying to get my shoulder blades to touch. and uhh if you can clasp your hands behind your back. like one arm is reaching down past your neck, and the other is reaching up past your lower back. it's got a name.

my ex used to give me massages, which did help, but it was a pretty temporary fix. same w heating pads. they help release tension, which helps, but i'm pretty sure there's an underlying problem.

i also try not to carry heavy things on just one side. just carrying things doesn't make it worse, unless i have bad posture, but if i try to like. lug a generator up two flights of stairs with mostly one arm because it's awkward to carry any other way. i will regret it and have to stop before i actually get where it's going.

just ~your club's strong man has chronic pain~ problems

this is not intended to be advice. once again, i am not a doctor or any medical professional. all i know is what i do, and it's helped. yes i absolutely should talk to my doctor about this but every time i go i have more pressing concerns

so. best of luck my heart goes out to you. having chronic pain sucks. the people around you rarely understand. and. being in pain SUCKS. it sucks SO much. if you CAN find people who are supportive and understand, it's really helpful.

my ex was shitty in a lot of ways, but he also drove me home from school every day once he had a car, which was extremely meaningful.

and you're taking a GREAT first step by looking for ways to make it better. i cannot express how much i want to go back to me at 14 or 15 and just give that kid a good long shake like. what are you doing child. i understand you don't want to slow down for anything. but you are not helping matters.

can't blame a young teen for doing young teen things, including "pulling a cat and masking your pain and not modifying your activities to account for it," but still.

aaand in case you haven't read it...

[lorei-writes]

Hi! I wanna say your stories are too cute! Do you have any advice to new writers?

Ahh, thank you! 😳 Haha, I honestly don’t know how to reply, people being so kind towards my works always leaves me a little speechless, haha. So... Thank you 😳

As for the advice... Well, let’s give it a shot. 

[Lorei from the future: of course, I made it long. Why am I even not surprised anymore].

In short (I elaborated on those below the cut):

Never dispose of your old work.

Do not obsess over editing.

The initial growth may be rapid. Then it slows down and it is when you are more aware of your errors. It is okay like so. It shows your growth.

Forget about what you think you should be and focus on what you can be.  Do not try to force yourself into any rigid frames of “should” and “should not”, of “but author XYZ does it and it works out for them”. It is not an excuse not to try, but a call to adapt things to work for you.

Write for yourself and be greedy of your time.  That being said, if you feel like being generous, do it!

We are not perfect and will never be - a knowledge of a person is finite.  Look for your biases and never, never forget you can be wrong.

Do not be scared after the sixth. It boils down to being humble and being aware that your experiences are only yours.

Experiment and have fun. Not all stories have to be finished. Sometimes we aren’t at the place in life when we ourselves have an appropriate ending for them.

See what you can learn from others and observe. Ask whether they’d be willing to give you any opinions on the matter. However, you do need a certain compatibility for that too.

Try to localise the issue you’re experiencing every time you stumble into one.

I presume you have already heard “just write”, which by itself is well, the most universal piece of advice. Just write and you’ll get better eventually, although... From my observations, it is not necessarily given. I suppose it could be rather frustrating to hear - just write what? How to write this “just write”? As such, allow me to elaborate on this “just write”, or at least what I think “just write” could entail for the benefit of the learner. 

First, never dispose of your old work. You will need it later on, even after you’ve improved - to be able to look back and see your growth during periods of discouragement. 

Second, do not obsess over editing. Sure, things can always be improved upon - and it will most likely be the case that sometimes it will not be just in your head and that indeed, somebody will notice. But it is okay this way. We are humans. Humans make mistakes. What humans do is also learning from them. You will get way more experience out of creating plenty imperfect works than if you were to write just one perfect piece. 

Third, the initial growth may be rapid. Then it slows down - and much to my dismay, and probably to that of plenty other writers, it is when we are most aware of our errors. We have enough experience to recognize them, but lack tools to solve them. It is okay this way. This is just how learning goes and it will pass eventually. It does not mean you suddenly forgot how to write, quite the opposite - you’ve learnt more than ever before and started to notice things you were oblivious to before. Don’t be scared, it’s okay - just try to tackle them, one at the time. 

Fourth, forget about what you think you should be and focus on what you can be. Listen. You will never be Ursula K Le Guin - and she will never be you. Art of any type is subjective, and it will never be so that one style is superior to the other. You may admire some authors and try to mimic their style - which by itself, I presume, isn’t that bad of a thing, it can give you some analytical experience - but eventually, you will find something in them that’s bothering you. Do not try to force yourself into any rigid frames of “should” and “should not”, of “but author XYZ does it and it works out for them”. If it doesn’t work out for you, it doesn’t work out for you - that’s it. That being said, since I think I may be wording myself poorly - it is not an excuse not to try or say, to avoid some things completely, because you don’t feel particularly confident about them, no. It is a call to adapt things to suit you. You will grow with time too - adapt again, do not shackle yourself!

To give an example to that - my imagination works in words. I hardly ever see any scenes, and if I do, they are usually extremely vague, blurred. But I also think in smells and feelings, colours, textures, plenty things which together create an experience. I struggle with writing detailed descriptions. For the longest time I thought I should be writing them, but... Really, as much as I know it is something I should make sure to check myself on, I stopped putting extra pressure on myself to make the descriptions VERY detailed. Does my reader need to know the precise layout of streets, or is it okay if I give them an idea on how more-or-less the system works and then walk them briefly through it? We all have our set of experiences we build up on. I’d rather collect a set of items with a certain atmosphere to them than torture myself with creating a precise vision. My readers don’t have to imagine things the way I do for the scenery to still work.  Did it make my descriptions so much better? I don’t know. But it certainly kept me a writing-writer as opposed to i-cant-write-a-single-thing-right-writer and I think that’s plenty good. 

Fifth, write for yourself and be greedy of your time. Your stories do not have to shatter the world or otherwise save it. All stories have some sort of audience that will be willing to listen to them, and they may be just as meaningful to other people - so honestly, don’t put any pressure on yourself with some sense of mission.  That being said, if you feel like being generous, do it! Take requests! People don’t like what you wrote for them? Well, they asked for it and it was your courtesy to begin with. However, that brings us to another one...

Sixth, we are not perfect and will never be - a knowledge of a person is finite. Be curious and remember that no experiences are universal. In other words: ask questions, look for what other people say, read their experiences, educate yourself, and then, at the end of the day, decide whether your original outlook on the matter is still relevant. Examine whether the story you wanted to tell still holds up. Look for your biases and never, never forget you can be wrong - people can and may point our your errors. It is fine. Apologise and do better next time. (Although it may happen that somebody’s claims will not be based in reality - and then it’s back to learning and talking and... Basically, navigating through the world).  Basically, step out of your shoes and try to imagine walking in those belonging to somebody else.  This is particularly relevant when discussing cultures or presenting characters from marginalised groups.  

Example relevant to me: If the only slavic characters in your work are uneducated or otherwise stupid, you have a problem with representation there. If all of them are addicted to alcohol, drugs, are part of mafia, are spies, are thieves or otherwise operate as criminals - you have an issue there.  If your story is set in Prague, but you use Russian cultural themes and have your characters use stray words from other slavic languages (and it is not just a quirk of a given character, but more so a common thing to all of them) - you have an issue there.

Seventh, do not be scared after the sixth. It seems like a lot. It boils down to being humble and being aware that your experiences are only yours. And to the fact that if you know precisely nothing about something and want to write about it, you should do some reading first. 

Eighth, experiment and have fun. If something grows more tedious than entertaining, you may want to let it go, at least for a moment. Not all stories have to be finished. Sometimes we aren’t at the place in life when we ourselves have an appropriate ending for them.

Ninth, see what you can learn from others and observe. This isn’t only about their experiences, but their craft too. Sometimes others know better. Ask whether they’d be willing to give you any opinions on the matter. However, you do need a certain compatibility for that too - sometimes your styles may be too different and one person could be converting the other to be more like them in terms of writing. This isn’t any good.

The last one, tenth: try to localise the issue you’re experiencing every time you stumble into one. It will make it easier for others to help you, or for you to help yourself. 

[madd-information]

So I've known about maladaptive daydreaming for a while but I can never really tell if I have it because it's basically a self diagnose thing. I always convince myself I'm making something out of nothing so yeah... do you have any advice for that? Like distinguishing between immersive daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming? I know like obviously it has to negatively affect your life to be maladaptive but I cant tell if it is or not. I'm just really bad at that type of stuff. Also, do immersive daydreamers have to do some sort of 'stim' for lack of a better word (like pacing or swinging in my case) or is that just maladaptive daydreamers?

Immersive daydreamers will also do the repetitive movements, not all (not even all MDers do it) but many. As for how to tell the difference; this can be tricky in some cases, for a variety of reasons, and depends very much on the person and where they draw the line between negative and positive impact.  The most general advise I give is to stop.   Pick a length of time, a week perhaps, and don’t daydream.  Avoid your triggers and pull yourself out when you notice it happening.  Find a place to write about this time, maybe journal or use a notes app. It doesn’t have to be paragraphs, just a few words is fine, about how your mood is, what you feel when you pull yourself out, cravings for triggers, Anything, just take stock of how you’re feeling during this time. If you’re an IMer it shouldn’t be any worse than setting aside any other dear hobby.  Irritating, but generally not terrible.  If you’re an MDer you may begin to feel the effects of withdrawal, or any underlying conditions that the daydreams have been covering for.  You may suddenly find yourself depressed, anxious or angry.  The cravings may be too strong to handle without additional support.   Note; you don’t need to commit to the entire week.  If it turns out you’re an MDer failure is the entire point. This experience is not meant to break the habit in any way, it is just an experiment to see what kind of emotions or issues are raised when daydreaming is set aside, and to get a feel for how strong the addiction might be.  Stop the experiment if it becomes too much.   Using the information you gathered in this time you can sit down and give some more meaningful thought to where your trouble areas are and how mild or severe they may be.  

[gerrydelano]

(1 / 2) As a writer do you have any advice for finding the right balance with writing stories that have other people (different race/gender/orientation) in them as opposed to writing other people's stories? I want to have diversity in my writing, and I try to follow that general rule of including but not speaking for other people in my stories, but I'm not sure where the line is between faithfully creating like, a black or brown character, vs saying what its like to be a black or brown person when

(2 / 2) I cant understand that experience in a meaningful way. Rn I'm trying to like, be aware of my own biases and make sure they aren't influencing the narrative choices I make, but I don't think its enough to just say a character is X race and then not be racist in portraying them. Would I be better off leaving those things to audience interpretation? Sorry if you aren't the person to be asking about this, I just look up to you as a writer and have seen you briefly talk about this before.

hey, anon! it took me a HOT minute to finally answer this, but uhhhh buckle in for my longest meta post yet!

going to separate this into parts so it’s a bit easier to read!

01. initial response 02. resources 03. including little details 04. fight your fear response 05. input from my server 06. don’t tokenize - in and out of your writing 07. conclusion

here we go!

01.INITIAL RESPONSE

first off, just wanna apologize again for taking, like... two weeks to answer this. i appreciate that you like my writing/value my input on this kind of thing, but it did make me a BIT uncomfortable because this is a super loaded question, and i’m simultaneously the right and wrong person to ask.

i belong to plenty of marginalized groups, sure! and i like to think i’m pretty self aware, all things considered. but in NO way can i speak on diversity™ as a whole, especially in terms of groups i do NOT belong to, considering that those groups are majorly important to respect and handle with care.

i can speak on my own, but not those. i’m not black or brown, i’m white passing mixed jpn, and i’ve made plenty of my own mistakes. i want to be as transparent about that as possible. in NO way am i an authority or somebody who’s going to have all the answers, either, and in no way do i ever want to come across as acting like i ever will.

when asking this kind of question, you gotta kind of specify exactly what you’re trying to do because no one singular person is going to have every answer. i can’t really do too much in the way of direct advice if i don’t know what you’re trying to write, what you may have already written, or what you have to dismantle. y’know? if you have something specific you wanna be mindful of, it’s generally better to ask a person Of That Particular Experience rather than casting a catch-all sort of net.

you already know that you want to be careful about portraying BIPOC, and i can’t really tell you how to do that without just linking resources by black and brown people who have outlined this themselves. i’m not the person to ask about that, so i’ll boost those voices instead, while also adding in what i can talk about to provide other examples of ways to diversify your writing on a whole. when it comes to those things, though, you need to look elsewhere and i hope the resources i link help you to find the right spaces.

i also talked to my server about this and they gave some pretty good input! i’ll put more of what they said a bit later in this post, but this one message from angel @ofdreamsanddoodles sums it up pretty nicely:

“i would say the main difference is between acknowledging things & making them a plot point? like u can have an lgbt character whos had to come out but if youre not lgbt you wouldnt wanna make the story about coming out, or you could have a jewish person talk about religion w/o that being the plot”

there is a key difference between having a character who is X thing, and having a STORY that REVOLVES AROUND BEING X thing. it can generally be simplified down to that, but there’s more to it of course and i’ve been sitting on this long enough that i want to actually give you more than just that.

this is also just going to be tackling as many aspects of this as i can think of, for the sake of anybody else who might have had a similar question! sorry if this is redundant.

02. RESOURCES

i came across this post i reblogged on my personal a while back that i think will help you:

On White Fear & Creating Diverse Transformative Works

the phrase “white fear” is a really useful one that i think we all need to take into account when we’re asking ourselves these questions. we have to be conscious and respectful and do our research but we can’t just let the fear of being called out or being incorrect Stop us from putting LGBT, neurodiverse, disabled, characters of color into our work.

being afraid of misrepresenting is not a good enough excuse for us to not try at all, and at the very least it already displays that you care enough to try NOT to misrepresent. it should at least imply that if you DO make a mistake, you’ll take responsibility and confront it, and change what has to be changed so your portrayal is more accurate and respectful.

if necessary, apologize. but overall? don’t dwell on it and beat yourself up, just move on and make a point to do better. it can be hard, especially if you have the anxiety that i do about over-apologizing, but trust me when i say nobody in these groups wants to hear it. it’s not their responsibility to put up with any pity parties, whether we intend for it to come across that way or not.

there’s also this comic that’s pretty succinct, too! specifically confronts unconscious biases and common tropes in media that are harmful to BIPOC. and like the first post says, check out @writingwithcolor - that’s an amazingly helpful resource and one i think goes underutilized. i definitely need to check in there, too.

!!!! THIS WRITINGWITHCOLOR MASTERPOST IS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT AND HELPFUL !!!!

you already have the right idea when it comes to making sure you’re not speaking for/over anyone when writing someone who has an experience you don’t have, and frankly there’s not much more i can really tell you to DO other than fact check every now and again and maybe look into finding/hiring a sensitivity reader depending on what it is you’re doing.

EDIT: yes, hiring a sensitivity reader. this stuff is taxing, it’s mental and emotional labor. it’s usually easy to get friends to skim over something and tell you if there’s something you need to tweak but when it comes to serious stuff and reaching out to strangers, consider commissioning and actually paying for that service because it IS a service. the longer your work is, the more necessary it is to compensate the person who is being put to that task.

this is the kind of thing where we have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and just do it, and make sure we’re checking ourselves along the way instead of psyching ourselves out and being afraid of doing it wrong - when, again, you already clearly want to do it as respectfully as possible. we can’t just stop at Wanting to do good, we have to actually try to DO it.

03. INCLUDING LITTLE DETAILS

when it comes to leaving things up to audience interpretation, i think you can go further than that. just Saying someone is X thing really isn’t enough, no - that’s window dressing to me.

these things impact your life. your race, neurodivergency, sexuality, gender, disability, financial status, place of living, etc. literally all of it impacts the choices you make, the way you see the world, the way you see yourself, how you interact with other people, WHO you feel more comfortable interacting with, where you go to school, where you work, how you see the concept of family, whether you even want one, literally you CANNOT write a story with characters of diverse experience without literally needing to acknowledge that experience.

the experience is more than a word, a label, a name. it’s your whole ass life.

kind of reminds me of that one (miserable) post about how sandra oh had to basically write eve’s race into the character portrayal because white hollywood just wasn’t doing it. like... she’s clearly korean! mayhaps respect that? like, one example was that she had to tell them not to overlay the sound of shoes as she walked through her house because “my character is not wearing shoes in the house.” little shit that white hollywood didn’t care to even consider, but that sandra as a korean person was like “um. yeah hey! we don’t do that.”

think of the little details like that, look into things and talk to people and double check. it’s honestly in the little details, i think, that a portrayal of things like this goes the furthest? because audience interpretation can do a lot of the bulk, yes, but when you put in little details that display actual care and nuance, it can be really refreshing and relieving and in my experience make people smile.

for example with how i write judaism into my fics! in the butch georgie fic, i had a small scene where jon lent georgie one of his spare kippot when they went to a yom kippur service. including that discussion about yom kippur in general - a jewish holiday centered around atonement - was important to what the characters were going through in the story, and adding the bit about the kippah was a nod to gender exploration (that’s the little cap that jewish men wear, traditionally, and so jon giving one to georgie was a display of her exploring presenting more masculinely and also jon sort of giving his up/not wearing one that time because he’s exploring femininity.)

as for TSP, i honestly just scattered little mentions around! jon mentioned offhand a trip to israel, miriam made references to moses and daniel in her narration, jon was uncomfortable with an invasive jesus peddler in chapter 8 and said that he wasn’t one for christmas, miriam mentioned him coming home for hanukkah and wanting to call him to be sure he came home for pesach, miriam’s backstory involved her literal experience with growing up during WWII (a bit of a tall order ngl, but still something i felt was necessary). i’m going to make references to the mikveh by the end, discuss the reason that miriam had actually been amenable to tattoos given the controversy of that in the jewish community, etc.

all of these things actually matter to the story and the characters and gives them a bit of Relatable Depth! could i have told the story without these details? sure, i guess. would it be anywhere near as moving in some places? i don’t think so. particularly in terms of how miriam escaped the vast. her jewishness literally saved her life, and jon reconnecting with his jewishness is going to really improve his, by the end.

that’s just ONE example of a way you can include these things without necessarily telling the story of What It’s Like To Be X Thing. i think the MAIN important thing to recognize here is that when we say “don’t tell a story about what it’s like to be XYZ,” we often also mean:

don’t tell the story of what it’s like to SUFFER INJUSTICE because of these things.

if you’re writing a black character, holy mother of g-d do not write instances of them experiencing direct antiblackness. don’t have someone chuck slurs at them, don’t have them Wish They Weren’t Black, don’t try to write about the tiny miniscule every-single-day struggles of navigating the world as a black person if you are not that. the same goes for any other experience you don’t have, but honestly especially that.

04. FIGHT YOUR FEAR RESPONSE

OKAY i started thinking about the Fear of including something again and was going to put this above but it got so long so i’m making a new section. this is kind of an expansion on the little details thing, but definitely just references the problem with being afraid of what’s already there.

honestly, one place i’ve seen the “i’m not this thing so i’m not writing it!” excuse that INFURIATES me is when people are too Nervous to write an autistic character, particularly in fics involving a character who is already coded that way in the source material. like... if you’re writing them in character as how they are in the media, you Are writing the Same Traits that autistic people have said they see themselves in. you cannot separate someone’s autism from them as a person, it impacts every single area of their life and behavior, we would not be the same people without our autism.

great example is jon. he may not be “confirmed” autistic in the source material (which i understand jonny said so that he wouldn’t be taking credit for something he didn’t realize he’d done, to avoid pulling a JKR - he’s already writing a character who reads as autistic, and nothing actually HAS to change about him in order for him to be identified that way, etc.)

but if you were to deliberately Remove all of the traits that people have identified AS autistic in order to Avoid writing an autistic character just because you’re uncomfortable with the word... you’re no longer writing jon, period. like, those traits that make him who he is are also the traits that people identify as autistic ones. it’s that simple, it’s that harmless, it costs $0.00 to just go with it and toss in little details every now and again that would nod to that being a thing. a stim here, an infodump there. shit he literally already does.

and if you’re going into your writing from minute one knowing you want to include diverse experiences, literally just do it actively. and if someone points out something they’ve noticed about your character? look into it and see if it aligns! maybe it does! i’ve had people read original works of mine and see a neurodivergency in a character i didn’t plan on but then realized holy SHIT that’s exactly what i’ve been doing, now i’m going to lean into it and be deliberate/as respectful as possible in continuing this portrayal instead of either a) doing literally no work to back it up, or b) pretending it’s not there just because i’d missed it the first time.

this was literally me with miriam in TSP actually! i didn’t realize i was ALREADY writing her as autistic until LATER in the game, and wrote a whole post about it here if you’re curious about how i realized it, and how i handled it going forward.

it’s the same as including a trans character! you don’t have to have them sit there and wax poetic about their relationship to gender, but you can make an offhand comment about their binder or them accidentally missing an HRT shot or them trying something new with their hair that feels more affirming. it doesn’t have to be a massive thing, but those little details can mean the world AND allow your readers to extrapolate on their own. which is the fun part of consuming something, isn’t it?

05. SERVER INPUT

okay! getting to what some of my friends said before i forget.

ryl @lilacqueerr said:

“ i see way too many only autistic characters being nonhuman (and same with like. coding fantasy races to races and then not having a human of that race)”

G-D. THIS.

don’t reserve your Diversity for nonhuman characters that might appear with a largely human cast; that’s very dehumanizing, obviously, and can get really fucking dicey depending on what you’re doing. DON’T MAKE GREEN CHARACTERS, REPTILIAN ONES. and if they have distinctly nonwhite features, please g-d don’t make them purple.

EDIT: okay clarifying on the purple thing! this is more just something i’ve noticed myself in a few harmful depictions, like the cop in disney’s new whatever the fuck and like… sugilite su, and so on. i could Swear i’ve seen it in a good chunk of things before i just can’t quite remember them right now, and i don’t think it’s actually like this big ongoing thing (unless i’m wrong!) just, more something i’ve seen and felt weird about. also, honestly, the blue girls in the proud family is another thing which was talked about in that one comic i linked, too.

so i think it’s really just. you gotta be careful about ‘unnatural’ skin colors in you’re coded characters. pretty much ANY color has the capacity to be harmful depending on how you’re using it. yellow skin is an asian caricature, red skin is an indigenous one, blue can be Pretty Bad for south asia as well as the above, etc. my apologies for being unclear there!

also, don’t make your only nonbinary character a skinny white androgynous person. don’t make your gay characters predatory or overly sexualized (and at the same time, don’t necessarily 100% desexualize them either. have more than one gay character!)

parker @cuttlefishkitch said:

“FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING G-D INCLUDE PHYSICALLY DISABLED PEOPLE WE'RE LIKE THE MOST UNDER REPRESENTED GROUP DESPITE BEING THE LARGEST AND MOST DIVERSE MINORITY.

and like writing disabled people includes all the shit listed above, sensitivity readers, diversity of experience, research, but I would add that you can't just read webmd or a few symptom lists to really get what being disabled or chronically ill is like. it affects almost every aspect of life and makes innocuous parts of every day life (ex how a door opens) feel hostile to you”

this one stuck out to me, too! as a disabled person myself, oh my g-d PLEASE include disabled people. disabled POC are at a serious disadvantage in this world, and they’re definitely underrepresented, too. one of the things i prioritize most in my writing is disability representation - jon having EDS is majorly important to me. gerry having POTS/EDS is a HUGE part of the whole thing.

i’ve had so many people come up to me and say thank you for writing them in because they NEVER see themselves in anything, much less fanfiction. some people have read what i put there and realized for the first time that those experiences aren’t actually normal, and they should see a doctor LMAO. like! that’s hugely important? representation is SO important! it shouldn’t be so bad that people literally don’t know they’re ill until they read some random fanfiction on the internet like holy absolute fuck that is just. devastating.

also from parker:

“and chronic pain shit. i can sensitivity read that cause there is a fine line between acknowledging the difficulty and frustration that comes with living with chronic pain and like, pity porn.

like it's realistic to have a character with chronic pain get upset and sad about it for a while, and seek comfort from another character, but that can't be it and you gotta do it really carefully so you're not just fetishizing suffering”

definitely include disabilities in your work if you can. research research research. there are so many tags on tumblr (actually[illness]) that can help you see what a lot of people go through on a daily that can give a lot of insight and opportunity to depict some of those like, small details i mentioned as being useful in writing.

vic @feraldandy had a LOT to say:

“if you have one black character that is very loud and hospitable and boisterous that's a stereotype. if you have one ndn character who is anxious/submissive that's a sterotype. but if you have a Lot of bipoc with a Lot of different roles, they won't be as scrutinized bc they're less likely to fall into one stereotype”

also SUPER helpful ^^^^ do NOT do not do not just. have The Token XYZ, especially if your main cast is largely white.

“generally just don’t touch religion”

vic brought up the very serious point about closed religions, and as an indigenous person should be taken very seriously on that.

like i know i personally write about judaism from the perspective of a studying convert, but i wouldn’t dare touch the deeper nuance of islam or hinduism without direct help. i’ll absolutely include those characters in my writing, and have in the past, but i’m not going to write an actual story about those faiths.

“in writing fantasy deciding what ethnicities you want to draw inspiration from for x group of people is important and you can have diversity within them but I always draw cultural inspiration for my fantasy characters, bc if you don't u end up w an anglo saxon hellscape with a little bit of wasp-washed norse”

very true this drives me nuts. and at the same time! be careful about respectfully rendering that cultural inspiration. RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. and sensitivity readers! are so important! i know this is a big one for my own novel, i’m going to need to hire one of those someday and tbh i’m stoked to do it.

to round down the guest speaker section with another gem from vic:

“yeah I honestly think the most important thing to do is just. interact with people in that community. talk to them about their thoughts and feelings and struggles and get not just the bad but also the beautiful parts of being in that minority and have sensitivity readers. very important.”

interacting with people in the relevant community is essential. and really, like. why wouldn’t you want to interact with more people in general? why are we afraid to reach into other communities and communicate with people who fall outside of our realm of experience. i think fear is a weird part of it! a weird fear of breaking the status quo or being Offensive or not understanding, like. holy SHIT we cannot let that kind of fragility stop us from talking to other human beings. beyond writing, like? how the hell can we make any difference in the world if we don’t talk to each other and learn about each others experience.

06. DON’T TOKENIZE - IN AND OUT OF YOUR WRITING

like what vic said before, make sure to include Multiple people of a particular ethnicity/sexuality/gender/neurotype so it’s not tokenizing and is acknowledging there’s multiple experiences; there’s less chance of falling into stereotypes as well.

take TMA for example, and how they handle bisexuality. the “fun and flirty bi character” is kind of a stereotype, yep! and if tim was the ONLY bi character and he was reduced to JUST that, then there’d be a problem. but jon and georgie do Not fit into that stereotype, and neutralizes the playing field there by displaying a variety of bisexual/biromantic characters.

(people just get fucking weird about tim in fanworks and i do scream! but that’s a post for another day, and in the end cannot be blamed on the source material.)

be mindful of stereotypes. be mindful of how you have other characters interact with them. don’t have a character of color just serve as a crutch for other characters’ development, consider how they might view certain systems and things that maybe you might not have to think as deeply on.

speaking from experience, but if something you’ve written makes you uncomfortable or worried or any of that? trust your gut and take it out. backtrack, redo it, don’t wait for someone to call you out. if you feel like it’s wrong, it probably is. if you have a pit in your stomach about it, there’s probably a reason.

if you’re just confused about a custom or tradition, research it before doing anything. if you’re unsure about something, try to look it up before going to someone with a question. ESPECIALLY if you don’t even know that person - no one is obligated to educate us on these things and it can get exhausting to baby step people through basic respect and research.

i know you meant well when you asked me this, but even this is kind of an example of being mindful about asking strangers how to write something. i’d have to literally know What it is you’re doing in order to actually, fully advise you, and even then! depending on what you’re doing, i may not be able to do that.

i can only speak on so many issues, and even then, no minority is a monolith. no singular person will ever have all the answers, there will always be in-community disagreement about plenty of things, and you may get different answers from different people.

so in short: don’t tokenize characters, and also? don’t tokenize actual people when you’re asking for help. again, not saying you did this to me just now, but it is something you gotta be mindful of going forward. don’t assume people are going to be willing to hold your hand or infodump or correct you or educate you, and if they tell you you’re wrong, accept it gracefully and figure out how to fix it. do NOT dismiss the critique of people who live an experience you don’t, when it comes to depicting that experience in your work.

07. CONCLUSION

the best thing to do is to err on the side of caution, yeah, but do NOT let fear stop you from making an effort. like that very first link says, the chances of being called out are really slim anyway. and we shouldn’t care more about our reputations than we do about representing people in an accurate, respectful, and loving way overall. that should be the priority.

you have the cornerstones for it! you don’t want to mess up, that’s good. now take that compassion and consideration and put yourself to work just making sure that you’re trying your hardest before making it someone else’s problem.

asking for help is NOT inherently bad nor is it discouraged! you SHOULD ask when you have to, and we should all practice setting aside our pride and worry for the sake of being respectful. just try to reason with yourself between what needs to be asked, and what can be sought after yourself first.

and just a reminder, there are places specifically set UP for people to ask questions, too! by mods who have already given their consent to handle these topics and who actually have the stamina and willingness to do it, where you don’t really know if a stranger or a friend will always be okay with taking the emotional energy to respond and guide you through something. PLEASE check out writingwithcolor, for SURE, i cannot recommend them enough.

i hope none of this sounded accusatory or anything, either - i think this is just a topic where some blunt truths do need to be delivered, and i’m definitely not exempt from needing to hear them myself. i’ve made PLENTY of mistakes myself, we all have and we all will, so the best thing to do is keep trying, never actually just throw in the towel and say “well i did it wrong this time so i should never try to write a character of X experience again,” like.

we gotta look ourselves in the mirror and go, “hey. NO tantrums. do better.”

you’ve got the right idea! just put it into practice. research, ask for help when you need it, don’t write a Story that Revolves Around an experience you don’t know anything about on a personal level, but still include characters of different experiences anyway.

don’t psych yourself out of it, don’t just leave it at saying “yeah they’re X” and then don’t put any thought into it beyond that. sprinkle in the little everyday details! even if that’s all you focus on at first, it’s a start! can 100% vouch that people who are of that experience will see those and feel a Way.

OKAY i think i’ve gone on long enough - i really hope this helps in some way, even just a little bit! thanks again for being patient, good luck with your writing!

[konaizumi]

A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 5 thoughts/reaction

so tian killed torfun, but does tian know this yet? bc that would make more sense for why his parents didn’t want him to know about the donor

 tian, pls stop comparing yourself to torfun, you don’t like phupha bc of her heart and he doesn’t like you bc of her heart

also, yesterday i listened to the full ost yesterday for the first time with the lyrics and it’s so beautiful and meaningful

tian had better be on his on the get his medication refilled

i love tul’s pretty casual reaction after being able to contact your friend for the first time in two months after they vanished with only a vague note

awww, tian looking up stuff to do with the children

poor yod, just wants to eat

can’t believe phupha is still trying to deny his feelings to his friends

lol p’aof

but what’s he gonna do with the second scent pouch?

dr nam, at it again

tian trying to trash talk phupha but with a smile the whole time

dr nam knows exactly what he’s doing

tian, pls stop lying to the doctor, the one that’s going to have to take care of you if something happens, like i get that you don’t want people to know, but dr nam is literally the person who needs to know

“like those who reforest but decorate their house with ivories” tian throwing shade at his father

prediction: tian’s father will get involved with the situation at some point and will somehow be involved in resolving the situation with the mob boss (bc he’s the minister or former minster of environmental smth)

tian really is a trouble magnet tho

it’s great to see tian interact with an old friend, mix and white really have good chemistry of friends who’ve known each other forever

i can’t stop laughing at the product placement being used as an excuse for tian to be horny

*pictures shirtless buff phupha* “yeah it is good for your health” XD, i cant

tian, i know why you don’t want your mom to know where you are, but pls at least give her a call

tian complaining but seeming super happy about the bad parts of the village is so pure, my boy is so happy

not phupha going through the 5 stages of grief while tian is gone

he’s such a tsundere

I’m all for phupha being one of the main reasons tian stays at the village but at the same time there’s no need for them to downplay the importance of the rest of the characters to tian’s happiness, like the village and the children are allowed to be just as important as romantic attachments

phupha’s like a dog with separation anxiety

i loved tul and tian’s whole conversation about tian being gay, i was so relieved that’s how it went

can’t believe gmmtv actually avoided making an entire plotline out of a character being gay but thank god

also the implication that tian knew he liked guys even before he started liking phupha, pls give us more content like this gmmtv

also i love the editing that switches between tian’s and phupha’s conversations

also i just love nam/yod/rang/phupha friendship

thank you tul for immediately telling tian that torfun’s heart has literally nothing to do with tian’s feelings

“ i never said i had feelings for him” lol, sure tian

phupha lowkey sulking while his friends make fun of him

tian literally can’t trash talk phupha without smiling, huh?

pls stop hurting my precious baby, he’s very fragile right now

“i have someone there protecting me already” oh if only phupha could hear that

i’m just very glad that there’s not a whole plotline around tian and phupha realizing and admitting their feelings to themselves, like they both have reservations about telling other people, but they both are clearly aware of their own feelings and seem pretty comfortable with them

i can’t wait for tul to meet phupha and spill all the of tian’s dirt

gives the middle finger (affectionate)

tian seeing that phupha is sulking and immediately assuming it’s bc he didn’t tell phupha his plans (and he’s right lol)

tian being super confused by nice phupha

phupha trying really hard to follow dr nam’s advice is so cute

tian, he’s literally smiled for so many times

“what do you want me to be?” my boyfriend

tian immediately feeling embarrased after calling him p’phu

tian brings up phupha’s relationship status for someone who “doesn’t have feelings”

god, phupha smiling a the secret picture he took of tian is just so pure

the phutian content throughout the whole episode is honestly god tier

you know it’s a good scene when you sit there mentally shouting at the characters to just kiss already

(and you know they want to kiss each other so bad)

i really appreciate them giving phupha valid reasons for being insecure like he’s much older and he’s tied to the village, starting a relationship with him would mean staying in the village rather than going back to the city, and him thinking that tian (a young 20 year old rich boy who’s still in the middle of a college degree to be an engineer) wouldn’t want that isn’t unrealistic, like i just appreciate that his reasons for hesitating aren’t stupid

shit, there’s so much fondness~~~~

how many sexual innuendos did phupha make this ep lol

i love how natural their relationship feels too, like it’s just genuinely two people falling in love with each other

everytime phupha fondly watches tian interacting with the children, i gain a year of life

okay but i love all the forest rangers encouraging phupha to ask tian to stay longer

they’re literally so in love it hurts

tian using phupha’s full title when he’s embarrassed

they’re so happy flying the kites together

the very last scene is heartbreaking but also very satisfying to watch

the fear in phupha’s eyes

also i imagine it must be pretty terrifying bc tian’s not just passed out, it’s not like he just fainted, he’s still conscious but can’t move or speak and seems to be in a lot of pain and to have to watch that and not knowing what’s happening to him or what to do

but that’s literally why you need to tell people, tian, so they can help you in emergencies like this

dr nam, hate to break it to you but phupha definitely knows how to flirt

“im also strong” i cant with this man

yes, dr nam, tell my son to quit being such a dumbass and take care of himself

tian and phupha better kiss next week, they deserve it

shit, this was such a good episode, all the quality phutian moments, finally the heart transplant will be revealed, the tul and tian content was great and I hope we see tul again

MVP of the episode: Tul

[tamhrayis]

r u already physically and mentally ok? bc i am still not feeling very good. the ending is the only thing i can think of, however much i try to distract myself from that. i still cant properly eat and sleep. i still cry a lot. i still have stomach ache and have trouble consuming food. i still cant concentrate on anything bc my mind constantly thinks about aot ending. i am one of those people who think ending was average (like it wasnt satisfactory enough, but also not terrible). the thing is that i really wanted to see EM happy together in the end. my brain costantly thinks about how brutally Mikasa had to kill Eren and how she sits under that tree next to his grave and misses him... this just hurts so much. like my rational part tries to tell myself that it is only a fiction, it is not real so i shouldnt make such a fuss around that, but my emotional part (which is now unfortunatelly much stronger) can't let it go... like i have now even a problem to watch anything related to aot. like when i go on youtube and it recommends me some aot videos i cant even bring myself to click on them without them triggering even more pain in me... idk i got probably so attached to EM and wanted to really see them happy together after everything they went through that this ending hurt me in the worst possible way. i want to move on with my life so it wont hurt me anymore, but i just cant because my mind always slips to EM and their ending (which triggers even more pain) and also i am not in any other "fandom" except aot so i dont even have big passion for anything else where i could "escape" from aot. i tried to watch some movies yesterday and today as a distraction, but it still didnt help bc my mind always goes back to aot ending... like i feel mentally and physically really awful and i want it to stop but i dont know what to do. it is like i have no control over it. do u have any advice what to do to stop feeling so bad? how much time do u think its gonna take until i will feel normal again? if you or any of your followers have any advice what to do or just some comfort words - they are very much appreciated. thanks for hearing me out and im sorry for the long ask i just needed to tell and ask someone and u seem like a very nice person. <3

Anon, I am very sorry for how you feel these days. I totally understand and I also want you to recover as soon as possible.

Your state really reminds me of how I felt when ch.138 came out. I didn’t cry that much, but maybe...it was because of the leaks I’ve read before the chapter or just how I lived during that time. I couldn’t normally eat, sleep and simply function, because every time I did something, it just ended up being another breathing exercise session, because I really couldn’t get myself to do something without thinking about ch.138.

But instead of checking social media and trying to find a distraction in my phone, I just tried to distance myself from it. One of the things that really helped me to cope was...cleaning😂 I don’t know how it will be for you, but cleaning really distracted me and eased my mind. Also, on the day when ch.138 was officially released, i needed to go outside with my friend and tbh, these two really helped me to deal with the anxiety. I took me a full week to recover, but nevertheless...I just tried to find some ways to think about something else. I also did my school work, talked to my friends, watched another animes and just continued to live.

As for how I am still mentally and physically okay...I am just that type of person who is used to let things go. Be it people leaving my life, materialistic stuff that I lose or how things don’t go my way, I just don’t feel as sad about it as I used to, because nothing is permanent in this world and everything has an end. I knew that AoT will end someday and I used to tell myself that no matter what kind of ending it will be, I will be okay.

It’s not like “I will accept any crappy ending”, but more like “I know that Isayama won’t scrap his work and no matter what he does, it’ll be meaningful”. I knew that getting a happy-go-lucky ending won’t be possible as I used to think, and maybe that was my fault for believing it...But I am happy with this ending, because it wasn’t closed and precise enough.

As for Mikasa, I see where you are coming from, but Mikasa didn’t brutally killed him. She finally freed him from the burden of this world. Yes, it would be so great if they lived together, had a family and just spend the rest of their lives as they wished for.

But realistically, knowing how many problems Eren’s existence will bring and their conscientious nature...They still wouldn’t find peace, because as Armin mentioned that even if titans stopped to exist, it doesn’t mean that the world will just come to peace. No, they will need to work and create that peace by themselves, but again, Eren’s life would be full of responsibilities and burden all over again.

If the writing was different and Isayama made his story a little more hopeful in some ways...I think we would get something different, but that’s only my speculations.

I genuinely want you to get better and be happy again! You’re amazing and loved. Thank you for sharing. I feel very touched🤧

[clatterbane]

Some of the best advice I have seen in a long while.

i wish i had a good answer for you; i dont think i do. im still trying to figure this out, but here's what i know so far: your life has meaning, intrinsic meaning regardless of what you do with it. if you do nothing but live until you die, that's meaningful. though i said "do nothing", there is really no way to live where you don't have an impact on other people. having a disability, being disabled, it sometimes feels like you can't do anything worthwhile, so why bother? the fact of the matter is that the very smallest of things are important and, personally, those are the things I like to focus on. helping other people. experiencing joy. loving and being loved. these things—especially the last— are things you cannot fail.

i don't know you, or your situation, or your life, but i know there are universal truths; that we all want connection, desire purpose, and exist as a series of experiences. here's my advice:

- do things you cannot fail

i know not everything can be one of these things, but the things you choose to do, can: creating or enjoying art, being kind to others, learning about things that interest you. reading, movies/tv, music.

-do things you enjoy

i hope there are some things you enjoy doing and if there aren't, i hope you find them soon. when you do things for no reason other than you want to, you cant fail. the only reason is your own desire. play a game because your want to. have tea because you want to. the pre-conception of failure keeps us from doing so much, but if you go in interested purely in doing for the sake of doing, you can overcome that.

-do things for other people

this one's very important for me. i direct a lot of my energy (which, often, is not a lot) into making life more wonderful for other people. this is something else you can't fail. donating to charity, contributing to mutual aid, spreading kindness are open-ended. you give and thats it. i like knowing that i can have a positive impact on others outside my life. when your life sometimes feels like a prison, its so powerful to just... compliment a stranger, or put a dollar in a tip jar without buying anything. this is my favourite because it isn't affected by what you've said-- not succeeding, being judged or called lazy. **it isn't about you at all.** you can't fail kindness, and anyone judging you for it is very obviously the one in the wrong. doing something for someone is a nice way to escape yourself for a little, and to make the world a better place to live in (which we all do!)

so yeah. hope that wasn't too long, hope it was helpful. even if it wasn't, i want you to know i understand, and id bet a whole lot of other people do, too.

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Noah

(My gif/I must admit, he’s cute but he’s a gross person)(Requested by anonymous)

- You met Noah at one of his parties. You never would have gone on your own free will but your friend dragged you to it, telling you it was a fundraiser for animals.

- It took everything you had in you not to walk out the instant you saw the state of the place. Sure, parties were fine but this was just chaos where it didn’t belong. Animals wandering around, girls laying on operation tables, beer bottles in empty kennels, it was a disaster. But your friend had already disappeared inside the crowd and you weren’t about to be pushed around by strangers just to fail at convincing her to leave.

- Unbeknownst to you, you’d caught the eye of a certain scumbag. As soon as you entered the room, Noah’s eyes had locked on you, his mouth going dry and the world around him coming to a halt. You didn’t notice him until later when he pushed his way through the dancing crowd to sit next to you.

- You’d resigned yourself to playing with one of the kittens/puppies as you sat as far away from the mass of bodies as you could. He struck up a conversation with you as you tried to be as polite as possible, you were really in no mood to talk but you felt bad telling him to buzz off.

- Thankfully, he had enough sense not to try and drug the girl he was actually considering dating. Just as you were about to get past the awkward pickup line and conversation phase you noticed your friend stumbling about. You immediately ditched him without another word, going to check on her as his stomach dropped.

- He noticed you leaving with your friend a few minutes later and found himself unable to relax for the rest of the night. He tried to forget about it but for the first time in his life he felt genuinely bad for what him and his friends had done.

- He didn’t get to see you again until a few days later when you ran into each other at a coffee shop near the school. He hesitantly approached and greeted you, anticipating a furious response. He soon realized he wasn’t going to get one as you apologized for running out on him, explaining that your friend had too much to drink and got really sick.

- He nervously chuckled, telling you it was alright as he mentally promised to throw out all his pills once he got home. He followed you out of the shop, forgetting the fact that he wanted to get himself coffee as he asked if you were free.

“Yeah, I guess so. What did you have in mind?”

- Fast forward an hour and you’re making out in his dorm room. Between kisses he was asking questions about you; your interests, your major, where you come from, etc. He was quiet as you pulled away, getting ready to go back to your own dorm after he warned that his roommates would be getting back soon. But then he piped up again, asking if you liked bowling.

- And that’s how you found yourself in a bowling alley, goofing off with the guy you were previously battling tongues with. By the end of the night you were excited to see him again... and he was ecstatic that you actually liked him without him needing to get you drunk.

- Noah kind of had an epiphany when the two of you started dating. He realized just how good actual relationships could be. A really hot girl who actually liked him and was willing to let him into her pants? Sign him up!

- So much pda, he constantly wants to touch you and show the world that you’re his. 

- You definitely get a lot of nicknames, many of them are sarcastic but you don’t entirely mind. 

- He loves having you kiss his cheek. He probably gives you his signature laugh in response a lot of the time. 

- Laughing just because of his laugh. 

- Going to the nail and hair salon together. He likes being pampered so he’s always willing to do face masks with you as well. 

- Taking walks around the city. A lot of your dates are just the two of you wandering around and enjoying each others company. 

- Random spontaneous dates. You rarely ever actually plan to do what the two of you end up doing when you’re together. 

- Hand holding. 

- He caves easy, give him a little pout and your best puppy dog eyes and you’ve got him wrapped around your finger. 

- He can be helpful when he wants to be, he just doesn’t often want to be. If you ask him to do something, he’ll do it without thinking (unless his friends are around). Just don’t ask him  to help you in advance because all he’ll do in the meantime is complain. 

- Everyone kind of thinks his ideas are shit and constantly put him down so he really appreciates you actually listening to him and occasionally taking his advice. It’s one of the ways you managed to worm your way into his heart: making him feel important. 

- Getting him to actually study once in a while. He begs you to do his assignments for him but gladly accepts your help when he knows that’s all he’ll get out of you. 

- Sitting on his lap. 

- When the two of you cuddle he’s either the big spoon or sleeps with his face directly on your boobs and his arm wrapped around you. Whenever he’s the big spoon he wraps his entire body around you; arms, legs, etc. You cant escape. 

- He likes grabbing you from behind and pulling the both of you onto the couch/your bed. He enjoys the squeal he’s able to get out of you whenever he does it. 

- Pranks. He just likes fucking with you in general, he thinks your reactions are hilarious. 

- Noah isn’t exactly known for his compassion so don’t expect to receive the best boyfriend ever. He isn’t a total lost cause though, with a little “training”, for lack of a better word, he could definitely change his tune. Either way, he treats you better than anyone else even before you try to help straighten him out a little. 

- You try your best to stop him from going through with some of his more... awful plans. 

- Smart ass comments, you gotta know how to receive and deliver to survive in this relationship. 

- Weird questions. You really don’t know where his mind comes up with half the shit he asks you. 

- Random weird facts brought on by nothing in particular. You’ve learned so much yet nothing of much importance. 

- I’m to tell you this but your boyfriend kind of has no filter. You’ve had to swoop in and save his ass a countless number of times. 

- Obviously he’s a bit of a fashion disaster. Thankfully, you’ve managed to convince him to get rid of a few things which you promptly took home and destroyed. Those sunglasses can’t hurt you any more Earth; I promise.

- Hour long make out sessions. When his lips are on yours he’s a happy man. 

- Swapping accessories.

- Helping him plan and set up for his parties. 

- Coffee dates. 

- Having to scold him for falling asleep while tanning. It’s kind of hard for him to feel like he made a bad decision when you’re rubbing lotion on him. 

- Noah would definitely be the kind of guy who gets jealous easily. He doesn't think he’s good enough to get girls without help from a little white pill. How do you think he’d react to a guy who has charm and wants his girl who he thinks is out of his league?

- To say that you aren’t fond of his friends is definitely a bit of an understatement. They bring out the worst in him but you kind of just have to put up with them. 

- Having him lay his head in your lap. He lies on top of you a lot in general; he enjoys your squishiness very much. 

- As much as he “tries to get along with everybody”, he isn't afraid to tell someone no or to go away for you. He’s just a blunt person who couldn't be arsed with anybody else’s feeling, well, besides yours. 

- Becoming friends with Paul just to push his buttons. You think it’s good for him to be bothered every once in a while, it throws him off and usually makes him act like less of an ass. 

- There’s a lot of sex and that’s just a fact. There’s no getting around it, homedogs hornier than a rabbit on Viagra. 

- He has a weirdly good grasp on all things sexual so you really don’t mind all that much.

- You kind of have to be into partying to hang out with him. If you don’t like to party you barely exist to him and his friends. 

- Your boyfriends kind of a pothead so expect to deal with “high as a kite” Noah at least a few times. He’s more than happy to share with you if that’s your cup of tea as well. 

- Sometimes a girl just needs to turn on a lame tv show/movie and make fun of people with her boyfriend. Gossiping and shit talking people, both from tv and real life, is a common occurrence in your relationship. 

- He compliments you every now and again but they usually aren’t the kind of compliments you prefer hearing. He often just calls you hot or says you “look good”, granted it’s not the worst but it’s also not very romantic either. 

- Noah isn't the kind of guy to say “I love you”. He tries his best to show it but Rome wasn’t built in a day; he’s still getting used to actual, meaningful relationships. 

- He definitely transferred into a few of your classes after the two of you got together. He didn't even tell you he was switching, he just showed up to your English class one day. 

- During the holidays, he took you to meet his parents who were very happy to see that he finally found a nice girl to “settle down with”. You probably aren’t too keen on introducing him to your parents but he tries to be on his best behavior if you are. 

- When you find out about his past actions with the girls at his parties you definitely break up with him for a while. Finding out that your boyfriend used to roofie people kind of puts a damper on your relationship, doesn't it?

- He always has to be right, it’s one of the most aggravating things about him. He thinks he can do no wrong or that he always knows best which is kind of ironic, don’t you think?

- He never really apologizes whenever the two of you are fighting, he just tries to get you to calm down and  “talk”. Don’t be fooled, the “talking” is useless since he isn't ever willing to admit he did anything wrong. Oftentimes you just have to walk away before things get even worse.

- Once you give him the silent treatment for a while, he’s itching to do whatever it takes to make things alright between the two of you. So in the end you get your apology even if it takes a little time.

- Even though it might not feel like it all the time, he really does care for you and is glad you put up with him. 

[rqs902]

.

yang chaowen is really a sensitive kid... man he brings out renyu's song's feels and then brings up ylq to relate to the lyrics bc he knows his friend isnt getting as much appreciation as himself. (this makes even more sense after ylq said he had been crying before ycw went onstage and ycw was comforting him... and then after ycw came off the stage, it was time for ylq to comfort him from crying TT) Their friendship is really something. But then ycw saying he just gets ripped for getting screentime for crying all the time ouch but i dont get the feeling that hes doing it for attention but maybe im becoming partly biased towards chaowen :) 

Lol the fact that they focus so much on xzx and how hes favored by gjm but feels like it's unfair to be treated uncomfortably by other trainees as a result... all i can say is, what do u expect, of course the other kids will be salty, their lives are on the line and theyre getting nothing close to the attention you are, so unfortunately u cant win everything :(

Lol I see why everyone on twitter is annoyed at gjm... Jackson is literally trying to say something meaningful and mentor-like to su er and gjm literally interrupts with his own opinion.... jackson is like unable to finish his thought. and then when Cheng xiao is actually trying to give ma haowen advice, gjm just goes WELL I DISAGREE, THIS IS RENYU'S FAULT and everyone's like wtffffff???? And then he starts saying people can help Xinhai with his terrible dance (ouch) but renyu didnt help haowen sing and Huang enyu MY CHILD just goes: but dancing and singing are different....... and I'm just smh.... gjm really shouldnt act like he knows everything when hes the only mentor with zero actual relevant experience :( Poor renyu literally looks like hes about to burst into tears, ma haowen looks so sorry and appalled renyu's getting yelled at and none of the other mentors seem to agree with gjm lol 

lets appreciate renyu’s song, its really good!!! 

Lol this whole mentor segment is a mess but man chaowen and renyu won a lotta votesss ayyy

I think xue en seeing hwh as a pro rapper shows him humbling himself, since hes technically a more seasoned and popular idol performer

Cheng xiao fangirling over xue en I mean SAME hahahahahahaha awwwwww yzx being soooo genuinely happy for xue en is the cutest!!! Aw cto friendship and xue en crying :’) actually one thing ive noticed i feel like yzx seems like a genuinely kind and cheerful friend, maybe people are bashing him bc he pushed off some leaderly responsibilities to lin mo in the last round but maybe hes just not someone to take on a strict leader role (looks at aj from afo...) and realized that since lin mo has such experience and is really good at it, it makes sense to respect his experience and skill and let him take on that role. of course its unfortunate that means lin mo worked extra for less recognition, but i think it seems like yzx really respected and admired him so im hopeful what happened wasnt due to mean intentions 

watching chen junhao feeling lost oh man :/ maybe he hadnt fully prepared himself for the idol life when first coming on this show. its unfortunate reality that in this kind of idol survival show, the focus is more on stage presence and face and performance, rather than the music itself. Hopefully he really feels that hes found a path forward through this performance. This is a really real way to present him but I'm sad theres not as much focus on li chenxu when this is hissss song

Man both the self composed songs are really good!! Mann them making this song a dance song is really hard to watch for li chenxu bc its makes it hard for him to shine at his own song which is sad :( also lzx's rap is questionable lol but cjh's vocal part in the middle part is so emotional, I hope he felt like he was able to express himself fully there

Lol does gjm not realize they didnt have a choice to not dance. Lollllll cheng xiao literally said they had too much to do and tried very hard but he didnt listen.

Aww jackson teaching them about team work :') o gosh I have PTSD about jin fan getting classified as a vocal now after uuu..... also not surprised the entire segment was about sxl and even the judging portion lol....

Oof Jin fan's voiceeee I love

Man why does Jin fan always get stuck in not dance songs ><

more appreciation for xu zhaohao vocals pls!!! imo sxl has a poor attitude :/ he doesnt perform calmly under pressure and isnt doing well at making a good atmosphere for practice

LOL why do i feel like lin mo is always saying "song" things hahahah hes really a kid

but mannn yan an just walking into the elevator is so oof

Aw duan xuyu is too nice... but I guess this is the leader in him coming out

Aw yan an immediately encouraging xikan when he lost the center to him

Lolll xikans little “heheh” when he won 

Mannnn ngl even tho yan an leaves the show, I kinda wish he had a bigger role in this perf bc it's literally like his jam.... chinese style influenced dance.... I wish he had at least 1 memorable dance move, like I feel like Luo Joe already had one in the last perf and he has one again here (and hes very talented and he deserves recognition!) but yan an has yet to really show anything and im scared hes gonna just disappear soon :/

They all did so well tho!!! Truly a group of dancers. Really made me want to rewatch the whole thing immediately. altho the beginning I cant unsee the lin mo meme LOL 

and xikan did really well!! His stage presence is real. And hes put effort into his facial expressions

Luo Joe being cute is iconic

Aw yan an cheering on lin mo when revealing his votes!!

Aw I'm surprised 100 ways kids didnt get more votes.... lol ngl i feel like this show is just randomly adding vote bonuses in for random reasons not prespecified for kids they like.... cough gjm yet again

but oo the next ep looks fun hahahha im excited for a happier ep thats not as stressful.

Ycw keeping it real 2020: "im not good at controlling emotions.... i hope if you want to cry or laugh do it loudly, dont care about what other people think"

ok so maybe im liking more new kids than i expected, but i think thats a good thing that the show is making them likable and some kids are able to stand out! honestly i realized I kinda can see why they eliminated so many to begin with. It's sad but also kinda nice tbh (ouch, i know) bc if they really got rid of the ones who have less skill, it makes it easier for the others who dont have to teach from zero (cough lin mo) And then those with skill get to have at least 3(?) stages, unlike qcyn where jin fan got eliminated after only doing 1 silly stage lol The skill level of the stages is also raised, like there's multiple groups of almost all people who are well qualified. im sure the kids are happy that they get to do more stages, im sure that means a lot to them. 

At least on snzm they attempt to give most trainees a positive light and give screentime to more than just the top 10 trainees. and they allow someee time for vocals, dancers and rappers to get appreciation (even tho dancers are still dominating lol)

but yea honestly I disliked the judging on pdc2019 too tho so at least the judges here can be supportive... at times. it is SUPER biased and gjm is very vocal despite his lack of knowledge tho lol 

it's so bad bc I feel like my standards for shows are so low at this point. my standards get lowered with every show I watch. It's like I guess the snzm songs are okay bc I hated the ones on afo more so at least the stages aren't thattt bad lol At least the rules/general setup aren't as terrible as they were on afo..... at least the camera time isnt as biased as it was on qcyn.... sigh the show isnt doing great, and itd be best if the show would help the tygers get more popular, but I guess its prob better than just doing nothing at star master lol. 

qcyn was just painful to watch from "spirit of the knight" onward bc momo literally was buried, mistreated, disrespected and taken advantage of. at least on snzm he gets some screentime and positive recognition.....

tbh i like snzm, maybe thats an unpopular opinion, but at least there have been some really great stages, where the kids really get to shine. at least i can confidently say that bc of snzm, i have met some new kids who i will be sure to follow for new music moving forward :) 

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Deerest Howard

Author: The_Reverend

Year: 2010

Rating: G

Pairing: Howard Moon/Old Gregg, Howince

“Howard…”

It wasn’t just the way that Vince said his name, like he does when they’re neck-deep in some serious (albeit ridiculous) trouble about to collide head-on with even more serious (and ridiculous) trouble, it was also the look on Vince’s face as Howard stepped onto the landing and found Vince standing in the middle of the flat, eyes wide and mouth slack.

Howard was pretty sure someone’s must have died. Or Jagger had gone bald. Hard to tell with Vince.

“What is it, Vince? What’s happened?” Howard dropped his jazzercise bag and rushed across the room to grab Vince by the shoulders. “Have I gotten a call? Has someone… Is it my dad? Say something Vince!”

Vince swallowed, sort of half smiled. “Funny you should mention your dad, Howard…”

“Oh, no.” Howard cried, dropped his arms to his sides and sagged.

“Here,” Vince said, turning away from Howard’s Russian Sorrow to fetch something from the coffee table. He held it up.

It was a fish bowl.

“Look, Vince, I don’t have time for a game of Xooberonian Go Fish, alright. I haven’t even gotten the taste out of my mouth from last time, and besides, I’m a man in mourning!” Howard’s face crumpled. “Father!”

“Look, Howard, your dad’s not dead.”

“Oh. He isn’t? Why didn’t you say so?”

“Would you just hold your trumpets, you berk!” Vince snapped and shoved the fishbowl into Howard’s arms, then turned to fetch something else from the table. Howard looked into the bowl. It was a strange looking fish. A green fish with… pink fins? Was that a moustache? Did it just smile at him?

“Here,” Vince said, holding out a damp, crumpled, and stained sheet of paper. “This came with it.”

Howard took the letter, balancing the bowl in one hand. It was written in a wavy scrawl, in multiple colors.

Deerest Howard, my sweat man peech. You holde in your big, stronge hands the frute of our gloryus onion yunion. As soon as I squeezed him out of my gloweing mangyna, I decided he belonged with his fother, that’s you, my peech. I hope you can give him the lyfe I cant, in you’re big citty with you’re fansy lady wyfe, and rase our Younge Gregg up to live amonge the humens, like I never culd. Youll forgive the dampness of this letter, that’s just my salty teers, not teers of sadness but pane, as I’ve cut my fut on a broken bottle of Bailey’s. See, theirs some of my bludd their. You’res forevver, Olde Gregg Pee Ess: I got a mobyle now. Giv me a ringading if you neede any advice. I half to screene my calls, thou, so leave me a voycemale and I’ll get back to you. I’m Olde Gregg! Pee Ess Ess: Since you culdn’t be their for the berth, I made you a watercolour of the big event.

As if on cue, Vince handed him another, even more moist and wrinkled paper. Howard looked at it and frowned, then turned it sideways.

“I think it’s a close-up,” Vince offered.

Howard paled. “Oh God.”

“I know, it’s quite realistic!”

“No, Vince,” Howard said as he sat down heavily on the sofa, tossing the letter and painting aside, fish bowl still in his hand. “I don’t know how this could have happened.”

Vince sat next to him. “Oh, I bet you can figure it out.”

“I mean, we were…” Howard made a strange gesture with his free hand.

“Careful?” Vince suggested.

“Well I was certainly careful not to be murdered, but…”

“Maybe a bit overexcited?”

“Traumatized, more like.”

“Forgot a johnny, did you?”

“Oh God.”

“Look, it’s alright, Howard.” Vince rubbed his shoulder, “You’ll make a great dad. Well… a responsible dad, at least. He’ll be the safest, most organized kid in Shoreditch.”

Howard considered this. It would be nice to have someone to whom he could pass on his love of well organized stationery.

“And women love single fathers, Howard.”

“Yeah?”

“’Course. I mean… if that’s what you want.”

“But it’s not even a child, Vince, it’s more a pet, really.” Howard held up the bowl and looked at his son, daughter, fish. Brown eyes stared into black.

“No way, Howard, think of it like this, yeah? His mum, or whatever, was half human, you’re all human, he’s half you and, well… I ain’t really good at maths but I know that makes him a bit more human!”

Howard rubbed his chin, considering. He couldn’t do the math either.

“But I can’t raise a child on my own!”

Vince shrugged. “I could help.”

Howard made a strange face, “Yeah thanks, Vince. But you’ll get bored won’t you? You can’t take a child to a club, you know.”

“Get stuffed, I helped to raise baby animals in the jungle loads of times, plus you know I’m a gifted child. I could really get on well with the little guy. And anyway,” Vince leaned in to get a better look at Howard’s swimming offspring, “I think he’s well cute.”

Howard looked closer. It was… kind of cute… in a green, scaly, moustachioed way, “Yeah, I guess.”

“Takes after his dad,” Vince said, smiling, and Howard realized just how close their faces were, both of them peering into the bowl.

“Do you love me?”

“What?” Howard asked.

“I didn’t say anything,” Vince said.

“Do you love me? Daddy?”

“Howard, I think…”

“Oh dear.”

________

There isn't much to do at first. Keep his bowl clean, give him fish flakes a few times a day, keep Vince from giving him sweets (and pretend not to see at least one or two of the times when he does), and talk to him. Life's never been very simple for Howard, even if there is a simple truth to him as a man. He knows not everyone visits other planets and lives with talking apes. But it somehow doesn't make it any less strange the first time he talks to his son. Gregg's vocabulary is simple at first, consisting mostly of the phrase "do you love me" and "mmm, creamy" and various Parliament lyrics, so that the first time Howard nervously asks Gregg "hey, where you from?" Gregg offers to lick his funky soul. But he's a clever little tadpole, seeming to grow and mature so much faster than normal--that is, less special children, so that it's not long before Gregg is responding in more usual childlike babble, repeating phrases even if he doesn't understand them. Vince helps as well. And if Young Gregg says "yeah?" and "genius!" a little more than Howard would like, he's not going to complain. Vince actually spends a lot of time with Gregg, to Howard's surprise, sits at the sales counter much of the day, Gregg's bowl on the counter next to him, reading Cheekbone aloud in a slow, careful way, pressing pictures against the glass for Gregg to see while he comments on trending fashions that are well out as soon as the pages are printed.

________

Some evenings he'll sit on the sofa with Gregg in his bowl on the end table, and read Charlie books, or turn on the telly and show him music videos until Howard comes along and makes them watch a documentary on bees or Uruaguay. Vince groans at this, but stays and watches them too. They learned quite quickly, thanks to Gregg’s frantic splashing and wailing, not to watch ones about sharks or octopi. At night Gregg sleeps in his bowl on Howard's bedside table. He doesn't sleep well. It's the biggest problem they've had with him. Howard will often wake to his tiny, watery whimpering to find Gregg, visible in the glow of the night light they bought just for him, staring down at him with a reasonable facsimile of Howard’s own beady-eyed misery. "What's wrong, little man," Howard will say, and touch Gregg's bowl, and sit up and speak low and quiet to him, trying not to wake Vince across the room, until Gregg settles again. He gets most of his sleep during the day, when Howard and Vince are both up and about and bustling around. “I’m really worried about him, Vince,” Howard says one morning as he shaves, quiet so as not to wake Gregg, asleep now that it’s morning and the house is awake. Vince stands in the doorway in pants and socks and a tee, twisting his toe into the carpet. “Me, too,” he says. Howard looks at him in the mirror. There’s genuine concern on his pointy face. At any other time, any other subject, it would be comical, what with Vince’s hair all askew as he bites his lip, eyes wide and downturned.

“Really?” Howard asks. “’Course,” Vince sounds offended, “poor little guy. I remember what it was like, awake all night in the jungle when Brian was on tour and Jahooli was visiting his sister in Somerset. I couldn’t sleep, all alone in the treehouse, monkeys chattering outside the windows, the wind whistling through the bus tickets. Augh, it was a nightmare, Howard!” “Well this is hardly the jungle is it? Or a cave beneath a lake. It’s safe here. He’s completely safe.” “Yeah but he might not know that. Something’s wrong, Howard, the way he cries like that. It’s well heartbreaking.” Howard nods, rinses his face and dries it with a towel before he turns to Vince. “Wait a minute, how do you know what it sounds like? You sleep through it.” “As if I could!” Vince’s says, voice high but still soft, face full of concern, not irritation at being woken as Howard might expect. “I wake up every time, I hear you cooing and calming him. It’s quite sweet really.” He looks down. “Only, I don’t get out of bed ‘cause… I just reckon, you know, it ain’t my place.” Howard feels a swell of affection for Vince, frowning at his own socked feet, arms crossed defensively, concerned for someone besides himself. “Of course it is, Vince,” he says, putting a hand to Vince’s shoulder and squeezing when Vince looks up at him, blue eyes wide and soft, and Howard means to say something meaningful and encouraging, but then he realizes his hand is still on Vince’s shoulder, and instead he mumbles about tea and brushes past him in the doorway. ________ Gregg is awake by breakfast and swimming laps in his little bowl where it sits on the kitchen table. He and Vince seem to be in some secret confidence, Vince eyeing Howard over his shoulder when he thinks he’s not looking, and Gregg flitting from one side of his bowl to the other, alternately communicating with Vince in some wordless, child-fish way, then back to the other side to watch Howard’s back. Howard pretends not to notice, either being watched or their real goal, to feed Gregg bits of syrup-soaked pancakes. He whistles while he cooks, adding fishy puree to a small cup of batter. Bollo eyes Gregg’s bowl warily when an overexcited Gregg splashes water onto the table. “Bollo not think that sanitary,” he says. “You’re not sanitary, you grumpy monkey,” Naboo says, then flashes Vince a far-off but reassuring smile before he goes back to reading the Shaman Daily. “Bollo not see why Harold’s fish so special.” “Because he’s not my fish, Bollo,” Howard says defensively, pointing at Bollo with a rather dangerous looking spatula. “He’s my son. And I’ll thank you to refer to him that way!” “Him fishy freak.” “Oi!” “Whoa there!” “Alright, you prick!” Howard’s glad to have the rest of the house to back him up, but the combined outburst is loud and sudden, and in the silence that follows there’s a tiny noise, a sniffle, a whimper, and by the time they’ve all turned to look at the little bowl on the table, the fish-child within it, Gregg’s cries have started in earnest, loud and wobbly, bubbling up out of the water in great sobs. “You’ve frightened him!” Vince says to Bollo, screwing his face up in his best cockney snarl. “Not Bollo,” Bollo says, “you ballbags.” “I’ll have you, you... Christ I can’t even get my cockney bitch on.” Vince says, suddenly more miserable than angry. “Howard, fix him!” Howard picks up Gregg’s bowl and peers inside, his face big in the glass. “C’mon, little man, it’s okay.” “You’re just gonna scare ‘im more like that,” Naboo suggests. “I got somewhat could calm him down.” “No!” Howard and Vince shout in unison, upsetting Gregg further. “Oh, Howard… why’s he crying? I can’t stand it. Makes my heart all squeezy.” “He’s only startled, Vince. It’ll pass.” But Howard doesn’t feel as sure as he sounds. “Here, Howard, try this!” Vince says, trotting softly but quickly to the stereo and rifling through albums. “What are you doing?” Vince drops a record on the turntable. “Bowie, yeah?" Howard shakes his head. "How's that going to help? Wouldn't he prefer Parliament or Rick James, all things considered? Or maybe Coltrane?" "No way, Howard. He's got to have some awful associations with funk by now. And no one needs jazz. You want to kick him while he's down? But Bowie always mellows me out. And he loves it, we listened to it the other day, he did flips out of his bowl, it was genius!” “He can do flips?” “Yeah, you were down in the shop, it was that day I took off for personal hair reasons. We touched up my roots and listened to ‘Space Oddity’ on repeat.” “He can do flips?” “Look, just… everybody quiet, alright?” Howard looks down at the bowl in his hand, feeling helpless as Gregg looks up at him, eyes wide and pitiful, crying endlessly. The music starts, quiet and slow, and Gregg just continues to cry, gulping in little mouthfuls of water now and then. It’s difficult to watch. Howard didn’t think it was possible to feel so miserable. Suddenly there’s a ripple on the water that shouldn’t be there, and Howard is surprised to find his cheeks wet with his own tears. He quickly wipes them away and holds Gregg’s bowl out so there aren’t any more mishaps like with the koi carp. “How’s he doin’?” Vince asks, stepping closer. “Oh, well,” Howard looks and, to his surprise, Gregg’s stopped crying. He’s only frowning. But soon he’s waving his little tail and pushing himself along in time, and before the song’s over Howard gets to see him do a flip, fishy mouth grinning wide as he arcs gracefully and splashes neatly back into the bowl. Howard beams. Gregg smiles up at him. And Vince kisses his cheek. If Vince notices the salty taste of dried tears, he doesn’t mention it. _____ That night when Howard wakes once again to soft, watery cries, Vince is already padding lightly across the room. “He alright?” Vince asks, face drawn and sleepy in the dim glow of the night light. He sits on the edge of Howard’s bed and rubs at his eyes. Howard pushes himself up onto an elbow to check on Gregg who’s still sniffling but no longer whimpering. Vince leans in and smiles at him and Gregg presses his face against the glass and smiles back, then goes about his business of lazy night-swimming. Howard watches the affectionate exchange. “It’s you,” he says when Vince turns to him, smiling still, although it slips when Vince asks what he means. “You’re why he cries. I mean, because he wants you.” He pushes himself up in bed. “That’s not true, Howard, he just—“ Vince tries to argue but Howard knows there’s isn’t any denying it. “Howard…” He says softly. “It’s alright, Vince. Everyone loves you, don’t apologize for it.” “What, everyone?” Vince asks with a suggestive smirk but Howard ignores it, watching his hands, dark against the pale sheets. “I don’t think I’m right for this, Vince. Maybe I’m not meant to be a father. I didn’t even know he could do flips! Maybe… maybe he’d have been better off with his moth—with Gregg.” Vince scoffs. “I know that ain’t true.” “Look,” Howard says, breathing heavily, “you take him alright, let him sleep with you.” Vince draws back a bit, as if Howard has suggested he take tuba lessons. “No way, I won’t do that! He belongs with you, Howard, you’re a great dad. He’s just, you know, well I spend a lot of time with him, yeah? I’m more like a mate. Maybe—“ “Just take him, Vince.” Howard reaches out and picks up Gregg’s bowl, pushes it into Vince’s chest so that he has no choice but to take it. “Howard…” Vince looks miserable. Looking at him, brows drawn in concern, holding the familiar bowl, Howard feels almost like he did that morning. “Please,” he says, and waits for Vince to argue. When he doesn’t, Howard slides back down beneath the sheets, and turns over onto his side, his back to Vince and his son. After a moment he feels the bed shift, feels Vince stand and hears him walk across the room. The gentle sound of the Gregg’s bowl being sat on Vince’s bedside table is as loud as a shot in his heart. He’d been wrong. It is possible to feel more miserable. He tries to sleep. He can’t of course. So he’s awake when the sniffling begins again. “Howard,” Vince says as he taps Howard’s shoulder, standing beside his bed, Gregg’s bowl in hand. “What’s wrong Vince?” But he already knows. “It ain’t me, Howard. I think…” Vince places the bowl back where it belongs, next to Howard’s bed, and Howard turns to watch even as Vince sits again. As before, Gregg quickly quiets and settles, watching them through the glass. Howard looks up at Vince, astonished. Vince smiles softly. “I think it’s both of us, Howard.” Before Howard knows he’s doing it, he hears himself laughing quietly. “Shift a bit?” Vince asks and Howard does, allowing Vince to crawl in bed beside him. “Just…” Howard says. “I know!” Vince whispers with his hands raised in the universal gesture of ‘I won’t touch you!’ They’re almost asleep when something occurs to Howard. “Maybe you’re not so much a mate,” he says, “more like… a step dad?” “Step mum?” Vince suggests in a sleepy slur and Howard agrees with an amused hum. _________ In the morning Howard wakes beneath a pile of Vince, and Gregg’s so hard and fast asleep he’s practically floating. Howard has to tap the bowl to stop himself panicking, watches as Gregg twitches and swims a bit, still asleep. Howard sighs in relief, then settles back down against the bed and, in defiance of all his own rules of timeliness and efficiency, tucks in for a bit more sleep. At breakfast Vince whispers into the bowl, breath rippling the water as Gregg nods with childish glee. Howard watches. He’s not sure it’s possible to be more happy. Bollo lumbers in, shoulders drooping, clearly feeling the glares of the others as he sits at the table. "Morning, Bollo," Howard says as he sips his tea, hoping to dispel the tension. Bollo hangs his head when Naboo glares at him. "Bollo sorry he insult Howard's fish-- er, son," he corrects when Naboo kicks his hairy shin with a curly shoe. "Him not fishy freak. Well, maybe him fishy freak, but Bollo talking ape. Live in stone house. Throw glass." "Thanks, Bollo," Howard says. "Go on, then," Vince is whispering to Gregg who shyly swims to face Bollo's end of the table. He opens his little red lips as if to speak, but only bubbles come out. He looks at Vince for approval. "S'alright, he deserves it." "Vince, what--" but Howard is interrupted by Gregg's excited, watery voice. "Uncle Bollo is a monkey idiot!" "Vince! Gregg!" Howard cries. Vince only laughs and Gregg joins him, swimming circles around his bowl. Naboo grins, although it's not really any different from the expression he's been wearing all morning. "Sorry, Bollo," Howard says, but Bollo's too busy watching Gregg's antics with surprised affection. "Bollo always wanted to be uncle. Not in creepy way. Bollo teach him ways of the jungle. And DJ skills." "I was thinking I might share a few Shaman secrets with him, bit of basic magic. Potions, yeah? He could be my apprentice." "No way, he's going to be the first hybrid merman popstar! My glam rock protégé! Right, Howard? Howard?" But Howard's too busy smiling his unsettling smile at the group gathered around the breakfast table, heart fit to burst like a trumpet blast, surrounded by this unlikely group that is apparently, illogically, his family.

[gizkasparadise]

Hey, friend :) It seems I keep finding myself here whenever I'm feeling troubled. Thanks for always giving me meaningful advise. Could I ask one more thing tho? How did you choose what course you wanted to study in uni? I know it plays a big part in what you end up working as in the future but there's just so many courses to choose from and a wide range of jobs that sound so complicated to understand? Anyways, I guess I just wanted to ask how'd you end up where you are now? Thanks again :)

hello!

first and foremost, degree =/= job/vocation. there’s a lot of pressure in undergrad education to DECIDE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE based on your major and that’s not definitive. i know a lot of people with majors that ended up doing totally different things. if you major in something, get a job in that field, and end up hating it, you still have options. i think The Narrative of the degree is way too intense. i have a degree in literature and i do nothing with literature and it’s a-okay.

i was a hot mess in undergrad lol i did almost everything wrong. i had a drug problem. i was in a toxic relationship. i changed my major i think 6? times. maybe seven. i got kicked entirely out of college for a year. i say this just to affirm that if there’s setbacks you can definitely bounce back. i barely (i cant emphasize the barely enough) graduated with my bachelors but now im almost done with my phd. 

honestly i chose classes based on what sounded cool, which i think is the way to do it with the gen/core classes that you have to take anyway, but lol don’t do that after you get into a major because holy shit is it a lot of money (look into online/non university classes for Learning for Fun. there’s a lot of online courses/learning modules that you can take for free or for a fraction of the cost). 

after that, i took classes from professors i enjoyed, because they got me to care about what they taught. this is probably an Unpopular Opinion but i think it’s totally fine to be drawn to subjects/take courses in fields where you’ve had a great teacher. it shows a level of investment in the subject to me to see other people enjoying what they do. 

if you’re undeclared, finding your major/courses you like is a lot of trial-and-error. my main recommendation is to make the most of your general education classes. they’re generally pretty miserable, but there is some flexibility in what you can pick, usually (ex: geology vs physics for a science course). have them be your trial runs for things you believe you’d be interested in. 

my main piece of advice for your bachelors is try to get a complimentary major and minor. what i mean by this is that if you’re getting a degree in STEM (science-technology-engineering-math), it’s going to be more useful (and employable) to have a minor in communications or similar. reversing it is also true -- i did computer science stuff with my literature degree and i am SO SO SO glad i did. balance out your skillset/training 

i hope that helps! let me know if i can answer anything better lol :’D