#or at least one that didnt have definition until recently?

[flame-cat]

thinking of whump less as a trope and more as a genre frees you to do a lot more with it

[13eyond13]

actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew

[a-certain-romance]

housewife anon without house wofe content for once shocking fr!!

so ill write multiple women cuz…multiple women and im horny and ugh i lvoe women

kay so…ahahahaem let us begin

fuck buddies to lovers senario with streamer!hu tao

hu tao was an amazing streamer to say the very least so you had to send her gifts and chats daily you were there from the very beginning so there was no surprise as to why hu tao contacted you and gave a breif smile and you guys started talking online only to then realise you guys live nearby eachother

so instead of being upfront with your feelings hu tao suggested one thing.

“hey so-“

“Dont worry lets do..ah thats right porn together! you and i wont have to show pur faces!”

well that was up front…you thought but you went for it after all anything for your favourite!! and so from then on you guys fucked yet you were still friends only till a drunken stream where she fucked you senseless with a giant strap letting your cum gush onto hu taos dick did you say the words “i love you.” hu tao wont forget..Sadly you will due to the hangover and nearly passing out moment.

public shaming w yae

i lovebeb her

yae would make you cockwarm her infront of all the attendees at the shrine in all honesty you couldnt belive it when she asked you to do so…but who are you to refuse your loving girlfriend afterall this you get praised and kissed as onlookers watch you stomach buldge and all taking yae getting getting praised for it. some would kill to be in your spot

After all she is the wise and beautiful miko who wouldnt want to be dick filled by her or praised or degraded by her just for a second.

“Seems like your stomach looks like it needs a break dear..”

“mh..im fine.”

“suit yourself.” she chuckles back leaving soft bite marks on your neck and now fondling your chest…is she gonna do it now? atleast you wont have your stomach churrning and yearning no longer

shenhe and finger sucking w cryo!!

shenhe covering her fingers with cryo while your getting pounded is so hard to divulge in after all the sweat is getting you yet shenhe is here to rescue you by shoving her cold cold fingers down your throat letting you suck and bite them as another hand grasps on what little clothing shenhe is wearing too

“hm. Your tempature is getting better maybe i can go-“

“no.”

well suit yourself now shes going slow and wont stop going slow afterall your body was weakening under her touch

and finally breeding with ei

when ei is finally annoyed at your antics and bratty behaviour her shogun side comes along to help her fuck you sensless and all slutty for her

“Your quite tight, You better stop being bratty or it will be worse next time.”

Honestly you liked those odds since she didnt care about taking it slow she wanted to pound you and dominate you till your body fell apart. You had to take all her cum or she would plow 10 times more you leaked out till her balls dropped

honestly it was fun she put you in diffrent posistions atleast!!

-housewife anon

These hearts adore

A/N: Omg loving streamer!hu Tao?? I wrote some little drabbles for each. Apologies for the lack of updates school recently started for me.

Characters/Ships: Hu Tao, Yae Miko, Shenhe, & Ei x reader (separate)

Warnings: Smut & Suggestive content written by a minor, exhibition (Hu Tao & Yae Miko, toys (Hu Tao), Strap ons (Hu Tao) Characters with cocks (Yae Miko & Ei), temperature play (Shenhe), finger sucking (Shenhe), brat taming (Ei), breeding (Ei)

It’s safe to say the first time you tuned in on Deceased_Walnut you fell in love. Maybe not head-over heels in love, but you were most definitely intrigued by the morbidly energetic brunette behind the screen. Gifting her chats and subs for the past few weeks was how she noticed and reached out to you. Hu Tao is a small streamer. But even so, the majority of your talks were through private messages. Until you realized the lack of distance, and nowadays you’re almost inseparable!

But there was also something off about her. Hu Tao tends to be flaky with her plans. Sometimes when you set up a meeting, she might text you an apology about not being able to make it. She uses different excuses each time

You sighed as your phone lit up with a paragraph of a message. Without much else to do, you took this as a night to scroll through nsfw livestreams on a separate site. It was there that you came across a familiar face.

Hu Tao’s regular channel pales in comparison to what she was streaming on this platform. Who knew someone like her uploads porn in her free time? When you found her other channel you remained a lurker at first. She wasn’t so different from how you already saw her, same teasing attitude and all. Despite wearing a special type of mask, you can tell who she without a second glance.

After a few days of watching in stunned silence did you make your appearance known. Hu Tao was doing a special where her subscribers ordered her around. She was fucking herself dumb with a wand while members in the chat were competing to choose the modes. Seeing those glossy eyes cross in pleasure finally convinced you to step out of the shadows: and so you gifted her a bit of money to demand she turn it up to the highest setting. And lucky for you, she zeroed in on your username. Hu Tao would laugh, wink at the screen, and say something along the lines of “this one’s for you!” before making a complete mess on the toy.

She was the first to contact you after stream. Surprisingly, there aren’t many who find her from her regular channel because of how she hides her face. When you met up in person for the first time after that, you guys still got along great. She became more flirty with you, giving you the cheesiest compliments and pick up lines her brain can conceive at any given moment.

The first time you two fucked was after one of her streams. It was a stressful day for her, and she needed a way to destress. She joked about you taking her to bed but then you made that a reality by eating her out. It became the start of your friends-with-benefits situation.

After some time, she proposed the idea of you joining her on stream. The chat only knows you by your username and how hot you look next to Hu Tao.

“Aiya, squirming away makes it less fun! Back me up, chat?” Messages flood through with all types of lewd responses.

“Tie her up so she can’t escape”

“50 bucks she squirts before you bottom out”

“What a whore she is for getting off from this”.

You’re too fucked out to notice the rest. But you’re close enough to Hu Tao to see her face light up at one of the responses. Your head falls to her shoulder. All it takes is that devilish look in her eye before you know what happens next.

Most would not associate the word “night life” following by a shrine. But to the residents of Inazuma, Yae Miko has rebirthed an old tradition with a new face. Aka yours. As dirty as it seems, you’re held in high regard for being showcased as Yae Miko’s newest plaything.

The guji is very particular with who she picks for this “special role”. So much so that most people considered the practice to have to have died out entirely. So for you to be hand plucked from a sea of admirers was an honor. And you happened to be the first in a very long time.

Miko cared for you as a true lover did. Your relationship outside of this role is as thriving as most couples are. She is always one to dote on you for for no particular reason (when she’s with you, does she even need one?). But being with her involves a catch: Showing off your body to the eyes of others.

In addition to the entrance fee, others pay good money to catch a glimpse at the finest Inazuma has to offer. Most times, they can tip off donations to the shrine if they’re watching something they like. It was its own business venture. And Yae Miko, ever the entrepreneur, wanted to reap its benefits now that she has such a willing participant.

“Dearest, it’s important that you put on a good show for our audience. There’s a lot of influential people who came to see you up close”

As is the majority of the crowd, Miko is entirely infatuated with you. At the start of the night, her hands delicately untied your silk robe and watched your breasts fall free with glazed eyes. Her back is almost always turned to the audience. Every time she thrusted her pale shaft into you, your eyes would lock with a stranger in the crowd. And if you tried to look away, Miko would force your chin over her shoulder to stay watch for a second longer.

“Look at her whine, isn’t she cute?” She coos, “Now, be a perfect doll for me and spread those legs of yours wider”

Temperature play is something that always gets a rise out of Shenhe.

After some time of dating, your amazement with her ability to weird both her polearm and Cryo vision led you to observing her adepti training. You’d sit to watch her practice all sorts of skillful maneuvers with the ease and precision of someone twice her age. For someone who isn’t very experienced in combat, her skills fascinated you.

Shenhe offers to teach you some of the things she’s learned. “For your protection” she argues. But maybe she wants another excuse to keep her hands on you more often. It’s hard not to focus on the coldness of her hands as she moves your hips into the correct form. No matter the reason, you’ve taken to sparing with Shenhe once you have the basics down.

It’s times like these under the hot Liyuan sun that would always have you working up a sweat. And your loving, thoughtful girlfriend wants to help you cool down in the best way she knows how. Your body is hot; she controls ice. It’s not rocket science. The solution lies in those cold hands of hers as she shoves 3 fingers down your throat while 3 more are seconds away from making you cum for the nth time. Between your legs is a wet mess dripping down your thighs.

So as Shenhe finger fucks into your core she shoves her Cryo-coated fingers down your throat, she kisses your stuffed cheek. You were thirsty after all. Maybe this should suffice? Shenhe knows that water is necessary when preforming under harsh conditions. But she doesn’t know why she prefers having your mouth on her instead.

Shenhe can second guess herself sometimes. She doesn’t know how long to do this for before you’ve had enough. How is she supposed to decipher those gagging noises you make when she’s knuckle deep in you? Perhaps she could summon her Cryo Spirit to help her out.

It’s rare for anyone to go against the Shogun and live to tell their tale. Every citizen in Inazuma fears the infliction of her wrath. And yet, you were still none the wiser, thinking that being her lover grants some kind of immunity. Ei would undoubtedly never hurt you unless you asked by any means unless for punishment but there are some actions that need to be punished. Actions, that need to tame a brat such as yourself.

Ei takes you to the plane of Euthimiya and it’s there when you know went too far. She could punish you in her personal quarters, her throne room even. But no. In the plane of Euthimiya, Ei holds all the cards. And this time, she won’t stop until you’ve milked her down to the very last drop.

Her godhood only adds to her stamina. The positions are the best part! Of all the ways she can fill you up, Ei likes having you on your side with your leg lifted up. That way, she can perfectly see both your expression and her cum leaking out of you. Seeing your eyes screw shut makes her wanna pump you full.

Though her goal was to reprimand your behavior, Ei couldn’t help but get addicted to the sight of your slick making a mess on the sheets. “So tight, see how your body stretches to accommodate my size~”

With every thrust you take her all the way to the hilt. Her balls slap against your thighs every time she pushed in. Ei bends over your body to kiss and suckle at your neck, “I could stay like this for an eternity…”

It does make her wonder, how many loads can you take until you’re carrying her child? Everything in this dimension is at her disposal, and she happens to have plenty of time to find out. The only limit is how much it takes before you beg her to stop.

[bpdloop]

party in the minecraft server hcs ^^

the sever itself

owned* by bonnie (actually maintained by odile but she gave bonnie the owner tag because they wanted it so bad)

everyone has it under a different name on their own devices but officially the server is called the digital familytale

modded semi vanilla* (for the most part. theres a morbillion science mods added for odiles sake specifically, a few furniture mods for mira and a clothing mod for isa though)

mainly on peaceful but will sometimes be bumped up to easy for resources or fun

mira

tends to a village nearby the family's house that she has expanded tenfold from its original starting point

cares deeply for all of the villagers and has used a name tag on each and every one of them. they all have their own personalities and stories

brews potions on demand, so long as you bring her the ingredients

likes to play on easy mode when on the server by her lonesome in order to collect resources

will not step foot into the nether. not even for the pretty light wood (even if she really really wants the pretty light wood)

tool order: wand -> rapier -> crafted crook. the wand is essentially a long ranged weapon that can both attack and heal, but is mostly used for the latter. the rapier was specifically modded in for her. the crook is a multipurpose tool, combining shovel, axe and pick into one tool

isa

built a big barn

loves his big barn

is constantly talking about, working on, and admiring his big barn

is the guy to come to if you need any sort of animal produce or need to borrow a horse. owns at least three of any type of animal at all times

will get on with mira to help defeat mobs to make things go by faster

in charge of armor, tools and upgrades. spends a lot less time on any of that and a lot more time on making fun clothes, though

built a little storefront to pretend to sell his clothes from in mira's village. does often actually change the villager's outfits for funsies

tool order: gauntlets -> axe -> pick -> shovel. when wearing the gauntlets they will cover both hands of his model and do damage comparable to an iron sword twice (once with each hand) before a short cooldown

odile

couldnt really get into it before adding mods. now has the most playtime. even if you totaled everyone elses playtimes, odile would just barely eek out over it (if you took out siffrins, who's the closest to rivaling her, it wouldnt even be a competition)

the minecraft wikierrrrrrrrr. keeps that shit on tap even though she has memorized many of the recipes

always striving to make a project bigger than the last

redstone queen

regularly visits the nether to trade with piglins. one of the mods has them rebuild their structures if they notice the gold has gone missing. she pilfers it again every visit without fail

tool order: sword -> pick -> shovel. doesnt harvest wood so deems it unnecessary to carry an axe

bonnie

has an obscenely large, unautomated farm. they will spend entire days afking near the farm just so it grows. more often than not when theyre afk during one of these sessions, theyre off making real snacks for everyone

didnt understand and therefore didnt care about redstone until odile taught them. the day after, everyone logged on to the Laggiest Server Ever. when they went to investigate, bonnie showed off their extremely over complicated redstone contraption that did nothing more than activate a charge. nobody had the heart to tell them it was the cause of the lag spikes, so they suffered through it for like a week after until bonnie came to the realization themself and tore it down

completely and utterly dedicated to making a redstone rollercoaster of some sort. at some point. definitely. its 100% on the to do list, bet

teleports to everyone randomly to deliver meals. some good indicators youre about to get a visit from the Snacks God is 1) you mentioned the fact you have no food on you, 2) theyre talking about one of their recent harvests, and 3) "hey are u somewhere scary rn"

unable to die due to isa making them an accessory called the eternal necklace of undying. so long as you have it on in the charm slot, youre completely unkillable. bonnie was Extremely happy about this, as it meant they could finally leave creative and would stop accidentally breaking things left and right. it took many weeks of work to craft, and as thanks, bonnie made him his favorite meal in real life three days in a row

tool order: hoe -> shovel -> axe. does not carry weapons

loop

keeps offering to make a mob spawner for ease of access to mob resources and exp. nobody want them to because spawners are big and ugly but loop is adamant about the fact they can make it pretty (they end up making one very far away from the house once. they were not able to make it pretty.)

loves the bow and arrow but hates the crossbow. does not carry any weaponry outside of that

has an area they call Loop's Paradise! the only thing located there is a lone interactable beach chair near the beginning of a large ocean, a single redstone lamp that powers on when the sun sets and a jukebox. when asked what makes this a paradise they simply say its peaceful (they are blasting Cure for ADHD - 30 min of Breakcore from the jukebox)

tool order: bow -> pick -> axe. chooses to break dirt and the like with their hand or some other thing on their person

siffrin

has given everyone a flower that he thinks resembles them and a pot to put it in

survives mainly on fish, but makes sure to focus on the meals bonnie gives him first and foremost

doesnt like playing off of peaceful if he has the choice

has tamed an obscene amount of wolves. leaves the majority of them in isa's care and exactly one in loop's. they all have names. loop's dog is named starbit

tool order: dagger -> pick -> shovel -> axe. the dagger was specifically modded in for them

↓

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for banning a minor from a discord server?

I'm pretty sure I'm nta, since most of the server backed me up, but I am also autistic and would like some impartial judgement. I (23M) am the mod of a fairly small (~40 people) discord server. The server is focused around a character we all like, and frequently includes discussion, art, and fic related to this character, various ships, and 18+ content ranging from tame fluffy smut to much darker, dead-dove type content (largely because the original source material is pretty dark). For this reason this server is strictly 18+. We don't really have specific 18+ channels, and a few of the artists in the server are primarily NSFW artists.

I only became the (sole) mod about 3 months ago, when the previous mod/admin (who started the server) didn't have time anymore. For the most part things are very chill- I've never had to deal with any conflicts before this, the worst problems I've had are trying to keep the bots running and channels organized.

The youngest member of our server is (we thought) 18, the next youngest being 20. I recently found out through a series of screenshots that the youngest member is actually 17, turning 18 in about six months. I asked them about this in dms, since the screenshots were from their priv account on twitter (of them jokingly bragging about getting away with telling people they were 18 when they weren't). (and regardless of whether or not this was true, I wanted to let them know if someone on their priv was taking and spreading screenshots).

They got very upset at the screenshots being leaked (which is fair) but also confirmed that they were 17. I said that I was going to have to ban them from the server due to the NSFW content and they got very upset, saying I was infantilizing them etc. They also briefly tried to backtrack and say that they were just joking about being 17 and were actually 18, but stopped when i didnt believe them. I explained it wasn't about maturity-- imho if they are mature enough to handle the source material, they're mature enough to be in the server- but rather that there are potential legal repercussions for having a minor in a NSFW space. I even said that, while I was upset about them lying, I would even be open to letting them rejoin the server after they turned 18 (AFAIK they weren't lying about their bday, they just said they were a year older than they actually are to get into 18+ spaces).

They were really angry about this so I put it to the server for a vote and to let everyone know what was happening. Honestly I don't know what I would have done if the server voted to keep them in, but they voted almost unanimously to ban them at least until they were 18. I'm not on twitter anymore but I know that several of the people on there also blocked them from their accounts (since they posted 18+ art, fic, etc).

Other relevant info:

- this person didn't actually post any art or fic that was outright explicit, but they definitely participated in NSFW discussions (all fandom related, nothing related to personal lives).

- they were added to the server by the original admin--she apparently had no idea they were underage and also blocked them from her twt account.

The younger person is really upset at me and has sent me multiple angry paragraphs in dms about how I was ruining their fandom experience, discriminating against them just because they were a minor, and said that this wouldn't be an issue if we weren't all so porn-addicted. I half jokingly replied that I'm not sure how the last one could be an issue for me personally, given that I'm asexual, which they then said was problematic for implying ace people couldn't watch porn (???). I stopped replying since I didn't know how to respond and they have sent me some more messages in the same vein (I'm bullying them, all of their online friends hate them because of me, etc).

Kind of unrelated, but I don't actually know who on their priv took the original screenshots- they have ~80 followers on there, none of whom are in the server as far as I can tell. The person who sent me the pics is someone in the server, who said she got it from someone who is actually on the priv account (because she posts 18+ art and the person who took the SSs wanted to let her know that a minor was following her).

Why I may be TA: I do genuinely think this person is mature enough to handle the discussions we were having (except for the recent string of angry DMs, they've been very chill and level headed), I banned them because of legality, not morality. I also wouldn't have known about this if it wasn't for the daisy chain of screenshots that were unknowingly taken from their priv account, which idk seems like an invasion of privacy to me.

I did also tell the server all of this so they'd know why I was kicking this person, and then several people in the server posted about it on twt which apparently got the 17yo blocked from a bunch of accounts. I do feel bad and understand why they're upset- but I can't knowingly allow a minor to access 18+ content since that is legitimately illegal and could really fuck up my life.

Anyways, hopefully that all makes sense, sorry for the silly petty chronically online drama but still. To anticipate what most people will comment-- yes, I will go outside and touch grass-- but AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[everythingendsbutcomicsr4ever]

((This originally comes as my response to someone saying that ppl don’t like The Sun and The Star because it’s a middle school book and we were expecting the series to grow along with us.))

Valid point I keep finding BUT I recently read the PJO series again in preparation for TSATS and those books still slap!! They’re so good even tho I’m reading them as an adult even though they're meant for kids. (Also I recently read ToA because of course I’m gonna keep reading Rick’s middle school books until the day I die or they stop coming out lol. And that series while more goofy at points I still really liked) I also read one of Mark Oshiro's other books in prep for this book because I was excited for The Sun and Star to be released and I just COULD NOT get through it 😭 the writing was just giving me the ick and the characters where all kind of samie like that sassy talking wit. Which was a bummer because I liked the premise of the book “Anger is a Gift”, which was about underfunded schools mainly facing ppl of color and immigrants which leads to the school-to-prison pipeline because of the defunct way America funds public schools that keeps the poor poor and the rich getting richer & it was ACAB & had a lot of queer representation & etc. So I thought I’d really like it but I just couldn’t get through it because of the writing and I noticed this same writing style showing up in TSATS. Just because it’s for kids doesn’t excuse it from being bad. Like early Pixar and Studio Ghibli is still so good to watch back again and my 50+ yrs old parents like it. Book examples would be Harry Potter (screw JK Rowling tho fr) & the The Little Prince

Not to bash on ppl who say this is the main reason ppl don’t like the book but it feels like a straw man argument to say that the books not growing with us is the main reason ppl didnt like it. All tho I’m sure ppl have argued this but that is definitely their fault because Rick is staying in middle-grade fiction forever like that’s his thing! Why would ppl expect different 🤣 You think he wants to write a sex scene?! LMAO

(Here’s my review, it’s unhinged and not great because I should be doing productive stuff but am distracted until I can at least write down some of my thoughts on my disappointing experience)

Here are some things I didn’t like about it from a piece of art standpoint:

The pacing was bad

This book was filled with the first thing they teach you about writing which is: SHOW don’t TELL

It made me not ship Solangelo surprisingly like how??! I used to love Solangelo but I think this mainly is because of the collective consciousness of the fandom and because we wanted Nico to find happiness with someone. But if you really look back on their moments canonically from the books Will is a background character (who honestly kind of gaslights Nico by invalidating that ppl treated him differently as a son of Hades and that he didn't feel welcome at camp) and they kind of have a quick meet cute in the last book of The Last Olympian. They get together without us seeing their developing relationship and we now know they’re dating in The Trials of Apollo where we see them briefly in the first book and then more so in the last book. Honestly, this canonically alone doesn’t give me enough information or examples to really know or care about their relationship in comparison to Percy and Annabeth who we get to see develop. So TSATS just kind of felt hollow to me because I’m supposed to believe they’d die for each other but I DONT KNOW THE POWER OF THEIR LOVE?? This could just be a first love fling type thing like I was never shown the depth of their romance just told constantly in the book how much they love each other so it just felt kind of empty and emotionally unsatisfying to me.

Solangelo's relationship has always been in the background and the fans are what really made it cause we love Nico and want him to be happy. So when Will and Nico are fighting in this book all I can think is that this is just their relationship period.

So the reason it made me not like Solangelo was because Tarturus was supposed to bring out the worst in them and strain their relationship but, like, I haven’t really seen much of their relationship so I don’t have a “control group” to base this off of. So Will just seemed rude when he was so mean about Nico’s underworld home and about Nico's darkness which I also didn’t understand wtf he was talking about because Nico has killed just as many monsters as other campers and what else was his darknes based off of. cause he’s emo/goth?? Cause he can raise the dead?? Like guys we’ve discussed this just because a character wears black doesn't automatically make them the bad guy. I honestly thought Will just thought that was hot and they’d have that normie x alt relationship dynamic (that meme of: My hot witch wife. Me doing whatever she wants) I thought THAT was Solangelo not Will constantly trying to bring this light side to him and trying to change him. I agree that Nico needs help w his trauma and PTSD and things like that but this felt like if someone tried to “cure” a goth person, like actually screw you

I thought Will was supposed to look like a normie but be secretly a freak (in a good way lol) / goth interest. Cause this is meee I thought I was like Will as someone who looks like a normie and has a sunny disposition but I have a lot of alt/goth interests and I would let an alt girlie step all over me tbh lol. So does he like Nico for who he is or not?!

This is more in line w what I thought their relationship was like lol:

The flashbacks and forwards I thought were ok even if they took you out of the story a bit but this device is supposed to be used for an IMPORTANT event not just as a way to quickly give context to their relationship and when we got to the scene this was taking place in I was like that’s it?? He what? fell down and is suffering from sun withdrawals and this is the book's big moment to justify jarring flashback scenes?

Mark Oshiro is not a fantasy adventure or horror writer and it shows. Maybe it’s just me but their depiction of Tarturus and the nightmare and the journey were just not up to snuff with good horror and fantasy books I’ve read. (And if your gonna say something about how it’s for kids then I raise you the book series “Goosbumps”) So as a genre in itself, it was just disappointing. It was mainly a relationship guidebook book but I didn’t really like that or feel like it was done well, It felt lectury and also idk if that's the genre middle schoolers really like?? 😅

It had too many references which really dates a book, A lot of professional writers say not to use too much slang or modernreferences (unless you’re trying to make a book expressly about a time period) because it really dates a book and doesn’t make a story feel timeless for future generations if you use too many references (this doesn’t include political novels tho which are very much based in that time when the events happening) Anyways for future writers keep this in mind, you don't need to keep in touch with the youth through urban dictionary you can just write about the emotions of being young or whatever. If you’ve tried to read a comic book aimed at teens from the 50s like I have you’ll realise how funny that is.

(Also the carebear reference that I didn’t even understand and I watched carebear as a kid & Lil Nas video which if this was written for kids that music video feels a bit inappropriate for them 😂 it had a reference both too old and too young for middle schoolers AND how in the world would 1930s born, dropped out of elementary school, can’t use the internet or phones half blood, NICO DI ANGELO know these references???)

The writings giving:

Bad alt representation. (This is my most out-of-pocket opinionated bullet point rant so if you don't agree that’s a-okay :D ) This could be a whole post in itself but although I know ppl joke about Nico as the Emo kid I would really like to get into how Nico is actually, or it would be cool, as having some goth subculture inclinations. And ppl probably think of Trad Goths with the whole makeup and teased hair look but it’s mainly a music-based subculture and/or it just has a different idealogy around the ideas of death and what is deemed beautiful while most ppl see it as ugly. (Like listen to “Gallows Dance” or the Bauhaus's “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” & “The Passion of Lovers”, to name songs off the top of my head) This bullet point is definitely MY OPINION and doesn’t contribute exactly to the book being bad but aren’t those songs the vibe of an underworld kid like Nico?? Embracing the darkness and dancing in graveyard vibes fr!! Anyways most alt subcultures and especially emo are seen as a phase in life that you grow out of and then become normal. This book just really gives the energy of being written by a normie who would be confused by the choices of alt ppl and just doesn’t get it because it’s not their personal interest, which isn’t exactly bad even tho I want more philosophy from Nico on the chillness and acceptance of death (all tho greek mythologies view on the afterlife sucks fr and THAT is a whole other post haha) So this isn’t exactly a problem BUT what gives me the ick is WILL NOT ACCEPTING THESE THINGS LIKE SIR STOP BASHING YOUR BOYFRIENDS LIFE!! Will asking Persephonee, “How do you love someone from the underworld” SHUT UP!! 😤

Will was useless and I know what they were trying to go for but if I had a girlfriend (oh I’m a lesbian btw just in case ppl think I’m going harder on this book more than the other books because I’m homophobic bruh I swear I’m not I’m only disappointed in the art itself, NOT the representation which I actually liked) and if I was super good at fighting and they weren’t, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t take them BECAUSE of my love for them. If they were going to be useless on a mission of such life-threatening danger and importance I WOULD NOT TAKE THEM OUT OF KINDNESS. Like skills in medicine and art and music are great and there’s of course nothing wrong w not being a badass fighter (lmao this is me and most readers) but then DONT GO TO SUPER HELL!!! Especially if you have something that makes you more pathetic than being a normal human in Tarturus, his suffering from no sunlight is out of pocket and just makes the story draggg and makes him seem boring and the story more boring. I know they were trying to go for a fish out of water storyline and roll reversal but I think it wasn’t done well enough and overall hurt the story

Also, I’ve heard ppl talk about how it would have been nice to have a book focus on their relationship while at Camp Half-Blood. Like maybe it takes place pre Jason's death and we can just see them living at camp. It’d be chill and we can actually see them as a couple & It would give the energy of readers wanting to go to camp half-blood again like how everyone wanted to go to Hogwarts. Cause we haven’t seen the camp as a fun home since the very early PJO books ;-; (this is just a fun idea I like and I think would have been more manageable for an author but this is FR my opinion on a fun book idea i’d like to read) ALSO this would have been so nostalgic for the older readers who have been here since middle school gobbling up this universe 😌

I know ppl get mad at ppl making fun of Will for being pathetic in tarturous. As saying he’s a child and no one can be happy and sunny and doing well 24/7 which is valid but that’s not really my argument. I like watching characters put in situations where we watch them bend against what we thought they were when put in a hard situation (the masochist in me lol jkjjk). But this I think didn’t work for me because as I’ve said before he’s mainly a background character at the end of one book thrown together with Nico and we as a fandom have mainly made him up. Also, Tarturus was just not as scary or adventure-filled as like any of the other missions from previous PJO books, It didn’t feel as trauma-inducing as everyone in the series tried to explain it as. (again show not tell from the book) Also, I would have liked to have seen Will cool at least once or one reason for me to like him with Nico but I saw him as pretty bland as a character

The writing style felt bad to me because of the show don’t tell part for example telling as “it made him sad and traumatized” when showing would be, you know, actually showing the scenes and this book just felt like 80% telling what they were feeling instead of letting the reader feel the emotions of the scene for themselves

I think that’s another thing I really didn’t like related to the Show Don't Tell. And another hallmark of bad writing was this book was really telling the audience how to feel instead of allowing the story to be powerful enough to do that for itself. This book follows a trend I’ve seen a lot in TV shows where everything kind of feels like detached irony from being on Twitter where you hear everyone’s opinions so the story is written as a wink and a nod like we know what we’re doing and we know what your thinking and how twitter will react to it. Like it’s hard to describe this trend I’ve mainly seen in TV shows and movies recently which always gives me the ick cause it doesn’t feel funny it feels like I’m in a response piece that is breaking the fourth wall and reminds me that I’m in reality watching or reading something instead of actually feeling like I’m in the story. It’s like pseudo-wittiness or something. Tell me if you guys feel this way about some modern tv shows or books, I can't be alone please 😭!!

The stupid toast scene at the end lol The book is like: Do you get it? Did you get it?? They’re opposites! And they attract!! We did the trope you guys!! Also, the stupid Darth Vader scene to start off the book 💀

This whole book made me cringe where I had to constantly get up walk around and lie on the floor before I could continue, only to constantly repeat the cycle 😅

Anyway, idk how to end this review/rant I just had such strong emotions I had to get out probably because I was so excited for this book to come out for like over a year and got back into PJO for a bit and read some of Mark Oshiro’s books and greek mythology and stuff, so I think it wasn’t just me reading any random bad book it disappointed me more that it was poor quality because I wanted to love it so much.

It did have some actually good parts, the troglodytes were cute … I can’t remember the other stuff but it was there I swear lol! If you enjoyed it I’m happy for you! Don’t let me ruin a book you like, you deserve to feel joy 😘💐

[wlwloverwrites]

get to know your mutuals

tagged by @cruel-as-sin thank you so much for the tag!!!

what is the origin of your blog title? i love women and writing, but also i go by the name lover! so i kinda combined all of those things

favorite fandoms? definitely marvel and criminal minds, but does how to train your dragon have a fandom? idk i just really love those movies. also avatar (the blue people) also i’m a baby army, i just recently got into bts, they are super great.

favorite color? red !

favorite game? i don’t really play a lot of video games, does papa’s sushiria count? if it does, i enjoy that game.

song stuck in your head? bed chem by sabrina carpenter, man i just love that song.

weirdest habit/ trait? think out aloud, a pair of airpods hates to see me coming cause i will use them as an excuse to talk to myself.

hobbies? watching movies, omg i could watch them all day.

if you work, what’s your profession? im a full time student, i’m also fortunate enough to be covered by a scholarship so i dont have to work!

if you could have any job, what would it be? ooo i wish i didnt have to work, but probably a full-time movie screenwriter! or a movie director!

something you’re good at? massages! i can do a really good deep tissue massage, although im not certified so maybe don’t schedule an appointment lol

something you’re bad at? mmmm moving on when i don’t understand something. ex: i didn’t understand logarithms when taking calculus in hs, and it tanked my grade cause i literally could not move on until i mastered it.

something you love? movies !! i love love love movies, even the shitty ones.

something you hate? probably not understanding something that seems easy to someone else.

something you collect? everytime i go out with friends or family, i try to take them to a photo booth and i put up the pictures on my wall.

what’s your love language? i’m a huge yapper so just having a good listener or someone who matches my energy and talks just as much. i love that, orrrrr maybe physical touch, i love touching people lol, just a simple hand on the back, touching their clothes, or biting them.

favorite movie/show? avatar 2009, and my favorite show might be daredevil !

favorite food? anything my mama makes! i love homemade mexican food. if i can’t have that i’ll have sushi.

favorite animal? black panthers or just really big cats!

are you musical? no :/

what were you like as a child? i’m the youngest so i was a little devil lol

favorite subject in school? math

least favorite subject in school? again math

best character trait? determined, i feel i am a very driven person.

worst character trait? i can come off a bit mean or aggressive when im speaking. im not mindful of my tone sometimes so i think that’s why that comes from, and im a pretty loud person.

if you could time travel, who would you like to meet? billie holiday!

tagging: @imdoingsortagay @elle-romanoff @tv-fanatic-2y5 and anyone else!

[spacesymbol]

heyyyyy. crazy month and a half, am i right? 😅

my sincerest apologies for the truckload of reblogs.... plus even more sincere apologies if i reblogged a very old post of yours that you forgot about 😭

ive had those sitting in my drafts for a WHILE so that they wouldnt get drowned in my likes.... but i have some weird mental hangup about posting here without also posting a Life Update..... but i kept procrastinating actually writing a Life Update..... so here we are!!

anyways. that being said. LIFE UPDATE TIME!!!!! (no cut since theres actually some very important stuff in here)

first and somewhat foremost, i submitted SEVEN college applications exactly a month ago. for context, my entire applying list (as of right now) is only nine schools. and i procrastinated SO HARD on the application materials.... it was soooo bad. basically mid october to early november was the most stressed i have ever felt in recent memory 😁👍 and i coped with it soooo well, as i historically always do (sarcasm)

the fall play(s) also recently came and went!!! the rehearsal process wasnt that bad, it was moreso just anxiety provoking since i was constantly saying "yeah it (the show) will come together eventually" even when opening night was a few days away... but the show(s) did come together!! at least, my two scenes did. i honestly can't speak for anyone else, but my scenes both went fine during all three performances with minor errors, if any

although, the week of performances and the last few days of tech was so very brutal. i had to be in the theater until 8pm or later every single day of that week (november 18th to the 23rd), which meant i was in school for over twelve hours each school day. i had to put a lot of things on the backburner to focus on the show (and not losing my mind) that week, and schoolwork was one of them.... so i am currently once again in overdue assignments hell. my classes have been fine other than that though!!!

my mental, emotional, and physical health also definitely have been on the backburner for a WHILE now.... a wonderful example is how i havent seen my therapist in two months now, and for context, im supposed to see her once a week!!! so im clearly doing fine (sarcasm). its weird though, the play honestly wasnt that distressing for me, since i had already hit mental rock bottom earlier that month because of college applications

my physical health has also Not Been Good at all.... one of my scenes in the play (the gay one) involved a shit ton of stage falls.... and our stage is made of polished wood. we took all the necessary precautions to protect my bad knee (knee pads), but that didnt do much to prevent the ridiculous amount of bruising all over my body that i still have a week after the final show.....

eating has also been Bad. but i wont go into details about that 🫶 ive been able to keep having regular appointments with my dietitian, so genuinely dont worry about that. i will be fine!!

ive also been like. mentally checked out for a while, i guess. like i mentioned, ive been doing some research into dissociative disorders and symptoms to get more clarity on if im a system or not (which i do have an answer on btw), and i think the best term to describe it is depersonalization?

and uh. okay this is actually really important. about the system thing, i came to the conclusion after a LOT of research and self reflection that i do not think i am (or ever was) a plural system. i dont think i should post the entire esaay i wrote on how i came to this conclusion (because i dont think most of you want to read all that). but if any mutuals want, i am MORE than happy to dm the whole explanation, since i know it might raise some eyebrows that i suddenly dont identify that way anymore

however, the tldr is that im pretty sure i have dissociative amnesia instead, because i never once experienced amnesia between the personas that i thought were alters, and these personas were never really that separate from me, moreso extensions of me in terms of personality, if that makes sense. there were also some.... quirks of how my "system" operated that also made me suspicious, like how i was basically always frontstuck, and how my "frequent fronters" ALWAYS aligned with my interests at the time. i honestly think that i only arrived at the conclusion that i was a system in the first place because of the environment i was in at the time (the majority my friends at the time had the system realization and were talking about it), and the fact that no one ever really questioned me being one. which im NOT saying that i wish people had, since thats rightfully a very rude thing to do, but i definitely would have benefited from someone kindly calling all that into question, yknow?

the biggest takeaway though, should be that i didnt know until very recently. there is a world of difference between intentionally lying about being a system, and unknowingly being wrong about being a system. the MOMENT i started to suspect that i was wrong, i made it known here (in the previous Life Update) and on twitter, and i refrained from using any system terminology for myself until i came to a definitive conclusion, which i only did recently. additionally, i recently removed the system section from my pronouns dot cc, and my simplyplural account is still up, but obviously not in use

ummm. other personal updates.... im hopefully going to start legal and medical transition soon?? my stepsister (also trans) has been pushing my mom and stepdad for it as a result of the election, which sparks the conversation for me by extension

as you can probably tell by the majority of the recent reblogs, the release of season 2 reawakened my dormant arcane hyperfixation 😭 it somehow came back even stronger??? if any of you happen to remember my jayvik posting from november 2021, you deserve a spacesymbol elders discount....

what else..... oh um!!!! i had an awesome joe cool (snoopy) costume for halloween this year that i made extremely last minute :)

okay. okay!!!!!!! in terms of the future!!!! im on thanksgiving break right now until this tuesday and the break is Extremely welcome.... the spring musical (aka my final high school theater show) has already been announced, and its curtains, which should be exciting, but i dont have to think about that for a While....

in terms of like Immediately upcoming things, my schools robotics team has our first qualifier coming up so im gonna have to lock in on preparing for that soon.... for college stuff, i should be getting two decisions fairly soon (one from my early decision school and one from a rolling deadlines school), and i have two more applications for early january, but all i really have to do for them is finish writing their supplements..... so HOPEFULLY i should be slightly more active on here??? i feel like every time i say that i end up jinxing myself for inactivity, though. so honestly, who knows!!! but i dont really have as much of a Pressing Reason to not be active here, i guess

thats all.... jesus fuck i wrote a lot. my bad!!! no wonder i procrastinated writing this GODDAMN!!!!

[tenaciouschronicler]

Hi! 2 things about the recent update:

1: while "CAIRO OVERCOAT" is a homestuck original term, a Chicago overcoat is mobster slang for a coffin, and also the name of the main villain's ship from Problem Sleuth. Weird that a dude named Lord English would would rename it to an Egyptian city. Maybe he time-travelled from egyptomania?

2: Lord British is a character from the Ultima series famous for being nigh-immortal, only killable via glitches and loopholes. This sorta makes me wonder if LE is the final boss of Sburb or something. Though, with everything we've seen, it seems more likely that that honor will go to the ominous planet's royalty.

Facinating! I wouldn't have thought to look into the name and just took it at face value. But yeah, if we opperate under the assumption that there is interconnectivity somehow between our world and this one it would make sense that a concept like Egyptomania could pass over. I wanna expand on your theory of LE time traveling and propose he not only traveled Time but Space as well.

We know from Stitch, LEs coat is made from the fabric of spacetime and that English in billiards affects the tragectory of a cue/object ball. So what if LE was from our world. LE may have been on an expidition and stumbled upon something related to Skaia and unlike Grandpa Harley (at least as far as we know) was too overzealous in uncovering the secrets for fame. As such he messed with Skaias plan, inadvertently trying to alter it, and was punished and removed from Earth. Jaspers for two weeks was undetectable by the Appearifier which we know is connected to Sburb and Skaia, so why couldnt a similar thing happen to LE? No ones seen his face so who says hes Not a human?

For the second half of your ask, I'll be honest my first game system was the N64 and my parents had already bought a handful of games before I was born. They also werent well versed in tech so we didnt get a home computer until I was halfway through elementary. All that to say I've never heard of the Ultima series before so I'd have to look more into it before I can tack it onto my theory. I can definitely see where you are coming from though with the connection. I will say with all these timelines maybe LEs goal is to go back to his original one and thats how he could be a secondary boss for the kids.

Anyway, thank you so much for this ask! I dont always theorize since Im never really sure where I should start, so this was a great jumping off point.

[kageygreye-skies]

didn’t think chappell roan would impact me SO much after finding her and her artistry but she kind of literally made me fully accept that i was a lesbian and showed me there’s space for me in the community LMFAO.

allow me to take you on a fuckin journey lmfao. heres a lil story about a recent revelation about my identity that dominoed from listening to the rise and fall of a midwest princess. lol

i found chappell technically whenever she released pink pony club lol i just had never processed it was her. (i listened to midwest princess for the first time a long while who and when it got to ppc, i paused my phone, and yelled, “THAT WAS HER? THE WHOLE TIME??”), her pop sound and drag visuals were something i found refreshing and exciting. discography went triple platinum in my household fr.

watching a lesbian drag queen rise in the public has been so lovely to see, as a queer singer myself. watching that same woman be so open about her experience as a lesbian, pay homage to other gay individuals and icons, turn down the white house for a pride performance, perform at prides in states where lgbt rights are consistently under threat,,, its beyond inspiring to me! and reminds me to remember what i really want to do with my career as a performer and the people i want to lift up and pay my respects to.

this ultimately caused me to want to brush up on the queer history i knew and start learning about the history i didnt. at that time my focus veered to history about lesbians.. because i wanted to search for lesbians that shared my experience.. if there were any that did.

i have had a strange relationship with my gender and sexuality since i was 13, coming out first as bi at 15, and nonbinary at 17 (although i experienced gender dysphoria long before then). i have used the nonbinary label since, but my sexuality was something i was never sure i could settle on. i flipped between id’ing as bi and lesbian for months until i just stopped using labels so i didnt have to think abt that shit anymore😭

the term lesbian was what felt the most right to me, after years of periods of trying to convince myself that if i jump through strange loopholes and squint a little, that i could potentially like a man. i would worry and think things like, “what if im wrong and i just havent found one that i can maybe like? what if there actually is a boy who is exactly like the idealized anime-ass version of boys in my head who is also soft and girlie and would wear matching dresses with me?” i would have to use plenty of implausible what ifs just to entertain the idea. i did this even despite the fact that i cannot and do not picture a future with a man, i have only questioned my physical attraction to men when they “look like girls,” i am almost always slightly grossed out when men express sexual attraction to me, and have not had any kind of intimacy with guys where i didnt feel almost completely disconnected. i didnt find men fulfilling. it took me very long to realize that if i have to literally FORCE myself into liking them…i dont like them lol.

i have never had to question my attraction to women, butches + femmes,, ever. i could spend hours writing both prose, poetry, music, screenplays,, just fuckin dissertation after dissertation about women.. and sometimes it has taken me hours to list at least 5 reasons of “why i like this guy” that didnt involve him reminding me of a woman. guys, the comphet.. was rough. very grateful i have a therapist lol

once i accepted again that i was definitely solely sapphic, i still felt my more-than-partial disconnect from womanhood excluded me from being able to claim the lesbian label, despite how right it began to feel. i was also worried that the people around me would think i was completely detransitioning to cis,, which definitely was not the case. although i am fine with feminine gendered terms and pronouns, and while my expression and interests lean slightly more feminine, my relationship with “womanhood” has always been messy and complicated. i remember first-ish experiencing dysphoria around when i was 11, although i didnt know what that meant at the time. for as long as i can remember, the concept of “being a woman” was not something i felt was entirely me.

i knew there were lesbians that were gender non conforming, but i was not at all aware of the intertwining of lesbianism and gender identity until i began reading more about lesbian history. realizing there have always been lesbians outside of the binary (the popular sunset lesbian flag was designed by emily gwen, a nonbinary lesbian), people who used lesbian/butch as their gender identity, cis lesbians who use pronouns other than she/her, lesbians who use/have used hrt (like me i used hrt for 2 years👋🏾😀) lesbians who bind or pursue top surgery… they were always there. i am halfway through the stone butch blues now and it has actually changed my life. not only did it increase my already overflowing gratitude for my lesbian and queer elders and their experiences… but it made me really realize there has always been a space for me. when that sank in.. i felt immense relief. and then i cried for a fuckin LONG ass time lmao

since all of this i have felt a lot more sure of myself, and have embraced myself in a way i think i have always struggled to before.

so to recap… i am a lesbian. and its pretty rad. and i also love chappell roan. she reminds me of all the reasons why i love being queer and is someone i want to look up to as i continue in my finally-starting-to-go-somewhere career as a performer. one day we will collab and ill tell her all of this in person (watch out yall! it will happen i can sense it😤)

[yb-cringe]

alright wybie here's a free ask to talk my ear off about fitpac GO

this is like a trap isnt it ih gos ok yea

the thing that gets me abt fitpac is that its not that deep. and i dont mean that in an insulting way or that their impacts on one another arent expansive and hugely helpful but i mean it in that like. theres no catch. i love spiderbit for their complexity i love fitpac for their simple, slow, love

that by no means is me insinuating its not got its edges though. theyre just. sweet.

i think both of them have a lot of trauma when it comes to imprisonment and just general fear for their lives and while that could be said for a lot of people on the server i think whats important is that they’ve recognized that in each other? or at least fit has from what ive seen

and pac (and mike tbf) need a constant right now. things are crazy people are disappearinf theres no stability but they can always trust that fit will be there and he will listen and more importantly that he SEES them and will defend them

i think my thoughts abt them boil down to ‘pac needs consistency. a solid rock. he needs a recognizable pattern that doesnt change so he can have a safety net’ and ‘fit spent so long in survival he doesnt know how to just Live and he needs someone to be patient with him’

and its not easy for Either of them especially right fucking now. whats happened is that fit is trying to be the solid foundation for a bunch of people and its wearing him thin. and pac is just speedrunning traumas.

god the babysteps thing will forever be imprinted on the back of my eyes tho. like yeah fit needs to go rly fucking slow. hes a traumatized single father and hes fucking cautious about everything. always has been. letting someone into his life and giving them space in his heart is a big fucking deal. he just cannot afford to make that choice lightly. hell even ramón had to be patient for a bit

whats the fuckin saying like. fell first but he fell harder? wheres the ‘he fell first but didnt wanna think about it until he accepted it at which point he fell so fucking hard it would ruin him to lose it’ thats qfit. he literallt cannot even say the words date or romance or love or wven really Like in a romantic context about pac because shit will get too real and he needs to go slow rven if he has to FORCE HIMSELF to move slowly.

gkd i dont even know where to start with pac. he needs consistency so bad. and mike was that- mike IS that. pac is someone who needs company he needs someone to be near especially lately after his whole kidnapping thing where he was alone in that fuckin room after whatever they did to him—

hes been through so much shit and he just needs someone to stay- someone to turn to and know he’s got slmeone on his side. like pac in his own right is sort of paranoid —not the kind of way he has been recently though.

but like if you had to force tazercraft into designations of head and heart, pac would be the mind and mike would be the heart. pac is thinking ahead, he’s trying to force himself to move on because he knows mike wont, he’s trying to avoid doing things too crazy to keep them off the radar— he’s keeping them out of trouble when he can remember to.

not to say hes not chaotic and passionate in his own right but yknow. comparisons. but hes a thinker yjnow he plans for the future and if he doesnt have someone to be his safety net he fucking panics and doesnt do things he wants to because he’s worried about being caught out alone without any support

all of this to say that he doesnt Really think of romance more then Fun because he needs safety nets first. which is also kind of why the moving slow thing works for him because he’s definitely not going to realize how in deep he is like love wise until its too late. and he probablt cant even fuckin risk it right now considering yhh like Everything going on.

[fruitybashir]

Did Bojan talk to Martin about the whole... everything? Like I am assuming that he did because it seems like they have quite regular contact when Martin isn't busy (I interpreted it as him having only pretty recently been so busy that he doesn't pick up but maybe he hasn't really talked to Bojan on the phone since he moved so since the beginning of the fic?) so does Martin know anything? Does he know about Bojan's situation with his parents? What does he know about Kris? Did Bojan have anyone to talk about any of this like Kris had Jan?

Basically my question is just what about Martin?

OOF. coming in with the hard questions haha actually not too hard, just long so. under the cut

im gonna do my best to answer all the questions but im going in chronological order like how things happen in the holidate universe:

so from the start, martin has pretty much just left, started the fall semester in the uk or smthn idk i never went to university

and since then hes also been pretty busy. he does try his best to keep in contact with bojan, but it just often doesnt work out bc hes very ambitious with his studies and also meets new people hes being social with, so unfortunately keeping in contact with bojan and the rest falls behind a little bit at first, and then some more

of course thats not the end of their friendship or anything, but for bojan, whos been living with martin up until then and had him around at all times, thats already a pretty hard blow and that loss does contribute to his overall state of mind and struggles in this fic

martin was actually supposed to make an appearance around ch14/15 but i couldnt make the scene fit in like i wanted to so. that didnt happen :/

its not like they never talk though, just not as often as they would like. bojan does tell martin about kris, or at least he tells martin about sleeping with kris and spending lots of time with him and sleeping over, though he frames it as just them having fun etc, similar to how kris pretended in front of jan

theres also a lot of. martin having to give bojan a raincheck or cutting calls short and bojan just saying "oh yeah haha its fine, dont worry about it!" when it actually really stings and makes him feel more alone.

when bojan came out to his parents martin definitely dropped everything he had going on to be on a ten hour video call with bojan to make sure he was okay and also involved jan and jure in it, had them look after bojan etc, basically did everything he could while being half a continent away

bojan does ofc also talk to the others about things, after martin they are his best friends after all, but he never really talked to anyone about his feelings for kris bc he convinced himself that it wasnt a big deal and if he had talked to anyone about it, saying it out loud would have made it too real. as long as its just a fantasy in his head, hes safe from consequences. does that make sense? fears like that often dont, thats the thing.

and anxiety is rarely rational either. so in the week it all went down (him leaving, being distant, going home with the girl) he was just in a constant downward spiral. he knew martin would be able to help so in his mind martin was the only one that could help + he knew from the start that he was hurting kris. jan, nace and jure were also kris' friends so he was probably also scared to bring it up with them bc he was afraid they would "take kris' side" or smthn, idk, again: fear and anxiety clouds your rational thinking like you wouldnt believe

he also has his whole thing of not wanting to be a burden to anyone so when he tries calling martin over and over again and martin maybe texted back "sorry, i was busy, whats up?" bojan didnt want to make martin feel guilty for not picking up and probably just said "dont worry, nothing important" or smthn. and then when jan blew up on him and he broke down at practice and told the others what was going on etc etc etc it was most certainly jan who texted martin and told him like "its really fucking bad, can you please call him? even just a few minutes, but he needs you"

uhhhhhh i forgot where i was going with all of this. i hope its still at least somewhat coherent hskfnd if i forgot smthn just lmk

[tgirlblogger]

Dear Diary,

CW: Eating Disorder

The days are getting much too long. Yesterday felt like three whole days into one. Maybe it's just because too many things happened that day, but a day really should have only one thing that happens in it.

I went to sleep, so what I would've written yesterday is probably much different than what I'm writing now. There's the present and there's the past, and it feels like the past should be yesterday, but it feels more and more like the past is coming into parts of the current day. Its not too coherent my thoughts, but that's fine.

I ate a lot of stuff yesterday, but I finally threw up for the first time in like what must have been maybe a whole week. It really did feel great, didn't even get the whole acid burning feeling. For Lunch I ate rice with some sort of meat, and cauliflower. I really gorged myself on a whole bunch of chocolate, and then for dinner we went to this fancy restaurant that cost three hundred dollars for some really just okayish food. But like thats three hundred to feed six people so its a good deal I guess. The real main attraction was the lobster I guess? It was deep fried I think and there were some fries on the side. It was fine I guess. I think it cost like a hundred dollars that dish alone. But like yknow chinese new year yaddayaddayadda. I think I've eaten two meals plus snacks like every day the past week too, just genuinely not good for me. My stomach's been hurting a lot recently and it might be because of that or maybe its just a cold or something.

I've been a bit sick recently, but it was just god awful. While I was taking my test I was just coughing and sneezing and sniffling the entire way through. I felt shitty as hell because I knew I was causing a general ruckus and disrupting others. Yesterday I probably would have wrote about how my life's over and how I definitely failed that test, but marks got back and its pretty good. 96 on history 96 on math 92 on science and 92 on communications technology (I didn't even want it to be my elective. I wanted drama). Its not bad, its not bad at all I think. I'm not proud of myself because 92 on science and 96 on math is nothing to be proud of, but I didn't do as bad as I thought I would. History really surprised me, because I didn't study the whole thing for it. For a few questions I just eenie meenie miney moe'd it or just closed my eyes looked away and just put down the answer my pencil landed closest to. So to know that I did well really shocked me. It was all multiple choice, so I guess there's that to thank. I don't think I'm ready though, I struggled so much this semester and like its only gonna get harder. I don't really think I can do this. And like my mom is also pressuring me to not do IB (she says she isn't but shes always saying that IB is so hard and she keeps on asking again and again if I want to do IB) and like man, come on. I need to do IB. If I don't I don't think I could even live if I didnt.

Clipped my nails because chinese new year is all about rebirth and destroying the past or something (or my parents are just straight up wrong or lying to me), like I was growing my nails the past bit because like it felt good and it was another poor attempt at trying to be feminine, but I'm fine with cutting them. I think I'll try to stop picking at little bits of meat that get caught between my teeth so that my fingernails won't be as brittle next time around. Probably not though but you know you have to at least try.

I've been thinking about my life a lot, and I just think something's gone horribly wrong. I don't think its supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to live this life I think. Like I was definitely a cis man until 2 years ago. Like I don't think you could argue against that, maybe the guy was gay or something but he was nothing close to trans. I barely remember him. Its all bits and pieces, not even the bits that have any reason to be memorable, just things that I remember. I shouldn't be in this head, in this body, in whatever this is. But like looking back its really hard to draw a line from him and from me. Maybe I'm making it all up, and its just something that just happens with being 13. Maybe its normal, but I don't know.

Going back to my mental state and all that, like a few months back my psychologist told me about a study about HRT and developing brains, and like I don't really care about it. But they will be paying me and I do like money so obviously I got on board with it. But like they don't accept neurodivergent people in the study, and like thats fine I guess I don't know a lot about brains but there's probably differences in brain structure maybe, so like I don't know if I'm neurodivergent or its just depression or something, and I don't want to talk about it because I want enough plausible deniability so I can still get some money.

But I had some real fun yesterday. Not in real life, but online. I got to become friends with someone I like very much. And that makes yesterday one of the best days I've had in a while.

[bismuthburnsblue]

Lady Stede part 3: The Pocket Hoops

(why yes i am starting on another part before i finished the last one)

So quickly, if you dont know what pocket hoops are, theyre the part that gives 18th century dresses their iconic shape! Theres various names for these kinds of garments- Crinolines, Hoops, etc, but they all serve the same purpose: extending the hips out. Generally in the earlier part of the century they seem to have been one garment with oval shape boning that you would step into and tighten around the waist (with slits for pockets but no enclosed bottom) but ive gone for the later style of splitting it into two sides as its going to be much easier to travel with. The bones form a horseshoe shape that sits off the hip & are connected with a waistband. It was still relatively common to leave the bottom & sides open (fabric was expensive, after all!) but enclosing them means you can turn the entire garment into somewhere to store your bits, rather than just open to your tie on pocket underneath. Thats what ill be doing :)

Ive got three books that reference a pattern for a pocket hoop (Corsets & Crinolines, Patterns of Fashion 5, 18th Century Dressmaking) and they all have some differences that im making note of for this, but i think my basic plan for a pattern is to start with a rectangle and work my way in until the shape is right. some taper the sides, some curve the top edge, but ill see what actually works for me as i play about. One of my concerns is that all of these patterns will have been made for people much smaller than me (especially in the hips, so if i just use their measurements, its at very least not going to be proportional, if not vastly too narrow front-to-back)

Ill also need patterns for the side and bottom- the side should just be a rectangle with maybe a little tapering above the top bone thats the width i want the hoop to be, but ive heard the bottom can be a little fiddly to get right. my current plan is to get the general shape & trace the arc of the bone to make the horseshoe!

One last thing: ive looked at a lot of pocket hoops at this point, and if theres one thing ive noticed, its that theres definitely.... a sweet spot. a goldilocks ratio, if you will, to the way they fall off the hips. a lot seem to fall too low, but just as many square off too fast too (those ones also seem to lift away from the body as they drop, a sign to me that the top length is too short). I think im going to end up fiddling with that for... a while, to make sure it sits exactly as im wanting. heres a couple of examples of what i think im aiming for. pretty high, but also a gentle curve.

Materials!! Im just using a plain white cotton for the main fabric- its a bedsheet from my mock up fabric stash- i did look at creams that might match my stays, but nothing i had was perfect, so white to match with my shift i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ive also got white 25mm twill tape, which ill use for all my ties & boning channels i think. One thing i considered was that i may want a sturdier base to these if im going to load them with all my comi con sundries, and with my recent corsetry order i picked up some sail cloth! i didnt pick it up for this purpose, but it might be pretty cool to use here, its super stiff & coated, and man, im making a costume of a guy who built his own bespoke boat, wouldnt it be cool to make sail cloth in there? Ill see as i get into the patterning.

One last thing- i went rogue with my boning :) the supplier i like only sells hoop boning or reed in bulk quantity, and i need maybeeee 6m for this project (and have no future plans for it) so i walked my ass on down to the hardware store. i was looking for some kind of flexible metal that essentially was boning, but at my local place they didnt have any metal strips at all. what they did have was pvc mouldings in shortish lengths. after standing there with my mum messing around with all the options (god i hope nobody was watching on the cameras) i found that 18mm scotia trim worked... really well. the inner curve with the legs out the back gave it quite a lot of resistance to the bend (which will help it keep its shape), but also not so much that it buckled under the pressure. it also came in the perfect lengths to cut up into bones :) i really hope it works in practice because i feel way too excited about this, actually.

[kasaneteto]

thoughts about honesty & lying and my relationship with these concepts before intake a power nap because i only got 4 hours of sleep thanks to daylight savings

i didn’t really realize until this year just how deeply ingrained in me the urge to lie is. i will just say fucking whatever if its what i think the conversation needs. (or i should say i used to. ive been really making an effort to not say ANYTHING that i dont mean and its fucking hard but its getting easier fs) this is a bit of a double edged sword because like, i AM very good at talking to people and being friendly & this skill definitely stems from the years and years of people pleasing, but at the same time i have to really hold myself accountable if i want to be impeccable with my word, because the natural instinct to tell a lie is SO strong.

my parents would punish me for honesty so i very quickly learned it was better to lie and not get yelled at (which didnt even always work lol) and as a result have had to learn how to be honest with even myself. it was SO deeply ingrained that when a truth was difficult or painful i would just lie to myself instead of facing the music. ive gotten a lot better about being honest with myself about my feelings, my recent breakup helped me realize that i still had a lot of work to do in that respect and ive been doing a lot of introspection about it. but what im really struggling with is the impulse to say things that i think will help the conversation flow even if they arent true, and in my effort to NOT do this i seem to have become… too honest? i dunno. ive always hated fakeness and niceties of that kind so sometimes I’ll say something in response thats super honest but like….i did not need to say that.

despite my honesty making people uncomfortable at times i feel way better about myself this way. i feel like a toddler sometimes with how much i wear my heart on my sleeve these days but it feels good to know that hey at least im being genuine yknow? like what you see is what you get with me. im not exactly an open book but im not gonna pretend to be someone im not just for your sake. like ive been doing that my whole life and STILL got rejected by people left and right so like. who cares. i’ll just be myself and be honest and forthcoming and not worry about what other people think of me. because the people who like me and want to spend time with me will stick around. and if im being myself and people dont like that, WHO CARES!!!!! get well soon bitch because im fucking awesome. it feels good to say that and truly believe it.

anyways. tl;dr if we’re friends theres a good chance that one day i will say something to you and then immediately say “that wasnt true im sorry idk why i said that” because it has been happening often LOLLLL

[spearxwind]

been thinking a lot about my different oc worlds recently. ive said before ive got four, but technically it's five if you count extinction.

im gonna put all my thoughts under a readmore bc once again this got insanely long jkllkjjkf. i be rambling

most of my attention has definitely been going into challenger deep the past year (and will likely continue), recently i refurbished hollowridge as well and have had a lot of fun with it (even if i havent drawn much to show for it...)

the other two of the set of four i originally posted about are my agony drive and broken horizon settings. Broken horizon is more of a personal headworld where ive set my dragon ocs, but I have not really been successful with it in terms of like. worldbuilding and crafting a story for it, mostly because there are very few characters in it currently and i struggle with it. But it's the world where cercerion and my sona dima (as an oc) exist. i would love to actually do a better job with it sometime but it currently isnt a huge priority because ive been focused on the other two main ones (but again since its just a personal headworld it literally is just some place i like to mentally hang out and fly around in, im not super bothered by it being undeveloped.)

However we have the two troublemaker worlds now

the agony drive setting has been driving me more than a little nuts because of its whole situation with it. i absolutely adore the characters i have in it, but i have no idea what to do with the world itself. it used to be a joint project so i was extremely limited in the way i could develop it bc i depended on the other individual enjoying the ideas and i did my best to keep it afloat almost being the sole contributor to it, so now that its liberated i just didnt know what to do with it. i do like a bunch of the lore bits i came up with but some part of me is like 'idk if i enjoy this as a world' bc it still feels limited in some way? Another issue is that while hollowridge (previously my horror and slapstick gore setting with demons/angels/magic vibes) was dead in the water, i channeled that violence slapstick demon/magic vibe through TAD, but getting a focus back on hollowridge has kinda just. straight up deleted a bunch of TAD's reason to exist? i dont know if that makes sense

HR isnt really that much slapstick violence because death is final, and TAD is more cartoony in that sense bc death ISNT final which is its main reason to exist (unlimited violent major character death for the funnies), but theres a weird overlap that is keeping me from focusing correctly because it makes my brain go 'you are doing the same thing twice'

I would really really love to actually turn it into something fun and unique (separate from my other worlds) but i really havent been sure how to go about it because of that overlap. i genuinely think its just a problem of 'you have to actually develop the setting to have fun in it' and i just havent been able to do that yet bc i cant decide what i want it to BE. TAD has also never really had a lot of story to begin with so it makes things harder bc the story is the vehicle to explore the world with. its pretty frustrating bc midas set and david are some of my fav ocs ive made and i miss them but god dammit if it isnt hard to actually work with the whole thing....

and last but not least... the fifth one. extinction. a lot of you probably know this one from my comic. if youve been here since like... 2014-2015 (which would be insane) you might remember me beginning to develop that story until it eventually became the comic that is currently sitting unfinished and feels like a huge weight on my shoulders just out of sheer shame

the issue with extinction is that it was a lot of characters that i deeply loved (and still i still deeply love!!) all with fun plotlines, backstories, and a lot of fun tidbits to em that i ended up bending and breaking dozens of times just for the purpose of fitting them into a relatively short story that i could draw out and finish. and more importantly into something i hoped would be handleable instead of spiralling out of control like it had happened before

but what i didnt realize is that by doing so, i "locked" their lore in place into these very small boxes that would fit into a story, and thus i would remove what i had loved about those characters and their interactions that i had come up with years and years ago and a lot of my very very cool ideas for them simply went out the window in favor of .... well i dont. know. but off it went

i live in complete shame for not being able to finish the comic. it genuinely is a huge and extremely heavy weight on my shoulders and this whole thing has prevented me from even thinking of said ocs for years now even though they are some of my oldest and most beloved. saying all of this is not something i take lightly in the least as well

so recently I have been thinking about bringing them back as well... maybe (to the extent that i can... i have a lot of ocs and you guys know i have a lot of bias when drawing faves. so i cant guarantee content but at least i would be able to think about them again).

essentially the same way that i rewrote and got back my old concepts for hollowridge that slapped hard i want to get back my original ideas for extinction that i thought were really cool and just wasnt able to fit into a comic narrative

obviously this would come with a lot of retconning and i know a lot of people will probably not like it if i do it and i think thats something i have to face and learn to live with

but yeah anyways. TLDR is i really want to actually do something proper for TAD but have been having a lot of trouble with it unfortunately, but im working on it. and ive also been feeling rly nostalgic about extinction so you might see the characters again, albeit different in terms of story from what you probably know