#or at least have a very good cry
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Can I just say that AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#caps#I’m fine. like really it’s all good#I’m just so tired guys. job is so good but so much. the learning curve is steep af and i had my first full day on the ward on CHRISTMAS#the holidays are already a lot. all my closest friends are in town exactly 1 week a year and so my entire 2 days off last week went to that.#but i never got a chance to slow down and process and i only have 1 day off this week bc I’m transitioning to a different schedule#I’m doing good. like I’m learning fast. my trainer said ‘I’m not worried abt you’ which according to the RN is ‘high fucking praise’#but I’m still so overwhelmed bc it’s just. A Lot#i need to break some plates or smth#or at least have a very good cry
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bunch of portraits
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#megumi fushiguro#gojo satoru#nanami kento#choso kamo#nobara kugisaki#yuta okkotsu#fanart#crying im so tired....#busts aren't hard on their own but 8 of them ???#i should have stuck at 6 if i knew what was good fr me#but lucky fr choso n yuuta enjoyers i dont know whats good fr me and tacked on the extra 2 last minute#i did a bust piece waaay back in 2020 early jjk days and it was this crowd minus choso/yuuta so i wanted to like. do a kind of redraw#im happy choso n yuuta made the cut tho they r fun they look as tired as i feel#i've been having a lot of fun w the more semirealistic skin render so i wanted to stretch those muscles a bit more#took the better part of 3 days but u know i'm pretty happy w these i dont think i have a hard least favourite#fun game guess my favourite characters based on how i draw them it is Glaringly obvious 2 me#ik i said i dont have a least favourite but i certainly have A Favourite#uhhhh misc notes i tried rly hard to make sukuna's face look like yuuji's and only rly change the expression#i think i was successful??? i hope?????? like i didnt want to make him look like his own person as bad as that sounds#he is Wearing Yuuji that is Yuuji's Face#also i rly . wish there were more women . but as much as i like maki as a character i fr some reason don't find drawing her very fun ?#so nobara out here pulling her weight fr the girls my goat my queen <333
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AY(OYM) CHAPTER 6!!!!!
Sorry to reuse buddy elf hater Teru I just think he's great. Fits the theme (not really at all LMFAO)
#i do not know how much time i have today but HOPEFULLY i can read the whole thing in one go#i would feel very bad if it took too incredibly long. it usually does anyways skskfjlskskf#ANYWAYS. AYOYM GRAHHHHHH im so nervous#for teru. and mob. and terus mom#thats like everybody LMFAO. they all have me deeply concerned#mob the least but yk. still worried#i am hazarding a guess as to how many times ill cry this chapter: 1#actually it was 2. REALLY REALLY INSANELY GOOD CHAPTER HOLY SHIT
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maffhew who refuses to say runebergin torttu because he knows hes gonna butcher it so bad he might be kicked out of the country the second he tries and staunchly avoids that by going "the one dessert that barky is going to have to explain 😃"
sasha who gets faced with the most generic description of everything hes ever eaten in his life so far because of maffhew and going "???... oh you mean runebergin torttu!"
"he did good he liked the food and he likes the finland so far so its good" sasha says with so much pride now that all the anxiety has left his system that his husband teammate is enjoying his country and doesnt hate it
media availability | 10.29.24 (x)(x)
the smile of a man who knowlingly doomed his husband and said husband using all his brain power to context clues his way to whatever the fuck he just got asked that his brain is running hotter than a mid 2012 macbook air thats somehow still alive in the year of the lord 2024 but girl does she chug along shes louder than a fighter jet
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#the famous vanha kauppahalli date™#we know how bad he is at pronouncing words not in english he does not want to fuck up his husbands language in front of him#(the nhl stars try to speak german video has entered the chat)#different attitudes here lmao#“he did good” mate he was... eating food... what... what is there to praise here..?#i shivered sweet mary and joseph sasha this is how you praise maffhew? yeah id be an annoying little shit about it too#whatever they have. unexplainable. i wont even bother#im glad to see pie and cake are still very confusing for esol#somehow ive had the conversation with several different people in my lifetime and realised even i dont know what the fuck it is#in the sense that when i translate pastries into english for my american friends i just pause and go#wait... i think this is a pie... but its called a tart in spanish but its also kind of a cake? and- [windows reboot sound]#ive had to do this with pastafrola and im like please just eat it dont make me explain im gonna cry if i do#I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT BECAUSE IT DOESNT EXIST IN AN ENGLISH CONTEXT TO ME JUST EAT IT#“so whats the difference between a torta and a tarta and isnt a tarta kinda like a pie-” “stop asking questions you dont want answers to”#you have no idea how upset i get trying to explain#im glad sasha at least protrays a little of that frustration by going “i dont know english word” girl SAME
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Crowley thinks they’re just on vacation in the countryside but Aziraphale is sneakily looking for a house location
#really messy sketch because I did this to process s3 news#at the very least we don’t have to have the last canon ending be them both crying and apart#but on a lighter note there will always be lovely fanfiction and art#that’s where we get so many of those sweet moments between them#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#ineffable husbands
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not to be like that but also I feel like I was right when it came to "Dorian knows Orym is in love with him"
When I watch the confession and Orym word vomits out "ihavefeelingsforyou" Dorian does not act shocked. Dorian does not act bashful or oblivious. He goes on to say that hes wanted a moment alone with him for days.
Dorian hears Orym's love confession and he goes on his own monologue about how much he loves Orym. Because it was never a question whether or not Orym loved him.
The question has always been "Does Orym know I love him too?" That's why he spends so much money on him. That's why he defends Orym's need for the sword. That's why he's always healing Orym in battle and gets pissed when is not given credit. He has been trying to show Orym that he loves him through his love language.
(Dorian said words of affirmation was his love language and yeah totally. And I totally believe that Orym's is acts of service with a secondary gift receiving)
Idk I've just been thinking about that small moment between them for a while.
#silver sending stones#orym of the air ashari#dorian storm#dorym#It's not too long under the read more it's JUST too long for me to not want to clog up the tag with it#na na i was right#truly though dorian didn't seem surprised#he wasn't even surprised that orym seemed to think dorian didnt have feelings back#like? dorian might not have been in love before but hes very good at reading people it seems#so yeah i think hes known at least since he left that orym felt the same way#or hes always known and before it was a “i don't know what to do with that” then it became “oh shit hes the one with the dead husband”#then it became “no time”#screaming crying throwing up
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I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥
#I envy people who's favourite characters are like. Lukas or Petra or Jesse. Y'all don't know how good you have it#At least I can confidently say I'm one of Nurm's biggest fans. You guys can't say that without a fight breaking out aha ha#HRGAHSBSJSJSNNSN#Actually losing it#Scampering about#Ignore this I'm just#ARG 💥💥💥💥#No cause I saw a post that was super funny but the screenshot used had like. Nurm's left leg in the foregriund and I started tearing up#My period is coming I can sense it there's no other explanation for this madness#Is somebody gonna match my freak? (Going genuinely feral for a guy with like 2 fans)#I don't know the term for this attachment. Cause it's not a normal person thing I'm 90% sure it's the autism#But I don't know enough about villagers to consider this a special interest and it's too long to be a hyper fixation#(even though I am very fixated and it is tearing me up inside)#This is why I tweak so bad in the tags of Nurm art sometimes I genuinely start crying g and scratching my phone like a rabbit animal#Rabid not rabbit.#minecraft story mode#mcsm#mcsm nurm#nurm mcsm#There are no emojis nor words that accurately depict my current state#I'm normal I'm normal I swear please I'm normal
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Late WIP Wednesday/Thursday
Tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton and @imogenkol
Tagging @aceghosts @noodlecupcakes @direwombat @voidika @la-grosse-patate @inafieldofdaisies @cassietrn @adelaidedrubman @shellibisshe @josephseedismyfather @icecutioner @derelictheretic @shallow-gravy @strangefable @rhettsabbott @josephslittledeputy @cloudofbutterflies92 @skoll-sun-eater @carlosoliveiraa @g0dspeeed @wrathfulrook @afarcryfrommymain @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @raresvtm @softtidesworld @starsandskies @ladyoriza @florbelles @minilev @yokobai @thewanderer-000 @omen-speaker @justasmolbard @alypink and @sledge-in-space + anyone who'd like to join.
WIPs for The UnTitledverse and The Silver Chronicles, specifically The Tale Of Mario Emmet and Silva's Hope respectively. You can read these WIPs under the cut:
The Tale Of Mario Emmet is a fic set during the Five Nights At Freddy's: The Silver Eyes. This fic primarily focuses on my original character Mario Emmet, one of my main characters in The Perfect Storm saga and The UnTitledverse series as a whole, his journey of shedding his xenophobia towards others, and companionship with his human friends and eventual romance with Charlie Emily. It also somewhat diverges from the novels however by having "Dave Miller" unable to secure a spot as a night guard for the mall that surrounds "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza" (unfortunately, he will show up later). Mario's first introduction to Charlie and friends was while he was under the guise of a human... his second official introduction is messier and more hostile than the first, as shown below:
[TW: Description of a grotesque inhuman transformation. Very minor violence and blood as of now]
"Where do you think you're going?"
Charlie froze. Dread returned like the force of a freight train. John was quick to twist around, and his reaction confirmed her fear.
Mario was free.
As the others followed John's example, Charlie slowly glanced back to see Mario stepping out of the darkness of the animatronics maintenance room.
He wasn't close to her, separated several feet from each other, a gap that echoed the visceral betrayal of broken trust.
Mario's silver eyes glared into Charlie's brown with that same soul piercing gaze once more. From what Charlie could observe, Mario was hardly tired from the events of the night, nor of his earlier detainment. He held himself tall with determination and grit that matched her own.
"You aren't now, are you?" Mario chuckled, finding the idea incredulous, "After what you've all done tonight? None of you are leaving this building."
Clay took authoritative action immediately, taking his service weapon out to aim at the culprit behind his son's kidnapping and torment. John chose to take the chance to prioritize Charlie's safety over his own, stepping forwards to pull her back.
His initiative was inconvenienced by Charlie's unmoving state, though she was still conscious enough to pace a few steps back with him.
"Mario Emmet, put your hands in the air now!" Clay ordered the night guard, "You are under arrest. Any weapons you have on your person, you are to relieve yourself of them now. If you resist and attempt to endanger the life of civilians further, I will be forced to take lethal action. Do you understand?"
Mario did not shift his focus to Clay, intent on keeping Charlie trapped in their shared eye contact. His features twist to something less angry, and more doleful. He spoke, and Charlie could not help but believe that his words were solely for her to hear.
"Why couldn't you just let it rest?"
Charlie could not find it in herself to speak nor reply, and found herself unable to as John further pulled her behind the chief of police.
Mario soon returned to glaring, shifted his attention to Clay as he scrutinized the wider man.
A tense silence overtook the building; Mario staring down Clay, Charlie being held protectively in John's arms, Jessica supporting Carlton while Marla and Lamar kept their arms defensively on Jason.
From what Charlie could deduce, past Mario's glare was a pensive consideration. She could tell he was weighing his options, in spite of what little opportunity Clay was leaving him with.
Clay's features hardened, as he kept his weapon on Mario with little intent to misfire should Mario prove to be more unreasonable than he was.
As Clay was about to open his mouth to give a warning, Mario broke the tense silence with a sigh, raising his hands up in surrender. It caught Charlie by surprise; it seemed uncharacteristic of him to take such a chance. He didn't have any weapons on him, that she was sure of.
In spite of what should be an uplifting turn of events on the long frivolous night, she couldn't help but feel something felt wrong, but she couldn't figure out why.
Clay released some of the tension he had been shouldering, one hand retreating from his service weapon to reach for his cuffs as he steadily made his way towards Mario.
With Clay's guard weakened, a newfound glint sparked in Mario's eyes.
Charlie noticed it before anyone else, but was unable to efficiently put a stop to Mario's following actions much like everyone else.
Clay had taken a step closer when his shoulder was pierced by a bulky and sharp serrated appendage. It wasn't a hook like Foxy's; more similar to the claws of a praying mantis.
He lost grip of his weapon from the sudden pain of a well-planned attack. The claw separated from Clay, dripping blood to stain the dirty tiles. A red stain grew on his clothes around the wound.
Clay stumbled back, with both Charlie and John forcing themselves to move in order to catch the chief as Carlton called out for his father in alarm.
With Clay groaning and hissing under their arms, Charlie turned her attention back to Mario, and her eyes widened.
The claw retracted to Mario's arm, shifting and breaking apart into his hand. He flexed his hand, rubbing his wrist.
His silver eyes held the group where they stood, most trying to understand the logistics of what just occurred. Charlie, though, was the only one amongst them that came to a conclusion that, while unbelievable, was comprehensible to her.
Mario sighed, sneering at the group with a disdain that, in the short time Charlie knew him, didn't think he was capable of.
"I know that this is... hard for you to come to terms with," Mario stated, and though cold, there was a hint of sincerity, "I know the instinct to run, hide, resist... is coursing through your blood as we speak. Your... fear is evident. And I know you will think this unfair."
Mario took a step forward, the ceiling light above him flickering. Perhaps it was age. Or maybe, Charlie found herself thinking, It is something else entirely.
"After all, it's not your fault that you came here tonight," Mario continued, his voice low but audible, "You were lured here by your grief. Your longing for a friend who was taken from you - unjustly, of course- by a malicious force that held no remorse nor empathy for the victims he left bleeding. For that I cannot fault you. For that, you have my sympathy."
The ceiling lights soon followed the example of the first, all flickering at a pace with no rhythm, no justification given the functional state of the generators.
As Mario continued his slow approach, Charlie and John dragged a pale Clay to the safety of their group. There was a small gasp from within their half-circle, grabbing Charlie's attention like everyone else's.
"The exit!" Jason called out, panic creeping into his tone.
Following where the boy pointed, the group felt dread crawl its ugly head to peek into their hearts as they realized the root of Jason's distress- the broken down bricks that Clay had entered through the restaurant was mended once more into a solid wall.
Their exit was gone - including the sealed door.
"However," Mario gained the groups attention as the atmosphere grew tenser, "In spite of my lenience to allow you to make your peace while you could, you have continuously encroached upon my territory, disrupted my nest. My haven, with little apology and little sincerity in your promises to leave, with an intent to keep coming back. Like your redhead friend, you've all reached too close to the sun little Icarus's. So now, there must be a penalty."
His words became more distorted as he spoke, an echo behind his voice as his body began to twitch as unnaturally as the lights above them.
With each passing flicker, Charlie witnessed how his body changed; the skin on his face hardened and grew pale, his body slimmer till his skin seemed to cling to his bones, like some starved beast. Limbs elongating until he was tall and lank, his uniform morphing into his body as it darkened and changed color.
Claws that weren't too dissimilar to steel broke from his finger tips, as well as femur spines that belonged to an insect protruding from his thighs. His withered into nothing, white stripes forming across his dark limbs.
Despite what she was witnessing - what they all were witnessing - the worst part was the sounds. Hearing flesh tearing like paper, snapping and crunching like bones, and a guttural groan unlike that of a hungry predator was an unsettling experience that sickened Charlie.
The transformation neared its completion, with Mario's head widening to inhuman degrees; his forehead, complimented with a concerning crack on the left, became a discerning appearance, just as his mouth widened too- spread past the limits of an actual human.
Various unnatural features decorated his face and body; the circles imitating rosy cheeks, the pair of twin specks that seemed to emulate brows, red lipstick around the lip-less mouth and the twin trails of blue that ran down to his smile. His no longer wore a uniform; it was instead replaced with a sleeveless buttoned vest that manifested a small cape that reached down to his hips. A flower bloomed on his right side, and a bow tie at his neck.
The last change was his eyes; the white of his sclera melted into the creeping darkness, his silver iris with it. A new pair of eyes replaced them, rolling up from below. His pupils were white instead of black, his irises shined silver with a small darker ring separating the pupil from the bigger, more mesmerizing rings.
His appearance was alien and wrong and... so familiar to Charlie. Perhaps an unfinished animatronic glimpsed in his garage. But this... was warped and personalized in a sense - tailored to fit his preferences. The thought invoked rejection towards the impossibility of the situation; seeking logic that wasn't there as confusion froze her in place.
Everyone else were more afraid than anything else. Except for Mario, who seemed apologetic rather than enthusiastic.
"You have disturbed my nights long enough, taking what little I could grant you. What little I could conserve. And thus, there must be a 'give' to return on your part," Mario stated or... whatever he truly was, with voice littered with guttural snarls and chitters, "Know I did not want this. I'd never think to do this. But you've left me with little choice. I've ignored my hunger long enough. And besides..."
Mario gazed directly into Charlie's shocked brown eyes.
"...you can't fight your nature."
Jessica's hands gripped onto Charlie, pulling her closer to the huddled group as Carlton took over supporting his dad from John. His grey eyes glanced over to the animatronics that were by the sidelines... including the golden bear that Michael was inside.
"Uh... guys," he caught the others attention, directing it to the animatronics on standby.
Until all, with exception to Michael, began to make their way to the hallway.
Why aren't they staying?
"Go join the others Michael," Mario tells the Golden Bear. There seems to be some garbled indiscernible reply from the suit... a protest perhaps?
Though it's seems to be all for naught when Mario snaps back, "Go back to slumber Michael. I'll make this quick."
Michael lingers, but the glint of life in the bear suit's sockets flicker out; darkness cast over the yellow suit.
"Now," Mario growled when he turned his attention to them, clawed tendrils breaking from under his shoulders, as another pair of thin legs extend out from the two limbs, reminiscent of a spider, "It's time to feed."
For Silva's Hope, allow me to present to you Silva's first of many face-offs with one Nadi Sinclair, aka John's right hand (and simp), aka former member of Taskforce 141 (from Call To Arms duology), aka a really good shot! Enjoy below:
[TW: Violence and blood and dead Peggies]
Another shot rang out, the glass of the wrecked ute shattered above her.
Silva scooted away from any openings her unseen attacker had on her, shrunk low while she kept her limbs close to herself.
With another shot, a bullet dented into the ute, but remained strong against her attacker.
She could hear gunfire and shouts from enemies and allies alike, as the peggies assault Fall's End and the valley's Resistance defend themselves.
She inspects her glock, swiftly checking her magazine.
Empty.
Silva banged the back of her head against the vehicle's metal, cursing herself for her shortsightedness.
She puts the glock back into her holster, hand reaching for her knife.
Until a peggie rounded the corner of the ute, shovel in his hands and raising it to hit her.
Surprised, Silva barely had enough time to roll away from the strike. The peggie, who's eyes seem glazed with a misty green, slammed his shovel against the dirt, face etching with confusion.
And clarity once I'm done with him, Silva thought as she brought out her knife, the stone handle feeling right in her gloved hands. As she moved to deliver a killing blow, there was a small part of herself that felt like she was forgetting something.
A familiar bang rang out, and Silva realized she was going to get a painful reminder of the situation she had gotten stuck in to punish her instincts.
Silva doubled over, her knife dropped as the sharp sting was replaced with a burning pain once the bullet excited her bicep. Silva clutched her wound, blood seeping into her gloves. She dropped to the floor when another shot was fired, hitting the ground nearby.
The peggie used her disadvantage to attack, throwing himself onto her. Silva had rolled to her back to counter, but only managed to grip onto shovel's handle.
She quickly realised he wanted to choke her out with it, either to kill her or render her unconscious. Neither was appealing, and opted to keep his shovel from her throat.
Which was proving difficult from the strain of the wound she received from John's sharpshooter, the pressure and applied strength weakening her grip against the ridiculously strong peggie.
As the handle crept closer to her throat, her strength just about ready to give in, a shot rang out.
And the peggie's brain matter and blood sprayed against the white ute, his corpse collapsing onto her.
Shoving it off, she searched for her attacker. Until she recognized a familiar green laser pointer that belonged to her rescuer.
Following the green light, she saw Grace had set herself up on the garage's roof.
Her radio burst to life, Grace's voice piercing through the chaos of gunfire and yells, "You good Deputy?"
Silva let out a relieved huff, hissing when she moved her wounded arm. She used her functional hand to grab the radio and reply, "Got a gunshot wound to the bicep. Went clean through but got nothing to clean it or stitch myself up with. Not to mention-"
A bullet denting the roof of the ute interrupted her, followed by a shot to the hood and the deflation of a tire.
"-I've got this gillipollas hounding after me. How's everything over on your part?"
"Jerome's leading the push back against the Peggie's front assault while Mary May's keeping the wounded inside her bar and restocking any ammo we need," Grace informs Silva as she fires a shot far off from Silva, "John's bodyguard, Sinclair, is holed up on the water tower. I guess neither she nor John were happy with the destruction of their new toy."
Silva could guess she was referring to the Revelator. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she responded, "Can you reach her from your position?"
Grace hummed, but not the affirmative kind, "Negative, and neither can she, though her ire seems more focused on you. However, I can take out the blissed-out peggies running toward your position."
Of course there's more of that guy. Which wouldn't be an issue if she could use both her hands, a loaded gun and didn't have to worry about John's enthusiastic psycho sniper blowing her head off.
Taking slow methodic breaths, Silva used the dropped shovel to safely reach for her knife, managing to return it to her waiting hand as another shot broke off the shovel's spade.
She inquired, "Is there any cover I could run up to?"
"Barely, but enough to be out of Sinclair's scope," Grace affirmed, much to Silva's relief, "I'd advise going for the peggie van furthest to your right."
"Can you cover me?" Silva asked, legs prepped to make a run. Her wound ached, but she forced herself to push back the pain. Gripping her knife with her good hand, she awaited Grace's response.
The radio came to life once more, and Grace assured her, "I've got your back, Dep."
#wip wednesday#series: the untitledverse#wip: the tale of mario emmet#aka mario's really long very frustrating no good quite bad night#and charlie's really confusing week#fnaf the silver eyes#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#oc: mario emmet#charlie emily#fnaf john#fnaf jessica#carlton burke#clay burke#fnaf marla#fnaf lamar#fnaf jason#golden freddy#series: the silver chronicles#wip: silva's hope#far cry 5#oc: silva omar#grace armstrong#oc: nadi sinclair#project at eden's gate#silva's in a bit of a rough spot. but at least she's got grace on her side!#also nadi's really upset about the revelator incident... she wanted to have a ride in it but silva's reduced that dream to scrapmetal#this is just how she's coping
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Oh they are about to Talk About It
#please please i hope im right#its a good set up#presumably they are on the same cliff as troy#or at least one that looks similar#they are together#they both couldn't physically save their villains AND have scars from those experiences#and they are both suppressing their feelings#it was on THIS very cliff that izuku actually revealed that he wanted to address tomura's feelings#and he did that TO ochako who also revealed she'd been thinking about toga#so PLEASE HORI. PLEASE MAKE THEM TALK AND CRY#bnha#bnha 428#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#izuku midoriya#ochako uraraka#mettys posts#metty posts
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol#anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n#like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills#n my support network now#idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night#n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions#because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore#it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore#sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide#and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed#but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself#n give myself time#n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too#growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time#it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine#despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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I miss writing my original story so much... to only to have the time and energy to put into it because it's so much my heart story and I want to write it so badly
#personal#absolutely crying#such a personal story for me and I have the clawing need to be writing it all the time#but also it's just so fun and I've had such a good time creating the world and the characters#can't wait to graduate next year so I can actually have some true free time#anyway yeh finnish fantasy set in the early 2000s in the eastern lapland region#with at least one villain monster being very clearly inspired by the groke#because what's better than evoking the finnish primal fear lmao#also everybody is gay because they're my characters and I said so#what is it called when you're not necessarily a butch lesbian but you just live in the woods?#that one
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Having another rough day already as. usual
#🤖.txt#Another day another trying to not have a meltdown on my way to school#Im not even gonna . talk much about it bc its making me want to cry more and lol i want to cry for hours#Really sad and thinking a lot of shit and dont know how to make myself feel better#I need. to pretend im not alive but i cant do that anymore . Im just bad at everything now#Aughhhh#vent#Do you know how sad i am#i feel like i tried so hard to keep myself alive only to live like this and hate being alive. like this is so depressing#I dont even like thinking like this bc i have so many good things in my life rn and im very grateful for them#and yet theres not a day where i dont feel like this at least for a few hours#ugdhjd i know i'll be fine when im home i hope i get through today without feeling like this too much#I'll probably delete this later but i just need to leave this somewhere
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do the people who love ekko (rightfully) know he has a game
#ekko#i forget if its a metroidvania but it might be#its a platformer at the very least#Its almost sad like!!! you guys have a lotta lore youre missing about him. i am happy to report that he is perfect and has done no wrong#in every universe#also theres one where he's a rapper and there is a music video with him#and an animation#and a comic#ri rambles#arcane#league of legends#arcane ekko#the only thing hes ever done wrong is not take good care of himself#god you guys would cry at his short story hes so good and pure
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GX Finalized-Subs!118 (WIP): Reason to Live (Required OST)
#GX#yugioh#yugioh gx#ygo#ygo gx#yu-gi-oh gx#yu-gi-oh! gx#Professor Cobra#Judai Yuki#Rick#Yubel#[i mean technically it's the very weak first form that becomes the Boy of Light which then becomes Yubel buuuut]#subbing rambling#encoding 117-119 now! should have them up in the next day or two :)#also it continues to amuse me how 4Kids cut out Rick's death by fading from Cobra's turning-to-the-street shot just before#to the post-eyecatch scene where we see him back with the arm lol#they at least offscreened it well enough by saying Rick became 'very ill' and Viper was being given a chance to 'get him back'#also i do love how Cobra's 'Rick!!' happens on a total cut to black before the show's logo fades in for the eyecatch#such a good scene and it does make you feel why Cobra would 'believe all that' [per Johan] from the arm about bringing him back#when 'the dead can't come back to life' [also per Johan]#[also see what i did with that one link there]#also such a good second use of the 'Lamentation' OST track here (first use being with the Crying Scarknight scene in 114)#[why is it so hard to find on its own on YT 😩]
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