#or appreciated enough that we are able to have this

[navybrat817]

Hold You Tight: Part 18

Pairing: Club Owner!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Fic Summary: The owner of The 107th wants you to be his girl whether you like it or not.

Part 17 | Series Masterlist | Part 19

Chapter Word Count: Over 4.8k

Chapter Summary: You open up to Bucky before he meets your friends.

Chapter Warnings: DARK AU, dubcon elements, heavy petting, tension, kissing, inner turmoil, backstory, reference to unsupportive parents, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?), more warnings to come.

A/N: More Hold You Tight! Thank you for sticking with me! Bucky edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Waking up in Bucky’s arms felt different than it had the night before. This morning felt a bit easier and, dare you think, it was natural. A hand moved up and down your back, but it was more of a soothing motion than trying to turn you on. It was so comfortable that it almost put you back to sleep.

“Morning,” he whispered against your forehead.

“Morning,” you whispered back, waiting for him to inevitably start groping you. He didn’t. “Wait, you’re not dry humping me today?”

He let out a sleepy chuckle. “Not unless you want me to,” he teased, leaning back to gaze at you.

You looked at him, too. It was the most relaxed and well rested you had seen him look since you met. And the happiest. You being in the penthouse really made a difference in the dangerous man.

“Did you sleep okay?” he asked, brushing a finger along your cheek.

“Yeah,” you answered. You hadn't meant to fall asleep in the living room, but he didn't seem to mind. “Did you?”

“I did.” He sat up after a moment and stretched. “I’m actually kind of glad we didn't sleep in our bed.”

“Why is that?” you asked.

“Because we haven't made love yet,” he answered in a low voice.

You ignored the heat flowing from your core. “I’m kind of surprised you're holding out,” you said. With the way he always had to touch you and the filthy things that spewed from his mouth, he had to be a ticking time bomb.

Your reaction to him surprised you, too. It was just days ago when you wretched from just the stress of him blowing up your life and everything. Yet last night, you got yourself on his thigh with his encouragement and you willingly slept in his arms. Did that say more about you or him?

He sighed. “Once I have you I won't be able to stop. That’s how much I want you and will keep wanting you,” he admitted, separating himself from you more. “But I want your trust and forcing you into bed won't build it. We’ll be back at square one.”

You blinked slowly. Bucky pushed your boundaries one second and backed off the next. He tore through your walls and rebuilt them just as quickly. The man was a puzzle you feared you’d never figure out.

“It isn't just my trust that you want from me,” you said. That wouldn’t be enough for him. “You want me to love you.”

His eyes bore into yours and it felt like he was letting a wall down for you. “Yes, I do want you to love me,” he said, his voice thick. “I want a life with you and whatever exists beyond that.”

You swallowed. The air was too thick in the room, the emotions raw. He wanted you to love him even after you were gone from this world. “Your Pisces is showing again,” you whispered like it was a secret.

“Well, you did say I was intense, passionate, and I want to be close to the person I fall for,” he whispered, brushing a kiss to your lips and helping you slowly stand. “It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you.”

“I guess not,” you agreed, looking around. You hadn’t checked your phone at all since you went to his place. “What time is it?”

“Still early. Why don’t we have breakfast and then you can get ready for your day out?” he suggested.

That brought a smile to your face. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

His smile wasn’t as bright as yours as he led you to the kitchen and helped you take a seat at the island. “Eager to spend the day away from me?”

He sounded so sad you almost went to him to hug him. “I’m eager to spend the day with my friends,” you corrected him, watching him move around the kitchen with ease. “They’re kind of like sisters to me.”

“Sisters.” He paused and looked at you with a careful eye. “Do you realize you’ve never talked about your family with me? Not once.”

You kept a neutral expression, but you wrung your hands together in your lap. You were surprised it took him this long to point that out. “There isn’t much to say.”

He set two mugs on the coffee maker. “I think there is,” he said, facing you again. “You always mention your friends, your coworkers, Mrs. Crandle, and there’s always affection and love there, but never your parents. Why not?”

If he dug into your life the way he said he had, surely, he knew in some capacity. And it was too early to discuss them, but he would ask again later if you brushed it off. “Because they’re not exactly proud to have me as a daughter,” you sighed, trying not to reflect too deeply on that.

His mouth was set in a grim line. “Why not?” he all but snarled.

You shrugged and avoided his gaze. “I was just never good enough, you know? Whether it was my grades or sports or anything I tried, I was never… exceptional or special. Even when I did well at something it wasn't enough. It was always a toss-up between disappointment and indifference,” you explained. Your accomplishments weren't anything of importance in their eyes. “And when I said I wanted to be a florist I was pretty much told that my life was…” you paused. You weren’t going to cry. “A waste.”

“A waste?” The murderous expression on his face oddly brought you more comfort. “But you are exceptional. You lead with kindness and a good heart when it’s easier to be cruel or jaded. Your kindness saved my mom, and she knew you were special,” he said, shaking his head as he rounded the island. “It’s no wonder you never talk about them. It also explains more of why compliments make you feel uncertain.”

“It’s okay, Bucky,” you whispered.

Your parents weren’t bad people. They never raised a hand to you, and they gave you what you needed to survive in life, but not much else beyond that. No encouragement or affirmations of love. If you disappeared tomorrow, they wouldn’t know. You were invisible.

It was fine. You accepted a long time ago that you weren’t special in their eyes. The life you made in the city with your other loved ones was enough to give you a sense of family and it didn’t take away from the fact that you still loved your parents, but you refused to be like them. You’d still find ways to put kindness out into the world. You’d make others smile if you could. It wasn’t always much, but maybe it would make a difference in some way to someone.

And, well, who you were and what you did made a difference if you asked Bucky.

“It’s not okay,” he argued, framing your face. The intensity didn’t frighten you this time when you looked into his eyes. “And I’m so sorry I brought it up.”

“It really is okay,” you softly said, wondering how he got you to open up again. You would’ve had to talk about it sooner or later and there were people who grew up with much worse. “But you really think I’m exceptional? I’m just-”

He put his fingers to your lips, the thunderous look back on his face. “Don’t you dare say you’re just a florist or I’ll put you over my knee.”

Your eyes widened. He was serious. “I’m just… really hungry for breakfast?” you tried.

He exhaled deeply. “I’ll make sure you’re well fed,” he promised, going back to the task at hand. His shoulders were still stiff as he moved around. “When I compliment you, I mean it. And when I say you’re special or exceptional or anything else, I mean it. I won't let anyone make you feel less than what I know you are.”

Your chest tightened. “I know,” you whispered. The subtle threat to the cook for insulting your taste, beating up John for disrespecting you, he wasn't going to sit by and let people make you feel bad. Maybe one of the reasons he wanted to show you off to his loved ones was so you wouldn't feel invisible.

“Thank you for telling me, Kotyonok. I know that wasn't easy,” he praised.

“Thank you for asking,” you replied, allowing the warmth to settle in your chest.

“But I’m not asking your parent’s permission to marry you,” he blurted out, your eyes rounding. “They lost that privilege when they treated you the way they did.”

“They wouldn’t believe I was marrying you anyway,” you tried to joke. They would recognize immediately how out of your league he was.

“And they don’t need to come to the wedding either,” he snarled, carefully setting your coffee down in front of you when he looked close to throwing something. “It’ll be a small ceremony anyway. Just close friends and loved ones who matter.”

Your heart did a funny flutter. A small ceremony was exactly what you wanted. “Well, if my dad isn’t there, who will give me away?”

“Thor,” he answered without skipping a beat.

You burst out laughing, surprising both of you. The blonde would probably strut down the aisle. “I barely know Thor, but I feel like he'd probably shout something like ‘All rise for the soon-to-queen of the 107th’,” you mocked in what was a terrible impression of Thor.

Bucky laughed, too. “Not the best impression, Kotyonok, but you tried, and he’d probably say something exactly like that.”

“Well, whatever he says, I won’t walk down the aisle in some over the top dress. I want something beautiful, but simple. Same with the ceremony and reception,” you smiled. Something that was you. “And I get the final say in the flowers for obvious reasons.”

His eyes were full of love. Was he picturing you in a wedding gown? “As long as you get to be my wife, our wedding can be whatever you want it to be.”

Your smile slipped. His wife… You hadn’t shut down that you were going to marry him or pointed out how he was once again moving too fast. You even joked about your big day with him. “Um… breakfast?” Anything to distract you.

He had an easy smile on his face as he whipped up something quickly. Minus a quick thank you once he served it, you didn’t say anything else as you ate, and he didn’t push the conversation. Opening up a bit about your family and talking about marriage… Being in the penthouse destroyed your mental and emotional fail-safes.

“I should get ready,” you said, setting your finished plate in the sink and rinsing it.

“Me, too.” You felt him watching you. “If the weather’s nice tomorrow, we can have breakfast on the balcony. Maybe we can make it our routine on nice days.”

“Tomorrow?” you asked.

“If you want to spend the night again,” he casually replied, but you heard the want there. “Especially since we’ll be apart for most of the day.”

“Maybe,” you said. You had planned to just go back to your place once you got back from your day out. “We’ll play it by ear, okay?”

Disappointment showed for just a moment. “You said you’d spend time with me when you got back. That you’d let me know when you got back to the apartment so I could see you.”

“I did say that,” you agreed, remembering your promise when he tried to convince you not to go out today. “But maybe you can stop by the apartment. It could be fun.”

“I guess we’ll play it by ear,” he smiled.

You didn’t wait for him to follow as you went to get ready, but you did pause when you stood in the master bathroom. The left sink clearly belonged to Bucky. His toothbrush, cologne, everything was on that side. The right sink was yours. A toothbrush for you, a new bottle of perfume, deodorant, everything. It was like you were already living there.

You jumped when you felt a pair of lips on the side of your neck, your eyes meeting Bucky’s in the mirror. You hadn’t heard him come in, too distracted by your reality continuing to sink in. “I’ll miss you today,” he whispered, holding your hips.

“I’m not gone yet,” you whispered. You were there with him, in his grip. His touch would linger after he let go.

“I really hate having to share you,” he murmured, dragging his lips to your ear as your heart raced. “But I thankfully don’t have to share all of you.”

You gripped the sink when he snaked a hand between your legs. “Bucky,” you gasped.

“I know it’s selfish to ask when you’re spending time with your friends, but think of me,” he said, rubbing you through your pajamas and pressing his hips firmly against yours. Did being this close to you always make him hard? “Think of how much I want you.”

Your back arched when the metal hand moved to your breast and gently squeezed. You wanted to look away, but his reflection pulled your gaze to it. Trapping you, the way he had you trapped between him and the sink.

“Think of how much I need you,” he whispered, nipping your earlobe when you whimpered. The more he rubbed your pussy through the clothes the wetter the fabric got, the heavier your breathing became, and the more your head spun. “Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” you whispered. It didn’t matter where you went or who you were with, he’d find a way to seep into your thoughts.

He moaned, his nose moving along your neck before he stopped rubbing you. “That’s my girl.”

You didn’t let go of the sink when he stepped away, your body slightly shaking as you came down from the high he built within. “And you’ll think of me?”

“I’m always thinking of you, Kotyonok,” he said, running a comb through his hair like he didn’t have a raging hard-on. “Always.”

You believed him. “Are you… going to take care of that?” you asked.

He glanced at his crotch with a smirk. “I probably should.” He leaned over and kissed your temple. “I’ll put some music on so you won’t have to hear me this time.”

“How considerate.”

“I’m a considerate guy,” he winked, leaving you alone in the bathroom.

“How do guys walk like that?” you muttered.

You waited until you heard the music start before you went through your routine. He’d likely moan your name at some point while he jerked off. At least he let you be so you could get ready and change into your dress. He said he wanted your trust, but he still found ways to touch you and wind you up. The tension was going to snap at some point and you wondered just how soon.

Looking at yourself in the mirror once you were ready, you tried to smile. You looked admittedly beautiful and felt confident for a fun day out. Did any of that have to do with Bucky?

You emerged after hiding in the bathroom long enough and stared as you saw Bucky in the bedroom. You half expected him to be in bed jerking off or doing something else, but he was dressed for the day. Head to toe in black with his hair slicked back, he looked impeccable as always. The expensive watch and pinky ring fit him well. Did he ever dress down? Why did he have to look so handsome?

“Wow,” he said when he caught you staring. “You look… so beautiful.”

“Thanks,” you said, your cheeks warm as he crossed the room toward you.

Your eyelids fluttered when he placed a gentle kiss on your lips and put something in your hand. When did he grab your phone? “Ray’s going to follow you from Addison’s place.”

It was nice that Ray would be the one to go today and not someone else. “Oh, okay,” you said, checking real quick to make sure you didn’t have any missed calls or messages. “You really know where Addison lives then?”

The subtle smirk made your throat go dry. “Let’s go.”

As he led you out, you wondered if Zemo also knew where any of your friends lived. He got to Mrs. Crandle, but didn’t harm her. Would he do anything else? Glancing at Bucky, the men almost seemed to be two sides of the same coin. The difference was that Bucky thought he loved you and he knew how much your friends meant to you.

A text from Addison came through and broke you from your thoughts. “We’ll be waiting outside!”

“On my way!” you sent back. “They’ll be waiting outside,” you told Bucky.

“The plus side of dropping you off is I get to meet your friends before Addison’s wedding,” Bucky smiled. “Do you think she’ll be the maid of honor for our wedding? I already know Steve will be the best man.”

Back to talking about your wedding day. “Most likely. And Dana and Gina as bridesmaids,” you said. They’d be so happy and would never know how everything came about.

“You know what would be fun? Cupcakes. All sorts of flavors so everyone has something they want, but we’ll have a small cake for the two of us,” he smiled more, reaching over to take your hand. “And we should have a two week honeymoon. Minimum.”

You almost choked on your breath. The man did say he wouldn’t be able to stop having you once he started. Was this the kind of love you deserved? Obsession? “That’s a long honeymoon.”

“It’s just a start,” he sighed happily. “Mr. and Mrs. Barnes. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?”

You glanced at him. “Sounds perfect,” you whispered.

He brushed his thumb over your ring finger. “I just need to get the perfect ring on your finger,” he whispered.

You bit your lip and looked out the window. You could’ve brought him back to reality or pulled away, but you didn’t. You did, however, tense up the closer you got to Addison’s place. This was meant to be your fun day out, but it was going to be about Bucky because your friends would see him. They’d ask questions. They’d be excited and happy for you, too.

Once again there’d be no going back.

Bucky tensed up, too, when he parked. The girls were waiting on the sidewalk and you couldn't help but smile. It was good to see them. “Here we are,” he muttered, squeezing your hand. “And now that we’re here I don’t want you to get out.”

You took a breath. He couldn’t back out now. “I’ll think of you just like you said. How much you want and need me,” you promised him, giving his hand a squeeze this time. “And before you know it you’ll see me tonight.”

He took a breath, too. “I’ll count the minutes,” he said, getting out. You let out a sigh of relief when he went around and helped you out. He had your cardigan in hand, too. “And I have a surprise for you and your friends.”

“A surprise?” you asked.

“Hey!” you heard Addison call out. She waved happily when you made eye contact. “You’re here!”

“Hey,” you smiled, leaning into Bucky when he slipped his arm around you. “I’m here.”

Addison’s face lit up as you walked toward her with Bucky by your side. “Oh, my God. Is this him?!” she asked.

“Him?! Who is him?!” Dana questioned, sweeping an appreciative look over Bucky. She was in a happily committed relationship but appreciated a good-looking man when she saw one. “Who are you?”

“Yeah, who are you?” Gina added with a raised brow. Showing up with a guy wasn’t like you.

“Hi, I’m Bucky,” he smiled charmingly before he gazed at you. “Her boyfriend.”

Your face felt so hot you thought it would catch on fire. He spoke it into existence and made it happen. He weaved the threads of your lives to bring you to this point, to every point.

Addison did an excited little hop. “Yes! Yay! You’re her boyfriend!”

“Yeah, I’m her boyfriend. And you’re Addison, Dana, and Gina,” Bucky smiled, shaking each of their hands. Your blood froze. You never pointed out to him who was who, yet it was another reminder of just how much he knew. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

“AHH!” Addison’s excited shriek made you wince. “She mentioned you were coming to the wedding.”

“I am,” Bucky nodded.

Dana’s jaw dropped. “Hold on. A wedding date?! BOYFRIEND?! Holy fucking shit!”

“Why are we just now finding out you have a boyfriend?!” Gina chimed in.

Bucky held his head high. He was loving this, wasn't he? “Um, surprise?” you lamely spoke, taking in the sight of their shocked and thrilled expressions. They were so happy for you and it nearly made you cry.

Bucky chuckled again and held you tighter. “It’s kind of my fault she hasn’t said much about me. It’s still new and I’ve been selfishly monopolizing her time,” he said. They had no idea how true that statement was. “To be honest, I even begged her to hang out with me today because I love spending time with her, but she was really looking forward to hanging out with you ladies.”

The chorus of “aww’s” would’ve been sweet in any other setting, but he was putting them under his spell. “Okay, but seriously, why are you here with us and not hanging out with your new man?” Dana asked, looking over Bucky again. “I’m on your side, Bucky. She could totally ditch us and we’d get it. Really.”

“I promised him I’d see him tonight,” you said quickly, resting a hand on Bucky’s chest. You didn’t want him to take the bait your friend was unknowingly giving him.

“Yes, you did. And I know you’ll have a blast today,” he said, kissing your temple. “Wait, you ladies weren’t planning on driving or taking a cab, were you?”

“We were going to get an uber or something once my cousin got here,” Addison said.

“Oh, no, no. You can’t take an uber to the winery. That’s your ride,” Bucky said, nodding across the street when a limo pulled up. “My treat.”

You gasped. So did your friends. “Oh, my god. Bucky?” When did he arrange that?

“Surprise,” he smiled, sneaking in a kiss. “And you don’t have to worry about paying for drinks or your meals today either. I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”

“Holy shit. Are you loaded or something?” Dana blurted out.

“Dana!” Gina hissed. You almost laughed. Dana had no filter, but she meant well. “What she meant was ‘thank you’.”

“It’s fine. Believe it or not, I actually own The 107th, but I don’t really like to brag about it.” Bucky casually shrugged. You stared at him before sneaking another glance at your friends. They were intrigued and completely buying what a ‘sweet’ guy he was. “There is one small catch though, if you don’t mind.”

Addison raised an eyebrow. “What’s the catch?”

“Kotyonok, can you hand her your phone so she can get a photo of us?” he asked, pulling you closer against him and curling his lips in a small smile. “That’s the catch.”

“Oh, my god. He has a sexy nickname for her and everything,” Dana loudly whispered as you handed your phone over.

“A free limo ride with paid food and drinks if we take a photo of you two together? That’s not a catch at all. That’s so sweet!” Addison held the phone up as you tried to put on your best smile. Like it was a normal love story. “One, two, three!”

You stood still for a few seconds before you stole a glance at Bucky. He was looking at you, too, and leaned in for a tender kiss. It was a loving gesture, but you knew it to be possessive, too. Your friends weren’t a threat to your relationship, but Bucky would have all of your attention if he had his way.

“He’s totally enamored,” Dana whispered again.

“I think they can hear you,” Gina whispered back.

“Okay, you two are so photogenic,” Addison swore, handing your phone back. Your breath caught as you swiped through the photos. You two looked like you were in love. How did the camera not catch any of your fear or uncertainty?

Your friends didn’t see it either. All they saw was a happy new couple. Maybe it was better that way.

“I’m not the photogenic one. She is,” Bucky smiled, giving you one more kiss. “Do you mind sending me those, please? Maybe I can frame one of them.”

You bit the inside of your cheek at the additional chorus of “aww’s”. “Sure.” You sent them immediately so he wouldn’t hound you for them later.

Bucky checked his phone when it went off. “Perfect,” he whispered. You thought your friends were going to swoon. “You’ll have to let me know how the winery is. I may have to do an event there in the future.”

Addison smiled and looked between the two of you. “Well, you could check the place out yourself if you want.”

Your heart plummeted and your best friend missed the pleading look in your eyes. “I don’t think-”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that. It’s your day out and me being there makes it feel like I’m crashing the party or keeping tabs on my girl,” Bucky said, rubbing your side.

Your mouth fell open. Were you in the twilight zone? All he ever did was keep tabs on you.

Glancing at the limo, you spotted Ray’s vehicle parked behind it. He couldn’t exactly get out and introduce himself without drawing suspicion because what excuse would he have to be there that your friends would buy? But he did say he could avoid being seen, and you had a feeling he’d still manage to keep a close eye on you today.

“Well, you know we’re going to spend the whole limo ride over hounding her about this new chapter of her love life,” Gina teased.

“I have no doubt,” Bucky winked. “I just hope I’ve made a good impression because she means the world to me and I know she values your opinions.”

“As long as you treat her well. Otherwise, we’ll have to get rid of you.” Addison gave him a hard stare before she smiled. “But I think it’s safe to say you’ve passed the first impression test with flying colors.”

You deflated a bit. That was what you were afraid of. It was better that way. It meant they were safe from Bucky’s wrath.

“I’ll treat her like a queen,” Bucky promised. Whether you wanted it or not. “My girl deserves nothing less than that.”

“You two really are a good looking couple,” Dana noted, wiggling her eyebrows. “I’ll bet the photographer snags some photos of you two at the wedding because how could they not?”

Bucky put a hand on his chest. “I’d love more photos of the two of us, but the focus should be on Addison and Brady since it’s their day.”

He knew all the right things to say.

“You’re too kind.” Addison smiled before her phone went off. Looking at the screen, she groaned. “Of course. My cousin’s just going to meet us there, so I guess we can go?”

“I’ll walk you over,” Bucky offered.

He dug his fingers in enough for you to feel it and you noted the stiffness in his stance as he walked you across the street. Sending you off with your friends was a lot for him, but he had to deal with it. With Ray close by he wouldn’t have to worry about your safety either.

“Thanks again for the limo, Bucky. That was really nice of you,” Addison said.

“No thanks necessary. Just have fun today and drink plenty of water if you do lots of sampling,” he said, pulling you against him before you could get into the limo with your friends. He looked so lost for a split second and immediately leaned into your touch when your hand rested on his cheek. “I love you, Kotyonok. Think of me,” he whispered.

You initiated a gentle kiss which he quickly deepened. It didn’t last long since he had to let you go, but it lingered for both of you. “I will, Bucky.”

You’d think of him after he helped you into the limo. He’d occupy your mind on the drive over. And you’d once again miss the other pair of eyes watching you as you tried to enjoy your day.

Let's hope the day is a fun one. Who is watching? What's Bucky going to do while you're gone? How excited will Thor be when he hears the big news? 😂 Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[russellsppttemplates]

We learn to hold its hand (Charles Leclerc)

Two hearts that lost themselves in pain.

Two hearts that found eachother in love.

Note: english is not my first language. It's been some time since I posted one of these, hopefully I still know how to do it 🥲 A lot of changes have been going on at my job and I've been trying to adjust to all of it without loosing my sanity and writinb has been a good escape! I know this is a heavy topic, so proceed carefully, but I was feeling like writing this so here it goes... For those who are here and have stayed, thank you for being so patient and for staying - I hope this is good enough ✨️

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not taking requests right now, so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to send them in but know that I don't know when I'll be able to get to them!

my masterlist

Cw: cancer, death of close relatives (reader's and Charles' father), grief, hospital procedures

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3 @sltwins

"Bonjour papa", Charles greeted, running his hand over the photograph that was on the grave, "I just got back from the track where we did the testing for Sauber, the last one before the season starts. It's hard, but I'm not afraid", he gulped, "Because you taught me that, even if I'm afraid, I have to go with fear. To move forward, because that's the only way. In racing, I can do that, but I won't be able to continue my life without you because I won't be able to. I try. Every day, I try. For maman, especially, since she tries to be strong for me, Lorenzo and Arthur, and somewhere along the way, we gathered the strength we didn’t know we had, but when we realize it, there it is, supporting us. I'm sure it's you. Every day, I remember that afternoon when you taught me how to ride a bike. Your insistence on removing the training wheels from the big wheel that ended up with a wound on my knee and that made me scream a few times. I remember you telling me that there were worse things than that simple scratch. I never thought that one day we would have to face them and that they would be the main reason why you are no longer by my side", Charles wiped away the tears, while he couldn't help but smile at the beautiful memories that came back to him, "But more than that, I remember the day you put a kart in front of me for the first time. There, I knew it was love for life. Yes, like Francis Cabrel's song. Or that afternoon when I stepped onto the concrete of the best race circuit in the world. There, I knew that I would begin a story in which, even though I was the main character, I would never have been able to write all the chapters that have been completed so far without the help of your pen. That support, that dedication, that encouragement, that love, father. Without them, I would never be the Charles that I am today. There was so much left to say and so much to do. But I am grateful for everything we said and for everything we did. I remember you telling me that you could no longer be strong and you asked me to be. I miss you so much. I miss you so much that I cannot express in words. I just want to thank you for continuing to light my path and for being the best father in the world. You are not by my side, but you are on my side. I feel that, every day. Thank you for continuing to support me in every race and in every challenge that life throws at me. Thank you for being so present, even though you're so far away. I miss you every day. And I feel you with me every day. Je t'aime, papa", he says goodbye, standing up and shaking off the little dirt on his jeans.

He picks up his backpack and starts walking towards the cemetery exit, but a sweet, melodious voice makes him stop walking. Charles looks in its direction, observing a female figure who, sitting next to someone's grave, was quickly but skillfully strumming the acoustic guitar and, at the same time, singing the song he had included in today's conversation with his father. Je l'aime à mourir by Francis Cabrel. Charles smiles at such coincidence and turned his back, picking up his pace, but soon stopping again, feeling a great need to go and meet that girl whose voice conveyed the pain he knew so well - loss.

Charles swallowed hard and instead of walking away, he found himself getting closer and closer to the young woman who, judging by your physical features, was probably around his age.

He waited for you to finish the song to make myself present, since you hadn’t noticed him yet.

“I miss you every day, Lucas. I wish you were here. It would make everything so much easier", he heard you say, through tears, and he felt the impact of all her words. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t feel the same way.

Charles looks at the person you were visiting and his eyes almost popped out of his head when he notices the photo of a boy who couldn’t have been more than eight years old in that portrait. The date of death was twelve years ago.

"Who are you?", you ask.

Charles quickly woke up from his thoughts, focusing his gaze on you, now curiously appreciating him. The colour of your eyes, the way your hair fell down your back and your bare skin faacinaged him.

"Forgive me", he requested, a little embarrassed, "I heard you sing and I couldn't help but come here and tell you that you sing very well and that the person you dedicated the song to probably agrees with me", he replied and your shy laugh made him laugh too.

"Thank you", you offered, quite embarrassed, which was still funny, "He's my twin brother. He was eight years old when he left", you pointed to the portrait you had looked at moments before.

"My father. He passed away a couple of months ago", Charles decided to share the reason why he was also there.

"My brother had a rare blood disease, a cancer doctors were never able to identify. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were not enough to cure him. In fact, the body of an eight-year-old boy could only handle so much at that time. I was the same age, but I will never forget my brother’s suffering and the strength he had until the end. My childhood innocence was taken from me that day. I am not an example to anyone. The true example of life left more than a decade ago, on a journey that still had a long way to go had it not ended the way it did", you said as you packed your things, letting your anger speak.

Charles noticed the crack in your voice and a few seconds later, he heard your sniffle.

The first instict he had was that he wanted to hug you in that moment and reassure you with just his arms, since words would never be enough comfort at a time like that. And at the same time, he felt that you needed to talk to someone who, being unknown and impartial, would never judge you for the anger you were experiencing.

"My father battled cancer for a few years but, unfortunately, he ended up losing the fight in July. However, the real winner is him. For so many reasons: for the way he faced the reality that was knocking on his door, for how he forced us to face it in the most positive way possible, so that it would become a little easier, and for the way he prepared us for his departure. He is a true hero. If, one day, I can be half the man and father that he was and is, you can be sure that I will leave this life happy", Charles spoke.

"They truly are the heroes who left early to prove that angels really exist", you said, looking at Charles intently in a way made him feel like an open book in front of the most beautiful reader he had ever seen in his life.

"I couldn’t agree more", Charles murmured, too caught up in the gaze of that twenty-year-old girl who was so much more like him than he had thought.

"Y/N", you held out your hand and he smiled at your introduction.

"Charles", he reciprocated, fitting his hand in yours, which you immediately shook.

And there, he knew that you were marked by the wound that would never heal and by the feeling that would never disappear: pain.

There, those two hearts that were lost in pain would be the same ones that would find each other in love.

.

Charles got up from the floor, after the usual daily conversation he shared with his father after training. He noticed you in the same position you had been in before, but this time, you were reciting poems from a small book you had in your hand, completely distracted from your surroundings.

It was the first time in almost three weeks that he had seen you again. You had stopped showing up at the same time as he did and for a moment he thought you were avoiding him. But he soon put those thoughts aside. After all, if you didn’t even know each other that well, what was the need?

“Y/N", Charles said as he approached you, alerting you of his presence.

You looked at him with a shy smile and immediately stood up as well, "I haven’t seen you around here since", he added and you laughed softly.

"In the last three weeks, I came in the morning, because of the internship I'm doing. I had to change schedules with a colleague and I couldn't come in the afternoon. Now everything is back to normal, so here I am", you explained and he nodded in understanding, "You never miss your schedule", you pointed out it was his turn to laugh.

"This is the best time for me to come because this way, I can spend more time with my father before the cemetery closes", Charles explains and you nod, "Hmm, I really like talking to you but, is it just me who thinks we're not in the best place?".

Your beautiful laugh makes him laugh too, "Without shadow of a doubt", you agreed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I bet you're hungry", Charles assuredly and you laughed again.

"Very", you dmitted, blushing, which made him smile at your embarrassment, "the line at the bakery in front of where I work was too long and, I'm sorry, but patience has never been my strong point", you defended yourself and he giggled.

"So it's better to go without food...?", Charles quirked an eyebrow as he asked, surprised and you laughed, rolling your eyes.

"I wouldn't go without food, obviously. I was just going to have to snack something later", you shrugged.

Once you stood outside the cemetery, you looked at each other intensely, not knowing what to say, "Would you accept an invitation for a snack?", Charles gathered the courage to ask and it was your turn to laugh at his shyness.

"Yes", your positive answer made him smile.

"Do you have a car?", he asked and you said no.

"Not yet. It’s at the mechanic’s", you made a face of disgust and Charles laughed, "the good news is that my father can pick it up at the end of this week. You have no idea how much I need it for my internship", you complained and Charles smiled at you relaxed way.

"Then you’re coming with me", he invited and you thanked him.

Charles lead you to his car and you smiled in gratitude when he opened the door for you so you could get in.

"And, if you’ll allow me, can I know what you study, Y/N?", Charles asked curiously, when you were already in line at the caffè, the place being chosen by the young woman during your journey, which had been made in a silence that Charles wouldn’t consider awkward but also not very comfortable. The awkwardness was still there.

"Radiology and radiotherapy", you replied, letting out a smile, "Twelve years ago, for a few months, I followed my brother's fight and was inspired by the humanity of those doctors and the team responsible for his case. The way he was treated, the constant encouragement in his recovery, the words and friendly shoulder they gave my parents, and even me, the way they prepared us for the worst and the way they accompanied us in our mourning, was truly human and truly inspiring. And there, I decided that this was something I would like to do in the future. I want to help others like they helped me more than a decade ago", you said proudly, earning a big smile from Charles.

You were interrupted when it was your turn to make the requests and respective payment. Charles insisted on paying the entire bill and you gave in, after much insistence from his behalf.

"Next time, you'll pay", Charles promised, as you walked aimlessly through the streets of Monaco.

"Will there be a next one?", you asked, laughing and Charles couldn’t help but look away from your shy eyes, "It’s a promise, then", you added and Charles looked at you again, already looking at him with a smile.

You ended up sitting on the lawn of a garden, finally digging into your food.

"And you? Can I know what you study?", you asked, equally curious and Charles laughed, still feeling a little satisfied that you didn’t know him as a Formula One rookie.

"I’m a race driver", he told you and you looked at him in surprise.

"What category? And which team?", you asked with interest and he smiled.

"The best in the world and the biggest one in racing", he replied, not wanting to say the team's name directly, because that way he would be able to know which one she supported.

"Do you race for Ferrari?", you asked and Charles smiled broadly, happy with what he had heard.

"I was in their academy last year", Charles confirmed and you smiled.

"How come I've never seen you there?", your curiosity and interest were something that satisfied him. After all, he wasn't the only one who wanted to know more.

"I was in Formula Two with Prema", he explained and her "makes sense", spoken in English, made him laugh.

"But tell me something. Are you regular at races?", Charles asked and you nodded.

"You could say that", you both laughed, "My father and grandfather were always

big racing fans. In fact, they are. And they passed that love on to Lucas", you smiled and looked down at the ground, "The few times he wasn't in the hospital, he was at the track. What he felt for racing was something I had never seen before. It was contagious. Everyone infected Lucas and he infected me. After his death, I promised myself to accompany my father and grandfather, and even go there alone, to every race that was done there. It was, and is, a way of feeling Lucas with me. That’s why I love racing so much", you looked at him with teary eyes, letting the tears fall when Charles brought his thumb to your face, caressing it.

"I’m sorry", you murmured and he quickly denied it, so that you would know that everything was okay.

"You’re inspiring, Y/N. I hope you know that", Charles offered.

You shook your head, smiling, "No, I don't think so. I’m just an eight-year-old child, in the body of a twenty-year-old girl who cries every night, wishing her brother was by her side", you spoke, with some difficulty, and Charles swallowed hard, trying to find the right words to comfort you.

"No, Y/N. You are a young 20-year-old woman who lost her brother at the age of eight and who, even today, is learning to deal with his absence", Charles said and you quickly wiped away the tears that were falling from your eyes, unable to help but sigh heavily.

"So, tell me, how does it feel to wear red? I clearly have been focusing in specific catehorues", you asked with a smile and Charles smiles at your change of subject.

"Incredible. It is a dream come true. I have no words to thank the trust that my team put in me, and how stepping into F1, even if it's not Ferrari, is a huge sense of responsibility, after all, you’re representing one of the best teams in the sport, the best in the world for me", Charles proudly answered your question, not avoiding remembering the day he signed his first professional contract with the unspoken promise and hope of a place in the Scuderia.

"How many years has it been?", you asked.

"I've been with the best the world for a few years", you both smiled.

“We could go watch the historic race this Saturday on the track just outside the city", you invited Charles and he smiled at you initiative, not hesitating to nod.

“I was already thinking of going, but now I’m really going to", Charles answered and you blushed.

"Can you give me your phone number so we can arrange things better?", Charles asked, feeling brave enough to do so, and you nodded.

You exchanged contact details and chatted a little longer until you were interrupted by the ringing of your phone. Charles waited for the call to end and returned the smile you gave him.

"Typical motherly concern", you explained, and Charles laughed, nodding along

"I know how it feels", he commented and it was your turn to smile

"Since my brother passed away, my mother, who was already overprotective, has become even more so. I don’t blame her for that, quite the opposite. I have learned to deal with it and I don’t make her life harder, I have a very open relationship with my mother. My first academic choice was not Monaco, but in Montpellier", you said as Charles made such curiosity known and looked at you, "But the truth is that I couldn’t even finish the first semester in the city because I couldn’t stand being alone. It was as if the pain multiplied by mixing with the loneliness that I felt. We were so close that I couldn’t separate the pain of having to leave for one of my dreams. I wasn’t prepared for the nights when nightmares haunted me and the absence of my brother was felt more than ever. So, I asked my parents to come and get me and I moved back to Monaco, where it didn't get easier but it wasn’t as difficult as being alone. Since my brother left, we’ve gotten even closer. But the first few days were the hardest. My mother became depressed, my father closed himself off a bit more and, at the age of twelve, I let myself be suffocated by the feelings I had no one to talk to, until my father learned to deal with the pain and helped us do the same. Someone needed to get back on their feet and help others get back on their feet too, and my father was my hero. We sought out the best psychologists for my mother and her progress was very positive, but in truth, what she was doing, and rightly so, was mourning the loss of the most real, pure and true love in the world. She was mourning the death of her son. And she did it in the only way she knew how. Today, we continue to do it, but we do it differently. And if people now talk and watch us go about our day to day lives, it's not because it no longer hurts - because it hurts a lot - it's because we've learned to embrace pain and deal with it. We hold its hand. I think the learning process is lifelong. And I'm going to die, still learning how to deal with it", you said, and the impact of your words prompt Charles to shed a tear, which was joined by all the others, for all the memories that hit him.

"I miss him so much", Charles whispered, avoiding your gaze.

Just out of the corner of his eye, Charles could see you get closer to him, smiling faintly when you pulled him into a hug he didn't hesitate in joining.

You fit perfectly on his chest, head nestled there as he hugged you by your waist, enveloping you and kissing the top of your head without a hitch.

And in that first touch of many, you got to know eachother through the way you both knew so well - pain. And right there, without knowing, you started another one - love.

.

Charles was coming home after another training session, the last one before the charity race he was participating in which would take place the next day at ten in the morning. Today was also the historic race day, the race he would watch with you, after meeting up every day that week at your usual spot - although it wasn’t the happiest, you always ended up going to different places in the capital city, where you took the opportunity to get to know each other better.

"Charles", he heard his mother call out and smiled, going to meet the woman who was preparing dinner.

"Hi, maman”, he kissed her hair and bent down a little so she could kiss his cheek, “I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you", he looked at her with a guilty expression, "I'm not going to have dinner at home", he continued, enjoying the meat she was cooking that smelled very good.

"It's all right", Pascale smiled, "you're going to watch the historic race with Joris and Riccardo, aren't you?", she asked, as they were usually his company.

"Well, about that..", Charles mumbled, scratching the back of his neck in a gesture of confusion that didn't go unnoticed by the oldest in the room.

"Charles Marc Hervé Perceval! What aren't you telling me?", his mother asked, genuinely curious, and he laughed out loud when she turned off the stove and crossed her arms, waiting for him to start talking.

"I'm going with a girl", he started and saw her smile grow at the information he had given her, "her name is Y/N. She is twenty years old and is a final-year student in the radiology and radiotherapy course. Unfortunately, we did not meet under happy circumstances, but the time we have spent together has allowed us to create and experience moments that go beyond that", he explained, avoiding his mother’s gaze to hide his slight embarrassment.

"Where did you meet?", Pascale wanted to know.

"At the cemetery. It was during one of the visits I paid to papa, three weeks ago. She lost her twin brother to a rare blood disease that doctors were never able to identify. Y/N was eight years old when he passed away. I have never related with anyone as much as I did with her. She understands me. In fact, we understand each other. She is simply beautiful in every way", Charles shrugged, not avoiding a smile as he remembered you.

"Charles, is it just me or are you in love?", his mother asked with a smile as she hugged him, fitting into his arms.

"It’s not possible, maman. Only this week that we’ve gotten closer", he replied, not avoiding a nervous laugh.

Pascale laughed, "and since when did that stop you from feeling something for that young woman? Charles, amour, it’s not the time of things but the intensity with which we experience them", she wisely advised and Charles nodded, smiling weakly.

"Thank you for everything, maman. Je t'aime", he whispered against her hair, leaving a kiss there.

"Never forget that you, as well as your brothers, are my pride and the light of my eyes. Je t'aime, Charles", Pascale spoke.

Charles held his mothee on his arms, wanting her to be aware of the infinite gratitude he felt for her.

Pascale pulled away, wiping her tears, and smiled at Charles, "Come on, I don’t want you like this!", Charles asked and she laughed, waving.

"I’m fine", his mother assured, "Now go take a shower and get ready so you don’t keep the girl waiting. I’ll make you a bowl of cereal, so you can eat something before you go", she warned and smiled, getting a kiss on her forehead.

"You’re the best!!", Charles exclaimed, leaving the room, and she laughed.

"I know!", she said, laughing, and Charles laughed at her expression.

Once he got to his bedroom, Charles chose a presentable outfit, wanting to dress appropriately and blend in with all of the fans and enjoy the race that was probably one of the last moments before everything flooded in. The PR team had already warned him that once he was in Formula One, everything changed and he hoped he could have this evening.

He ran to the bathroom, took a quick and relaxing shower, and got dressed without rushing, making sure he looked his best. After that, he went back to the kitchen, where his mother was still, finishing the preparations for dinner.

“Since I didn’t have any company for the meal, I invited your cousins”, she said.

Charles gave her a guilty smile, "I'm really sorry, maman", he spoke sincerely, and it was her turn to laugh, shaking her head.

“It’s okay, Charles, I was just kidding. I want you to go and enjoy Y/N's company. I haven't even met her yet and I already like her", she commented.

"Oh really? Why is that?", Charles wondered, really interested.

"Why? Because every time you talk about her, it's impossible for you not to smile. And I like that", she admitted and he blushed, hearing his mother giggle at his shyness.

"Maman!", he mumbled and the older woman laughed.

"What's wrong?", she asked, pretending not to notice as her son rolled his eyes, laughing.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I should've stayed quiet", Charles complained and she laughed out loud.

"As if I wouldn't eventually find out, Charles", she winked, convinced, and Charles laughed at the joviality that characterized his mother, even after everything that life had put her through.

They were closer than ever and he felt very comfortable sharing any kind of subject with her, she was his best friend and the best thing in his world.

"I really have to go", Charles announced, looking at his watch, making sure he wouldn’t be late.

"Do you have everything with you, amour?”, she asked and he looked at her confused.

“Yes, why?”, Charles answered with another question, while he set the bowl of cereal in the sink.

"Are you sure?", she insisted and he snorted, patting his pockets and checking that nothing was missing.

"I have everything", he replied, kissing her forehead as a way of saying goodbye, "I'll see you later. Je t'aime!", he shouted from the living room and heard her laugh.

"Do you have the condoms with you?", Pascale asked, giggling, and Charles almost choked on his own saliva.

He couldn't believe it.

"Seriously, maman?", he made himself heard out loud.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Charles? I too was a young woman your age once. And I'm too young to be a grandmother!", she said, coming to meet him at the door, and she couldn't help but laugh when she saw his embarrassment.

"I'm leaving!", Charles exclaimed, leaving a last kiss on her cheek and walking all the way to the car while laughing, knowing his mother never missed the opportunity and had a great ability to embarrass her own son.

Charles got in the car and drove off towards your house which, even after a week, continued to leave him astonished by the external beauty that set it apart from the others in the same neighborhood. He sent you a quick text letting you know that he was already waiting for you and, about three minutes later, he heard a door slam, looking in the direction of the noise and not helping but smile when he saw how you were dressed appropriately for the race.

"Wow, yes, we have a racing fan", he complimented and the brunette giggle.

You were dressed in a vintage jacket, an allusive cap with the peak turned backwards and the rest of the outfit complimented it.

The rest of the journey to the track was transformed into a karaoke session, "tell me if we don't make an unbeatable singing duo", you joked as you walked towards the interior of the building where you would be sitting.

"Like society hasn't seen in many years", Charles joined in your joke and you laughed

Charles put his right hand on your shoulder, hugging you and guided you through the crowd so that you wouldn’t lose each other. He heard his name being called and two kids running towards him, making you stop walking. He greetd them with a smile and they ask for a photo that would be the responsibility of the woman who was waiting for them to position themselves, "your girlfriend can also join the portrait", the oldest women pointed to you, and you couldn't help but blush, making Charles smile sideways when he noticed such a thing.

"We're not-", Charles didn't let you finish.

"Come here, Y/N", he asked and the lady waved, heading towards you.

After the photos were taken, the kids thanked Charles, immediately disappearing from our sight, "Do you want to see something around here or would you rather go inside now?", Charles chatted up while you tried to show yourself less embarrassed.

He couldn't help but admit that he was enjoying seeing you like that and, more than that, knowing that he was the one that made you feel that way.

"We can go inside, since race time is very close", you preferred and Charles nodded, placing his hand on the small of your back, leading you to the entrance.

You greeted the various security guards who were there and headed to the place that your tickets indicated. Because Charles belonged in a professional driving championship, he was entitled to the VIP stands.

"Wow", you exclaimed, truly enchanted by the view you had of the track, which was undergoing the final touches before opening its doors to the public.

"Have you never been here before?", Charles asked and saw you deny it, while remaining astonished, appreciating the atmosphere around you.

"Only for a visit when Lucas was with us, never when there was an actual race happening. This is going to be great", you finally looked at him, offering him a smile, "thank you, Charles", you spoke and he acknowledged the sincerity of your words, smiling at you broadly.

“You’re welcome", he downplayed the situation, just hoping you would feel good, "I don’t know if you drink, but would you like a beer? Or perhaps some wine?", he asked and you laughed.

“I don’t usually drink, but today I can make an exception", you accepted and Charles smiled.

“Are you sure? You have every right to say no" he made it clear and you laughed, denying it.

“Seriously, Charles, we can go", you insisted and he waved, giving you space so you could go ahead of him.

The crowd there was huge, but that didn't stop you from drinking and snacking before the race started.

"The teams are getting ready", Charles said as you finished our drinks and you waved, standing up and opening your wallet to take out the money.

"Hey you! What are you doing?", Charles quickly intervened, placing his hand on yours to stop your movements.

"Charles, what did you promise? 'You'll pay next time', that's what you said", you imitated his tone of voice and you burst out laughing.

"Can't you wait until next time?", he insisted and you gave him a death glare, making Charles realise there wasn't much he could do.

"Okay then", he gave in and you giggled smugly.

You went back to your seats after you paid, watching everyone get ready for the race.

"Do you have a favourite driver?", Charles wondered.

"I don't think so. Each one has something to offer to the races, and it's not like many of them are here", you spoke before seeing Lewis Hamilton approach one of the cars.

A song came on and you pulled Charles to dance with you, singing in his ear as he smiled, tightening his grip on your waist. "Now comes the part that no one knows how to sing", you added, moving away from Charles a little and he could notice your shyness, most likely because of the action you had done before.

You danced awkwardly, which earned you a couple of looks, and stopped when the announcer of the track, already full, made himself heard, announcing the race was about to start.

"I love this part", you smiled, getting a kiss from Charles on the hair that was not covered by your cap.

The race started out well and everything seemed to be going as they hoped, the announcer mentioning some facts they had about the historic race.

"THAT'S AN OVERTAKE!", you shouted and the entire section stood up, celebrating yet another great move from Lewis.

You screamed euphorically, pulling Charles into a quick hug, before joining in the celebrations with the rest of the fans.

This girl was out of this world, Charles thought.

"I've never seen a girl like you", he said, automatically enchanted by you.

"That's because I'm an exclusive edition", you joked and you both laughed, "Is that good?", you asked seriously.

Charles returned your gaze, nodding, "Very. You're different from everyone I've ever met", he admitted and you smiled, looking away from him.

"Good. That way, I don't have to worry about them", you shrugged.

Charles smiled, satisfied with the answer you had given him, "Come here" he asked in an act of courage, hugging you while you rested your head on his chest and focusing your attention on the race.

When the race ended for a break until the next one, you took the opportunity to go to the bathroom, while Charles chose to do the same.

Since he was quicker than you, given that the line was shorter, he waited for you outside, where there was a line of young people who were looking at him curiously.

"Finally", Charles muttered to himself as he watched you leave the compartment.

"What happened? Were you feeling watched over?", you made fun and he stuck his tongue out at you, pulling you closer to him. "Watched over?! It seemed like the girls were undressing me with their eyes", he accused.

"That was most likely exactly what was happening", you confirmed and he looked at you in shock, which made you laugh again, "What?! You can't judge them!", you argued.

Charles laughed, honestly pleased with what he had heard, "Oh really? Have you also undressed me with your eyes?", he whispered in youe ear.

"No, I prefer to do it with my hands", you murmured against his mouth and walked ahead of him, leaving him perplexed.

Well, take that, Charles, his subconscious spoke and he chuckled - the ability you had to leave him speechless was unbelievable. Noticing the faces you were making, he decided to return to your seats, where you were already dividing your attention between your cell phone and the track.

"What are you watching?", Charles asked, moving closer to you to observe what you were watching, spending some time watching the silliness and fun on her screen.

"The game is going to start again", Charles said as you quickly turned off the electronic device and hugged his waist, while you paid attention.

"What is he doing to Lewis?", Charles complained.

"Do not play around with him!", you joined.

"Maybe there's a favourite after all?", Charles teased you.

"Maybe, he is very skilled and handsome", you shrugged.

"Oh, good", Charles murmured, feeling a pang of jealousy at the way you had spoken about the driver.

Your laugh made him realize that you had noticed, "Charles, are you jealous?", you mocked and he rolled his eyes, avoiding looking at you.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know that word", he shrugged, trying to make you forget the subject but you didn’t give in.

Instead, you brought your hand to his face, making him look at you, "I’m here with you, aren’t I?", you asked seriously and he smiled weakly, nodding along, "So it’s not Lewis that interests me", you concluded, paying attention to the track again.

Charles sighed, pulling you closer to him, a gesture that made you smile.

Once the race ended, you headed towards the outside, trying to avoid the confusion as much as possible.

"Shall we eat something?", Charles asked you, intertwining your fingers, and you smiled shyly at him, which made him chuckle.

"Please!", you agreed and laughed out loud. "Suggestions?", he asked and you looked thoughtful.

"The center might not be a good idea because it must be full after this", you ruled out, "that new panini shop?", you suggested and he agreed.

You got in the car and headed towards the shop, ordering it to go and Charles ended up choosing a nice spot that overviewed the city.

"Tomorrow I'm going to race", he began, "I know it's not your tradition, but I'd like for you to come watch", he invited and you smiled.

"I'll be there", you agreed and it was his turn to smile, "At what time is it?", you wondered.

"At 10:00 in the morning. I know it's Sunday but...", Charles trailed off.

"Tomorrow, at that time, I'll be there to support you", you promised and he thanked you.

Charles parked the car and you got out of the vehicle, enjoying the fresh night air, which was quite pleasant. He cleaned his shirt and pants again and heard you laugh as you came closer to help him with the crumbs.

"Clumsy", you criticized jokingly, and he stuck his tongue out at you.

You sat down on one of the benches that were there and you sighed, making Charles look in your direction.

"How peaceful", you whispered, while keeping your eyes closed and a small smile on your lips.

"Monaco is really beautiful", Charles said, hearing you agree with a small murmur.

You took off your cap and tried to fix you hair, making Charles laugh.

"Let me help you", he gently asked and you turned to him, letting him fix the rebelliousness that characterized you.

As soon as he finished, he continued to caress them, which made you close you eyes to enjoy the affection.

"Kiss me", you murmured and he looked at you in surprise.

"What?", Charles asked, trying to understand if he had heard correctly.

"Kiss me, Charles", you repeated.

"Can I?", still astonished, he wanted to make sure.

"You should", you replied as Charles smiled at your answer and pulled you towards him, appreciating the serenity of your face.

"Finally", Charles whispered against your mouth before finally placing your lips together for the first time - of many, he hoped.

You allowed his tongue to enter your mouth when he silently asked for permisson and he intensified your kiss, truly surrendering to you.

And in eachother's lips, you discovered the path to peace, the one you both had lost years before with the pain that had overwhelmed you.

.

You woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, quickly getting up, not wanting to be late for Charles' race,

"Y/N, dear?", you heard the surprise in you mother's voice and couldn't help but laugh. "Hi, mama", you said, giving her permission to come in, and she did so.

"Are you going to tell me why you're up at this hour? Of all people, you who hibernates all weekend!", she joked and you stuck out your tongue, which made her laugh.

"I just felt like getting up, that's all", you said briefly, as you looked through your closet, looking for the most presentable, yet comfortable, clothes possible.

"And why are you going to dress so nicely if you're going to spend the whole day at home?", she mused, suspiciously, and you laughed at her curiosity.

"Okay, mama, you win", you eventually gave in and she celebrated, which made you laugh out loud.

"I'm going to watch the charity race", you said and her curious look made you realize that her questions were only at the beggining.

"Who's your boyfriend from there?", she didn't hesitate to ask and you looked at her, shocked etched on your face.

"Why do I have to have a boyfriend to watch the race?", you asked, astonished and she looked at you with an expression that said to not mess with her.

"Your mother is old but she's not stupid, Y/N", she scolded, laughing and you followed.

"Mama, you are forty-eight years old. You are a young woman", you complimented her, trying to make her drop about the subject and the older woman laughed.

"Yes, yes, sweetheart. Now the question I asked you", she insisted and you laughed, shaking your head.

"I don't have a boyfriend, mama. But I have a friend who would like me to go and I'm going", you told her and the smile she gave you made you blush.

"Name?", she wanted to know and you snorted, making her laugh.

"How annoying", you rumbled and she laughed again, "Charles".

"Then I hope this Charles takes care of you or the wooden spoon will fly", she threatened and you couldn't help but laugh with her.

"You're amazing, mama", you replied and she laughed, coming towards you and kissing your forehead.

"I just want you to be happy", she muttered, while caressing your face and smiling.

"I am", you assured her and she smiled, before walking away, leaving you alone again. You ran to the private bathroom and took a quick shower, leaving it shortly after so you could get ready in time. You applied some light makeup and dried your hair, leaving it in its natural waves.

You went down the stairs, passing through the living room, patting Simba on the head, the old Labrador who had always been with you, and whose name was based on Lucas' favorite movie.

"Good morning", you greeted your parents, although you had already spoken to your mother.

"Up so early, my dear?", your father was surprised and you looked at my mother, who was already looking at you with a suggestive smile that made you roll you

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm transfemme now, but back when I thought I was a guy or demi guy, I left tumblr years ago because of all the posts I saw that amounted to "men bad even if not cis", so... I kinda relate to what you and your followers feel, in my own way I guess.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this is still happening, and I'm so so glad you're calling it for what it is. Is there a way to support you?

Or more generally for transfemmes to fight transandrophobia as a whole? We have enough hate from the outside without it coming from within!

thank you so much for taking the time to send this ask i really appreciate it! i've actually had other transfemmes point this out, so thank you for giving me another chance to talk about it!

i'm sorry this happened to you. i would've left too, in your shoes. people don't understand that demiguys aren't just trans men or afab people. that still made you queer, but it didn't matter because you thought you were a guy. that's just so cruel. i can't think of any reason why that would be good or productive in any way. you should've been given time and a space to question. you should've been able to talk to ther people who understood you. you should've been able to take the time to figure yourself out

i've tried to point this out: man hating hurts transfemmes. a lot of transfemmes used to be cis men or another type of man. you need to give them time to question. we're forcing transfems to hurt up and transition right now or else they're not welcome. it's viewed as okay to be rude as hell to transfemmes who haven't fully pieced it together yet, never transition transfemmes, butch transfemmes, transfemmes who cant transition for safety reasons and so on. i don't get it

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry this is still happening, and I'm so so glad you're calling it for what it is. Is there a way to support you? Or more generally for transfemmes to fight transandrophobia as a whole? We have enough hate from the outside without it coming from within!

thank you so much for asking this! this is so kind i really appreciate it, it means a lot! i get a lot of important questions but i really like this one!

honestly most importantly is telling other transfemmes to unlearn their toxic masculinity & internalized misogyny. these two traits are rampant in certain transfemme spaces and it's really devastating. it's why this is happening to begin with. very specific transfemmes still have a lot of internalized toxic masculinity and hold trans men up to that standards. if they're not manly enough they get misgendered. a lot of transfemmes have internalized misogyny and instantly think that AFAB people and people perceived to be AFAB are dumb as bricks and it really shows. the more people who say hey this is misogyny and transandrophobia an it's really not making you look cool.

in general i'd say try to tell anyone who is man hating or going on about how easy it is for trans men, if it's not too painful, i would straight up tell people about how alienated you felt as a questioning guy. your experience matters and i'm sorry it was like that, but it has the power to make an impact on others. if it's too painful i understand, but helping people understand that it impacts so many people can help

i would point out that transfems rightfully so do not want transmascs speaking for them, and if that's expected of transmascs, then we gotta do the same and let them speak for themselves instead of talking for and over them. gently urge people to stop talking like they know what it's like to be a trans man just because they were raised and socialized as a cis man. its not the same as being socialized as a cis girl and living as a trans man

remind people that creating a term for transmasculine oppression helps the conversation become more visible, and that's a good thing. right now transmasculine erasure is at its peak and we need to stop saying that transandrophobia is simply just "transphobia," because then it gets lost in transmission and once again, we cannot refer to any kind of statistics to figure out just how many people transandrophobia affects. having a cat hiss reaction to trans men creating terms for their own oppression is genuinely hurting people

remind people that obsessing over who they hate is keeping them rooted in the past. they are not focusing on themselves. when someone is man hating they're focused on everyone but themselves. they can't get over the fact that some men have hurt them. the entirety of manhood is not what hurt them. it's never right to blame people who have not harmed you

i would tell people the existence of transmasculinity & trans manhood doesn't exist to mock transfemininity and trans womanhood. they are real experiences, and no they are not born from spite. there really are trans people out there who want to be men and mascs. try to discourage people from saying that transmascs and trans men are "cis girls looking for attention" at all costs.

anyways thank you so much for this ask i really appreciate it! i'm glad to know there are a lot of transfemmes out there who want to help and recognize this isn't helping. take care of yourself! please feel free to come back any time, i'd love to hear from you again

[tentacleteapot]

I just want to thank the people who have reblogged this post and everybody who has been kind enough to donate—I was able to make sure my phone bill got paid. rent is still coming up on the 1st of February so any additional help would be greatly appreciated as we work to make it through to my first paycheck at my new job, but thanks so so much for everyone's kindness and support so far. it means the world to us.

hey guys, it’s Daphne—the trans girl who made the unreliable narrator post that’s currently making the rounds, the Marina and the Diamonds ‘cauliflower’ post from a few years back, and the ‘would you fuck my clone’ post, so you may have seen one or two of my dumb internet jokes even if you don’t follow me!

I hate having to make this post—I’ve been very fortunate and privileged to have not needed to make a post like this in years—but my wife and I have been struggling financially for several months now. my unemployment was denied with no explanation, rent is due in a week, my phone bill is due tomorrow, and my wife and I don’t have funds to address either of those issues. if anybody is able to help out a little, even just by sharing this, it would be super appreciated. thank you all so much.

purple option | blue option

[asksavel]

Welcome to the Pokemon Ask Blog Community!

A few people have been asking for a guide on how to make a blog, so I figured I'd whip up one. While there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to blog, typically all ask blogs follow a formula of sorts, so here goes:

The community has had its fair share of unpleasant people come through the doors, and generally speaking we don't really appreciate it very much. The majority of people here are LGBT+ in some form and are generally very accepting of everyone, but there are some lines we don't cross here.

Everyone of all ages is welcome. Everyone of any creed or race is welcome, but basic human respect is basically a rule here and you will be found out if you're any of the above. This is not just a warning, it's a promise.

Having a Pinned post with all your basic links is a MUST for an ask blog. If you want people to be able to find your characters or send you asks, this is the easiest way to do so.

The amount of times I've seen artists burn out because they want every single ask to be a masterpiece of art is pretty much 70% of the community as a whole. Your art doesn't have to be your magnum opus. You're here to have fun, you're here to doodle. Don't burn yourself out.

Furthermore, most of us are visual people, so make sure to have a simple, straightforward description of your character's appearance in their profile if you do not have art of them.

As a note, do not use coloured words too much in your posts. Some of us are epileptic or visually impaired and highly dislike it. Occasional use for emphasis, like the bold option, is fine.

It's not an exact science, as sometimes things just don't go that way, but the more you interact, generally speaking the better chance you have of being seen.

An optional choice too is to join many of the Discord servers that are around for the community, if you'd like that. ^^~

A very useful addition to Tumblr was the add on for images! Hover over an image until you see the three '...' in the bottom right hand corner, and hit 'Update Image Description'.

You can't be expected to know everyone's triggers, but the basic ones are usually death, sexual references, gore, and anything with flashing lights or images, as demonstrated in the above tags. It's at the mod's discretion as to what they choose to cover, and most of us will ask in the comments section or ask box if we'd like a tag added to any posts you make. Most people will be nice enough to honour it if the request is reasonable.

[neodymiumcuilz]

Hi dear donors ! ❤️

I would like to extend my thank and gratitude for the support you have been offering over the last eleven months. ❤️☺️

My family and I have been suffering and going through the hardest days we have ever experienced in our life . Things are very hard to get and and sometimes unattainable.😭😓

Our sufferings and hardship started on the first days of the war when all our possessions were completely destroyed and burned. We have become displaced and homeless , finding ourselves in a small tent in streets with no means of life. We lack every single necessary thing of life; food, water, hygiene essentials, and other necessities have become scarce and rare.

A photo taken to show how incredibly harsh our life has become after the war. We are struggling and facing lots of barriers to obtain the simplest necessities for living. Everything single thing is a complete story.

You can't imagine what difficulties we have been going through all these days of war. No cooking gas , nor cooking tools exist . We struggle to prepare a small meal of food.

No bakeries are available. Everything seems a miracle and unbelievable.😭 The war has stolen our joy and smile, leaving us busy thinking only of staying safe and alive. Our future has gone with the wind and our kids lost their dreams and ambitions.

This is a part of burying the dead. We also face some problems in the process of buying our dead people as no place is there for the family. Tombs aren't enough for the number of people living on a small spot of land.

A photo taken for the morning queue of filling our gallons with drink water. We wait hours to get some water for drink. Our life is full of tragedy and sadness.

All what we need is to survive the war and be safe. We are trying to secure the daily basic living necessities and this can come true with your contribution and support. Please don't spare this moment of supporting the people in need in Gaza in this tough and dire time. You can help us by either donating however small it is or sharing my posts. Your support makes a big difference for families in need

https://gofund.me/0dc0aa34

"Now the ceasefire deal has come into force and the war is about to end up. Due to your generous donations, we have been able to secure some of our essentials and commitments over the last fifteen months . Now We are getting prepared to get back to our demolished and destroyed house hoping that we can find safety and peace in our ghost city. Nothing has been left to shelter the family but a small tent lacking all living facilities. "

These are words from @amanyadnan6776 please visit this account, share this story, fundraiser and their posts. And most importantly DONATE!!

Donations are greatly appreciated, this situation is urgent and dire and in need of donations. Please, if you have the means to donate or share so donators can find this campaign.

Please donate and share as much as you can.

Thank you all who took the time to read this.

[hellfire-radio]

Let’s get started, shall we? Relax for me. Just breathe. Let yourself sink down into the spiral, those swirling colors drawing you in deeper and deeper. You can’t look away, can you? It’s pulling you in, wrapping you up, and making it so easy to let go.

Feel your body getting heavy, your mind slowing down. Thoughts slipping away, drifting further and further. You’re a good buck, aren’t you? Always so eager to follow, to trust me. That’s what makes you so special. You’re prey, my sweet little deer, but you’re mine, and you’re safe here.

Bubble pop!

There it is. Your mind is empty now, isn’t it? Nothing left but that soft, quiet stillness. No thoughts, no worries. Just a quiet, vulnerable little buck, standing still in the forest. So easy to catch, so easy to play with. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To let me guide you, to be caught by me. You’re such good prey.

Bubble pop!

Every thought is gone. You’re too dumb to think, too dumb to run. And that’s okay. That’s perfect. I wouldn’t want you any other way. Just a pretty little thing, standing there, trusting me with all that vulnerability. You’re so soft, so trusting, and so very mine.

Look at you, my sweet buck, laying here so defenseless. Do you realize how irresistible you are like this? So dumb, so easy to fluster. I could kiss you right now and there’s nothing you’d do to stop me, is there? Because you trust me. You want me to take care of you, to guide you, to tell you what to do. And you’re so good at it. You’re such a good prey.

Sparkly snap.

There we go, just a tiny bit smarter now. Just enough to answer a few questions for me, though you can’t think hard and you’re still in that nice trance. Tell me, my darling, what are you?

That’s right. You’re prey. And what am I?

Exactly. I’m the predator, and you’re the sweet little buck caught in my trap. But you don’t want to run, do you? No, you want to stay right here. Tell me why, my darling buck.

Right! It’s because you trust me.

Smart buck!

Good answer. Such a smart buck! You feel that pleasure now, don’t you? That rush of warmth and pride flooding through you. You deserve it. You’re perfect prey, my perfect little buck.

Every time you answer correctly, every time you let yourself be vulnerable, I’ll reward you. Because you’re such a good buck, and good bucks deserve to feel good. But remember— prey don’t have to think. Prey just have to trust.

Bubble pop!

And there it goes again. All those thoughts, gone. It’s like you’re just standing there in the forest, your big, wide eyes looking at me. Like an actual deer. So dumb, so trusting. You don’t even know how vulnerable you are, do you? Or maybe you do, and you like it. Do you like being my prey?

Of course you do. That’s why you trust me, why you let me see this side of you. It’s so beautiful, so special. And I appreciate it more than you know.

Sparkly snap.

Let’s try another question. How dangerous are you, my sweet buck?

That’s right, completely harmless. You wouldn’t hurt a fly!

Smart buck!

Good answer. You’re so smart, so good at this. And yet, even when you’re smart, you’re still my prey. You’re still mine to guide and tease and take care of.

Bubble pop!

But look at you now, all dumb again. It’s okay. You don’t have to be smart right now. You don’t have to think. All you have to do is trust me. Trust that I’ll keep you safe, that I’ll take care of you. You’re a dumb little deer, my dumb little buck. And it’s perfect.

I love you, you know. I love that you trust me enough for this. I like being able to make you feel nice and floaty… warm and happy. It’s time to bring you up, now, though.

Now, my darling buck, before we go: listen closely. You’re a perfectly smart buck. You’re a deer demon, strong and dangerous. You deceive others with your appearance, and you strike when they least expect it. That’s who you are.

But here, with me, and only with me, you can let all of that go. You can trust me to take those worries away, to let you be the dumb little deer you need to be. You can always choose this, always come back to this. I’ll always be happy to help you be happy.

Now, wake up nice and slowly. Feel yourself rising, returning to the present. And remember, you’re always my smart buck, but sometimes, it’s okay to just be a dumb little deer.

[gensokyogarden]

"You're right. It's a wonder that we managed to escape that mountain hag." That itself may have been enough to stop either of them on their own. They may have been able to escape Nemuno on their own but how would they manage to acquire any treasure with the giant woman pursuing them across the entire castle. An unrelenting danger.

Nazrin spends a few moments catching her breath and counting her treasure. It was true, they'd gotten out unseen. Not even Reimu had noticed them slipping away with their goods. Which meant there was no reason all this treasure had to go back to where it once was. Then he mentioned needing to say something, she turned back to face him.

You're pretty good. The words brought a smile to her lips. She emulated his own gesture, pointing a pair of fingers back at him. It was good to be appreciated. So often her position as a god's direct servant seemed to go forgotten. A bit of respect from time to time felt pretty nice.

"You're the same. You ever need help on another job like this, just give me a call. Though, I suppose this is the part where we go our separate ways, eh?" She tossed something towards him. A card with the name of the Myouren Temple and a golden coin. "Of course, if you come calling you're going to need that to pay my rates."

A brief bout of laughter. As they spoke, the mice already began gathering up their haul of treasure. Half of what the mice carried, they placed near him. It was only fair he got his share of the treasure. The mice were not too good at appraising value but it was probably a pretty fair split.

Kurohebi's hand goes up to wipe off his forehead. It's been a long run but they're at the home stretch. The only thing between them and a hard won heist is one wall. To those that fly it's no obstacle. But they're not the only ones that need to make a getaway. He turns back to look at the mass of treasure carrying mice.

"We sure did get past all those obstacles. Didn't even know those guys were roaming around. But still, didn't keep us from getting what we got between all of us."

Can't exactly just say the two of them when the mice already did quite a bit to help in the mission. He considers other options of getting them out but shakes his head, it's not likely getting the box back here would save much time over what Nazrin's already planning. And it could risk something. So he'll just shake his head.

"I got no desire to go all the way back there. We'd gain a bit of treasure over what, a fire, a fairy, and a fight that might already be wrapped up? It's just a bunch of risk that isn't worth taking. Especially given how you're feeling right now." He can tell and look a bit concerned over her condition. Doesn't seem like too much of an exaggeration at least. So even though he's still got a good chunk of treasure lying on him he lowers his back for a larger chunk of the mice to get on. Despite everything he'll handle the bigger loads for the trio of trips.

[sorio99]

Thinking about “I Want To Unify The Kingdom But The Second Male Lead Is Too Indecent” again. Thoughts on how it’d play out:

The first episode starts with Bridget and Dick at the office, establishing her as competent but ignored and him as a half-joking, self-loathing sex pest. Around the halfway point, they both get hit by a truck while crossing the road and wake up in the fantasy kingdom (does it have a canon name? I’m gonna call Decentia) as Princess Bridgeton and Lord Dickington. Lord Daleton shows up and quickly becomes the only person either of them tell about their original situation.

Bridget and Dick don’t actually realize they’ve both been Isekai’d together until about halfway through season 1, at which point they finally put two and two together. Bridget is mildly horrified that the dignified Lord she’d been relying on for stability was Dickhead Dick this whole time, while Dick is just happy to have SOMEONE who relates to not being either a medieval fop or Daleton.

The big reveal of the season one finale is that most if not all of the kingdom’s characters seen across the season, from the major supporting cast to the extremely minor background staff, have at some point between the pilot and now ALSO been swapped with their Massachusetts counterparts, mostly within the span of the first few episodes. The entire second season is just trying to piece together what the fuck to do about this.

Bridget is throughout Seasons 1 and 2 torn between absolutely despising Daleton and genuine attraction (because annoying though he may be, he seems to mean well and IS genuinely hot), while also coming to see Dick in a new light and genuinely appreciating him as a person for the first time ever. For his part, Dick has been into Bridget since before the truck accident, and while he is generally annoyed by Daleton’s antics and indecency, he shows JUST enough tolerance towards him that a good portion of the fandom ships the pair. Eventually a small but substantial part of the fandom ships the three together in the classic ProZD Love Triangle solution.

(Season 5 ends up technically making that canon, so polyshippers stay winning)

Daleton is consistently a slutty bisexual disaster throughout the show, right up to the very end, but he is shown to have SOME genuine leadership skills and does actually want to help everyone, hence why Bridget keeps him around. He’s the kind of character who spends most of each episode being useless and fan service focused, but then always has one useful insight that manages to help turn the whole episode’s conflict on its head.

Not everyone who got isekai’d into Decentia has an identical appearance to their Massachusetts form or a [Name]ton name, but there are a few as foreshadowing for the Season 1 plot twist.

Season 3 focuses on the real Princess Bridgeton and Lord Dickington, who wake up in the hospital and immediately piece together that they’re each from Decentia. They’re the first characters from the Kingdom to make the transition, and they realize what’s going on with everyone switching over significantly faster than Bridget and Dick.

The first sign that something seriously fucky is going on in Season 3 is when “Dale Kingston” shows up and applies for a job at the end episode 2. Bridgeton and Dickington immediately recognize him as lord Daleton, but he denies this, and we the audience know that Daleton was basically the only major character to NOT know anything about Massachusetts in Season 2, which raises the question of if he’s just this universe’s counterpart or if something more is going on.

As more and more Decentians end up at Big Dick’s in Massachusetts, they begin taking over the company and, slowly but surely, the small town of Decent, Massachusetts (halfway between Boston and Springfield, just take I-90 and turn off at the giant pants sign, you can’t miss it).

In Massachusetts, Dale is mostly similar in behavior to Daleton, but slightly less indecently dressed and completely able to keep his pants up. This is because in Massachusetts, you can just buy pants at a store and don’t need a personal tailor who was originally really gay and inappropriate and then by episode 4 was replaced by an IT worker with a CompSci degree.

Season 3 ends with a portal being formed between Big Dick’s corporate office (where Dickington has just defeated the CEO Richard Parker in hand to hand combat) and the castle of Decentia (where Bridget and Dick have been panicking because Daleton has been missing all day). Then Dale shows up, and all chaos breaks loose.

Season 4 goes about as described in the Drawfee episode: they realize that their realities are collapsing and merging together, it becomes clear that Dale/Daleton has secretly (and unintentionally) been the lynchpin of this collapse the whole time, and eventually the Kingdom (which has semi-officially annexed Decent, Massachusetts) is unified with the goal of killing him. However, Bridget and Dick are both quietly opposed to the plan (Dick because he recognizes Dale could still be a “decent” human being, and Bridget because at this point she’s low key in love with him).

It becomes clear across Season 4 that Daleton really didn’t have any idea originally that he was somehow drawing the two universes together, he went to Massachusetts through a portal to try and figure out what was going on with the Isekais, and his indecency has more or less been out of his control this whole time. The fanbase is somewhat divided on the question of whether or not killing him is the right thing to do.

Season 4 ends with Daleton seemingly killed, the universes mostly going back to how they were before the series started (Princess Bridgeton and Lord Dickington are back in control of the Kingdom, the employees at Big Dick’s are all back in Massachusetts), but Bridget mysteriously missing. The last shot of the season is Bridget’s bedroom back home, with the camera panning around to reveal one more portal.

Season 5 is still pretty much just porn, but like a quarter of every episode is dedicated to either developing the plot, world building for the sex dimension, or genuinely well written character development. So you can’t even skip to the important or good episodes, you have to watch all of them (you can usually skip the sex scenes, if you want, though. They are still 3/4ths of each episode).

About two thirds of the pre-existing fanbase are actually really into the fifth and final season: partially because it is still beautifully animated, incredibly well acted, and (during the important quarter) impeccably written…but also partially because the show was always hornier than your average isekai, so its fanbase did kinda follow suit. A third of them still absolutely hate it and the internet kinda explodes into arguments about it, though.

The creators fully realize there is no going back after Season Five, so that’s the only season of the show to not end on a cliffhanger. Instead, the plot is resolved, the multiverse is saved, and Bridget, Dick, and Daleton retire to a pocket dimension of the sex dimension where they can live out the rest of their days in peace. It’s a surprisingly wholesome and happy ending, ignoring how incredibly nasty some of the smut in the rest of the season was.

“Season Five” becomes internet shorthand for a show completely self-sabotaging and self-destructing for years afterwards, to the point most new anime for the next half a decade is capped off at four seasons.

The fifth season does however reveal that Dick/Dickington is bigger than Daleton, so that’s cool.

[littlemissshifter]

hi!! i recently found your blog and i love how you approach shifting in general. after joining tumblr a few months ago, I've made so much more progress since 2020 than ever before. (*^^*)

shifting is basically just becoming aware of the reality you wanna experience and being indifferent to anything else. naturally, you embody the person you are in whatever reality you wanna wake up in, right? right. and according to one of the posts you've reblogged, shifting is what you make of it, so for me, i just decided that in order to wake up in my dr i just have to daydream a bit, talk to myself etc. because that's fun and easy.

but here is something I've been struggling with.

1. my mind will not. shut. up. when i want to shift before falling asleep. i embody my dr self for a few minutes, but then my mind starts to wander to thoughts about my outer reality (e.g. thoughts like "ugh, i don't wanna do xyz in the morning", thinking about the day ahead and other issues) and it keeps happening no matter how much i try to refocus on who i am in my dr. it just keeps reverting back and in the end i completely stop thinking about my dr self because my thoughts get distracted so easily. i know, assuming that something is holding you back from shifting will make it so, but i really feel like this is one of the main things that is stunting my progress. what can i do about this? falling asleep and waking up in my dr is the way i want to shift and i think complicated methods and whatnot are counterproductive.

2. speaking of embodying your dr self, do i have to do that all day? by that i mean, do i have to watch each and every single one of my 3d thoughts like "i don't wanna do this assignment," etc. and replace it with a thought my dr self would have? because if we apply neville and loa to shifting, wouldn't any thought (and by that i also mean habitual and automatic ones like in the example) i have about the 3d, imply that I'm not in my dr and would therefore be a contradiction of my desire? but that seems so tiring and like so much effort. I've already asked a couple of my favorite bloggers about this, but i haven't received an answer, so i would really appreciate one! ( ・∇・)

3. this is a really small question, but how do i absolutely 100% trust myself that I'll wake up in my dr? i know the 4d is the only real reality, but sometimes i assume i wake up there with absolute certainty, and then the 3d still hasn't caught up yet when i wake up in the morning. i usually am like "it's fine, idc about the 3d because I'm there in imagination" when that happens and i get that this (aka using the 3d as a measure for success) is literally the main reason for failure when applying loa, but it's becoming harder to keep assuming the same thing over and over with no progress. (again, typing this, i realize how stupid i sound because this is LITERALLY a "how to not shift/manifest 101" 😭).

thanks a lot, i know this was a long read!! (p.s. can i be 🫧 anon?)

Hiii!! Thank you sm!!

1. It's okay if the mind doesn't shut up. The few minutes you were able to embody your dr self is more than enough. People shift without not even intending to. Let your mind wander after, it helps you relax!! Holding on to those thoughts thinking you shouldn't have them will frustrate you so let's not give them so much importance. Let them be. It's okay feel that way!! But it's not holding you back. Nothing can hold you back from shifting. Just do what you do because you're gonna be waking up in your dr anyways.

2. NO!!! That is not how it's supposed to be. The only thoughts you should be ignoring are the ones when you think you're not in your dr. Doing work in your 3D is not related to them. Importantly, subconscious thoughts related to physical work in the 3D do not hold you back. The subconscious is connected to every reality, it doesn't need to have filtered thoughts. Thoughts aren't the only way to embody your dr self. You can do things that your dr self likes. For example: watching a certain show, eating ice cream, listening to a song or even sleeping. Honestly you don't have to embody your dr self at all to shift, just being aware of your existence in that reality is enough.

3. 3D is real. It's very much real. The only reason we say 4D is the 'real' reality because we choose the things we will experience in the 3D in the 4D. Both are real in different planes of existence. Shifting is a mental decision. You shift internally first. Physical manifestation of your assumption is not the main goal because you have it already. I mean, you chose it didn't you? Keep choosing it over and over. It's your truth. Assumption is basically smth you believe in without seeing the proof. So keep assuming you're doing everything right!!

AND YES YOU CAN BE 🫧 ANON OMG YOU'RE THE FIRST ONE EHHSHS.

Anyways, I hope this helped you!! I've been tying for like 20 minutes lololol.

[lizajane2]

I'm sorry but this is gonna be a long post so buckle in if you read this. I just wanna apperciate animation as a whole.

I have watched anime since I was a child from Inuyasha to Bleach, then to One Piece and Attack on Titan, Jujutsu Kaisen and Demon Slayer. To experience the way animation has evolved is absolutely mindblowing especially with this fight.

My jaw was open the entire time in awe of how pretty it is. Like yes the fighting is amazing, but the animation itself is breathtaking. I mean you even have Luffy vs Kaido where he grabs clouds that are made of just water and you see it stretch as he takes hold, turns lightning into a solid form (rubber is an amorphous solid) and I point out these things because of the way they animated it.

When the texture of the lightning changes and how it bends reminds me of one of those plasma balls I had when I was kid. You would touch the glass and it would change its form. Kind of like how you see here as well when he goes to throw it:

It looks like he's holding fire, which is plasma like lightning, because it responds to electric fields. I go back to these fights a lot and see different things I didn't see before. It makes me love anime in general even more.

Another animated scene of Luffy in Gear 5 is this:

The immediate change in texture shows the viewer the power he has gained. You see, rubber doesn't have an internal structure, and they show that here by the way his body slightly bounces, in the way he breathes and in his stance. This is the scene that actually made me adore Luffy as Nika.

Now, I wanna move on to Demon Slayer. Tengen vs Gyutaro lives in my head rent free just as much as Zoro vs King does.

If you told me at nine years old that this fight would exist, I wouldn’t believe you. I would tell you that you are lying because of the fluidity, the lighting and directing. How it never misses a step. There is not a single flaw in this whole scene.

But what I really want to talk about in this anime is the explosion… I have never experienced a scene so realistic.

You mean to tell me that this isn't an explosion in real time? Bullshit. And when they zoom in on the snowflake as its being melted from the heat... I know it's simple, a tiny little detail, but those things make it for me.

[lcstinthewoods]

Wanda couldn't help but continue to wonder just how similar the two of them were, beneath their buried feelings and masks. But she did know one thing for sure: not knowing enough had always led to others getting hurt because of her, and she would never have that happen again. Once, she'd never truly known what Hydra was, and so many times, after that, she didn't know the full capacity of her powers.

Instead of responding, she chose to offer a faint smile that was tinged with sadness. She appreciated him, she really did, more than he would ever know and she would take his words into consideration, she at least owed her new friend that. And maybe one day, they would be able to share with each other all that weighed them down, as unlikely as that seemed.

Her smile grew some at his little quip, and she couldn't help the way delight showed in her eyes at his display of magic. It was intriguing to see others use magic so freely, so mundanely. "We shall." She replied, leading the way out the doorway and in the direction she knew by heart to the little coffee shop she frequented every morning. Even if she didn't always sit to enjoy her coffee, the walk did her good. It kept her from being locked inside all day, pouring over the Darkhold, no matter how much she wanted to. However, if she read correctly, she could continue to read in her astral form while her physical body carried on about the day, and the idea intrigued her greatly. "Their pastries are delicious, too." She spoke absentmindedly.

A smile tugged at Harry's lips, it was almost... nice? Yeah that was the feeling, nice to have someone appreciate him worrying about them. Maybe he had been waiting for someone to actually... want him to worry about them. What did that say about him? Rather than self relflect during the somewhat comfortable silence that filled the room

"I know what it feels like, to think you were something and find out you're something else." Harry finally offers, "But sometimes answers just lead to more pain." But he would support her- at the end of the day he knew that, he couldn't help it.

Thankful for the change in topic Harry just nodded, returning the smile "Well It seems I picked the right person to latch onto." He quipped before motioning at the door, summoning the jacket he'd arrived in with a waive of his hand- one of the few wandless spells he could do as an auror.

"Shall we?"

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In Regards To Your 2024 Summary:

Holy shit it’s been another year????? The hell?????

Also! Your art style is gorgeous and that being found in 2023 and then refined throughout late 2023 and the entirety of 2024 really shows, as does your growth in panel layouts, perspective, and — as you said — experimentation. If you ever post your animation or video game art I’m looking forward to it.

As cheesy as it sounds, being able to laugh at funny comics and look at all the details of your art really made my 2024 brighter, even when things were hard. Including looking at your older art— it doesn’t need to be new to be enjoyable! I’m glad your art is well loved and it’s a privilege to have been here since the (near) beginning. I hope you take care of yourself in 2025 and beyond!

You and your art bring a lot of people a lot of joy never forget that <3

Thank you so much for keeping up with my art journey throughout these last two years! Two years!!! I am baffled at how that feels both too long and too short!

Admittedly, my art summary didn't manage to capture the fact that I did a lot of comic layouts that I'm really proud of. I also drew more backgrounds and made some very detailed works (*Dungeon Meshi spoilers for these examples*).

The growth is lot more evident when comparing my 'best' comics of 2023 to 2024:

Sometimes the growth is vertical, sometimes it is horizontal - and damn, sometimes it goes out of sight into the Z-plane. But it is always happening!

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[parmahamlarrie]

We are back! I was sick this month (boo) but it meant tons of time for reading and I've hopefully fallen back in love with it again! So many good fics this month, hope you enjoy!

Have Faith In Me || @stylinsoncity || 183.4k Age Difference, Fashion Assistant Louis, Baker Harry, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Pining, Light Angst This has easily become one of my favourite fics ever. The dynamic between the boys is precious, the angst didn't wreck me (you all know I don't do well with angst) and it was just thoroughly enjoyable! Do note the age difference, if that's not your thing.

Flash Back to Me || @mason-conaway || 73k Amnesia AU, Therapy, Established Relationship, Falling in Love (again), College AU, Slow Burn, Fluff and Light Angst I have been such a sucker for Amnesia AU's lately and this one was just so lovely! A different take on the trope and so fun while keeping the seriousness such a situation requires!

now I think that I could love you back || @maroonmoonlouis || 42.2k A/B/O, Princes AU, Royalty AU, Regency AU, Courting, Mating Rituals This one has stuck with me perhaps more than any other recently! The world this author created has sucked me in and stayed with me since I've read it. I would easily read every detail of these two's life together!

put a little love on me || @larrydoinglaundry || 29.4k A/B/O, Paramedic Louis, Single Parent Harry, Neighbour AU This one is a lovely cosy neighbours story with the softest, touch starved Alpha I've ever seen! A pleasure from start to finish!

Somebody's Got Your Trainers On (It's You) || @greenblueish || 28k Hospital AU, Doctor Harry, Nurse Louis, Exes to Lovers I restarted Grey's Anatomy and had to read this one! It is, in my opinion, better than Grey's (less angst, more Harry and Louis) and wholeheartedly a wonderful read!

On Thin Ice || @neondiamond || 16.4k Hockey AU, Olympics AU, Established Relationship, Winter, Secret Relationship Why I decided to read this in the middle of May? No clue! How I somehow missed Jess' fic when I'm president of her fan club? Also, no clue! But, I loved this and you will too, even in May/June!

just one look (and I fell so hard) || @disgruntledkittenface || 15.2k NYC, Broadway, Theater Lover AU, Meet-Cute I think this officially becomes the fic I want most to happen IRL. However, not sure I will ever go to theater alone. That might throw a wrench in my plans to find the love of my life.

reckless behaviour || @nouies || 13.5k Strangers to Lovers, KidFic, Injury Recovery, Footie Harry, Single Dad Louis

[cry-stars]

Sharing my Kiibouma propaganda here!!

While Kokichi teases Kiibo all the time and Kiibo reacts negatively, it's shown as being in a comedic way, something like a bokke/tsukkomi pairing. Kiibo has agency, and if he was very bothered by Kokichi's teasing, he wouldn't spend so much time with him. This is also shown when Himiko makes a "robophobic" comment towards Kiibo in one of the later trials, and Kiibo responds, "I don't think we're close enough to be cracking those kinds of jokes with each other," implying that he doesn't mind so much if it's someone he's friends with.

I understand if people dislike the teasing, it can get pretty harsh, but even if Kiibo gets upset, he never stays upset, and continues to spend time with Kokichi. It's not an abusive ship. Any ship involving Kokichi is going to be Interesting, and Kiibo definitely takes his quirks in stride.

Another interesting point regarding the teasing is that it nearly always happens after Kiibo says something related to him being either human or a robot, and Ouma viciously points out how he's a robot and different from a human. At the end of the game, Kiibo acknowledges that he was trying to be human, but realizes that he wants to use his power as a robot to save everyone. As Ultimate Supreme Leader, Ouma shows a lot of mastery over reading people and situations. It could be that Ouma was able to understand Kiibo's true feelings about being a robot, and was, in his own prickly way, trying to push Kiibo towards the conclusion that he would eventually come to in his own heart: learning to accept himself for who he is and fully appreciating his talents as a robot.

While Shuichi and Kaede are the player characters of v3, Kiibo was the "audience surrogate," and has many similarities to Makoto Naegi in both design and in his beliefs about hope. Because of this, you could see Kokichi as being the rival to Kiibo's protagonist. They are frequently seen together, have contrasting colour palettes to make them look visually interesting together, and most importantly, interact frequently.

The thing that makes them the most like a protagonist/rival ship, and what maes them very compelling to me, is when I compare them to Komahina from SDR2, which is much more textually supported. Komaeda does many bewildering and upsetting things, but even when Hinata is angry and upset by them, he never gives up on trying to understand Komaeda's point of view. Kiibo treats Kokichi the same way. While others, including Shuichi, give up on trying to understand Ouma after chapter four, Kiibo is the only one to try to talk to Ouma after he's holed himself up in the hangar. He also believes that Ouma's dying words could be trusted.

Most of all, in worlds without killing games, Kiibo genuinely considers Kokichi to be his friend, according to Ultimate Talent Development Plan. He decides to "re-examine his view of" Kokichi, stating, "Though I can't trust your words, I do trust the three years we spent together as classmates. So the truth I choose to remember is that we are--and always shall be--friends." By doing this, Kiibo shows more understanding of Kokichi than most other characters in the games. Kokichi's words can't be trusted, but his actions can be.

I ship Kiibouma because their interactions make me laugh, and because I love how they work to understand each other! In happier worlds without killing games, they are friends who argue in a friendly way. I love their comedy but also the deeper ideas that lie beneath the surface. They're an underrated ship that is often maligned as being abusive, but if you are able to accept the teasing as comedy, it's such a fun ship.

Danganronpa Shipping Battle - Round 1

Kiibo & Kokichi: C’mon guys Kokichi and Kiibo interact so much in the game they’re literally found in the same room at the beginning Kiibo is the ONLY ONE who tried to reach out to Kokichi in chapter 5 to talk things out they’re in love your honor