#oof writing is hard y'all

[nepentheisms]

Trimax Volume 8 has one of my favorite Vash quotes in it.

"Only the victims of violence can truly describe its essence."

Really, this whole exchange with Knives that happens in the first chapter of this volume sounds very Buddhist in its language. I'll do my best to parse out some of the concepts I think are at play here, but I should make it clear that I do not have as extensive a personal history with Buddhism as I do with Christianity. I was raised Christian growing up, but my experience as a Chinese-American kid with immigrant parents meant a lot of early childhood exposure to works of fiction with Buddhist themes (think Journey to the West). Also, because we lived in an area with a sizeable population of east and southeast asian immigrants, I developed a surface level familiarity with Buddhist iconography and terminology thanks to friends who were raised Buddhist and regular encounters with Buddhist artwork in local businesses. The rest of my knowledge comes from informal self-study. If anyone out there has more relevant experience in this field, feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong.

Here we go: LONG POST AHEAD

What first caught my attention was Knives' word choice - "I was enlightened." I'm curious what word in the Japanese text was translated as "enlightened" here. A lot of foundational Buddhist literature was written in Sanskrit, and the Sanskrit word that is often translated into English as "enlightenment" is bodhi. This word carries connotations of waking up and coming into awareness and knowledge. In Japanese, the words I've seen for this concept are satori and kenshō.

According to Thomas Cleary, who translated many pieces of Zen Buddhist literature throughout his career, kenshō is the "Zen insight into the essence of one's own being," and satori is "complete kenshō" (1) . Kenshō is written using the Chinese characters 見 (jiàn) which means "see" and 性 (xìng) which means "nature" or "character." This is of particular interest for the above panels, because Knives is saying his pain "revealed [his] true self," and he wants humans to likewise look within to confront the reality of what they are.

Now, at this point in the story, it's pretty clear that Knives' ideas about both who he is and the nature of humanity as a whole are flawed. He's insisting that he has attained enlightenment - some transcendent insight into reality - but from a Buddhist perspective, he's very far off the mark because his mindset was skewed from the start. In fact, Vash gives a keen diagnosis of how Knives is going wrong when he says "We've suffered, but you bottled it up, keeping yourself from feeling the pain and never finding the true source of it." Vash's point is that after obtaining the knowledge of humanity's capacity for evil, Knives only sought to avoid further pain at all cost instead of seeking a deeper understanding of how he's been hurt. The conclusion Knives drew was "the fundamental nature of humans is that they are a threat to me, and they are my inferiors. If they cause pain to me, it is because of their inherent evil, and the only way I can eliminate the potential for suffering is by killing them all." But contrary to Knives' perspective, the path out of suffering in the enlightened Buddhist perspective isn't through forcibly imposing your will on the rest of world until you've destroyed everything that could hurt you.

Instead, Buddhism considers dukkha (suffering) the first of the Four Noble Truths and emphasizes that we should accept the reality that as finite beings in a world constantly in flux, unpleasant emotions and experiences will always find us. There always will be elements outside of our control, but we don't have to allow the hurt they cause to create persistent negative states of being. What we need to do is to not run away from suffering but to understand the cause of it (find "the true source of it" as Vash says) and develop an awareness of how it arises within us - this is the second Noble Truth, called samudhaya. In Buddhism, the origin of suffering is linked to desire and attachment, and Buddhist philosophy posits that by following the fourth Noble Truth, known as the Noble Eightfold Path, the practitioner can experience the third Noble Truth, nirodha (cessation of the desires giving rise to suffering).

With the way Knives currently is, this cessation is something that'll be out of reach for him even if he succeeds in his goals, because he hasn't reckoned with the fear and need for control that is motivating him. He can't complete the path to enlightenment, because his view of the path is obscured by self-delusion. Knives constantly acts as though his goals and feelings are the only ones that matter, but suppose he does realize his vision and kill every human being on the planet. What then? Isn't he effectively alone since there is no one else around that he considers his equal? And where does all the hate that he has purposely cultivated for over a century go? It's doubtful that he'd be able to let go of his attachment to such emotions so easily.

(1): The Thomas Cleary book I'm referencing is Kensho: The Heart of Zen

[fist-amidst-the-hands]

something something after a particularly rough fight izzy has a cut high on his cheekbone near the corner of his eye. ed tends to his injuries and maybe it's the rum or maybe it's the way izzy is looking at him but he can't stop thinking about placing a tender kiss right over the mark

[tetrilys]

I see you thought to tag me - please allow me to mention that I'll love you forever (in a doofy golden retriever way)

*rubs hands together* brace yourselves, lads - we're in for a journey and it's a long one!

Nothing's Ever Built to Last (You're In Ruins)

The Boy and The Prince

Spider-Man: Returning Home

Rise Up

I Need a Hero

Holding Out For a Hero

Mechanical Bats

Give Me Patience, Give Me Peace

The List

Year One

The Lion

X-Men: X-Termination

Biohazard

After the Night

Blind Witness

Self-Preservation Aux

Status Report

A Curse So Dark & Lonely

HTTYD

Daylily

RDR2 Title Placeholder

Espionage

Solace

On The High Seas

Wanderstruck

Here's a reference key so you'll know what fandom each story belongs to:

Batman, Spider-Man, Red Dead Redemption II, Detroit: Become Human, The Murderbot Diaries, Marvel's Daredevil. (Daylily is LOTR, X-Men & HTTYD is self explanatory, & A Curse So Dark & Lonely is the name of the fandom itself. Everything else is original work - okay byeeee ~ <3)

@comebackolivia @lulurhythm @theeclecticenquirer @lurkinglurkerwholurks @fernandidilly-yo @cyrwrites @batbirdies @wrencatte @writerlovestropes @a-canceled-stamp @envysparkler @autumnhobbit @evienyx @silk-scarlet-ribbons @iowriteswords @verytiredtrashcan @lemonadegarden @muffinlance @sohotthateveryonedied @ceterisparibus116

@bluelotuswrites did this fun writing ask game, and I thought it'd be fun to do as well!

RULES: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

• Jason Gets Arrested

• With Silence, a working title

• Supernatural au, but story

• Lazarus pit angst thing

• Died Revived Thrived the rewrite

• A Valentine's to Remember

All but the last one are Jason centric, the Supernatural au is a Marvel/DC crossover

@lulurhythm @ghost-bxrd @redactedcrow @huntressundone @tetrilys @wrdn-tabris and anyone else who wants to join

[moonlight-prose]

FOR THE LOVE OF DANGER

╰┈➤ #01: ONE LAST TIME

a/n: so i finally FINALLY saw the movie and even though it's really late since it came out, i'm happy to write for him at last. this is partial brain rot and a partially thought out plot that has been in the works for months. i'd heard of spidey 2099 before, but never thought i'd fall in love with him to this extent. this fic was also supposed to come out last month, but i'm always behind on everything. so i hope y'all enjoy this wild ride.

note: a massive huge fucking THANK YOU to @soulores for being the best beta reader a girl could have. seriously i couldn't have finished this without you.

dedicated to: @sunflowersteves for listening to me rant about how pretty he is and for being the first person to ever hear about this plot. thank you for being one of the best person here babes.

summary: when things go awry in your life you find yourself back at el nido - a comfort spot in the darker parts of the city - in need of peace. only to run into him.

word count: 8.5k+ (somehow???)

pairing: miguel o'hara x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, cussing, angst, alcohol consumption, one night stands, p in v sex, rough sex, cumeating if you squint, cumplay if you really really squint, my awful attempts at dirty talk, soft miguel, the start of chaos.

NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST

NUEVA YORK 2099; EARTH-298

Let’s do this one last time.

My name is Miguel O’Hara… and I’m scared.

You couldn’t breathe, the speed of your heart rate nearly caused you to believe you were going into cardiac arrest. Some small part of your brain wanted to actually check. It wasn’t hard to simply waltz right into the nearest hospital. Although dealing with the disbelief on doctors and nurses faces as you asked them to check if you were dying pushed you away from the idea altogether.

Another day at a job that didn’t allow you to have anything, left you seeking out the only thing you knew would help. An old dive bar still resided in the lower part of the city—The Nest, or as the owner called it El Nido—as local folk often referred to it. Although you were more than happy to call it a safe haven.

Everything was so pristine where you worked, so perfect. But The Nest was simply a small hole in the wall that helped people find a spot to feel safe for an hour or two. You tended to avoid going there on weekdays, but seeing as how you were about to be fired from your job…you felt it was necessary.

Sighing, you hitched your bag up higher on your shoulder, the weariness from the day finally settling its weight over you. What you wouldn’t give to be asleep right now, curled up in bed. Except you couldn’t go home. Not when all that remained was the dreaded time spent waiting for tomorrow. The day they would more than likely—officially—ask you to leave.

“Sorry,” you muttered, accidentally slamming into a woman walking hand in hand with her partner. The man glared at you, the gaze enough for you to quicken your step towards your destination.

The smell of the bar was exactly the same. Ricky always loved incense, and while you claimed it would drive customers away, he somehow made it work. Letting out a calming breath, you headed right towards your stool at the bar. The worn in leather a comfort after sitting in a stiff backed office chair all day. It was partially ripped and practically ruined, but you could already feel the stress melt off your body.

“Mi florita!” Ricky shouted, handing off a drink to an older man with white hair.

“Hey Ricky—oof—” He leaned across the bar, dragged you closer, and planted a sloppy kiss on your cheek. His breath was tinged with cinnamon and a hint of mint—letting you know he’d been drinking his favorite tea all day.

Nonetheless you smiled at his kind gesture. Ricky was like the cousin you had never had, but always wanted. Standing at around six feet with tattoos going up and down his tanned arms and his hair chopped into a mess of wild curls, he was your favorite person. The one you always sought out in times of trouble, if anything just to laugh. Unfortunately he couldn’t say the same for you. He loved his boyfriend too much to put you higher up on the scale—or so he claimed.

“How’s the job?” He poured you a martini, extra dry, extra dirty. “Are you playing nice with all the fancy folk?”

You chuckled, taking a sip and letting the alcohol burn its way down. “The fancy folk are slowly driving me insane.”

“Uh oh.”

Another sip caused yet another part of your stress to fade. “I don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to give me the same leniency they offer to other employees.” You sighed, dragging a hand down your face. “I mean it won’t matter anyways tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Ricky slid a drink to the person sitting a stool away from you, taking the small amount of cash he offered.

“The day I’m probably gonna get fired.”

“What?” he exclaimed, nearly causing the glass of whiskey in front of him to spill over.

You shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. I can just…find a new place to work at. I mean there has to be other labs in need of a biochemist. Right?”

He hesitated, his eyes flickering to the bottle in his hands. “Florita…” Your stomach dropped, the severity of the situation finally dawning on you—turning your once rose hued glasses clear.

They were going to ask you to leave and because it was Alchemax, there was no other option but for you to beg for forgiveness. An act you had sworn to yourself that you’d never do. You were a good scientist. Hell you were the best in that fucking lab, yet they couldn’t see past the fact that you wanted to go your own way. To carve your own path in a company that was adamant on placing you in a box. Keeping you perfectly pristine for those on the outside—those that might wish to give you freedom.

Holding up your hand, you stopped him from saying anything else. If shit was meant to go sideways tomorrow, then so be it. You’d go out like a champion, worthy of whatever came next. Downing the remainder of your drink you slid the empty glass towards Ricky, nodding at him to fill it up. At least with that he didn’t hesitate, knowing you needed something to take the edge off—your night already taking a turn for the worst.

“Just gotta keep going,” you muttered, staring at the liquid in the hopes that it would magically fix everything.

“You got this chica.” Words that seemed empty at a time like this somehow brought a small smile to your lips.

Taking another sip you thanked him softly and watched him wander off to the other side of the bar, his eyes set on a group of men that were most likely there to buy out the bar. It happened every once in a while, but you couldn’t exactly fault them. They were here to have fun, to make an otherwise regular night memorable. They certainly weren’t here to wallow in their drinks, swallowing down their misery in the hopes of finding something good to take away.

“Shit,” you muttered when you came to the bottom of the glass again, your finger tracing the rim.

“Firing a biochemist is the stupidest thing a lab could do.”

You jumped when someone’s voice came from beside you—the man a stool away now focusing the entirety of his attention on you. Perhaps it was the vodka or the low neon lights of the bar, but you could have sworn his eyes were red. The color so striking it sent a chill down your spine—as if he was analyzing you with one simple glance. For a second you forgot he even said anything—too busy taking in his soft brown hair and strong jaw—until his lips quirked up into a grin.

One that made your heart flip in your chest, heat rising beneath your cheeks.

“Eavesdropping?” you inquired, gathering enough courage to confront him about his blatant behavior.

His lips pulled up on one side, something glimmering in his eyes that had you hooked the longer he looked at you. “Lo siento,” he said softly—his voice slightly mumbled. “Didn’t mean to. I just heard you talking about something that interests me.”

“Ah.” You glanced away to escape his penetrating stare, if for a chance to catch the breath in your lungs. “So you’re a scientist.”

Pride bloomed in your chest when he was caught off guard. His glass halfway to his mouth when the statement left your mouth. Once again that mysterious light flickered to life again, a soft chuckle leaving his lips and causing your heart to erratically beat in your chest. Taking a sip, he gently set the now empty glass back on the bar. The tension was so thick you swore you could slice it in half, heat spilling into your body.

“You’re observant.”

Shrugging, you took your own sip—the alcohol no longer burning your throat. “It wasn’t hard to figure out. What else from that conversation would interest you?”

“You.”

The words were out of his mouth before you could even finish the question, your breath catching at the sound of them. Your day had been shit. Enough to rival doomsday itself, but there you were sitting at a bar with him. A man who’s name you didn’t know. The smile spread across your lips before you could stop it, your eyes roving down his figure in an attempt to make him feel half of what he stirred in you.

“Let me buy you a drink?” you asked, pointing to his empty glass.

“I thought I was supposed to ask you that?”

Your smile widened. “Then ask me.”

For the second time that night he was caught off guard, his eyes widening slightly. The song behind you shifted, a low tune you could feel reverberating through you as he changed seats, taking the stool directly beside you. He moved silently, his thighs pressed tightly against yours as he got comfortable in the spot—his arm brushing yours.

The first thing you noticed was how warm he was—as if his body was a personal heater. But that was pushed out of your mind, replaced by the second thing. He looked at you clearly, hair falling onto his forehead slightly until you finally saw it. The actual color of his eyes. Crimson irises caught you in their hold, keeping you until he was satisfied—drinking you in, he trailed his gaze over the entirety of your body.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he murmured, his breath fanning across your face, body unconsciously leaning in.

You inhaled sharply, watching as his eyes lit up at your reaction to his proximity, his hand sliding closer until his fingers brushed against your wrist. Suddenly your shitty day was but a mere memory in the back of your mind. Entirely forgotten in favor of him. He was so large you swore he blocked everything else, filling your eyesight with nothing else but his frame. The breadth of his shoulders, the length of his torso and how he had to hunch over slightly to get close to you.

“What’s your name?” you inquired finally, your words breathy and dazed.

He grinned, hand curving around your wrist and pulling your hand towards him. “What’s yours?”

“I asked you first.”

Leaning in so close until you felt his chest brush your shoulder, his lips met your ear, sending chills down your spine. “Miguel,” he breathed, smiling at the way you practically melted into him.

For a brief moment you forgot you were sitting in the middle of a bar, people surrounding the two of you. When in fact it felt like nothing remained except you and him and the song playing behind you. Your exhale was shaky, representing the way you felt on the inside. As if he’d pulled you apart with a single word, his body heat affecting your brain—turning it to mush.

“Miguel…” Your hand curved around the front of his jacket, eyes meeting his as he moved, brushing his lips across your cheek.

“Hm?”

Something heady built in your chest, solidifying the truth you knew the second you started talking to him. You wouldn’t be leaving this bar alone. You simply hoped he was on the same page as you, but the way he hooked his arm around your waist, thighs bracketing your frame told you everything you needed to know. He was not only on the same page; he was flipping forward, reading a future that had yet to occur.

You almost wanted to ask him if he liked what he saw. If—by some odd chance—there was something more than this fiery electricity between the two of you.

“You still want that drink bebita?”

Words evaded you the longer he sat there, filling the space with nothing but him. How he smelled, how he sounded, fuck even the way his lips felt dragging against your skin as he spoke. You wanted to ask where he came from. How you’d never seen him in this bar before—your life now altered because of something so small. Simply a conversation. Yet now you couldn’t see yourself ending the night without him.

“No,” you sighed, shifting until your lips were a hairsbreadth from his. “You?”

He shook his head.

“I…” Your teeth dug into your bottom lip. “I don’t usually do this.”

Grinning, he raised your chin slightly with his knuckle, eyes catching you once more in their web, snaring you in a trap so saccharine you could taste it on your tongue. “Your pace.”

And with two simple words you were his. Captured happily in something you never wanted to be rid of. You smiled, your other hand sliding up into his hair, and finally the weight of your day lifted entirely off your shoulders. The question of whether or not he wanted to kiss you was on the tip of your tongue, but like before…he was miles ahead of you. With a small grin, he tipped your face towards his, catching your lips in a kiss you felt down to your fingertips.

He didn’t kiss you gently, languidly taking his time as if you were both here until the sun went up. No, that was nothing like what you expected. He devoured you. Stole every gasp, sound, and sigh you could have let out; his hand holding you exactly where he wanted you. Miguel kissed you like you were his only source of oxygen. And you let him. You bent to his will with ease, giving into every touch.

Whining softly, you tugged sharply on his hair when his tongue swept across your bottom lip. The taste of his drink now seeping into your mouth. You didn’t even question letting him in, desperate to know what he tasted like—what his tongue felt like licking deeply into you. Shivers ran down your spine when his hand gripped your hip tightly, pulling you closer until you sat on the very edge of the stool.

“Fuck,” he rumbled, pulling away and sliding his lips along your jaw.

“Oh…” Your breath was a sharp gasp when his fingers trailed down your throat, cupping it so quickly you could have sworn you imagined it. But the heat that spilled into your stomach told you otherwise.

His lips were heaven on your skin, nipping and licking until you were sure that certain spots would be tender tomorrow morning. You didn’t care. He could have sunk his teeth directly into your neck and you’d still ask for more. Somewhere in between talking and the tension, you lost any sense of worry. Those feelings went out the window the second he moved closer.

“I um—” Pushing at his chest, you reluctantly parted with the realization that you were still in public, and fucking against the bar would certainly make Ricky ban you for life. So he fell back, his lips swollen and spit slicked—pupils blown wide until the black began to bleed into the red. A swirl of brilliant color.

He smirked, taking in your disheveled appearance, all thanks to him. You had half a mind to drag him back to the bathroom, but the burning glare of Ricky was currently being seared into the side of your head. Without a doubt you knew it said: “You fuck in my bar you’re not coming back.” So you gathered whatever control you had over yourself and downed the remainder of your now tepid drink.

“My apartment is two blocks from here,” you began, exhaling a shaky breath as you finally took the leap for what you wanted. “We can be there in five minutes.”

Miguel nodded, yanking out his wallet and tossing down enough cash to cover not only his drinks, but yours as well. Which was your sign to grab your things. No words had to be said, because the intent was clear to the both of you. He was here to find the same relief you were—something to take his mind off of life for a little while.

Waving a quick goodbye towards Ricky, you followed Miguel out of the bar into the cool night air of the city. You were beneath the depths of the main part, where people didn’t necessarily travel to. But you’d grown up there. It remained a place where you still felt like you belonged. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t have to. Not when the intentions for the night were clear to both of you. But that didn’t stop him from reaching down and slipping your hand into his, clasping your fingers together as you walked down the street.

Such a small act of tenderness—barely noticeable to anyone walking past—but meant so much more.

“What brought you to El Nido?” you asked, leading him down the street where your apartment building resided. It wasn’t a drastic question, but you couldn’t help your curiosity.

You were a scientist after all.

He shrugged, thumb running along your knuckles. “Needed a night out.”

“Let me guess…” You turned—walking backwards the best you could—regarding him with a suspicious expression. The small smile on his lips caused your heart to thump a little faster. “You’re getting fired tomorrow too?”

For the first time that night you heard him laugh. The sound, soft and low and by all means something you wanted to hear over and over again.

“No.” He took in a breath, his crimson eyes searching the dark streets for nothing in particular—the hair on the back of his neck suddenly standing up. “I’m…trying to figure out something.”

“A problem?”

He sighed. “You could say that.”

“Well I think—”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence, his arm jerking you forward until you fell into his chest, wrapped tightly to him as a horn echoed loudly behind you. A car sped past, turning rapidly onto the street and disappearing around the corner—leaving the both of you in silence. Your breath came in quickly, eyes wide as fear ran streaked your body, turning you cold. And Miguel watched after the car, his eyes narrowed and body tensed—as if he was ready to take off after them.

That is until he felt your hands press against his chest softly, drawing his attention back to you.

“T-Thank you,” you gasped, trying to calm the adrenaline that rushed through you.

There was no mistaking what would have happened if he hadn’t pulled you close; if his reflexes hadn’t kicked in so quickly. You wanted to ask him how he did it. How he knew the car was coming, but the words were trapped in the back of your throat. The shock had started to flood your system. His hand cupped your cheek, thumb running along your jaw in a soothing motion that seemed to slow the panic filtering through your body. You wondered if he even knew he was doing it—the touch yet another reflex to slow the racing of your heart.

To bring you back down to Earth.

“Okay?” he murmured, his eyes tracing the curve of your face, watching your eyelids flutter for a moment as you met his gaze once more.

You nodded, lightly gripping his wrist simply for the sake of comfort. “I’m okay.”

The night was no doubt effectively altered. Not necessarily ruined, but you couldn’t go on the way you were before. No teasing words, no light conversation. Instead you walked in silence. His hand clasped in yours and guard up in case of something else happening until you reached your place.

You were surprised to find that you enjoyed the silence while you walked. As if Miguel offered you a sense of safety and comfort you never had before; your body responding differently than you expected. Sure, you were attracted to him, but you couldn’t deny the pull you felt towards him when it came to this. To needing safety in the midst of possible danger.

“This is me,” you said, pulling out your key from your pocket—the hallway light dim and nearly extinguished. You had to remember to speak to the building manager about it tomorrow.

He grinned slightly, waiting patiently for the door to swing open with a soft creak as you entered. While you wouldn't call your small and rather overpriced apartment perfect, it felt more like a home than even he expected it to be. A small kitchen gave way into a bigger living room. Your record player was placed on top of an aged wooden table—piles of books stacked haphazardly through the place.

Miguel eyed the various plants you’d managed to keep alive—each of them pointed towards the one large window on the opposite wall. A place where sunlight no doubt streamed in on early mornings.

He originally believed it would look modern; more like the outside city and world as a whole. Yet your home resembled something old. A place that stood still against the ravages of time—as if it were merely a museum and he was there to admire its antiques.

“I know it’s not much.” You shifted a small pile of clean clothes off the chair, moving it towards an empty laundry basket in the hallway.

“It’s nice,” he said, and he actually meant it. “Es acogedor.”

You could see the truth in his eyes, the flicker of something familiar coming through the crimson. As if he’d known a life like this once. You wanted to ask him. See if he’d tell you more than just his name—perhaps why his eyes were that color—but you knew tonight wasn’t about making this more than it was. In reality you both needed this. No strings, no commitment. Merely two people looking to release themselves from the heaviness of the day.

He turned, catching you staring blatantly at him. “You want me to make you a drink?”

The question threw you off and your expression must have given you away—his lips curling into a grin. “I thought I was supposed to ask you that?”

Heat curled low in your stomach, spreading with every step he took until the tips of his shoes met yours. He bent down, hand curling around the nape of your neck, fingers digging in slightly. Chills spread down your spine, goosebumps rising along your arms, and for a brief moment you wanted to live in this. To remain oblivious to everything happening around you.

Everything except him.

He brought his lips closer, his breath washing across your cheek. “So ask me,” he breathed.

“Do you want me to—”

Cutting you off he dragged you closer, practically hauling you up to his chest as his lips covered yours. It sent your mind reeling, your hands digging into his hair as if on instinct. As if you knew exactly what he wanted. As if…you’d done this before. Something intoxicating built up in your body, turning your brain foggy when his hands slid down, cupping your ass and dragging a moan from your throat.

He met your sound with one of his own—a ragged grunt that came from low in his chest. The echo of it reverberating through your body. You knew what this was. What it wouldn’t become. Yet you couldn’t stop the longing in your heart—the yearning that refused to be locked away in your mind. You wondered what it would be like if this was more. Would it always feel this…electric?

Something pulled you together and you couldn’t determine what it was. Except at that moment you couldn’t even determine your own name.

His tongue swept in your mouth, shoving all your thoughts aside and bringing forth something new. A feeling so strong you found yourself grasping for him tighter, pulling him closer as he licked deeply into you—tasting the alcohol on your tongue.

“Bedroom,” you gasped, yanking on the strands of his hair and earning another delicious grunt.

“Donde—”

“Down the hall.”

Stumbling back you felt his hand hitch your leg over his hip, nearly dragging you with him. Yet you could hardly complain. You were pretty sure that if he let you go you’d go falling to the ground from his touch alone. He moved your head where he wanted, lips slotting over yours and spit nearly trailing down your chin. A rush of slick poured into your panties, your nails scratching along his scalp as he nearly hit the wall, pressing you against it and hitching your other leg up.

“Fuck.”

You tried to tell him that you needed more, that you wanted him inside of you, but all that came out was a breathy moan. His hips grinded into yours, a soft moan being pressed to the shell of your ear, and that alone nudged you towards something earth-shattering.

His lips slid back along yours, hands grasping for any skin he could reach as you practically shoved your hips against his. The desperation practically seeped into the air—permeating your tongue with its cloying flavor. Words were exchanged for moans, tender moments now shifting into something quicker and faster. You wanted to feel him against you as fast as humanly possible, but Miguel was eager to remain here. Holding you up against the wall and kissing you until you ran out of oxygen.

“So I take it that’s a no on the drink?” you breathed, smiling at the small frustrated sound echoed in the back of his throat.

“Cállate,” he grunted, hiking you up and grinning at the yelp that was muffled into his mouth.

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you felt him begin to move—heading towards your bedroom. The door remained open from earlier and you thanked yourself for making sure to keep the place tidy before leaving for work today. Before you could detach yourself from him and lead him to your bed, he turned and sat down. Taking you with him until you were sprawled on his lap.

“Tú eres hermoso,” you mumbled against his lips, watching in delight as his expression shifted. Surprise spreading across his chiseled features.

“I’m supposed to say that to you,” he replied, a small grin playing on his lips.

You shrugged, pressing your lips to his jaw. “Guess we’re doing tonight backwards.”

He chuckled, sliding his hands beneath your shirt until it was clear that he wanted it off. You complied with ease. Allowing him to drop the fabric to the floor as his eyes fell to your chest, taking in the pretty lace of your bra. The crimson you’d come to admire darkened to something you’d call a burgundy—lust clouding his gaze. He wanted to take you apart. To see the inner workings of your body—your mind. Anything he could get his hands on. And you’d let him.

There was no doubt that Miguel had gotten beneath your skin in such a short amount of time. He filled your home with a feeling you hadn’t had before. Something tangible and real. Something you wanted to keep.

“Guapísima,” he murmured, hands cupping your breasts, thumbs brushing over the spot where your nipples poked through the fabric. A soft jolt rolled down your spine at the feeling.

Warmth clung to your chest, filling you to the brim with a sensation you’d only had once before in your life. Only this was different. This didn’t feel new or like you were just discovering it. No, this felt familiar. As if it had been hiding away in your heart, biding its time until you crossed his path—until you found one another. You wanted to wrap yourself in it, sink into its comfort, and you wondered if he felt it too.

The strange way all of this felt right.

Like coming home after being away for so long.

“Miguel,” you gasped when his mouth trailed down to your chest. The heat of his lips sticking to your already burning skin—his tongue trailing along the tops of your breasts.

He pulled down the fabric, taking your nipple into his mouth—practically lighting up on the inside when you cried out softly. Your hand dug into his hair, tugging on the strands as he scraped his teeth against you. Drawing out every sound he could find hidden in the depths of your chest. Your hips ground against him, clit pulsing with a need that would only be satiated by his touch.

For a moment you worried that he wouldn’t continue his path. That he’d ignore the way you were practically panting for him—the pleas falling from your lips with ease. But then his hand dipped beneath your waistband, fingers trailing along the edge of your panties. Your eyes nearly rolled back, hips canting up as you tried to get him to go further—to release you of this agony. But he held still. Entirely focused on driving you to the very brink of insanity; continuing the path with his teeth and tongue along your chest until the skin was tender.

“Impatient are we?” he mused, nose brushing against your jaw—the grin prominent in his voice.

You huffed, gripping tightly onto his hair and dragging his head up. “A tease are we?”

A moan ripped from his throat, his hips jolting up into yours at the slight sting of pain that bloomed in his head. His eyes were heavy, mouth parted as he took in a deep breath, and you could have sworn that you’d never see a prettier sight again. He looked at you as one would a statue in a museum. Tracing the curves and dips of your body with eyes that resembled the color of blood. Eyes that would never leave your mind again.

His tongue swept across his bottom lip, teeth protruding outwards slightly and you had half a mind to ask him about it. To question how exactly he had fangs, but your desire won out on the logical part of your mind. Leaning forward you licked your tongue along them, feeling how he shivered beneath your touch—how his body sang a tune you could match.

“Careful,” he rumbled, his hand pressing against your back and bringing you even closer. “I might bite.”

You smiled, sliding your palms beneath the collar of his shirt, the hot skin beneath warming your cold fingers instantly. “Sounds like a promise to me.”

“I’m not good with promises.” He let you pull his shirt up, raising his arms and helping where you couldn’t reach.

Even you couldn’t deny there was something so domestic about this. How he carefully shifted you so that you were now pressed into the mattress. His large frame looming over you—hair falling into his eyes as he looked down. It felt natural; the fluid movements were almost instinctive. Like your bodies knew what to do before you could even comprehend anything happening. You wanted to blame the alcohol—or hell perhaps it was the lust that was making you slightly lose it—but you saw it beneath the surface of his slightly guarded expression.

He felt it too.

Perhaps even more.

“Come here,” you breathed, cupping the back of his neck and bringing his lips back where they belonged—where they felt the most right.

You felt his hands fall to the waistband of your pants, popping open the button and you were quick to raise your hips, helping him push them down. There was a swiftness to his movements. Like he knew what you wanted before you did—something telling him that you were ready to keep going. But that would be scientifically impossible. No one could predict things that way. Yet you couldn’t help but go back to the color of his eyes—the fangs that now scraped along your throat and down your shoulder.

He seemed to be a scientific marvel. Something unknown.

“Your tur—oh—” Your head fell back, lips falling open when his hand dipped even lower, fingers sliding into your soaked panties.

A groan echoed in the room, his lips finding yours again as he gathered the slick that pooled at your entrance and dragged it back to your clit. Setting a slow and maddening pace that had you grasping for his shoulders. Your nails pricked the skin so hard you knew there would be marks later. He pressed down, sparks scorching your body, and grinned at your reaction. How your eyes squeezed shut, leg kicking out and hips pushing into his hand.

“So wet for me.” He sunk one finger into you, tearing a whine from your throat.

“Mig—” The breath caught in your lungs. “I want—fuck—please…”

He shushed you gently, lips sliding against yours messily as he worked you open, slipping another finger into you with ease. “I know amorcito. I’ve gotta open you up for me.”

Something pulled at your stomach, tightening slowly as he continued to pump his fingers into you—the wet squelch of your slick echoing in the room. You knew you were dripping down his hand, that he was able to slip in a third finger as he went. But that didn’t mean he would stop. No Miguel had become hooked on the sounds coming from your lips—the moans that you didn’t try to stifle. He curled his fingers and struck against the spongy part of your walls that made you practically curl up into him.

A surprised cry fell from your lips, eyes flying open to see his lips curl into a small grin, before he doubled down. Shifting the angle, he made sure to press the pads of his fingers in the same spot each time, his thumb swiping along your clit. And you felt that building pressure shift. It clawed its way up your throat, settling in your chest as he murmured soft words of praise.

“Dámelo,” he breathed against your lips. “Give it to me bebita.”

As if your body was following his request, you shattered. A choked cry of his name was swallowed by his kiss, his tongue licking deeply into your mouth—fingers rapidly moving to prolong your pleasure. It was too much, yet not enough. The hunger—the desire—screamed in your chest, begging for him to keep going, for this to be more than just one night. Yet you couldn’t speak.

You gulped in air, legs shaking when the pleasure slowly began to fade into a slight pain. But Miguel wasn’t done. He was far from it. Your heart pounded in your chest when he slipped his fingers into his mouth, moaning at the taste of your release—the shiny stickiness on his palm letting you know how wet you really were.

“Sabes deliciosa,” he murmured, pressing his tongue back into your mouth and sharing the taste of you.

Your hand fell to his pants, pulling at the buckle of his belt as he shifted—making room between your legs to lay over you. His hand pressing into the mattress above your head. The all encompassing feeling of him surrounded you; pressed you into the small haven he created with his body. Keeping you from the rest of the world as you lost yourselves in each other.

“Your belt is being difficult,” you huffed, head falling back against the pillow.

He laughed, opening it with ease and effectively earning a glare from you.

Miguel had to admit there was an ease to being around you. The weight he usually felt hanging atop his shoulders had been lifted—his mind suddenly clearer and mood better. He wanted to figure out why that was, but you were looking at him with a gaze that caused his heart to stutter. The urge to remain close to you seemed to overtake every other thought that ran through his mind. He rid himself of his pants, helping you pull down the lacy fabric—his lips sliding along your inner calf as he did so.

The light touch of your palm grasping on his hand brought his gaze back up—your small smirk rendering him speechless. Miguel had only been this way a few times in his life. All instances he could count on one hand, but this—you—were bringing out an emotion he would have rather kept locked away. Nervousness.

Leaning up on your elbows, you met him halfway, your arm going around his shoulders as he leaned down to kiss you. It was by all means…sweet. The passion remained, lingering beneath the surface and searing through your veins, but something else took over. A feeling he wanted to keep.

“Since we’re doing this backwards,” you whispered, brushing your lips against his and cupping his cheek.

Locking your leg around his hip, you used the leverage of his surprise to send him into the mattress, your hands falling to his chest as you perched yourself in his lap. Your lips formed around a smile when he grunted. The feeling of your bare pussy now spread along his cock—your slick dripping down and coating his length—was divine.

“Mierda.” His hands grasped your hips, grinding you forward a bit until the head of cock brushed your clit, ripping a gasp from your chest.

“F-fuck—” Your head fell forward, teeth digging into your lip.

“You’re gonna fuck me amorcito?” he asked, a flash of something dangerous echoing in his eyes. “Gonna ride me?”

You nodded, mouth falling open when he pressed against your entrance. Whatever comment you had died in the back of your throat when he began to sink into you—a slight sting of pain streaking up your spine as you took him slowly. He wasn’t kidding about needing to open you up, but still it was a stretch. A soft whisper of praise echoed in your ear, his thumb circling your clit to counteract the pain. Even still you dug your nails into his chest, no doubt leaving marks that would bruise later on.

“You can take it,” he murmured, thumb curling around your chin. “You can take it like a good girl.”

A whine caught in your throat, your hips canting down with each small thrust until you were seated in his lap again. His cock filling you completely—the stuffed sensation nearly too much for you. Miguel leaned up, catching your lips in a soft kiss; giving you time to adjust. Yet you felt the sharp need of desire work its way through your body, begging for you to keep going, to take everything he would give you.

“How do you feel?” He pulled at your bottom lip with his thumb, his other hand cupping your ass.

“F-Full,” you whimpered.

“Go ahead,” he said softly, allowing you to lift yourself off his cock slowly—slick coating him down to the coarse hair at his base.

The pace was lazy, barely even there, and he watched. His eyes tracked each movement you made, each time your hips shifted forward to change the angle. He burned the image of you fucking yourself on his cock into his brain—watching as you did exactly what you said you were going do. Ride him.

Scraping your nails down his stomach, you heard him groan, his hips thrusting up slightly and forcing a cry from your throat. You wanted more. Wanted to feel him fuck you into the mattress, but the familiar pressure was already forming again. Building in your stomach with each stunted thrust—the head of his cock brushing against the spot he’d found earlier.

“I’m—” Your head fell back, hips shifting forward to catch it perfectly—eyes squeezing shut. “‘M gonna—o-oh…”

“That’s it,” he rasped, guiding your hips and slamming you down onto him with a strength that made you sob, your hands grasping for any part of him you could reach. “Cum on my cock amorcito. Wanna see you—ah fuck—”

Your hips stuttered, eyes rolling back as the wave crashed over you, nearly pulling you under. A cry echoed in the room, your walls clamping down, and for a moment you felt nothing but bliss. You went blind with it, your body tipping forward into him as he continued to move you in short thrusts, dragging it on even more. Miguel grunted against your throat, sitting up fully and holding you close as you rode out your release, your body practically falling limp against him.

Eventually you felt yourself come back, your hands dragging through his hair as he placed kisses up and down your neck, arms tightening around you. Your legs barely worked, head still fuzzy with the intensity of your orgasm. But the desire still remained, stroking the fire slowly until it once again began to seep through your system. Warming your body.

He was still hard, throbbing against your fluttering walls. That alone caused you to moan softly, your hips shifting down and lips pressing against his jaw. 

“You didn’t finish,” you murmured, nails scraping against the back of his neck. The small goosebumps that appeared had a lazy smile curling on your lips.

He ached for that sweet release, wanted to flip you over and chase it, but he didn’t want to leave. At least not yet. There was something about taking his time with you that called to the part of him that had always wanted more. A part he’d crushed over and over again. Claiming it wasn’t necessary. There was no room in his life for that irritating emotion people referred to as love—no space in his heart.

Until a space began to slowly open up. He could barely find it, barely even see the small gash you’d made in the armor around his heart. But he’d discover it eventually.

“I want to see you cum,” you said softly, eyes glimmering with need.

“Bebita—”

Licking along his bottom lip you felt his cock twitch, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass a little harder. “Want to feel it, Miguel. Need it.”

“Shit.” He felt the breath get punched from his lungs, your words sending a streak of heat down his spine. “Yeah? You want it that bad?”

You nodded, lifting yourself on shaky legs only to drop back down, impaling yourself on his cock. He spit out another broken curse, his head falling back briefly before you were tossed back—your body slamming against the mattress. You yelped, eyes going wide when he shifted over you, body covering yours in a way that had a haze settling in your mind. He grinned, fangs digging into his bottom lip as he spread your thighs—hooking them over his forearms and nearly bending you in half.

“All you had to do was ask,” he purred, guiding himself back into your dripping pussy and sinking in with ease.

Gasping, you clawed at his shoulders when he hit so much deeper, the angle changing everything. You wanted to shout his name, to tell him how good it felt, but he’d already started to pull back, shoving himself into you with a strength that sent you up the bed. A ragged sound was pulled from your chest, eyes rolling back when he brushed against that spot so much easier—grinding against it in a way that had your body going numb with pleasure.

“Look at you taking me so well,” he muttered, curling over your body and sending your knees up near your head.

“O-Oh…god!”

“Cosita linda.” His body was tense, teeth baring as he continued to pound into you at a pace that built your release so quick it burned through you. “Pretty fucking thing. Letting me fuck you like this. Perfecta—”

You cried out, nails breaking the skin of his back—leaving deep marks. Tears streamed down your temples, spit falling down your chin when he leaned in to kiss you. He was everywhere. His scent permeated your senses, taste now permanently etched on your tongue, and yet that still wasn’t enough. There was something about him that made you want to crack open your heart and give it to him. Offer yourself up entirely in the hopes he’d accept. He surrounded you, filled your entire being with nothing but him, and you loved it.

Your body went taut, eyes flying open to see him staring down where you were connected, how his cock disappeared into your leaking pussy.

He smiled, hands digging into your hips so tight it sparked a delicious pain when you sobbed incoherently. “I can feel you.” His breath stuttered when your walls clamped down—brows pulling tight and mouth falling open in a silent shout. “That’s it. C’mon—” He gasped, fingers falling to your aching clit and circling it quickly. “Cum on my fucking cock. Soak me.”

This time the release wasn’t built steadily to give you time to prepare. You could barely breathe, your lungs screaming for some small amount of air. Yet your body seemed to be solely focused on one thing. A broken shout of his name left your lips, echoing in the room, combining sinfully with the sound of skin against skin and your slick. His thumb found your clit, pinching it between his fingers and something in you broke.

It slammed into you unexpectedly, dragging out a loud keening wail—white flashing behind your tightly closed eyes as it rushed through you. Flooded every sense you had until all you could comprehend was him chasing his own release. He fucked into you with short stunted thrusts until he fell forward, his lips colliding with yours—a ragged cry being pressed into your mouth.

He spurted into your already dripping pussy, filling you deliciously and sending another flicker of warmth down to the tips of your fingers. His chest heaved, lips swollen and eyes dazed, and you wanted to solidify the sight in your mind. Except the reality of what this was would eventually come crashing back down. Reminding you that he was not yours to have. That you were simply two passing stars in a tangled web of this universe, meant to part ways.

He let your legs fall back to the bed, slipping out of you with a hiss before he flopped onto his back, dragging you with him. His cum dripped down your inner thigh, smearing against the skin. But for now you let it happen. Content to remain right there, feeling his chest rise and fall as he attempted to catch his breath. His fingers traced lightly along your spine, line after line until you realized what it was that he was drawing.

A web.

Or at least…that’s what it felt like.

“I don’t think I can move,” you mumbled, smiling into his skin when he laughed—the sound low and rough.

“That’s a good thing I hope,” he replied, glancing down at you—eyes tracing the curve of your hip and breast that pressed into his side.

You placed a kiss on his shoulder, hand splaying across his stomach. “Definitely.”

Silence enveloped the both of you like a comfortable blanket, filling the space with a soft feeling. It lulled you into a state of peace. Sleep nearly overtaking you. Yet you fought against it. Too busy taking in what he looked like—attempting to commit him to memory lest you never see him again. You wanted him burned into your brain, each memory tattooed into place permanently. But that’s not how life went.

This wasn’t a fairytale, and he wasn’t yours.

So you settled against his body, soaking in the warmth he emanated and allowed your eyes to flutter shut. His breath came in slower, arm curling around you as he fell asleep gradually—his heart a steady thrum in his chest. An echo that allowed sleep to drag you beneath the surface, giving way to something peaceful.

The loud angry beep of your alarm clock jolted you awake, your eyes flying open and body aching as you sat up quickly. There was a mess of blankets on your floor, obviously kicked off in the middle of the night. It seemed that with the heat of the outside world and his body, you were content to sleep with a thin sheet wrapped around you. Yet where you expected to find clothes left haphazardly around the room, you found nothing.

Your clothes that had been stripped off now lay in a pile on your chair, shoes placed by the end of your bed. Last night was clear to you now. The all consuming bliss, the way he had felt buried inside of you—how he had touched you. And while you understood it was merely a one night stand. You couldn’t stop the disappointment from seeping into your chest.

The sight of him completely erased from your apartment put a damper on an otherwise good morning.

Sighing, you swung yourself into a sitting position at the end of your bed. A throbbing headache began to spread along your skull. No doubt the cause of waking up too fast. Either that or the alcohol had actually decided to give you a bitch of a hangover. You’d have to figure that out later. The reminder of what the day held for you flickered bright and blaring in your mind—killing whatever joy you had left in your chest.

“Fuck,” you spit, dropping your head in your hands as you finally settled on one conclusion. You were about to be fired.

You had about an hour before you had to rush out the door. Giving you enough time to find out how to stop the delicious ache in between your thighs from going away. The echo of the outside world drifted up through your somehow open window and you raised your eyes, gazing at the spot where he had been only a few hours ago.

Only to catch sight of a glass of water placed on your nightstand—a ripped piece of paper beneath it. You practically lunged for it, hands carefully sliding the paper out and eyes tracing the messy scribble of what you assumed to be his writing. The message was short. Direct. It could barely even be considered sweet, but you saw the tenderness through the short sentence—the care in his action of leaving you with something to remember him by.

I had a lot of fun.

So we can do things the right way next time.

— Miguel

Beneath the message a phone number was scrawled, as if he’d been hesitant to even put it there in the first place. But it seemed that you weren’t the only one to feel that strange connection. That lingering sensation of familiarity whenever you thought about him. There was something to uncover between you. Perhaps the something more that you were aching for last night.

You had no clue.

Yet that didn’t stop you from grabbing your phone and inputting the numbers carefully. Glancing back at each one to make sure that the message wouldn’t disappear before your very eyes. You typed his name at the top, smiling at the contact before sticking a web right beside it. The memory of what he’d traced along your skin coming back to you.

A thrill of joy went through your body, lips pulling up into a wide smile as you pressed the button to send a text. While it may have been too soon—perhaps a bit fast if you were looking at it properly—the warmth in your chest won the battle in the end. 

How could something that felt this right be messed up with speed?

How could it go wrong?

[symeona]

💀Ok not to engage in music discourse about Ghost of all freakin things

But eh it's still about art, I have 2 cents. Here's the deal, gatekeeping what good and bad art is, to me, is way more cringeworthy and unnecessary than whatever "ipad kid who listens to ghost and thinks it's REAL metal". Like y'all smell bad, if this is what comes out of your mouth on the regular. Respectfully.

I have listened to 5 Ghost songs so maybe I'm not an expert but their music is literally a vibe. Psychedelic metal fucks so severely what is wrong with y'all. I don't dictate what is or isn't metal, but I'm a huge fan of power metal, as people call it. That said I still enjoy Amaranthe, who is more pop-metal. I don't believe their music is bad just because it's pop. And I don't feel the need to stick to the "good genres" instead of the "bad" ones. I like what I like, particularly songs that have a story in them. Ghost has at least 5 of these lil guys.

If that story is told "badly" or not is irrelevant to me. I can enjoy a "bad" drawing just as much as a "good" one. Cause to me, it's not about that. Yes, there is something to be said about all the work one has to put in, in order to make art "good". For sure. I've put in gallons of sweat, blood and tears, I get it's hard. But similar to my art, I'm sure Ghost's members individually put a lot of effort into their art pieces. Yes, the music itself is still not something I listen to everyday but I can appreciate it from time to time.

Because I find it's more valuable to find something to enjoy about all manner of art, ipad kid metal included. You can be a hater. That's fine. But for the rest, I'd like to ask for a minute where you consider why it's socially acceptable to call art "bad" instead of just owning that you're a hater. Why not say "oof I hate this", why does it have to be BAD before you hate it?

Tldr: I don't think any type of art can ever truly be BAD, but you're allowed to not like it. Just please take ownership of your feelings and be honest, you don't need a reason to not like something. Just like, you don't need a reason to like something.

But if it's about art, I suggest working hard to get on the artist's level before you judge them so severely, like damn. I for one will judge Picasso's fuckshit awful art, his classical pieces are literal dogshit. He did not surpass Raphael, I think he was too busy preying on minors for those alleged 4 years, and I wish I could shove the The School of Athens up his mold infested asshole. And I'm confident I can grab any Raphael-apparently-level art piece of his and paint it better. I'm such a hater, I hope my hate for his art is on my tombstone in writing one day. And I don't have to separate the art from the artist if I hate both✨

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

... now this, took a minute to answer in some ways. There a lot of ships I like, so this was really easy and hard to answer at the same time. Some ships it was an immediate yep yep and others I had to go '... but is it a fav of all time, though?" But I think I got it narrowed down.

So here we go, fav ships of all time from any media, no particular order. I didn't get any specific no. to do so I'll just list a handful until I can't think of any others. (Anyone who comes across this that sees a ship on here you don't like and feels the need to say something about it, stay in your lane this ain't about your opinions it's about mine.)

The main FMA ships

Arakawa Hiromu, nigga, you cooked. Imma just put the FMA ships as one and leave it there because if I do it separately, we'll be here all day. But if you wanna see me diving into why I like these ships in a manic ramble, here's a post I made on that here. The romance in FMA is literally a category and a discussion all on its own that I can go about on for hours. FMA has the best romances in shounen so anyone who has consumed FMA will know what I'm talking about. Like, whenever anyone tries to use a manga being 'shounen' to justify shitty romantic writing, I point at FMA's brilliant riding. An animanga's demographic is not an excuse for terrible executions in romance. EdWin, RoyAi, LingFan, AlMei and all the side ships drank and left no molecules.

NaruSaku

Toxic shippers, again, stay in your lane, I don't feel like dealing with y'all any day. I have been shipping this shit for years, always have, always will. Ignore the fact I ship Sakura with literally everyone from the Akatsuki to Hinata to Sai to Shikamaru. (Y'all I used to look up Kisame/Sakura fics, unironically TAT). (Same for Naruto honestly, I've shipped him with Sasuke, Ino, Temari, Tenten, the list goes on and on.) The way Sakura goes from finding Naruto annoying to almost dying multiple times to keep him safe, I will never EVER be over that. Naruto's love going from puppy to something as passionately red as the thread of fate itself. The MinaKushi parallels. I have a lot (and I mean a lot) of ships in Naruto pertaining to these two, but NaruSaku is my absolute favorite. Like it was literally confirmed that Sakura got over Sasuke and then it got retconned for some bullshit. Saying it with my whole chest, argue with a wall, it should have been them. I won't dog any other ships, but yeah, it should have been them. 699 chapters of Naruto being in love with one woman, I sing the praises everyday.

SakuHina

Hinata's prince charming is literally Sakura. I have a whole ass fic I am slowly, painstakingly writing about what Naruto would have been like if Hinata had a crush on Sakura the whole time. I just think they're really cute together, have amazing chemistry and balance each other out. I didn't expect to like SakuHina as much as I did but here we are.

Kyoru

I mentioned it before in another answered ask but Fruits Basket was my first manga (if you're curious what my first anime was, it was Yu Yu Hakusho) and Kyoru was probably my first OTP. There are two characters I think upon so many rewatches and rereads that were prime game for who Kyo and Tohru could have ended up with had things been different (which, I do really ship as well. Multishipper here guys) but I'm not mad about the endgames that we got. From start to finish, Kyo and Tohru's relationship is beautiful and you can feel how strongly they feel for one another. It's like, wow, Takaya really gave us one of the best ships in shoujo and didn't even apologize for it.

Klance

Red + Blue = True. They had chemistry, supplemented for what the other lacked and we really don't need to have me diving into the bs that was VLD. That show wasn't even out long, my god, it was a mess.

NeuviFuri

Should I explain to you the romanticism of Hydro x Hydro? Oof how I love them. A Genshin ship after my own heart, truly. But if anyone is trying to against MiHoyoverse (I was here from the Mihoyo days, leave me alone) in terms of seeing who ships NeuviFuri more, we all lose. They literally paid people to do an ice dancing program in NeuviFuri cosplay, paid a guy to make a companion piece to Furina's song from Neuvillette's perspective and several other animations concerning their relationship in some way. But the Mihoyoverse shenanigans aside, it's the build up of 400+ years of working together, the care they still have for one another and yes the complementary abilities and color palettes. Not enough time in the day to talk about them, I don't think.

AriDante

Almost thought I wouldn't have a gif for them, then I remembered THEY GOT A MOVIE. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of my favorite books in the world. I have reread it once a year religiously since 2017 when I first discovered it. This is such a beautiful novel and relationship and if you haven't had the pleasure of reading it or the sequel, please do yourself a favor and buy it or rent it from your local library. It's just, the way Ari has been in love with Dante for so long and didn't even realize it but it's so, so clear to the reader because of just how he talks and describes him? I don't even want to go to deep into this one just in case there's someone here that hasn't read this book because it deserves to be read and experienced blind. Just, just please y'all read it.

[mysteryanimator]

Watch it here :D

(heads up for any odd grammar, Grammarly cannot save me from my dyslexia)

I was originally not going to do a breakdown of this because a lot of my breakdowns and thought processes were getting really repetitive (also i was getting embarrassed by them HAHSDASHBDS). BUT boy oh boy this time around I can actually go "wait i can yap without being repetitive here, maybe, idk, we never know until i write it out."

STORYBOARD/ANIMATIC:

It was really fun to adapt AquliaofArkham's fic into a visual format! This is the specific section I had set out to visualize!

(Yes I only did thumbs for that section and freeballed the rest whoops, y'all do not follow by example, i didn't think i was getting this far tbh)

When translating this from written to visual, there were some key points I wanted down:

They are really really close to each other and the barrier between each other is SO thin, but the air is still super thick

visual eye breathing room compressed???

Is having stillness a way to convey that ???

We are following Mizrak's POV, ergo focus on what Mizrak is focusing on, where is his mind going

hold shots for longer???

limited movement due to Mizrak's hyperfocus???

Make shots intentionally heavily detailed ???

Zoom into details???

As much as I am passionate about storyboards, I do tend to get ahead of myself and end up locking myself into lots of close ups HAHAH. I like having each shot matter to me a lottttt so i end up reverting to reusing a lot of super common shot archetypes due to their attached meanings (I'd love to attend/watch some workshops on this, but uni ;-; i'll be free soon dwdw).

By the way, you will notice the animation is longer then the timed storyboard/animatic. This is because I retimed to placeholder dialogue (which y'all will NOT HEAR THATS EMBARRASSING, i dont need ppl to hear me yell clatter lol). Fun fact I originally had it in the first storyboard to help me with timing and then removed it half way through? Not sure why I did that, but regardless I came back around and retimed it so that the length of each shot feels believable enough to hold dialogue and has enough time to be visually digested by you guys.

ANIMATION:

This was a doozy, not because I found the animation hard, this time I actually was satisfied-ish with most of the end result and started implementing different approaches to the animation from all kinds of media; which was my issue LOL. My understanding of animation changed midway through. I can super distinctly see two different approaches, probably because I slipped into that naturally while having animated shows/movies while doing this and I can probably pin point to you which shots was influenced by what show.

First all dialogue and walking forward: rewatched TLOVM b4 season 3 dropped, which by this point is already out, (uh also Nocturne. again HAHAH)

WHICH, you'll see here, two different set ups were taken LOL (also oof you're seeing my setup). Personally, I like keeping my animation folders to the utmost minimum (so like the right! Olrox's folder is a whole character, separate moving bits like lips or even earrings will be in that one folder) because scrolling through can get a tad overwhelming and daunting, BUT, Olrox walking forward had so many small moving pieces with different timings that multiple animation folders was the best way to handle itttttt.

I feel like I only really care abt this BUT FILE MANAGEMENT IS IMPORTANT AAA. You should've seen my file management this time last year, actually horrific, but I'm so glad I figured out how to be cleaner, in turn speeding up my process. (which honestly was just thanks to being thrown into a studio environment and going "Oh my god so that's what I should be doing" and picking up things I noticed from other animators, which genuinely my learning comes from picking me up and throwing me into the deep end)

Secondly, Olrox arm and a scrapped walking scene: I was watching Prince of Egypt (literally that whole week, planning to rewatch again lmao), Sinbad, Road to El Dorado, and then work from Modernday James, Toniko Pantoja, Edward Kurchevsky

Fun fact, the very first walking was intended to be animated, and i redid it about four times before scrapping it completely. The first three iterations i didn't save because they were sooo clunky . It made me realize I gotta revisit my principles again I'm rusty (and i do LOLOLOL). I scrapped the anim because it did not flow into the next shot nicely but, It was good practice regardless HAHA

While mentally I feel like none of the shots match each other, they still do have some cohesion to one another

COMPOSITING:

The new thing, finally manually did the edge shadows in CSP HAHAH.

I will say this too, I got really nervous atp about the overall "quality" of the anim + the backgrounds. I was getting super hung up over it because I was alr worried abt the animation due to the safer choices I made (but also, I don't have to reinvent the wheel LMAO). SO, when I got to comping it was like "oh actually its actually fine LOL".

i stayed pretty sketchy with these since i was getting way too worried about it and wanted this to stay as a fun side project, also these are without comping- they become way more purple with compositing LOL

I feel like here too I ended up doing less then what I normally do, which I think mighttt be on part to finding more efficient ways to go about compositing things together (and faster too).

Also, I definitely got pushed into trying to lower the layer amount when I saw a tweet about layer efficiency/layer stacks and them mentioning applying Mattes and CC Composite. Actually a godsend, I didn't realize I could combine my effects like that to lower the amount.

Also, I swear no amount of precomping can save me from this. There's probably a better way to go abt this um LOL, everyone is getting a peep at my file management.

Also, I'm realizing I could've done a tad more with the actual composition itself, like the placement and movement of Olrox in the scene where he's walking forward. For now I have to leave it, because also, the intent for this one was to have fun rather then making every anim an exercise or else I'd burn out so fast LOL

Side tangent but, I've been digging my heels into the animation school club workshops on youtube rn due to having a moment with the scrapped Olrox side walk. Which holy shit, things have clicked for me, so I'm going to try and do more rough exercises b4 i do another finished anim again. It turned a light bulb in my head LMAO, and it pushed me to do the recent maria anim and mizrak and olrox kiss which has a massively greater understanding of timing and confidence LMAO

Ok now this is To Love a God finished! Another animation done :DDDDDD I'm super happy to be adapting a fanwork, it's always really fun and super exciting to bring other people's stuff to life, which what made this more enjoyable then anything else.

Will I do another polished anim before next year/before s2? Time will tell but for now i rest and speed to finish another semester of uni (there is a high chance for another anim because of a joke tweet i did not expect to get traction lol)

Thank youuu if you stayed this far, this was really lengthy and i think i went into different unrelated tangents, so i hope you enjoyed me pulling you into different directions HAHAHA

p.s i uploaded this to youtube and theres an age restriction BECAUSE OF THE FEET. Not because Olrox tells Mizrak he would fuck him, no it's his FEET. I've tried to appeal it but cant do much LOLOLOL

[ms-moonlight-inn]

Weekly Tag Wednesday

(actually on a Wednesday)

Tagged by @jrooc @mybrainismelted @blue-disco-lights @blue-disco-lights @samantitheos @energievie @guinguin1984 Wednesday's tag-a-licious taggy tag.

name and ao3 handle: Cyn, moonlight_inn

current location: living room, on a beanbag

favorite picrew (don’t have one? you can skip this or do this one)? I'm copying @lingy910y's answer with twisha’s gallavich picrew. (didn't realize Doshi had one, now I must do that one, too)

what’s one thing you want in a picrew? different ages, more options for us with stick-straight hair, there is more that one shade of light-skinned!

favourite thing you’ve created (or seen created) for the fandom?

Oof, they're all my babies, but LMAH will always hold a special place in my heart.

why is it your favorite?

I poured so much of my creative energies into it. The writing is dense & descriptive. I researched the holy crap outta it.

did it come easily or was it hard to create?

This fucking thing almost killed me. All the world building, all the mythology. Ugh... never again. lol

last ao3 fic you commented on? 

This A/B/O fic by @mybrainismelted Battlefield Chicago. It's a dystopian, post-apocalyptic fic. And it's got some serious post-colonial vibes. I am in lit geek heaven, y'all.

biggest wip heartache you’ve ever experienced?

It's not heartache, per se, but I'd love to see another chapter of either "The Experience" or "Ian Gallagher & All His Mistakes."

favorite trope or head cannon you like included in a fanfic? 

hurt/comfort is my jam

i also like accidental baby acquisition bc it's funny as fuck to watch the universe baby distribution system drop babies into the laps of the wholeheartedly unprepared

also, family dynamics/family drama (bring the chaos!)

least favorite?

um, honestly not sure. tropes are not usually an issue. i do have a few tags I avoid

secret or surprising kink or trope? 

i don't think any of my kinks are secret, but the one I feel badly about reading is whump. sorry, Mickey, sorry, Ian. one of you is about to get bloody. 🫣

describe how you feel after you’ve created something new? 

accomplished for exactly 5 minutes, and then that feeling washes off & i'm already looking for the next hill to climb

top hype man you have that always helps you get across the finish line: @notherenewjersey

it’s been a bad day, you turn to the fandom and you___?

write my feelings, or read some super depressing fic

***

No pressure tags: @transmurderbug @thirstyvampyr @tv-obssessions @sandrashaine @chicanomick @nozenfordaddy @spookygingerr @gallapiech @sgtmickeyslaughter @guinguin1984 @spacerockwriting @crimson-bebop @vintagelacerosette @notherenewjersey @francesrose3

[karlachismylife]

Okay I am a little bit overwhelmed with stuff (I don't know why, but I feel slower last few days), so I'll just post a Queen of the Clan chapter rn and a few responds I already prepared, and then I'll go back on a little hiatus, cuz I just. Can't concentrate enough to reply to asks, but I see them all and I am really really excited to answer! The tree spirits au one gave me one idea I wanna expand on, the mythical creatures, the cerebrus, several poly 141 thingies, they're all in my mind, but oof sitting and writing them down is hard for some reason.

I hope you don't feel neglected :( I love love love your ideas and asks and I just don't wanna half-ass them when I see how much potential they have. Man, my brain is doing it's own thing rn (I think it's the hormonal fluctuations + eepy rainy weather, so there's hope once my hormones go back)

LOVE YOUUUUU Y'ALL ARE THE BEST WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP hyena chapter going up in like 15 minutes or so

[roguemonsterfucker]

I was gonna reblog a post that had some really good points about these recent hbomb videos but then they went and used ableist language so I guess I gotta make my own post.

Please y'all, as fun as it is to make jokes about Tommy Tallarico and James Somerton and the other folks Hbomb has "taken down," we need to remember that taking these people down was NOT the point of his videos.

The Oof video was originally conceived as a simple video concept about how easy it is for our history to be lost and forgotten "through the lens of a video game sound that had been reused without credit for a decade." Hbomb fell into a black hole when he stumbled across all of Tallarico's lies and used the information he found to further emphasize his point. Credit in video games wasn't and sometimes still isn't taken seriously. The people that actually create the games (and other content) we love are often forgotten while the biggest names involved are put on a pedestal and given all the credit. That is the point of the video.

And the Plagiarism video also holds deeper meaning than just James Somerton. Plagiarism is a serious issue and there are multiple people profiting off of it. With things like ChatGPT, it's easier than ever to write something quickly that is based off of the hard work of others. When I think of "content mill" I usually think of videos like Five Minute Crafts (which also steal content and ideas from people btw!), not video essayists. So Hbomb's plagiarism video is a wake up call to all of us to be aware of the content we consume. Not only is plagiarism harmful to the original creators but it can also accidentally spread misinformation. Potentially extremely harmful misinformation.

Hbomb's videos always have a deeper meaning than "fuck this guy in particular." His Vaccine's video wasn't even purely about Andrew Wakefield, it was about how to combat misinformation.

Also, as someone who is very anti harassment, I beg of you, PLEASE do not go harassing people because of hbomb's videos. I don't care what they did, they don't deserve death threats, suicide baiting, or any cruelty directed at them. It's one thing to make funny posts about what they did here on tumblr but I beg you, do NOT go messaging them or tagging them or interacting with them in any way. Unless you have an actual legal dispute with them (such as if you paid money to them you would like refunded or if they plagiarized you) just don't talk to them.

In addition to harassment just being bad in general, we've seen in hbomb's video that James Somerton will weaponize that harassment. Someone very politely interacted with him and he claimed they sent him death threats. So let's not actually send him death threats please and thank you.

[ragecndybars]

AO3 tag game :3

thanks so much for the tag @mvshortcut !!!!! much appreciated, this was a blast to fill out :D

How many works do you have on AO3?

86! Damn, that's more than I remember 🙀 I have been writing pretty fervently since I was pretty young, though, and I transferred all my old fics from fanfiction dot net to AO3, so it's a long stretch of time. All my old wattpad fics are still rotting somewhere though lmaooo I can't even access them anymore bc I forgot my password and I can't reset it bc I used a school email 😔

What's your total AO3 word count?

443,734! When I get to half a million I'm gonna have to throw myself a party. With boba and everything

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Oof, okay, here we go. A lot of the fandoms I have tagged on AO3 don't really "count" because they're just aggregate tags for the same fandom, so even though AO3 says the number is 48, I'm gonna count the TRUE number as 17. (It got cut down so much because of how many video game series have different games with different fandom tags on AO3, lmao)

Here's the breakdown of the list:

Persona (Mostly Persona 3)

Fire Emblem (Mostly Shadow Dragon and Blazing Sword)

Legend of Zelda

Pokemon

Professor Layton

RWBY

Kid Icarus: Uprising

Earthbound/MOTHER

Red vs. Blue

Voltron Legendary Defender

Naruto

Final Fantasy XV

Harvest Moon

The Mysterious Benedict Society

The Avengers

Animal Crossing

Care Bears (despite having never actually consumed any Care Bears media to my knowledge)

The worst part is that this stupid list would be much, much, MUCH longer if I finished even a quarter of my WIPs 😭 Hell, even just my "Video Games" subfolder in my "Fanfiction" subfolder has more than 17 subfolders in it...

Y'all don't understand how many random fics my ADHD spares you from ever seeing I have no focus

Top five fics by kudos:

Ash and Emotion (Zelda) - Not surprising, I knew this was my most popular fic. It was for a ZeLink zine full of beautiful work :)

Resemblance (Naruto) - bro I always forget people really liked this one. Literally an unedited drabble I did in an hour for a "pride month drabble challenge" which I immediately abandoned. Trans rights I guess

Always Wanna Play (But You Never Wanna Lose) (Persona 3) - This one isn't surprising either, and I'm very proud of this fic so I'm quite chuffed to see it get so much attention... thanks everyone :')

The Beat of Your Heart (Zelda) - Now this one surprised me a lot. This was just a little piece for ZeLink week... Another unedited one, I literally was writing it on the toilet in church so I could get it out in time 😭

Comfort (Zelda) - Another ZeLink week piece, but I knew this one was popular. Also unedited, lmao. I was writing it on the day of my AP Calc finals and I rushed through the exam so I could have more time to work on the fic 😭 I made some Choices that year

Do you respond to comments?

I try to! But I get very anxious about it and tend to work myself into a tizzy, so I often put it off for later and then forget, haha. Then I'll go and respond to all my comments from the last few months and feel even weirder about it... T_T

What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?

Oof. That's... a hard one, haha. I've written a couple of fics without happy endings, though I typically don't. At least three fics which end on a canonical character death, for instance. But I'd say the ending which made me the most emo writing was Butter, a Mother 3 fic. It ends with Lucas, who's like 9, recently lost his mother, then lost his twin brother (and thinks it's his fault), and is now being neglected by his father, crawling into bed and crying. So yeah, pretty bleak, lmao... but at least he doesn't die I guess?

Do you write crossovers?

I do, but I haven't posted many yet. I'm not always huge on writing them, but I do think about them a lot. I was working on this one Persona 3 x Fire Emblem Awakening crossover but I lost steam on it, and now there's a really lovely crossover on AO3 with a similar premise that I was SO delighted to come across!!! Hope y'all don't mind me taking a break from linking my own work to shill for this one, hehe

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

Unfortunately, yes, about six times, I'd say. Even more unfortunately, most of those times happened earlier on in my fanfic writing career, and I was pretty sensitive to hate back then, so I deleted many of the relevant fics, and some of them I don't even have access to myself anymore.

Not gonna talk about the ones that are still upsetting, but I will talk about the funny examples: on a (since deleted) RWBY fic, I said in the author's note that I "wrote them as platonic, but the fic can be read as WhiteRose", and then I got a glowing comment gushing about how good the story was which ended with "but then you had to ruin it by shitting all over WhiteRose, how about you [long suicide bait]". Third most baffling comment I've ever received.

The two most baffling were on different fics, but both were making the same weird accusation??? One was on a ZeLink fic (actually, on Comfort, my fifth most kudos'ed fic of all time now), and y'know I think I'm just gonna show you the comment in question:

The other one was on a long-since deleted fic which focused on both a romantic ship, as well as a fatherly relationship between one member of the ship and the other member's father. I guess having a fatherly relationship with your father-in-law makes your boyfriend actually your brother (and therefore you can't date him anymore). IDK man people are crazy. (tbf the commenter in question thought I was setting it up so that he'd get adopted by his boyfriend's parents, which would give them more of a case, but like... that didn't happen in the fic and wasn't going to. they just guessed at a future plot development and got angry about their guess)

Do you write smut?

I do, but I've never posted any. I've posted one fic that was very suggestive, I'd even call it "NSFW" in a sense, but never anything explicit. Maybe I will in the future? We'll see if I can ever finish anything smutty, lmao.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, I had Ultimatum, my longest chapter-fic (and by far my most popular fic in the ff.n days) stolen and posted on another site by somebody. I reported it but never checked back up to see if it got taken down.

I also feel that I've had my work plagiarized pretty damn blatantly in another fandom (I was browsing a certain AU tag and read one which contained all the exact events and sometimes word-for-word dialogue from a fic of mine, just very very slightly rewritten) but the poster had no other works and their writing was definitely extremely juvenile, so... I figured they were a dumb kid and just decided not to raise a fuss. Checked back later and they deleted it, hopefully because they realized they shouldn't do that, so I figure there's no need to start shit over it. Honestly, if that person used that experience as a jumping-off point to write their own fics, then I'm glad it happened, imitation being the highest form of flattery and all.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, though I had someone reach out to me on fanfiction dot net a long time ago and ask permission to translate An Unheard Goodbye, which was super exciting! I agreed, but I don't believe they ever got around to it, or if they did, they never posted it. Still very flattering, and I think about that a lot, hehe.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY ANSWER THIS. UM. UM UH. UHHH UM UH I. UM.

I'm.... gonna say Zelda/Link? I haven't written it in FOREVER but it was such a huge part of me coming into my own as a fanfic author, so I have to give it credit for that.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

.......all of them 😭 god I have so many of these damn things. But for the prime example, I'd point to Ultimatum, an old Pokemon fic that I started in middle school. I got all the way to the climax and I feel bad leaving my readers hanging, but... at this point, if I did continue it, I would honestly have to rewrite the whole fic first just to be in line with my current understanding of the characters.

What are your writing strengths?

Y'know, I think I get character voices down extremely well in a way which elevates my dialogue and narration. That's probably the thing I'm most proud of in my own writing, at least.

What are your writing weaknesses?

BREVITY. Or the utter, glaring lack of it. I have also been known to muddy up my writing with an overabundance of A) adverbs, B) unneeded clauses tacked onto perfectly good sentences, and C) em-dashes 😭

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I think it's dope as fuck, but I currently can't really accomplish it because I'm monolingual (NOT FOR LONG IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT, I'M COMING FOR YOU, JAPANESE FLUENCY!!!!). I will also say that I don't like when authors will write characters having a story-important conversation in another language, then put the translations in the end notes or something, requiring you to either read the chapter confused or else keep scrolling back down and back up.... I think even that's totally fine to do if what's being said isn't plot-relevant, though.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Naruto. I hadn't read or watched Naruto btw, I had only read other Naruto fanfics. I have spoken on this topic many times, but it remains hilarious to me. Also, so many of my old Naruto fics are lost to the Wattpad times, but I will take this opportunity to once again share a quote which I recently managed to unearth from my long-lost unsung magnum opus:

Never ever will I intentionally attain the level of comedy gold that I managed while writing completely dead serious Naruto fanfiction on Wattpad in 2012.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

See above. How could I ever top that fic.

In all seriousness, this question always makes me sweat, but I think I'm gonna say Oil, a slightly older fic from my EliHec days which I absolutely obsessed over for months before finally managing to finish. And, unlike most of the fics that I obsess over, I think the obsession actually made it come out better rather than worse, haha.

thanks again for the tag!!!! as for me, I'll tag uhh, hm, @wizard-finix @dreamedge @misty-wisp @flyfish1999 and any other AO3 writers who see this!!! (idk how many of you use AO3 and most of the MBS authors I know have probably already been tagged hehe but anybody who wants to should absolutely feel free!!!!!!!)

[poisonedspider]

Brain is complete mush. Some IRL drama (?) under the cut. It really isn't drama, just....feelings. And this is where I rant my feelings because I love you bitches.

Honestly just kind of giving up on relationships as a whole. Probably not stuff I should be dealing with when I'm in surgery recovery, and when my emotions are all over the place because that's what happens when you lose your hormone producers.

There was one story I was going to tell you all the other night, but I was honestly too high on oxy and still struggling to believe it was real, but for some reason it gives me so many Angel Dust vibes that I have to share it. I was talking to this girl who was interested in me. We cuddled and watched Hazbin the night of the election to distract us both, and have been good friends for months. She's been on and off interested in me (I am convinced now it is entirely representative of her BPD), but the other night I go into a sex store to buy a new vibrator. Sex stores used to TERRIFY me, but I have gained so much confidence walking into them as Angel Dust. So I told her like, how I was proud that I walked into one without fainting. She's asking me what I bought, etc. And I was just like, "Nothing exciting, I just went to replace by vibe." And she goes, "Obviously. With what?" So I asked if she could clarify the question, because my brain went '....with....another....vibrator?'

After I asked her to clarify (I specifically said, "I'm not really sure what you're asking from me, could you clarify?") she said, "Nevermind, I'm done here." Found out later she wanted the exact like fucking make and model (which....what....) and was pissed at me that I didn't get that. Even though every friend I showed the convo to was like....excuse me what? My friend put it well; she said if someone asks her what she's getting to drink she's going to reply "coffee" rather than be specific, unless someone then asks "ooo, what kind of coffee?" That isn't...what happened. So this girl who I was pursuing is now no longer talking to me....because of a vibrator (tell me this isn't the most Angel thing ever). I asked if we were still friends (we've been friends for almost three years) and if she still wanted to come finish watching Hazbin while I was in recovery, but she said she lost all motivation to ever watch the show due to our clear miscommunication. So I lost a friend, too. Over a fucking...vibrator.

So then today one of my friends came over and brought me a Frosty. And y'all that have followed me forever, remember when my ex came to stay with me for a week in May, and I was really struggling? Well the whole time he was here, he kept telling my friends (AND MY MOM) that he was working on being a better boyfriend for me, but that his mental health just wasn't ready. I had suspicion that he had found a new partner, but today while scrolling FB it was confirmed. In fact, he now has....five partners. FIVE. And he posted all over Facebook about how amazingly wonderful his boyfriends are and how he has the most amazingly supportive girlfriend and best partner he has ever had in his life.

Needless to say, not something I wanted to see today. At all, really, but especially when I'm in recovery. Especially since two weeks ago he was still texting me that he loved me and missed me and that life was hard and he was still trying to stabilize. He shared a photo of us on his story saying it was one of the best days of his life. And then I get.....this shit.

This is a lot, and it's definitely because I'm still hyped up on oxycodone and therefore ranty. But oof. This is why I love you all. This is why Angel deserves to be happy. Because I've given up on finding happiness in romance, but at least Angel can have it. And as long as he's happy, I'm pretty happy. Plus Angel definitely has a "I should just be single forever" mindset because of his past and his hurt, and honestly, so do I. Bleh.

I was going to do some writing tonight (well, if my stomach and my shoulder stop killing me), but this got me down hard. Hoping tomorrow will be a day I can make a return. <3

[cr-noble-writes]

2023 Year-End Fic Round Up

Thanks for the tag @alyssalenko!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!): Published- 89915, in WIPs- 46965

Smut scenes written (if applicable): 6 published smut scenes, and 1 in a WIP

New things I tried: I wrote part of a fic through an outsider POV of someone who was Not Important in the grand scheme. Also I wrote smut with a vagina-having trans man for the first time ever.

Fic I spent the most time on: oof, well.... definitely Argonauts, even though it is still not ready for posting. As far as posted fics, I think Vicissitude.

Fic I spent the least time on: Disappointment. It's less than 400 words, and I wrote it shortly after I created Jackson as a character and I was kind of trying to get a feel for him.

Favourite thing I wrote: its gonna be Vicissitude again. I think its possibly the best fic I've ever written. I put a lot of work into imagining what the War Hero background looked like on a ruthless Shepard, and I think what I came up with is pretty incredible, actually lol. I think writing it also just generally made me a better writer.

Favourite thing I read: I read a *lot* of fic in the year of our lord 2023, y'all. But this one is my favorite, and I highly recommend it: Phoenix by @mallaidhsomo

Writing goals for next year: I don't really set hard goals for myself anymore because I know that I will just stress about it and ultimately get burned out on writing again, so my goal for 2024 is just to write something.

No pressure tags: @nickelkeep @imbiowaresbitch @bleuzombie @bioticbooty @otemporanerys @rotschopf-thedrow @swaps55 and @mallaidhsomo

[unfriendlyamazon]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

i love this ask because a) i was just looking at your catalog of work and b) i reread my stuff all the time because i'm a genius

picking 5 was hard but here they are

The Final Countdown, originally written for JouKai week 2022, is a recent one and feels like a fully baked version of how I see KaiJou's relationship. Funnily enough I originally intended this as a chapter in one of the first (now deleted) fics I posted and kept it in my head for a long time. I think KaiJou kissing in front of fireworks with the whole world watching is peak, and I'm glad I found a way to put it onto paper.

Bite Hard isn't perfect, and I think if I'd intended it as a longer form story I'd probably slow burn it a little, but I love it enough that I started to retool it into original fiction (though the main characters are inescapably Buddies). This is vampire Joey in one of my favorite forms: a shitty little boy just turned who has to keep his worst instincts under control. Maybe I'll return to it some day.

The Folly of Reason is the original creation of my Star Trek AU that one day, maybe, I'll get back to, because I have such plans (don't you want to see Kaiba pon farr???). I reread it while scrolling through my work to see what five I love the most, and this is definitely one of them. It has such a vibe, and I get to play in a universe I love.

Ballroom Blitz is such peak teen comedy, a genre I really love, with an ot3 I'm only mildly obsessed with. I definitely enjoy writing polyamory in fiction (such interesting dynamics), and I think it's funny that Duke and Joey kind of hate each other. I definitely want to write these three more, they deserve it.

oof, it was so hard to pick the last one, because I had two more I really loved, but I have to give it to

Double Date, which I think is one of the funniest things I've written. Another story idea I've had since that original fic I've since deleted, compounded with a joke about Pegasus/Keith being mirror universe KaiJou. I'm obsessed with Pegasus attempting to be paternal at Kaiba, and it shows an established relationship I enjoy. I feel like I sparked a little Pegasus/Keith surge with this one too, so I hope y'all out there enjoy it.

[tklyhcs]

alright uhhh i saw some people requesting this on other blogs so i'm stealing those actually, taking those thanks (using this an excuse)!! this isn't the fandom i necessarily wanted to start with but the other ones i wanna write have insane amounts of characters so boy band men first i guess

(IF YOU SAW ME ACCIDENTALLY PUBLISH THIS TOO SOON, NO YOU DIDN'T)

heartsteel hcs here we gooo

kayn 💜

ok fr he's so fun to write for, didn't expect this one to be so cute. easy ler and lee! he likes to be a little bully and use his dirty little grabbers, mostly at ez let's be real. he isn't confident he's gonna win any other matchup so ez is easy picking. and thanks to the blooper reel k'sante is another target because kayn is a scrapper and crawls all over him like a monkey. mostly spiders his fingers all over and laughs evilly like he's won a hard fought battle. he's slinky and quick so he mostly has his target begging for someone else's help, and when they do get said assistance he cries and whines that it's not fair. don't be fooled he enjoys the extra attention!

he just plays to win all the time so when someone else tags in he's sure make everyone know that HE WOULD HAVE WON!!!! HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR EVERYONE ELSE CHEATING!!!! and man that stupid leash why does he even wear it if someones gonna tie his wrists in a knot. and like a true lee he wears that crop top so when he's all tangled go for the abs! he laughs so much it becomes obvious how he got so cut, by laughing his lungs out apparently. when he laughs his fangs show too it's cute.

he's also painfully obvious about not minding since he neeeever calls mercy, never surrenders. he just deals with it! not something someone who DOESN'T enjoy it would do. he could easily call mercy and call it quits but hmmmm he doesn't seem to want to, odd.

for spots i wanna say the waist is really really bad. top of the ribs under the armpits, his abs, his sides, all have him kicking his legs with a shout. he also scream laughs, explodes into laughter at first touch. but his voice also cracks at the first yelp, sounds like a cute lil boy shriek. partial to being "attacked", as he calls it, on the couch. he likes getting to be able to flop down and pass out after, sorta like a little kid it's so fucking cute bro he tuckers himself out laughing and wriggling on his back. dude is exhausted n happy (he swears he is NOT happy abt this) he's just tired for no reason okay. now it's his post giggle episode nap!

k'sante 💛

hear me out ok when i saw his shirt being a turtleneck i was IMMEDIATELY LIKE 🫵 his spot is the neck. it's so the neck. suddenly for him there's more than a few perks of being like.. 6'7" and it's not just being able to get things from high shelves. kayn and ez are menaces to this man it's gotta be 2 on 1. and in the official art pieces, ez getting carried on his back? oof k'sante y'all shouldn't have done that. cause now there's legs locked around his chest and ez is like SURRENDER OR DIEEE and getting all up into that shirt collar. he SCREECHES and spins around trying to shake him off he's stuck on him now. hopping around doing a lil giggly dance with ez on his back. kayn jokes and teases about how instead of focusing on singing, he should work on his dancing instead!

thanks to the blooper reel i can die on the hill that k'sante is a whiny boy and calls yone for help all the time. yoneee helpppp they're bullying me m gonna tell yoneee aaaa. kayn saying OH YOU BIG BABY stop complaining!! no one to help you now! ez is this guy's worst nightmare his cold little fingers are like knives on his neck. k'sante tends to run hot so they're just so nicely sticking a cold can of soda to his nape to help obviously. yone will help sometimes but mainly just because he's trying to keep the team on track (he will also torture k'sante with cold soda cans).

necks are a good tickle bite's worst enemy. chomp. and when someone is up in there biting, he just has to laugh and wait til it's over ☺ and with both of his elbows bent up so he can use his hands to cover his neck. gasp.. who's to protect his armpits! 🤭 noooo one! his neck is his worst spot so he'll make sure to keep it covered! but that does mean he'll get some armpit tickles instead! pick your poison k'sante. they team up on him like this often and ngl he likes it when they're close on em! sweethearts. but he doesn't wanna LOSE so he brings his puppy eyes to yone he's like 👉👈 yone.. help.. what a cop out! but it's not that great of a cute beg it's more like k'sante scream laughing and attempting puppy eyes but yelling HELP AAAA YONE HELP awkwardly waggling his arms. i love making big men be tickly and look foolish. sorry i love embarrassing them uwu

ezreal 💚

wow what a lee he's textbook lee i bet he has a secret tumblr account for all his private tk blogging activities. there's a lot to say about him: MOST IMPORTANTLY though his cute smile alright look at his teeth they're so fucking cute i'm obsessed. probably his only weapon as a ler are his sharp teeth. pointed and dull at the very bottom makes for very ticklish bites, so beware if you're too confident in winning! he will wiggle his head between your head and shoulder and bite! exaggerated fake growls and all. he'll be a little too proud of winning, so don't let him.

he has a reaaaally cute snort laugh too. i think his fans would document it thoroughly and embarrass him by posting clips of it nonstop. he has a more controlled laugh for outings because he's serious about his fandom image, but sometimes he laughs at something and chokes on his breath a bit there. i think it would be a shame of someone (kayn) decided to squeeze his side and make him giggle and snort while he's doing some filmed social media trend. that would soooo bad amiright 🫶 lol he would scream, cover his mouth, and tell his followers that he's BUSY and MUST LEAVE immediately. he basically RUNS to his room to scream into his pillow. like how dare u embarrass him in front of his online friends.

the clip hits all platforms in record time and he maaaay read a few comments because it's people saying it's cute of him and he secretly fawns over those. like "omg you think i'm cute heehee" he's ridiculous. but phel and kain playfully tease him sending pig emojis 🐖🐖🐖 ez is like "DON'T SEND THOSE TO ME DON'T- HEY DON'T POST THAT ON SOCIAL NOOO DON'T COMMENT MY FANS WILL SEE" and they all affectionately change his name in their phones to 🐖 just to tease him.

for spots, he'd be ticklish up sides to his ribs, spidering fingers have him slumped into the couch, laughing hard and snorting, of course. his feet and knees are quite ticklish! only known because he tends to put his feet up and yone continuously tells him to knock it off. but he found that suddenly tickling his socked foot does the trick.

aphelios 💙

he's a difficult one, since he's not much of a talker! but not like he's spared from anyone's wrath. his laugh is what you'd expect and it's fantastic; breathy, wheezy, and full of obvious mirth.

he's prone to pranking the others and while he can be nonchalant and aloof, sometimes the sight of one of the others falling or making utter fools of themselves has him in stitches (and being forced to laugh via tickling is no different). and when he wears his mask it's especially endearing to see his eyes screwed shut as well as him holding his stomach and hunching over, shoulders shaking.

he can't help acting like a little troublemaker and they always pounce on him after he gets someone good with those pranks he pulls. seems like he's more playful than he looks. if anyone stretches, he's the first to poke. if someone gets stuck doing something, phel is there making sure he doesn't waste the opportunity, what a jerk! so do everyone a favor and give him a taste of his own medicine. he's his own worst enemy though, because once he starts wheezing in laughter you pounce on him with tickles and it's downhill from there. he's already laughing so he has no chance of fending off an attack.

and a secret: he's very weak to teasing too! he doesn't talk back he just hides his face in shyness. they fall for a trap he's so deviously placed and now he's under them, mumbling out giggles when they poke him all over saying "what's so funny huh??" he waves his hands at them and pushes em by the shoulders trying to curl up the best he can. pokes drive him nuts and then when you speed up it's even worse, him trying to catch the offending hands. "no timeouts allowed because you started it!"

but it seems like he just doesn't stop pranking the others, so he must like it more than he lets on. he's surprisingly a goofy lil boy. he laughs himself silly, voice hitching and gasping all the way. he laughs himself DIZZY it's cute. he's like kayn he needs a break after. and usually even after whoever is done bullying him, he spends his time giggling quietly his skin still feels electric. he sure is brave for someone who takes so much time to recover.

yone ❤

he's a fun one, the stoic characters always are. most likely to screw his mouth shut and try to deal with pesky fingers at his ribs until he can't any longer. prone to overworking so breaking his concentration is absolutely a necessary activity. and also breaking his concentration playing video games is also crucial, because according to sett he plays too well so he must suffer and be prodded at during playtime too. -i mean what sett would never stoop so low he says.

anyways- yone's usually the mediator but he can get caught up in the mess when someone points out that he's been getting off the hook when it comes to roughhousing. he typically prefers 1 on 1, so he won't lose kayn says. and maybe that's true no one knows. he's really REALLY good at pretending he isn't at all sensitive and keeps it together for, i dunno, 5 seconds. it doesn't seem like a lot BUT it deters most. not these motherfuckers they're in it to win it.

yone will hold back then the giggles bubble up in his throat and you can hear him hum a moment, then they spill out from his lips. he mumbles and whispers out giggles for a moment then it becomes very apparent he won't win this fight and he covers his mouth. that's when it's over. he really starts to laugh and realizes the sensations just won't stop and he's lost. he's most likely to swear actually lol he's like i can handle this. i can handle this..... Fuck.

once he's attempted to cover his mouth he has already lost. he has a very nice, boisterous laugh and his smile is also a 10/10. it's nice to not see his eyebrows furrowed so much. he's lucky he's good at catching people's offending wiggly fingers or else he'd fall apart way more often. so when they trail fingers up his back where he can't reach them or fend them off? it drives him nuts. index finger from the nape and down the spine has him arching and twisting away with a loud yelp.

and that leaves the stomach vulnerable and that's next. tickling at his stomach and he jumps back and grabs whoever's wrist and says to CUT THAT OUT. okay mr. grumpy, jeez. it works as a good attitude adjustment because if he's mad at one of em for fooling around, this can easily divert his attention. k'sante usually has the job of doing so but when he does, he doesn't get yone's support the next time he's on defense. in fact, yone might lead the charge.

sett 🧡

hahaaaa oh man last but not least. most ticklish easily what a mess. being 6 foot 10 is not gonna help him here. sure he can rough somebody up but this is way more difficult for him. the one to be on the floor first begging "pleeheheaasee-" and kicking his leg like a puppy.

he's OBVIOUSLY most sensitive in the midsection he's a tummy boy okay just trust me. and this man may lift, box, it doesn't matter because if you knead his midsection his strength goes right out the window. you can feel him paw at your prodding hands with the weakest grip you've ever seen. his worst enemy is when you do the claw hand on his belly he's in hysterics i'm telling you. wiggling on his back saying "i give! i give!" and flopping onto his side when he's released from their tickly clutches. now, make that two pairs of hands, or ten, he doesn't have a chaaaaance.

he's definitely a good tickle monster to the others but once they elect k'sante to hold him down (he can bench sett apparently so he's gotta be the bad guy on this one) he's like "NOO DON'T DO IT GUYS I'M SORRYEHHEEHE" he preemptivey starts laughing when he sees wiggling fingers creeping closer and closer to him, begging wildly for mercy before anything happens. he calls out to each one of them, praying that they'll help! he's not the one to take what he dishes out.

and also the ears! don't forget about those! they are oh so ticklish and they twitch when you touch them. roll the delicate ear between two of your fingers and it has him in a fit of giggles. any fighting techniques he might know mean nothing in the face of a laughing fit.

first to help someone relieve stress via giving attention and being a stress toy himself. though, he's prone to going after someone first even if he always loses. we appreciate his effort. he'll probably have someone fighting on his side simply because he's a lost cause. has a good relationship with physical affection! his favorite to give: ticklish kisses n raspberries, in combo with a hug of course. try not to get caught in his clutches. if those are his tactics.. maybe he does deserve to get got. he's not as embarrassed as his track record would suggest! takes his inevitable loss in stride.

haaa this long as fuck 👍 i don't think i've written anything at all since 2018 or smth really i tried to keep these diverse so lmk how i did! also like always i do not reread and check anything so. this is it

[intothegreat-wide-open]

Hey, saw the writers’ asks meme and thought id send a few~ Absolutely no pressure to answer any of these ofc! - 4; 8; 14; 16; 22; 23; 29; 30<3

hey hi thank you for the ask and sorry for the late reply!!

4. a story idea you haven't written it

vermont is for lovers. the scandal au. president morgan and his fixer/mistress mr. ackles. i have been rotating this in my mind for forever but it seems like a lot of work and most of y'all haven't even seen scandal so i guess this one will have to wait.

8. if you had to write a sequel for a fic, you'd write one for...

lmao all i am writing is sequels at the moment, tbh. currently working on part two for on my own terms, part three of the wild side, part three of can't buy me love, part two of wisteria lane and part idek for french verse

14. where do you get your inspiration?

hell if i know. some ideas just appear to me fully formed, others develop over time. sometimes it's triggered by something i've read or by a song or by a completely irrelevant mini-scene on a tv show... like I am not actively doing something to be inspired it just happens to me lol

16. favorite place to write

i don't really have one? i do a lot of writing on my phone actually bc that's the one thing that's always around if i get the sudden urge to write.

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you're writing? how do you get past that?

OOF. yeah, all the time. i know i mostly create niche things that even within that niche are pretty niche so i have struggled a lot with lack of feedback and/or people being unnecessarily mean about it not matching their preferred vibes and tbh I still don't know how to get past that. I have gotten better at reminding myself that i'm writing the stories *I* wanna tell and that it's not for them but for *me* but yeah I'd say a big part of my writer's block and time spent not creating is due to me not having found the right crowd yet.

23. pick three keywords that describe your writing

feelsy. soft. but sometimes also creepy-dark.

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles.

very easy or very hard, there is no in-between. like, the scandal au already has a title although I haven't written a word, other wips, I'm 6k into and I don't have a clue or I'm ready to post and being taunted by the blinking cursor in the AO3 title field.

30. share a fic you are especially proud of.

so here's the thing. the fic I am actually proudest of is still a wip and it's the only one I haven't shared with anybody yet past the summary.

so I'm just gonna go with published stuff

*insert obligatory my name engraved on your heart here* (which is probs the answer everyone expects)

i really like how there are worse things i could do turned though, it took me a long time to finish that one and i really think it turned out great.